Nothing Bundt Bed, Bath, and Biscuits

(upbeat music) - Hey, brookie. - Hi, Khan. - How are you? - Good, how are you? It's great to see me, isn't it? - It's so good to see you outside today. You are so beautiful outside today. - What about today? - I was kind of doing an inside joke that I only have with myself, so I'm sorry. - Okay, no worries. - It's a caption that I captioned something one time. - Oh, okay. (upbeat music) - I had that old Google phone, 'cause I didn't wanna have an iPhone, right? - Oh, this inside joke goes way back. - Yeah, I had the Google, I had the Google phone. - Yeah. - Me or God, obviously, Instagram came out the day that I got my first smartphone, it was a Google phone, or talking about buyers and worse, and your parents got it for you. - Yeah, and you had to go on your friends' phones to do Instagram, I was like-- - That's a level of you feel bad for your parent. You think back, and it's like, what was I, they were so excited to get you a present, and then you're like, wait, I hate this actually, I need an iPhone, daddy. - There was like nothing more urgent to me than the feeling of needing a new phone in high school. Like the second that my plan ran up, it ran out, it was like I'm shaking, like, the anticipation is almost unbearable. Like, if my mom can't take me to the Verizon store, the second school that's out, I will kill myself. - The way it was the beginning of the internet, right there. - It was all that mattered. And that's tragic. - That's it, yeah. - But that is, that's something, it was what it was. Like, there's just no denying that, like, it unfortunately going into the Verizon store to get a new phone was that, that end all be all. - It was lit. - It was so fucking lit. - It was lit, that's all hell. - I got a new phone. - Yeah, I see. - But my, I got the Cosmic Orange. - Wow. - Yeah, do you like it or what? - Yeah, I do like it, it's fun. - And I got this Octopus case. Listen to this. - Okay. - I got this Octopus case from this brand. I think it's called Pella. Not sure if I'm pronouncing that right. Could be Pella, P-E-L-I. And it's sustainable, which is amazing. I didn't do that on purpose, but it's amazing. So it's like an interesting texture and the screen protector, yeah. It's like compostable. - It's compostable, it looks it. - Yeah, it does. And the screen protector, Conor, is not plastic. It came in a vial, it's a vial of liquid. And it said, rub this on your screen. It was a vial of liquid. Rub it on your screen, you're good to go. So there's no fucking way. - Is it real? - I don't know, it's on my screen. It's just I poured a little bit of liquid on it. And they said your screen's protected. There's no way, right? - Oh, very. - How would that work? But they said if my phone breaks while I'm wearing this case and my water, my liquid screen protector, they will pay for my screen to get fixed. But I don't understand how that little dash of liquid that I spread on with a microfiber cloth is going to prevent my screen from cracking. That feels like sorcery and not only that, but magic. - I like that a lot. - I just don't see how that is possible. - That's one of those things that's not for us to understand. That's one of those things just slightly out of reach for us. - That's one of those things where it's like, you know how in commercials for skin care, it's like with new technology. And it's like, what do you mean technology? It's skin care. - It's liquid, yeah. - I think this might be technology, liquid technology. - The only thing it made sense when they were like with technology was the little beads that now they're like, that's cancer, by the way. - Totally. - They put little cancers in the goo. - Yeah. - But I loved those little balls. - Connor. - Lather me up. - If we could find a way to get the balls back in a way that has an hurricane environment. - Bulls. - So jump in a full tub of balls. - That of balls for me today, please. - Yeah. - That of balls for the table. - Like it's fully, I didn't can be such an amazing thing when done right. - You can catch me in the back of bad bath and be, or not bad bath and beyond. What is it, what was it called? - Let me know. Oh my gosh. - Bath and body works. - Good bath and biscuit. What is it? - Bath and biscuit. - That was a, that was okay. - Oh, you might be thinking of nothing but the bun. It's a cake. - Now I am. - Damn, that's good. - That's for sure. - I ordered one the other day for what? - I had a gummy and I said, I don't have it, nothing but the bun right now. - I got an itch for the bun and nothing's gonna scratch it. - 45 minutes away, I said no problem. - I'll be here. - $15 delivery fee, see if I give a fuck. - I got an itch for the bun and the only thing that's gonna scratch it, nothing but the bun. - Is that cream cheese icing? - Hang on, next to the tub of balls, thanks. I'm diving in that too. My perfect day would be diving in the tub of cream cheese icing and then rinsing it off with ball exfoliation. - Yeah, so I'm at the mall, right? - Yes. - I'm at, beyond the, what is it? - Bad bad. - I went under by the way, so this is the thing of the patch. - Bad bath and body works with the bun. - Bath and body works, but also nothing but the bun. And I'm wash, you used to be able to go there and wash your hands for free. And I used to think that was amazing. - And how are they targed you to wash your hands? - I just said that and I said, oh, well, where is it? Oh my gosh, that was like a really cool thing for us to do. And I just realized that we were just in there - In lusher too, did you ever go to lusher? - Borrowing this hope. - Ah, no. - You would have liked lusher. - Really? - Yes. - Because it smelled like cancer in a good way. - I know what you mean. - Do you know what I mean? It was so potent and the staff there was like so alt-liberal before it was like normalized, so they were so cool. Like the staff at lusher were the first non-binary people. Does that make sense? - Wait, the staff at lusher through the first stone? - Yes. - Brick? - Yes, they like started the movement of like be whatever the fuck you want, man. - Lusher. - Lusher cosmetics was the pioneer. - You just have to keep, and this is unrelated. This is just like a sidebar. You gotta keep my hornet out of lusher, because I'm gonna eat this hope. It looks so edible. That was my tide pod. I'd walk by and they'd be like samples. I gotta eat it. - Yeah, I'd totally get that brother. - What's going on with, what the hell's going on with you? - I actually have a lot to talk about today, but I wanna ask why you're here first, 'cause I don't know what you're doing in the middle of the park. - Hey, can I see why are you here, though, as well? So I had a show last night at Cal Poly, which is in San Luis Bispo, which is actually where our brother Dylan is from. And who by the way, spectacular performance last night, I don't know if he is eight, nine, and 10 scores. - Think so? - Yeah. - He's fabulous. - Yeah, 36 out of 40, that kind of that. Yeah, it was amazing, but they all love him up there. - Dylan is the kind of guy that is going to give his all to everything. - Really, truly. - Truly. - I hope he doesn't ever lose any sleep. He deserves to sleep soundly at night. I bet he does. Yeah. He's so healthy that I'm sure his like, circadian rhythm is like so awesome. - He's on. - Yeah. - So I'm here for that. And then I was like, oh, I should, I have an event tonight with Wendy's. - Awesome. - Austin, I'm like, okay, that's great. Yeah, I'm gonna go. Did not know until last night that I have to, I have to just stand up. - Well, that's a good thing you have is set. They needed me to write new stuff. So that's what I'm-- - There's no way. - I'm gonna do that today. - Wow. - They actually, and there's people I know going. - Where's this event? It went, like, stand up event. - It's in, it went-- - It's in Torrance. - Where's that? - South, by a lot. - Oh. - Like, 50 minutes. - Oh, by a shit ton. - So I'm heading down south to do stand up for Wendy's tonight. - Oh, that's amazing. - Yeah, that's amazing. - How many people have done that? - No, I'm really, truly, like, putting a flag on the moon, but-- - Yeah. - But I drove down this morning from Santa Barbara, from San Luis Bispo. I didn't stop to pee once, right? - Wow, and that's a lot for you, you pee all the time. - But then, I'm going through Topanga. I was really blessed by the route gods this morning, because I drove through Topanga, which is gorgeous. - That makes me think of Daniel, who played Topanga, who got eliminated last night, and that makes me sad, but sorry, I continue. - Wait, okay, hang on. Actually, so yesterday, I get put in this hotel. I feel like I'm getting in trouble for this. I get put in this hotel, it's like an older hotel, but it's really gorgeous in downtown San Luis Bispo. And it was another one of those hotels where I couldn't find the lights, anywhere for the bathroom. So I was like, I'll just take a shower on the dark, but it was fun because the bathroom, the shower actually had a window in the shower. And it was cool. It was like a little like this thing. Like you open it kind of like a little peephole. And I open it and there's like this image of this woman that's just like I kind of like snarling. Like a witch. Yeah, and I was like, oh, this is so funny. I want to film this because it's like, I'm in the shower. Like it's dark. If you're not, there's this peephole to this image of this woman. Wait, you know, where are you my shower? And so I'm filming this. Before you go down to N. No, it was at Hotel Grenada. Oh. And they're going to be mad. But okay. So basically, I'm filming because I like want to show, I don't want to like post this on my story. Like this is so funny is you open the little hole for some natural light and this woman is staring at you in the shower. And some filming and I kind of mess it up. I kind of mess it up again. This number keeps calling me like, wow, I'm filming messing up all of my shots. And I'm like, gosh, dang it. Like get out of here. Finally, it's our airplane mode on. And I'm filming it and like I'm doing this voice with the end of the video. Like I get out of my shower. Like when I'm filming here and like, and I can hear people talking. Oh. Like now. And I'm like, what? Like because I open the balcony door. So like I could hear outside too. And then I hear like knocking and finally like, I'm on my 50th take this video. And it's the same thing every day. I'm in the shower, blah, blah. It's dark. Oh, luckily, there's a window and there's a woman out here. Why are you in my shower? And finally, I like turn the shower because I hear people talking. They're like, banging and they're like, it's the front desk. I'm like, sorry, I'm in the shower. Get lost. You know, like, um, and I go out and I look at my phone and there was all these miscails. And I have a text saying, hey, so sorry, you have to switch rooms. Your room is flooding the downstairs somehow. Something from your room is flooding the downstairs. Fully I've turned my like, I'm ignoring them. Just like flooding the downstairs entrance to this thing. But that's not where I thought it was going. Yeah. I thought that was like a people into the room next door. And you were like really disturbing them with your video. I wish it was. But they could hear me going. They're, they're, they're going like, please, you're flooding the lobby. And I'm going, yeah, I'll show you the video. Oh, I'd like to see it. Did you get any footage of the flood? I got an image of the flood. So this is it downstairs. How does this shit happen? Only me. No, look. And then I get it, I get this text. Absolutely no rush. But the hotel needs you to change rooms because there's water leaking from your room. Let me know when you're available to do this. And then wait, that was a different one. This is the thing. Are you not scared to take such a dark, a shower in a dark? No, I don't know. There's a window for some reason in a shower. There's a window. Look how foggy it is. I've done this at 40. And the best fog is it opens right to her. Wow. I think it's an image of Madonna. Actually, now that I look at it again, did that look like Madonna to you? I don't know. My contacts don't work anymore. So that was, yeah, that was, that was last night. And then today I'm driving down. I said I didn't stop to pee because I peed while driving. Oh, cool. Into the hydro. No, I do a coffee cup. Nice. While in the driver's seat moving. I don't even want to. It's something crazy that's happened with me getting older. I'm getting gradged. I can pee any, any, any, any circumstances I can pee. I could look at you right now in your eyes while podcasting and pee my pants. Wow. I could not pee my pants even if I wanted to. It's so like, I don't even. There's a stopper. There's a gobsoppers. A mental gobsopper. I never ending gob. No, it's it's something. And it's so crazy because he used to be so pee shy that I would be in like a dire situation that was life or death like road trip with my parents. And we're like in a rush or going somewhere. And I would walk out and get ready to pee. And someone would be at the urinal next to me. I just couldn't even like release my gasp. Yeah. And I'd walk out and I have to look at my dad and be like, wow. And go get back in there and do it. Wow. And I couldn't pull trig. But right now looking at you in the eye, looking at the camera, I could wet the kelly. Wow. I've never been pee shy, but I just can't pee in my pants. I didn't know. I've tried. You've tried to pee your pants. Why? Like when I was like young. So you have it. I guess I could try it. I like, it hasn't come the need hasn't come up recently. Really? I don't want to pee in my pants yet. I peed my pants a little bit in Mexico when I was just there for that wedding. Why? Because I got up to my room. I sprinted like how this huge walk home and sprinted up to my room to pee. And like the anticipation of almost being in my room, like my Bluetooth connected to the toilet type thing type beat. And so it was like, okay, we're we're releasing in five, four, three, two. And then I had lost my hotel key. And I had like started to and then you got like, that is such an amazing way to put it. You're like bodily Bluetooth connecting to the toilet. You know what it is too. Like if you need to use the bathroom, you're a genius. I feel like I don't tell you that enough. You are a genius. The amount of times that my body is connected to the Bluetooth at the busser. And I'm stepping over the threshold of the bathroom. And I'm like, I'm not going to make it the one step to the toilet because my body connects to the Bluetooth prematurely. Yeah, there is it. Yeah, no, it's even when you're like driving home. And it's like, I know where I am. It's like Bluetooth device connected. Yeah. And then you are running and and then you get it. But like your body, the body keeps the score. Wow. You blow my mind. Really? Yeah, that to me, that is the smartest thing you've ever said. That is so crazy because I, we talk so much so often in it. Why does that? I mean, it does make complete in total sense that it would be toilet related that you. You've awarded me like the highest. I was also I was what I like don't usually watch our clips because I can't like watch myself. But I was watching the one about when you were explaining quantum. Yeah, yesterday. And I was like, I was like, this is not okay. I knew in the moment I was like, this is show I was I was spewing. And I was like, oh, this is really trash. Just like everything going on in the world. And this is what we're choosing. We're fucking clowns. Like this is not okay. No. And so that's why today we're moving forward with talking about bluetooth and the toilet. Wow. And you and you have a lot to talk about. Kind of. Well, I have a note. What do you mean? Of things to talk about, which I feel like I haven't had in a long time. You not in our shared. No, I was really worried. I have a private note. Okay. That being said, all right. Starting in December, I'm not going to be using my phone because I'm I'll have my hobo Nietzsche. Walk me through it. I am on a side of TikTok that is like journal scapes and stationary in planners in a way that has consumed me body and soul. And I, you know, I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what journaling ecosystem is right for me. What kind of planner is right for me. And I've decided for my planner to go with the hobo Nietzsche. Okay. Weeks. The English version. It's also it's originating in Japan. So yeah. English version. And I am go it's like kind of pocket sized. And I'm going to be using my hobo Nietzsche in a way that you've never seen me use anything before. And it's not going to be the kind of thing where I like get an iPad and I'm obsessed with it for like four weeks and stop. I'm going to be carrying this hobo Nietzsche around with me everywhere. I'm going to have lists in it. So I'm going to have what I'm going to talk about on the podcast in my hobo Nietzsche. You're going to see me sitting here with my hobo Nietzsche. Okay. And I got a little sticker printer. You know, those like little cannon things. So I'm going to print like a few pictures from the week and like kind of like junk journal on the other side that's fun. Yeah. This is go like my, I'm about to put my whole person to the hobo Nietzsche for 2026. That's something to look forward to. Yeah. What a fun. It's great. Things are looking up. Hobo Nietzsche. Things have been really looking up and Matt, King and I, I texted him, you know, once I got into this, of course. Yeah. He's, he's my, who else you call? I said, Matt, do you know anything about the hobo Nietzsche? I mean, he already freaking got his 2026. Like, so we're going, you know, how we did a like bookstore or a few weeks ago, we're doing a stationary shop. Oh, that is just, yeah, you two together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to get all these kinds of supplies for journaling and stuff. And if you guys have any other suggestions for what I could use for my journaling ecosystem alongside of the hobo Nietzsche. Open the floodgates. Please let me know because I'm just so, I'm so excited to dive in. That is, you two are trouble when you get together. Literally. Yeah. Like the two of us once you get us started. Good luck stopping us. You can't, I can't, I can't. That's all I have. You two in the stationery start like keep your dick in your pants, everyone else stay home. - Yeah, I would stay home on Friday. - If you were thinking about getting out, jump outside on Friday. - Yeah. - Matt King and Lady E are gonna be hitting the paper. - And like when I tell you we're doing like downtown to like Orange County. - I believe you. - Like I hope you believe me. - I do. - I made that up, but like I just like do hope you understand the lengths that we're going. - I don't, this is not surprising to me at all. I haven't even blinked. - Yeah, thanks. - So I already, my Hobonichi got delivered yesterday. - Wow. - Yeah, it's pink. And there's like this clear case that I got for it. And I'm gonna put stickers on it too. - Can you, I'm sorry if I'm, it's like a, it's a planner. - Is he, can you look up the Hobonichi? Oh my God, that's my Hobonichi. Yeah. So this is them, that's the monthly view. So that's just like an overview. So yeah, so it's like tiny and that's where I'll plan like my appointments and what I have during the week and on the right, that's where I'm going to put like, here's what I'm going to talk about on the pod. Like here's a picture for my kid, a sticker plate. - Oh, I love that. - You're going to bring that in here when you're talking to me as well. - Yes, it's my talking point. So each week it's like appointments on the left and shit like that, due dates, whatever, and on the right, like podcasts. Here's what I did this week, et cetera. And then in the back, there's like a lot of free pages, which is where I'm going to print pictures of the books I read and have a log, like a physical goodreads, so. - I have so many moleskins that you would think that I was like a city planner. - Yeah, there's also, what is this? There's these journals, I don't know the name, but they're like Louise, is he, can you look up Louise journal? It might not be Louise at all. Where you can like put all of your like moleskins, or would, yes, yes, yes. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Those are gorgeous and you can put like multiple notebooks, like your moleskins inside of them and have an ecosystem in one. - Have you journaled before? - I have about 50 half-filled journals. - I, I'm not, I, I will never in my life, if anyone found any, 'cause I sporadically will journal. I'll be like, this is like a really good time, or I'll be on a trip and just be having like an eat, pray love moment, and I'm like, I'm gonna journal this. If I ever read one of those, I probably, like my dick would go inside my body from self embarrassment, it's like hearing, it's like hearing yourself sing in the car, and you like really hit the note wrong, and then you turn the music off, and you drive in silence as punishment. If I read one of my journal entries, I'd be like, who the fuck do you think you are? - Well, 'cause I'm right. I always wrote in my journals with the hopes that it would be discovered, like Anne Frank's style. - Wow, okay, yeah, I got, like, but there's this level of a depth that like, I don't have data, but like this moment where it's like, girl who's gonna be okay, every time I journal, it's one of my, yeah, but like, there's a self-awareness right now happening, but when I'm in that journal, earn a swimming way. - Totally. - You would, and I'm, like when I'm journaling, it like always seems like, I'm on the precipice of like some massive self-evolution, and like I never am. It's the same, the journaling doesn't do it. It's like humiliating. - I also have so many journals, which is one page filled out when it's like, I was obviously like, I was at my lowest, and like, so the point where it's like, I'm gonna go to the beach in journal. - Yeah. - And so there's like, 60 different journals of just like, today's the last day for me, ever. (laughing) - Mine is always like, like what, it's funny 'cause I'll have, my molskins are all like this. Minneapolis, set list for my, the comedy show. Next one, groceries. Next one, drawing of a mountain. - Yeah. - Next one. - Today I feel like it's like a full-journal thing, but I can't describe, like. - Well, that's why people have these ecosystems, 'cause one can be for a grocery list. One can be for today, I feel. - Yeah, there's no organization in a molskin. But I do like that, though, 'cause it kind of is like, junk journaling with just my thoughts. - Yeah. - It makes my skin crawl. It makes me wanna tear my skin off of my body, thinking about someone reading that. - You know, it's bad. The two times in my life that I journal the most consistently were the, like, my middle school journal that I like used to read on TikTok. - I love those. - And then my 2020, like, going through, like, COVID, and like, getting onto TikTok, meeting you in cat. - I remember vividly journaling about all of those. - Do you have those molskins? - And I will not, I cannot open them. - No, yeah, you know what's, I don't know where half of mine went. - I know exactly where they are. - I've moved so many times, and it's just so scary, thinking about, like, someone helping me move and being, like, what's this, and opening a page, so, like, a day where I was just, like, feeling like God. - Yeah. - Like, with this insight that few have ever encountered, and it was just, like, one day before I talked about Bluetooth into the toilet, like, that's the same person. - Yeah. - It's, it's insane. It's making me feel a little bit, I'm sick and by the thought of it. - You know my friend, Lindsay. - She has journaled every day of her life. So she has hundreds stacks of journals, like, dating back to, like, middle school to now. And, like, when she goes through them, and, like, she'll find, like, moments that I had forgotten about, like, that we lived through, and we'll send them, and it's just, like, this, like, I should have been doing this the whole time. - See, that, for that reason, I can see it making sense, 'cause that, you get to a point where it's like, why do I have a hundred moleskins? - Right. - It would be nice if you could digitize it, and then be, like, you could, you would search, like, an index of your memories and stuff, because I have made up, I have memories that I made up that never happened. I've told the same story, enough times, it's someone else's story they told me, and I had been telling people that it happened to me for so long that, like, that, now I believe it is fact, and it's really scaring me. - I have this too. - It's scaring me. - It is scary how you can trust yourself. - I never did X, Y, Z, but, like, in my head, I have. - Yeah. - But also, it's pretty amazing. You can just make up your, you can make up your reality. - Most people do. - Yeah. - Maybe not most people, but a lot of people. - I have a few realities that I've made up. - I know, yeah. - Connor. - No, no, I know, like, that is, that, like, you make sense. - Yeah. - Yeah, like, you doing 9/11, that is a made up reality. That's OCD, though. - Yeah, that's a good point. - But that's like-- - That's a little bit different, but yeah. - The darker side of making up your own reality. - Totally. - You didn't say anything about my bangs. - I like your bangs, oh my gosh, that's what it is. Yeah, you have to do, yeah. That's, remember I was looking at you during the Jones Road, I was like, something's not, something's not. - Oh yeah, you said I was beautiful. - Something's different about this young woman. - I'm obsessed with my bangs, and I keep posting about it, but there are some people that keep responding like those aren't bangs, which I have a few things to say. - Yeah. If they're coming out of the top of your forehead, they're bangs, right? - They're bangs, and I will freaking love my bangs. - My bangs? - Maybe they're bang, because there's one strand of hair, that's fine too. But bang, or bangs, they're important to me, and I need them to be acknowledged as such. - Bang officially not a word in this space, like I've heard, I can't, it doesn't sound like a real rule. - I have bang. - Luckily I have bang. - Yeah. - Bang, bangs, whatever. Do not DM me and tell me I do not have bangs. - Don't comment on a woman's bang. - Do not, especially when I'm loving them. - Yeah. - That's all I have to say about it. - No, that's great. It's a great to highlight that. Isn't it weird that the stuff coming out of my legs right here, same coming out of my head? - Hair. - Hair. - I always wonder how did my body know to grow to like hair just in the spots of my, well, some bodies do that. Like two, like pieces of hair in the eyebrow space. - It's really spectacular. - Yeah. - The work that bodies can do. Wait, I was thinking about this the other day, not to bring someone brought up Hank Green again at one of my shows and they were like, "Would you want him to come out?" I was like, "Yeah, we have so many questions for Hank Green." But one of them, I was talking, we talk about evolution all the time, but I had a different dot in bed, the other day about evolution. And it was about, like really? - It's to keep things from falling into your eyes. - Yeah, that's to keep sweat from getting into your eyes. I understand eyebrows. That's why my eyes-- - That's incredible. - That is incredible. I'm talking about, remember we talked about like, who is it benefiting for us all not to be? There are, oh my gosh, okay. I figured it out. I just basically did this thought. Now it's gonna take me second to explain it out loud. - Okay, I'll be patient. - I'll be patient in my mind. Okay. Who does it benefit evolutionally for anyone to not be like the hottest person ever? Right, we talked about that. - We talked about this. - So it's like, and we all agree that there are people that are just like simply, we all agree like paid to be hot. Like that's all, like models, super, super models. It's like, they are so hot. And then I was thinking like a mallard duck isn't like, like in the animal world, there's not animals that are like, you look at them, they're hotter to the, there's like a hot duck. And that'd be-- - I'm sure there are. Like in their eyes-- - Yes. - Right, in the eye of the beholder, but you know what I was thinking about? - What? - At the point of the attractiveness thing is to produce offspring, like it's evolutionally beneficial to settle eventually. For like some, you know, like you can't get this hot person, like I'm gonna settle so I can make babies. - I don't know if I'm following. - Okay, does anyone get it crap? Like do you get it, is he frowning and turning? Okay, if you were going, you're like, I have to reproduce with that hot mallard duck. - Can we just use humans? I feel like you're gonna do it better. - Okay, so you have, like-- - Give me specific people. - Okay, well I don't want to because I don't, 'cause when you're talking about a person, then it kind of feels mean to say what I'm saying. - Like Jacobalordi. - Okay, so say that is your dream man and you're like, I need to have babies with Jacob. - Yeah. - Or else my bloodline will cease to exist. - Yeah. - For creating in less of a G.I. - Pro-creating with Jacobalordi. - Okay. - Or my bloodline cease to exist. - Yes. - But then you realize he's dating Olivia J. And he's not interested. - Right. - So you now, you're like, well, I need another option, let me settle with this so that I can continue my lineage. Do you know what I mean? - That doesn't explain why not everyone, like why wouldn't everyone just look like Jacobalordi. - That's what I'm confused about. (laughs) - Right. - That's my point of contention. - So you're saying that it benefits people evolutionarily to procrate. - No, I'm saying settling when you can't get the hottest person is beneficial to. - Yeah, having kids, yeah. - But like if you can't have it with the hottest, then that's the, that's what I'm saying. Like I don't get why everyone's not hot 'cause it's not fair. (laughs) - I also feel that way. - Okay. Guess what happened to me? - What? - I had, imagine my surprise, when I looked down the other day and I had belly button lent. - We've been, you've spoken about that this morning. - No, I had, I swear. - I swear to my notes. - Oh, oh. - I had it this week. And it wasn't even like a new sweater or anything. It's a sweater that I wear frequently. And I had belly button lent. I thought that only happens at cartoon. - No, that kind of grosses me out. - It didn't grow it. - It came from that. - I didn't say you grew it. - What grosses you out? - Just like you having in your pillow bed. - It's not dirty, lent itself is not dirty. - It's just like, it's just making me like ugh. - It's better than the time I found it a little mini M&M in my belly button and I didn't even remember having had those anytime soon. And it wasn't even milked, actually. - I don't like belly buttons. - She doesn't like belly buttons. - Yeah. - I don't think so. - She certainly doesn't like belly button lent. - Yeah. - I love belly buttons. The fact that we have like a little hot tub on our stomach, that's amazing. - Yeah, I don't fuck with it. - I love the idea of like. - Stop fingering it right now. - I'm not fingering. - You were. - That's exactly what you were doing. (laughing) - I'm trying to find it. It's a beautiful idea to have a bunch of little many people going swimming in my belly button. - My dream man is that Kylex Y guy, 'cause he didn't have one. - What was his whole thing? Was he just an alien? - He was an alien. - Wait, who played him? Oh, I don't know. Just Kylex Y. - Matt Dallas. - I have a hoi to them. Did he ever work again? - That is hysterical. (laughing) - That was the cover image. It was just a young man lifting up. - The writer's room. - Look, no belly button. - The writer's room. - I love that. - That is. - That's not more disturbing to you than me. - That makes me. - It's like a little weird, 'cause it's just like we're not used to it. - Imagine an alien being like, "Look, I'm an alien 'cause I don't have a belly button." - But also, aliens, like the stereotypical green little guy, like they have belly buns, right? - That's true. Aliens are born too. What did they get around to it? - Oh, he does not have a belly button. - I'm sure they don't. Look at his body. - But that person has two. (laughing) - I guess we really don't know. - Belly buttons are in the eye of the beholder. I guess we don't know. - I love my belly button. - Ah, speaking of aliens, there's gonna be a new American horror story season as there always is. But did you see who's gonna be in this one? - Ariana Grande. - And the OGs. Evan Peters is back, Jessica Lang is back. Emma Roberts is back. Sarah Paulson is back. Like, I have high hopes. I pray. - I saw online that that all's fair, that new show that just came out. - Zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes. - It's so, so, so bad that it made Sarah Paulson look like a bad actor. - I saw a clip. It is bleak. - Well, everyone's saying it's so bad. I need 10 more seasons of it. - Yeah, but it's like not even, the writing is like a joke, like Chaggy B.T. vibes. - Mm. - It might be. - Yeah, but in a way that's like fun. - What's the guy doing? - Ryan Murphy. - Because Ryan Murphy is putting out so much stuff. It wouldn't even be shocking if he's just starting to make bad stuff. - I pray that he actually like puts like an ounce of effort into this new American heart story. - I feel like there's so much on the line here like he has to. By the way, I watched I love LA. Did you have you seen it yet? - I don't. - Yeah. - Rachel sent it. - You like like? - No, I'm saying you did it. I downloaded HBO Max because of you. - Oh wow. - It's really good. - I need to watch. - It's really, really good. And I don't know if it was because, I don't know if it's because I have lived in LA. I think there's a lot of nuances that you kind of only get if you live here. And because of that, the writing and all these little pieces, I'm like, oh my god. - Yeah. - This is, it's so, I think it's so good. It's kind of like a Gen Z entourage. But with influencers, agents and influencers instead of actors. It's one episode I've seen. So I don't know if it's gonna change or what, like right now, I really like it. There is a thing happening right now like on Twitter and stuff where people are like, I don't like, I don't like this character. It's like, guess what? It's a character. You can't have a pair of social relationship with a character that like doesn't exist. And the point of the writing is to make you not like. - Right, some people I'm like, do you realize like you're not supposed to like this character? - It's, it's the bean soup theory. - Yeah. - You know the bean soup theory. - I know the bean soup theory. - You don't know the bean soup theory. The bean soup theory. It's that young woman that made the bean soup. And someone commented, I don't like beans. How can I make this soup? You don't make the soup. You don't make the bean soup. - I don't do for you, no for you. - You don't, you don't make this particular soup. Lucky for you. There's other soups. Go seek those out. And for this, it's like, I don't like it. Don't watch it. You're not, the character is not real. I can't hurt you. But it's so good. It's so well produced that there was a montage of them going from Silver Lake down Wilshire to go to the beach. And it made me tear up. 'Cause I missed LA. And I was like, and there were all those stupid buildings in Wilshire Boulevard that are like, straight up objectively ugly, ugly buildings. And I was like, oh, I missed those. Fugly buildings. They're white and they're square. There's nothing to them. And I was like, oh my God. And they give this song playing. I love LA. - LA, you know I love that one. - I know. And it was just so, it was awesome. - So I can't wait to watch more of this. - Looking forward to watching the first episode. I'm watching Girls for the first time. - It's like a Girl's Meets Enterosh. And I don't, I would not throw that around like, wait, Girls for the first time. - Kinda. I had seen the first two seasons a long time ago. And I feel like I was too young to connect with it. And so now I turned it on and just like, first episode immediately. And like this, yeah, this is as good as everyone says it is. - I'm sensing that there is gonna be a Lina Dunham defecation of Rachel Sinett and that does scare me for her. 'Cause like everyone-- - She will love the show. - And then, yeah, they villainized Lina. - Yeah. - And I hope that doesn't happen. But they had this issue with her and-- - They'll villainize all brilliant women. Sorry, sometimes I can't say women, singular and women plural differently. - Yeah, it's totally fine. 'Cause they know your heart. - Yeah. - But in the ways, in the first episode, Lina goes on the voice of a generation. - Yeah. - I remember people being like really upset, 'cause it was like, what? It's like, it's a character. - Yeah, people need help. - Oh my gosh, in a huge way. - Like so, so massive. In an amazing way. - I have one more thought about something and then I'm gonna hand it the button to you. This one is just wang on me heavy. The phrase life is a highway. What does that mean? Like it goes by fast and I'm texting? - No, I want to ride it all night long. Moves fast. - Yeah. - Sometimes it might move slow when there's traffic. - That's not, those aren't affiliated with life. - Like yeah, it does. The hard moments, like traffic go by pretty slowly. - What are exits in this metaphor? - Unfortunately, like your death? - Death? But actually, it's led you to your destination. Well, remember, we've spoken about, like, maybe that is the destination, and that's really the life that we're, this is like at the pre-game. Well, the highway is like the worst part of the drive to me. I can't even have my windows down. It's too loud. Some people love the highway. Huh? Yeah. I don't. Does anyone here love the highway? I was the worst driver. Well, like, think about an open interstate. That could be hot. I don't like it. It's too many lanes. Too many people. Too many people. I don't want to be in the middle. I don't want to be next to the middle part of it. Do you want to look up the lyrics to life as a highway and see, like, dissect it a little bit more? Love is a highway. I don't want to ride it. Yeah. Woo. Life's like a road that you travel on. Yeah. When there's one day here in the next day gone. Okay. This is dark. Sometimes you bend. Sometimes you stand. I don't. I don't. I don't. It's nothing to do with the highway. Sometimes you turn your back to the wind. You can if you're in the car. There's a world outside every darkened door where blues won't haunt you anymore, where brave are free and lovers sore. Is this about dying? Is this whole song about death? I'm right. Don't be the distant shore. It's the whole song about death. If you're going by a lot of those cities and all these towns, it's in my blood and it's all around. I love you. Like I love you now from Mozambique to those Memphis nights. That is a long ride. From Mozambique. So we're going to take the highway from Mozambique, download ways right now because we're going to have to download ways and get from Mozambique to Memphis tonight. I'm going to take the toll free route from Mozambique to Memphis. I'm personally going to go from Kyber past to Vancouver. Can I ask where could the Kyber passes? No. Right now because knock me down. I'm back up again. You're in my blood. I'm not alone. No load. I can't hold. Thank you. Can we look up the meaning of life is a highway? Let's look up the meaning of there's no load I can't hold. Lives of highway is a metaphor that compares the journey of life to traveling on a highway completely with its twists and turns. Yeah. But it's outside sounds. Guess what? Highway does not twist and turn. It's a straight line. Sometimes there's those loops, but I guess that's always an accident. It's an accident. And ongoing journey, ups and downs, embracing the experience, resilience. I completely, this song has lost any, any ounce of significance to me now, notoriety gone. This is an utter nothing burger. It just went off track for most of the song, yeah. We're all travelers on this long widening road, since that should be like the back roads in the woods. Yeah. It should be like my phone died and I'm going by memory or like I had to print off Google maps to get to this place. And now I'm going down these windy roads and life is not straight and then the path to success is not linear. But that should be rascal flats, like what did you? This is music made for the masses that don't question anything. We are here taking, we are staying curious and we're asking questions. Always. This is, that is so important. That and that's one thing that's remained consistent about us. Broke that felt really good to like come to that. Yeah. So that's his song, but like that is something that we've always done. I agree. We took something we say, hang on. Let's look into this. Yeah. Like why have we all accepted this thing? The other thing related to the highway, people are always saying, don't reinvent the wheel. The wheel is old as time. There could be a better wheel and we've just accepted this existing wheel. What if we could make it more round or what if we would need a wheel that isn't even round at all? And it could be better. Aren't there, but there are some people who are like, I want to reinvent the wheel. Are they? Yeah. They probably work. There's two kinds of people people that want to reinvent the wheel and people that don't. But there's a lot of people that don't want the person to reinvent because they're worried about it. People are afraid of change. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Everyone, homework today, reinvent the wheel. Once the last time you reinvented the wheel. I reinvent the wheel on action at almost every single day because my life is hard on because of things that I make harder. Yes. I do reinvent the wheel and you make it like you turn a tire into a cinder block. I turn a tire into an exact Rubik's cube that can't move. Yeah. It's unsolvable. It's unsolvable. I'm not twisting. That's life is a highway. Yeah. It's a Rubik. Life's a Rubik's cube. I'm twisting and turning. Where's the answer? And it's years and years and years. That was amazing. I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't want to do it again. I like that version. I don't want to ruin it. That was so pretty. There is no load. I can't handle. There is. They've always said that about you who I love it champion. That was great. That was amazing. It's so nice to say you're going to have a good laugh. It's nice to see me. It's so nice to see you. It's so good to see me. Oh my gosh. Take the baton here from me. Pass the torch. What else is there? I have a few. Well, Jonathan Bailey. Congratulations. Thank you. I mean, I honestly, she's Christ like, yes, by the way, the ice cream truck that comes every episode and goes to do do do do just came and blasted it, blasted its load as soon as Jonathan Bailey's picture came up and I agree. He is the sexiest man alive. And for that reason, I wasn't even expecting him to be the sexiest man alive because I feel like people's never like this on the polls. It was like too obvious. It's so obvious that I wasn't even expecting. Am I making it up that he is the sexiest man alive? It came out that for a while people were like paying for this title. There's no way he paid for it. No, I know that he wouldn't because he's a standup guy. He's the most. Can I be honest? Yes, he's the sexiest man alive on the outside. He's the sexiest soul in the world. He's Jesse McCartney wrote the song about him. You and your sexy ass soul. He like, oh my god, like yes, he, I look at him and I'm like, this is the hottest person I've ever seen. I look a little deeper. I'm, I'm connect. I can't explain the way I'm connected. I connect to him on a soul level. I see and I look at him. I see inside of him. Could he sit here on the podcast you think or now? You couldn't do that. I think that he would make me feel so safe and loved and beautiful and smart and cherished because of how sexy his soul is that I would feel it. Okay. Not only okay. Amazing. Bring out Jonathan. That is the saying that Jonathan Bailey will be on this podcast. He is the love of my like he is incredible like I love him so much. Look at him. Yeah. That was a good choice. He deserves. I, and you know that I, there, I have so many crushes. Look, no, like there's not even one person that's like, what? No, there has never been a remotely negative word on Jonathan Bailey. I am so glad I didn't win people sexually a stick talker because if it with one person was like, what the fuck? I'd be like, Oh, I have to kill myself soon. Yeah. Today. Did you not win a few years ago? No, it was last year and I didn't win. Oh, well, what an honor just to be nominated. True. Henry, Henry, Henry won this year. Yes. Congrats to him. It deserved another deserved win. A very sexy guy. Another W for Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry, Henry. Yeah. And sexy man in his bags. So true. Anyway, like there's really nothing to say about, nothing much more to say about Jonathan Bailey except for he is sexy, mind and body and soul and so amazing. Yeah. And that was again, just like that's a good, I bet that's going to boost people's sales and interest in people. Yeah. Actually, this is the only time I've been like, I'm going to walk out of my house and go to a magazine store and buy a magazine because that's how deeply I want to have a family. That's real. This is real journalism. This is journalism. Yeah. They people had a huge win here. And congratulations on being the first gay outgain to this man, a man who appreciates a sexy man. He said, and Jimmy Fallon and then Jimmy Fallon laughed really awkwardly and continued and I feel I felt like that moment needed to actually be acknowledged and celebrated. So, I just want to flag, congratulations to the sexiest man alive who appreciates a sexy man. Yeah. Thanks. Yes. Yes. And also, Jimmy Fallon's never not laughed awkwardly, I don't think he is a normal one. I don't want to say anything negative about anyone ever. No. And I think Jimmy Fallon is awesome in so many ways. Me too. Loving the death. But sometimes just being a talk show host might not be there. Well, it's just like, like, if you're recording yourself every single night, there are going to be things that people like. Got to say something. What? Sorry. I'm talking to Jimmy. Like about Jimmy. What are you going to say? No. I've just saying Jimmy, you've got to like engage in conversation. Almost. That makes sense. He's probably so tired. I mean, I can't imagine being drained, but I do think as a talk show is you've got to kind of have conversation. That's all. I'll say it's a bat. It's a bat that I log back and forth. Yes, you know, you know, who's so good at it And Saul Hank was on set the other day. That is amazing. Did you see they made the TikTok that he always makes The Gracie Abrams song What you gonna hurt you off and Hank took his shirt off in the dressing room? Yeah, and then pan back to Seth just being hysterical and amazing I was in that dressing room with Meredith wishbone kitchen and when he came in He didn't look at me or anything. It was fine. It was just totally cool. He's the greatest You know, it's weird is that studio space. They're Seth right here and then the SNL Sage is to the left. It's like they're right next to that That's fascinating. That is Um, I was in Boston last weekend. Oh, they were commented on it. There's no way I was in Boston. Yeah, you were in Boston. How was it? It was like I'm I know you don't like Boston I adore this little city. Yeah, and I mean little city with my chest It is tiny. I walked the whole thing on foot before the first show. She's great shows. It was amazing shows even And everyone came dressed up love Two young people came dressed as one person came as Mark from Nordstrom and The other person came as Ray from Frambridge. I really have to say quickly that like I had a five minute interaction with Ray. I have not seen him since and the fact that dressed up as him for Halloween like in Boston He's touched so many lives. Truly the way he's a household name Dressed up as him in Boston for Halloween. That was so amazing It was so I mean people were dressed like 2D 9s. It was a me there were a lot of Jonathan's like that made my heart My extremely fat heart so incredibly happy which one to see people dresses my cats. Yeah There was like there was a lot of trios that were like max Jonathan and Rob. It's so sweet It was so sweet. I was just like looking around this and then one young woman came in as a as a naked cat And that was hard that was that was what was she wearing that was hard for me as a performer wearing a leotard Flash-colored leotard prosthetics on her face. Hey talk about imagine the crowd naked Tell you what I don't I would not like it. I prefer them clothes. Yeah, I got no. I always had that. Imagine a naked crowd. Just like Jenna Talia everywhere all over the chairs. Right. No one wants that no Um speaking of Jonathan Bailey. Yeah, if I may. Yeah You know he plays fiero of course in wicked the man currently playing fiero on Broadway Around the New York City marathon. How many miles is that 26.2? He ran 26.2 miles hugged his wife ran to the theater And went out on stage as fiero that night He has one he has one big tooth. Do you understand how I don't think I like I can't grasp how hard it is to run a marathon because I can't walk a mile. Mm-hmm So I'm just trying to like imagine that and then do you know how emotionally and physically draining it is to perform How yes like how is it possible speaking of like how why is not everyone hot How is it possible that some people can't even walk a mile and some people can run 26 and then fiero This is one of those things where it's like Okay, I just simply don't get it you know type thing because I'm like why is everyone crying but then I'm like I don't know because I can't put myself in your hookers because I've never It because it's a feat of the human body I know but like I run a lot and I'm like I just don't I'm not there. I can't wait to experience what they're What that feeling because like I want to I just like I'm looking at it and I'm like Okay, hopefully one day if you run a marathon you cross the finish line You feel it everything in your body you feel all the 26 miles you just ran and then you can put yourself in a position to imagine Like what if I had to go be fiero right now? Right Um no, I'm gonna have a hundred beers if I drink that if I if I run the near man like how can I I'm proud of everyone that did it. I'm saying like I genuinely like have not I don't know what that experience is like so from looking from the outside in I'm gonna be I also am bummed I didn't get I didn't make it back for that day in the city Which I also think like maybe being there. I would be able to like feel the emotions. Yeah But so far I'm just Something to look forward to next year. I hope I Do have to start training to right now Yeah, I think I would if you ran the New York City marathon. I would fly in for that really oh my gosh, okay Um put it in your calendar. You have to go challenge. It's so nice to like it's a nice to work towards something It is nice to work towards something like when what are you saving for via rocket money? Saving for your glasses my glasses. Yeah, if I lose my glasses. I'm telling you guys. I think I'm we have to I'm going to I'm going to go to jail I'm going to turn myself in for a crime. I didn't commit because it's just like these ones need to stay with me for the rest of my life I need to get new glasses in contacts Um, I was at an event last night. Yeah, season three to Brittany and or report what an incredible feat And she had like a very like uh royal themed event that there was a magician slash wizard yeah, and he did a magic trick where he was like I'm gonna like induct you into this society blah blah blah blah It's like to be inducted into a society like you need like a mark So he had me like close my fists and then he was like Okay, which pick a fist and I was like left and he's like okay great open it and there was an x on my hand My and my fists were closed so I was like How how did you put that there put that thing back working? Remember to help me so help me So I thought a lot about it I think he might have touched me like before he started like This whole thing before I close my fist. I think there might have been he might have touched my hand That's fine, okay But let's say he touched me and like there was some sort of transference of this sharpie or stamp whatever it is How would he have known my fists were both closed when he said pick a hand So how would he have known to put it on my left When it's women's intuition. I don't know that like to me This is like magic does exist my fists like I they were Shut I don't know and then the next thing he did don't want to know when told you no one could tell me because I posted on my story I saw that you you posted it and someone was like it's a stamp and I was like okay. I can See a world in which he like touched me before yeah, I cannot see a world. I am positive both of my hands We're closed when I said left and this is something that I can't get involved with So oh here's right, but like I almost don't even want to know magician somehow wrote on my hand If someone can tell me how I'm losing my mind pull out a highlighter and take the cap off while I do it all the time with a highlighter While motioning to your audience about the highlighter in your hand while doing said motions mark your finger up Mark your fingertip the motioning mask. Did he lower your hand so that you could see better like at any point move Ask a member of their audience with both palms face down in front of you and you grabbing their hands to lower them to some different Yeah, he did lower my hands to different altitude So we can all see better is where the secret marking takes place that person forgets about because after your mark You want to back off with body language and make them forget with more showmanship that you've ever touched them But how did he know to put it on my left hand? Can I ask that? How do you do it with Sharpie even as a sharpie highlighter? You know what I bet it was You know what I bet it was what I bet it was like if He guessed the right one the bits over if he guessed the wrong one He probably would have changed his like final. Yeah, what would he what could he have said like right? Like I told you I couldn't do that joke anyways check your left hand and he would have it would have been on there. That's probably Okay, we'll go then explain this one to me. Okay He had me and Channing stand across from each other Eyes closed Everyone is watching because they're always doing that anyways. He says Tell me how many taps you feel on your body. I felt three taps I say three Channing says three everyone's like holy shit. I'm like what was going on because my eyes are closed Then he says okay, I'm gonna tap you and I want you to point to where on your body. I tapped you I point to my nose I seem chaining points to her nose because everyone's like holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit We open our eyes He goes ahead this whole time. I was only touching one of you So he had established a bluetooth link between Channing and I it's actually me and Channing grammatically, thank you, and He was only touching me but Channing felt the exact amount of touches on her body in the same spot Both times that's bizarre. I don't know. No, I can't twins Can we look that one up busy? How do you think you would what do you think you would google? bluetooth link Between two people magic trick. He was freaking ridiculous. I also like If I could manifest like my perfect man in the bonus section of like I would do magician Just by the way magicians are I think that's like the most talented you can be magicians are so much fun to bring to a party Like to hire a magician for a party the thing about most magicians and I'm so sorry to the magician community You linger a little bit too much like you know when the joke is over and kind of Go have a drink or something the magicians. I've been around in my lifetime at parties. They are very much like overstaying a little bit because I want them to overstay as long no no it like it's to a point where it's like okay like that's that was fun I don't know, the magicians I've met are definitely-- - You would have liked to. - You would have liked Scott. Okay, the answer lies in NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. It's a method which you could change behavior through words, but using certain words or refraising words, you can manipulate the action of a person, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - Well, tell me how-- - This is not gonna get us anywhere in here. - How did fanning feel that? - This is not gonna, we need to-- - To make you feel like you're being touched, the magician will ask for your consent and state that you are not going to be touched directly, which would make you feel comfortable positive affirmation. Then you're told without any contact, he can cause a feeling of being touched by simply touching his or her own body. He, she said he can do with anyone in the audience, which made you uncomfortable, especially your form in a large crowd. - We gotta wrap this one up. We gotta wrap this one up. This is not making any sense. - After rustling around and having his/her way with you. - Okay, we gotta wrap this one up. - I don't understand. - I gotta talk to you about-- I gotta talk to you about pastrami in the bonus. - We just then doubled that, that doesn't, can we watch this video in the bonus? - Yeah, sure. - Jiskin, I have to be sure about that. - Okay, I do too. - Okay. - It was nice talking to you. - Yeah, it was, that was such a blessing. - It really was. - Yeah, thanks for coming all the way. - Sometimes a blessing. - Oh wait, I wanna do this unboxing in the bonus. - Okay. - But we got, I love doing book unboxing and we got Lucas Gage's-- - Lucas. - Who I freaking adored and obsessed with. We got his memoir, which I'm really excited to, sorry, I just showed our address. I'm just really excited. I'm just gonna put my hand over the address. I'm really excited to be diving into this in the bonus and you go pee, girl. - Thank you. Okay. - I love it. - Thanks guys. See ya. - It's a dress to fibula and brook. - That's very cute. - I love him. - I love him too. Okay, thank you guys. Everyone, remember to try to reinvent the wheel today. Bye. (audience cheering)