No Olds Barred

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Tom Thumb. It's time to stock up and save now through October 27th. Get $10 off when you spend $25 or more on participating items. Just look for participating item tags to earn on eligible items from brands like General Mills, King's Hawaiian, Jack Link's, and Farmer John. Clip once and save through October 27th every time you shop. Grab these hot deals before they're gone. Save on brands you trust. Restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions. This is Matt Rogers from Lost Culture East. That's with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture East. Okay, we've been talking about Kewpie Mayo for a minute now, Bow. And wow, the feedback we're getting. I mean, so many of y'all love this stuff. You're stopping us in the street going, I love Kewpie. And if you're thinking, wait, what is Kewpie? Uh, do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise. The one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle. Once you know it, you start seeing it everywhere. People ask what makes it different from basic mayo. Well, the answer, egg yolks. Kewpie is made with egg yolks only, giving it this incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Burgers, fries, sandwiches, chicken, noodles. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. People who really love food and flavor use it. Whatever you're eating, Kewpie it. So if you haven't tried Kewpie yet, find the bottle with the red cap and see what everyone's talking about. You'll understand. Kewpie, the original Japanese mayonnaise. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live from Hollywood. I'm John Lovett. We've got a great show for you tonight, but first let's get into it. What a week. What a week. During a recent podcast appearance, Hunter Biden described himself as a little bit gay. Are you gay? Only a little bit. More or less than 50%. What? 48.6. Glad to know he's been experimenting with a much less harmful form of crack. Speaking of a little bit gay, after a record 250 days at sea in the Middle East, the five. 5,000-person crew of the beleaguered USS Lincoln has disembarked in the Thai city of Pattaya. And I don't need to tell you what they're looking for next. This guy knows what I'm talking about. That's right, gang qua prick. Uh-huh. A curry that's packed with local chilies and fresh turmeric. The beach city has long had a reputation for sex tourism. The UK's Daily Mail even once referred to it as the sex capital of the world. Good thing there's no USS Mrs. Lincoln. It's actually only sex if it comes from. the Pattaya region. Otherwise, it's just a sparkling handjob. The sailors were greeted by a massive neon sign in the city's red-light district that read, Pattaya City is pleased to welcome the USS Abraham Lincoln carrier and its personnel. The sailors said they were thrilled to finally escape a years-long sausage fest for a month-long sausage fest. Speaking of dicks for sale to the highest bidder, Vice President J.D. Vance took questions from the media on Thursday. He was asked about a variety of topics including Iran, gas prices, and 9/11. Here's what he said about the bipartisan commemoration that he'll be attending next week. I'm really looking forward to hanging out with Joe Biden. I'm sure that we'll have many, many intense intellectual conversations and, you know, it'll be great. We'll have a great time with Joe Biden and the other presidents. It's pretty fucked up that J.D. would take that kind of a dig at Biden, given what he's going through. The man literally just found out his son is gay. President Scorn wasn't reserved for Democrats. Here's what he said about Ted Cruz's prospects of running for president. - Senator Ted Cruz and your good friend, Secretary Headseth, apparently have been privately and publicly, in the case of Senator Cruz, positioning for 2028. Could you see yourself supporting either one of them? - I'd encourage any Republican, if you care about the country, and I think all of us do, you should be focused not on a job a few years from now, you should be focused on the midterms. And on Ted Cruz, I mean, look, man, he's just clearly, Ted is a very authentic and likable guy, and I'm sure he'll do great. - Damn, tough hit from J.D. Vance, America's most authentic and likable guy. It's not surprising that Vance would come after Cruz after what Cruz said earlier this week. - J.D. on foreign policy has disagreed with President Trump on almost every decision Trump has made this second term. J.D. negotiated the MOU, with Iran, that was a terrible deal. - Of course, it's easy to be brave and honest on a podcast, Ted, it's the hero's medium. But do they hate each other or themselves? Vance and Cruz are both ambitious, charmless lawyers who sold out to back Trump, tormented their entire lives by the breezy way others make friends and crack jokes and know just what to say, trying desperately to relate, but unable to hide their arrogance and the bitterness of so much wasted effort. Their public personalities like soft blankets laid over a bed of nails. And they both have beards. Meanwhile, Sean Duffy's wife, Rachel Campos Duffy, said her husband ended up with the current gig as transportation secretary because Trump kicked the last cabinet job his way, explaining, quote, he ended up in that job because it was all that's left. Which is ironic because it was all that's left is what the investigators say at yet another airplane crash site when handing over the job. And they're getting a wedding ring back to a grieving widow. I'm going to come over here to talk about that joke. You're right. And that was tough. It was too dark. We're all worried about dying in plane crashes. And I put in your mind, the idea of a ring being handed back to someone who just lost the love of their life. And why did I think that would lead to any kind of laughter? What darkness and broken thing inside of me forced me to do this to you? Because the writers of the show didn't do that. I did that. I did that. And they would have stopped me, but they've worked here long enough to know that I do not learn until I'm here what is allowed and what is not. And that's a lesson I'll take with me till Thursday of next week when I will do this again. Progressive Massachusetts Senator Ed Markey, age 80, friend of the show, on Tuesday defeated his more moderate primary rival, 47-year-old Congressman Seth Moulton. I'm so grateful to everyone who supported my campaign, especially all of you young people on TikTok, added Markey, while trying to record a video in Apple Maps. Moulton's campaign was against the gerontocracy, believing we need a new generation of leaders who can tackle issues like artificial intelligence. Markey held off the challenge with the help of endorsements by Bernie Sanders, who is 84, and his fellow Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, who will be 81 at the end of her term. "You come for one of us, you come for all of us," said three people who remember where they were when the Soviets launched Sparta. Sputnik. Our hopes are as bright as our phone flashlights in the movie theater. Also this week, the U.S. Mint began selling a dollar coin featuring Trump's scowling face at prices that range from about $1.55 to $2.44 per coin, depending on the quantity you buy. You can also request the coins by their nickname, the "Ball Sack-a-Juh-wee-ah." In other renaming news, in a Truth Social post, President Trump suggested renaming the Strait of Hormuz as the "Trump's Strait," as in America has once again lost control of the Trump's Strait. America has been handed yet another decisive defeat here in the Trump's Strait. And this just in, the Trump's Strait is covered in algae. Trump was later pressed about this at the White House. "How serious are you about renaming the Strait of Hormuz the Trump's Strait?" "Oh, no, I was just thrown out there. I was just thrown out. Go ahead. I was just thrown out there." "He's just spitball balling," said a farmer who can't afford fertilizer or diesel, like how I'm brainstorming ways to get my family the life insurance money. Based on what happened earlier, I actually meant, I realized it was coming. I was like, well, I'm fucked because you're not in the mood to laugh about the worst things happening on Earth the way that I am because something's wrong with you. I think there's going to be one more like that today. Speaking of Iran, according to NBC News, Iranian hackers, there's definitely one more, Iranian hackers have targeted a wide range of American infrastructure. By the way, I'm purposely forcing us to leave this in because now I'm making mistakes inside of this setup. So now what is this going to mean if we're cutting it from the show? Fuck you, Bill. We're leaving this in. Iranian hackers have targeted a wide range of American infrastructure in recent weeks, including water systems, telecommunications systems, and more. And honestly, good. I'd rather deal with Iran than spectrum. And we hear they also fucked with the lettuce, said a bedraggled executive from Taylor, Taylor Farms. On Wednesday, Trump threw his weight behind GOP Attorney General Ken Paxton in the Texas Senate race in the meanest way possible. So Ken Paxton, you might not like the way he dresses and I say this is so insulting to him, but I might as well say it. You might not like the way he looks. You might not love his look. You might not love his television interviews, but he was the best attorney general in the country. Perhaps he was one of the best in the entire country. And that speaks a lot louder. than the suit he's wearing, doesn't look so great. Again, this is the man he's endorsing. Look, you might think he looks like shit. You might think he gives bad interviews. And he does. Trump also had this to say about Democratic nominee James Tallarico. He's running against Talakripo. Now he says he loves meat. You know what he does? He eats meat and he goes outside and he throws up all over the place. Because in Texas, if you don't eat meat, you're in deep trouble. This is a lie, of course, but it's such a weird lie. Why would James Tallarico go outside to throw up? Why wouldn't he throw up in the bathroom? Also, why wouldn't Trump have nicknamed him Barfin James by now? None of this adds up. In other electoral news, Thomas Ross, a Missouri statehouse candidate, faces federal drug charges after asking his campaign manager to slip cocaine and Adderall into a purse owned by his rival in the Republican primary. I guess anonymous acts of kindness are illegal now. I guess generosity is against the law. According to the FBI, Ross sent texts to a campaign staffer about, quote, the substance and said his opponent being caught with the drugs would be, quote, extreme egg on the face. Ironically, the kind of idea you have when you've done a bunch of Adderall and cocaine. Also, and this is not important, getting caught with planted drugs is not egg on your face. You only have egg on your face when you are embarrassed because of your own actions. I'm getting a sense that the candidate who tried to plant drugs on his opponent in order to get a part-time legislative office may not be that smart. But get this, Ross received 32 more votes than his opponent and ended up winning the primary anyway. That's so funny, he said. I didn't even need to try to ruin your life. I would have won anyway. And now I've ruined my own life. Oh my God, I get it now. That's egg on my face. Over in Florida, golfer and car accident enthusiast Tiger Woods has agreed. Sorry. Has agreed to give up his driver's license for five years as part of a plea bargain over his recent DUI. Looks like it's time for Tiger to hit the taking the bus range. In 2009, Tiger drove his Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree. In 2017, police found Tiger asleep at the wheel of a running Mercedes on the roadside at 2 a.m. with two flat tires and damage to the car, plus Vicodin, Dilaudid, Xanax, Ambien, and weed in his system. In 2021, he rolled his SUV and broke his leg in multiple places. The LA sheriffs put his speed above 80 miles an hour in a 40 mile an hour zone. And then in March of this year, he rolled his Land Rover after trying to pass a pickup truck, crawling out of the car with opioids in his pocket. And here's my point. Tiger, buddy, get a driver. You are a billionaire. I mean, I would never get a driver. My Bugatti is too fun to drive. Sun in the sky, Vicodin in my veins, wind in my hair transplants. I love LA. Here's what Trump had to say about Tiger's plea deal. But I thought it was very fair. I mean, I think he's going to have somebody drive him. I told him that a long time. Why don't you get somebody to drive you? So he's going to have somebody drive him from now on. And, and, uh, you know, he's just a very special guy. I'm glad, I'm glad that was resolved. Wait a minute. Trump and I had the same exact thought. Fuck. I gotta, I gotta drink five beers and drive my Bugatti real fast to clear my head. Bill! Bring me my driving gloves and my driving Vicodin. In otter news, a Reno woman was attacked by an otter. She was swimming. She was swimming in Lake Tahoe and had to get 38 stitches, but lived to tell the tale. I just felt something grab me by my leg and pull me under. And it was so powerful. I felt like it was a human. The woman's face here is reacting to that woman's face because it is absolutely covered in otter wounds. Not that we needed proof because we believe women. Applause. Applause. And sure, she looks bad, but you should have seen the otter guy. The woman, Lynette Bellen, continued. Then I turned around and this otter just started coming after me, um, teeth and claws. And, um, you know, my only thought was like, I gotta get away from this. Um, but it kept following me. Fortunately, she was saved when RFK Jr. appeared, grabbed the otter from the water and bit into it like an apple. Thank you for saving me, Secretary Kennedy, she said. Sorry, I didn't see you there, replied RFK Jr., hoping he wouldn't have to share his breakfast otter. After American tennis player Emma Navarro defeated French opponent Louise Boisson at the U.S. Open this week, Boisson was seen smashing a racket in the background. While Navarro celebrated. Many said Boisson was being a poor sport, but I think it was worth it to take out that vicious otter. Penn State University opened what it's calling the Paterno Family Football Experience in honor of the late coach Joe Paterno, who was fired from the institution in 2011 after failing to report serial child abuser Jerry Sandusky. The exhibit features Paterno's, desk, notable memorabilia, and the famous rug Paterno swept the allegations under. And finally, feminist icon Gloria Steinem died this week at age 92. The U.S. Mint will honor her memory with a dollar coin worth 77 cents. All right, we've got a great show for you tonight. Bruce Campbell and Paula Pounce are here, and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. 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I had it at our wedding. We had a bunch of them for people at the wedding and it was great. People really liked it. Z-Biotics is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was engineered by PhD microbiologists to break down acetaldehyde, whatever that is, an unwanted byproduct of alcohol metabolism. Make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and enjoy your next day activity. Z-Biotics has sold more than 14 million bottles and earned the trust of thousands, including us. And again, I just said I used it out the way. I mean, people were taking it. It was great. It was great to have. We had it out. We had it out for people because we thought people would like it. And you know what they did? They said, boy, the next day on a Sunday when they're having a bagel, they're like, I'm really glad I had that Z-Biotic. It's a lifesaver. Try it for yourself today. And if you're unsatisfied, they will refund your entire order. No questions asked. Head to Z-Biotics.com slash love it. Code love it for 15% off your first order. That's Z-Biotics.com slash love it. Code love it. And we're back. Bruce Campbell will be out in just a moment. But first, thank you to everyone who is a friend of the pod. Your support helps keep independent pro-democracy media going. But if you need another reason to join, subscribers get lots of content. This week, you'll get a Polar Coaster with Dan Pfeiffer, plus Terminally Online, where rotating cricket hosts unpack the wildest things showing up on their algorithms. I was on last week's episode. We had a great time. Your subscription also unlocks access to our Substack newsletters and ad-free episodes of all your favorite pods, plus discounted tickets to CricketCon and a lot of other stuff. It's great. Become a subscriber. Support us. I'm trying to do something over here. Head on over to Cricket.com slash friends to unlock all the benefits. And if you're in LA, you can still get tickets to this show, love it or leave it, at Cricket.com slash events. We've got some great guests coming. Such as former U.S. Congresswoman Katie Porter, Twitch streamer and political commentator Hassan Piker, and Cricket's own Louis Vertel and Nina Parker. All right. Please welcome to the stage, from Evil Dead to live on the Love It or Leave It stage, it's Bruce Campbell. Nice to see you. Come on in. Thank you for being here. Bruce. Hey, not a bad couch. Not a bad couch. Not a bad couch. I'm not off. You'll forgive me. Yeah. Hey, conk out. Conk out. So you wrote and directed a new movie called Ernie and Emma, which is out today. Yes. What's it about? You know what? It's an adult movie minus the sex. Oh. That's great. It's adult appropriate. Even though I only look about 34, I am no longer a spring chicken and subject matter that used to interest me in the sort of chainsaw boomstick era no longer lights my way. fire creatively so it's a combination of diminishing skills and lack of interest people always wonder why are you not making any more evil dead movies it's really that combo and as I get into my golden years there's a lot of different stuff that I care about I care about people's like I care about characters I care about people who have not succeeded so this is a movie in many cases about failure and redemption and I love redemption I love a redemptive story where it's a sunrise story too it's a little cloudy at first but by the end hopefully you'll be rooting for this former pear salesman in Pear Valley Oregon who's known as the pear guy and I know what that means I know what being the guy means I'm the evil dead guy I'll I'll be on it'll be on my tombstone you're the evil dead guy it doesn't yeah great great good for you um you can have my tombstone because I don't want that one um you don't want that one uh no no because I've actually done more than horror though here's what I've realized about horror fans they only watch horror I did seven seasons of a tv show like number one show on cable burn notice they don't yeah right right not horror fans those are burn notice fans like I'll say to someone I'm doing a tv show burn notice they're a horror fan they go oh really but I'll say but I'm gonna do you know and some new horror show oh my god so it's okay I I appreciate that fans only watch what they want to watch so I've done westerns I've done a french film I played the king of thieves I played a lot of other parts but if you know me as the evil dead guy that's cool too see I know you as the brother from uh Bill Pullman's brother from 1600 thank you very much yes this man wrote a great part and I'm as pissed as anybody else because he wrote a great part of a sleazy brother sitting sitting there Bill Pullman's brother can you imagine the crap that that he could have gotten his I mean Russian associations he what was he from Vegas or something yes it was because the president in that show made his memory be a blessing was from Las Vegas originally it was supposed to be a much more corrupt and dark show and then uh the network did say well what if it's a working mom trying to have it all and I said great uh that's what we're and I said well I don't know if that's I don't know if that's as funny and then the executive said well if you don't do that I don't know that we're gonna make it and so I was like great tell me what you need we love it actually let me go back great idea uh but the but the idea of the president states being bullied by his older brother was just so funny and we had such a good time doing it um I love that format and I love I love working on that type of show because what was cool about it you work on uh one hour show let's say a doctor show or whatever you'll do a take and there'll be dead silence out there and the video village is way back there and you gotta wait an hour and a half for someone to come and give you some feedback you do a take here the writer's in the room the director comes in they go that was great hey try this when she says this you go yeah so is your mother and you go right got it cool and they're hitting you with the brand new stuff right away so that every take is fresh because and and and and and and and and and and and and you want to please them they came in they're giving you good shit they're giving you better stuff than the previous take because they they liked enough of what you did they're adding it they're building on it so you don't want to screw that up because they won't come in and give you the good stuff anymore so it causes us to work hard to make sure we sell it because if we sell it you'll go give it to Campbell he can sell that crap so you know what I mean so I love that at the kept the energy up it was fun you know we had a good time so i'm pissed too yeah yeah it's been 15 years i'll probably get over it the uh so how long has it been it's been like 14 years since we filmed that yeah that's depressing that's wild so you know look you're now doing this indie film you started an indie film right you know how has it changed how is making something for a small budget with a small team changed between when you started you know 40 some odd years ago um it's weird it's uh telling a compelling story is still as hard that's that never changes something that people can either relate to get into get scared by fall in love with something uh the process is different because it's just it's not as clunky in the old days um you had 400 foot rolls of film that was a limited amount you'd be right in the middle of a single tier monologue and flap flap flap flap flap that camera is out of film sorry now you push a button on the camera you can record all day all day if you really wanted to you'll drive the editor crazy because they got to sort through your stupid footage but uh you can now capture things that you might have had a rollout before i can't tell you how many things rolled out on me in the middle of a take beating stuff over your head with something oh we got to go again you got to break those plates over your head again in evil dead 2 because we ran out the footage ran out so that that clunky aspect is kind of gone now but you still have to tell a compelling story and so in my golden years like younger years yeah let's do some chainsaw stuff let's do boom sticks and one-liners and stuff now i've had failures i've seen people die i've had health issues i've so now this kind of story interests me because i can relate to it now and i actually hope we get some really old people to watch this movie because i actually think they'll relate to it i had a sneak preview in boise and don't take this wrong but the blue hairs came the blue hairs are laughing right now so meaning people of experience you should show it to congress they'll love it oh boy yeah so boy so no no i'm not going to show it to congress now uh evil dead burn so you're you're do you still like horror as much as you still like so this new movie what do you think about this new evil dead i'm gonna i'm gonna give you a horrible admission i've never liked horror gas i told you what do you mean you've never liked never liked it never liked it you're gonna make our first movie so all our all our amateur movies super eight millimeter format were all three stooges ripoffs every single one was comedy every single one now we go to raise money for a feature film from from businessmen doctors lawyers it gets real and you're terrified of them losing the money what could you make cheap you don't need fancy clothes costumes you don't need like the first halloween who was jamie lee curtis no one knew who was john carpenter nobody knew these people they're you they're they're wearing regular clothes driving regular cars you don't have to have a steve martin or john if you did a comedy you'd have to have some name in there so it was a format that nobodies could make with nobodies to show to nobodies in a drive-in and that was a way that you could get in and we had never done horror before and i think between sam went to college and he sort of noodled this idea book of the dead some egypt sumerian book of the dead so he had ruminations but that wasn't our background but i think sam said okay if we're doing horror no holds barred so it's an unrated movie you know uh not nearly as horrifying as some of the stuff that's out now let's see a nice movie let's let's put evil dead on you know well it's funny because that that that quality of of horror movies being kind of easy to make they don't need a star it's still true right like yes there's now we're in yet another kind of moment for hard don't we have horror movies making hundreds of yeah like obsession i you know there's a lot of movies that are just sort of barbarian we were just talking about there's a lot of ruined all those poor actors i feel sorry for every one of those actors why because you think they're trapped in horror now they're a they're trapped in horror uh b they're going to be impossible to work with and c you can't afford them anymore so because they got rich off the movie yeah no no because now they're gonna get rich oh they got stiffed on that first movie and so you feel bad for them yes because they're gonna get rich because of all their success and all the money that's coming their way are you can we can we can we conflict it now because look the blair witch guys did not make any money they sold it and then the people who distributed made all the money they made a sequel and made the money but it happened to suck so it's unfortunate yeah that you got to make it good well you got to try you got to try yeah you got to try now yeah to some driving across the street you got to make it good you got to make it country with your dead spouse's ashes as you do in this film is the plot of a horror movie but for guys like us bruce is romance uh but it can be hard to tell as we'll see in a game we're calling dead meat cute dead meat cute dead meat cute bruce i'm gonna read you the heartwarming long line for a film dripping with romance you're gonna tell us is that the plot of an actual rom-com or a horror movie or horror are you ready or horror rom-com or horror i'm ready two down on their luck travelers accidentally booked the same airbnb only to find their burgeoning romance disrupted by their cranky downstairs neighbor horror that is hard that's 2022's barbarian thank you very much but that could have been In room 622, that could have been the Jennifer Jason Leigh roommate nightmare movie. It could almost be Breakfast at Tiffany's. Upstairs neighbor. A minute, yeah. You know? But instead of a creepy basement villain, it's a racial stereotype in the upstairs room. That's nothing to awe about. That's a fact about Breakfast at Tiffany's. What are we, are we, are you surprised to hear it referred to so negatively? Are we loving Mickey Rooney's performance in Breakfast at Tiffany's? I had a reviewer hate one of my movies so bad that he referred to Breakfast at Tiffany's. I had Ted Raimi play an ancient Chinese man in a movie called My Name is Bruce, and a guy from The Village Voice reviewed it and said it was the most, like, like, most insensitive, you know, racial performance since Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's. That must have been tough. Was it correct? Well, I blamed it on Ted. It wasn't, I didn't, you know, I didn't have that much to do with it. Ted, it's Ted's idea. Yeah, it's Ted's idea. Blame Ted, as we're often saying, as the saying goes, you gotta blame Ted. Blame Ted. A love-lorn loner ingratiates herself with the unsuspecting family of a bed-bound stranger she's never met with whom she's developed an unhealthy obsession. Horror. It's a rom-com, 1985's While You Were Sleeping. That sounds stupid. A gore. A gorgeous journalist falls for a shy scientist before he inexplicably tells her to buzz off. That's the fly. That is the fly. That is the fly. Can you help me with that one? I helped you a little bit. A terrified woman wakes up with no memory of her life and a boyfriend who forces her to relive the same experience over and over again. Rom-com. Rom-com, 2004's Fifty First Dates. God. A plucky teen. The 90s, was that 90s? It was early 2000s, but in that same era. What a lame decade. Just gonna throw the whole decade out? Nothing good in the 2000s for you? You'd have to throw some stuff out. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, there was that, there was, uh. Yes, it was a broad generalization. A plucky teen finds herself pursued by the new bad boy in town on October 31st, no less. Plucky, does it have to be a plucky teen? Yeah, it's a plucky teen, no. Finds herself pursued by the new bad boy in town. I would say. October 31st, that's wrong. Rom-com? I would say that you're not really taking it. Ah, shit. I just think that October 31st was a bit of a hint. Yeah, but, okay, the movie Halloween? Yes. Is that what we're talking about? We're not trying to trick you. Tell me the plot again. A plucky teen finds herself pursued by the new bad boy in town. Jamie Lee Curtis was plucky? For sure. That's plucky. She's insanely, by the end, she's very plucky. Maybe at the beginning a little bit, she's plucky. Let me tell you, she's got golden globes and shit, but she wasn't winning anything in that movie. Wow. Wow. I mean, I've been in those movies. I know how you're supposed to act. She could have done a little better. All right, you know what? It's a tough note for her to do anything with right now. Sort of not the most constructive. No, she came back, she did number four. That's true. So you're saying, like, maybe this note can help the next one. No, when she comes back to do five. Five. Yeah. Well, you know, that's. It's nice to give somebody the kind of respect of constructive feedback. That's what, you know, you don't want to have ruinous empathy. I have, look. I have no. Nothing against Jamie Lee Curtis. And we've always said that. Because she. I just want to be clear. Bruce Campbell has nothing against Jamie Lee Curtis. Right? Good. And guess what? What? She gave it a shot. Yeah, yeah. She gave it her shot. Damn right. And she walked out of that trailer, she's like, I'm going to just show terror in every direction. Yeah. And I did, too. And I was shitty in the first Evil Dead movie. No. We've got to own up to it, folks. Actually, I get better in Evil Dead. Because I figured it out. At first, we were like, what's a close-up? You know what I mean? We didn't know anything. By the end of the movie, we were all figuring it out. So it gets better. So you can throw out about the first half hour of Evil Dead. I'll take the second half. Did you shoot it in order? Yeah, kind of. Cool. It was very docu-horror. Yeah, like, it was horror. Shooting that movie was horror. Do you want more? Why was it horror, Bruce Campbell? Because we didn't have anything. We shot in a remote. We shot in a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere where someone had probably been killed. And a woman named Clara was supposedly haunted that place. We found this out. Someone came while we were prepping this cabin in the middle of nowhere in rural Tennessee, getting it ready to shoot. Someone came up and said, have you seen Clara? We're like, who's Clara? Oh, she'd be about 80 now. And we're like, okay, what does that mean? Well, there was a thunderstorm recently. And when there's a thunderstorm, she walks away from the home. We're like, go on. Because when she was a girl at the cabin, multiple people were killed during a thunderstorm in the actual cabin we filmed in. And in her terror, she ran away through the storm and escaped and managed to live into adulthood. But she was so traumatized. She was traumatized by that event where she saw, you know, Goober and Geezer getting killed over moonshine, whatever caused that in rural Tennessee. She was traumatized. So every time now, even in a home, when there's a thunderstorm, Clara goes walking into the woods and they've found her back at that cabin sometimes. And you're trying to convince us that you don't like horror. You know, look, I watched Lawrence Wells. And you don't even know what it is. I'm so, is that conducting? I'm so sad for you people. Is that this? Is that this? Lawrence, is that this? Oh, my God. People. I like the carpenters. Who are those sisters? I love the carpenters. My dad got a stereo in the 70s when you tuned it right, the red light went on. Sure. And he had new, these new stereo headphones. You could blow them and inflate them so they fit your head perfectly. Dumb sales gimmick. But the first song I heard was the carpenters. Like the one, you know, something coming down from the sky. You'll figure it out. But, and I thought this is the most beautiful music I've ever heard. People think because I, they think I'm a horror guy. Like I've gotten presents at conventions. A woman came up one time. She goes, here's some poetry you really like. I said, thank you very much. And she left and I started to read it. I got maybe three words in creepiest, most offensive, disturbing shit I've ever read in my entire life. But she's convinced because I was a horror guy. You'll really like it. I won't even like it. I'll really like it. So I read it to Karen Carpenter. She didn't like it either. And then she died. Thank you. Thank you, Bruce Campbell. Ernie and Emma. Hit select theaters today. Go to ernieandemma.com for more info. Bruce will be back for the rant wheel and we'll be right back. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Blinds.com. Imagine a home where the light behaves exactly how you want. And you wake up on your own terms, not the sun's. Blinds.com has spent 30 years perfecting the window shopping experience. Backed by 50,000 five-star reviews and over 25 million windows covered. We make it everless to transform your space. You're always in good hands, whether you go full DIY or use their licensed pros. You're in the driver's seat. If you need a hand choosing your style, you can book a free consultation with a Blinds.com design expert. They'll even ship samples to your door fast and free. You can choose from a huge variety of style options at prices that fit any budget. Everything is backed by Blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee. Because at Blinds.com, the only thing they treat better than windows is you. We have Blinds.com in the office I share with John and Tommy. They're great. They're automatic. We have a little thing, a remote for them because it sometimes gets, it's super sunny and hot in the office in the late afternoon. And it's just been so much better to have these blinds. They came and they installed it. They were in, they were out. It was just really a simple and good process. And the blinds are great. Right now, Blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive $50 off when you spend $500 or more. Just use code LOVET at checkout. Limited time offer. Rules and restrictions apply. See Blinds.com for details. Get $10 off when you spend $25. Or more on participating items. Just look for participating item tags to earn on eligible items from brands like Red Baron, Simply, Progresso, and Smartfood. Restrictions apply. This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Okay, we've been talking about QB Mail for a minute. You're stopping us in the street going, I love QB. And if you're thinking, wait, what is QB? QB is made with egg yolks only. Giving it this incredible flavor. A incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Burgers, fries, sandwiches. Chicken, noodles Chefs use it, restaurants use it People who really love food and flavor use it Whatever you're eating, Kewpie it So if you haven't tried Kewpie yet Find the bottle with the red cap And see what everyone's talking about You'll understand Kewpie, the original Japanese mayonnaise And we're back! Please welcome to the stage The one, the only, the pogoing Paula Poundstone You know, it's so different Because your fans come to every show, right? Some of them Yeah, no, these are devoted people Aren't you glad that they moved the show Into the country here? Because where you were before Yeah, you didn't like our old location It bugged you No, it was weird The way it was, it wasn't You had to go through border You had a border control You felt it was too far You're going through border control Passport, customs And this took me an hour and a half But at least I knew I was in Los Angeles The whole time The other one, there were two or three Language changes The signs were in different languages Yeah, no, there was the Czech There was the Czech border patrol They were tougher than the guys On the Slovenian side, for sure Yeah, exactly I would like, by the way, our I would like ice You know, we try to get them To take off the masks And they don't They won't So let's just add A blindfold Wouldn't that be good? If you just lean into it You go, okay, keep the mask And add this blindfold That would be good I think that would make us all safer Well, thank you for having me again You know I'm not sure Now, I think the format of the show Has changed since I was here last Because you do Three, four, five monologues Two We're a double-taker You're double-taping for the holiday You're double-taping for the holiday For Labor Day You're taking Labor Day off? Yeah Wow Here's the other thing I was confused about You would stand over there And I realize this is a Okay You would stand over there And then you would talk That's right And then you would step over a few feet Like you weren't there anymore Right And then you would step back That's right And you would talk different When you talk You would tell them something And then you would step back That's right Why do you do that? Uh-huh So In the Wait, hold on Okay, now So, okay So, here's the idea And clearly it's not working for you But that's okay No, I had never seen it before I'm going to tell you what it is I just have an adjustment Normally this TV's not here I'm over here That's a TV? Why is there a TV there? So that they can see the clips So in case they get bored They just Yeah Yeah, we throw Can you put on different strokes? Is that We throw footage of Minecraft And other things And other kinds of Just quick moving videos And things Yeah Just to keep them stimulated To keep their adult attention But so I'll Do you ever show them The Iranian Lego videos? I fucking love The Iranian Lego videos Yes, we all love The propaganda Of the Revolutionary Guard Of Iran, of course Of Japan We're good Americans Revolutionary Guard of Japan The point I was making Is that I'm here Doing the monologue I'm doing my official jokes We're in the This is sort of what This is what the This is what the regime Wants you to know Right And then I come over here And it's like Psst, psst Come on in Let's have a kind of Little moment Where we get behind The scenes Right But here's the thing I'm in charge In both places So it's kind of Like a fake thing Where I kind of pretend That I'm letting them in On the secret Of the show But really it's about Creating ironic distance From jokes That are heinous So it gives But it really is doing The ones about the dead people And shit The ones about the Because over here They didn't go in for that Did they? They didn't And they didn't And they never fucking do But But I'm slowly Changing them Who writes those jokes? I write The jokes that people Don't laugh at That are mine So you're You're the guy Who goes Let's put in some more So you read over A pretty happy monologue Yeah And then you go But there's no dead stuff In here There's nothing in here About the grim specter Of a dying child Let's get that Into the material But so when I'm over here They don't really like it So I come over here And I kind of Smooth it over And kind of just give them A little bit of Moral permission To be like I'm allowed to laugh Because we all know It's wrong You see what I'm saying? Yeah And that's also How Trump happened If you think about it You know But for good For good Yeah Is it because You can't afford To be a part Of a comedy team? Because that's one way Of doing that So Paula Okay I'm ready You go ahead All right And let's roll Let's start the cameras Okay So Now It didn't used to be Because it's on YouTube Or something Yeah Yeah It didn't used to be that either What's that? You know what? It wasn't It didn't used to be on YouTube No Well we've been on YouTube For a while Was I ever on YouTube? You've been on YouTube a lot I had no fucking idea No one told me Was there revenue? Could I have gotten Was there revenue? From YouTube? You know how If you have ads They give you some money For the You know Yeah Don't ever read this again That ad I think that We can probably get You know A $13 check Of the ad revenue If that's You know Bus fare or something You have no idea How badly I'm doing $13 sounds good to me So That's a slice of pizza In the airport right there Now Paula Yeah I do want to You do We're entertained By the story About what happened When you were on The Tonight Show On the same time As ZZ Top And what happened And I think people Would love that story I will tell you that story I think it was my first time on The Tonight Show It was with Johnny Carson He was a Comic Sure They don't seem to know Stuff from a while ago So I You're saying Johnny Carson was a comic He was a comic So I was on The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson I think it was my first time Back then I think cable Had started But there was still Very limited You know Late night shows And It was Not really the Overnight success There was a time Where if somebody Did the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson The following day Fucking everybody knew them Because there were Only three stations And there was only One show like that And so everyone Watched it This was maybe Just on the other side Of that hill You know Maybe it didn't It wasn't a It wasn't a star maker In that way But anyways I was on And ZZ Top Was the other guest And it was a very When you're a young comic And you're doing The Tonight Show For your first time It's terrifying It was a very Nervous making thing So I go I do my set I really wasn't very good But there I did it And Now I go into The dressing room And I'm like You know Just debriefing And Now the show's over I could You know It was still going on When I was in the dressing room But now the show's over I come out of the dressing room Packed up Ready to leave And All these roadies Are pushing the equipment For ZZ Top And so I stop In the hallway And One of the ZZ Top guys The guy in a beard And a hat And a mustache And the glasses Comes over And I was so embarrassed Because he says to me He goes Oh you did a great job I said oh thanks And then I'm like I didn't watch them Because I was in the dressing room And so I just To be You know Social I said You guys too Yeah you know Great job And And the guy I'm talking to Goes No no it's me And I had no Fucking idea What he was talking about And he starts like Pawing at me At his beard Takes the glasses off And And then he was really annoyed He couldn't get the mustache off It was Carson And during the show They used to do this thing Where they came back From a commercial sometimes And he would be dressed up Like somebody And this time They dressed him up Like the ZZ Top guy And so It was so stunning And I It took me the longest time To figure out That it was Carson Even as he's taking The stuff off And he was You could see That he was visibly upset That I didn't know Who he was You know Okay I know Why am I doing this But Have you all read Ramona the Pest Okay there's I don't know what it is It's a Oh it's a great book By Beverly Cleary I don't read women authors Okay Ramona the Pest Is about Ramona's First year of Kindergarten And When it's Halloween time She wears a costume All the kids Wear a costume You know To school On the Halloween Day And Ramona Freaks out Because When they're on the yard And they have Their costumes on People don't know Who she is Like the other kids Don't know who she is And at first She thinks that's fun And then it freaks her out Somehow Which I don't know I forget why I brought it up Because Johnny Carson Because Johnny Carson Thank you We'll be right back Hey don't go anywhere There's more of Love It or Leave It Coming up Love It or Leave It Is brought to you by Built Here's a question Are you getting rewarded For paying your rent Or mortgage right now Did you even know That was an option If the answer is no You need to check out Built Becoming a Build member Means earning points On every housing payment No matter where you live Built points can be Redeemed for flights Hotels Lyft rides Amazon.com purchases Future housing payments And more The point perks That really appeal to me or the fitness classes and the restaurants, but there are dozens of ways to redeem. 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And save through October 27th every time you shop. Restrictions apply. Okay, we've been talking about QB Mail for a minute now, Bow. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. You'll understand. Bruce Campbell was the name of the vice principal in my junior high. And we're back. Let's bring up the vice president of Paula Poundstone's junior high. It's Bruce Campbell. Welcome back. And you know Paula. John, can I ask you something else? And maybe this shouldn't be a part of the actual show. So why don't people, so I'm standing over there and they go, someone's going to pull the curtain back for you to come on. Well, the curtain ends right there. Here's the thing. Why wouldn't I just walk on? It's a really good question. Thank you. And this is, uh, we are doing our, our best creating. I, it's, I am sorry that this is what Hollywood has become. So you're trying to create an illusion of something. Is that right? Thank you. This is, we call this pipe and drape. Yeah. It ain't moving anywhere. Yeah. That's a good pipe and drape job. This whole thing's going to go. He's going to knock down the whole studio, John. If it happens, it happens. And they felt the same way. They got to that point and they really worked hard and they, and it, it, the bridge didn't connect. Yeah. They're like, no one's going to know. Let's move on, Joe. That's right. Yeah. And then I highlighted, I pointed it out. No, you did. You did draw attention to it. You know what I'm like? Remember when it was dentist day in elementary school? Did you have that? Dentist day? Yeah. There was like dental health day in elementary school. Uh. We went to school in different schools. Different times, of course. Sure. And this is, yes. This is when the people from like the WPA would come to the school and. Yes, exactly. You'd get this, get this little box with a, you know, toothbrush in it and, and, and some, a little thing of toothpaste and they'd give you these red pills and you were supposed to chew the red pills and it would highlight where you weren't brushing enough in your mouth. That's sort of what I am to any show. So I probably shouldn't urinate in your pool because something's going to happen, right? You put some dye in there that's going to make my urine turn like blue. Whether I did or not, if I had a pool, you shouldn't urinate in it. Yes. I would say, I would say. I'm glad we established fair enough. We found yet another reason not to pee in the pool. Yeah. In a sense. But I, I'll tell you who's pissed, all of us, because it's time for the rant wheel. The rant wheel. Here's how it works. We'll spin the wheel wherever it lands. One of us will rant for 60 seconds. Let's spin the wheel. Bruce, what is something you'd like to rant about? Am I standing? No, you can sit, stand, whatever you want. I should stand. Okay. Bike path etiquette. Oh. I have a serious problem with people on the bike path who do not follow basic rules. Rule number one, do not take up the entire path with your party. If you're walking with little Barfie, and little Barfie's on that rope, and going across the entire path, you're blocking the entire path. So I come up, jing jing, on your left. Well, they can't hear me because they got the big muffers on. So then I have to go, excuse me, and they go, oh my God. Now I'm the asshole. Not them being an idiot. Know your classes. Class one, two, and three, electric bikes. Class one, pedal only. Class two, pedal assist, plus throttle. Class three, you can go like 26 miles an hour. So they get these jerks on there. The fathers bought them this. That was great. That was great. The electric bikes, the electric bikes. I had an electric bike in D.C. because it was so sweet. And I was wearing a suit to work, and so I would have an electric bike to get to the office because I was the coolest guy there. But now, it's like, hey, if you're a kid biking around, but there's a throttle, kind of losing some of the value of the biking around. You know? Yeah. Paula, what would you like to rant about? I'm good. All right, you got 51 more seconds to be good. All right, let's just sit. Let's just hang out. No, I'll tell you. You know, when you're walking your dog on the bike path, and some fucking dickweed comes up behind you, and, you know, ring, ring, ring, ring. Well, how am I supposed to hear? I have my headphones on. Oh, my God. Oh, man, I feel your pain. It's unbelievable. I really feel your pain. It's unbelievable. I'm just trying to walk the dog. His name's not Barfie. Oh, man. Sure, it's a pet name for him, but that's not his given name. It's not his given name, Barfie. Oh, wow. That was it. That was funny. You know what? He's going to remember this whole exchange. Go ahead. Tell us what we said. Let's spin it again. Wow. There we go. All right. Here's what I want to rant about. We've done roughly 500 episodes of this show. Wow. And over the course of those 10 years, I've ranted about virtually everything that's ever annoyed me on God's green earth. And over the course of that decade, I've become increasingly happy, and the world has gotten much worse. And so, as more and more bigger things, there are to rant about, the less I feel like ranting. And yet, this whole show is built around this show ending with a rant about what's happening in politics. You know, we had Jimmy Simpson on. He was like, I don't want to rant. Why focus on the things to rant about? And it's like, that's a good point. Fuck. And it's just sort of annoying me that I've built this whole show around kind of being pissed off, and I'm just not that mad. And that kind of makes me a little bit mad. All right. I wish that bowed. That would just go off in my house every so often, also for no good reason. Yeah, just to kind of change your, just to break you out of a train of thought. And that's the rant wheel. Now, this entire evening has been a delight, save for a few moments that the producers of this show wanted to rub in my face, which is why it is time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. Here's how it works. The team has written down a list of things they believe I should regret about this evening. If you have any regrets about this evening, this is also a time to share them. Now, rarely, rarely, I can achieve something called a kudos, in which I am, the producers say I did a good job, and then they give me one piece of candy. That's happened tonight, and we'll find out what that is in a moment. Let's see. First regret, I implied that Joe Biden wouldn't be proud of his gay son. Oh, yeah. Is that true? You said that? I implied it. What was the actual sentence? he's in it that he's going through something because he just found out his son is gay yeah i remember that i mean he's he's processing that yeah he's processing and that it's a hard time for him so i suggested if he were to have a gay son it would be a hard time for joe biden yeah and i don't think that that's fair what he did was he made it sound like the hard time was going to be you know the cancer right the cancer or the you know or the but it wasn't the disrespect of of of the you know end of his presidency but it but then he threw him a curve there by saying you know just found out his son is gay wow and um yeah uh let's see uh one second thought is that i really painted a picture of that plane crash widow during this comedy show oh the one with the ring yeah that's right oh boy that that laid me out i you now the kudos is that i did take accountability for my jokes tonight and i took the blame and they're very the writers of the show are glad that i did that uh i'm also sorry about that sad farmer joke and i'm saying what was the sad farmer joke well we don't need to relive it so i also want to apologize to producer bill because i forced his hand in the edit and then saying fuck you bill let's see oh bruce i want to apologize for bringing up the racial dynamics of breakfast at tiffany's that's what i accept your apology uh and it's a rough section of the show for you yeah but it's fun yeah it's fine it's a little bit of a kink for me uh so bruce put that on the list i also bruce um this is just an opportunity if anyone wants to say sorry to jamie lee curtis dear jamie lee you've been through a lot in your life you've over you've overcome a lot of struggles you came from a hollywood royalty and look at you now jamie lee curtis look at you now you're a golden glober you're all kinds of things aren't you doesn't sound like an apology sort of a little bit of a dc apology right um yeah i'm sorry for being insensitive it it was a snarky remark i thought it would get a bigger laugh so that's mostly what i'm sorry for and i should probably just leave it at that uh that was beautiful thank you uh let's see i love jamie lee curtis we all love jamie lee do too now and uh and we and by the way that was clear from the very beginning we made that clear paula i immediately lost the control of the show to you completely and i never got control of the show back from paul council that problem said that yeah that's not true at all do you think i'm in control no but i don't think are you usually in more control than this i mean i uh i like to think so yeah because i've never seen a i mean i you know it was on youtube and you're on youtube too right so i've only i'm on youtube and you're doing pogo stick on youtube i do i uh i do two daily uh videos one i call hey donald trump and uh it's me like facetiming with trump i give him advice i talk to him about you know you know what what he's done and uh it's all very friendly and uh and then i do another one that and i've done that for over a year now i haven't missed a night and now and then i do another one that is a countdown until november 3rd and i've been doing that for 236 nights and you do that on a pogo stick i do i don't know why i ever said this but on the first one i ever did i said not only it's a countdown and i give people something they can do every day to help save our democracy because hand wringing is not helpful and uh and then i i just threw in for no understandable reason and i'll add a pogo on my pogo stick every day until we take back the house in the senate so we better fucking take back the house in the senate because i don't know how much more i can pogo i worry about you pogo sticking i worry about it i worry about it 200 uh if i have to go on the road i have to bank some of those before i go sure that's how that's how it works and the other the rules and i don't you know the audience really the my followers really don't know this i you know i i i do retakes to do the pogo sticking so when i if i'm doing 236 for example you know it's it's it is possible that i can't go on at at 234 bouncing 236 times on a freaking pogo stick yeah you can do that i can yeah when did that start 237 days ago and that's our show thank you so much to bruce gamble and paul pounce on there are 60 days until the midterms we'll be back next week with ben de la creme and gareth reynolds good night love it or leave it is a crooked media production our show is produced by kendra james bill mcgrath kelsey gante and me john love it our production team includes hallie keeper sarah lazarus raman borsellino peter miller david tolls claudia shang jay banks gavin purcell and matt de grote and our staff is proudly unionized with the russians and the russians and the russians and the russians and writers guild of america east find the vacation you're looking for in missouri whether you're searching for this wanting something like this oh that's cute maybe up for something like this or just really really need something more like this you'll find the vacation you want in missouri missouri it's the getaway you plan your fun at visitmo.com hey it's ryan seacrest for albertsons and tom thumb it's time to stock up and save now through october 27th get ten dollars off when you spend 25 or more on participating items just look for participating item tags to earn on eligible items from brands like hellman's corando m&m's oreo persil and cotonelle clip once and save through october 27th every time you shop grab these hot deals before they're gone save on brands you trust restrictions apply see website for full terms and conditions