Nick Mullen & Kyle Dunnigan - Eight Armed Spider - Episode 945

♪ Retroport kill is lead you to sex ♪ ♪ What was all the points? ♪ ♪ Oh! ♪ - Ew! What's up, everybody? It is your favorite podcast, as always, to my right, Tristan Bowling, to my left. It slashes patriotic brother, Gash. The Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Lewis Chagomas. - Yay! - And I am Big J. Ogerson, and we are the legendary Legion of Skanks, three, four lives. - Three, four lives. - Happy birthday, America. [ Cheers and applause ] This is the show that comes out before the Fourth of July, so that's when this is -- - Hey! - This is too early for her. Look, what the fuck's going on? Why is it wearing an America hat? - It's Fourth of July, almost, man. - It's the Fourth of July in a week. - Look, sure. - It's still June. - Now, here, which is why everyone's acting behaving like this. - Yeah. - They got the June Glooms. - Yeah, well, I'll tell you right now, I'm fucking celebrating early. - Yeah. - Barbecue, America, 255 -- 250 years of being the fucking greatest country in the world. [ Cheers and applause ] - A hat, you won by popping three balloons with a dark and a carnival. [ Laughter ] - That's a cool hat. - It's a fucking -- it's more than cool, dude. It's fucking gay. [ Laughter ] And that's great, 'cause you have two more days of that being awesome in this town. - Oh, yeah. - You're so gay. Are you tired from the -- did you go to the parade yesterday to show your support? - He was the king of the parade. - Dude, were you -- is this -- oh, dude, is this your grand marshal hat? - What parade was yesterday? - Okay, that's what I would say if I was doing too much at it. [ Laughter ] - Was there a parade you said? I didn't notice I was blowing guys in a Starbucks bathroom. - You still got glitter in the corner of your eyes, Luke. - I know exactly where you've been. - Your come drunk. - I was in San Diego. I was not -- - In the heart of it. - Oh, my God, dude. - The gayest place possible during the gayest time. - Dude, they have the most pride. - Well, I'm glad you got to celebrate. We have an amazing show for you. We have amazing guests. Are you guys ready to get our guests out here? [ Cheers and applause ] - Our first guest, you might know from Reno 9-1-1, he's an Emmy award-winning writer, and you probably know him from the Kyle Dunnigan show. It is the great and hilarious Kyle Dunnigan! [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] - Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] Kyle, we're happy to have you on the show, my friend. - Thank you for having me back. I already have to pay, but -- [ Laughter ] - Isaiah, well, so what's cool? You came during a great time of year. We're doing our spring-term Olympics right now. So, at any point, we can actually have one of the interns bend over, and you could piss on them if you want. - Are you being serious? - I'm being heartless and serious. - No, there's about three of them, and I would say would let you human toilet them. [ Laughter ] - All right, great. Bring them out. - Yeah, yeah. - It might be on a wheel of punishments. You never know in this fucking place. - Two top three human toilets out of the interns. I would like to see that. - Top three human toilets. That should be the finals. Our second guest, you know him from the Come Town podcast. He also has a special year of the drag and available right now on YouTube, make some noise for the hilarious Nick Muller. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Music ] Nick, we're happy to have you back on the show. - I'm happy to be here. - We're celebrating America with the Legion of Skanks. - It's a happy birthday, America. 250 now, right? - 250 years, dude. - I think the energy next spring is what the crowd feels more about America. Lewis, you're celebrating soloed. - No, everyone loves America. We're back. Are we back in a big way? You have seen it at the White House. - Straight to Hormuz. - Ooh, yeah, the straight to Hormuz. I don't know. I've heard those words so many times. - I can't stand anything straight. [ Laughter ] - Straight to Hormuz is open, right? - Who knows? - Gaping somewhat just like Lewis's relationship with his husband. - I don't know. - I don't really know what the straight to Hormuz is. - It's open. - But I've heard it. I could have easily looked it up a thousand times. The amount of times I've heard it, and I've never once -- - Buddy, at some point it was closed. Now, it's open. - That's all you know about it. - It does sound like a gay bar and Greenwich village. - It's a good way to rush people off, and they try to talk to you guys. How about the straight to Hormuz? I go, "No, it's open." And I just walk away. - That's great. So, yeah, anyway, we're celebrating America here on the show. We have a lot of pride here. Everyone else, I feel like, is going to catch up at one point during the show. And we're going to -- it's going to be great. What's your favorite part of American history, Kyle? - Pride parade. - Love. I do love the pride. I like when we got -- like the land. There was a time in America when it was like $8 for like a, you know, a giant swath of life. - The Louisiana Purchase. - Yeah. - That's what solidified us. - I go back further. I like when we took it from the engines. - I like that too a little bit. - Yeah. - But it does come with some guilt. - But I think we -- - Better movies though. - I like when they do land acknowledges, but they're not going to give it back. Like, if you're going to do -- You know what I mean? Like, you're going a little farther. Like, sorry. But I'm going to keep this. - Yeah. And it's always before something that you could never do on their stupid land. We had to make it our land, so you could have fucking fog at perform. (laughter) - Yeah, I don't -- yeah. I don't think we even took it from the engines. We outsmarted the Indians, and we convinced them that like fucking -- - Yeah. - These are just blankets. (laughter) Yeah, they didn't understand what money was or any of that stuff. - Well, landing land was not a concept. It was like -- that was everybody's. And we were like, no, it can be a thing. And New York was $24. I heard. Manhattan. - And the whole place? - Yeah, the whole we bought Manhattan for $24. - From the Dutch, or the Dutch bought it from -- I think the Indians got $24, and I -- - Nice. - And they didn't even know if they started eating the money, they had no idea. - They burned it. We also saw muskets, I think, and some beads. Works changed. I made some of that up. - That was a dangerous choice to give the Indians -- We'll trade you guns for your land. Because if they were any smarter, then you'd just kill the guy that gave you the guns. - Well, he didn't give them bullets. - He just gave them the guns. - Or anything was a bullet bag. - Yeah, they tried to start eating the guns. They tried to eat everything. There were savages, Nick. - Yeah. - They tried to put arrows into a revolver. - It doesn't exist. - They had no idea of technology if the times worked. But anyway, we are celebrating America on the show. What are you guys doing for the full July? Anything fun? - I got invited to a party, but I think it was a hacked email, and I have to change my passwords. - Really? - That's a thing. - It was a hacked email. It was an email from Aaron Berg. Come on, folks. That's a thing going around. I almost felt for it. You get an email from your property manager from 15 years ago that's like, "Come to my birthday party." I'm like, "Yeah, I'll go to a party." - Those were hacked. - I got hacked, and it was like a pink card. And it was like, "Come join me for Merriament." You know, it's something that you would never write. And that sends out to every single person you ever met in your life. - David Cross, just he got got last week. I got an invitation from David Cross. - It couldn't be real? - Maybe he just wanted to hang out with you. - He hung out with you. - He definitely didn't. - Okay. - Yeah. - How do I know your relationship with him? - We don't have one. - Okay. - Well, that adds up completely. - I texted him, I said, "I don't know if you remember me or know who I am, but I think your email is hacked." And he said, "Thank you." - What if he's just crying looking at a framed photo of you? - You should have brought up Mark Norman's photo. - The older the Wolverine means. - You just wiping the back of his hand against your cheek in a framed photo. - You should have brought up Mark Norman's fart. He loved that. - Would you ever see that clip where he just leaves the show? - No. - Yeah. Mark Norman's pissed off a few people with a fart. Also Alex, could you please for the love of God? Just the corner of the screen exited out. It's driving me out of my fucking mind. - I've been noticing it this entire time. - Oh, it's fucking awesome. - Oh, it's driving me. It's making my blood boil. - I thought we were censoring Tristan's dickhead. - It goes up into the right. - Yeah, we gotta do that, please. You know, Mark Norman's pissed a lot of people off with a fart. I don't appreciate a fart. - I don't either. I said the same as a fart. - The fart itself, especially when it's in a room. He farted when I was doing something's burning when a birch show where you're cooking. I'm like, "Well, I'm not gonna eat now." - Yeah. - You just cracked ass. - It could also explode, right? I mean. - Yeah, it depends. - Over an open flame, it follows it back. - It's possible for Mark to explode. - It'd be farted just a flame travel from the fucking burner to him. - That's what I'm doing. - That shit. - Yeah. - That shit. - Yeah. - That shit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. part. No, that's how real men play, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never jerked off in a room full of guys. I've never, uh, enjoyed another man's part. No, I know you were the head of the jerk parties, but I'm saying me, I've never done that. No, it was the head of the jerk party commission. Sorry, sorry. I don't know. I was a league affiliate. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. There was a lot of fucking finger organizations involved in that out there with chapters. Yeah, we've all, we've all, uh, we've all happened. We've all, a lot of us have jerks off front of that. That's like a lot of people learn how to jerk off with their buddies. You discover jerk enough, you get excited. You want to share it with, it's like, you know, you want to share a movie with like a chick, you're like the first time. That's how I was with jerking off. I was so excited to share it with everyone of my friends. Yeah. Wow. That's gay feelings. That's actually just described gay feelings. The way you are excited to share something with a woman. This is how I feel about sharing something sexual with a man. You, the way you're excited to explain something to a woman, I want other men to know how to feel good. You literally running through your shitty apartment in the projects in Rockland County with your pants around your ankles with a half. Fellas, Eureka. I call it white gold. Accract the codes. Did you ever jerk off with your friends with your younger? Uh, no. Never. No, no, never. Do you want to start jerking off with your friends now? I just, I wanted to encourage you to continue telling your story. Oh, that was nice. I thought for a second, I started to feel like I was done as I was like, Oh, I guess Nick digs. He kind of looked with like a, but I wanted him to keep up. You were just giving like a, yeah. Sure. Uh-huh. Kyle, do you jerk off with your friends with your younger? No, it was just shame. It was more, um, shame. Gillis. Really? Yeah, with shame. Gillis. Okay. Well, that's pretty cool story. All right. It's fun. Yeah. No, I, I immediately felt shame and didn't think I should share it. I think it's probably healthy that you wanted to share it. It seems like maybe that was a healthy thing for you to do. You didn't feel awful positive dude. Yeah. I, that's not healthy at all. Did you jerk off with your friends? Fuck no. Nobody here jerked off with their friends. Yeah, I had pointed my pocket. Oh, that's right. You're from a generation. Oh, yeah. You didn't even have friends. Your phone was your friend. Yeah. So I came up with an interest since 20 years old. I'm 28. But why would having a phone preclude you from jacking off with your friends? Just because it's less of a communal experience. You don't have to gather around the one guy who has the phone. What's about half to? It's like I have the privilege to. Yeah. Let's just link our phones up. Yeah. I guess it was. Let's all press play. Get someone air play this part of it. Let me give you a little, feel a little better about yourself. I see now you're drinking die coke all maniacally because you're freaking out thinking you're gay. But I did definitely jerk off you. Yeah. Uh, I did jerk off. And if I like a buddy stay over at times and we were sleeping in different spaces and when lights were off and I would assume he was asleep, I definitely jerked off in a room. And we weren't jerking off together. Okay. Ever. That's close. But you organized get togethers. No, I know you did though. You had a Google calendar. Yeah. I mean, you were the head of multiple Jeffrey. We're having a sock hop. I'm having a real shindig over the night. We're having a dyno. Maybe you have a little bit of the story wrong. Maybe, you know, I didn't. Yeah. No, Jay, I didn't organize get togethers get togethers were organized and I turned them into jerk partners. Okay. Really nice birthday. We got here. Keith, you mind if we slip into the room? That's actually way worse. You could have just invited people to say no. They were getting into you brought them over onto the guys with guys. I got that new movie on VHS. I didn't watch it. Hey, Anthony, I found your dad's rose. These get togethers were never at my house. I'd be invited to somebody else's birthday party to sleep over. I'd be like, Hey, have you guys ever jerked your cock? It feels great. And then we'd all just do it with each other. I like if you had to kill time because your mom was at home doing paid jerk parties. Yeah. You're hurtful, dude. My mom would have loved you. Huh? Huh? She would have for an hour, for like an hour and a half. For 120 bucks. She would have loved me a long time. I mean, yeah. She sucky, sucky. I mean, she probably wouldn't have teeth at this point. I know you know how much hookers cost. $120, saying your mom's $120 hooker is such an insult. Yeah, enough for the time. You're thinking you got a inflation, Lewis. Yeah, she was like a chubby mom, dude. No, she wasn't chubby. She had a killer body. Should have decent body. Get out of here. That's what I got. I've seen the pictures, dude. Make it a mom bod. You're going to keep it coming at my mom. I'm going to fuck you up, dog. No, I'm trying to do what Nick did and trying to commit you to keep arguing that your mom was hot. My mom was pretty good. We're describing a hot mom was jerk off quite a group jerk off question. That would be for Lewis. Yeah, do you have, did you guys look at naked women or were women not involved in the reflections of each other's glasses? I mean, you got to get real close to another man's eyes. I mean, sort of. My eyes are mostly closed due to the past. There's like 12 years old. Like 12-year-old boy. No, usually you usually have one magazine you guys are all sharing or one video. Oh, shit. You guys are caulked around a magazine. Most of the time, most of the time a video, but yeah, once in a while it's a magazine you guys have. Just don't guys call it that day. We did it one time. We're done. Me and two kids did it in the woods. We had a magazine and we all just jerked off in the woods. It looked like we were doing a witchcraft. You should have stabbed that magazine with a hunting knife. You leave that thing out there. That is so much worse than Satanic panic going out that it was. They're doing a ritual. Oh my god. They're just gay and off out here. Please be doing something better than this. I would be like I'm going to take care of my health. I'm going to go hiking and then I'd see something like that and I'd spend the next year being like I'm going to jail. Would you rather find out your son was in a phase where he was doing a bunch of weird witchcraft in the woods or that it was excuse to go out there and but fuck guys. I would just say just speak gay. You don't have to be both types of gay. Regular gay. That kind of goth energy really is a bridge to gay. Let's go see the new John Early movie. Make up off and we'll make you a regular gay. People like happening upon us to like videotaping like a Blair Witch style project in the woods. Happening upon makes it seem a lot more whimsical than what happened upon two fairies. This is a fun thing for the producer to work on. There was a story it was in like Seattle or Washington or something. Somebody found like a enchanted cabin tree house like this colorful whimsical tree house in the middle of the woods and it was filled with child porn. And there's pictures of the house and it's like if you saw that you'd be like oh my god how cute is this like a tree house. How can we go in there? And yeah it was some you know what a fun Airbnb. It was some charm to pedophile that would go out there. Maybe take a Peter Pan type though. You know what I mean? Who's up there looking at show? Where's not that bad? So here's the guy. We are doing our spring turn Olympics. We have a lot to talk about America. We're celebrating the America today on the show. But we do have five spring turn Olympians that are remaining. And one of the things we just decided to do today as an exercise in teamwork is we decided here guys. All you guys come up here right now. It's our five that are remaining are nutsack nutsack nurse Betty gimmick. Cerebral Paul and hemorrhage. Come up here guys. Cerebral Paul has a muscular dystrophy. And I believe one of the other interns inserted himself. So he has a crutch. So what we did was in an act in a teamwork building exercise we have tethered them all together. I'm sorry what's this segment you're going to jack off with these guys. You got it. Whoever spills last is the gays. So yeah there are. Wow this is. It's crazy to have the crutch guy leading the fight. Well we can't have the cerebral palsy guy do it. There's two of the guys. Cerebral palsy guys is in the middle. You just make fun of Kill Tony for doing this. But he sits once. You know what we may have jumped the gun on those. Cerebral Paul did you just say this is insane. Yeah. You just got to face my friend face. Everybody remember we got to take care of Cerebral Paul. All right you can get back up now. Thank you. Everyone's got to be mindful of Cerebral Paul. Don't be disrespectful Cerebral Paul. What? I'm sorry. What is that? Why are they tied together? So now they can't roam and Louis start jacking off. But they're not going to make any further than stairs. That's for sure. It's like what is it? Three-legged run. You got to jack off. You got to beat off the middle guy. It's an elephant walk race. Everyone grab the dick to your left. Yeah. Yeah. So we put his cock in your mouth and you spin around until you're really dizzy. Then you race to fuck the other guy in the ass. All of these all of these gentlemen. The next intern in the legion race gang. It's an unpaid internship position to work for us to really just get a strength. That's the entire job. So today we're doing a team building exercise. They're all tethered together. We're going to give them some challenges to do in there. - My first thing's first, Nutsec never gonna be my diet coke. - Yeah, Nutsec, where's this? - I'm drinking the diet coke, we're gonna need another diet coke. And we're gonna need it pretty quickly, Nutsec. (audience laughing) Be mindful of cerebral pals. - Jesus Christ. - I got my chick on it, dude. - No, your chick doesn't get it. You don't get to have your chick do things for us. Or you know what, hold on, next segment. I need a blowjob, Nutsec. (audience laughing) First guy here who provides me a blowjob. Why is he called Nutsec? - We give him a blowjob. - I mean, Nick, you should see it. - Oh. - So this is nurse Betty, Nutsec, cerebral pals, gimmick and hemorrhage. And so here's the other thing is, Nutsec got immunity the last week, which was pretty great. So that's great, dude. So last week, you got to just go through, and that's pretty fucking sweet, dude. - Unpaid. - Congratulations, Nutsec. - Unpaid interns is what they're going for. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, Nut is not an insult, but normally. - Kyle, ask your question, man, this is a safe space. - You would be an unpaid intern so you could put on your resume to get like another guy, man. - Yes. - So they're screwed. - No, now they're getting special skills. - They're going to be working with Coomia very soon. - Once AI hits, this is a really the only job you can do. (audience laughing) - Being tied to another man, jacking off Lewis, seating combing named Nutsec. I'd like to see a computer do that. - You're getting an interview if your special skills are whatever is happening right now. We're going to be like, I had to talk to you. What are you talking about? - Yeah. - You're getting me taming balance with the server. - I got a chat GPT on my phone. I'm going to pull it out now. I'm going to say, call me Nutsec. - You think it won't call you Nutsec? - Let me see. - Call. - We're off, I'll do that. - Me, Nutsec. - I'll call you the N word. - Yeah. - Yeah, crack it. - Call me Nutsec. Let's see. It's thinking. - These guys don't think. - It's thinking. - It's the internet here is terrible. - No, it's the machine. - The machine is really pondering whether or not the social implications of calling you nuts. - That's right, yeah. Can I just say that we, one of them will get you a soda. Fucking dumbass Nutsec had his girl do it. The whole bit is you guys. - By the way, one of the bottles of soda, not this stupid thing, a glass from the gun. - Here's one of the things. So we're going to have you guys do some fun things, okay? One of the other challenges, and we have some other things coming up later on, but one of the things that we've decided that we're going to have is we have this orange, which is orange represents immunity. Vitamin C gives you immunity. So whoever has this orange gets immunity this week and automatically moves on next week. - I give it, if it were-- - Don't touch it, don't touch it. - Just leave it on the fucking floor. - If it weren't for Limeridge back. - Limeridge back, you must work as a team, gentlemen. - Hammer, you can't attack. - Be careful, guys, cerebral pals. - You're tearing him, Limeridge. You're drawing courtroom. Somebody drawing cerebral pals, take this. - Keep in mind there are people around you. Keep in mind there are people around you. - Hammer's got it. - Hammer's got it. - But by the way. - Hammeridge. - Whoever has it at the end of the show. - Yes. - Exactly. - Whoever has it at the end of the show has immunity tonight. - Hammeridge, eat the orange. (laughing) - Oh, they're gonna hurt each other. - There's so much to do still. Guys, that didn't look like teamwork. That looked like every man from South America. - It was crazy. - The guy with the crutches now hitting Hammeridge in the balls. - So here's the thing, gentlemen. Oh, you can't untether each other. - Tether them again. God damn it. - They untethered. - No, it's just what does it not. - Thank you so much for your question. - They're BDSM kings. - Hey, Hammeridge, how did you not talk back to me? It's time for you to give me a face. Face, thank you. (laughing) That's the whole group. Because of Hammeridge's insubordination, the whole group has the face right now. - I can't believe gimmick didn't just grab that orange man. He had his laying out there for. - Mutsack, what did you, is that facing Mutsack? (laughing) Get on the fucking floor, you. These guys are amateurs. I'm sorry, Nick. I apologize. - I don't understand the rules. And I already forgot what the explanation for this was. - There are no rules, Nicholas. (laughing) - Well, there's obviously rules. They have to be tied together, I don't know. - I don't know if that's even the rule. - They're in a stipulation. - Yeah, they don't really have to do anything that I want to do. I think legally we have to say that. Here's the thing, what I need right now is I need you guys to go to the store and grab me three sugar-free red bulls in variety of flavors. (laughing) Is there a time limit on that? - Yeah, actually, great point. Great point, Kyle Dunnigan. (laughing) - Give it, give it, give it 15 minutes. - You're so good at torture, bro. - 15 minute time limit. Look, they got-- (laughing) - He's gonna pick him up. - Brilliant. - That's almost brilliant. That's teamwork. - 15 minute time limit or one of you is being randomly sent home. (laughing) - He's giving code or in this? (laughing) - 15 minutes. (laughing) - I tried. All the joint. - Guys, 15 minute time limit starting now or one of you are being randomly sent home. (laughing) - Guys, this wouldn't be happening if the very first week. - No, hold on a second. That's it, you care because you had immunity last week. - What? - Not this week. - No, no, I got this week. - No, no, it's last week. - No, I know the one's-- - We already did it last week. - I know the one's no show last week. You had immunity on that show. (laughing) Full immunity. - You didn't do show last week. - You'll notice he's here this week. You didn't have to do anything. - Exactly. - Three sugar-free red bulls. They're not getting out of it. (laughing) They're 15 minutes. It's been five minutes, they're not even out the door. (laughing) - Yes, thank you. - Somebody's videotaping them on the wall, right? - Oh, you-- - This game never ends for the handicap. (laughing) - It's just like that forever. - This is the first time he's actually been just like dexterious. - I think we just made his life a little easier. - Did we really didn't think it through? Like literally as they spread the tariff wind from land. - What do you mean? They fall side to side. He has got fucking dumb limbs. - I hope they all get hit by one bus. - But right in the middle. So they wrap around the front of it. - It's a cerebral-- - cerebral ball is fucking noodles in a head, man. They are gonna fucking-- (laughing) - Oh my god. - Fuck you. - You still see them. - They're still trying to get up the stairs right now. (laughing) - It's like the human equivalent of buffering. - Just walking. - I mean, there's Betty Poe and Anker with the fucking crutches. - So do you guys not have unpaid interns on your podcasts? - I don't know. - Uh, no. - I don't think it's legal, but-- - Do you pay Kurt Mesker? (laughing) - No, I do stuff like every now and then. I'm not consistently like you guys. - But I, yes, I kind of have to give people money. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, if they're willing to do it though, and they're willing to do that. - If you're doing a show twice a week to events, you'd get down to torture and retard, right? - I think I would. - Eventually, it goes there. It's about hours, about man hours. - And this is about America. This is what our forefathers imagined it. - Absolutely, dude. You gently-- - So it's working out the herd. - You need boots as tough as you are. Grab the best boots in the world with brunt workwear. We love them here at Legionist Gangs. I've honestly been wearing them for the best, 15 years. Brunt boots are amazing right out of the box. - You were ground level. - With, I mean, I was straight up at the fucking oceanic floor with this one. With no break in time required. You thought there was break in time? You're out of your fucking mind. The best part is-- - They feel great. They feel like old Paris thinkers that you've had for years. - If it was like your sneakers specifically, and I like that in a weird way, brunt. - It feels like an old pair of Lewis's sneakers. - It feels like, when you're stepping to brunt workwear, no, you're literally walking a mile in Lewis's shoes. Brunt lets you try your boots on the job. Wear them to work if they're not perfect. Send them back and we'll give you full refund. It's 100% risk-free trial. That's how confident Brunt is in these boots. - Yeah, I love them. I give them my son for Christmas. He loves them. I have two different pair of brunt work boots. Jay, you love yours. - He's been using them for hate crimes, though, your son. - That is true. - But I'll tell you what, every time he comes home, his feet feel fine. Like an old pair of his dad's sneakers made for kicking migrants. For a limited time, Legion of Skanks fans can get $10 off a brunt when you use the code Legion at checkout. Just head over to bruntworkwear, bruntworkwear.com, use the code Legion, and you're all good to go. I'll make sure you tell 'em we sent you one more time. That's bruntworkwear.com, code Legion. - All right, Skanks. Let's take a quick moment to thank GLD for supporting the show, GLD. Thank you. (audience cheering) Incredible jewelry at amazing prices. This is real gold in every single piece. Chains, pendants, watches, rings, anything you can name, you got it. I wear my Cuban links chain all the time. Tristan, I know you love the GLD piece that we got. You've been talking to me about it. You called me three times this week about it. - I did, honestly, I didn't expect to get a spinner chain from you. (audience laughing) But, I mean, boy, oh boy, is it real gold and boy, oh boy, is it pawnable? - Well, that was handmade right there in the old GLD custom shop, which you could check out too. Every GLD product comes with a lifetime warranty, so anyone you give it to is gonna have it forever you or someone a loved one, in fact. Work hard, change the game for a limited time. New customers are getting an insane deal. Use code SCANX to get 40% off at GLD.com. That's 40% off with code SCANX. GLD.com. How amazing is that deal? Check them out. Let them know to lead you to Skank's sent you and all right, let's get back into the show. So one of the things that I thought this was a great video for America is that a lot of tourists are coming to the United States and coming to New York for the World Cup. So they've heard horror stories about the United States. They've heard that they were the worst place on earth. Then they get here and they're like, oh, the US is pretty fucking cool. Not just New York. Now is that true? Are you just deciding that actually? It's like there's factual and then there's anecdotal and then there's Lewis's version. Lewis, we'll just say something crazy for sure, but this is real. It just hasn't made your algorithm at all. No, I don't have it. Oh, these are great. These have actually pretty like make you feel good. It's just everybody from every other country coming here being like, they lied. Like your chickens unbelievable. Pop eyes. There's one every 20 feet. I mean, African guy talking about a longhorn steakhouse. Like he was just treated like a king. Yeah, I don't. I would imagine that you're a sucks. I think you could just go to bush gardens and it's probably. Oh, yeah. There's funny ones of like there's ones. I don't know if we got any of those, but like people getting mad. Like they're kind of like shitty positive because they're going like, fuck you. Everything's air conditioned. Yeah. Like you guys get to sleep in air conditioning and not sweaty. I did see that. Yeah, I didn't know that they didn't have air conditioning in England in a lot of places. They don't. Yeah. Can we see some of these videos? Yes. Sure. Thanks. So first up, we have this guy. Oh, they have they all keep buying cowboy hats, which is great. Oh, he's loading. We don't need a Mexican. Thank God. Thank God. It's fucking subtitle. I'll do it. Another level to the UK in the UK, when you want to get served by someone in a shop or a restaurant, it feels like that they don't really want to be there. They don't really want to help you in the US. It's almost unrealistic how much these people want to help you. And this has happened everywhere I've been. Have you never got a track later? So intrigued by guns. I wanted to shoot them. Silly enough, I thought that you could just go to any gun shop and there's a shooting range. That's not the case, but they still let me hold the guns, talk to me about them, spend some time showing me around the shop. And they gave me a little patch to commemorate me just going to the shop, then getting the cowboy hat. Everyone was super friendly. The guy stayed with me for ages, fitting it. It's most handsome British person. It's impressive. It's incredible. And then the restaurants are another level as well. Alex, take a memo. Send this guy an invite to a jerk party. Also, he's describing like America, like it's like a six-year-old's first time at like an advanced playground area where he's just being like, "They let me touch the guns. I got to pet a giraffe." In my experience, at this point in my life, I've discovered that at any time that people are nice to you in a place, it's because they think you're mentally disabled. It's very, very possible. And you add a British accent into it. I mean, they probably thought this guy was, you know, a mother or something. By the way, this is the same enthusiasm that all the kids had before Michael Jackson made them like suckers. Imagine a guy comes into your story. You're just in Texas. And a guy comes, he's like, "Oh, what a hat. Oh, what a hat." You know, it's kind of like American. American hat. I want a big hat. And then they're like, "Oh, we've gotta let them take the bullets out, hand them the gun, let them play with it." Let them play with it for a little bit. I mean, it's not loaded. What you in town for there, friend? I'm a really big cup. It's a really big cup. I want to see soccer game with all the big guys. Football. Well, it's not football season yet. Well, it's a big football game. Football. The kick to kick football. Yeah. No, we have the Super Bowl here. Did I order that at Texas Roadhouse? No, you didn't. You got the chicken finger special, which is very good. It's crazy how they're like- If they give you everything for free, then you park so close to the mall. They're like obviously bragging about like, "Yo, I went to Texas Road." I'm like, "You got served by someone addicted to fentanyl." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They give them like biscuits at like a southern place. And he's like, "Oh boy, cookies." Right. But that's the point. That's how bad Australia and Africa and all those places are, that they're blown away by a lot. And they're not wrong. Do we have any more? Yeah. Go ahead, Alex. Australia is fine. No, you've been to Australia. Oh, damn. The weather here, if you've ever been to Bali, pictured the most perfect Bali temperature. This guy's in Florida. But not too hot and muggy. That's what this place is every hour of the day. America is just surprising me. I went to the mall. They go people in the bathroom, just like the bar with the little towels and everything. Fucking mall was that. I mean, and everyone here is fit. I haven't seen one of these persons. I know I'll be in part, so I'll be doing no days and be crazy out here. I got lots of bracelets and little dangly dingleys for me, belts. Oh, got me a lap that has lava in here. I went to this place called Spencer's Gifts. Have you heard of it? Apparently if I touch this magic ball, electricity goes to my hands. Oh, got another black ball that tells me what I should do. They give you three samples of sesame chicken right in the food call. What is funny about all this? You can buy a poster of Stacey Kebler right in the back. This is like, this is now people, they go viral for doing this. And now that it's just motivated by they want to have a video that gets, you know, 100 million fucking views or whatever. So now all these stupid foreigners are forced to suck America's dick, even though they're having a bad time here because they're such narcissists that they like, they're like, okay, I'm having a bad. Okay. Oh, I love the bathroom in McDonald's. You know what? It's got to be what you choose though. Whatever you're a hometown thing. If you watch, like I went to see, I'm like, are they doing it with Philly? Yeah. And it is like just like two, I think it's like British black dudes. And I'm just like way into it where they're like, you go to like the cheese stick plate, all the places you know, and they're like, even the British guys are like, oh, unbelievable. I'm like, right. It sucks that they don't have any games in Arizona because I like all of them to be arrested by ice. Yeah. Is they going to be Joe Arpeo's territory? Yeah. Oh, dude, Sheriff Joe throw them on pink. Yeah. Like ladies. They got to go to tent city immediately. Have you, do you know who that is? You would love that Joe Arpeo. Is he sure? Oh, yeah. In our hearts. Yes. Yes. That's the one of the Europe. Before I knew who he was, I got a grander scale. He's in the news all the time. Yeah. He would be on episodes of lock up raw because he had the jail and he ran the jail in Arizona. Maricopa. And they had, yeah, Maricopa. And they had the outside tent city. They put him in where it's fucking scolding hot and he makes them all wear pink. And this lunatic would go stand in the middle. I mean, they're walking all around. He goes, I'm making more pink like ladies, taking away the manhood. And they're all like, ain't that right boys? I'm like, yeah, Sheriff Joe, I'm like, what does this guy do when the cameras are off to? He's making a walk on electricity floors or something, man. Yeah, it's right now. We have five guys tethered to each other in a highway. But they're not wearing pink. That's by, that's by choice, though. That's like the difference between slavery and sharecropping. We didn't wear him pink. We treat him all like man. One of them is. Oh my god, dude. It's not totally dark yet. Oh god. Something's happening at Irving Plaza. Yes. You guys might get arrested. Oh my god. Could you imagine having them make this left? Yeah. They're like, hey, there's those Europeans that are having a good time here. It's amazing what they go to America. I tell you something. They fucking caught a rhythm. Come on. There's no shot. They're not all saying left, right, left, right. You know what? As I just said that, it really fell to pieces. They're dragging cerebral pals. Oh, wait a second. Maybe that's fair, but we untethered cerebral pals from gimmicks legs. Yeah. One of his legs came untethered. I thought they're all we walked in fairness. It looks because of that. It looks like gimmicks walking with cerebral palsy. I mean, there's no way they're doing this in 15 minutes. We got to make them do the pizza. They're about to get robbed on camera. Before they come back, we have a timer in the corner. We're about to hit 11 minutes. 11 minutes. Unless they sprint back here in perfect sleep. Oh, it's a burnicity. By the way, I still have the idea. We have one idea that we make them get five slices of pizza on paper plates and bring it back to us. And they have to hold the plate. They can't hold the pizza. The pizza's got to come back. We're making them go back out. Back out. We got to make them go back. Oh, I thought it was part of this one run. It's really funny. Pizza is so far away. You got to make it part of this. Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh, our camera guy fell. Yo, for sure, somebody said, gee, Mike just eat shit. Gee, Mike just ate shit. Filmed that, you dumb fuck. How did I film and Mike ass up in a fucking pile of garbage? This lady ain't having it. Is it if you go to New York City or the Royal just Street streets? Look how much fucking garbage is in this car. America is so great. You can just put your garbage all over the streets where people sleep. That was crazy. This isn't my sleeping garbage. The fuck is this off? Look, it's a recycling night. Do we have another video, Alex? Yeah, this next one is a Scottish woman. expressing her appreciation for Boston to the people of Boston just to say thank you honestly I've spent the last 24 hours trying a emotional won't lie English please that made a car excuse me if you could please stop speaking shrek directly at me people of Boston yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that looks like what's her name what's the comedian looks like let me let me guess they gave her a big hat and a gun nice thing that we are the experience and I made a copy of a promise growing up the American gene you know that I did and being filled on us that was not the American but I explained to you what is that she's like on the last order skipping could say something this is the absolute reason why I've never seen snatch or lock stock into smoking barrels I'm not watching subtitles for English fuck face I want to I don't everyone's like snatch is so good I go really because it sounds like it's me they have their own language that's called scots yeah and I found that when I was like a teenager because they're wikipedia they have different languages you can change the language and there's a scots wikipedia so if you can pull up an article on the scots language wikipedia it's it's crazy that they classified as another language it's just it's like klingon it was English spelled wrong it's just like I didn't went to the store to get the may you know it's like just in a range of knees they transliterate you know not but they're so indecisive for both is a retard it's like an amateur quartz stenographer just trying their best yeah yeah yeah makes me sick yeah as a touch that weed yet scots wikipedia it's a scots lead version of wikipedia what it was first is on 23rd June 2005 and first rack a thousand air tickles in February or 2006 and 5,000 air tickles in November 2010 yeah since June 2026 it has a boot certified I mean it's not I can read that I mean you're just an embassy wait go down there it got crazy towards the end there go but no no right there yeah and headby thongtum utrati eater sick leak wikipedia don't say that we're gonna summon him again sick as Maori wikipedia and bido juice bido juice yeah what's it but look is it since February 2008 the site has 2,200 articles and has been thought of okay now it's losing me a little bit other sick wikipedia such as the Maori wikipedia let's look at the Maori wikipedia that's funny what is it just tattoos you just see it's so much of huma all the articles are written on some guys face yeah god is just a DVD cover of moana yeah right so what what we're doing with them tonight because this is a team building exercise what we're actually doing is we're gonna let one of them what do we decide how we're doing it we're letting the them decide who the weakest link was and they're going to kick somebody off yes they're gonna vote for it they're gonna vote for it great are they secretly voting or are we gonna know both we got to know it well we have it set up so that they could think that they're secretly voting but we will in fact just be reading who's love it are beautiful can I tell them my original idea for this yeah because what I thought was instead of like the weakest link we know we find out who was like the team leader of the whole thing who like got everyone through it in person and then we eliminate that guy the inspiration I don't need that around me yeah you want someone stealing the limelight fuck off I don't know fucking energy man this black woman ain't having it you crazy as white boys tying yourself together she that lady's hair cut when she goes to the where she goes she goes give me the all hell oh man fucking CBS I'm coming a mile away I'll be so annoyed if I was in that target right now I wouldn't clock it that this was something Lewis was doing like fucking afford me whatever this is I'm on the black lady side is what I'm so that's very progressive of you know that's just how I feel dude it's in your heart yeah oh security is curious as fuck it's not the orange immediately I hope he gets arrested stealing that orange you know that's the sound of the man working on the chain oh don't you know that's the sound of the man why would they keep on showing up for this huh that's pretty far away that target I'll do it because I say some that girl who just walked away on the phone was definitely talking about it this guy got you see that guy do a deep move you think these black people are like you see how it feels to be chained together you see how it feels oh what's up white Django it's it's crazy how I know it's not it's not funny now is it yeah celebrate America that's what we feel like 400 years mother fuck I know you weren't doing this on Juneteen hey I'm talking to you little guy I'm looking mother fuck in the middle yeah yeah I think he's the bad guy from all God blessed giant mechanical spider damn dude you could probably convince people that cerebral pals not real like he's like a thing that they're doing a piece like a art piece with it's almost like he if he died they can weaken that Bernie's him yeah absolutely they're not sure he's not dead yeah he may have died on the steps yeah cerebral pals so much more tired than the rest of the skin really is they all look very tired I got to be honest we can't make him take the steps again for pizza it's like all my muscle pieces drift if not one person wants to look a lot call G Mike and tell him to get pizza while they're out five slices individual on paper plates they each have to hold once yeah they each have to hold one they can't touch the pizza with their fingers and the pizza cannot fall before you go back let me go how out of shape are these guys who go tired they like each one's dragging two other people so he said one slice each paper plate pizza you're in charge of bringing it back you can't touch the pizza with your hands you can't touch me to be your hands nurse Betty might quit and if you drop your pizza you're out if nurse Betty quits it's over if anybody quits it's over G Mike this party nurse Betty wants to quit which one's nurse Betty he knows somebody the one with the crutch deal he knows somebody already stole his other crutch so you want to be a fucking retard if they're really smart they would just go get this is the price to pay if you want to get me an ash tray every week so alright what if you want the honor of bringing me Diet Cokes you'll do it let's let's do some plugs real quick while they're getting this pizza we have a lot more show we have we we're gonna we have literally so much more show so let's do plugs cal down again what do you plug in my friend oh I'm gonna be doing some comedy shows them in Dallas coming up and then I'm in Baltimore and then I'm going to actually England in the Ireland and stock on very cool Caldinger dot com I'll be on tour from mid August till November I just said yes so the actual dates and shows aren't posted just take a look Google it maybe in a week I'll be somewhere I think Orlando was on there I'm excited about that oh yeah yeah Tristan Bowling you can see me September 3rd at the comedy cabin in Wisconsin and then just watch the other pods of new modern apes and I'll say this but you guys go get skankfest like a skankfest 10 the 10th one ever is happening November 13th through 15th in New Orleans the biggest investment we've ever done in fact Nick Mullin just today he told me that he wants to come out and do skankfest I love you which now it's not in shitty Vegas anymore yeah of course well if you mix 20 better I haven't gotten off for you yeah we'll see if Jay's gonna be there we'll see what happens but the I will see biggest lineup we've ever done our entire lives go to skankfest like I'm just gonna line up shut it to your credit for making it all possible you gotta get the cost to be this year I know you didn't want anybody to say anything well it'd be the biggest will it be the biggest lineup if I'm not there because they never made me an offer maybe maybe it will go to my website loseofskanks.com gonna for my tour the Rattlesby this tour I will be next weekend in Baltimore Maryland July 10th and 11th Denver Colorado the comedy works out never been there before July 24th 25th so come out to those then Lafayette Louisiana Lake Charles Louisiana Fort Lauderdale Florida and more go to my website grab those seconds subscribe to gas as you'll we do a bonus episode of the Legion Skanks every Friday night just the three of us and use the promo code LOS you save a couple bucks a month to get the uncensored ad free version of the show pre-release on all of our episodes in an on-demand library over 900 episodes deep Jake you Boy big J comedy. I come from my dates greatest yet for a live tour happening now art. We're coming soon put that artwork up Harrisburg sold that Friday Saturday. We had a show on Sunday. I think there's still some tickets for that Great outdoors festival. I don't know what I'm doing there. Exactly. I think a doctor filled live and then a showcase I don't even know why I said yes to this one being completely honest But I'll be there win a pick Richmond Virginia at the funny bone comedy club governors in levittown. That's right. I get to drive royal oak michigan coming all this 21st First time back at mark release in a long time Albany New York funny bone Virginia Beach and so much more Look for a sitting near you a big J comedy.com to punch up that live slash big J over sin. I'll give Bobby his money Uh, I believe Bobby owns part of that company and then oh, yes, Seattle first time in a long time is Emerald city coming Is that helium? I don't know who I'm asking I think it might be a helium comedy club for some reason. Denver. I'm coming back. What Listen to the bar and fire me and Bobby Kelly five days a week faction talk series XM 103 and of course story was right here on the gas digital network And then uh, yeah you too, whatever Hey, here's two plugs like a lunatic. Yeah, I don't know what to say. I don't know come see me live. That's the thing The interns have been gone 23 minutes Turn around so we we're not penalized, I mean, but they're they're getting us peach Can we go back to with the feed? What's the go home to feed? There we go Let's get under here some construction sites. That's good If they come back one last It should be fun to watch a street crossing They got to make the light. Oh, that's a red that's that is a red day Wait a second. What fucking pizza they walk into. I don't want some bullshit slice They look like that reservoir dog scene, but like Why does nutsack look blind? nutsack just take the sunglasses off. It's nighttime By the way, I will say this this walk started. It wasn't night yet When this walk started the sun was still out No, they're the thrillers. Yeah, that's fucking true. Ah, fuck you guys when you watch it back you'll see Oh, he says he franchise bullshit get out of there No dude no little pepperoni someone old-school pepperonis They were closer to Joe's when we said that though. I do. I don't know where they sit. Are they midtown? I think they took the path They're on Stan Island right now. I don't know what they what do they do? All right, so here's one of the other things we're doing next week. So We're we're bringing back the wheel of punishment specifically for the spring turns next week But we don't actually have the wheel of punishments feel that we wanted to start fresh and we figured we could Get you guys to chime in and give us a little bit of help to add some punishments to the wheel So is it a physical wheel? Lewis wait hang on Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. Jason. Wait Look at that girl's boobs Oh nice Hey, you want to hang out at our jerk party? Hey, you want to watch us masturbate with all of our friends. She's giving us a thumbs up She likes it. The thumbs up. Oh, she wants it. You love it. You love it. You work back. Oh my god It's probably watching because you're my god. You're dead. Love this show. You're dead And now he knows that we're all gonna whack off while you just sit there. Oh wait hold on Miss other girl of your other shoulder wants something. Oh, what you want a piece, dude? You fucking skis? Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna figure her. J. Hold on. Oh, right there. Ah, hey, wait Snow my ass That's gross My cash We had a terrible time. It's fine. They were They smiled. That means they wanted it. That was it. I'm so sorry ladies. That's Joe. That's Joe. Yeah, listen this never happens every episode every time. So sorry. We'll give you I'll give you whatever you want. I'll give you whatever you want. I'll bow down. We've got to start all I wish you had a cock so I could suck it. I would suck it up You know, we got to start all doing we got to go to comedy clubs deal We go hey when you get negative or stuff about me emails like send it We got to hear that. That's always the most fun segment. It's a good idea. Just say it's like send me the negative Oh, I get it. They email me directly usually. No, no, I definitely get directly, but I'm saying mail at my house Unfortunately the only one the clubs ever talked to me about was the comedy seller who didn't put it in a fucking book A burning cross in my yard Yeah, burger the burning the cross is the the tea in the word bag It's going across several other yards. Yeah, but just the final letter is on yours So Alex is in a physical wheeler is that a virtual one. It is a physical wheel with 10 slots. Oh nice So we got to figure out what are the things we should make these you know one of the things that we put on there We never put it on but I think we should put it on this one because because we were doing the wheel of punishment We kind of went a little light on it one of the best ideas that we had I thought was taking dried come Oh and grinding it into a powder and making somebody do a line or a bump a bump line a bump No dude. Oh look if we fucking compile our loads. It'll be a line. Sure. Yeah, I'll just I'm not gonna talk for your young man But Lewis of me and you just fucking go snort my batch for sure dude. It's a fucking it's a pinky nail Oh, yeah, but if we combine all of our loads You got Naples. Yes. We got a nice we got a fucking ray a Hollywood rail honestly like a real Kevin Spacey. Yeah So what we're gonna do is next we have another challenge and then they can order they have to essentially spin the wheel Apponagements and then if they do it they do it if they don't do it They failed it and they could you know have to or if they fail at it get the fill what if your asshole can't support it entire salmon Like God decided you're out of the context. Yeah But I will say that would be fun putting an umbrella in someone's ass and then opening it Absolutely, and if you don't do it you weren't meant to be in the contest. Yeah listen. I have subscribed to I subscribe way There's a guy's legs over this side of the umbrella guys I subscribe to Vinny Guadagnino's chest tattoo. I let go and I let God These guys still don't have the pizza. Oh my no way come on They're walking back and forth of a same block. There's no pizza this direction. This is across the street They're across the street. They're across from the club. They're literally passing by a methadone clinic Which is tell them to rent five tell them to rent five city bikes Risley goons from every two. I'm fucking hungry at this point Also do me a favor. Can somebody who's here already just tell them we'll take a pepperoni pizza for the table, please There's pizza here. There is. I was saying they could have just got it here and then separated the slices brought them all down to us I would have except they're not smart they're not gonna think of that dude But the more fun is gonna watch them desperately trying to hold on to a slice of pizza where they can't if they touch it with their thumb They're going home immediately Is someone monitoring that? Yeah, what am I gonna fucking eat that pizza where I might get cerebral palsy now? What am I a fucking in maniac dude? I'll go the way for comedy, but come on do that then you get the ported to Europe Listen Kyle, I'm not on prep it can happen to me. Yeah, dude. What do you think I prepared for this? Now look sure Age is no longer a descents sure They figured out the cocktail, but I don't want it. It's expensive. I heard it's expensive probably now that Martin Screly's involved Remember we had him on our show and we were just nice to him and Shane's the only one who called them on it Shane had the balls. We were like this guy's actually got a good point It's a fucking it's a capitalist market man. You can charge whatever you want for AIDS medicine They're so far from pizza Are they hailing a cab? Do we keep on coming back to them? They're like in front of the Sphinx? They're in front of the picture The waves in Hawaii statue liberty the fucking uh the the astronauts putting the American flag up on the moon What happened? What happened to pizzazz that we missed? They were already at a pizza place. Did you say if we stopped making a thing about G mic 8 shit and we just switched cameras What happened in the pizzazz They walked out of the pizzazz 30 seconds later. I took me a minute to figure out whether they had food in their hands They're not too individual slice. We don't serve your kind You don't serve no eight-armed spider people here I've never Did it was fucking mac? We don't serve no damn spider people here boy I've never met your condon. I'm terror. That's not a giant spider mark. I'm sorry. What are you guys? How do you know? Yeah, how'd you know? I've been tricked before goddamn it It took my son and my woman What are we doing? The cerebral palsy one is the have-mind brain in the center Dude, he is the beast. He's the fucking crying dude. He's quaddo That's quaddo dude. He's the brain coming out of the stomach. There's no way we're there at has a piece. It's a dark street What happened? We've sent him in the alphabet city. They're gonna get killed -Only daredevil can save you, son. Get out of there. -This is -- They're fucking five gang initiations waiting to happen. -Yo, kill anybody, son. -Yo, I fired my gun once and killed five people. Dude, if you shot in the side of hemorrhage's head, you'd hit 'em all. -Definitely in the Chris. -Oh, my God. Are they praying to the east? Is fucking one of the Muslims? Where do they stop for? -They have to have a pep talk. It's like the long walks. Even King's the long walk. Dude, there's a strong chance they end up just dragging fucking cerebral ball back. They fucking -- He just expires. -The literal crypts. -She might say that they're getting mad at each other out there. -We need audio. We need audio. -Why are we talking? -If they're mad at each other, we need audio. They look miserable. There's so much -- -The hemorrhage is over it. Whoever goes home tonight is gonna not be a fan of the show anymore. Whoever goes home tonight is gonna be like, "You'll fuck the Legion of Skate." They're gonna do other podcasts and do exposed A's. -Lewis is actually fucking not racist. -They will be funny if they all get jobs on the Drew Barry's watch show. -Oh, my God. -Can we ask them who they hate the most right now? Ask each one who they're angry at the most. -Who's the -- Ask them who the weakest link is, actually. -I think that answer's obvious. -No, no. They're the most angry at. -It's more invasive. -Maybe cerebral ball has been amazing moral support this entire time. -We can audio on them? -We can't hear them, but he's asking them right now. -No, my God. -Food on the camera filming them. -We want to be able to hear them. -Can we tell them face real quick? -This is great. -I want to talk to them now. -Zilly, look at that pizza. -Do they know where near pizza? -There's so many arcs away from pizza. -Are they there? -Now go. Who are you most angry at? -Self. -Myself. -What a heartthrob, dude. -You don't have to pick it up. -Okay. -The heart in his head can't always just say, "I'm glad you're tired. We have rich, rich. " -Nutsep, who are you most angry at? -I'm not sad. -Who are you most angry at? -I'm just sad. -Oh, they're all sweaty. -What do you say? -Luis is like the director in the Truman show. -Who do you say? -Now make the cripple guy come. -Okay. -He's most mad at him. -I'm not his pants. -Serriu Rapal, who are you most mad at? Besides God. -Serriu Rapal. -Who are you most mad at? -I'm all sweaty. -I'm all sweaty. -I'm all sweaty. -Okay. We're working as a team. -I'm all sweaty. [ Cheers and applause ] -Come on! What a good attitude. [ Cheers and applause ] -Dimic, who are you most angry at? -I agree. -Why? -Stay high. -Close and second, he has your arm. -Okay. -I wasn't sure I'd had a terrible fall on that. -Two votes for Hemmerge. By the way, Hemmerge has one set of loose limbs and his loose limbs aren't on a crutch. He actually almost has it best. Funny that everyone's angry at him. He is not happy with any. Hemmerge, who do you hate, the entire fucking crew? -Who are you angry at? -Target guy. I actually thought I was going to withdraw. -What do you say? -What do you say, what was I? -The target guy. But again, I said target guy, so you can fall big drunk. -Target guy. -He called Paul Drunk. -He deserves it. -Drunk. -God made his body drunk at birth. -Do whatever he wants. -He's genuinely offended about being called drunk. Like a British noble lady. You're eating shit for a podcast and you're like, "I'm not an alcoholic." Come on, I'm a respectable community member. -I don't have a job. I mean, I'm huffing glue in the middle of the park at 3am next to a child's birthday. -I'm considering doing a line of dried semen. -I want to reprobate that on this. -Oh, yeah, there to be through here. -Oh, wow. -They're arguing with people. Hold on, are they arguing with people? -Yeah, they all bind us mad at them. -Can we demand they cut the line? -Do nurse Betty looks better. -Oh, that's a cut the line. -You all got to get out. I'm the crazy one in here. -This is my treat. -Tell them to let somebody in front of them and then take it away. Let somebody go in front of them and then take their spot. -Do you want that? -That would change my mind. -Yes. -A black guy. -Perfect. -Cutting for that guy. -Show that guy. -All right, we'll come back. -No, show the guy. -You better hope they don't get to fight with the black guy. -For white dudes with a rope. -Try explaining that one, Legion of Skates. -You're talking about, yeah. -Oh, yeah. -Tell them to let somebody in front of them and cut the fucking line. -Cut somebody off aggressively and be like, "You're cool." -It makes Rima Paul say it. -Aaron knows he's low. -Guys, one of you pull your dick out and see if they have to arrest all of you for indecent exposure. -I swear to God on my life, I'll bail you out as fast as you can get bailed out. -Guys, first person on Megan's list, law. -If someone has to go to the bathroom, everyone has to go away. -Guys, I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist. It's not like I have three extra teeth. -All right, let's not come back to them in a minute. They're going to get pizza, which is great. We need more think. We need more ideas for the Wheel of Punishment. I said we put the snorling a bump of CUM. -Yes. -A Hollywood line. -Oh, how about getting fucked in your ass? You can fuck them. -I was thinking it's only similar. -Hey, gunpoint. You can fuck straight fish-hooking their cheeks and the fucking their fat. -By the way, it's a one and ten chance you get that. It could also just be blowing a gun. -We could also shoot a T-shirt cannon directly into your asshole. -That's one of them. -T-shirt cannon, but with a dildo in it, of course. -Of course. -What if we haven't tucked their junk and see who's the prettiest lady? -Yeah. -Like an order of prettiest lady. -Oh, wait, wait. That's not really a Wheel of Punishment because it'll only be one of them that has to do it. But I may be think, let's put an asterisk next to that as a possible contest. -But it put a prettiest lady if they tuck their dick and come dance for us on the stage. -I don't mind that, even a little. -Thank you. It's in the notes. -It's in the notes. -Yeah. -Is that a pepperoni pizza thank you, finally? Hey, remember, every day's a gift with those beautiful working legs. [ Laughter ] I think this is -- I -- it's zooming out from the bit. It's going to -- I would feel so -- if I were them coming downstairs to see you go full pizza. Steaming hot, fresh, fresh off the cold fog. -There's no paper plates. -There is no paper plates. -That's what makes the pizza. -Send them out to Target, get paper plates. [ Laughter ] -We don't want a pizza dumbass. -Wait, wait, wait. -It's for pizza. -You're watching the five of them walk, not touching the -- Make sure they know they cannot touch -- They can't touch the pizza with their hands. Just the plate. And no boxes. You hear me, whoever the fuck? Who is it? -I think it's Andrew. -Andrew? -They're in bags. Yeah, they're in bags. You're not -- no bags, sir. -No bags? -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. -No bags. Get plates. -Okay, here's a promise, man. -Just a Frankenstein walk back here. -They have to be cool. Everyone's got to be cool, man. -One of them is holding an orange. -If you're fucking thumb -- [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] -If you touch the pizza, it's over. -If the pizza touches the orange, I'm highly allergic. -No! [ Laughter ] -Who's got the orange? -How do you feel orange? -We're missing all the fun. -Oh! -Now they're touching it. -A new owner. -No, he's got to work a crutch. That thing's going to fall any second. -I like to order five full glad. -By the way, this is working so much better than I thought it was going to work. -This is great. -No. -Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. You know what? -Yeah. But I'm gonna consider these things. Great solutions, can't argue. - Yeah, smart. - He just mashed his to fucking. - He's holding it like a top. - He's like a top. - No, no, not smacked smart. Fucking dick face over there's put a thumbprint in somebody's pizza. By the way, our pizza's, by the way, that means who's that Lewis, you're fucking cerebral, Paul. - No way. - I'm getting gimmicked. - Oh no. - gimmicks fucking up too. You're lucky, Tristan, you're getting hemorrhages. Beautiful slice from a free hand. Alcoholic is touching his pizza. (audience laughs) - Which one? - It's on the pizza. - Yeah, it's thumb. - Nicholas, which one, please? - It's wrong. - The degenerate's wrong. - That's wrong. - It's on the pizza. - It's all over the pizza. - You're warning now, does he have to know? Let him, let him, let him, let him know that his thumb cannot touch the pizza. We're gonna give him a chance here. Take his thumb off that fucking pizza. - Pizza. - Don't do it with their hands on it. - The thumb can't touch the pizza. - No, no, he's not. - He's not. - It was. - It was. - It's not touch the pizza. - Yeah. (audience laughs) - That's too bad. - Bad acting time. Dude, hemorrhage looks like AI, dude. Dude, hemorrhage. Dude, hemorrhage is, he's gonna punch me directly in my face. He's so pissed. - Hey, guys, something, another can't hear us. He should be the first person we said, "Home immediately, make it downstairs." (audience laughs) Everyone was meant, two people were mad at you. - Well, no, they're gonna choose the weakest link. I think he might. - We have to do it, we have another wheel contest, yeah. - Yeah, of course. - Yeah. - So, any other wheel things that we can add, 'cause we're gonna be back 100 minute, we do have other things to get to. - You think that's gonna be a minute, do I get back? They're at least a hundred feet away. (audience laughs) - What if some has to breastfeed Sarlow Paul? - Is that a punishment? - For who? - I'm just throwing that out there. - Is it a punishment for me or the breast feeder? - I think the breast feeder, that's pleasure, and the punishment. - Okay. - All right, what about if they have to strip completely naked to sing the Star Spangled Banner in honor of America? - Oh, that's a good idea. (audience applauds) - Thank you. Thank you. - How about they strip each other naked while they sing it? - Lift their teeth. (audience applauds) - How about they use that? - You're all beautiful. - Could we use this technology where they have to look at their own ass? And then there's like a squirt gun or something on the other side of the room and they have to shoot themselves directly in the ass hole. - What if one has to be like an elaborate suicide? - Yeah, right, you have to look at your ass and it's behind you, the gun, and you have to control it somehow. - Real anti-obligation. - I'm just trying to think of a better use for all this stuff you got. - It's a lot of tech. We could do something with it. - Yeah. - What if during the Star Spangled Banner, one has to do it with their butt, lip sync it, real good. - Mm-hmm. - Do you know what I mean? - I vote cerebral Paul. - Okay. - What if God just blessed him with perfect ass? (audience laughing) - Just who feeling wise or? - No, no, just beautiful, just a plump rump. Turns out him walking like that is doing squats all day long. (audience laughing) - Darkness falls. - So why do you slice the pizza, man? And all went to pieces. - Okay. - I have grease on everything. - Did you get pizza on them? - I have a pizza sauce on everything on the table. - And he's freaking out. - Got to end the clean it and admit it worse. - Got to end when my fat thought was? - What? - I don't want to be tempted to eat their shitty pizza when it comes back. - Right, so I've told myself for the little small piece of pizza. And my Majaro guts, that's enough. - That's a full size of pizza to a Majaro guts. - It's a Majaro guts, that's it. I'm done for the day. - Yeah dude. - I'm gonna get near Majaro guts. - Fuck yeah dude, from my asshole he means. (audience laughing) - In the way of gay sex I mean. - That's the gay sex thing. - It's gonna be in my guts 'cause my asshole leads to the small intestine goes right to the colon. - Did you guys not go to school? - So the punishments have to be embarrassing, they have to be painful. - There's so much grease on my pants. Can someone get me club soda please? - You literally gave up pants for that's list of pizza. - My shorts. (audience laughing) - You almost go out of style every five years. - You're running up to the bar with your pants. - In your head, my son, he's sick. - My good George. - You can't have grease stains on your George. - Oh my God, finally, fucking Winona Ryder's daughter. - Thank you. (audience laughing) - I know, Patrick, thank you. - She was, I took James and his best friend to go see O's the mentalist and she was the waitress there. And then after we left they were like, "Yo, she was fucking hot." They were way in dude. My 13 year old son was like- - So now you have to fuck her to prove a point to your son that you're still a big dog. (audience laughing) That's right son. She's always gonna come with Papa. (audience laughing) - I'm always better, remember that James. (audience laughing) - I thought Club Soda does a thing. - There's a whole lot of- - There's a soda on your jeans. - Yes! - You gotta hold it on there, you can't wipe it. You gotta dab it. - You gotta blot it. - Blot. - Blot it. - Pour it all over your pants. - No more liquid. A lot. - You need a lot of it. - Just pour it on your pants. - Is this happening? (audience laughing) - Is this fucking happening dude? You do some of you now. - No, no. - You do you all do me. (audience laughing) - Then we do each other. Where are these dipshit? - You poured so little of this Club Soda on your pants. - Oh, that was too much. - That was way too much. (audience laughing) - It does look like you did your big time come to your pants. - Dude, I see five guys tied together on finishing. (audience laughing) - You should have sent them the five guys. That was been fun. That would have been fun for this. - It's a great bit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They've been like, oh, that's sending them back out. The employee said it would have made their night. - Are you available noon on Saturdays when we have our meetings, dude? - Yeah. (audience laughing) - Five guys. (audience laughing) - We said pizza for the last four or five days. - I have a half of punishment. They got to call their mom. I don't know what they got to say, but as a punishment, they got to call their mom. - And let us talk to her. - Yeah, say what they did tonight. - We tell their mom, we pretend to be a corner's office telling them that their son is dead. - Yeah, we call all their moms and tell them they're old. - But we let, we let-- - Ah, yeah, just miss fucking retarded ladies. (audience laughing) - Hello, Mrs. Nutsack. - Yeah, your son's, he's dead. - Your son died gay as hell. - Yeah, he's dead, he sucks. (audience laughing) - He's still been dead, shit. - Fuck you. No, it's a prank, happy fourth of July. (audience laughing) - So we have this real thing, any recommendation? - Hey, you got any other idea. We only came up with four. And one of them is, I don't think there's a fucking idea. - I don't think there's a fucking idea. - And one of them is, I don't think there's a fucking idea. - I've never snorted a guy's come. - I'd lose for whatever reason. Things that looks like cocaine when it dries out. - But if you scrape it, I would imagine-- - If you came on up plastic like a CD case and then scraped it, you could turn it into a powder. - I bet you would. - I'd turn black and like, it's like biological material. - No, I'm gonna be ill stay, uh, crystal-y white. - No, no chance. - You have a deal, turn black. - Slightly off subject, I over-did it with the water, so you know it's not come. I'd rather you think piss, assume that, and never talk to me about that. - I did that, in elementary school in third grade, I went to the urinal and I did that. - That's their appropriate age, not 48. (audience laughing) - I pissed all over the front of my shirt, and so then I'd soaked more of my shirt with water in the sink, and I'm like, the fucking sink went crazy. - You're like, oh my god, the plumbing in this old hunk of shit school, my brother. - And it did not work at all. I would have pointed me and laughed there, and I'm like, oh, you just pissed up. - You just reaped it, you pissed. - Oh my god, you pissed so much, you pissed your shirt. - You pissed all the way up your shirt. - I'm currently soaking a bit. - Yeah, yeah, I'm drowning in piss more now. - Maybe in an honor to Ari Shafir, a friend of the show. Maybe we have them drink a shot of one of our piss. - They've been through a lot tonight. - Oh, I saw this. - No, no, no, you thought I was just adding it on tonight? - Yeah. - I thought you were going to get back to have them drink your piss. (audience laughing) I know Kyle said he had to go to the bathroom early, but I don't think he really wants to piss in their mouth. He seems like a good guy. - You're adding a shot. Are you writing these down? I think adding a shot of our piss is a great wheel of punishment, punishment. - Well, you know what, I thought it was a bad idea, and I looked over at Alex, a woman, and she goes, I like it. (laughing) - The real Elaine Maxwell of this entire organization. - No shit, dude. She will absolutely help Lewis hide a hooker body. - For sure. - God bless her heart. - Should they have to eat a large volume of something rather than like calm or piss? - Or something gross. - Yeah. - Well, it's calm. - Come cookies still come, but maybe. - What about some liver? - You gotta get away from calm. You're right. - Yeah, I know more calm, for sure. - What about liverking type stuff like a heart or something? - Yeah, they should have to eat a heart. - Eat like a live squid, like old boy. - Yeah. - I said, yo, it's octopus at lunch. - Yeah. - A live octopus. - A live octopus. - Or a water balloon filled with gasoline. (laughing) Or an American flag. - Yeah, really? - You have to eat an American flag, and then shit it out without touching the ground. (laughing) - Can you have to do it at the tomb of the lost soldier? (laughing) We'll fly you to DC. - I mean, they're taking forever to come back. Where are they? - Oh, here it is. (cheering) (clapping) (singing) By the way, Hammer just came back to me. - Pizza looks sad. - It does. - Fucking limp dickheads. - Pizza pizza is like, "I'm sick of this game." (laughing) - Hey, you guys gave them 15 minutes for this and they're at 55 minutes. (cheering) - Wait, does gimmick have a tall boy? - Yes. - That's why the weakest link is gonna go home because they took 55 minutes. - You gotta talk boy, you gotta fucking talk boy. (cheering) - I give gimmick respect on that. You know what, it's a tall boy of immunity. (cheering) Whoever has the orange and the tall boy, you have to have both. (laughing) - All right, let's take a quick moment, Skanks, and thank Body Rain Coffee, my company for supporting the show. Body, thank you very, clapp it up for Body Rain Coffee. Thank you very much. You know, one guy in the corner, Jack fucking Diesel right now, huge cock, brain firing on all cylinders. Thanks to Body Rain Coffee, and thank you, sir, for supporting. It is premium freezer on Columbia Coffee. It's real coffee that we've combined, amazing to tropics and adaptogens that help you support your testosterone, naturally brain function, mood, overall. It makes you feel great. And Jay, I know you've been pouring Body Rain Coffee directly in your asshole for over a year at this point. - Absolutely. - Report your results. - I mean, look at me, dude. I've never been better. I'm faster, stronger, bigger, hornier, hairier. A whole bunch of other weird stuff, like kind of girl stuff that's happening to me. - We should in the end, we should cut to a training montage of Jay, like training like the Russian and Rocky IV. - If you could, please, yeah. - It's real technical shit. - But then instead of them putting mutals in him, he's pouring my coffee in his asshole. - I pour my coffee in my ass, and then I go, whatever he hits, he destroys. - Anyway, like you should try at go to BodyBrainCoffee.com right now. Use the promo code LOS20, save 20%. If you subscribe to get it every month, guess what, you're gonna get 20% off and you're gonna get free shipping for life. BodyBrainCoffee.com. Use that promo code LOS20 for 20% off. - Hey, real quick. Another one of our amazing spots over here, Legion of Skanks, and that is ultra pouches, everybody. Lip pouches are the best, but what if they were even better? Ultra pouches are trusted by top athletes, engineers, and of course, Skanks. They're designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus, they're nicotine-free, caffeine-free, and they keep you going with a blend of beneficial new tropics and vitamins. They get you focused and energized without the side effects. No dizziness, no stomach rumbles. Lewis, you swear by these. - I love 'em, dude. First of all, I want to look cool. Everyone does pouches, and I don't click an asshole 'cause I wouldn't pouch. I would never use the nicotine or the caffeine in a pouch. But these are great. They give you alpha-GBC, which is a really powerful new tropic plus B12, which I was taking independently anyway. They taste great as well. Lots of different flavors as well. I use the watermelon every single time. - I love these. - They're great. I know you love them too, trust me. - I put them under my foreskin. - Sure. - Wherever you can absorb. - It's the ultimate guilt-free pouch, and they deliver instant focus and mental clarity without the nicotine or the caffeine. And new customers can use the code Legion to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com, 15% off with code Legion. All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Rugeette for supporting the show. We want to talk about Rugeette Ready, which is a three-in-one formula built to fight ED from all angles with powerful ingredients, like saldena fill, taedala fill, and apomorphine, which dissolves under your tongue and works in just 50 minutes. You don't need a pause for water. It dissolves right under your tongue. And it saves active in your system for up to 36 hours. So if you want to go all night long, guess what? You were ready to go. - Unlike the gas station pills, they don't just focus on that blood flow. Yes, if your dick is wondering where to get some, don't worry, the Legion of Skanks have you covered. Our fans at the Legion of Skanks can get 20% off your order when you go to Rugeette.com/skanks. That's SK, ANKS, Skanks. R-U-G-I-E-T, Rugeette.com/skanks. Use that offer code, Skanks, and you're going to get 20% off. Your dick is going to appreciate it. - Well, I'm very excited to come back down here. We have a lot more to do. The Wheel of Pressions next week on the show is next week-- - So Wheel of Punishments. - Well, I'm sorry, Wheel of Punishments is next week also the Light Attackers. We don't know, maybe. We'll see what happens. We're getting down to the water. We need an honest person. We need a person that's good with teamwork, good team player. I mean, really, the whole job is getting our strengths for no money. - Speaking of, I've been needing, like, every time I look for their interns for a drink, I'm just like, fuck. It's been sucking this entire time. - I don't know how to do this. - There's only people, I feel like I can bully around. - If you get the Light Attacker, you need a Light Attacker Operator. And he should also be subject to rules and punishments. So, like, if you get a guy and he can lie, and the Light Attacker Operator doesn't figure it out, he's got to eat the cum or the-- (audience laughing) - That'd be Team Mike. - Team Team Team Mike. - But no, you need a real guy. You don't know how to fucking use what those mean. - I had to do, like, a 16-hour course online. - Yeah. It's like less than defensive driving. (audience laughing) You get to be on TV, you get going to go on, like, crime TV if you have that certification. - Mike, I understand you're proud that you went through the course, but the end thing is you eating cum here. - Yeah. (audience laughing) - Then we strap you to the Light Attacker, and we're like, did you like it? Like, oh, he's lying, you fag. - Yeah. - No, I'm not good at my job. I know, no lies are getting through. - Damn, dude, this guy's good at shots. - He's good. - He'll go down for a while, a year's now. - Yeah, he'll eat cum if he's wrong. - Yeah. - Oh, so this was already something you did prior. - Oh, many of you. - We've done it many, yeah, we've done it. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - We've all done it. - It's a fantastic, I'll tell you this. We bought it, and I completely in my mind bit. - Well, how do you know? Have you put the machine on him? Maybe he's fucking lying. - Yeah, oh, yeah. - We've all done it. - No, but we say, we-- - It's like, you know, if you join the police force, they make you tease each other. - Yeah. - So you hold it on yourself. - You have to jack each other off with a magazine. - What I would say, down to the, why, the true and false, it's very good on, but it's also nailed. Weirdly, it was like not sure. - Yeah. - Look at those interesting things. It was a little question where it was like, "Hey, I was like, dude, I don't fucking know." - Yeah. - I don't know. - Yeah. - Do you like the taste of cum? - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - Like-- - Hey! - Well, I like salt. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I like feta cheese, is that somewhere in the realm? - Uh, they're slowly coming down the stairs, it's crazy, what a long journey they missed the whole show. Great show so far tonight. You guys have a good time? You have a good time. What a show. - Oh yeah. - They're not at the steps yet. - They're slowly walking down the steps, slowly but surely, and we still have to get them to do the-- - Some reason I feel like it's harder to get cerebral pals down the steps. Dude, the rest of the show is about to be them hating on each other. - They are about to come down here and really uncork on each other. - They've had a lot of time to bond. - They did not build a team, cerebral pals, this is exciting, friends, everybody else hates everybody else except cerebral pals because they feel bad for him. - They went up way fast. - They're not putting in the effort that they started with. - I'll be honest with you, morale is down. - It's like when two roommates are trying to move out of an apartment together, you just hate each other, you're trying to move heavy furniture, you're just over fucking just being with each other. - All right, good luck with everything, man. On the new adventures, am I right? Good run. - I see the end of the caterpillar coming down the stairs. - I see the caboose, which is a guy with crutches going on without his-- he's leading with out his crutches, I think I just saw him fall. - It's so crazy seeing one still on the stairs and then one bending the corner. - Okay, so it was going on as well. So Hammer just furious because he could just walk normally, he's got a hand free and he's got a-- there's a frustration of being held back by four retards. There's so sweaty, did you guys get the parm cheese I asked for? - I hope he got me my fucking-- the joint dropped on the floor, somebody's got a free joint, it's on the floor. No, that's Kyle's-- Kyle, you got to take-- you don't have to eat it, he's got to take it. - That's Nick right there, gimmick. - And thanks for getting a beer. - So we will Paul do that thing as busted off. - So we will Paul's bookers coming out of his nose, I'll get in my camera. This is crazy. Oh my god, he's got actual-- I got my knee in the pizza with bookers coming out of your nose. - Oh, he's like four. - Oh my god, I can't-- oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, here, oh, he's real golf. - Dude, what? Don't get your bookers, Namby, stop yelling at him, he's retarded. - I'm tired, I'm tired of fucking two idiots here. - Stay here, stay here, stay here, stay here, that's a booker. - Make one of them eat the bookers. - I'll eat the bookers on your shoulder, dude. - That's the booker of immunity. - Who has the orange immunity? - Yeah, you get immunity if you eat the bookers. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, dude, nurse Betty threw the orange immunity, he didn't want anyone to have it. - What? - He threw it. - Eat the booker of immunity. - Nobody's immune. - There's an orange of immunity right behind you, sir. - Who? - Who? - Po! Po! - Who? - Who? - Just kidding, I give it to Po. - He's my side. - He gave it to Po and then. than you're keeping it. - Yo, you get immunity if you fucking suck. Cerebral Paul's a bugger away. I wanted a way so bad. - Can somebody wipe his bugger? Oh, don't touch me. Don't touch me, just wipe it. Ah. He looks like he's in so much pain. Cerebral Paul. - No, are you okay? - Yeah, okay. - You want to save him for that? - It's a lot of work. - Specifically for you. - So I'm gonna throw that away forever. - That's like you're so sweaty. - I'm dragging these two everywhere. - Why don't you say that for the funerous thing? - Yo, yo, let's say I had a Cerebral Paul'sy guy and a guy with a bad fucking wheel. Or either side. - I hate to say it but my pizza's cold-fell is. (audience laughing) - Oh, unedible. - Unedible. - You know what, helpful, barm cheese. - Little barm cheese. - So here's what we're gonna do now. Like this was an exercise in teamwork. You guys are all going to in secret. You're gonna vote who you felt as if was the weakest link off the show right now. That person's going home today. You're gonna all do it. How they, Alex, you have a way of doing it? They're gonna write it down. You have papers, thank you. So they're gonna do that in secret. So you guys have to think about who the weakest link on the team was. No, you're not untying them. - They're gonna see what each other writes then. - Yeah. - I guess you're gonna untie them. (audience laughing) - Guys, give it up for these spring turns. Working their ass off. (audience applauding) - Reat last. - This has been, we've never done, we've never been this hard on the spring turns. - Never. - This has been an insane contest so far. I think we energized, put new life into the contest. I'm excited. One of these guys might die during this. (audience laughing) During this. (laughing) - Jake. - Guys, the pizza is really good. - The grease. - The grease. (audience laughing) - Why is there so much grease? - He tried to just take, he was like, I just want one pepperoni and the entire slice came up. (laughing) He's like, well, it's not up to me at this point. - There we go, it's going right there. - I had no choice in the matter. - Yeah, oh my god. - Monjaro is losing the battle tonight. (audience laughing) - They're trying themselves. - Monjaro, we ride. - Yeah. - They're going to be in secret voting one of their brethren off. Somebody's going home today. Here it is. So they're gonna go up and vote. Thank you very much. (audience laughing) Oh, he's being, his legs are being tied. We tied the legs too, that's hilarious. And by the way, we fucking let you have only one leg tied. - You know, you're gonna complain? And you're gonna complain? - I just said I was tied. - Oh, okay. - You're gonna pull my life so hard. - Let me come on. - When did, thank you. - Thanks a lot. - I have one leg sending. - Yeah, there we go. - Cassie, where are we at Red Bulls? - I have the Red Bulls. - Yes. - Right by his dick. - Yeah, ooh, the new lemon one. It is warm as fuck, by the way. (audience laughing) - Room 10. - There we go, this is the Red Bulls. - That's awesome. - It's like zero. Ooh, look at this. Vanilla, he's Vanilla Barry. Sugar free, let me do it. - Okay, hello. - This is nice. I do like all the new flavors of Red Bull that have been coming out. - So you find their cancer? - All right, now we're gonna have to vote. - All right, everyone's gonna be voting. We're sending somebody home today. What an amazing competition right now here. (audience applauding) - Secret ballot. Nobody has to feel bad about who they're voting for because it doesn't matter. We're not gonna know that's the point of Secret ballot. - I mean, obviously, Nurse Betty has immunity. So I wouldn't waste your vote on Nurse Betty. - The orange is alive. - The orange is still alive. - The orange is alive and well, my friend. (audience laughing) - What'd you say? - You get it the orange. - Yeah, yeah, that's the one. - So then, one of the guys goes to his house and then catches a shit. If somebody catches turd in their hands, is that now the fucking turd of immunity? - Right now. - That's what I think it's nightmare. - gimmick is trying to beat up. - It feels my turd, Nurse Betty. - We're gonna answer this very serious question I just asked. - Ain't honorary turd thief entering my house. - Does the guys turd after the orange now become the turd of immunity? - The New York City shat burglar. (audience laughing) Oh, they're both eating it. They're all eating it. This is psychotic. They're turning into animals. They're all eating the orange. - I hate to tell you, but it'll be the peel of immunity. It's the orange peel of it. - Interesting that their shackles maintain their civility. (audience laughing) - It's strange allegory for the history of the United States. I'm gonna read too much into it. - As long as that we're talking about our favorite thing. - Say something happened in 1860. - Well, this is our fourth, you put in, say that. - I wouldn't, no one would. - So that is your favorite part of American egg? - Rounding back to that question. - Rahoba's beach, if I had to do it. (audience laughing) - This is insanity. They've turned into animals. I'll let you, you can't all split the orange. - Oh, this girl wants to spin with her titties again. She's coming back for more. Hell yeah, what's up girl? - I think her and another girl are over it. - They hate us. - Oh, you like it. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. - Oh yeah, that was that guy. Oh, that's the guy's wiener. There's the wiener. Look at this guy's wiener. (audience laughing) - Wiener. - There we go. - The ballots are in. All right. So, but let me just say this. Before we do this, if they ripped up the orange the shreds and multiple people ate it, you're not all of you. I mean, none of you are immune. - I mean, from a cold probably this week. - None of them, none of them are immune. - So, or this is a retard because they spelled hemorrhage. Way wrong. - They spelled the way wrong, that's okay. - They wrote H-E-N-R-I-G-E. - H-E-N-R-G. - H-E-N-R-G. - They didn't realize that it's hemorrhage. - Yeah, it's actually in Scots. (audience laughing) - Apologies. - I thought everybody knows how to spell hemorrhage from that fuel song. - We got one vote for hemorrhage and we said it was gonna be a secret ballot. We lied. We were keeping track of who voted for hemorrhage. - And this was gimmick. gimmick voted for hemorrhage. - All right. - Wow, where's my thing? - I got the next one. - Michael Jordan. - I don't know what the votes for, but this is Cerebral Paul. (audience laughing) Oh, Wingding Johnny. - So Cerebral Paul is one vote for hemorrhage. - I think there's a P in there and maybe a V. - Spev? - Did you just do a prop bit? (laughing) - Yes. (laughing) - Yes, those I did. (laughing) - You set that up, it's so funny. (laughing) - That's not really his vote. - I mean, you let it sit for a minute. - Yeah. - Where he goes, he goes, "That is one good fit." - But we're gonna see his actual one and it's gonna be that crazy. - Probably in my face. - That's why I was so happy when the first one. - You were so recent for it. - When the first one was gimmick, I was like, "Let me do it now before the next one ends up being hemorrhage." - You just probably hit. - We did one vote for gimmick. - Ooh, the weakest link. And actually, you know what? Get a microphone over there 'cause I wanna ask them why they thought this. The person who voted for gimmick, the person who voted for gimmick was Nurse Betty. - Nurse Betty, why do you write like that? - Yeah, Nurse Betty's got shitty handwriting. Would you write with your foot? - It's just not, it says, it says, "Gumd." - Can your nurse Betty molly graph guy do handwriting analysis as well? - That's a serial killer. - See, I have that in his bag of tricks. That's a serial eater, I think. - Oh my god, it's the zodiac. - Nurse Betty, why did you think gimmick was the weakest link tonight? - You said it was a thing about teamwork. I just felt like there was a good amount of complaining from someone if I had the bit. - Nurse Betty is drenched in sweat. - But gimmick carried the Red Bulls arguably. - Do you think they had the Red Bulls? That will hold so many things. - Biggest team player. - Our next vote is for Nurse Betty. Nurse Betty has. - Mr. False Positivity. - He is, he is, and the person who made that vote was hemorrhage, hemorrhage voted for Nurse Betty. Wow, it's simple. He stole the orange while he was ordering the pizza, so I just figured that wasn't good teamwork. - Yeah, yeah. - He stole the orange while he ordered the pizza. - And then nobody has the orange now. (laughing) - This is insane. - All right. Now here's a fuel fan. Hemorrhage, another vote for hemorrhage. - Two votes for hemorrhage. Hemorrhage could be going home tonight. - No, a little more correctly by Nutsac. - Nutsac, wow, Nutsac. Why did you say your hemorrhage is the. - 'Cause he loves fuel and puddle. - He was supposed to lead us. He was shitty leader. He had no rhythm. He was tied to an able body and I had two fucking dissing. I thought he had a fucking advantage, and I built him off. He's a pussy. (audience laughing) - Wow. - Wow, okay. - A lot of balls. (audience laughing) - It says Betty, and it looked like it was a real struggle to get those words out. (audience laughing) And this was obviously from Cerebral Paul. Cerebral Paul, why, come over here. Why did you vote? - I think you're gonna make him the only one who's to come up here. (audience laughing) Why for Nurse Betty? (audience applauding) - I voted Betty because he tried to steal the orange. (audience laughing) In the pizza shop, which was fucked up when we were trying to work as a team. Now tell us about how surprised you are that America is great, and you're the only one. (audience laughing) - America is great. - Long live Detroit. - Yeah, USA. USA. - USA. - That's what this contest is all about. It's about this beautiful country, 250th anniversary. So here's the, we have two votes for Nurse Betty and two votes for Hammeridge. - Those are the bottom two. How do we do a sudden death? I say we do head to head, head to head. Head to head, ladies and gentlemen. Head to head, will of impressions. - We're adding so many elements to this. - I got to do a spot, I'm devastated. I want to see who. - Well, we hope we're the whole thing. - The impression we're all for you, dude. - What? - I got to make a spot, shit. We're doing impressions now? - Yeah. - Well, you get to judge other people's really shitty impressions. - Okay, Kyle, you didn't even eat your pizza. - Five minutes. - Kyle, we'll make you quick. - Come on, yeah, you sit down, you eat, with your family, come on. You're too fast, you built your life too busy. - I might have to walk on the middle of it, but. - It's okay, that's all right. So we're gonna nurse Betty, you're up here first. Get up here. Guys, give it up for Nurse Betty. (audience cheering) And we're gonna have you read, hold on. Not yet, it's up reading over my shoulder. We're gonna have you a monologue to read, but we're gonna give you an impression. And also, in action, on top of the impression, double wheel of impressions. We've never done this before. So, Alex, are we gonna spin the double wheel? All right, give him the microphone. You have to be able to go with the bit and have fun. - Yeah. - So we're gonna, we have two. So again, so click the one wheel again. One wheel, and then click the other wheel. You gotta do it one at a time. So you're gonna do, hold on. So the message to the owner, hold on. (audience clapping) So let's just hold on, while, while, this is fun. - Your. - While, your, what is ice mean? Ice is gonna remove you from the country. Ice down is back. Okay, we're gonna put ice down is back. We're gonna have the ice prepared for this since we knew we were doing this. - I don't know, we didn't melted by you. - I don't even know. - No, this is really surprising. - Well, they should have known we were starting it. - Yeah. - So you're gonna do an impression of Sylvester Stallone. - Well, I speak-- - I like that it's-- - A black guy, and then a Chinese person. (laughing) - Right. Either good, be good. - Any gender on Chinese. - We got it. There's a hierarchy here. How much we disrespect you? (laughing) - Ladies and gentlemen. - Ladies and gentlemen. - Nurse Betty. Dude, Sylvester Stallone. Well, I speak, put down his back. Oh yeah, for your model on, that's right. Here you go. - From American History X. (laughing) - Sylvester Stallone. - Hey, you just fucked up the wrong ball. Come here, eh? You should have learned your place on the fucking basketball court, but your fucking monkeys never heard the message. (laughing) - My father gave me that truck, you motherfucker. You ever shoot at a fire where you come and you shoot at my family? Are you going to teach you a lesson, motherfucker? Put your fucking mouth on the car. Put it on the car right now. That's it. Now say good night. - Oh wow, yes, Nurse Betty. (audience cheering) Nurse Betty. I mean Kyle, it was like he was in the room with us. - Pretty good, very good passion. - Yeah, it was great. - All right, let's go with hemorrhage. - Hemorrhage is the one you roll a black guy. It's the other side of that model. (laughing) - That was imperfect. - All right, we're gonna go, let's see. (audience applauding) Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken Wilde. (laughing) - Drinking hot sauce. (audience applauding) - Don't worry, they got gas hot sauce. - It's a gas hot. Chalula, is that even hot, you fucking idiots? - This is egg hot sauce, you nitwits. (laughing) Literally, it's not even slightly hot. It's just gonna be good. - This is to start your day delicious hot sauce. (laughing) - Yeah, like, if I was just like feeling a little sexy, I would just put this on my like a little dual bum. Like it. - Yeah, it is. - It's delicious, I want some. - Yeah. - I wish majority wasn't stopping me from having another piece of hot sauce pizza. - Yeah dude. - It's not stopping you, you're gonna have one. I see it already. Your bum, he can't open it up because his fingers are too greasy. (laughing) - It's because it's like an amount of the perforation. - I thought the hot sauce would be for his eyes. - For his eyes. - Yes. (laughing) - I'll put in my eyes. - That's why I got the mild one. I don't want to hurt the guy. - No, that's a great point, gee Mike. - That's some stebo shit. - Oh, could we do it? You getting like a pile driver's ex-position? We poured in your ass hole. (laughing) - I mean, you're a nurse, is that okay? - Jake gave it to me. - For the like- - Oh my god, you're so crazy dude. - I just want to be safe from drinking the whole bottle. - It was a combination of the pizza-grace. - Wait, shut up. - Yeah! (cheering) - And your pink nail polish. - Nick brought up a good point. Chugging most of the bottle. - That would be bad. I feel like that would put me in the hospital. I think putting it in your eyes is probably safer. - Really? - No, I think chugging chaloo is the answer. - Yes. - No, definitely having it put into your eyeballs. (laughing) - We're just sitting on like a fucking parking cone. - That's true. - But I was like, we should just spit another action. - You already took a plastic off. - He should have had to take the plastic off with his ass. - That would be, that would take a while. - Yeah. (laughing) - What? - Black strip. - What are you gonna wax it? - You're gonna wax his legs. - Oh, you can, yeah, you can. - Can we do one half of your mustache? - No, no, no. (cheering and applause) - No, no. (cheering and applause) - I'll say let me say this, let me say this. If you right now did one half of your mustache, no matter how bad your impression is, I'm putting you in the third of the next round. (cheering and applause) - This mustache is his whole thing. - I mean, it's one half of your mustache or one full eyebrow. - Or how about Hitler mustache? We leave you with a regular Hitler mustache. (cheering and applause) - You can do that mustache. - Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. - Guys, you gotta have your chair. - There's gotta be a little more context to a Hitler chant. - Yeah, we gotta. (laughing) We gotta really sign the piece of ears on that. (laughing) - A lot of context wrap around that. - Yeah, yeah, dot the eyes across the teeth. (laughing) - I say we have, we spit a different action 'cause that one, it's not even hot hot sauce. - I went through so much to open the couch for me now. - I think, I really wanted to. - One more time for Kyle Donner. Well, you wanna see the impression? We got one more minute, but. (cheering and applause) - How are you, the man? (cheering and applause) - He doesn't even have a spot. He has to pee. (cheering and applause) - He had to pee from the beginning. - Here it is. Hot sauce again. - Ice is full of shit. - Oh, spit it again. (cheering and applause) - Venus touch. - Venus touch. - Venus touch. - He is the pinnacle. - He is touch. - All the Venus touch. - The pinnacle. - The finest touch. - Venus touch. - The finest touch. - Venus touch. - The finest touch. - The finest touch. - Venus touch. - We don't want hot sauce. - Venus touch. - Venus touch. - Venus touch. - Venus touch. - That's it. Okay, you can do what I said. - Yeah, sure. - All right, Christopher Walken, reading a monologue from Jango Enchained. - What? - Which happens in the movie? - He's upside down. Remember when the guy touches his penis? He's upside down. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It does happen. - Yeah, yeah. - Is that the scene you have down here? - I don't think it's the-- - So it's both Venus touch and headstand. (cheering and applause) You have to do the scene from fucking the movie. - There's a sweet neapolitan ice cream of circumstance. - Yeah, right. - All right, ready? All right, somebody gonna hold the-- - Well, I'll hold his life if you wanna hold his penis the way you should. - No, no, we're gonna hold the monologue for him. You gotta do the thing like when Walton Goggins says like, I don't like bad boy. You know what I'm seeing where I'm talking about it? - You're supposed to. - And he touches Jamie Foxx. - Yeah, you gotta do that, too. - All right, do your headstand, come on. - All right. - Somebody hold the microphone. - There you go. (laughing) - She goes, I wanna hear what he has to say. (laughing and laughing) - Hemorrhage doing-- - He's challenging a white guy upside down. Django's speech against his will. Remember, you have to hold the paper upside down. Oh, we weren't talking of business yet. We were discussing my curiosity, bright boy. Moghi tells me you were looking over my stomach. Some were looking for a spacer's voice. And he was none too impressed. See, if you want to buy a beat ass from me, beat us one. Those are the beat asss. I don't want to sell. Got a job. And I don't sell. Well, gentlemen, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. Yeah, all right. One more time. Yay. I would drink some of that hot sauce real quick if I were you. Get some points, dude. Get some points. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He's trucking it. You have to truck it. That's insane. Oh, you backwashed in it. No, I can't have any. Oh, he's going more. Wow. Wow. Very cool. I love this, guys. This is great. Look, the waitress. The waitress is bored with her antics. She's like this sucks. This is the spicy a shot they have at the bar. The spicy a shot they have at the bar. What is it? The bar made it. Here you come and cayenne. Enjoy the sludge, my friend. Yeah, you don't throw up it. Don't throw up in my hood. God, try some of it and then give something to Nurse Betty too. Nurse Betty, be a man. Take a shot of it. No, you shouldn't have played it better now. Nurse Betty's not going to want to take it. How bad is it? It's not great. It's not great. It kind of makes me wish I said that. Nurse Betty, shoot the whole thing. Shoot the alert. Nurse Betty, Betty, Betty. Damn, it does look like the end of an 80s movie. This is crazy. We got to go to our votes right now. I say we go to the audience. Well, tell me who will go home tonight. What? I'm if you'll go home. One people, one person will go home tonight. One people, one people, one person will go home. If it was two, we would just send them home. I was going to say, well, how would you say it? Because they all voted. Oh, this is two and two, yeah, so we're going to go with the audience. And we're going to vote for who you want to go home. If you think hemorrhage should go home tonight, clap your hands. Damn, dude, people are so mean. They're very mean. If you think Nurse Betty should go home, clap your hands. Hemorrhage, you want a valiant fight, my friend, you're going home. Fifth place in the Legion of Stakes. A round of applause for Hemorrhage. Doing the damn thing. What a show. What a show. What a show. One more time for Kyle Dunn again. He hears it in spirit. The great Nick Mullen, everyone. The great Nick Mullen. Thank you guys for hanging out with the Legion of Skanks. We'll catch you later this week in the Fire Night Hang. Until then, peace. You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J Okerson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Big with three scenes. You have to be fucking over, Lewis. Lewis Gomez, Lewis J Gomez, Lewis J Gomez. You're trying to watch a retard draw, swastika, it's hilarious. I'm sort of done as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian Tristan Bowling. The Legion of Skanks podcast. [Music]