Notes From a Certified Madwoman with Lisa Lacy

I want to thank our sponsor for this episode, "Bedicated." You track your sleep, you track your steps, maybe you even track your protein, but what about your pleasure? We spend so much time talking about our physical and mental well-being, but our sexual well-being often gets left out of the conversation. That's why today I want to tell you about our sponsor, "Bedicated." It's an online platform with more than 150 expert-led courses covering sex and intimacy from understanding pleasure and desire to relationships and exploring what works for you. And you don't have to dive into hours of content. You can start with just five minutes a day. If you're curious, click the link in the show notes for this episode and take the quiz to get your personalized road map to sexual happiness. Once again, that is "Bedicated." Welcome to the Trauma Thipper's podcast. My name is Guy McPherson, I interview incredible people who dedicated their lives to helping those who have been impacted by Trauma. Big thank you to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show. Five, four, three, two, one. Our folks, welcome back to the podcast. I'm very excited to have my guest today, Lisa. Lise, Lisa. Welcome. Hey, how are you guys? Nice to be here. Thanks so much for having me. Awesome, awesome. All right. The writer, Trauma educator and speaker whose work explores trauma, identity, nervous system adaptation, and the psychological patterns people develop to survive. After nearly three decades in corporate consulting and high stress environments, she transitioned into trauma-informed education, recovery, advocacy, and storytelling. Now drawn from her own recovery, from addiction and psychosis, Lisa explores emotional masking, depressionism, hyperindependence, and survival responses as adaptations that once served a purpose. She's the author of the fourth coming memoir, Notes from a Certified Madwoman and its companion Field Guide. She's also the host of her own podcast, Notes from the Edge. All right, Lisa. Thanks for being here. Before we get going, share with our listeners where you're from originally and where you are currently. I am originally from the swamps of Louisiana, Pearl River, to be exact, right by the honey on swamps if you've ever seen swamp people right there. And I now live in Georgia, married myself a couple of Georgia boys, not at the same time, and find myself currently in the beautiful state of Georgia. Awesome. So, how does this start for you? Well, it starts with me living with a, on top of everything else, a congenital blood disease. That is high-risk, risk in life-threatening, it's a clotting disorder that has hospitalized me and almost taken me out with pulmonary embolisms on numerous occasions. And I had a cluster of clots in my lung at the beginning of this year. And I turned 50 right after it. My guy, when these clotting events happened previously, I just went back to work. I'd get discharged from hospital on Thursday. I'd be back to work as my workaholic high functioning self by Monday, like it didn't even happen. But turning 50 did something. And so, we had big grandiose plans for 50 and I told everybody, screw off, I'm going off to the mountains with my 21-year-old Italian Greyhound and it's going to be him and me. And I got there on Monday, was looking at this beautiful sunset over the mountains on Wednesday when I turned 50, bawling because I didn't want to leave with these stories stuck inside of me. And there comes the memoir and there comes the podcast. All right, so you started at 50. What the heck happened early on? I mean, you said you were born with this congenital issue. Disease. Yes. Disease. What was growing up like for you? Well, growing up in the swamps of Louisiana, it's its own character, you know? The swamps are its own character, I grew up in poverty, I grew up in a lot of abuse, I grew up with a lot of addiction and I ended up in alcoholic myself. I was a high functioning alcoholic for about 20 years running six figure businesses while cycling in and out of psych words, in and out of jail, in and out of inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation to try to end the cycle. So my real healing journey, though, started at 40 years old. I got kicked out of outpatient rehab for playing the bullshit game with too much fervor. Who hands a bunch of recovering addicts, a bullshit button? The guy seriously had the word bullshit on it and our job was to call each other out on their own bullshit. And I'm good at that. I'm very intuitive. Like enduring groups? Yes. In a group circle. It was our job to call each other out on their own bullshit. I like that. Yeah. It was fantastic. Yeah. And that's what it is. It said bullshit, bullshit. So what were you serving up that got you noticed? Well, I was playing by the rules according to myself and I did make a woman cry because as far as I was concerned, she was holding back on us. And by the time I came back that following Monday, they said my anger was above their pay grade. Now this was a system that was running on old science. And I had just gotten out of a dual diagnosis high end inpatient rehab. And I wasn't thrilled with that. I wasn't thrilled with how patriarchal the system was that they were running there and I questioned it. So it wasn't just that I played the bullshit game with too much forever. It was that I had indicated I had done several of the activities already and they were very difficult to get through the first time. I'll give you a for instance, when I got into the dual diagnosis inpatient rehabilitation center in Arizona, we had to do a trauma timeline of all of our trauma starting from birth. Took about two weeks and then we had to spend half a day presenting it to 10 strangers that we didn't know other than the two weeks it took us to get to know each other. And when I went to this outpatient rehabilitation because I knew I was going to need additional support. When I got home, I voluntarily entered this. I voluntarily entered inpatient rehabilitation. They asked me to do the same thing again. So I declined and I said, I've already done that and they asked me to make a collage of my childhood to which I said, am I supposed to make a collage of sexual assault and satanic worship? No, I'm not going to find those pictures in a folk magazine. That was day one guy. That was day one. All right, let me pause you here for a second Lisa. So obviously, extremely troubled, I mean, horrific childhood from what you're describing here. You talked about diction, how as a young kid, 11, 12, 13, how are you managing? I was a performer, I was a stage performer in a competitive dancer, that's the only reason I survived. I was a straight A student, I was co-captain of the cheerleading team. I was a performer, and that was my escape. And what about siblings? I'm an only child. Okay. Was there anyone that you confided in? No. No. Okay, friends and school, no one. Nobody knew what was happening inside my household until I can remember being 40 getting out of rehab, posting something on Facebook. And one of the girls I hung out with in Louisiana was like, I had no idea, yeah. We were supposed to keep it a secret. So at what point, at what time, at what age did you start using substances? I was 16, I was 16. I left home at 16 and a half. So I finished my junior and senior year on my own. When you left home, where did you go? I originally went to San Antonio, Texas to stay with a friend and her family, her parents. She was a high school friend who had moved away and lived in Texas. That lasted for about three months. I was a hostess at a restaurant, a chain restaurant at the time. And the manager there took pity on me, lied about my age at the time, let me wait tables because he knew I could make enough to get my own apartment if I waited tables. So I waited tables. So I waited tables while I finished high school my junior and senior year in Texas. What happened, how did things unfold, did you go to college, what did you do instead? I did. I ended up. college when I was 20 on full scholarship for performance and then reconnected with my family and my mother was in consulting, healthcare consulting at the time and I segwayed into healthcare consulting alongside of her. Eventually I would end up backpacking in Alaska for about six months with a friend and we spent a lot of time intense so I came back and knocked up so my options were unemployed actress or corporate consultant so I accidentally became a healthcare corporate consultant educating physicians for 30 years of my life to support my families. There have been a few. Okay so it sounds like from what you said it was lucrative? Yes, very yes. I was making six figures by the time I was 22-23. Okay and yet concurrently you've got stuff going on. Are you still addicted? No, I'm celebrating eight years clean alongside my husband. Oh the whole time. Yes, the whole time. Okay. How are you managing? What are you doing to survive in a sense? You know that is a fantastic question. I think if it weren't being such a workaholic and being the primary financial provider for other people I would not be here. Yeah. Yeah. I I I I disappeared myself into achieving like I had as a child. Right? Because that was my safe place. I found the things I was good at and I did them in tunnel vision. But yes, I was an alcoholic up until 40 years old. Now mind you at 15. My mother was told that I needed professional assistance for emotional maturity, emotional intelligence. I had a suicide attempt at 15 and I can still remember it guy. My mom cast out the doctor checked me out AMA and we moved. Was how that got handled. So I would not get professional support until I was 40 years old after that. Wow. Yeah. Okay. So what happens at 40? I was in an abusive relationship and we ended up in a physical altercation. I'm also a martial artist, a really good one. We ended up in a physical altercation and I got arrested for domestic violence and that's when I realized that I desperately needed some assistance. And I didn't know anything about mental health, my mental illness, any illness as disorders. At that time, I just knew something was very, very wrong and I intuitively, I intuitively chose a dual diagnosis rehabilitation center, which looks at both your mental health as well as any addictive components that you may be struggling with. And I had a team of five of the most brilliant women. The guy, I'll tell you it, you know, they said you're trauma bonded, they're spiritual abuse. I mean, I walked in thinking I've got a bad marriage and a slight drinking problem and I left with a chart this thick idea. And on the way home, I spent 30 days there but needed to come back to run the business and to raise my child. She was a teenager at the time. I had gotten my chart because I've been in healthcare my whole life. I got my chart before I left and flipping through, flipping through, trying to absorb all of it. And the last page said this prognosis for recovery, poor to none, due to lack of familial support. So they counted me out. So you read that and what do you, what are you thinking? How the hell am I going to do this? You know, what do you do? What do you do? Well, I keep finding modalities. Now, I was fortunate enough to afford great therapeutic support. And if you name an acronym, I did it, DBT, CBT, neurofeedback, brain mapping, EFT, name it, I did it. But I was still kind of waking up with not a new default. I was still waking up like, ah, this is too hard. I don't know if I want to do this. And then I started finding mentors and transformational coaches. And because of their forward focused momentum, I've really started seeing some change then. But I did need to take the look backwards to see and acknowledge all the multi layers of abuse that I had endured. But it was well fairness. It's more not just the looking backward. It's the healing. Yeah. Right. I mean, it's one thing to look back, but it's another thing to when we're talking about trauma, especially it's to what does it mean to heal that trauma? Yeah. You know, so well, that's incredible. So you found these amazing people. You start generating this momentum. How do things unfold? Are you in a relationship? No, I wasn't for about three to four years. I met my husband, my current husband, healthiest relationship of my life. Thank you. But we work at it because we're both recovering addicts, right? So we have to. We do not have the luxury to not work at it. But we are both so I don't think anyone has the luxury of the work at it. Well, see, I don't know. I don't know what it's like to be anyone else but me. But yeah, no, I was not in a relationship for a while after getting out of that last one, because you know, getting out of a trauma-bonded relationship feels like you're dying. It feels like you're everything. And so it took years to just finish the divorce. And then years after that to actually go no contact, I would go back. We would start to be friends. Then we would start to be friends with benefits. Then the alcohol would come back. And then I was right back in the same cycle. Yeah, right back in the same cycle. So it took a lot of persistence. It took a lot of getting knocked down and it took a lot of just continuing to get back up. At what point Lisa, did you say, okay, I want to start helping. I am also a QHT. That's quantum healing hypnosis technique practitioner. That's Dolores Cannon's method. I was doing that in addition to my corporate work in my home prior to the pandemic. Once the pandemic hit, I said, you know what? I can just do online coaching and I tried and I tried. I say tried. I did work with people in helping them through their trauma, through a multitude of different programs. It is evolved as I evolved because I evolved so quickly. But that is really not my jam because I've heard enough sad stories. What I love doing is what I'm doing now as a podcast host is talking to the people who are on the other side. They went through the dark stuff. Now they're on the other side. Now they want to help people. So I've really dig having those conversations. I think doing heavy due to trauma work with people. I did it for five straight years. I taught in recovery centers. I taught in addiction centers. I taught emotional intelligence skills. I taught out of my own workbook. That just got heavy for me. Again, this cluster of clots in my right lung at the beginning of this year really made me realize, okay, I'm done with the one on one trauma coaching. I'm not going to do that. And there are I'm a storyteller. I'm a trained storyteller. By the way, during all of this, I was going back to university for storytelling, for psychology. I mean, I was making money so I didn't need the degree. I just needed to go and take all the fun courses and when it got time to take my I didn't have to. So I didn't. So yeah, I still need to take my one or one. Yeah, it's ridiculous. No, no, no, man. So what what let me let me ask you something Lisa. I think it's very interesting that you teased out what you you were doing from what you know and you were able to say I don't want to listen to all these stories I mean I from what you said you you can appreciate them and respect them of course but it's too much for you yeah too much for most of us yeah but I learned a very interesting there was a very particular element to the to the stories you do want to help encourage and help listen to and talk about that how did you how did you figure that out and we should just say for our listeners your podcast is notes from the edge yeah notes from the edge okay we're going to have that linked up here thank you but we'll talk about those the excitement you get from listening to that or those those those conversations well I get to talk to so on that Wednesday crying I had put out to source goddess god divine energy universe whatever is is within us and above us and around us helping us that I wanted to have better conversations right I wanted to have conversations that make me think I wanted to be in rooms where people were smarter than me people have the things that in terms of qualities that I like that I admire I wanted to have different conversations that's all I said and what ended up happening the memoir kind of wrote itself it really did it just it wrote itself because it was meant to be told I did not want to transition with these stories of getting locked in uh psych wards and what happens when you're there um to come with me and by the way my friends the the mean age of existence with this disorder that I have is 54 and I'm 50 so that was really knowing at me too and in order to get the book out there I was casting on people's podcasts and it just wasn't doing it for me so about 47 days ago I started my own and now it is currently uh ranked globally on multiple podcast platforms and it's a hit it is taken off and I have my dream job it happened we did it so but okay so what are the stories that you want to hear I want to hear stories from people who are already on the other side of some quote unquote survivors uh so entrepreneurs coaches authors teachers healers they have their own frameworks they have their own modalities for healing they have books coming out or just survivors but that are in a place now where they help other people so they are the helpers I want to talk to the helpers now right I want to hear their stories what I'm also hearing is you want to talk to people who've done or or are already in their healing journey yes okay so that's that's a crucial element it it really is and and every conversation I have I am filled up when I'm done instead of drained and what was happening with the deep level trauma coaching they were getting the payoff and I was leaving very very drained yeah yeah well I think that's it I was seeing an important uh self-realization right we each have to find our own uh path our own strengths what we what what feeds us in a sense yeah uh what when someone say when someone asks you I want to ask you what what is what do you want to communicate to people like what is your I don't want to say what is your story but you've gone through so much this is true yeah and survives well look at you it looks like you're more than surviving yes I I have a glow about me now and I dig it I dig it and here's here's here's what it is guy when I was running into the bottle because that's what I was doing I was running from all these heavy emotions I was running from the trauma running from what happened to me you know when you finally turn in face all of that I'm here to tell you it's not as bad as you think and it gets easier over time and then it gets to be a lot of fun it really does so I went from hating myself to loving who I am as a human I think I'm the coolest chick ever in fact I know I'm just a damn cool chick I'm a kickass time to hang out with I know how I take and click now I can articulate that to the people who love care about earn and earn service to me and life changes exponentially when your relationships are not a hot chaotic mess because then you're not thinking about them all the time you can go off in the world and conquer it but if you're stuck in chaotic toxic relationships they encompass all of you but when you have a healthy relationships that fill you up you can go on to fulfill your mission purpose and desires in this world so I like myself now the big difference huge yeah I like my own company I can be by myself and like it and enjoy it and request it so you said you're not just in a relationship you're married now okay can I ask are your parents still around my dad has passed my mother and stepfather are still living yes do you have a relationship with them not with my stepfather I will talk to my mother on occasion for the sake of my daughter who is now a young adult in her early 20s but when this memoir comes out we're in the pro I'm working with my publisher to figure out what to leave and what not to because she is still living I'll just leave it at that okay and the the memoir is notes from a certified madwoman do we have a publishing date for that yes so it's pre-sell in January 2027 and it launches on February 2nd okay okay and you're still in the process of determining what exactly you're gonna put in there what you should it was written and then my publisher was like oh where's your mom I was like well I just left her out of it she was like nope nope we got to write the real deal yeah because readers know when you're holding back readers know yeah so so what is next for you I think continuing to stay consistent on this path that I'm on be present with the handful of people in my inner circle because they're tried and true and I know it continue to grow this podcast that is taken off so brilliantly for the next few years get the book out because that story won't leave with me and I've got two memoirs already right behind it one is about my father who was a hardcore biker who spent time in prison for running guns and drugs and he left 30 years of letters for me that I never opened until until after he passed and he was not the hardcore biker that we all thought he was and he loved me very very much and I didn't know it until after he had passed and he thought he had a relationship with me through these letters but he didn't know I wasn't opening them yeah so that will be my second memoir so I'm gonna be here for a while I still got I've still got to do as we kind of wind down here Lisa um you know it you it feels like you have so much to share with people who are on unhealing journey and who are struggling and I know you were talking about how there's certain certain stories and um people's lives you just not you don't want to hear right they're too heavy for you right now but I can't help but feel like you have so much to give to people who are going through trying times yeah yeah I I think it's my turn to tell my story now yeah and I think that's why it's not time for me to listen to other people's right now in the way that I was you know right yeah right that's awesome all right at least a lot of people learn more about you um get get in touch with the podcast learn more about the book what's the best we have made it easy peasy it is www.leesaleasy.com that's l-i-s-a-l-a-c-y.com no e you You can find out everything you want to know there, all my socials, pre-sell for the book, and the podcast. Okay, and we'll have all that linked up here at the show and it's page at the trauma therapist podcast.com. All right, Lisa. Love it. It's so inspiring. Looking forward to getting that book. Yeah, me too. Congrats. Congrats. Congrats. Congrats on the podcast. Yes. It's my dream job. I found it. It took a while though. All right. Thank you guys. Take care.