New year, more self compassion

Pero, um, to pro mea biya ako, mitering conversa ko ko sa ayaki, so I feel like it's appropriate. Sabo, ay happy Saturday. Hope you had a nice week, a productive one, whatever that means to you. A good one. Tinianos ko ko misatraha ba ako, so sad. Tinianos ko, ay na toko vakansi. Sabo ito, Spero pata. Enjoying buultimo dyan ang divakansi. Ipa isunang kata gireng rari pa fakal, awin ngulaje. I hope you have fun, karata safe. Make sure ko pating on designated driver, people. No, J's pasobra ko palisabay na bu'n bud, pero because overall safety of everyone. So, you know, keep that in mind. Tinong system, sipata perebo friend. Tinong system, uno ko bost ba ito pa otro. Misaku, tereko sa ang kita same, manaya standard. Pero, mito ba hiripitin ang basobra, mito gire safety is very, very important. And to karha fun, of course, mito gire sayita in main go. Mito spero ko e wu'ya derkye da, nice and awano yobe. Pasobra mito eh, noha sa ilwik. Misaku tinibos ko si toha sa ilwik. Pero mito sa verga sayignolay pa sa. And so, yes, wishing you a nice carnival season. No, slow, of course, start touching on that subject sometime next week and the coming episodes nang. Pero, avino sa veit kumisaku on topiko. Mas related to, like, the new year. Mito sa bepa pe dee, nearest, gire sa angelic to reprasionong ko da bing or aayano ko habri, or os kumisatopahendi, trabo, hiribakaya, whatever. Mito sa bepa nito gire sayi. Mito gire more self-compassion, angelic. Atomit ba ita conversando ko bibitin. Mito gire, e ko versasong, the avito ba ita mostly na English. Mito sa bepa mito sa ima. Pa, nos porexpresa, nos mito sa best of our abilities. Kolos gas. Mito sa avino sa beita pa peandong mostly in English. But we might use a papyemento words. Mito sa mosa sa kung toresaki tabai. And so, yes. Si ba itin calke preguntapagasina. Doo larasno. Karaku, nose live. Riba. ko lefam si YouTube. Facebook. Of course, sincerely. Curlinans. YouTube. I absolutely love Facebook. Riba-jomars. Riba. Bo favorite. Podcasting platform. Whatever that may be. And so, yes, my name is Karolina. I'm going to say at some point. And I'm going to say at some point. And I lived on a river before that. So moving to Netherlands, that's when fashion for me was like, oh my God, there's seasons. And there's like fashion weeks. And this day, and you have a lot of department stories you can choose from. And it was all really exciting to me. But at some point, I started to realize, oh, the clothes break fast. And I started to dive into order made, how they're made. And that's also when I discovered thrift stores. It's something my mom always told me about thrift stores. I was like, mom, that's lame. I don't like. No one goes there. But then I went and I found it really exciting. It was like a treasure hunt for me. Even though some things didn't really fit sometimes. Or I felt like, OK, this is a cool material. But I don't like how it fits or how it looks. And my mom always like sewed around the house. And was always preparing things and stuff. So I thought, OK, if she can do it, I can do it. So I bought a sewing machine and always gravitated towards denim. Because I felt like that was like a strong material. It is. Generally. Generally? That's a really good point. Yeah, not all denim. But yeah, that's kind of how I thought about it. And I think it really ties into my storytelling I do today. I think denim can really tell stories. Because it can be so strong. And you probably know if you have a jeans, it's like your jeans you've been wearing for 10 years. It has some ribs and things that is true to you and what you've done in the jeans. Yeah, totally. Yeah, so I think that you are a multifaceted person, right? I think a lot of people in the younger generations have these different identities, which I absolutely love, maybe compared to other generations where people's identities are very tied to one thing. But you mentioned it out. You mentioned it in your podcast frequently. It also comes with certain pressures. Because people are waiting to see what comes next. Anytime you have a conversation with other people, and then in different stages of life, different age groups, and then they have questions. But I have noticed that there are things that happen in certain seasons, which are identified, right? And around the new years, it's not even the first couple of days, but the first month. It tends to bring a lot of questions about the rest of the year. And what you're going to do and how you're going to set things up. And on a system level, I understand, at work, this might be the month where you're setting goals for the year, financially, too. It's where a lot of fiscal years start. It might be when blasting starts and all that kind of stuff. So I understand how our brains have fixated around like January 1st. Starting January 1st, it's like a new cycle. It's how our calendar works, right? The new year starts in. But in my opinion, I feel like yeah, New Year's Eve is fun and like rainy in the new year, but life is like continuous. And nothing, in my opinion, absolutely nothing changes between the old year and the new year. So whatever is going on in your life is going to continue to go on. Whatever you're working in your life is going to continue to work on. And of course, you can pick new projects if that helps you. But not everybody is interested in that. And then you might feel like a little shame or pressure when having those conversations. So I don't know, how do you feel about stuff like New Year's resolutions and like plans and stuff? Do you do that? I think such mixed feelings about this. Because like, it's not something I'd say that I like naturally gravitate towards or something, but I still end up doing it. I still end up buying the journal. Okay. And down and trying to do it. But I've been thinking a lot about, yeah, the pros of cons of it. And I also asked on Instagram, people think about it. And it was literally 50/50. Like, 50% of people were like, no, you can just start a new goal, like whenever. And not other people were like, yeah, but it is like the perfect time to reflect and everything. And I think it depends how you celebrate the holidays for me. This holiday season was really like, I really felt like I couldn't think about work and I really had to wind down. And I think that's when you do start thinking about goals and everything. But it sometimes feels like an identity crisis. And I feel like your 20s is already like an identity crisis. You're already like, don't know really who you are and you're trying to find yourself. But yeah, I think like each year, I'm like, do I need to change my life around? And I'm like, I don't, you know what I mean? But it is a pressure, right? And I guess it's interesting to see that like what you're saying, like 50/50, like people are at different places. So it's not like a majority feels this way. And of course, you know, it's not representative of the world. But you know, just have an idea where people are at. And I do not work with resolutions. I am really bad at even like setting goals. Like unless like I have to, unless like I'm getting graded on it or you know, like I'm gonna be evaluated at work for it. Like I'm like, no. And it has to do with my 80 to 100% because it's hard to like, you know, stay on topic, stay on track and like maintain that level of consistency in anything. So I know that in my case, you know, my life has shown me that I'm not really good at like staying true to those like resolutions or goals. So I almost feel like doing that with like set me up for failure and upset me. So I don't do it. But then you're still confronted with people and they're like, are you gonna start the gym? And I'm like, are you trying to tell me something? Because like, you know, I haven't mentioned I want to start the gym. You know, but it's just like so natural because people are like, they might be planning on like, you know, starting a gym or they might be planning on like starting like a diet routine or, you know, a healthy life routine or whatever. Or they might be, you know, considering learning a new skill and which is nice. But then we tend to like project it onto other people and expect that from other people. Like you said, the 20s are already like so hard. This is my last year as a 20 year old. Oh my god. Yes. And um, it's kind of scary. Oh my god, it is. How do you feel during 30? Not like bad or anything. You know, I get to like look back because obviously it's like, that's what you do. And then I'm like, and you do end up comparing, you know, to some people or whatever. Um, but you know, I don't think I ever necessarily put specific goals. So it's, I don't feel like I disappointed myself. I don't feel like, oh, by now I should have done this or I should have done that. The only funny fact, the only like goal, you know, how far it has like the 30 on the 30. Yeah, you mentioned it. Um, so I have always had like my own Carolina's 30 on their 30. Is that I had to like have visited 30 countries by the time I turned 30. And it was super scared that I was not going to make it. And um, it was crazy because it's just me having this thing in my brain. And I keep passionate to my husband. I keep passionate to like close friends. And I'm like, I need to plan a trip to place. I have not been to yet because like I need to make this. I need to make this. And then it ended up happening like super spontaneous. I, you know, signed up for like a course abroad. And then so I'm going to Malta by the end of this month. And I'm so happy that I'm going to achieve like the one thing that I was really looking forward. Um, achieved by my 30s. But other than that, you know, um, you know, married, but it's not like something that I put in my head that I hoped or I was looking forward to get married by 30. Um, we have a house. It's not something that we put, you know, as a plan, I certainly didn't. Um, my husband is wired a little bit differently. So I am sure that these things are happening because of him. Um, and you know, we don't have kids. Um, and that is not something that I feel like I should have had that by now. Um, but biologically, you know, um, I, you know, it's, it's not just like society, but, um, you know, I go to physicians and stuff like that. And my clock is very much ticking. So then I do feel a little bit pressure because, um, I am a statistics girl. So then I do look at the statistics and then I do panic. And once I cross that 30 threshold, um, you know, in, in, in our specific fertility issues and stuff, like my chances are literally gonna start to plummet. And that is the only thing that I feel like, oh my gosh, I don't feel bad or I don't feel like, oh, you should have started sooner because we were not there yet. So it's like not like, you know, um, but that is the only thing that I'm afraid about or for. So, yeah. Um, how about you? How are you going into this year? I know that you are on the other side of the 20s. Um, I feel like it's different. I feel like your first year is like the first half of the 20s and then you're on the second half of the 20s. How is it like, you know, going into the new year, being your second half of the 20s? Just figuring life out. I'm not going to turn 27. And I mean, it's really interesting when you set that thing about traveling to 30 countries. I think naturally, I, I hear my mind saying, should I do that? And I think it's a really interesting thing about goals is like, you, we see a lot now on social media. I think it's really easy for us to think like, oh, should we do that? And I read an article about that recently saying that people don't achieve their goals or are not happy with setting goals because they're not their goals. And the goals that they've, they think that they should do because they're seeing other people do it or it's like expected in society. So, yeah, it's really interesting. I like to like write some things down of like numbers, but I feel like it's more like a manifestation thing. But I really, really look back at it to be honest. I sometimes wish I was that girl that's like every month like habit tracker and this and that. I just don't have it in me and I think that's okay, but sometimes it is hard to see people that are like so on point with that. And I sometimes wonder, like, is that the path to success? Like, is that something I should be doing to be successful? But then it's like, what is success, you know? Exactly. And exactly, like, what is it? But also being realistic, I have very much learned to adjust my expectations and, you know, the goals or dreams or wishes to reality. And I think that social media gives you a space where you can detach from reality and sometimes that's a good thing. But it can also create a lot of like very, I want to say like, I don't want to call it crazy, but like unattainable, you know, things. So I used to have, I wanted to do like 33 countries by the time I turned 30, right? And that was like in my early 20s. I was traveling more that time. In my teens and my early 20s, I was competing in a sport which I got to travel a lot with. So I felt like it was like one harbors not going to be attainable, right? But then, you know, I had to finish up my education and do my research and then I started working. And then realistically, you know, my salary is not a type of salary that's going to take me to like, you know, new country is like, you know, every vacation. Also vacation days are are limited in my case. So then you can adjust and then I was like, okay, I feel like 30, 130 countries wise was a very attainable thing for me. And then I adjusted to it and, you know, still being a little bit worried that I might not be able to make it. But that is also okay that if you, you know, you start the year and you're in your life and then you have like this goal that you're allowed to kind of go back and be like, you know, maybe I was like over excited or, you know, like I did not consider some things because you don't know until, you know, and then you get to read just and that's okay too. So that is my issue when things are like so set. And then when you share them with people, I have this thing. So I don't know, you tell me how you feel. So when you share like a specific dream or goal with people, I feel like if it does not come true or if you're unable to like achieve it, you are not the only one who's disappointed. But then you have to break the news to other people and see them be disappointed at the same thing. I don't like that. Like I absolutely do not like that. Like if I'm doing something is for me and then like I do not need you to be like, aw, or like really. Because then I feel like extra bad and you know, that might be like a little bit of my people's person, you know, personality thing. But yeah, so if even if I have certain goals during the year, I might not share them with colleagues and stuff because I'm like, I'm not about to, you know, hear you tell me in July that you haven't started the gym. You know, I still see you eating the same or whatever. Yeah. It has two sides, right? Like on one hand you can use it as a motivation. But on the other hand, sometimes it's like, maybe the goal is just for you. You know, and you can hold yourself accountable. You don't need those people. But yeah, I can relate. I remember I ran a half marathon last year and I told everyone I was like, you better come see and then the days where it's a good closer. And I was like, I don't want to see anyone wider but tell everyone no. Now I need to do it. Yeah. I don't know how it's going to work. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it is, it is curing. I think you mentioned something nice because it can work as a motivation. Maybe as a form of accountability. Some people like having that. And I think that to some extent, I am the kind of person that would need to like have somebody or something to help me be accountable. Because I like structure or it's not that I like structure. I function well in structure. I don't like it. I want to be able to do whatever I want to do at all times. But structure helps me, you know, make sure that I stay on track and stuff like that. But I think there's still like a difference between like accountability of like, you know, having maybe like a friend that you start running with or having, you know, a colleague who you're both are going to like, you know, check in with each other about like your lunches or something. And little things that can actually help versus like having people who are just going to like keep tabs, you know. And it already depends on who are you going to tell what are the expectations you can set around that. Exactly. Exactly. And should you communicate those? Yeah, you know, is this thing to do one of your episodes and you mentioned something among the lines of like, you know, you post content online, which opens up obviously to people having opinions. But then like, should you have those opinions or not? Like, should you set rules around that? I love it. When I see posts and people have rules around their posts, like, they'll be like, you know, no hate speech like accepted and comments will be deleted. And some people feel like, you know, why are you putting rules? But you have to make content like, I get to set rules, right? It's creating your own little safe space. Yeah, sometimes hard, but I guess, yeah, sometimes it feels nice to be like, okay, this is my little space and I like to curate it. Yeah, even though sometimes, yeah, I don't know, hate comments is a whole thing. Hate in general, you know, what kind of hate is it? Is it feedback? Is it not, you know? But I guess the most annoying things that don't deserve attention are things that are totally off topic and pointing out something that is really not necessary. Exactly. And, you know, I don't know, I haven't been to the Netherlands in a while. So after I left, I don't want to say that I was upset because I did go to Europe back. I just don't go to the Netherlands back. But how has it been being here? And, you know, you, you are very much in the online world. I don't know like what your social life is like in the Netherlands. Like, you know, do you, do you like talk to a lot of people? But I feel like in a ruba, because it's small and that's just how it works. You tend to bump into more people than intended to maybe, right? You go to a big grocery store and then you might bump into like parents, friends, you might bump into, you know, old colleagues, you might bump into old school friends, whatever. You felt like in any way, like these things have like heightened because you're here and it's small and people have the tendency to measure life and like those milestones or whatever, like how has that been? It's interesting because I feel like I thought that at some point, oh, like I don't really care about people's opinion, you know, I'm fine with who I am. But then every time I come here, I catch myself still caring. And I think because it's what you said, it's because it's small and I feel like in Netherlands, I can walk and see no one I know for like months, you know. And yeah, here it's different. And I try to not, I try to not fall back instead of that, have it. And what I wonder how it is for people here as well. Honestly, I do feel it. I do feel like, oh, like I need to have my hair look good and stuff like that. But I try to grow myself and be like, you know, like this is just who I am. I can't change it. That's just how it is. Have you had like people who you haven't spoken to in a while? Like I'm asking you personal questions. And personal questions is defined by each person and understand that. But have you felt that where were you bump into people and then they're asking you like various specific things and you're like, hello, I'm fine. Yeah, yeah, sometimes it's interesting because I people say I'm pretty vulnerable on the internet. I don't know if I can say I am, but I think that does open up room for certain conversations. On one hand, it's nice because I, I was always someone that liked deep conversation. I was, I don't like small talk and everything like that. Sometimes it is intense, especially if someone comes with their problems and you're like, I like, I can't solve this. And you don't like, I don't know how to react. Like I'm also just a normal human being that's, you know, I don't know. But yeah, it's still like, it's still something really special that people come up to you and I want to have those vulnerable conversations. So it's a blessing at all. Yeah, yeah, it is right. I don't know how other people feel. Culturally, I feel like I'm wired a little bit differently because my parents are not a Ruben. So in some things, you adapt and you obviously grow up in this community and in this culture. So a lot of things you adopt. But then inherently, I feel like with certain things, I tend to be like a little bit more like whatever. So I'm the kind of person that if I want to go to the store close by to my house, you know, and my pajamas, how am I just going my pajamas? You know, and some people feel like that's, that's like, you should not do that. But I do stuff like that. And I do think that I have created like a barrier as a person. So anytime that I go to like the big grocery stores where I know I'm going to spend some time because I have a long list. And I'm going by myself because sometimes I'll go like with my husband or sometimes I'll go with K, we do a lot of grocery runs together. And then I'll wear headphones because I do want to create like a physical barrier where I do not want to have like beyond the, you know, high contactable mama, you know. Because I don't I don't as a person. I mean, I talk a lot. Obviously, I wouldn't be here. But I'm still relatively reserved about like my own, you know, bubble and stuff like that. And I do feel like in certain seasons, it fluctuates and in certain seasons because there's a lot of emotions going on and excitement and happiness and you tend to bump into more people. People feel like they're also allowed to like ask more and, you know, give more opinions and maybe even provide like onslaughts and advice and solutions to situations. And I think it's hard. So, and I don't think we stand still to the fact that for some people that is overwhelming. And it can, you know, stir up like, you know, conflicting emotions or uncomfortable emotions. So I think that hopefully, you know, going into this new year. We can like watch ourselves when we ask people stuff like that. You know, what's your goal? What do you want to achieve? Like, oh, you didn't achieve that last year. You know, like weren't you supposed to finish like last year or, you know, stuff like that and then just give people grace and let them tell you whatever they feel like they do want to share with you, you know, when they bump into you or something. Yeah, yeah, maybe it's also like being on a small island, it kind of feels like you know everyone and that kind of creates that, maybe feeling to be like, oh, I know you're like, this is going right. It's like, I know you, I know your parents, I know where you went to school. That's a lot of like very personal things. I'm allowed to ask personal things. Yeah, yeah. No, I can imagine that socially, it can be a bit overwhelming. And I think the older we get, the more we get, like, show our boundaries. You know, I remember being a teenager and it was like, people pleasing everyone. Okay. Every like, I just, I just didn't have boundaries and now I'm like, oh, I can like create that like you said, like that little barrier of like, no, I don't want to talk to you anymore. And I'm going to protect my own energy right now. And I have to for myself and choosing more for yourself as well. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, for the people on the other side, it's not personal. I think that's important to say, like if somebody does not want to share or does not want to have like an in-depth conversation in aisle four of that big grocery store, we're not going to say the same. It's not personal. It's just that, you know, we didn't go there to do that. And some people are able to switch and able to like, you know, just listen or talk. And some like, I have not done that. I have like, you know, if I feel comfortable, you will see that and I will engage. I will take out both my headphones, right? If I only take one, it's a sign that I am trying to like go back. But it's, you know, you also have to be receptive. We, I feel like sometimes we lack that receptiveness of like people's body language and people's like, you know, the way that they are communicating as well to us. Whether or not they want to. And yeah, you know, like you said, sometimes people will come up and share like very intense stuff. I, I love it that now I'm not the only one that gets to read random stuff, do say because of course she's, you know, managing the social media accounts. Sometimes we'll get like very intense questions and very intense messages. And, you know, it's like, I am not a, you know, professional. This is not a professional setting where I can help you with this. I can provide you some like, you know, resources because true what we do, we have gathered, you know, resources in the sense of like, you know, this is where you should go. We should get this information. But yeah, a lot of things are like super intense and I do not know what to do with that or like how to react or, you know, if what if I react on a wrong way and then you take it on a wrong way and then, you know. So, so yeah, it's, I think that when you are even like a little bit vulnerable, you show something that is like might seem like you are then people feel open to like, I don't know, like emotion dump on you or something like that. And I feel like that happens a lot during the holidays and transitioning into like the new years. That's a lot. It is. And it's like, well, I've been reading this book called the School of Life and it's like talking about how at school you don't learn about how to deal your emotions. I don't know if that concept was so interesting because we don't, you know, like even this like, how do you react when someone shares something vulnerable and you don't want to say the wrong thing? Well, I do want to say shout out to the schools that are making some effort. You know, I teach those type of courses in some of our local high schools. And I'm so happy that there is interest in teaching teens because they are in a heightened emotional state because just how our brains are working at that age. You know, to, you know, realize this from both sides, like when you're in the receiving end, but also when you are on the like dumping end, like, you know, how are you going to communicate what you're really trying to communicate? Like you even have words for what you're feeling, the even, you know, no words coming from or, you know, what triggered it or is there a way that you can figure that out. And like you said, usually if you do not go to a program like that or whatever, it is in your 20s because that's when you enter adulthood. And you start to having to do stuff for yourself where you find yourself like, okay, like I need to figure this out. Otherwise, I'm going to keep sabotaging myself or like hurting myself or others if I don't figure it out. And then we tend to look at like other people and they're like, you know, different places of this process. And you're like, but wait, what did you do? You know, how did it work for you? So yeah, I mean, it is, it is actually things are hard. But you know, let's talk a little bit about your, you know, big switch going into like, you know, the creative industry full time. I think that that is also something that younger people tend to struggle with around this time, especially because maybe if they do share goals, the goals might not be understood by other people. Maybe like older family members, you know, maybe some of them are open where you can explain and don't understand that. But how do you, how do you work with that? How do you still like talk to people who might be in a very traditional way of living and way of making money and then communicating how your goals and your structure. And you're the way they're going to move into like this new month, into this new, you know, quarter, whatever works and comparison to them. How does that work? Tell us a little about that. I'm in a very traditional sphere. So, you know, tell me. I mean, I feel like I've learned to communicate certain things, certain people and other people not. Because I think some people won't understand and that's fine. Of course, if they show interest, I'd love to explain it. But I think also to avoid getting like disappointed by people who say it won't work out or telling me things that, you know, because they don't understand the industry of stuff. I'm like protecting myself and I'll just maybe make it sound China or than it is or just, you know, say that I'm doing fine and seek feedback from people that maybe do understand or are in the industry. But I feel like the thing about goals as well, especially being a creative person that is still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants to do. Sometimes I've also felt like really put in a box and then meaning up with someone and then asking me about that specific thing that I maybe not interested anymore or maybe even struggling with. And it's hard, you know, for them to bring that up again. And I feel like that's also something I've learned to not do with others, you know, like don't put them in a box. I feel like that's maybe also really traditional. And that's just how kind of the world worked, you know, like find one thing you really like and do it for the rest of your life. And sounds like a blessing. Sometimes I'm like, I wish I had that because I feel like that it's just being an expert in one thing. I've never had to feel lost. But I also embrace it now. Like, you know, I'm just learning as I go. And it's fun to have different skills and two. I think it's also a privilege totally, you know, to be able to have that for them to discover different things I like. Have you had people ask you, like, you know, but is it like a real job or do you even make money with that? Or is it like for hours, like, did you really want to do this long term? Like, do you get that type of questions or like that type of like comments? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I feel like it's more like a show don't tell kind of thing. And I feel like I'm actually pretty bad at talking about my job. I have a boyfriend that he's like, you never talk about your job. And he's like, she's doing this and this. And I'm like, oh my god. Because I feel like it is a complicated job. And on the other hand, it's also I also find it like a privilege of what kind of job I'm doing. But, yeah, totally. I feel like especially growing up here, it wasn't very like even at school, it wasn't like go get a creative job, you know? I remember to do like photography and people being like, how do you make money with that? Like, that's more like a hobby. And I get it. Like, it is very risky and it is very uncertain. It really is. It still is today. I don't know what's going to happen next month. And I never thought I'd be that type of person. I met my boyfriend like around seven years ago and he was always like that, very entrepreneurial. And I was like, I don't get it. I rather just like have something really stable. He has been like that since like middle school, because I know him since middle school. So he has very much been like that since like forever, right? Through entrepreneur. I find it really like a skill. So, you know, it is scary and it is like, you know, I don't have kids. I don't, you know, have anything that ties with them to be able to be that risk. But sometimes it is, it is complicated to explain to people and I do want to encourage people to feel like she's her dreams. And even like one motto I've been having for myself is like dream bigger. Even though we've been talking about goals and everything. I feel like if you really, really want something like it can happen. It just takes a bit of hard work and trusting yourself. Yeah. And I think maybe, you know, I'm just thinking here that we might be like a little afraid of like saying or explaining something to people because of what you said, right? Because we can almost expect the reaction, right? We can almost expect, especially because we, you know, as you grow, you learn to to read people. And sometimes we read them bad. But it is a human skill that we get where we eventually, because we put people into boxes, of course, we tend to be able to predict which type of person might, you know, be interested in something or might not react, you know, as you thought towards something. And then, like you said, you might find yourself like not sharing where as to like maybe Ravi does feel like sharing a little bit more about about your situation. But, you know, is it like, now I'm going to ask you, is it because you, you don't even want to engage in that energy where you're like, it really doesn't even matter what your opinion is or is it still where you feel like that opinion might get a little bit to me. And I want to protect my energy. What kind of opinion do you mean? Like if somebody might say like, "Oh, and what does that really mean?" Like, you know, or, so is it like playing with your phone or I don't know, stuff like that, right? Or I'm going to use myself as an example. I do a lot of volunteer work and I'll have like, you know, every other time I'll have people being like, you know, but what is it that you really do? Like, because you just sit in a meeting and like, you know, like it doesn't even matter or stuff like that, right? And I'm in a lobbying organization, so you work a lot on stuff that is intangible. And then I'll think twice about how much I'll talk about the work that I do. Like, I can finish all these. For example, like, you know, end up, and how do we do? But like, lately, I have found myself where they ask me about like, finish all these, more than I say something that I feel like people are going to be like, "Oh, wow." Because I do, no matter what, still want to validate the fact that I am giving my time for free in this case, right? To this thing, right? I want to make it make sense for people who might not see it. So then, like, no, this year, we're going to go to the United Nations. That's all I got. And then I see that. And I'm like, "Cat, we're going to the United Nations," right? And then everybody's like, "Oh, wow." And then I'm like, "We've been doing awesome work for like a very long time, but then it's not enough for people to like validate the fact that I am spending my time in energy in this product," right? And it's like both things. Sometimes I really don't care. But if I'm tired and, you know, trying to find the energy to finish some stuff, then yeah, if somebody tells me like, "And then here in America is that people feel like filters." And they'll say stuff like, "Well, shouldn't you be spending this time with your husband or with your family?" Or, you know, stuff like that. Or you could be making more money if you spend this time in energy doing something that's monetized. And that can be like super stressful, right? How do you experience it? Like when people might have like opinions like, "Is it more like, I don't even even want to engage in this conversation?" Or, "Is it more like, I do want to protect my energy." And I kind of don't want to be put into like, you know, questionable box or whatever. Yeah, I do feel like I kind of protect my own energy. And I kind of maybe it is like a show I don't tell thing. And I think being in social media, you learn a lot about seeking validation. You know, I think social media seems very much like your constantly seeking validation, your constantly instant. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like I've just learned to like not maybe seek that from certain people or seek that understanding. And I guess it also depends about the people you have around you. But yeah, sometimes it can be frustrating. I think it also, it's a very like glamorized industry. And I feel like sometimes it's really hard to explain like, "I don't just do unboxings all day." You know, I have, you know, I make certain videos and if they don't understand, they don't. But I can understand if I say, "Oh, I do things online. People have this picture of what it is." But I don't feel like pressure to change that idea they have of me. I'm like, if you want to see, you'll see, and whatever. I don't feel pressured to clarify the wrong idea they have of it, I guess. Yeah, that's good. I mean, I personally think that it's good. I have to choose who you really want to do that with. I'm big on that. I have grown bigger on that. So we use this passion project to try to bring topics that I think are important in a way that I hope is informative and I hope it's teaching somebody something. It's creating more empathy where people are listening to people and being like, "Oh, okay, maybe I should think twice, but I should ask about that or whatever." But then, like you said, if it's people closer to me, then I might go into it and be like, "We really need to talk about this because I really, you know, I'm not okay with you expressing like that in regards to the situation or whatever." But then, you know, maybe with like a colleague or whatever, I would be like, "I'm not gonna do this." And then, if it happens repeatedly, then I might address it because then it's like affecting me personally. But I think that social media has created something in like the younger generations and I see it. In my nieces, for example, one is 18, one is 12, and where you almost become like self-conscious because everything you put out there can be like thinking whatever person's perspective and be interpreted in whatever way they want to. And then, you have to over-explain yourself and that might create two types of people where you'll have the person that like posts nothing. And, you know, they're super self-conscious if they do post something that they might like remove it afterwards. They don't want to be tagged, they don't shirt tags because whatever the picture is not perfect or I don't know if I want to be seen with this person or whatever. And then, you have the other person who's like over-explaining everything, right? So they'll post a post and maybe nobody said something and then they'll go into explain and say, "What I meant was, you know, how do you see that and how do you navigate that as a person who is consistent on social media?" Oh, I feel like one thing that also just came up in my mind is like being a woman and having to prove yourself. Yes. Especially when it comes to making money and things. I do see it with someone that, you know, like if they do something, it's very like glorified and if we do something, it's like, "Oh, you make stupid little videos on the internet, like does that really make money?" Yeah. I think there is kind of like a pressure for a woman to have to prove themselves. So maybe it does come from there, you know, feeling that pressure to be like, "But this is a serious thing and take me serious." Yeah, I'm doing something serious. Totally. And it's in all areas of life. I feel, right? Yeah, yeah. I see it too. And I feel it too, right? It's like sometimes I'll see, "I'll be in meeting or in like, you know, forms or whatever." And then I'll say something, then a man repeats it. And I hear people going like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." And like before, I want to say before, like a couple of years ago, I would literally like go in like complete interpanning because I'm like, "Am I hallucinating or something?" Because like, I feel like I said that. And like, there was like no or minimal reaction or something. And I would really like fight with myself on my brain where I'm like, "Oh my gosh, like am I imagining stuff?" And now, I do this thing and I know it's a little awkward, but I just like say it verbally. And I'm like, "I just said that." And it's not because I want to be like a smart model or whatever, but because you know what you just said, like as a woman. And it's not just with other men, it's with other women too, because it's how society is wired. I find myself like constantly making sure that I don't let it pass, where, you know, I do want it to be like noted and like people's mental records or whatever, that you chose to ignore, like, you know, a woman's opinion and an aruba agism is like a real thing, especially in like more traditional professional settings. So it's like a double down. It's like you choose ignore young women's opinion and then glorify it when like an older man repeated it. So I make sure that I like express it. And it's kind of scary because like some people will be like, "Oh yeah, I was like, "Oh, you didn't hear you." Or like, you know whatever. And it's like almost like the gas line that comes afterwards, because it's like, "Didn't you do that?" But, but that happens in the online presence too, but it's different because people are behind a screen. You do not, you know, you cannot hear their tone. You do not know sometimes who these people even are or why they think they think, you know, they're allowed to do something like that. And people still stuff on social media like opinions too. I've had a male politician do that to me, like, you know, steal my content and not even like rebranded, like just like, you know, put his name on it. And it was like infuriating. And then you're like, "Oh my gosh, like, it's not serious. Like, when I do it, because some people shared it, but then this person did it." And it was shared like over so many times. And I was pissed, and I'm like, "Is it more serious?" Because it's like a guy who's in politics, like sharing it. It's the same information, you know? And it took me time to research it, to put it together and all this stuff. And then it's, so yeah, how do you navigate that? When you see stuff and you're like, it's like, this is technically like mine or like, it's like, I worked on this and then somebody else is like, using it in a way that it was not intended. That it was not intended to be used or whatever, like, how do you navigate that in your world? I feel like luckily I haven't experienced it. I think it's how you experience it. That's very intense. Yes. I am not letting it go because I know that, like, you know, the next elections are coming up. So y'all might be thinking, like, with Carolina, I'm like, maybe this is a warning. Do not do that. People, next elections. But yeah, what do you experience where you're like, you know, you'll see stuff and you're like, but hold up. Why is this working and why is my not? Or what do you feel that? Yeah. I can't think of anything specific, honestly. I feel like, I don't know, I feel like now I'm at a very good place with the internet. That's good. It's just something very crazy to say, but I think I am at an interesting, good place with the internet. So, yeah, very lucky, not to say that it's like, sometimes it's like mentally challenging, but I think for everyone to deal with social media. I'm very lucky. I feel like I've curated certain amount of certain types of people. Yes. I really found my audience and I'm very grateful. You probably have the way your audience are. These are my people. Yeah. I don't get a lot of weird messages and I see that in your content too. And I think that's really nice to see because when you see other content and stuff like that, and then you see how people react with it. Or how people feel like they are allowed to react around it or work with it. So, I'm really happy to see it and I think it has to do with, although you said, you know, you were a people pleaser. And I think to a very large extent, I used to be that too when I was much younger. But I think it's also how you present yourself that you are immediately creating a certain boundary, right? Yeah. What is acceptable is not. Exactly. And I think it's also like, I don't know if it's a thing like that, but it's also like platforms. I'm not really on Instagram. I remember being on TikTok and I remember vividly when I was here last year and posting stuff on Aruba. And I think I went to a tunnel. I'm not going to say the name because I said it wrong in the TikTok. For people who went off, you know. And then those are moments where you're like, okay, I don't need like 200 people telling me like, one is fine. You know, I think people can get very defensive sometimes, but yeah. Nationalism is big here. Anything wrong? Yes, no, not about Arubao. Yeah. So yeah, I can see how that is. Yeah, yeah. And I've seen it happen. Do a lot of like creative people who are either like vocals or not locals even who will come here and they just say something. Because they shared it and they thought it was interesting and then they get that, right? Yeah, it is really important to think about what you share. Especially as people are going to see, especially with the algorithm, you don't even need to have followers. People don't think sometimes and especially like what Aruba like it has impact. And I also think about that now. Like I know it, if you say something negative, like people will see it and it can have impact and it's very important that we don't do that. What do we think about like what the goal is like putting out something? Yes. So I do want to, you know, tell everybody who's listening that, you know, I don't want to say like this is a New Year's goal. But maybe this is a way of setting like a good New Year's goal. Maybe think about like how we react to, you know, to content online, but also when we talk to people. And you know, ask yourself like before we ask a very deep personal questions or before we impose like what we think people should be doing at a certain time in their lives or a certain time of the year or whatever. Think about like, you know, doing really to know this or do I really like is this really important? Like is this a core of the reason why I'm reaching out to this person? And think about that, right? If you just want to connect to a person, maybe they do not have some about like their marital status and like stuff like that. Like this weird. Stop doing that. But, um, but maybe think about like checking in about like, hey, are you doing what are you into these days, right? What are you doing for fun or what's bringing you joy or whatever? I think that we will get a lot more out of people if we focus on those things rather than like specific society like my stones that are for some people like impossible to attain and also unrealistic in today's conditions. You know, economical and societal and whatever else. But yeah, I do think that as we go into like this new year and we start bumping into people that we think twice about like, do we really want to connect or do we just want to have intense small talk? Because that's what it is at the end of the day, like asking somebody, how's your job? Where do you work and stuff like that? You know, it's just intense small talk and like, is that really really important? Yeah, I think my biggest takeaway is what you said about not taking it personally. Like you said, at the very grocery store, if someone is not, you can maybe sense they're not in the mood. It's maybe there's nothing to do with you. I think experiments were very natural to be like, they don't like me or I did something wrong. Maybe they're just having a bad day. Exactly. We're allowed to have those, you know, that's normalized, having last good days or bad days or whatever. And remember, people don't always anything. I think that's a very important thing to keep in mind too, you know, as we go into this new calendar year, like people do not always anything. Whatever they do volunteer to share or explain, take it for what it is. I appreciate it. If you want to, if not, that's also fine. But yeah, I guess that is something, right? How did you experience today talking to me? I love it. It's live. That's something very new to me. I mean, it's just a conversation. We can't edit it, but yeah. Yeah, so I love that. And I think we can relate on a lot of topics. And I'm really, really glad that you gave me the space to share my thoughts. I'm happy to have you here. And for the people who do not know you, where can they find you and what you do? So you can find me at VBJ Angelica and you can find me on Instagram and there everything is linked. My podcast is linked there as well. Yes. And she has different like lengths of episodes. Some things are very short. Some things are longer. So I like that. You have that, like, you know, different types of listeners can tune into that then. And thank you again for being here today and talking a little bit. Hopefully some people listened and it, you know, makes them think about like what conversations we should be having with others. But also to be more compassionate with themselves that it really is okay to be doing your own thing. And, you know, it is okay not to start the year with like goals. It is okay not to have like a laundry list of things you're supposed to achieve each month and be doing and numbers and stuff like that. Life is a continuous thing. Of course, it's marked by days and hours and months and whatever, but it just keeps going. So don't waste your time too much on like trying to measure things because, yeah, just live, right? I love it. Thank you so much for, you know, accepting my invitation and being here. I am looking forward to next week. And I'm not sure what we're going to talk about specifically, but I'm definitely going to start touching on kind of, because kind of I assume this year. And I hope that, you know, once again, you had a good start of your year, week, work, whatever for the ones that are starting on Monday, like teachers and students. You know, take it a day at a time. I know some of you are entering and then you have to go right into exams and stuff like that. Give yourself some grace. I absolutely despise the systems that puts like exams right after breaks. I don't know who thought that was a good idea, but it is a horrible idea. And it does stuff to people in their brains. And that's not nice. So, whomever is in charge of that, please reconsider. There are ways to do it where you don't have to do that. But yeah, I just wanted to get that out of my system because I always feel so, so bad for the youth and anybody who's still in school and has to like go and prepare for exams right after, you know, winter break. I'm like, oh my god, but yes. So, you know, enjoy caravage today for those that are going be safe. Once again, I am going to repeat that please be safe for yourself for others. If you're going with friends, have a system. Do not leave your friend behind. You know, have a plan during lots of water. And yeah, be nice, right? We're not going to push people on whatever. And for those of you who are doing last minute decoration and shopping, do not yell at the people at the stores because it's not their fault that you're doing last minute stuff. And I say this because I see a lot of you doing, you know, stuff. I saw a lot of you behaving certain ways during Christmas shopping. And we talked about this, right? Be patient. It's like you make choices. That's a result, right? We're just getting about it. So, yeah, thank you. Of course, my own sponsors for allowing us to talk about what we want to talk about today, which was, you know, pressure. So thank you to the rush. Thank you to total. Thank you to the breeze. I appreciate you so much. Happy to have you again for another episode. And thank you for the film for giving me the space. See you at the next episode. And I'll catch you in the end of this. Do not worry. But for a full episode back, be back with the fans of YouTube. Facebook is sincerely caring for us. YouTube. And so, see you when I follow you on social media. You don't have to. But it's nice if you do. Instagram to @sincerely.carolina. More informative side of this. More written information, longer captions, and stuff like that. God of the follow. @zinatalks. Doose is going to be around for a couple of more weeks. And I do not have a plan for where to be used. And I am starting to get stressed out about it. So, I just want to say thank you to Doose once again for choosing to do her internship for @sincerely.carolina. I appreciate you. And yeah, I look forward to another week of a live episode. It's been a while. And you missed it. So yeah, see you. Be nice. Make better choices. Bye bye. (Music) Hi, I'm Carolina and I am the host of @sincerely.carolina, a series of educational conversations about current social issues with local and international experts. Make sure you tune in every Saturday on KulaFem from 9 a.m. to 10 a.m.