On Healing with Gerry Hussey Part 1

You are very welcome back to On Healing with me, Olivia Hunt. This week I have an extraordinary guest, someone whose voice I return to again and again whenever I need clarity and guidance. Jerry Hussey is more than a best-selling author and renowned performance coach. He is a soul guide for so many people. Through his books, talks, podcasts, appearances and the incredible work he does with his beautiful wife Miriam at Soul Space, Jerry has reminded me and so many others time and time again of life's bigger picture and the powerful choice we all have to live from love instead of fear. I absolutely adore Jerry. His message, his energy, his wisdom, I could happily listen to him speak all day long. We recorded this conversation last March and I had such a lovely morning with him. If ever there was a week I needed to hear Jerry's words, it was this one, as I approached the two-year mark since my accident. I've been feeling it all physically, emotionally and in ways I can't always push into words. On Wednesday evening I was sitting in the library preparing this episode for release and it felt like I was hearing our conversation for the first time as a relic and everywhere it landed, I truly believe it was divinely timed. Jerry's wisdom, his presence, his way of speaking to the soul, it reached me exactly when I needed it most. I left that library with a calm, gentle knowing in my heart that everything is going to be okay because sometimes we all need to be reminded of that, don't we? As you listen I hope your own path becomes even a little bit clearer. Here is Unhealing with the one and only Ireland's soul coach Jerry Hosey. Jerry Hosey, welcome to Unhealing. Thank you very much for having me. The first thing I wanted to say to you before we get started is thank you because I have followed your wreck for 12, over 12 years. Back when I just remember seeing a few articles here and there in the independent and I was like I just loved your message straight away. I'd say there isn't a podcast that you've been on that I haven't listened to and I absolutely love yourself in marrying your work. I think you're incredible and I feel like we're really lucky in Ireland to have people like you that are brave enough. You know to quite start talking about the soul and you know all this stuff that people might fully understand because they might not have maybe gone through much adversity. Honest to God we were just talking about LinkedIn. I remember days driving to LinkedIn and I'd have you on. I remember particularly episode one with Trisha and Dan and I was going in and we were trying to close like a big deal and I was a bit nervous and I got out the car and I was like I can do this and that I think kept drawing me back to like you and your work and I wanted to start by reading a little passage that you wrote in your book Awaken your paragraph it in from my son James because I was like if there's one thing I want to give James it's Jerry's box when he's older and he was seven weeks old at the time he's nearly four and out and we were all on the sugar loaf mountain with the community it was one of our first knee shops so he said two James you are a very special human being with a very special spirit always be unique always be you embrace fun and love and always follow your heart the universe can be strange and can challenge us but I promise it's a beach full of magical place so always open your eyes and harsh to its mystery and miracles live with love if James follows this advice I know he is going to have a wonderful life Jerry I just feel like your soul speaks to my soul and speaks to the people who listen to you follow your work I think you ignite something in people's souls you remind me so many times throughout my own life of my own potential I've got out my car got up from my seat countless times and been like you know I'm gonna be okay I've had a few wobbles my husband has come home from Rick many times and heard you speak him and he's like how's Jerry today how's himself so I guess I wanted to start maybe by talking about how I first met you through the community and maybe you had to talk a little bit about the soul space community first yeah well thank you for that kindness and the community is we started doing events a few years ago and anybody has been to my event will know their high energy and the reason we do that is in order to transform somebody you have to transform the full identity what is our identity it is a known predictable familiar way of being what is way of being a way of being is how we feel and how we feel is our neurological pathways our chemistry our biology and our frequency so when all those things get together so if you're someone that's highly stressed and you're in the in the chemicals of cortisol and adrenaline and that becomes your own identity if you become someone that's anxious and depressed and your frequencies low that becomes your identity so in order to change anything the greatest habit you have to break is the habit of being yourself as someone who used to sit down and coach people in a psychology setting with the talkable trauma and the talkable change but they're not activating the body or the mind or the soul and they sit there and they talk about change but they wouldn't actually change so in order to change you have to change your biology your chemistry have to fire new neurons in the brain you have to create a new frequency you have to and even if that is for five minutes you should know as I can be different I can feel different I can feel something other than this anxiety other than this depression so when you come to one of our events I create this energy we create this frequency we chant we move we meditate we we shift the body in certain ways and people are chanting and they're moving and they're sweating it's hard work but at the end in that six hours you've probably got nine months of therapy and it goes beyond therapy so you're getting you're getting yoga you're getting meditation you're getting regulation of the eggs never regulation of the nervous system you're firing new neurons and you feel completely different so people bounce out the door and they look different they feel different the challenge then was if they go home to someone who's stuck in the old vibration stuck in the old frequency they go back into the old world and that connection that power that love that they felt in the in the event isn't there anymore so people then were beginning to fall back into all ways back into all ways of thinking always of doing always of feeling they were becoming their old self so what we asked ourselves was how do people maintain this sense of passionate energized fearless change that the experience in the event and they bounce out the door how do they keep that person alive so we set up a community and the community is hundreds of incredible people all walks of life all different ages different backgrounds but connected to one thing how do we let go of fear how do I stop telling myself I can't how do I release trauma how do I change my fit my my my biology my chemistry how do I step in to my power in this one short life that we have how do I really have a golden so that's what the community is it's a supportive system of like-minded people who engage in incredible workshops yoga meditation meetups with the one agenda it is to keep this level of transformation happening long-term I remember the first session you did actually on the community or in mental fitness and I was like this is amazing just I think to have the regular sessions and at the time it was during college or any set it up so it was like a real sense of community when I think about the community it was for me connection education impairment and I feel very lucky say that I was in it because over their years I was saying to you I had two life altering events and I feel that I was in such a good state vibration like I had my first child and I'm telling you I really enjoyed the birth experience even though it was quite traumatic I was so prepared just what I was saying to myself an inner voice of support and it got me through some really difficult times after it he spent some time in Gromland but I in my heart and soul I always felt he would be okay even though I was being told different things but I have a vivid memory of sitting in a room in the heart center with just it was just James and me in there and I text me right I told it really a couple that was happening and I just said can you ask the community to pray for James and me and I'll never forget her kindness and love it just meant so much to me you know I could feel her just genuine concern and love and the encouragement from the community as hell and sometimes I feel that it's easier to help people that you know are outside your immediate circle something that can be going on in your life it's sounded too real and scary and I just felt easier in that moment to talk to another say source of support and I think that's a big part of the community is that you know we turn up exactly as we are the human condition is one that we're not always confident and we're not always happy and we follow the way, you know, we get consumed by fear. And I think even myself, people have seen me multiple times over, you know, when I've lost faith in myself, when I've been at a low point, and I never feel that I have to come on a community session and be anything other than I am in that moment. And I feel the love and support, and I feel the connection, and we always walk about an incredible lady, a breeder. And sometimes when I felt like packing it all up and just crawling back onto a rock, you get a message and breeder. It just ignites you again. I think that's the most important thing. A lot of these communities or a lot of these things, people feel they have to be kind of up and at it, and I have to be in a certain mindset. No, you have to be exactly as you are at that moment. So, there's people in that community who've gone through all types of tragedy or bereavement, there's people who have lived in the most amazing life, super successful, there's people who are dealing with, you know, are very serious in this diagnosis of people in there who've lost children, lost siblings, and we all go through it together. And nobody is in there saying, "Oh, we have a magic formula," or "Oh, follow this process." Everybody's in that community is saying, "We're here for you." And if there's nothing else we can do but to let you know on a daily basis, we're here for you. It's not something insignificant because I think in our modern world, we've so many people feel alone. So, loneliness alone will kill people. So, just being part of this community, you can turn up as you are, you can share your highest successes, your deepest lows, knowns going to judge you, knowns going to pretend your challenges are not happening, known is going to pretend they have the answer to it, but what we do is we're here for each other. That's what human beings need. He said, "You know during the good times too, I launched my podcast two years ago and everyone was sharing it." I just got such love from breeder, everybody, and I have actually met one of my closest friends in our community. So, I wanted to tell you a little bit about her, a Valerie Joy, a girl from, say, "Warsherid." I actually was moving down to "Warsherid" to Dunmore East while I was in it, and we connected, and she was just wondering was there anyone from "Warsherid?" and I said, "I'm actually moving to "Warsherid." So, we always laugh now. It was like our first date. We met for a coffee down there. We'd been at some of the sessions with the community, but let me tell you, like, when I 18 months ago then was in serious accident and almost died. Who was one of the first people sending me in bags or stuff into hospital? It was Valerie. She was, honestly, I just feel we were meant to cross paths and we're both so grateful to the community, to you and Mary, I'm like, for it to create enough, because we have actually found a very special friendship now. I love her to bits, and she's just showed up for me in so many ways. And also, again, like, well, after the accident, I was in hospital and I'm so lucky, because I was part of the GoGlow community as well, and they would have been phenomenal to me, but I messaged. I knew I could message, say, Mary and Dan, and honestly, it just brings tears to my eyes, again, the love, like, Mary massed everyone to lie candles for me, and pray again. And then vulnerable moments. Of course. And when you had moved or do you anything, that just support people really even gifs in my house and don't more east. From the community you live all over Ireland. And I was saying this to you earlier, I love that it's followed people from all different backgrounds, all different ages, all different life experiences, because they can share stuff with you that just really resonates and spreads you on in your recovery. So, this old-based community, I know it's got the inner circle now, but I look back so fondly of that time, the me-shops, just all the people, like, there is people messaging Eugene, that he didn't know asking could they do his laundry for James and him while I was in hospital. That is special. It's very special. That is what the human being is meant to have for communal beings. And we have a society where sometimes we're in a community, we have to sharpen a certain way, we have to pretend everything's well, we have to have this, that and the other. You know, the human condition isn't always straightforward, it is messy. And your friend is someone that you can allow into your heart and your home when it's most messy, and you can be most vulnerable with that person. And I'm looking off that I don't have that many friends, I've never kept many friends, but I have a few really good friends, and they see me more often at my worst than my best, and I never feel anything other than loved by them. I love that. And I think that is the human condition, but we live in a world where there's social media or something else that we have to be a certain way. And even the work I do, there's a danger at times that I could cut up with this archetype of Jerry should have it all together, or like very often I mean it might be in a restaurant or somewhere I was in hotel the day and the kids were going bananas, and I picked up Eli and brought him out of the hotel and I know that's an argument of my three year old or four year old at the front door of the hotel. And then I come back in and I realized that there's about a hundred people about to come into an event that I'm about to do, and Mary was a bit of oh geez, and I'm like, we should I, that's life, that's who I am. And if that's not what they're interested in. So there's a danger that any one of us develops a fake avatar of the person we should be, and people expect me to be calm, and people people expect me to be human, that's all they can be, and the human condition is one of multiple emotions, that's why I say there's no such thing as positive or negative emotion. And then any given day I always say to Mary when I'm up, I'm up, I'm up, I'm down, I'm down, and that's okay, and when I'm having a really bad day, I don't burden myself with trying to get everything done, and trying to be something. I just accept who I am at that moment, and then I commit to well, how do I move these emotions out a little bit? How do I change my thinking a little bit? How do I go back to one simple thing? And I just think that's what I want from all the work I do, whether it's the events or the communities. It's stop the bullshit. Yeah, sometimes I hear I say to Mary, it's like, you know, people or women are like, it's like table tennis conversations, how you, I'm great, how you, great, how's kids, kids are great, how's life, how's life is great, and you're looking at these two and saying, both of those had babies in the last six months. Both of them are going back to work. Surely everything's not phenomenal, great. I thought there were friends, and I'm observing this conversation, and I can see the bags on the one of their eyes. I can see the fear in them. I can see that one or both of them are going to fall down, and what they really need is a cry in a hug, but to not say anything, I want to say, oh, yes, great, oh, yeah, might, oh, he's sleeping, oh, he's sleeping through the night. If I hear another parent tell me the baby's sleeping through the night when they're not sleeping, because when I challenge them, when I say, it's really sleeping through the night, where can you know, not really, and then they cast out Christ, why don't you start with that? So the message I want to put out there is like, life is not always simple, and we don't always have the answers, and sometimes we just need to cry, and sometimes we just need a hug, and sometimes we just need to blow the fuse, and that's okay, but in this modern world, we've created all this, what does a good mum look like? What does it, what does this look like? What does that look like? And then we're constantly comparing who we are to who we think we should be, we're comparing that life we have to the life we think we should have, and I think there's a beautiful expression that says, enlightenment is nothing more than the non-resistance of what is, and I think if we all took a mask off a little bit, and like the Instagram, and LinkedIn, I nearly, I shouldn't say this here, I nearly don't go near the times, because a language artist is like a whole lot of second here, I'm so happy to announce, and I'm happy, I come, I'm phenomenal, okay, like can we just be more real with each other? Can we just be more human with each other? We don't always have good days, and the key challenge is on your very worst day, when you feel like everything is falling apart, have you people who will love you, and hold you, and support you, as you are in that moment, and if you have, you're very lucky. They're the people to seek out, they're the people who make life worthwhile. For me, it's ravaged the coach I work with all the time, an incredible friend I have called Tony O'Rigan, who has just been our support to me, Shane O'Sullivan that I know you know. Shane says that it's like quantum and time, government to me and him, keep bumping in to each other and wash, raising coffee shops, I think we're meant to be friends, and I mean, it met during the community of that, so Shane, it's Jason Quigley, it's these guys, and because we're all in the performance zone, people might think that when we turn up, you know, we're all talking about performance and high performance, we're not actually, and I probably know stuff about Shane that some people doesn't know, he knows stuff about me, and when I'm at my worst, and I have something going on in my head, or I'm angry or bitter, and given it, I will always send the text message to Shane exactly as I'm thinking at that moment, because I know he loves me enough to say, I think you just need to hold here. And I think there are the people you need. I am lucky to have a few of those in my life that I can nearly, I would never ring Shane or Jason or Tony Oaks or I could do a deep counseling session. No, I just send them a message. And it's nearly from the frequency or the energy of the message they recognize. Jerry needs their support here. And I just think we all, whether it's the source based community or any community, that's the type of community we need to settle for. Real, open, honest, no bullshit, no egos, steeply human beings who can just hold space for each other. - I'm gonna tell you a little story of a chain I bumped into him recently in January. And say it's over a year and a half, say since my accident, but I was mentioning to you that January was felt like a really hard month for me. And one morning I bumped into Shane as I always do in a coffee shop and he said, "How are you doing?" And I just knew I could say it to him. And I just said, like, I'm not actually doing great at all. I actually feel really, really. He was probably sorry, yes. (laughing) I just, you know, I was saying to my just felt, I was feeling a real wave of grief. And yeah, we just said a really lovely conversation. And he said, "It's not great, you know that." 'Cause I was saying I was finding everything hard. Things I don't usually find hard. I was finding it really hard that my three and a half year old wouldn't put on a sock. - You may know. - He wouldn't put on a sock. And I mean- - Well, sure, there's that'll break ya. - I went down to my room, lay on my bed and start to cry. - I know. - And then I came back off and he was kind of looking at me funny and I said, "Look, I told my dream after all. "I'm not having a good day at the moment, so I'm sorry." - But he was like, "It's not good, you knew to a good day "and take a breather." - I know, I know, I know for last show. - Yeah, and I was like, I'd actually showed me how patient I am because it's very seldom like to feel like that. - I know, and it's amazing on any given day, the little thing that can trigger us. And it's not the fact that we're triggered that matters. What matters is recognizing, I've just been triggered, my emotional response to this is not a proper challenge. So, the kid won't put on a soccer, your kids awake half the night, and I'd come out sometimes and they'd go mad or I'd punched the walls. And then I'd realize, hold on a second here. There's now a pent up of emotion that I need to deal with. And actually, we have to take accountability for that. So that's when I'd ring up a share, you know, that's where I'd do something different or that's where I'd go to Ravvy. 'Cause I'm realizing, I'm now beginning to take this out on my kids, I'm now beginning to take this out on my wife or I'm beginning to take it out on debris that works for me in the business. I'm like, that's not acceptable. So it's totally acceptable that I'm angry, it's totally acceptable that I feel down, but it's actually not acceptable not to end about it. - Yeah. - So then that's where I think, and like you said about Shane, you can't bullshit Shane. 'Cause he's so ensured. If you tried to tell him you were going good that day, he'd just walk away, she's a liar. - Yeah. - He let me lovely message after it's end. I was like, even now when I look back, he was such a lovely person to meet in that moment. - Yeah. - So I wanted to read a little part of your new book, "I Am My Camiwell." So you said in my own life, the greatest gift, I have given myself as an inner voice that empires me. It's a voice that magnifies solutions and opportunities that is full of self-compassion and forgiveness. So when Gil books sent out your book to me, my vibration was really, really low. And I brought the book with me. I couldn't even settle myself to sit down to open it at the time. I brought it to the hairdresser one day when I went in and I took it out and I read it all the while I was in there. And I just noticed my vibration because even in the first few pages alone, I felt like I was remembering who I was. I completely forgot who I was in January. That's how I feel. Bosch made you write this book. - Very, very simple and very funny. I was on a train down to Korkwunder and my dad were heading off to an event. And my dad got chatted to the lady across the way. And I thought it was a lady and her husband. And after a little while, he was kind of slagging her. She was slagging him. It was great crack and we're having great fun. And just before we got to the train pulled into the station, she said, "I'll go look now way after." And she said, "And by the way, I've read your books." And then I was a bit embarrassed. I was like, "Oh, Jesus." So I said, "What, you think of them?" I said, "I love them." And then the guy beside her said, "And I read them too." And I said, "Oh, you married." "No, we've never met each other for today." It was really weird. And I said, "Man, what did you think of the book?" He said, "To be honest, Richard, I didn't get too much out of them." I said, "Well, why?" He said, "To be honest, I think there's too much in there." He said, "There was loads of great stuff, but I nearly got so overwhelmed. I didn't know it to start, and I didn't do anything." And then he said, "We're getting our bags off, getting off the train." And he said, "And submit this. If there was one thing, just one thing." So to forget about the science of the brand and the nervous system and the good brand access and frequency and all this, to forget all that. If there was just one thing, one thing I could change that would make the biggest difference, what one thing is that? I didn't know. So I said, "Can I take your telephone number?" I'm going to think about this and I'm going to text you in a few days. So give me the number. I really thought about this. So we can talk about the good microbiome. We can talk about the, in your plasticity of the brand, we can talk about the nervous system. We can talk about frequency and energy. We can talk about what's good. But like what? One thing, if I can only change one thing. I thought about that for a long time. And it relies the one thing that has the greatest impact on your life, your decisions, your actions, your awareness, your attention, is actually your inner voice. You are listening to yourself 24 hours a day, seven years a week. And if that voice is one of empowerment, one of courage, one of strength, one of compassion, then you'd face all challenges with a great mindset. But if that inner voice is one of criticism, self-doubt, anger, then even a small challenge, we'll get you down. So I rang up a publishing and said, I want to write another book. And I wanted to be short, simple, and to the point. And I want a book that is punchy, is the word I used, where there's simple short stories that almost hit you, bang, things like shitty people, which shitty beliefs, stuff like smash the record. I wanted the book to be filled with simple wound liners that instantly hit all of them with people. So this is how this book came about by pure chance. But it made me actually stop and think, what one thing can have the greatest impact in changing our lives? I love the section around pain story or power story, OK? And I have such a good example of this just from last week. So it was my birthday last Thursday, and I was sitting at my front garden. I took the day off work. And I was having a cooked tea, and I was looking down at the sun. It was the day the sun reappeared in Ireland. And the sea, and I was like, God, it's in a great way alive. And I really meant that. I was like, it's in a great way alive and to feel. I don't feel amazing, but I was feeling better than I was. And I'm just sitting there. This is all strange. Next thing, this older man walked by my house, and he looked over to me. And he said, you're the girl that was in the accident, aren't you? And I was like, oh, God. And I just said, yes, like that's right. I went over to him. And he said, I've often wondered how you were. He said, I meet one of the girls across the way. We do meet for a coffee every Saturday. And we often talk about you. And I said, well, I'm doing great. Thanks. No need. And he said, I was actually there that day. And he said, it was horrific. He said, you were so unlucky. And I didn't feel that at all. I said, I am the luckiest person in life, I said. That's how I feel. And he wouldn't, he wouldn't understand. And this has happened me a few times. And earlier on in my recovery, I would meet people. And I'd see the luck of horror on their face. Sometimes that would kind of take over me. But I've learned through, I've done a lot of trauma therapy. And I've really grown myself now. And I keep one foot in the present always when I revisit that memory. That doesn't always happen. You know, sometimes they can come in on you. Yeah, of course. And anyway, he's a really nice man. And he walked off again. And I walk back having my tea. And I was just acknowledging. I feel like I've been giving myself such a hard time from off feeling great. It's like I nearly forgot myself, what I've been through. And say in January, it was my brother Derek's 25th anniversary since he died. And Jerry, the grief I felt. And when I was reading your book, I'm coming at us through the lens of feeling like grief. And recovery, is that the say from the accident? The pain story or a parisory. Can you talk better about that? Because when I think about my accident, I'm all I think about is redirection, heavenly pivot. I'm very clear in everywhere. I want to spend my energy. Because in the moments when I thought I was-- gone to die. What I thought about was James, Eugene, my family. I thought about how, like, quickly your life can change. And I, the feeling of not being ready to die, never left me. But I have taken them now. And, you know, when I'm wondering where to put my energy now, you know what different work opportunities and stuff, I really try and keep aligned. And my time, most of the time with my son, it means just I can't even describe it sometimes just the gratitude I feel for being able to stay here, be here now and be as mother and be alive and be healthy and be able to walk because I thought I was paralyzed as well and thank God I wasn't but I never forget the fear in their moments. But now it's like the gratitude is amplified. So can you talk a bit about it? Expression that says unfortunately people need a diagnosis or a crisis to wake up. To wake up to what's really important. To wake up that the stuff you're struggling with isn't actually what you're struggling about. The stuff you're given out about actually won't be important. So unfortunately most people need a crisis or a diagnosis to wake up. But we can wake up every morning. And that is why my morning routine practice is so important. An expression that says, you know, we only live once. Forget that nonsense. We die once. We get to live every day. Every single morning we wake up, we wake up, we get to start again. And every morning we wake up, we've got to get ourselves into an elevated state, an elevated state of gratitude, love and clarity. And that clarity is what's really important. Is it really what given out about this? Why am I letting this thing get in on me? So the idea is that life is full of pain. We spent a lot of time talking about that earlier. Life is full of pain. We all have different pain and pain will come out as in different ways. So pain is inevitable. Suffering is an option. Suffering is your response to pain. The greatest book I ever read, Victor Franklin's ban search remaining. We're ultimately frankled, concentration camp survivor. You know, endure the most horrendous things the human being can experience. And the one promise he made to himself was, my story will not be about the concentration camp. My story will be about what I did after it. That's my power. We all have a choice. The choice is how you choose to respond to the pain. That's the power story. And I learned that from Franklin and other incredible people, we can't always control whether or not pain is in our life. Sometimes pain is part of life. It's part of the human condition. But suffering is optional. So how many more times when I see people suffer from anxiety and it wasn't until I went into a really good therapist that she said, stop that nonsense. Stop telling us of that story. Why are you suffering? It is you have anxiety. It is not you. It does not define you. And what if your story was to become about how you responded and how you took it on? Yeah. And in that split moment, I realized, holy shit, it doesn't define me. So some people have cancer, but cancer doesn't have them. And that's what life is about. Life is uncertain. It's unpredictable. But what we get to control is our response. So for me, the power narrative is about who am I? What do I stand for? Now that this has happened, what's my story going to be? Where am I choosing to give my energy awareness intention? And in a very simple way, I talked with this in the book. There was one day I flew home from Portugal. I was doing a big event here in Dublin. It went over time, chased the airport, missed the flight. I had a big event in Portugal the next day. A new client disaster. Stress trying to get on a flight, trying to cut a flight to London, flight to year. And then after two or three hours in the airport, couldn't get anywhere. This big event in Portugal had to be cancelled. I had to ring them up. They're on the phone going absolutely bananas. They're flown people from all over the world. No, I'm not going to be there. So in the middle of this, I just ring ravings to ravage any chance you around. Thankfully, I don't know. So I'm sitting there and he said, what's wrong? Oh, I'm telling them, I was this event, the event went over and missed the flight. The second flight was this, they couldn't get me here. Now the event, that's great. That's an interesting story. Let me tell you another story. I know this guy who's perfectly healthy. How lucky is he? He's two beautiful healthy little children and a magnificent wife. He gets to spend half his year living in Portugal, half in Ireland. He works at what he loves and he's clients that are willing to fly clients from all over the world just to be in his company. How lucky is that guy? And then you were saying, he said, that's you. And he hit me, which he does at time, down the back. He says, change your story. I don't deal with victims here. You've had to cancel an event. You can't control that. There are no, you can't control that. You tried everything to make it work. Okay. So the question is, how do you respond? So he's the right, let's make a plan. So eventually I rang them back and said, you tell me where the next event can be and I'll come and I'll do an entire day for free to make up for this. They were blown away. No, she's too delighted about that. And I just think that in that moment, I could have sat there saying, I'm on lucky. The airline let me down. Blah blah blah. I'm on lucky. It took this karate chopper in the back from Ravi. So they changed that story. I think at times unconsciously, we all get caught up in the poor me story. Yeah. Why me? This isn't fair. I don't deserve this. Well, like, what's that going to do to you? That's just going to perpetuate more misery. So I think the power story is accepting life, accepting the situation, accepting you've missed the flight, accepting you've lost job, accepting something as it is and then saying, right, what if the story from now on was going to be about the magnificent way I responded to this? I love that. And that is your power story. And ultimately in life, every morning you wake up, nobody's life is perfect. We all have shit going on in our life. But every morning you wake up, you were either putting your energy awareness and attention into your point of pain and becoming obsessed with that, or you're putting your energy awareness and attention into your point of power and becoming obsessed with that. And I think that has to be amazing. George Spence always says, you know, become obsessed with an incredible vision of the future. And let go, let go of your memory of the past. So the minute something happens, it's already in the past. So what's the vision? What's the new future? What's the potential new outcome? What's the redirection that this is going to send you on? And the incredible deepak who's an idol of mine says, become a little bit less interest in your own misery. Oh my god, I love us. And there's often days I hear myself, I hear my inner story and I hear deepaks in Jerry. You need to become a little bit less interested in your own misery right now. So we are not tea bags. We're not meant to stew. Yeah. Should happens. Things go wrong. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, what would a powerful response look like right now? I absolutely love this. Another section really, really stood out to me. It was arranged words as nutrition. So I felt my inner voice was very strong throughout my recovery. I say, remember when I was being admitted into, say, a room after my accident and six people stood around me to, like, I had to get loads of scans and rice to see the damage that was done. And I didn't even know at this point all I knew is I couldn't move. And they were all coming around me to lift me onto a bed. And because I'd been lifted before I knew how painful it was with loads of fractures. And I grabbed one of the arms and I just said, please just leave me here. And they were like, look, we have to get your hooked up onto everything. And I was in complete shock. We were parted up and I had to surrender. And I closed my eyes and I started, all I said to myself, you can do this. You can do this. You can do this. I did scream. But I still feel it would have been worse. It's like, you know, what you were talking pain perception. Same the first day I had to stand off in bed. I was like, seeing them come in for me to physios. And I started to swish. Yeah. Now, I had been given all pioids beforehand. But I just knew it would be really painful to get into the seated position. So straight away, I didn't have time to think. And I was like, I am I can't do it. I am I can't do it. I just kept saying that. And I put on Christmas and in my year Viva La Vida. I'm telling you, it just changed everything in their moments for me. It still was sore, but I believe it would have been way sore. Well, there's massive research and science behind pain. A lot of pain isn't physical pain. A lot of pain is it's reaction in the brain. And we did what a sports team I used to work with one time and we were trying to look at physiotherapy and how we can eager players injured less and be recover quickly. One of the studies we did very quickly was very simple. We'd pick up certain players and we'd stage even though they knew it. What would happen before they went into the video? So one day they'd meet me and I'd say, how are you doing? It would be okay. And I'd be sure them a motivation video making and really give them 10 minutes of inspiration and then they'll win. Other Morris did meet another guy and we wouldn't completely say they was fairly miserable, but he brought himself into the situation and he knew it and he'd be giving out about the weather and the time and schedule and the overtrain and what we measured, what we knew, we measured 10 to 15 sessions where the injury was almost identical every time. So the pain was almost identical every time, but every time the mess, me or someone who inspired them and we had laugh and we had a joke and watched the video, when the physio asked out of 10 what's the pain threshold now, it was always lower. So you've pain and perception of pain and most of us are reporting on the perception of pain or a mood and a mindset has a massive impact on the level of pain we experience, which is incredible. And the way you'd expand this very simply is like I used to be boxing, right? And you're in the boxing and you're in the middle of and someone got hit in the face, but you're just kind of wins and move on and they hit your body shot and you kind of take a deep breath and you're in the middle of it. You're full of excitement and adrenaline and love and if someone hit me in the face outside the boxing ring, I'd probably fall down and start crying or think of people that horror. Now you get a full belt of a horror in the shin, but if you're a guy and he's bearing down on goal, it's all out and fine, there are two points down, there's 10 seconds to go, he goes through the last defender and just as he breaks through the defender, the defender wax him on the shin, but now he's right in front of the goal, he doesn't even feel the pain. It's way after that when he goes back into the dress, I'm like, she's got a machine. So our mood, our awareness and our attention, if it's fixed on her pain all the time, then it amplifies a perception of pain and we think we're in great pain. If we can move our energy awareness, if we can stimulate our senses, if we can give ourselves some type of joy and gratitude as something else to think about, it's amazing the perception of pain disappears. So different athletes who like maybe in two different days in a row, so there's no great change in the pain itself, but on this particular day for no reason, it was nine out of ten. On this, it was four out of ten and we noticed that every time they encountered a negative environment before they went in, it was high pain, every time we distracted them and motivated them and inspired them, it was low pain and they never knew that until the end. So they were just reporting honestly. There's no idea of what was happening and I think that's one of the ways we heal. One of the ways we heal is if we're focused on our pain and our past and we're not going to heal. So what we have to do is, and when I used to work with rugby guys, they'd be doing, you know, strength, condition and core sessions in their head, they'd have a broken leg and they'd be doing speed agility sessions. They'd be scoring, you know, grand slam when it tries in their head every day, building that conference, keeping those pathways between, they put ice packs or heat packs on the muscle and they do deep visualization into the muscle and they'd see the muscle replacing and the energy and healing and they just tend to, I'm becoming stronger. This is making me a better player. When my bone heals, when my hip heats, it'll be stronger than ever. I'll be faster than ever. I can't wait to hit this pitch. This is the greatest gift that has happened. And you might say, oh, well, that's fake. Well, what's the other alternative? The other alternative is, sit down, say, I would pull me. I didn't deserve this and I'd never get back and I'd never run fast again and I won't be able to do. And I walked in an amazing player. I don't know if I can name him not, but he was an incredible monster player and this really hit home from me one day. This guy was invincible and his whole game was built on speed and power and fearlessness and he was incredible. But he got a couple of bad injuries. One after the other and were physios and everybody else would try to do the right thing but then don't do this. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do this. Don't do that. And he said to me one day, he said, I used to think that I was made of granite and now I'm feel I'm made of brittle glass and I'm terrified of going back into attack. And there's two of these players who are in the same situation and I don't know if the physios have found out but if they're listening to this podcast they'll know who they are, two monster players and I said to them, in that moment, get your stuff. Where we go? Come on, get with me. We went upstairs to the gym. I had to lock the door in case I don't find out. I found four pairs of boxing gloves and we started belting the dads out of each other. Why? Because they lost faith in themselves. And when the shots that had come and they had a choice, stay there, mo, mo, crying, give up and I'm going to beat you up or you start to fire back. I don't hear about your soul leg anymore. How about the other leg? How about the right? And we just went at it. And at the end we were sweating and they were just going to see that. And this one guy just give me a hug and said, thank you. You're fucking reminding me. I'm not finished yet. Nine months later those guys are back on the pitch and they're playing phenomenal stuff. Sometimes when there's a cancer diagnosis or whether it's a dysdiagnosis or an injury, that's all we think about. That's all people want to talk to you about. I'll pull you when you're very unlucky. And then that consumes your thoughts. So how about the part of you that hasn't cancer? How about the part of you that isn't broken? What does that want to do? How do I awaken a sense of strength? So that's all I was trying to do with those players. Bring that soul alive. Bring that voice that says I am because that player had gone from this idea of I made of granite to I made of glass. And it's all it's all taught the differences. It's just perception, it's just perception. When I was in hospital, I'd say my family taught like I was just off my head, and drugs. And I was like I was on a lot of drugs, but I sent them a picture of a pelvis. And I said like I'm visualizing my pelvis, healing and strong. And I kept saying any time I'm calling me all as I look so lovely. And I wasn't being I wasn't lying to myself. I felt that deep in my heart. Of course. Because I really felt grateful to be alive. And I said I want to please just start visualizing my pelvis. He was broken in eight different places. And my pelvis, it's fine. It's incredible. And I do believe that that really helped the healing with that. I was asking people to click pray for my spine and my pelvis. And you know, you were mentioned, you're dispenser in hospital. When the physios come in, the first thing I asked them is do you think I'll be able to stop Martin in New York? Next March. And they said they didn't want to dampen my spirits because I couldn't even sit up at that point. But all I thought about was running across Manhattan Bridge at the time. It's going to the rechange since it's going to be broken bridge two weeks now. I think we all need an inspiring vision of who we are. We need not to lose focus on our dreams or something that excites us. And it's in those moments. Like I've often been in the dressing room with teams. All iron final or high-necking cup final or world cup final. And for some reason, the first half, everything goes wrong. Nothing is happening. Nothing is working. We're being bet from pillar to post. And you go into the dressing room and have time. And there's not a fucking doubt in their head that they're going to win that game. Yeah. Not a doubt. They're like, we're losing because the process isn't right. But we are the greatest team in the world. We have the greatest cultures in the world. We have the greatest culture in the world. And we have 40 minutes ahead. And in the next 40 minutes, we've got to change everything. That's like, wow, that's incredible. Or I've been with boxers who have literally a world title fight is 12 rounds. They have lost the first 11. You talk about one of them in the book. I love that. Yeah. And they walk back at the end of the 11th round. And they say, I've won round to go. That's three minutes. I can knock people out. It takes me a split second to knock someone out. And if I can find that split second in the next three minutes, I'm going to become world champion. So let's go. That's where we have to be. They've lost all 11 rounds. But it's like, okay, but I'm not giving up my dream here. I know who I am. Sometimes the environment or other people start to go against us. And we can start to say, it's not working because I'm not good enough. I don't deserve it. It was never meant to be. In those moments, when it's not going, when it's not going your way, you should say, it's not going my way because either they're not ready for it. They didn't want to hear it. Or I'm simply not following the right process. But it's not about me. Course I deserve it. Course I'm good enough. I've the work done. I'm ready to take this. But I need to change the process. And I've sat in those dressing rooms with incredible teams. And nobody in the stand, nobody in the world watching would have given us a chance to come back and win. And they sat there for 15 minutes and calmly and confidently worked out the process to winning. And as they left, even me, I was thinking, either they're deludous or they're just special because they were like nowhere to be seen at halftime. And they're running out that door saying, we're winning this cup. We're winning this cup. It's nothing has changed here. We just have to come about in a different way. And that's what I love. That's what I love. It's acceptance. Life is not always easy. It's unpredictable. There will be setbacks. We will fail. We will fall short. We will feel like given open up but at that moment, if you. can wake in that little voice that says, "Hold on a second here. I am, I can, I will. What's the first step I can take? What's the one thing I can control? What does one, putting one step, one foot in front of that look like right now? What does me responding magnificently in the second look like? And just do that. And then the second step appears. And that's what those sports teams to go out and say for the next two minutes, we're going to be awesome. And then two minutes after that, we're going to be more awesome. And that's the way we got to break down life. Sometimes that's the way we got to break down the day, minute by minute, section by section, we keep turning up into it. I'm going to hit the pause button there. I'm so grateful to Jerry for coming on the podcast. He is just amazing, isn't he? So much truth, light and love. I'm so happy to share that Jerry will be back next week, and we will be talking about loss and grief and it is unbelievably special. And he said something that really, really stopped me in my tracks. I can't wait to share it with you all. In the meantime, go gently and keep leaning into love. If you've enjoyed this episode, make sure to share it with a friend, and you can follow, rate, and review on healing on Spotify and Apple podcasts. Thank you so much, as always, for listening.