OUR CRAZIEST RELATIONSHIP RULES! -You Should Know Podcast-

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Off and valet through October 21st. U.S. only. See store online for details. Hey everybody, welcome back to You Should Know Podcast, episode 198. Round of applause, please. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 198. We are two episodes away from the end of the year. We're going to be talking about the U.S. economy, the U.S. economy, from the 200 episode special. You know every time we hit a new 100 landmark, we give you a big banger of an episode, and that is going to really happen in two episodes from now. So, get your good karma. If you look below, you see subscribe wasn't pressed, you're wrong. If you leave even more below these, the compensation is fulfilled with your name. Guess what? Even more wrong, go and fill that out. Get your good karma. Hold on to those words, because it might be one of the last times I say it. I don't know. Episode 200, it's coming up. We will see. We will see. Also, Patreon in 2026, the Koala Club. It is the best time to be in the Koala Club this year, 2026. Make it your New Year's resolution to have a Koala Club membership from January to December. Let's see if that resolution can happen. Join the best family in the world. We have 40 hours of extra content every single week. It's the first link in the 10-minute talks, a Patreon-exclusive episode on Wednesday, and then the ad-free, uncensored version of this. Also, we have Dr. P, DJP, conspiracy episodes, YSK Unplugged. We got vlogs. We got everything over there, and the documentary coming out soon. We love you so, so, so much. Happy New Year. Now, on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Cam back in the studio. I like that. There you go, Cam. Stop saying that word. Say, hey, hey, hey. Hey, stop. How are we feeling? Great. That's a lot. That is a lot, and I'm sorry. No, I feel really good. You want to know why? Why? Because what's today's date? January 5th, one day away from the anniversary of you storming the Capitol. Three days away from the birth of my wife. Really? Not going to deny the 6th, but I will proclaim the 8th. Here we go. Let's go ahead and say that year. Go ahead and say that year, Fallon. It's 2026. Wow. Welcome. We're here. First episode of 2026. We are here, man. How are you feeling going into the new year? You know, just give me a minute. I just have a lot to say. I feel great. I'm very thankful. Yeah. For the community and the ability to sit in this chair, and I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for you, too, man. Your busted shoes, your same socks, and your dirty pants. Okay. Not much has changed. Your hat, and neither one of us have a haircut, but, I mean, your nails are glossy. Yep. And I'm thankful for a lot of things, and I'm happy to be here. It's 2026. You said so much of nothing just now. I did, yeah, and that's how I feel. That's how I feel. It's 2026, and it's the same for Cam. Cam, in real life, we've taken a week off of recording. Yes, sir. Anytime we take a week off recording, we come back. There's always these wild episodes. Oh, man. Because we have so much to talk about. Oh, man. I got a lot to talk about from my break, because I haven't talked to you in, like, a week, really. I know. Kind of made my heart sad. Really? Kind of made my heart sad, my butt a little flat. Well, honestly, I don't know if anybody else's experiences or people watching and listening at home, I had the worst flu ever created. Oh, oh, oh. Now, I had the secondhand experience because my wife, Yeah. my wife had it. I got the immune system of a literal Mongolian horse lord. Right. So, I don't get sick, but I watched it firsthand, and it was bad. It was bad. Now, what's a Mongolian horse lord? You don't want me to go too deep. Just say, if you hear that scream, that screech, you see those flaming arrows coming to your little villa? Yeah. Yeah, you're done. I want you to replicate the screams of a Mongolian horse lord. It'd be that right there. You hear 600 of those, and then you look up, and you just hear, and it's f***ing flames, and you literally just go, oh, where's the goat? Where's the kids? Oh, and it's just, oh, oh, no! And then you're done. And then they keep going. That's menacing, bro. That is menacing. Kim, are you the Mongolian horse lord? I am the Mongolian horse lord. I want everybody to call you that. I work for Genghis. Like, when we go to meet and greets tour. Mongolian horse lord cam. Mongolian horse lord. That's how you gotta do it. Sun Tzu, Art of War. And, okay, but you know what you are? I figured you out. You're like a big a** kid if you gave him a bunch of money and a platform. I am! That's so me! That's so me. Oh, my God. Actually, I downloaded a PS2 emulator over the break. How was that? That's pretty fun. I've done that before, too. CJ did it for me. It was really fun. And I'm not gonna lie, when you go back and play them, you really think you're gonna get this crazy hit of nostalgia, and then the games look like s**t. Yeah. You just go, man! Yeah. Oh, it was the best we could offer at the time, but, I mean, it's hard to play this, knowing I can jump on Ark Raiders. Yeah. But it's fun, though. It still is fun. But it's the old, because I played SmackDown vs. Raw. So did I! Why was I so bad? I was like, this is the only game I can still play as Chris Benoit. And so I was like. Now, Peyton? Now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He was a fantastic wrestler. No, no, no, now listen. Now, this is hilarious, because I've played two matches on SmackDown vs. Raw 2007. I was Chris Benoit both times. I mean, I was Chris Benoit both times. Oh, man. Can I say, horrible person. I mean, did awful things. I mean, terrible, yeah. One of the best in-ring. No! Whoa! Whoa! I was trying, the empathy was trying to pour out and word vomit as well. I was saying, like, went through a lot, which probably. Reduced his terrible stuff, but it's still terrible nonetheless. Right. That's what I was saying. Sure. Yeah, I mean, I'm talking a wicked case of CTE. We don't know. Oh, no, we know. I think they were scant. Really? I mean, I think his brain looked like a mud pie at the end. Like, it was bad. No, seriously. I think it was really bad. We're getting there. We are getting there. We're getting close. Anyway, 26, we're getting there. I'm so sorry for the Mongolian sidetrack. Tell me about your flu. Honestly, okay, in the. Real quick. Yeah, no, so ask me a question and then proceed to answer yourself. No, you do it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ask me again. Ask me again. No, no, no. Ask me about your flu, but before you do, I'm going to say this. The whole world experiences, at least our country. Not true. At least our country. All of the United States, bro, the amount, I don't know, did it pop up on your For You? Yes. So many people, like, bro, I went and got tested, all these came back negative, and I'm dying. Yeah. And, like, so it went around. It was a wave. Yeah, I think it's called the Andro-divirus or something like that. I don't know. The Andro-nitis. Yeah, something like that. The Andro- Andre the Titan. Andre the Titan. Andrew Garfield. I don't know. The Mongolian Horse Lord. Horse? Go ahead. One more time. Three, two, one. Yes. Virus. It's getting hot. Virus. Yeah, virus. Okay, so basically, well, I didn't get that. So, basically, we were around somebody that had the bovid, the big B. They had Mr. 19. Mr. 19. Mr. 19. Mr. 19 and them shook hands. I was around Mr. 19. I got sick a couple days later and I was like, oh, Mr. 19 came and knocked on my door like Vecna. And I said, oop, go in. Welcome. Yeah, my immune system- Welcome, Mr. 19. He said, oh, thanks. This is how my immune system works. suffice my over here it's like you're just the mongolian horse lord i'm the mongolian horse lord you're just like this get back oh take me just take me what's like take me stop sorry mine goes yeah and so i'm i'm in bed right i'm i'm i'm hurting it feels like mr 19 feel like he's tickling your back and this is like three day or four days before christmas no no i'm like it was like six days before christmas it was six days before christmas and i was like no way i got mr 19 six days before christmas i'm supposed to go home i go take a test for mr 19 they say no mr 19 is in your system and i go there you go mongolian horse prince yeah you're not the lord you're a young buck you're on a little donkey you're like this you're like that that pace you're like but then as soon as you go to an adversary you're just like you just drop me you're like this yeah i'm like in the little shotgun seat of like the motorcycles i'm like those you're really doing nothing but you're there in spirit it's like there's a little element yeah so okay so i'm like okay i don't have mr 19 it's great but i still feel bad i don't know what it is i'm coughing i'm sneezing everything's bad my head's hurting pounding i'm sweating shaking oh and when you're sick you i mean you're sick and small dude oh sorry voldemort's family's listening i mean she she was like yeah go get in the shower and i said okay and she goes wow she goes my god is this a physical virus wait it's right there you're sick right there aren't you you're sitting there don't look oh no i don't let my wife watch me bathe if i'm sick dude it's so demoralizing the smallest i can possibly be dude i'm talking i'm about half an inch away from being inverted like it is that small yeah i have like a large yeah what's going on patreon and dude and it's like it's bad and it's not just like it shrinks the width is small like i'm skiing no it literally goes to where i can like touch the muscle like there's no extra like liquids fluids blood skin it's like it's like touching that kneecap right there like it's literally i'm talking it is and even small and even if you do my pleasure spot like the things that are guaranteed because i'm there's things you can do to me guaranteed get me going ears and nipples you go ears nipples and braid that top and i'm like oh my god i'm so tired oh my god you'll be bricked by noon dude it's so easy i'm an easy lick i'm not and even when you do that to me and i'm sick nothing like he is he does not work oh when i'm sick it's terrible so that's sick pain is a real thing yes and so that's how i knew i was sick right that's how i knew you were like i don't i don't feel the best oh god you know you have the flu you just look at you go oh no something's wrong for sure yeah and so and so i'm i'm like i don't know i don't know i don't know what it is i go take a flu test at home immediately flu a so i got diagnosed influenza a yeah i didn't get what your wife got peace up influenza and he was chilling in the bedroom in a small little he just wanted to chill but his penis was real small and that was the indicator that he had influenza so he needed a meal hungry so he said give me some mcdonald's but it didn't fill him up because his pain was so tiny really tiny that's just it looked just like you it was good yeah it looked just like yours what yeah i saw my right you haven't seen mine no but is it pink no and that's that's got to be racist yeah it is no it is i'm pretty sure every black person thinks white people meet is pink no and why is that why is that that's so stupid i think it's around like why do you think it's pink i think it's like around the labradors we've been around no yeah because y'all are like that's a dog and i'm not like a labrador yeah that's like a minnesota guy like long hair and sweats even when it snows outside that's a labrador of a man okay and this is not a lab this is a dangerous territory to go down right now but there's definitely dog breeds that match oh there is we're not going to do it no no we can't oh come on the labrador is definitely oh can i say a dog no no oh my god anyway oh it's right here oh my god it's right here oh my god i want to say it i got sick and that kind of parlays into the story i have because i literally had the craziest road trip on christmas eve oh my god oh my god you did yes you went back yeah right on the cusp of the sickness so this is what happened i was sick because there's like this wild flu going around crazy that no one knows about and i was sick for like five days you were he was down bad all the way to christmas eve and now i always go visit my family in austin i live in dallas obviously it's a four-hour trip because i have a cyber truck yes and so i since i have a cyber truck charging it sucks for road trips right so it takes a two-hour trip to get to dallas obviously it's a four-hour trip because i have a two-hour road trip to a four-hour road trip yes that's unfortunate but it is it's very fortunate that the company let you use the the side yes the company is a cup oh yeah yeah it was very fortunate because your other your personal car the tesla model why yes you didn't want to take that either yeah the cyber truck you had all the gifts in the back so the company was like yeah of course bro take it and i had a couple meetings down in austin i had a couple meetings yeah well no not with her well with someone yeah you had meetings in the company vehicle company meetings in austin with the company vehicle i can't wait to see that in all the tick tock comments oh yeah so i was so sad because i've never spent christmas eve away from my family right and my mommy and my daddy they were sad calling me do you feel better do you feel better and i was like no i still test positive for the flu so i was like you know what it is christmas eve night it's like 7 p.m i'm going to take one more flu test and i'm feeling a little better and see if it comes back positive or negative i take the flu test it comes back negative hey i'm like oh my god i'm going home for christmas right again it's a four hour trip the pack still i don't leave my house until 8 p.m it is pitch black outside and it's christmas eve not a lot of people are on the roads i sit and charge my cyber truck for another hour now it's nine o'clock i'm not gonna get home till midnight right so yes sir i start taking off right now if you're if you know the roads from dallas texas to austin texas is strictly bible belt back roads no street lights you can't no buildings on the side you might see some little glowy coyote eyes out in the distance that's about it boy none but coyotes and buzzards and a lot of racism 35 is flooded with racism right and so now i don't realize how scared of the dark i am as a 26 year old man right so it is christmas eve i'm a little depressed because i'm not at home i'm alone in a cyber truck in pitch black darkness right i'm sitting like this and i'm in one of those depressive moods where i have nothing on the radio i'm driving oh you're hearing the racism come by so you're just driving by the cars like racism and it's just no exactly that's what that's what it sounded like i'm glad you didn't say anything else yeah no sir oh i know you heard some things though yeah 100 but i was driving right complete silence and now my anxiety is back because i'm depressed and i'm scared and that's aggressive people just got through sickness it's fair to say you're still sick it's a that's a recipe for disaster so i'm starting to hear rattling under my truck oh no i'm like what is what is going on this is a brand new truck right and i'm not sure what noises are supposed to be there yeah and what noise is this regular and so i'm rolling the window down i'm here i'm listening i'm looking around i'm driving and so i'm driving i'm about an hour and a half into my drive right and now i'm literally in the middle of nowhere there's nothing but acres and acres and acres and acres if i if something were to happen to me on this street i'm dead oh right out of there as i'm baloney sandwich as i'm driving i swear to god as i'm driving on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere i see a car parked right and i'm like oh that sucks why is that car parked over there the lights wrong the brake lights wrong and somebody is outside the car going like this oh no no no no no no in my heart i'm like it's christmas eve oh no it's christmas eve i'm depressed i know you must be depressed so i decide you i decide i'm gonna go check on these people right so you're kidding me i start to slow down i'm going 90 to about 20 quickly i start to pull over right it's a woman as i'm pulling over right i'm starting to get to her i'm so she knows i'm coming she puts down the flashlight she knows i'm coming for her as i'm doing that and i'm getting right beside her the car lights turn off there's somebody else in this car oh my god you're getting stuck i literally went flew by stuff that i'm not getting right oh no sir not my christmas eve not my christmas eve no no no funny business that was funny business going on oh my god i'm so proud i was like clearly i mean you're alive but like you might have been But then I get 20 miles down the road. I'm away from them, and karma is a— You know in offices, you know those big blue water jugs where you push down and you put in the water cup? You know those big blue water barrels, right? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. One of those, empty, is flying across the highway. I'm like, where the f*** did this thing come from? It must have fell off somebody's truck or something. You're going to have a car out here. Yeah. I'm not good at evasive maneuvers yet in my new truck, so I just eat that. Boom. And it gets stuck under my truck. It sounds horrible, and it won't stop. Now, this is a brand new truck, so I don't want to keep going. So I pull over to the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, right? It is f***ing cold. It is Christmas Eve in the middle of nowhere. I look under there. Sure enough, this little blue canister is under there. I rip it out. I throw it, and there's a light above me. I'm like, why the f*** is there a light above me? Oh, it's your time. God sent Peyton. I'm like, why is there a light above me? I look up. All I see is a billboard of Donald J. Trump going like this with angel wings going outside of him. And it says, God for Trump. And he's looking at me like this. You're absolutely lying. I swear to God, it's one of those Bible Belt f***ers. Because there was a Kirk one like two miles the other way. I'm telling you, you haven't seen these, those Donald Trump ones? Some of them were bleeding with his fist in the air. And my whole thing was like, who the f*** paid for that? Regardless of your political affiliation, what's the purpose of spending money on that? You looked up, you said, well, hell, thanks, Don. Yeah, and then I made it. And then I made it. I made it. I made it home at like 1230. I didn't have a key to my house. My parents are like 70 years old. They didn't hear me knocking. I had to get a hotel on Christmas Eve. Oh, okay. I have. Okay. Okay. Now I have multiple things. One, my parents would have had to buy a new door before I got a hotel on Christmas Eve. I would have went, hello. If they never went, kick that out. We'll duct tape it. Yeah. Finish it in the morning. Second. Yeah. We're not, you're not like, you're not just breezing over this. Yeah. There was a massive billboard of Donald Trump. With angel wings coming out. With wings. He's looking at me. Saying, thank God for Trump. And I was like, what? Who's, I was, and there was no like, there was no like QR code. There was no website. Don't you love that? Just, just a f*** you billboard. Like a billboard. There's no call to action. There's no next steps. It's just something there that someone spent money on. Yeah. I mean, and billboards. Aren't cheap. That's what I'm saying. And what do you advertise? Thank God for Trump. He's just like this. He's hitting the Orton. He's like, oh, they should do that. Yeah. I have voices. Oh, okay. But the worst part and the part that irks me the most. Yeah. Is there's, it's actually a double whammy. Right. One, the fact that you. Yeah. Of all people, literally the most skeptical person I know. Right. This Christmas Eve just overcame your body. You said, oh, I'm going to help these people. Right. Terrible decision. Terrible decision. No. Your mom would be extremely upset at you. A hundred percent. I am upset at you. And you would never tell any of us to do that if you were in that position. No, no. And it's completely against everything I believe in. Like a hundred percent. Why? I don't know. It was Christmas Eve. And I felt because. The joyous spirit of Saint Nick overcame your body. Yeah. Because I felt alone. Like I was like, I don't like this feeling of being alone on Christmas Eve. It was my first time ever. And, and, and, and. You pull up, the light goes off. You just hear. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. I don't know what happened to their Christmas Eve, nor do I care. I don't care to be honest. And then the second part. Yeah. How are you the only car on a two, if you're at the park, I think, on a two lane highway. Yeah. And you can't. There was three at this time, I think. That's even worse. Yeah. There's three open lanes. Yeah. And you can't evade a water jug. I don't know how to really move in that new truck yet. Just slow down a bit. Left to right. Yeah, but. Use that yoke and just get on. But I was also taught like, you know, the deer standing there. You don't. That's a deer. That's, that's Bambi. That's a, that's an inanimate object. A big water jug. Yeah, but they said don't swerve because it's more dangerous. You just got to take it head on. Oh my God. That's if it's a deer. Yes. You slow down, you move a little bit. I'm not going to, I'm not saying that I was doing the right thing. I'm just telling you a story. Oh no. You just did it. Honestly, I, I, I imagine it being that simple. Like it's literally coming straight towards you like some donkey coming. Yeah. You're just like, God, not me. Like. I'm always bad at like guessing where I'm going. Like, dude, I remember doing like flag football as a kid and they would do the punt. Dude, punt returning was hard for me. I could never guess where that was going to land. I'm really bad at that. I'm really bad at guessing where objects are going. You know, oh my God. You just like spawned a thought in my own memory. Yeah. I was in the punt pack, a punt pass and kick competition in the fourth grade. And I was because I was an elite arm talent and I had a beautiful punt. Couldn't get the tee, right? So every other kid in the competition could kick from the tee. So naturally they had a higher score than me. Right. And finally the teacher on, because we did them on like Fridays, like at recess. And like the winners throughout the school year got to go to like the actual area, whatever. You never did. I never won. But on the, they said for my tee kick, I can choose to either pass or punt again, but it gets deducted by a third. So what did I do? I took that football and I ran back. Like it was, I was about to be a pitcher for a cricket team. Yeah. And I literally went. I launched that son of a so far. Cause it was a little like balls. Yeah. I swear I was probably throwing them like 70 yards, but in reality it was probably like 30 or 40, but it felt bro. It felt crazy far. Like it felt like I could have cleared the building. Yeah. I'm on my Robbie and my CJ. I could have cleared the building. I could have thrown it straight over. A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. Fall savings are happening now at the home. D. Bo save up to $500 on select appliances. Plus enjoy free delivery. When you spend $998 or more from prepping to cooking, to cleaning up frigid air has you covered the custom flex temp drawer switches from fridge to freezer with more than 15 cooking modes, including stone bank pizza mode. You can enjoy restaurant quality pizza in as little as two minutes, then clean up with the frigid air dishwasher featuring the industry's fastest normal wash cycle shop fall savings. Now at the home Depot off of value, October 21st, us only store online for details. Disney plus Hulu. We'll make your day every day. Here's how some days you want to laugh new girl. Some days a mystery. The all new Hulu original series furious. Some days you want both and nobody has to know. And Saturday ESPN college game day into ESPN college football. Make your day every day with Disney plus Hulu 18 and older with the Disney plus Hulu bundle subscription access these titles via Disney plus terms apply. This episode is brought to you by. Palmolive family time. Isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners sitting around the table. Everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive ultra Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier. So you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at Palmolive.com. But how was your, how was your vacation? That was my vacation. It was, I was sick. It was awful. Okay. I'll talk about this on the extended on patron or the bonus episode on patron that comes out Wednesday. I got the worst gifts ever. I'm just kidding. They weren't the worst. All my gifts, all my gifts were about Voldemort. All my gifts were about Voldemort. I hate that. I was like, I hope she, I honestly, when I got these gifts, I was like, I hope she leaves me to prove a point. No, no. Okay. Wicked story. I have a wicked story as well. Buckling crate. You think I'm making this up? I actually have a photographic proof of it. Okay. What happened? Crazy that you saw Donald Trump on your road trip. Cause I did too. Really? We were headed up to Oklahoma, literally pass a trailer that on the back has to like, uh, people that are in need or like older people, motorized scooters. They're both branded truck. They are, they are, put this on the screen, put that on the screen. CJ, they're Trump motorized scooters, and these are wheelchairs, wheelchair. No, it's not a wheelchair. That's a motorized kit. It's a motorized wheelchair. Oh, same thing. No scooter, wheelchair, motorized wheelchairs. Nope. Scooters are like razor. Okay. Well, no, you're thinking that scooter, no scooters where you stand. So what do you call it? One that you sit on a wheelchair? No, yes, no, sir. Cam. Yes, it is sadly mistaken. No, sir. Oh, wheelchair. Is a chair with wheels that you propel Dolo. What's it? Okay, exactly. So a wheelchair is a chair. So something you sit on with wheels. That's what that was. Yes. Yeah. Not Dolo. It's motorized, motorized, wheelchair, motorized scooter. No, no, you can't just change the whole anatomy of something, but this scooter you stand on, there's no scoot. You can't stand scoot stands. You can sit on scooters. No, you can't. Yes. Name one. So, Bird scooters and lime scooters that are downtown. - Why are you stuck on that form of scooter? - I can't think of another scooter. - Bro, the ones that you sit on like this, like imagine the little shopping cart ones that aren't shopping carts. - Those are wheelchairs. - Those are not wheelchairs. - They're chairs with wheels on them. No, no, no, you're crazy. - They're not wheelchairs. - Now you're starting to get me upset. - And I, yeah, motorized scooter. - Kim, a motorized scooter is a bird and a lime. Those are motorized scooters. - So motorized scooters didn't come out till lime was invented. - No, I'm saying that brand. I'm just giving you a point of reference. Those, a wheelchair is something you sit and you wheel. - No one in their right mind goes, "Oh, let me get that motorized wheelchair." - Yeah, you do. - No, you don't. - It's a wheelchair with a motor in it. That's what it is. - There's also scooters. Look, yes, that's a capital right there. - They can't see that. They can't see that. - They can't, but that's your thing. - That's the motorized wheelchair, but you can call them a motorized scooter. Matter of fact. - You can call anything anything. - You can, hold on. - I'm not trying to, real quick. Super quick. Motorized scooter. - Yeah. - And I will rest my case. I am highly wrong. - Thank you. - I am, I am. - Thank you. - Oh, oh, you know I'm not. No, I'm not. When you hit images, no, I'm not. Oh yeah. Compact travel scooter. There's a seat and there's wheels. - No, that's wrong. - No, it's not. - It's just a group of wrong people. - Matter of fact, matter of fact, once you click past the shopping links, way to go marketing team, boom. Motorized scooters. And it is straight what I said. Literally, and to prove the Google search, motorized scooter. - Hey, it's me, Miss Anubis again. How are you doing? Oh wait, I was doing the wrong thing. Hey, it's me, Miss Anubis again. How are you doing? - Hey there, Miss Anubis. I'm doing great. - Don't giggle. - Always happy to chat with you. What's on your mind today? - Hey, is there a difference between a motorized scooter and a motorized wheelchair? - Yeah, definitely. There's a bit of a difference in how they're designed and what they're used for. So a motorized wheelchair is generally meant for people who need mobility assistance due to a disability or a medical condition. So it's built with a focus on comfort, support, and things like that for daily use. Whereas a motorized scooter is more like a convenience or recreational vehicle. It's often used by people who can walk, but maybe can't walk long distances. - So I'm right. - We're approaching the villa. - So by that, the conclusion is- - I'm right. - 'Cause they didn't say anything about the build. They said the difference was for comfort and for need. So it sounds like the Mongolians are invading if we're right. - Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter. - It doesn't. - But it doesn't matter. I just use so much water to do that. I'm gonna get canceled. - Is that a real thing? - Yeah, I think so. And I feel bad. Yeah, I feel really bad. I didn't know about that until Billie Eilish posted it. - You use the fuck? - I didn't know that, but you can't blame me for ignorance. - No, no, no, no, no, no. You can't blame me for ignorance. - Ignorance is bliss, and bliss is beauty. - Bliss is beauty. - That was nice. - That was kinda sexy. - Holy shit. Ignorance is bliss, bliss is beauty. - Back to the trip. So there was some Trump-branded motorized scooters. Anyway. - Pierce is like, "Give me three." - He goes, "Give me three, one more on back order, just because." We get to Oklahoma, okay? So I've said this before. Liv has a split family. So every time we go, it's like three of the same holiday. - Yeah. - So the very last one- - It's honestly selfish. - No, I mean, it's fun. It's good. But on the last one, we get to her grandma's house. Now- - Hey, Mimi. - Hey, Mimi. Fantastic, fun. The games are fun. - She goes, "Give me one of them scooters." She goes, "Why didn't you say them scooters, Kayle? Give me one of them scooters." I was about to say something. Anyway, here we go. So every year at her Mimi's, 'cause that is the largest gathering. - Yeah. - There's typically like 20, 20 plus people. So instead of, "Oh, let's all get gifts for each other. Crazy, everybody's pockets are bleeding." We play one big thing of Dirty Santa, Secret Santa. Secret Santa is when you know who you're buying for, but they don't know who's buying them a gift. You get them stuff for them. Boom. It's like $30 limit. Dirty Santa is you bring some to the pot. - Right. - This year, they changed it. Lolly, of all people, goes- - Who's Lolly? - Lolly is Liv's mom. We call her Lolly. That's her grandma name, Lolly. So Liv's mom. Oh my gosh, guys, it's gonna be so fun. I found this thing called Firebox. - I met a couple girls. - Me too. - I didn't know they knew Lolly. Yeah. They knew Lolly? How's Firebox doing? Huh. - Oh. Oh. - Yeah. I didn't know they lived in Oklahoma. They moved. - Oh, they're international. - Sorry. - So, no, that was funny. Firebox, it's a third-party seller of Amazon boxes. - Yeah, that sounds even crazy. It's a third-party seller for Firebox. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So they take, so Amazon has, I guess, I don't know the logistics, but when stuff gets returned, they put 'em in these big boxes, whatever, and this site buys it and then sells it. So that was what we were doing for our dirty Santa. It was a $500 Amazon box. - Okay. - So said to have value of upwards of $500. - But it's a mystery of what's in it. - Complete mystery. - No, I'm kidding. - You're guaranteed nothing. - And you paid how much? - $500. - For a what value? - $500 or more box. So it says, so she gets the box. It comes in crazy and no one knows. - Yeah. - So it's time, the games go, it's time for Dirty Santa. Peyton, when I tell you these gifts were, it was abysmal, like we were crying, laughing. There was a lace dress. - Oh, wow. - There was a radar detector in Japanese font that on the back of the package said it's using a new global satellite system to where it can detect any radar within a two mile radius on the Earth, on the planet. And it was in this big little box. - An Amazon box for the least. - There was that, there was a jar of vegetable broth. - Oh. - There was a double pack of B12 vitamins. - Oh. - There was a knife. There was a cookbook, a cookbook about beers. - Excuse me? - There was the Twilight Saga. It was in novel form. That was probably the best gift. - You don't have that stuff? - No, I wish. There was a Gen 1 iPad. - That's sick. - Gen 1 iPad. - Yeah, I like that. - No box, no papers, just that and the cord. - Oh my God, you got a naked iPad. - Naked iPad, no, I'm talking, it literally was in bubble wrap. - Did it come with a charger? - The charger was yellow, like piss yellow. Like someone used that for 10 years and they gave it back. - Yeah, terrible. - You got a donation box. - Now, this gift right here, what I'm about to say. - Oh no. - Is the pinnacle of this event. - Okay. - Someone goes up. Their number's called, they go and grab a box. They open this box, bag rather. They open the bag, first thing they pull out. Again, there's nothing, nothing's in packages. They pull out a 3XL thong. - Oh, wow. - No, no, no, panties. - Oh, wow, 3XL. - They pull out a big old pair of pants. - Oh my God. - I'm talking a big pair of pants. - Oh my God, I need to find the-- - Maybe four. - I need to find the seller. - Maybe 4XL. He sits there, he holds them up. Folds 'em back. Next item. He pulls out a wife beater, a tank top. - Tank top. - Tank top, okay. That is sized medium. - Okay. - It's a crazy dimension. - Crazy, how do you have 4XL in your drawers and a medium up top? - I mean. - What's your build? What's your build? - Build like-- - Build like a snowman. - Like Squidward when he got in that one thing where he's all thick at the bottom. - Oh my God, yeah. Last item, pulls out some beach shorts, right? - Mm-hmm. - Examines 'em. Oh, whatever, trash gift. So, to be a good grandma, Lolly then steals that from the person that took it so they can get another gift and have fun. So Lolly and Liv are over there examining it. And she's having fun with it. It was her idea, she has to make light of it. She picks up the shorts again. And she goes, "Sis," talking to Liv, "Sis, I don't know about you, "these are actually kinda cute." Liv spits her drink. Literally spits her drink. Liv's in front of Lolly. She's holding the shorts like this. - Oh, no. - Liv spits her drink. Bursts out laughing. She goes, "Mom, mom, put those down. "Put those down, there's something in the crotch region." - No, no, no way. - Peyton? - No, no, there's a trail. - A trail? - There was a wound spot. There, it was-- - Oh, no. - Hey, and the beach shorts, by the way, the beach shorts, angel white, angel white. Angel white, in the crotch region. Was either, and I'm sorry, but it was either-- - Mute it. - And it was, it was the funniest , and I'm not kidding, right hand to God, 100% truth. It was the funniest ever. Olivia fell on the ground. She's pregnant, mind you. She's falling on the ground rolling. - That's not good. - Yeah, I said, "Get up." I said, "My son's in there, stop doing that." She's laughing, Uncle Danny gets pissed. He grabs him, throws him away. - Yeah, that's gross. - No packages. - No, it's gross. - So someone, so, to fool round about, someone bled in those and said, "Amazon, they were the wrong size, here you go." - Yeah, somebody committed a crime and gave all the evidence to you. - That is unbelievable, and then, and then, and then someone buys that box and flips it for a profit and goes firebox.com. - That is crazy. Wait, so how do I go and buy this? - I literally think it's called Firebox. - I wanna go buy a Firebox. - Bro, we can make, hey, we can make a video. - Pierce, buy us a Firebox. - We can make a video. - We can make a video out of it. - And then we can make a video on Patreon. - And there's no promises of what's in it. You have no clue. - I kinda like this. - There's different value of boxes. There's a $100 box, there's, so she said, instead of doing a dirty Santa, let's all just put 20 bucks into this, get the $500 box. - Let's get a Firebox. let's get a firebox let's make a patreon episode of it so it's it is that is disgusting man oh another thing there was a door alarm with the remote it was all sorts of crazy random it was hilarious though the you should know podcast new and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at the home depot check out the viral grand duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone easily customize the twinkle across trees wreaths and garlands to match your holiday vibe create stunning light effects then switch it up with the top of your fingers even the man in red will be impressed shop the holiday decor you want online only at home depot.com disney plus hulu will make your day every day here's how some days you want to laugh new girl some days a mystery the all-new hulu original series furious some days you want both and nobody has to know and saturday espn college game day into espn college football make your day every day with disney plus hulu 18 and older with the disney plus hulu bundle subscription access these titles via disney plus terms apply this episode is brought to you by palm olive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use palm olive ultra palm olives most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palmolive.com all right so another thing we were talking over this weekend with family and she had all her family you know the youngs the olds everyone in between right and at one point we dibbled and dabbled into talking about wills not not not people named williams but like your will your death will yeah that's sad why don't you talk about that well it was more of like we were talking about just everything like finances no oh don't make sure to put that in the way and stuff like that okay so it had me think and i don't know why i think of you in these intimate moments and stuff but i said i said i wonder what like what p if he had to write a will right now what would he add in like what would be in his will who would it go to and that had me thinking so then i was sitting on that and i was like ah he probably wouldn't give me uh he'd probably give it to preston which is good that's good and everything and then i thought what's the craziest that people have left in a will like what's the just almost outlandish stuff can you leave anything on a will to other people when i read these to you oh my oh my god so i literally looked up what are some of the wildest things that people have ever left in their will yeah i like this oh someone left money to their ex only claimable if they legally changed their last name back so they got a divorce they left money in a will you can only get this money yeah if you legally change your name back hell yeah that is crazy yes no wait that's not that's that's crazy that's crazy and that's in your bag that's great you're dead hey you're dead no but i've been a proponent to say if i'm married and i die while we're married god don't move on okay i don't want you to move on you're not happy again you're i'm sorry you made a vow sickness health and death i'm with you oh my god sickness health and death so another one a woman left her kids millions in a trust to be paid out to all of them evenly millions of dollars they have to randomly pass drug tests for the rest of their life yeah hell yeah they do if my mom croaks early you best believe i'm hitting a spliff and now i don't get my money how am i gonna get through my sorrows i'm going to my back porch i'm lighting up i'm blowing down i don't know the millions of dollars she left you can get you past but i mean my god i mean i get nothing you get the money yeah but no no recreational just drink oh my god or hey you have millions of dollars have somebody else speak for you oh yeah yeah i go hey piss in that bottle ibuprofen here we go hey i i made money in juco doing that for people that is true another one twelve thousand dollars was left from an old man to their neighbor when he passed yeah for being the world's most annoying neighbor yeah and this was a payoff so they had to pay the old man for being the world's most annoying neighbor yeah and this was a payoff so they had to pay the off so they would never speak again so a man doesn't make sense because you're never going to speak again because you're dead no no he left his money dead man left money to neighbor as a you because you spoke so much and you were so annoying this is a payoff to no no more speaking for you even though i'm dead don't like that one that guy's dumb didn't save too well that's so dumb that's the dumbest one ever i don't like that that is bad here we go okay a man left his brother one dollar and a handwritten note that said don't spend it all in one place oh i'm not gonna make me that would make me have ill will toward my dead brother i'm not gonna throw that out there my brother left me a bone one bone yeah so don't spend it all in one place yeah i'd literally i i'd probably like physically grab a dollar bill rip it and throw it in his open casket and be like see you yeah i'm turning into ed gein you're becoming a floor mat when people walk into my house step on my brother like what is that oh it's my brother's back okay so now imagine my tough as a oh oh no you're tough as like a a sick little foot warmer yeah you go you can use it to clean horse hooves you know those hard bristles oh my god okay a man left his wife money only if she never remarried and hired someone to verify it that was in his will oh wait say it again whoa i like this so the man left his left his money yeah to his wife right only if she never got remarried and then in the will someone got hired yeah to verify that that she does not get remarried oh so it's like a money hit man like you know like hey if you if you get married it's all gone wait is it just see okay i'm taking it a step further i don't even want you hooking up with somebody not even married you're not even letting them get rocks off if you're no no gone with all the money gone with all the money in the world you can be a friend of somebody you can be a friend of somebody you can be a friend of somebody you can be a friend of somebody you can be a franchisee of adam and eve like you can i don't like you franchisee of adam and eve like you can i don't like you don't need don't need don't need no i'm sorry i'm insecure you're dead no i'm sorry i'm insecure you're dead no i'm sorry i'm insecure you're dead my ghost your securities are the most my ghost your securities are the most my ghost your securities are the most insecure they're non-existent you're dead insecure they're non-existent you're dead insecure they're non-existent you're dead no because my ghost is in the corner of no because my ghost is in the corner of no because my ghost is in the corner of the room like this you're just like she the room like this you're just like she the room like this you're just like she doesn't even like it like that you're doesn't even like it like that you're doesn't even like it like that you're like oh like oh like oh the guy just hit me he's like the guy just hit me he's like the guy just hit me he's like my ghost is like she doesn't even like my ghost is like she doesn't even like my ghost is like she doesn't even like being on the side being on the side being on the side get over but she oh get over but she oh get over but she oh oh my god oh my god your astral your oh my god oh my god your astral your oh my god oh my god your astral your astral body your ghost is right there astral body your ghost is right there astral body your ghost is right there your girl is your girl's having with the your girl is your girl's having with the your girl is your girl's having with the new guy new guy new guy your ghost body goes she don't even like your ghost body goes she don't even like your ghost body goes she don't even like it like that she goes oh my god this is it like that she goes oh my god this is it like that she goes oh my god this is the best ever i'd go oh my god the best ever i'd go oh my god the best ever i'd go oh my god stop this ain't funny dog no don't stop this ain't funny dog no don't stop this ain't funny dog no don't touch me don't touch me no you don't no oh my god no no put your no you don't no oh my god no no put your no you don't no oh my god no no put your hands in the air put your hands in the - Put your hands in the air right now and stand up. Put your hands in the air and stand up. Don't you touch anything. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. - No, move your mic. - I told you to do that, no, stop, stop. - Put your hands in the air. Put your hands in the, do not touch anything. - Stop, don't do that. - Don't touch anything. You're gonna, y'all, the world is gonna see what is under this fence. - I'm not doing that. - Why'd you bring it to work? Give it up! It's fine, it's life! Drink some more water! - Oh, man! - Yes, okay, all right. - Oh! - Now, I-- - Explain it! - I can fire both of you, if you make fun. I have the control. Now, now look, now look, all right? No. - Oh my God, pee. - I have five in-- - I'm right off the back of talking about insecurities. Just drink some water, I mean, get an extra wash or something. - I have five in one concealer in my pocket. Now, I wear makeup. Couts out the bag, all right? Sometimes, I need a touch-up. My job is a, no, no, no, no, and that's not wrong. That's not the, no! - No, no, no, it is. - And you know, and the worst part is, I went alone to buy this, and I had to go through the aisles, marking my arm to test shades. - You were swatching concealers by yourself? - Yeah. - In a, in where, an Ulta? - Yeah, I have a membership. - Okay. - You have a membership? - I have a membership to Ulta. - I have a membership. - You swatch concealers on your skin by yourself at a six, seven, three. - Because half the comments recently have been, "Oh, get that pimple patch off your head. "I think you're making a political statement." I'm not gonna lie, my own blood made a comment about that. - Yeah. - Gabe Johnson said, "If Peyton wears that one more episode, "I'm shooting a double leg at him." He said, "I'm taking his to the ground. "I'm taking it off myself." - No, okay, so I've had this pimple patch, and it became, okay, this is the thing. I had a pimple, and I kept trying to cover it up, and when it was healing, so I'd like pop it, and then cover it up with a pimple patch, 'cause I had to be on camera, and then so it was just going back into itself, so it became a cyst. - Yeah, it-- - It was like, finally get to breathe. More bacteria. Oh, we're out again. No, let's leave. - Yes, yes. - Yeah, you're suffocating. - I went to the dermatologist, and they put a syringe in there, and so I was covering it up, right? And I was, 'cause I'm insecure. I'm insecure, and so I bought makeup, and I've been wearing makeup since high school. I've been wearing makeup since high school, 'cause I always had an acne problem. I took Accutane twice. You know how bad your skin's gotta be to fail Accutane twice? - You suck. Put that, it's 'cause you used to drink half a gallon diet coke a day yeah oh it also i wear concealer sometimes sealer up and i've gotten good at blending recent i've gotten real good at blending i didn't put it on today i forgot because i i got here late to the shoot so that's why my hat's been like like this yeah i wear makeup cats out the bag sorry every famous um anchor news anchor wears makeup they get touched up by a crew they have glam crews they make a livable salary i'm my own glam crew six dollar concealer in your pocket way more than that don't play with me this is five and one don't play with me i hate you this is does voldy know about this she touches me up dude i'm not gonna lie my my girl my makeup okay so i have a whole like makeup bag i'm not okay what the happening i'm having a panic attack i have like that my spy won last time you have you have a you go no it is my bag i promise you have yeah a makeup bag yes not but it's not full not a toiletry bag not a grown-ass man toiletry bag there's some mouthwash a little shooter of whiskey maybe a condom and a toothbrush no you have a makeup yes okay but the thing let's be honest here the thing is the thing is i've been wearing makeup since high school and it's hard for me because like it's hard for me to go into makeup stores and buy things for myself because it's my pride i'm not wearing makeup i'm not wearing makeup i'm not wearing makeup i'm not wearing makeup right now i'm embarrassed i'm embarrassed about it i'm embarrassed about it because i know my homies aren't really my homies right hey i love you though look at you teach me how to touch up he hasn't even made eye contact teach me how to touch up and i'll help you out no okay but this is the thing and so whenever i first got into my relationship she came to the bathroom and she saw this makeup bag and she was like and she's a cool girl so she was like hey who's staying over here no she doesn't do that she's not crazy she said she said hey if we're gonna be taking things more seriously i would appreciate if you throw your ex's stuff away and i go oh baby that's mine i said she couldn't wear those colors didn't know glamour she tried i'm just kidding i don't know i'm sorry i'm sorry man yeah no but and there's nothing wrong i'll blend y'all up nice no you won't shut up half the tour i was beat are you crazy i had a real bad like breakout on the east coast leg of the tour i was in the green room with powder oh my god you weren't 21 jump streaming you were but you were touching them you were blending yeah that's why i made sure on the rider that they had like the vanities with the bulbs i was in that i just thought you liked your selfies yeah no why do you think i had like makeup jeffree star was on in my algorithms for like six months that's crazy yeah i mean that is god bless you and and the vector truth serum helped it got to a point where i was going into like mac i saw like the shane dawson conspiracy palette and some colors is bad i like them i'm starting to know blends and concealers and stuff yeah that's fine and that's honestly a great hobby i think you should now that it's out the bag you should just live with it because it's always in my duffel bag and i put it in my pocket it's in your pocket i put it in my pockets i was supposed to do it before you know have y'all noticed me ever wearing makeup before i've noticed the pimple i'm sorry i'm that's some is winking at me that is huge that i mean that no p oh i mean yeah it's got a tooth i mean i see the i see the form oh my god okay ladies was that was that proper form i mean so much so much saggy draw is hanging out look at oh no oh no oh man not that much cheek that stays censored what hey i i i love you and i'm proud of it yeah i'm proud of you you should know podcast new and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at the home depot check out the viral grand duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone easily customize the twinkle across trees wreaths and garlands to match your holiday vibe create stunning light effects then switch it up with the tap of your finger and you're ready to start the day with your favorite holiday decor even the man in red will be impressed shop the holiday decor you want online only at homedepot.com disney plus hulu will make your day every day here's how some days you want to laugh new girl some days a mystery the all-new hulu original series furious some days you want both and nobody has to know and saturday espn college game day into espn college football make your day day every day with disney plus hulu 18 and older with the disney plus hulu bundle subscription access these titles via disney plus terms apply this episode is brought to you by palm olive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use palm olive ultra palm olive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 percent of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palmolive.com and that kind of reminded me because i was wearing makeup when we went to dinner with amp and rdc i was wearing makeup then too how long have you been doing this i said since high school i know but like it was like a continuous thing it was any time like a freaking yeah when my skin was clear i don't wear it oh okay no you said when my skin was clear i don't wear it running up that hill that song god that song is so good strange things made that amazing so good um so look do you remember when we went to dinner with amp and rdc world yes and it was like the most terrifying experience ever it was very it was a very daunting task it was a very daunting dinner if you don't know who amp is basically it's kaisen at duke dennis agent zero davis like chris all of them that group right and then rdc world mark phillips ben leland dylan dez dez we were in los angeles and we for some reason like two three years ago we got invited to a dinner with them yeah you remember that yeah it was super fun it was super fun until the end yeah then it was it was uh bullets of sweat oh suddenly gotta go poopy sorry yeah i don't know if i've told this story before but if i have it's been years so i'm gonna tell it again oh man and and probably this one's gonna be more honest than the times before because we've built a relationship with now with them now and we're cooler dog so we're sitting at a dinner table with amp and rdc world right and this is a steakhouse i'm not gonna say which one but like this this isn't like we went to like whataburger no this is a this is a steak steak dinner it's a nice steakhouse in los angeles right and i and first of all me and cam aren't at the point of our careers where we belong at this dinner table no no we're we're here because we're friends with mark and he invited us he's a great bringer on her yes sir right so i'm sitting i'm seeing amp i'm seeing phantom i'm looking at i'm looking at mark phillips i'm looking at everybody there's some streamers there's some different streamers there's a lot of people at this one people deep table too fun dinner it's like 14 people very fun dinner 14 people at this dinner now me and cam our finances were fully spent on getting to this trip right let's say there was supposed to be 12 at that dinner yes me and him were the two that weren't supposed to be there we made it 14. right so we're eating honest to god i want to say i had to pull up a chair like i'm not kidding if i remember right i think i literally had to pull up a chair we were like there was physically a table for 12 and we were like yeah me and cam were like this because we weren't supposed to be there and then amp is so nice they you could tell they didn't know who we were like who are these big at the end of the table but then it was great but yeah so we're everybody's ordering they're going around ordering now i was not used to this lifestyle where people were saying oh i want to try that let's order family portions of this yeah i want three different entrees to to dibble dabble in here to try and so i said oh oh everybody here is rich yeah and we're not nowhere near right now i'm at the point of broke at this time i had a bank account that was still a child's bank account like you know whenever your parents are trying to teach you banking and stuff financial literacy and they open up a bank account it did no it did i still got lollipops when i went and tried to make deposits and i was making content for a living at this point you were getting on planes going to los angeles oh my god it was a smiley face under debit card right i had to if i called and i was like hey i i need to like i need more money what's the password sweetie you know i was like fish sticks seven right so i was like that it was really embarrassing anyway so just to say i didn't have any money going around this table amp these rich dreamers are ordering everything like the most expensive food they're not even looking at prices me and cam are like we can split this steak right we're like i go let's get one steak eight ounces so let's split it but to make it look like we're really eating and do it let's throw a cob salad right and so me and cam by the way we're both drinking water me and cam were fully expecting to leave this dinner hungry oh oh yeah we knew we were going to run through mcdonald's we're going to go back we're going to talk about tomorrow we're going to run through mcdonald's right so we're ordering food i've now i've finished my food cam's finished his food right yes we made it a point not to touch anything that they ordered yeah because they're ordering the most expensive sides there's stacks of crabs and oysters i'm like i've never even seen No, literally at one point the server said, "Yeah, the Wagyu is, I think he said, $45 or $50 an ounce." Not gonna say who, someone goes, "Yeah, let's get 10 ounces." I said, "That's $500." Oh, it was Agent! No, Agent 00 said that. He goes, "Yeah, let's get 10 ounces of Wagyu. Just $500 off right there." No, no, Agent said-- And that was one thing of a plate the size of the last supper table filled with food. And Agent's a top-tier pocket watcher, so I can say his dinner alone was close to $1,000. Oh, easily. Oh, I think it was more. Yeah. That was one person, 14 people at this dinner, right? So the dinner's over. I'm expecting, me and Cam, me and Cam are like, "Okay, this is how much we're gonna pay together, right? We're gonna split it this way, right?" Oh, yeah. I'm gonna Zelle you, right? 'Cause I don't know if my card's gonna work, and we cannot get the card-- I don't wanna have to say Fishtick 7 in front of-- I can't say Fishtick 7 in front of Kai Sanat. I cannot do that, all right? So I go, "No problem, bud, no problem. I'm gonna use my ally card." I'm like, "Do you think if I steal one of Duke Dennis' diamonds off that chain, we could pay for this?" I appreciate it, bro. Take a wee run. No, no, literally, though, we're, like, leaned over. I'm like, "Bro, look at this tweet. It's crazy as hell." I'm like, "Just Zelle me later." Yeah, no. "Just Zelle me later. I'll do it. But no, you have to Zelle me." We're figuring this out. Then A&P and RDC World, right? After they've spent at least $20,000 on this dinner-- Well, they haven't spent it yet. At least they've accumulated thousands of dollars' worth of food on this table. We've touched $65 worth of it. Yeah. We split a cop's salad. They're laughing. Ha-ha! They're like, "Hey! Time to bring out the check. How are we gonna do this?" "You know what? Bring one check." I go, "Okay." At first, I went, "Dude, they're gracious people." I was like, "The rich people are paying." I said, "That's awesome, man." I was like, "The streamers really are nice, man." Yeah, dude, thank you so much. Me and Cam high-fiving to the table. I'm like, "Ted touched his leg." I'm like, "Dude, yeah." And then they go, "You all want to play a game?" "You all want to play a game?" I go, "Oh, I like games." I was like, "Dude, anybody brought cards out?" They go-- "Eyespy?" "We used to credit card roulette." When I say my heart hit my. Oh, my literally went. Cam, I've never in a month made what that dinner cost. Oh, yeah. I said, "I don't even have a credit card." If mine were to get chosen, my card will be declined. This would be the worst day of my life, so I don't even know if we're allowed to play. That brought me and Cam so close together. When they said, "Let's play card roulette," Cam immediately grabbed hands. We said, "Oh,. Oh,. And in hindsight, Mark was trying to-- It was like-- Honestly, it was a sadistic way to give us our flowers. Yeah, yeah. He was giving us our flowers because he goes, "Okay." He goes, "Someone from A&P put your card up. I'll put our card up." And he goes-- He looks at us like laughing. We're at two seats that aren't supposed to be at the table. We're sitting like this with the biggest ones. He's like, "Oh, you all are big boys now. You all are on the come up. You all are doing great. You all got to put a card up." And we literally went-- And we're under the table like-- And when I take-- So then, me and Cam, I swear to God, we pull out the company card. The company card-- We just opened this because we were told to. There was probably just enough on this company card-- To give back to Dallas. There's nothing on there. And this wasn't earned money. This was still loan money. That was on this card. I literally pulled the card out of my wallet. My wallet has rips in it. Like, it's horrible. Like, people-- Like-- Bro, you all don't understand. The agent was looking at me like this. He was like-- Oh, look. It was like this? Yeah. I put my card down. Now, the waitress comes to the table, right? Oh. The A&P and RDC are so excited. We're playing card roulette. Swap all the cards behind your back. Pick one. Yeah, just do that behind your back. Just pick one. They're stoked with the tab. They're smiling. They're smiling. I'm like this. You ever make such hard eye contact with something to try to change the outcome? Oh, yeah. I did. No, I went reverse psychology. I was staring at Mark's card. I literally said, pick this one. In my head, I literally was like, she's going to pick this one. She's going to pick this one. I'm not looking at my card. I don't want her to know that's mine. Pick that one. Pick that one. In my head. I'm literally looking at her eyes. Like, I'm hoping she can read my mind that if our card's picked, our is over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. I'm like this. Mark Phillips is literally like this. "Ah." A&P is like, "Ah." Me and Cameron are like, " Yeah. Yeah. Come on." We're flipping the forks are flying everywhere. I literally look at Duke. I'm like, " you." Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. I go, "Oh, you didn't finish your plate. I've been waiting, honey." I'm like, "A&P's broke." I'm like, "A&P's broke." I'm like, "A&P's broke." A&P's broke. A&P's broke. A&P's broke. A&P's broke. Oh, my dude. No, no. I'm like, "I'm like a million-arc." I almost had to start selling my ass to cover for that if we would have lost that deal. And I love that that was just a Thursday for you. I love that that was a summer night Thursday for you. I almost, my whole life almost shifted. I can recall one of them saying, "Yeah, this isn't even a bad one though." Yeah. Oh, no, they did. And then they were like, "Oh, do you remember that one in New York?" They were like, "Dude, no, that one was crazy. We even had to split that one up." I said, "Split? We would have split up if we would have had to do it." We would end it. I would still be washing dishes at that restaurant right now. Oh, my God. I'd be selling a lot of stuff at Hibbitz Sports. I'd be, I mean, I'd be slinging at Hibbitz. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. So, that's a story. It was. We probably already told that, but maybe we didn't tell the full truth like that before. Dog. Crazy. Oh, my God. That was a fun. It was a fun moment though. That was like, it's one of those, it's like a haunted house or like you're doing something bad. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like that thrill. Yeah. Like when you just like ding dong ditch. Yeah. It literally felt like that. Yeah. I was like, "Oh, my God. We're done. It's this kid's pick." Dude, I'm selling my teacher salad. Yeah. Oh, shit. No, you think you were. No, I think I was. He was a teacher. Yeah. He was a teacher. Yeah. Like, I would have been. That would have been my, like, that would have been my February to May payment. You might have got a divorce. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. She's done some. Oh. I go, "Jaden from Brooklyn, when I find you, you're. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. Cam got $11,000 stolen from him. Yeah. Well, stolen's a nice way to put it. Oh, your wife gave away $11,000. There we go. Yep. It was rough. Still love her. We're still here today, but yeah. No, I didn't. I actually, the first time in my life, I never left the bed for 24 hours outside to pee. I remember that. So, my parents came that week. I said that like this. My parents came that week, and I remember they wanted to see you, and I was like, "I don't think it's happening." Yeah. I remember it was Ryan's birthday. We went to that day that it happened, I think. Yeah. It was Ryan's birthday. So, I went to a dinner that night and Liv left before the appetizer because she got up crying. Yeah. She was so in her head. No, she deserved to be. I mean, yeah, but like I even told her, I was like, "It already happened. It's in the past." Like, I'm talking I sped straight to the bank. Like I sped there, and I was like, "No, no, this can't be. This cannot be." Yeah. And then it happened, and then we had a dinner to go to, and I was like, "Just let it go. Let it go." And she was eating the appetizer. She went. She was like, "I'm so sorry. I can't." She was like, "I can't be her. I can't be eating food that costs money." I was like, "Liv, what the hell?" Yeah. I remember somebody at that dinner whispered to me, and they're like, "Is Cam and Liv okay? Are they going to break up?" And I was like, "Honestly, I don't know." Yeah. You're like, "Hey, let's just pray for the best." Yeah. I remember that boy, Cam, called me, and he was like, "And me and Cam, like, we've had - I can tell there's versions of Cam. There's these - it's happened very rarely where he's called me, and he's like, "Bro, I just need to talk to you." And I'm like, "Oh." Because Cam rarely gets upset. Y'all know Cam. Yeah. He's like, "Bro, I'm not going to lie. I need to talk to you." That boy told me, and I was like, "Oh my God." Basically it was - I'm not going to tell the story for you, because maybe we could tell this on another episode, but you know how 96-year-olds get scammed on the phone? That happened to my 23-year-old fiancee, her wife, or 24. Yeah, she just cleared the whole bank account to a stranger in New York. Yeah, we're going to - we might tell that story next week if y'all want it. I'll give that next week. With more than 15 cooking modes, including stone-baked pizza mode, you can enjoy restaurant-quality pizza in as little as two minutes. Then clean up with the Frigidaire dishwasher, featuring the industry's fastest normal wash cycle. Offer valid through October 21st. U.S. only. Disney+Hulu will make your home. Make your day every day. Here's how. Some days, you want to laugh. New girl. Some days, a mystery. The all-new Hulu original series, Furious. Some days, you want both. And nobody has to know. And Saturday, ESPN College game day into ESPN College football. Make your day every day with Disney+Hulu. Disney Plus Hulu, 18 and older, with the Disney Plus Hulu bundle subscription. Access these titles via Disney Plus. Terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners, sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Can I ask you a question real quick? Because we're talking about relationships and stuff. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, episode 200. Yeah, y'all get to see Voldemort. Maybe. Depends. She has the right to say she doesn't want to do it anymore, but right now that's the. Maybe there's enough comments on this episode that will convince her. Say, Voldy, we need you. Voldy, we want to meet you. Please, Voldy, please, Voldy. Maybe she'll see that and be like, you know what? Okay. Yeah. But I'm ready. What relationships? What are we saying? Speaking of relationships, so I've been in a relationship. Can I see the concealer real quick? Can I see the thing? No, because I did a bad job and I think it doesn't show how good. No, it looks good. Because I am good at makeup. That's not funny. I did do makeup tutorials as a kid. I wasn't good then. It's fine. It's good. That looks a lot better. It really does. It really does, yeah. I mean, it's not perfect. I still clearly, very easily see that. Well, if I spend time, like 30 minutes, I'll get it done. Half an hour? I'm telling you, I am nice. Like, whenever I met my girl's parents, I was wearing makeup. Sorry. Relationships. Yeah, anyway. Relationships. Speaking of relationships, so I've been in a relationship for about. I mean, honestly, a couple days. That's the first time I asked. Finally. What? You didn't know that? What? Yeah, I asked. You asked her? You wanted to be my girlfriend, yeah. No f***ing way. When? The 20th. Oh, that's our. Not good. The 20th. Yeah, yeah, the 20th. Bro! Oh, give me hugs! Give me hugs! Go, Peta! Go, Peta! Go, Peta! Y'all literally see her every day for the past, like, four months. No, I mean, you know, you've basically been dating her for a lot longer, but it's official. Yeah, it's. That's sick. Anyway. Oh, my God, how'd you do it? You wanna know? Oh, my God, the whole world wants to know. Tell us how you. Maybe she tells them on episode 200. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. But, yeah, it was really good, too. Well, you asked her, and she said yes. That's sick. I told her, I was like, "Tighten up." I was like, "You've been here f***ing a while." Oh, she was crying. There was waterworks. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, she was crying. I did it with the flu, so I was little, too. So, we couldn't celebrate. Oh, God. Mm. I'm getting my girl a water. But, uh, so, I've been in a relationship for not too long, a couple months. Yeah, like eight days. I've been in a relationship for a couple months. You've been in a relationship for eight years. Yeah, long time. Long time. So, you've been in a relationship a long time. Now, this is. For the holidays, this was the longest I've spent away from my girl, right? And I'm a 26-year-old man, and I wanna know if this is still okay to do. Okay. I was away from my girl for, like, three days, and I missed her, right? And I like to sleep next to her. You better watch your. You better watch what you say. As a 26-year-old man, I still ask, and borderline demand, my girl to FaceTime sleep with me. Like, we go to sleep on FaceTime together. That is the lamest, most thing a grown man can do that I've ever heard. Really? Yes, absolutely. But isn't it so nice to wake up, your phone's hot, and they're still there? No. Your phone's hot, battery drained, your bed's probably warm now, and all I'm hearing is a live. No, this is not attractive. It's not. I'm not seeing. It's not fun. I'm not holding nothing. Okay, but I'm. I'm going to bed. I wanna watch TikTok. Okay, but I'm saying. You could joint watch TikTok. You share a play of TikTok. That's what we did. I might. Honestly, I don't think you're in love. No, no, no. I think I'm in. I think I'm in so much love that I want my space sometimes, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Me too, but not at night. I would pay money to sleep somewhere else. But, like, I would sleep away from it for a night. I'd pay. I'd literally pay. Wait, okay, so how long have you been sleeping in the same bed as your wife? For a long time. Like, I mean. Like, four-ish years now. Four years. So, say you go on a two-week trip away from your wife. You're not. My God, it's great. Like, it's so good. I've never. I'm more limber than ever. I don't have any pain in my ribs from her little. Like, orc feet. Just sticking in my ribs all night. I get to sleep normal. I get to sleep longer. Yeah. There's no baby. There's no alarm. Now, all this sounds bad, but I'm saying the sleep. Yeah, it seems like you hate the life you chose. No, no, no. I love it. I call her before I go to bed, but I will. That's the difference. You're like, oh, babe, let's share, play, and join, do TikTok. No, someone's mad. I don't like my wife's algorithm. It's a bunch of sappy mom. She doesn't like my algorithm. Oh, no, Voldemort. It's sports, and it's shit like that. Dude, my girl's algorithm. Out. No, don't, don't, don't. Hey, hey, just breathe. I'm going to do something real bad. I'm going to do something I regret. Just breathe. No, you're not. No, you're not. I will tackle you before that TV gets shattered. No. My girl's algorithm is really funny, so I like it. Like, she's funny. That's fair. Yeah. But, so, you think I'm weird as a 26-year-old man? When I'm away from my girl for 48 hours, I need to FaceTime sleep with her? Yes. I need to sleep on FaceTime with her. No. What is the point of. I'm sad. I miss you. I miss you. And that's not doing shit. You're not Soulja Boy. This isn't kiss me through the phone. You say you love her. Maybe you see it or not. Golly. Maybe. Maybe you show something, you leave happy, and then it's over. No. Hey, good night. TikToks for the next three hours. If you text, I'm not responding because I'm pretending I'm asleep when really I'm doing something I like. When really I'm just doom scrolling. Don't get to do it at home. I've watched 413 TikToks. Still awake. Oh, babe, I really miss you. I'd love to talk to you. I can't read it because I'm supposed to be asleep. That's how that works. I think you've. That's what you do. See, I don't have to do that because I don't. Maybe a little TV, sports center. But that's. See, that's the difference. I don't predicate my relationship on lies. I can say, I can say, hey, I want to watch TV. I want to watch TikToks. Oh, I tell her that too. Yeah. It's on the back end text, babe. You still up? Sure am, but you're not going to know. Oh, oops. She's going to check to see if the green dot's there. Time to move to Twitter. Not going to be tracked down. Let's pop into Instagram. Let's pop into Instagram real quick. Oops, she's on Instagram. Back to Twitter. I'm not being caught. I'm doing what I want. Dude, I have to. I have to. And we make it worse. Whenever we go to sleep together on FaceTime, because normally when we sleep together in the same bed, we go cheek to cheek, like face to face cheek. Because it's the most comfortable way. No, don't make fun of me. Don't make fun of me. Y'all should be happy. I spent my whole 20s being sad. We like to go to sleep. We like to sleep cheek to cheek like this, right? We literally share each other's breath. It's the best thing ever. No, it's so nice. I love her nighttime breath. It's a little nasty. I love it. I love it. Oh, your breath is. Oh, don't talk about my breath. So we're going like this. And my mind has conformed to that's how you sleep. So when we FaceTime and we go to sleep together, I go, babes, cheekies, cheekies time. Baby, it's cheeky time. Babes. Cheekies time. Babes, cheeky time. And then y'all start on the phone. You're sitting there. Are you catching cycle? We did. And then she, which I like cause she plays along too. She goes, babe, you need to bring your cheek up a little bit. It's not even. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, dude, this, I mean, I, there's a couple of things. One, you better, you better never do wrong by this woman because you have found the ultimate, the ultimate, ultimate partner. And two, she needs her, her literal heart needs to be studied on how it's so vast. Yeah. And so, oh, oh, oh, so understanding. Yeah. Oh, so understanding. Now it's, I understand she's the same as me. On the outside, you're a six, seven light skinned model. And on the inside, you talk about some, oh, cheekies and your debit cards have smiley faces and your password is fish stick seven and you use concealer. I would venture to say aesthetically, it's more crazy that she's weird. She literally looks like a supermodel. Like she's five 11. Yes. But that, but that, but that's a thing nowadays. That's a, that's a thing. That's a thing nowadays. Dude, whenever we were first, we first met her and we were like, that's the most beautiful person we've seen ever. Like in person, we would've never thought. Now that's true. Like I literally pick her up and I go, oh, baby lift these. Yeah. And she goes, oh, yes, she does. Oh my dude. Oh my God. Yeah. Robbie knows we'll talk about it on the extended. I go like this. Love you live out of here. Yeah. And that's it. And you'll get there one day. I do it sometimes. No, I love. I love live. That was all jokes, but yeah, you're tripping. I will never FaceTime sleep. Oh, I don't think you're in love. No, I'm past love. That's the, that's just the reality. It's just accepted. I would take a bullet for live. I love her more than anything. I, she's the greatest, but yeah, exactly. I am not going to fake sleep with my artificial wife through a seven inch rectangle. She uses her iPad. Do you prop a pillow up for her? No, no, no. Cause we don't sleep like that. She doesn't like pillows when she's first off. Cheek to cheek. Like where are your hips? We're spooning. So then how are you cheek to cheek? I'm big. I'm really big. So. Are you Big Spoon or Little Spoon? I'm Big Spoon. You're Big Spoon, and you're just taking your noggin and putting it on her head. Or we can sleep just back, like, we call it vampire sleepies. We're on our back, and we just go like this. Vampire sleepies. And the beard doesn't irritate you? Yeah, no, she's broken out a little bit right here. Because she says, hey, you've got to wash your beard because I'm breaking out. No, yeah, she doesn't like pillows. We'll talk about that when she's on. She's getting enough spotlight. She's not that cool. Okay, can I? She smells my sick farts. Dude, I mean, like. I think the episode's done. No, but there's a line. There really is. There's a line. There's a line of shit, and then it's like you're crossing it. Yeah, she goes, ooh, you are sickies. Yeah. Let's get out. Let's get out. Let's end the episode. We did it. We got it. Everything's good. It's a good episode. No. Next week's going to be good. Next week is going to be good. Yeah. Oh, my God. Ooh, you are sickies. Ooh, where's your pecker? Ooh, tiny peckies. Oh, such little tiny meters. Sounds like my house. Oh, my God. I pray all of you can find love like that one day, and I'm so glad for our boy. Appreciate each and every single one of you coming back to episode 198. Guys, we're two away. Two away from episode 200. That is almost four years consecutive, never missing a Monday. We absolutely love and appreciate y'all for coming back week after week. Hey, as always, share this with your biggest enemy, your number one hater, your number one friend, your best friend, your aunt, your uncle. Your cousin, your mom, your pappy, your dog, your fish. Share it with anybody. We absolutely love you. Confuse the casuals. Get the good karma with this week's secret code. Give it to me, Cameron. You got it. A-R-T. Art. Art. A-R, um, assimilating robotussent. I just loved your story in the beginning. Austin Road Trip. Oh, uh. Assimilating robotussentesticles. Love you and remember, one out of ten qualifiers don't make it home to Christmas. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. New and exclusive holiday decor just launched online at the Home Depot. Check out the viral Grand Duchess collection with smart holiday lights you can control from your phone. Easily customize the twinkle across trees, wreaths, and garlands to match your holiday vibe. Create stunning light effects. Then switch it up with the tap of your fingers. Even the man in red will be impressed. Shop the holiday decor you want online only at homedepot.com. Disney Plus Hulu will make your day every day. Here's how. New girl. And Saturday, ESPN College Game Day into ESPN College. Make your day every day with Disney Plus Hulu. 18 and older with the Disney Plus Hulu bundle subscription. Terms apply. Coca-Cola. For the big. For the small. The short. And the tall. Peacemakers. Risk takers. For the optimists. Pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers. And the doers. For old friends. And new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.