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Other People's Opinions Are None of Your Business

12m 52s

Other People's Opinions Are None of Your Business

In this podcast episode, the speaker responds to an interview question asking whether women must choose between being taken seriously in business and being a mother. She explains that she rejected the question because it assumes other people's perceptions of her are a problem she needs to solve. Her core message is that other people's opinions are none of her business, and she refuses to spend her life trying to change them. She illustrates this with her early experience making content, when many people made remarks about her raspy voice. A friend pointed out that making one video to set the record straight would never reach everyone, and responding to criticism only creates new problems and draws more attention. People change their minds on their own timeline, not because someone proves them wrong. She argues that anyone who does something exceptional will be misunderstood and criticized, and that criticism is a feature and price of success rather than something to avoid. Every minute spent convincing others who you are is a minute lost to actually being who you are. She also warns against outsourcing your peace of mind to strangers, noting that her content only started performing well once she stopped caring what people thought. She closes by urging listeners to spend their limited time building a legacy, a business, and a family rather than responding to online critics.

Transcription

2404 Words, 12479 Characters

English
Speaker 1what's up guys welcome back to build today we're going to talk about other people's opinions so i got asked a question on an interview that i was doing last week and that question is what made me want to make this podcast and it might be a little bit of a rant because i'm not sure i've talked about this a ton before but it's something that i certainly talk about a lot with like my friends my husband it's relevant in my life and it's something that i think really affects a lot of people so i wrote down the question the question was a lot of women feel they have to choose between being taken seriously in business and being a mother what's your honest read on if that tension is real and how are you navigating it the reason i i had such a hard time i didn't i didn't actually answer this question is because it assumes how other people perceive you as a problem so it assumes that they're going to be people who perceive me to be this one way of business and then now i'm a mother it's like oh can you hold these two things to be real do you see her for who she really is and i'm like i don't give a fuck um and so other people's opinions are none of my business other people's perceptions of me are not something that i choose to spend any of my life trying to do and i think that the difficulty with you know if you're listening to this and you're striving for something in life if you want to do something exceptional then that means you will be the exception which means you will be misunderstood you'll be hated you'll be criticized and if you spend a significant amount of your time trying to change other people's minds about you imagine how much of your life you will lose to that because it's a losing battle for example let me give you this one when i first started making content so many people would make remarks about my voice oh my god she's so raspy do you smoke are you a tranny do you take steroids like there's all these assumptions about my voice and so i was like oh my god should i just like make a video once and for all i'm gonna make a video once and for all about my voice like i just want to like set the record straight put all these rumors to rest and my friend said something that was really wise which was right so you'll make one video there's all these rumors out there there's all these videos that have been made about you and then you think that you making a video one time is going to be one that everybody who's ever made a video about your voice head will see and suddenly they'll shut the fuck up and so then i realize the argument is if i'm going to concern myself with changing other people's minds about me it is a full-time job i would have to make a video about my voice and i would have to make a video about every week because i have new people in my following i have people that missed the video last week i mean out of you know millions and millions of people that follow me only a couple hundred thousand usually see a video so it becomes a full-time job so because of that i realize like trying to change someone else's mind is a losing game because people do not change their mind because you told them that they're wrong or you proved yourself a point they will change their minds on their timeline when they're ready to make a video and they're going to make a video for their own reasons and so because of that i have opted out of being in the business of changing other people's minds and getting involved in other people's opinions every single person that watches my content that follows my business they are entitled to whatever opinion they want about me i don't care you can think i'm evil you can think that i am amazing you can think that i'm crazy i have no desire to spend my life changing other people's minds and i thought it was so interesting when i got this question because i just realized like five years ago i would have tried to do that and i i would have lost so much time that i could have spent with loved ones worked on my own business grown my my like grown and expanded my life spent time with friends i would have lost it to trying to change other people's minds about me every hour and every minute that we spend trying to convince people who we are is one that we lose being who we are and enjoying our lives and being present the math don't math which is like if you are growing a following and you are seen in the public eye to some degree eventually it gets to a point where the math is never going to work in your favor if you really want to continue to try and convince people about a narrative about you it's a full-time job and that is when you get into politics which i have no interest in doing so i just want to relinquish everyone from this desire to change other people's minds because pretty much everyone i know that has built something worth building has had most people disagree with them most people put them down most people talk shit about them most people not believe in them most people criticize them and you know it's one of my first mentors ever said this the point is that i'm not going to price of success as hate and i think it just rings true with this like that is a side effect of success it's a feature of success it's not something that you avoid on your way to success so if you're listening to this and you're struggling with something right now it's like maybe somebody spread a rumor about you maybe somebody's talking shit about your business maybe somebody close to you is saying something just ask yourself do i want to get into the business of changing other people's minds about me it's a really depressing place to be and it's not somewhere that i want to live so when i answer that question i essentially said i reject the question because it implies that i care about other people's judgment and i get so many questions so often how do i do this how do i do that most of the questions what they're getting at is how do i get the thing i want without the judgment from other people how do i live the life i want without getting judgment from other people how do i do the things i want life without getting criticized by the people around me it's like how do i get good without bad which we don't it's like the cost of the good is the bad and that is just how life works it's like everything has a price everything amazing in life has a price and for a lot of people you know i was speaking at this business conference and it's two or three weeks ago and a ton of people asked you know what do i do about other people's judgment and what do i do about the things people say on social media and the truth is if you are plagued by worrying about what other people think you will not make it like it will it will be too much for you it will be too hard it will take up too much time you will feel anxious depressed sad frustrated mad because i can promise you if you actually succeed and make it big and do things that people like people actually have things to say about your life then people will constantly be talking shit about you please go on google google leila hormozy google uh go search me on reddit it's a bloodbath i mean like if i actually spent my time being i should refute all of these comments and all these terrible things people say uh you know because oh god what if somebody believes it to be true so what let them think it's true what am i gonna do spend my whole life refuting these you know fucking people sitting in their basement with cheeto fingers on their keyboards talking shit about me i'm not gonna do that so i'm guessing this is what people are thinking next which is like well why wouldn't you just correct an opinion you know i have people come to me all the time they're like leila there's this huge thing i have people who are quite famous that will ask me they're like hey i'm dealing with this huge fallout all these people are saying this about me how do you think i should respond publicly and i'm like i don't really know if you should and and then people are very perplexed by that they're like i don't understand i want to solve the problem i don't think what people understand is that when you respond to any sort of public fiasco criticism judgment claim you have just created a new problem by solving this old one so you've responded to the criticism in your response you are not perfect there's no way that you're going to be able to seal that and that now you're going to be able to seal that and that now you're going to be able to seal that now people are it's going to stop so the question i asked myself is like what do i want to have happen if the question is i want people to stop talking about me then you responding to the criticism and to the hate and making another public you know claim about whatever the incident is that occurred you just draw more attention to yourself and that problem and you build more of an association with yourself in that problem so for example if i had made that video about my voice and i kept making videos about my voice now it's going to be like that's all people are going to think about people already think about it plenty because they're like why is your voice so raspy motherfucker i don't know but got that way after i started doing business with alex um but it it would take up so much of my time it would create more problems and they would create an association that i don't even want and then that takes away all the time to actually build yourself into the person that you want to be which just sounds like a losing game and i understand wanting to feel understood and seen by people but you cannot outsource your peace of mind to people who don't know you and when you seek understanding from strangers on the internet, from people who don't know you that well, from people who don't know your inner life, you've essentially outsourced your peace of mind to saying, I'm not okay with me until these strangers are okay with me. That is a very expensive price to pay, because think about how much time you're going to spend as a person trying to correct, ruminating, wondering, checking social media to see what people think of you so that you can feel okay about yourself. The best thing I ever did in life was just stop giving a shit what people thought about me. I mean, to the degree that I don't even think my content started performing well until I stopped caring. And I really believe there's something correlated there, because I think that as long as you're thinking about how other people are going to filter what you're saying, you filter yourself, and therefore you're not authentic, and people can sense that. But like, it feels like this is unfair, feels like you should be able to stand up for yourself, feels like you should be able to be understood, and you shouldn't have these misconceptions about you. But it is just a price that you pay. And if you want to be successful, if you want to be famous, if you want to be known, if you want to make an impact, the price that you pay for that is criticism, judgment, misunderstanding, and having other people's opinions out there about you without a response from you. Yeah. So I hope that helps. You can make a lot of claims about things that you are an expert at or have accomplished in your life. And I hope that by now, if you watch my content, you understand that I am honest about where I'm at. I do not talk about things I'm not really an expert at. This is truly something I have overcome. And so I share this, hoping that somebody will see it and relate to this and understand it. And maybe contextualize with this. You're going to die. It's like you're going to die. Do you want to spend all your life responding to Joe2634 on YouTube who's talking shit about you or that guy who literally makes a living making videos shit talking people? Do you want to spend your time doing that? Or do you want to spend your time building a legacy, building an amazing business, building an amazing family, building yourself into the person that you want to become? So I hope this helps, guys. Um, I feel really, really passionate about this. I don't know if this was helpful in terms of how I worded it. I will find better words for it as the time goes on because it is something that I have genuinely overcome and I genuinely feel really apt to share, but I probably need to do a better job teaching that. So that being said, I hope it's helpful and I will see you guys on the next one.

Podcast Summary

Key Points:

  1. The speaker rejects the interview question's premise that women must choose between being taken seriously in business and being a mother, because it assumes other people's perceptions are a problem to solve.
  2. She argues that anyone striving to do something exceptional will be misunderstood, hated, and criticized, since being the exception means standing apart from the norm.
  3. Trying to change people's minds is a losing, full-time battle, as illustrated by her early experience with remarks about her raspy voice.
  4. A wise friend's advice showed her that one clarifying video would never reach everyone, and responding to criticism only creates new problems and draws more attention.
  5. People change their minds on their own timeline and for their own reasons, not because someone proved them wrong.
  6. Every minute spent convincing others who you are is a minute lost to being who you are, enjoying life, and building something worthwhile.
  7. Criticism and judgment are a feature and price of success, not something to avoid on the way to it.
  8. Outsourcing your peace of mind to strangers who don't know you is an expensive price, and her content only performed well once she stopped caring about others' opinions.

Summary:

In this podcast episode, the speaker responds to an interview question asking whether women must choose between being taken seriously in business and being a mother. She explains that she rejected the question because it assumes other people's perceptions of her are a problem she needs to solve. Her core message is that other people's opinions are none of her business, and she refuses to spend her life trying to change them.

She illustrates this with her early experience making content, when many people made remarks about her raspy voice. A friend pointed out that making one video to set the record straight would never reach everyone, and responding to criticism only creates new problems and draws more attention. People change their minds on their own timeline, not because someone proves them wrong. She argues that anyone who does something exceptional will be misunderstood and criticized, and that criticism is a feature and price of success rather than something to avoid. Every minute spent convincing others who you are is a minute lost to actually being who you are.

She also warns against outsourcing your peace of mind to strangers, noting that her content only started performing well once she stopped caring what people thought. She closes by urging listeners to spend their limited time building a legacy, a business, and a family rather than responding to online critics.

FAQs

She rejected the question because it assumes that other people's perceptions of her are a problem she needs to solve. She believes other people's opinions are none of her business.

People don't change their minds just because you tell them they're wrong; they change on their own timeline for their own reasons. Trying to correct every critic would become a full-time job.

A friend pointed out that one video wouldn't reach everyone who had heard the rumors, and new audiences would keep arriving. She realized she would have to keep making such videos endlessly.

Criticism, judgment, misunderstanding, and people talking badly about you. She describes hate as a side effect and feature of success, not something you can avoid on the way to it.

Responding creates a new problem while solving the old one and draws more attention to the issue. It also builds a stronger association between you and the controversy.

It means making your wellbeing depend on strangers approving of you, so you're not okay with yourself until they are. She calls this a very expensive price to pay.

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Transcription

2404 words