News Flash!

This episode of Distractible is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at Ookla Speedtest. So if you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla Speedtest. Intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Madding future Mark hates dicks, digs K-pop, trips balls, and plays whose line is it anyway? Weepy Wade tricks himself into tears, does his duty by his fluffies, assists in an orgy, and with a billionaire. Bear Moth Bob struggles with understandable strain and gets a dirty nose full. From format genius. To mushroom messiahs. It's time for News Flash. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hi and welcome back to Distractible. My name is Mark Ipplier and I'm here hosting this episode because I won last time. And if you don't know how. I'm Mark Ipplier. And I'm here to talk about the show. I'm here to talk about the show. You know, I love war. That's my favorite war drums. Love that ditty. All right, wait, help me. First of all, the song you just mentioned from K-Pop Demon Hunters is also the one that stuck out to me the most when I watched it. Golden's good. Don't get me wrong. They're all bangers, but that one also was the one that got me. I go through like phases of just wanting to get the tears rolling. So I'll seek out stuff. Like I'll watch people react to like James Blunt, like his song Monsters. Like I'll watch people react to that. I've never seen it. I'm like, yes, here we go. And I don't know why I do that, but like I'll occasionally be like, oh man, I just, you know what? I need to watch soldiers coming home videos, people reuniting with their pets videos. Like I need that today. And I'll sit here for like two hours. Just like, yes, drain my eye fluids. Why I do that. And I like movies with like somewhat predictable, cheesy, like emotional ending. Sometimes it's like. Ah, yes, I'm getting the feels out. I don't know why. Cause like, typically I'm pretty like held together, whatever. I don't cry a lot publicly or anything, but sometimes when I'm by myself, I'm just like, you know what? I want to laugh for a bit and then I want to cry my fucking eyes out and I don't know why. So give me that emotional song. Let me watch those emotional videos. Let me just feel, let me get the feels. I think we need it. I think humans need it. It's in, in today's society. We're very, well, a lot of us comfortable. You know? You know, with air conditioning and usually there's, there's obviously starvation and there's, there's famine out there in the world, but for the most part, you know, people to have the opportunity to get bored are bored because a lot of our needs are basic, basic needs are, are met. And so this kind of, it, it, it turns from being comfortable to being just in a very middle, non-dynamic state. And your average can be average because you're sitting in at literally at number five out of 10, or your average can be average because you're swinging from zero. To 10, so often, just like iron lung, you know, it's not average. There's zeros and tens, you know, it's really, really spread, but the average geo gets down. It's, it's dynamic. I think that we as, as humans need that experience and sometimes art and, um, music and movies can have that kind of cathartic balance or bring a little bit of it. We're meant to suffer. Why are we still here? Watch puppies reunite with their owners, man. It's so cute. You're right. You're so right. Other small talk. If I randomly look like I just got punched in the nuts, it's cause I fucked my neck up real good. We took James to a trampoline park and I did not jump on the trampolines, but I had to walk around on them. And at some point I did the classic almost fall down, give myself whiplash. And I just, my neck is just great. It feels really good. So I'm fine. But if I didn't point, I'm just like, Normie, I'm fine. Just old. It's out of shape. It's all good. I don't remember much about the. Past week, not gonna lie. Cause, uh, last night was a really rough night of sleep. Dogs and cat went to the vet yesterday. So we had to drop the dogs off at like 7:00 AM, which for me is like 2:30 in the morning for normal people. I actually passed out, got like four hours of sleep, took the dogs in, came back, tried to sleep a little bit. Then we had to take the cat in later. Cause he can't go into anesthesia after he had the near death experience a couple of years ago. Then we were at the vet for like an hour while they examined Keters and we got all the animals came home and Presley and ginger had to be put under for, um, dental cleanings and they were still. Kind of out of it. When we got home, Presley got sick a couple of times and he just kind of kept throughout the night, like looking at us and whining a little bit. And that proceeds or persisted throughout the night. We went to bed at like one or two last night, which for us was pretty good. But, uh, every couple of hours I woke up to Presley whining and I would try to comfort him. And then seven, eight o'clock this morning, I was like, I give up, I'm just going to go downstairs and sit with you guys. And I don't know. And then Preston was like, ah, father you're awake. Now I will sleep peacefully next to you on the couch. Yeah. Well, he was real tired after a long night, you know? Yeah. I didn't get a lot of sleep and it wasn't really good sleep, but, uh, we were worried about the babies and Molly's with them now. One of us is probably not streaming tonight because of, uh, just wanting to be there and make sure they're all right. Just, I don't know, for whatever reason, anesthesia does not sit well with Presley, but not like Keeter's did, but like he, he usually takes a day or two to be back to his old self after he gets put under. Anyway, that's all I know. I don't remember what happened prior to that. I think I've been playing a lot of Pokemon. I'll call them fan games. What does that mean? He means porns. Oh, well, no, I just, the term ROM hack sounds. It's illegal. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It might be illegal. So, so is it illegal or not illegal? No. Yeah, he knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. Okay. Only one of the three of us has a video about passing or smashing all the Pokemon and it's not me. Uh, who is it then? We'll never know. I would never point the finger at our host and I won't do it now. Okay. All right. Well, you point one forward, you got three pointing back at yourself. So. Wait, I didn't say it forward. Oh, they're pointing straight up, idiot. You got him there. Oh, man. See, the trick is you got to shove your end and point all four fingers. You got to point, you got to point aggressively. You got to point like Palpatine. Like, you, it was you that wanted to smash the Pokemon. Bring me the God of War. Unlimited Pokemon. Double. Nobody likes Garbodor except me. This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet is ridiculously easy to set up with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month. But here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now has the fastest 5G Home Internet, according to the experts at Ookla Speed Test. No, seriously. Their 5G Home Internet speeds are officially the fastest, which means that when you're downloading all your movies that aren't mine, every single one except for mine, you'll get them at the fastest speeds possible, along with all your video calls and uploading files and maybe even streaming something in the background, you know. And yeah, it is still a great value. Backed by a five-year price guarantee, so your bill doesn't slowly creep up when you're not paying attention. So if you want the fastest 5G Home Internet with a simple setup and savings that actually stick, head over to t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability today. Fastest based on Ookla Speed Test intelligence data. Second half 2025. All rights reserved. Tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college. That's why she shops at BJ's Wholesale Club, saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods, even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids? And with BJ's gas, she gets there for less. They call me the road warrior. This is your home, road warrior mom. Home of the save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's, home of the save. Now, you're probably wondering why Wade got the segue point. I remember what I said back then. So yeah, I sure am. It's going to earn him the privilege of going first in this lovely competition. Now, this is going to take a little explaining. I know the last time I tried to explain a game, people at home, mostly the listeners, were like, brains. Exploding. Comprehension plummeted. Test scores took a nosedive, you know. It'll be simple. We're doing News Flash. Like. No. Get porn off your brain, man. It's like the Who's Line game. News Flash. Uh-huh. So what I have collected are various news stories, real news stories that have occurred over the past month or so. So I'm stretching a bit farther back in time. But for the most part, it's relatively topical news stories. When one of you is going, you will be the man out in the field with your microphone and listening in closely. That person will have to, by the honor system, minimize their riverside so that they can't see us. And they will just be blind out in the field because I'm going to share with the other person, in this case, Bob, what the article is. So Bob and I will both be asking the man in the field questions about the news story that the editors will put behind him. So I'll link the articles to the editor so there'll be pictures, maybe video if we can find some royalty-free video to make it make sense. And we will be asking the host out in the field, or the person out in the field, the reporter, questions, and they have to guess what the news article is. It could be the title of the news article. It could be the general concept of what is happening behind him. Make sense? Okay. I've not seen this game in like 20 years, but you know what? I remember it, and I'm sure I will be fine. Seeing the actual game on the show, I don't think helps in any way, as long as you understand the premise. Well, it kind of gives you an idea of what questions to ask or how to answer them to get clues. So I don't remember any of that. I will judge this in a kind of similar way to the drawing one, where they will be, I'll give points based on how well your questions are helping the person. And obviously, I'm part of that. But my questions will not have any factor in on the other person's scores. I'm just there to give you the other person's scores. I'm just there to give the other person time to think so that they don't have to constantly barrage. And how it worked on the show, whose line is two people were asking, one person on the field. Wade, in this case, you would be Colin Mockery, because they almost always had him on the field. Did anyone else ever go into the field? I think maybe Ryan did once, but it was like Colin was clearly the person to do that. Yeah. What else did Colin and I have in common? Being short. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say bald. So when, Wade, you can respond however you want, but just pay attention to the question questions being asked and start to formulate in your head do i need my green screen up so the editors can clearly put this whole news story right behind me i mean it would help yeah actually that would that would be helpful you got this news story video right bob has benefited because his background actually is mostly purple which does help uh give a distinct color to key it out no actually this is great okay perfect and then also for the listeners at home you'll get a text-to-speech of what the title of the uh article is and that way you can know what's going on beforehand so the audience at home you'll know what the article is and the editors will be also tasked with playing sound effects that are happening behind and just getting a general scene so that everyone is is part of this you said this is going to take a lot of imagination and and work on our parts i think this maybe takes more work on the editor's parts it might it's it's all hands don't worry we just need this ready by tomorrow yep don't worry uh chip chop chip let's get this together now all right so go ahead and uh and um minimize your screen wade on all right so i'll i'll do you a favor i'll ask the first question because i know what these are i'll ask the first question all these all right is everybody ready any questions before we get started i think we're good i'm good i should have had music queued up for this for news music but editors i'm gonna put it all on you cortina condom shortage athletes were given ten thousand free condoms and they disappeared in three days good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the nightly news i'm your host uh dixon smash him and i'm joined by my co-host um bob oh that's good i'm your co-host reed fenus we have a breaking news story we have our man out in the field wade he is in the midst of the action wade can you hear us yes yes i do uh it's a bit crazy out here so i've got headphones on to make sure i can pick you up yeah yeah even through the headphones i can hear it all how are you doing how are you doing even through the headphones i can hear it all happening wade have you ever known an event like this to happen so quickly no no bob it started off real calm if you can believe it looking around it started off very calm but uh as the day has gone on well you can see well do you think the cold has anything to do with it oh that's a good good possibility i i mean temperatures have been going up and down as you know things have been crazy around here it's been zero degrees been 70 degrees uh up and down up and down up and down yeah indeed uh wade a skier was quoted as saying they promised us more will arrive but who knows when do you have any idea when those are going to show up uh no i've been trying to get an update but based on the chaos around me it's been hard to really get anyone's attention everyone's been kind of focused on the uh the events going on yeah i'm sure which events would that be you know i would tell you more but i i think uh your eyes can tell you pretty much based on the uh the events uh happening uh you know uh we've been on the the hills over here we've been on the planes over here a lot of pushing and shoving oh my gosh there's so much pushing and so much shoving i bet yeah i think i would define this event maybe as a mixed singles type thing but uh wait you know this this actually started originally in 1988 in seoul can you remember a crazier year than this one or maybe a specific uh city that this happened in that sticks out to you well every four years it seems to get crazier and crazier but i won't forget atlanta uh what was that 2000 atlanta that one was pretty wild but the weather was a lot calmer that year uh well as you know the previous record is 300 000. do you think that it's gonna break the record this year well every year people train harder and harder and we see records broken all the time some records broken you've seen it you've been in there well in order to do my job to the fullest yes i've had to dive straight in oh so you're saying you contributed to this actually uh how many would you say you contributed well just because i'm hands-on reporting doesn't mean i'm too hands-on go on uh for the sake of my job i'm not sure i should i'd like a number i feel like you could guesstimate a number 17. wow that really is impressive i if there was a chart for who was the you know who was leading this i that that must you must be competitive at very least yeah did you manage while you were in there in the midst of the action did you manage to get any quotes from anybody uh i i can see you know there's not many people that seem to be conscious at this moment but you know maybe maybe you know before the exhaustion set in they said something to you oh a lot of ooze and oz how many 34. exactly double your number interesting it was fascinating not that i'm counting not that i'm counting clearly not clearly not you know this is actually banned in uh in in uh watch out yeah no look there's definitely gonna be video of this on this on the screen uh behind you there don't worry about this is actually banned in beijing do you think part of this uh the speed with which it happened this time around has anything to do with the ban for the previous uh games i think that they have tried to control but i mean whenever you've got people working out so much and testosterone and estrogen flowing everywhere things are going to get crazy fast all right wait do you have a guess for for the article and where you are am i in the midst of a bunch of olympic athletes having sex without condoms that is pretty close i would say that's really really close if you had to guess the title of the article i saw something about there being a condom shortage or within like yeah that's it that's it cortina condom shortage athletes were given 10 000 free condoms they disappeared in three days i'd say that's full points for both of you that was well done across the board i got to the olympics pretty quick i was like oh man i don't know the different olympic events then the context clues of what was going on started to come in so i just want one big mosaic blur behind you 17 and 34. i don't know how i feel about that so we don't really have to minimize i mean i guess i will yeah no no not not necessarily should i leave that i don't know if it's easier to leave that up or bring it up and down for this i don't know oh bring it up and down come on all right there's you go easy i was trying to find another like event-based one to get it uh similar but i don't think that these are gonna kind of be random you know new since these are real news stories it's kind of just a little difficult but this one actually might be tough but i think we're just gonna go with it so wait i'm gonna send you okay i know right that's a weird one ready everybody all right cue the music how much cocaine is in nantucket sewage a lot good evening ladies and gentlemen i'm sir sniffs a lot and i'm here to report you on some breaking news i'm also joined by my co-host enda house tonight and we and we have our award-winning pulitzer prize winning and also whatever the One is reporter out in the field whose name escapes me. Terry Porter. Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry, Terry. I got I got to ask, you know, just because I feel like there's some legal ramifications for it. You haven't compromised yourself, have you? No, no. I learned those lessons in journalism school. Never compromise my ethics, never compromise my sources, never compromise myself. I'm just out here reporting on, you know, facts. I got a follow up here. Do we know exactly how much ended up there? Scientists are saying anywhere between 10 and 10 million. My sense is it's kind of a lot. Yeah. Do you think you're at risk, though? The reason I ask is because obviously you're you're knee deep in it right now. And given what we know about the circumstances, I just fear for you. I fear for you. Yeah, I feel OK right now. They did tell me to bring, you know, knee high boots, which I did. If it gets any higher, I'm not covered. I don't think my genes are going to do very much. I think if the level goes any higher, I'm going to be in a little bit of trouble. But it seems to be settling. Seems to calm me down. I think I think we're going to be at the peak. We're at the zenith right now. I think I'm OK. Oh, zenith. Good word. That's why you won the Pulitzer, man. And that other one. I'm assuming a lot of police involvement, maybe FBI involvement in this. Oh, sure. Sure. Yeah. No, they called everyone. The paramedics are standing by. Take animal control is out here just to help manage any, you know, strays that come up. It's tough for everyone to get around. So they kind of all pick their spots. And we're all just sitting still till the level goes back down or starts to get cleared out. But everyone, everyone's here. Strays, you say strays. You're saying that the local wildlife is getting into the supply. And I've heard reports that crocodiles were emerging rather more active than usual. Is that something you're seeing? Yes. Yes. I've seen that a little bit. I've heard reports. It's not just crocodiles, any ground based sort of animals definitely getting flushed out. And then, you know, once they're out and about, they're they're sort of joining in. It's an attractive supply. I think it's really once they realize what's happening, they can't keep their mouths off of it. Do animals with a stronger sense of smell seem more affected? No, no, not really. They're all pretty equally excited about just eating as much as they possibly can. I don't have a great sense of smell, so maybe I'm just not noticing. Maybe that's why they sent me. For our listeners at home, listeners at home, can you give a 360 spin and just kind of give a joke? general lay of the land. Maybe just give some description of what's going on. So right here where I am, you could see it's pretty static. I'm almost on kind of like an island. If you look up here, you could see there's a lot of movement. There's a lot of downhill movement. It's sort of a flow. When you look over here, you could see the authorities attempted to erect a barrier, and it's starting to crest the barrier. They were thinking a double high wall would be enough to retain, but I think you could tell that a convoy of police cars is pretty eminent danger right now of being overrun. Our sponsor over at Grindr sent over a question. They wanted to know if women's restrooms were being focused on a bit more to make sure that women were being careful when powdering their noses. Well, I think we all know the men's restrooms are the ones that really get dirty. I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but men don't take care of our spaces. You know, we do what we got to do, and we leave it how we leave it. I think the women are just so much more respectful in general that theirs are sort of normal. There's nothing that crazy. It's like a different world for the women's restrooms. I can tell you that. Well, it's just such a fascinating story because everyone's asking, how did that much get in there? How? It's so far above the national average. It's about four to five times the national average. I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to open the day with the spiciest chili contest, but I'm going to guess that that has something to do with it. Do they suspect any kind of cartel involvement? Not that I've heard. It's really hard to hear over the smell, if you know what I mean. None of the authorities have officially pointed in that direction. It could be out of fear. Can't rule that out. But right now, no, this is really more of a grassroots. Type of origination. Now, we've heard rumors here in the studio that other up and coming low life members of society have taken to repackaging what they have been able to scavenge from the outskirts of the overflow. And they have been selling it on the streets. And I think they've been calling it the brown. But, you know, they want to put it out there, you know, try to make a buck. Is that what you're seeing, too, or is this just Internet rumors? It's a little bit of rumors. I think maybe blowing it out of proportion. There definitely are some people who are leveraging the chili cook off and the future chili themed events that are scheduled and trying to sort of, you know, make it seem like they're part of that. You know, they're selling the brown and it's related to the event. You know, it's not very much different from bootleg merchandise outside of concerts or sporting events. But I don't think that's any more prominent than you'd see in any other big sort of event, you know? Oh, I sorry. Just correction. So correction. Like I said, the brown, I misread it. The street name is the is brown sugar. It's I'm sorry. That's just a small correction. Yeah, that makes more sense. I lost my question with that. Is there any concern after processing that, you know, things aren't as clean as we hope they'll be? Nothing is ever going to be clean here again. Chemically, scientifically, yes, I think that we have the technology to clean everything. But if you were here experiencing what I'm experiencing, I think you'll never be able to look at any of these affected areas the same way. It's just really going to have a lasting impact. Yeah. You know what they say about that city? Just fuck it, man. Fuck it. I've been saying that a lot the whole time I've been here. Very astute observation from the studio. Thank you. That's what we're here for. But hold on. I'm getting an urgent message from our R&D department. Do you think that any of the police are in on it? I don't have any actual evidence, but don't they usually, you know, take a little on the side? Have you taken one? Look, my boots accidentally fill up with a little bit of overflow. I don't know who's going to be able to tell me that's anything but an accident. But no, I certainly, like I said at the beginning, I would never compromise my ethics, my journalistic integrity, or myself. And I'm not compromised. I apologize for questioning. I apologize, man. Man, fuck it. I just, you know, that's on me. Are you ready to make a guess? You want me to ask more questions, Bob? Can you possibly guess this? I can, I keep asking. I just don't know if you, I don't, you, you, your answers are starting to hint that maybe you know. Is there a record amount of sewage on Nantucket Island, which is overflowing their sewage system? You are so close. Let me give you one more clue. Oh, you got, you got a little stuff around your nose there, Bob. You got, you got some kind of, clean that off, you know. Is there a record amount of cocaine on Nantucket Island? Is there a record amount of cocaine spilling out of a boat into the water supply? No, no. Go back to what you were before. Everything you said before was correct. Record amount of cocaine in the sewage? Yes! Hey! In where? In Nantucket Island. Yes! Wait, but what is the new, wait. The story! The story is how much cocaine is in Nantucket's sewage a lot. There is a record amount of cocaine by a margin of about four to five times the national or regional average in Nantucket's wastewater. Okay. I feel a lot better about my, I was like, man, powder your nose was too on the, it was too, too much. Yeah. Yeah. No, that was, it was all very, very good. You got the sewage pretty much clean. It was just really hard to connect the sewage. Yeah, the sewage to the cocaine. So yeah. Does that mean it's getting flushed or you don't shit out cocaine when you like use it, do you? I think they're trying to figure that out. They don't know why there's so much cocaine. That is the strange thing. It's actually lower than the average for fentanyl, methamphetamine and whatever xylosine is. Nicotine's about the average, but for some reason, cocaine spikes in Nantucket. You're right, Mark. That was a really weird one. Yeah, I was like, okay, that's why you keep, okay. That makes sense. That's why you kept saying no to my cartel and police questions. All right. Okay. I, are we ready to swap? Oh yeah. Yeah. Bob, I'm sending you and you know, you could, if, if you think. Oh no, wait. That doesn't bode well for me, does it? Bob, I'll give you a chance to skim the. The, uh, the article re-familiarize yourself. Is it weird? I found it a lot harder asking the questions than I did being on this side. It's tough both sides. Oh, I didn't score that one. Yeah. I'm sorry. I think the, I think the questions were good. I believe that one was a tougher one. So it's hard for me to deduct anything from either. Bob, you definitely get three out of three for your guests. Cause holy shit. That was great. I feel like my questions were bad, but I don't think that reflects poorly on you. Wait, I'm giving. Oh really? I thought mine were, I thought I was like, ah, man, powder your neck. Well, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Point if you want, if you think it's fair, no, no, no, no. I mean, let's not be crazy. I thought you had some good, like diverting it towards cocaine. I thought that was pretty good. I did try to bring the drug up and then, uh, that was hard to do without being direct. It's really hard to hint something hard without being too direct with it. All right, let's try this one. It's hard to think of, uh, a newscaster name. That's not just stealing directly from Colin mockery. I, every now and like, oh, what are some pun? Uh, wait, he did that one. Ready? Cue the music. Elon Musk and the history of the Roman salute. Good evening, everybody. My name is Smallest Dickus and I'm here to bring you the nightly news. I'm joined by my cohost. Yes, I'm shares. What happened? And I'm here to tell you what happened. We have our ACE reporter out in the field. Oh wait, no. Oh, our ACE reporter was out sick. We have our backup reporter out in the field. I'm sorry. I'm not sure I'm not familiar with your name. Uh, Faking. Hmm. All right. Fay, Mr. King. What do you prefer? All right. All right. Fay, I'm gonna call you Fay. What? It just happened. It's been kind of crazy over here. Uh, one minute things were calm next minute. Well, uh, Fay, uh, share here. Is that what smacked the hair off the top of your head or well, no, I've been bald for quite a while, but, uh, it could have, it definitely could have. Yeah. I was seeing the, the slow-mo when it was happening. I was watching it over and over again. Just, you know, my jaw on the floor, but I barely noticed you when it came by, it was right across your head. Uh, yeah, it got a lot closer than I think a lot of us would have liked. No, I know this is your job. You cover a lot of stuff like this. Uh, I think the audience was really riled up. It was a strong emotional reaction to what happened. Did you feel a similar emotional reaction? What did you get? Uh, what sort of sense did you get? Yeah. Yeah. How'd you feel about this? Uh, basically, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, a bit of excitement, a bit of fear, uh, and a lot of confusion. Yeah. But which way you lean in, you know, left, right. Oh, oh, away. I'm leaning away. Good. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Was it just the one time? As far as I know it was, uh, but my heart was racing so much after that time that, uh, if it happened again, I might've still been in a daze. Heart racing cause you were happy. Heart racing cause you were mad. I think you can tell. Oh yeah. No, we can tell. I think I know what you're thinking. I do have to ask though. This really harkened back to something that I just. i think about every day do you have any thoughts on the historical connections here well now that you ask it that way i i'll have to think about it but you know this does seem connected it does in what way historically fascinating you know i i i'm getting i'm getting an update from our producer actually that academics are coming out and say that it's not as historically connected as other people might like to think are you hearing any discourse on that where you are are people disagreeing or is everyone pretty much on the same page there's one thing that i know is a constant that people will never all agree there's been a lot of discussion argument and disagreement but i i think the true answer is obvious to those of us uh in the know well i mean all i can say is from from corroborating reports there was a lot of people that were jumping around like a dipshit after and before but you know that doesn't pertain exactly to the events at hand and that's all circumstantial so i do have to ask i know i know you're you're sort of paying in where you are maybe there's a lot of you're sort of paying in where you are maybe there's a lot of i know you're you're sort of paying in where you are maybe there's a lot of would it be possible for you to roam around at all i can i can try getting into it a little bit but uh yeah if you wouldn't mind roman i'd really appreciate that yeah yeah yeah i can roam a little bit but it is very tight there's a lot going on around me uh the energy levels are high well there's not much left to get smacked off so you know gotta be careful i don't know if he'll talk directly to you could you ask him maybe if anything touched him it caused him to behave that way i can you guys think i'm in any danger is it is it safe to approach to ask that kind of question i mean it it looks like it's winding down there so no that's okay you know what i think you'll i think you'll be able to find him on social media later anyway a lot of this will play out on uh the site formerly known as twitter yeah i i think that that's that makes a lot of sense in other news as we jump over to our next segment in musical news the the hit song my heart will go on is reaching back up into the top 100 oh man what uh what a resurgence oh man a blast for the pla pass much like this oh uh late 90s i had a lot of had a lot of good hits uh my heart will go on definitely among them great song yeah i said mine out all the time uh great do you know i don't have a fucking clue right now i'm not gonna lie oh i thought you were getting it i thought you had it i really thought you had it i know you haven't covered a lot of uh political events some might argue this is not exactly a rally per se do you have any sense of the uh if the excitement here is partisan uh if it's any from any particular party or if it's sort of uh you know just pro-american well uh you know based on the uh specific amounts of waving you have to do to get people's attention uh based on the musical selection i think it pretty much goes without saying uh which way this one leans yeah i hear you hey hey sure sure yep do you need a second for your eye yeah i've completely lost the contact lens in my eyelid somewhere so i can only see out of one eye which makes it hard to know which way they're coming from i know all right i'll give you a another hint hopefully you can fix this up uh some some people even wonder why he was there in the first place i mean he doesn't really have a role everything else is just you know kind of a kind of a meme you know what i mean kind of a meme and being there it is it is and a lot of people have been uh kind of saying people like him should stay out of politics and leave it to the politicians you know it's bad when when citizens are saying man i wish we had more politicians and less of this guy yes and and you know now that things have settled down and i've had a moment to to catch my breath i i think it's all kind of come together and we're realizing that uh well we should let mr musk lie for a while right yes we should i'll call that but what's the headline before i give you the headline let me tell you through the weird amounts of thought i had first i was like ah i bet some kind of air show something swooped low and took my hair and i don't remember where i went after that at one point i was like oh it's elmo from twitter the elmo account and then i'm not gonna lie 1996 titanic threw me way the fuck off um titan oh my heart will go on from titan i didn't make yeah for some reason i went to the movie titanic and i was like oh yeah the big hit from titanic where am i and what's going on i don't know what the hell is going on and i don't know what the hell is going on and i don't know what the hell is going on elon musk snatches people's hair and attempt to make sure his children are genetically perfect there was only sidelong references like you know everywhere you roam you know you're roaming oh there was a lot of roaming yeah that's true i don't know i don't know what happened to musk and i'm not gonna lie the one eye is really fucking with me that's fine that's fine we'll wrap it up it's elon musk and the history of the quote roman salute all right go take a year i i'll be right back so i'm sorry that's driving me nuts i i think i'm gonna give everyone two out of three but just because it was a tough one we were dancing around it almost intentionally uh to the detriment but also i feel like some clues that were pretty good didn't land so i think two or three for everybody you'll no that's fair in hindsight a lot of it made sense it's just i think i picked up on the wrong parts of some of the clues you guys were given and i was like hanging on to them i thought there was an airplane involved for the longest time with the swooping low thing i well i realized what i should have done is i was like it almost went right over here like i should have done that that would have been a much better clue so that's my bad well i couldn't have seen you you're right you're right because we had you going down there you're right yeah any kind of physical clue you guys gave me i wouldn't have been able to see i i think i thought about the minimizing because i was going to share the screen of the article but i realized soon that the editor can put that in but just for fairness we'll keep it down for for this one as well all right so this is a super weird one kind of so this is a super weird one kind of so this is a super weird one might be really tough but i also think it could be pretty funny what am i reading i know funny boy mark how are we asking these questions i uh i don't know i think i'm excited but how are you how are we asking these questions i think the benefit here is that we can be as direct as we want because it's such a strange one so we don't have to dance around it too much yeah i agree okay all right uh i'll do my best i will do my best bob you got this man no worries this is easy it's so easy man all right here we go cue the music jesus was a psychedelic mushroom a controversial theory suggests could it reshape christianity forever good evening ladies and gentlemen i'm your host i'm a tripping balls here to give you some breaking news and i'm joined by my co-host earfo mopey yes and uh we are both here with breaking breaking news groundbreaking news that we know it and the only person that we have is our ace reporter who's out in the field joining us live yes that's right i'm here text going on here in the field bringing you live coverage of this event and i'm just happy to be back on the air after last time yeah yeah it was pretty disgraceful what happened last time it was it was so this is obviously a huge huge ordeal are there people that are in denial are they accepting what's going on out there this news is big huge i think people are struggling to come to grips with it i don't think when it's all said and done that anyone's going to be able to deny what we all saw here today has it been hard keeping your balance with everyone tripping around you oh i have pretty good balance but it has been tough grabbing on to the side of the news van kind of helped consider climbing up on top to get above everything but that didn't feel necessary quite yet maybe maybe that'll be my next uh move if i feel like i'm having trouble keeping my feet do you think that this could all come down to a translation error i mean a couple thousand years that's a long time you know words can get lost or mixed you know i've never really trusted google translate i think you lose a lot when you go back and forth back and forth and let alone if people are translating things like this who who knows it's probably just whatever the last person who translated it wanted it to be you know i mean so what do you think do you think a fun guy or not way more of a fun guy than you might think you know this would explain a lot it was explained a whole lot you know i never bought the whole making more fish thing that never gelled with me it would make a lot more sense if it was these circumstances that we're seeing it's a tough story to believe but i think if you really listen with your heart you could just go along and sort of accept it you know kind of ironic that people are being so cross with each other about this topic it is but uh you know that's the nature of the beast you don't get to have a secret club with the gates and the guy garden it and all this stuff without uh without it feeling a little exclusive and uh you know for better or for worse i think the people on the inside know that they have uh they have one up on everyone else right they have the maybe the high ground you could say well i mean i i've heard this before not that i've partaken myself i have many times i've done what's called a heroic dose and let me tell you it felt like i died and came back yeah it does feel like that that makes sense you know we talked about last time i was on air i do want to say that might have something to do with this it was a harrowing event and i regret what i said but i don't regret the experience so have people been shit talking him or have they been nice about it some shit talking some chanterelling it's kind of all over the place some people probably want to participate got a that is happening now it's echoing into the future here where people's belief systems are being upended. You know, some people take this quite personally. Are you seeing, you know, some, maybe some instigations of going a little too deep? Oh, definitely. Definitely. If there's ever been a place where I felt like the Reddit comment section flooded with, it's not that deep, bro, it would be here. People are going all in. Whatever they had stashed away, they are burning through it all right now, just trying to take advantage of the moment and comprehend what's happening, you know? We'd heard blood, flesh, but I'm not sure what the most recent term is for consumption. Tears, actually. Sort of doesn't make sense, but it's thematic if you think the way that I'm thinking right now, and maybe if you should talk to yourself a little bit. And if you think about it, if you tie this in and look at it from this perspective, it all kind of makes sense, you know? Eat the body, a drink of the blood. It all ties in with this prevailing theory, doesn't it? It does. You know, I've been thinking of this myself for a while. Just so happen to be aside to cover this as a news story, but it really does make sense. You know, if you look at the numbers, you know, a pie, you know, a perfect circle, there's a way you can see it where it all makes sense. Do you think future artwork will portray him with a cap? And a huge dick. I mean, we all know this to be true. We all know this to be true. I mean, the similarities between the two, it's just undeniable. It just, it looks like that. That's not my question. Hank joined. BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now, Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices, 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork, and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's Home of the Save. Do you think, though, this will lead to more believers, or will it be less believers? It's definitely going to lead to more believers. Whether they're right or wrong, you know, it's not for me to judge. He's going to take care of that. But no chance this leads to anything but more believers. No concern about a fear of more cult-like behaviors. You know what I always say about cults? It's nothing to be afraid of as long as you're on the inside. Right. You are. Right. You are. Do you have any idea where you are? Is someone high on shrooms claiming to be Jesus? That is shockingly close. That's pretty close. If you had to take that more literally. Is mushroom Jesus getting people high with his psychedelic flesh? I'd say that is so close. I'm going to give it to you there. I'd give that one. This title. Is Jesus was a psychedelic mushroom. A controversial theory suggests. Could it reshape Christianity forever? I am very impressed. That was both of you did a great job on that. So honestly, I give you both full marks. And what that means is that you both got the exact same points throughout the whole thing. All right. Perfect. So we're going to wrap it up there. That was well done, guys. Very funny. Really, really clever, clever boys. But the points are the dictator of who is the true winner. Bob, you got a point for ocean of hair and then musical release. And then you got three out of three, three out of three, two out of three, three out of three, which puts you at a whopping 13 points. Wade, you got the segue point. You got things get tough and then rough night's sleep. And then you got three out of three, three out of three, two out of three, three out of three, which puts you at 14 points. Hmm. Going into the bonus. You have one up on Bob. All right. Well, I guess we should spin the wheel and I'm sure that chance will fall in my favor this time. Of course it will. He says winningly. Also, do you have your submission for the wheel mark? Oh, and three. We haven't actually had a three in a bit. Let's see. What could we do? Offended the most people in the audience. Sure. Sure. I think that's going to be tough to judge on this one. But I still love how the wheel is getting increasingly out of frame on this. I don't think this app is meant to go this far. Perfectly round and fine. All right. Three spins. Here we go. It's been number one. Shortest. If it's between competitors, it's me. If it's Wade, Wade is half an inch shorter. That gives him the plus one shortest point. That's a rather inauspicious start for me, but I'll take it. Spin number two still could be yours. Most distracted. You both were pretty locked in. I mean, I was very locked in. I would say the only thing I my contact lens. Yeah. Distraction is Wade had the contact thing. That is a good point. That was literally distracting him. That's a contact point for distracted. All right. Just got to avoid golf rules and sudden death. That's going to be tough to come back from. Tell you that. And host wins. I think there's three options here that could. Screw me, that's it. Well, we've never had that happen before. No. What are the odds of some chaos right at the end of a fitting victory? Also, sudden death could happen and it's half a point for Wade. All right. Sweeping with a crushing victory, 16 and a half to 13. Wade takes the crown. Wade, congratulations. Would you like to give your winner speech? Whose heart does your heart go out to? Oh, my heart goes out to you, Mark. Thank you. For hosting such a beautiful episode and definitely not having me have a green screen up to do some questionable things that can be used against me later. Very excited. Editors, be nice to me. And Bob, Bob. You know, it feels good to make the podium either way. I'm not going home with the gold today, but it's hard to complain too much. When you said that today's episode was a bit that Wade basically does by choice because he likes it and generally kills it. I was like, well, I guess I'll just participate, but I honestly had a fun time and it was pretty fun. I expected to lose, so I guess my expectations were accurate. Can't be disappointed if you set yourself up for failure. That's great. That's what I'm saying. So I'm teaching James. Thank you at home, everybody, so much. You can go and check out our merch at store.distractable. No, sorry. I did it wrong. Distractable Dasha. I know what I'm doing. The Valentine's merch. Obviously is coming to a close and most of it is sold out. The next drop will be coming soon, which will have some generic designs. Maybe even bringing back some things that people missed out on before. And we will see everyone there. This has been my skirm, Bob, Lord Minion 777, Minion 777, Wade, Markiplier, me, and you have been the viewer and/or listener. And listeners, look, no, you can't. Listeners, listen, we still love you. Listeners, look, look, damn you, look, look at me, coward. Have a lovely day. 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