Navigating Childhood with Cerebral Palsy and Hearing Loss

I think we're on the castle castle halls changing and it's built because we're everyone as soon as we can run that train. We're then having false hope almost and thinking we'll get somewhere. Hi, I'm Brooke Mailhoud. Welcome to Disabled and Proud, the podcast that does exactly what it says on the tin. Each week the show highlights an awesome disabled guest speaking about their own disability, why they're proud to be disabled, and why they're proud to be themselves. So, Peter, welcome to Disabled and Proud. How are you today? I'm doing very well, thank you very much. Have a meal. Yeah, thank you so much for giving up some time at your day to be on. I'm looking forward to this chat. I feel like I'm going to learn lots of different things, which is great. I'm not afforded. So, the first question that I ask absolutely anybody and everybody who's been on this podcast is, how do you refer to your disability? So, I prefer it, it's very disappointing. I was born a three months premature. I was about to say, I was about to say, my parents actually, but I can't, I can't actually avail them for that. Yeah, and I'm also hearing to be around hearing loss as well. So, you know, double trouble. And so, yeah, that was a very interesting childhood. But yeah, it's just been a part of million, I don't really see, I don't really see anything different. Yeah, and it's actually so interesting that you said that about childhood, because I always think disabled children, particularly in childhood, you have a very different childhood. And I was wondering, what was that like for you in terms of your educational experience, in terms of like making friends, all those kind of things that we do and we're really little? What was that experience like for you? Well, I would say that I was fully lucky in terms of that. So, I remember very, very well considering that I'm 26 years old now. But actually, in my early years, I do remember going to the. I'm not sure whether it is still around now, but with the Queen Elizabeth foundation or something like that. In the early years, it was kind of preschool for disabled children. And I remember being in there, and it was all disabled like nine difficulties and all that kind of thing. So, I remember doing that, about being able to in there. I was quite lucky in the attachment area that I was based in my Sussex. So, I was able to go to schools and early years. But the funny thing was that because my first disability is human empowerment, rather than my physical disability, I was put in reception here only at two in a deaf unit. That needs to be called 'own value'. And there was a school next door toown value that was 'conoured'. And they had a deaf unit as well. But now, since I've gone, they've now come together as one big school, called with a beach now. So, I prefer that as a beach now. But there's only as it was very much the deaf part of me being the focal point. And the funny thing with having the deafness was that, as you can tell, I speak clearly and I speak quite well. Not many deaf people get to do that. Yes. So, some of my deaf friends have got, they can sort of whisper and say, 'I'm going to say language'. And some can talk and say some of them choose not to say but talk. And there are so many different variations of that. And, you know, as you can tell from the last five minutes, I've got to talk Finland. So, yeah, I mean, but looking back now, yeah, it was very lucky. And no one ever chose me as a different, especially in the old show as well. Being an electric wheelchair. But there was a few times I was in a manual and that was quite an interesting few days. That was when it came to being in the manual chair being pushed around for a whole day. But yeah, but yeah, very lucky to sort of be focusing on my hearing impairment. And I don't actually, I was I think it would have mattered if it was being put in the disabled school. I have no idea that I was very likely with the area that I mean and to have those experiences. Yeah, and it is such a postcode lottery, like depending on where you live, it kind of depends on what services are available to you. And it's and it's not the same country wide, which in and of itself is a problem that the UK faces. And that's that's a whole other conversation for a different point in time. I was wondering, so with your deafness, did you learn to sign at a young age? What I did, I would actually refer it as a very big one because my mum, even before I was born, she did BSL evening classes just as an interest. And it was just like, just like I say, a postcode lottery that I'm deaf and she was able to still attend those. I'll remember it being on the Thursday night she was going to sign at guys and then come back and teach me those signs. And that was, apparently my first language is BSL, not English, so you find that a bit quite interesting because I don't sign now. I've forgotten most of the sign language if I'm always a view of the moment. But back then it was pretty much a good experience, but of course being in the wheelchair. But obviously I'll be driving right in the place and I would have to stop and sign. I just found that too. This is just a fact. So I just end up, I've always been able to talk anyway, but I'll remember just talking a lot. And then remembering my deafness, public and understanding, I think. So I had to sign sometimes. I'll just remember talking all the time and not really wanting to sign at all. And then I understand how it was cool. Well, it's probably still called it now, but speech in English though. Yeah, I remember having that at mostly primary school, but I was driving second to school. It wasn't really needed because I already had that sort of development already. It was mainly in primary school that happened. I remember bringing a little room with the speech in English therapist for an hour obsession. And I think it was always been fun. Because obviously as a kid you've got to entertain yourself with those sessions, all the school. But I'll probably say that I'm not just sort of playing around with them. But I was probably on a more developed side compared to my other deaf peers in the unit. But again, that was just, I think my question is already good. I do feel a bit sad for everyone is that actually that they couldn't probably. I speak, well, it's everyone's choices in life, what they do. But some of them I felt a bit bad for, because at one point it was halfway through primary school. That I was, it needs to be why it's going up into my hearing aids. And they'll be attached to some sort of microphone thing. And the future would always have to wear a microphone thing so I could hear the teacher better than the students, because they'll be blocking a background noise. So the teacher would just, I would hear the teacher more. And halfway through primary school, I got the change, the equipment for me. So I was cut on those sort of wireless ones. I don't remember what I found at London. She was in the same class as me, all throughout school and primary school as well. And she wanted those wireless ones as well. But because of the level of her hearing. Um, it was better suited back then I suppose that she was kept wearing this, why one is and being stuck to no belly and, you know, I'm looking back on it quite funny in the moment, but back then it was certainly a shock to see, you know, where I was among the others. But, um, yeah, I was, again, providing, okay, with the choices that I had, and it was given to me, and, uh, change from making the person out of that. Yeah, and what I like about that is that you're, you're aware to be able to be like, I was in this situation and I was very lucky because, as we've already said, like postcode lottery plays a really big part, particularly when we're talking about disabled children and the access to the things that they can have. And I really, I think there's so much to be said and appreciating that and being like, you know, what I was just really lucky and it just happened to be right place, right time. But I was wondering with your education and being disabled, being a disabled man impacts your career choices and the path that you went down. Um, so I was a bit disappointed with the exam system. I mean, I don't mind being in a set put room, but obviously, um, I don't know about you, because I need to have a 20% extra time or something, and with, I'll assist the next two in the room and then I went to, yeah, and, um, but I didn't mind that, but it would have been nice to have been in the home with the others. I've been in the home with the others and it was awful. Like, I was, when I, so I used to have to do it all in like a big hall and then, then I got removed and got put in like my own little room to myself because they were like, you can't concentrate in this environment, it's not going to work for you. And I remember the relief, because I would get so distracted by all the other people, like someone tapping their pen or like someone chewing some gum or like someone fiddling with their pencils, someone tapping their feet. And I would literally be like a little bird being like, oh my god, like, where do I look? What do I do? And like bearing in mind that there is like an exam paper in front of me that I needed to finish. I would be like, oh, I can't do this. To be fair, I get distracted really easily myself as well, so I'll probably be a little kept as bad, but I didn't mind being in a separate room and all that. It just meant that because of the deafness I've got, I think, because being in a separate room and in those a little bit more peace and quiet and I don't really, I think it was just because the, yeah, the choir understand why it was like that, but that's just the way it was. It was nice to be able to get someone to read the questions, not that I needed it, but I just thought, you're here, you might as well read the questions for me, and I was just, you know, so did that. But that was a little bit of a point of having some instability for two hours during the exam paper. Yeah. But, you know, I mean, I did find a bit odd at the beginning, but I got used to it after a while. And it would always be in the deaf unit classroom, so that in second school, so that was okay. It was just the norm, but moving on from that, since I remember doing, I say, he's near seven, and you like a place that was in a classroom where you have it, so it's like easy to do sort of it. Yeah. It was a bit different, but I mean, one of them went on to college and university. It was all together, because it was all based on coursework, you know, I say it's assignments, you know, exams, so that was probably the easier route, not doing exams and just doing coursework, but as the way I like to things, you know, exams, just coursework. Yeah. And did your disability impact where your choices of where you went to uni or like the course that you did? So it did very much impact that in terms of when I got to secondary school back in 2009, I was introduced to a school called Boxer. Yeah. I didn't know about it well, I was teaching there in the family, and it was at that point on, I came across my fleet, I completed nationally, and I was actually on the power limit pathway during the pandemic, up until I got reclassified into a different classification that wasn't on the power way, but back then, I was so much like I got into wanting to be this sports coach. Yeah. And that was my route, that was my path. And so I did sports culture and leaders of all and stuff doing my time there, and she got a lot of accesses with, I wanted to be a peer based obviously, but I was never going to be interested in the opportunity to do that. Pea was part of it, but again, that was a proper GCSE theme, because I went to her second year, Pea was where we got taken out of and sort of been put in the disabled units as sports classes. Boxer, U.S. Carlin, I had a pocket, everything, all those sort of, but Boxer was the main one that the school did. So I got into that, I went into the sports coach with a sports coach, he's at A level, so I did all that, but the main point where every train was after I went, I did sit for them and everything, and I went on to Toulouse College, I don't know if you know Toulouse College, it's a disabled school in college, a residential school in college, from early years of school up until set form to kind of end, and I was only the opportunity as part of a school set up, the college set up, and I did that for Toulouse, but I wasn't at Toulouse as a college, so I was residential there as you in the week, and I went to a college nearby, Autumn College, to do, spoke to Palmer and EPQ, which I hated, but again, this is different topic, and then Toulouse, at the part-time level, I went back to Toulouse and did MVQ business and administration, so you know, of course, I'm clever all of a sudden, and then, so coming into my second year of it, Autumn College, they sort of wanted me to look into the future, that what's after Toulouse, what's happened, you know, in university, I went, no, not interested in it, you never, never, never, never, never, never, I do what I buy, but I just thought, no, that's it, I'm going to need to book school, that's it for my life, and I said, just go to us, open date, this sort of conversation carried on for about three or four months after, you're going to go to an app and then, you know, you think about what's going to happen, do you think, okay, I mean, I just thought, let's do something new, I'm just going to shut their faces, you know, because they kept talking about it, I would never drop it, drop it, drop it, so I went over to an open date, that open date, changed my mind completely, I really, what's your boss? Yeah, so after that open date, after about four months of angle planning to me about what I'm going to do, I mean, back then we said, I'm going, but, yeah, that was definitely unriving it, so little at South Hunter was the only university there would recommend, I think it's because they get on part, wow, so the transition team at Trilor's got on well with their so-and support, students support tea, because they've had other Trilor students go there in the past, so they've gone quite well, and now we're in January, so last August I finished university after five years, and yeah, and I was definitely saying that you need to be definitely an interesting time, because I went in 2018, did, I went there originally for the sport and all that stuff, so I did sports coaching, sports development, so I did a foundation and then. three years and then I think it happened half way through my first year so the next two years I was quite interesting online and I'm not doing any practical support sessions but a bit of a disappointment because I'm very much a social person as you can probably tell me and then after my four years I sort of thought oh my god it because this was 2021 I was trying to think about what we're going to do after 202 and Cambridge was still around at that point so I thought because my plan my plan was always was going to be traveling after uni but of course with the restriction you'll have a country's not being open and travel you'll have a run to two so many of decisions to stay for and it's junior and junior masters which I thought would never happen to me at all I get so I get I'm definitely underestimating myself one time for sure and so I because the great I got from what Andrew I was a T2 and my next coach and members are two one I thought and they were going to bother our plan but I don't think I'll get it because he was a one great level I needed so I looked at other sport rated courses and I looked at sport sport class journalism yeah that that was so similar completely different but I thought I was telling it would open up my chance of getting a job because I just need both of my being disabled and getting a job doesn't go exactly hands-on sometimes so yeah they don't marry a travel quite as well so I thought we would open up my chances so that was the main reason but I'll really very much enjoyed it again it's just I've been being back at Williams school everyone treated me with such you know it was a very nice yes everyone treated me exactly the same as everyone else which was a lovely I love response and you know because we all came from all over the world there was a few for me and one from Jersey so it's a very nice mix of people and I very much enjoyed it and I managed to get myself out and about more than I expected because I went over to Waimef for a sailing company I went all over or over the place for my for doing like filming and editing work so I'm still doing that the moment I'm still going my place and doing that so that's very much improved my independence and yeah let's hear what the future holds yeah so you mentioned Butcher and is that that's the right way to pronounce it isn't it butcher yes well done a lot of people say it won and I might know it's butcher and for all of those who don't know what it is do you want to just give us like a quick little rundown of what it is and and like I know it's a sport and I know it's a disabled sport but after that I know not so much now but I a lot of I shouldn't put someone on the company that they say why do people still go what is Butcher you know Google's why I'm just thinking tips yeah yeah yeah but um when there's so Butcher's a poundage but only one of two pounded bits but still not have a Olympic equivalent actually so it's quite a unique sport it's very similar to battles so you have six feet six foot out and a jack a jack ball is this the right ball just you know full just full detail um and yeah the other type of game is to get your ball closer to the right ball as you can that's basically it it sounds easy but it's not it's very technical very you've got to really think but there's a number to say it's quite a challenge for me but tell a new what I've done over the last three years you know it's pretty much no surprise um but um that yeah so it's just getting more close it's very technical you've got to think about what you've got to do what the opponent could do and then what you've got to do after that it's very much looking forward and you know I would say hindsight's wonderful but it's probably like that you can't really do that yeah um so yeah it's very much a challenge but it's a sport that I love and and with botcher is it like you can be in mixed teams or is it single sex teams and and when you're playing is there like a regional level and a national level or is it just like the UK that plays it tell me a bit more about it okay so um so there's there's four classifications worldwide so every country does it so you've got BC one to follow so one is um any um disability that can't have their balls on their personal sort of have an assistant hand on the board BC 2 is what used to be just a bit pausing but it's now open to a much much wager um of disability so you've got more of a class I mean you can have the balls on your person I mean that or a gutter so you can get the balls yourself BC 3 is for vampires so if you can't throw you'll be using them to do the balls and BC 4 is for any other um it's basically BC 2 but for more more violent and diverse disability that's why they're called muscle disability that type of thing yeah and then you've got the BC 5 to 8 which I need to think actually I don't know the UK does those but I've since realised that there are BC 5s around the world um so England and the UK has a new brand as far as I'm aware at terrible for cording actually I should say um that so the 5 is for as strong got BC 2 which is what I am now positive and now 5 so as a stronger version of the 2 the BC 6 is um for a much stronger 5 and then you've got the 7s which is visually impaired and then 8 is um dance syndrome and oh yeah but like autistic and and you do individual to campaign around I mean you've got team and plan competitions that up in this all all around the world and all about uh so you do so so individual you can go national I mean international you can play England and then you've got uh sometimes half region opened so sometimes you go to Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland for any of those um and then teams and pairs you can do team pair competitions it needs to be just people in their own classification but some in some competitions you can be paired up with a so about BC 1 BC 2 group and then you've got BC 3 on that way and then you've got BC 4 BC 5 type groups and you can also play as a club so I've got a club that's set up called student botcher that has started at 7s at what time at uni um and we play as I when you're playing as a team in the league it doesn't matter what classification you might you can play so that opens up a bit more um so we've done we've done that and we created them national league one day in our first season when I was super league this was like uh primary league something is going to pull it in those terms and last year I went to Germany for like over I've got to open and that's not open for 1 to 5 BC 1 to 5 and I won that amazing yeah I've actually got trophy here let me just uh it's quite big and chunky oh that's amazing it's amazing that it's such an inclusive sport as well and I really like what you said about the teams is that it doesn't matter like what category or what level you're at you can play whereas so many sports including power Olympic sports don't have that because as we all know it's all done on classification classification changes all the time causing many different people many different problems but this seems to be the one sport that really nails it on the head in terms of its accessibility and the fact that everybody can play yeah it does it's very inclusive um and you know don't really matter what the disability you've got like a popular pretty much fit yourself in boxing yeah and - It's very much, very much just what he said with others. You've got certain specifications. If you fit in, you fit in, if you tell, you're trapped out almost. - Yeah. - So you always, actually, want, you've really much nailed the head there. And I'm now a problematic journalist for radio station. So, you know, so, but again, you've hit on my head there. - Yeah, you've almost took the wires out. They've not took the wires out of my mouth there, actually, but yeah. - I mean, the parallel depicts are great for what they do, but I think there are so many people that really miss out because of classification problems and issues and they're consistently changing. And so many people want so many different things out of it that actually, when it comes down to what it is, is that nobody's ever going to be in full agreement and it's never going to be unified. And I think, and it's a really horrible thing to have to say, but at some point, everybody just has to realize that that's exactly what it is and there's never going to be a solution for it. It's the goalposts are always going to change. - Yes. And yeah, that's something that I was not with very closely because I mentioned I was reclassified. - Yeah. - So the classroom was best bet. It was just a well-balanced organization. They changed the world back into 2018. And I was in lockdown until 2021. - Yeah. - So yeah, I spent three or four years thinking, okay, BC2. I'm in the power and power way. And then 21, no, you're BC5. So get completely under the work. And I was no longer part of the power and power way for powerless L.I. this being. And I was, I was just not able to really disappointed. But you know, everything in life happens for years and I guess you know, take me around to rethink what am I going to do. That probably took me down my journalist path. So I was thinking, if I can't beat an athlete in a powerlifting game, what's next? I'm going to be a coach, which I was doing. A coach in degree, or I'm going to be a journalist. - Yeah. - And you know, so I've got, again, more choices there now compared to before. But I did say, won't I? Did most people get classified back into the LATM when the rules changed? And why did only some people till 21? Because there was a couple of other people that classified, really classified, at the same time as me. So it wasn't, I'm completely unbeknown. We were all in the same boat, me and a couple of other athletes at the time. But I think we're on the classic hasn't rules changing and it's built because we're everyone as soon as we can run the chain. Well, we're then having, let's maybe have false hope almost and thinking they'll get somewhere when they don't. And it caused back into 21. It was three years before Paris. - Yeah. - So yeah. And it's, and it's very true. And I'm, after all of that experience, particularly with like recategorization and like growing up as a disabled child, is there a piece of advice that you would give your younger self? - Talking about self, probably the quickest way to say, yeah, that'll be very much the first piece of advice to get your hopes up because I've done that many a time and been left disappointed. But no, I think it would be just take a time because I'll just be, it would be wrestling to things that's first without thinking. And I'll still do to this day. Oh, I've got no filter, so I'll just come up with it. I'll deal with the consequences later. - Sounds just like me. I can appreciate that so much. - What was the single essence of being able? - I know, why is it? I love it when this happens. - Yeah, I love it. But yeah, so I just come out with it. But because that's what gets my job and my family. One point, one time, my family's like very, taking faith seriously and doesn't tend to see me job. - Yeah. - So I can sometimes, what the boat, should I say, with that say, but again, no, but I love it because then it just sort of gives me a bit of feel in life to see what faces they pull, what I say is I'm like, I think I shouldn't have said that, oops. But no, but yeah, but definitely take time and don't rush into things. It'll be probably the worst I'll give. But again, that has the same moral trait. I'll still do to the state, go really fast in the morning. And run a few people a few over. Because back at school times and it should be, was in my record, or was Hamilton in the form of one. - Actually, I don't know, there must be someone in my record, and they'll get the fight of their life. So I've been told to throw down on many occasions and I've what's got into detention for it at one point. - I love that. - There you go. But yeah, it's so damn, toe down. - I actually think that that's a really good piece of advice just in general for anyone. Because I think a lot of people do tend to dive head first in decisions. Which if that's who you are, that's who you are. Like I'm very much someone who also dives but head first in decisions and deals with the consequences later. But actually, not maybe not even slowing down, but like pausing for a second just to take it all in and reassessing and like almost giving yourself a little bit of an evaluation would be so beneficial. Like 19 year old me kind of done with that advice, but 19 year old me didn't take that on board. So actually, whilst I love it as a piece of advice, would I have taken it? Probably not. (laughs) - Yeah, I'm very much the same, because I tend to tell anyone that I've got a lot of hearing. So I tend to sort of, you know, I tend to just block everyone's opponents out. So probably one of top-down opponents in the first place, anyway. But yeah, but it's definitely someone in general. And me, but going into head first, I mean, if you're a diver, you probably can't go in head first and anything else, but very true. - There you go. - So I like to think that through, and like any form of hardship or struggle or something that we found difficult, if you can look back and pull out a positive trait about yourself, then you've learned something. And I was wondering, what is a particular positive trait that you've noticed that you have? - Everything, what sort of bird? - Oh, no worries. What is a particular positive trait that you have looking back through hard times? - Okay, so definitely my positivity, if I pronounce that correctly, because I, so when I was a teenager at school, my mum was kind of in this way down. And so that was a bit of a shoot, she was at my land page for quite a while. For five months, I can't remember if it was down on the gut. But yeah, so I tend to sort of, you know, you should be back soon, you know, it should be, and also when it came to the pandemic that I was down, I was very much thinking, oh, this is sort of mean the whole other thing. I've got no work to do, we have no. But in reality, the uni said, you're still doing your work, just at home or at town. - This is not what I signed up for. - Yes, it's exactly. This is what I signed up for, lovely hot summer, doing nothing, as well as hoping. But no, I'm totally not. But still in those sort of dark times, people were struggling and, you know, I've very much seen up for myself for a zoom camera. So the brady zoom calls me to have, with the wifi sort of dropping out of the now and then. And so, and I was able to sort of lift people's vibes up because even my, with my lecturers, they had a bit of a tough time as well. They said that you're smiley face, they were talking like, come on a zoom call, a team's calling and sort of like, you know, oh, how you, I'm, they were surprised that I was actually quite a stripper. And I was like, yeah, it's, it's a whole day. It's a hot, lovely hot day. That's what I'm gonna call it. And I'm doing it. So, yeah, those kind of things were lovely. And now looking back, just sort of saying, you've read the overcades of sort of asking that question again. I'll be able to say, yeah, I'm fine, yeah. Pulling on a smiley face and actually inside, they're not. that sort of conversation, especially the other time now when mental health is not more open and a lot more discussable compared to maybe four or five years ago. So those sort of things I do now sort of like getting into sort of deeper conversations with people and sort of saying that you know I'm here for you and you know I still do try and make light of it and again that's the filter in me again so sort of getting myself into being a club situation and being a little bit awkward sometimes but again but they knew that's what I'm like so I remember it kind of happened to that one but yeah but very much yeah it's just sort of taking a time with people so yeah. I think it's firstly thank you for sharing that information because it's never easy to talk about suicide regardless of whether it's a friend family member however it touches you it's never an easy topic so thank you for sharing that and I think what you said is really interesting as well as about doubling the question of are you okay because you'll write a lot of people the first time that asked they'll say yeah I'm fine brush it off and actually if you ask the question the second time like are you really okay that gives it gives a space for someone to actually say maybe maybe they're not okay but equally in that I think there's a lot to be said for you can only help someone as much as they want the help as well and that's a quite a hard phrase to sometimes accept particularly surrounding suicide because I think everybody thinks that they can help way more after it's happened but actually the likeness is that sometimes maybe maybe you couldn't and you should never beat yourself up for that but being able to ask someone if they're really okay is is actually something really beautiful that you've taken out of a really horrendous situation yeah and I'll say that because I'm quite a good reader of body language and being very observant so I can sort of almost tell now you know if I'm sort of looking onto the distance or just sort of kind of face or something that you sort of tell us something like quite right but again I didn't notice that back then but now I can definitely sort of tell I'm of course doing the lockdown people had a lot other sort of mental health issues but trying to do it by text wasn't really the way it was definitely face-to-face conversations and you can definitely almost tell body language I assume but reading the body language of a blood video on a Zoom call and just try to get that across but now they've proved out of time we're now with the vaccine available and other precautions that way you're able to get out and be able to treat people the right way yeah compared to before and being able to move on from that and yeah be able to sort of quote for it step by step make the world white yeah I like to think about the questions that disabled people get asked now that sounds really weird on the surface but actually when you think about how many people ask disabled people bizarre question there are quite a few right and I always like to ask particularly disabled people what are some of the weirdest questions someone has asked you about your disability yeah so the first one that pops into my straights where I just laughed just dead was I had to go toilet it's the first question that gets asked quite regularly even when it's like you know even like children they've got no filter so there's a say I had to go to other sort of things and but get them to thought it was the main one and I just remember thinking oh how do I answer that I was sort of say I sort of transfer and set up a toilet just like just like you do yeah kind of been say yeah that was probably the more dollars the probably the most local product that's come up yeah but it's mainly for toilet well yeah I get asked I was off to hate everyone else's answer said I won't actually say there are some real I've had this conversation now with like over over 90 people and the toilet one always comes up the sex one always comes up and then quite often something that really comes up is people will ask if they can pray for you like oh I'm sorry you're in this situation I'll pray can I pray for you and it's like look whatever relationship you and your god have that's amazing but don't include me like I'm very happy the way that I am I don't need you to pray over my arms it's never gonna grow back and that is what it is actually you're just saying that actually just really I have I've not been asked that but I've had people come up to me and put their hand on my head go towards with you kind of thin and I'm sort of looking at them with the wild eyes going okay because you know I don't breathe in God in any sense of the world I don't believe there was something there but I don't think it's God with the white beard with a massive hand that goes down from the clouds to sort of greet you but yeah I've had that one before I took the hand on my head from various people and so people going to okay God bless you like that sort of thing and I'm going she's across it's happening again you know I kind of think but now I don't know if I'm quite a mute I mean especially my name plus as she was fine lots of chats go and very much opposed to person and she if you put your mind to it you can yeah it was kind of just a little bit closer towards the end we're not policy but you know it's either forget things in a bit more but before that so if you can put your mind to it you can walk again apparently I need to be able to walk when I was a kid up until about I don't know two two or three years old or something around you for a very short time but I don't remember it at all but apparently you're honest people too with support bars or whatever and if you're being honest with you can walk again I'm so welcome to say so just so okay just you know so that conversation why that why that but not me I've been going no I can't because I can't yeah if you can't do it yeah I'm or yeah but you know I think back in person with those memories now but yeah very mute and stuff people come out with sometimes I only have a final question feat that now um is that well this is my final question and and actually it's my favourite question because I always love hearing my answer and I think the answer really enforces like what I stand for and that is Peter are you disabled and proud of course I won't have it in the other way yeah thank you so much for giving up your time to be on the podcast today I have found this such an entertaining episode and I've learnt so much about botcher that I didn't know before so really thank you for coming on and thank you for having this conversation with me well thank you thank you very much for having again again I'm touched because obviously we were meant to do it I mean I think last month or month before and then you'll just be like happens all the time it really does I mean I always set out to do something and just sometimes other things happen and it gets pushed back or like someone's unwell and but it is what it is and we've got here now and I'm so I'm so happy with this episode yeah and and it is very much giving us a great union to start with actually as well so yeah of course I mean I said I've never said no I'm not the same one I hope if two before yeah they have the first ever episode I did it was the only person that's ever said at the first episode I ever did said no I'm on a journey towards that and I was like oh like I'm glad that you're on your journey and I'm sad that you're not but at some point when you will be you've got to come back and we'll have this conversation again but but I'm pretty sure I was gonna say yes of course because that's the title of your podcast so it'd be quite disappointing so I'm saying no but no definitely about and definitely to say unless you want to sort of write there's a there's always a bit but it says the firm not to say or those bits when they say I don't see myself with the same but well here you can see you to disable so why not check that box yeah but there you are but no thank you for telling this conversation I've really really enjoyed coming on eventually thank you thank you thank you thank for listening to this episode disabled and proud if you've enjoyed the show then please give it some love by leaving us a five star review wherever you download your podcasts it really helps us to reach more and more people each week plus if you've got a particular highlight then I'd absolutely love to hear it tag me on your insta stories at disabled and proud podcast