No Nut Falafelmaxxing | Mahatma Gandhi (Part 1/4)

Gandy, I've walked hundreds of miles to see you. Your hunger strike calling for non-violence is an inspiration to all of us. Where do you find such strength and courage? Child, a man must look deep within himself. Of course. Are you eating? No. No. No, sorry. Of course, yeah. You're Gandy, where you wouldn't be. As someone who wants to follow in your footsteps, where should I look to find such strength? Over there. I need you to look over there. What, look, that tree or something. Is that Cheeto dust in your beard? Well, it's part of my beard. That's strange. It really feels like you're snacking every time I look away. How dare you on one hunger strike? Yes, sorry. You can travel all this way. Please, let me guide you in meditation. Of course, of course, Mahatma. Close your eyes. I want you to think of the evil British are doing. Before we start a big, you were definitely eating then. You definitely look at this. You're eating. You're not a hunger strike at all. I'd be honest with you. You're stuffing your face. The fasting isn't the main thing, okay? It's actually about semen retention. Right. Only by controlling your own sexual urges. Can you ever be master over your own destiny? Okay. Well, I guess maybe that's what I've been struggling with because often, my mind's like struggling with. Sorry, you're using some sort of vibrating fleshlight. Gandhi! I'll give you a bayonet bell if you don't tell anyone. Welcome back to Finn vs History. I'm joined by Horatio Gould. That's Morandi. And it's a big one today. It's the start of a huge series on Mahatma Gandhi. I didn't know much about Gandhi. I thought that I thought he was a bit annoying. I know he's a big deal. I had no idea how horny he was. Joins a long tradition of horny holy man. Well, this is the long road to show me your bobs now. And it makes so much sense when you realise the father of the nation was a real fact. With a semen retention fucking perv. Oh my god. It's this is great stuff. We're finally listeners in the British Raj. Finally, even one of this since we started the series. Now, there's not a TikTok account that exists called Raj Core. But if there was. I haven't followed. I thought you're going to say it. I can't find one. Right. I want to. You know, you see those accounts where it's like the 80s financial core. Yes. And it's like finance, it's like 1980s. You live in New York in the 1980s. And there was Milan and you got big suits and you're drinking whiskey. You want to have the way I wake up in the British Raj. Yes. And it's not a load. Because that's what we're up now. That's the Diggist time now. That's the Diggist time in 2030. Right. I want to wake up in the British Raj. I want to be, you know, in a in a plentheilmer. I want to be drinking a cool drink. Gin and tonic. Gin and tonic were an iced tea. Being fan. Being fan by a punklewoller. I want to be carried on a sedan chair. I want to be telling people off even though I'm wearing big shorts. Funny. For the Indian subjects were being told off, ordered around by a man wearing a safari suit with big shorts. Giant shorts. Giant shorts. The biggest shorts has ever been. You're what are you doing? Get over there. wearing shorts. He really ate him. Absolutely humiliating for them. I guess like the British Raj is a huge part of British history. It's the duel of the crown of the British Empire. But you never learn about it. It's not such a like a blind spot in a British history, right? Yeah. You know about my Gandhi that you do about all the other stuff, all the other stuff. But the Raj is, but also the architecture like for the killjoy came along and ruined it. Well, this is the biggest killjoy there's ever been. This is a guy walking into dishumed going, all right, no, shut it down. No, no, I don't like that any of this. Everyone's eating too much. You should. Yeah, I guess so. Dishumed this style off of the old, what are they called? Those fucking cafes. Or leather fucking, Delhi cafes. Delhi cafes. Yeah. And it's style off that kind of Raj style. And you're a Raj core. I'm saying people should make more Raj core. Yeah. I've never been to India. Have you? No. No, I'd love to go. My wife's been. She went there for like seven weeks. Most of those good bits of bad bits of India. As there is anywhere. Yeah. I mean, all punty will be herring him. No. I've not been to India, but my wife went. And she had like seven weeks traveling there when she was like 21. And I said, what I was doing this, doing Gandhi. And I said, you know, what's your main takeaway from India? You know, you spent seven weeks there, she traveled large swathes of the country. This amazing culture with this huge, diverse history of different things. I said, what's the main takeaway? She went, the guys are so horny. Really? You know, every man is like more horny than the last. It's like a Russian doll of horny, horny guys. And what's a whole lot of people just like masturbating out of windows? Yeah. And that's like polite. Yeah. Do you think the, because I saw someone say that basically the, the, a range marriage. Yes. Once they took that, they started taking that away. You've never learned how to raise anyone. Mm. Because it's your mom just sorts out for you. Yes. So you never have to pick up. It's like the first time you have to buy pants. When your mom has been buying you pants for Christmas until you're whatever. I mean, I mean, it's not stopped for me. No, sure. Because my mom doesn't know what to get me. What you've transitioned it to your wife. So you go from mum to wife. Yes, my wife doesn't buy my pants. Does she not? No, mum buys my pants. That's my job. Does your mum still buy pants? Sometimes, yeah. I don't, I forget to buy my own pants. Yeah. I've got other things on. And you, you rattle through the, I imagine that. I quicker rate the most. There are many of single use. Yeah. No, I, just to be the, where's a new pair of Calvin Klein's everyday opens a box every morning. Really? Is he selling the used ones? No. Is that why? I would use a single, if Justin Bieber's used them once, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd buy those. Yeah, I'd buy those. Just one of the ones. But it's like a second-hand car. If you're inflating the price because Justin Bieber's worn them, then that's bullshit. Okay, it's like a game of golf. A pair of pants. You know what they say when a pair of pants leaves the four-court, it's lost £5,000 already. Is that what they say? About cars. Yeah. And. You're fuckles, are you hanging around with it? Is that you driving a car off a four-court? You lose so brand. Right. Right. That's the toilet. It's all right. You've already lost 10 grandlets with your pants. So I'm not paying over the odds for Justin Bieber's pants. Well, Justin Bieber is just throwing these pants away. We need to set up a thing. We need to set up a deal that we need to do. Where is it? Just kind of down a shoot that we have a buck at the bottom. We'll just collect all these pants. Where, why is he got these? Perfect. Imagine the feeling of a, of a new pair of pants every day. The head and his. Yeah. That's too much. Every single day. That's too much. Because a new pair of pants does feel amazing. But every single day you got. Yeah. You get the fluff though. Like black pants. Yes. So he must have constant. But these expensive Calvin clients, I imagine that, you know, they're well designed. And then they breathe through they trunks. I actually don't know enough details to be honest. Far-pants. Now we did, we once bought my dad a pair of those for Christmas, flat-shroom pants. There's a joke. Yeah. But I think he did use them. He's particularly good. He's particularly good for leather in those. He's particularly bad at Christmas. Yes. You have like a sort of, in the same way that we've talked about Brian Johnson having a sauna ice pack for your balls. Yeah. And then you have a pair of pants. Oh, when you have a kind of herb, her herb pack round your ass. So you're fighting herbs out into the right. Yes. You're farting through a prism of scent. What I will say is that the smell's not better. It's just weird. I mean, it's all about this on the other pod. But yeah, it's very suspicious when a bathroom smells too much of fresh air. Fresh air. For breeze. Yeah. What have you done in here? What's going on here? It's sick. Fuck. You know, it's not the crime people hate to cover up. You know, it's watergate, isn't it? It's the fact he was caught the mix and down. It wasn't the fact that he did a big poo. It was that you went in and went, this smells too much of air freshener. You lying to me. You're covering something up. Anyway, yeah, I'm just thinking sorry, the flatbread pads, because you could have flatbread pads in the back. Ice pack in the back. So you can just honk in the sauna. And you can be there being like, I've been farting constantly. And I'm going to. And I carry on my. I'm carrying on my. I'm carrying on my lineage. Absolutely, nailing the sauna. We're talking about my hat, McGandy. We're talking about the British Raj. McGandy is born Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi in 1869. Do you want to put this? I would love to place this. I just want to say that Gandhi's life spans 1869 to 1948. Jealous. I'm so jealous of the history. The golden age of the earth. I'm so jealous of the history that he, you know, it's my favourite time span. '69, the real summer of '69, 1869, to 1948. He takes in all the juice in there. Eugenics, phrenology, you rock's drift. Social Darwinism. Social Darwinism. What about one? Well, what about one? Neuronberg, the Titanic. Yeah. Rise of Hitler. Crazy. What a tight Freud. Chris Tarant is born on 10th October 1946. Thank you, Charlie. He's there for that. Yeah. So where were you? How were you in Chris Tarant reports? I've played cricket against - So if you charge it, we play cricket against the sun. And he got me out. His sun's a rapid boulder. - So you're all linked in the store? - We're all linked to Chris Taran. And Chris Taran's linked to Gandhi. Is that what we're saying? - Yeah. - Gandhi did not want to be a millionaire. So he wouldn't have gone on that show. Who wants to be a millionaire? - Not me. - Not thank you. First one, get the first one out. Four episodes, gotta get it out early. - You're giving excuse for the whole table to have some now. - I've ordered that sense for the table. - All right, we'll all be chipping in. Picky bits, everyone's having picky bits. Okay, so 80, 69. This is before Chris Taran is born. - Pre-Tarran. - We're living in a pre-Tarran world when Gandhi is born. And it is after, it is after Napoleon has died. So it's after Napoleon and it's before Chris Taran. - Right, pre-Tarran. - Pre-Tarran, post Napoleon. That's when Gandhi is born. - It's sandwiched between two great men. - Two great men. Two men who could not ultimately invade Russia. - Yeah. - One tried one didn't. Anyway, that's irrelevant. He is not known as Mahatma to later on. He's known to history as Mahatma, which means great soul. - Sure. - It should mean fucking horn dog. That's what it really should be. Mahandog Gandhi. Mahandog Gandhi, really. And ultimately, I mean, he goes on to inspire Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, the IRA. Any kind of civil rights. - I write, well, the IRA taken from him. - I don't know if it's very gang, I don't know. - I'm fucking blind up a pub. - No, it's not. - No, it's not. But I mean, I don't know that. But they probably would have said, "Oh yeah, him as well." - I know, we're just like Mahandog's a king. - And also, you've got two minutes to get out of that pub. I don't think Mahandog's a king was doing that. Anyway. So let's just do a lovely, you know, let's have a soak in the war bath of the British raven. - Who's pouring the water? - I believe they were called coolies, but that may be a slur. Again, we're gonna get into lots of ancient slurs. It's a terrific topic. Punkawala is a really fun word. - It is a lovely word. - I've been trying to bring back. - And what is a Punkawala? - A Punkawala is someone who fans you, the one. - The white man. - White man? - I think it is, it doesn't necessarily need to be racialized. It's an Indian man, in a nappy and a hat. Chefs hat and they've got a big fan. And their job is to cool down the man in the big shorts. - But this is all British raven is just reflecting on your youth, right? It's reflecting on the golden age when things seem so positive and good. Do you know what I mean? Now we're an old man in the chair at a care home, telling stories no one cares about. But when our eyes close, we're reminiscing about our, - Well, I'm a young strong man. And I'm reminiscing about the raven. So I was never there, but I'd love to be. - First things first, India before the Raj, it is ruled by various different Hindu and Muslim imposed, the Mughals and Mughals. - Mughals and Mughals. - They did the Taj Mahal. - Yeah, we talked about that in our piracy series, the Mughals, the biggest, the biggest piracy highest ever was against Mughals, going to Al-Haj. They were going on Haj. And majority Hindu, Hindu empires, then the Dutch East India company arrive and the British take that over or whatever. - But they send basically, like, they send, there's a company, right? - Yeah, there's a company. - So they're sending like BT to go take over India, right? - Well, it's BP in Iran, basically. So obviously they arrive there and they go, well, the fuck, you guys are all Native Americans, right? They're called Indians. And then they're like, oh no, this is actually India. And then the British East India company rules India for the Mughals empire, sort of. - Yeah, it is weird that it was ruled by a company. - Yeah. - Couple hundred years. - But I think, did the British East India company own all of India? - They didn't own India, but they had all the trading ports. - Yeah. - And then they managed to divide and conquer a bit, and it wasn't until. - The army, the army are there, and the, crucially, the Indian, the army is mainly Indians. They were called sea poise, which is the Asian soldiers fighting for the British East India company to defending their interests, their trade routes. And the ultimate way that they managed to do this with such a small force, just a company, basically, with, 'cause India was one of the richest countries in the world at this point, had the biggest textile industry, and it was taken over by McDonald's, basically. - Yes. - It's because of the divide and conquer. They said this about you, right? Well, actually, they think this about you, and just getting them all to fight. - Brilliant. - Yeah. - Classic. - Classic. - But also they were mainly using Indian soldiers. - Right. - And then the-- - So Indian to get to the Indians to take over India. - Yeah. - Brilliant. - But the Indians got annoyed that the Enfield rifle, their standard issue of rifle, was the cartridges were greased with cow and pig fat, which is upsetting to both Hindus and Muslims. - Right, of course, double whammy. - Which is a great way to maybe solve Indian Pakistani tensions now. - There's Rob Stoffen cow and pig fat. - Yeah, go look, well. - What, what was the goat fat? What was the goat type of fat? - Yeah. - So, I mean, it is sort of insult to injuries, isn't it? Because it's not, I mean, you could use like butter. - Ge? - Ge? - They love that, that's Ge. - Yeah. - Can you butter up your cartridges? - Well, butter and fat, isn't it? I mean, surely you can oil a oil. - Yeah. - So, on May 10th 1857, the Indian soldiers, the sea poise, shot their officers. - They really don't like the cows being used, for example. - I mean, this is, I mean, they chill out. - They chill out, nice. (laughing) - Okay, you know, that-- - We get it. - We just, Charlie, because this will come up a lot. Why are cows so holy in India? What's going on there? The cow is a holy animal. - Yeah, 'cause the cow can just wander free. - They symbolize life and non-violence. Well, that's bollocks, because I've been on a stag do, and I was chased by a herd of cows. - The cows are the most dangerous animals in the UK. - They are, and they kill people every year. - Yep. - And so, Hindus, well, that's bollocks. I'm not, I'm not a believer in Hinduism. (laughing) - And cows symbolize violence. - Yeah. - From communities. - 20 deaths from cow per year in the UK. Genuinely, on my stag do, Phil Wang wrote about this in his book. We were, I've heard, Thomas had talked about this on the pod. We were going through a field to a brewery, and we were so hungover, and the cows will turn as one of the hive mind, and they pick on the weakest member of the group, which was me and I, and John Kern. John Kern's was at the back, completely, like, I mean, he was, John Kern's hungover as a sort of, he's gone, he's completely gone, can't function. And then he just sees the cows, and he goes, well, I'm not going through that field, and starts walking the other way, but then the cows follow him as one, terrifying. More rule is cows. Anyway, to the violent criminals, they're terrorists. - They are terrorists, all cows are terrorists. Every time you eat a burger is a victory. And yet, the Hindus see the cows as being holy, even cow dung in urine are considered sacred. - Okay. - So we're getting a little bit perverted now. - Yeah. - I mean, I'm getting a bit pissed play. - Agreed to disagree, India. Anyway, so this sparks the Indian mutiny, as it was called, until recently, when they started to call it some kind of rebellion. - Tragedy. - The Indian mutiny is a tragedy. They shoot British officers, and the British react robustly, executing many soldiers, and consistently suppressing the revolt over the following 18 months. This is an 1857. And this uprising ultimately leads to the abolition, the abolition of the East India Company, McDonald's shut down, and shifts to the direct rule of the British crown. - But is it in the company were pretty like brutal, and could there was no like restraint at all? - I mean, McDonald's workers aren't having a good time, are they? - Yeah. So that's partly why the British government had to come in for a base of it. - And it's not even a transferable skill. It's not like, oh yeah, I can cook. I worked in McDonald's. - It's just, yeah. - You can operate a 3D printer for chips. - It's Foxston's, it's the guys who work there being in charge of millions of people, basically. - Yeah. - I'm not doing a great job. - So by the time Gandhi is born, the British crown was in direct control of India. I think Queen Victoria becomes Empress of India in 1876. At some point we take the Koei Nord diamond. That's still a big thing. - We do a whole episode of Koei Nord 'cause the way I started the century. - No, wait, that's quite a big. - Well, just do a whole episode on a stone. - You be surprised. It's the lifespan of the Koei Nord is crazy. - What do you mean? - So over like 800 years, it's been taken by so many different empires and whoever has the Koei Nord dies, like normally in horrible ways. - Really? - Yeah, it's like, it's an amazing story of the Koei Nord. - Like in the Anagones. - Very much so. - Is it the philosopher stone? - It's also the founding stone of Afghanistan and there's a rand have a claims of it or some shit. Like it's crazy where it's all. - Well, we're not giving that back then. - No, God. - I think in fact, when the Queen died, there was a big, they were like, right, give us the Koei Nord. - Fuck off. - Fuck off, it's going on Camilla's head. (laughing) Camilla's going to be for Camilla. - It's a bit weird that Camilla's got the Koei Nord. If it's that sacred, and it's on Camilla's head. - Now, the British Raj is obviously aesthetically brilliant, but from the Indian perspective, one could argue that it's slightly exploitative. - That one is not in the room with us right now. - No, I don't know where he is. - It's one person is made argument ever. - One upperty guy has made the point that the British were extracting cotton, salt, indigo, and tea to support British industries. And they exploited existing social divisions already existing in India, such as the caste system, which we should get into because it's very funny. - And it puts our class system to shame, I feel. - Oh, we got nothing on the Indian's mind. - We got nothing. - But I don't quite like this. This is something that we could definitely take from the Indians, I think. - No way you are staying in your lane. - We got upper middle lower class really. Let's spread out in the middle. - No, like makes subgenre. Yeah, so if you're a sewage worker you are born a sewage worker and if you marry someone is not a sewage worker Then you are outcast and you are treated as sewage. Yes. You are sewage. You are sewage I'm putting on you because you're sewage so the Hindu caste system is is in is insane Even by British class standards have you been to India Charlie? No, no you've got a vibe of someone who you look Are you got beads in your house? Yeah? I said it was big a rain pants. I'm not managed to get it. No. I'd like to there. Yeah You've got priests who are the highest class Warriors second merchants which is where they sort of class that Gandhi is born into laborers manual labor and then we come to the untouchables Or dallets who are people who basically They butcher animals and they clean toilets right so they touch shit with their bare hands and so you're born into doing that so I mean it's like Being born as an Indian the stakes could not be higher as a baby. You're like, am I Please come on. Please not poo handling. Oh Fuck you're gonna handle poo just like your father handle poo and his father handle poo but could night just can I am What if I didn't tell someone I'm untouchable? Well supposedly touchable. There's no ethnic I know yet and they're called untouchables because no one would touch them right? They don't like the pose. He's fucking untouchable. No, it's the opposite. Don't touch him He touches poo. It's not like yeah, it's not the not the goat conversation So but then you know when you realize that people are born into these jobs essentially It may make it make your body to raise his podcast Yeah, I can't help And then you realize that people some people are born into these show me your bobs cast Yeah, and that's why they're so the horn Indian. Yeah, that's there They can't help it. That's the cast. Yeah, you know, they are half to comment under said these were wearing your bobs But that's dead. You know, it's there I reckon society would fall apart of that one. Exactly Gandhi is born into the merchant class is family. It's family kind of middle class and Intermarriage is Strictly forbidden or rather between the class what if I'm weird about the untouchable so it's it's butchers poo workers It feels like they have like a thing about hygiene and stuff. Even though I've seen their street food videos Well, but they I think they are untouchable. Well from my perspective. Yes, because what it's like using a They'll grow like a long nail out and then they'll have you not seen this I know I've seen a lot and then you get raw chicken and you'll use the nail and your foot to chop it in half Yeah, so okay, right, but I imagine there being like I'm not shaking your hand you touch poo I've got my chicken toe now It's very funny to be looking down on someone as the guy with a chicken in your toes Congratulations India you made diarrhea airborne and contagious Yeah, easiest yeah, yeah firm stool difficulty hard mode Your cast determines your profession your social circle and crucially who you can marry now So elevate your circle is a big thing that manosphere people say, but that doesn't apply to that your circle is your circle Your circle is poo touches So deal with it. I think it's the Indian manosphere deal with it. Yeah, we all touch poo deal with it And if you were a poo toucher and you married someone who was a lawyer, right The lawyer both you would be you have to leave the you have to live at the end like the the outs go to the village You'd be shunned right both of you would be shunned right so even that's still very much at play today Yeah, and I guess the Daniel Sos was telling that story about when he was performing in India and Afterwards whenever I left just these loads of guys came out of a van to take all the chairs And he was like trying to take their hand and they're like don't touch them. They're literally just like Cheers look to they came out to pack up all the chairs The theater theater people work well, but he hadn't seen them there They only arrived after the gig in a van in a van They came out got rid of all the chairs and Sos was trying to like shut the hand So thanks to that and they're like do not touch to be fair having done a lot of work in regional theaters I don't hate that Yeah, I do think the tech here swing the last enter is untouchable Yeah, I'm just and you know, I'm about to go to many other regional theaters and I will be I'll be keeping that in mind Don't shake their hand You know these guy it otherwise I will be get you know, it's they're not poo touches But they're fucking Cheeto eaters and Slushy drinkers and No, it's under their fingernails So now there's a debate amongst scholars it must be said as to how much the British Make the system worse or whether it's pretty entrenched before they get there But it's certainly a method of control because the Brits arrive in the Raj and Eber This is the late 19th century they immediately start to classify things census It's the age of classification and so they're using caste to I mean, that's what classic event should be what classification Really reading out chronology types I'd listen to that Alexander Arvestron Anyway, no, so they they arrive there and they go okay, so this is your caste system So let's get the calipers out and see how big their forehead is and if that means that they're a sewage worker by design because of the shape of their nose You know, it's all it's all it's science. Do they actually have the is it for no longer in the car system? Or is it just you have your surname? I don't know if there was like a scholarship but the Brits arrive and and think are okay East meets West yeah fusion fusion cuisine The car system right Do the people who touch poo have big hands? Is that why they're poo touches because they're this sort of shitting into baskets or something Charlie if it wasn't already clear you're an untouchable. Yeah You're the untouchable of this podcast. What is that? This is the guy with the biggest testes in the world I've seen this he can sit on the Wow, he's got a lot of fantasies. Believeably skinny legs which really From he's in Delhi so he's got a two-fei doesn't look quite tired He feels a bit he's it looks a bit sick of life. How does he sleep? He doesn't need to share apparently because he can just sit on Sit on his balls. Oh yeah, something to that. That's quite nice. It's like a bean bag It's like a it's like a air thing. It would be a bean bag You know when you sit down and you catch a ball Yeah, that must imagine imagine busting he must Like a fucking boxing day soon army I come on I think I kill myself. Hey, I think I kill myself really if you have balls that big yeah, I couldn't do that. No, that's a lot It is a lot because also it It would just proportionally you'd be like no my dick's not small I've just got the biggest balls ever seen it's actually it's actually above average Come and sit in my balls Sex must be difficult is that why the car was too true exists? I think so yeah, Christ so let's get into Gandhi's early life he is born in poor bandar which is in good drought And his father's a political official. He's the youngest of six But the favorite child of his parents supposedly and he grows up Living an ascetic vegetarian lifestyle because his mother and dad are jainist jainist jainer. I know about jainer I know about jainism I know I confuse it with jarsum which is what's jasm? That's where you put your ass So the Jamaica one jar praise try. Oh, right. This is jainism. No jainism is the thing You do not kill a living thing So it means and it's like that's a huge part of the philosophy so much so that you're always watching where you walks You don't step on bugs you have a mouth covering so you don't just follow a fly accidentally So it just means it's like this obsession with like not causing any death or damage or violence whatsoever Right, which I imagine played the part yeah potentially Mental health condition though watching when you walk to that extent. Yeah, well you were the extent is step on a snake Your your so upset the ones of a jainist steps on a bug Because if you're looking at trying to stop stepping on a bug What if you do it? If you're looking on the floor themselves to prison hitting a lamp post, you know if a jainist Steps about direction consequences depending on whether the app was intentional right since although the ultimate goal is to minimize violence at all times Karma isn't it so right bad karma? Glenn odd all stuff right so they're just they're trying to accumulate value still It's still it's still like investing in Bitcoin It's going to be a hotline of jainist In a way yes he is well He's saying that anyone in a he's basically saying Stephen Hawking's steps on loads of bugs He's walking through a B high in a river That's why he's like that Anyway look So Gandhi's parents are jainist and they they these principles these three principles Him sir Actually, I'm satchel, which is non-violence absolute non-violence and then Anakanta Vada which is non-absolutism now for this one I think you need to give it in your actions. I think you're struggling with the pronunciation if you don't and the Kanda Vada Yeah, that's better. It's better. I mean it's like I've told you it's like when I went to Hungary and I took the I did a borax And when I was trying and the other guy was like yes, yes, exactly. Yeah, my wife and I was like okay. I'm speaking on go and then Anakanta Vada is non-absolutism which is crazy because Well, actually we'll get into Gandhi's, he does, he's very against partition because he thinks. because everyone can live together. But I wouldn't say he has multiple viewpoints. - No, he's quite one time. - Sure. - Anyway, and then-- - It's quite one note. - Aperigah, Aperigah was not attachment. So this ultimately teaches that the past liberation involves purifying the soul from karma through strict self-control. IE being veggie. (laughing) - That is self-control though. 'Cause it'd be difficult. - Yes, it's worse than how IE. - Yeah. - Just trying to avoid mistake. That is a lot of self-control. - Whereas you eat steak and then you drink fiber powder in the evening. - Well, there's a bit of a candy about me sometimes with the obsession with bowel movements and fiber. - Yeah. - But he's also a fiber-maxer. - A fiber-maxer? - Yeah. - Is that what you are? Are you saying you're a fiber-maxer? - I aspire to be a fiber-maxer by often full-shot. - Are you fiber-mogging me? 'Cause that's what you're saying. - I don't know, I don't know what fiber you have. - I'm beef-mogging you right now. (laughing) I'm beef-mogging Phoebe. - Yeah. - Beef-mogging. - Yeah, she gets beef-mogged every day. - That's terrible. - It's probably helpful with beef-mogged. - Try and buy beef-mogged. - Well, that sounds like a flashlight. - Like a real lesbian slur. You fucking beef-mogged. (laughing) - She is a vegetarian. - So she's vegetarian. - Yeah. - As yeah. - Beef-mogged vegetarian. (laughing) - They're both dikes. Come on. - Yeah. She's getting full-affle max. (laughing) - Every weekend she gets full-affle maxed. - She figures out her mics, she can't do it anyway. - Check P-mogger over there. Anyway. (laughing) - Right. - So he's a child. - Sure. - He's a reserved child. Can we get a photo of young Gandhi up? Because he's so famous for how he is as an old man and he suits being an old man, a bald or bird man. But as a child, what did he, yeah, he's got a slick hair. - No, he sort of looks like him there, I suppose. Now he's a high-cheating student, supposedly, although he does go on to be a very, very bad lawyer, which we'll get to. But he doesn't like playing sports because he's shy. So he doesn't like cricket or football. And instead he prefers long walks as a child. It's a bit weird, isn't it? - Yeah, he's a very like, he's that kid at school. - He's this conservative 15-year-old activist where he's on TikTok in a g-lay. - He won the debate competition. - Yeah, you know, how the fuck do you think this at 15? (laughing) So you're going on long walks, which gives him, quote, a hardy constitution. So he has his political awakening as a boy when he tried to give his friend Uka some sweets. So Uka is an untouchable, right? And Gandhi is middle-class merchant cast. Gandhi's like, well, fuck it, I'm going to give you some sweets. And then Gandhi's mom tells him off for disrespecting the social order. - Yeah, touch the untouchable. - Yeah, and Gandhi says, well, fuck you, mom. - So this is emo, Gandhi. - This is emo, fuck you, mom. I don't like the social order. I want to give my mate some sweets. - Right. - And then Gandhi later takes up smoking. - Fuck it up, this is rock 'n roll. - Eating meat and on one occasion theft. - This is the fuck you, mom, era of Gandhi. - Yeah, steals a piece of gold, and then you write to confession to his dad who tears up the known, doesn't respond. But he's smoking, he's eating meat. I mean, this is not the Gandhi. - This is not the Gandhi we know and love. - Yeah. - What, when I first tried smoking, I've hiding my hedge for my parents and I had spray links Africa into my mouth. - In my mouth. (laughing) - 'Cause I didn't want them to know. - And how does it taste from your. - It tastes horrible. - Links Africa into your mouth. - Yeah. - So if you kissed a girl and your breast tasted of links Africa, you're already, you know, aff-- - Everywhere. - Links maxing them with-- - Yeah, were you links Africa maxing? - Yes. - Is it good you got her? - I was, I was-- - Did you get the shower gel for Christmas? - I had like head to toe, link the box set. - Of course. - Do you have that? - Links Africa shoes. - And I get links Africa shower gel. - Deodorant box set. - Yeah. - Who came up with a links Africa smell? 'Cause it's such, is there been a more definitive smell of an era? - Yeah, no, I mean, like-- - Like I was a teen during the Africa years. - Sure. - Yeah. - I mean, I doused myself in that. - But do you know who came up with a links Africa smell? Like I wanna know, what was the team like when they, they got that final moment? It must have been like, the celebration when they found that. - And also-- - It just smelled that took the country by a storm. - Yes. And I've, I wear, I mean, it doesn't, also it doesn't smell like Africa. - Not at all. - Not to my, not when I went at least. - And Gottlieb. - 1995. - So I'm a referred tea. - Let's see the mother of a links Africa. - Go back. - To where? - To Spirits, go back. - The mother of links, God, she's, I wonder what she smells like. - Christ. - Let's go and Gottlieb. - It was designed to offer a more subtle, exotic scent compared to previous harsher utilitarian men's deodorant. - So it was a revolution in men's deodorant. - Yes, it was the first one that you were like, hey, fucking hell, it was getting close to perfume, it was sexy. - It was, exactly. - It made me feel, you know, it made me feel confident in myself. - It made me feel like I was an Arab man walking through Harrods, doused in, in all the perfume in oil. - In all the Arabia. - There she is. - In reality, I was in-- - She's got a black and white photo like this. She's a, - Yeah, no, she's a genius. In reality. Charlie was bas-busting, fangsting his head and spring into his mouth because we're teenage boys. - Yeah. - But she had a genius idea to make, can I make a teenage boy feel like a rich Arab man and she nailed it. - Yeah. - Now, what on earth is this now? - Shout out, "Frozen the Show" and "Links"-- - "Arabia." I want to smell that. - That's what I want to, and is "Anstil a Life." - Is there a link's Arabia? Is Link still around? - I wish you kidnought Anne and Locker in her. - Link's Arabia is a construction company. Okay. - Link's India is-- - Or is Link to the Bin Laden's. - Link's India's not the smell you want. - To be fair. - To be fair. - Link's India, yeah, it doesn't have the same branding I feel. It's harder to get that off the shelves. Link's India. - toilet paper. - Right. - Now, Gandhi is betrothed three times before the age of seven. - So he's playing the field? - Is that-- - But be a fuck boy. - It will know. - Okay. - This is parents are going, "You're gonna marry them." - Right, right. - No, he's not married them yet. Just like it's arranged. - He's a heartbreaker. - Yeah. But his first two patrols, they both die. - That's a bit suspicious. - Yeah. - But this is the age of-- I mean, it's the late 90s, early 90s, when India kids are dying. - It's the most likely the suspect when a woman dies in the hospital. - It is, isn't it? The husband. - Yeah, the six year old husband. Where were you the night of the murder? He never was a murder. And Hogandy eventually marries Castoroba Gokkaldas Kapadir in 1883. They are both 13. - Oh! (laughing) - Yeah, man. - Cool. - 13 year old bride. - 13 year old groom. - Oh, woo. - The only way it's powering at the moon. - The only way you can say a word if you're also 13. - Yeah, I know, I know. - If you're not 13. - So I understand that if you're playing "Gandibu" that wasn't clear. - No, no, that's me. - It was like you seem 213 years old, yeah, man. You're like, oh, woo. - No, it's because I'm imagining being 13, marrying a 13 year old. - That didn't come across. - Right, sorry. - It's like you now seem 213 years old. - No, but that's fine. 'Cause if I was Charlie, I'd be like, "Tooth of the 10 year old man, "oh, what, both of the market?" - If you were Charlie. - Yeah. - Don't try and shift the-- - Yeah, you're the Peter. - All right, today I'm the Peter, right? - Yeah, is that the game? - Yeah, he's got the Peter hat. - He's got the Peter hat. - Who has to hold the Peter hat? - Today, I'll be in a bit. - You've got the conch. You've got the kid. - Right, okay. So now it's a triple wedding with his two brothers. Indian weddings are big. - Yeah. - And his 13, fuck me. - His wife could not read or write. To be fair, she's only 13. - Yeah. - So I guarantee tries to teacher, but attempts are fruit plus. It starts a lifelong hatred of this woman. - Yeah, well, you know more than me. - Well, yeah, Skandy, obviously, his big thing is peace, love, togetherness and unity. - Yeah. - But he's funny, the background is that he absolutely hates his misses. - Right. - Can't stand her. - Yeah. - So that's from a matter of from that, imagine being 14, me laugh, fucking ball and choke. - Fucking hell. - The wife. - Fucking a hurry, the wife. - Some looks Africa, fucking eat me a lot. (laughing) - Yeah, no, that is crazy. - But we'll get to that. - And I guess, seeming to your attention's easier if you hate your wife. Well, we'll get to that as well. - So, it's a lot of good stuff. - Now, Ghandi's father, and this is crucial, Sigmund Freud, who's about at this time, would have had a field day with this, right? Ghandi's father, Karamchand, dies in 1885 from an anal fistula. - Now what's a fistula? - I don't know what that is. - What's a fistula? - His child's head, shot up, shot up. - That's what we need. - A anal fistula is. - You actually need it now. - Is that piles? Is that death by piles? That's very sad, and I'm invested. - What is T? - Fistula anal, what is T? It's a small infected tunnel developed between the end of the bowel and the skin near the anus, usually following an anal abscess. - That's horrifying. - Foul smelling discharge. - So, this is, for so many reasons, this is the defining moment of Ghandi's life. See, we've got to-- - Yeah, I think it is. I think it's very sad this. - All of these, you don't have to be a psychologist to work this shit out. - No. - This is like, on a platter, why he ends up being so obsessed with both bowel movements and seam retention and his weird thing would say-- - His dad genuinely dies with a broken bum. Right. And then now there's a big thing in Hindu culture where-- - You're too pro-con-bump. - Well, you're meant to be at your father's bedside. You're meant to be there when your parents die. Maybe you should die, but you're meant to be there, right? And he's caring for him when he's-- - So, when you go to your Ghandi in Scotland, and be like, be ideal if this was right now. - Yeah. - And the pillow is just there. (laughing) - No, so you're meant to be there. And so he's been caring for him, I think, for a few months. And then at the moment that his dad dies, Gandhi is- - He's busting. - Is at the same moment. - Raming it, I'm, is railing his wife. - He's very pregnant. - 14 year old wife. - He's 14 year old pregnant wife. - 15 year old pregnant wife. - Bloody hell. - And his dad dies. - There's a lot going on in that house. - It's a busy house. It's a busy house. - You always want the nicknames to come in and be like, "All right, what's going on here, guys?" What's going on? He's dying. - Yeah. - He's pregnant. - You're fucking it. - You're fucking it. - Get everyone's churping chill out. (laughing) - Right. So Gandhi's dad dies and he's like, (humming) he's fucking busting. - It doesn't seem like that just saying the moment. Maybe this is how you make a Gandhi, is if your dad dies the same moment you come. - It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's in the house. - It's like, it's in the house. - Oh. - And yeah, the same time. - Something just happened. - Charlie, little soundscape. Okay, you be a Gandhi's dad dying from an anal fistula and I'll be Gandhi. - You be hitting your own bride. - Oh god. - No, I can't. - Fuck. - Ow. - Ow. - Ouch. - Ow. - Ow. - Oh, fuck. Ow. - What do you mean he's dead? (laughing) - Hell of a post-coital, that is. Hell of a post-coital. - Yeah, post-loc clarity. I mean, this may be the ultimate post-loc clarity. - It doesn't, it never ends. - It's a lifelong post-loc clarity. - Genuinely. - Post-loc clarity. Post-but. - No, not his dad. - No. - No. - No. - Gandhi had post-loc clarity. - Yeah, because his- - No. - Post-but clarity. - That died of painfully an anal fistula. - No, fistula, right. - Pistula. - It's not post-but clarity. - No. - But yeah, this really, really fucked up, Ghandi. - He felt so much guilt and shame around this. - Yeah, the shame, because, and then days later, his first child dies. - It was like, is like, having a wife, you shouldn't have been having to speak to no one people. There's like a, there's a guilt and shame, there's just there. - Yeah, exactly. - And he's carrying that with him his whole life. - Well, it's like, you have a wanker and then the post becomes around, you're like, oh no. - Who knows? - I'm being what he knows. He's judging me. He can tell. I should have pulled more trousers off of him. - Yeah. - He's all wearing jeans. - How his mind was at the same moment in the grip of lust while his dad passes away. - Yeah. - But like, obviously that is quite like a, but to dwell on it this much is a bit weird. I get it, how this could fuck you off a bit, but also go over it. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? You don't need to make it, that's a weird thing to make part of your personality. - You're 15 and you're getting late. I mean. - Oh, I mean, it's like, (laughing) - Oh, that's dead. Okay, that's shit. But also secretly, - I'm not late. - You're 15. - I guess what's weird about this is if you were doing a Freudian analysis, this is something you discover about him that he might not know truly about himself. Like his, maybe, family members say, I think it was this, but he's telling everyone. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, this will fuck me off. That's what I'm starting to mean, it's suspicious. Yeah, I'm like this good. - Do you have a very tension about that? - Yeah, I'm doing this because I wasn't by my dad's bed. - No, wait, so I'm getting all the way down. - Yeah, when my dad died. - I was actually on the surf. - That's how he's doing it. He's 15. - Yeah, when my dad died, but you know what I was, no, I was fucking, I was having sex and a lot of fun. - And she's pregnant, which I've had it before. (laughing) - You know? - He's such a little, such a little hounder. - I'm so, I'm so guilty in, I got so much to show you about that. I was so much to show you about how much, fucking pretty I was getting at 15. - Yeah, I got so much fucking, yeah, I'm such a dog. - Yeah. - I was so fucking disgusting. How much sex I was having at 15. - No, I couldn't say goodbye to my dog, 'cause I was fucking nice. - Yeah. - I was pretty preoccupied for him bulls, his friend's dad dies, at least he got sick of my, I didn't get to him. - I wasn't there, I wasn't there. - I was too busy. - I was doing, I was just fucking showing it. - Too busy and fucking load. - What are you doing? - What, see my deathbed? Fucking pussy. - Yeah. - I was in pussy mate, I was fucking ramming it home. - Yeah. - Didn't get sick of my, it was pretty sad actually. Anyway. So Gandhi goes on to have four sons over the next 10 years. He's a father of four age 25. - Come on, that's, I mean, that's a, I mean, that's a reason to fucking pretend, retain your semen, isn't it? But then, Gandhi goes to London. He is encouraged to study professionally. - This is like in the franchise, this is like the third film, which is a bit, Gandhi goes to London, it's not the best of them. - No. - The trilogy. - But he arrives in London in 1888. - Ooh. - Months before, friend of the pod, Jack the Ripper, starts hitting women for six. - Could Gandhi be, - Well, he's come both sickos and weirdos. - And he's come from a cricket culture. - Ruh. - Is he stepping off the boat and immediately, - For Rukkolien, reverse, reverse ripping, marion, chilling into the stance? We don't know, there must be a theory. Charlie, is there a theory that Gandhi's jacked the Ripper? Because it seems, you know, - The Tendorca of East London. - The idea that Gandhi was jacked the Ripper is a modern internet. - It is there. - It is a literacy theory, originating from short form content. - It is based on the weak premise. - Well, don't judge the cat about it yet. - The weak premise, Gandhi was a law student in London in 1888. It can, it can be the murders. - Well, look, you've got to be in London to be a kid. - Yeah. - At that time. - Why is he there? - He was an immigrant. - Why is he there? - Yeah. - Why is he there? Was he in Brick Lane? - Where was he living? - Had the Indians, had the Indian restaurant business conquered Brick Lane at this point. - Well, maybe he was trying to kill everyone to, to the way for the one that is now. - It is now. - There's very much Gandhi's Brick Lane now. - Let's make the premise stronger for the conspiracy theory. The Indian equivalent to Jack the Ripper is. - No, where was Gandhi living in London? - There was a guy active in 1985, 86 called Ripper Chandran. - I need to kill people with a hammer. - Right. - 14 people. - Do we know who he is though? Are you saying that could be Gandhi before he came to? - No, this is in the 1980s. - Muth Kutty Chandran. - Then you've got Ramaph, Ramaph Ragab, who's gonna host Psycho Ramen. (laughing) - That's not what I was really spicy in the St.Ravan's. - Yeah, I had a, I had a, - I'm like, I'm wrong. - I had a Psycho Ramen in Melbourne actually. It was called God Fire Ramen. - Right. - And I had it like maybe an hour before my show. Showers in the bin. - Really? - So I just was sweating. - I was just sweating. I just shat my guts out. I was like raising up there. And yeah, no. I'd do it again though. God, for Melbourne's good. Anyway, right. So he studied English literature for a year at UCL, but then he enrolls in law school. - Same university as Charlie. - Charlie. - And also, - You probably were walking through the same halls, you and Gandhi. - Yeah. - You don't have to be sexually and annually fucked up to go to here, but it helps. - He lived in West Kensington. - Okay. - So, you know, it's pre-Lizbath line. - It is tough to link him to the murders, with thing. - Anyway, so his mother makes him vow not to eat meat during alcohol or have sex outside of his marriage. And he's like. - At uni, but it's fresh as mum. - Yeah. - Mum, it's fresh as. - And he's obviously, he's introduced like, yeah, I had a story actually about that. - This is so. - My dad died and I wasn't there, that was getting fucking laid. - Oh. - Dad died as fucking sad as shit. Ask me where I was. - Yeah, ask me where I was. - Yeah. - You put your soul down to the life, mind your not, don't worry about it. (laughing) - It's just sweet. - And interesting fact. - I was like, oh, about it. - Interesting fact. On fresh this week, they had a Roman token night, and he just wore that first of his life. - You know that. - Now he was a new class of Indians was emerging by it in '88 called the Brown Seheaps, which is a post-colonial term, or is it a colonial term? - Yeah, it sounds good. - Give me a word in 1888. To describe someone who behaves like a British master, which is what he means, despite not being white. - Cultural appropriation. - So these are people who are educated in British law and expected to help run the colonial administration. Now in the colonial context, Indian degree was seen as inferior to a British one. So anyway, so Gandhi feels, he wants to become a barrister, so he's got to study in London. But this means that he's excommunicated from his caste, because his caste are merchants. - And he's going above his station. - I think so, yeah. So he says, and as he arrives in London, he says, "Everything was strange. The people, their ways, even their dwellings. I was a complete novice in the master of English etiquette and continually had to be on my guard." - Right. - His landlady tries to give him vegetarian food, but he describes it as third-rate. - I bet it was. - That's fucking arrogant to say that. She's trying her best. Right, you're a fucking falafel maxim, yeah? - Vegetarian food in London in the 1880s, though, probably was fucked up. - Charlie, what is vegetarian food in the late 90th century, please? It's surely, it's like, it's beans, isn't it? - Porridge. - A lot of porridge. - Porridge, yeah. - Porridge, savory pastries, vegetable cutlets, centered on no fish, no flesh, no foul. - No fish, no flesh, no foul. - Is that like the vegetarian, no blacks, no cheese, no eyes? No dogs or whatever. Lentil soup. Vegetable pie, maze mash. - Maze mash. - Vegetable goose, Phoebe is salivating. - It's called Maloeva. - Maze mash. You go on, you're a maze-maxing for lunch, am I? So, Gandhi joins the London Vegetarian Society, which is a lot of slur. - For gay people. - For gay people. - You're an LBS, card, can you remember? - You remember the London Vegetarian Society. A friend he had made, took him out for dinner in Hoban one night, and after ordering a starter of soup, Gandhi asked the waiter if the food was vegetarian, and the friend said, come on mate. - This is like, you're embarrassing me. - You're embarrassing me. He said quote, you are too clumsy for decent society. If you can't behave yourself, go wait outside. And this encounter influences Gandhi's desire to become an English gentleman. So he starts to bit by suits and watches haircuts, takes up ballroom dancing, Lentil's French and Latin, and starts to become, an active and radical politics in London, obviously the 1890s in London very, very, very, free of time. Edward in society. Very, very free too. There's a lot of like, similar to the Russian revolution that, you know, before that in the late 90th century, there's all the kind of mystics. There's a Edwardian mystic scene in these mixed cities. A cult sort of stuff. Sort, I mean, not as bad as Russia, but like, I lessen stuff. What is it? Is it like, like, let's get a peasant with a big dick and say he's a witch sort of stuff? Not quite to extend, but it's like, let's have a vegetarian meal for once. So he joins the executive committee of the vegetarian society again, not a slur. And he finds public speaking very difficult and is described as a quote, "drone". I mean, that doesn't change. No. He's not wrong for the rest of the rest. He doesn't fire you up. No. Very much the Theresa May of the Indian political scene. So he resigns in the committee after repeatedly failing to speak in any meetings. Gandhi goes to Paris, as well, in 1890 for the Great Exhibition, and he sees the unveiling of the Eiffel Tower. You and Gandhi are quite similar with your views on Paris, I believe. We have similar opinions on Paris, yes. He says he's impressed with the churches in Paris. He did not take well to the culture. I agree. All the tower. He said the frivolities of Perusian life is being in evidence in every street. I agree. This is where you're most in line, me Gandhi. Me and Gandhi, you know, where it's stop clocks. And we only overlap on our opinions on Paris. I'm not a fan of Simon retention. If anything, what's the opposite? Simon. What's it? Abundance. Abundance. It's like, you know, the prostate, you need. Is it work? Yes, it's like a Guinness pump. You don't run a car for too long. It's bad. You've got to keep the line fresh. You've got to keep the moving through the line. That's why Guinness is good or bad. That's what the Devonshire. That's what I've got the Devonshire down there. Yes. Top drawer over my thigh interviewing, fucking posh bricks about what the best fight I've got. I've got the best fight in London. Yeah. I've got an Irish man with the best face. Yeah, he's going to say the important thing is keep the pite in use constantly. And you want to be in the back from the Devonshire. That's for celebs. Yeah. But now, Gandhi's in Paris and he is called to the bar in 1891, but he leaves for India just afterwards. And he tries to establish a law firm in Bombay, but he is so bad at public speaking that he can't even cross-examine witnesses. He also had no knowledge of Indian law because he's been in London. Is he nervous or boring? Is he nervous or is he just very boring? I think you can be both. But is that the impression that we get? Is he like breaking it or is he just. Is a shy, meekish small man, you know, fish out of water, or something? When he is, but then he's fucking railing his 15-year-old pregnant wife. Well, his dad dies. Yeah, behind his closed doors though. I mean, it's always the quiet ones. Yeah, it's always the quiet ones. You know, I couldn't possibly speak in public. I'm like, "I'm a fucking. I'm a fucking. I'm a person you're a wife." Yeah! Oh, no, I'm very shy. I couldn't possibly speak. Couldn't possibly speak. I guess he's like, what's the word? Pondrous or pensive, I suppose? Yeah. Or he could be just very, very thick. But. This is like, I also want to get this come to. Smart enough to know that if you're silent, people assume that you're more clever or you're wise. Charlie, you know, the more you speak, the more thick you appear. He's an idiot's avant. Yes. He's what Gandhi is. Yeah, I've always thought this is that just you maintain a robot, I'm not saying anything. Every time you open your mouth, you risk, you know, taking away from your mistake. Yeah, exactly. Hey, yeah, I put it in my hands for three years and threw it in the toilet. You didn't have to say that, Charlie. But it's interesting he's a short man, and I feel it's harder for short men to be the silent mistake. Yes. So I think that's why I had to do the bathrobe. You know, that whole thing, shape your head. Some, a tall guy is tall privilege. A six or four guy who doesn't speak, you do assume that he's just like, you don't add a lot of boringness to him. You just kind of assume that he's holding it. He doesn't have to. Yes. Short guy is a yippy. They have to be. Well, it's more dogs. Yeah, you have to be. You can't just be, you can't just be a lufan silent if you're five foot four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Conceal. Look at my car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be doing that. But a tall guy often get away being crerly boring, because he just stands there in his tall. Well, he's got, he's got, he's got being tall, isn't he? Yeah, exactly. For girls like, well, he's great. Yeah, he's really boring as fuck, but he's tall. So I feel, I feel small when I'm next to him. So he gets rejected for a part time as well as a teacher, because he didn't have a degree from an Indian university. I think he even, there was a case where he's, he stands up to like cross examine the witness in India. And then he genuinely gets stage fright and just sits down. And then he gives the defendant back his, his money. It's like, sorry, I can't, I can't do this. Yeah, if he's the opposite of Alan Dershwin. Right. He's the opposite. Yeah. Yes, it's possible to ejaculate when nervous. Charlie, what are you trying to say? Maybe he's just the in court coming over time. I think, no, I think famously, he, um, famously, he didn't, he didn't come much after a certain point. No, try to hold it in. But in a very horny way. Yeah, I think it's, I think there's a point, you know, on the scale of like, you can be, you can be coming along and it's a horny. And then also you'd be coming not enough and it's still all right. If you're writing type in books about seeing retention, like there's, there's a whole like, this is one of literature about seeing retention, the power of the, you're fucking library wall, isn't it? You've got a leap on loudness. Yeah, these books, like you're suspicious, aren't you? You don't see, oh, these guys aren't horny. This is, if you're writing this, no, it's a book, yeah. It's a book, yeah. The Stephen retention revolution. What is it, Charlie? It doesn't imply that you're using it for something else. I don't think so. Like you're retaining it. Well, no, no, no, no, but one great long edge. One great long edge. Supposedly, I mean, we'll get into this in later on in the series. Supposedly, it changes your characteristic or it helps you in some way. As I say, I've got the Guinness pumps down there. So I'm, I'm regularly flushing the line. So, Paddy was telling about this guy who, he thinks that like masturbating is terrible for you, but he saves it up and will have one a month. But he'll like, he'll like sort of float with himself. So he'll like, like candles. It'll be like a three hour session. Oh, you're just like sting. What are we doing? Tantric masturbation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, he thinks that like you do have a lot more power if you retain your scene, but you still need to get it out at some point. Yes. But just make that really special. You know, play nice music. I think that's fucking weird. Of course it is weird. It's really weird. Imagine being walked, it's bad enough being walked in on just sort of trying to get one done as quickly as possible. If you fucking change the bedsheets, the lighten candles and got popery all over yourself, like a fucking American beauty and then you'll put cologne on. Rubbing one out. Rubbing one out. Got his space on it. He's got a little bit of Africa. God, how did marriage affect how much you masturbate? It's definitely gone down, really. Yeah, because you're with her or just you got too much of her. I have a wife. Has your libido gone, has your, the ferocious fire? Oh, yeah, yeah. As you age, definitely. Definitely, libido goes down. Really? And it's a relief to me. You want that? It's a relief. Yeah. You can't be in your 40s. Why are you saying you heard, Charlie? I don't think it has to be relief. Depends on what you're doing. Well, I'm not, you know, I'm not, to tell you what you're doing. I'm not lighting candles to rub one out. That's really, like, yeah. It's really if you're doing weird stuff, but if you're just having like a lovely time with yourself or your partner, I guess when the, I guess you don't have kids, Charlie, so you also don't have domestic work. Yeah. Which I mean, no, it's in, right? Yeah, exactly. No, I heard of it. You have flatmates. I know. You have a lizard. Have you ever lizard? And does anyone clean that tank out? No. No, it did peel off the carpet the other day, though. It was? It peeled on the carpet. Right. So who's clean that up? Us. And who's us? No, not me. No, of course. Yeah, you should have domestic duty. You should have domestic duty. You should have five hour wax sessions. Yeah, exactly. So imagine it's just you and someone else. You're doing the solo carmasoo show. Right. And then the lizard have put on the carpet. And like, Charlie, I'm going out. I've got to go out. I'm running a three hour wank. And you're like, I can't come out because I'm locked in. I want a date night. Three hours. With myself in my bedroom. Yeah. Yeah. You're listening to fucking whale music. And you're greasing your pole in cow fat. Right. But what's wrong with that? Well, I know what's wrong with that. Yeah, what's in what? So you're saying that you don't have any responsibility to any other than the lizard. No. Yeah. So there's nothing wrong with that now. My point is I have domestic duty. His life is a prison. So he doesn't want to be looking out. You want to be like me? No, no, no, no, no. That's why I said it's a relief. I'm not you. Yeah. He's one of those pianos that turns himself in. Well, hang on. Who's like, I need to be off the streets, right? You're like, it's better for society if I'm a prison. I don't think I think the analogy is that you were saying to me. It's like, I'm not the piano that you're like, look, to be honest, I'm a danger to that. Both 13. To myself and others. Anyway, yeah. In 1893, Gandhi is contacted by a distant cousin in South Africa. 1893, South Africa. Again, where have that taken to the main page? Right. They need a lot of rocks. Drift. What was that? 1879. Okay, right. So Gandhi makes a voyage in April that year. And in our next episode, we will deal with Gandhi's South African chapter. We don't hear about Gandhi's. And I'll tell you now, it's a whole fucking fruit preserve this next episode. You think Gandhi's going to be. - You think he's gonna take certain opinions? - Yeah. - He does not. - He's to rather bitter Marmalade. - Yes. If you're a fan of Gandhi, if you're a Fandy, the next episode will be challenging for your opinion up. - Yeah. - He's a naughty Gandhi. - This is when Ghani really embraces the 1890s, wouldn't you say? (laughing) - Yes. - Spirit of the age. - Which is something I've been accused of, but I don't live them, so I guess it's-- - But you're like, Ghani, what's there in the better than 90s? They're like, yeah, fuck, the way it's blurred. - I'm sorry, you're like, 1890s. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, London in the 90s, yeah. (laughing) It'd be great if you got, you know those endless documentaries about how Great London was in the 90s with all those sort of like-- - Sturgeon Pecone is a talking head. - Or like those weathered faces of people who've like clearly smoked every cigarette, but I'm just like, I always differ about that. If one of you get called on thinking it was about the 1890s, I was amazing. - I got my callipadat, it's just a different time, it's amazing. The energy in the city was so different. - It was so nice. - You know, you just met as someone's head and go, you're thick, go home. Anyway, that episode, along with every episode in this four part series on the horneest, holy man that's ever been, is already out on our Patreon, where we recently passed 30,000 members. - Yeah, he's already vanxied obsessed with sticking in a hole. - Exactly. - That's why he signed up, basically. - Exactly, and Gant, listen, if you wanna talk about seam retention, there is an army of seam and retented men, who, I mean, that's involuntary seam retention. - Right, we're therein. - Insem. - Ins, ins, I don't know, it's in there, somewhere we'll work out in the break. That's on the Patreon, and on our Patreon exclusives, this fortnight we'll be talking about Hinduism, and I think we will be reviewing the Karma Sutra. - Yeah, and then we'll be the Solo Karma Sutra, as we talk about. - Which is Charlie's Solo Karma Sutra. Anyway, that's on the Patreon. If not, we'll see you on Thursday for the next chapter in our Gandhi epic. Goodbye for now. - Goodbye. 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