New Orleans, NFL Stadiums, 'Dallas' | Monday Morning Podcast 9-21-26

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast. So Monday, September 21st, 2026. Six. Six. What's going on, Hawaii? Oh my God, dude, there's like so much shit to talk about. I'm trying to knock this podcast out before the kids get up. It's 5.30 in the morning. In the morning, in the evening, doing a podcast. That was a fucking hit song back then. In the morning, in the evening, ain't we got fun? You just fucking write a song about being happy. Way before Pharrell did it. Boy, he's a jolly good fellow. You're just writing happy shit about people. Yeah. Ain't we got fun? What was another one? Yes, we have no bananas. Talking about, you know, whatever the fuck's going on at your fruit stand. We got kumquats and green beans and rutabagas. But yes, we got no bananas. And everybody's like, oh my God, that song. It's so fucking relatable. And then meanwhile. Meanwhile, it's like there's all like this horrible shit. Maybe that's why they did it. It's denial. You had a depression. Women were getting the shit kicked out of them because they wanted to vote. Employees were getting the shit kicked out of them because they wanted a fair wage. That's kind of coming back, huh? Have you noticed that about protesting? It's like if you go to a protest now, it's like you're going to get a 90% chance you're going to get the shit kicked out of you. They're going to stick somebody on your side to throw a brick or whatever at the cops. They do it to everybody now, even white people. They used to just do that to people who weren't white, who wanted, you know, the same opportunities as white people. You know, it's a pretty pedestrian ask. Anyway, I just got back from New Orleans and I've never understood the Klan. And I understand the Klan even less. If you're in the Klan, just go to New Orleans. You know what I mean? I don't know. And if you can't fucking figure it out at that point, I don't know how to help you. Amazing people down there. Beautiful people. Analog people. Play at instruments. Food's incredible. Super friendly. I could not have had a better time when I was down there. Every time I go down there, I forget how fucking amazing the goddamn food is. Can't find a salad to save your life. But I got to tell you, man, the fucking red rice and beans, jambalaya, po' boy sandwiches. My God. It was fantastic. Oh, Billy went off his diet a little bit. Went off his diet a little bit. I didn't make it over to the Willie Mays chicken spot. But I hit every other place. And then found. A couple coffee spots. Bon Ami was great. And then Mammoth Coffee was fucking outstanding. And anyway, but let's talk. We got to talk football, man. We got to talk football. College football is slowly ramping up. College football. If you're a college football fan, like, my heart goes out to you. First of all, the season is basically two and a half months long. Starts roughly beginning of September and is done Thanksgiving weekend. But it's maybe last. It's like three months long. Okay? When you're probably thinking, well, you know, Bill, back in the day, the NFL football season was three months long. No, it wasn't. It was always four months long. And then the playoffs. Talking about the regular season. But now, like, college football, it's like the first three weeks are bullshit. At least they're smart enough now where they have, like, you know, they have one real game each weekend. Because those first three weeks, like, what the fuck am I watching? Alabama versus the Home Depot All-Stars. Before you turn it off, each one of these Home Depot employees played competitive college football at the community college level. Just pay these fucking teams, like, ten bucks. Ten million dollars to come in and get the shit kicked out of them. I mean, I know there's, like, you know, good games. Like that LSU-U-Miss game was fucking fantastic as much as LSU lost. Fucking Lane Kiffin. I like how he's going, like, I like to be hated. He's finally, like, I'm going to take control of this narrative. It's getting called a fucking whore. I love that that reporter called him a whore. But also, you know, at this point, you know, you know what you're getting with Lane Kiffin, all right? You're dating a stripper, okay? The second there's more money somewhere else, he's moving on. Which, you know, I don't know. Is that a whore? I mean, that's how all those fucking reptiles go, well, this is how business is done. I mean, he's running out of teams to be on in the SEC. He fucking pissed. First off, everybody in Tennessee, I mean, everybody in fucking Mississippi, or at least half of them, who the fuck else was he? He was over at Alabama, now he's at LSU. I mean, this guy's like fucking, he's doing Sherman's March through the fucking SEC. I like being hated. That's one of the dumbest fucking things anybody ever says. I like, you like being, you enjoy being hated. You enjoy fucking pissing people off. You enjoy making promises and going back on them. And then everybody flipping out. And then you just go like, you know what? I like that you're upset with me. I would have gone another way and just be like, listen, man, I'm a bit of a wanderer. I don't know what to tell you. Do you ever used to watch? Do you ever watch the Hulk? Remember every episode? Bill Bixby would be walking away with his backpack and he'd be hitching a ride. I mean, I'm kind of like that. I'm like the coaching version of that. Anyways, getting back to college football. So you had like that game, which was fucking fantastic. You had the Vanderbilt game, which was amazing. But then like every other game, it was like, like Oregon won 89 to nothing. You know, I was fucking doing some preseason. I was doing some preseason workout shit in my hotel room and I got the Ohio State game on. They were up 59 to nothing at one point. And then the big thing is they gave up interception and Kent State comes roaring back to get a field goal. Final score, 59 to three. Fucking game was over in the first quarter. But now, now it's getting, now it's getting good though. Now it's getting exciting. But you know, I am happy the kids are getting paid, but they're getting paid now. So give them a fucking game. Give them a goddamn game. Imagine, I mean, I don't know what, that, that should be their next move. Because they got a playoff now. And as much as fucking people are going to keep whining every year if they don't make it, Ohio State. What do they got now? Like three rounds of playoffs or whatever. I mean, they're whatever, like six fucking teams, eight teams make it. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. That's about as good as it gets. The kids are getting paid. That's good. If they added, if those motherfuckers added, I think they're going to, if they just came out like week one. I know you got to save like the Alabama Auburns, the fucking USC, UCLA games for Thanksgiving weekend. And that's great that they do that. But I mean, come on. Now that you can have these super fucking conferences, can we, can we do away with this three weeks of, of, you know, watching a target open up across the street from a vintage clothing store? Um, or maybe it's the metaphor. Maybe they're trying to get us to wake up. I have no idea. I'll tell you what the other stupid thing is, is, um, at the NFL level, which by the way, I mean, this has been my favorite football season in a long time. There's just been so many fucking great games. Um, uh, this bullshit about new football stadiums is the biggest fucking crock of shit. New baseball. New basketball stadiums, new hockey and basketball facilities at the pro level is all complete fucking bullshit. If, if we're going to compete, we have to have a facility that is, is updated. We have rats in the cellar and where our workout room is. And they just made up all of this fucking bullshit. And look, if you're Robert Kraft and you, and you fucking pay for it yourself, God bless you. All right. I don't have a problem with it, but to make taxpayers pay for this shit and say that, you know, you know, if we don't have this fucking thing, we're not going to be able to compete and win a championship chip the fucking green bay packers have won four superbowls and 11 nfl titles playing in the same dump fucking curly from the three stooges played in in the 1920s whatever the guy's name curly lambo um not curly neil not curly howard curly lambo you know and if you go over like the kansas city chiefs all right they won four fucking superbowls at arrowhead stadium they didn't need that brand new fucking thing and the buffalo bills didn't win in their last one guess what they're not winning in this one no i'm kidding um um yeah i've just been seeing like the like the buffalo bills have a brand new stadium the kansas city chiefs have a brand new stadium and uh that's kind of it they're all other than lambo field the fucking bears kind of have a resto mod where underneath is a hundred years ago and on top is an abomination and then he got the superdome which i think very quietly is one of the best stadiums in the nfl but anyway like everybody has a new stadium the jaguars still playing in that like um what is it the florida who plays out florida gator georgia football stadium that's the one that i went to but we never needed to make all of these and it's like fucking 100 degrees out it's almost like october 1st and we just keep fucking building shit what was wrong with arrowhead arrowhead was fucking incredible it was one of the loudest stadiums in the nfl i don't understand and they build this big stupid thing it kind of looks like arrowhead except now you have all the dumb ass luxury boxes and all of that shit it's i don't know they should have paid for those fucking things um but anyway the football season has been great my new england patriots looked fantastic our defense looked great that gonzalez kid is shutting everybody down drake mays looking great i got a little bit of a running game you know i was happy um to get our first victory of the year i saw the kansas city chiefs game um patrick mahomes and uh uh what's his face daniel jones going at it back and forth went into overtime um does kansas city's run defense need a little work or is the colts offensive line that good there was a couple uh a couple touchdown jonathan taylor like he got just went in untouched look like one of those you know when they have like a make-a-wish thing and then you know the kid runs and everybody pretends to try to tackle him it looked like that except it was a game um i don't know the colts i don't know i was impressed with the way that they played and i like their coach too and um it was good to see patrick look at patrick mahomes is back which is fucking great for the nfl and dude the guy finally got he finally got a good haircut he's actually a handsome dude he finally got rid of whatever that fucking muppet haircut that he had i'm sure it was cool when he was at texas tax in college having sort of the you know the weird college id but he kept it until he was almost 30 um now my favorite thing was when travis kelsey caught a touchdown and then they they cut to uh taylor dane and she's fucking pointing at her wedding ring like yeah i married that motherfucker and was doing her celebration my favorite part was at the last second when she does the little glance up was i on the jumbo chart um but they also they didn't cut to her every time which i thought was cool but um um they never showed patrick mahomes wife once can you believe i'm talking about this this is what it's like to watch a chiefs game and then i would think you know one of their wide receivers is like well how come they never show me is it because i'm not somebody's white wife i mean they're digging a hole for themselves out there pretty soon they're gonna have to show whoever the place kick is banging um anyway um um but you know i was watching the most of the game i i watched on the plane ride back from new orleans so i had like the sound down um because i don't like using those fucking earbud things that they jam in your fucking ear you know on the plane and uh it looked to me like the the the chiefs had two good running backs and then that number 10 guy was going off in like the fourth quarter was just like unstoppable then they kept cutting to the other dude the other running back like there was like some sort of running back controversy which i don't know i don't know why they were trying to start that shit they both look great to me and um at one point daniel jones was running out of bounds and he got hit at least once if not twice by two different players out of bounds and they didn't call a late hit and the colts coach was flipping out and i started going oh fuck they're not gonna do this shit again are they are they gonna reboot the game or are they gonna do it again i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't the chiefs you know to get them there and uh with taylor swift and all of them um but then like they called like two horrific pass interference calls against the chiefs on uh number number eight i think it was i don't know the names i'm old um and the worst one ever they got it they got to stop with this shit when the quarterback under throws the ball yes i'm going to talk about this again i do this every fucking year when the fucking quarterback under throws a football and then the receiver just stops and fights his way through the quarterback that should be either offensive pass interference or an incompletion and instead they call it defensive pass interference and they basically reward the quarterback for a bad ball for not having the arm strength to get it there or the accurate accuracy or they were and they reward the receiver for interfering with the defensive player it's fucking bad it's fucking ridiculous um but anyways that was a great game fucking san diego chargers lost again what the fuck um and i also watched the bills game thursday night and um you know because i'm mature i don't care that they fired me as a coach i can still like that team i did find myself kind of rooting for everybody yesterday i think uh i don't know at some point i just realized you know what we had our tom brady bill belichick era we went to fucking i don't know eight or nine and won six it's not gonna get better than that and now we got vrabel drake may and all of these guys and you know we went to we already went to a super bowl got our asses kicked but like i'm you know i'm fucking i'm not gonna sit here and hate on the bills i hope they win it i like that the jets are good even though they uh they kind of blew the game yesterday but still you know it's good to see them competitive i hope the dolphins rebuild even though they would always beat us at least one game a year i don't know i just don't have it in me anymore i don't hate the chiefs anymore i don't hate that they're cutting to uh taylor swift i'm still gonna make fun of him i don't give a fuck you i love that she was pointing to a wedding ring like the whole world doesn't know that she married the guy it's like you guys you guys both perform in arenas you perform in football stadiums that's as big as it gets in live entertainment as far as selling tickets you have a husband and a wife that that has that ever happened that's kind of fucking amazing oh my god live nation well she kicked the shit out of live nation those fucking guys jesus christ the fucking shit they do those those people that they put the yonder bags because they're all fucking monopolies and they're just constantly upping the prices adding surcharges they just skim on every they try to take an extra nine ten grand anywhere they can they fuck me they fuck the fans and and nobody's doing anything they're not doing anything they're not doing anything about it's it's unfucking they're the level especially in this fucking economy to be doing that to people these ticketing agencies they all do this this fucking shit it's like will you get your foot off of people's throats these are your own countrymen you fucking treasonous cunts unbelievable anyway so um i got to perform at the oh the fucking red sox clinched a playoff spot uh i think we're gonna be playing the yankees so that's gonna be fucking amazing uh it was all good man it was all fucking good and Pedro Acosta won his first MotoGP after crashing Saturday in the sprint and it was totally his fault dude I it's been a long time since I've seen somebody like like that happy maybe Agura earlier this year um and the two of them they're just the future of the sport it's going to be fucking unbelievable and next year when Pedro goes over to uh Ducati and he's going to be going up against Marc Marquez it's going to be fucking crazy and in the sprint on Saturday Jorge Martin was like fuck this after a terrible fucking start um he was able to work his way through the field I haven't seen I just saw highlights I have to watch both races but uh MotoGP is fucking crazy this year and speaking of that on um yesterday on Sunday um me and Dean Del Rey stuck around for an extra half a day to ride motorcycles on this uh on this racetrack and um Freddie Spencer Fast Freddie Spencer has like a school that he does and he gave us an abridged version of it because he was in town came out to the show and uh he took us around the track each time a little faster um showing us his trail braking technique and all that I still cannot believe that it happened um we were riding um on Yamaha MT-09 SP uh it was a really fun nimble bike I love that and then it was a guy that makes custom motorcycles I don't I don't know his last name JT he brought over a 1977 Harley Davidson uh shovel head and I got to ride that thing too which was really fun and I rode a BMW RS 1250 which I did not need to ride that bike because I was just like oh fuck I gotta get one of these but I've never been stupid with vehicles I want to own all of every dream car that I've ever wanted I want to own all of them but I'm never going to own them all at the same time I I fucking refuse to be that fucking idiot you know with like 10 fucking motorcycles or whatever you just you own them you ride them and then you sell them or you drive them I learned that from Dean Dean's had every fucking car and motorcycle you could ever fucking want and he has all the pictures he's had them fucking all but he just has them one at a time he gets them and then he sells them and then he gets something else rather than hanging on to them I know guys like that you go in and they got like this little garage and they got like fucking all of these things with these these uh chargers hooked up to the batteries it's just like dude fuck that I mean unless that's all you do I get it but anyway um it was so much fun and uh and once again like all the stuff that I learned as a comedian that I've learned drumming and I've learned flying you it all applies to riding a motorcycle too it's all like the same principles it's obviously it's a different thing like playing drums riding a motorcycle is different but the the laws of physics are the same so the shit that you've learned on this one thing on that thing you just slide it over and apply it and um I had so much goddamn fun I still cannot believe that that happened and then on one one lap Freddy puts you on the back of the motorcycle and you get to watch how he like that guy going behind him and yeah we were only doing like maybe like 90 on the straightaway it's like we weren't going like super super fast but like when you rode behind him you couldn't even if the brake light didn't go on you wouldn't even know that he put on the brakes it was so smooth and his timing and even like his shifting you would know that he was downshifting it was like the bike was just gliding around the track you and you were doing everything you could to try and you know keep up or whatever you know without obviously riding outside of your ability but he put me on the back and like he when he applies the brake he only just like starts to apply it and then he just leaves it he doesn't he's not still applying it like the front shocks are not like compressing there's none of that you just sort of fucking gradually slow down I don't know how from this super high speed and he just downshifts he uses the engine the whole he does everything at the exact perfect moment and then he just leans and the bike just goes into the fucking corner and then he gradually comes off the brake as he starts rolling on the throttle and like he he goes into the turn in the gear that he's in and he's just he wants to come out of it and that's another thing that I noticed that like there was times where I was thinking he's gonna shift and he didn't and he would let the rpms come up high and then he would do that that perfect you know application of the brake and going into into the turn and he would just come out the other side and it was just it was smooth as butter it was fucking incredible and I thought he was gonna scare the shit out of me you know right on the back there's like really nothing to hang on to so um but it didn't it was so smooth and so fucking fascinating it was incredible so anyway that was my two three days in um in New Orleans and uh like I said I I couldn't have had a better time and and coming up I got October 17th I will be headlining the fastball comedy festival in Mesa Arizona at Sloan Park um also I mean I mean it's an all-star show like everybody could be headlining I'm working with Rachel Feinstein one of my favorite people um in this business uh she's so goddamn funny and the great Tom Segura um is gonna be coming in too who I haven't seen him I'm trying to think last time I saw him I don't know all those guys moved to Texas and I never see him anymore you know it used to be people would move back to New York and then you'd you'd run into him because you'd go back to New York and there's the whole like stand-up scene and all that but like all those guys moved to Texas I don't fucking see any of them unless unless I'm doing something like this so that's cool it's gonna be great to see him October 17th I'm gonna be headlining the fastball comedy festival in Mesa Arizona Sloan Park it's gonna be fucking awesome um and I got a bunch of new crazy shit that I've been doing that I'm pretty excited about all right that's it old Billy Good vibes here um all right plowing ahead oh and for my memory every year I'm starting to play like these memory games um reading all of this stuff about how you don't lose your mind you so I went and I had to like memorize all the starting quarterbacks in the NFL and I gotta tell you the NFC is fucking crazy because they got a Jackson Jalen Jaden Jared and Jacori it's like when I was a kid there was Bill Bob Brian you know a bunch of b names I guess J was the fucking name um all right I gotta do it can I do my rain man shit my little brain exercise here all right we'll start with New England Patriots I'm not gonna name the teams I'm just gonna go through okay the Patriots start Drake Josh Allen uh Geno Smith Jackson Dart uh Jalen Hurts Aaron Rodgers uh Lamar Jackson and Jaden Daniels oh here's another good new name uh Bryce Young Cam Ward I can never say this guy's name he hit to Atlanta Tua Tag Tagovolia Trevor Lawrence uh Baker Mayfield oh fucking who do the Dolphins have Willie I keep forgetting I can't I can't remember his name he's with an M um and then Joe Burrow Deshaun Watson Jared Goff uh Daniel Jones uh Caleb Williams who unfortunately got hurt also oh my god what's his face dislocated his elbow again I guess Tom Brady said oh shit oh man poor fucking guy Joy and love. Kyla Murray, Patrick Mahomes, Dak Prescott, C.J. Stroud, Bo Nix, Ja'Cory Brachette. Oh, fuck. Come on, Bill. The Raiders. Who do they got? Oh, Kirk Cousins. Raiders are fucking 2-0. Fucking amazing. Justin Herbert, Matthew Stafford. Oh, fuck. Purdy. Brock, don't say I'm not Purdy. And Sam, gosh darn it. There you go. Did it. Then I'm going to do the running backs. Then I'm going to do the wide receivers. I used to do this shit. I used to do it with, like, football cards, when you could actually collect football cards. You could have the whole season. You could memorize all of this shit. It's an easy thing to do, because I love sports, obviously. I don't know. That's my little brain game. Have you seen these stupid fucking workout videos, where people are like, no, not only am I working out my fucking body, I'm also working out my brain at the same time. They're doing jumping jacks while fucking throwing a tennis ball up and catching it with their other hand. It's just, I just refuse to believe that that's a real thing. That just seems like it's just clickbait horseshit. I was watching a guy, and it goes, and it says, you're 49 years old, and you're doing, you're doing this exercise, and for the first time, you're working out your body and your brain. I love it. I love just how that's written. You're 49 years old. No, I'm not. I'm 58. You're doing this exercise. No, I'm not. I'm watching this guy. And it was this fucking guy. It was like he was in the down dog thing, and position in yoga, and he had all his weight on his right and left foot, and then it was like he was going, putting, then he would, like, jump. It was all in his left hand, and he would push off, and it would go to his left foot, and then he would push off to his right foot, and then to his right hand, like, almost like a hockey puck that was, like, wobbling and gradually settling. This fucking guy was doing this. And I'm looking at it, and I wanted to believe in it, and then I just bursted out laughing. I go, you know, I've lived long enough to know that a lot of times, if it looks like bullshit, it usually is. I think learning how to juggle or, like, you know, learning a language, learning an instrument, I think you can do shit like that. I'll tell you, my grandmother played bridge her whole life and did her own books, and she was sharp as a tack right up until the end, almost 105. All right, let's do. Let's do the fucking reads here for the week. All right. Oh, here's a new one. Fresh books. If you run a service business, you know your craft inside and out, but staying on top of cash flow is harder. Wondering if this month actually adds up before it's over. Fresh books makes the financial side of your business easy, so you're not guessing anymore. 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We got one of those Craftmatic automatic adjustable beds where like you know me and Nia can do whatever we wanted she did it she chose this mattress and there's a fucking line down the middle of it and we've kind of gotten used to it but we realized really quickly like you know I never use it I never fucking sit up in bed I never do that you know what am I in the hospital and then somebody has to lay in the fault line if we're laying in bed hugging each other watching every episode of Dallas did I tell you guys I downloaded that shit hang on a second I love my Helix mattress and you will too free shipping and seamless delivery Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the United States 120 night sleep tutorial and limited lifetime warranty the happy with Helix guarantee rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges the happy with Helix guarantee guarantees a risk-free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress award-winning Helix is the most award awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired go to helixsleep.com slash burr for 27% off site-wide that's helixsleep.com slash burr for 27% off site-wide who does 27% all right um okay here's something for you this weekend man I had all of this fucking anxiety and um I thought that uh it had to do with this Facebook movie coming out you know you know it's a big movie and I don't know like this whole being in this business is a weird thing and with each thing it gets a little bigger and you know brings on like fucking anxiety it's weird like positive or negative like reactions it always brings on like it's it's all the same feeling it's weird so that's what I thought it was so I was like all anxious and I go all right I must be nervous about this movie coming out it's a big movie uh it's an Aaron Sorkin movie and and with all these fucking big actors in it and shit maybe I just maybe that's what the anxiety is coincidentally enough I also stopped fucking smoking weed and I don't know why right before I went on stage in New Orleans I just looked up side effects in the first week you experience irritability and anxiety um and I was just like wow evidently I smoke weed often enough to have side effects I don't like this shit so um I don't know I'm like it's weird once I've read that though once I kind of knew the reason why I went out and had a great set and then the next day I rode fucking motorcycles and it was like exhilarating and shit I haven't had any anxiety but I think it's what they said for the first four to seven days that's what it's like so now it's gone and the reason I was saying like can you grow your own weed because I just think the weed now like everything that they make they design it to be addictive um and politicians don't do anything to stop it it's like it's really fucking bad so here's yet another thing that I have to quit so I stopped with that shit so now I'm just back to Billy Raw Dog just taking life in the face every day fucking stone sober um I'm off cigars you know those things got out of control again they just always do I just I just how I'm wired it's and everything it's designed to be addictive and guess what guess I'm here to tell you it fucking works and I'm ashamed of myself you know I went eight months last year without smoking cigars I never should have went back but then it's like what do I got I got nothing the fuck do I do but then when I think when I was a little kid I had nothing I didn't drink coffee didn't start your day with coffee fucking afternoon cigar smoke some weed or fucking drink a six-pack you were happy shit was new but I will tell you this man if I could have every fucking day like I had riding a fucking motorcycle around a racetrack maybe that's what it was I think maybe because when you were a kid everything was exciting because it was new and as an adult you get busy and you get tired and you stop trying new things so all of a sudden the dopamine doesn't happen and then you need like these artificial things you know do a little bit of a line of coke yeah you know the same feeling you had like outdoor recess whoa you know to get that feeling as an adult you got to do some blow I don't know thank god I never got into that I stayed away from all of that shit all the all the the dark drugs I stayed although I was with alcohol which is a depressant so anyway so I kind of laid off that shit and uh I don't know I you know the shit everybody already knows you sleep better you feel better um like last night oh yeah I I me and you downloaded every episode of Dallas for 15 bucks okay safe to say residuals are over and I I've downloaded this series I swear to god because I thought I could watch it as a goof and me and Neil were gonna laugh at it dude it's fucking great it's fucking great the writing is great the acting is great dude Larry Hagman is J.R. Ewing I fucking hated that guy like eight minutes into the show and there's like 270 episodes and I never used to watch I never watched it when I was a kid because I just wasn't interested in it was sort of like a soap opera type of thing and uh primetime soap opera and I remember when uh I used to always watch the beginning because I loved the theme song and then my favorite part of the beginning was well first they were doing like this sort of like these wipe edits but they would have like three shots going at the same time sort of like the kojak intro thing and uh one of them they filmed into Dallas Cowboys uh their old stadium which I'm sure the NFL now would not allow you to do unless you played a licensing fee you're dead and all that bullshit but back then they probably looked at it like all right promote the NFL fantastic and I loved the Dallas Cowboys when that show came out um I was a tech shram Tom Landry Tony Dorsett Roger Starback Billy Joe Dupree John Fitzgerald and I was a tech shram Tom Landry Tony Dorsett Roger Starback Billy Joe Dupree John Fitzgerald Bob Bruning D.D. Lewis Ed Too Tall Jones Harvey Martin Billy Joe Dupree Preston Pearson Drew Pearson Golden Richards Tony Hill Danny White Charlie Waters Cliff Harris Dallas Cowboy fan I was from that era and then once they became when it went into that I was just sad I was kind of like the first time I saw something iconic end um when Tom Landry got fired it was just like what the fuck uh and that was the end of the era that he was the last NFL coach to wear a fedora during a game I always thought you know when they do like those cool and they'll do like a throwback jersey like uh I always thought it'd be cool with the head coach some head coach must have done that because I've noticed with like all these new head coaches like the Bills I don't know the guy's name yet I'm gonna get that down oh Billy memory games um the Bills coach uh youngest coach in the league guy's 36 years old he was born in 1990 that is it's insane like how are you that successful like this guy's got to be a genius and by the way I didn't talk about the Bills man like Josh Allen he's always been a beast and one of the toughest guys sort of like a Ben Roethlisberger like you know it takes a couple of guys to take the guy down but now he's got the experience I don't know that would be unreal uh to see the Bills win the Super Bowl would be so fucking great I wish they did it in Rich Stadium though that would have been great or maybe they needed to finally get rid of it that's another thing too like new baseball stadiums like the fucking Yankees they won like they won 26 of their 27 World Series in in the house that Babe Ruth built like why did you need a new one now you got this fucking new one they haven't won since it's the players it's your manager it's your coaches it's your ownership it's your GM that's what wins you a championship Not a new fucking facility. We're having some guy behind glass carving fucking stakes. It's so goddamn stupid. Anyway. So old Billy fucking, I don't know, fucking living a clean life. It's good, though. It's a good thing. I'm just going to fucking lay off for a while. Laying off the cigars. I got to find something else. But then what am I going to do? Just fucking sit here and, I don't know. In a perfect world, if I could just do one cup of coffee a day. I will say I enjoy it more when I just have one become special, right? I don't know. Dude, there's a fucking war out there, man. They just want you to be addicted to shit. And I'll tell you, it is working. In my life. So now, like, I know what I'll do to stay sober. I'm going to do that fucking, that exercise I saw, that puck settling down thing that that guy was doing. I got to repost it. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. You're just looking at it going like, buddy, like, the wear and tear on your wrists, elbows, shoulders, all your joints. He was just on the floor as a fucking 49-year-old man. Making sure that his hips, shoulders, wrists, elbows were all going to be knees, were all ankles. I mean, he didn't miss a joint. He's like, we're going to fuck all this shit up. Anyway, have I ever told you, like, I, for the longest time, I've had the desire to learn how to juggle those, those bowling pins. I always thought that was cool as shit when two guys were facing each other and they were telling jokes and they were throwing the pins at each other. It combined the two things I love, you know, sports, hand-eye coordination, and comedy. I never, I never, I was never an elitist when it came to being a comedian. I love guitar acts. I was like, that guy can fucking play. He sounds good. You know, you're going to tell me Tenacious D isn't funny? Oh, by the way, by the way, tragedy averted. Speedy recovery to Carrot Top. He truly is one of the nicest people I've ever met in or out of this business. And the dude is funny as hell. I've always thought he was hilarious. And I never got into that. That stupid. Stupid elitist horse shit. Like, you know, dude, when I started comedy, like it was so bad. The elitist thing. It was just like, you know, true standup comedy is you don't even have to move. You just, you just stand on stage telling your jokes. Like it got to the point, like they started like making fun of, um, like joke writers were like looking down on, uh, he's a performer. Like if he just like sort of walked around. When you were up there instead of just like standing there. I mean, listen, I, I, I think it's amazing that people have the ability to do that, but you know, like I'm not going to discount all that. So anyways, the first time I met Carrot Top Scott, right. The first time I met him was at the Comedy Connection in Faneuil Hall in like 1994 and, uh, I, I think I had done a gig or something. So I ran in to go see him. Cause this is right when he was starting to blow up. And this guy's been famous for like over 30 years. And I came in, you know, in all of these older comics and all, you know, that I looked up to, everybody was all, oh, this guy's a fucking prop comic and blah, blah, blah. And all of this shit. And I went and I saw him and he was fucking hilarious. And he came off stage. And I, I said hello to him and I was young. I didn't know, like. I don't know why, it's such a stupid question I asked him, but, you know, he had headlined. And for some reason I asked him how much time he did. Cause that's what was always asked about a new comic. Oh, you're a new comic? Yeah, yeah. Where are you from? How much time you got? And that was the big thing. Don't lie about your time. Don't have 10 minutes to say you can do 20. You're much better to just say, I can only do 10. I can't do that 20 minute gig because they didn't, you know, you know, piss people off. So for whatever fucking reason I asked this headliner, I said to him, I said, uh, I go, oh, you just said you headlined here. I go, congratulations. He goes, thanks. I go, how much time did you do? And he said, uh, three trunks. And I remember I, I just immediately loved the guy. I was like, that's funny. A, that's funny. And then B, he has a sense of humor about himself. And, um. I don't know what he's going through or whatever, but I mean, I don't know. My heart goes out to the guy and I'm happy that he's still with us because he really is a phenomenal comedian. He's a total original and he's one of the nicest guys I've met. So there you go. All right. With that, I've run my mouth so much. I only have time here. Oh, by the way, I also, I also wrote his opening joke for when he comes back. I'm going to try. I'm going to send it to him if I can't. It's a comedian thing. All right. Okay. I got time to rewind. Okay. Belfast. Dear good Bill Cunting. Oh, my God. That's fucking amazing. Good Bill Cunting is fantastic. Holy shit. All right. Dear Bill. I'm telling Nia that the second she wakes up. And also, Andrew. I was at your sold out show at Ulster Hall, Belfast in July. It was fucking great. And so much of the material seemed to be. Improvised. Oh, I was. Yeah, no, I was feeling it that night. Well, I mean, that's like such a legendary venue. And also to be there like. I don't know. Anytime I'm in another country, it's always extra special that people show up. It's just like, I can't believe you guys. You know, you understand that these streaming services in the Internet are international. But like when you actually see the results of it, it's like this. It's crazy. And also, that's I always say this, that that venue is the first place Led Zeppelin ever performed Stairway to Heaven live. It was before the unnamed Zeppelin 4 album came out. All right. Plowing ahead here. Anyway, this guy said, I thought you would appreciate some history. On Ulster Hall. Oh, he says right here. It's the first venue where Zeppelin ever played Stairway to Heaven live. And it's where John Hume and Dave David Trimble. Were brought on stage by Bono in 1998 as the two guys who won the Nobel Peace Prize for ending the Northern Ireland conflict in 1998. Holy shit. All right. Well, why was the U2 guy there? What did he have to do with it? Did he sing? I still haven't found what I'm looking for. You know, it ended, but both people weren't happy. Anyway, I don't want to start that shit up again. It's actually designed specifically for orchestras. Hence the perfect rectangular floor, dome ceiling and the big ass fucking church organ behind the stage. So you describing Ulster Hall is literally bringing me back there. I don't know why. Like certain venues just get you. And I have a vivid memory of that place and of what it sounded like. Where you stand when you're waiting to go on stage. And I don't know, just kind of the whole thing. Anyway, continue on. As a side note. I'm the Billy Tribute Act who you met out back at the. Stage door, you were cool enough to stop for a handshake, a smiley photo with me, and you thank me for being. A twice. I think you were meant to write geekly podcast listener. Always meet your heroes, man. Anyways, thanks and go fuck yourself. P.S. Next time you're back here, check out my hometown, Derry. It's right out the border. It's where troubles started and it has. History out the wazoo. I'll definitely check that out. that's such a terrible thing that happened there that shit like it just hangs around it's like we had a civil war in our country what was it 160 fucking years ago and we still never i remember we moved to north carolina my family 87 88 and we went down there and we were all like c-level students and we went down there and got straight a's because their curriculum was like two three grades behind and it was done by design like after the north one they deliberately punished the south and it's so fucking stupid i mean i'm sure it's not like that now with the internet and everything but it was like it was wrong um man it's been over simplified that like the south likes slavery and the north didn't it was like no everyone was profiting off of that and if the north i mean it was the north was fucking with the south on representation in like as far as what i read in the government and all of that and like there's always like you know the hero reason um like acting like white people in the fucking 1800s in the north weren't fucking racist they're still racist like the level of fucking racism that this nitwit who's running our country and i gotta be honest with you too really like i've been like beside myself going like i cannot believe this guy's not getting just for that alone getting impeached like why would you bring that ugliness back and you know where's all the president's men where is it it's gone like there's no journalism anymore it's completely gone so this guy is i actually noticed on my phone today or yesterday in the google maps that it actually says the gulf of america in lake america it's so stupid does he not realize that mexico the united states panama all of those countries all the way up to canada okay nicaragua all of that that all is we that makes up north america and all those countries in south america make up south america and together we are the americas we're the united states of america we're not america so as much as he hates mexicans and he wants to take mexico off of there he said he if what he should have said was the gulf of the united states lake united states not america like the level of fucking dumb and once again i am not shitting on being conservative or being a republican i'm just you know it's like sports teams it's like i'm rooting for this fucking team let's get a quarterback that can play the position that's all i'm saying here we just got a new helipad uh helipad it's where helicopters land this is that guy has his finger on the button i don't know like the democratic party has not let democrat i've said this a million times he's literally not let democrats pick who they want to run for president since the first term of obama that was almost 20 years ago so we want bernie sanders fuck you hillary we want bernie sanders fuck you mr magoo get mr magoo out of there and have kamala fuck you mr magoo until like two minutes left in the fourth quarter it's fucking i don't know they're all fucking idiots i don't know what to tell you anyway um that's it man that's the podcast uh i don't know i had a great fucking time in in new orleans and in new orleans and i don't know what to tell you i don't know what to tell you i don't know what to tell you it's it's one of my favorite cities and uh oh you know i did paul verzi's podcast and uh we were talking about best uniforms in sports and one of the things i i forgot to bring up is the saints uniform that all black with the gold numbers and the gold helmet is the shit um all right that's it i gotta go i gotta go make the breakfast here okay uh that's the podcast go fuck yourselves and i'll check in on you on thursday Thank you.