Nick Kroll 2.0

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my standup comedy tour, Ricky's on the loose and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, DC, Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA or Houston, Texas. My tickets are for sale now at Rick Glassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to Rick Glassman.com/tour, sign it from an email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up, Rick, seriously. What are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show, the show, the show, the show. That was fun. He's great. I know. He's so funny, man. He's like cool funny to me. Don Michael, you can keep that into the Patreon to be talking about. I just think Nick is so cool and funny. He's like the kind of guy that I would want to, like if I were moving to a new school or if I was just still in my school and didn't have many friends, that would be one of the guys would be like, man, I really want to be friends with that guy. Anyway, he just left. Nick Kroll so funny. Enjoy the episode. It's up, John Michael. Could you see you play it? Hey, how's it going? How's it going? Come on, dude. You're regular at this point. You know what I mean? I know the couch is, this blanket was washed. You might still be warm. Just try it. No dog hair? No dog hair. I didn't even put the dog upstairs. Yeah. I had the dog walk in the streets. How did you kick me? I heard you sell your dog for sex on the streets. You put out your dog. You see your dog on the streets. See how this is going to go. I see how this is going to go. Fuck with glass, man. Yeah, talking about his dog and stuff. Yeah. Hit him where it hurts. Hit him with the only thing he can show true love to. Now you're talking about the way I was raised. I absolutely am. Speaking of raised, my god has a massive cock. Really? Yeah. Oh, a mazzel. And it's a little chihuahua. I think he gets it from his father. Really? Back to me. The pug. We think he's hard-pugged. Really? Yeah. His mom's a chihuahua and we think his dad is joy. And you think his dad had a big. Well, I mean, you didn't get it from his mom. Oh, yeah. He gave it to his mom, though. Do I have to wear these? No. Not only if we call up somebody who will do a re-action. I'm going to just re-check text the whole time, okay? The only thing I don't want you to do too much of, it's tuna in music. Yeah. Oh, buddy, you got to pay thousands of dollars for the rights of that. What was the. What have you paid the most rights for? Have you paid out anything? Like on this show, have you ever paid for anything, making this show? Headphones, my thing wasn't plugged in. What did you say? Could you fix this? Of course, I'm talking about my dog yet he still has a huge cock. All right. In case you want to put your little Celsius or whatever other muscle drinks that you got. Yeah, I've got a pallet of muscle milks that I've had in my trunk for about probably eight years now. So if you're looking for any of that, I know that you have a new show involving animals. So I don't want to sound like too much of a sheep, but that sounds like a bad idea. Meeting season available now on Netflix. Is this thing on? This episode is sponsored by Mars Men. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts at mengoedumars.com. That's mengoedumars.com. That's incredible. For 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Supporter show, please, and let them know who sent you. This episode is sponsored by Factor. Be a red factor. Oh, Factor is fantastic. Well, you know, you could head to Factor Meals.com/Tyso50Off and use code Tyso50Off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscriptions only. So if you've already had a subscription, you could do this, but don't try and steal those free things while supplies last until the next time September 27th, 2026. See website for details. See website for restrictions. See details. See details for websites. See website for more details. There you go. I'm coming to your city practicing my hour to film my special. If you want to see it and you're in Washington, DC at the end of June, come get some tickets. July, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio and Montreal, Canada. In August, I am going to the UK into Europe. I'm going to be in Edinburgh, Scotland for the French festival in August, Amsterdam, August 17th, Dublin, Ireland on the 21st, and then I'm going to be in London from the 24th through the 29th September Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, Philadelphia, PA in October. I'm going to be in Houston, Texas, Tacoma, Washington, and Salt Lake City. I pushed it back a week originally. It was going to be the weekend before, but now I am November 13th and 14th four shows Salt Lake City tickets at Rick Glassman.com. Amsterdam and Dublin tickets should be up in a few days. Edinburgh should be up. I believe next week. All right. Yeah, we are, yeah, we're in it. I just noticed a nice little like what seems to be like a bit of a booger stain on the corner of my. Hey, man, every, every guest that walks in, I put a booger somewhere. You know where to hide him. He gets when you see Rick, he goes, Hey, come here, give me a good to see you, man. Thanks for doing the pod and he gives you a little squeeze right in the back of that right here. And are you always wearing hats? Better. I got this hat the other day and I'm loving it. And I just feel like it, like, it doesn't quite give me baseball. Like, you know when, when, when, when it does not, when people chew gum, they get a little more confident. Mm-hmm. So baseball players are a lot of confidence. Sure, sure. People because of big league chew. Mainly just because of big league chew. There's a certain level of confidence that a man has when he chooses big league chew. Do you remember when you first set sure didn't it give you a sense of confidence? Absolutely. And now every time you chew gum, do you not have a little bit of confidence? A little bit, but it doesn't feel like that those big league chew, those early days, you know. Right. Everything was possible. That's what we're chasing. Exactly. Well, I'm sorry. So you're, so you're, you're, you think of baseball players are confident. They wear Perry Winkle hats that were just baseball caps. Yeah. I mean, sort of. I don't know if I'd associate baseball with that. Is that Henry's brother, right? Henry Winkle. Yeah. Henry Winkle. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking Perry Winkle. Yes. Henry Winkle, Henry Winkler's cousin is Perry Winkle. Did he change his name to soundless Jewish like you? Yeah. Exactly. Did you do that? What was a Krollman? Krollman? Oh, no, it was no Kroll Kidman. Oh, I see how this podcast is gonna grow. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Like a pug. Like a pug. It grows. We do a lot of penis stuff in post-production. Yeah. No, I'm aware. I'm aware. So if you could just bring down the girth for me, sure, can I still be Wayne? I'm gonna be Frank. Okay. Can I still be Garth? Let's keep it all in. Yeah. If you need to take that call or text message, I don't want to, I don't want to interrupt. It's Kevin Neelan. Oh. And I asked him not every time he came over, I don't mean to have a surprise guest, but he was going to he was going to maybe come over at the end and do a stand-up set for us. Oh, I love Kevin Neelan. I always love Kevin Neelan and I love his stand-up. But in my favorite stand-up, Kevin Neelan is in a living room. I've never even seen it. Oh, it's great. What have you seen him do? Oh, I've seen a bunch of his, you haven't seen any of his living room stuff? I've seen him in a living room. Yeah. But not performing like a set on a hike or whatever. He's famously gone and done podcasts on hikes and stuff like that. But no, his stand-up and the living room stuff is great. It's like TIG level classic. TIG is the girl whose name is the only word that gets spells backwards, right? Yes. Yes. TIG is always and has always been described as a girl. Wait. What did I say? You You said that? And bra. but the point was more about that Git spells take backwards. Of course. Oh, okay. Of course. That's what I know. I see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's get it out. Let's get it out. Did Sandler give you the sweatshirt or is that yours? Bill Lambeard? Oh, is that a, yeah. So it's funny that you bring that up. I have a little Kevin Neelan story. Sure. You probably think it's stupid. Yeah. I think it probably is. So we can move on to the next thing. Yeah. This is no heating. Then no. Adam Sandler and I give this to him. Okay. What's the next subject? Well, I brought a couple of notes. No, no, no. I can now tell me your Kevin Neelan story. It's okay. I'm trying to be a little, a little less conversation, a little more action, please. Oh, look at the last time you were here. I put these checks in there. Remember? Oh, yeah. What's your, what's your favorite Madagascar movie? I don't really feel like any of them made me that angry. You're talking about gas cars? Yeah. If I'm mad at them. Are you mad at gas cars? Yeah. This, I don't remember them. You don't, you don't remember? I don't remember if I've even seen any of the Madagascar movies. But do you remember any of the gas cars that you were mad at? I remember being mad in a gas car. Okay. It's why I started driving, driving hybrid electrics. Do you ever like to get high in a hybrid? That's what I say to my, my kitchen when I'm making a sandwich. Yeah. Hybrid. Hybrid. I have been high in a hybrid. I've never have had gas in a gas car. Yes. Have you ever have you had gas in a gas? Yeah. Have you had gas in a gas car? Yeah. Have you farted? Have you farted it up a gas car? A gas gasoline car? I'll give you three guesses. Yes. I feel okay. Sorry. You'd want one. Okay. What was it? Yeah. You did it. Haven't you? I've had gas everywhere. Right? Yeah. What about have you, um, have you ever, have you ever done an electric shave in a, like, a electric car? Have you ever done a, I don't even eat in my car. You don't need, you don't do anything in your car. I didn't say that. Why are you rubbing your hands like that? Oh, nothing. I just, yes, there are some things I'll do in a gas car and a hybrid electric, but shaving is it one of them? Yeah. You ever get mad in a gas car? Honestly, if you haven't gotten mad in a gas car and you haven't farted in a gas, gas in a gas car, you're either a redneck or you've never been in a gas car. If you might be a man in a gas car. Okay. All right. I would like to get into it shortly. This is just a little warm up. Sure. Is there something you need? Just some, like, headphone awards. I don't know if the people that make them have any left. Oh, okay. Most innovative video podcast. For in 25, are they all from 25 or are they different? They're all from 25. Also on two Emmys, but they haven't webbies, but they haven't come in the media. Both of them, they will, they both go up. Buddy, I was thinking about putting a shelf behind the gas just a whole bunch of my trophies. Great. But I don't know if I get afforded that much wood. So mating season, a fan favorite of the podcast, Lisa Gilroy, I understand is in an episode. Yes. I've watched the first two episodes. Okay. I didn't even, I didn't even know about it until I found you were coming over and they said it and looking up, it's top 10 on Netflix. Yes. It's fantastic. I've only seen episodes. Why? Well, why don't I know about it? Is that the state of the world now? It's the state of the world and it's a real problem and it's why I'm here, Rick. Would you have for change your name to Nick? You wouldn't change your name to Nick. Not back. No, I was originally a Nick. Nick Glassman. Nicholas. Nicholas. Yeah. And you changed it to Rick. Richard from Nicholas. Correct. Okay. I just thought Nicholas is such a stupid name. I couldn't agree more. I've never really gone by Nicholas. I was Nicky for a long time. Have you ever dressed up as Santa? Yeah. Well, then yes, you have. No. I was Santa. I wasn't Saint Nicholas. I was being paid by the Mountain Dew Corporation. What was the gig? It's awesome. Do the do. You were doing do the do. Yeah. And you got to do your dress up as Santa? Yeah. I believe you. Well, what year was that? It was 2003. I was like trying to find acting work in New York and a commercial agent put me on to it. And it was, it was, it was do the do. Can you, can you do the do? And it was like a Santa hairstyling kind of thing. It was more of like a collaboration with Barbizon. There it is. Jesus Christ. There it is. There I am. Fuck. Oh, I can't read it. I'm not wearing my glasses. Do the do is that's holy shit. Yeah. Did you get a picture of me? No, honestly, I've been doing more. Wait, so how did, what's crazy here is that I just mentioned 2003 in New York, Mountain Dew, and Rick somehow without even pulling out his phone, finds an image from me. No, that's a drawing. You drew that. Yeah. Jesus. I thought you were just an amazing podcast innovator video. Most innovative video pod. But I didn't know that that you could also do. I feel a lot of creatives are able to draw freehand that it looks like a photo. Yeah. I just, you know, who I draw all day is Deadpool. Truly right now. I'm just trying Deadpool over and over. Yeah. That's a cool one. Yeah. What's your favorite Deadpool comic in storyline? I have no idea. My son is Indium because he's not allowed to see it. And so he's the central obsession. Is that because of all the shit that's that came out about? What's his name? Vanderbelt. Vanderbelt. Vander. Van Wilder. All this stuff that came out of Ryan Reynolds. What about Ryan Reynolds? Didn't hear what he's gay. What? Look on. We put the camera down for this first thing. I'm Ryan Reynolds. That's gay. What? Yeah. You could put the camera back up. I thought I had a sneeze or something. Are you serious? Sorry. I just had the sneeze. Oh. Okay. And that's why you don't want your son to watch this stuff. Oh, the death. So right now he's just like, he's like draw Deadpool, draw green Deadpool, purple Deadpool. He just wants to know all the different colors. I don't know. There was so many different Deadpool. There aren't. But if you just type in Google, there's a green lantern. There's green, well, there's a green lantern Deadpool mashup that's some like, you know, Norwegian girl did because Ryan Reynolds. Wait, hold on. Yeah. McComb Ford. Just put it down for a second. I think we have to sneeze again. I don't want to have to. He was a free guy, right? Yes. I'm sweaty and he did other proposal to. Okay. So we could say. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Speed. Speed. No, everything's good. Sorry. How many frames per second is that? What's the? 2997. 2997. That's a speed. That's around the speed. Are we speeding? Yeah, we're speeding. Okay. Cool. But yes. So, you know, whatever we were saying, I am now completing that. Well, you're so, I'm going to start calling you Mr. Congeniality. Oh, thanks, man. Because okay, I remember I was saying about Sharon Osborne, right? I genuinely am blanking on the woman who you're talking about's name right now. I remember it now. You do? You got it? It's the same. Yes. Okay. I'm inside. I'm inside. I'm inside. Okay. Center boy who is believe it. The star of Harvey Blindside. When in movie blindside, which I think was an important story to tell, I really do. What I got out of it the most was that my computer, but I got out of it the most was when you go and you buy new clothes and you try something out of the store, you're never going to love it as much as you love it there. So if you put something on, that's what she said in the movie. Uh-huh. In the movie. So when I put something on, if I'm like, oh, yeah, I definitely want this, I don't get it. And there's some things I'm like, I like the idea. Sure, sure. Yeah. You know, you know who gets it? It's Dan Levy. That's what. Like, he'll try something on a store and think it looks great and get it. Well, he also, he also wears a lot of, I feel like what he is able to wear is a lot more broad than others because he still could dress like a 14 year old skateboarder. Yeah. Or an 18 year old black basketball player. Uh-huh. Never the other way around. Is that a conscious choice? I don't know, but you're dressed. like if Sandler fucked Nealin. It's funny that you say that, but you wouldn't know why, because you don't want to hear my story. I do know when I hear your story. You know, I've been, people have been calling me, let's say, that I dress like Sandler for, that's a thing that people have said to me for a long time. Yeah. But only in the past few years have I, do I believe that when people say it, now they're saying it like not necessarily that it's cool, but it's not an insult anymore. It used to be an insult, and now it's like we've accepted comfort as king. Yes. And that's why I sleep on a helix mattress. Go to helixleap.com/tyso to get up to 20% off all mattress orders. You could take a sleep quiz. Let them know if you're not comfortable sleeping on your back or your stomach. You'll be firm. It'll be not so firm. They'll send it to you. Do you believe this? A 20 day money back guarantee. What? I'm joking. That would be great though, right? It's not 20 days. It's a hundred. It's a hundred. It's a hundred. You get honestly, you could sleep on the mattress for three months. Return it. They come. They pick it up from your place. They say no questions asked. Personally, I think you should let them know what's going on. If it's like, you don't like them, but whatever. I like them from where. Anyway, I'll tell them more about it later in the episode. Tell me when we're not rolling. Oh, you mean like, you want me to stop doing Molly because we're filming everything. Come back. A hundred bullets. A hundred bullets. All right, man. But that's that was that really was the beauty of the blind side. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming over. Yeah. Thanks for having me. Thanks for getting rid of your dog. Thank you for getting rid of your dog hair. Last time, I don't mean there's a blanket statement. You've only been here once, but when you were here, you did say keep the dog. It's funny. It'll be funny or if I puff, but you don't really puff. You just went like this a whole bunch. Yeah, but that was in that was like in theory. I was like, oh, it'll be funny if I have an allergic reaction while we're sitting here like doing it. And then afterwards, I just felt like, oh, I just it wasn't funny that I was having allergic reaction. I just became more and more uncomfortable. It reminds me of the story Kevin James once told me about on the set of Hitch will want it to actually have a he doesn't have a shellfish allergy, but he has allergies where that happens and you want it. I think it's apples. And they want to do it with like insurance and blah, blah, blah, but he got a better performance on where do you feel it's best to be authentic in a performance when it requires something of you that might make you lose your faculties. A simple example might be ever in your life. If you ever had to do like a marijuana or drink a a bud light or something. Yeah. I mean, you know, when the script calls for a bud light, you know, I'm putting on my hand. Because look, I love, I love to get loose. I love to party and I love America. And in no particular order. If I had a guess, it would, I would say America first. Yeah. You love to dance was one of them, right? I do love to dance. Was that one of the three? No, but I do love to dance. You could fold it in. I tell me them again. I love to party. I love America party. I was thinking dance. Yeah. I need all the drink. And I love to have a drink. All right. So first is America, obviously. Then it's a drink and let me tell you why. Because they know a party like party. If you end up bud light. So stop. All right. If you guys want any bud light, you can hit the website, Tyso bud light dot com slash Tyso. Yep. For 10% off. And by 10% off, I mean, the amount of clothes you're going to take off before hooking up with us, someone. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to think of an action and then you get 100, 100 day guarantee back. That's he looks sleep, which, which have a bud light. Fucking dude. I shouldn't put the camera down for a second. Put this on for a second. I am now that I've been posting a lot more clips. So I've been getting recognized. Sure. And when girls see the guys recognize for whatever reason, it makes them a little more interested. So there's been a lot of girls that were coming over for a while. I was going soft constantly. Then I got a helix mattress. When I tell you rock hard, I'm talking, I'm not talking Dwayne. No, you're talking rock. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm fucking these cars like Dwayne Wayne, like Kadeem Harneson from a different. Yes, but harder. Okay. These girls are coming over and so many of these girls are honestly thinking, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? It's really a tribute to the helix mattress. You can put it back to hub now. Question. If this were, if you were 25 years old, but today, and podcasting exists, but you are what you were attracted to as a comedian as a 25 year old comedian. Okay. And you come over to this podcast. You don't know who I am. You're not worried for your safety. But you're like, oh, yeah, I've heard of that. I don't want to know what I'm sure I'll do it. I'm promoting, you know, my new show, a mating season. At 25, I've got my own animated show that I'm that I've created. And that's what's unbelievable. But so far, yes. You didn't believe in yourself when you were 25. I believe very much. Well, I believe in myself, but I, but I was very far away from creating like an animated television show. When was your first thing where you're like, oh, okay, where it would be close to? Well, I thought you were saying, which is like, if I were 25, this is what I would be, this is what I'd be with this is what I'd be doing. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Like, I'd be like, I was like, toying away at like weird sketch shows on stage or, or, and then making the occasion like short film that took like months to make that this would have been much more fun to fucking talk shit. Like, like with no research, no effort done except watching two episodes of some guys show. Fucking, I mean, I sit around. I wasn't planning on interviewing you. Right. That's my point. You don't even have to do that. I wasn't that's not what this is. Right. I know. It's just something that you want to promote. Promote it. Yeah. Well, I want to talk about being 25. Same. And you're making it into your, your, your, your being passive aggressive. Yeah. I'm being more straight aggressive than passive aggressive. I think I'm sort of coming. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, man. It's passive. Oh, and you might want to check the back of your, the inside back of your shirt. There might be a booger there from when you walk. Oh, man, I got, that's aggressive. I got glass, man. So 25 years old. Did you think, what do you think you were going to be doing to 25? I mean, I had been doing this podcast for two, three years at that point. So how old are you now? I'll be 30 in the summer. Okay. That actually makes sense. Thank you. Yes. Put on the, okay. You're, you're not actually 30 or yet. Okay. He didn't put the thing down to me, but I'm done. Are we done talking about this? I think we're done. Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Yeah. But you're still on earth. You're still, you're not 30. Because I was told that this podcast would be like young, free young people. Yeah. So I was asking you 25. Okay. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I'm not 25. I just think if you were to, I think that you would enjoy being around me. I, I am projecting that based on the what you smile at and what you laugh at and what you look away from. When you were 25 years old, I think you would have gotten along. You would have enjoyed me more. I agree. Yeah. Well, it's not, I don't want to bring that up up. Why, this is what I want to talk about. I wanted to like do an impression where you could pretend like you're enjoying yourself. Okay. But not the sexual way. Let's make it seem like it had happened organically. I don't know what you mean. I really don't. Anyway, and that's honestly was my favorite part about the still magnolious. So I'm going to come clean. Okay. Uh, because I just got an SDD show. And I did that with function health. You go to functionhealth.com/tyso. Yeah. If you want to fucking jack off into a cup and freeze it for a long time, that's crazy that you just said that because I did, did Ray talk, did I tell you about my frozen come? No. I froze come in two different places. Yeah. Two different locations. One was an online thing and you mailed it in and the other one was a physical location. Okay. And I emailed one of them today, I'm like, Hey, is my come still, like you're gonna let me know before I have to renew my come. And how did readers digest respond to getting your frozen, your frozen come? Now, if this were an improv scene, which it is. But time out, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll see if I could get on your page. Readers digest was, they thought it was admirable because a lot of women are freezing their eggs. And not enough men are freezing their come. Right. So great, great technical improv scene. I'm gonna fault myself on that. The joke I wanted to make was that you're like, I just froze it, put it in the mail, sent it off. But it's like you were just sending it off to like random places. I accidentally send it to a reader's digest instead of the cryobank. Yeah, exactly. factly. Say it again. Yeah. And how did it feel when reader? No, that's thing. But I was like, readers, I just was the is the it's such a weird reference that I got you. Okay. What did and what did readers digest think when they received it? Well, I am anxious to find out, but there is an article coming out in three weeks. And I don't know if it's about the modality or ability of my come. Or it's about the fact that that guy who's been putting out a lot of clips recently, who's getting hard on Helix mattresses is really like really sending everyone is low. Oh, that's awesome. There is a guy genuinely an article I read in like the New York post, I don't know, 10 years ago about like a tall Jewish guy who was literally going to the like Starbucks bathrooms and like jerking off into cups and giving people his seed like on the day. And like people were taking his sperm and impregnating himself. And he's got like 14 children around him. Is that the Vince Vaughan movie delivery man, where he plays the UPS driver? Oh, that's what that was about. But it's a different guy, but same, same premise. But I think there's room for two of those movies. Your money, baby. It's true. Your money, baby. Come on, baby. You're so money. I can't believe that people could do impressions. Yeah. What do you mean? That was an impression. Yeah, that's just because we have a similar cadence, baby. Yeah. Do you know what to impressions? I could do a little swathe so they go perfect. I'm Christopher Wacken. Awesome. I'm Batman. Another home run. Speaking of home, er, you sound exactly like Homer. Oh, meadow. I watched a lot of Simpsons in Korean. No Latin America. Sony in their day month. Why? I was like living living in Argentina back in the day. And they were just, you know, you'd have like no cable. And they would just play. Oh, meadow, like the Simpsons in Spanish. You know, the Simpsons in Spanish is Omeo. Oh, meadow. Homeiro. Oh, meadow. But and so fun to think about differently, how different languages people think dumb people sound. Hmm? I'm not going to expand up on that case. I'm going to get myself a glass of water. You want one? Yeah. Give me glass, man. Now I wish you were like a beautiful bikini lady who then smiled and was missing a tooth. Can I have one of those? Would you like a whole one or a glass? I was going to give you all of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle glass of water. You got a whole one if you're going to finish it, but if you're not going to finish it. No, I hear you. I'll, I'll, I'll take it, which Michael, which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is that? You got a red or any Michelangelo. Okay. Assisting Chapel. Dude, never forget. What? First day. Now you got to rub that cat's head like that little bald man. One of those two words over there. Those real awards. Uh-oh. Night night. I think those are for his traumatic. Yeah. I'm a dramatic actor. I was in a series called as we see it. Oh, that's right. We're in by Jason Cadams. And it's a beautiful show about three young adults living on the spectrum in independence, but with each other with a little bit of assistance. And despite 98, 97% of Rotten Tomatoes and Critics score, the powers of B said that nobody's interested in hearing stories about just people who aren't getting sucked and fucked. And yet love on the spectrum is one of the most important, I can't suck in fact. You think that show would do as well if it was people with on the spectrum playing pickleball? I have a really, I have a really watched love on the spectrum people who just talked about what are they, they can't suck the fuck down. I can't suck that fun. Okay. Yeah, there's, I mean this this is there's one girl. She's a cartoonist and she's she broke up with somebody because he wasn't sucking and fucking her. Do you want me to put the camera down her? We're good. John Michael don't use that take on the oh shit happens a lot actually. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but oh man, I'm sick and tired of being open to my fridge and just seeing nothing there, but girls phone numbers. Jim when I'm sick and tired of is opening up your fridge and seeing all the girls phone numbers that are in there and then just loose ingredients. I'm like can someone please put together a meal into something that I could just slide in the microwave and eat. You know, it made me think of a girl next store because his name is a meal. Hersh. Hersh makes me think of Hershey Candy. Girl next store, Hershey Candy instead of just that, why don't we think a girl inside? Okay. And like, oh, hey, Rick, I really want to skew off, but the problem is, I don't know, I haven't had enough to eat today. Do you have anything that's healthy? Has a lot of options, restaurant quality. I'm like, I'm sorry, what did you say? I'm too busy staring at your big fat milk jokes. That's the old me. The new me knows that factor meals is built around your goals, whether that's weight loss, overall nutrition, more protein. Also, let me say this because the jokes aside, I know not every girl has big boobs that, you know, it's interested in me. Some of my small boobs and they're not interested in me. Those two things are mutually exclusive. I would not say they're impossible because they can't have big boobs and small boobs and like me and not like me. Right. But I'm saying like the fact that they would have larger parts of their bodies, it doesn't mean that they like you or not like you. Those two are not connected. Traditionally, women with larger breasts find me more physically appealing. So you can, we tried the chicken breasts and factors. Brilliant. Unbelievable. You know, it has my mom. Since I started working with factor, I think it's been at least a year now. My mom gets between three and five meals every week. She loves them. So happy. Head to factor meals.com/tyso50off and use code. Tyso50 off to get 50% off in free daily greens per box. Obviously with new subscriptions only. Right. While supplies last until September 26th. So it's over 27th. You're giving you an extra day. 2026 see what see website for more details for more details and restrictions. This episode of Sponsored by BetterHelp. Are you in therapy? Yeah. And I have used therapy. You definitely need someone to talk to to work stuff out in all the times. But these troubling times, it really helps like when you're stressed out. All I'm saying is I don't care who you suck and who you just don't use my bathroom is the old me. But the new me who's in therapy constantly is thinking this huh. I wonder why I'm so bothered by XYZ. Correct. And then I realized oh it's because those are the letters at the end of the alphabet. Correct. And those and they're very bothersome. Like trying. But why? Because it's signaling the end of something and you don't like you have separation anxiety at times. And when you're like, it's why I bring my dog everywhere. Right. If the alphabet is ending, then what comes next? We don't know. And so you need to talk. I know my ABCs. But next time won't you use therapy? The truth is I've learned patterns of my behavior that otherwise I never knew these things exist. So now when I'm triggered or I'm feeling bad, I have the tools to question why sometimes I still go to therapy just to vent to my therapist. And then I still learn a thing or two or remind it about the tools I've used. But if you want to do it from the comfort of your home, just go to BetterHelp and they'll fix you up. And you don't have to be on this journey alone, find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off. Better use your own words, comm slash Tyso. I love when you speak from the heart. Thank you. That's better help. HLP, HLP dot com slash Tyso. 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Now, you could get it with Mars men. You could also get your zinc, your boron, and more. Rick, I bet this shit is made in Bangladesh and it's not third party tested. You'd be wrong on two accounts. Not that there's anything wrong with Bangladesh. Unless there is, I don't know anything. But what I do know is that this is made in the United States and it's third party tested. That I know. You got yourself a 90 day money back guarantee. And for a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life. Plus free shipping and three gifts at mengo2mars.com. I mean, bro, that's mengo2mars.com for 50% off and three gifts when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. But if you don't want to tell them our show sent you, and you just want to be like, "Hey man, I'm anonymous. Give me my, give me my Mars men," and I ain't saying squat. And don't, dude, and don't. This episode is sponsored by Revolve Man. You've probably heard of Revolve Women if you're a woman probably because it's a hot shopping network. I know, I mean, before Revolve Men even came to me, I didn't know that they did men's clothes. I knew of this app. I know people that use it. Oh, yeah. Wow. They do do men's clothes. Yeah. And I've been buying stuff on it. Well, not about it, I used it just to like, to better understand how it works. But now like, it's kind of a thing I go to. I like clothes. I got into clothes a couple of years ago. There's certain brands I like. Revolve gets new stuff all the time. You could say it's constantly changing, like, and adding to their inventory. Free two-day shipping. I've been ordering stuff from them where like, oh, I like this. I don't like this. Where the idea is almost like trying it on. So like, I don't feel bad if I'm ordering stuff just to try on. Hey, John Michael, who is the Revolve Man? Think of it as a place, guys who care about how they look go to shop. It's pretty simple. So if you're looking for something to wear for a big night out, a wedding, a trip, or you just need something last minute that actually works, believe me, Revolve Man has it. Go to revolve.com/taiso to shop and use code "taiso" for 15% off your order. Free two-day shipping, which is awesome. Easier returns. Awesome. You just try stuff on. It just makes everything easier. Revolve.com/taiso and use code "taiso" for 15% off your entire order. Offer and soon do not sleep on it. Yeah. No, I don't think as many people would watch, you know, pick a ball on the spectrum. Oh, I, yeah. No, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want to say that either. Although once you introduce these characters now, oh, once you get to know the character, I mean, that's like, you know, that's yours was actually, there's a spin-off, Frazier. Yeah. And it's a completely different show. But wait, oh, I didn't, that's where Frazier started was on cheers. Frazier was a character on cheers. A lot of people don't know this, but even Mark from Mork and Mindy, he was on something, something else. He was an alien in perfect strangers or something. Yeah, I think that's exactly right. Don't. Some older show. Yeah. I'm trying to think, I feel like they spun him off fucking happy days, but I don't think it might have been. No, that wouldn't have been happy days, but it was something like Maud. Who knows? Maud be Arthur. Sure. Which is what my mom said that I could do when questioning I could be any Halloween costume as long as I have a heavy sword. You could be Arthur. Yeah. She said I could be Arthur. You could be Arthur. Yeah. And you were like, okay, I didn't understand what she meant at the time. Sure. Sure. Well, shit, you're only, you're 30. So you would have missed, you would have only caught golden girls like in, in real life. I watched, I watched golden girls and, and sex in the city and fresh prints and sopranos a lot, but, but like after it came out. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the, those are the four you think of. Those are the four. Those are the ones that we watch the most. Golden girls. It's really funny. It's very funny. Golden girls is legitimately very funny. Yes. But, Be Arthur's mom, I don't remember her name. Still getty. Um, it always, I know is the mother in, in, um, and stop her, my mom will sure. Sure. It always is wonderful. It always, it's like, when you watch, it's like, you know, she's actually the youngest of the four. She's the youngest. And it just goes to show you when you know something, you see it the way you know it. But the only truth that we have is that we don't know anything. Right. Henry Winkler said that. Yeah. No, he said that, uh, buying a cashmere for the next sweater. Yeah. Maybe he doesn't, what happened with him and Perry, like Perry wanted to be an actor. Yeah. I feel like the fans could help him. I mean, what I was told was that his brother was and is gay and his, it was the 70s. So like, it was, there was just a much more limited runway for someone like that. Did you use runway as a, like a pun? Just as, no, as like a, as a way to explain becoming an actor, like what, what the runway, how did you, like, project runway? Oh, so you, and you would associate that with like gay men or straight women or gay women. Uh-huh. I don't know. Like gay men and straight women. I know. Andre. Did you ever watch project? I watched the first few seasons. Uh, yes. I watched some seasons. I don't remember where I went. And there's a guy did a great accent version of Tim Gunn. Let's get to that. Carry on. Carry on. Carry on. Carry on. Make it work. Make it work. Make it work. And that's what my, you can make the noise as you do. Look, next, watch me. But that was on a bit of a done. That was on a bit of a done. That's just like casually playing tennis with a friend. Now, tennis on the spectrum, I think I would rather watch over pickleball on the spectrum. I think so. It feels more like a spectrum sport. Are you, are you on the spectrum? It's on your business. But you talked about it publicly when you made the show to justify it, didn't you? Or did you not justify it as a real? I didn't make the show. I know. But you were on it, right? I was on it. Did you feel the responsibility to say that you were on the spectrum? The representation was quite the opposite. In fact, I spoke with them about my discomfort of wanting to, not wanting to be a spokesperson for something that I was only then learning something about. Sure. I felt a bit uncomfortable about working on that show and making friends with this community and meeting so many more people who truly are so different. I became more comfortable, not necessarily speaking publicly about something, but accepting something that has offered so much insight into how and why I, but right now, much it's affected my communication and then not only how I could communicate, but how I could ask others to shouldn't get better with me, for sure. And then a while I wasn't talking about it because I felt myself in a situation where I'm selling people on something that I don't feel as an identity and I didn't want to make something. I'm like, well, you don't know about this and you don't know about this. And when I was a child, this and I've adapted to this way and it's like, and it became blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then people point out, oh, you're talking about that. Like people say, oh, that class one's always talking about playing with LeBron. Yes, I know. I brought it up again. But I played with it. And sometimes it comes up and people ask about it, or I'm on a podcast and I'm not a sh*t. And I just, I'm not saying, like, yes, I know that's not the interesting thing about me. Sure. Yeah. I guess that was my question. Hi. Thank you. I want to make sure that you're still on focus. Do you look into the camera? Thanks. Did I get it right? You're a funny little sh*t. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, little f*ckers. I don't remember if I've seen a little f*ckers. Which one is that? I think it's the third one. And you being real coy right now. I was just, I might have been young doctor and little f*ckers. Is that ever gotten you back when you were single a little bit up? I mean, I mean, dinner. Oh, dude. What was it like in the 90s? Was it? Was it like for the three years where you were famous before you got married? What was it like? Let me guess. You don't remember? Yeah. It was really absolutely and deeply beyond on heavy amounts of oxy-cotton. Oh. Not oxy. No, oxy. Do you know what oxy-cotton is? Oxy-codone or oxy-cotton? No, oxy-cotton. I do know what it is. Batman, you may have a movie about it. Yeah. Yeah. And also, I understand it makes it, I've actually had it some before. Yeah. And it makes it harder to poop. Exactly. And that sort of, that was kind of what the movie was really about. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. That's the Christian Bale one. Chris Randall is a fucking genius. You like him? You like his stuff? let me do what he does best, you like him, inception. Yeah. Oh, shit. I never, uh, never understood that movie. Uh, on a, on a scale of one to 10, guess what I gave it. What? Oh, I 10 it. Is that your favorite of his movie? I haven't seen it. Here, the bloopers are good. Yeah. The end of the DVD, the end of them just improvising and just making each other break. When I go to movies, uh, I will almost always say to the person next to me, and the credits are going with if they're getting up, I go, I'm telling you, stay for the bloopers. Um, like me sometimes, I think they like me most of the time most last movie that you saw in the movie theater. Maybe Project Hill, Mary with as my dad calls him Ryan Goosling. Really? Yeah. I don't know if I've said, no, I think I saw scary something. I don't know. You saw scary movie? Send help. And I think that was before that. Mm-hmm. What about you? I also saw Project Hill, Mary with Ryan Goosling. Mm-hmm. And then I saw, oh, funny. You mentioned Gooslings because mating season, my character, Ray, does fall for a goose at one point, um, played by Annelie Ashford, great Broadway performer and singer and also in just actress. And it's really a story about Ray, the raccoon, who's a bit of a little sex monster, um, for the three years before he got married. Yeah. And, and he meets this great goose and he's the kind of self-sabotages. And what he realizes is that he, he, he doesn't think he's worthy of her love because he's not good enough for her. And so he self-sabotages the relationship. Does he realize he is? Or I mean that's like it's a hard thing for TV, you know what I mean? You can't have all your characters fully realize their faults or you haven't realized it and then you have them watch them continue to like find, yeah, not be able to get out of the patterns of one's life, which I feel like. Thank you. I know I am working on it. Yeah. I really am. I know. Like, oh, you figured out how to not do this thing with your OCD and this and you figured that out, but you still have all these other things. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, that's life. That's what all the people say. You're riding high in April and back down in May, but I don't know what's keeping me down. Sorry. Those are self-sabotages. You around. You have a great voice. I've been a porpoir, a puppet, a poet, a puppet, a pun in the king. I've been up and down and over and out. I know one thing. You're saying that because you work in voice over stuff, but for that reason. Fuck, man. Just take it off. Okay. Take it off. Instead of going up and back, just take it off forward, like almost like me forward, while you're taking it off. Okay. Yeah, because I actually, because I just, I don't want to look bro because I feel like I'm looking like. Just try not to push the microphone forward. Push the microphone forward. Okay. No. No. No. Still up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Please. Okay, man. I'm trying to fucking. Oh, sorry. Zang. Zang. Zang. Do you want to talk with him on for a little bit? I feel like they're, it's easier to do stuff like this. Like I could do this. Hey, Nick, can I ask you something? I know. No. No. Oh, you know, like just a way of getting what you want out of something. Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, we've been doing that kind of the whole time. You know, I feel like I've been hearing you. I don't need to hear the headphones. What you call that, right? Actually, I want to talk. Can you mind? I just don't want people to think though. Nick? What? Oh, Nick. Oh, I hear you. What's up? I cannot for the life of me. Cool. I've been trying to come up with Sandra Bullock movies this whole time to reference. And I cannot think beyond the ones that you mentioned. Just goes to show you. Yeah. Not everyone knows all of our stuff. Ocean's eight. That's why I said I knew it was wrong. But that's why I said steel magnolias. Like it truly like for no reason. Like it just because she's she was Southern. Southern. Is that what you said? Yeah, both ways. Now if you were saying it like a lawyer in the South, you would say, no. Oh, no, I was. So they would add Southern. They would do us, but you wouldn't understand what I would. Now wouldn't be like a son of a Southern. A Southern. Okay, because you got the end of a lot. So if you can't turn it into the word. Seven. Some like that. If I was to be a Southern lawyer, but also a little bit of burning man. I'll be the damn different of defending the dog or a man. Is that a idea? He's like, where the cook isn't shit? Wait, you know, his his family just signed over the his digital rights to create an AI series starring him. A IBM. Mm-hmm. A IMB. Yeah, because we're aiming for plan B. Sure. That's what you tell all the ladies the night before. Okay. Are those in your fuck notes? What? We're the fuck notes. So do you want, are you still, do you, is this an allergy thing? Do you think still? I have the air pure fry out on trepon on a little higher. No, I feel great. Oh, no, you want to bet a drill? You want to see me go? It was a good time. A good time. Do you know that when you do that, it does make you sexier. What? When you, some people when they go like this, it really does make them look better. That's why I think people pose like this. You think so? But it's like, you're looking at it's like, Oh, but I always look at it like it's silly. Like that's, you're being silly. You're making it. You're being silly. But also, if they weren't being silly, it would be sexy. But it's silly because they're doing it to look sexy. Yes. But if just you're just like, like being like, Oh, look at him, he's making an ugly face, but like he's perturbing. He's sexy like that. Like something natural like that. Like now I know you're being silly doing it. But yes, if I just, you want to see me, do you want to see my, I'm doing it, but I'm trying not to let anybody see me do it. Sexy. It is. Do you take pictures like that sometimes? Yeah. What's your mirror face? I raised my eyebrows. I know that. I think I go like this. I don't know. I, that's a silly version of it. What do I really do? Eyes up. How come eyebrows up? What, what, do you know why? I don't, so they don't get caught behind the glasses. Eyebrows. You got it, because you're worried that you're maybe, so my mirror face is just checking to see if my eyebrows are there. Yeah, they're still there. What's yours? It's like, I, I don't know exactly what it is. It's a little like angry, not angry, but just like, it's like, that takes a lot of vulnerability to it, because I feel like that's a, like, that's how bad people look in the mirror. I'm not saying that you're bad for doing that. You know what I'm saying, but yeah, if you are a bad person, I've, I've brought it up once or twice before, but I thought I would premiere it here on the pod, because I think mirror faces are interesting. They're very vulnerable. I think, yes. I think it's There's a certain depth of perspective. and that will admit their mere face. Yeah, I mean, I've spent my whole career like admitting some version of my mere face that's been the social capital I've used. Do you think it would be telling if you asked somebody to show you their mere face and they they try to make you believe that they didn't know what you meant what that was? Yeah, I feel like that's how a lot of people have interpreted over the years as I've asked people to do it. That's more telling than whatever honesty they would have given you. Yeah. Absolutely. I feel like a lot of what people are insecure about and the shame they feel is a decision and a judgment that is not universal. Yeah. And the fact that they feel that way is why it's uncomfortable. So you're just creating little lies that you think are protecting yourself that are ultimately not allowing people to see you and you not even understanding your own boundaries and once. Yeah. What survival mechanism is this? It's called being a wasp. No, I think it's about fitting into a tribe. Sure. So you have people that could help feed you and be protected and you know, you could be a value to a community. But isn't that interesting? We used to need to have a tribe and now all we're doing is showing our feathers to say that we're all the we're all in charge of our tribe. But while not only by all our Zoom meetings and all of our ordering our door dash and vice book in my space. Watch out. Here you go. Tell me. So how is it now, not now that we need to learn our new survival mechanism is back to community, but our idea of what a community is is being exponentially fabricated the evolution of what we are, whether you know it or not, cyborgs. We are. We are part machine, our daily life. It's not built into us yet. But people feel naked like you're missing a limb. How many people do you think would say, I would get rid of three fingers on my less dominant hand versus never being able to use my smartphone again? They would rather have a phone than those fingers. What if they were finger phones? You got one and then you got your burner too, you know, for your private stuff. That's cyborg. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Talk on that. And could we like maybe do a story about that for season two? Yeah. And in mating season? Well, think about this one, you know, in the show about animals dating in the woods, maybe do a cyborg episode? No. This idea, this idea of technology and how, you know, when spoiler alert, when you know who gets is, you know what, bitten off and their shoving leaves and then wet leaves and the words in the words. That's right. It's very fun. We've been doing it since as far as I'm concerned, the Flintstones. You take human stuff, but not everything can be human. But one thing can be only, but one thing that, but one thing that is human, let's go, brother. The other animals don't have to deal with our cell phones. Sure. Social media. Yeah. Of course. Which is a part of what we're dealing with as humans. Which is actually removing us from having a tribe. I mean, we do in mating season have like an episode where they're using an app, you know, they're using apps. They're using the apps. They're like tinkler and field. So we've taken some of the things that are normally human things and we brought them to the animal world as a way to talk about what it's like. Make fun all you want. Very cool. This is at the highest level. Make fun of myself all I want. You were making fun of a person that talks that way. Yeah. But meaning everything you were saying. Absolutely. And I was saying, you don't have to do that here. You don't have to do that. I can, I can show you my mirror face here. You can show me your mirror face here. You're doing animals in the woods at the highest level where you come up with a joke and then you're like, let's do this. And then you're like, you have people animating and voicing it and making it sound good. And then it's on the biggest streamer. And it's just like, that's my show. There. That's the funnest. Hey, I googled. Yeah. Skunks and porcupine. Raccoons. Who's fuck? Mm-hmm. Because I'm like, are they teaching me something? I don't think we are. But really more about love than what's really possible, possible, possible, possible, a possible. Do you know, I actually genuinely found a possum, I was walking out of my house and there was a possum dead on the stairwell, leaving my house. And I picked it up and he started wiggling around and as he was alive and he was literally just playing the possum, and I was like, this is his defense mechanism. That's his defense mechanism. But you didn't bite your anything? No. Just kind of wiggled around. And I'm like, wait, because that's his only move is pretend to be dead. And I, you know what it's like to be a woman walking her car alone in Trump's America. Really? Mm-hmm. That's so brave of you to say. Is it? Or is it just cowardly for people not to? I don't think it's brave to eat dinner, even though I need to survive. What's, I feel like you eat the same thing a lot. What do you eat? I'm talking about the animals, pussy. Next subject. What about you? Do you eat a lot of the same? I am right now, because I have allergies. I mean, a lot of the same stuff, a lot about local honey. I'm scooping a couple, I know I don't do local honey. No, no, no, no, it's good for local allergies. I know. That's what I've heard. I don't know if I entirely buy it, because, because I think like, I don't know, I sometimes I'm like, certain now foods as someone who's an allergic person, certain foods I'm just a little like without any proof of just slightly wary of. Blueberries, do you believe they're antioxidants? I do. Really, on the lookout for like blue and purple foods, like, or produce right now, like purple sweet potatoes. Cabbage. I'm after cabbage. I'm eating a ton of cabbage right now. Like cut up in the morning. Do you ever have gas in a gas car after my morning breakfast? You bet I do. Room, room. Absolutely, absolutely. I'm not sure if I quite understand antioxidants, the value of it. Can I tell you the joke that my son told said that is like when he was very young, he goes and he bodies more like uncle bodies, right, yes. And you also had that joke, not with bodies, but, uh, but, uh, but, uh, but aunts and uncles all the time. Stuff with aunts and uncle stuff all the time. You like aunts and uncle stuff? The police. I love aunts and uncle stuff. I put, I put, I have something. Let me see if I have it here. There's just the other day. My uncle and uncle would be so much easier than saying my aunts and uncle. Right. So that's what it was. So uncle is aunt and uncle is, well, if we have aunt, then, then, I mean, if we have uncle, why, then why aunt, we're already at uncle, uncle and uncle, not aunt and man. Fine. Sure. But I was at the time I was talking about something about uncle because a lot of times people want you to say it for some reason. Yeah. Why is that a thing? I have no idea. All I know is I went to the doctor because I had this virus and the only thing I would take is uncle biotics. Well, have you tried uncle biotics? Oh, right. Look because it's, because that's the dad. That's the man. I also sometimes will say that my cousin's mom, my aunt, but her, her husband is, what is it? I don't remember. How do you like me clearing my throat over and over? Do you want to know the origin of aunt and uncle? Yeah. No. Of course, of course. Of course. No, of course. I want to see how long it's going to take me to get home, figure out when I need to leave here. It's ancient Latin coming from, uncle comes from a Latin word, avunculus. Oh, avunculus. Meaning, avuncular. Mother's brother. Yeah. It's from ameta, which, I don't know why I'm retaining this. It turns from mother or wet nurse. Some people could just retain that. Antel, there's no means of mother or wet nurse. I'll try to remember that. But avunculus is fun. Hey, dude, if you want to go, I got about like 10 minutes, five, 10 minutes, whatever you want, man. Look, I'm chill. I'm down for whatever. I don't, yeah, I know. Do you want me to put the camera down and you guys can figure this out? Do you guys want to, um, do you want to put the mics away? Yeah. I want to talk to them. Oh, no, you should go. Your allergies, huh? Yeah. I'm so sorry. You're sorry. Yeah. You're sorry. That's what I'm like, that's, I don't know, that's Flintstones. You're a tie. You know, that guy is like one of the, the guys are always working in the background of the Flintstones. Kind of. That was really before my time. What? Literally. I was explaining to somebody I think yesterday who didn't know the saying eat my shorts. Right. And it didn't understand what I meant. And I said it's kind of like a PG version of saying you my butt. That's from Mar Simpson, the son of Umero. I caramba is for Simpson. The son of Marge and Umero. Cuidado Lisa. Oh, where's the Maggie? These are the trailers. Yeah. Yeah. Sony entertain television. Is that something with donuts? Donuts. Yeah. He is in something with donuts. Have you seen that movie? Do you remember the Fairly Brothers? Something about donuts? Were you absolutely fucking glazes a fucking donut? Yeah, I have what about the wooden he glazes a he glazes himself. And then she yeah, takes some of it and thinks it's hair gel. No, is that hair gel? You gotta be kidding me. Oh, is that goob hair gel? Let me just wait. What's that? What was the end part? Oh, that's your playing both characters. No, I've seen it. Oh, yes, but you were playing Ben Stiller at the end of the scene going, wait. Oh, yeah. But it wasn't Ben Stiller. It was Johnny drama's brother. Kevin. Kevin Dylan. Matt Dylan. Matt Dylan. It was Matt Dylan. No, you're rewriting this movie. You think that, yeah, he wanted to. What's the movie I'm talking about? So think about Mary. Something about Mary, you think is Ben Stiller and not Kevin Dylan? I am I'll look at him. Dylan's in the movie as well. It's Ben Stiller. It's absolutely. You think, dude, my mind is blown. Now I'm seeing. Yeah, because I'm seeing Ben Stiller when the pants of the zip up. That's separate two separate situations. But I'm just seeing Dylan and big teeth for some reason. Yeah, he's got that movie. Yeah, he's he's her like he's he's in it. He's trying to get right. He's trying to get her. And I think he did date her around then. Can you imagine me having a date, Kevin Dylan? Wait, I was excited about Cameron Diaz. Oh, oh, yeah. She's pretty too. No, your voice went up. Your voice always goes up when you're lying. You were actually on a sitcom every day, every day. I truly get off. Not like tricking people into like something. I'm not meaning to fuck with people. But in lots of social situations, at least it's a lot. It's so easy to just treat it like it's a sitcom. Sure. Sure. Punch lines, puns, big, big misunderstandings. Yeah, I could go. I'm I get a I get a T and I put a $20 bill in there and I go to my friend. I only meant to put a 10 and cover me. And then they have to like, Hi, boy. And then I get caught in there. Oh, I have to tell you a story, please. Of like, this is a TV show. I told you this yesterday. You don't need them. I'm it. Put them out there. And now you know what? You could put them there. Yeah, that's fine. Just keep them there. Yeah. So I'm at the Kesha concert doing my thing, right? Leaving the Kesha concert in the parking lot at the forum. Big parking lot, but not too big. I saw prints there a couple of times in the parking lot of the forum. At the forum. Not in the parking lot. What were you guys seeing? Oh, we were saying a blind melon. So I'm walking through the parking lot or as it doesn't often would say, I'm walking through the parking lot here. And I'm walking here. I'm walking to the parking lot here. I'm walking here. The parking lot. I'm a drugstore cowboy. And there is a trunk with a car with a trunk open. I'm assuming to make the speakers louder and they're playing Michael Jackson. And it's like teenagers and their parents. So it felt very comfortable. Like I said, like, these people don't give me the best. I could dance with these people, right? They're not pros. So I walked up and said, I have dreamt about approaching a dance battle in a parking lot somewhere that just didn't feel threatening at all. And they said, yeah, come on. And I'm dancing for seconds to Michael Jackson before somebody behind me says, no, somebody behind me says, you're doing it wrong. Well, we look behind us and it was Corey Feldman. Oh boy, of all people. There's only two people I can think of. Yes. Corey Feldman or Chris Tucker. I would say, Jafar Jackson probably has a handle on it at this point. That has been how much their dance moves have been influenced by Michael Jackson. Yeah. Jafar Jackson's the star of the Michael Jackson movie that's currently in theaters. Oh, no, but he didn't learn firsthand. He literally learned firsthand. Oh, he was one of the Michael Jackson dancers. He's the son of Michael's brother, Tito Jackson. Sick. So, but still, I don't know him that well. Yeah. But I'm excited to see it. That's great. That's great. It's great. But can I tell you the story? But for really Corey Feldman approached you from behind and I mean, I believe it. I don't it's not hard for me to imagine Corey Feldman walking through. There it is. Okay, so what happened was I'm dancing to Michael Jackson in this dream situation that is this non-threatening of a pop rock show, you know, you're doing it wrong. And then my buddy, David goes, Hey, Corey, why don't you show us how to do it? Because it felt like like six years. Corey, why don't you show us how to do it? He looks to a security guard. We all go, come on. The nod. He comes over. He does a little move. Okay. Okay. Is that your impression or is that just Corey? Is that your, is that your impression or is that Corey? That's you doing Corey. That's me trying to do Michael Jackson because Corey does Michael Jackson really well. He's good at it. I mean, there's videos of him on the internet until the day is long. Salt went to summer solstice, one of the solstices. Yeah. So no, I wasn't doing a person in him. I was trying to do my best, Michael Jackson. Uh-huh. So and, Hey, Corey, why don't you show us how to do it? And he did it. And then he goes, and he left. And I was thinking myself, no one would believe me. Like this is like, you ever watch a TV show and you're like, how did anyone even come up with this? Yeah. How do you, how do you even write? And that's when you realize that God existed. I mean, there's something creating something. You know, so now they're saying dark matter is really just like a wormhole into an alternate universe. Like, I don't know, man. I, I, I, I, I, I, a gallon of milk costs $1.20. Yeah. That's a dark matter, gas car. Oh, we say for at least another five minutes. That's, is that how you, is that, is that you just wordplay? It just makes you release the thing. Oh, we found it. We finally found it. He got there with dark matter, Glasgow. I love it, man. I love it. I love having fun, man. I love having a good time. I love America. I love to party. I love drinking Bud lights. I love to dance to Michael Jack enough, though. Yeah, I love to thumbs up. This is Sandler movie where I don't, I think it's Mr. D's or something where something goes and something and Sandler looks at him and he goes, safe. Can you remember that is? No, but I, um, but I trust that, that's something that happened. I really believe that to have happened. You ever played ball with Sandler? Once we guarded each other and he was doing this a lot to me. I, uh, when I was like 13 years old, I was playing basketball in the city, but a couple of my friends lived in the city and like one Sunday we were playing it like a public school court, you know, like open on a Saturday, um, outdoor court. We were playing into a couple of guys came over and asked if they could play with us and we had a lot of fun doing bits, lots of bits. I was like, I knew this guy was someone and at the end, I asked him if he was a Beastie boy and he was like, no, no, no, and then like two weeks later, I was watching Saturday Live and like opera man came on and I was like, that's the guy I played basketball with and it was Sandler. And then I did a movie with him last year and I played pickup basketball them out like a random court in New Jersey, like 35 years later, whatever you told him the story. I've told him the story so many times, but I've never done it on a podcast that I couldn't remember. What movie did you do with them last year? It was called One Battle After Another with Adam Sandler. He's in that, right? I mean Jim Carey is then Peggy Sue got married. that makes sense. That's good casting, roommates, a movie that he produced. It was fun to play basketball at them both times, and then I played a few more times of them. Have you ever played one-on-one against Ben Schwartz? No, but we're different. No, Ben is Maccabee Games. I am Varsity. Varsity Maccabee Games? No, Varsity High School. Oh, okay, good. And then, you know. And then, where's Dave Bird fit in that for you? I've never played with him. I've only seen him shoot some threes, so I don't know. Yeah. I've never played with Ben, but, you know. You know. I, uh, who have you, have you played with like any, I play with professional athletes, friend? Like who? Need anymore? Were you embarrassed when you knew you were filming playing him? Oh, that wasn't me filming. That's, look, it's on ESPN all the time. Do that, but put me in a camera. You don't even need to show any of it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, listen, man, there's three things that I like to ask all of my guesses before they leave. One is mother fucker. I'm going to get it. Oh, I thought it was, we were going to do the questions from, um, the, what's your favorite curse word? Oh, mother fucker. Uh, what's it? What, uh, we do two truths, two truths in a lie. Okay. We don't, we don't, we don't guess. We let them guess. Okay. And then the next time we come on, we give the answer. Okay. So two truths in a lie. Okay. Two truths in a lie. Um, I was born with, uh, uh, all my teeth. And the other two are outrageous, you know. Um, I'm seven foot six. And I killed John London. Only one of those things is possible. You're born with all your teeth. You decide. Check out, hit the website, check in and tie so to find out, find out what the poll, find out how the poll turns out. Are you a little hot? No. I was going to say, I have a Budweiser. You take F tempers in your clothes. Hey, man. Okay. I would love if we could do this once or twice a year. That feels about right. Um, next time maybe I'll, uh, I'll rent a studio. How would you feel if it, do, would you feel out of your power if we weren't in here? I do them. I take, I have the sleepover series. I take this on the road and you take this set with you everywhere. I used to take all my equipment. Now I just rent studios or I hire cinematographers in a certain location to come to a hotel. Do you ever do live? You know, I've done live podcast like a dynasty typewriter, but it's just me and a friend up on stage. It's not the podcast. It's not the pod. Well, I mean, you know, it's just, it's not the pod. It's a different thing. It's not a bad thing. It's maybe it's a good thing. It's just different. It's just different. It's not the thing. You know, you know, there's something about this, right? What made you ask about doing it live? Uh, uh, Bill O'Reilly. Auto parts. Bill, Bill, O'Reilly auto parts, or if you're something lawyer, auto parts of the world. Bill O'Reilly auto parts. All right. Well, uh, mating season, mating season, Adolescence new season, adults. But, but also adolescence, uh, great show. I don't know if they're doing a season two. Um, well, I have some news for you. I got some breaking news for you. Yeah. Uh, I did find out from somebody and I just realized maybe I'll have to add this out, but you guys got picked up for guarantee season two and three of what? Whatever you want, man, you're at the highest level. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry, man. You should see the look out of your face. Did we do? What did you have? What did you hear? No. Um, but yeah, mating season, adults comes out. We have an announcement end of the summer. Are you excited? Yeah. It's great. It's really good. Are you? Have you secretly become a big time show creator in this business? I, uh, it's not such a secret. I don't know, man. I still think of you as just a standup comic from the old country. Yeah. You know what your nickname is going to be? Your new nickname, Nick EP crawl. EP. You know what I will say? What a country? What a country? All right. Have you ever opened for Yakov smirno? I feel like you would actually do okay with his audience. Is there an audience I wouldn't do? Okay, wait, I'm being serious. Do you really think there's a certain type of audience that wouldn't like what I do? Yeah. Goal. Goal. Goal. Goal. I mean, I've seen you live. Have you? Yeah. At the improv probably like seven or eight years ago. You didn't figure it out until three and a half years ago. I always knew I'd be good. I was in no rush. You can't be in a rush. You can. You can, but you can't control it. You just got to, you just got to let the, let the pace dictate it. So I always say unless you're eastern European. Yeah. Then it's what I got sweet. What type of audience wouldn't like what I do? I think there's like a ton of crossover of audiences that are not going to be into what you do. I would, I can't imagine it. I really can't. I really can't imagine somebody not. That's what you have to, that's what you got to believe to make it. But tell me, maybe I, maybe I should start going to these audiences more so I could practice this. Oh, I get, okay. So I'd start with women and then buddy, you're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. Honest to goodness. And that's the best place I like to put on us right next to goodness. Honest to goodness. Women enjoy my show. I think most people do. But women enjoy my show. I don't know if you say more, more like the reaction I get from women after my sets. I'm being sincere. The message is I get I'm not talking about anything because the any type of sexuality because of the sexes. I'm not saying, oh, let me. I'm saying like what you said and I think you're sort of doing this and like speaking about this stuff. So that's crazy. So what's the end of this? What's the end of the story? So the fact that you think that women I don't like wouldn't like that's crazy. Yeah. Somebody say something. I'm just it seems to have kind of. Riled you up a little bit and I that was not my intention. I don't know. Okay. Unlike you, I'm used to men saying relax. You're being too emotional. It's fucking disgusting. And I'm done being gas car lit. Madagascar lit. Not anymore. That's Nick Crowle from adults and adolescents in the Crowle show. Check him out on tour at Nick Crowle punchup.live slash Nick Crowle. Mating season. We've been talking about the whole time. Netflix, top 10. Check it out. It's actually a very good Zach Woods, friend of the pod. Zach Woods, friend of the pod. Zach Woods, great. Sabrina Julie. Jun Diana. Julie. Julie is in us. You said, yeah. Zach Woods in the woods. Something there. Oh, that's fun. But still right here, I saw you in the belly room do stand up as one of the funniest sets I'd ever seen. And I just I know that you're a big show creator now, but I see you as a stand up comic. First love. You're one of the best. You're better than Lambeer. Hey, still a bit of a bad boy. So if you ever had the luxury of Nick having a little bit of time off and he's he's doing a stand up thing, you're going to want to get those tickets. I'm telling you. Yeah, go to Largo. Go see me in Largo every once in a while. He said Largo every once in a while. I got to take a pull right now. I'm going to let you go. Okay, theme music.