NFL Schedule Predictions & Colin Jost on SNL Finale, Joke Swaps and Life as the Plus One | Ep 191

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Three times cleaner compared to mobile regular gas and port fuel injected engines. Actual results may vary. Visit mobilefuels.com for details. The wrongs we must right. The fights we must win. The future we must secure together for our nation. This is what's in front of us. This determines what's next for all of us. We are Marines. We were made for this. How nice is it to be the less famous person in your relationship? Huge relief. It was hard as a stand-up because I would have jokes about either the idea of dating or the idea of marriage or what that is. I can't be like, she's nagging me about this. Everyone's like, shut the f*** up. I was like, shut the f*** up. Welcome back to New Heights. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a wondry show, as you know, brought to you by Adobe Acrobat. We are your hosts. I'm Travis Kelsey. This is my big brother, Jason Kelsey, out of Cleveland Heights. Welcome to the New Heights. Ohio. Shout out to the Heights. Shout out to the University of Cincinnati and all the Bearcats out there. We miss you guys. Subscribe to YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts and follow the show on all social media at New Heights Show with one S for fun clips throughout the week. Jason, how you doing, you underdog over there? You PGA Championship. This guy is laced with apparel right now. Why don't you tell everybody what you have coming up? Yeah, we do have the PGA Championship here in Philadelphia this year at Erotica. We are selling some merch there that is centered around. We are selling PGA Championship raising money for the foundation. So excited to don some of this gear. All right. All right. And not a 2% as we got another great episode. We're going to look at what we know so far about the 2026 NFL schedule, as well as answer some of your no dumb questions, which we'd always love to do. Today's guest is SNL's Colin Jost. That's right. No, it is in the house. The Jost is here. The Jost is here. I love it, man. Put it on a table. Put it on a T-shirt, man. The Jost is here. The Jost. I love that. That sounds good. All right. Anyways, we're going to start off what we always start off with, a little bit of that new news. New news. New news is brought to you by American Express. Yes. Yes, it is. I found out you were in London on the internet. That was fun. London is fun, Jason. Did you do anything stereotypically British while you were there? For the most part, had some really good food and enjoyed some plays, saw Sadie Sink and I believe it was her. I believe Noah Jupe is his name. He was fucking phenomenal as Romeo. Oh, nice. Sadie was phenomenal as Juliet as well. Okay. Have you ever had Indian food in London? I did. I've had the best Indian food. Well, I'll say second best because Kumar makes the best Indian food. Shout out to Kumar. I would say it was one of the most surprising meals that I've ever had. I went to a spot called Jinkana, which was fucking remarkable. Nice. Every dish they brought out. I did. I didn't ask a single question. I just dove in. The only questions that I had to answer was how hot or how spicy the heat of the spice. I think it was like butter chicken, like standard Indian dishes. Or is this like kind of like another. It was its own rendition. I don't think I really understood what we were ordering. Okay. I kind of went with what the table was getting. Nice. You would have never had curry with me. I don't know if that's true. I've had curry before this. That's right. Kumar? Yes. There we go. What's your favorite kind of curry? I like chicken masala or chicken matika, I think is the other one. Matika? Yeah. It was. I believe Kumar's made the matika for me. This one was the chicken butter masala. Damn good. With some garlic naan. What level of heat? So they asked you what level of heat? Yeah. What was the rating system? It was a table consensus. We went more on the mild side, but it was still. Like Ed Kelly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was sitting over a bucket of chicken wings. It was so hot. Watching Jeopardy. Yeah. I was fucking leaking. That place sounds awesome. It is phenomenal. And now that I know that there's one in Vegas, everyone in America needs to go try it. I can't wait. I love any food. Anything else you want to talk about on the eating? Drew, you were a little bit upset. You feel like we're uncharacteristically been referring to you as a picky eater. Is this not accurate? No. It's not. It's not? It's not accurate at all. But it's fun to play around with because I was. I was a picky eater. I was at one point. Yes. Where. And I will give you credit. You opened up the curiosity of eating. It took me to be probably 22-ish, I think it was, maybe 21, and absolutely shit-faced at a sushi spot eating half-priced sushi for the first time in my life knowing that I hadn't really. I don't know. Thought of sushi to be a. Appetizing? Yeah. I wasn't very fond of it at that point. Raw fish didn't get you excited. I got you. Raw fish and some of the sauces and the toppings and just like. Yeah. A lot of getting fish. I was just like, "Why are we doing this? Just give me the fried rice. I'll be good." And I was hammered and you told me, "Dude, just eat this. You're going to love it." And I did. Yeah. And I've loved sushi ever since. Sushi's like, "I can't go more than a week without getting sushi now." Yeah. That was cloud. It's called Cloud 9 now. What was it called? I forget what it was called back then. What was it? It was dancing wasabi? That is what it was. I think so. It became one of my favorite spots. Well, the funny thing about that part is it was always half price. That was the market. No, no, no, no. Except for dinner hours. Dinner hours, it was not. Really? It was like lunch, 11:00 to 3:00, and then 4:00 to, I think, like 10:00 PM was like regular price. And then lunch, it was like 11:00 to 3:00, and then lunch, it was like 11:00 to 3:00, and then lunch, it was like 11:00 to 3:00, and then lunch, it was like 11:00 to 3:00, and then from like 10:00 to 4:00 AM was another like half price. I guess we were just never. We were always outside of the hot. We never went there for dinner. Yeah. I don't want to do this again, but Taylor has gotten you out of your comfort zone more than I ever did. I remember screaming at you to try Benihana's special sauce and you would not try it. And I still. I'll probably. I could try it now, but I'm just like, I'm not going to dump it over my entire Benihana. I love Benihana. Right. I like it just the way it is, just the way they cook it. I don't think it needs a sauce. I'll do a little spicy mayo, a little yum-yum. You have been on record as you are an anti-mayo. You do no mayo. Yeah, straight mayo. I'm out. But you'll do spicy mayo? Not a lot of it. I'm not fucking lathering up a sandwich and doing it. If I want to like have it like drizzled over some like sushi or like over some like. You're in on aioli. It's basically what you're saying. Yeah. You're in on it. But if it's like, if it's coming out of a burger and like getting on my fucking face, I'm out. I can't do it. It's too much sauce. I don't need that much sauce. Let me get a burger now. All right. All right. Let's keep moving along here. NFL schedule release is coming out Thursday. As of this recording, that's all we know. We know nothing about the schedule. There's been a few games released. The schedule has leaked so far per Adam Schefter on Pat McAfee is as follows. International games. We have one in Melbourne, Australia. First game in Australia ever. That is going to be Rams and 49ers. So cool. Another Brazil game, this time between the Cowboys and Ravens. Always a slate of London games. We got Commanders. We got Jaguars. We don't know who they're playing, but they're going to be there. Paris, France. Have we played in France yet? I don't know. Have we? I don't believe I've seen this. The Saints. Lucky guys. Yeah. Who doesn't want to go to Paris? Madrid. I was going to say Madrid, the Falcons. I know the Chiefs. The Chiefs were like, I think Spain might be the only one that we were in on. I don't know if I'm even allowed to be saying this. Is that news? I don't know. Can we look that up real quick? What do you mean in on? Like you're- I think that may be one that we like- A candidate to be in? Yeah. That we, because you like put in bids for these games. For sure. Well, and you can kind of, because it takes away a home game, you can actually submit to be one of the like home teams or whatever, if you want, I think. Mexico City, 49ers. Munich, we got the Lions. Munich's going to love the Lions and Dan Campbell. Yeah. I guess the Chiefs, I mean, I guess we have been lobbying for it to play in Spain and the Falcons are, I believe, our like 18th game. Like we don't play the NFC South, but we, they're our extra game next year. So it could be a little Falcons-Kansas City? Our 17th game. Let's see if Travis is calling it. So you think week nine, Falcons versus Chiefs. You're saying it right now on this podcast. You have no inside information. That's so erroneous. That is so crazy. We're just guessing. I don't. I'm guessing. I know that we play. That's like the only team on here that we play outside of the 49ers. Okay. Mexico City, we played there before. Nice. I don't think we play the Lions. I think we, yeah, we played the NFC West this year. And then, as I said, the Falcons were our only extra game this year. So I think that's our only chance of playing abroad. I mean, Spain, it's pretty nice. I've never been. It's pretty nice. Never been. It looks really nice. Scene pics. People. Beautiful. Beautiful people. Great wine. Paella. It's about all I know. My friend Alejandro Villanueva is just like sitting there, like yelling it. Me right now. That's what I know about Spain. Alejandro, we're sorry. Yeah. Comes off a little too fancy. Spain comes off a little fancy to me. Is that accurate? No, that's very false. That's not accurate? It has its very nice spots, and it is a very elegant feel, but fancy? It just comes off a little snooty to me. No way, Jason. Do not. Just saying that. I've never been. I just, when I think of, especially to my, I'm thinking of like, What do you think they speak? French. Madrid and Barcelona are the two big cities. That's all I know. This conversation is going absolutely nowhere. All right. Perfect. So maybe, so Travis is basically guaranteeing that the Falcons are playing the Chiefs week nine. I'm guaranteeing it in hopes that we do because I want to play in Spain. Regular season games that have been confirmed week one, the Cowboys versus Giants on Sunday night football. There's going to be a Thanksgiving Eve game. So a Wednesday game. They don't know who it's going to be yet, but there will be one. That's probably, I'm assuming one of the games that they sold to Netflix or something like that. Christmas day, another scheduled game on Netflix week 18, Saturday games are going to be scheduled. Saturday game will be scheduled on Netflix. This is the topic right now is a lot of these games going to networks and platforms that viewers have to pay for. You know, the, the game for a large part of existence was free on basic television. As long as you had the old rabbit ears, you could watch football on Sunday. You can still do that on Sundays, but I think it's, I think it's always been cable has been whatever area you're in is the game that you get, which is why when we were growing up, we got Browns games. But then when the Browns left, we got Pittsburgh, Detroit, and Cincinnati games. What's interesting is that still the vast majority of the games you can get with rabbit ears. Like if you think about it like that, like you could still, as long as you got some old fucking antenna, you can still watch over 80 some percent of the football games. There is a lot of criticism. And I get it because it's changing. And I don't know, you have to have all of these different platforms. Now, if you want to watch all of it, but previously before those platforms, you couldn't watch all that before YouTube TV came out with Sunday. Well, I guess Sunday ticket came out on a direct TV to start, but even that you couldn't get unless you had direct TV. Now it's never been easier to watch football games. You want to watch everything. And if you still don't want to pay for it, you still have to watch it. You still can watch the vast majority of football. Maybe we just go to the paninis down the street. That way you can fucking watch every football game you could ever ask. You go to Buffalo Wild Wings, you can get it all. Yeah. Yeah. Do we want to try and predict which Chiefs games will be in prime time? I think that's a good fun game. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's do it. All right. If I was commissioner, which games would I be making to the Chiefs? How many games do you think we would be on prime? This is the problem. Your guys' division is getting better. So previously, most of your guys' prime time games are outside of the division. Right? So like Denver, you're going to be on prime. If you were Denver this year, is that a prime time game? We would always have a prime time in division game. But not like the Raiders. Yes. Do you have prime time against the Raiders? On what? 100%. I had four touchdowns. On the Christmas game? No. Again. A Christmas game versus the Broncos. Yeah. The divisional games, I feel like those are a big focus for these networks to get these rivalry games. Yeah. Well, you want the divisional games because they mean more for the playoff season. seedings and especially at the end of the year they're big typically get better football when you play in division yeah all right well broncos game to start the year i bet that that would be a prime time game well it's not to start the year it's just the first fucking logo sorry yeah broncos that virtually one if not both those games will probably be prime time right so in previous years we've had up to five or six prime time games that's coming off of the super bowl yes exactly this year so i'm gonna guess three to four i'm gonna guess three high end four i still think the kansas city chiefs are a draw that that the league's paying banking on i think so i'm playing i'm playing modest so you got as long as you got andy reed patrick mahomes travis kelsey like texas gunslinger what about tv so let's say four to five if it's five to six maybe now it's four to five after a down year one down year in the past decade all right broncos virtually guaranteed to be one of them is going to be a prime time game right yes what about non-division games which a buffalo but i mean that's a that's for sure going to be a prime time game right i don't know we we we played them uh mid-afternoon or like that second wave of games that uh yeah that's four o'clock slots yeah i think we played them and and bangles the same uh but both of them could be i think if we get a home game i think patriots are probably the the big one that i i think people would want to see yeah let me say this if if i'm the network which games do i want to see the chiefs playing on my network in prime time i want to see them playing the broncos i want to see them playing the 49ers i want to see them playing the bills i want to see them playing the rams seahawks seahawks or just because i know there's a lot of bad blood and rivalry is the bangles right yeah those are the six games to me that look the most appetizing if i'm a network yeah i'm with you i guess you're good chargers too chargers are really good last year the tackles got hurt they're gonna be well they lost jesse minner we'll see how they do defensively with the tackles healthy justin herbert in there they're gonna be really good uh harbaugh still at the helm is that a good list 100 i think uh i've kind of i left out the patriots i don't know why i mean i know they went to the shoot bowl that's still a i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why a big one yeah it is 100 so is uh san fran at home i think that's all that's gonna be a big one as well the only reason i think i left them off because like the other teams all have like you guys really don't have a lot of well i guess you do from back when tom was there like recency there hasn't been like a lot of bad blood between the chiefs and patriots yeah whereas with the 49ers obviously you guys just played a shoot bowl not too long ago i think it's not as much on field but there's still that back and forth with the right with the organizations and the and the fan history yeah fair enough there's a little bit of that all right if i was a betting man i'd say a chargers home game i'll go san fran at home and then the mile high denver two away games that's what i was gonna say denver away and uh i'll say chargers away or no it's a chargers seahawks seahawks away do you already know that those are the oh okay it's already got him home and away i didn't even notice that good job travis uh yeah that's where i'm going with it all right shout out to the eagles autism foundation challenge they raised over 16 million dollars this year that's right holy smokes it's every year it just keeps getting bigger and bigger shout out to jeffrey lurie the executive director ryan hammond uh close family friend but also rye has been killing it every single year it keeps getting better and better jeffrey lurie has put a lot of resources into this and so far they've raised over 56 million dollars and they've been doing a lot of good work and they've been doing six million dollars over the last eight years sheesh absolutely wild man yes so it's it's been highly successful uh and on top of that it's especially this event is just an awesome event for the community right everybody comes out we're better together you're exercising you're talking you're shaking hands i mean it's a very just fun day um especially when the rain holds off which it did thankfully uh and i biked 10 miles again tramp did a little 10 mile bike ride oh yeah no chance did it in right around 42 minutes which i'm pretty happy with 42 minutes listen that's not bad pace that's a decent pace what's that what let's i i don't want to do the number four point oh how fast are you going yeah like how on average how fast do you think you're going well you're going 4.2 well you're going so 10 miles uh you're going 4.2 why am i i'm trying to divide it by 10 this is not working you're not doing it the right way i'm not doing it the right way no you're going to take how long it is and then divide it by we're going 10 miles in 42 minutes that's what i'm saying i don't want to do however long a mile is times 10 i don't want it and then divide it by well you're going a mile for every 4.2 minutes every 4.2 yeah every 4.2 minutes so you're going one mile every 4.2 minutes that's it so you extrapolate that to so four so 4.2 60 there's 60 divided by right around i mean let's just call you're you're basically 60 divided by 4.2 you're almost going 25 miles an hour you're going a little bit over 20 no chance there is no chance that's not right do you know how fast you would have to be fucking pedaling i'm doing the math like you need to be a fucking tour de france let me do 4.2 is 60 i did 4.2 with 100 that was what why it was up 4.2 divided so 4 divided by 60 is what 4 divided by 60 is 15 right so you're going and then 5 divided by 60 is uh that's where i'm getting the point two from no that's like 12 so you're going like six i was going like 16 points up miles an hour no chance what do you mean that's but the math that's something like that i'll give you maybe 12 miles per hour average well there's i mean i wouldn't have finished with that time if that was the case exactly oh you're just you have a discrepancy on the time finished yes i mean i i i know for a fact it's 42 minutes seems a little far-fetched dog i think they gave some of the contestants little chips in their bags maybe i had to chip my bag maybe it's a little faulty chip also we but we bullied uh r mason thomas into switching his no we're not doing this but we didn't bully anybody so he just happened to change his number the same week that we put out a video saying that 34 shouldn't be worn by somebody of his position um i'm pretty sure nobody saw that i i begged to differ there's a social media clip of it that would beg to differ how many people saw that social clip brandon nobody jake somebody didn't well i mean it's very coincidental that he switched it to 51 right after we talked about it you don't know how fast he switched it i do no you don't yes he no you don't you're just assuming there was a practice where he was 34 and then another practice that was the rookie camp yeah okay so he's 34 at the rookie camp then he became 51 after that when has he been in the building to have 51 you haven't even seen him in 51 yeah i have i've seen him in a jersey in 51 where in a video that they said they said that was going viral can we get some assistance here from people in the rundown jesus christ i'm trying to get jake i don't have the answer i don't do social how dare you i mean we just we straight up just didn't make a social clip of that he just blatantly lied brandon and i are like messaging like what the fuck is he talking about it's in the full episode and a bunch of people a bunch of people were shitting on us for not remembering 34 they were more mad about the walter payton thing yes but that was all in the full episode i did not never scored a touchdown in the super bowl what do you want me to say get him come on don't do this to walter all right 51 though where's the evidence that he switched to 51 jake get back in here where is the evidence i haven't seen any of this i've seen this i think the chiefs posted like updated rookie numbers and they had and that was it all right so but it's like a graphic and none of those are official technically why are we doing this because a bunch of people on the internet are claiming that we bullied him into changing his number and i think it's i think it's accurate i think there is an accurateness to this statement no no no there's only one way our mason we got to get you on the show so you can tell jason that he didn't get bullied into wearing a different number all right there's a bunch of people out here pretty pissed off that we didn't remember walter payton uh aka sweetness wore that number which yeah i mean major foul on our part we definitely should have we fucked up that one but did we go down the list of people who are 34 we we were trying to remember who knew it was running backs we did know that and we were trying to remember who wore 34 we couldn't do it we couldn't for some reason we didn't think guys we get hit in the head for a living all right sometimes it just goes right over our head deuce daily deuce was deuce wasn't he too i'm pretty sure who else wore 34 let's check that out oh 34 34 34 i can see a steelers steelers jersey 34 i don't i don't know all right we got some good ones okay some really good ones yeah all right are they all running backs like we thought they are all running backs knew that i didn't know i knew it at least four of them you know all right four of them all right sweet yeah walter bow jackson nice well done um how did you get bow jackson so fast because it's fucking bow jackson no did we did somebody write that down how did you just pull out bow jackson bow nose it's the fucking one of the we were just talking about this for five minutes and you didn't say bow jackson once and then you just listed it like it was a fact 100 percent so somebody all right whatever all right um 34 34 34 34 um wait for it wait for it was i want to say like marshall fall you would be wrong um give me an era give me an era one was from our era growing up watching football i would say the latter half of it like high school and middle school years very iconic running back whose career had ups and downs and whose doesn't well this one was very down when it was down oh ricky williams ricky williams there you go legend legend for multiple things and then the other one is one of the most iconic running backs of an era before that oh uh no he was 32 gosh 32 has got a fuck ton of them i was going uh the white running back from miami uh who do you how like how far back he was the same era as brian ball bosworth matter of fact has a legendary highlight where brian bosworth cannot tackle him are we talking about bow jackson again um i don't think it was bow i thought it was the other guy he's from the same era basically of bow i think um this is so fun i love this trivia stuff um he also uh ran a sub 5 second 40 at 50 years old more recently gosh we're thinking about eric dickerson who are we thinking of i think he might be doing politics now which maybe i shouldn't even mention yeah there you go were those clues accurate uh yeah he was he was a part of the the big trade that um that evidently got bow right led to no emmet smith emmet smith he was the cowboys i'm an idiot he is the one that broke that brian bosworth was trying to tackle and broke the tackle right no that was bow jackson that was bow jackson yeah that was a fun game we should do that more often it was bow jackson we just sit here and ponder i mean listen they'll cut it out it'll look better finally tickets still available for our live show in los angeles that's right that's right you guys are not going to want to miss this one we're getting fired up for this one we're getting fired up put things together i can't wait to shoot jason right in the face with a t-shirt cannon and he's never gonna see it coming guests are starting to come out and when they do come out i'm assuming these last few tickets will go quickly so if you're on the fence just know that once these guests get announced uh it which we are not 100 sure on so we're not going to announce them right now but we we have some leads leads yeah we got the guys over there working in shifts all right uh the link in description to buy is uh down below this video if you will be in the la area around when are we doing this again like june june 15th 15th yeah there we go june 15th all right that does it for new news brought to you by american express thank you to our presenting sponsor adobe acrobat acrobat just got a big upgrade now you can make a ton of changes to pdfs in seconds by simply chatting with acrobat's ai 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jason hit him with that veteran wisdom rushing to your flight isn't the play you gotta find an escape inside the airport that's where american express platinum card comes in handy yes because when you're a card member you can step away from the chaos and into the comfort of a lounge who doesn't love a good lounge i love a good lounge with amex platinum you can enjoy access to over 1550 airport lounges through the largest global lounge network as compared to other credit card companies as of july 2025 you walk in it's calm relax enjoy a top-notch meal maybe it's a destination before the destination if you're catching what i'm saying i am catching what you're saying that's right it makes airports more enjoyable that's the bottom line and that's a veteran move if you travel a lot you know award-winning service when you see it that's right and it's true what they say there's nothing like platinum terms apply learn more at american express.com slash with platinum thank you to our partner sleep number what's something that as you get older becomes tougher on your body travel housework workouts for me it's recovery nice sleep number knows that as you go through life your body changes your sleep needs change too it's time your mattress adjusts to you night after night all sleep number mattresses have adjustable firmness by changing the firmness on your side of the mattress you get the support the comfort and the relief your body needs that day plus sleep number tests and designs the products to last 25 years and provide comfort through different phases of life learn more at sleepnumber.com or visit a sleep number store near you and that leads us into no dumb questions which is brought to you by the greatest mattress company ever created who's that travis sleep number very good um reminder you can pre-order our no dumb questions book right now at kelsey clubhouse um we have a few no dumb questions one is from hls eifert hls eifert hl stifler what pokemon character best represents the eagles and the chief the eagles and the chiefs i'm assuming that's what yeah the hashtag bulbous are i think people just like saying bulbous are i feel like snorlax best represents myself uh as for the eagles it's got to be a pokemon with some attitude a little bit of grit to it what's a gritty pokemon what is a gritty pokemon like onyx i kind of want to look at some pokemon because i haven't played pokemon in a while definitely have to go with the original i think charmander would be like a charizard i think would be a chief for sure similar kind of color way oh there we go this helps okay similar color way but is there a team that is more associated with fire that's weird that there's no teams like you have the flames in hockey right there's no like fire teams in the nfl right am i blanking on one i don't know was zapados p a good one electric i mean yeah it's got to be a bird right so you got zapados you got why does it have to be a bird well it's eagle oh you're talking about you all right uh so we got zapados little zapados right here one of the ice birds i think it started with like an a maybe there's like an a bird a bird i kind of think i'm i keep coming back to zapados who we could be one of the bats what were the bats called those things are fucking annoying as shit they just they kept fucking showing up next sirianni's famous flower speech there's that one flying flower um i kind of feel what's the goat what's the haunted one the ghost one that flies around that's what i feel like the birds it's purple not the right color way but kind of it's got some menacingness to it i got nothing in my in the cards i've already opened you're thinking of ghastly there's ghastly there's gingar gingar zoo bat i believe is the bat zoo bat zoo bat articuno was the a bird you're trying to think of articuno i'm gonna go zapados zapados that's the bird yeah little zappy i think we're at charizard man charizard going full evolution petty mahomes throwing fire what is travis kelsey i think we already went through this i'm the like the mime oh yeah we've already done that bit all right if you had to live in one disney movie forever which would you choose and why okay christian oh four man one disney movie could live in it forever damn that's a good fucking question oh how do you just one heavyweights you just want to live at the heavyweights camp forever camp hope um get on that blob man does look fun patch that thing back up come on now have you ever been on a blob never man i've been fucking dreaming about being on a blob since heavyweights came out in the 90s well let's fucking make it happen travis all right let's fucking do it now get me on a blob i'm saying heavyweights man that shit was so fucking funny i was gonna find out where you get a blob from all the fat kids when we were growing up they were ended up being the funniest most enjoyable to be around it's true fat people are just better you didn't get good until you got fat i didn't yeah nobody liked me until i became as i get skinny people hate me more and more what's jason's i kind of want to go alice in wonderland just for just for eifert or cypher i got a little bulbasaur for you what are you saying you're going which one i'm gonna go alice in wonderland that shit was wild alice in wonderland or alice in wonderland alice in wonderland i could dig that i guess super trippy you're right kind of scary yeah but i mean eventually you kind of get used to it right i don't know yeah alice seemed to it probably if i'm going my favorite one i'm going i'm going aladdin just have a genie around all day can do whatever i want well the only thing you get three well no you do but the first wish you do is you wish for more wishes and then you set him free and then he's just your friend but he still has the power somehow is that how it works did you just make up your own version aladdin at the end of aladdin they he sets him free and then i think he still is like around and the other aladdins they make like multiple no way they made more than one aladdin oh yeah i think there's like three there's at least three of them i'm pretty sure where the fuck have i been i i have not watched them either to be honest with you but there are multiple aladdins yes you cannot ask for more wishes but you can grant him freedom and then he becomes your friend that's the way you get the genie you grant him freedom then he's your friend but he still has power so he still can kind of fuck around that's the point of him being free is that he doesn't get put under the spell of only giving three wishes and going back in the i know but for some reason when they set him free in multiple iterations he still had powers and then he was still helping with his powers man i gotta watch that again that doesn't sound like it's right well it's a good lesson for kids if you want something you know and you ask you only get like three times before somebody's like this guy's fucking annoying as shit but if you are good to them and you give them freedom they'll help you out and you do something for them then they'll help you out in perpetuity all right which disney movie are you so out on that you would never even want to live in that movie yeah what's my least favorite disney movie i don't know let me look at let me look up i'm gonna go i'm gonna look for help i don't know you go first do you think of one i probably say it's hard to do like what do we mean when we're living in them are we becoming like a specific character sounds like yeah like you got to live in that world all right if we're doing that then i'm going hunchback in notre dame i don't want to be that yeah living in a fucking tower and just fucking ringing bells and i don't even remember what the positive end of that story was well he hit the girl i don't think i think he's just like they were like friends i don't think he got her like she like kissed a frog or something and he became cute no that's and that's the other one is beauty and the beast i feel like that that's the most fucked up story that i feel like there is in what beauty and the beast yeah the beast can't become handsome i mean it feels like the message is like hey no matter how bad and ugly this person is you can change them another good one is shrek shrek is a banger that's a great one that's a very fun one that one that that's i don't believe a disney movie but that is a banger i think it's a kid's movie we'll accept it i don't that's uh what dreamworks or it's one of the ones that's not disney associated i'm pretty sure pixar is disney i think it's dreamworks one of those animated studios is an offshoot it's not disney i don't yeah i have four kids travis just trust me i think pixar was once on its own and then it became you are correct on that i believe i don't think it was always a part of disney but now it is all right that does it for no dumb questions brought to you by sleep number all right let's get to our convo with colin jost this conversation is brought to you by mentos the fresh maker all right here goes colin all right our guest today is a writer comedian and ferry boat owner from harvard university that's right he's a two-time emmy winner five-time wga award winner and a new york times best-selling author and the winner of on the college edition of weakest link you know from his host of pop culture jeopardy or from his almost 400 episodes on snl as the longest tenured anchor of weekend update please 92 percenters welcome colin jones let's fucking go here we go baby here we go i gotta savor the best that best intro i've ever gotten where were you for every time i did stand up that come on listen if you how how many are you still doing stand-up time out let's get to this yeah yeah yeah i'll still tour a little i mean now just with kids like less than i used to but i'll still probably do maybe 50 shows a year something like that oh wow hell yeah that's fucking badass yeah jason's always wanted to do it i'm terrified of ever doing it um for people that want to that would ever want to do stand-up what's your best advice get ready to suck i mean you know you it's different for you guys like you guys would already have instincts about it that are better but when you're starting out It's just, it's, it's sort of brutal for a while. Cause even things you're like, Oh, that's good. You get out there and the rhythm's off or something, but you know, some people are just naturally funny. And so you'd get away, you would already have a headstart. Are there a lot of Harvard grads in Stan? Like obviously I know, um, uh, Conan, but are there, is there like a pipeline of Harvard to comedian? There are like, uh, there was a guy, Dan Mintz, who was really funny. Who was, uh, who did stand up when I was there. Uh, he still does stand up. He's a voice on Bob's burgers. And he's been BJ Novak when he was in the office, he did stand up around that time too. I think there's more younger people that do it now that, that are there, but there, it wasn't a huge thing. It wasn't like, uh, there wasn't a lot of performers like Conan came from there. He did, but he didn't, I don't think he ever really did stand up. I think he more did like sketch stuff and then became, and then did, you know, tonight show. So you didn't go to Harvard to, to do stand up. It didn't help. They begged me not to that certain image. We want, we'd like to uphold at this institution. Uh, I went there weirdly to do economics and then quickly abandoned that, uh, pursuit. There was someone at school with me who had written a book called homeless to Harvard about their journey to Harvard. And I feel like now I have to write a book called Harvard to ferry. I'm like going, trying to go the opposite way. Starting economics, end up in ferry. There we go. Perfect. Well, uh, speaking of sketch comedy, we do have the SNL final finale coming up this weekend. Pretty awesome one. Will Ferrell and Paul McCartney. It's hard to beat that. That's not, it's so good. People are like, is this the last episode? Where do we go from here? I know we had will on here and we talked about his time on SNL and just cop comedian in general. But one of the things he said that I, I still take with me is just full set. He's like, if you want to do and you want to be a great comedian or, and it's probably works for anything in life, but you commit hard. Where do you fall in line with that advice? Like, is that what you've kind of feel like is given you as much success in SNL as well? Yes, definitely. There was, there was no other plan. There was no like plan B. I feel like it was either going to work out or I was just not going to do anything. Uh, but he will is will. The other thing about will, it's so great is he always keeps a little bit of an, an element of surprise, which is so nice on a live show. It's insane, man. He would come in with like a different kind of costume and element. You didn't like just adds an ascot or whatever, like something that you didn't expect. And, and when he enters the scene, even the people in the scene are like, all right, let's quit it. And he, and just the fun, he has a genuine level of fun that he brings. Like he would come when he was hosting and he used to do this when he was in the cast, he would, he just would come into the writer's room and he would wear like a, scarf and glasses and he would say he was a writer that they brought in from LA for the week. And he would just sit there and be listening and he'd be like, Hmm, yeah, maybe that, that one line, maybe you flip it. I could see if you didn't maybe just flip it. And then he'd like order lunch immediately. Long elaborate lunch order. And just like a guy that likes doing, doing bits is the best energy. Oh my gosh. It's fucking, it's so important. It's so impressive, man. I can't say in a bit to save my fucking life, man. And this dude just does it just every, every minute of the day. It feels like, um, when you first, when you first jumped into a weekend update, the first one that you ever did, were you terrified? Oh my God. So, so good. Well, the problem was it was even weirder because I had been there as a writer. Like I had just become head writer. Like I felt like I was doing well as a writer and I'd been doing standup, but I was really doing a ton of SNL writing. And so I, at first I worried, like I was going to be so bad that I would lose both jobs. They'd be like, you're so bad on camera. We're also taking away your pen. We're not even letting you write anymore. And I was so nervous. Like I remember just like drinking bourbon before I went on to calm my nerves and just the adrenaline immediately just burned it off. And it was weird because it was also like, I was doing it in front of all my peers who I had been working with the whole crew who I'd been working with. But then it's suddenly you're in a totally different role and, and you're really self-conscious about it. Yeah. I can only imagine now that you've been doing it for a while. Is there one is what's harder writing or performing? Um, I, I think writing is harder. Like it's hard to do. I don't know. I still find writing is hard. Like you, it never gets really easy, but performing is just a whole other skill that, that, uh, you don't know if you have until you're doing it. Like it's, it's really hard to work at. You can get better for sure. Like you can work at acting, you can work, like it's a skill you can develop, but you also kind of need some spark or something that you don't, I don't know what it is, but you need something. And it's something that comes across on camera that is a little less, I don't know, definable. I don't know. Oh yeah. Especially when it's fucking live. Yeah. I mean, I think whatever else, I do in life will feel easier because even if I do a movie, I'm like, Oh, I can get another take. It's so liberating. Like we never get a second shot. And as a writer too, like you'll write something and if there's a, something goes wrong or someone flubs a line or something, there's a technical cue. You never get to do it again, which is, and so when something actually goes the way you imagine it, you feel like it's a miracle. Like you pulled it off and you know, you're, you're, you're so grateful that it came together. As you know, I'm sure there's, you know, there's, and I'm sure, you know, too, there's things you think are going to work and then they don't, they, they, you know, and, and then there's things you're, you're like, I don't know, maybe I'll try it. And then maybe it was something that surprised you when you hosted that work, you know? Oh, not even just on SNL. There's stuff in the football world that I'm like, this will guarantee happen. Coach, can we just put this in? And then we try it in practice. And there's like, it gets gloved and nothing. And I'm just sitting there like coaches, right? He knows what he's doing. He told me that wouldn't work. That's good. I'm glad to know that happens there too. You've been working on the show for 20 plus fucking years now. There's still like some starstruck moments or any hosts or musical guests that are just like, Holy shit. Yeah. I mean, still like, I mean, I felt Paul McCartney is someone that's still, even though he's been come around a bunch and it's just the coolest guy ever. Just the smooth cat. Yeah. Like just like my, I remember this last year he was, he was there for the 50th anniversary. You know, he was, he played, which was one of the most incredible ways you could end an episode of television is to have him play the last three songs from Abbey road. I mean, that was just seeing everyone from the original cast or people who were there like watching in tears. What a great member, you know, moment. And there was, he was doing rehearsal. And so I told my parents who are a huge fan and they were like, I was like, come down, you got to see this rehearsal. I'll sneak you in. And he's like, I see him. He's up there playing and my dad calls and he's like, we're getting in a cab now. And I was like, and just they walk in comically like right after he had finished rehearsing. I was like, guys, and, and Paul, like he's, he can send, this is how great a human he is. He sent, I think he could almost sense that they had just missed it. And so after he finished playing, he like, came up and was like, Hey, how's it going? I'm Paul. I spent like five minutes talking to my parents and it just immediately made the whole situation like even better than if they had seen him play. And it's like, he just has those instincts, you know? Absolutely. It was great to see him try to get through crowded into the building with, and he's just wearing a hood and someone's like, sir, you can't just walk in here. And he just like puts the hood up a little. He's like, right this way. You can do whatever you need. Sir. Yeah. Are you and Michael Shea going to do a joke swap at the finale? Please. Oh my God. That's two weeks away. So it's like, we haven't planned. I couldn't tell you anything yet about it, but I mean, we'll see. I'm sure we'll try to brainstorm some version of it. See if we can come up with something that would feel, feel satisfying. It's hard to keep. And also I'm, I don't know if you noticed that a little bit of a structural disadvantage. The time I feel like I got him the most nervous. Cause he's, he's such a Kendrick Lamar fan. When I started getting him talking, weighing in on the feud, like talking directly to Kendrick, I could tell he was really, really genuinely worried about what I was going to make him say. Now I got him. Now you know what it's like for me every time. But I'm open to ideas. Have you guys got any pitches? Yeah. We are the last. Like you said, I can't even put a sentence together. Actually. I am curious. So for that, like for that bit, that's been one of the most like longest tenured bits at this point. Right. Within SNL. Like what is the process for that? Do you guys have any idea going into it? I know they do the rehearsal like right before the show, but like how much of a wild card are you truly like on the hook of like, what is it? What am I about to get? Oh, well, so we have people ask about it. Well, it's, you know, there's, we have a, a dress rehearsal, but at the dress rehearsal, so we do totally different jokes yes and sometimes sometimes they're more tame sort of to lull the other person into a false sense of security this one's actually this is not that bad and then sometimes they're actually a little harsher because you can you know you can make him say one thing that's not gonna not gonna air there's really been ones where i've where i said he made me say a joke and the host that week came up to me after and was like are you okay it was like he he can't do that to you like that kind of vibe it evolved because it started where we just wanted another chance to do jokes that the censor had stopped so we we originally did it as just jokes that we weren't able to tell early in the year and then i perhaps foolishly suggested wouldn't it be fun if we did it in a different way and then i was like well what was coming uh and so it was like oh that made sense to give it to each other and i remember shay being like okay all right sure and i was like yeah i really brought it on myself well thank you for doing it because it's one of the entire like fans of snl's favorite bits man it is thrilling to do even though it is also terrifying and my family every year is is very worried for me i remember i remember my mom saying like a rosa parks graphic came up and my mom was like i was just i thought our whole family was gonna end we're gonna have to just shut down the family are we using the word bit correctly this is another thing there's like yeah like yeah i think so i would say that too all right i feel like there's they're a little bit interchangeable like i would say this i would describe that as a bit nice okay yes yeah yes for travis fuck you jason thank you to our partner mentos some people are creatures of habit ordering from the same restaurant watching the same show doing the same routine day in day out and look no judgment but that's not for everybody 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when you see the flavors ring pop and you go what does that taste like and you taste you go no that's really bad it really does taste like a ring pop cherry brings me back to like being at the town pool as a kid yeah hammering ring pops brandon you needed some electrolytes huh i'm it's a rough weekend boys hydrated i'm hydrated now he's got that nostalgia flavor bursting with tart cherry notes and the hydration you need just one stick in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster than water alone because of liquid iv hydra science an optimized ratio of electrolytes essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients enters ordinary water into extraordinary hydration and comes in other delicious sugar-free flavors like white peach rainbow sherbet strawberry watermelon and more say yes to unforgettable moments this summer with liquid iv's new hydration multiplier in sugar-free ring pop tear poor live more go to liquid iv.com and get 20 off your first purchase with code new heights and checkout thank you to our sponsor allstate checking allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance not checking if your ac is working before the first hot day nothing like sweating through a 90 degree afternoon while waiting for the repair guy yeah checking first is the right move so check allstate first for an auto quote it could save you hundreds you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability allstate north american insurance company and affiliates northbrook illinois i did want to ask you one other thing which i don't even know if we're putting this um dude for weekend update is it harder now with how much the news cycle changes like you guys start writing this stuff usually like that week earlier in it yes i mean it all gets thrown it all gets thrown out now like if you have you could have a joke you love on monday and it's completely irrelevant like so we we do most of it now on friday and saturday like friday and saturday now it's just wall to wall because it's all it all it's all different now it's like that's completely changed since when i started and even the cold opens like we used to have cold opens that we wrote for the table read on wednesday and they would still make sense as this the top story now it's all different now it's all different now it's all different now like the top story is never the same between wednesday and saturday so most of the cold opens now we write on friday and saturday too the times is changing they are just changing that's fucking awesome though man before we go anywhere though we got to take a take a peek at this uh this 2005 card we have here a little mbc universal baby oh my god wow oh i feel like the sideburns the sideburns are so long they may go underneath and connect under my chin i was going to say you do a little abe lincoln you just had to just straight along the chin it also looks i'm wearing like a like a such a flesh colored t-shirt that almost looks like i came shirtless to work this is still this is still my id so that photo still comes up for the security guard and you can tell every time he's like wait a second this is still your photo he brushed that hair forward real quick for me this is still what i yeah i'm kidding i'm that's hilarious it doesn't go it doesn't go forward anymore thank you for showing yep you're clear you're good and it was just a different i was just a different place in my life you know the burns man what was the hiring process besides this wonderful photo i just walked up with that badge and i was like people don't know it's just a sign up sheet that's it yeah uh the process was i wrote i wrote a packet of like six sketches um and people we still you know the when i was head writer like we still read hundreds of submission packets every summer oh wow everyone goes through so it really people's stuff gets read who submit to the show um and we still hire people from just from packs if something makes you laugh it's kind of it's a rare thing like if you read a packet and and you still and something really genuinely just makes you laugh reading it that's a really good sign because that's that's rare to do yeah sure but i submitted a i submitted a packet one year before i got hired at the wrong time like i didn't even know when to send it in and so i sent it in and then clearly no one ever read it because it was not a time they were looking for writers and then i submitted uh in the summer and and tina was uh was a one of the head writers there harper steel was another head writer there and they just read they liked some of the sketches that i wrote i was very very lucky and so i came in and interviewed with them and then i and then i had to interview with lauren the same day which luckily i didn't even know i was gonna have to do why do you say that yeah well because i would have been so nervous i was less i had less time to worry about it because they were like and we're just gonna have you go interview with lauren i was like oh sure cool got it yeah let's do it because you're so nervous i mean actually will ferrell i don't know if you know this story but he went to interview with lauren and he as a bit like came with a huge suitcase full of money and so he was like i'm gonna go in and be like lauren if you're on the fence maybe this would change your mind and open the suitcase and then he said he went into me with lauren carries in the suitcase in lauren's office and is instantly so nervous that he never does the bit and so then they have the whole interview and then he's just like and it seems like he's like gonna get the job so he's like um it was great to meet you mr michaels thank you just stands up with a suit so it's like it was in a way even crazier that he thought i brought a suitcase to a comedy interview and never did the bit so legendary so i interviewed lauren and then one of the producers was like stick around for a while and i was like okay so i didn't know what that meant and then he just put me in a writer's office to just sit there and wait to see i didn't know for what i didn't know what it meant and so i'm in this office for like an hour two hanging out just like alone and then the phone rings in the office like this random writer's office and so instinctively i was like i guess i'll answer it i mean if he's office i just pick up the phone and the one of the producers who's there also in the building tells me that i got hired so i'm sitting there it was so awesome i was sitting he called me from another office and i just answered a random telephone and was told i got hire yeah tina fey philadelphia legend what was it like being in there first year going into a room like that oh very intimidating i mean and she was such a she had written so many sketches that i love i didn't even know until i was there like she had written all these like there was one where christopher walken is the census taker i don't know if you've ever seen that one back in the day it's like him and tim meadows you got to watch it it's just it's just like pure random nonsense basically and which is the kind of sketch i love right you know i love i love and it's so well every line is a joke and christopher walken who's one of the best it was so good in it but she had written so many great sketches too so it's a very intimidating head writer to to put you know to submit sketches to and there was a lot happening that year because a lot of people like i started with kristin wigg jason sudeikis bill hater and andy sandberg we were all new together which is a lot of fun which is a lot of fun which is a lot of fun which is just an insane truly one of the best groups of people to come in and think about to the show and all and that was it they were the four actors that came in and then two writers who worked with andy with the lonely island who came in and brian tucker who had worked at chapelle's show and that was our group that we started with and uh there were all these cast members that were kind of in their in their last year so it was a big transition year it was the year like tina was leaving maya rudolph was leaving rachel dratch was leaving a lot of people who had been there and tina was starting 30 rock so that that was like that process was happening that year we saw all that like the show starting up and so we as a group like all these new people we started figuring out getting our stuff on onto the show like how we could sneak in um and there were some incredible i was looking back at the episodes from that year and there's just crazy pairings like steve martin and prince was a show um my first episode was steve carell and kanye which was just a walk-in kanye first episode uh tom hanks and the red hot chili peppers was a show which was pretty awesome love it love it jack black and neil young pretty jesus and then it was like all these great shows and then the last episode i just saw the season finale was kevin spacey and nelly furtado it's like i was like i'm sure nelly furtado is so happy to have that ticket for in their house now oh my god they're like what'd you do snl with um this guy kevin what a great what a great seat but it was really it was pretty cool and so many of those people were like my idols was it always snl for you was that always like the gig once you dropped out of economics or yeah everyone if you leave economics you're just like all right that's the way to go we have a ton of just former bankers mostly we i i do i would have worked anywhere i mean i would have worked you know i applied everywhere i applied and just didn't you know i applied to letterman i applied to you know conan i applied to the daily show i wrote specs i wrote a spec script of uh arrested development when it was on i wrote a spec script of scrubs like shows that were on at that time and just didn't get didn't get traction anywhere but i would have of course loved to work at snl i think i didn't let myself believe i could yeah um and so then when it worked out it was like i i you know holy shit yeah it was incredible and it was luckily because i did drop out of a sort of normal job i think it made it easier on my parents that it was a show they had heard of instead of you know going somewhere where they would be still very worried about me so it was it was good well i i gotta know you've mentioned all of these ridiculous guests hosts um musical artists what was it like having travis kelsey honest take on travis kelsey as a host fantastic i hope you know i hope you know yeah first of all i thought it was a great show i don't know how how it compared to others man but i the entire week i was like over the fucking moon dude it was insane no you had the you had a perfect approach to it obviously you know the show you and you threw yourself into it absolutely committed everything and and i mean i hope you come and do it again it would be fantastic well do you do are there any is there any coaching maybe for his next uh coach me up coach me up i i've got no i'll look through the game i'll go i'll get in the phone room i'll mark a couple things out late entrance here we're dead weight inflections wrong here i'll get in there i'll go i'll do a section one from australia to british halfway through i'm sure the notes would all be for our own on our own side like we should have written a better joke here there were some standouts too having a meal in the american girl store that was really good oh my fucking god i should go back and watch that i mean it's absolutely hilarious i had so much fun doing that one i was like i'll be a creep you were a little too good at it to be honest with you it was a little i think it was you had spent like months at that just doing research it was a method of getting porterhouses the entire time there yeah and then you spent like months after you hosted there too and you were kind of really trying to get people to notice oh he's really trying to get my name out there you still get like 10 off food there right like any time like a lifetime only the steaks the really high plate high price steaks and they still card me colin they still card me every time i go in and i don't understand i'm not ordering it i'm not ordering alcohol or anything that i've gained of age nikki glazer hosted and i did a sketch with her that was like american girl they make a larger version of the american girl dolls and then instantly it's just like guys coming in like yeah i'll get one of those that's a banger how did it compare for you like what you thought going in because it's such a blur once you're going it must be such a blur that day that's the thing i i went into it you like with zero expectations i was like the one thing i wanted to do was like just be a teammate let everybody like tell you what like what to do how to do it where to go don't try and put certain twists on any of the like writing or anything like that just go in there and like be present and enjoy the fucking ride and i think it was the coolest experience i've ever had in my life like it was snl s i got a i got a text from uh peyton manning giving me advice on he was like dude just buckle up and and enjoy the the roller coaster and and just dive in just be all in on everything that they're telling you and that was the best thing i could have heard at that moment because i was going into it blind not knowing how everybody was so goddamn funny on snl but then i quickly realized after jumping into all the little writing rooms and and hearing everybody uh trying um not necessarily pitch me apart but get me to understand a part of the story and i was like oh my god i'm not going to do that and i was like oh my god i'm not going to do that at all and i was like oh my god i'm not going to do that at all um just how talented everyone is up there and and how much of like a family and unity it is up there so um i just went in i just went in with you know zero expectations and hoping that i didn't fuck it up on saturday no no not at all i mean it's the thing you realize too is you know the writers are also nervous and also trying to figure it out like you know they don't necessarily know what's going to work and they're trying to figure out what's fun for you to do or what what would be a good look for you to do and i was like oh my god i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that for you to in a scene or world for a scene you know which is where if i did it again i would actually be able to tell them oh i can do this kind of accent i can do this like i just went in there and somebody asked me all right do you have any accents you can do i'm just like fuck we don't want to take up too much more time we got a last section we got no friends nowhere to go i have nothing never mind then we'll be here i don't want to see my kids uh you are starting uh season two of pop culture jeopardy oh yeah on netflix that's right um you are uh an economic harvard uh well i guess you didn't graduate with economy but economics i graduated in pop culture there we go would you be would you be better at regular jeopardy or pop culture jeopardy oh 100 100 regular yes and i'm not i don't think i'd be very good at jeopardy like i'm not i'm not really a good trivia the thing i realized i said it almost is like a yogi bearer phrase i literally told someone i'm good at trivia if i know the answer like uh-huh right there's certain things i know well but i don't have a there's a i have huge blind spots in regular in anything but jeopardy i the the level of knowledge and and the breadth of knowledge that people have as jeopardy contestants is so impressive it's crazy pop culture is even is even crazier to me because it changes so much and there's so many eras of pop culture and this is definitely weighted more recent you know which is sad because when there's the category about the 90s that's the one i feel like i can get i'm on this yeah yeah and then but and weirdly sometimes that that's a category where no one will get an answer now. And that just makes me feel very sad and old. As two guys who are also of the plus one fraternity and have this same experience, how nice is it to be the less famous person in your relationship? Huge relief. It's really funny. Cause I feel like it's, I think I'm probably almost approached more because she's less approachable. So you know what I mean? Because I'm on TV. I have like a lesser, people are just like, I'm in their living room. So they were just like, Hey, what's up, man? How's it going? She's actually almost like so famous that they don't read. They don't believe it. A lot of times too. Like I we've been, we've been traveling and we've been standing at the passport check and the person's looking at her passport and he'll be like, has anyone ever told you you look like Scarlett Johansson? Genuinely, like genuinely asking. And not realize even though he's looking at her name because he's like, it would be weirder if it was her and just give it back to her and not think it's, it was a, it's a really kind of awesome plus ones out there. The other thing I've noticed too, is that if we're ever ordering food, you know, the order is not going to be right. Cause if we like go to like go buy a sandwich or something, she'll order and the person will recognize her and then doesn't write down nothing about the sandwich. She'll be distracted. All the ingredients are wrong. Yeah. We'll open the sandwich and nothing is really funny. It's like bread and, and just like a pickle. Yeah, it's a good, it's good. If I feel like it's a, we can, we can, you know, commiserate. Yeah, that's right. I'm on the team. So hard. You also get, it was hard as a stand as a, as a standup, because I would have jokes about either someone, the idea of dating or the idea of marriage, or what that is. I just can't, there's nothing that will, I can't be like, she's nagging me about this. Everyone's like, shut the fuck up. It eliminated that part of standup. All right. Well, can you please tell us our next question? Can you please tell us about the time Jimmy Buffett saved your life? Oh my God. With pleasure. I was, it was really a pretty, I mean, RIP. What a great dude. Like really, I was, I was randomly seated next to him at a dinner in at, like it was, I was there with a, I was dating a girl at the time. It was who was there with friends who were working advice magazine. And, and I was just randomly seated next to him and I had never met him before. And I didn't know it was him. And so it was like over the course of dinner. And he was like, talk, I was, I surf and he heard that. And he was like, Oh, he just wanted to talk about surfing. Cause he loves, he loves surfing. And I was like, Oh my God. And he was like, Oh my God. And I was like, why don't you surf tomorrow morning out? And like, I think it's like the West coast of, uh, of St. Bart's like more remote area. Why don't you come surf? And I was like, Oh my God, of course. This is fantastic. So I went to meet him and a meet, I got there and I kind of immediately thought, realized that maybe it was a thing where he said like, Oh, you should come by sometime, but did it mean, did it mean it? You know what I mean? And he's like, yeah, come hang. And I was like, great. I will. I'll be there tomorrow morning. And suddenly I was like, am I psychotic that I just took him up on this? And it was just like him and his, him and his family. And then there was like a surf instructor that it was out there that was just kind of helping them. And, uh, he lent me a board and we went out and I kind of was hanging back and they all caught waves like in a row at this. And again, no one was there. It was kind of amazing. Like no one was at this break. It was like a nice sort of five, six foot wave rolling in. And, and then I finally was like, I'm going to catch a wave. And I caught a wave. And I remember when we were going out swimming out, Jimmy was like, be careful when you get into shallower water. Cause there's a lot of rocks. Like don't, don't ride it all the way in. Yeah. And again, cause it's him and I'm talking to him and I'm excited. I didn't pay any of the advice and then rode the wave all the way in and went to turn around on my board and paddle back. And I like couldn't paddle forward. And I was like, I don't know. I didn't know why. And then I realized that my leash had been stuck under one of the famous rocks he had told me about. And I couldn't get out and the waves were coming. And so I couldn't get reached down and get, I was like trying to tug it out, which probably was making it worse. And I, I was stuck and he was like, are you okay in there? And again, I was like trying to play it cool. So I was like, Oh yeah, I love it. I love all this water I'm swallowing. I'm doing great. And then I started getting like kind of nervous. Cause I couldn't get loose. Uh, of this rock. And so he sort of sensed it and had, or his, you're the instructor there had like a knife knife. Yeah. Then he just probably for this reason, like to, if someone got like the way you would in scuba diving, like have a little night. And so he swam and cut my leash, uh, off and got me out. And then literally he was like, I think that down the beach might be more your speed. Like that might, you might like it over there. And so, and then I was, and then of course I was like, Oh no, I destroyed Jimmy's leash. And so like the next morning I went to, I found like a surf shop in St. Bart's where a leash costs like $2,000. I'd say it's the same part's leash. And then bought it and brought it all the way back to, cause I was like, I can't leave him with this broken leash. And of course, like he wasn't there. And the guy who was there was like, you did not need to do this. He has like a hundred lead. It's fine. But I was like, I should do this. And then, uh, and that's the last, last time that I got the server. All right. The legend, man. Very cool. Incredible. God damn. That's good. Lastly, what's your welcome to SNL moment? Uh, like, what do you mean? Like when I was welcome there, like, or, or if I welcome someone, it's more like we asked this to like NFL players, anybody in their field. Like when, when was it where you were like, Oh my God, I'm doing it. I'm doing this. Like I'm at a welcome to Hollywood moment. Welcome to the NFL. Oh yeah. That. Yeah. Yeah. One of them was, I was like getting, uh, like I was doing pretty well as a writer. And I remember Lorne saying, can you come into my office? And I went into his office and Mick Jagger was there. And he was like, Mick Jagger is doing a show in Indianapolis tomorrow. Do you have any jokes he could do? Oh man. What? Yeah. And I was like, what? You know, I'm thinking like of all things, Mick Jagger needs, it's not just, he doesn't need, he could say anything and people are going to scream. And on the spot, I was like, uh, just trying to think about what I was like, do you want to joke about Indianapolis? Like what, what kind of jokes? I was like, what jokes do you do normally? Uh, Mr. Jagger. That was, that was definitely a, I don't even know what I said. I feel like I was, cause I also wasn't even, didn't even know he was going to be in there. Um, that was like, that was a real, uh, welcome to Hollywood moment. And then, um, uh, God, I'm trying to think of like what another, what another one is for me. Like there's just like, I don't know through the, I think the, one of the ones still even more recent, which was just like a keep, it's like keeping it in mind as I go through, uh, through it. Cause I still have ones that are shocking when I put them in context. And I remember doing opening for Chappelle at radio city, which was like a couple of dreams come true. That's like, that was really awesome. And then I was going to LA and he was going to LA and he was like, come do a, let's go to a Lakers game. And so like, we went to a Lakers game together and we're in, we're in like the player. They just immediately, wherever he goes, they're like, wherever you, you want to go in the stadium, you're welcome. So like we're in the players tunnel and he's like, we should, do you want to smoke? And I'm like, sure. I never, I never smoked, but I was like, I need dish. I was like, I would want to smoke a city. I'm sure. I'm like, sure. No problem. Uh, I would love that. I'll, I'll look totally natural doing it. We're smoking in, in, you know, in Lakers arena there and it's staple center. Yeah. And then. Someone's like, do you want to meet a cream Abdul-Jabbar? He's over here. He's like, there's a little lounge. It's like cream. It's just like a couple of people hanging out, like cream Abdul-Jabbar. That was a moment where I just was thinking, this is a great, like what a wonderful combination of folks to, to be in a little, little lounge. That's a pitch me moment. That's, that sounds like a fucking dream. Yeah. And it's, it's very nice when you get to work with people that you, that you love, of, especially, you know, it's an athlete, yourself included, like LeBron, Ron coming to host, Peyton coming to host like that. Those are really those are moments that you kind of can't believe that you get to do that because you writing for people that you love, like Larry David or Julia Dreyfuss or people who are comedians is already. But then when it's an athlete, it's like a double thing of you never thought you'd get to do it or or a musician like writing something for Nicki Minaj or something. That's a totally, totally a thing, you know, different, different out of your world. It's the best. It's so cool. That's why the job is just who else gets to work with those combinations of people over those years. It's pretty amazing. I feel very I feel very lucky. Well, you should, dude. I appreciate the stories, man. Thank you for thank you for the time, the stories, all the above. Thank you for all the fucking laughs on SNL that the season 51 finale airs May 16th at 1130 Eastern. As ever. As everyone knows, and we cannot fucking wait to watch it on NBC Peacock with host Will Ferrell and musical guest Paul, Sir Paul McCartney. Enjoy it, dude. Can't wait to fucking see it, man. Pleasure. Thank you guys for having me on. I appreciate it. Oh, and also starting May 11th, new episodes of Pop Culture Jeopardy will premiere on Netflix. So every weekend. Oh, yeah. Enjoy it, ladies and gentlemen. I will say if you're a Jeopardy fan and a pop culture fan, there are some episodes that are. Incredible television, like the game play, you will blow your mind like there's a semifinals and in the finals were like, shockingly dramatic and cool. So it has nothing to do with me. The actual people playing the games are like you're going to your mind's going to be blown if you're a Jeopardy fan. It's pretty awesome. Oh, yeah. Well, fuck it. I appreciate you, dude. All righty. Thank you to Colin Jost and that conversation. Was brought to you by Mentos. And that is the end of this episode. That's right. Thank you to Colin Jost. Reminder, there are still tickets available for our New Heights live show in L.A. on June 15th. Check out the link in the description and make sure you subscribe to the New Heights channel on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Once again, New Heights is a wonder show brought to you by Adobe Acrobat. You're going to want to download it if you want to be organized and make life easier in your business world. Follow the show on all social media at New Heights show with one S for fun clips throughout the week. And thank you to our New Heights production team. We love you. And to the 92 percenters, we love you, too. We'll see you guys next week. Ooh, we're going to get some some NFL scheduling next week. We'll see how accurate we were in the Chiefs. I might not read, but I enjoy the arts. OK, I'm not doing this anymore. OK, doing what? This whole Travis. Only likes chicken fingers. All right. I'm not doing this anymore. Who said that was the case? You and you did. No, I both used to know. We never said that. You didn't like food before you started dating with Taylor. That's all I'm saying. It's bogus. And you flew out of the country to prove a point. You flew out of the country to prove me wrong personally. And I say you're welcome. I got you out there. OK, so because I don't eat mayonnaise out of a jar. And because I don't fucking eat at a restaurant that I just blindly go to and don't really enjoy goat blindly go to, says the guy who made the reservation. I blindly went there. You took me there. It was a goat is in the title. I was looking at restaurants around the area and happened to have a good star rating. But I go. Is it goat is like third word in that title. You knew it was coming. Yeah. So is lady. Does that mean I'm going to fucking eat a lady? No, I don't know. We refocus on Shakespeare. I got to admit, I've never I'll I've seen like Romeo or Romeo. Where are the road? Like I've seen like bits. I don't think I've ever seen the full Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, I have no idea. I know the premise of it essentially is like we got to get you out of love. Yep. I think we had to read Midsummer Night's Dream in high school. That's the only. Oh, yeah. That's the only Shakespeare. That's the only Shakespeare play that I've really actually read. I think we got to get a culture. We got to get culture. We did. We did Hamlet. Ooh. But I don't. I don't remember. I don't remember much. Hamlet's to be or not to be. It's like the Prince of Denmark. I played in high school. I know there's war, right? So from what other people tell me, Hamlet is like the if you're a dude, you're going to be into Hamlet is what I've been told. Hamlet or probably. I don't know how accurate that is. Probably very dude heavy, too. I actually saw Much Ado About Nothing. That's a movie. Another play I did in high school. I think I've seen Much Ado About Nothing as well. Big Shakespeare guy in high school. Don't laugh at me, Travis. What'd you play, Brandon? What was your character? I was Benedict. That's the lead, by the way. Oh! Benedict Arnold. Starting quarterback. There we go. Your boy right here also played Hamlet. Come at me, Travis. Clearly went to a very small school with not a lot of stars. You son of a bitch, Kelsey. Sure.