New Year: If Not Now, When?

Welcome to Rewired, an eating disorder recovery podcast. This is a space where we share our own lived experience, along with the tools we used to certify eating disorder recovery coaches. Wear your hosts, Megan Sophia, and we're really glad you're here. Hi everybody, welcome. Today we're going to talk about the start of the year, which can be a time of like setting intentions, news resolutions, if you're that kind of person, like a news resolution. And it's just a real time of like change and reflection and thinking back over the past year, what the year looked like, what's changed, where you were a year ago, you know, going, what year are we now? Oh, I actually don't know what year is, the 2026. It is. Oh, it's 2026. 2025. What was that feeling like versus now going into 2026, what's that looking like? And then with recovery, feeling like, okay, I want it to be different this year, it can be very common. I want things to look different. And then translating that into taking action and actually making change, because equally you could have felt that last year. And then maybe nothing has changed in that year, like it's a very easy thing with an eating disorder for the days to just pass. And then a year passes and you think, wow, a whole year has just passed. So how do we harness that, like motivations may change all that reality, check of what is changed or where am I at, that kind of thing. How do we harness that and convert it into change? And on the topic, that sense of it never feels like the right time to change or the conditions don't feel right to change or whatever it is. So basically making changes, whether it's making a start or continuing to change, you've become stuck or you felt like things were good enough for a while and now you're questioning like, actually, maybe I could go a bit further, something like that. So whatever your stage is and the change that you're kind of facing, how do you decide to make the change, want to make the change and then convert it into change? Absolutely. And it kind of comes at a perfect time in terms of like, you kind of have a Christmas end of the year, things slow down, you've got that time to reflect, it's such a moment of values of kind of thinking, am I actually living my life in line with the life I want and the values that I actually have. And so this is a nice point to just kind of stop and take a moment, I think, is it? And you can make a change any day of the year, like any day, it doesn't have to be the first of Jan. But there is this idea of like, we have certain chapter breaks in our life, whether it be your birthday or new years or changing job or moving house and then just moments where you can start to think, okay, is this how I want to live, is this how I want to continue? It kind of gets you out of like that habituation of your day to day of what you just normally go through and think, oh my gosh, I'm still here. Is this really where I want to be? Is this trajectory where I want my life to go? And I have found that from clients, this has been a really difficult month, December, January, these two months have been really hard for people. I think it's brought up a lot of emotion. And yeah, so if you're there and you're like, what is going on, I feel like I'm faced with my reality so much more in these months, you're definitely not alone. I think I actually remember feeling really down on it as well. Me too. Yeah. It's cold, it's dark, it just adds to that feeling of like you're still in the same kind of place and you don't really want to be there this time next year. The idea of being the same place in 2027, which feels a million years ago, like it just feels so far away, doesn't it, 2027? But it's the year away, like the idea of being there in the same place this that time next year is really scary for people. So yeah, there is no right time to start, but if you're in that moment of feeling like, wow, this is very overwhelming, this could be a moment where you can make a change. Definitely, I totally agree with that. It's a time for that reflection, the chapter break, like eating disorders are so hamster wheelie, like you just do the same thing. You match yesterday, tomorrow you'll do the same thing. And then that adds up to a week, that adds up to a month, but you don't really notice it happening like that because you're so sucked into what do I need to do today? What do I need to have eaten today? What do I weigh? Well, like whatever your kind of focus is or your behaviors are so sucked into the day today of completing those behaviors. And then sometimes things happen in life like New Year's or a birthday, something like that, that's a bit of an external reality check, like it forces you to broaden your perspective a bit and to zoom your lens out a little bit. And that's when you get that, like, oh, what's this trajectory that I'm on, like where's it taking me, what's it given me over the last year, that kind of thing, which can be really painful as well. It can be so. Like I hated it so much, like New Year's Christmas, birthdays. I found them so, like just want to put my head in the sand, really. Absolutely. I think in addition to that reality is also the idea, during these moments, there's actually when your routine changes, so sometimes you think that you're fine and you're coping, you're eating something that doesn't actually interfere with your life, but actually as soon as like a routine changes, you need to eat socially, you're timing of food changes, the type of food changes, it feels out of control. You're around other people while you're eating, like all of those things, you're like, oh my gosh, this has actually really taken a hold of me in a way I actually didn't even realise because I was just stuck to my safe routine. Yeah. So true. Yeah. I guess anything that breaks you out of your kind of like routine and spell, like once you're like, when you've got everything, run right down to your own controllable, whatever variables in a day, you can feel like you lose track of time or it passes really quickly, don't notice time passing, and you don't notice that you're not as flexible or whatever because you're like, but I'm fine because I've got all my stuff in place, but then anything that shifts you out of that, yeah, is kind of like a, mm-hmm, where am I actually at? Yeah, I'm actually still really in my eating disorder. So why do you think, Meg, we feel this need for there to be this necessary perfect time? I see this come up a lot with people where it feels like, right, I will start when, I'll do it later, I'll do it when my life looks this way, like why is, why do you think this is so common? I don't know, I had it so badly as well, but I think about like just that the reality of it is that it is really hard, like you can have all the motivation in the world, you can have all the reflection time in the world, you can have all that like new year feeling and still to make the actual change, it's never ever going to, it never feels like the right time to do something horrible, you know, so I think it's like, you get that rush of like-- You're just putting it off. You're putting it off, right? Yeah. The thing that you really don't want experience. Yeah, future use, not going to want to do it any more than current you does. And you can tell that because if you look back at past you as well, who also didn't want to do it, like if they didn't do it, then you're probably like, oh my god, why didn't I just do it a year ago? Or if you did do it, you're like, I'm so grateful that I took the hit back then and I don't struggle with that now. Like I've definitely felt that in both directions. So like no version of you is ever going to want to do this, there's always like, stress in life, there's always something else to focus on. Life's always happening. I don't-- I honestly don't think it ever feels like the right time, but yeah, that one for like, I just want it to feel okay, I want it to be manageable or-- But it's not right, comfortable. I don't know if it's that kind of-- Yeah, yeah. I think we see it as well, lots of different areas of people's lives, not even just for people with eating disorders. I think generally we're trying to put life on hold, like I'll enjoy life when this happens or like when I get the job or when I move out or I get the perfect house, perfect, you know, whatever is happening, but actually we just need to start living in the present and just focus on today and making a change today. And like you said, future you will be so happy for it. Even if you say to yourself, well, life is so stressful right now, I've got so much going on, there's no point doing it now, let me do it next month when everything dies down with work, this is a really stressful period or a moving house, it's like, there will always be an stress. I actually don't know anybody in my life that doesn't have some form of stress in their life right now, like there will always be something popping up, it's just like the reality of a human experience, isn't it, that we're always struggling with something. And so that's not to discount what you're going through. People are going through really, really, really hard things, but like there will never be a perfect time to start and even having an eating disorder, honestly, just makes everything harder anyway. So like taking the hit now, you make any future thing you should struggle with easier. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing is that it's taking the hit now because it might ramp up the hardness now, but it's so that a future version of you doesn't have to have food or ink disorder behaviors as a stress on top of ordinary life stress kind of plus all the stress it creates within itself that doesn't need to be there. No, absolutely, it makes everything so much harder. So what is like the cost of waiting? I mean, life is going to keep moving and the idea of the eating disorder carrying on going year after year, it's just a horrible thought for so many people, isn't it? I mean, every year that you're continuing your eating disorder, not only are you losing out and living the life you want to live, but also those neuro pathways keep going. And so the sooner you can break out of it and create a new one and create your recovered life, like the better. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Like the longer you're practising the behaviors, the more ingrained you're making them. I think it's like the opposite of it will become easier. I'll just feel better about it and then I'll be able to do it like you're more and more practising these behaviors kind of thing. And also I think in night waiting, that in itself is like an eating disorder kind of like condition on recovery because it's like our recover when things feel easy enough for me to recover. Like it's the eating disorder looking for a way to make it feel more comfortable or more like acceptable, but the point is it's not like you're meant to be going against what's acceptable and like against what feels comfortable and not like, okay, I'll just recover when it feels easy enough to recover because then that feels easier. I don't know if I've said this very well, but then when you hit stress the following week to stop recovery for that week, like you're kind of creating a new eating disorder condition on recovery, which is I recover when things feel easy enough for recovery. It's a bit like with, if you're like regaining weight, I'll regain weight in a way that feels like the right kind of pace or the right kind of time or I've done it in the right kind of way, like it's still taking eating disorder boxes to supposedly be doing a recovery behavior, you know, it's like a really sneaky like, okay, you can do it, but wait till Monday or you can do it, but only when that project's done at work or you can do it after you've visited whoever at the weekend and you have to be bubbly for that. Like it's still, you're still taking boxes in doing it, so you're like enforcing the eating disorder and putting more and more conditions on like, there's an eating disorder way to recover out of an eating disorder kind of thing. Yeah, absolutely, like you're trying to control your way out of it, rather than embracing the messiness of it and the life going on around it and you're carrying on going, you're like creating these conditions. It's like the analogy you've used before about the cost of man of like, you can only have the cake if you've had this earlier in the day and you haven't had that later in the day and you've moved in this way, like you're almost doing the same sort of thing, aren't you, where you're like, I'll only recover if this person hasn't upset me in the day. Work isn't too crazy, this, and there'll always be those things coming in, so it's just like it doesn't matter what's happened. Yes, some days will be harder recovery wise. Some days you'll be like, yes, I'm doing this. I am so motivated on top of the world, like I feel strong in this, not easy, but I feel like motivated and there'll be some days where you're just like, I do not want to do this, but I'm going to carry on with the foundations of my recovery, because I know that not doing so will make it so much harder tomorrow, even. Yeah, but you not also think those are actually the key days, like the days when it's easy and you've got motivation, great, enjoy that, but actually what's going to get you through recovery is being able to do it when you don't feel like it, when it feels like the worst thing in the world, it feels completely physically, emotionally wrong. You're really stuck in other areas, like it's almost like you need even more to do it when it doesn't feel like the right time to start or it doesn't feel like conditions are perfect, because you need the thing that's going to get you through is being able to keep going when you don't feel like it. If you manage to get a day when everything lines up and you feel great and whatever, brilliant, but that's not going to be every single day, so you need to, it's creating the skill or whatever, the ability to just keep going when it's the last thing in the world you want to do, because those are the days that will really trip you up and set you back. Absolutely, yeah, it's when the things aren't perfect when you're actually doing the really hard work. It's when the food isn't perfect or the timing isn't perfect or you've got to kind of eat on the go, whatever it is, it literally goes across the whole recovery, doesn't it? The imperfect times is when you're not feeling up to it, when you don't have all the conditions around you that make it feel easy to do. Yeah. Because also, even if you hit this day like, oh, it will feel better once the project at work's done or whatever it is, I feel like once that does happen, it still doesn't feel like the right time, like even when you hit the supposedly perfect conditions to recover, like New Year's, I'll do it in the New Year, it'll be the perfect time and then New Year didn't fall on a Monday, I'll wait till Monday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I've just got whatever going on at work this week, I'll wait till, like even when you hit supposedly this will be the right day, it's never going to feel like the right day because you're going into it with a brain that's telling you it's the wrong day. You know, so it's like having that expectation of like nothing will feel like the right time because your brain is wired to tell you it's the wrong time, to tell you these behaviours are wrong, like recovery behaviours, to tell you it's too much or it's too fast or you can't trust this or but you have this yesterday, you're going to have this tomorrow, you've got this kind of that we can, you know, like all of the behaviours, all of the thoughts that are keeping you trapped in behaviours are not going to go because it's supposedly the perfect day, like it's New Year's Day, the thoughts which held me back before have gone, no, that does not happen, like it's New Year's Day, the thought which held me back in the past is still there and I've got to find a way to go against them whilst it feels terrible just like it would, but just like it did last year, you know. Absolutely, yeah, and I think actually like time hopping to those times will there be New Year's or your birthday or a family event and thinking right by this point I want to be here, that can be really powerful to like get you out of that really hard moment and be like, no, this is what I want for me, I want when I go to this family party that I actually am able to join in, I'm not doing like a load of work around it to be able to join in, I want to genuinely be present, eat the food and like then kind of that gets you out of those really hard moments, I think this is what I truly want, yeah, I think that's such a brilliant tool to use on these like what do you call them chapter break moments, yeah, the reality slap moments, like reality, oh I like that, reality slap moments, the times that are almost like painful in a way because you get that like, I've now got the bigger picture of what's happened over a year and maybe if things haven't changed let's say like things haven't changed and that's really hurtful, but if you can use that almost in a different way like use that tool in like a how do I apply it to change way, so like if you imagine your life as a timeline, like where you are now is your current point of time, go a year back from that, a year back from that and then equally skip a year forward from this, a year forward from that next year forward, start off with you, and with you, two years back, two years forward, yeah, and look at the trajectory, like what did change in that time, are you on the same path that you were on, like did you make changes in the better or did not things not change and then you're thinking I wish I'd have made a change back then, and then use that to jump forward as well, exactly like you're saying, like okay so what needs to change now to get me to a different point next year, or if I keep doing the same behaviors now, I'll still be in the same place next year, so like as hurtful as it is having that slap of zooming out and seeing what's happened in a year, like you can use it in a change direction as well, like use it as a change tool of like a case of what change to get me to hear if nothing, then that means like I need to now make a change to get somewhere else next year, like how do I break the cycle and change path, yeah absolutely, yeah, thinking like where do you want to be, and if you're not where you want to be, making that change so that by the end of the year you can be really proud of yourself, another thing to think about is like think about the year that's just passed and think about what are the moments that really stood out to you as like happy positive moments that would fill your life with, I've actually done that this year thinking back on my life and thinking like what are the moments that really filled me up, and they were all, every single one was connection with family, friends, like those are the moments that made me happy and stand out, and then if you have those moments, then you're able to like set your goals for the next year as well, like actually I want more of that, I'm like I loved going to visit my time in Pakistan, I need to do more of that, like I loved going to the UK, that was brilliant, I loved the time of the kids, and then it makes you realise it gets you out of flight even if you don't have an eating disorder, it gets you out of the rat race of like trying to keep up with life, you know, achieve achieve achieve, yeah, like get you out with the hammock, yeah, what was, yeah, I love that so much, like what have you taken out of the year that was meaningful and like that you're holding your heart kind of thing, and then how can you replicate more of that next year? Exactly, exactly. In other words, you're trying to like, especially with this kind of like hustle culture that we've got in life, it's like move up the ladder, you know, I get this grade, you know, get this house, picking items up to do list, yeah, yeah, whereas actually they're not really the things that stand out and mean, yeah, so much to you, I absolutely love that, and especially with an eating disorder, I think open mind, you do start feeling like what am I gaining from it, like what does it give you in the long term, it doesn't, it's a lot of effort every day and a lot of like it's very consuming every day, but one a year passes, you don't get much out of it, like there's not much meaningful production from it, there's a lot, a lot of effort for what, like what do you actually hold in your heart at the end of the year, even if it felt critically important in that day, because it does, it feels quite, it feels quite important. It feels like all consuming, yeah, got to do it, but on the bigger picture scale, really like, yeah, on May 21st, when I stood on the scales, or when I skipped that bit of my lunch, or I left that last bite to get a quick win, like I didn't, you know, like those, yeah, who cares about that, you're actually feeling sad for yourself, you know, I wish I could go back to that moment and enjoy the rest of that, I wish I could go to the social event, I wish, like that probably could have been my highlight if I actually was present and able to do those things. So that, I feel like trying to keep that in the moment as hard as it is when you just want to do everything that opposite is key to staying on the recovery track. Yeah. One of my clients has got this lovely expression we talk about together of like meaning, what's meaningful stress because an English order is like super, super hard, it is very stressful, a lot of effort goes into it, a lot of thinking, it takes a lot of like your time, headspace, routine, relationships, everything, and what do you get from it? So you're putting a lot, a lot in and what meaningful outcomes you're getting, like what's coming out that's meaningful versus I think we spoke about this last time, there are other things in life. I did, but it's sad. Wait a minute. It's sad. Rehash, it was great. Yeah, it was. I'm getting plastic now, I'm about to say what's stressful currently in my life, but I won't throw them under the bus this time. But there are lots of things going to be stressful now, but like your trip to Pakistan, for example, was probably very stressful to coordinate and manage and like fit into your life and it would have been easier in a way to keep going with like, yeah, these are the things I've got to keep doing day to day. But like, yeah, you got meaning out of it, like even though it's stressful, it was purposeful, right? It's enduring. The happiness you got from it is enduring. It's not like a fleeting, I stood on the scales and saw a number and felt okay for the day. That's gone. No. Yeah. It was very stressful because the kids are little, the idea of going back to Pakistan, sometimes because there's no stress in itself, but actually, like that was about, I don't know, three days I think I went for, but it was, it's up there when the top days of my year. And so happy I did it, I felt value aligned, it felt the best to see my dad, it felt like what I wanted to do, the person I wanted to be, all of those things, kids were fine, thank God. You know, it was, it was so good and it made me realise that, yeah, I need to go back out there. Like, that's what I need to do this year. Like, my trip to the UK was stressful, I'm not going to lie, that was crazy. Like, when you got three little kids, you know, in a different house, like it's hard, but it was the best. And like for them, it was the best too. So I greet that meaningful, stressing is so, and I've got bits for my year, I'm like, that was meaningless. Like, why did I waste my time worrying about that? That was not important to worry about, that was not important to stress about, that was a waste of time. And so there's this idea as well, like if you want to add things to your life, you need to minus things, we've all only got so much capacity. And so like, if you want to add things to your life, you need to minus things. So that might be with your eating disorder taken up a lot of your life. So if you took away some of those thoughts around it, the planning, maybe you're moving too much, whatever it is, you're going to get tons of time back. And that can feel scary of like that, what am I feeling or with? But trust me, it'll be way better than what the eating disorder is giving you. Like it will be meaning, connection, purpose. You almost don't know it until you enter it, what's actually going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. And you explore, don't you? It's not like you're expecting them to step into this is life for the rest of the life. It's trial and error. You're curious. Yeah, you try something. You don't like it. We've even spoke about like we've had loads of things. We've had Spanish lessons, apps, it failed, I tried piano at one point, a major fail. I didn't have, I wasn't like, I didn't have enough brain space for piano when I'd all Spanish when I tried it. And then I went back to piano when I did have a bit more brain space and loved it. So you can just like, I can imagine you a piano, piano player. I love it so much. I loved it. Now like I didn't even have lessons. I just watched YouTube and it, this is how I learn, right? The notes come down the screen and it shines a light on which key to press. So it shows a piano screen across the bottom, lights up which keys to press and I was learning like Ed Sheeran, I think I learned, what's that song? You're so clever. So clever. I watched lights on a screen and it's more clever than I've got to achieve, like I think that's brilliant. I imagine you could play Biano, Bren can play the guitar, it's like a little band going on. Get the kids involved. I hope they've started playing. We've got this playing. What? We've got this toy where it's got three little holes in it and you drop a little animal down it and it goes, all the way down, gosh, I don't know if you've got a lovely, right? They've no way happen. They've picked the little animals out and they've worked out that if they blow into them, it can make that sound like times 50. Quarter. Recorder. Oh, so we've got three of them walking around the house, blowing into these animals. It makes me like, that needs to go, that needs to go. That needs to go. Sounds. Talk about meaningful stress. That is not one. That is not meaningful. That's all. That needs to be bit to the side, but I see a band. I see the seeds of a band at the beginning. Oh, I'll call it the meaningful stress. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're the first album title. Yeah. Anyways. Any who? Back to what we were talking about. Where were we? On how to use tools around this kind of thing as well. Another thing I was thinking as you were talking is thinking like, what would I say to past me if she was in this position? Because it's so hard in the moment because you're under threat, so like all of your ink to sort of neural iron kicks in and everything in your body is like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Even though this you that experiences new year is like, I wish I'd done it. So like thinking, what would I have said to me a year ago facing this or what would future me thank currently for doing? That kind of thing can be helpful to like, I see it's almost like zooming out and aligning your decisions to a different version of you on the timeline, so like align your decision to you a year from now and where do you want to be and what do you need to do now to get you there kind of thing because you today is going to be really hard to use current use brain. But decide what to do because it's wired around not doing it like having real expectations even if you're in the perfect time for recovery. Oh, it's new year isn't it? Perfect. I feel brilliant. Let's go. Your brain is still going to tell you not to when you face actually doing it. So you don't align to that. You're aligning to like your future self or to your values or to the person you ultimately want to be the life that you ultimately want to live. Not to what feels comfortable right now or what your brain's telling you right now because if you're relying on you in the moment and how you feel in the moment you're never ever going to do it because it feels horrific. Yeah, completely agree. I think externalizing yourself from the current moment really helps you to have more of like an objective view about what's going on right now. I heard also somebody send a podcast this week like if your life was a movie and you were watch somebody was watching it like what would they be shouting at the screen and yeah and I was it's made me think as well even now. But I think with my eating disorder I know exactly what people would be screaming especially as I now know how the movie has continued like so I think that anything that can get you out of like that and motive moment that you're currently in really helps you to tell that and like carry on with the actions when it's hard but that ambitalance is normal like it's so normal to feel like that fear and like it motivated less motivated some days like it's all part of the process. Yeah. We all went through it. It doesn't mean you're failing. Yeah. It actually is completely normal. Yeah. You always feel like with that it's almost like the two versions of you from the timeline. Wow. Like it's almost like the year from now version of you and the today version of you like heads with each other because the future you version is like I want life to be different. These are my values. This is what I want to do in life or what I just don't want to do. I just don't want to be thinking about food anymore that kind of thing versus the today you it's like but I really don't want to face the fear foods. I don't want to face the things I've been avoiding. I don't want to go over the current calorie amount I'm eating whatever it is. So it's almost like the like your current brain in like a site with your future brain or like the brainwaring you want because yeah currently it feels like a threat facing recovery behaviors. But then there's a version of you that's like more values aligned that's like but I want the life I'd get out of that kind of thing. Yes. Yeah. If you're not 100% ready again that's normal but if you're 51% you want to recover and a little part of you a little 1% if you're right is that 1% can grow? Yeah. And also if you're doing it for a future version of you there'll be 100% sure you know like I sat here today and my 100% sure that I wanted to recover and I'm 100% sure that I'm glad that I did. But there was times when I literally had if 1% you know I'm not sat here now with past me's brain so it's not you don't what you're feeling in the moment today you don't need to rely on that for your I don't have say that for the future version of you because it'll be a different brain and you'll have different feelings towards it then so it's not like. 100%. 100% and you can see that from your YouTube videos like from when you began your journey with recovery that's what's so cool about the fact that you you know allowed everybody to kind of watch your journey of recovery you're a completely different person. Your brain is completely different like the way it is now like I know you off screen you know we've got out together we spend time together so like it's crazy it's almost like a brain transplant. It's like 100% like brain transplant so like yeah if my brain back then wasn't completely sure I wanted to do it it almost doesn't matter because I don't have that brain anymore I just got hit with that past brain that didn't really want to do it a lot of the time but just take it for a version of me in the future that will be so grateful that I've done it like sat here today. Yeah absolutely and you know what you don't you're not meant to do it alone like reach out to people have your family around you like when you're offline and you're struggling when you just cannot connect to why you want to recover like that 1% like you said you're struggling with that 1% you've got people to remind you people to give you like reminders of the tools hey why don't you give me five reasons why you want to recover why 2027 you know you want to be a completely more recovered version what will that open up in your life you know we make a knife also just started a community that's going to be beginning in 1 or 2 weeks like join that do something where you'll constantly be reminded of why I'm choosing to recover so you're tethering back to that constantly rather than getting stuck up in like the day to day. Yeah great point yeah because it like making changes is hard are there other changes around it that you could make which was helped to facilitate the changes you're making so like whether it's like you need to get more meals delivered so that you've taken some of the decision making out of food prep do you need to like do a call on Instagram start following new people so that you've got like a different digital world around you that's more like recovery aligned would it help to join our community and then you're in a space where like we meet twice a week you've got that to check points two times a week to have that like recovery boost and buffer and like like mind of people who are also like wanting to make changes support like family and they can they help you exactly like you're saying could they use your tools with you could they help with prompts could they help with cooking could they take some meal prep off your hands like yeah are there other things rather than just being like I definitely want to change I really want this year to be different and then you go into the same situation with the same brain the same compulsion same temptations like of course it's difficult to translate that reality slap of the year to walking into a kitchen and making change because if everything's completely the same like yeah it's really really hard so like what changes could you make around you to facilitate it the people that you're around make such a different this is an example of why that community and you know having people around you your environment being correct is so true like you can reflect on your life and you can imagine that the closest people around you how much of an influence they're made to you in that moment like I you know we literally changed depending on the closest five people that we talk about you know talk to so if that happens and imagine what could change if you set your life up for recovery so much can change as well of you actually getting towards your goals that's so true that's part of your life that are not serving you you've got to leave those bits behind yeah there's people that are not you know really helping your recovery if there's accounts that you're following that are not helping your recovery if going to a certain place is reminding you of an old life you don't want those are all things that really you need to like get rid of and bring in other areas minus them out bring in the positives that are going to get you on your recovery track yeah because you can feel it can't you like if you're with a friend or if you're following accounts whatever listening to podcasts even that really fill you up and you feel really like yep I'm like clearer on what I'm doing or I feel better as a person or like I've just laughed and it felt great something like that versus if you're hanging out with I don't know people who are like diet focused and that's triggering you or you're listening to a podcast that's not helpful or whatever it is like yeah you're surrounding they do impact so much I even feel it now honestly like not really I mean I don't really fall hang around with anything diet culture even if I did I don't really care that much now but I'm definitely still influenced by like working like having left my job if I was with people that are like in that kind of like the grind and the facing hustle hustle what how do I want to buy like we've had to make a lot of sacrifices to like for me to be able to step back work wise and spend more time at home with my children which I'm so glad for and it's I feel so valued to learn to me and I'm so like grateful to be able to do it but I definitely would be sucked into that like guilt or comparison or you know if I was around like I feel like it like to be surrounded by people that like support or like how do you say it like an alignment with your values or helping you to live in alignment with your values that kind of thing it just makes you feel so much more like in the right place as a person 100% you feel like authentic rather than constantly feeling like you're chasing something that isn't really you and it isn't serving you or where you want to go in the future yeah completely so surrounding yourself with the right type of people is literally it really is key and that's what helps you when you're not feeling 100% recovery like keep bringing you back to why you're doing it yeah yeah love that yeah use people in those moments use tools like the things we talked about in those moments yeah and remembering like it's not you don't need to be all in with it all the time like it doesn't have to be 100% from day one you know yeah I think it's not that perfection and that's so important having that realistic expectations of like even if you feel like the new year like this my time I'm going to make the change having realistic expectations that when I walk into those same situations is still going to trigger the same stuff I'm still going to be walking in with the same brain that's telling me not to do it like being realistic that just because you think you want to change doesn't mean the act of changing is going to be easy just because you want it just because you've got gold just because you've had reality or clarity come in potentially over like new year over Christmas doesn't mean the act of change is necessarily going to be easier when you face it in the moment you can still do it like yeah you can still get eight sort of thoughts and not act on them because you you have that reality of like they don't actually align to a life I want to live they don't bring me meaningful outcomes it's not meaningful stress to me like you can use this reality to give you clarity on like okay that current way of following my thoughts isn't working for me so I'm going to make a change but the reality in itself doesn't change the thoughts it doesn't the reality in itself doesn't make the change it still is like action consistently repetitively in a really hard way because it doesn't feel right it goes against what feels safe to you whatever but like sticking at that it's that repetitive consistent action and change without compensation that's going to like change your thinking and change your brain and then get you into alignment of like oh now I'm living a life I want to live I'm the person I want to be a years past and I'm in the place I'd want to be kind of thing mm-hmm absolutely and you can see how you kind of got into that place with your eating disorder in the same way it started off with a simple action you know that kind of built up the goal post kept changing it kept getting bigger kept getting more relentless it kept getting more entrenched so if your brain can manage to do it that way it can also manage to do it the other way and it can be again starting with the micro steps your eating disorder probably started with a little micro step you probably did a little innocent thing and then it snowballed no one went like full-blown eating disorder in a week no no no it's sort of to I'm in the trenches of an eating disorder is a gradual repetition of behaviors and then it becomes like new habitual hamster wheelie kind of yeah yeah so it would say value the micro habits I think that's I mean there's a book called atomic habits which I think is all about like that of starting small carrying on going and you know just keep building upon it and I think a lot of us are so hard on ourselves of like all or nothing well I didn't do it this perfectly so but actually okay if something didn't go perfectly how you plan like learn from it think okay right why didn't that go well what could I put in place so it does go well next time don't be so hard on yourself and keep getting up and trying again that's a lot of what we're doing coaching as well isn't it like did you need to have shopped earlier for it so it's already in the kitchen did you need somebody else to help you prep it do you need to set an alarm to stop do you need to write a list out like use a tool 30 minutes before you do it something like that did you need a distraction ready afterwards like you've got a puzzle sat there that and a podcast ready to play or did you need to watch a recovery YouTube whilst we did stuff like that like really think through like that like okay I've got the desire to change but how does it translate into action like what setup do I need around me knowing that it's going to be hard to do it to tolerate it to repeat it to not compensate that kind of thing like yeah I feel like that's a lot of coaching as well it is it's the practical side of it so yeah completely and that is the key to it being successful even if you know why you're eating disorder began why it's continuing what purpose it's serving it's sometimes not enough to know how you can practically make the change as well how to actually change the trajectory change the behaviors yeah that can feel so strange as well and it ain't sort of having like unbelievable inciting clarity coupled with the inability to act on it yeah I know why I've got this thing but how can I not make a change you're like just just do it but it's so difficult yeah so difficult it's been entrenched for so long and it feels like like life has changed so much isn't it like generations before us like their fear their worry was like not being part of the tribe and that would be such a stress response on the nervous system like being turned away from the tribe and even though life has changed for us so much now in modern day we still feel that same massive stress response like there's such a fear like if you leave your eating disorder like where do I belong what is my identity am I going to be rejected I'm who what am I going to be seen as and like people are like oh well they're kind of like first world problems like no the nervous system still sees them as a massive threat to your survival like that's how it feels you feel like there's all encompassing stress just as if you were seeing like a saber-toothed tiger so I think it's like be kind to yourself this is incredibly hard but you can absolutely do it yeah you can you know we did it you can do it we know we're not special that's all yeah and you do it because you can reflect on like what how your eating disorder is developed you say supposedly like your brain feels like it's trying to keep you safe but you can reflect on it like but actually it's not working for me like it does not work so the person I want to be the life I want to live a year passes and I don't feel like I've got like meaningful output from it so even though it's developed in this way to supposedly keep me feeling safe or in control or whatever purpose it's meant to be serving if it's sabotaging at the same time or it's not where you want to be and then it's like kind of matching okay so having that how do you say like that insight how do I match that to the action moment and that time when I'm now in threat and it feels so confusing because it feels like the worst thing in the world to be doing it feels like so so wrong to be doing it yeah there's a version of me like a healthy self version of me that can see actually it's not serving me like even so hard isn't it because in the moment it feels like it's completely like going to keep you safe like you're going to be stepping in front of a bus kind of thing if you don't miss it and recovery is crazy isn't it it's like the first time I think I really realized that with these different versions of me like I felt like that was just me just doing the thing and then when you stop and you you know is it part of like parts therapy that people do like realizing there's like different parts to you or whatever but like when you're in recovery you really feel it you're like there is definitely a part of me telling me I need to do the eating sort of behavior and there's definitely a part of me saying what are you doing again you know you feel it so strongly in a way like I don't know people who don't have eating disorders do they get that I don't know maybe in different areas of their life but that can be a weird feeling when that suddenly pops up and you realize that it's actually there's not just one little eating disorder dictator running my life like it can be other parts too I think that's progress even to realize that's part of you because massive eating disorder at times can just feel like the whole truth the thought the thoughts are facts it's exactly I have to do there's no other part of me that desires anything else like it can just know everything so to even like to have that new year say realization of like oh my god I don't want this I don't like living this way I don't like how I'm spending my days I don't like the quality of my existence to even have a part of you that can think that and then it's kind of like now who do I align my actions to because your actions are fueling your brain like you're teaching your brain to be a certain way so am I teaching my brain to be this eating disorder version of me that I'm not happy with let's say yeah or am I teaching my brain to be a new version of me like a line to future me align to my values align to who I want to be to how I want to live life yeah absolutely action alignment well I have to talk about that my clients a lot like which version of your brain are you aligning actions to to the current wiring in your brain are you perpetuating that or to a future version that enables a different life absolutely yeah I completely agree like it's massive progress to even notice that bit there's a point in your eating disorder and I definitely mind where I don't I didn't realize out of problem like I was you know you kind of go from I didn't even think I've got a problem to there's a problem but I'm going to carry on doing what I'm going to do and then then then you progress on to like wow there's these two parts of me or maybe more uh you know that actually I don't need to follow this eating disorder constantly but it feels hard to get out of it's like stages isn't it to like recovery it's not kind of you go from zero to a hundred yeah so yeah and also like talking about the community I feel like communities are almost not the right word for it because it sounds like you're meeting and chatting to people and it's like you're getting to know lots of people but it's really not that at all I feel like in the community it's a lot of like we'll share this kind of thing like the tools how we use the tools how we would like translate this insight into action that kind of thing like kind of like go through content we do tool teaching practicing um like give examples of them like how we've used them in our own recovery or like how you can tweak things as well if it's not working right for you that kind of thing and then we do like a Q&A session as well so we do Sunday session and a Thursday session and we do part kind of content tool teaching we call it yes yeah and then part Q&A and that's where people can like message us and ask questions so they could say like I've tried this tool but it didn't work because I got this thought and I couldn't move past it something like that and then we would like kind of use that as a question to bring it in to be like how can you tweak the tool or like how do you deal with that that kind of thing or people just ask any question they want as well people of us about like our own recovery or something like body image or comparison um all sorts of questions really isn't it yeah yeah and people find that bit really helpful because sometimes it literally answers a question that you didn't even know you had or it makes you feel less alone in having had that wondering or question like there is you're actually it's weird that the people who kind of joined the cause they seem to connect with each other even though they had no like in the best way yeah like not because they couldn't see each other or talk to each other but by the questions that people asked and by the kind of little things that we brought in anonymously that people coming up for people like people felt a sense of connection not alone us yeah yeah and it's like a kinship isn't there in like a bad people share this value of like no I'm leaving this already eating diet culture whatever it is behind it's not serving me and like focusing more on like my life and who I want to be as a person what I want to get out of my life the meaning I want to think out the stress that I'm putting into life that kind of thing yeah yeah it's very powerful actually because I think until I'd met you I I kind of felt like a lot of my eating disorder symptoms were just things that I went through and when you were like I've gone through that time wow that's crazy that's so nice to know I wasn't just the you know because there's so many defaults yeah but it wasn't so hard I think with the ink disorders is that equally being around other people with ink disorders can be a very true experience very comparative very like people are in different stages yeah all different stages of life or they've got different behaviors that kind of thing so hopefully with the community we've created something that brings people together with a shared direction of change away from eating disorder behaviors and towards like a life you want to live without that element of comparison or seeing lots of people like all cameras are off mics are muted the chance disabled so it's kind of like yeah it's like a shared kinship without that element of comparison and triggering ness absolutely it should feel kind of a little bit like coaching in the way but you're kind of like just with me and Meg and you know hopefully we're sharing things that will be helpful to you that you can try and take away so yeah we're starting their next week or two so please do join if you would like to get in touch with us on emails like emails are below probably this place yeah Instagram the Amazon Instagram yeah do you have Meg on Instagram slightly having Instagram issues you can DM me on Instagram at the moment yeah beg yeah it's like it's a rolling it's a monthly subscription essentially yes they're like you'd kind of have a description to know what Netflix or anything but you don't you're not committed like you just go by the month so if you want to stop you can stop for the next month at any point in time like you can come and join and try see what you think or if you're kind of away for a month or something like that something's going on in life and you want to stop for a month fine you can stop come back there's no pressure on it at all in that way absolutely and also all of the sessions are recorded so it's on Sunday and Thursday at 5 pm to buy time but sorry we I always get that wrong that's why we're smiling so now she said that bit we laughed and good last week I gave us the giggles because yeah it's not gonna happen we I couldn't get out we you were too bad with it we got the giggles at you yeah pretty much yeah it's 5 pm to buy time so you can look at like a time zone calculator the workout would it be for you but equally some people are not in the right time zone at all for that it would be like the middle of their night but all sessions will be available for two weeks after so you can just watch it at the time that works for you and because it's not it is live but not in the sense of there's not interaction we're not taking live questions that kind of thing so you won't miss anything from not necessarily watching it at the live time so even if you can't make it one week or something comes up you want to watch a different time you want to watch it back as well you'll have two weeks to replay to watch things back so yes so Sunday and Thursday 5 pm we're taking enrolments now so if you send us your email address we'll keep you in the communications with information about launch time that kind of thing we've got an introductory offer in January with for 50 pounds for the month so 50 British pounds so again like find a currency converter something like that if you're in a different country to work out what that would be yeah so hopefully it's like a more affordable way to access coaching with this two times a week like a booster whatever treatment team you currently have like it can be that hard thing of like you have a session and go away and then you're kind of on your own your thoughts come back in and you're still trying to combat your thoughts so just having that like twice a week booster like a reminder keep you on the right path keep you practicing your tools tweaking your tools asking questions that kind of thing and yeah just surrounding yourself like who's in your tribe like surrounding yourself by people who are like life focused values focus you know and trying to let go of these sort of behaviors move away from things which aren't serving you around food and body and movement that kind of thing absolutely would love to support you would love to be part of your tribe as you recover yeah so hope this podcast was helpful and hopefully it's helped you to realise like there is absolutely no perfect time to start like just begin just begin with those actions just begin with start to create your environment and whatever way is accessible to you to make it more congruent with the life that you want to live and the recovery you want to have there is no perfect time and waiting on a siege as benefits eating disorder it doesn't benefit who you truly are yeah so start imperfectly start messy don't start alone start with people reach out and start on those small actionable goals um yeah we're behind you yeah love that yeah for it even if you get the perfect time physically which new years can feel like you've still not got the perfect brain you still have a brain wide surrounding disorder so yeah like it's just having the expectations that there is no such thing as a perfect time even if you feel like you've hit it in time time yeah like actual physical time yeah still difficult like it's still really really yeah 100% like the support you've got the treatment team you've got the tools you use and just making change like that's what's going to make change you know if nothing changes nothing changes no one thought themselves better or no one desired it enough that they were suddenly better like you can have the most desire in the world and you still have a brain wired around not doing it finding it scary finding it difficult and you can still do it even with that brain like your brain will rewire but it needs exposure to something new together yes absolutely powerful point to end on um lovely shine to you take care bye bye thank you so much for listening to the rewired podcast if you're looking for more support we'd love to invite you into our community rewired in action if this sounds like something that could support you you can find more information in the show notes along with details of how to sign up we hope you've enjoyed listening to rewired before we go we just want to share that everything we share on the podcast comes from our own lived experience and work as coaches we're not medical professionals this podcast is here to support and empower you but it is not a replacement for medical or clinical care thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time on rewired