Nobody Knows What They're Doing (And That's Okay) | Ep2 | The Girls Are Talking

This week on The Interface, millions of kids have grown up on camera with their childhood started to content. There's a new law in California that gives influencers the right to be forgotten, and it could impact adults too. And an attack on Russian data centers started a rumor that all the evil disinformation bots had been deleted from the internet. But the truth might actually be a lot scarier. For our take, join me, just Maddox, and me, Thomas Germain, for The Interface. Listen on BBC.com, or wherever you get your podcast. BBC Studios. Not a lot of people know this, but after our first album, we got dropped. That's the thing that's missing for my life, is really feeling ownership over my body. My body didn't feel like mine for many years. I get a message, "Hey, I'm right in the article on the people in the media that didn't make it." And I think he would be a great candidate. But then I realised, we could go to jail, like we could serve our family. You know what I mean? We could actually do time. Five girls and five takes on hot topics, from life, love, money, and all the messy bits in between. We don't always have the same opinions. But that's a fun part, isn't it? But what we do agree on is keeping it so surreal. We have on the show Two Time Grammy Award winner, and it girl, Camille. Over here, we have our favourite single girl about Tom, is comedian, extra rudimentary. So we have a butterfly. Radio presenter, culture queen, and resident diva is run. Also, and content creator, Dara. And let's not forget our pop culture icon, Kisha, but you can. So listen up, because the girls are talking. Okay, so it's time for us to share our highs and lows of the week. I'll start with my first. So my lows are my Instagram algorithm, because I don't know why. I feel like it attacks me. It gives me videos that I'm called for. I get videos that are, it makes me question like who I really am. Like, do you, like, does it look like I want to see someone getting their boobs massage? And when I say boobs, I'm talking about a big, big audience. Yes. And it was a female. You know, I just get things that a man licking his lips slowly in the camera just like trying to pull you in. So, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. But don't you think that that algorithm, I do feel like it listens to us a little bit. So what are you doing? What are you searching? This is what I'm saying. Are you sure about it? It makes me question like, what am I looking at in a picture? Yeah. You've got to start reporting posts that you don't like. Yeah. And I see men trying to throw a strap. I report their posts. Yeah. I'm not doing that, man. I don't believe it. Even if it's a cute guy. No. If you're licking your lips, we don't need that. Yeah. Maybe I should start doing that. Yeah. And one unhinged stent you something and you watch the video all the way through. Oh, yeah. It's something. It's something something something something. Well, yeah. But that's besides the point, you know what I do in my personal time, but still I'm not I'm not pointing for it. So Tara, what made you smile this week? So, he girl is now an author. Woo! So, thank you. So, thank you. So, thank you. So, I'm super happy about that. It's been a long, long process, but things that take longer and they take time. Yes. The fruit of it is even more beautiful. So, yeah, I got to go to my mum and be like, "Mom, look, I wrote a book." Oh. Oh, that's very impressive. It worked out. So, yeah. I'll be coming off this week. Wow. Incredible. Thank you. Sharifa, what was yours? Okay. What made me take my head this week is, so I matched with a man on hinge like three years ago. Okay. And a few years later, I get a message, "Hey, I'm right in the article on people in the media that didn't make it, and I think you'd be a great candidate." Oh. That was magical. On you, can I interview you? Oh. So, I was like, "Oh, sorry. You clearly didn't get the memo, yeah?" Because when we first started talking, I just like comedy, I was like, "I'm actually like a rising star. I don't fit the brief." So, sorry. Find someone else. Then he messaged me and was like, "No, you do fit the brief. Let's talk about it over dinner." I told you how you fit the brief. So, I said, "Don't ever message me. I'm sorry. This is my agent's details. Message her so she can reject you. Don't message me. I don't know you like that, actually." So, that made me shake my head. No, that's diabolical. Do you feel like that was a get back from you saying, "No, I don't want to." Absolutely. That's so funny. That's actually what we're going to talk about today. What would we think of ourselves when we were younger? Would we think that we would be where we are right now? I have five photos in my hand and each one represent one of the girls, but not how you see them today. Oh my goodness. Stop it right now. Oh my god. No, this is just you. I need you. Please, you guys have, like, touched yours away, though, in, like, your photo album. Of mine, I had to go from my busted stage publicly. Oh, there was a lot in front of us. There we go. Which leads me to, I would say, maybe this is, like, the girls you can decide. And I just want to apologise on my hair. You actually look gorgeous. Like, anyone that can't see, key shot is actually, like, mid-wine. Literally, I think. And she's at 15. She's understood. Look at the confidence in what you're doing. I love the vibe. Sensational. So, I love that we look back, which was really nice. But the real question is, is adulthood what we thought it was going to be? No. I don't even think it's going to be straight. Absolutely. I know, but you know I've got theory, right? I don't think that we ever actually, with the only generation who never grew up, I saw this meme the other day, and it was saying, "When you say, 'Are there any adults in the room?' I don't naturally think of myself. Yeah, it's what it was. And then I thought it was to do with, like, my personality, about type B, type of personality, but I'm like, no, I generally call my mum for everything. If I have a panic, like, I still feel like, like, a little girl again. Yeah. Like, I don't feel, only when I'm with, like, children. Yeah. That's what I'm like, okay, they're younger than me. I kind of have to feel them, you know, where you get arrested. Yeah. But, you know, I think that outside of that, I just feel like we just, it's just not what we thought it was going to be. The adults need the adults in our generation, I think. I remember making jokes with Missy and Shabbon, and throughout the Sugar Baves going, "Can you imagine being in this group when you're 30?" Ah! Ah! Oh, wait. I am 25, just letting you know. Yeah. Let's just say I wasn't. Let's say I wasn't a bit older. Like, this is crazy that I'm still doing this to this age. I never would have thought that. I would have thought, like, five kids married, been and done that, kind of thing. And, like, three. Yeah. And my passion's still there. Yeah. You'll do. I don't know if anyone feels it, but did you feel more as an adult when you were younger than you do? Like, I feel younger now. You get angry. I feel more an adult in my teens. I mean, maybe it's the responsibility in life, but I feel younger now. I just feel like, also, we've had a good three or four years stolen from us. Yeah, real. Because COVID, as far as I'm concerned, I'm still owed three or four years. Yeah. Let's put these up first. And then on top of it, I do feel like now, adulty, no one told us how many bills you have to pay. Like, at school, I'd rather have learned you're going to pay loads of bills, you're going to have to go to work. Like, those are things I wish I'd learned at school and just been a bit more prepared for. Yeah. Because when adulting hits, the only thing saved me right now is M&S. M&S is the one thing which hit me up. Big up, Catherine Turner. You know what's crazy? I've got Catherine Turner. I, when I was younger, I was rushing to be an adult. I was like, what, I've got a boyfriend at 14. When I got to 16, I was like, you've been to give her for two years. You were just going to, like, live together. I have kids. That's what we're going to do. We're grown. Now I'm like, Mum, please, can you come clean? Because I don't want to. It's going to be like, what we have been for dinner today. I don't know. No. Why are you asking me? I know. And I think once it was, oh, you're an adult now, I was like, damn. And then even I was talking to one of my friends that other day and I was like, bro, do you remember secondary school? What I would give to go back to school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. I love school. You know what the biggest eye opener for me was? Like, you know, there are certain times you might be around a group of friends. And you might be like, you know what? It could be a girl's night. Yeah. It's like, I dare or a truthful deal, whatever it is. I'm one of those people where I'll do the knockdown ginger, I'll do with, I throw eggs at cars like, get me on your girls' night and have all the more things. But then I realise, we could go to jail. Yeah. That's fabulous. Yeah, that's fabulous. We can trust that for some time. So then, you know, things like that definitely wake me back up. Yeah. I do love being like an adult because you can do adult things. Yeah. But also. You have adult money. You can do adult things. Yeah. But I just thought that there was a bit of a catch-20, because now, yes, you can do the adult things. You have the disposal in-commerce, if we're lucky enough to have it. And then you're just tired all the time. So pretty. I just thought, like, as an adult, I'm just always tired. I thought, like, by the time I get home, the last thing I want to do is go out and do anything. Yeah, for real. I just thought, like, it's the cycle that we need. Magnety and babe. I do need some, like, needs. You know what? My friends yesterday, they were like, right, Ty, what are we doing for your birthday? I'm not a birthday celebration. They're like, "Torri birthday is coming out, what are we doing?" And I was like, "Let's go to our hotel and stay in." Like, we all just wear pajamas, and we just chill. You don't want to get dressed up? No. I love you. No. I just want to chill. I don't want anything responsibility tonight. Let's just chill, order food, and just whatever. But, like, what you said, I feel like when I was younger, I'd be like, "I'm staying up until 4 a.m., 5 a.m., whatever." Now, I'm, like, I'm in bed by 7.30, I sleep by 8.30. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry for what about you? I'm not going to lie. I don't have these kinds of adult patterns. I sometimes, I fall asleep at 4, and then I wake up at 6. And then sometimes I'll go 48 hours without sleep. And then sometimes I'll sleep for the whole day 'cause I've got the day free. And sometimes I'll have a girl dinner and sometimes I'll eat the same thing every day for two months. - Must be nice, isn't it? - Love the solar aspect. - Do you know what I think it is? I think I've never actually had structure, like ever my entire life, like I lived with my mom that was very unstructured. Then I was with my dad and I ate McDonald's for like two years for breakfast and dinner. And yeah, I've just never had structure and then I was in the system for a little bit. So it's always, I've always just been able to make it up. There's even like with school for like the whole of your 10, not the whole of your 10. I went, I did like a few weeks of your 10 at the end but I was just at home chillin' at my dance 'cause he was like, we're gonna get you in school but then I guess he didn't. - Do you think, do you think 'cause you get older, you'll still maintain that free spirit? That's so fun. - I always, I mean, I think there's two sides to it for sure, but I always thought I'd just naturally grow out of it. But as time is going on, I'm realizing, no, you actually have to be intentional because you're just not gonna suddenly start doing adult stuff. You will do teenage stuff at a big age if you don't be intentional. But then is that necessarily a bad thing or not? Because I mean, I haven't got any kids and I have to go hard right now. - For real. - Yeah, for real. - I was just so crazy. I feel like me and you were quite similar. I think when we first done our makeup for the photo shoot, I was sitting and was both quiet and then I was like this. And then she was like, "Hey, Shreve, you're right." She was like, "Hey, Tara, you're right." And then we started talking. He got autism, he got ADHD, yeah, same thing. Yeah, I've got the same thing, yeah, no, no, no. I have to medicate to go to sleep. If I don't take pills to go to sleep and talk to her, - Sleep and take. - Girl, I've got something in my bag. - You got it. - I've got you. But I've had to, as I've got older, I've had to create a structure because every day turned into one week as a day for me. So I get it, 100% gay. But like I said, like you said, I ain't got no kids. Let them days go into. I only need to sleep when I have work problems. - Yeah, yeah. - I feel like you're only as old as you perhaps. It's like age is also a mental thing. Like I've met a 42-year-old that is miles younger, it gives vibe, everything, then somebody that's maybe like 38 and they're like, they almost age themselves. I feel like sometimes people just give up with life. Like girls need to stop amplifying themselves. That's another thing. Like a lot of people are all rich now. - We're not rich now. - Yeah, I think rich flat on team is cool. - But that's like a rich flat, TT. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's that part. - But like I find a lot of people sometimes are like, if for example, you know what you're saying, like the birthday thing, like you want to say in, that's fine, like that's not the issue. But it's like, for example, if it's like, now you're going out and you're like, it's time to go out and somebody's like, wear this and you're like, no, I don't want to wear this or now. I'm not, you know, I'll stick to a like a flat shoe over here. I'm like, girl, I was like, (laughing) (laughing) - Like, yeah. (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - I'm gonna call that a lovely flat shoe. (laughing) - You know what I'm saying? - But there he was on. - It's just described me, don't be this person, I'm like. (laughing) - That's his name. - I am her. - Me and a flat shoe. - I may have the hair one today. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is just for the kids. - Are we a flat shoe, my love? - Are we a kids? - Everyone's a kid. - Everyone's a kid. - I just brought for it. Just give me some kids. - He said he was a kid. - He got a little kid in front. Me, I've got a long foot. - So, it just looks longer. - Yeah, for real. - You can't do a turn with a kid in, I get it. - I just give me a train on. Give me a train on. - I have a train on. - I have a train on. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - So, guys, when you were teenagers, what did you want to be and why? - I wanted to be an architect. And so, I learned how long it takes. - That's a dream. And I felt absolutely no. And I kind of just changed my plan. I feel like I've just wingsed it. I wasn't like, I want to be an astronaut, when I'm over it. I never had that. I just kind of fell into it, you know? - Yeah. - But, three maths and economics. And then I went into music. - She's smart. - She's weird. I don't know how I got here. - I don't know how I got here. - You're like a maths genius, don't you? - I love maths, yeah, I'm a maths physics. - Yeah. - I've studied economics, what's my thing? - Come on, yeah. - I've got a theorem, but I've just said it equation. Could you answer that? - Not off the top, but I mean, I'm good with like functions of X, I love it. We'll need to chat, 'cause I like doing maths. - Oh my god. - Oh, you do? - I do like maths, you see, there's two papers on a board. - Oh my god. - Oh, you do? - Okay. - Oh my god. - Because I'm like, literally my last grade in school, they put an X through the paper. - Oh, yeah. - No, we give up. - Your papers? - Oh, I wanted to be a dancer, but then I, a hip hop freestyle dancer specifically. But I also, so when I started living with my dad when I was 14, really randomly, I discovered Mori. - And he told me that some of them were actors. So my dream, side dream, like I wanted main dream, dancer, side dream, I wanted to be one of the people that go on Mori and I just wear wig and be like, I don't know who my baby father is. I got Tyrone here in Jeremiah. We gon' find out and I just wanted that for myself. (laughing) - I'm Rikile, do you remember Rikile? - Oh my god, Rikile, Rikile, I was really good. - That was really good. - It's like a fever dream, but I remember it. - Yeah. - She's like, when I was one. (laughing) - Don't forget the OG Jeremy Carl as well. - I love Jeremy Carl, sure. - How, and my Jeremy done so much sometimes. - It was yeah. - It was a long winded as well. Like, Mori was like, bang, bang, bang. DNA test, DNA test, DNA test. Jeremy Carl was like, oh, episode. - I was like, him always telling people to get a job. - Get a job, yeah. - I feel like Mori was a condescending. - Yeah, no. - Jeremy Carl was very condescending. I mean, I watched it, don't get twisted. - Yeah. - But he was very like condescending. - Yeah. - Condescending and long winded. - Winded, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - So to find out if Lisa with no teeth is the biological mom. - Love the heron more than the child. - Yeah. - The heron, Mori was like, you get to find out five people's DNA test. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You get to see five women around. - And we're thinking. (laughing) - It's so good. - Yeah. - So it was HD friendly that one. - Yeah. - It was really bad for the coach. - Yeah. - Really HD friendly. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So when I was younger, younger, I used to say to my parents that I wanted to be, bear mind I'm Muslim, by the way, everyone my family is, but I used to go, I want to be a pink Christian doctor. I really, really specifically. - Okay, okay. - Specifically those three things. Then I wanted to be a doctor for a bit, 'cause I think my parents were. So I was like, okay, that sounds really cool. Then I saw, now stress they were, I said, maybe not. But I was like, theatre school and all of this, like growing up. So I loved that. So I wanted to be like a pop star, or not pop star actress, that kind of thing. - In that field. - From a young age and then my parents tried to club with those dreams out of me, and then I grabbed a box, so it was basically, yeah. - Wow. - Wow. - This week on the interface, millions of kids have grown up on camera with their childhoods turned into content. - And an attack on Russian data center started a rumor that all the evil disinformation bots had been deleted from the internet. - For our take, join me, Just Maddox. - And me, Thomas Germain, for the interface. - Listen, on BBC.com, or wherever you get your podcast. - True for, do you feel like there was any hurdles like on your way to where you are now that got in your way? - Just even getting to the studio, there's a hurdle. Obviously, I'm very ADHD. So I think that just naturally creates hurdles all the time. But I feel like I've gotten very good at just freestyling, like anything could happen. Crackhead could try to fight me. I would still get here, like, it's still going to work out. I'm still going to be sat in the seat. And I think when you have a lifetime of random stuff happening and having to, or not happening because I'm causing some of it, when you have a lifetime of that, you get used to just being like no matter what comes at you, you're going to get to where you need to get to. So I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad thing because I wouldn't have developed those skills otherwise. - No, I think it's really relatable because I think that a lot of the times we go through so much like stuff. And then you think it's like at the time, the worst thing in the world. But there's no one who's ever gone through something that didn't learn something from that experience. Even though it's hard, it's not easy. But I do think that it's the making of who you are. And that's why you're here today. And then when you have children, if you decide to have them later on, imagine all the gems you get to give to them, you know? - And the ADHD. - Yeah, that's good. - And the yeah, that too. - I'm so scared. - I'm not having kids until I'm very, very, very ready if ever to be honest because I just know those kids are going to be cartwheeling and doing too much. And I'm going to be overstimulated. - I love cartwheeling. - We'll get them to me. I will babysit. - Are you really? - Yeah, I love babies. I love babies. Give them water to it. - They're also going to be-- - Give them water, me, me, me, me. - I love them more. - Drop yours off next time. - I will. - We're going to stop them affair with the one. - How about you guys? - Well yeah, I was like, I went to university and I worked in corporate. So I was like in finance. I went to investment bank for a while. So I was like real like econ, maths kind of lover for a bit. And I did it because like my parents being immigrants, they were like, especially my dad. My dad was born to a very poor family. He was like one of the first to go to university and he was like, all of you, don't shame me in this country that I brought my ass to. So we had no choice but to go to university and do like serious jobs. But I was very grateful for when the pandemic hit because I was like, look, I've told you I can, I've showed you I can do it. I just don't want to. And love and respect and guidance. But you're pushing your age. I've just started mine. So I've really got a live life for myself. So it just goes back to what I was wanting to always do before and I used to always be singing. And I was like acting and all of this and like classically trained singer and playing piano. And we did a lot of the work. growing up. But I so I think I was grateful enough that my parents like supported the hobbies that we had. But then I was the one out my siblings that's like made that hobby more of a career like this. But now that when they see that you're doing well I think it's any parents like worries that you're just going to flop. Especially immigrant parents or like when your parents or grandparents aren't from here it is that feeling but I think once they start to see you do well and you're stable that's when they go okay yeah they loosen the reins a little bit. More hurdles like that but oh this is actually really good. My dad once sent me a text he said the winner is a normal person who never gave up trying and that just shows like you just got to just go. Yeah. Yeah like I had such a similar experience to you actually just for the kind of 180 flip of our previous kind of you know backgrounds and finance and stuff and then I one day just walked out of my shop. Honestly though I never advocate walking out of a job but for me it was it's you just like I physically can't do this anymore. How did you quit? It was okay so I was sitting in front of loads of screens like Neo in the Matrix. I said no I can't do this anymore and I got up out of my desk and it was raining outside and I just act like I've no support from seeing come back. I love that. And I walked out into the rain and it was giving like a Jordan Sparks video and a breeze and then I heard the documentary. It was perfect for that moment and I just remember my parents being like come what are you doing like and they put me through you know amazing education and just like what you were saying I just knew I could not do that anymore and I used to hang around in music studios and make music and make songs and stuff and it just so happened the first song that I really was a part of writing wrote when it's number one and that's when they were amazing. That was you know the Saturday's what about us but that was when they were like okay this you can do. I'm okay I'm gonna do this music I was very lucky but I do believe that even if that hadn't happened I still would have kept trying like to say you can't give up when you want to do something. Yeah I was saying earlier backstage that not a lot of people know this but on off after our first album um we got dropped but they dropped like me and Messiah and we were just told like you're not basically good enough and I think that when you're younger and controversy controversies happen I feel like you have this like strong sort of like comeback you know I mean like you I don't ever remember being upset I remember sort of that thing you know as you walked out in the rain it's almost like it's okay yeah someone will want us you know and then literally less than like eight months later we had our first number one with freaks like me and we came back like stronger than ever to be a reason lose why they dropped you that what was it well back then I think that just we didn't the album didn't do as well but it's so funny because back then they expected you to like sell like me and so just that's on the first day basically but if you have if we have these numbers now yeah yeah and but yeah I think it was a kind of to do with that and you know but it's fine it worked out in the end you know but I do think that going through some hard times and hurdles and stuff like it's not a bad thing it's not a bad thing at all I remember when we we started me and Adrian started if you don't know who Adrian is Adrian's my man and we started doing content and we started creating content in 2020 when the pandemic hit and I remember before that I was in a state agent and I hated it I was in a state agent a teaching assistant selling phones at phones for you team mobile everywhere I done it all and I was like I hate it and I remember when the lockdown happened just before the lockdown happened I created TikTok and Instagram for me and Adrian yeah and as they sent us home I said you guys will never see me again and I left and then Adrian's very like logical and there has to be order and he was like how are we going to eat I was like we don't need to eat we're too big anyway we're fine we don't need to eat let's just film there's no need to eat I'm not fine and you know what we went through some trials because we went from two cars to one car to nearly not having a car I had to do my own hair my own braids I can't plant okay I can't but there was other struggles there was things like you can't afford to pay rent like are we going to get kicked out are we going to be whatever and I remember I called my mom and I was like mom why is it when I'm on social media it happened so quickly for other people and why is it always the long way around for me and Adrian and my mom was like the longer the journey the longer stick she was like if God gave it to you like this you'd probably lose it like this because you don't rate it you don't value it yeah so even though the trials are really hard I feel like the trials is something that sustained me if that makes sense yeah without those now I know how hard it was to work to get to where I am and I'm not even anywhere where I like I'm not near where I wouldn't what I see for myself I'm like oh I will not let this go I've been I guess fortunate enough to work with a lot of artists for example of Kraman gone some have had like crazy reality some have been number one overnight so and it's so crazy to see how quickly like even now I could tell you some of his names and you'd be like who yeah whereas they would have been huge you know I mean the time I was working with it and that's really humbled me to know as well on your journey it's how you treat people yeah and it's how you are around everyone around you because it can just come and go yeah so guys I think it's time that we get a little bit deeper under one of your chairs you'll find an envelope and in that envelope will be a question and then we'll unpack it once you find it oh on the back of a chair it's on the back of the chair right so I get to open it yeah go on oh my gosh I feel so special do we do a drum roll I feel like I've never been able to take all the boxes like I've even been like super super successful but then didn't have the love life to match or thought I did and then that came crumbling down or I had a really good relationship and then the career was like in this sort of sand still how about you Tara I feel like this is going to sound cocky but it's not I feel like I don't rape myself enough does that make sense I hope that in time that's something that I would be able to have but I don't think it's something that I would know I think it's forever going to be missing that I have to be out so I've got to be like Tara you going to go in you're going to be fine it's going to be cool that's it yeah Tara you yeah you Tara Tara from Meet the Forts Tara and I do this whole thing and then I walk and I'm like hi guys you okay all of that for hi guys you okay if I didn't I would have been like hey yeah you're right so I feel like is that confidence what is that I think I think it is and you'd be surprised a lot of entertainers are exactly the same and it's the switch is actually when you go on set when the red light comes on and then you turn it on because I don't know anyone really who's naturally like just like I want to do it like not naturally you kind of have to like put it on a little bit you know for sure I feel like I was just thinking about it I still don't have audacity I wish I just still I do do not obtain it and no matter what I do I'm so jealous of the girlies who just be taking up space where they deserve to and even when they don't deserve to and I'm like why can't I be like that I'm always so like humble me for miles and I'm always afraid and timid of like offending or like being too much and I just want to have more audacity like I'm desperate for it because I do feel like at this point I deserve it but the voice in my head will still tell me I don't but if not you then who I think that's like something that I say to my in my brain a lot is like if not me then who like it's him it's in my brain for a reason and maybe this might resonate more if you believe in God right as well but like I like the way that I see it and I think it links to like both what you're saying is like something that I say to myself is like for me like I know personally being believer of God I'm not going to get judged by him and his opinion is what matters most more than anything on the planet right so why would I allow the opinions of somebody else who is in a very similar a creation very similar to me affect what's going on in my life when that wouldn't bother me do you say I'm saying it's almost like ungodly like that's what I have to say to myself it's ungodly to be shy and not take up space because you're there for a reason babe like it's you know what I mean sometimes mefford acting can help you with audacity okay okay I like to think that I'm a middle-aged bolding white man oh yeah what would Brian do always Brian has all that say and do and then do that and I think oh I love to see black people and just women of color people of color having audacity because I'm like yeah yeah I'm talking about like we've been through too much to then just be happy to be here and just get to speak up and just quiet and we know what would Brian do oh my god Brian forget what would Jesus see what would Brian do that's actually very very good because they have like two out of like 10 things on the job spec and they're applying for like CEO with like one GCSE like don't give a toss okay hot girl what is missing from your life oh see we've been really like hi this is there's a right if you're listening on the audio apps I've got I'm the only person on set with a box of cheat sheets next because I'm a bit quiet this is gonna be a little bit deep I am one thing that's missing from my life and I've started to get it back in the last two three years was I didn't feel like my body belonged to me for the longest time and it's only the last couple of years that I've actually started to feel like ownership and I want to get to that that's the thing that's missing from my life is like really feeling ownership over my body. Like I've been through a lot of situations where I've been you know like physically or like sexually assaulted or like I've experienced like violence and my body didn't feel like mine for many years and then even that like I've like that calls me to like balloon and like have like an eating disorder which people didn't associate bigger women with having eating disorders but if you're not eating in an orderly fashion then it that's that's disordered eating right? So like even that like I was twice the size that I am now and I like I remember like comfort eating and like it didn't feel like I remember looking in the mirror and like who I'm seeing in my brain isn't who I'm seeing in person and it's only until like I start going to therapy and experiencing life in a different way that I actually started to actually like you I could touch my leg back in the day and it I wouldn't necessarily feel it was really weird like I genuinely felt like I was it was Isra and then Isra's body and it's only now that I've started to like we're like there and so I want to get to a point in my life where like it I feel like home I don't always feel like home in my own body but I'd like to be there so that's the thing that I think is missing from my life it's really deep but well that's that's so powerful yeah yeah but you know that will help so many women I think you were going for exactly the same thing because yeah it's fine when you think because when I do start to share it I think well I do come across those very like bold and confident all these things and I do share that I think some people are almost shocked they're like oh you can feel that way but also feel that way at the same time that I would say yeah like you can you can say I hate the fact that someone can take that from us I hate the way that those experiences can strip you of who you are so I'm so glad that you're fine and you're way back to that. Yeah and it's nice it's it's a really I really thought that getting back to that would be like the most almost as painful as the journey it took for me to get to the depths of hell but one thing I'm realising is that like healing and even though it might sound or seem super painful the idea of healing you and it's never going to hurt as much as it when it happened to you almost I'm actually really enjoying the experience and one thing I'm learning is that if I'm not enjoying it to go right out my face and get out of there. What have you girls taken from today's episode? I feel like one thing I can see is a collective is that we are all in our truth right now and we've all managed to do this despite all the trauma and things that we've gone through I'm so proud of the fact that every single one of these ladies up here has shared an experience of I went through this and now I'm here and I love that I'm really really proud of us. I love that I I've learned today that I can finally say that I've found someone who will help me with my accounts because I cannot stand the adult inside of getting all the paperwork and stuff together but you're into mathematics all this stuff and so do you know what I mean? I have two people so that's what I've taken from today amazing how about you babe? I've been what I've taken from today is what Camille said I'm going to have some more desi yeah I'm going to be like Brian take up some space yeah take up some spray so I see but you have that shoulder with the part that's what I want to do what shoulders yeah so we'll be the Brian on free Brian one two three so guys we're signing off now thank you so much for joining us we've had the best time make sure you guys follow us on our social media on TikTok and Instagram you will find us at girls are talking official subscribe on youtube and comment below and let us know if your teenage self saw you now what would you think make sure you come back next week with the same girls the same chairs and the same chaos because the girls are talking this week on the interface millions of kids have grown up on camera with their childhoods turn into content there's a new law in California that gives influencers the right to be forgotten and it could impact adults too and an attack on Russian data centers started a rumor that all the evil disinformation bots had been deleted from the internet but the truth might actually be a lot scarier for our take join me just Maddox and me Thomas Jermaine for the interface listen on bbc.com or wherever you get your podcast