95: Our Adoption Story (Part 2)

[MUSIC] Hey, I'm your host, Mari Wagner, and you're listening to the Everbee Podcast, where Faith meets lifestyle. I'm so excited you're here. Whether you're a new listener or a long-time follower, I know there's something here for you. Pull up a chair and listen in for insightful, real-life conversations and actionable steps on how to claim the full life God created you for. If you're a woman desiring to live a Christ-centered life in today's modern world, then this is for you. Welcome to Everbee. [MUSIC] Hello and welcome back to Everbee. I've got Tre back on the podcast today for part two of our adoption. Part two, part two of many parts. Yes. And if you're listening to part two, I'm guessing you already listened to part one. If you haven't, you should pause this right here and go back and listen to part one, because that'll fill you in on all the big things you need to know, basically, about how we got here. And that word-octane. And now we're adopting. Yay, surprise. Loyal alert. That's what part one is all about. But actually, there's a lot that has changed since we recorded part one, which was back in December, and a lot has shifted. And so we thought we would record a part two just to share more of our story, and what our adoption process is actually going to look like now since it has changed. So you want to like, yeah, quickly just. Yeah, so we left off at part one, sharing that we, you know, the Lord led us to adoption very beautifully, and we were very excited about it. And we had discerned that we were going to do international adoption through Colombia, where Marys from, and that was like, that was what we had decided. That was the path that we were going down. And so we were. And we're open to two babies. Yes, we were open to two babies or a sibling pair. So it would have been like two or three year old and, you know, a six month old or one year old, or just one, you know, whatever they had available for us and wherever the Lord brought to us. We were open to. But then, set send. But I do kind of feel like, including, like, there's a lot of sibling figures. Like, I feel like we probably would have gotten that. Who knows? Who knows? Because the update to part two is that we are no longer adopting from Colombia anymore. Yeah. So that's the update. That's the big shift. Basically, in January, President Trump passed a, or placed a ban on immigration visas that pertained to 75 countries. And Colombia happened to be on that list. Basically, what it means is we can't bring a baby home from Colombia. And on the website, I looked it up when it came out and everything. Like, they literally even had a bullet point that said, like, this specifically affects international adoption. And so what was crazy was that like, the way it unfolded was just like really weird timing. Yeah. It was that it was like timing. That was so particular and like exact that, like, it had to be up the Lord. Yeah. And that's what it feels like, honestly. Like, so we were very excited about Colombia. And I think that I like said this in part one too, but like, reaching the decision of Colombia, like, was very exciting, but also was a hard decision. Because I was very, very set on getting a newborn baby. And Colombia was not going to provide that option. But I also had such a desire to adopt a Colombian baby since I'm a 100% Colombian. And I wanted the baby to maybe like have a little bit of that in them to relate to their family. And so there was pros and cons for both sides. And in our discernment, we ultimately ended in Colombia and felt really strongly about that. And yet it took us a couple of weeks to officially tell our agency that we were ready to sign a contract and put our first payment down and everything. We were trying to figure out some logistical things on the side. And when all that didn't work out, we're like, okay, we're ready to move forward. So we were on the way to Micah Kim's funeral and on the way, like in the car, on the way to the airport on Thursday. We emailed the agency and we're like, we're ready. We're ready. Like send us the contract. We'll sign it. Send us the payment link. We'll send the payment right now. Like, let's move forward. Yeah. And then that was on Thursday. And then Friday, we're flying back and driving in the car home from the airport, from this trip. And I opened my phone and her email goes like, this is really crazy. But just yesterday, when you sent the email, like President Trump just placed this ban on immigration be says, Colombia applies and we can't help you with an adoption in Colombia. We're actually shutting down our entire Colombia. We're shutting down our entire Colombian adoption program, like period. And we're like, I'm reading this email out loud to Tray in the car. And I just like, I'm reading it a couple times, just kind of in shock and disbelief. Like what? Yeah, I did not. Yeah, I had no idea. It was like, took me so long to process what was happening. We were both like, how is this possible? Just like what are the odds of this logistically happening? And then also like discernment wise, like I was like, did we like, did we discern wrong? Like we're not supposed to do this. Like, God, like I was just very confused with the Lord. And so because it did feel like we and very intentionally, and carefully like discern this, obviously, like we spent a lot of time in prayer and we spent a long time coming to this decision. Yeah. And so it's completely current. Right. And so it was very jarring or confusing. And we felt like, oh my gosh, I did we discern wrong. Like what is happening? And honestly, it just felt like, like obviously, I mean, the whole process to even get to the decision of adoption period. And then the whole process of again, to the decision of Columbia and adoption was very like difficult and challenging. And like emotionally and spiritually like taxing on our lives and and then we felt so confident, so excited about the whole nothing of the object that then it just felt like God ripped the rug out from under us. Yeah. And it was hard. It was like hard hearing that news. It was hard and we made the decision over. And so we had our needs meant, I mean, at least a month, really envisioning this path. And for some reason, this is what the Lord wanted and had a good cry about it. I will say that. Like there was about where our period where we were very sad. And it's hard to go from like, you envision what this family is going to be like, what this future is going to look like. The process of adopting Columbia is also very different than US adoption. And like the result of like, whether the adoption is open or closed, and how the baby got there and the relationship, all of that is different. And so like we really had an expectation of like what it was going to look like. And then quickly it was it was changed. So that was all difficult to really wrap our heads around and everything. And so we definitely had a little bit of time where we were like really upset about it. But at the same time, I think we honestly received just like so much grace coming off of this like amazing view of all the Lyra. I mean, it was it was the grace of that of truly recognizing in a profound way that our lives are not around. And we don't have control over over our lives. And like God is ultimately the one that's in control. And we just like, we're regardless of what or where he's leading us or like what is happening in our lives. Like that we don't have like we just have to trust him. Like there's no better option than to just trust him. And yeah. Yeah. And so I remember like I was calling my parents just like crying. Okay, so typical Mari and Trey like our coping mechanisms are very unique. And you know, you you don't have to tell us whether they're healthy or not. But basically we're really sad. And we're like let's throw ourselves into a new home project because that will make us feel better. Yeah. So literally like next morning we like went to Home Depot and like bought material to do like Wayne's coding trim in our bedroom because I've been wanting that for a while and we're like what? What better time than right now? What better time than right now to start a whole new home project. It's like well, like this is something that we have control over. Yes. We want to do it. It's a project that distracts us. We just like through ourselves. Literally. We're like okay well everything just fell through. How do you say that? Yeah, just fell through so we're going to go make our bedroom pretty because we can control that. Anyways, and distract ourselves with that. But anyways, we're at Home Depot. Trey is picking out trim and I call my parents call me back because I'd call them earlier and I'm telling them about this. I'm just like crying in Home Depot. Like I don't understand what God is doing. Like I like I don't understand his plan. I'm trying so hard to surrender to follow his will. Like what is going on? And my dad was like you could look at it that way or you could look at it as like God has never been more clear. Like like you only have one door to walk through now. You were deciding between US infant domestic adoption or international adoption, international adoption closed 'cause we weren't open to adopting from anywhere else internationally except for Colombia. And now the only door that's open is US infant adoption. Like that's the door you can walk through now 'cause he was like, do you still feel called adoption? We're like, yes. - Like that was abundant, like, clear. We know that that's what we are called to do. And he's like, well, then the door is wide open. - Yeah, there's only one option. Like you don't have to like fear you're gonna choose the wrong option or whatever. It's like there's just, God's like, here you go. - And in my heart, I felt like when he said that, it's like it reminded me because my dad, he's such a great dad. He treats me like a princess truly. He'll do anything for me. I'm like 28 years old and literally every single time I call him, he picks up the phone no matter if he's an important work meeting with the CEO of whoever. He always answers my phone. He's like, hey, I'm in a really important meeting, but are you okay? Do you need anything? Like literally without fail. And so that just like him saying that reminded me of just like my own daughterhood with the Lord. And just like, yeah, like God, I do trust. Like God would change immigration laws so that I got the exact baby he planned for me. Like if we were going to go full-send with Columbia and he was like, look, that was just a stepping stone to the end result. And I actually have a baby for you here in the US, newborn, honestly, quicker timeline, easier process. And you were gonna walk through, quote unquote, the wrong door. Like he would shut down immigration laws for me. And so in that moment, I felt like God's little princess and he's guiding us. And there was just like a washing over of peace. And we talked about it like that night in the next day. And we were like, we still feel really confident in this. Let's walk through this door. - Yeah, so as Friday, get the news, Friday night, Saturday, or like Friday night, we're devastated. Saturday, we're throwing ourselves into a new house project. Still super sad. And then Sunday, we're like, all right, everything's better. We're doing a US adoption. - Literally. So literally, Monday morning, we sent them an email. - Tuesday, signed a contract. - Yeah, God on a phone call. - Yeah, signed a contract, submit the payment. They literally were like, we have one more slot. - That's true. - Yeah, so that was also a great timing and like so providential because they, she literally said, like, this is such great timing. Like we have one spot left for this, like-- - This round, this round. - This round, like this opening. They can only take so many people at a time. - They only hold so many clients. And so until like a client is like released, then they like open up for a new client. So she's like, we literally have one client spot left. We sent the contract, we got that spot. And then I think what was also providential is like, when we got on a phone call with her, she told us how, so they work with like adoption agencies in a lot of different states. So we'll likely have to, we will have to (gun shots) or maybe wherever it is. But what she said that I also thought was providential was that Arizona started working with them again. They like didn't have need for families outside the state for a while 'cause the demand in state to adopt was really big. And then it kind of dwindled and they were looking for families out of state and she was telling us how a ton of Hispanic babies cases come from Arizona. And like within the last like week or two of them working with them again, like four cases, that are, or three cases had already been like placed within their clients. And so we were just like, wow, like, who, I mean, who knows what God has to offer us? Like maybe it's a American baby, maybe it's a Hispanic baby, like maybe it's literally a Colombian baby, like in the US, like who knows? But that was just another thing that I was like, wow, like even that door is opened, like another door's opened. So it just felt like we were, we were where we're supposed to be. And that's what, that's the process we're in now. - Yeah, so and like who knows, right? Who knows why we discerned Colombian adoption to begin with? I mean, there could be a million reasons and we'll never know exactly why until we get to heaven. But like we have some thoughts. Like one, maybe it was like the initial like process to like get our hearts ready for adoption and to get us excited about it to like help us kind of gently lead our hearts to being, no, really open and desirous of adoption. - Mm-hmm. - And God was using Colombian as a way to get our hearts ready for adoption. It could also be, our baby just literally wasn't conceived yet or wasn't foreign yet or isn't like, wouldn't have been ready. And so he needed to just like delay us for a couple of months. - 'Cause he knows us, right? And like try and hire a powerhouse work horse. It's like if the Lord says go, we go. And so maybe the Lord was like, okay, gotta prep their hearts like, okay, hold your horses. Baby's not ready yet. Like, baby still needs to cook. - I don't know, you know, so. - It could have been timing as well. And like you said, like we won't know until we get to heaven. We just literally won't know the reason. But it doesn't really matter. - No, 'cause I'm a work where the Lord wants us, we're confident in that. And there are a lot of perks to adopt domestically. So some of them are, it'll be a quicker timeline than doing it in a national. - It's supposed to be, yeah. - It'll be a newborn baby. So we will literally get to go to the hospital and pick up a fresh little baby. - Every time you see that, and I literally look like a crab. - Yeah. And so like we were willing to surrender that and to like, and wait a little bit longer of a timeline and to not get that newborn. That's so special. Because we felt the Lord called us to a Colombian adoption. But then the, you know, the Lord just gave us that right back. And now we will get to like, have and love this baby from day one of its life. And, and it, we won't have to wait as long. Like we're already impatient. And it's hard, it's so hard to wait. It's been a long way already. And so now that's beautiful. I won't be as long. And, and yeah, who knows what the baby the Lord has, but do also where we are right now. Do you wanna share that kind of where we are right now? So now that we are officially doing the United States and Fint Domestic Adoption, we've been full swing for the past like two months doing that. - Yeah, yeah. And so I mean, there's a lot of paperwork that has to be done. It's, the process is basically broken up into two phases. It's like phase one, a lot of the work is on you. You're completing a lot of checklist items, providing documents to your home study agency, filling out questionnaires and forms all about your life and your past and your marriage and your home. - Your childhood and your parents and how you grew up. - Everything, like they need to know everything about you. And then, like yeah, and then just like some workshops and education, like we have to do a lot of online education about adoption, about babies. We got a CPR class done yesterday. Like there's just a lot of like little things like that that have to be done. So the first part is a lot on us to try and get that all done. Basically, it'll basically take as long as you take. So like you could have it all take a year, if you go really slow, we're trying to go as fast as possible. So we're trying to like, cram it all in to get that all done as fast as possible. Once all that stuff on your part is done, you turn that into your home study agency and the home study agency reviews all of that and they schedule some home visits first actually. They say just a while 'cause it's first. So they come visit your house and from what we were told, it's like it's three visits in our home one week apart. So for three weeks, you have someone coming over and they wanna interview you, learn about your life, learn about your marriage. They basically ask you everything that you like filled out in those forms, but more in like in depths and in greater conversation. And then after that's done, then they review everything you've turned in, everything they gathered from your home study and then that's basically when we just start to wait. Like wait for them to review it all and ultimately approve us to be set to adopt. And then from there, once that's approved, we're very much just waiting on the call. - Yeah, so what does the call look like? - So yeah, so right now we are mostly done with all the paperwork and we're gonna be kind of on the home study provider's timeline to when they can get out to our house and schedule those home visits and then on their timeline for how long it takes into process all the paperwork and come to a actual like decision to review our file and to approve us. And then once we are approved like Mara said, and we're like quote unquote live. And then from there, it's a total mystery. Like it could literally like once you're approved and live, you can start receiving cases of potential like matches. And so what that looks like is we'll receive a case from an agency. - Well from our like consultant. - Yep. And it'll just be a file like giving us some information about the child and the birth mom and whatever information they have. We'll have a chance to review that and submit either yes or no to we want to present our file to the birth mom. And so if we say yes, then our file will then get presented to the birth mom along with any other families that also receive that case and decided to present. So the birth mom could receive five, 20, I don't really know how many. - I don't really know what the number is. - I don't know how many cases the birth mom receives, but then she receives all the people, and then she gets to decide who she wants to place her child into, like which family she wants to pick. So then like we can get started, we will start getting presented cases from, I mean, as soon as we're live, we can start receiving cases and presenting to these birth moms. And then it's just a waiting game for- - If they said yes or not. - If they say yes or not to us. And so that's why it could take literally like a few days or like a week, like, I mean, it could be the very first baby hypothetically, it could be the first baby. - Yeah, like hypothetically, like there is no timeline. Because it's not like, you're not in a wait list in order of when you went live. And there's no priority list, like no family gets priority over another one because it's not about that. It's literally about what baby matches best with the family and the parents that are able to parent that baby. And it comes down to the birth mom deciding who she wants to place the baby with. And so there's just no way to figure out what the timeline looks like for that. And I know people who got matched literally weeks, like three weeks, four weeks after they went live. I actually think I found some girl in Instagram who literally got matched the next day after she went live. And then of course, the possibility is always there of it being six months, nine months, a year. Like it's really like, it's just God's timing. Like whenever that baby that is supposed to be hours is born. - Yep. And then, and then so one, that's crazy is because you have no idea when you'll actually match. But then once you do match, it could be a birth mom who is still pregnant and won't have the baby for a few more months. Typically what we're told is that these moms are usually in their last trimester. So like we're not gonna be matching with somebody who still has nine months or eight months of their pregnancy last. - Likely not, yeah. - Likely not, like it'll either be somebody who's in their last trimester or it's what's called a drop case. And the baby is literally already born and they are like, get on a plane today or tomorrow and come pick up the baby. - Like it's usually like the day or like within dates of like the baby being born. And then like mom is now just now. (mouse clicking) - That she wants to put the baby up production or maybe she knew but she like never got around to seeing family or whatever and is now getting around to it. And so basically yeah, like if that's the case, they call you and they're like, "Mom, pick you, baby's born, drag it on a plane." - So it could be either be like, "Oh, you've matched, you have months, here's a date." Or you've matched, you have a few weeks before the date or "Oh, you've matched, you've born, come pick up." - And from what we ask, when it's like, both are just as likely it's like. - That's what it seems like. - So yeah, so that's kind of where we're at and that's what's crazy about this whole thing is like, there's yet more unknowns. Like we still don't know what the timeline is. Like we just know we're closer. We just know like every day we're one day closer but literally like it could be this summer. It could be this fall. It could be this winter. I don't know. I don't know. I have no idea. And so we're kind of like, okay, do we like start preparing a nursery? Do we start like buying things just so that we're ready? Like in case we get a drop case and they're like, come get your baby. Like I don't want to be scrambling. Like, oh my gosh, we have to go buy a car seat. Like, you know. - Right. So I think kind of what we, the route we're gonna take, at least what we've talked about so far is once we're live, then we'll really start like preparing 'cause it could be any week from then. So a lot of that preparation will, we'll start doing that as soon as we're live. - Yeah. So that's that. We're talking baby names. We have a list. - Oh yeah. - I am pinning inso for a nursery already. - Good. - So I'm already on that. Already started the registry. - With a spec, nothing less. - And it's just been really beautiful. Like pretty much tear up anytime I open up the registry because I'm like, what do you mean I get to like buy a baby carrier? Or like pick out cute baby clothes or like pick out a stroller. Like I get to do that. And like prepare for our baby. Like it's just so special and we're just so grateful. Oh and the thing about the nursery that's kind of tough though is that like I really wanted to be either girly or like boy. - Oh yeah, but we won't know. - But we won't know. - The only way we'll know is if somehow we match with the baby and the mom decided to find out the gender and we still have like, - Well, I don't know if they have a option to not. - Like they might have to find out. - We should not ask about that. - But it would have to be like, we match and the mom still pregnant. It can't be a drop. - Right, exactly. The drop case, I mean you'll just find out right away and then you'll know obviously. - Right, but you'll be all sort of playing. - But you'll also be on a plane. So you really have time. So I mean, and I know that in the end, like newborn baby, like it doesn't really need its own room yet. And so like, - Yeah. - It's just the planer and me that like wants to get it done and it's very excited about it. But I know. - Yeah, and we've been waiting so long. So you have. - I have ideas. - And I just wanna do it. But I know that we can totally do it. Like after we get the baby. So. - Yeah. - So yeah. - So those are updates. The other update is that the adoption process and the whole thing is very expensive. And so to help kind of fundraise and help financially support us, we decided to launch a new rosary on West Coast Catholic where it's a mission rosary. And so 50% of the proceeds from the purchases of this rosary will go towards us to help fund our adoption. So it's a small way that you can support us if you so choose to and you can support us, not just financially by purchasing the rosary and give us a little like gift there, but also more importantly prayer. And whether you buy the rosary or not, you can pray on the rosary and pray for us adopting and all families that are going through the adoption process and the birth moms of these terrible people that are giving up their children for adoption. So you can pray the rosaries that you buy for that intention or if you're not buying the rosary, just we just ask each to be prepared for us. - In general, just pray for us. And so this rosary, it's called the Holy Family Rosary. It's really, really beautiful. So in September when we launched the Seven Starrows Rosary, those Hail Mary Beads were so popular, people absolutely love that rosary, but not everybody knows or praise the Seven Starrows Rosary. - So it's a different format of rosary. - Yeah, yeah, it's a different style of rosary. So I designed this Holy Family Rosary with those same beads, but it's a traditional rosary. So if you loved those beads, but you wanted them on a traditional rosary, this is it, the center piece is so beautiful. And we picked the Holy Family because they are a beautiful model of an adoptive family. - And they have been a big part in our entire marriage, but especially during this discernment for adoption. - Yeah, yeah. And this rosary like Trace said is a mission-minded rosary. So it'll first help fund our adoption, but once we are fully funded, it's going to continue being a mission-minded rosary and help other families with their adoption. So we're gonna just be keeping an eye out. If you know families, please let us know. And we want to be able to contribute to other families adoption journeys 'cause we know it's expensive and it takes a village. And so we just want to be able to support other families on the same journey as well. So I'll make sure to link that rosary in the show now, so you can check it out. Please spread the word. So many of you already, I see you on Instagram, are sharing our announcements, are sharing about the rosary. We just can't thank you enough for all the support throughout all the past couple of years, all your prayers, your encouraging words, your kind words, and then now spreading the news about our wonderful adoption and this beautiful rosary that can support us in our family. So I'll make sure to link that all in the show notes. And the more you can spread the word, the better. - Thank you so much. - Yeah, like I said, just thanks so much for all the love and support over the past few years of the suffering and now the joy of sharing in this news with you guys. - Yeah, and know that we'll be praying for you as well. You definitely kept your prayer. So thanks guys.