Niecy Nash-Betts on Confidence, Career Hustle & Unexpected Love

Hey y'all, today's guest is an Emmy Award winning actress who has always known exactly who she is. From Reno 911, to Claus, from Ava DuVernay's When They See Us, to Ryan Murphy's Monster, and now All's Fair. Her resume is long, and her range is undeniable. But beyond the credits, she chose love in 2020 in a way that felt like a plot twist written just for her. Showing us that bold, authentic joy looks good on a grown woman. There is no stopping Niecy Nash Betts, and today we're getting into how she built this life. How she stands in it, and how she keeps it real. And what better place to do that than right here? Cause baby, this is Kiki Palmer. With joy you get into the vibe that only one can see. You know it's your girl. Baby, this is, this is Kiki. Baby, this is Kiki Palmer, yeah. Please welcome to the show, one of my favorite people, Niecy Nash. My girl! And I knew you was gonna come upstage me on my own show. What are you talking about? You look amazing. Body is magic. Wow. My girl! I'm so happy to see you, boo. Hi, toots! Okay. So wait a minute. You were just in Mexico with the cartel stuff, girl. They had you locked up in the room. Yeah! Zoinks! Zoinks! Yeah. It's definitely giving zoinks. Were you scared, or were you kind of like, I'm gonna be alright? Um, you know what made me nervous was I was there with my family, all my children. Yeah. Um, my mom was there, and the thing that gave me the most pause was their reaction. Because you want to feel like all of these people are out here for my birthday, and the next thing you know, you know, this happens, and so there was some in tears, like, oh my god, you know, you had some that just, you know, were a little shell-shocked, like, what is happening? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? And I let each of my family members bring a friend, you know. That's fabulous. And that turned into, I need to call my mama. You know, it was just a lot going on. I need to call my mama. It was a lot going on. I'm so glad you were safe, though. Me too. And I, you know, the main thing was keep the, do your best to keep your peace, but never let a circumstance take your joy. So we had to pivot, uh, because we were supposed to go on a boat excursion, and we couldn't go because we, you know, had to stay, shelter in place. And it was like, okay, well, what's the plan B? And family talent show, you know what I mean? Yes! Family talent show is everything. We were, you know, getting low on. And food, where we stayed, we said, oh, well, you know what? There's a W that we could get to in the golf cart. Let's go over to this hotel and try to get some rations and bring them back to our spot. And the W was so mean to us, and they didn't want to let us get anything. They didn't want to help us out, you know. Oh, wow. And, uh, we snuck in. We snuck in. We snuck in through the back. And when we snuck in, we found a couple. At the bar. We didn't go to the main restaurant. We found a couple at the bar who, um, wanted to swing. Yeah. So. No, not y'all. No. However, well, what room are y'all in? Where's the party? Right? Where's the party? What room are y'all in? We get the room number. We order everything that we need to take back to the house to their room because we're not guests. Yeah. And then we say, no, we want to pay for it in cash. So it wouldn't be on their bill when they check that. For sure. For sure. You got to make it work. You got to do what you got to do. That's right. It's very thoughtful. It's very cutesy. Very demure. Yeah. And it was like, oh, you know, maybe next time, you know, and thanks for the food. And we got out of there and they were so drunk. They didn't even know that we ordered all the stuff to their room. That is so crazy. So we paid for it. And then we were able to take food back home to the kids. Oh, my God. And shout out to the couple. Shout out to swingers. They're so nice. I really do love that. Some of the nicest. Some of the nicest. Okay. We're safe. We were fed. Family's good. And you had a great birthday. I had a great birthday. I'm still going to have a party. Period. So I will send you the deets. I'm about to say, girl, you know I need my invite. I will send you the deets. Yes. Well, we got to get into this pre-show pull-up because I'm excited to get into the signs of it all and just what's going on in your life. So what's your zodiac sign? I already knew, Pisces. Yes. But your big three is Pisces, Libra, and what is Jupiter, girl? Well- Your rising is Jupiter? Yeah. You know, I have my chart professionally done. What the hell do that mean? I'm a lover. Really? Yeah. The hands? I'm a lover. It got real. Yeah, because I'm born under Venus, and so my mission, my soul's mission, is to help people love better and fuller. Girl, it's so funny. So it all makes sense. It's so funny that you're saying this because I know you, you know? And I was literally talking to the people when they're like, oh, you know, Nisa's coming on the show. We're so excited. And I'm like, one of the main things I said was, she was somebody that always tried to make sure I kept believing in love. Always. So that's why this is so funny because that's you. That's why when I got it done, I was like, I feel seen. Girl, that is so you. You guys know who I am, you know? Yeah. That is so you. Crazy. You're so loving. You always have such a bright spirit around love. There's never. I've never seen you really in a negative way, even though I know you've gone through hard things in your life, because we all have. Yeah. But you've always just had such a deep belief. Yeah. And it's really. I mean, I've leaned on it. I'm sure so many of your friends and family have as well. So this is just. I mean, you know, I will pull up on you in a red carpet gown, a vent, and be like, you good? Everything all right? Come on, step to the side. Let me talk to you. Yes. You know me. Girl, that's why when you're saying this, I'm like, that'd be real. It made sense. It made so much sense. 100%. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay. What are you most grateful for for today? Life. Period. It's a blessing. Waking up, breathing. Yeah. And it always, for me, means there's another chance. Okay. There's another chance. I used to think that as a kid, even though that's so dramatic. I don't know why I was such a dramatic kid, but like, even at five years old, I would be so, you know, trying not to go to sleep, you know, because you want to stay up, you got FOMO. And then every time I wake up, I'll be like, I got another chance. Another chance. That's literally how I feel still to this day. Amen. A relationship or friendship non-negotiable for you? Lying. I just hate the lying because I'm not the police. Why are you lying to me? Why? I don't get that. Why do people do that? No. And I grew up with a mother who said, don't you ever steal nothing and don't you ever lie? You know, and it was just like ingrained in me. Yes. And so even, you know, where you got to have the tough words. Yeah. You know, when somebody is asking you what you think or how you feel. Standing in your truth can feel very bold, especially because I feel like we're socialized to cover our truth to make somebody else feel good in the moment. But how do you tell the truth in love? How are we all satiated here? Because I'm not finna go home and live no lie. Yes. The only time that I find, you know, because it'll be a moment where like your friend is like, how do you think of my look? And there's two things. First of all, I need to know what you're going for, because if we're going for a crazy kooky fun. You've nailed it. If we're going for. If we're going for, you know, chic minimalism. I don't know. So it's like I've always got to ask questions because it is that thing, too, where it's like when somebody is asking your opinion, it's subjective. Yeah. So my truth, you know, I always find myself with there where it's like, what are we going for before I give you the real deal? But also specifically as it relates to a love relationship. Don't start lying because you're going to piss me off. And here's the thing. For real. The love of it is that I just feel like so many people, if you just trusted that the universe is kind enough to send someone for whatever you got on the menu, then you don't got to lie to keep somebody. Yes. Who doesn't want to what you got on your menu? That's right. That's right. So just like when you lie over little things, too, you will lie about anything. Yes. And so I. Yeah. Lying in any relationship. I'm like, beat it. Yeah. Come on, Michael. Yeah. What's the question you wish you were asked more in interviews? How do you make your dreams come true? Let's talk about it. Now, how do you? Well, there's a there's a few steps to the process. First of all, you believe what the most high has written on the canvas of your imagination. Yes. How you see yourself. What was that dream that was implanted in you? You got to believe that first, because this is why I often say it's not called mama esteem and. Them esteem and us esteem self, because ain't nobody got to believe it, but you. So you got to believe that thing. Right. And then you got to put belief into action. Right. So what does that look like? Two things. One, you keep confessing it. You say it till you see it. You understand? I hate when people say I'm an aspiring actress. I always say, stop right there. And I'm going to ask you, what do you do again? And I want you to confess very boldly. I'm an actor. I'm an actress. I'm a this. I'm a that. I'm a butcher. A baker. A candlestick maker. Whatever it is. Confess it. Right. And then walk it out. What does that look like? You know, you're not going to become the thing that's implanted in your in your subconscious or conscious by laying in a hammock and eating a hot dog. You got to get up. But you got to get up and do something. And little steps towards your dreams is still progress. So every day do something. I love that. And it's so important when we go back to the beginning of what you said with the whole self-esteem, because I think that's the biggest thing that we must feed in order to even follow some of those steps. Yeah. And I know I have more questions here, but just because we're here, I want to ask you, what are what are some self-esteem builders that will help people to even get to those other few steps that you were talking about? Well, first of all, you know, you got to watch the company you keep. Because everybody in your life is not for you. Some people just come because they want to suck up your vibes and your energy. Some people come, you know, they beg so much, their hands look like cups when they're coming. Some people, you know what I mean? Some people don't want to see you win, but they just want to be around to peep it. Yeah. You just never know. And so you got to watch the people who you hang around. And, you know, you know, Sherry, my my my best friend is Sherry. I love Sherry. So, for example, if Sherry said something that was down about herself, I would then my response would be watch your mouth and watch what you say about my friend. My friend is not that. Have a glass of acride and get it together. Now repeat what you just said. You know, people who will put a battery in your back and encourage you. So you got to be around like minded people. Yeah. That's really important, too, because I've realized in my life sometimes. And I guess it's a human thing, especially if we don't all so often feel like we've been recognized for what we've been through, what we've endured. But you can have people that absolutely love you. But the recognition that you have with them is based in your past hardships and they can't move forward with you out of that. And so it's like every time it's like, OK, great. Thanks for recognizing that. But can we move on? Yeah. Like, why do I have to? Why is our compatibility, our connection only built off of it's a trap? Yeah. And the thing of it is, that is why just because you've known people for you. I just had this conversation with my spouse. So and so and so and so was my friend for 20 years. The key word in the sentence you said is was because a person is not showing up the same way. It means you're either there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And the lifers are very special. They are. And it doesn't mean that you have ill will for this person. It just means you've outgrown each other. And how come every time I come back from over your house, I feel drained. I'm exhausted. Nothing has changed. I'm tired. We still talking about this bum for years and years and you and you haven't left yet. It's like, girl, stop asking me what I think, you know what I mean? So it's like some of those relationships really true. You just got to know when it's time to get off the ride. Love that. Couldn't agree with you more. Who is someone you've met that made you feel starstruck? Oh, my gosh, girl, Billy Dee Williams and Diane Carroll. It's old school. Let me tell you something. Diane Carroll and Claudine. Honey, my favorite movie is definitely in my top five. Excellent. It's in my top five. And the thing about that is that like that was royalty. That was, you know, legendary. I mean, Diane Carroll was Julia. You know, she she was. Yeah, she was all the things. And Billy Dee Williams in Mahogany and Lady Sings the Blues. Talk about it. And I, you know, listen, the universe was kind because I met them at the same time. Boom, boom. When I met Diane Carroll, I was at the at a theater award, something. And I looked up and I've never been starstruck over anyone. But I saw that woman, girl, I said, my God. Oh, Lord, she walking this way. I wonder who she get ready to come talk to. And I look behind me and there was a wall. I said, she's still coming. Oh, no. And she she walks right up to my face and goes, darling. Do you know where you are every evening? And I thought it was a trick question. I said, yes, ma'am. I, I am at the center of my will as a black woman, because I know why the cage bird sings. That's what I said. Anytime an auntie come up to you, that's you got to say the right words. I didn't know what to say for sure. And she said, no, you're in my bedroom because I watch your program every evening. I used to host a home makeover show. And I'm like, I know that I'm supposed to know you. But, girl, you know me. It I could not believe and she floated away. And I was like, oh, look at, you know, it's just amazing. I would listen. Listen. That is just so I mean, meeting Diane Carroll. I mean, Billy Dee Williams, it doesn't get much better than that. No. What's the mantra you live by and why pull up? You used to say, oh, my gosh, you say that pull up. All the time. Pull up. Push through. Never look like what you went through. Never look like what you're going through. Look like what you're going through. Yeah. Wow. When did that become your thing? Because as long as I've known you, you've been saying that all the time. You know, when you tap into the call of your life on your life and you start making steps towards the thing, all hell breaks loose because that's the way the universe is designed. So the time you get the idea, the feeling, the dream is here. Yeah. Over here is the manifestation. And in between here and there is the meantime. And the meantime is me. It's there. Right. Meantime is mean. And in that place, that's where you will try. You know, the powers that be will try to break you, break your spirit, break your soul, kill that, kill that dream, kill that energy so that you never make it to the promise. Right. So when I realized that I want to act and I'm going to pursue this thing and this is going to be, you know, the thing that feeds my family, my soul, I'm going to go on these sets and I'm going to be a light. And it's not just about me getting the job, but it's who are you when you get over there? So when I realized that. All hell broke loose, like where I would literally go to auditions where I had to be funny, crying my eyes out the whole way there because I had a huge fight and this happened and that happened and all the things, you know. And so I had to constantly keep telling myself, you push through and you don't look like what you're going through. When you walk in there, wipe your face, get it together. And go get the thing. And so I started that very early in my career. That's some very positive self-talk. Oh, yeah. And it's really, really powerful. I don't think we think about enough how we are speaking to ourselves. And it makes me think about even what you were saying earlier about you and Sherry or your friends and just people in your life like that positive self-talk is what can get us through. Yeah. Right at the beginning. So at five years old, you saw Lola Falana on TV and said Black Fabulous on TV. What did that unlock in your imagination? It all. Everything. I saw myself. Yes, because you are fabulous. I saw myself, you know, and she was so glamorous. And I had seen black people on television before, but they didn't look like that. Yeah. I was like, what? You know, a new character has been unlocked. You know, whatever, whatever they're doing now, the version of that is me. That's what I was doing. I was like, Lord, I see myself. I that's that's me. Yeah, because your energy, were you like how you are now at five? Were you always very, like, glamorous? Because I've never seen you not with a face beat. I've never seen you not throwing a look. As long as I've known you, you've always been very deep. You've been very much a diva. Kiki Lauren Palmer, let me let me tell you where it began. Oh, I was in kindergarten and there was this boy and I thought he was so cute. I've been a lover. OK. And I came home and I told my grandmother, I said, because because I like you, but is this other girl with you? She got long ponytails and she thinks she's so cute. She but I think he like her. My grandma was like, she got what? My grandmother used to smoke a cigarette on a filter. So you got the long gold piece. Then the cigarette. She said, go look at Grandmama Hair Draw and get them two ponytails out of there. She ain't gonna be the only one with ponytails. I'm like, wait, what? So I dig in the hair drawer and I find these two clip on ponytails giving you like more like Cindy Brady, like a corkscrew kind of long thing. She said, now don't tell your mama I let you wear your good dress to school and you better not get dirty. So I had on a purple velveteen dress, white socks. And she put a little piece of candy in your sock. You know, couldn't wait till they hard as, you know, I said, OK, put a candy in my sock, have my white, I mean, my black panel in the shoes on. And I wore my rabbit jacket back in the day. Y'all don't know nothing about that. It was like a little patch where they got all the little fuzzy pieces off a rabbit and put it together and made you a jacket. Have a rabbit jacket on my ponytails. I go to school. My plan is a success. OK, it's movie time. Story time. They're doing the thing. You want to sit by me? Yes. I pulled a piece of candy out of my sock. I'm like, he's like, yeah, you know, and then we clicking and clacking. We off to the races. I come back home to my grandmother girl we done cracked the code so now can we do these ponytails tomorrow with a part on the side because that's gonna that's really gonna kill him that's gonna she said girl you can't wear this to school every day i just let you do this one time one time cut to i go back with my little dumb braids i go back to school he end up back over there with the girl with the long braids and i picked up a chair threw it at her and ended up in detention oh and so here we are but that was the beginning now there's hair everywhere that you get a wig you get a wig girl first of all i love that you and your grandmama was your wingman yeah got me together got you together she said this how you snag them always had a man okay you know what i mean i need to page out that had a double mastectomy and was at the place getting um dialysis oh i can't keep them off me all these fellas in here so i got it honest she was like i ain't even got titties all these fellas in here i love that so you were born in palmdale you i really wasn't that i was born in la i don't know where you hate this palm i live in palmdale long time ago but i don't know how it got on my my my wikipedia wikipedia i don't live in palmdale as a girl that grew up in she said hell no she said no palmdale here give me my street cred exactly at what point did you realize laughter wasn't just a personality was something that also got you through your life you know i had always been funny but i didn't know it was a thing because i got punished for it interesting what why would you get punished for it you was just playing because i was like you know doing stuff in church okay and then i would get pinched or i would get talks too much on my report card and my mom was like well what was you talking about and i'm like i was telling jokes you know she's like get the belt i got something that's funny you know so it just never i never thought it was a thing yeah and then in 93 um my only brother was murdered on his high school campus so sorry to hear that thank you and my mother got in this deep depression and she said i'm getting in the bed and i'm never getting back out so i didn't know what to do but i knew i could make my mama laugh so i would perform at the foot of her bed every day i would do characters and jokes and bits and and my mother went from laying down in the bed to sitting up in the bed i got my peanuts and my water go on get up there and do your rendition of things i said well let me do my things and then at one point i went by there and she wasn't in the bed i said mama we're in here i'm like who is we she's like well i went across the street and got the neighbors miss brown and miss so-and-so and i told these people you funny get that karaoke microphone and tell these people some jokes so while i was on the karaoke microphone telling the people the jokes i heard a voice as audible as my own say that laughter is a is a gift amen it is a gift not that it completely heals you but it's a bomb it's a sad then the voice said nisi don't be a selfish heifer now that's how the voice talked to me he said don't be a selfish heifer it's some other people out here in the world suffering go out there and spread this around because i couldn't get a job in in because i when people told me i was funny i got offended because the only thing i knew that it was connected to was being punished right so i was like i'm sorry i'm so funny i really want to be because i only wanted to be a dramatic actress yeah i didn't want to be funny but when i stood on that thing and what came in my mind from that pain your purpose will be birthed and then i went outside and i said my name is nisi nash and i'm funny and they said yes you are a little girl get on over here and that's how i started working oh my gosh isn't that so interesting the ideas that we can have for ourselves because obviously you're an incredible dramatic actress as well we're going to get to that but it's interesting the way we think our entry points should be we'll always get there but like if we just will lean in to what comes naturally to us yeah you know it becomes so much easier i also want to talk about the mavis mothers against violence in schools because i know your mother actually experienced it when you were younger but you know you became a spokesperson for this foundation yeah mavis um mothers against violence in schools we started because my brother was killed on his high school campus okay he got caught in a love triangle at 17 and you know somebody brought a gun to school over a girl and there you go you know what i mean yes so um you know it wasn't like it wasn't as a you know gang violence or you know him being robbed or you know he just you know probably got being a lover from his big sister uh and it you know unfortunately cost him his life and i went around the country with my mother for many years advocating for safety in schools and um we did it for many years until it was just too painful for her to continue yeah she was just like because every time i'm reliving it every time you know so she um yeah she just said i'm i'm ready to put it down yeah what did that teach you if anything about using your voice i mean i know the comedy was there but also just it really aligns with a lot of the work that you've continued to do in the stories that you've been able to tell you know what i'm saying and so i'm curious of how thinking about what you went through and how that has then become something that you've expressed in later roles yeah you know you know but it's interesting because i probably do more privately than i do publicly yeah you know what i mean so yes i will use my voice i will use my platform but i'm also the one who he hits you where are you you got to get out of there and you how long when when is he coming back you know what i mean and then calling my other girlfriends who i know are writers and i'm like meet me at this address make sure your trunk is empty we got to get this girl and we got to get and we got to short amount of time to do it yeah i'm not going to go on social media and tell that but i will go on social media and say i'm advocating for the innocence project i'm advocating for you know victims to be believed i'm advocating for but the but the private ministry is is more consuming than what you see in in in socials yeah you've ministered to me many times so i know that to be so true um you also credit your mom for believing in your acting potential how important is it you think for the adults in your life to really help you pursue or even just encourage you to pursue your dreams because i've had that with my mom but you know also um in the beginning i was very shy so when you have a baby that is uber shy and you're like i want to be on tv you know it's like this girl you know go go in there sit down did you do your homework you know so i really had to stay my path and let everybody catch up yeah it was like oh wait you know my mother used to work two jobs and so i used to do these acting competitions and she was never able to come yeah because she had to work two jobs and then i got into this one that said you know you could represent the state of california in this acting competition and go against other people in other states if you win so my mama took off work okay now that's a big deal come on you know what i mean you you you nervous you all right i'm fine i go up there and i do the thing and i win and my mother she just saw me so differently and she was like wow whatever i can do and i come from a place where there was no entertainers in my family no blueprint we weren't child stars you know i had graduated from high school you know and my mother said you know i'm not going to do this i'm going to do whatever i can so what did that look like every play that i was in she would come up there and bring food she would make her famous chicken she would do this she you know what i mean they need help making some props you know i can call somebody you know the man up the street like me he makes stuff real good you know what i mean so um you know she just really got behind it you started watching my children for me yeah so i could audition and you know but you gotta you gotta stay with it to let people know you serious about it yeah yeah i feel i i agree you studied theater arts at cal state dominguez hill how did studying the craft you feel protect you in the industry that could sometimes be tearing at your confidence you know did that did studying the craft in school give you any substantial support outside of your experience what i will tell you about that is that we are living in a age where people can just be plucked from obscurity because of reality tv right you know what i mean you got a gregarious personality you know what i mean he's slick and something to look at you know what i mean or whatever and you can become quintessentially an overnight success i feel like for me studying was the best gift i could have ever given myself because i don't have to rely on tricks you know what i mean i don't have to rely on gimmicks you know what i mean and my mother is the one who told me don't lie I when I said, you know, my mom doing all this comedy, but don't you think I'm a good dramatic actress? She said, girl, I don't. But you can be. So you find the best class in this town and I'm a work overtime to pay for it. You understand? Yeah. And now she's Emmy Award winning for dramatic role. I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah. But but I had to put in the the work. It's just for me. I can't speak about anybody else's process. But I'm very grateful that I that I went and I studied and I, you know, got it together and figured out what I didn't know. Mm hmm. You know, you worked with Whoopi Goldberg very early on in your career. I'm a Whoopi girl. I love We Go Down. I still have not gotten a chance to work with her. Whoopi, call me. But you told the story about having the confidence to speak up in a scene with her early on in your career. Yeah. Tell me about that moment and what did it teach you about taking up space, especially being a newcomer? Well, yeah, baby, this is Iggy Palmer. Yeah. You know, your girl loves to travel. Some of my favorite trips have been with my fam to far off places like Rome. But this spring, we're eyeing a more local spot like South Carolina because our non-negotiables are delicious food and a beach where we can have fun, but also get some. So we're going to do a much needed R&R. And when I'm planning where we're going to stay, I'm not only thinking about logistics like where is everyone going to sleep, but also how can I really experience the place I'm visiting? That's why I book a stay on Airbnb for family trips. We get to stay in neighborhoods where locals actually live and really connect with the city through authentic experiences. Plus, everyone can spread out with separate bedrooms like my son's bedtime doesn't have to be my bedtime. And we've got a room. We've got a real kitchen to cook some meals together if we end up staying in. It's also way more cost effective than booking multiple hotel rooms. 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Bumble has photo verification and ID verification built right in. You can be at ease knowing the person you're chatting with is actually who they say they are. That peace of mind, it's a non-negotiable. Ready to connect with people who bring the same energy as you? Download Bumble now. Let's talk audition first, okay? So to even get the job, I was unemployed, had a little baby, and I was breaking up. And I said, you know, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to act. And I had no agent, no manager, but I met a man at a workshop that said I was funny. So I called him. I said, you said that I was talented and I was funny. I said, be responsible for my introduction into Hollywood and hook me up. And so he said, be down here at 3 o'clock. Girl, I had on makeup out to here, hair down to my address. I look like a hot mess. And I walked in and he was like, what is all of this? And I said, I know, right? And he was like, wrong. Please go in the bathroom and wash your face. And tie that hair up. And I was like, oh. Did it. Went in and auditioned. I didn't know I was going into a producer session. Oh. Okay. And it was only for under five lines. So, you know, he slipped me in. Right? Yeah. So I read the two lines or whatever it was. The director said, hmm, send her back out and have her read this and this. It was two little, say this little part, say this little line. And so the guy says, he looked at me like, so he said, go in the hallway and work on this. I said, this little? Little bit of stuff. I don't need to go in the hallway. I got it. He said, no, you can. I said, man, stop pushing me. I said, I got it. So the guy was like, oh, if she's ready, let her go. I was like, yeah, thank you. So I say words. I say the second set of words. And he goes, thank you. And I said, that's the, you got the part. Look, I said, you're welcome. And he said, thank you. And I said, don't. I said, you got the part. Look, I said, you got the part. And I say, that's the, you got the part. And I said, don't mention it. You may go. I said, oh, y'all are dismissing me. Well, did you pick me? And he was like, wait, what? And I said, did you pick me? I told him I'm broke. I got a baby and I need a job. He said, someone will let you know, dear. I said, oh, my God. Let me know when. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. I told him, I'm broke. I said, let me know when. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. Niecy. And he was like, honey, you have to leave. I said, you know what? I'm going to leave. But let me tell you what my mama always told me. Everybody got a boss. So I'm telling on you, sir. And I'm telling on you. I'm telling on all y'all. Because I didn't know the process. See why you got to go to school and study kids? OK. So I had never had the professional audition. So when, right before I walked out, he calls the casting director over, who is bright red. Oh, my gosh. And he leans down and says, where did you find her? She's adorable. Yeah, that, it was pretty good. Kiki, I don't stop. I say, uh-uh. Don't try to get on my good side now. Y'all done already. It was a mess. So they ended up calling me. I said, Kiki, I'm going to call you. She's adorable. Kiki, I don't stop. I say, uh-uh. Y'all done already. It was a mess. So they ended up calling me for the movie, anyway, in spite of that. And I got out there, and my scene was with Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, my. And at the time-- What movie? Tell me this movie. Boys on the Side. Boys on the Side. With Drew Barrymore was in it. Mary Louise Parker. A very young and undisclosed woman. Who discovered Matthew McConaughey. Oh, my gosh. And I was-- And Niecy Nash. Come on. I was woman in the diner. And so I stay in the bathroom, and I come out, and I'm supposed to tell her words about her friend in the bathroom, because her friend was sickly. And whatever the line was, Whoopi kept laughing, because it sounded really weird, the way the words were put together. And so the director started getting frustrated. Oh, my God. Come on. Back to what? You know, all of that. And I was like, oh, Lord. I got in that bathroom, girl. And I prayed. I said, Lord, don't please. I said, this woman, if she laugh one more time, I'm going to say something. So I walk out the bathroom. I say the line. She laughs again. Kids don't do this. Don't ever do this. This is what I did. No. OK, stop. Time out. Who am I to call cut? Niecy. Who am I? Who am I? Niecy, I'm scared. I stop. And he said, what is the problem? I said, sir, I'm sorry, but she's messing up the scene, because she keep laughing. Whoopi Goldberg looked at me and said, no, you didn't. And I said, yes, I did. They not going to fire you. You so confident with this. I was like, I sure did. Drop dime. And what? Because they about to cut my part. They about to cut me. Messing with you, Whoopi. And he was like, well, what? He said, what's the problem? I take my gloves off, because it's snowing outside. My prop gloves. Long blue fingernails with bingos, bells, bows, and everything. I was like, well, maybe in hindsight, maybe that's why they gave me the gloves. But he took the gloves. And I said, the problem is, and he said, oh, wow. Go ahead. I said, people don't talk like that. And that's why she keeps laughing, because it's so weird. And he said, well, what would you say if it was you? I said, well, I'm not going to talk like that. He said, well, what would you say if it was you? I would be like, girl, is that your friend in the bathroom? Child, you better get in there, because she ain't not throwing up. He says, Edith, we're changing the line. He said, you go say whatever you want to say. Whoopi Goldberg said, you go, girl. And I was like, OK. But it just seemed like there was something going on. I was like, OK. I said, what's the problem? He said, well, I'm not going to talk like that. I would be like girl is that your friend in the bathroom child you better get in there because she ain't not throwing up he says Edith we're changing the line he said you go say whatever you want to say Whoopi Goldberg said you go girl and I was like okay but it just seemed like the most obvious thing to do you think I'm finna get fired this lady got a bag of money and these cute locks girl they're not gonna fire you so yeah I spoke up and and and will and always have and that is so good for any actor to hear because it's really true like at your job I think a lot of times as actors or performers we go into a situation and like this is what it is and I have to do that but like also they're looking for our expertise yeah we are the performers so when we look at the script and the lines and we're coming to the project you know it is our part of our job and I don't think we all often know that to say hey this doesn't feel right this doesn't seem true you know and we get nervous to challenge but it's not challenge it's actually doing your job So that's I love that. Have you seen when the last like how soon have you seen Whoopi? And yes, I've seen her several times when I go and I visit the view and we just hold on to each other and and laugh about that time. You know, it's just that kind of a kind of a thing. And and she's just always been a dear, dear soul. Yeah, I love Whoopi. I love her so deep. OK, at your Walk of Fame ceremony, you said this is just the beginning, not the ending. What did you mean by that? Because you've already accomplished so much, but you do keep accomplishing so much more. What else in your mind? I mean, you maybe don't know, but you're just like, honey, I'm here. You know, I felt like there is so much more to do. Yeah, I mean, it's just more to do more uncharted territory. You know, I didn't direct until after that. I you know what I mean? I'm working on a on a second. I can book. I mean, just so many things, so many things producing and, you know, all of the things. And so I just thought, wow, this is getting ready to be another chapter, you know, and mind you, mind you. When I was seven, I was on seven or eight on the Walk of Fame with my dad and I run into Ed Asner. I didn't know it was that was his name. My dad had to tell me. I said, I saw that man on TV before. He was a boss of Mary Tyler. Oh, I loved Mary Tyler. And so I said, I know that guy from someone said I walk up to him. I said, I know you don't know me, but my name is Nisi. And, you know, my name is going to be right on this ground on one of these stars. That goes back to what you said. You start here. The manifestation is there. Everything in the middle is the meantime. And you got to say it till you see it. I said it at that age and I never forgot that I said it. He was like, yeah, it's Graham. And when he was walking away, I was like, remember my name. And I didn't know how long it was going to take. But about 35, 40 years later, I end up on that Walk of Fame. I called that man and I said, I don't know if you remember me. No, you didn't. Sure did. He's still living. He said, I hope you. Thank God. He sent me a letter. I don't think now, but when I got the star, he was. But he said, I am grateful. That you didn't let a crotchety old man destroy your dream. Unfortunately, I can't come to your star ceremony. And he hand drew me a star and he wrote my name in the middle of it. And I thought that was so sweet. And then the day before the ceremony, he called and said, I'll be there. I couldn't even look at him. Google it. You can look up pictures. And you see that is the most special. These kinds of things. Let me just know that God is so real just because the design of the life, the architecture of it all. Like it can't be written by anything. Anything else other than that thing, that spirit, that that the name, yeah, because what the heck I couldn't even look at him because my fake eyelashes, I couldn't even look over because I was like, he's sitting right there. And it's so special. It's so special. I love that. I love that. I mean, when we think about it, a lot of us think about it. Reno 911 is like a big turning point in your career where everybody got that real glimpse of your comedy chops. Could at least know Nisi is one to watch. How did it feel for you during that time when you got that role? Can we talk about it? Because I lied my way into it. I love that there's always a gag or goose. This is a we can do a whole TV show over Nisi Nasha's life. And there's always a gag episode. It's giving me life. There's always a gag. So they called. And at first it was supposed to be sketch. And they were like, hi. I mean, yeah, we're just confirming you do sketch, right? I was like, of course. And then I called my friend. Big George. Shout out to Big George. And I said, what the hell is sketch? What do I got to do? And so he told me what to do. Characters and bits. I said, oh, yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that's what they called it. But yeah, I can do that. So I get my little stuff together and go down there. Characters and bits. Yeah. It was two other girls and me. One was stretching. One was doing vocal warm ups. And I was sitting there reading a magazine. I said, well, should I get up and do something? But the audition was running, running very long. And I got up and knocked on the door. Oh, no. Niecy, this is crazy. I have a habit of, wait, now it's all coming back to me. It's a wonder I even work in this business. OK, so I knocked on the door. And it was like about, I don't know, 12 people in a room. And three of them were produced. I don't know who they were. I just knocked on the door. And I said, hey, excuse me. What time are y'all going to get this dog and pony show started? And the lady really was upset, you know. She said, why? Are you in a hurry? I said, as a matter of fact, ma'am, I am. I got to get my kids to Chuck E. Cheese by 7 o'clock. 7. 7 o'clock. Because the last time I got there late, they jumped on the mouse. The head came off. The man ran in the back. It was a show. I got to get there on time. So they said, OK, well, go ahead and come in. I was like, thank you. I do my bit. What are the odds? I get a call back. So I'm like, on my way back. I beg my mother to watch my children. I said, mama, I don't want to be distracted. You know, so I go back and I walk in and I say, hi, you guys. You know, the first thing they said, what happened at Chuck E. Cheese? Now I do a high five on Chuck E. Cheese. And then they said it was time for me to audition again. I mean, and I said, well, I didn't know enough to know that you need to workshop like this. I just have. It's always been funny. So I felt like once I learned that how these comedy troops do it, I was like, oh, I didn't know that. But I knew I was funny. I said, I could do the same thing I did last time. But I found this handkerchief in the back of my car. And on the way over here, I made up a bit called Carol the Slave. Y'all want to see that? I did. Not yes. I did. Come on, studio audience. We do. We got it. I said, so I did Carol the Slave. I leave. My mother said, how did it go? I said, I think it was funny. I said, this white lady fell out of her chair and was beating her fist on the ground. Who that person I now know to be as Carrie Kinney, who played Weigel with the little dark hair. She played Trudy Weigel. And I got that job. And I often say, I don't know that I was better than those two other girls, but I was very comfortable in my skin. Well, that's what I keep hearing about everything. And I was going to ask you, but I'm glad you brought it up. Like, would you? Did you say that it was just confidence or was it naivety? Was it you just being like, I can only be me? Like, where was that knocking on the door? Was it just like, you know, I feel like I just. I never tried to talk myself out of who I knew God made me to be. Never try to talk myself out of it. You know, you need to be more like this or more like that. Or you need to act like this and to call them and this and that. Whatever it all was. I just was like, you know, I believe that everybody. Is so you need and what show bit and what show bit I don't need. I don't need to borrow from your bit because I'm already over here rocking and rolling in my bit. And when people would say, I'm so sorry, we're going another way. My honest reaction was, guys, I feel so sorry for you. That's right. Because I'm a be a big deal. You'll see. Yes. And I would just go on about it. And as you continue to grow and what I don't know, whatever people call learn more. Or elevate or just, you know, access different things come into your mind. How did you make sure that that that that Nisi Nash, that core of what you call is being you. How do you make sure it's sustained as you blossomed into more? You know, you again, the people who you hang around, you know, will not let you get to your feet, get too far off the ground. You know, it's like pumpkin. Not too much. Yeah. Not too much. Yeah. You know, keep you grounded. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Would you ever be open to a reunion episode of Reno 911? Oh, I'm the reason why we keep coming back together. Every couple of years, I email everybody twice a year like, hi, guys, let's put the band back together. Guys, I just found my old booty in the closet. Anybody? Y'all want to go get drinks as our characters? And I just keep putting it out there. I've set it on red carpets. I'm like, I can't wait till we get the band back. And every few years or so, we'll come back and find something to do. I love that. What do you feel that your character, Anisha, especially coming in and not even knowing much about that type of work, that sketch work, what did she teach you in terms of your comedic voice? Trust your gift. Trust it. Because now you're around all these seasoned people who have been in all of these high profile comedy troops. Girl, that's how I felt with you on Scream Queens, with you and Glenn. What are you even talking about? You mean me and Jamie? You and Jamie. And Glenn Powell. Oh, Glenn Powell. You're talking about Glenn Powell? Yeah, I love Glenn. Glenn, girl, watching you and Glenn, I was in so many scenes. And I used to tell y'all this all the time. And you would always look at me just how you always looked at me. Like, girl, you could do it. It ain't no big deal. But I would be studying you. That taught me so much about improv on that show. Because I was like, yo, this is an opportunity for me as an adult to really do it. Really mature in what my comedic voice is. What it means to take chances. How do I understand improv? within the context of the situation not just saying something because it's funny but saying something that's true and that's why it's funny yeah i would watch everything we would be working on that show nisi and it would be they would never ever ever give her a note and i'm not even kidding guys they would just be like go and they'd be like okay great another one and she would come up with something different each time that was still within the framework of the moment and i just remember literally looking at you in complete and utter awe just drooling and i was like nisa will you do this video with me online would you do this thing with me because i was just so blown away by that watching that skill that is just like the best school that you could ever be in yeah and i was just i when i tell you i was soaking up every minute of miss nisi nash that was the best time you taught me so much you really really did you know just by watching you do you and i would see you and glenn going back and forth he was the only one to keep up with you well you know what but but but i i you know how oftentimes people say you see yourself in someone definitely um watching you on that set because you know you're working with a whole bunch of girls and and and it's a it's a lot of energy and i remember that like your trailer was like ground zero you having a problem and you having a problem come on in here let's talk about it and i was be like you know what i mean that's me that's that's what i would so yeah you know i i think that that that energy is is it's it's a gift to many yeah yeah i was happy that a lot of the girls could trust me you know that was nice that was that was a good vibe about the show it gave a very like you know comforting sisterhood in moments um let's talk about clean house yeah what was crazy was that i had just had my last baby i have three children and i begged their father i said you know it was like i had the baby six weeks later he was like it's time to go back to and i was like wait a minute i've given my body over three times to bring life yeah in the in the world if i could have nine months just for me to just let me just see what i could do in nine months and if at the end of this nine months i don't make it crack i'll go back to work yeah put my pinky up twisted it and was like boom now the clock is ticking and it took me about seven and a half months i booked my home makeover show clean house right maybe about two weeks later i booked reno 911 and a week after that i booked uh recurring on the bernie mack show as his sister auntie benita and i loved and i never went back to work bernie mack show i love the bernie mack show rest in peace bernie mack it was i loved your character on there it was great yeah and so after that never went back to work wow and then you won the daytime emmy that was your first time that you were me i mean yeah producing that show um i loved it i literally i've been out with it even now trying to see if i could bring it back well you also had the um one that you did with your family which was cool that they now start pulling clips of yes the reality show that you have leave it to nisi that now is coming up on socials how you feel about that girl they're popping up again i know um i love the clips that just include me and my children there were other people in my life at the time and i'm like oh my gosh but but uh i i love that people are they just started discovering yeah you know it's like i was like that show was so long ago but it was a good time yeah but you've always been producing different diversifying and producing different things that i think like we could even say or quote unquote before their time but in any regard you've always been acknowledged for it so um you built a long relationship with ryan murphy yeah i mean he you guys have done multiple projects together what do you appreciate most about that relationship especially from a showrunner i think that ryan is so creative and you never know when he gives you a script you know what it's going to be but most of the time i've said yes to ryan without a script yeah yeah you know what i mean i many of us have because you don't know what but you know it's ryan and you know it's gonna be good yeah you know the one that i'm doing now all's fair uh with kim kardashian naomi watts glenn close tiana taylor tiana sarah paulson yes you know we love our girl so you know none of us got a script and all said yes yeah and then the script came later so i just trust him yeah i trust him so much when it comes to getting to do more drama now at this point what did you i mean you from the beginning of this you said you always wanted to do drama so what was it like to finally start getting roles you know the opportunity to play dramatic roles heaven yeah a blessing yeah but now i want back in because they started to play dramatic roles and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i was funny kiki now i gotta i gotta scrape up a comedy i'm like everything i look at she's crying and dying oh she's down and out she you know what i mean yeah isn't that funny i just was like what just happened the industry is very much like that like whatever you do the most of that's why mom used to always tell me you don't let people tell you who you are you tell them who you are that's right and they'll believe you know i love your mama you know because we're all from the same vibe where it's like at the end of the day like i set the tone so it's like if i'm funny then everybody's like oh if you're being serious like she's such a serious it's like what guys like it's just a switch that you could turn on and off and you've done i mean limited series sitcoms reality yeah uh you've anchored series i mean the credits are so long what's the real art to not just booking but becoming indispensable well because you are that i found out through some other actors that i i had a nickname i didn't know about um and they were calling me nisi the range nash you know and i was so blessed by that i was so blessed by that because to know that your peers can trust you yes whatever your script your project is call me you want it funny you want a drama you want a host you want to this you want you know what i mean all of those boxes are checked and it just made me feel like you know um a very blessed woman to know that my peers can trust me no matter what the genre absolutely i mean one thousand percent you are that person how do you stay hungry when i mean you've accomplished so much what keeps pushing you and what inspires you at this point in your career well first of all i'm expensive okay i mean now let's get into that i like things i like to go places and eat stuff um no i i i the thing the real reason um is because i feel like there's always something new to uncover in my art it's a million things i could have played that i haven't yet you know what i mean yeah so um discovering different parts of my art whether it's writing or producing or finding a character that i've never played before it all still tastes so delicious i'm not over it yeah i'm not over it yeah i feel the same way too and i always wonder to myself like will it ever come a day where i'm not you know engaged with it you know i don't know what that would look like but i really still feel so passionate about my art but i guess that's what it is to just be an artist you know whatever it is across the board i'm engaged yep you know um i want to switch gears because i got to bring up your performance and avery duvernay's when they see us i mean that's very heavy sacred work anytime we have to do something that involves like structural systemic racism art you know real people and real people it can be really really tough that's how i did a movie alice it wasn't a real character but that experience had happened to somebody before and just getting into the shoes of like our ancestors or what our community has endured it can be really a lot so how did you prepare yourself for that and being so um and you know just invested in this story and concentrated amount of time so with regards to when they see us first of all i love me some avery duvernay um but um she really protected us and made sure that we had um a very extensive bible on the whole story the people that were still alive we were able to meet i called them the exonerated five but we were able to meet them and you know what i mean and that bit of it so and then we also was the only job i've ever done where they had counseling available for you when you got off work if you needed it wow shout outs to ava for that yeah because you know most of the time you just go home heavy yeah you know what i mean and um my gosh but she made sure that there was a number you could call and it was available for the run of the run of the shoot that's amazing yeah well that was beautiful work incredible stuff thank you you know um but let's let's let's switch gears for a second and talk about how you hit us with that plot twist in 2020 and can we talk about it y'all i have questions about everything what should i cook tonight is it jacket weather or am i overthinking this should i take that opportunity and i've been using claude it's changed how i make decisions because here's the thing most ai just gives you information and that's it claude actually helps you decide think things through fully and take action like When I'm prepping for guests or trying to figure out whether something I read is Legit. I'll go back and forth with Claude, and it won't just hand me some surface-level answer. It pushes back and asks me what I mean. It treats the question like it deserves more than 30 seconds. I also love that you can now connect your health data to Claude through Apple Health. And when I'm trying to figure out if my sleep is off, Claude helps me see the patterns. Try Claude for free at claude.ai slash kikipalmer and see why problem solvers choose Claude as their thinking partner. We have to talk. Shout out to Jessica Betts. She's an amazing person. And, I mean, let's talk about what made you, what brought this shift into your life and what made you publicly be like, hey, y'all, this is what I'm on. Okay. Here we go. So it wasn't anything that I was even. I was out of my marriage, and no one knew I got divorced, right? Yeah. Or filed, and it had been months. And I was doing a project in Jersey. JB and I had been friends for 1,000 years. 1,000. Come on, centuries, love. Well, I mean, you know, we've just been friends. Yeah, no, I know. We've just been friends for a couple years. Maybe like four, four and a half. But I never thought about her as someone I would date. And, but every time I came to New York, we hung out. We went to go do plays. Matter of fact, wait a minute. No, you was in Cinderella. Yeah. Y'all came? Because Sherri was in it. I know. Yeah. No, I came to that, but JB and I, I think, went to Wicked. Okay. That's fine. I saw you. She just didn't see you. Yeah, yeah. I remember you came. Yeah. So, anywho, we would always hang out. But I didn't even. Tell her I was there that time, because in my mind, I got confused. I'm not an East Coast girl, so I thought, "I don't know what I thought." She's like, "Are you in New York?" I was like, "No, I'm in Jersey." She was like, "You're in New York." And I was like, "Oh, okay." But anywho, and we hung out, and it was just something that I did not see coming. Do you think she was waiting on her chance? No, I do not. So, what happened about this? What was the time that you think it was just, I guess, the timing was right that you started to see it with a different set of eyes? Okay, she said, "I'm going to pull up on you because you live so close to me. I'm on my way to see this girl, but I'm going to stop by and see you first." I said, "Okay, great." Nothing unusual. Laughing, talking, catching up. And then I said, "Well, how long is your train ride?" She said, "Well, I'm going to be on the train for a minute." I said, "Well, did you eat?" Niecy. You know what your grandmama said. I wasn't on nothing. I understand that. But this is what happened. See, some people have the sauce. Some people got the juice. Some people are Niecy Nash and have both. And I don't even know what to tell you. Because this is why I stay in a relationship, Kiki, because they will stand out in front of my house like I'm. With that boombox. I need to know how. Because they throwing rocks at mine. No, girl. Get from over there. I don't know. I'm like a honeybee. I don't know. Anyway, made her some food, sent her on her way. Still didn't think anything. Next thing you know, I was walking out the door to go get some crabs. She called. Where you going? What you doing? What type of time you want? I said, I'm going to get some crabs. I want crabs. I said, okay, meet me at the spot. She was late. I was already a cluster in. Okay? I'm not waiting on you. Cluster in is crazy. Because it's not a date. So when she sat down to order her crabs and now we just talking over some crabs, I saw her with fresh eyes. That's when she was eating them crabs. That'll do it. Every time. In the words of Cardi B. Every time. But no, my stomach started getting hot. And I'm like, that only happens when I like boys. Why is my stomach hot? What's going on here, guys? What's going on? And so I had to I was like, first of all, this is a woman and it's my friend. Right. You know, and I was like, why is my stomach hot? It was betraying me. I was like, I don't understand what's happening. So I needed to try to figure it out. So I tried to keep it going. I didn't know she had a date that night. She was going to go see somebody after we had dinner. But I didn't know that. And so I said, well, I'm about to go back home and watch one of my favorite movies. You want to come? Because I wanted to see if the heat in my stomach was going to die down. Girl. First of all, what did y'all watch? Sparkle. But let me clarify. Let me clarify. The original. Yeah, that's a safe one. Irene, Kara, Phillip, Michael Thomas. They're dramatic. No hunching. None of that was happening in the movie. We just watched the movie and my stomach was hot. Hot as a firecracker. Pop, pop, pop. Mm-hmm. And then it was time to go. And she didn't go. Well, I walked her to the door. And she turned back around. And then I hugged her. Which was not unusual. I kissed her on the cheek, which was also not unusual. But my tongue slipped out a bit. And she looked at me and said, I want to go lay down. Kiki, I've been laying down ever since. See, see, this is amazing. I was like, what is my life? What is my life? And the thing of it was it wasn't a secret, but it was private because we were trying to figure it out. Because I ghosted her shortly thereafter because fix your face. You started asking yourself, does this mean I'm gay type thing? No. I said, I want this person to be in my life when they throw dirt on my face. What do you mean? When I'm dead and gone. I want you standing right. That's how long I want to know you. To the dirt. And if I did something that messed up the friendship, I will never forgive myself. Yeah. Like, I don't want this to be something and now you know, we not good. And you had love and it's been over. So it's like when you've experienced I don't ever want you to be over. In my life. That's right. I want you to find me in every lifetime. Yeah. That's how much I don't want it to be over. And I definitely don't want to do something to lose you in this lifetime. Because what if I don't find you in another one? Like, you know, and so that's why I left because I was like, I need to go back to protect the friendship because I would rather have you for the rest of my life than love you right now with losing you. That's true. That's what I wanted in a moment. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was just no way around it. Now was she reaching out? Every day, three times a day. And you would just kind of wedge the distance? Good morning. Hope you have a beautiful day. Crickets. Good afternoon. Hope your day going well. Nothing. Good evening. You alright? You good? Grand Rising coming next. Huh. Ha ha ha. Okay. And I just was like, mm-mm. And then one day she texted me and said, the text simply said I will never hurt you. And I texted back and said, come see me. And that was that on that. She said, I'm coming. And then she came and that was that on that. And so when the world found out about us, it wasn't like people got a chance to see us dating or see our, you know, see how we came together. We didn't get caught out here, there, and everywhere and pictures of us and da-da-da and da-da-da. And we got married in COVID. Yeah. So, you know, by the time the world found out about it, I was married. Yeah. Yeah. And we just popped out. Well, I just love how you owned it because I think a lot of times, especially if no one has ever thought about, oh, am I fluid or am I bisexual or, you know, sometimes entering that new framework, it can be nerve-wracking for people. But you from the moment on were like, love is love and I'm ready to show it. And I think that was so empowering to see. We were in a grocery store and I broke down and cried like a baby. She's like, what's wrong with you? I said, I just want to hold your hand while we walk to the grocery store. But it would have exposed our relationship to something that when we were still trying to figure it out. Yes. We didn't, we were like, can we, you know what I mean? How are we going to deal with the fact that I'm a huge star and now everybody's going to be in our business and again, you're not new to relationships and you know how that can impact it. Yeah. We know how that can, everybody doesn't know how it feels for other people to say you're in that person's shadow. Even though that's not the reality. No. That's just what the world can sometimes do because they put entertainers on this pedestal and they act like we're the end all be all when we're not. That's not how my life exists. My family doesn't treat me like I'm you know, your kids don't treat you like niecy. You mama. And that's it. And so it can be a lot for a partner to step into. And so you're protecting them. Honestly, with this Thundercat, that was the least of my concern. What a blessing that was. Because she knows exactly who she is. And it's flat-footed in it. So that wasn't what I was worried about. And I wasn't worried about the public. Now, you have people in your life who are like, oh, Lord, you have to keep this in a dark corner. And I'm like, who? Honey, what be y'all say? Say, there's love on top. This is too good. I wouldn't want to hide this light under a bushel. And I'm not going to live my life like that. I'm not going to love nobody in the shadows. Baby, you're going to get this thing right out loud. And people were like, oh, you didn't act like that when you was married before. And I'm like, no, I did. Just nobody cared. Now you in my business. You've always been really open with love. Yeah. And I'm like, you know what I mean? I don't do anything to give you something to talk about. I do it because that's how I feel. That's what I'm committed to. And this is, you know, this is my bag. I mean, how have you continuously been able to keep yourself open to love? I think about me and you right on Rodeo. We're in, what is that place that had that good-ass chicken sandwich? I wish I could say the name, remember the name. I forget the name of the spot. But it's right there on Rodeo Drive. We went there. We're eating and we're talking about love. And you just all, you said, I don't remember everything word for word, but you always talk about envisioning the love that you want. You were always encouraging me to just, you know, because I've always been so career focused. And I think it was not always on my mind. I would always say, you know, it'd be great to have a partner. I'm into the vibe. But it was always so secondary. And I remember you holding my hand and saying, Kiki, you have to stop talking like that. And because I tell you this, I know what I told you. You're due. It's not your who, little mama. I know exactly what I told you. What we do for a living, you know, I do this. I do that. I am wearing all of these hats. But we were created to love. To love and be loved and be of service. That's the primary. Them the top three. The rest of this, all of this other shiny stuff we doing, great. But the greatest call on your life is to love. Be loved and be of service. And get in all the way into it. But how do you know that your love and be loved isn't your family and your kids? How do you know that? And this is not just for me, but this is for anybody watching, right? How do you know that it's in the cards for you to have that romance that sweeps you off your feet? How do you know? Kiki, I'm going to say something to you. Now, you want to, you now, now. You think about it, and you could pick any one of them. At that highest point of love, where you just look at them, and your eyes be like, that's me right there. When you feel that thing, when they call you on the phone, and your heart skip a beat. When you, when that text come through, when you down and out, and that's just exactly what you needed. That's how you know. That's how you know. And you know it's coming. And I love my kids. I love them as a day is long. But that wasn't going to be enough. maybe I left a daddy I put on the tightest spank I could find I put grease on all their face and say get in the car they said where we going I said to find you a new daddy mama got needs get in the car because I'm gonna get it you understand what I'm saying and now because I've never I really admire that I always have believed now here's the thing about the most high there's always something you didn't see coming yeah you know what I mean and JB is my thing I did not see coming how we feel about each other how we express the love how we love each other I knew that that that wonderment I knew that that connective tissue was going to exist in my life I didn't know it was going to be in that being and let's talk about a label for a second because my daughter made me watch this whole thing she's like mom what are you and I was like what how do you identify and I was like what you talking about so we watched this whole program and they walked through all the names of this is and that you are you this are you that and at the end of it she was like so what are you and I said black and your mama I don't know you know what I mean because I tried to see oh does that mean I like this type of person that's right yeah and I really can't see anybody else I like I literally and so sometimes I lovingly or jokingly say I'm just sexual j-e-s-s because I don't really know because I can't even take someone into my eye gate you just don't do it for me I'm not even looking at you going oh he's cute oh she's cute oh they're cute I don't even see you cute with this thundercat standing next to me I live for thundercat I live for the thundercat of it all of it all I love that and I really do feel you because at the end of the day I love who loves me uh-huh you know I love who loves me and that's who I love and that's that's it on that yeah that's that on that that's beautiful now I do want to say that I know I have to leave soon but I just want to say because I live for this and I always ask any couple this you know you talk about keeping the marriage spicy and playful how do you do that is it like date are you into the date nights are you guys taking trips like what in your mind keeps the longevity of a relationship well first of all you have to be intentional okay you have to know that keeping the connective tissue is not an option so even for people like in our industry I might work a 12 or 14 hour day and not pull up into that driveway to 10 11 12 it could even be later if you work a fraturday you know like a friday into a saturday morning yes but like you know I was working with the gals um the show that I'm doing now with Ryan and they were like everybody was ready to go home and so tired I'm like well it's 10 o'clock I got a date in 30 minutes so I gotta go you know that's it and it was like at 10 30 I'm like yes so now I've worked a you know all day and I go home and why my spouse did this I have no idea she put bubble bath or something in the jacuzzi so we got martinis it's bubbles everywhere Luther Vandross is playing I'm like I love my life I walked in the backyard taking my clothes off oh you understand me let's not even like going outside spending money that's just staying in the house and making sure you just do something special for me yeah you know thoughtful yeah and the trick to it all is making the person that you love feel like their experience with you is custom and not off the rack I'm just that's just the way I am is the biggest lie ever been told you don't give people what you want to show them how to love you you give them what they require and trust that they will in turn do the same you know what I mean yes yeah that's love definitely trust come on yeah come on somebody it really is I want to quickly touch on you reuniting with Cedric the Entertainer and my girl Jennifer Lewis who's also going to be on the show on Big Age big congratulations I mean what brought you to this project um Kenya Barris called oh shout out Kenya and was like hey you know I've got this project with Ced and Jen I would like you to be a part of it and I'm going to be a part of it and I'm going to be a part of it and I'm going to be a part of it and I'm like I love the stuff you put out yeah let's go and I played Cedric's wife for five years yeah on a tv show so that was a no-brainer you know and I've always been a dear dear friend of Jennifer you know when you talk about um loving people in private you know I was one of the first people with her in her home when she had the accident where she fell and work hip and all that stuff you know I I never talked about going over there and braiding her because at that time she had not told her story you know what I mean so but that's this one person who I've always just loved has so much love for in my heart but we never had a chance to work together yeah so even though this is an um audible series um I still like being in the studio with her she's just a hoot she really is yeah just special yeah against she's like a person that I think has paved the way for so many of us yeah so I just live live for her down all right it's about time for me to let you go but we could do this all day all day because it ain't nothing but two girls kicking back they better be glad this is tea and not tequila okay we're gonna play a game called Niecy what happens next okay I'm gonna give you a situation why do I feel nervous because you know you're gonna tell the truth okay okay just a regular everyday scenario and you have to tell us what happens next okay here we go you show up to brunch and someone is already crying what happens next is that I say move back all y'all move back what happened talk to me uh sorry sir can you give us a minute that's me talking to the waiter can you give us a second oh my gosh do we need to go in the bathroom okay I'm gonna get down to the bottom of it okay next one someone hangs up on you mid-argument what happens next more than likely if I'm in an argument with someone it's because I love you like as a person so I'm passionate I'm fighting for whatever I'm fighting for in the moment and I'm calling you right back and and don't answer it and see what you get answer the phone and what they're gonna get if they don't answer it they know what they're gonna get okay the group trip payment is short five hundred dollars and no one is responding. First of all, those are my friends that's not my group okay because my group is woman enough to say I might have to sit this one out or I'm not gonna go this time I'm not gonna you know what I mean I don't play games about money with with with friends and if and if and if I love you and I got it you got it so what are we what are we talking about use your words yeah you know what I mean and I don't loan or borrow yeah I give because I still want to love you and I don't want it to be a situation if you don't give it back I've learned that we going on that damn trip go ahead your friend asks you to third wheel with them and their boo again if I'm really good friends with both of them I don't really mind it but if I'm more you know if I'm really only really locked in with one of them I'm gonna say have a good evening y'all enjoy yourselves yeah because why do we got to sit up always all together like that because I could be at home rubbing my feet together watching tv what y'all do y'all y'all don't like doing with y'all yeah okay you send a long thoughtful message and get k back I'm picking up the phone I love that you're ready to pick up the phone you good you know I'm old school people don't talk on the phone no more no no no no no I'm not gonna go back and forth with you and have my thumbs numb trying to text you I'm not doing it no hello you good we good yeah it happens it happens okay the last one is someone says you've changed what happens next I would say you haven't and that's the problem and that's we haven't elevated at the same time that's so bad I was just talking about that this morning when I was getting ready like I am so uninterested in the whole recognition and in relationship building based off of the past who you were you people got to move with you and if that means you got to leave them behind well then sayonara you know what I mean and I'm praying for you and I look every now and then check on your little page to see if you have you made any any movement and either way I can't deal with it no and it's okay you know you know what I mean because we should both what we should be doing is sitting up here going girl we didn't change we used to be this we used to be that look at us now look at us now I was just talking to my party planner about this um because he said let's just take a look back we used to throw your parties back in the day on a Wednesday or a Thursday because that was the night you could get the club for free because nobody was in there and I was like and I said he said look at you having a party on a Friday and a Saturday night I'm like you know you should grow together yeah so I've changed you're right and you haven't period Niecy I love you so bad I love you now thank you my girl Niecy where do I even begin you stepped into this space with that undeniable love and I said look at you having a party on a Friday and a Saturday night I'm like you know you should grow together yeah so I've changed and you're right and you haven't period Niecy I love you so bad I love you now thank you my girl I'm not shy this is my girl yeah Niecy where do I even begin you stepped into this space with that undeniable joy and let us see just how beautiful life can feel when you choose resilience commitment to love and have the boldness to live the life you deserve you didn't just give us the credits you gave us the courage behind them and we honor you for that Niecy Nash bets thank you for stopping by the podcast and y'all already know we'll see you next time on baby this is Kiki Palmer baby this is Kiki baby this is Kiki Palmer yeah