463: Navigating Relationship Anxiety

[Music] What's going on everyone? Thank you so much for tuning in to today's show where I welcome Chris Rackliffe and Chris is a trauma healer, anxious attachment style coach and author of It's Good to See Me Again and Chris blends personal experience with professional insights to guide anxious attaches on their emotional healing journey and today you guessed it. Chris and I talk about anxious attachment, some of the common patterns he sees with his clients and how he helps them heal those patterns. I really enjoyed this conversation today with Chris. I know you guys will too. As always, thank you so much for tuning in and joy today's show. Hi Chris, thanks so much for joining me on the show today. Hi Chase, thanks for having me. Today we're going to talk about anxious attachment and this is an area that I relate to because I feel like I am healing anxiously attached patterns as a lot of our listeners tuning in will be coming from that same angle and you specialize in and coaching people with anxious attachment and through healing it. So I wanted to start by having you share with our listeners why you chose to focus on this area of healing and then we'll talk about how you're helping your clients and how people can get on a path of healing. Well, look, I'm right there with you Chase. I struggled with anxious attachment for many years. That's why I got into doing this work because I was able to find healthier ways of coping a better regulating my nervous system of actually opening up and having the conversations I was so deeply afraid of having. And yeah, I mean, I think the best coaches always coach from a place of experience. You know, you wouldn't hire soccer coach if you want to learn how to play tennis. You need someone who has been there and who gets your struggle. That is the root of safety is being understood. But long story short, that's why I got into it. I spent most of my 20s repeating relational patterns that were rooted in the trauma from my own childhood. And even though I had a degree in psychology, I didn't realize that these patterns were related to those experiences and that were rooted in the dysregulation that had occurred in my nervous system and the imprints that were left from the traumas that I had been through. And so ultimately, I'm doing this because I don't want people to suffer in the same ways that I did. I don't want them to lose years of their life repeating the same cycles over and over, which just is so deeply heartbreaking. Well, thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to ask you, I think a good place for us to start would be where do you start with someone when they come to you? And those obviously all different angles, all different histories, but you mentioned patterns, I guess. So what are some of the patterns that you're seeing that are common when people first come to you? There is a cycle that repeats itself when it comes to the experience of anxious attachment. There, each step in the cycle is both a cause and an effect of the other. Those three portions are trauma, codependency, and abandonment. Abandonment is a form of trauma, codependency is rooted in trauma. Abandonment is a form of codependency of self. You lose yourself when you're codependent. That is what that means. And it's all driven by nervous system dysregulation. And what that means is you have difficulties sitting with your feelings, emotionally processing, and allowing the energy of those emotions to work its way through you naturally. We're supposed to allow that to happen naturally. Many of us, because of the traumas that we have experienced, learn to go up into the mind to dissociate from the body and to not allow those cycles to complete. It is because of that incompletion that stress remains in the body. And what is a trigger if not a stress or survival response in the body? So dysregulation, it's overreaction, it's underreaction, it's being triggered by something that happens. And for anxious attaches that's usually related to communication, to inclusion, to prioritization. And when we're not seeing those things, when we might perceive rejection or anticipate abandonment, we become dysregulated and so hypervigilant and hyper focused about what's happening around us. We'll go days without really fully sleeping, you can't focus at work, you can't eat, your palms are sweaty, your heart is racing, your mind is racing, it isn't all consuming experience. That is the dysregulation that drives everything else. So when it comes to healing, you really need to get to the root. And when it comes to addressing patterns, that also means patterns of reaction within you to what you're perceiving in the environment. What are some of the common patterns or maybe some examples that people might be acting out that you're seeing and then we'll talk about how to heal them? People with an anxious attachment style will repeatedly pursue and go after folks who are not emotionally available. That is because that lack of emotional availability reminds them of relationships from their past. Now it doesn't always go back to childhood. It's so important to say that because for many people, it does, but that doesn't apply to absolutely everyone. If you had somewhat stable childhood, but in adulthood, have dated folks that were not good for you, that cheated on you, that lied to you, and have repeatedly experienced that, it's natural that your system is going to seek that out, again, as a way to try to heal that dynamic. So that happens a lot. There's this pursuit of emotional unavailability of someone avoidant, someone perhaps even abusive or neglectful. And this is a form of trauma bonding. You're trying to recreate a dynamic from the past in order to heal it. Another pattern has to do with self-abandonment, like I was mentioning. Anxious attachers will self-abandon. This is the root of codependency. You abandon yourself in order to maintain and build relationships with others. That is codependency. And when you do this, you will grow resentful. Because as adults, we have to take care of ourselves. You can't stop going to the gym and hanging out with your friends and expect that you're going to feel balanced and grounded in your life when you're actively out there dating or in a relationship. It just doesn't work that way. The more you self-abandon, the more you give up on the things that matter to you and that help you to feel grounded and centered in your own life. The more you will grow resentful because you're supposed to be taking care of those responsibilities. And when you abdicate that seat of personal power, you will project that resentment onto whoever it is that you've been doing it on behalf of and push them away as a result with enough of doing that and behaving in that way of repeating that kind of behavior. You'll push them away and you will experience the actual abandonment of them leaving you. What are some ways that someone can work towards to me, maybe not the opposite, but the remedy for self-abandonment is self-love and recognizing, "Hey, I'm not prioritizing myself here. What are some ways that someone can work towards breaking that pattern?" That's a really great point, Chase. You have to pour time and energy and love and attention and affection into yourself. I mean, as adults, we're supposed to do this. We're supposed to take care of ourselves. That might look different from person to person, but getting the basics down really helps. Getting a good night's rest, really being intentional about the food that you put in your body and your nutrition, your hydration, a sense of safety or stability at home and your home life is really important. These are foundational aspects of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You've got to get the basics down. You're not going to be able to advance to focusing on love and belonging. If you don't feel safe at home, if you don't feel like you can talk to your roommate or you have a terrible boss, contextual factors are always super important. Yes, you have to pour love into yourself and take care of yourself. That is your responsibility. And this extends into nervous system regulation. One of the very first things I assign, my clients is a daily nervous system regulation, or what I call lovingly, the daily self-care practice. These are things like meditation, cold exposure, body movement, breath work, hydration, etc. I mean, this isn't rocket science, but it's ensuring that you're breathing properly, that you're eating properly, that you're moving your body, whether that's simply walking or working out. That is essential for demonstrating to your body, I've got you. There is stability here, I will consistently take care of you. Because so many of us as anxious attachers have lacked those experiences with others, it is so incredibly powerful when we give it to ourselves. Now, and this is a form of reparenting for folks who have been through childhood trauma, like abuse neglect, abandonment, maybe apparent died, parents divorced, you didn't feel heard, etc. You can give those things to yourself now. Also, it's incredibly important to be particular about the people with whom you surround yourself. There's a popular saying from Jim Ron, who is a motivational speaker, and he says that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That is true. However, a corollary to that is you're the average, you become the average of the nervous system dysregulation or regulation, present in the five people that you spend the most time with. We learn relationally as human beings, we are social creatures. So if you're surrounded with people that don't have boundaries, don't have solid communication skills that really struggle to regulate their emotions, you're going to pick up on that, and it will rub off on you. You need to surround yourself with people that are relatively stable, that are consistent with you, that demonstrate reciprocity and depth and vulnerability. As anxious attachers and folks who have been through trauma, we need that more than most. And yet, those are typically some of the last qualities that we look for. We're looking for the spark, the chemistry, the connection, the fireworks. And yet, those are signals that your nervous system finds that person familiar. And if you've been through trauma, that is not always a good thing. That means that they remind you of the emotionally unavailable father or mother that you had of being bullied in school. You are finding them familiar, and that is why you're experiencing that reaction. So there's a concept that I share with clients called emotional diversification. Diversification is a strategy that's borrowed from the world of finance, all about mitigating risk when it comes to wealth management. Then I believe the same is true of our emotional lives. We must diversify our sources of connection. As anxious attachers, we are overly focused, hyper focused, on what we can get from a romantic partner and a romantic partnership. But that is only one source of connection in your life. You should have hobbies and dreams and goals and passions and interests. You need to be hanging out with your friends. Some of those friends are going to be surface level, just social friends, people you get dinner and drinks with. That's okay. Also, you need folks that you can be deep with who are there, who are your people, your rock during hard times. That shows you that safety is available to you, that you can go to them and cry and open up, etc. You need to rely on family to the extent that you can. I know many of us learn these insecure relational patterns because of our family environment. But choose that aunt who has been there for you if you can't rely on your nuclear family. And if families off the table altogether, that's okay. Look at what you have available to you and where your opportunities are elsewhere. Also, your relationship with the higher power plays a role here. If that applies to you, for me, it has. And that's been deeply healing on my own journey. But emotionally diversifying is another area here that you need to be focused on. And that ensures that you don't abandon yourself when you meet someone that you're excited about. Because you're still hanging out with folks and you have the connection with colleagues and friends and family and with yourself so that you do not lose yourself in your relationships. Before we continue on, we're going to take a short break to tell you about our sponsors. All right, therapist, listen up. If you run a practice or are thinking about running one or everyone asleep at night without thinking about the administrative part of your job, this is for you. So, Kayla, real question, what was the worst six months we've ever had at Thrive? That's really easy. The six months that we switched away from simple practice. Yep, no hesitation. None. Our profit dropped by 90% and not because we weren't seeing clients are doing good work, but because everything on the back end started breaking. Yeah, billing slowed. Insurance got messy. The systems didn't talk to each other. And all of that admin chaos started bleeding at night's weekends and honestly our nervous system. Which is wild because being a therapist, the work already doesn't end when the session does. You've got notes, scheduling, billing, insurance, follow-ups, all of a sudden no one really prepares you for. 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Just go to simplepractice.com to claim the offer. Again, that's simplepractice.com. All right, tell me if this sounds familiar. Your line next to your partner instead of feeling peaceful, your mind is racing with distressing questions like how can I know if I actually love them or what if I'm just settling? You try to push away these unwanted thoughts by asking your partner how they feel about you, replaying your conversations to search for signs of connection or texting your friends for reassurance that you guys really are the right match. But the reassurance never sticks. The question keeps coming back stronger demanding answers you can never seem to find yet your distress pushes you to keep searching anyway. If you've ever had experiences like these, you might be dealing with more than the typical relationship doubts. It might be OCD or ROCD. 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In live face to face virtual sessions, your NoCD therapist will help you break free from the doubts viral so you can actually enjoy your relationship. Instead of constantly questioning it, therapy with no CD is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans, and they provide support between sessions so you're never facing this on your own. If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationship in other areas of your life, visit nocd.com to book a free call with their team and learn more about how they can help. That's nocd.com. That's such an important point in one that I recognized a few years ago and it's been incredibly valuable. I realized that I put so much focus on my romantic partner to be everything, you know, and I think just to be in a healthy relationship, no matter your attachment style, but certainly seems like anxiously attached. People tend to put that focus there, but to have that safety in others as well. It takes a real concerted effort, so I made a decision and I was like as much effort as I was putting into my romantic relationship, which was hyper focused on it. I was like, I need to spread that out. It's not easy, especially as an adult to create friendships, especially deeper meaningful ones. To me, it takes the same approach. This is a relationship podcast. A lot of what we talk about is romantic relationships, but the tools apply to all relationships and it does take communication and vulnerability. And our attachment style is still going to come up in friendships where if we ask our friend to dinner and they Say no, we could feel rejection and abandonment and and take it personally and then maybe not reach out again because we don't want to be hurt in the Same way that we could do that when you're dating so I think it's it's such an important point and something that I just want to emphasize because when I was able to do that And it's not easy, you know, it took me a couple years and even then it's not like I have some huge friend group I live in a small town, but I I have a really close couple of friends and it's been it's been so valuable in Helping me heal my anxiety around relating in that if I'm in a long distance relationship now And if I'm feeling a bit lonely and it's so nice to you know be with myself But then to reach out to my friends and go to dinner and find that connection I can imagine if I didn't have that and I didn't for a long time it was way harder You know and then oftentimes I would project that that loneliness or negativity Into my romantic partner or if I was single into Desperations too strong of a word, but I would maybe settle or I would pursue someone that I I knew maybe wasn't gonna be a good match Or I felt it and then we were dating and it wasn't a good match But because I was lonely because I didn't have you know these other connections I settled for that so in so many ways I want to emphasize that that if you're out there and I've said this before But yeah take that same intentionality that same effort that you're putting towards a relationship or if you're single that you're putting towards dating but put it towards Creating more meaningful connections whether that's with existing friends or creating new ones But it's just as hard to do that as you know a romantic partnership Sure it is and you know, I think it's important From a healing standpoint to always look at incremental adjustments that you can make in my experience Coaching hundreds of clients on five continents anxious attacheders only it is the small stuff that you do every day that accumulates over time to get you to those big breakthrough moments that you desire and even just taking 15% of the energy that you were pouring into a romantic partner and allocating that elsewhere you will notice A shift in the way that you feel and it will create More balance for you. So this is not sort of about all or nothing You know take everything away from a romantic partner and pour it elsewhere But it is about making those small adjustments and maybe even starting with one friend that you've been curious about Going deeper with in my first book It's good to see me again how to find your way when you feel lost. I Talk about in a chapter Called the Circle of Trust about how I Recognized a friend in my life that was more of a social friend just someone I went out with a lot and would see every couple of months like we ran in the same circles, but we did not have a very close relationship but I Always enjoyed my time with her and realized there's something here. I want to get to know her a bit better and I declared that and she reciprocated and You know slowly over time there were these bids for connection. There was a text here a text there an invitation Here another one there where we would again slowly and incrementally over time spend time with one another and then It deepened and I ended up going to Nashville her hometown with her on a trip and one of the best trips of my life and you know It starts smalls always start small. That is what is sustainable You know don't overwhelm yourself by thinking you need to completely reinvent your life Take a little bit of energy Focus on one person that you think you might want to go deeper with and start there if there's a hobby You've been thinking about or something you're even just curious about Cooking bowling, you know, whatever it might be start there just start small Also related to self-abandonment one of the things I think about are Moments where our partner may may say hey, let's you know, let's meet up and we don't really want to but we're Afraid to say no or to do what it is that we want often. I think of this in the context of being separate to so like Like hey, let's let's go do this and you actually want to spend some time with friends But you abandoned that part of yourself for fear of Rejection from your romantic partner in that if you don't say yes or if you if there is some distance between you two Then that's gonna lead to disconnection How often do you see that and how do you coach someone through honoring their desires and not just doing Whatever it is that they feel like they need to do to keep the relationship safe and happy and thriving That is one of the first signs of codependency what you are describing is Canceling plans with Friends or just not doing something that you want to do Because you're afraid that you might not get another opportunity to see that person or they might be upset with you You know at the end of the day I remind clients all the time that that is you abandoning yourself if you don't say no when you mean no Then you are abandoning yourself and self abandonment is the worst form of abandonment It's not somebody else leaving you that is the issue It is you abandoning you that is the real harm that you cause to yourself because that is your responsibility It's not the other person's responsibility to read your mind You know, we're all adults listening to this podcast you have to take responsibility For developing the skills you need to develop and if that means working with a therapist or hiring A coach like me who can help you hold yourself accountable to learn and develop those skills you need to do that But at the end of the day Learning to set boundaries and learning to say no can be really uncomfortable for someone with an anxious attachment style because of the fear of abandonment But that said you know start small and practice in other areas first where you do feel safer Maybe that's at work where roles and responsibilities are more clearly defined You know the chain of commands very clear at work usually So you can practice in that environment and build up the courage and the confidence in the self esteem to do it elsewhere like in your romantic relationship Also, I remind folks all the time you don't be afraid to rock the boat It's through rocking the boat that you see if it can survive stormy seas And gathering that data is really important not for the purpose of testing your partner But you have to realize you're robbing yourself of the opportunity to see how your partner responds to that And if if you were to say no when they get defensive and upset that Is important data for you to see And if you don't get that then you rob yourself of the opportunity to Actually evaluate if this person is aligned is receptive In the area of communication which for an anxious attached is deeply important Before we continue on we're going to take a short break to tell you about our sponsors What are some of the the other patterns that you're seeing we talked about self abandonment and Some great tools for healing that what are some of the other common themes that that you're helping your clients work through There's so much fear that comes with having an insecure attachment style Whether that's anxious or avoidant or the combination of the two disorganized And that fear is typically a byproduct of the dysregulation in your nervous system So getting to that route again is really important But addressing those fears and getting close to them can also be really powerful Abandonment is the number one fear obviously and we're conscious of that Another one is unworthiness or inadequacy or shame being too much being needy And so getting close to that is really important There's a third conscious fear as well that we're typically aware of but don't often name for ourselves Which is a fear of stagnation And I call it that because it's this fear of always being anxious of always being stuck of always Repeating patterns and dating emotionally unavailable people and finding someone who cannot or will not commit or meet your needs Of you know being 80 and alone and stuck and never having healed or found someone and the fears combined into a variety of different manifestations But recognizing them for what they are is really powerful and there's a fourth one too and we're typically unconscious of it We're not aware that we fear this But as anxious attaches we also fear intimacy It sounds counterintuitive because we crave intimacy and connection very very deeply We desire connection for the sake of not having had a lot of that throughout our lives at least safe stable connection consistent connections. And at the end of the day, when someone shows up who is emotionally available, who does show interest in us, who says that they like us and they want to get to know us, we might actually be a little bit afraid of that and push it away. It feels unfamiliar. So it's important to recognize these fears as well, because they can prevent you from having the kind of relationship that you desire. The closer we get to our fear, the more we realize it's just trying to protect us. There is nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself. The number one goal of the body, of the brain, of the nervous system as a whole, is to survive, to protect you and keep you safe. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself. But that said, what you do out of survival in the short term will prevent you from connecting in the long haul. So if you're afraid of being abandoned and you leave that person first, that's obviously not going to protect you. You're desiring connection, but you're doing the opposite. You're disconnecting. That can be a form of protest behavior, too, which are essentially adult temper tantrums that anxious attachers engage in. And so identifying these fears and looking at your behavior, the way that you cope, whether that's numbing through sex or alcohol or drugs or gambling or the internet or social media, or avoiding difficult conversations, shutting down in moments where actually you need to open up. You need to look at the ways in which you have learned to cope, the machinery that you have built around you to try to protect you from being left and getting hurt. And realize that all of that machinery is keeping that person out from accessing your heart and from really seeing you. And so yes, it will protect you. But it will also keep you from the very connection that you desire deeply. What are some tools to work through, let's say, the fear of feeling unworthy? What are some practices that someone can do? Unworthiness or shame are rooted in low self-worth. And when it comes to self-worth, you don't actively work on self-worth because worth is supposed to be inherent. And when it's not, there's something that you're doing mentally and emotionally to interfere with that. For instance, if you go through trauma abandonment neglect abuse growing up, you might internalize that and personalize that and make that about your character. We often do as children in order to make sense of what has happened to us of being mistreated. We tell ourselves, well, I must have been mistreated because there's something wrong with me. And that's a way for us to control what that means for us. It gives us a false sense of control. Now, as adults, in order to work on self-worth and to combat shame, you actually need to work on accepting yourself exactly as you are. So instead of fighting against your sensitivity as an anxious attacher, you tell yourself, OK, I've got a big heart. I'm sensitive. You own it. You own it. Instead of telling yourself, I'm too much. I'm needy. You start telling yourself, no, I'm human. My needs are what they are. Needs are neither good nor bad. It's how we go about trying to meet those needs that is either healthy or unhealthy. So a lot of this work is really done very effectively in a container with a coach because the coaching relationship is co-created. I'm sharing from my own journey, and I'm sharing from the work that I've done with the hundreds of clients who have hired me around the world. It's not this kind of blank slate therapeutic approach, which is not bad at all. It's just different. So it helps to be able to call these things out and to work through them and to be action oriented. So you have to accept yourself. If you want to battle unworthiness, you must realize you are already worthy. It is your perception of your lack of worth. That is the issue. One of the things that taught me in that area of worthiness is related to, I would say, internal family systems is where I got the idea. That was of picturing my younger self. That's where a lot of our wounds originate from. But it was just this way of going, would I talk to 10-year-old Chase? And you can almost walk yourself through these meditations that they do in these different systems. But even now, just visualizing yourself as a 10-year-old, a eight-year-old, whatever age that you can picture in having a dialogue from that place and going, of course, that sweet little 10-year-old boy who's innocent and doesn't have all this programming yet or isn't aware of it, of course, they're worthy of being loved. And that's me, that's still in me. And that has been a really valuable thing that I found from a self-love in a worthiness practice. So beautifully put. Inner child work is in my coaching program as well. And I do have my clients utilize the power of visualization to have those conversations. There's a guided visualization that I offer where using my voice and the recording, clients walk through that in their own mind. And if they want to, we do it in one of their coaching sessions together as well. Those can be different experiences for them. Yeah, I highly recommend diving into that, because that can be, I think, so often we address things in the present, especially self-love and worthiness. I feel like it's a tricky thing to just address on the head right now all of these things can be. But I found that visualization and those kind of exercises are the most healing or the most-- we feel like the most direct path to almost in that moment feeling the warmth and love towards myself, because you're going through this visualization, this meditation, and in almost projecting it onto this other person, but then realizing that that is me. Like I said, it's like, of course, let's say you have negative self-talk. And then you could just go, would I talk that way to 10-year-old Chase? Who's-- I don't know. And then it's just like, no. And it's almost easier to say that and embody that, and then connect that to, oh, well, that's just me now. And yeah, so super glad you brought up that point. And we've covered a lot of great things for healing our anxious attachment and getting through it. And this is obviously an ongoing discussion, an ongoing journey for all of us, Chris. So thank you. And before we wrap up here, I wanted to see if there's anything you want to emphasize, or maybe something that we skipped over, and then we'll say goodbye. What you just said is more poignant than you might realize, because greeting yourself with the comfort and compassion and gentleness that you often would, or hopefully would, with a child, and realizing that that version of you still exists within you really speaks to a really powerful point of healing, which is that it does not happen with harshness and pressure. And you cannot force it to occur, but the gentler you are with yourself, the more you greet yourself with compassion, again, not in all or nothing proposition, but the more that you can, the more you replace some of that negative self-talk with, no, actually, this is how I'm feeling, and that's okay. And speaking to yourself softly, gently, in the way that you would, the former versions of you, i.e., a child, can be really, really powerful and a form of reparenting again. And it also emphasizes what I was talking about around self-acceptance. We have to accept who we are now, and we have to accept the conditions, the emotions, and the experiences that occurred, that created those preferences now. So it is both directions. It is past-oriented and present-oriented. You have to accept the traumas that you have gone through and realize you cannot undo them. There's no going back. You must accept what you cannot change. That is the power of the serenity prayer. And you also have to accept who you became out of necessity from those experiences. That is very important, and is a different expression of the self-acceptance that I was talking about. Self-trust is also incredibly important for healing. You need to learn to slow down, soften up, and listen to what your body is telling you. We are intuitive creatures by nature. All of the clients with whom I have worked have developed an earned empathy through traumatic experiences. And it's not that you don't know what's going on. You know, you know, you just don't want to act in the way that you know you need to, which is why I'm talking about the self-acceptance prayer. just to potentially address something with someone in your life to communicate with them, or to perhaps even leave that relationship. Trust yourself, cultivate, trust in your knowingness. And again, your body will tell you when you don't feel safe. You just need to listen. You need to trust that intuitively, your system is plugged into what is best for you. And you need to learn to honor that. The more that you do, the more secure. You will grow. Well, thank you for that. Chris, can you tell our listeners where they can find you online and then we will wrap up? I am most active on Instagram and TikTok, where on TikTok, I have a community of almost 150,000 folks. And if you're interested in consuming all that free content, you can find me @cracklif or cracklife with two apps. It's my first initial and last name. And something I address on the very first page of my book, it's good to see me again, which is available on Amazon. Also, if you're interested in coaching, you can reach out to me at cracklif.com, c-r-a-c-k-l-i-f-f-e.com/coaching, or you can set up a free consultation. Amazing. Well, we will have those links in our show notes and on our website. And thank you for taking the time to come on the show. Thank you so much, Chase. I'm deeply grateful. Thank you guys so much for tuning into today's episode. As always, all the links to the guest, as well as any of their recommendations will be in the show notes page. You can find the link to that in the episode description or by going to idupotcast.com, click on the podcast tab up at the top and you will have access to all the episodes that we've ever done. There are over 300 of them. And while you're on our website, if you haven't checked out our free 14-day happy couple challenge, we really hope you do. It's a free email challenge that we send to you. It's 14 days of fun, easy, doable challenges to help strengthen and improve your relationship. And if you're looking for something that provides a little more help with working on your relationship, whether it's improving intimacy or communication with your partner or just bringing the spark back, we would love for you guys to check out our online course, Spark My Relationship. We're offering $100 off to all of our listeners. If you go to sparkmyrelationship.com/unlock, we worked with over 15 psychologists and therapists to create the real life tools and strategies that they are teaching their clients. So we wanted to give them to you. It's a self-paced online course that can be done in as little as a month or up to three months. You can really decide how much or how little you want to do with your partner or maybe just yourself. So we hope you guys check that out. It's sparkmyrelationship.com/unlock. Have a great day. [Music]