Fill her up. You're listening to the gas digital network. When you hit that bomb drop, block, block. You know what to do, helping up the pit. Bitch, I'm coming through. Big J, the battle rap champ. All up in your ass with the strap, red attack, tag. When it's easy in the building, you better believe it. Never forget. Okay, they ain't got nothing else to eat. Puerto Rican rattlesnake, venom in your veins. Natural porn killers, bleeds in the skies. What's up everybody, it is your favorite podcast. My right is always the great Steve Redd is easy. What's up everybody? To my left, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Lewis J Gomez. And I'm Big J Elkerson and we are the legendary Legion of Skanks. Y'all, what's up? Three, four life. I'm, dude, I'm really just happy to be with you guys. 15 years, same three. A lot of people switch up their lineups, friends come and go. And changing hosts. Not us. Not us. The longest running trio in comedy podcast. It really is. 15 years strong. I know you guys better than I know my brother. That's what I really do. We've tried and now. Beautiful thing. We've made people laugh together. We've laughed together. We've raped together. Remember when we, I think I, I was in there. That one. No, no. Fuck, I was there. We do have a great show for you guys. We get our fucking awesome guests out here. So pumped. Our first guest, you know him, from the Jolly Brew Podcast. And our next guest is Dr. Balak. He's available right now on YouTube. Make some noise for the hilarious and so handsome Matthew Broussard. Hello, boys. Matthew. What's going on, man? What's up, buddy? It's your first time on Legion of Scans. First time? Or is it? You're so funny. You're so great. And honestly, we were talking about rape. You're so date-rape. You have that vibe. That's why I'm surprised you haven't been on the show before. I was like, we need to get this guy on, dude. He'll fucking get girls asleep. Because he just looks at dude. He's not about it. No. No. No. Women cover up their coffees around me. Of course, a million-dollar extreme. And Scuffed Realtor, have at it for the hilarious Nick Roachafor. Mr. Roachafor, it's good to see you again, my friend. It's a really good thing to see you guys. How are you guys holding up? You're looking well-nursed. Feeling good, dude. Are those shorts the race track or the race car driver that died? Yeah. Yeah, it's, I wish, no, Dale Earnhardt. No, this is a, this is some piece of shit thing I bought in North Carolina when I was absolutely upside down drunk across the street. Now, I just tried to dress like a 20-year-old slut from New York City. Fuck yeah, dude. He has like a whore bag. This is what they wear around here. There's a driver who just died. He didn't die in the crash. Yeah, he didn't die from the crash, right? He just got like- What, what are you? It was something like that shouldn't have killed him. Yeah, like he stopped his toe. Yeah. And then like a blood clot went to his brain or something like that. It's something crazy. What do the Jews have on them? Something for sure. Something for sure. A little mouthy in the backstage there. A little mouthy in the backstage there, yeah. One of them the most whites in one group together. Most white people in one area together. You're not breaking that, you're not breaking that in Philly. Yeah, it was, it was pretty incredible. Big J and Niley, we'll talk about that as well. I will say I got to hang out with Rocherfort throughout the night, which was a lot of fun. Yes indeed. We had a fucking blast. Yeah, we got really lit up there. We got the, I conned the staff into driving us down the street. It was the most insane thing I've ever seen in my entire life. This guy's the most famous comedian. I'm his manager, I suck his dick, I fuck him. He's so good, he's the homeless company. He goes, we're leaving, we leave. And we're talking about like the craziest traffic ever. Like people are taking an hour and an hour and a half just to get out. We want to go to the after party. We get out to like this area where there's like all these people in just like orange vests. Like that work for the Lincoln Financial Stadium. So Nick goes up to one of them. He's like, "Hey man, you're like a golf part or something." This is like Louis J. Gomez, he's a world famous comedian. Like he can't walk through these people right now. I was like, they all start scurrying all these poor golf car. They get us, not even a golf car. They get us, what was it? Like a gator. Like a John Deere gator with like a dump truck bed. Instead of removing garbage, they move Puerto Rican trash. Yeah. Okay. Just shuffle around trash. Doggy, they drove us maybe two and a half miles out like through traffic. On sidewalks. Until a point where we got to like a wall where he couldn't get us any further. And he apologized. He was like, "I'm so sorry that I can't take you further." And we were like, "All right, you know, that's fine, I guess we'll see what happens." We're going to talk to our agents about, yeah, we'll, I mean, leave us here, sure. Nick, you should have been like, you could have made another lap. Go get our friends and grab them and bring them to. Can you grab us a card of you? Yeah. Some rules Royce Rinter? Yeah. It was pretty fucking, it was pretty incredible. By the way, I'd like to give a shout out to Cerebral Paul. Who I can only assume showed up here at 3 p.m. this afternoon to make sure you got six drinks on the table, dude. That's fucking impressive. Yeah! Cerebral Paul also, during the intro, he did the thing where he sort of hyping the crowd. Yeah, that was crazy. But it looked like he was dying, like he was falling into the crowd. It was like he saw something terrible behind him and he was giving everything he had to walk fast. Yeah, it was really, God bless his heart. God bless you, Cerebral Paul. We have no faith that you'd be able to last in this job, but we'll see how long you do. We're going to get a Cerebral Paul countdown clock. Not for 15 years like us. Yeah, exactly. Big J. Yes, sir. I got to say, you fucking annihilated. 77,000 people. Yeah, you did. 77,000 people. You opened up the whole crowd. It's not an envious position. Matt, because we had to go up and go first in terms of the comedy section right after. Yeah, so Jason Kelsey went up and gave like a satirical version of his famous. To be fair, I thought he was big J for two minutes and I was like, holy shit. Matt doesn't. I wish, dude. Those are the guys in fuss. That's the one thing I bet football. Those are the guys that when they're playing, you're like, well, so and so is fat like me. And then you see them and you're like, that's not fat. Oh, the giant. Fucking barrels of dudes. Yeah, but I'm Jason Kelsey who had been did like a kind of a mock version of his famous speech. I have to say when the Super Bowl where he's dressed like the mummers parade thing. So he was doing all that kind of those lines. And then he brought up meek Mill, who did like, I guess I somehow met. I know I thought meek Mill was like the guy who maybe got butt fucked by P. Diddy. No, he was. He was definitely the guy who got butt fucked by P. Diddy. Right. Yeah, yeah. He's from Philly. I don't know his music really, but like this song I've heard him do at so many Philly events dream married. And the place just fucking, they love it. Yeah, they went nuts. So he kills. So that's their country roads. Yeah, yes. It's proven. It fucking murders. It's proof that you can get fucked up the ass publicly and then sing a song to people and they'll instantly forget it. Doesn't matter, dude. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're fucking gaping asshole. Yeah, what if you were to be wrapped a song like Ace Ventura with this gaping asshole? We're a whistle solo with it. Were people like going like concert bonkers like dancing crazy? No, the only of the ones songs. So they were more just his phones out right away like holy shit. This is happening. And then Jason Kelsey goes back up and he brought up a McCusker. A McCusker did a set while McCusker was on. I had, this was a pretty good, this is the coolest moment I had. The entire night quite honestly was before I went on. I was waiting. They had me on like the 50 yard line all the way back by the wall. And I was sitting over there. Big Dom was like famously the sideline security for the Eagles. And the guy who's like the liaison to the players. And they were going like, hey, you ever come down the games? They're just making small talk. You ever come in the games at all? I go try to come down every year for like one at least. Once he went to New York and he goes. Yeah, if you ever want to come again. Oh, this is great. Oh, yeah. I ask, I forgot. I asked him so long ago that I forgot that I asked him for a diet cup. Hey. Can I grab a Stella? Paul. Damn. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. Paul. You doing great, Paul. Everybody's rooting for him. 75 movements to go one senator. [LAUGHTER]
He shook that fucking diet coke so much it's flat now. (audience laughing) I shook the bubbles right out of that fucking. (laughing) It's all syrup. (laughing) Oh man, can I get a martini filled to the brim? Yeah, look at this, what's your hair, Brasard? Yeah, Paul's the fucking, Paul's the, Paul's the, Paul's the, it's on fire. Yeah, come on, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, and that plane, Paul, here we go, there it is, there it is. (audience cheering) Thank you, Paul. That's Paul, everybody, the human minto. (laughing) Imagine him mowing along, just fucking, I could. Now, I was talking to these two guys, I think I was gonna give him the games I tried to come. He goes, "Wow, if he comes any more, you know, let us know. We'll make sure we take care of you." I was like, "Wait." I was like, "Don't say that if you don't mean it." I actually said that to him. Really? Don't say that if you don't mean it. He goes, "No." And he goes, "The big dumb guy goes, "Jave wants to come to a game. We'll get him all taken care of." And he was like, "Yeah, absolutely." And then I was like, "I've been doing comedy for 28 years and I'm pretty sure it was all just for that moment." (laughing) That was it. And then I couldn't have a bad set. It didn't matter anymore. I was like, "Ah, fuck dude, fuck this. I got to come back in a couple months and go to a game." You could make an absolute killing, reselling your tickets to guys who look a little bit like you. Yes. Right? Absolutely. There's so many. There's so many, really. Yeah. Next time Jason Kelsey is gonna try to dress like you, that's what's gonna happen to me. He's in pain as nails every dope. There was cool people to meet there that I was excited. I mean, the strangest one. The strangest one was before the show. And maybe it's from the roasts. I don't know. But before the show, Chappelle came over to me and my family was there. My mom and sisters and brother. I mean, hugged all of us. Keep telling me that I'm his hero. I don't know. I still at this point. It never says my name. So I don't know if he knows what he's talking to. (laughing) But I accepted all of it and I was like, "That's pretty cool, family." I go, "I'm not lying to you guys. I'm gonna tell you guys." Chappelle doesn't know me. That was wrong. (laughing) We've been around. He should know me. But he does not. And then after when he was leaving, when I got off stage and he watched the show, I mean, he came out of his car. It was the coolest fucking thing. That was one of the coolest things ever. Chappelle just being like, by the end of it, it's still not sure if he knows my name. But he definitely knows who I am now. He was pretty fucking cool. The heads and Netflix were there. It was pretty fucking cool. You murdered him, right dude? Yeah, it went good, yeah. Can I ask you a technical question? How different? It's obviously the biggest place you've ever played. How different wasn't even then like an arena or like. It was wildly different. I'm very good. Hey, how do you want me to let them have their bush pan shaved? (laughing) They're gonna shake your pussy. He's gonna put your bibles down. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Let's start fucking around now. We're gonna do the same. We're gonna fucking eagles. (laughing) Go birds! Here, Jacob. Black cock, cock, cock. Cock, cock, cock, cock. I opened him a black cock. I know you did. Good. There wasn't one in the fuckin' stage. Yeah, that's good news. Oh, no, there were, buddy. The ghost of the black dick in that locker room. I wanted that locker. That's the first thing I said on stage. I go, this is an intimidating. Intimidating is being that locker room, where at any given time, there's 17 foot of cumulative dick in that room. (laughing) If you take all the eagles' teams through the past, you could wrap a belt around the earth with their dick legs. (laughing) And then I kind of sum it up at one point, because Lewis always, you know, it is funny as a guy who does wear band shirts and stuff. At jerseys, he was always kind of a judgeman. And I'll be like, you wear another man's, like jerseys, he basically. Oh, man, a man's name on. Sure. And what a lot of people have done this is that I've seen people do it as a joke on stage now. Yeah. Who's that lesbian chick? She's like trans. Oh, Robby. Robby. She's got a really, really good joke about specifically this. Yeah. Or she's talking about it as the gayest thing ever, wearing another man's name. I'm wearing one right now. (laughing) I'm not anyone's name, but it is a jerseys, another man. Yeah. But imagine like running into the next one. The whole team gets to fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. No, this way, gay thing. Sucking come out of a penis is way gay. Yeah. That's Meek Mill's gay. And you could do that right now and that's crazy. Yeah. That's like right there, though. Yeah, it's close. It's like right there. Yeah. No, but I said that was when a J-Win Hurts jersey. I was gonna wear a Dawkins, which would be fine. Throwback. Yeah. But a J-Win Hurts. I was running the risk that he was gonna be there and just see this big white idiot wearing his jersey shaking his hand. I would have put it like a fucking. I put it like his chick. (laughing) I said it looks like I found it in his closet and was like, "I hope you don't mind." (laughing) It fits me so back. Yeah. He goes, "I didn't want to cook breakfast naked because of the bacon grease." I don't want to get the bacon sizzles on my tits. (laughing) But it was fucking unreal, dude. Bam, Marjairs, my best friend now. Yeah. What was that? That was awesome. Yeah, were you any of the bam on. Guy loves Harry Pussy. Really? He was so stoked on my Harry Pussy track. Oh, that's great. (cheering) I love when you connect with fans. He since texted me the same picture of the same pussy Harry and Baldwin. He was like all day long, my man, right? (laughing) I was like, "Yeah, dude, we're friends now, I guess." Dude, that's awesome. With how much like high-power pedophiles we have now, being into Harry Pussy publicly is like a pretty safe move. Yeah. I'm like, "Oh, this guy's on the right team, yeah." Yeah, I go, "What am I trying to fucking kid?" (laughing) They don't have Harry Pussy. I like elderly women with big wolf and snatches. (laughing) There's some salt and pepper in there. Give me a couple of grays. (laughing) Yeah. I like American adult women or foreign children with Harry Pussy. (laughing) I'll fuck some Guatemalan 13-year-old pig me with a fucking wolf bush. What? When in Rome? Well, that's actually fucking whatever. I think like, there's a few years where, you know, pubescent girls get a push. They don't start shaking. Watch what you're saying. Here we go. I was kidding. I was kidding. Nickelodeon. I was talking differently. Now there are on the topic. Let's get technical. Why don't we, if you can give birth at 13, why is that not the age? Just because she didn't grow a tear. They tell like 11 or 12 they are getting their pussy hair and then for a couple of years, hold on. They're fucking hanging out with her. Woody Allen before this? What the fuck? Lewis, you're doing, you're verbally doing this thing right here. I'm trying to stop you doing like that. Yeah, yeah, come on. No, no, no. You're a living-year-old pussy. Well, let me make the point. Which is that they are excited about their pussy hair. So they hold on to it for a few years. So technically, the point that-- Exactly. The point that emerges, Jay, just because you like a whiff from pussy hair, it doesn't mean you don't like 12-year-old. [LAUGHTER] Dr. Globo. Oh, oh. If there was a police officer here, I would just put my hands in front of me. I go, I don't have any. The New York State Police are driving six fucking cruisers deep to this fucking state right now. I got nothing to say about this. You could like a super hairy pussy child. I could. Oh, no. That's right. There's two, three years where they have hairy pussies. Then they get to be like 15, 60 and they're like, this is getting crazy. My boyfriend wants me to be bald again. And then they're back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get back to that 12-year-old pussy he loved. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Did you have fun? What was it like watching it? You were there for the whole fucking-- I had a blast, dude. Yeah. I fucking-- Where'd you watch from? I watched from the audience for a good portion of it. Then during Shane's set, I went back to backstage and watched it from like the pit area or whatever. And I watched it, but watching you from the stage was really fucking cool. It was just great, dude. You were a real pro. It was a weird environment. McCusker's brilliant. He's so funny. But like, he went out there and just did jokes. He was doing good. But it wasn't like the punch in the audience needed. Then you came out and you fucking-- I watched Big J have energy and a set for the first time in my entire life. He's like, "You motherfuckers write it for some fucking big J." Oh, good, sir. And he got there. I just started talking over-- I started talking over my song. I was like, "Yo, this crowd's sleeping." Like, they are hot. They've been sitting into the snow-started lake because they were sitting in traffic. It's the biggest crowd they've ever had. I watched Big J come out like the ultimate warrior at WrestleMania 6. He's sort of shaking the world. I hit all four sides. Yeah, dude. And then I sat. But then he had a moment. It was a real pro moment. He did that. He was like, really? Amped him up. And then he got them. Got a big laugh. And then he sat. And then did his thing. But I feel like if you didn't do that, if you just came out and sat, you were going to fucking have a little bit of a slow-set. Maybe. Yeah. But all you have to do eventually is say the N-word or Fag. Yeah. Oh, it's still filling. Everyone was chanting it. Yeah. When, uh, McDonald's on sleep. It was so funny. Where I was sitting. I was sitting. I hit both. I will say, though, that was such a hilariously white event. Sands, security. That, like, it was pretty interesting just where I was watching, when I was watching McCusker from, like, that 50-yard line wall. I just pan the crowd. And for some reason, the only person I locked eyes on, in 77,000 people, his black wife, like, walking through the aisles. I was like, "Oh, shit. There's Brittany." Oh. It was such a white event. I was like, "Meek Mill doesn't have a wife." No, no. Is that me? Is that me? Is someone's wife? Yeah. So I'm funny, I said right there. Is that McCusker married to Meek Mill? My ex. Meek Mill wishes. My ex-wife was there at my daughter. And my, uh, I kept trying to tell my daughter, she's 23. Same age as Cooper Dejean. There's a player on the Eagles. And he's a very sweet kid. But I keep telling my daughter jokingly. I'm like, "Yo, get over there and fucking schmooze them up." I'm like, "Get over there and start talking to Cooper Dejean." I go, "Yeah." But my daughter, uh, I don't know if I told this in the show yet, but it was funny. A couple of weeks ago when I was like, "Are you going to come to the Philly show? I'm on it." And she goes, "Oh, are you officially on it?" She was like, "Yeah, I'm going to come." And then she looked at us. She was like, "Oh, shit. That's when she goes on vacation to Puerto Rico."
And I was like, all right, well, don't worry about it. I go, we'll do something fun when you get back. But I was like, don't sweat it though. I go, it's nothing. It's not my accomplishment. This is Shane's thing, you know what I mean? So if you can't make it your own vacation, it's fine. And she goes, who is it? Just you and McCusker? I go, no, no, it's a good stadium. So he's got to do more. He's got a meek mill opening it up. And she changed her flight. (laughing) But I was talking to her mom at one point. And she was bringing up something about my dad. How should he, my dad is. And I was like, yeah, I always thank my dad, though, because, you know, I was like, the fact that he was kind of shitty in his way is what made me make sure that my, I never wanted Isabelle to feel like that about me. So that's why, you know, he may have helped me be a good father in that regard. And then she was like, yeah, yeah, I go, now however, the fact that I did leave when she was 12 still, even though it was present, is the reason why she is excited about meek mill and not Cooper DeGio. So. (laughing) Cooper DeGio is like. Take the go with the bad, Mike. All right, so I left it 12. So it's gonna be meek mill over Cooper DeGio. Every time it seems. You're giving your take. Cooper DeGio is also, I also threw about six foot of height in two or so. Cooper DeGio is a white guy, right? Yeah, he's a white. DB. He's an exciting white. The whitest DB. It's unbelievable. He's chasing seahorse. Buddy, on his, whatever it's like Matt. He looks like Matt's brother. Yeah, literally. He's like, yeah, he's a good looking white defensive bat. Can we see him? He's gorgeous, but I'll tell you this. What he did was one of the most amazing things ever. Unlike, he's an enigma, unlike meek mill, who's an enigma. Yeah, look at him. Come on. This kid on his 23rd birthday, his 23rd birthday was the Super Bowl, and he got an interception touchdown in the fucking Super Bowl on his 23rd birthday. So when I panic, so I've met him a few times now with Shane. And when I did MSG with Shane, he was backstage. At this point, I've met him a couple of times, so he's friendly now, but I'm still a nervous wreck. So I went over one point. I coccally, after the show, I said to my ex-wife and daughters in Madison Square Garden months ago. I went, you guys wanted me Cooper D'Gene, of course. So we go over there, and I introduce everybody to him, but then he just stays in the circle to continue having a conversation that I wasn't ready for. And I just panicked and I went, you know, it was funny, my daughter is the same age as you and on the Super Bowl. When you got an interception score touchdown, I was like, look at him go, you've achieved nothing like that. I'm telling you, it's funny, I'm being funny. He just kind of was like, oh, okay. And then we just walked away and I went, Isabelle, I'm so, I don't know why, I just sand bagged you. You've done- You've done nothing. Even when I was done at 23. Even when I was telling her when I was telling her- It's so hot. When I was telling her the other day, I was like, go talk to Cooper D'Gene and she goes, you've already fucked that. Yeah. She goes, you already told him I was a loser in the Madison Square Garden, you're right, you're right. Those days are over. She fucked meekbill, so I have that one thing. She fucked two of three Six Mafia. She didn't fucking- Is that one third of the Six Mafia? I don't know. I don't know. How many abortions would that be? That's so many boys. Sixteen. Six, three to the sixteenth eighth. How was three Six Mafia? I really, I mean, since the Academy War- They're fun. I've seen them at the Juggalos twice, now they're fun, they're fun, dude. They're really fun. It was interesting to see Philly like their mixed reaction to it. I'd say for the most part, it looked like majority stayed, it was a full stadium. But in the small, like, thing of it when the lights were still kind of up and they were coming out and it was like, you know, Shane, which is like, here's your big surprise and he walked off stage and it started being like, their videos started playing and you don't know, you're just like a video talking shit, but it doesn't say anything and then eventually he goes, baby, baby, with the three Six Mafia. And then you saw about the 10,000 that were like, we're good, he's fucking, just all I want you to see people go like, yeah, we're going to be traffic. Did anyone do that with Chappelle? Like when Shane was done, was he like, I'm done, thank you. People start talking to me and then he's like, no, no, no, Chappelle, we're on together. And he goes, hey guys, you know, I have one more surprise for you and he fucking said that. And then he goes, uh, makes him noise, but I don't think he said three Six Mafia. They started just kind of going and then he, uh, the video started going when it said, like, we're about the three Six Mafia, it was like, that, all right, we waited to see who it was. No good. It's not Zach Brian. Let's get in the, I think the crowd was waiting for Zach. Yeah. I think they really, they would have the crowd would have been way more into jelly roll or like fucking Zach Brian, for sure. That would have been the leash or Morgan Wallen or whatever. Yeah. And the whites of John Mayer, maybe not the tape brothers on acoustic. I say it's by my, I say it's by my sister's too. It's interesting thing about the tour because there's no hair metal. I always heard the theory that hair metal, the people who would have become fans of like that kind of shit when they were younger, because it's like, you know, like the pretty girl and titties walks into a bar, songs is all country now. So young people flocked to country a little bit more. So I found it bizarre that when I was like, uh, as I go back to Philly, like, my sister's even like, give a shit about country music. Well, it's music. I grew up being like country sucks just because we're city people. It's music for sluts who fuck retards. That's why. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That's a great point. Country music is for like, the most brain dead retards in the fuck. Well, here and I sister be like, I love the Florida Georgia line. I'm like, really? I go, I thought you would like like, like, fucking, you know, tool, yeah, I've been to be honest with you. Like, look, here's the thing. Right. We're going to talk, we're going to talk shit about country for a few minutes. We should right now. Now, with the response for all the country fans, listen to the show, they're going to be like you and fucking Jay, listen to limpiskin and fucking the shittiest fucking metal. Yeah. And that is a valid response, but I will say, unobjectively, limpiskin better than any country music that's in existence right now that's ever existed. Any. Period. Any across the board. There's a new album. Has a new album come out yet? The limpiskin album. It has. Poe just shook his head. He asked for no reason. Poe, are you helping the show or hurting the show? The fuck is wrong with you? They have new music? Yeah. I heard they're working on a new album. New metal. New metal. New metal. New metal. New metal. Is limpiskin better than any country ever? I mean, Johnny Cash, maybe. Wow. Johnny Cash, I'd say something. I'm going to say this is like George Carlin, Richard Pryor theory. Johnny Cash is fine. He's fine. Round the train. Yeah. Fuck out of here. It's fine. He's got a couple of songs. He's got a couple of songs that sound cool, but like. Yeah. Just one of those days. You'll get cooked. Dude, Johnny Cash does limpiskin. Yeah, but be careful. You did cover fucking hell. We keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'. Rollin' what? Rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' what? I heard myself today. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. No. Yeah, dude. No. He covered Niners' Nails, which was pretty fucking. That was great. That was a great job with it. He did a better job with it. But. But he did a better job with it. -What a dumbass. -What a dumbass, bitch? What a dumbass, right, guys? My favorite band is "Fuck, Wisconsin." -Lewis is over here talking all this shit. "Lewis knows deep cataloged Garth Brooks loves him." -I do. -I love this. -Really? -Yeah, I love Garth Brooks. -I will say Garth Brooks. -Garth Brooks? -Oh, so wait. That goes against your argument. -Yeah, Garth Brooks, your lip-biscuit. -That's what I'll say. -Your argument sucks. -Yeah, dude. -You agree with me completely, huh? -It's so funny, Jake. Reesiming that Lynn Biscuit is better than all country. -No. -No? -Now, what about Garth Brooks? -All country. -I still say, like, if I had to choose a show to see right now, Lynn Biscuit or Garth Brooks, I would still choose Lynn Biscuit. -Oh, me, too. -I don't think Garth-- I think Garth Brooks-- -I think Garth Brooks is right next to me. -The Garth Brooks is right next to me, though. I think Garth Brooks-- -I genuinely love standing outside the fire by Garth Brooks. ♪ Standing outside the fire ♪ -I don't have the albums you can't find it on Spotify. ♪ Standing outside the fire ♪ ♪ Standing outside the fire ♪ -So to listen to the song, I have to listen to the music video on YouTube where there's the interlude where the cable down syndrome trips
During this special little way the dad runs down to help him wash your face. That's where I come. We watch that, please Samy inside the party. Where's it? That's why I'm out of fan. It's the only version of the song on the whole internet. We're we're we're here I'm sure we won't go. Oh, it's out of here. It's great. Turn this off. Everyone will your headphones We're doing a lot of crosstalk, please. I knew we were though without headphones It does help We're gonna get a cease and desist from Garth Brooks. He's litidious. It's bug. No, dude We'll have to edit this out of the youtubers. I'm gonna counter sue Chris game. Whoa. Is that retarded kid? Absolutely is that He driving Great song. It's a great song. You know what? I don't know now going over to the Garth Brooks over Lippance get's eyes Is that kid driving the car? I'd rather the listen to that kid fuck my mom 15 feet from me than one more second of this fucking song This time I'm gonna answer math questions for an English question. Okay. I'm gonna do things my way It's my way my way or the highway the kit in this video is actually Big Limbiscuit fans. I'm eating Sandwich wow That's a stick boy. Yeah, like he's gonna really write his name down. Come on Why are they fighting because the kids retarded? I never want to have kids you stupid fucking bitch. I Did it all for the pudding come on You can take that pudding and stick it in your what she's making it in your what she's making sure there's a lot of retarded in the car No, I don't run next to the car. I can't be seen With you the neighbors will talk retard they name the retard. I just Try to get a little bit. Oh That was a normal. Yeah He'll make the team if that kids on it when he's in a normal school. That wouldn't happen, right? Yes Downs they put He's running in blue jeans. That's probably one man whoa. He's set a fire. Pause it for a second They they put down syndrome kids in normal school. Yeah, you're just they're just like 30 instead of great. No Why was there no down syndrome kids in my school? Look left it looks left and look right Lewis you're doing great. You're achieving so well They're not they're holding your hands through all your LLCs Standing outside Lewis doesn't notice. I'm a guarantor on all his business This shit said white people back more than slavery. I'm gonna say it. No, I'm sorry We were on such a good run. We had Metallica and then all of a sudden God Brooks shows up in that goofy fucking shirt and then kills us and sets us back I hated him. No way Do you imagine the second leg of this relay race? You're like, oh, I guess I'm 45 minutes behind Let me see if I can make up 17 laughs No, man, it's done double No, this is why that's the bucket and my original kid is this Sarah Conner's dream of the future She's holding on to the fence. Oh shit What sick bastard wrote this music video. Yeah, hear me out. Hear me out retarded track me Alta Mont Why is it all on fire? Stop playing and help somebody What is he up dirt on his face? The retarded could be a stadium down. Hey, move your truck, fuck face You're in front of the hydrant Wait, we're gonna have a retarded kid and he's not gonna start the fire. Come on Go and finish for no reason Hey, you came in seven hundred Do you think when they cast the actor the down syndrome actor that he was like and I get to meet Darth Garth Brooks like oh, no, he'll be in a completely different set. Yeah, filming his fire Cinematic masterpiece. I think of that so much because of when I got that first Louis role and they told me they wrote it for me Which ended up not being true. Thank God because they said they wrote it for me Then they sent me the fucking sides, but they'd already auditioned a bunch of people, but the sides said like Whatever the character, you know Gary Fat slovenly gross sweaty greasey whatever and I think of that It's I can't get that in my head now just from seeing that behind the scenes anytime I see a girl who has to play the role of like Gross fat pig who everyone's laughing at I'm like you fucking audition for that and you won grossest pig that day At the fucking piggy awards you won grossest pig that day they were like every of the girls was like yeah now Not gross enough and then she walked in and they were thinking about that that about the retarded guy Yeah, I think he's actually retarded. No, you think You're right again Of course he was I must say it makes me think about that's what I'm saying the play like so he beat all the other retards He was with that. No, he may have been he may have been the most retarded in the retard world You probably have to be the most functional while looking the most retarded. Yes, so he he won eyes farthest apart Most able to do math. Yeah, yeah, most able to follow directions Say in a scene. Yes. Yes without running the waves. It's falling a fly. Yeah There's a lot of music I feel like acting in a music videos a lot because I did one of those reenact crime scene We enactment TV shows no way I wish I could find the video. It's just somewhere really yeah, it was for discovery Let me guess you were a criminal. Yeah, I know you you weren't a cop Why would you be that way because I'm right? You are You are but that actually hurts What was your crime was it rape or Let me guess you were piece of shit number one. No, it was a it was like I'm it was they they reenact like famous like Whatever it was was like an old like fucking standoff, and I was like a Mexican I told you this story before I was a man because the guys that beat a pee we herman at the biker bar I was like a Mexican like a guy who like ran a What do they call them? You know? You bring your brainwash everyone to be called call a call ran a cult and he was like had 13 people in a thing And he was gonna get killing them all and then I remember in the scene. I was like killing a person and I had the gun This is a bit of shitty actor, right? And it's all silent. It's all like you don't even hear any lines or whatever I go and then they go and then you shoot them right in the scene I was like so blah blah blah, and then I went and I said the word I went I went Ben, they went cut I feel like that was great. Let's do it again, but don't say the word bang Holy shit Lewis, you're the richest retarded guy in the world. Holy shit And they were like after this role. We've got a role in a Garth Brooks video Yes, I'm the Thunder Rose You like running body I want to be on the orthorodial show is that big Pepsi can penis you Damn, dude, that's so stupid So embarrassing god damn it. I wish I could find that dude because it came out and I did watch it at one point Someone's gonna find it. Yeah, yeah Discovery S. Yes, I.D. Discovery. Yes, yes Come on all the goth sluts in this room. Don't know about discovery ID That's how you got started in those crime podcasts you sick fuck remember when you got went back to your family and stopped being a prostitute Because your friend got killed and that one true crime thing Whatever what is discovery ID? It's where prostitutes get killed. Yeah, well they get punched in the face Or people or some of the people face their their parents murder. It was like a streaming discovery channel subsidiary It just became HBO HBO Max as it all now. Oh does it but I gotta I'll tell you what man If I ever did if I ever decide to do that rocket money thing They're gonna tell me some they're gonna tell me I'm still paying for my first 20 hours of AOL I have never I've never canceled a thing in my life. Why if you cancel your credit card because that can reset Yes, I have a canceled credit cards, but that maybe that's helped with some things But I mean like I have discovery plus everything before they merged I had the thing I still probably pay for ESPN on its own dude. I there's times where I know I have a streaming service And then I'll be on Amazon Prime and it's like sort of free trial for their service that I have and I'm like How so much easier to press a button and sign in to whatever fucking service this is yeah, and then I sign again And then I have two subscriptions to the same service that I never want Amazon Prime I do the bundle stuff. So I'll I'll do like oh, you know ABC buys ESPN and I would do it a bundle So now I bundle it, but I'm still over to the first one in the video. I pay like $180 a year for Disney I've never signed into Disney plus in my entire life Who is gonna go all over to Disney plus maybe no no it is
-That's the idea. -Well, if you go to Disney Plus, it's got all the hulu shit, but not vice versa. And that's where 12-year-old girls have pubes, right, Lewis? -And Disney Plus. -They all do. -They all do. No 12-year-old girls are shaving their pubes. They're excited about their pubes. -What the fuck are you talking about? -I'm excited about their pubes. -Who are you talking to? -They're all excited about their pubes. -It's not even a chant. -I scream, you scream. We all scream for 12-year-old pubes. Girls who are young are very excited about their pubes. -It doesn't. -You're right. There wasn't a good rhythm. -You're right. I'm usually a chant guy. What do we do? All right, guys. Let's take a quick moment to thank Blueprint for supporting the Legion of Skanks. Ditch that cabinet full of pills, you junky. Blueprint's longevity mixes the holy grail of supplements. It's just one daily scoop mixed into water and you are done. Science backed data-driven ingredients. That scoop of Blueprint helps support energy, cognitive performance, mood, focus, sleep, and healthy aging. Listen to me, Rhett is easy. You're 62, 63 years old. I have no idea. -Absolutely. -This is for older men. -He looks fantastic, but he looks no less. -Because of me, we're the exact same age, dude. -Yeah, yeah. -But I look older than you. -No. Blueprint, I'm sure that I need this, dude. Well, then let's get you fucking on it, man. -I got it. -What a cry for help. -Yeah. -I need mood, focus, sleep. -I have none of this stuff, dude. -All of it, dude. -Every one of these things, you're lacking in every one of those categories. -Especially sleep. -Yeah, it's sleep fucking sucks. Am I mood and focused and eat shit? -And then my cognitive performance sucks. -What's the cognitive performance? -The brain function. -I'm thinking on your toes. -I think you better, dude. -You got it. -You think with your toes, dumbass. -Well, listen, Blueprint is science backed. Precision dose, no BS. And for a limited time only, our listeners get 20% off plus free shipping at Go get a pen and paper. Blueprint dot Brian, BRYANjonson.com. Blueprint dot Brianjonson.com. And use code skanks to check out one more time that's code skanks. At Blueprint dot BRYANj0HNSON.com. Is your pen at ink? 20% off. -All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank GLD for supporting the show. GLD makes amazing, incredible high quality jewelry. That's bracelets, earrings, watches, chains, everything and unbelievable price. It's crazy value for what you're going to spend a real long-- -Not cock rings, but I have found if you buy the smallest bracelet. -It'll work. -It'll work. -And it rings a cock ring, to be honest with you, too. -I may be not for you, dude, but my fucking girthy monster. I don't know if you heard earlier in the show, but I have a-- -I'm talking to you in six-inch penis. -I use a pinky ring around mine. But, by the way, it's real gold in every piece. You can customize it in the GLD custom shop as well, which is pretty incredible. They have a lifetime warranty as well. So, this give me an air wound piece. You leave these pieces to your grandchildren, possibly. -You've got it even way out of your pocket box. As soon as I get it, I throw it right in the safety of my pocket box. -Look, for a limited time, new customers are getting in the same deal. Use code skanks to get 40% off at GLD.com. That's 40% off with code skanks at GLD.com. -All right, Skanks fans. Let's take a second and thank one of our amazing sponsors. That is Brunt Workwear. Whoo! You need boots as tough as your job. And Brunt Workwear are tough enough for any job site. But what's awesome is they're also as comfortable as your most comfortable pair of worn-in sneakers. They let you try your boots on the job, which is a pretty amazing deal right there. You can wear them to work if they're not perfect. Send them back, and you'll get a full refund. It's a 100% risk-free trial. And that's how confident Brunt is in these boots. They send us a few pair. I love them. -I have two pair. Yeah, my son a pair for Christmas. I bought a pair. I didn't even-- I use our promo code specifically to buy my son a pair because I love them that much. They feel like an old pair of sneakers that you've had for your, you know, years. -Oh, that's sick. I can't get a pair of myself because I need a pair of boots to do shit around the house. -Well, you're like an every-man. Do you're in the yard? You do work on the house. -Yeah, come up a tree, do it. Yeah, do this, cut along, whatever. So yeah, I can definitely get these boots. And they're comfortable. That's the best part, that's what I want. -They're also sell breading America's 250th anniversary with a special collection of limited edition hats, shirts, hoodies, and boots all built for the fucking job site. Intributes to the blue collar workers who built America. 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I mean, capturing the whole fucking room was fucking-- -You could show it to be a shot of it. -That'd be cool. -What's we're talking about? -So what did they say? -It was kind of good because it kind of gave me the idea of the thing to be like, yo, go up there and fucking like, command their attention because they're just kind of waiting for Shane at that point. I mean, I don't think they thought there was going to be much else before. So that was pretty fun. But some of the things that were funny, though, at the after party, took everybody who I know, 20 minutes of being there to go like, the DJ was like, is that Diplo? Diplo was DJing to, I mean, an uninterested crowd, to say to Lee. There was like 20 people dancing up front and the rest of the place were just milling around and it's like, it's fucking Di-- this guy's DJed for like, you know, those 100,000 person crowds, where it's like waves of people. And now he's just a fucking bowling alley with Shane's dad. I think at one point Shane's dad was like, move over Diplo and Shane's dad just started DJing. There's Big J right there. You killed him. There I am. Wow. Yeah, it's Jason Kelsey. It's Jason Kelsey. Yes. Everyone believed it was Big J, though. Yeah. Yeah, fucking Sheepel, dude. It was wild. There we go. We did like Illuminati's in the front row was like, were they like, like, Dana White or like, Trump or any of those people like sitting in the front? No, man, what was really awesome was the amount of comedians that came to fucking show out. That's cool. That was fucking-- I mean, obviously like all the Philly guys drew Montana and Naim Ali and like a-- Paula Poundstone. Paula Poundstone came. But then the people who like came in for like cam Patterson and fucking Sam J was there, like we-- like I mean, it was just the fact the owner of Netflix came and the guy of the comedy guy Robbie from Netflix showed up. Like fucking like everybody like it was a real like-- support. They were watching their investment. Yeah. I'm just checking in on everything, counting that. Yeah. It's over 76,286 people times 77. I think they hit 77,000. It's a lot of money for us. Good job again Shane. Thank you. I got to tell you soon. I'll count it one. Go around with a clicker. The-- Oh, you made me lose count. How many did they have on their guest list? And why did they get so many in for free? That's the head of Netflix. So we're an extra ticket. My buddy didn't show up. I had an extra-- they were like, can we-- can I have that please? It's $119 as I could have said. I was brought on stage by Jordan Milada and Cooper DeGene, which was awesome. Jordan Milada was a rugby player who didn't understand. They just-- the Eagles just did this again this off season. They signed a guy who's just like a physical freak. And Jordan Milada was just a guy who played rugby. Never played football. He was-- he's just a giant. And they were like, we'll teach you how to play football. And he came and he did, he's one of the best offensive liners. Who is the guy that they boot? No, no. So funny. Isabel is my daughter's the same thing. Well, they're not booing. I'm not-- I'm not like your daughter, dude. No, no. I mean, I was actually bummed she didn't understand it because she is an Eagles fan because of me. But when Cooper DeGene is on, they all go cool. They're saying, oh, that's what happened to me at my last comedy show. A lot of people go cool. Yeah, Lewis. They liked him. No, they're going-- yeah, they're going-- they're going, "Lewoo." Oh! Guys, don't talk to me that much. [LAUGHTER] It's going to really fuck with me. Green now? "Lewoo." "Lewoo." [LAUGHTER] "Lewoo." "Lewoo." By the way, but give thumbs up. Confuse them. "Lewoo." "Lewoo." [LAUGHTER] I've heard myself today. It's so funny that people-- my daughter and same thing. She says, why were they booing? An Eagles player go, no, they're not booing them at all. They love them. But when I met him backstage for the first time, and he knew who I-- at least, they probably prompted him, I'm sure. But he knew who I was when I pulled up to him. And to talk about a guy, it was just like a shack. I shook Shack's hand recently in LA at the Netflix Fest and talk about a man's hand wrapping around your hand and making you feel like I almost instinctually curtsied. [LAUGHTER] I almost hit my foot, my bag, and go, I go, sir. I did-- I'm trying to drop your pants, you're like, you're my, my, my. Dude, they are men, dude. These guys are fucking monster. Dude, Jordan Milada, I don't know. Six, seven, maybe six, six. Yeah. But fucking, how big is Jordan Mil-- Dude, he's a monster. That's the next huge guy. I wouldn't behold me. So next to Bam this week. Margera? No, sorry, a different Bam. Out of bio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. A sketch for the SPs. And that's just, that's all beautiful.
I think he's like six then, it's fucking wild. He's guys, dude, Shack's hand just covered my hand like a thing and I was like, whatever you want, whatever you want me to do, I'll do. - Yep, yep. - I know you have one finger like a baby reaching out from a crib. - Oh, by the way, he's used to this point. In his mind when I shook his hand, he went, "This guy would suck my dick." (audience laughing) He's like, whatever you want, Shack is like, "I don't want you to do nothing. "I don't want you to do nothing. "I see your eyes. "I don't know you're thinking about doing something." - I feel like you want to do something. - I go, you're right, Shack, but can I just see it? (laughing) Can I just see it? Soft, I don't need to be hard, just whatever. - Oh, I didn't say nothing. You seem like you want to do something. - Well, I'm gonna pee. So if you want to follow behind me, I guess I can't stop you. - Um, I wouldn't fit in your mouth. - Man, what? - I want to know how I got these scars. (audience laughing) - I thought it on stage, but I said, "If you don't fuck a black guy with Lou, "I think your pussy gets those fuckers." (laughing) - And why so serious is this? (laughing) There was a rumor I remember reading early, like Shack and his Orlando days would be like, fucking local politicians' wives, and they had to tell him to stop. - Broly, I remember hearing that rumor in like Orlando, they were like, "Imagine having to tell Shack "to cool it on your wife after a pussy's turn to puke." - Yeah, yeah, that's the point. That's what I'm gonna say. It's like, "Shack fucks your wife, you come home, "and you don't even guess that she's been cheating." You go, "You fuck Shack?" (laughing) - Well, she's dead, so because my toy trains could run through your pussy, unobstructed. - Have you ever fucked a girl after she cheated on you? Not like the day after, but after you found out she cheated on you, you made up and you got back together. - And then fucked her? - Have you ever had a girl cheat on you? - No, yeah. - And then you make up and get back together and fuck her again. - Yeah. - Uh, yes. - Yeah? - No. - Well, as soon as you put your dick in, you feel the heat from his dick. (laughing) - When you sit on a toilet after somebody sat on it, it's like when the three bears got home. - I think, yeah. - If she got pregnant, that name would be like, it might, somebody, some of his come might have been in there. I may just push his come over the edge. - Doggy, it's, dude, I've had that happen. Maybe once I think it was fucking-- - Did you know what? That's why the head of the penis is shaped the way it is. - Yeah, I know what you're gonna tell me. - To scrape, come from the person before you out. - It like pulls. - Physulologically, it pulls the, your competitors come out of her. - Well, you shoot yours inside of her. It is, I think about that sometimes and it makes me come. I really do all I'm having sex. - By the way, I swear to God that my sickness in my head, I think about that fact sometimes. - Any time I've sex. - Scoop, any time I'm a fucking girl. - Scoop. - I heap ho. - Any time I fuck a girl, I go, what was the name of your last boyfriend? You're like, Brian, I'll be like, JV Brian and then I just start fucking her. (laughing) - What the fuck on a cuckold's guide to Pussy's? Did you guys read with it? - I saw a drag, holy shit. - I never heard this. - This is Lewis Cuckold bullshit. - This ain't close, this is science, dude. I'm sorry, I thought you were the science. - I am, I never heard that, that sounds crazy. - Yeah, and then the chair on the side of the bed is so you can watch them closer. (laughing) Science typically speaking, you can come harder if you sit in the chair and then masturbate with your acorn penis. (laughing) It's just science. - Cool. - I should have held on your girl harder, Lewis. God damn, I would have shot. - Do you mind if you watch Lewis? - She really liked you, she was like, he's funny. - Yeah, shut up bitch. - Yeah, shut the fuck up bitch. - You're just saying, if you want to go into my room, I got a room downtown, if you want to come by. - We actually, after we went off the court, then Alex, or so they dropped us off. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dude, this is, this, this, this. - This is why I went back. - So, they dropped us off in the court after, maybe two miles, right? - Yeah. - Right, we get out, just some lot, it's a lot cute. Just randomly we get out at a lot cute. It's a lot A through whatever it is. Like, double G or whatever it is. There's so many lots. - Of course, massive lots. - Yeah, it's got to be past G, if it's Q. - No, no, I think it goes to like double, like double letters. - Oh, A through Z. - Yeah, yeah, then double A, double B. - A, baby. - Yeah, maybe I'm wrong. - But I think probably. - No, no, you're right. - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah, and locked you. - There's a fucking lock. - They can't, sorry, my bad. - 15 years, you're never right. - You're right, I'm sorry. I've always been wrong. - I've always been wrong. - 15 years, right? - When you didn't learn. So, we get off just randomly. They just drop us off. Now, we're like, you know, Nick is just banging on people's windows. People are driving under this parking lot. It's pretty empty at this point, but there's just a ton of traffic backed up. Nick's banging on people's windows going, "Hey, real famous comedian, Louis Shagom is over. "He needs ride to the after party. "He's just literally trying to get us in people's cars." - People were like, "Get the fuck away from my car." Like, it was so embarrassing. My boys did that, they got to ride. One car. First car, they get to ride. I got you with me. And they're like rolling the windows up. Like, I have a fucking switchblade. - It's crazy. So, we go up to five or six cars before randomly out of this random parking lot, Alex and Harrington, with Krakomiko and Drew Montana on the back seat, roll up. And that's the car. I mean, guys, you have to understand. There's 77,000 people at this stadium. There's 30,000 fucking lots. There's so many cars. The fact that they roll up. I think it's even crazier as you're saying that. When I was leaving, finally I had a me Christine Beeser-Kyla and Josh Head of Myers. And when we got to the fucking, when we were leaving and got to the light, that's how long it took with the traffic. I saw Nate Marshall, Lamar. - Jay was at the poltergeist thing. - Lamar and fucking Nate Marshall and everybody, just like the whole, like, some of those Philly crew, just like walking the same fucking, like, awful route. I guess that you guys were taking ultimately? - Yeah, that long walk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Sucks. - To where? - To eventually a place where you can get a noober. - It was a mile. - It was a mile. - It was a mile. - It was like Independence Day. That's what it really was. - Yeah, it was a lot. - You got to get across, you have to get across Patterson Avenue. And then it's like much easier because you're not in the tunnel traffic. - It was not. But so then we saw out. - Before I was parking in the backstage area, I would park across the thing. It's better to just walk to your car and get right on the highway. But that's just old school me. - Before Dom. - Before Dom. - Before Big Dom. - Before Big Dom. - Before Big Dom. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Now you're gonna helicopter it. - Well, that was BBD. - Yeah, BBD. - It's Big Dom. - Before Big Dom. - Keeping up picture of Big Dom. Actually, you know what's awesome about this guy? Why I was neat to meet him? Why would you know the sideline security guy from a football team? Find the video a few years ago, there was a thing like, there was like a fight on the sideline. We're like a guy from the other team, came over to the Eagle sideline. I was like involved in a thing. And this unhelmed and un-fucking uniformed guy, just fucking, I think pushes and punches a fucking player. Right, it was like a one. That's why he's famous. - That's why he's - He was suspended. - He was suspended. - That's the time. - If you can find the video. - He's Italian. - You think? - Really? - Sicilian. - Is he? - He's soon cloned. - I thought he was black, as could be. - No one in that picture, I see that. - That looks like a black guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, you can see that. - He looks like black, however, the rock is black. - The apostrophe OM, right? (laughing) - Dom. - He's called him Damn. - Yeah, I'm Quavicus. - Let's do some plugs real quick while you're trying to find that video. Rose, you're for it, my friend. What are you plugging? - Oh, please come on, see me shamanicshouse.com, please, I'm on tour all October and November, West Coast. That's what we're doing, right? - Yep. - Those, all right, yeah. I'm going on tour. Scott Reelter ends standup, opening show with guests, comic guests every night, growing in a van being extremely fucked up for two weeks straight. We're going to just drag our asses across the West Coast. Please come see me by tickets, Los Angeles, funny comic fucking, so who gives a shit, these fucking clubs? Sacramento, Washington State, it's a bunch, there's a bunch more coming, but for the rest of the year, I'll be talking about October. - Your website, October. - Your website looks like the Brady Bunch lane. - Yeah, I mean, that's it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I fucking feel like Jan Brady right now, trying to announce this shit. Like, George Glass. (all laughing) - Let's go up through the line, there are two things. (all laughing) - Maybe you should be in the middle going at your dates. - Yeah. (all laughing) - Matt Persard, my friend. - I'm going to be in Phoenix, New Orleans, Dallas. - We're in New Orleans. - Sports drink. - Yeah, I did. - That place is like, they're so great for comics, but we do Skangfest and it's just like, it can't be there's no comedy club in fucking New Orleans. - I do. - It's like Miami, it's too fun of a city. You know, Miami also, you're right, Miami improv does suck shit. I'll be there. - Miami's the worst, the worst comedy town. Worst comedy city I've ever been to in my family. - Absolutely. - Hands down. - Hands down. - All over Brewstar.live, and I'm Monday, Monday on all sorts. - Very funny. - That's a fake website, I think. - I'll say, actually, it's weird. When I've done small things in Miami, like the comedy in. - That place has a weird built-in audience. - I had a great time in the comedy. When I do the Miami improv, dude, I feel like it is 80% Cubans waiting for Cuban jokes, and they always book me a host that gives them exactly that. And then when I go out there and I'm like, "Hey, what's up?" And then I go, "You're not telling me what's different "about Cubans?" (laughter) - Yeah, the rest of Miami is like, they're like, "You're a stop in their night." They're starting off there, then they're going to get drinks or go to a club afterwards. - Yes. - With the comedy in, which is a great club, they have a built-in comedy where it just comes out for comedy. - I will say what's funny is several of the improvs when they're in those kind of outdoor malls. Florida, they're attached to, and Phoenix, they're attached to a copper blues, always. And some copper blues is like a music, a live music venue bar, who plays. The one in Miami next to you go to a copper blues, it's DJs, and everyone who works there is in fucking bikini. It's like the girls are in like, thong bikini. It's just a different word just because it's my hand.
And that also somehow adds to how much those crowds suck shit Anyway, it seems like this is your plugs. Oh August first. I'll be at the Denisee Moss Cultural Arts Center in Kotler Bay, Florida. I think it's near Miami. Put it on the screen. Two shows. I don't think it's up there on the screen I'm I'm bad with the fucking the post, but mostly cameo If you want your football fantasy football lineup done by this fucking genius right over here I got a good way at doing it this year Look all eagles, right? Fuck no. Ow! That shit. No, I'm picking people's line up and I do it for cameo and so yeah Book me the book your line up and I'll do it for you. It's crazy 15 years doing Legion of Skanks. This guy buys a house off cameo That's crazy. It's wild. It's wild Big J big J comedy I come from my dates crazy after a life tour happening right now I'm gonna be here pretty soon out in New York at Fucking yeah governor's comedy club in Long Island. Maybe Steve will come hang out Two-thirds of the Legion of Skanks. It's gonna blow your fucking minds this weekend. I am in Richmond, Virginia at the funny bone I think last time I was there be combined to show one day So fill it up fuck faces. Richmond ribs. It's good town for sure the club was great But last time I was there I had to get I remember the club gave me that like They went beer fest is in town That's why it's light and I went you guys have beer here, right? And they went yeah I go so you just told me that people would rather drink beer and not deal with me We just want to drink beer. We don't want to listen to some guy every night is beer fest in every city in the fucking world Just go get a beer. It broke my heart So please fix that this time then governor's of course Mark Ridley's comedy castle first time they are in years Please come fucking fill that place. We might have their show there. I think we are filling up all beneath funny bone I'm sure there's plenty tickets there get those fucking tickets and make come around the mall door They might walk see me walk through a lids Virginia Beach funny bone. That's right. A white guy's coming through look out fucking black comedy club like week at Virginia Beach for a Goobie's joke house. Yeah, dude Virginia Beach funny bone He's a bucket dude. It's me and his fucking DC Youngbuff fly the weekend before and after Ernest J the week after have some fucking Lily dude. That's that through the stool. I apologize to the stool the whole time on stage I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm just gonna sit on you I promise I'm not gonna fuck you or eat your pussy or whatever the fuck this bad that happened to you next week McGupey show cast and so much more big J comedy.com of course listen to the bonfire five days a week faction dog series XM103 with me in the great Robert Kelly and Story awards right here on the guest digital network America's favorite new game show obsession and then Watch Watch them roast the Kevin Hart. I'm still on it Guys come see me live in the road right away this tour this weekend coming up. I'll be in Denver, Colorado Come to work south never been there before so let's fill that up guys come to fuck out Come party with me in Denver, Colorado three shows this weekend Lafayette, Louisiana on July 31st August 1st late Charles, Louisiana After that, I got Fort Lauderdale Florida coming up Portland, Maine Belmore, New York, Rochester, New York, Vancouver and more go to my website Lewis of skanks.com and also get your skankfest tickets The 10th anniversary for skankfest is coming up guys Now's the time guys the biggest and best lineup we've ever done so many surprises so many amazing things go to skankfest.com Made all possible by you'll create them and if you love this show go to gas digital dot com You guys first of all if you love the show we do a bonus show every Friday night for probably six or seven years now We've been doing it the three of us just the three of us the Friday night hang you only get it by subscribing to gas digital Plus you get pre-released and finally you get no need for apologies and all black pod We do pre-release on all the episodes the ad free and uncensored version of this show and more Take it all the other pods that I do realize podcast story worse the regs sign up for my mailing list by my book knives and spoons and God bless your parents God bless your fucking pass What's going on with these Canadian mile fires this has been it's over now right that's down South now who gives a fuck is it Well, it hit Philly the day we were there was pretty fucking long island was terrible. I'll tell you what dude It did give a cool fucking sunset. Yeah, Blade Runner Look like it was like 300. Yeah, it was great. I didn't love it. You didn't like now. No, why? Do you major cheeks even more red? Well, no, do you not have any homemade weaponry? No, I'm just saying I was like It was I was like oh this is like how the world's going to end it. That's exactly how My Canadian wildfire no because I started trying to turn my flashlight into a lightsaber like whatever smokes Could it this is it like this is like how it's gonna be at the end. I know it. This is some lefty bullshit I'm just telling you dude some climate change you and your old shit ran as I was he you and your kids Every couple years some fucking Montreal fucked Flixie cigarette and the all the wind blows down towards us And it really fucking makes it bad. I don't I'm like this is how it's going to be nothing solar works It just feels like the price of business. I go out into the cool I go on to those dry ass woods of California. That's our flicking cigarettes left that I go suck my dick Will Smith. Oh, that looks cool, dude. That looks like we're a bit. That looks like we're a huge enough for Lawrence's shall. Hey We're about to get some cool shit dude. No, I don't like it at all. It's very cool. No, I think you can stay right into the sun And like people were doing that. I did kids were like, Oh, I'm looking right into this. I'm like you're not supposed to I don't think that's an old wives tale. You can look right into the sun. No with this. You're fine. Don't you know what I'm supposed to? Lewis is the richest retard of all time. You can stay right at the thunders. It doesn't mean anything. Porky Fatcher and Lewis J. Gomez. That can never shouldn't. Yeah. Don't don't do that. What is that? What happens? Hold on. Look at that. What happens if you stare Directly and it's done. You're fucking right. I used to do it as a child. I did a lot all the time. As a child, you could spell letters with it in Your eye and then when you close your eye you could see the. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It was a fun game. That was me. What would you spell, Lewis? I would spell the N word. K-I-K-I-L-L-P-A-R-E-N-T-S. P-A-A-L-L-P-A-R-E-N-T-S. No, I think that's a little bit of an old wives tale. No, you're not allowed to. I didn't even told you they tell you a lot of things. They told you that Pluto wasn't a planet. When? What? Pluto's not a planet? Yeah, exactly dude. Space is fake Steve. I think it's back in what? I think it's back in it's back big. Who fucking knows, dude? No, I think it's back. I think Pluto might be back. But it wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. I think it wasn't. I think it wasn't a second. Did Syrupal Paul have a beard when he left? Syrupal Paul. Syrupal Paul. I asked you to look at that frothy beary, Brommie. Thank you, sir. This is a. Syrupal Paul, I asked you for a diet coke 10 minutes ago. 10 minutes ago. He just repeated what you said. This fucking guy. I bet the doctors do say he should stay off his feet as much as possible. It's not good, right? It's probably grinding. He looks like spider if he lived. Yeah, that's right. You should shoot him in his other foot. Shoot him in the other foot. Um, looking into the sun. Yeah, no, looking into the sun. I don't. I scientific. Yeah. G Mike, I see you're jumping on the microphone here. Do you want the answer? I do. Okay. I did it. Staring into the sun triggers a medical condition known as solar retinopathy, which is because your eyes. Oh my god. You can fucking read people's minds with your eyes. That's so sick, dude. You get home lander eyes. That's what they don't want to do. Remember you stare at the sun, then you start dead zoning people. Every time someone shook your hand, you could tell them how they were going to die. It's not too late. Don't buy that boat. So it says the UV light goes straight to your retina and your retina has zero pain receptors. So you'll feel no pain or physical burns. Yes. You're perfect. Dude, do you want a cool party, Chuck? Poke me in the eye, dude. Poke me right in my eye. You just fucking. No, don't actually. Retina's in the. I would have. I don't know how far we're going. Retina's in the back of the eye. Cornia is in the front. You're cornea. You don't see it. You're cornea. Of course I was going to lose your retina's in the back. You dumb fucking shitting me. I don't want to spread medical misinformation on the show. Man, I've really done a good job. You want to start your own podcast? Yeah, man. I'm actually tired of hanging out with these fucking dumbbells. They know nothing. Don't scratch my retina. It's in the back. I'm sorry. Your cornea is the greatest comeback I've ever heard of my entire life, dude. The greatest. Thank you. You're cornea. Yeah, the greatest. I just picture Lewis arguing with a cop. Like, no, no, no, no, no, baby seats are a scam. You don't actually need it. Whole things are scam. Now he sits back there, no seatbelt, yeah. Well, so, hold on, but I don't really even understand what you fucking meant to. Pretend we're not doctors, dumb ass. So you could stare in the sun and it won't hurt you at the time, but hours later you'll feel it and it does permanent damage to your eyes, yes. Whatever. It's like eating at a prostitute, Lewis. Leave her on. You get crust in your brain. And the moment that you're like, oh my God, I made this girl come. She's a working girl. No one makes her feel good. I made her feel good. I'm giving it in. You have Michael Duck, where's the retina? Ooh, it looks like you're selling it, including rods and cones. Dude, look how far back your retina is. I'll, I'll try to poke you there, but I have to go way left. Yeah, I want to look at that. I like how they gave us the retarded version of the eye, too. Thank you for that.
Like that was a lazy eye let's give him the simple version if he gets too complex They said being overexposed last week to the the the the air was the equivalent of smoking one cigarette an hour So four cigarettes less than big J smoke four that was gay I tell you that when it when this happened in 2022 yeah, it happened a couple of years ago too a couple years ago this happened And I was with self-okano who had Machine that would like started alerting when the air quality was too bad He was like we should go inside now, and I was literally smoking as I go. I'm going I'm like front lines of this shit, dude. I'm fine I'm like you go inside what the fuck is this get a machine that alerted you know one cigarette and I'm adding one more cigarette to an hour Yeah, one more one cigarette an hour for the week is Would mean nothing I have to quit smoking cigarettes if I smoked a cigarette an hour. I'd never stop It'd be like fucking 12 cigarettes a day 14 cigarettes a day. That is still almost a pack a day How many cigarettes a day are you smoking dude? I was often bonfires off this week I just set outside watching YouTube videos a day and at one point I looked down at this aster I emptied it right away I looked down. I was like 13 cigarettes It's fucking 12 third. You were sitting in a pile of cigarettes. It's crazy Dawkins is covered in cigarettes. She was covered in cigarettes poor girl. No, I got her smoking. She's good Nice. She looks so I don't I don't mess it. I stand down or I don't like this. I smoked two packs a day for for a decade Yeah, what was your what was your parliament's if you guys would just kept it the one packet that you could never stop you What do I you guys ever smoke cigarettes? I was addicted to zins zins for like two three years You pick up a new addiction to a four in my 30s. I've never smoked a cigarette Why'd you pick up zins? Yeah, would you be a third base coach? Yeah? Who picks up chalk in your 30s? Now it's like a fun thing to do on road trips. Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably you know. What's the worst thing you've ever done? Drugs and life now just in life smoke your dad's pipe rape You're like, well, I don't smoke cigarettes. I didn't but there was a past dog girl one night and I hit her pussy while she was sleeping I killed the next girlfriend's dog. Yeah, I smothered a Chinese girl and caught in med school Drowned a Chinese exchange student. Yeah, I killed my I killed my roommates so I can get straight A's I watched Maybe think of that killing the dog. I watched butterfly effect for the first time. I was thought I would love that movie I'm gonna be sucked dick. No, it would be blue dude, but I will say the sea. That was when Ethan said I was still fat He likes the dog on fire. It was pretty fucking brutal sick. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you this Probably looks boiler alert. If you go see the new evil dead, which I did It's fucking there's a guy the guy fucking kills a dog with a fork to the head over Wild Brutal dude, it's it Brutal the one the one in the home invasion movie that where they remade it was like a Swedish movie right over that they've remade a shot Oh funny games. Yeah, funny games. Yeah, the original funny game. You're like, oh dude. It's brutal Let me do that anymore. Let me recommend you watch. Yeah, you watch the subtitles version, dude. They go further. Yeah, yeah, they go further That's better. It's wild. Does anyone anyone have dogs in there a kid and their dad threw him out the window? If you look at like raised in the country and like all of a sudden like a dog litter of dogs like the the seventh one Just disappeared because he threw in a field. No, you don't remember that stuff. No, am I so much? I let's suck cock. Yeah How old was your you have an old dad? How old your dad 60s? Nine six nine. Yeah Push you upside down Dude but hole on the nose. Yeah, yeah, so but that's an old dad thing like because I have a friend her dad did that with a what he put A bunch of kittens or maybe with a bunch or one kid in a pillow case and threw it over a bridge. Yeah, your friends dad's We're all psychopaths. Yeah, my dad's way more common my dad's more common than you think the five the five seconds are live with my dad No Hayo they got a dog because they were like oh, give me some responsibility in some way and I was like this is kind of thrust on me dog was very cute little terrier, but like it was a lot. It was a puppy and I just wasn't I didn't want a dog necessarily. It wasn't like my thing at the time and I just kind of like and my dad was like well, we don't have to so we I me and my dad drove it was fucking crazy We drove to a park and we drove yeah Knife into his neck We were like he threw a stick. No, we went to a fucking park Where there's like a baseball game happening a really game happening and you just put the dog out and fucking and let it go and got back in the car So driving away and as we drove away Down the street on the top of the hill the dog just no, just sit there and was staring at it's even I go you have to go back You pussy you should have left in there I would have been I would have been sobbing dude I'm my mom you're saying I didn't want the dog so I was kind of like almost an idea that he was like well There's a good solution for this here's what it is I was like sure, but then when you dropped the dog in the park and it came out I was like are you guys leaving me I was like you got to go back again. We got went back of course I was like fucking wait dropped him off during a little league game and you were like dude little league sucks so bad I won't even do that to a dog. I don't want yeah, dude. Yeah, was a dog was like this game so boring Was he testing your character? I have no idea whatever it was. We brought the dog back now I eventually left like months later and came back to Philly, but like God knows after that. Maybe you did throw a dog at the window. There's no way Dude old men don't give a shit do that dogs man. No, well, here's what happens. What you have a kid? Yeah, now your daughter's grown up though, but you want to you got it in a weird way like if you had I had a dog when I had a kid and my dog went Just instantly just like bounce down like like cut in half. How much I love that dog? Of course once I had a kid Maybe he's like just very interesting dog sleeping our bed and stuff and all that and was like get the fuck out It's so funny. Maybe our timing is different. So my I have my daughter young so she's 23 now, but I mean the dog I mean my dog today we were outside and she was laying down her breathing look labored and I was like she has to go to the vet her breathing looks Leigh bird. She's just horny I mean now I so I mean I have well all the com dogs like that. How could she possibly be horny? I don't really fuck through three times. She was just Exhausted Jay. Yeah, my wife had a dog. Oh, I got you my daughter's off fucking meek mill. So I got a fucking My wife had a dog growing up that wasn't she when we got our dog. She goes, oh, he's gonna be a great inside dog and I go What do you mean she goes? Well, we had an outside dog growing up. I go what the fuck? She grew up in a fucking You had a straight dog father-in-law. She was under the judge yard. He was so like hey, he's like you want a dog great And he built a little house outside and that's where the fucking dog lived. He blew it out there didn't matter storms Nothing this dog never was allowed in the house abuse now. Yeah, now it's abuse, but like she that's how she was raised She was like oh this dog's gonna be a great inside dude outside dog is hilarious outside dog She only straight dog. Yeah, I didn't you couldn't pet it. You couldn't go near it I didn't think anything of it when I went when me and Kurt Metzger first moved in New York We moved or what Kerr was here before but then we moved in together in a place in a story was the first floor of a house And on the second floor the house was the owner's lives. It was a guy their new baby and His wife, but the guy was a repo driver. So we had a big weird like fucking green plywood fence around the whole yard because in the yard and he given time would be like a bunch of drug dealers repote like Mercedes and shit Fucking wild scene fucking Metzger went out one and And fucking drove with the guy while he had to fight black people to take their fucking Toyota Corolla's back It's fucking wild. That guy looks like Travis Bickel what a weird situation. There was a car dealer that I that I drove My dad had a small car dealership growing up in the guy that used to drive the cars to do the registration He was junior and he said uh my granddaughter has a Cocker Spaniel that she can't take care of so she looks at me She goes a grandpa grandpa can you take can you take care of this dog? We can't take care of it anymore and that was on Thanksgiving and then she comes back at Christmas She's like, uh, you know what happened to snowflake? What'd you do? What'd you do with snowflake? Now I'm eight years old with my brother standing there and my dad's a you know a little car dealership or washing cars And we're like what happened to snowflake? And it's like well, she came back in Christmas That's what happened to snowflake is like what the fuck do you think I did with it? I tied it to a tree and shot it. Jesus fucking right and I was like, you know My whole life is gonna be like this for the rest of time God rest you marry gentle man I have Yeah, how do you shoot a cut for the cutest? Are you gonna shoot me this looks fun? God with the fluff of my ears with the gun right to their mouth like Yeah, do my dog would literally just she would fucking dazzle the tip of the fucking shotgun. You take one bullet out You're like They love it. Oh, she wants to die. No, you become like a green beret of life for the rest of you Well, which but this this fucking repo guy Because he had this yard full of fucking these crazy cars. He just had a big like sick at doghouse like a I don't know like a fucking five by seven foot cage with some wood over parts of it And she's three fucking monster fuck pit bulls
That just every time he walked in they just barked until he went back in the house They were the scariest thing and they never came inside the house And I was like and now I get owning a dog now for the last four years. I'm like what that's Those dogs were just gonna be so beautiful Like how could you fuck those dogs in that five by seven days? Fuck those dogs I know now they have feeling nearly impossible. Why would I look in their eyes? Listen, I had a good childhood so my stories aren't as good as yours. You never fuck the dog You're dead, dude. You never shot a dog in the face. I'm sorry. You're super smooth. You never watch your dad Punches all into the face. No, I didn't realize you're fucking parents both ahead of fucking good jobs My dad grew up on a farm hated animals hated the ideas of animals being inside They were they were farm equipment and didn't deserve to sit at the table or on his lap just food Yes, yes, or help you make food. We had a black cat. He didn't like it It didn't like him. They knew to stay away from the cat knew to stay away from him We all left town one weekend and his job was just to let the cat out at night and let it back in all that and Over the course of the weekend the cat just starts cozying up to him Starts sitting this lap my dad's like what the fuck is going on trying to push out it kept sitting this lap and starts to get comfortable at the end of the weekend He's sitting with the cat with in his lap and he hears a meowing at the back door He opens the back door and our cat is outside. Oh my god. Let in some other person's cat all weekend So in love with it and fell in love with it and he threw that thing out the door What a what a sweet story compared to everything else Like a man fell over the cat with a terrible sweet story and we named him Nittins and he lived with us forever And he had to do that. Oh you and then he put him outside to give him a saucer of milk. The fuck with that story That cat is trying to turn your father around everything's been great. Everything put you back in the will That's bonkers my dad fucked both those cats everything of that For the rest of his life. I just every animal I ever got my dad dealt with his dick. I just got my my dog spade Yeah, what age good now you can get pregnant From I don't fuck my dog. I'm not an animal. Okay, this dog All right, hey sport though sport didn't have dude my dog had an exact and I mean this a penis-sized asshole It was the it was when he used when I'm on small eventually That's why it's shaped like that. What sport had to shake dude It would literally open up like you would watch it open up to literally this size and you're begging for you How's it your fault? If you took a video of it you have it hold up and court it was come on sweet asshole kisses come on It was Probably you would start to see the shit inside of his coin. Oh, man. What did you do to this dog? I've had a dog for four years. I've never seen inside it. No, he had a crazy large asshole I'd never seen anything like it my dog does my dog does have The dog my dog does have it's a great a lot of dogs have this but the Jesus asshole But if it's a girl dog between pussy ass hole and hair dimples on their butt cheeks It looks like crisis in their ass Bring up Christ you can see Christ in almost any positive how funny would have you put your dog on grinder wouldn't that be kind of funny? Yes Holy shit. It's a sharp. Hey right there Yeah, best if we got her fixed so she's been fucking the ever medications. Let's put a dog on grinder Oh, that's my dog in my dog. You can see the mustache in the nose. Oh, no, that has to be hot as there's that one is that one is enhanced for sure You don't believe in the power of Christ. That's crazy. The dog's asshole is Christ makes you and you deny his word A detailed Christ face come on dude. No, that's person. I'm not a believer. Well black people. Sorry, but he is white. Yeah People would flock to that ass dude absolute fucking worship to be a line of mexicans at the door Yo, that's great. A lot of these are enhanced. No, I don't know. That's just it is these from best in show They should have a category for best Christ ass. It was like a Pakistani dog show right? I would absolutely enter my dog and Jesus can I say as we're doing this right now? We have we have to start giving away some golden tickets And we should make this an official announcement we never did would we wanted to do the ugliest pussy right? Oh, I think I think it's the golden tickets for Skankfest. The ugliest pussy competition. Yes The first the first we got small stick. What Alex? What is your what is your problem about what Alex? What is your issue? Who the fuck's gonna enter this context? I broke bitch with a gross pussy probably Josie Marcellina Laura I'll do a talk job and enter that girl right there. Yeah, I mean prove ladies prove me wrong. Ugliest pussy contest Show us what you got show us what you got ladies and any ladies in here if you had a pussy would you not show it to us for golden tickets the golden tickets to Skankfest right back right behind you Yeah, she do it now. She's in Thousand over a thousand over a thousand dollars and say $1,200 bucks. And by the way guys these have to be sanctioned Pictures so you can't just snap a picture of You have to have to send it into us see what it what is it Skank what's the email address? Alex Stank-ass pussy LOS golden ticket at gmail.com LOS golden ticket gmail to help what you're gonna do is you're gonna show us the first one It's gonna is gonna be a video first one to be a video of your pussy. Show us. Show us how ugly it is But you also have to show your face. What consent? Show us your social security number. All right. We want you to start in a small frame here and then widen out to see your face At work we need a slate of your pussy and mouth. What if what if next to their pussy they held a sign that said golden ticket contest 2026 over their face. Yes, over the pussy. No, right. No faces. They will not show I the face is gonna kill the content You want to wear a like a ski mask? You're right. You're right. You're right. I think they should write it in sharpie on their labia And you're like, and you'd be like, well, there's not enough room here. We don't have enough. How do you write in the labia? The labia is at the back of the pussy you idiot. Oh You moron You have no shit about pussy. You mean volva you mean volva you dumbass This guy's never seen pussy. Yeah, near the pupil you idiot labia is part of the volva This guy only knows eyes nothing about pussies TJ Miller uh in the background right now Should be cerebral Paul pulling up shares right now for them right now, but we know it would take three years I had the worst experience Because of you because of me recently what I do well is son raped you Hey, well, we were making love. Okay. He wanted to have a fairly Where was I just where did I just come from My son apparently I was in Portland, Maine, but before that I was oh, I was in spring lounge and I'm not gonna say who but somebody who works with you guys came up and He didn't want to do this, but his friend came over. They were totally shit-fist like at 2 p.m. Which is fine I think that's important component of freedom, you know I would never judge because think all of us should be free I started drinking at 8 a.m. That day and uh because the spring lounge opens today and his buddy comes over He's got his ankles in a cast and he's just blind drunk Bleary-eyed drunk and he comes way too close to me and he's like you got My buddy wants you to troll a Lewis Jay comets. He had a pool party today And I was like, I don't know and he's like you got calm right now and I was like man. You got to get away from me Really I get away from any and he just kept saying that and he should me say he got closer and closer and closer You know, you can kind of back away. Yeah, but he's like hey man. You got to call Lewis man My buddy wants to troll Lewis man Man, I got to call Lewis man Okay, thanks loving yeah, he deserved what you just did to That's how you felt you're this is the only way to give it back to him and the poor the poor poor guy Whose buddy it was was trying to get him to go away But he would pull away then the guy would fucking make his way back to me They put me I'm also working on something. I'm like we're gonna script in the corner And this is not a time where I need to have some guy getting so close that he can just Touch his tongue to a Puerto Rican tongue And I gotta tell you that he's like plantance. Yeah It felt right. It felt real just like plantance and I don't even think that's Puerto Rican. No son I think that's cube or new internal cerebral palsy Grab one more. Thank you. See Pete. I like it Every day's a gift all right guys. 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Yeah, we got soda flavored gummies and zero calorie THC soda zero calorie. What are you fucking counting calories? If you want to do you gonna eat something later? Yeah, I love to see your sodas with no calories are incredible I mean no sugar no calorie. That's all I need. Yeah premium vapes. We got fat pre rolls and Lewis's keto cheat THC cereal by edibles that is awesome. I want one was perfect for a day on the couch All Indo cloud products are federally legal THC everything sold is DEA certified and lab tested It really is great to this I get stoned in the stuff all the time I've been smoking in an Indo cloud blunt this entire show If you guys have been watching me smoke today. I'm baked out of my mind Why not have we delivered to your door with amazing quality all DEA certified you don't have to go drive to the Final local dispensary most prices are crazy. This is a great deal to begin with it's cheaper than your local dispensary But we also got a crazy deal for them as well. Steve let them know we got going on Okay, so right now if you use the code skegks for 30% off shipped routinely and discreetly to your door That's Indo cloud dot C O use the code skegks for 30% off plus Get some free gifts on qualifying orders And after your order fill out the survey and tell them the legion of skegks sent you for 30% off That's right if you're just running one or older of course Of course Are you doing It roast at a Singapore. Yeah blockchain thing. I got today. Yeah, you can't do it. Yeah, you have to do mine Okay, you're blocking like I called Christmas Millhouse, and I was like do you miss your server? Uh-huh, and he's like no, I haven't talked to him in years and I thought because my brain injury that we had been on a show One of his shows, so it's like fuck this guy Chris millhouse And he also lied to me about saying I go I was about to text him Hey, man, is your new thing lying because that's bullshit I did a show with Matthew and you and when I was right about to send it I was like, oh no, that was a Jewish show. That was a Jewish show at at city winery. Yeah. Yeah, so what Do we get lock as it the Jewish show security? Can you remove this dumb bitch right now? No, we're not kicking a Jewish person out. She's fine. And she even flew your luck to your Jewish bitch Your fucking look to your fucking check and she been haggling because it felt like all she wanted to do is suddenly talk about a lot of this She's been doing it a lot go for all the day Welcome to Hollywood We're having a lot of fun here T.J. We were talking about the the air quality You at least pussy contest. Oh, yeah. Oh, we were just in the middle of art So we have the ugliest pussy contest and we're gonna have girls sending the video. Fine. They have to hold up a car next to the pussy Saying lead you to skanks 2026 ugliest pussy competition. So we know that they're into it When you when you when you win your gold ticket, we're gonna present it to your pussy. No one's gonna know your face It's going to be great. It's kind of funny if you see a woman with a golden ticket Just realize that that she is a rancid pussy Can I ask everybody at the table? I have found that the more beautiful and symmetrical the vagina The less good the girl is at sex and doing sexual stuff. Yeah, and the stranger and more flowery the Genes with the larger labia and the Georgia O'Keefe like Context texture the bet the better the sex what do you guys think about that? T.J. Miller. Can I say something before I even answer that question? Please do big J everybody's talking about what a good guy you are I'm the rule God damn it. He's the opposite of a stage presence. That's what they say His persona is non grata I'm back baby. Sorry. I'm leaving in a second. Go ahead. I'm figuring we were talking about There's a lot of that pussy. We're talking about pussy Pussy is pussy think while here's the thing you're doing the right move This is my biggest mistake in broadcasting ever is you're doing the right movie go look Send your what would be considered gross pussy because actually a lot of people think like the more character Pussy has with all the flaps and flip like you're saying you're doing the right move in broadcast and you go Make these girls with their disgusting pussy's feel like they have interesting cool pussies and then they will send the video We're going like send this your gross flappy nasty fat It's You know what what the world would seem as ugly as beautiful because like your difference. It's flowery. It's a little break I have found the skinnier the girl I've hooked up with the beefier puffier her for the reason for that. Oh, here we go That's why it looks weird. They better have something to do with her eyes you piece of shit Weird I think I think it's the Labia Majora the outside skin is a fatty tissue so the skinnier you are the more Truberant the labia like if you're yeah, if if there's more fat there, you're gonna get the first word Like when have you told the high I can imagine you telling it like a skinny girl It's medical bullshit that you're having these girls with just the fuck up. You'd be a nice guy if you're a pussy away, baby I thought it was skinny. I thought it was so sweet when I pulled your pennies down your pussy went like this I do like that, but let's go back to it you guys do you feel like the more beautiful the vagina the less The correlation I've I've been with some giant flapity pussies like fucking yeah, flippity flap Pretty but a nice tucked away pussy feels fantastic. Yeah sure it does I've been with the same pussy for 20 years and it's changed a lot over 25 years. Oh, I'm Steve It's 15 years in his name is big J. That's true. I'm sorry. You know what else is science? I changed his bitch. I beige grace There's little marks on the wall Like a tree Pretruiting labia sort of hug your penis further then don't go away. Yeah, that's right. Oh, you know It's big enough sometimes I just put my head shape so you hold it in I just put my wiener against their pussy and then I pull the lips over it like a condom. Yeah, that's what I'm saying It's just one All right guys, none of a world virgins fine I do think we're gonna get good number of submissions of women who are just hoping we go. What are you talking about? That's right. I'm gonna win. There's gonna be a lot of hot pussies. We're baking on that Just qualified Buddy, I'm gonna win. I will win this contest because I'm gonna submit a picture of my dick Whatever his dick is beautiful. Yeah, we're not showing any cocks on the show No, not not for this contest. We'll show them at one point. Oh, last time I saw Steve is I saw This is like no, no, we will show Golden ticket at GML.com send us a Quick video or snap shot of your pussy, but maybe also a blurb about yourself and why you deserve golden tickets The blurb should be about your life not your pussy. No, no, no, no You know, cuz it can be how you're ugly pussy's affected your life Hey, hey, you're ugly pussy's affected your life. That's a great It should be it should be a video of your pussy, but we should hear you talking about your life in it Alex Yankee I like that. And by the way, what you describe it how your ugly pussy is affected your life while you're showing a video of your pussy For me will make the entire experience Jerkable, I feel like the girl I feel like the girl you yelled at before is getting told by her boyfriend to enter and she's like
-Yeah, shut up, stop. -No. [ Laughter ] -So you're not entering, you fucking ass. -Yeah. -So you're giving them -- -You're giving them a college admissions assay prompt. -Yeah. -Yeah. -Yeah. -I don't know how my life is going. -But this is a way -- this is a way to get -- And there will be at least three or four rounds that you'll have to go through. We're going to do, like, puppetry of the pussy. We're going to do, like, it's going to be very fun. -We're going to stress test it. -Yeah, yeah. -We're going to -- we're going to fuck you. We're going to eat your pussy -- -Nate your pussy. -We're going to eat your pussy, bitch. -So you better be ready? -Let retards -- retards eat your pussy for a little while. -Let's see. Peek it in that pussy. Tell us what it tastes like. Go in there. -Oh, dude. Now that Dave's not here, the show rules, we're going to eat your pussy on the show. -Put hot sauce on it. We're going to eat with a hot chip challenge. -Me and Lewis, that's the new gun in the butt. Whoever loses me and Lewis's car -- -Oh, my. You're supposed to eat your pussy. -Eww. Eww. -Eww. -Can I do a joke that I wanted to do earlier, but I didn't think of the quick and error footage? -Yeah. -You have to do a blurb about your pussy, right? -Yeah. -That's what a lot of women call their labia. -Bloor. -Bloor. -Bloor it or earlier, but I think it still worked. -It still works for sure, yeah. -Oh, she got a big blurb. -I've seen pussy lips that I would call a blurb. Look at his little blurb on the left. -Bloorby? -Yeah. I was with a girl one time where her left pussy lip was normal length, but the right one went all the way to her butthole. -Wait a minute. -Really? -Jayville's protesticle. -Normal? -Yeah. -Jay. -They weren't testicles at all. -Oh, my God. -Well, we're testicles. -At one point, they were always testicles. That's what happens in the womb, Lewis. Somebody never went to fucking high school. -Yeah, it's true. -Scred on tissue and labia tissue. -No, yeah, for sure. Her right pussy lip went fucking clit hood all the way down. And then below the pussy, you just became like a like a flat, like a gill. -Like-- -And I did that just-- that flappest, that wiggly skin went right to her asshole. -She just got to the belly part. -What's her first and last name? -Yeah. -And her phone number, if you still have that. -Yeah. -How did you guys come up with this? -She's a-- she's a wall walk counter person that you're looking for. -That's so-- -How did we come up with this? -Yeah, how did you come up with this idea? -It's a very funny and very serious-- -So brilliant. How did you come up with this? -What are we-- -What are we supposed to say? -I don't like it. -I don't like it. It's a creative process. -I love pussy. I mean, we like what we can't say. Best looking pussy, 'cause that's just fucking shit. -And it's like-- -So ugly as pussy, but then they're going to send their pretty posies. -Well, we did for years. We did the smallest dick competition for Golden Tickets. And we never included women because we had a special guest coach that would come in sometimes and see if it can be their name, Dave Smith. And he would put the key-- the-- the kibosh on anything involving women and pussies, because-- -He's gay, he's a gay man. -He's a homosexual. He's a famous libertarian homosexual. -He's a political puddle. -No, no, no. -Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. -I happen to be a big fan of pussy love. -Dave loves penis. -Dave loves penis. -And that's why we would have never had to replace Steve if Steve ever had a vacation. -No, wait. -Look, Steve has to take that vacation and Dave said that. -Yeah, that's what happens. -That's what happens. -But also, we did a small dick competition, and it was a hoot. It was great. -Hood. -That's great. -Actually, it actually left us leaving here, feeling better about our dicks, but also a weird state of like, man, these guys won tickets. I'll tell you what, on any given day, the bravery of showing your fucking awful, tiny penis is worse than showing your fucking flappy, trappy pussy. -Because someone's gonna like a flappy trap. -Interesting. -No, man, you're looking to pussy. -We're gonna be insane. -No matter how bad that pussy looks, before it comes on, and when it comes on, even more like-- -Yeah, we're gonna be like, ah, still some girls showing this are fucking snatched. That's crazy. -Great. -Because we're guys. But a guy showing the world and women, he's like, hey, look, my dick doesn't even come out of its little shell. It's like tucked away in my body. And we're all watching that, even though we're having a good laugh at it. -It was a point where I shut you up. I'm so terrible. -It was life-changing. And I mean, the dicks were so small that they made me realize that dicks were like way small. -I should change the fuck up. -It changed my life for the better. -Actually, it's made me, it's made me say more, I go, it's made me say more, I go, I just got to stoop a little dick. Because now when you see it, I go, nope, I was just kidding. It's a monstrous six. -Monstrous six. -Monstrous six. The girth on a monstrous six. -This is six. It is gonna hit you. -The sheer girth. -It physically hits all of the possible nerves inside of you. -Oh, she pulls up a monstrous six. -She pulls it at one time here. -Is it like so? -The best part about this contest, the ugliest pussy contest, 'cause we have a 95% male audience, is all the dudes going back to their chicks and bringing it up to them and trying to figure out a way to ask their women to be ugliest. -You have an interesting one. -How many submissions has got like six slips? -Which is crazy. -How many submissions do you get for the little dick? -Oh, yeah, probably 20, 30. -20, 30, so you probably get 10, 10 or 7. -We'll keep the submissions open for two more weeks, right? So not next Monday, but the following Monday. What's that date? Give me that date, guys. -We'll show what we got next Monday, if we get. -I think it's pretty brave. A lot of women are self-conscious about their vagina. -August 3rd. -August 3rd, guys. By August 3rd, great episode of Mike Lawrence and Jason Ellis will be on that show. -I'm Mike Lawrence. -No small dicks this year, sir. -No small dicks, sorry boys. -Keep it in your eyes. -I turned around thought it was a black guy said that, but it was the white guy over his shoulder. -Sorry boys, we're doing the ugliest pussy contest for the first time ever on the lead. -Sorry. -And by the way, the ugliest pussy contest. -By the way, if your pussy is just like whatever looking, but your assholes gross, you can add it. -Oh. -You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys. -I just remember. -You get an extra one point if your assholes gross also. -Oh, man. -You guys, I just remembered. -I like it. -I've got to go home and make sure my wife never listens to this episode. -Oh, my gosh. T.J. Miller, everybody. -T.J. Miller, the great T.J. Miller. -T.J. Miller, he was in Deadpool and he's here. -What are we going to make them do with their put, so other rounds, something like some sort of competition. -Talent competition. -Puppetry of the pussy would be fun. -Can they sing,queef, dress up. Oh, yeah. I'm also a big fan of it. -Chaping it. I'm a big fan of pussy, karaoke. Lay on your side and lift your pussy. So it talks to them using 11% of this. -That's a great idea, but maybe we don't like the molder that maybe we do a talent competition with their pussy. -But just say how great the idea of pussy karaoke is today. Lay on their sides. I get to mouth. And they lift their top pussy lip to karaoke. -Jay, pussy-yoky. -Here we go. -We're talking about ourselves today. -Say that again, Lewis. -That hammer. -Not only a great idea, I would say a damn near-perfect idea. -Pet Kiss Me In The Lips. -I'm for you. -I'm not. I decided I'm no longer being combative with Big J. -The show needs to survive. -I'm going to say there's an auto win in that pussy contest. -Three for life. Three for life. This is important. -Legion of Skanks are three, four life. -Yeah, so setting your ugly pussies, we're going to probably take the top 10. And this will be an opportunity. Golden tickets. We'll do a private meet and greet with the three legion of Skanks and Skankfest. Which will be fun. We're going to miss. We'll do a private meet and greet with you. -Well, well, make sure the pussy attaches to the face. To make sure we give you your fair ticket. -Well, the reason I said, put them in your friends ugly pussy and then fucking take credit for it. We're going to make sure it's your ugly. -The reason I say private meet and greet is because she doesn't want everyone known. It's her. The little stick I came up on stage and Whitney Cummins fucking jerked them off through his pants. It was the best. -Really? Whitney Cummins became a fucking G. -That was a good payoff. -That's pretty good. -I'm going to say auto win for the girls with the ugly pussy. You shit. And you're going to win. I'm telling you right now. -If you're shit, you're going to get jazzy. -I know. I'm just saying, I know it sounds crazy. -No pussy. No pussy. No pussy. -No pussy. No pussy. It's pretty wild. -Shitting. -I feel like while you're shitting your pussy's like dry heating. It's going like. -Auto win. -I just know I like to win. -That's what I do. I win. -I will tell you right now. Jay, you're going to get points from Jay. I'm going to fucking automatically give you the lowest score possible. -What the fuck? -If you shit, you're going to get 10. -I'm not a shit guy. -I'm pretty pussy look ugly. -It's a performance and hand stuff in it. -Put stuff in it, man. -You can even quiefe it out during the show. -Yeah. -Put like that. -Put it into a dollhouse. -I would say stand it. -Look, shoot it. -The first video needs to just be your pussy and you're describing it. Your ugly pussy is affecting your life. Simple as that. It can be a story about a guy. The time that you made a guy throw up. -We're talking about somebody's story. -Oh, god. How ugly are these pussy's going to be? -Put you some action figures in some new sticks. -There we go. -I like the canoeing. -Yeah, yeah. -But not at this verse video. The first video is just. We need to see your pussy. How it works. -Is this a porn director? -No. -Yes. -Then the first time you shoved a can of nine lives cat food and you're pussy before a podcast. -Yes, dude. -To win a contest for a ticket that costs a thousand dollars. -This is how hardcore Max went to jail. -I can't wait to list second documentary. How I got a golden ticket at the Golden Skank Test. -That's real life. -This is going to be good. I think it's one of the best ideas we've ever had to be honest. -This is a great idea. -Once again, LBS
[email protected]. Send in your video. At least about one minute in length, two minutes the most in length, with a story or how your ugly pussy has affected your life. But a video of your pussy and it has to have a little card. Single shot, no edit. It's showing that. -What? -We have to get an index card. Legion of Skanks puts a contest and then take it away. It can't be any edits because you can't be sending your girlfriend's ugly pussy against her will. That's going to create major problems for us. -We will be jammed up in court for months. Jammed up. Pussy Joe. Caliated. Love it. Love it. This guy's going to go jerk off right now.
I can't hold it. Look at Nutsek. Nutsek's giving Alex advice right now how to produce. Nutsek, how could you possibly be interrupting production? You're no longer involved. He's still interrupting the production. Dude, I felt so bad for Nutsek outside. I made a joke about Lewis's dead dead and then just did his crazy fucking weird laugh. Yeah, what did he say? It was insane. You were holding the puppet and he goes, he goes, the puppet is spanic and I don't know, I think he just goes, he goes, he gets Lewis's dead dead and then he just did his crazy nervous. And Lewis just looked at him and I wanted to fucking curl up into a ball. That's so uncomfortable there. She's crazy. You don't know me like that, dude. She's Nutsek. Your dad is dead. But obviously that's fine. You can say that you're my friend. But it's well before his hair didn't look like that at that point. No, not like that. He had a Jerry curl member. Your dad was 27? Your dad's the 27 club? Thanks a lot. Damn, that means he's playing. Maybe 28? Dude, he's playing poker up in heaven with Jimmy Hendrix. Yeah. What's her name? Janice Joplin, Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse, George Floyd, George Floyd. Cobain. That girl, that girl whose name we all had to say, what was the girl's name we had to say? Brianna Taylor. Brianna Taylor. The one that Tom Hanks fucked and killed. The ones who fucked and killed all of them, yeah, for sure. Did you guys see that? Jenny, after AIDS. Oh, the best Jenny. The best Jenny could. What a part of she was, hey, I hate AIDS now, so I guess I'll let you get my dinner for me. Hang out. Oh, my God. Take care of my autistic kid. Oh, I get AIDS Jenny. Oh, my God. I was thinking of Jenny from kids after AIDS. Different Jenny. Lots of Jenny's with AIDS. What was Jenny? Jenny was. No, it wasn't her name. Yeah, it was. No. Put the case like buttons got. Yes. It was Casper. Hey, Jenny, it's me Casper. Jenny? I'm 99. Did you know that because it was your $1,000? Because it was your sister's name. It's the only way you came from that scene. You're a sick fuck, dude. You're a sick fuck for jerking off to your sister's name. I told you not to tell anyone. Well, I told everyone. You're so lucky. TJ Moore is not here. He was in Deadpool. Oh, shit. TJ, but unknown. Uh, is it Jenny? Wait, do we ever find the video Big Dom fucking fighting the football player? Those supposed to be right after fucking. Nobody. Or after a. We're ADHD as fuck. It's on World Star, I think. It's not the Italian guy that we were thinking of. Which team would they play? No, it was. I forget. I want to say Detroit. Maybe, but maybe not. Uh, I was going to. Well, they're looking for that. I want to tell you guys. I know you guys were probably wondering, but Emily Willis, former, uh, porn star Emily Willis, yeah, got awarded $3 million because the drug rehab facility that she was in turned into a vegetable. They didn't give her enough oxygen to her brain while they were giving her a treatment. And now she's like basically brain dead and can't move, but she was awarded $3 million. Wait a minute. Was she going to do it? What's she going to spend it on? A robot legs. She make a fucking porn star with his robot legs and a fucking body. It's just a dead body with great tips. I think her, I think her family. If that pussy's disgusting, she can enter it into the fucking Legion of Skanks. Golden take it. Yeah. That thing rots up. Golden take it. There you go. Emily Willis not Golden take it. It's a skankfest. Absolutely. That's a horrible. That's horrible. She's honorary golden take it. Emily Willis stage. Honorary, Emily Willis. So turning your daughter into a vegetable, right? Or your child, right? That's what that happened for. What do I get? That's $3 million, dude. That's the price. But I'm just saying, it's kind of a low number for what she did and what a pussy was worth. Well, that's also true. She was. It was less of a human. Dude, if my daughter did porn, dude, you could fucking get me for 50 grand. You can get married. You can get married. You can get married. You can get married. I don't care. They had to get an attorney because they were like 50 grand. The family was like, great. We'll take it. The attorney's like, hold on. Get her off the earth. I shut up. I like how you guys think there's a family behind this girl. Yeah. Like, oh, no, what happened to Emily? My daughter. Yeah, please. She was hot, dude. You remember who she was? She was hot. Oh, what? Yes, she was. Was her performer name? Emily Willis. Yeah, pull up Emily Willis. She was smoking. Oh, no. What does she look like now? I don't know. We got to say smoking. I mean, we should. I just feel like as we start talking about these things, all these images should be being pulled up. I can't be able to know the dumb video yet. It's crazy. None of this happening. There's the dumb. Emily Willis, look at that pussy. Watch in the red zone channel version of it. Fucking split screens. That was it. No, I think it's like the after thing. They show first that he fucking shoved the player. That was a retaliation. It's a great completion by the Rams though on the fucking right side. And he says Christ. He rules. He's my new best friend. Go to the other thing. I'm sorry. Go to Emily Willis getting pounded. Let's see the pussy. Let's see you're getting. Let's see you're getting gang back. Actually, let's see if she could enter the other guy's pussy competition. You will be the judge of that. Probably now. It's just fucking. It's all fucking relaxed now. Hair. Relax. Super. Really relaxed. Super. It's just clenched up and tight. That was just fucking. She got Jal Posey. Just an image of Emily Willis, maybe, no. Whatever. Just a song. It was a bit of both. Probably all of it. Yes. A shirt on my left. Yeah. Okay. That's a good one. That's right. Oh. This is why her father. This is why her father was willing to accept $50,000. For $80, they wouldn't let truckers hit her in the head with a fucking sledgehammer. Is this guy a character witness with her pussies really worth? That was the key. That was my fucking daughter. You could pull her apart with fucking diesel trucks. I don't give a shit. Yeah. Getting me, if you imagine. I don't give a shit. I let chickens eat her to death if that was my fucking daughter. That was my fucking kid. You could boil her an acid. Well, I fucking, my, my anniversary. Dude. Yeah. Yes. She loved me. By the way, is it the fact that the idea that forget even father, but just the fact that any family member eventually let go of a bicycle seat and she went, "I think I could do it on my own." He went, "You're already doing it, honey." God bless her. If that was my daughter, you could put her on the next 9/11 plane and fly her into a fucking building. Dude. I'm sorry. If I'm the eternity for the fucking, for the promises or whatever, I'm showing this video with the coordinates. He'd be like, "Ahh! Three million." Three million. Come on. Right. What was going to do with that is dumps my god, garden fertilizes. Smiling. She's not smiling. She's having the best time of her life. All right. Quiet. I'm judging. I'll tell you, it's having the worst time of your life. The girl right behind you over here is so disgusted. She wants to kill all of us. She loves it. She can't wait to go back to her first grade class and teach them things on Monday. Yeah. Guys. Video day. Get the AV fucking VCR in here. He is for Emily Willis. Yeah. That's fucking pretty wild. Do you want to, do you want to, do you want to, do you want to check this last thing? Yeah. I think this is fun. What? So they're, they're making a, they're making a movie about the making of Rocky called I Play Rocky. This is real. And this is real. They missed the ball. Let's just say. Really? Yeah. Not good. Well, we don't know yet. I'm, I'm, I'm going to watch it an opening day. I'm a two. I will watch this for sure. But I would say. We should go with Legion of Sanctripe. But also I have a, but let's, let's watch the trailer before I don't want to make my opinion. Name. I'm Mike. Actance what I live and breathe for and they got to have faith in myself. You need to show everyone who you are. I like this girl. So Vester. So Vester? That's right. It's real name. It's got a nice ring. Beautiful. I get it. It's like Peter Parker. Are you delusional? He was gorgeous at that time. He was. He was beautiful. Dude. Rocky. So that's just alone in Rocky one. God, it's fucking ripped. He was handsome as hell. Yeah. Was it a rip to Rocky one? Well, not rip. But like he was ripped in Rocky three. I would know. He was a, there was porn with him. Yeah. Yeah. It's called the ball. He retroactively named it the Italian stallion because of Rob Brandon. Emily Willis. He just always just kind of festively. No. He was a good looking guy, but he wasn't like. I'm going to, I'm going to fuck Emily Willis so she's the vegetable. I always love the idea that behind the green door, they're Marilyn Chambers, they're one of the first porn. It looks very much like and you can just believe if you tell people Tony Dan's as fucking her. Is this Rocky one? That's three. Yeah. That's one reason. That's one reason. He was a hundred percent wrong when he was like, don't challenge me on this. Jay's fulfilling and he's white. He knows all that's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. That's wrong. Yeah. Hey Apollo, why you and your friend fucking Emily Willis. Hey. You don't want me mixing up with Emily Willis no more. Jay, let me ask you, would you hear just the little piano play this, you don't, you get, I'm hard. 100%. That's why I feel like it. It's not that to me that my family. Hey Rocky, take Emily Willis to the zoo. Why? I've said it before on the show, but any Philadelphia sports event, it doesn't matter if they're down by 700 points, as everyone's walking out when they play just to get you a hype for a second, they'll play the video of him saying, if you don't want me fighting Apollo anymore, I won't. And she goes, I want you to do one thing. Win. Just win. Just win. And I mean, the place just goes fucking badass and they go, all right, we're back in the time out. Sixers down. Yeah, 76. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I was leaving. I go back to the trailer.
(laughing) - What, what, even so, even so? - To mention, you talk like you got rocks in your mouth. - Rocky, rocky. - Yeah, okay. - I have rocksy, rocky's in my mouth. - I'm rocky, okay, hang on. (laughing) - Hang on. - Hey, we're on something here. - Hang on, write that down. - Fight down, lady. - I'm digging a full fucking right down. (laughing) - I don't know if it's lyrics or script or what. - Like, oh, it just wrote his name down. (laughing) - My name is Rod. - Pause it. (laughing) - He's like his name, he's about rocks in my mouth. (laughing) - Rocks, sounds like I got rocks in my rock, rock. (laughing) - Rocks, rocky. - You know what my dad's name is, Rocky? - That's a road. - That's sad, but I think he changed his name the day he saw Rocky one. He actually might have said sad. - He's a rock old. - Oh, that was named so best of all. - Yeah, rocky. - Yeah, he could call me rock. - Also rhetorical. - He could just leave his line a bit of it. - Rocky, rocky. - Rocks, rocks in my mouth, rocks in my mouth, rocks. - A movie about rocks. - I got a mouth of rocks. I have a rock. - Rock and roll. - I have a rock. - Rock and roll. - Rock and roll. - Rocks. - Whoa, boxing. (laughing) - Rocks, box, Rocky, boxing. - Well, looks like I'm already living the life of Rocky. I might as well make a movie about it, eh? - Yeah, it really is. - Even though I was a student at University of Miami and I wrote this script. - I sold it. It's fucking insane when he's doing it. - Is this his movie? - Yeah, do the biopic idea is, drives me fucking nuts. The worst is Queen coming up, or we will rock you, as they're all fighting in studio. And then he goes, like, everybody, guys, please stop. Guys, please stop. And they're like, oh, we got it. - Hang on a second. What's that? Fuck yourself. - That guy's got aids for Christ's sakes. - Why are we listening to a guy with full-blown aids? - I'm not taking this guy down. - Oh, yeah. - You have aids. Get some help. Don't kiss me. - Is that gonna go take a picture of Beverly Busy? - Oh. - Yo. - That's wild. You're gonna really see the Rocky. - I'm gonna see the center. - I'm gonna go and say, yeah. - The guy's from Long Island. I think you did a good job from what I saw. Like as far as it-- - The actor? - Yeah. Like he's like, what do you look at? - He looks and sounds just like a-- - Yeah. - The actor. - He's doing a fine job. I feel like the root this movie is taking is Rocky was like, so if I said it alone was like, film this script. It's my life. So I gotta play him, but it's not his life. It's just a made up fucking life. But they're selling this like his daily life is Rocky. And it's like, oh nice. Well, I guess film me doing my morning two eggs in the fucking cup routine. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What about the part where you ate Bridgete Nielsen's pussy for three years. - That was a few years later. I think Cobra. - That's different. (laughing) - Sorry, he puts it in Rocky's mouth. - I think after the Michael Jackson, that's the biggest biopic now in the history of fucking films. - It's one of the shittiest movies ever. - It's $1.7 billion. It's made worldwide. - That's fucking-- - Did you watch it? I watched it on a plane. - I watched it. I rented it at my house and watched it. It was so bad. It was multimillion dollar reproductions of moments in Michael Jackson's life that you could just watch high definition video of him doing himself. Do you want to watch them recreate the Billie Jean video at the Motown thing or just watch him do it? - I love the Pepsi commercial when his hair lit on fire. That was fucking great. - I watched the opening scene with my son where like Joe Jackson's like beating the shit out of him with a belt. Right on my son. - My son was, my son was like, oh my God. And I was like, you see that, James? I was like, my mother did a hundred times worse than me. - You can fucking sing. - I was on a flight with my son. He was watching it, too. And he looks at me like this and I go, you see how fucking good I am? I'm literally the hand on you. Like this is amazing. - I'll tell you the problem with the movie almost was when they show the one and one half like beating times he was gonna get with the belt. - Yeah. - It really, they didn't oversell that to the point where it seemed like that was pretty standard early '70s, late '60s beatings, I think. - No, I thought that was standard '80s, '90s. - He didn't really, with the, with the, with the, with that one. - I'm sorry. - That was a mild beating for me. - That didn't make me feel like I was like, oh my God, they were all tortured kid. I mean, they should have leaned into that much more 'cause it was like, you just got kind of shit that like what happened when we were kind of kid. I mean, I know things are different now, but it's like, it's not that it's right, but like, I don't think they were excessively, I think maybe they were excessively beaten. - The movie didn't show. - No, yeah, yeah. - I think Joe Jackson was boxing this shit. - Why? - The movie where I decided I hated the movie completely. There's sometimes a scene in a movie that'll make you just check out completely. - Was it the one where he jerked off on McCulley Culkin's open mouth? - No, no, no. - Baby, no, dude, that's hearsay. - That's a big credit cut. - They do the credits. He's walking out. It's like, did you oversteal? Did you ever see the movie Man of Steel? The Superman movie Man of Steel? When his father is trapped in a tornado's coming and Superman looks at him and goes like, I'm gonna obviously come save you with my Superman powers. Kevin Costner goes, don't, just let the tornado kill me. So people never know that you're Superman. Which you could have done in a blink of an eye, nobody would have known anything. - You could reverse everything. - Everything could have been handled completely. It was the stupidest fucking thing. This movie and what are we talking about again? Some stoned? - I'll play Rocky. - The Michael Jackson movie. They did a thing in there where he was doing the beat it. The way they sold the beat it video, they were like, they go, he's like, he was watching TV and he was like, I hate all this crazy gang violence. - Gang violence. - In Los Angeles, called a gang. - In the movie, they're pitching the idea that the people that showed up for that video are all bloods and crypts who agreed to have a truth to drop the video. When it's clearly a room full of 200 dancers, everybody's gay in that video. Even Lewis is dead with the knife. I always picture the guy with the white jacket is Lewis's dad. I don't know why, it just makes me happy to feel like. - You don't know why. - Because he is. - It could be Lewis's dad. I mean, if you go to the beat, and then when they had the guy play the guy who played Lewis's dad in the beat it video and the bit in the movie, that was like fucking trippy as hell. Play it three levels opposed to that. - You're about playing the Rocky Trail. Let's finish it with this. - Give yourself the best part. - That's Bridgetto's every theater girl, right? - Is that not a big hit? - You wrote this in three and a half days. This is freaking good. - Have someone like Chuck Robinson or would we do Eastwood? - God, guys, I play Rocky. - I have no idea what that means. - So the writer wants to be in it. - As the lead. - No, absolutely not. - Throw some money at him. - 25K. - No. - Raise the opera, try 75. - You're parking cars for Christ's sake. - So Vesta. - No. - 175. - Go to 200. - No. - I'm not getting this up. - Nothing knowing books. - Fuck these Jews. - Is that? (laughing) - I take no money. (laughing) - Before I sell my soul to a Jew. - I mean, it could be more Erwin Winkler. - I forgot the other name, but that's too enough. - Over my dead bodies. - We're gonna put the agents in the bag. - We're gonna put out the price. (laughing) - The agents are debating the price. Just spitting dreadles. - Like, give 'em another 25K. - Is that back-bin it? Am I fucking losing my mind? - That's not back-bin it. - That's back-bin it. And then fucking press that. - Looks like it. - No, oh god. - No, that's hilarious. (laughing) - It looks like back-bin it. - What do you have in the play, Rocky? (laughing) - What? - Fuck. - All right, now we do this. - Comes with some strengths. - Do you ever fall one day behind schedule? - Ugh, the meat's frozen solid. - They're gonna kick it to the curb, poke your hand, and they can replace you with a real actor. (dramatic music) - That way you know what I'm doing, so he could. - Just do the best acting of your life. - If I were one day behind, we'd keep all the money. (dramatic music) - You can't trap me. - I can't. (laughing) - They keep selling that they're showing him things that are like. - I'm not scared to laugh. - But they're the movie part. - Yeah. - They're showfraping this movie. - Hey, man. - Yo. - By the way, I'm watching it. I have goosebumps. I can't fucking laugh dude. - I can't wait to eat it. - I can't. - I'm going. - Dude, I'm gonna fucking tear this apart. - Oh, you're not, dude. That I'm not afraid of, dude. - You have to eat it. - You have to eat it all. - You have to eat it all after to skanks out of that room, my shoulder. - It stood away from me, because whoever's next to me is getting leaned into it. - We'll do a push-up contest. - I'm not fucking out loud like I have a fucking weave, but I'm gonna fucking lean into whoever's next to me. - Oh, I'm not fucking out loud. - I'm gonna be great. - I'm gonna plan to bet you the management of the theater. - Go ahead, dude. - This kid's good. - I'll have you to move. - He's doing great at playing Rocky Life of Sylvester. It doesn't make any sense what's happening in this commercial. - I think it's a silly enough movie that, in 10 years, they should make a movie about how they got this movie made. - The making of the movie of the movie. - I play Rocky. I play Rocky. - You can make a movie about making a movie about me. - I'm excited. - We're going, Lewis. - We're all going. - Yes, you might. - Well, fun fact about the release, Sylvester Stone has nothing to do with the making of this film. - That's what I said. - He's a public figure, so they're allowed to make biopics about him, and he sold the rights to Rocky, so they could use anything from rock. - Really?
Let me ask you a question. Is this supposed to be a biopic about the making of Rocky, or is this sort of like an alternative reality and they just took a bunch of liberties creatively to kind of build the picture? 'Cause that's kind of fun in its own way. - What was that series that they made about the making of the Godfather with Miles Teller? - I play the Godfather. - Oh, the student, not the student, the author. - The author, yeah. That was cool because I had no idea about any stuff that happened that like, you know, Luca Bratzi was really a fucking gangster and all that cool shit. And that was interesting to learn. But like, I don't know if I need to learn more about who Rocky was. - But it's almost just like the beat of video, dude. Is that really what happened? Or was the Godfather said just the fucking a bunch of actors sitting around and taking union breaks every fucking four hours? Like, it's probably wasn't some same thing. They're like sensationalizing the making of Rocky is the gayest thing in the world, you know what I mean? Like, I fall to the very end. I went to distance with Paramount Studios. - Yeah. - I'm gonna jerk off either way, dude. - I'm in. - Either way. - I'm going. - I'm going. - And by the way, when they haven't leaned in, they love recreating things now. So if he, when he leans in and goes, you want me to stop voting the follow and she goes, "Win, Bing!" I'm gonna get goosebumps just like four. Sixers are down by 70 and the fourth. - Oh, I'm gonna think of his Apollo and his boys. - Fucking Emily Willis for the rest of the night. - Yeah, dude. - For sure, dude. - That's how you celebrate a fucking win, dude. - Yeah. - Six feet at dick. - I just want all of the opponents in the Rocky movies to take turns on Emily Willis. Clebber Lang fucking the Russian. - All right. - All good news. If you could be quiet enough, we get all fucker now. - Tommy Morrison. - Tommy Morrison. - Tommy Morrison. - You could be quiet now. Tommy Morrison just gives her a double eight. - Eight. - If you're willing to wear crocs, you could fuck her now. - Damn, dude. - She was beautiful. - For bad for her. - Emily Willis. - All right, please. - I don't know. I've never seen her wear that a black cop in her mouth. So maybe she was beautiful. Maybe she's a beautiful soul either way. I mean, she definitely cared about minorities. - True. - Can I tell you a funny thing that happened today? I went to get my hair cut. Finally, I was like, I can't keep going where I'm going. I'm going to a fucking black or Hispanic place in the hood. And I went out to the hood, Patterson, New Jersey. - Whoa. - And I got a hair cut. - That's actually crazy. - It was great. I went in, and it was a Dominican place. As soon as I went in and I sat down in the chair, they were all nice. They had Telemundo on the TV, listening in Spanish. And then they went over and somebody went, it was so weird. Went over to Netflix. To put on Netflix on the TV, one of the other barbers, and put on some movie, I didn't think of anything of it. And then about five minutes into the movie, he went over and chair, maybe even earlier, put on the English subtitles. Not subtitles, subtitles, but also dubbing. So it wasn't the people talking on the screen. And it was a movie about white people helping refugees and fucking, it was fucking weird as shit. My eyes were just closed the entire time. But I'm just listening to this movie where it's like, I just want to get a boat and help all these people who want to come to our country and live free. It's like anti-ice shit. I was just like, this is weird. Why did they put this? Was it like dangerous minds kind of like white savior thing or like you should feel bad about being white? It was white savior. It seemed like they were asking me to also buy a boat to help refugees getting this country. Maybe you take some of the money from the Changelis Rosé and you think of it? Big yay ocherseng. Big yay. They had no idea who it was, which was fucking great. That's crazy. He just fucking sliced my shit up nice. Be like, I'm going to keep going back, dude. I like it. You got to park out back. It's so weird to get a house almost. That guy's name was Jay the barber. I'll accept it. You're like, I'm Jay the comedian. I was just giving it, I was just, yeah. I was just giving an address to get through. Everyone is saying Jay in the entire place. I was just giving an address to go to what I went to. That's dangerous as fuck. Yeah, like no, no Google maps location. No, but look at this line. That's sick. You're on a plane. You're in a place now where you should be. And you're going to have to come here. Are you taking these lines in the back? I did have a conversation with this guy about eyebrow lines though. Oh my god. I planted in Jay's mind six months ago, six months ago that he needs eyebrow lines. And then he was like, that's stupid. That I would never do that. One, two, three. By week, I've been whittling him down to the point where he's now talking to his barber road eyebrow lines. I did that in high school. That would have pooled on you, Jay. Jay would be really good. It would have looked, he's the only person I know that would look good with eyebrow lines. You would look really good, dude. Look at him. He's imagining it right now. Yeah. What's your hesitation? I have long eyebrow hairs. So I'm where they're going to shave a line. And then like weirdly, it's going to get like, comb over. Yes. It's not going to be. It's not going to be a line of my eyebrow because all other hairs are going to cover up. You're pointing at your eyebrow with baby blue fingernails. Yeah, it's okay, dude. That might look stupid. You're fine. Just do it long enough, right? I asked the guy today about it. And he was going to do it and I went. Oh, he lost her. I'm not ready. Do they charge extra? Nope, he would have just done it. Yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it right now. We'll have to find my Narelco one blade. He told me how he would do it. How would you have done it? I would do it straight razor. No, but what was what angle would you take? I would go this angle right here. No. The other one. Cross. Caldero, go up out, up out. All right, dude, I'm not a dumb Dominican barber. How am I supposed to know that? Like, HTT. Well, now I just think you don't even mean that. No, we'll pray to do it. No, you just fucking made fun of the whole fucking thing. You're like, I'm not dumb to make a barber who's going to put eyebrow cuts in a fucking 50 year old man's eye. And you're right. He's not going to stop that, dude. I just bought myself two more weeks. Now he's not going to. You have to convince me so much harder. Two weeks so I go back. You've already convinced yourself. And I know what's going to happen. I'm the next go round. Look at that. I promise you, in two weeks, Jay will have eyebrow work. Yes, I can't wait, dude. That's the next time I go back. One day, two weeks. Listen, I know Jay so well. 100% two week, two episodes from now, Jay will have eyebrow lines. You'll see it. I won't let you win. I won't allow you to win. You've really decided that you want it. You can't wait a month for it. I know you. You're a shot today. Could we thank our amazing fucking guests on tonight's show? Nick Roachie for Matthew Bressard. Thank you for hanging out with Alicina Skanks. Always three for life. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening at home. Until next time on The Friday Night Hang, everybody. Peace. You've been listening to The Legion of Skanks podcast with Big Jay Operson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Think with three scenes. You must be fucking over, Lewis. Lewis Gomez. Lewis J. Gomez, you fucking sucker. Lewis J. Gomez. You're trying to watch a retard-drawer swastika hilarious. I'm sort of done as a point going to podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian Steve Renizese. The Legion of Skanks podcast. [Music]
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