Nah, I'd Win (Part 5)

Hey Jeff everybody. We're going to be making a big change since the beginning of this podcast We've almost always had episodes come out on Monday. We're going to move the podcast episode to Tuesday It will come out instead of Monday so that we don't have to have people working late on a Sunday And they can actually get a full weekend, which would be very cool There still might be issues, you know with putting the episode out there always are but it's like things happen all the time Surprise, it's it's necessary. Unfortunately, I know somebody probably want to start your weeks and look forward to it all the time The habit is very strong, but I think this is better for the editors involved at the end of the day It's one day and I hope you understand and long run it won't be any days because it'll be the exact same just one week apart Different day we should do is you just listen to the new episode every week every day until the next one comes out So that way you'll have like one Monday where you're like, I'm it, but then you'll just have every day you get to listen the episode and then It'll just it'll cover you fill you in there. That's it. I have nothing else interesting to add to that Good evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to destructible This episode met a physical mark condemns the listeners Sam's inflated storage then retreads an RPG brilliant bobbloon is aroused by sheets Seaman submersibles slamming doors and thus becomes engorged Professor willful Wade beats on beast dominated corn Cucktapes asked to mouth and propounds politics from being blinded by beauty to special squirrels It's time for Nah I'd win pot five Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and Enjoy the show Good evening and welcome back to Distractable my name is Markiplier. I'm your host for this evening and or morning and or afternoon Host of the podcast is gonna rescue you from your doldrums We're gonna have so many info graphics. We're gonna have so many visual cues. We're gonna have so many visual effects in this episode You're gonna be blinded by the amazing visuals that we have ready for you in this wonderful episode of this podcast Oh, I'm joined forever by my visually handsome and visually interesting what amazing Incredible shirts you guys are wearing today. Oh, thank you. Let's have buttons on it pretty cool Yeah, no, you don't need to explain it. We can all see how interesting your shirt is except for the listeners That was for you listeners. My shirt has buttons. No, let's screw those guys They deserve less than hell and they shouldn't be sent to purgatory the one below hell It's less than hell better. Is that nicer or mean or I took yeah, heaven purgatory. I don't know heaven purgatory hell Super hell. That's where listeners should go. Yeah, mr. Beast video Like that. I like that reiki. Evan purgatory hell Trapped into mr. Beast video as a competitor No, no, no, you get on it. Yeah, I'll give you a point to that just solidify it. I don't know if you've roasted I did it We've got a wild and wacky episode for you today But before we get into that we always need to check in on how these two are doing emotionally and Metaphysically Metaphysically Metaphysically, oh wait, can I be real honest? Can be real for a second? Sure I don't know what that means and at this point. I'm too afraid to ask all right Well, let's put in a sand put text on the screen to define it no voices, but I can't see that. Huh, what do you mean? How well I learn thanks me feel metaphysically bad, but see you're starting to get it. No, this is this Wade territory This is Wade nonsense Metaphysics is the core branch of philosophy that studies the fundamental nature of reality existence objects property space-time causation and mind matter relations Wait, why didn't you know that? Well, I mean I read a book called the metaphysics of morals, but it's been 20 years Man, I got a bad memory. You don't study for these episodes. Anyway, I'm sick, but I'm good Sick but good. Have I showed you guys this yet on stream? Have I played with this yet? Please show. Yes. That's the world's tiniest lunch box We were sponsored by this company, but this is unrelated. I bought this with my own money. This is a Ridge iPhone Duo case. Are you gonna be getting the duo? I have it pre-ordered. I get to pick it up on release day I'm very excited. I understand there will be a lot of Android fanboys who will hate on me and I'll just tell you I've used both Apple finally trapped me Stop. It's not your fault or my fault and I acknowledge the shortcomings of iOS, but also I'm really excited to have a folding phone I was considering jumping ship for the Samsung fold eight because it's also kind of this like shorter wider Formfactor like the like the iPhone and I think it looks like a really good shape I want to have when I touch it my hands, but I'm excited. I get that picked that up very soon I've been sitting here playing with the phone case on my desk Just being like there will be something in this. I can't wait. Oh, boy. I Also tried out not the fold eight the it was a different galaxy. It was a taller one That was at the full day pro or that one of the old z-folds. That's taller. I even I think something like that I can't remember exactly, but it was nice I liked it a lot It was really fun to use, but I am also embedded in the Apple ecosystem. I have a MacBook and I have the other Apple devices And it does kind of lock you in after a while and if one of them doesn't trap you into the rest of their ecosystem Then you you are still available as they say. I'm rocking the brand new 16 Yeah, buddy. That's great. That's a new one. That's really good. That's good. It just came out barely even two years old That's all you need. I mean, I have the air and I've liked the air of the air is the tablet is the air the phone to No, they have many things held the air. I've had air is a thing, but the phone had there's an iPhone air, which is a very thin Oh, okay. Yeah, and I liked it a lot I didn't even miss not having the cameras because usually I take my pictures with other cameras and I like the thin form vector But I bought the 256 gig version thinking I never need that much space. Why would I ever go? Man, I've run out of space all the time. It offloads apps for me and I'm like, no, I needed that one I was logged into that one. Ah shit. I don't think I've ever filled up to 56. I don't think I ever get that much I think I get like the one down. I always ride that line and I have not yet run into it But on my current phone, I think I have the half 500 gig one and I'm at like 470 and it's reached at that point Where my phone is like we start deleting stuff to me to start uninstalling apps for you. No, no, I don't but also Whoops, wait, wait, that's cool. Whenever you get that, that'll be fun to see I think I'm also getting one at some point, but I didn't pre-order it. They're just sending me Wow, we're not all friends with the man who's heart sings at our back home MacBook studio towers, so Oh my god, yeah, yeah My phone says I have a terabyte capacity and I still have 930 gigabytes available. I might have overspent Damn two years. I've only used 70 gigs. What do you use it for? I feel like I have that much in text messages history stored on my phone like God dang Apparently nothing. I don't know. I think next time I can tone down the no amount of storage I think the iOS install is half of your total storage usage. Yeah I've like pet pictures. That's cool. That's cool, man. And then gotcha games. That's it. Yeah No, that's not such a my tablet. Oh I see and my tablets used 120 gigs probably Speaking of gigs I I need to buy some hard drives for some of my editors and I haven't looked in a while because I bought all of my stuff Before the spikes in prices and so I was I was used to like I went to I looked at an eight terabyte NVMe and I was like oh Man, it's up to $800 back when I bought it before I was like shit I'm only gonna get two because fuck I can't I looked today and it was like $2,400 Crying to myself holy shit. Yeah, so I'm I'm very upset. I'm glad I replaced all my Synology hard drives when I didn't even that was too expensive. Yeah, yeah, so it's it's not fun out there for the world of storage But hey, hopefully it'll it'll crash soon and take the entire economy with it That'll that'll be cool when that finally happens. Yeah huge economic depression. Let's do it Yeah, what ended humanity hard drive storage prices Doesn't end humanity probably right it could it could end humanity. It wouldn't it wouldn't No, yeah, I wouldn't there's no way right. I'm also a little sick to go back to the small talk bits I got my boosters and two days ago, and I actually didn't get all that sick I just feel like I have a head cold and I got a sore right shoulder. I went to a convention this weekend for a second convention I've gone to I think since we did the tours up in Columbus. It was called Game Developer Expo That was a fun time at the little panel Have I talked to you guys since I talked to the law school? Was that last week? That was literally you signed off last week Yes, we were recording to go do that. Yeah, so I got to talk in front of a law school class That was fun. It was virtual, but they want to talk about like IP copyrights, intellectual properties, IP. So I was talking about like YouTube and Twitch and copyright and all that kind of stuff and how we handle it, what we do and all the blah, but it was fun. I enjoyed it. I like talking. So getting to talk in front of like students and stuff. So I want to be a professor at one point. I got to really enjoy not having to do any work, but still get to talk in front of a class. It's great. Best combo of worlds. Well congratulations for that. I'm glad you were able to do it. Sorry, you got sick. I did it to myself. And Presley gets his MRI this week. So yeah, I don't know. Okay. Well, hopefully that'll lead to some progress or something. Yeah, hopefully it shows good things for his back parts. Yeah, they're like, bring him in at seven in the morning. We're like, man, that's okay. We'll do that. Which for me, it's very horrible time. They're like, yeah, we're going to do the MRI. If you need surgery, we'll probably just do it right then. Oh God, we find out. And then it's like, yeah, so the MRI came back and he's in surgery right now. I mean, that is kind of the response you want better than it waiting a month being like, yeah, he is this horrible thing. And we'll get you in as soon as as soon as we feel like it, you know, as soon as soon as you know, we get around to it, we got an app to take. Well, he got hurt. We took him to the vet same day. And then it took a week to get him in for the consult. And then another week and then day or two for the MRI. So there's two weeks after the initial incident. But like, at least now that we've got the MRI, like he said, if he needs it, they're just going to do it right away. But they're like, here's your potential price. It's like four grand for the MRI and the surgery could bring it up to about 10. So just come in and be prepared to play anywhere between four and 10 grand out of pocket. Great. See you then. What? Yikes. Sorry. We go ahead, Bob. I was just doing it a bit. I did the big. They were like, God, we'll get you when we can't on last. See how I'm going to have be friends with any Benjamin Franklin type fellows. Unless you happen, maybe you know, if you with dollar bill is Donald Trump on, I assume he's done that. The American bill, Bill of America, they're like, slide your doggy dollars into the doggy door. We'll get you in sooner. And hopefully you're awake for it. Imagine you passed out in the waiting room and they come out and they're like, sir, we did. I can't wake up. We'll just fix this dog. We don't want to disturb his great slumber here in the waiting room with all the barking sick dogs. You joke, but I could see it. It was rough drink. I hadn't slept before Molly's surgery. So I was like head nodding in the waiting room for that watching legends of adventures on my phone. I was like, watching clips of legends of adventures was like, please keep you awake. And it came as close as anything could have. But I was still like 45 minutes awful feeling. Sorry about that. Okay. I can't wait to do it again this Thursday. I've been getting great sleep. Man, I've been I've been living it up. I don't know, guys, I've been sleeping like nine hours a night. Join the club, man. Yeah, it's been it's been good. But, you know, not to build a little any of your guys' experience. Are you both ready for the adventure? Yes. Yeah, I don't feel very belittled. You're good. Okay, good. All right. I want you to imagine you guys are on a submarine. The bottom of the ocean. What? Why is that funny? Why is that funny? Why is it funny, Wade? Playing yourself. I have to. Yeah, sure. I would like to know. I have no idea why that's funny. I don't do. You remember Barrow Trouble and Bob? I couldn't get in the door. That was immediately what I thought of, too. Yes, it just didn't make me laugh. I was like, Mark, Mark, I'm trying so hard to let you. It was so sad. I never knew if you were bullshitting. You're not. I honest to God could not get the door to open and I don't know why. I'm so sorry that we did the track from our nice serene moment, but that was such a good. No, no. That just was like a side. I wish we had unlimited time because like Barrow Trouble was a type of game, but we were like, I wish we had like a week where all we did was just play games and we get good at something. We never get good at anything. So it's always surface level. Hey, you got really good at GTFO and dragged us along. I did. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun. I would love to play more of that than two. I like that game, too. All right. No, this is actually unrelated to that. It's unrelated to Ireland. You're just on a submarine. It's unrelated to the other incident. It's a military submarine. So there's a bunch of other soldiers or Navy semen on board. Semen. Semen. Semen. There's semen on board. Your cruising at an extremely low depth. When suddenly you hear some concerning sounds, extreme creaking starts to resonate through the hole. You've got the, you hear water leaking in through various parts distant on the ship, not yet where you are, but it's clear. Implosion is imminent. Welcome tonight, win part five. You're going to tell me whoever goes first, which is a head is way tailed Bob. Boy, don't tell Bob. So Bob's going to go first. And like we did in the last iterations of this game, we will take turns. They will have an action. If I deem it's actually beneficial, there are such things as non beneficial actions. They will get an advantage on their role. I will roll for them or they can roll if they really want to. If they have a D20 nearby, they have to make a 20. Now each time they get a good or, you know, at least somewhat decent action, I will give them plus one on their roles to get them a little closer to that glorious 20 and succeeding. And to reiterate, the situation is you're in a submarine. There are other people around. Other trained semen are around. You are part of the crew. You know, you might be one of the people that knows a little bit about the system, but you're just one of the sailors that are bored. There's implosion imminent. You're so deep. You couldn't, you know, get out. You can either try to, you know, save yourself or save everyone. It there really is not, it's not, not weed win. It's not, I'd win. So I'll leave it up to you whether you want to be the hero. I know a lot about submarines, which will become evident over the course of this scenario as plays out. I'm sure big metal tube. I think there is probably doors in a submarine. And we all know that's what would have saved the Titanic. If there had been more doors, there weren't enough doors that water couldn't go through. You know what I mean? So I have to think what I'm doing is finding, I'm discerning which end of the tube the water noises are coming from. And then I'm, I just start yelling, close these doors, close these, I don't close any of them because I'm probably, I'm, I don't rank all those semen, but I get to tell them what they're so I'm like, close the doors, close them. And then I'd stand and watch while they do what I'd say, I assume. All right, great move. This is good. You, you're taking advantage of the people around you. They rush off. You hear doors start slam, slam, slam. So all you need is a 19 to get this. You'll meet a role. Are you rolling them? I rolled, oh, you got it. Go ahead and roll. I have the world's heaviest D20. You don't want the roll I gave you. I got a 12 damn turns out the, the, the, the abrasions to the hull and the punctures were in between the doors. And then the whole thing implodes and you die. So no, you did not survive. However, time resets itself. And then in an alternate reality, Wade takes your place inside of your own clothes and all right. So I see all this happening. I hear all this happening. I yell, close the doors and they close all the doors. Thankfully, that leaves me alone in a room with several of the different semen myself. And as a scientist, I know what I must do. I quickly start sowing them mouth to ass mouth to ass mouth to ass and create a human centipede. I force food and water up the rear of the one in the back and the mouth of the other, swelling them and shove them into the hole to block it up with my human centipede concoction. Humans sent a semen, um, worst case, there's less people in the way for us to fix it after human semen, Pete. Yeah, I don't know how that helps you. I'm plugging up the hole, but it's so, it's so creative. He's using them as human JB Weld, I think is what he's describing. Right, right. So it's called cocktail. I don't think it is. I'm watching him sticking that hole. I don't think it's called that. It doesn't even make sense, but I still hate it. Yeah, just like all of this, but I'm going to give it to you because I want Bob to have to use it in all of his future endeavors. I'll take it. You need an 18. Please work. I got a natural one. That's what that's accurate. You fucking deserve it. Yeah. They close the doors and lock you in. You pull out your thread and needle go like, guys, guys, I've got a plan. Everyone, quick, ask them out, ask them out. And while they look at you confused, the walls implode and you die. Actually, they kill you first. You know, weirdly, I'm going to give you a point for human centipede. As one does. Happy Halloween. Is this the Halloween episode? I think it's one week before maybe it is. I don't know. This is like the 26th or something. It's like the, yeah. Okay, cool. So that's part of what's happening now. Yep, yep. As the ranking semen in the area, I first order all of my lower semen to close all the doors and then I order them all and they willingly follow my order to go ask them out, ask them out and I go around and human centipede them together. And then I force them to crawl into the cracks were the most important. water seems like it might be leaking through. And then once I'm done having my fun, I realize that the real problem here is you need oxygen to float. You need air. I realize that there are no life rafts, but that I could be my own life raft. And I decide to steal all the oxygen in the whole area that no one else can breathe anyway, because they're all so nasty mouth. And I just start like, and like, Willy Wonka style, I inflate as much as I physically can. I become a blah, blah, balloon, which is not a baboon. It's a balloon that's named blah, blah, balloon. And I find the nearest hatch on the top of the thing. And once I'm fully inflated, I squeeze myself through it and open the hatch and rock it to the surface. I am my own life raft. You know, there's a few issues with it, but I gave it to wait. I'll give it to you. You only need a 17 guaranteed victory guaranteed victory. This is psychotic scientists on the submarine. I got a 14 ad dam. All right. So given the pressure differences after you inflate into the baboon, as soon as you open the hatch and you start rising, gases expand the less pressure they are. So you explode halfway up to the surface and also the open hatch leaks leaks water into the sub and kills everyone. Well, they're all human centipede. They're all going to die anyway. It's fine. They did it to themselves. That was really, that was really their own doing. Why did they listen to me when I told them to do that? I was joking, but then they were all just waiting. I was like, I guess I have to follow through. I don't, don't make threats. You're not willing to, to, you know, finish. Fair, fair. All right, wait. All right. So I started off by yelling, everybody close all the doors. You, man, ask them out, ask them out, stitch them together. Blow myself up like a balloon, pin to the ceiling, think about leaving. I'm like, you know, you know, what I'll do instead? You guys, you're in a long centipede formation. Go out the hole and collect all the sponges. Those grow in the ocean, right? And we're going to soak up the water as it comes in. Oh, you guys really want to open the doors on this stuff, close the doors, close the doors, open that door. Do you think it's like an air lock and in like a space shuttle where they just have a water lock? I couldn't figure out how to open the door in Barot Trauma and that was just video games being stupid. I know you can open the doors on a submarine. I've seen it. I love the confident role. I'll give you the point. I gotta know. I got a plus one, right? I don't know, man. I've been pretty generous. Did you roll a 16? I could tell you the answer to that is no. Yeah, tell me if you're roll a 16. Did you roll a 16? I did not roll a 16. What'd you roll? A three. Oh, fine. You got your plus one, man. Yes, all right. Okay, but yeah, a last turns out, as you guys continually try, you open a door outside, water rushes in and implodes faster. You guys have done basically only one thing to alleviate the pressure, but I'm still somehow giving you. I know there's a plan deep in here that's going to worm your way through. Oh, yeah, yeah, we got this ball. So as it stands, you only need 16 to win this, but Bob, it's your turn. I hear the terrible sounds of impending doom. I order everyone around me to close all the doors, which they do. I order everyone around me to go ask to mouth, ask to mouth, which they do. I sew them ask to mouth, and then shove them slash order them to crawl into the cracks to seal off the water. I start taking all the air and the whole room that we're in because I realize that's what I need to do. But while I'm doing that, I realize that's not what I need to do. I need to send the human centipede out to get the sponges, but that I realize that's not what I need to do because that would be stupid. So then what I do is I take all the extra air that I've gotten. I still accumulated and I squeeze my abs because I have a really strong core in this universe and I shrink myself down back to normal human size. So now I'm filled with compressed air, which means I have lots of extra buoyancy. I climb up into the hatch where the hatch that goes outside the submarine is. I climb up into the tube and I close the hatch beneath me so that I'm in like a man sized tube waiting for the rest of the sub to implode and my little capsule will detach and all the extra air that I brought into it will increase the buoyancy and I'll just rock it up to the surface like a little osmosis jones pill man where I get out on top and start healing the cold that's killing Bill Murray. All right, you do that. I'll give you a point. You gotta get 15. How could I fail? 17. All right, somehow it works. Your little capsule is saved from the rest of the implosion after your rescue and then on the subsequent explorations of the wreckage. The most perplexing crime scene anyone has ever seen in their life. The crushed remnants of a new species they discovered of humanoid merge skeletons in a ring much like in Game of Thrones when the white walkers left the ring of body parts you left a ring of body parts on the ocean floor and just like Game of Thrones it will never be explained and your crimes will never be discovered. Everything you've done to kill everyone on the sub and save yourself has been done and then you burp a lot when you get to the surface and fart and fart a lot. Yeah, it was out everywhere. You got the bends but, you know, I don't know. You shrugged it off or something. It was really cool of you. Way to go. Congratulations, Bubby one. Human bodies meant to contain a submarine's worth of compressed air. But it didn't have to be the whole submarine. It was a small capsule. Well, you didn't say you'd taken all the submarines oxygen from the room. The doors were sealed. I couldn't get to all of it. You know how they get oxygen on a submarine. They burn a specific candle, I think, right? Yeah, so you can shove that in your stomach and then let it on fire and you'll have all the oxygen you need. Sit on an apple scented. I say it's only fart scented, unfortunately. Oh, so you survived the submarine. Congratulations, Bubby. Is there a sincere way to get out of that? There's something you could do if your submarines actually are floating way under the ocean, is there? I don't know, man. I mean, I know a lot about submarines, but in baritone, all you need is a welder and a dream and you can do pretty much anything and you'll, you'll, you'll get by. I think you chose some fun options. I'm not sure who's the right one. I'm sad that one ended. I had like three more great options. I guess I'll post them for some else. Next scenario. Way to you're going to go first. You are in a ski lodge. It's a lovely vacation. You've got your friends. You got your family. You got your dogs around you. And there's you all some strangers. Other people in the ski when suddenly there's shimmering. There's a shaken. You go to the big panoramic window out front looking out the mountain and you go, oh my god. The entire mountain snow peak is crumbling down and an avalanche is rocketing towards your ski lodge. It is going to cover an area that is like a hundred yards left and right of your ski lodge. It will not miss unless you do something to survive this. Once again, other people with you, you could save them or sow a master mouth. I guess if you really want to do, no, no, I got this. Okay. First move, aster mouth. Let's go. So I get a needle. So I look at my family and friends that have all gathered. I think now is the time to lit out all of my grievances. I start telling them like it is how I feel and then I bring up the real thing that's going to save us politics. Everyone is fucking live it. The arguments are just raising and raising and the arguments are getting so heated that by the time the snow hits it melts immediately. It's that it's that Shane Gillis like plain thing where the planes crashing and he calls it the mechanic and he's just like, yeah, I'm in a fucking kick your ass. Everyone's calling the family like, I love you. That's that's yeah, that's all right. I'll give it a fucking kick in 19. You say 12? No, I did not say 12. Okay. All right. Well, yeah, you all are arguing. You're letting out your grievances and everyone is so mad and heated is more of a metaphor. It doesn't actually generate that much extra heat. Avalanche is less about the cold and more about the, you know, several thousand tons of snow that just completely obliterates the ski lodge. Everything is buried and crushed. It's like boulders smashing into everything. So yeah, you're done. At least I died getting everything off my chest. That's good. That's always important. All right, Bob. Okay. Avalanche is coming. Bad stuff. I start getting all everything off my chest. I start just unloading on all these people I claim to love, hold nothing back. And then I bring out the kuda cry, bring up politics. Everyone is shouting and screaming and while they're doing that, well, everyone else is all pissed off. I sneak over to the kitchen and I open the refrigerator and I pull out the first thing I see and I just go food. I start going and I get everyone to come to the kitchen and clean out the refrigerator and throw all the food all everywhere. And while they're all so pissed that they can't even think and they're all throwing yogurts at each other. I climb in the old 1960s era refrigerator which if Indiana Jones has taught me anything, had survived a nuclear blast, which must mean it can survive an apocalyptic avalanche. I take the racks out, I climb in, I close the door, and I go, eh, and I wait to survive. (laughing) - Yeah, you guys got some things you need to get off your chest. Do you need to tell me some things, or, you know? - I don't like the Indiana Jones bit about the refrigerator, and I'm not ashamed to say it. - Well, too bad it gives you an advantage, if you need an 18 to win. - All right, yep. I got a 10. - Damn, damn shame, turns out that was just a movie, but at the same time, it's not even the main problem. Your refrigerator is not only smacked, the whole thing smashed avalanche, but your refrigerator's buried, and air becomes a problem. You didn't have all the air from the submarine, you only had the little bit that was in the fridge, you suffocate before anyone can dig you out. - I should have seen that coming. - Wait, I look out, I see the avalanche coming down, I look at my friends and family, and just start absolutely berating them. They start making all kinds of angry noise. I climb in the fridge, knowing that now is my time. So I go, (babbling) but in the fridge, this weird noise is made. Oh, what have I done? The snow yety mating call, because they're gonna come a charging in, and they're gonna save us, because they think we're part of them. - All right, minus one, you didn't mention the food fight. - I don't care about the food fight. (laughing) - I only knew it was the fridge. - So you just end the fridge with a bunch of food now? - Yeah, the fridge was the important part of that bit. The food fight was just a little thing. (laughing) - Also, I don't think you mentioned politics, but I'm only gonna deduct the one. - That's part of the fight. - All right, you do the, yety mating call, but I'll see where it goes, sure. It could help. (babbling) - I got a nine. Damn, turns out you're in a fridge. Can't hear you. Sound travels even worse. I know you had some ideas. The acoustics were gonna somehow amplify. You need the door open to do that. But unfortunately, you're just in a fridge while all your friends and family here. (babbling) - And then it gets mashed and died. (laughing) - Well, I think I'll need to sweep to it. - Did that friends and family? - All right, Bob, we're off to Ripperore and start. Okay, avalanche coming. I start a bunch of arguments and tell everyone how I really feel. I have a lot of pent up anger to get out. And I wanna do it before we all die, presumably. I also bring up politics to really ramp it up. While everyone's yelling about politics, I go over to the fridge and I start a food fight by yelling food fight. And they do that and they empty out the fridge and I climb in the fridge thinking I'm gonna Indiana Jones it. But then I realize we're in the mountains, yety. And I start making the yety mating call. (laughing) (babbling) And while I'm doing that, one of my family members stopped screaming long enough to hear the noise coming to the fridge and just walks over and opens it and it's like, the fuck are you doing? (laughing) And I come in the frog, run away and go (babbling) out to the outside where there's a bunch of skis and snowmores piled up and I find some skis and some ski poles and just strap above my feet, however I can and just ride the avalanche like a wave down to the bottom of the mountain to safety. - All right, okay, all right. - That doesn't feel like a plus one with a terrible idea. - I'll give it to you. (laughing) - I'll give it to you. - Ah, you're lucky. - Natural one and coming. - Six, 16. - And again. - What, really? - All right, unfortunately that didn't work. The skis were there, but the ski lodge is already at the bottom of the mountain, so you put on the skis, you jump out and you on the snow rock. I'm ready to ride it. There's really nowhere to ride it. Who, you know, you try to jump on as it's come in and it's just kind of right into the ground. So unfortunately that didn't work. - All right, look outside. I see an avalanche. I know what I have to do. I start fighting with my friends and family arguing that all the grievances I've had pent up and I bring up the ultimate trump card, politics. Knowing that'll bring up the heat. Whenever that doesn't seem to work, I'm like, oh, well shit, I better go, ah, go to the fridge. I'll open up the fridge and start throwing things. Food, fight! And then I climb into the fridge thinking I'll Indiana Jones this, but then that recurs to me. We're in the snowy mountains. I close the fridge door and, (hums) Hoping to lure in the yetis to come save us. Then a family member comes over and opens the door and goes, what the fuck are you doing? There's no such thing as yet. He's like, oh shit, you're right. So I curb it the frog run away and I go outside to wear the snow mobiles and the skis and all the useful, helpful equipment are. I get on a pair of skis and I look around and realize, I'm at the bottom of the mountains. That's not gonna help me very much at all. So I yell for all my friends and family to gather around and they do. They put on their own little skis and I'm there like, well, this isn't gonna help with the bottom of the mountain. I was like, don't worry, surround me. And I jump into the middle and they form a ball with only skis on the outside. So when the snow hits, it just cat 'em already pushes us away. What is at the Enders game strategy? Where is like, surround the ship? I've not seen that one either. Oh, okay. I'll give it to you. You only need a 15. My transports are going down. 11. Oh man, we're really not good at rolling. No, this is the highest roll I've had. I think it's an 11. I've had shit rolls. Yeah, well, I can't say, maybe it's karma 'cause the idea is so far, haven't really been good for you. But the catamaran domicie idea I think on its surface was probably the best one so far. Unfortunately, the people couldn't get interlinked enough that kept being like, oh, if only we were like, "Attach somehow, maybe my ass to your mouth." And they spent so much time arguing get the ball together that the avalanche crashes through because of all the other time wasted arguing and talking about politics and food fighting. So unfortunately, didn't work. Bob, avalanche is coming. Bearing my grievances on my family's friends, 'cause fuck those guys. Bring up politics to really amp it up to the top level. Sneak away while they're all yelling at each other to the fridge, start a food fight. Food fight, fridge is empty. I have thoughts in the end of Jones? No, mountains. Yettie. Stinky Uncle Gary opens the fridge and tells me what the fuck I'm doing. I'm like, I don't know, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I run away. I go outside to think I'd be in a ski away. But once I get the ski, I realize I'm at the bottom, that mountain. Ooh, and I call everyone out. And I'm like, get the skis on. And they do it for some reason. And I'm like, they're concerned, 'cause we're at the bottom of the mountain, though, 'cause they all have suddenly realized, I'm like, no, no, no, get around me. Form a ball, which they do. But I realize as they're starting to argue and struggle to do, it's not gonna work. So I sneak out of the ball. That's just another clever distraction. And I take my skis off and casually get into a nearby park land rover and drive directly away from where the avalanche is coming from. That as fast as I can, but not too fast that it's unsafe. - All right, now I got to clarify. Are you running, when you say directly away, do you mean avalanche is coming this way and you're going this way, or are you doing a side long, 45 degree? - I mean, honestly, it's sort of subject to where the roads are. I'm assuming it's still pretty snowy. So I was sort of assuming like, I just take the driveway and it's probably sort of away, maybe at an angle, but I don't get to run perpendicularly exactly to the avalanche. 14. Is that good? (laughing) Nope, not good enough. All that time arguing you managed to get into the rover and you really, you know the movie Prometheus when they're running away from the ship and it's like a big ring and it's rolling this way and they're running straight into that direction. The road actually is just directly in the path along the axis of the avalanche you drive as fast and safely as you can, obeying the speed limit the entire time and the avalanche overtakes you, who buries you in that car and you die. - Wait! - All right, I look out the window, I see an avalanche, I know what I have to do. I go to my friends and family and started a heated argument and then bring up the ultimate Trump card, politics. While everyone's fighting, I sneak away to the fridge, I start emptying it by throwing food at people and yelling, "Foot fight!" They all start throwing food. I use that moment to climb into the fridge, thinking I'm gonna Indiana Jones style survive this. That's stupid. I know what's smart, pretending to be a Yeti and lowering the Yeti's in. So I, boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. And then the family member comes over and opens up and says, "What are you doing?" I said, "Oh, that's right, Yeti's aren't real." That was kind of dumb. So instead I go outside, I, was that what happened? It's not a fuck. (laughing) I go outside, I grab a pair of skis. I prepare a ski way and they look around and say, "Oh shit, I'm at the bottom of the mountain." The skis aren't gonna get me anywhere. Everybody come outside, strap on some skis, they all do. I climb into the middle, they form a ball around me. I'm preparing to Katamari style get away as the avalanche hits. That's not gonna work either. I sneak out of the ball and I go over to the land rover. I turn the land rover on. I get ready to drive away. Then I realize the road's right in the path of the avalanche. I change my mind, but I look down. There's a radio inside the land rover. It seems to have a direct connection to the government for some reason, that's weird. Well, we'll get the government to save me. Excuse me, government, these coordinates. Communism's rolling down the hill. Nape off strike. And then, of course, the planes come in immediately and fire Nape off at the avalanche to melt the snow. 'Cause the US government hates communism, they'll save me. That's, yeah, that's fair. I could buy, it was a government land rover, had a direct connection to the military. 13, sure. That's 20. Oh shit. - Man. - All right, it works. That was. a direct line to the government. Actually, I went to everyone at the Pentagon they had. It turns out there was a military base right next to the thing. And in fact, probably the reason the avalanche was happening is because they were doing some stupid military exercise. They come in, they napalm that avalanche. Unfortunately, the rest of your family was just, just too slow on getting that ball together or else they would have, you know, they got a little buried under there. And once again, forensics afterwards found the most bizarre ring-like structure of bodies left underneath the charred remains of the ski lodge. And they start to suspect that there is either the work of something supernatural that is forcing humans into ring shapes or there's some horrible ring-shaped creature that's out on the loose. And they just are so lucky that they managed to stop it before it rampaged the rest of the world. You're a hero. They award you the highest honor they can, whatever that is. And they shake your hand. Congratulations. You survived the avalanche. I did it. You sure did. All right, because you guys ready for the next one? Oh, can't wait. I'm sure we'll be very normal and good. I'm sure you will. I'm sure you will. All right, Bob, you're up first. You're in a lovely hot air balloon flying high thousands of feet up in the sky. You're on a special event. You know, you got your friends, but you know, a small group. It's a bat. It's a big basket. It can hold 10 people. So you've got 10 people, nine plus the person who's manning the balloon. And it's a very large balloon. You're a lovely sunset. Suddenly. Oh no. You hear a hissing sound that's not the fire. You all look up and notice there's a leak in the balloon. And oh my god, there's a storm rolling in on the side. Oh god, lightning stabs the sky. You got the leak above you. You got the storm off to your side. Almost certain doom is coming your way. One way or another, whether the leak gets you first or that storm sweeps you up and tosses you into the stratosphere. Either way, it's doom, doom, I say. Unless. No, yeah, that's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know what to do in this situation. Much like with submarines, I have a lot of experience with hot air balloons and many theories on how to operate them. So the problem, the problem that we're inside of here situation is that the leak is I'm assuming too severe that it's we're not going to like just descend casually. We're going to plummet down to the earth. Yeah, it's it's too big. The idea is that it's leaking number one. And then the storm with high winds would either rend it open or pull you up or down. There's the environment would fuck up the hot air balloon. Since this is my trip, I booked it centrally my hot air balloon. That makes me the captain of the balloon. I look around and everyone and I'm like, hey, I'm the captain. Listen to me. I point it way to first and I say, you're up first. I want you to climb up the ropes along the side of the balloon and start bucktaping up the hole so we can control this bad boy. And then once it's controlled and we're not like going to fall out of this guy that we just sort of drive out of the way at the storm. Definitely since I'm the captain. That is a sound decision. I actually think this is to right move. Plus one guy. He's 19. We could disagree slightly. Wait, it's disposable. The patch would work. I love this plan. Okay. It's not disposable. He's qualified for it. I think let's, well, let's see. Let's see what the dices. You just waited. What the fuck? 10 again. Damn. All right. Wade protests greatly in doing this, but you shove him up anyway. He starts to clamber up as much as he can. He gets to the hole. Has a duct tape in his mouth tries to, tries to peel off a tape. Drops the duct tape, falls on the rip. Rips at wider is dangling by the two sides. Rips further. He falls to his death. You all plummet down. See, I didn't just get you killed. We all died. Yeah. Wade, I will allow in your reality to make pop go up. Oh, no, that's okay. I'm Bob can stay a captain. Okay. Okay. Okay. We're up in a hot air balloon. I see a storm in the distance. I hear hissing noise. I think snakes, but no, it's not. It's just a rip in the pool. I'm ripping the balloon. As I'm starting to panic, a captain Bob comes over says, Wade, I think you're qualified to fix this. Go up there and patch it up. So I started to climb up, but as I do, I realize I'm not qualified. I don't have the tools for this, but you know what I do have. I stopped an asteroid once and I still have half a can of beans. So I down my can of beans and I aim up at the hole where the fire is in the hot air balloon. If we can just turn it slightly and I can add enough air, we can keep it afloat and propel ourselves. So I eat my beans and I rip the biggest two. I've ever ripped and we go flying into safety. I'm sure. All right. This is the first two-player nine win. It's a whole new dynamic. All right. So there's two people in this reality. I'll give it to you. The can of beans. Love the callback. And I'm a lazy teen. About a four. Not good enough. Turns out those beans work. Damn, they work a tree. You eat them down. You fart up a storm straight up, but the extra pressure from the sudden injection of hot gases forces the rip wider. It makes the hole even bigger. Even though it's sort of counteracted by the lift, it's just not enough to keep it afloat. It rips wider. It acts as a sail. You're pulled into the storm. Everyone dies. Damn it. Bob. And remember now both of you are in play. All right. I'm the captain of my hot air balloon with my friends all aboard. I hear the snakes. Oh no, it's a rip. Not snakes. And I see the storm coming. And I realize what's going to happen. And I get everyone's attention and I look at way and I say, you you're qualified, buddy. Take this duct tape up there and patch up that hole so we could fly out of here. He says he's going to do it and he takes the duct tape and he turns around like it's going to do it and then he just stops. I'm standing there three feet away from him because we're in a hot air balloon basket and he just stops. Turns around and looks at me. It's out of unreferiorated open can of beans for some reason. He eats it. And as he's eating it, I realize what he's thinking. I see him bend over and point his ass up towards the flame. He's going to give us a boost, but it's going to be too much. He'll blow the whole balloon. As the captain, I know what needs to be done. I grab Wade like a weapon. And instead of evading his fart up at the fire, I turn him and use him as a form of jet propulsion to skirt sideways just out of the way of the worst part of the oncoming storm. I squeeze to make sure he gets it all out and he blows the craziest fart I've ever been that close to. All right, fair enough. I'll give it to you. You just need it. Was it 17 now or 17? I fucking I swear it's a 10. This is 10, right? That's 10, right? With the weird zero? Yeah, that's a weird 10. Yeah, that's a 10. I've gotten like four or five hands. Damn, I can start rolling for you if you want to get some different luck in there. But unfortunately, Wade's butt gun, it does as you say was a good call. He would have blown the balloon wide open, but it's too powerful. He actually slips right out of your grasp and starts spiraling off towards the storm, screaming all the while and farting. And he goes into the storm and you see lightning like illuminate his shadow amongst the cloud as he explodes from all the noxious gases inside of him. And it's really pretty, but unfortunately it didn't solve the problem. The rip grows wider. You're pulled into the storm and y'all die a horrible death. All right, I'm in a lovely hot air balloon with my friend Bob when all of a sudden storms approaching my hair. That's not a very good noise. I think snakes, but no, it's a rip in the hot air balloon. Captain Bob hands me some duct tape and says, Wade, you're qualified. Go up and fix it. I start to go up and fix it when I realize I've got a better idea. I pull out a can of beans. The same can of beans I used to stop a meteor years and years before. It's an old can of beans, but it's been trusty and I trusted and it'll depend, I can depend on it. As I go to fart into the hot air balloon to propel us away and keep it afloat, Bob grabs me last minute and aims me a different direction. So instead I start to release air in the other way and I'm like, Bob, no, this isn't going to work. Quickly stretch out all of my skin and duct tape it. Turn me into a frying squirrel. He does and he duct tapes my flesh all together and rips the fold so I look like a flying squirrel. I know I'm going to abandon him and everyone else on the balloon, but I go flying out flesh squirrel ready to glide safely to the ground. Now I'd win, right? Damn, all right. Okay. All right. I'll give it to you. It kind of is in theme with all the horrible doctoring going on. I don't see why this wouldn't happen. Only a 16. Yeah, a flesh squirrel. Yeah, 16 or 16. Yeah, 18. Damn. Somehow it works. There's enough tools out there to stretch out his skin and turn him into a flying flesh squirrel. He guides the safety like a kite, not only just himself, but it pulls the entire balloon out of harm's way directly towards a safe landing patch, a big open field down there. You all touch ground before the storm even approaches. Everyone is safe and honestly, they've got a story to tell for the rest of their lives. And for once, there is no ring of bodies for the crime scene people to discover. I'm just slightly disfigured. Yeah, well you're still alive, so you're able to explain what happened, and you become a national hero and you become flat man. I look like a fruit by the foot. No, you look like a fruit roll-up. Oh, there's a taste here. I think that ends this episode of Nidewin. Congratulations, guys. This was really inventive. I was pretty free-flowing with giving you points to your advantage on this one. In fact, I don't think I said no to a single one of these, so congratulations. You wanted to, but you didn't. No bad ideas, no bad ideas. I should have, but I didn't, so that is what it is. The points are as follows in no particular order. Wade, you roasted Mr. Beast right off the bat. You got a point for that. Wade, you were at a convention and sick, and you talked to a law school that's all one point. You, you know, the human centipede idea. I mean, it was all part of the same story. It went on for about as long as Bob Smaltig. I felt it wasn't, wasn't prudent to give him three individual points for that. Fair enough. But the human centipede made me laugh. I docked to your point because you missed food fight in one of the, one of the recaps in the ski lodge, but you survived the avalanche. You introduced the concept of a two-player Nidewin, which is a novel thing, and I think that was worth a point. Hot air balloon was the one that one. So that's like one, two, three, minus one, two, three again, four, five points for that. Bob, you've folding phone. You were also the first to small talk. The Bob Loon made me laugh, and then you survived the submarine, which gives you four points. I didn't feel like I earned a lot of points. Well, I mean, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't the most high-scoring run, but Wade had some pretty imaginative things and winning two of those was good. It was only because he missed the food fight that docked him down a point. Otherwise, he would have six. So going into the final bonus rounds, we have Wade five, Bob four. Let's see what fate decides. I'm due for one. It's been about two months. I should probably host again. Right, right, fate? Sure. Fate, you wouldn't take this away from me. Two, all right. This could change it, or it could reinforce it, unlikely to be a tie. And something? Who is currently at the highest altitude? Who? Or maybe it should be most recently, because if we're typically here, I'm not sure which one of us would be, but was that the highest altitude in the last week? Let's say last week highest altitude. This could include flying on a plane. That would be an easy way to get it. That's a good one. Two spins. It probably means like five spins with all the ones we're going to get that don't make any sense. No, we'll see, we'll see. All points. Absolute value. Oh, shit. That reverses the food fight. Oh, shit. That turns the food fight into a plus, which gives him, wait, actually one, it's a two-point swing. Yeah, it actually, it puts him up to seven. Damn. Oh my god. Wait, you were now to seven. It is almost guaranteed. Wait, congratulations. That's a, that's a quite a role. Oh, oh, say more of that. It's basically guaranteed. You can't lose, Wade. Nothing could stop me now. Come on, golf rules, be my favorite for once. I believe you hosted the previous episode. Well, that was Bob. So he gets a plus one. It is not enough to dethrone the Wade who kills it with seven points. Congratulations, Wade. Wow, it, it, it happened. I've not given a winner speech in a while, but it feels good to be back on top. I thought my creative juices were absolutely flowing. I may have destroyed many people and cursed humanity forever, but you know what? In the end, nah, I won. That you did, that you did. Bob, unfortunately, the dice was not in your favor. Today in the wheel also didn't back you up as much as it could. That absolute value really, really crushed it. Lose your speech. I think you pretty much gave it for me. I do just want to throw out there that Wade did wedge a lot of like body horror stuff into this. And while that may be in season, I feel like that could have lost him more points. I have mixed feelings about it, but you know, at Ferris Fair, and I'm not going to say the other version of that word that we say that does that thing. Ferris Fair, and you were very fair today, and I take this not happily, but respectfully. All right, fair is indeed fair, and that was a good fight. I laughed a lot. Well done on the creativity. Yes, the judge was probably, you know, in needing to enforce rules more harshly, but hey, sometimes they don't pay attention, or they have money on the game. And that's just the way it goes nowadays. It was within my rights to challenge at any point. Ferris Fair, it's how it is. So that wraps up this episode. Thank you everybody so much for joining us. Hope you enjoyed it. If you want to follow the podcast, you are free to do that. That is your own choice. If you want to follow these guys, you have no choice. You must follow them at their various social medias, whatever you'd call them. Places. Yeah, places. Their places online. Their digital residences in the metaverse. Minion 777 or Lord minion 777. Bob, my skirm. Follow them there. I have been Markiplier. I will no longer be Markiplier after the end of this episode. And Wade will host the next one. Wow. What an announcement. It's quite a thing I buried in the in the very end of this episode. Thank you all so much for watching. Podcast out. [BLANK_AUDIO]