132: Nacho Cheese Person with Red Richardson | Soder Podcast | EP 130

Hey, everybody, thanks for watching the podcast. Netflix is a joke festival, it's going on this week. There's a ton of shows in Los Angeles. If you live in Los Angeles, you should check out those shows. You know what show you should really check out? At the Avalon Theater at 9.30 on Wednesday night. Me and Tim Dylan watching Made in Manhattan. How fun is that? We're gonna sit. Me and Tim Dylan, one of the funniest human beings who walk in the planet are gonna sit and watch 90 minutes of J-Lo romcom slop. We already got the movie approved. We're gonna come by, we got some, maybe have some guests coming by to take shots of the movie. But I know you're gonna be watching a ton of stand-up comedy, a bunch of sketch. Watch, come watch a little mystery science theater of 3000 style. Watch me and Tim Dylan make fun of J-Lo's Made in Manhattan. If you think the ice talk is gonna be little, you're wrong. Extra ice talk. Hey everybody, thanks for watching the podcast. You know, we got the special tape in coming up in June. If you, I know tickets sold out fast. We are probably gonna be releasing tickets when we find out kind of what the setup of the room is. So stay, you know, keep your ear to the ground about that. We'll probably put it on Instagram, maybe on the podcast. We'll let you know, but we're gonna release more tickets for the tapings June 13th at the Throck Morton Theater in Mill Valley. However, I am running this shit out of this hour before we tape it. October 5th, October, May 15th and 16th. I'm gonna be at the funny bone in Omaha, Nebraska, bringing Brendan Sagalo with me. June 1st and 2nd, I'm gonna be at Key West Comedy in Key West, Florida. It's a Monday and Tuesday night. So if you're there on vacation or you live near there, we're gonna have a fun show at Key West Comedy. And then May 5th, we're gonna, sorry, June 5th. We're gonna be at New Jersey Performing Arts Center. Those tickets are almost sold out. DanSoder.com for all the shows I mentioned, and then we will be coming up soon with an announcement, a bunch of club dates, including Batavia, including Baltimore, or including a bunch of clubs that are kind of tiny that I'm gonna work on a new hour. We're gonna be releasing those, that announcement will happen soon. But to focus, to focus my ADD, funny bone, May 15th and 16th. Comedy Key West, June 1st and 2nd. New Jersey Performing Arts Center, June 5th, and then we'll see in Mill Valley, June 13th for the Netflix Special taping. Thank you, guys, for watching this podcast. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry if I interrupt this guest. (upbeat music) That's where I play video games. - Yeah. - People don't know that. - It's not like that again. - Even my best friend that I grew up with who watches the podcast was like, "That's not your living room?" And you're like, "Come on, man." - Really? - That's a full case for an office. - You can't do that in a living room. - People would think, you know? - Yeah. - They're like, "What the fuck is. "Soda is slightly special with all of his knick-knacks?" - Yeah. - Do you guys have, you don't have blizzards in the UK? - Not too. We know you guys snore really hardly. - Did you, did you have the moment where you were like, enjoy it at all? - Yeah, I went out in it, like sort of, just before I got really bad. - Did you do a circle and stick your tongue out? - No, I was, it was fun. It's hard on your face. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, also the blizzard that happened on Sunday was like, it wasn't that cold, so it was more wet than snow, so it was just like spittin' on it. - It wasn't as bad. I thought, "No, I got getting sorry." 'Cause there was something like 60 mile per hour winds. I thought it'd be people being blown around the streets. (laughing) - Just watching people. - Yeah. - 'Cause also, you're like, "What is that in kilometers?" - I know. - You go 60 mile an hour and have to lift a human. (laughing) - Yeah, I was gonna water on Nubia Reitz. - Just see how he got that. - You know what's funny, man? Is that is the thing where you, on Sunday, I had to walk the dog, you know, during the blizzard, and I saw Uber Eats drivers and I was like, - Which piece of shit has done this? - You better be, they better be him and you can't do. - Yeah, yeah. - Just don't even report that. - Well, I'm not just saying a blizzard. You know what, I fancy a pizza. (laughing) - A very, a slide, a disc that slides in a box. Bring that in the worst weather possible. Yeah, it's, um. We don't, 'cause a week, Lingland barely snows anymore. I remember being a kid and you go like, "It just doesn't anymore." - 'Cause I always think about, like, so on an educated, I mean, I've been to London, but like, I think of English Christmas as like, a Christmas Carol. - Yeah, it just doesn't happen. - Like, I've been to your scrooge, like, snowflakes falling. - I used to, I think it's been about, I can't remember when it last snowed, but when it does, even if it's like this much, all the trains are canceled. So we're not even ready for any weather. Like, the most shops don't have aircon, so if it's a heatwave, you're fucked. - I was in London for the hottest day ever recorded. - It's recorded. - It was like, summer of 2022. - Yeah. - And I was doing shows at the Soho Theater. - Yeah. - And your guys are conditioning sucks. - Yeah, yeah, it's horrible. - And you don't have ice. - You don't have the two most important things for the summer. - None of it. How'd you find something there? - I liked it. - Yeah. - I liked it. I was like, building up the hour, so it was perfect. - Yeah. - 'Cause there's just like, every night go downstairs, work on the hours. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So the reason I liked French. - Yeah. - Oh, do you do the French? - I did French in 2019. - No way. - And you just do that hour. - Where were you? - I was at the medical school. I was at the Edinburgh Med School. It was like, fuck, I forget what the name of the stage was. - Yeah. - But it was cool as far. - Not pleasant, there's pleasant school balloon underbelly. I can't- - I was underbelly. - You underbelly. - I was underbelly. - Yeah. - And I was in like one of the lecture halls that sat about 115 people. - Yeah. - Fucking haunted his hell. - Yeah. - But really cool. Very funny feeling UK audiences, not like specific sex jokes. - Yeah, what would you find? - I talked about eating ass. And everyone was like, you know what it was? You know when they- - I was younger American. - It didn't really. It made me feel like nacho cheese is a person. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh my. - I didn't really especially for that. - Yeah. - It was an arts festival, which means a lot of it's rubbish. - But if that's what I mean, I think if I would've cried after talking about it, they would've given me a-- - If it was said I've gone in addiction. - And it stems from when I was six. My ass was eaten. - By my uncle. - By my uncle. - I called it a bowl of chili. - Then you were the kind that that go. - It's a weird place. - It's just a very good place. - Yeah, we have a different system to you. So like we, the Edinburgh now has kind of died, which I'm glad for. - Have you done it a lot? - I've done it twice with full shows. I have a real, I've never had a great run. I've never been the-- - I feel like, and this is just an outsider's perspective. - Yeah. - But I feel like Edinburgh, the French festival specifically, the UK Comics is like the comedy, the UK comedy version of the CIA, where they get people who go, we can indoctrin you pretty easy. And then you're like natural police. - Yes, yes. - You're like a murder detective. For real, like, yeah, you go. Yeah, I take some bribes on the side, but that's to keep my heat off. - You know what I am doing? I'm putting cases in the black. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. - No, it is that. - I feel like I'm in a team from red, where he's like, by the way, this is Red Michigan. Go watch Bugatti Live on YouTube right now. The link is below. It's fucking hilarious. - Thank you. - There was a joke that I was so good that I was fucking mad at you. Like when people write jokes and you go like, yeah, I was fucking you. I was struck, there's like, two, one joke I wanted to compliment you on is I saw your don't tell joke about old guys watching, talking shit about sports. And then when you watch Bugatti Live, the joke's like completely evolved. - Oh, wicked, thank you, son. - But the dildo line, I was really mad about you finding your sister. - Oh, yeah, I get you watch that, yeah. - But you watch it and you go, fuck that's good. What a good fucking punch line. - I actually was gonna open with, I opened a tour with that. And then with YouTube, you go, they've got five second attention spans. - Great way you did it. I loved the way you did with the Filipino kid. - But then going into it, but then, yeah dude, I mean, the joke about Uber and all that. And I loved it, man. - Oh, wicked, thanks a lot, too. - A lot of times I watch, I call, like watch it stand up for me, it's like a rodeo. I just see how long I can hang. - I made it through. I mean, I watched your whole special. - All eight minutes. (laughing) - No, I watched Bugatti Live. Especially, but don't tell, I was like, let me start with this. - No, yeah, well, there's a lot of the same. - A bite of size. - Yeah, yeah, that's it. - I know, I find it. - It's a keyboard. - Comedy can, comedy can be horrible to watch. I find it. I'm surprised it's as popular as it is. - I'm always really impressed with like die hard comedy fans. - Yeah. - You could take that much in. - Yeah. - Well, there's a whole YouTube, for your scene, is a whole ecosystem. - Yeah, crazy. - We don't have that in England. - Really? - And I'm glad we don't. My stuff would stand out. I don't think, but personally, I can stand the screen. - Oh, yeah, well, you can. - You know what I mean? - I don't think about that. It's almost like Spartan training for American comedians. First time I read my comments on YouTube was the second time I did Conan O'Brien, and I didn't do well. - With the bad comments. - They were, here's the thing. I bet most people, if they read them, they'd go, that wasn't so bad, but it's how it makes you impact on you. It's just how it's like, yeah, but it can get you. - It's just got right under my roof. - I get so, I don't care, they'll be like fat. I don't give a shit, and someone will be like, this guy's not funny at all. I'm like, at all, like a little bit. - It's so negative. - And a guy with the other day wrote, don't quit your day job. And I was almost, this is my job. - This is what it means. - It's all good. I want you to actually be supportive. And you know that. - He should stay doing this. - He actually told me, I mean. - No, it's funny when it, 'cause you shouldn't. and it will be a great day. - Everyone goes, "I don't read the comments." Everyone reads the comments. - Everyone knows. - Every single human being on, because it's the curiosity of insecurity. And the curiosity of insecurity wouldn't make you do stand up, unless you wanted to read the comments. But I will say you do develop a scar tissue over it. We're now, it's not really worth my time to go do it, because once in a while you catch one and you go, "Oh, there's the usual ones." And it's weird how easy because that's a deal with it. But that would be the surprising one. - And then, you know, my fiance will come in the room, and I'm looking at my phone, and it's got the wind knocked out of me, but it's like I'm trying to talk to her. She's like, "When do you want for dinner?" I'm like, "You're in a room, you're in a room!" - And she goes, "What happened?" I go, "Hey, guys, and my premise was weak." - Timmy 69, she said, "When does the comedy stop?" - So, Dark Lord 54 said, "I'm glad your dad's dead, and that's how I watch this." - (laughs) - But the second comment on Bugatti Live is hilarious, where someone wrote, "This guy looks like he's good at bowling." - Oh, yeah, yeah. - And that's the flip side of the same coin. - Some color hilarious. - I've had one guy call me John Snow Globe. - Fuckin' good, man. - That's fucking fantastic. - That's fucking fair to me. - It was good. - Some of them are really good at that. - They did it in my brain. - Yeah, yeah. - After you said that, I was like, "You walked away." Whoever wrote that comment, I just want you to know that when Red said that. You and my head, you're the guy that flicks the cigarette behind him in a big explode. 'Cause I went, "John Snow." - God, damn, that's a great joke. - When someone does something like that, he's not even a comedian. He probably could be, but he just can't be art. - Those are the people. This has been talked about Ad Nosy, especially in the American scene, but it's true, it's the guys that are like on construction sites or bartenders or people that are always way funnier than us. - Yeah, and they write the best. I check out the comments on every video. You know when you see someone that got a weird head or something like, "Oh, God, why have they done this?" - Yeah. - It'll be like a really fat girl or something, being like, "Ten things I don't like for men." You're like, "Oh, no." - What? (laughing) - Those are the best. And the comment section has become an art form. - Yes. - Where there are people that can hit it. - Yeah. - Like fish if I was likes for it. - She showed me a video of a dog. - Yeah. - Like a dog on the beach, curly hair, and the sun is going and the dog's doing that with its eyes. But it's like shot from behind and looking at the top comments, like, "Girl, looks like she just got through a divorce." And you're like immediately, the comments are like, "Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam." - Yeah. - And it's great. - So people that act like the comment section doesn't exist, you're being an asshole to those that are good at it. - There's a guy who's got a big head and he sings. He's unfortunate. But it's like a pro, like a comment with a syndrome. - Oh, he's got an actual problem. - He's got an eye just in his teeth are small. He's this Aussie guy and he likes to sing. And it's so, the worst thing is I always check the comments and he's, and he likes the one out of every hundred that's nice. So he's clicking. - Yeah. - Which one's he's going through there? - The top comment on one of his videos. I'm sure this guy's a sniper's wet dream. - That's correct. - That's very bad. - And then someone wrote, "Ignore all the positive comments." (laughs) - Oh. - Yeah, I always think that's like, that's the part of the disconnect that people get where they go, "I don't need the comment section." It's like, "Well, at least be honest." At least tell me that it causes you to-- - And he probably should sometimes. - Yeah. - It's feedback. - You know what it is? - Sometimes it's easier to give advice when someone's not looking at you face to face. - Yeah. - But you also should take that with, you know. - There's going to be some guy who goes, "This is fucking awful, you should do yourself." Don't do that. But like with the, I think in a roundabout way, they don't turn on people for no reason. It's not just hat. With their smoke, there's fire. - Yes. - If people are shitting on you this hard, maybe go, "Why do I suck?" - Maybe, maybe something's wrong. - Because dude, I've had notes. Like I just did a podcast and one of the comments was like, "Soda needs to talk 20% less." And I was like, "Great note." - Maybe you're right. - I go, "Great note." - Yeah. - Because you know who hates me more than anybody? Buddy, that position's filled. - Yeah, yeah. - I got me, I got another me in my head at a desk being like, "That sucks." - Yeah. - That's guy, fuck, that sucks. So bring it. - I know, well, they are rass, aren't they? You know what I mean? - It's a reflection of it. It's just, you just read that and you go, like, I get it. - Comedians, so I wouldn't be spying on this as a comic book as a burner account and then abuse themselves on it, you know what I mean? - Sound great. - That's what I mean. - That's what I mean, that's what I mean. (laughing) - You know what I mean. - And then he logs back in to fight with that same one. - Fuck you. - Fuck you, I'm trying it out here. Logged back, he puts on a different shirt. Comes back. (upbeat music) Hey everybody, it's that weekly reminder that you're not gonna get a paycheck. Don't be. Try ZockDock. 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People like, hate it. - Well, there's the emotional connection. - Yeah. - It's, if you talk about music or like, beloved people in a funny way, they'll be like, oh fuck what are you doing? Yeah. - We see that, you know, Taylor Swift. Like, anybody that brings up Taylor Swift, they're like, you got to head out on you. - The comedian in England had to call the police. So this woman in Vietnam would say she's going to fly over and kill it because she made a Taylor Swift joke. - All the way from Vietnam. - Yeah, she's not going to fucking kill you and ends up like, she end up talking to the parents who would like, look, she's just really into Taylor Swift. Sorry about that. (laughing) - If you're on an international phone call. - Yeah. - Apologizing for your daughter's murder threat. - I don't know if she's just a big fan of work. - It's mad. - I don't know if that's the way out of that one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Where she goes, hey, I, you know. - No, no, she's like, she just, I can't deny it. - You know, your friend is like, no, I can't deny it. - She's insane. - Yeah. - She's 'cause our fans are really nuts though. I think people have liked. - I think there's a bunch of different musicians who have that kind of, because like what you were saying, it's like, they're wedding song. Or when they were getting out of something, they had a song and you're like, fuck this bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It made me feel something for the first time in 15 years. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's, comics should never have that emotional attachment. - No. - You should just go on. - How do we have a do? I don't think anyone gives a shit, jokes don't age well. - Yeah, I think the best I've ever hoped for is being the guy you're excited to work with at a shitty job. - Okay, yeah. - That's the energy I want to have. - Yeah. - Where you're like, going in and you're putting your apron on and you're gonna go fill the ice and you see how I'm working. You go, all right. - Okay, yeah, there he is. - You wanna go have a smoke break and talk shit about everyone? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Buddy, I'm very hungover. It's all I want. - Your comedy scenes way more, like I went to Los Angeles just before, I went to LA first and Vancouver than here. - Have you been LA before? - Yeah, once, two years ago. But it's mad, like I follow that thing on Instagram, like the comedy still pegs. And then we like Tarantino will be in there and stuff. We don't, comedy's not cool in England, like it is seen here. - Yeah, I think LA has the advantage of all the famous people live there. - Yes. - And so I think there's just like famous people want to go to see stand up, because sometimes we'll have that here in New York. - Yeah. - But it's like the seller, so it's always, the famous person is always wearing a peak coat in a Yankees hat. - Really? - Really? - And it's like, yeah, fucking Leo was there. - Yeah, yeah. - And they're like cool, but they don't, who just did a show for 11 from Stranger Things? Millie Bobby Brown. - Okay. - She came to like a show 'cause one of the guys at SNL was on it and the other comics are like, it truly shows what kind of animals they are 'cause they all just freeze them, like look at it like. - Really? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that was it. - I did the laugh factory and I didn't see it, but my mate was there and he was like, I was set behind Sydney Swinney. She was there. - Damn, you're in the same room. - You're in the same room. - Why are you here? - Just to fuck your game up. - Yeah. - Do you think your set would have been fucked up if you knew she was there? - Yes. Yes. Because. - You would have been thinking like, making a joke about big boobs. - Yeah, you have to be like, and I just start saying loads of maggots stuff to try and kill on a good person. - Yeah, you know who's doing great work right now? The man and women of ice. - Yeah, she's like, yeah. - Yeah, I'm taking myself out. I got a flight. - Yeah, she's like, this guy, this is the best. - Take his pants off. - Yeah. But she was there with a guy. So I think she's dating that guy. He was managed, the Swifties want to kill him. - Oh, Scooter Braun, he had Bieber in her, didn't he? - Yeah, that's the stable. - That's the guy you want to like you. - I know. - He comes in and goes, have you ever thought about joining the illuminati? - Yeah, I know. - I thought about going publicly crazy. - Yeah, yeah, that would be. But she, I did a soap advert in the UK, and at the same time, she was the American, so she was the doctor's squat soap. - Okay. - And we were like, my mate was like, why don't we stay and see if she knows that you did the English. I was like, let's just leave. 'Cause I would've gone up to again. So you know you did it, I was the UK you in a way. And she'd be like, I don't know who that is. - Or you just lead at the handshake, you know, Sasquatch soap. - Okay. - Well also, they sent me her bath water because they had the, you know the, so I got three bars of her bath water. I couldn't say that. - Couldn't go out. - That's great. You're gonna know I'm gonna drink it. - Yeah. - Say it with Sasquatch. - I'm gonna say it here. - This is blower. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, that's cool. I'm not washing this until I drink your bath water. - Oh, good to put a face to the bath water. (laughing) - That's insane. - That's insane. (laughing) - The fuck is this? - You know, it's crazy. You don't smell like your bath water at all. (laughing) - And that's from the drain. (laughing) - This is a job season. - What are you talking about? - Yeah, I mean, I probably think one of the worst existences would have to be an iconic sexy lady. - What? - Trying to just be out in public. - Yeah. - Just to be out in public. - Ah. - Just like. - Well, 'cause everyone wants to fuck or kill you. (laughing) - It's horrible. - I really go. - Ah, I need you as a trophy. I mean, even sort of average-looking female comedians get there in boxes and fucks. - They get death threats. - You imagine being Sidney Sweeney. - I mean, it's gotta be. - The things people wanna do to you. It's like being president. - I think through your Sasquatch relation. (laughing) Sidney Sweeney should give us her Instagram and let us go through not the requests. - No. - The hidden requests. - The hidden requests, yeah. That's the really deep part. - Yeah, I wanna know the crazy shit. Sidney Sweeney, let Red and I read your hidden requests on Instagram. - Hey, well, unredacted. - So many cocks. - Oh, my God, well, oh, I can't wait to see. - I'm gonna run through her hidden requests through Dick like a gladiator when his hand goes through me. (laughing) - But it's his random ugly, weird, bent penis. - He's like shot, made up. (laughing) - He's like, there's a dick growing out of me, dick. (laughing) - Yeah, her inbox, any like really hot girls inbox. - Yeah. - That would, that's a great way to blow up someone's life. It's just to show up at their house and be like, here's your husband. - Do you remember "Fraping"? I was thinking about this the other day. We used to do it in England, was it? - I don't like that. - Yeah. - A big part. - Freeping, yeah. - Anything with "Aping," you know what I mean? - Yeah, this just sounds like a different flavor of-- - Yeah. - It was basically a trend. You'd leave your Facebook on in someone's laptop and they'd go on and go, I need eight cocks in my mouth right now. - Shout out my friend Brian. - Yeah. - This is how old I am. I was in college when Facebook came out and you had to be in college to join it. And that was like, you had to sign up with your university email to get a Facebook profile. It was brand new. Dude, when that shit hit the market and you went home for Thanksgiving or whatever and you're like, are you on Facebook? Hiya. I'm like, 'cause for once you could show profiles of girls that you knew to be like, you know, check out all these girls. I had a fucking friend that's growing on Facebook and I got, I got, I got frayed by, we're at my friend's house and I log in and my friend watched me log in and then I logged out and then I left and then like I fly back to Arizona where I was going to school and I would always, it wasn't, you didn't have smartphone, it wasn't on your phone. I literally had a flip, I had a phone where-- You guys three days with it up. I signed on to Facebook and a girl that I had like a major crush on. I saw her name in the inbox and immediately I'm like, this is it. It's happening. Yeah. I just, I just, and I click on it and it, the messages, that's really great. I'm here for you anytime you want to talk in your coffin. I'm like, I'm still thinking like, oh, I got a shot. And then I look at my buddy rotor like, hey, I'm having a hard time telling people this, but I'm gay. Yeah, cool. And I really, but he wrote it in like a sentimental way and then he copied and pasted it and just went to girls that I was friends with and just dropped it. So I had messages from girls that were like, this is brave. And you had to be like, no, I'm not gay. I'm actually going to fuck you. I want to fuck you. And then now they go, sure you do. Now they're going to go, oh, not Lizzie. Not guys will say so immature because this is his friendship. Because that's your, that's your smile. And by the way, Brian was my smartest friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually pretty smarty thought to watch me log in. They go, no, it used to be Facebook. It'd be like, tag a friend who's gay. Hey, I've been, I've been to my early thirties. It was still the best joke in town. It really worked. I mean, I still think it works. It's still good. It still works. It's, I think it's still going to be funny. I don't think, yeah. Now mention of your name and like drop your friend's name that really needs gay sets today, right? Hey, yeah. But I think that's what we broke. Like, I think if you're under the age of 30, you don't realize that Facebook was everything we have now, all condensed, and then we broke it. Well, it was a joke. Yeah. Like the internet was literally chat rooms. We even went on and you just start a fight with someone in fucking Romania and you'd be like, your country's dog shit. And then it'd be back and forth. Or you're 12 and you're like age sex location, like on AOL and you'd be like, do you want a cyber? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember telling this girl I was like 21. And my mom's like downstairs cooking dinner. And I'm like, yeah, I'm a 21 year old guy. I love sex. And the girl was like, yeah, let's have sex. And I was like, oh, we're a typin' and then she was like, ooh, my underwear's full of gum and I go, women can't come. Like that. She does. She was like, what? And I was like, I don't care me. Yeah. Yeah. She's kidding. Oh, she's kidding, she's kidding. My mom's cooking dinner, I'm gonna go. Yeah. We're a fuck up, I'm a fuck up, I'm 12. It was, the boom is joining Rundle. Because no one was on that. Journalist one on that was like, when Twitter became a thing, suddenly people had it, so politicians started. But before it was literally for us to call each other gay. That was the only reason. There's a giant place to go. Look at this meme. Someone died. You're gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then suddenly, it was running elections and stuff, yeah. The cops came in, they were like, hey, cool party guys. They came with a beer and they go, oh, this is where everyone's friends came in. That's a siop. You're not real, you're not a real friend. Yeah. Hey, we're turbo tax. Oh, gosh. Why? I don't want to talk about taxes. No, it's been ruined, but I don't know where it goes to me. I wonder if the new kids will go. This is so lame. Yeah, it's going to burn off. We've talked about that a bunch on the podcast of like, kids are going to respond in a way that we responded to stuff like flares, led it, led in the gasoline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that shit ruined our parents. That's why boomers have no emotional control. Yeah. I bring it up all the time because you go, once you realize, look up for anyone that 's curious, look up the Duke University co-study with Florida State University on the toxicity level of lead. Okay. That was in paint and gasoline in the United States in the '70s. Yeah. All the movies of the '80s make sense. Okay. Because it's all, they're doing coke and they have lead brain. And they're like, what are they just killed everybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they were raised by people who went through a war, but they didn't go for the war, but they stand the residue of it. Exactly. So, your parents, I mean, we had Vietnam. My dad is a World War II is his religion. They say about England, they go to religions in England, NHS and World War II, but my dad, in his mind, England is just some joy, if we just dig this tunnel under there and did it in none of the fucking concentration camps in the World War or any of that comes into his side. That's cycling for a village, you know, old lady solves a mud. You know what I mean, it's that sort of it's a ignore everything else, you know? Yeah, in his mind, he's like, well, we're gonna go save these people in the best in the world, you know, we do. And you know, what about all the colonization we got? Of course, we taught Indians cricket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that is like, you know, that is the one thing that I love about the Olympics. Is that you can remove everything and just go like, I want my country to beat the shit out of this country. And that's all in a game with rules that are going to be monitored. It's just like safe war, where no one gets hurt and you're like, yeah, fuck you, Norway, and you have no problem with Norway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if we're cross country skiing, those sons of bitches are the third Reich. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so true. Yeah, and it is like, I think that's what it, that's what the world cup, the world cup is going to be. So like an England flag, weirdly like outside of football, a lot of people would go, that's like a racial statement. If you, if you put up a, an England flag, or there's, you know, St. George's cross on your house, you're kind of, the implication would be like, this guy hates black people. Yeah, really? Well, it's come, it's a shame because it shouldn't, but like, it's come to sort of for some people to represent that and it like, well, that's what the, that's like always the thing that blew my mind when I would see like, protests or whatever. And they're, they're waving like flags that aren't American, you know, fly the America flag. Yeah, own it. Yeah, well, that's the thing. If you just, you can say that the flag can mean like racism or it can mean the fucking Beatles, or, you know what I mean? What are you talking about? America flag can mean baseball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the whole thing that people don't realize is like, it's, there are so many people that are stupid. Yeah, that they only go off what they see, or they see, and both ways, they could be like, that guy's racist. And meanwhile, I was like, I'm just proud of the way it's like, you're dead. I'm like, I love the NHS. And there are guys where you fly around and you go, that's, that's the feel like that guy is now, for us, what we have is the Confederate flag. Yeah. Where they go, hey, yeah, I'm letting you know something without letting you know something. Yeah. And then you want to try to go, it's just sweet, Dixie. It's like, you guys tried to overthrow the government and you lost. Don't tell me it's somehow patriotic, it's because you couldn't keep slaves. Yeah. They go, no, it wasn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was states rights. You know bullshit. That's the one benefit of the Epstein files. Yeah. It just shows you all the little crooks and things they hide behind to go, no, no, no, that's about you guys. Outside is an ignored involvement. That's the left to like trumps in it, the right to like, it's all Clinton. Yeah, we'll then get them both. Yeah, get them. What if we get them? That's what Pam Bondy recently was like, if we went after everybody, the system would fail. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Time for a new system that looks like it. Because if all these fucking pervs are running it, get the fuck out of here. And then there's people that defend it where you go, buddy, I don't think you're listening out loud to what you're saying. You straight up defending Pam. Yes. Oh, so they want to do business. You're talking of a weird one, isn't it? Cause it's like the internet. So now they're like all this trap doors that went out to the sea and Epstein would feed kids to sharks. I don't know how much is real anymore. Dylan did a fantastic job talking about the Epstein files and he shows the shark door. And he's like, who's going through the door? Yeah. I don't know who's going through the door. Also, that's crazy. That's a James Bond. Yeah. Dylan. He's a billionaire. He's a James Bond villain. The resources. Now just being like feeder to sharks. Yeah. Damn. Is that real? How real is that? Honestly, at this point, I think it's very real. Yeah. I think it's very real. Like the first time I saw snatch and Brick top gives the speech about pig farmers. Yeah. And I went, that feels real. Yeah. That feels like if you want to get rid of a body, six hungry pigs. And he says that thing is like, bite through a bone like butter. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet that's a real thing. Of course. Yeah. So a shark door. And what you just throw. I don't know. Listen. I know this feels a little apathetic and maybe I might have Mike cut this out of the podcast. But in a way, these people that are detached from humanity like that, it's a garbage disposal. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever had a sink without a garbage disposal? I don't know if you have them in the UK. We have these things where it's a switch and it's a blade at the bottom of your sink and it goes. And it just grinds everything up. Yeah. Yeah. You know, if you saw that and then you went back to England, you'd be like, well, I want garbage disposal. Yeah. So Jeffrey Epstein's had another pet house house. Because how do you get that? A shark door. He said, you got me shot. I've got to, I'll give you the guy's number. He's showing it as he's opening it. He goes, this guy, and you know what's great? He works quiet. You won't even know they're in the house. But yeah, it's just like an open door to the sea. And you go, I don't know. The casual friends of Jeffrey Epstein is just trying to get a movie made and you go, oh, that's a shark door. But how do they meet each other? How do you find out? Someone else is a pet. Yeah, you just on the off chance. But I also, I think like, I think like to me, everything I'm reading, it looks like the pedophilia. It was like the VIP lounge where there were people that were partying with Epstein where they're like. It's like Diddy Park. Yeah, with like this is just the same thing with there's parallels with the tiny parties where you go. Oh, I'm at the party, everyone's wearing white. Now the lights are off. Everyone's on round beds covered in oil taking ecstasy. Yeah, have you seen that video when Diddy comes out? And it's daytime. And he comes out in the balcony with a megaphone. He's like, oh, the kids have got it now to leave me like this fucking bunch. Oh, I just took a fucking fight. Yeah, he's about to kick me. I just took a boner pill and I'm wearing white silk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's going to be pretty obvious in a minute about T minus 30. I need everyone who's little to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. It's also just sounds exhausting. You know, I'm an alcoholic. I loved your joke about quitting drinking and loving sugar. Yeah, yeah. And then like for that week of that, then I'm like, fuck that shit. Yeah. But it's true. Just like love sugar. I'm so glad I'm not a sex addict. It's the worst one. It's the worst one. So I'm not a good joke. He's a Glen Will. He's unbelievable. I love Glen Will. Yeah. He had a joke about Russell Brand and it was, uh, he said, I'm never met an addict because he's talking about his rape track. There's never met an addict that didn't steal the thing he liked. That's a fantastic joke. Yeah. I can't remember exactly how he put it. I put it, but yeah, yeah. So true. But it was the fucking man. He's great. But yeah, that is, that is the like, that's an addiction where you go. Yeah. Oh, you'll blow your whole life up. People do, and with the weirdest ones are the sex addicts who don't drink or anything. That's always been the one to me right now. You. Yeah. So you're like in that zone. But you're also in the bars and everyone's drunk and out. When you're sober, the worst thing to be around is drunk people. I don't podcast with people that just woke up. I don't stick a mic in the middle. Yeah. We're talking for an hour though. What? That was just with my grandma. Yeah. Yeah. I was just flying kites with my grandma. Why are you in my face? And me and my cut giant lights. Hey, we're trying to sell ads. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough, tough decade for the sex addicts, I think. Yeah. Well, everyone's waking up and going like, wait a second. You guys are all friends and you're doing worse things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because that like getting invited to the VIP section of the Epstein thing. Yeah. Where he's like, so. Do you like kids? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Got a couple. Right. Right. How we got Andrew. The fact that we're in his handlers and stuff like that. That's how horny Prince Andrew was. Yeah. And he was like, get off of me. Yeah. I got a fuck some tea. No, I just, because he's clearly been played and he's got arrested last week. Yeah. You guys are actually doing something about it. We might be, you know, actually going after brothers. Just telling him out, we should have been fucking him. You know, he could have kicked him out and taken his title. So he's just Andrew. I appreciate the royal family. For that. Yeah. The just pure backstabbing out in the open. Only England could go. Can you hear him? Yes. You guys are the only country they get. We're like, that's my brother. I made a lot of good shit with him. I love him. Yeah. England. You're like, take it. Take it. It's so. It reminds me of the scene in Braveheart where he's like Shane and I was talking about the scene where he's like, why are the arrows? I think I'm sure they'll hit on men. He goes, hit the ass too. That looks a long shank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we're not doing anything. We're going like, well, we're still going. We're rubbing our hands going. Is it everybody? But who is the thing is? What does it mean to be in the files? Like there's comedians in the files. I'm in the files. Oh, really? That's amazing. Why? Line up from comedy centrals, comedy underground. With David Tel. He was hosting it. I'm on the line up. Pete Davidson and I are on the same line up. And Pete texted me the picture and he goes, look at this line up. It was me, Pete Kurt Metzger, David Tel. But there's a bunch of comics. Lewis, Big J, a lot of my friends. Yeah. Because they're seller line ups. That's so funny. Because he lived here. So they were just sending him like, hey, here's who at the end. So I'm gay. closer. I might, I'm like, what you don't know is my fiance is a massage train disaster and you will be taken out the second you go in the hallway. Yeah, yeah, it's just that's the thing where you go. I'm a I'm a people pleaser. Yeah. So I feel like I could have been caught up in that shit in my 20s if they were like if you meet this guy he's pretty important. He's a billionaire and it's like he was like who's not going to party on a island with a billionaire? There's a British comedian called Michelle de Swart. She was a model out here in during 9/11. Oh, yeah. And this is true. She did. She's done a whole routine on it. But she her modeling agency got a cool on 9/11 from Jeff Ripstein because they were like 15 and he's like I have a plane. The models on your books weren't saving on my plane. So he was going to rescue them from 9/11. Jeffry, who should we get he goes young hot 15 year old. We need to go save them. He just playing. I need a plane. I need a plane for young new man girls. Please. No, his mother. No, any relative. Oh, so please, I'm your loyal house. I'm your man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the middle school. Fucking. What do you guys need? It's 2001. What's in right now? What's in right now? I think iPod's. Get them an iPod. Imagine fleeing 9/11 flying out in New York. The buildings have collapsed. So they just turn around. I'm just, he's just pulled his cop cat. Yeah. Well, we got out of that one. Oh, Jesus Christ. What's also one of the work, you know, obviously these guys are proud as they should all burn in hell. They should be publicly executed. I'm always like the part of failure that blows me away is that these guys can have kids and then still hang around them. Where they're like, what are you doing? What's that? Don't touch that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Please. The rolling stones. Oh, you wouldn't get it. You're like, you're sitting on your stupid bitch. Yeah. Yeah. That's my juggie. You fucking idiot. Yeah. To dad never show you the stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just got to say it. It's the music. Maybe. Maybe if you're dead, I'd better taste the music. You wouldn't be getting right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But there is like that thing of like, so you're so horny. Yeah. You're gonna fucking kids and hang on. That was crazy. Do you remember around my cousin's teenage kids? I'm like, yeah. Wait a minute. Like a 24-year-old. You like, you're just shut up. Dude, they were just at the comedy cell that last week. There was like three 22-year-old girls right to the stage. Pretty, like pretty. Yeah. I say that mean. Pretty. Mm. Ruined the show. He was there. Yeah. Ruined the show. They're just like talking and they go, and then remember when I went up, they were like, yeah. Like, I was going to be like, And I was like, shut the fuck up. - Yeah, I'll have no one. - And then like, uh, no. It's the worst when, 'cause a drunk woman can ruin a show, because the problem is, men want to be put down. Like, you have a group of men, and they're like, "They'll come and go to my mate's birthday, can you call them go?" And. - Facebook, I'm in a real life. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women will go, and they'll be like, "It's, they're at the show, but they're also the show." - They're adding them. - Four glasses of wine, and then you make one up, you'll say something to one of them, and they'll start crying, and then the fucking other friend will be like, "You piece of shit, she's an angel." And the problem is, though, is you can't carry on, because the minute they start crying, it's an unblockable move, because no matter how much the crowd hates them, there it was suddenly, it's a crying woman. I told you I wouldn't do the animal. - I would do the show in Bristol and England. It was this tiny room, it was like 40 seats. You know, the crowd is kind of pitch black. This woman's just ruining the show, and I said something to her. - Or a frames. What's your, or, no, we have an or a frame. I love an or a frame. It really is one of the most futuristic things you can think of, where you go, "Oh, digital pictures that are uploaded from your phone." That's some stuff that someone from the 90s, it would make them bleed out of their ears, that you're like, "You're doing what?" And you're like, "Yeah, you can just see the pictures immediately. I can send it to my mom's house, and all of a sudden, boom, a picture of me mooning her shows up at her house," which is hilarious. I don't know how you even think about that. I really need to do that. I need to send her one. That would be so funny. I want to send her an or a frame, and then just, it's Mertel's butthole the whole time. New picture and Mertel's butthole. Name number one by wire cutter. You could save on the gifts that mom's loves for mother's day and visit oraframes.com for a limited time. Lister's can get $25 off their best-selling Carver Mat Frame with Code Soder. That's aura-a-u-r-a-frames.com promo code Soder. 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And for a limited time, Chubby's has given our viewers and listeners 20% off your order with our code Dan Soder at chubby's shorts.com. That's code Dan Soder at chubby's shorts.com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubby's. The crowd is kind of pitch black. This woman is just really in the show. I said something to her and everyone laughed. I got on a plow's break and then I carried on. I went to carry on and then we just said, "And I just was like, "Oh, for f*ck's sake." Coming out of the darkness after a punchline, but it was just like a lot of f*ck's sake. And it ruined the gig. Yeah, because you hit a punchline. And you know, I said broccoli, more like your pussy's on fire, and then it stows you up. Oh my god. Excuse me, who's the wailing woman? Excuse me, this ghost of the woman is in your f*ckin' comedy show. Are you trying to do other b*tch? Anyone I haven't been with you? But recently, they're, they can wash, which is just me. Can't wait for you to do a b*tch. After you've been to woman's drive, you go, I said, "What's crazy about that? It's a star market." I don't even know what's going on in this. She's still crying. Yeah. Nice, so that's the worst. I used to always like, never want to have conflict with an audience member. So I'd always be like, "Yeah, just let it, they're talking." Yeah. I was like, "Carry over." And then I got a really into kicking people out. But it's harder, I'm doing a theater run, which is ending in April. But clubs, it's so easy to kick people out. Yeah. 'Cause you're like, "You out of here." Yeah, yeah. Theater, you're like, "It's dark," and you're like, "Who do that?" Kick that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you? And then they go, "Get down." Walk down the island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're flashlights. How'd you do it? And it, 'cause I always find it, I can't, I don't kick people out. Because when I do, I have number four, but the problem is, you're no longer the fun guy. Away around this, something that I saw Patrisso Neal do back in the day in New York clubs was, someone would be talking here to engage with them. He'd look shit on them. They'd keep talking, they kind of wouldn't catch the point that this is over. The interaction's over with. And they start to ruin the show. And then you go, "Hey, can you be quiet?" They keep going, and then you go, "You know what? I'm gonna pay for your bill. How many people are with you?" And they're like, "Oh, four people pay for my bill." He's like, "Great, I'm paying for your bill. Please leave. I've taken care of your bill. I don't want you at the show." And I watch them do that in all. I'm gonna actually pay for the bill. Yeah. And I've done it. And it works. Really? It's worth the money to pay the bill to have a better show. Well, if they've ordered like eight bottles of crystal. Can you talk to the manager? And you go, "Maybe police will ruin a little bit of that." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing your job for you. But if it's like a lot of the time's club managers would be like, "I'm sorry, we told him to shut up." They wouldn't go. And you're like, "Find most of the time club managers are like, "We'll comp it." They'll work. We'll comp it. But I think I was Virginia Beach. It was like hot. I kicked this woman out. She was a problem. I did that though. I was like, "I'll pay for your bill." I get off stage and wait just just handling the bill and you go, "Very fair." "Very fair." You put the car in there and you go, "You know what?" That is the, if you're going to run that play. You got a risk. That's what I have. But it keeps the energy good. Did you kick with Patrice and Lutton? No. I only watched him. Yeah. I met him less than 10 times. Yeah. Like I wasn't boys with him. My friends were friends with him. But I was a, you know, this is like O's. I was here O7. He died in 2011. Yeah. I maybe had like four experiences hanging with him too good, too negative. Okay. He was just a, it was like depending on how you caught him. I watched the, uh, there's a comedy center that did a documentary on him. Yeah. He filled us. Yeah, yeah, comedy central. But yeah, it sounded like it could be, uh, yeah, if you just watch the fuck people up, what was he, what was the two bad with them then? Was his, um, both bads were after the goods. Yeah. And then I heard Colin Cohen explain it on OP and Anthony where he said, Patrice is up in heaven right now feeling making 50% of the people feel comfortable, 50% of the people feeling uncomfortable and then he's flipping it. Like he used to love to do that. So if you thought you were comfortable, he'd be like, he would just fucking. What, what, yeah, just go for you. Oh god, one time it was after the first time. First time I met him, uh, or like talk to him. I was by myself at the bar at Stand Up New York and like to show it empty out and he was on the show and he was just sitting there. We just had a conversation about porn. Yeah. He was like, who are you watching? And I was like, like named the girls and he was like, I remember him being like, he was flipping through a New York post and he was like, okay. With respect. Yeah. I like named a couple girls and he was like, yeah, I called him him too and then we were talking and then he was like super nice. Because I was by myself. I was doing the check spots. I was just drinking a beer by myself. He was really nice. And so I'll just fucking, I'm like 23 and I'm like, I'm friends with Patrice now. And I like grew up loving Tough Grout and Owen A. Yeah. And I come back in and I see him again standing in New York. I go, Patrice, what's up? And he goes, what the fuck? Patrice, what's up? Who the fuck are you? And I was like, yeah. And you're like a new comic. I'm like, okay. So I just went outside and spoke to cigarette, like, fuck. And then you can't, but you kind of learned. You're saying you never had a room. Why don't you fucking say that, you idiot? We're talking about ladies. Saxeys ladies together. Even I saw Bill Barr talking about him because sometimes I walk in and I'd see him. And if he hadn't seen me, I walked past because sometimes he couldn't handle it. Yeah, I mean, that was like the ball busty scene. And we, I caught it on a much lower level. I caught it on, I caught it on it fading out. I did the stand. Yeah. And it was one of the guys from that group. Rich Voss? Yes. Yeah, he's great. But he walked in and the M.C. was there. And he was like, oh, you're fat fucking. I was like, this is straight away. Exactly what I've heard about it. That's what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fun. It was fun. I made Colin was last night. Colin was at the, we were at the cellar or whatever. I made fun of the M.C. and I was just like a dead, lifeless eyes. Black eyes, adult eyes. And I get off and clints. I think I'm going to kill us. But you're like, that's what we grew up loving. Yes, yeah. We joke around now, like me and Lewis and Joe. And we joke around that all those old O and A guys and like tough crowd guys were so vicious to each other. That it's like, you know, old boxers. Yeah. Have you ever seen old boxers where they like get punched and they go out quick like chocolate. Oh, yeah, I see where your chin goes. So we were joke around that they're, they're ballbusting chin goes. So you got to let a punch you and you're like, "Whoa, you guys are so good." And then you lay in the hard one. You go, "I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that." Like, they get sensitive about it. I'm not going to name names. But we've had, I've had private phone calls with a couple of them being like, "That don't fucking come in there. Fucking swinging like that." Really? Yeah. That's really fun. Because you know, I did go a little hard in the paint. Yeah. It's funny hearing them talk about it as well. They're like, "You couldn't even wear a t-shirt without getting destroyed. It didn't do anything." It was true. Yeah. And by the way, that culture, even after Patrice died, stayed alive for a little bit. Yeah. I wore, and I've told this story before. So I'm sorry if you're hearing it again. But I bought, with like, I got a little bit of money from being on MTV too. Yeah. Like, that was like my first paycheck where I bought a couch. And then I went out. I was dog sitting for Bobby Kelly. So I was up in Hell's Kitchen and I walked by in the Deedah store. And I was like, "Look at this hoodie." And it was like a hoodie. It was blue. But like, changed colors on the arms. And I was like, "Shit looks sick." But it was striped. Yeah. It was just a striped hoodie from a Deedahs. And I walked into the cellar. And I went up the steps of the cellar. And it was like pretty empty in the olive tree. And Sherrod, small and Joe DeRosa from the back of the room. We're like, "What the fuck is that sweatshirt?" And I was like, "What?" And then just, and then everyone jumped in. Norton, Keith, everyone. It's like, "Dad, can you fucking sweatshirt?" Thanks. Keith was like, "You look like you're shoveling trash on the side of the road. You look like a chain gang member." And then I saw that and I was like, on it. I threw, I think I wore it in the house twice more. And was like, "This is fucking dumb now." Yeah, it's just, that's what they meant. I got a bad haircut one time. Oh man, I'd walk, I remember one time Sherrod tried shitting on Nick DiPolo when I was at the cellar. And he was like, Nick, what are you doing or whatever? And Nick's just sitting there and he looks at me because shut up, he looked like a retired Celtic from the past to everyone. I was like, "Oh, what did you do?" There was laughter, Sherrod was a little overweight at the time. It was great. But yeah, it kind of, what killed it was the mid teens when everyone started getting real sensitive. Everything became very sensitive. Every trigger word. It was funny watching. And I used to listen to it until I'd be answering the stuff for sort of my generation to suddenly have that. And we go, "Wait, well, I thought this is what you did." That's exactly what you were really. "No, no, I don't really hate him." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you made fun of him for being black and you go, "Yeah, this is my friend." Yeah, yeah. I wanted him. It didn't help anything. You look at now. You didn't create. The pen gym's gone way by the other way. Fucking idiots? Yeah. You guys held it and you're like, "Let it go, let it go, let it go, turn it around." Dang, and he's literally. And look at this now. It's like, it's just. You're like, "You wish for a ball, Boston." Yes, you wish for a ball. Yeah, it didn't. it made everything worse. It was a pressure valve. It was like shh shh shh. And then you're just fucking everything's gone bang. Maybe the ball-busting was what was keeping those peta. Files alive, wherever it was going. Yeah, look at this guy. This guy's a real. This guy's fucking kids, my right? Yeah, yeah. I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really. I fucking do it now. I don't think we're back to that. But Jiz Lane is not. She's kept her mouth shut. Have you seen the theory that she got spotted in Canada? Oh, it's a blonde lady. Yeah, that. All right, let's take it. let's take it down both roads. The first one is. Absolutely would make sense. And they think they've seen Epstein in Israel. If both of those people were not imprisoned at all, because of all the black male that they hold upon, everybody. By the way, this isn't an American problem. This isn't an England problem. This is a worldwide problem. So get your fucking. You could take your flag down. No one's coming after your hot dogs or fireworks. We're talking about the elite having a cabal of control over the entire world. Of course they would let them out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go get out of here. We go. We got a fat heroin addict that kind of looks like you. Yeah, we're going to kill him. He's going to. I'm going to fucking want to hang him up. Yeah. We. We gave him Narcan so we could make him look like you to kill him. Yeah, just don't post on social media. Don't go to the OAS's reading. This is the other thing. But Elaine, you were like, "Yeah, that's her." Like, you saw that video and you were like, "That was." And she, when the lady comes up, she's like. Elaine, she's like, "No." Do you think you have a hard time if you were hiding? And you like got jaw surgery, you know? So you like have like, Squidward. Yeah, yeah. dance of Squidward jaw. And then you like, shave your head and if someone kind of went, "Red." I'm Harry. You're like the dog in the Odyssey. Or you're like, "I know that person, I can't record it." You're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's horrible." You go, "But I would have immediately cracked." She was hanging out at someone's house. Remember, before they rested it, she was staying at someone's house. I can't remember. I think she was, "Yeah." And she was just moving it back. And I think she's all over the newsroom. He probably sat there one day just going, "I think you got to go." You know what I mean? Imagine your Kato Kayland is delaying what? Maxwell? Kato Kayland's like, in show, he's like, "Cinemax porn, you can do a bad movie." What's he doing now? He's just, "Oh, yeah, I think he's around." He'll do like, "You know, he was nearly Jeff Daniels in time and time." So he says, he says he's done to the final. That's a whole Kogan lie. Yeah, that's a whole Kogan lie. That's got to be a whole Kogan lie. Because I've watched too many behind the scenes of Jim Carri and Jeff Daniels talking about it. Yeah, yeah. That's like a whole Kogan, I don't know if you know, he used to make these up, these lies that were easily. Well, just pretend you could go. Yeah, he said, "They wanted me to be the bassist in Metallica." That's so funny. And they just asked Metallica and Metallica was like. No. Yeah. What? But we were also alcoholica for all of the 80s, and that wasn't true. So. That Hulk, like saying, we're just like blackout drunks that we even know that didn't have. What'd you mean, that the. Well, they said that to Metallica and Metallica was like, "No, that wasn't even kind of. I see." And they're like, "Oh, yeah, you sure you didn't forget 'cause you were drinking?" And they're like, "No." But he's also famous enough that you think, "Why do you need to lie, your whole Kogan? You know, you've done enough." It's like a barma being like, "Oh, by the way, I'm a. " That would tell you, I was in SWV. I was in Sisters with Voices. They couldn't call it that. 'Cause I'm brother. I'm not a sister. I was the sixth member. I was the fifth member of Ang Vogue. That'd be great. Obama, Hulk, Hogan, lying. A lot of people will know this, almost stop not 11. But I was too busy at practice with Ang Vogue. What's going, Maxwell, hiding out at this $1,000,000 home paid for in cash? Who was it? She was hiding at 156 acre property in New Hampshire. Oh, awesome. Sounds good. But it was paid for in cash through a limited liability company. Of course it was. Damn, it really is under a company. 'Cause you know whoever's that rich that owns that, was like, "Get my fucking name off." Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Just being like, turning on CNN on the giant sectional couch, You're like room with windows on it and you're like like, Jeff and Epstein is going to the rest there and you go, you know him. - Yeah, yeah. - And then your buddy and she goes, here we go. - Jeff. Jeff, I remember him. I think, the amount of selfies that they all took as well, they were like two girls traveling Europe on the academy, is like, if you're Trump and Epstein, it's just, and Clinton as well. But no one Googled him. Why didn't no one just go, maybe I'll Google this guy, 'cause he was, when did he get convicted? He does before, first? - The first one I think it was in '08. - It was an argument in school. - It was in high school. - It was two high school girls, it's fine. - You're at home. - Yeah, she was your home. - And then she was talking to this billionaire, why? - Yeah, he gives her money for massages. And they were like, what? And then they found cash. Did you know that? It was two girls in a floor to high school. I sort of got. They started, I think, I wasn't in Hollywood, Florida. Forget where it was, but they were at high school fighting and one of the girls was like, she's a whore, she's a whore, she's like, she's not a whore. And then the girl was like, no, she gets paid to give massages, and the teacher went through her bag and found like a bunch of cash and was like, where's this cash from? And she's like, that was the guy that I just give massages to and they were like, okay, well, you're 15. - Yeah. - And we give a massages to. And she's like, Jeff. (laughing) Just going like, mystery. - Yeah, did Trump meet Melania through that? - They're gonna kill off with his lawyers on this case. They're gonna kill off any, we'll never know. We will never. - But his fans completely ignore it. - Yeah, like, have you seen that rap at Donald's Canadian? He's like a Canadian American. - Can I tell you there is, I don't know, man, because there's people, you've heard of the term anglophile. - You Americans that are obsessed with the UK. - The UK, they love the British culture. - They think it's all down to Navi, they want to speak properly, they want to speak the Queen's English, they want to do all this shit. I've always felt it as an American that it's like, that's embarrassing. - Yeah, of course. - Yeah, America is such a melting pot of culture that you can pick different cultures. If you want to be a wasp in New England, well sure, that's like an anglophile. You can get traces of English culture of that. But like, selling your soul for another country. - Nice suckers. We have it in England now. There's a lot of people who love Trump in England. - Why? - But they're like, they think their pictures are like, no you just shit on this country, every opportunity to get you, ramp up how bad it is. - Yeah. - And it's also really funny. It's sort of like, they just, it's a, it's this bizarre like, it looks pathetic. It looks weak, really. - Listen, it's the same way that liberals that are obsessed with mom Donnie and they don't live in New York City. It's like, you're fucking embarrassing. - Oh, there was a lot of that in England doing it. My mayor, and I was like, you live in fucking Trump? - Shut the fuck up. - Your mayor is a fucking guy with fucking welts on his head, like one of those old British mayors. It's like, today is toad day. (laughing) - Mom Donnie's like a little kid from Queens. - Yeah. - It also doesn't mean a rapper. - Probably. Here's a rule about New York City mayors. Once you get elected we all hate you. - Mm-hmm. - That's just the rule. - Fuck you. - Fuck you. - Yeah. - Why aren't the roads clear? Fuck you, why isn't MTA cheaper? Fuck you, why isn't all the shit? Town New York runs. - Mm-hmm. - Giant fucking machine. It's not Sweetville, Indiana, where the mayor's just a guy. Well, he was a cobbler, he just lost the bet. It's like, this is a machine. Liking our mayor, or opposite, disliking him, 'cause that's happened. I was on the road and people were like, hey, you're doing with mom Donnie. It's like, nothing is the same. - This is exactly, my bus is five minutes later than usual. - Where's your dumb mayor? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Liking politicians to that extent is fucking pathetic. And Trump's managed to do it. But we had it in England, there was a guy Jeremy Corbyn, who was kind of, I'd say, Bernie, but not. He was, rather than Bernie. You know, so he kind of, he kind of like, but he had this huge fan base, a Glastonbury festival. They would all, he went and said. - Oh, no, no, no, Glastonbury. - Yeah, and they were with Sean. Oh, Jeremy Corbyn. But it's, when they do that, you're like, this is so pathetic. - What's going on? - Oh, yeah. - You're friends with the cops? - Completely. Also what it does is, you can no longer think objectively, 'cause you're blindly chanting someone's name. So actually, he should be held to task by his individual actions, not just this round package deal. - You know, there's, it's so obvious now, who's grifting to what side? - Yeah. - And I think it used to be a lot, people real out better at it, like hiding it and being like, "No, I just, this is how I can feel it." I'm convicted to feel this way. But now it's obvious like a grift. - Yeah. - Like, if you're gonna be loud about anti-Trump and you're gonna call Trump fans stupid and don't shit, like that, then don't be over here being like, Obama was the man. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, he drone struck Yemen in a way that he- - It was a wedding. - There's just, wait, there's just people there, like, it was the best day of my life until I heard of. (laughing) (laughing) I take you to be my, the wee, what is that? - Yeah. - It's like, you can just that noise. And you're like, don't, you get it in comedy on both sides. People on the left who can't do comedy so they'll go, words of violence, this is offensive because they can't do it. - They can't do it. - And then there's people on the right who can't do it, who are going, you can't do anything because they can't do it. - That was the thing I said when Trump won is I was like, all those people on the right that were like, I'd make that joke, but you can't. - Yeah. - Well, he won, what do you got? - And then it turns out it's Capone's vault. - You're not that out of stock, you know? - Yeah, there's nothing in there, they go. - I just wanted to call gay people, the F word, you know? - Well, just admit it and it's fine, yeah, yeah. - But it really is, it's like funny watching English people be into Trump. - Yeah. - It's funny when like Canadians move to the United States and they wanna talk about politics. You know, I had John Oliver on and he was like, and I was like, at what point do you feel weird talking about another country? - I know. - And he said it, you know, through marriage, he was like, I lived here long enough that you became we. And I was like, I understand that. If you live there long enough and you're in the culture, but also, don't forget, you can close ranks. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're not an American, but there is that. Like English, do that, every country can close ranks and go like. - And close. - So if you're going like, if you're not from a country and your anti-immigration. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is your buddy, buddy, that ain't gonna fucking go well for you. - No. - And that's what you see now with all these people that are like Cuban, Cuban community that was pro-ice and then he comes around to like, come on. - Well, this guy came here two years ago. And so in England, the view of Trump was that it was like this white supremacist, all his followers were white sort of hicks. And you get here. And I first thing I saw was a disabled guy in a wheelchair and he was black and he just covered in Trump much. And I'm like, okay, so is it black disabled guy? - It's a cult of personality. - Yes, it's a feeling. It is he is the best at getting people to blindly follow. Which is gonna be, and the punchline is, and for anyone who's like, fucking soda got political blow me dickhead. It's in our laps every fucking day, every waking minute. I'm gonna have opinions on it. I promise you, when Trump dies, just the way the Democratic party died, when Obama was out, they had nobody left. They had fucking skeleton Joe Biden. - Yeah. - And super cop Kamala Harris being like, "I'm actually a cool cop." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. What a horrible-- - Hillary Clinton. - Hillary Clinton. - You know, I did a lot of fucked up shit in the 90s. The Clintons did so much on such a shit. Well, look at them. Go look at their policies. I'm talking about from a policy standpoint. What the Clintons did from 92 to 2000 is criminal. - Wasn't she, she was a big anti-k, - She was fucking, they went so hard on people and people forget and they go, he played the sacks and did, first off, he fucked him for not inhaling. Pussy, who takes a puff of weed and doesn't inhale, you fucking dork it, but it happens. This is what happens in politics. You get these people that are lightning rods and then the real shadow movers get behind him and push him. So Trump isn't even the problem. It's the people around him that are doing all the fucked up shit, but when he dies and he's gone, do you think JD Vance is gonna fucking take that? That uncomfortable guy who's like, oh hey everybody, shut the fuck up. It was the exact same thing. It just switches back and forth. The left will probably get a guy. That's very charismatic and you know, brings people in. - Yeah. - And then we're gonna have problems because of him. Now, are the problems gonna be as bad? I don't know. But that's the whole thing is like people, the internet's got people thinking second to second instead of like, this is long. This is a long. Also, England's been around thousands of years. We're hitting 250. - That's crazy. - And people are going like, feels like a thousand. - Yeah, everyone in America's like, this feels like we've been around forever. - I watched the bits of the Kid Rock Super Bowl. - Who didn't? - And that guy, I'm obsessed with this guy. I've never heard of him. He's got like a million followers. He's obviously a big country. - Oh, the guy who, I just want to catch my fish. - Which sounded like kiss my fish. - Yeah, I was on a kiss with him. - But he got up and he said, was his Charlie was shot just to give people a microphone. Give him a chance to see something. Now I got mine. - Yeah, he's like, oh my God. - But that's, I think, what, in England, that's the view of what Trump, that guy is who everyone assumes is, you know what I mean? - I mean, they're not wrong, you know? It's like, Kid Rock in 1999. Great shit in the world. Kid Rock fucking devil without a cause. - Every high school football team was playing that album. - Really, so he wasn't very big in England. I, we knew him 'cause he was my, it's Pam and Anderson. - Sure. He was like, like at the time, the definition of like, fuck you. I'm gonna fuck shit up and everybody was like, yeah, it was awesome. Devil without a causes. - What's the, do you see the workout my dear? - So that's the whole point. Is that he gets older and you go, no. - No, and he looks like a method. - Well, it's crazy about him is, he grew up very, very rich. He grew up in insanely wealthy and father owned. - And he was a regent and some machine as well. - Yeah, I don't know about rage. Look up, I don't know if Tom R. I mean, they all went to Harvard and shit, so they all definitely had money. - Yeah, one of their darns was, I might be wrong, but yeah, go on, sorry. - Yeah, this is what you always do though, follow the money. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just follow the money and then you realize Kid Rocks, dad owned like a bunch of car dealerships. - Really? - Yeah, he grew up, you should see the house he grew up in. Like, kinda tennis, like a tennis court in a swimming pool. - Nice. - And then he just grew his hair along. He's like, I'm from the trailer. - Yeah, you know, fuck the system. - But at the time, it fucking ruled. - That's why it looks like a pimp from a movie that likes Nicholas Kay just to kill 'cause he's got a 15 year old with him, you know what I mean? - You're like, oh my God, a white pimp. - Yeah. - This is crazy. White pimp's usually just, you know, higher planes of 15 year old girls to leave the island of Manhattan after it's been attacked. But it is like a. - Rage is upper middle middle. - Rage is upper middle, but yeah, listen. You look behind art. Here's what a lot of people don't realize that's gonna, it's really gonna hurt your opinion of a lot of artists you like. Very few of us made it on our own. - Ooh. - Very few of us slept, you know, with no money, windowless rooms, just trying to do comedy, and then got a break. That's why I think we all feel lucky. A lot of the times when people were like, "Why did this guy come from?" And you look it up, you go, "Oh, his parents were wealthy." And they could just front a ton of money for them to be, have you ever found that out? Like with an English comic, where you're like. - There's, we got people who are like oligarchs and stuff, kids and stuff like that. - But a lot of the times, I'm fine with you if you're upfront about it. But if you do like that kid rock shit, where you're like, "I'm from the streets." - Yeah, yeah, he's pretending to be like, I think, 'cause with rap, you can't really do that. - Keep it like, I grew up in riches, fuck. - Well, no, but like, what he's doing is a contradiction. Do you know what I mean? I don't know much about his music. Was it like sort of. - Yeah, he was like talking about like, this is for the people and the trailers. This is for the people that aren't met. - It's like if Eminem was done that, his dad was Goldman Sachs. - Yeah, you'd be like one. - Shout out my friend Mark, my friend from college, but we always joked around about it. If you found out, if you found like Eminem birthday pictures and he's like cheering in crystal champagne glasses with his dad and like a Mercedes Benz. - You go by, like you go by eight mile and you go, holy shit, someone very talented came out of this. It makes it better. - And people love that story, is it? - It's a great story. - And even like, you know, people from the suburbs, that's even impressive. If you go and make something of yourself. - Where do you start in New York? - Yeah, I started in Tucson, Arizona. - Ah, that looks amazing. Is that what the, I swear, Google images, I always look at that place and they've got different colors and all the buildings are painted nicely, different colors. - It Tucson's not that nice. - Okay, it's about the wrong place. - Yeah, it feels like-- - I think it's somewhere else. - Are you thinking of Sedona? - It's, it's like, it's in the desert, but there's like big cliffs all around it. - I think you're-- - And the old house of paint like purple, yellow. - Yeah, I think you're thinking of Sedona. - Okay. - I think you're thinking of Sedona or Flagstaff 'cause Tucson and Phoenix are painfully desert. - Yeah. - Where you go, the desert is all around you. But I started there, but I was just like a middle class that grew up in the suburbs and then I went to college and started standing up there, but I had a dad that was just, you know, I just had a shitty father. - Okay. - So that was my touch to a white trash. - Yeah. - It was like, I'd go visit my dad and be like, holy shit, but I'd never, I also liked, I didn't realize it. - Well, he lived in Arizona. - Northern California. - So you were born in Arizona? - No, I was born in Hartford, Connecticut. And then my family moved to Colorado. - Oh, yeah. - My mom and I moved to Colorado when I was five. - What was that like? - Here's great, Colorado was the shit. - Yeah, I loved it. - Oh look, it's amazing. - It's great, it's like beautiful. I mean, I grew up in the 80s and 90s in there where you could live in a single mom could have a three bedroom house. - You seen any, do you see any bears? - No, I've never, I've seen bears in Alaska, but I've never seen them in Colorado. That's the thing, we don't realize how land-wise. - Yeah. - You go to England and you go to-- - We're tiny. - Guess like the size of Maine. - So I went to Vancouver, I was doing show there and I was gonna go to the island, Vancouver Island. And I was like, oh, it was just me. In my head, we drive around in a boat in like 20 minutes. And I found it like six hours from, that's the start, that's what it takes me to drive from London to, I get to Scotland in six hours. - That's crazy. - That's the crazy thing about Europe is you can get on a train in seven hours and you're in France. - You know, it's so weird, we're tiny. - Is that me gigging easy? - Yeah, but no matter where you want the, the time it takes is always like four hours is, you reframe how your brain thinks. So for you guys maybe four hours is nothing. - For us is huge. - That's here to DC. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Or here to Boston in the other way. - Yeah. - You know, the other way you're up in Boston for hours. - But I'm doing this Saturday and it's three and a half hour drive and I've been sort of toying with pulling it for the last like three days in my head. Because I just need to go, seven hours, really. - That is really funny because I have a show in Boston. I don't know if this came out after thanks for the great shows. But I have a show in Boston. The next night I have a show in Philadelphia. New York's in between that, we're driving. I'm driving up to Boston to see her family bringing the dog and then the day the morning of the show in Philly, we're gonna drive Boston to Philly. - Six hours. - Five and a half, six hours. So for you that would be like, - What are you going to Spain? - Well I did a UK tour most nights where I drive home. - Really? - Yeah, we drive back from, live in Liverpool. I mean that was stupid, but it was six hours. I just wouldn't, his man's where I'll get back. - Sure, and you live, do you live in London? - I live in London. - Yeah, they open a top secret here. - Yeah, I do. It's a very fun club. - Did it on Saturday? - It was a good fun club. - It was a very fun club. - Have you done it in London? - No. - So in London it's fucking amazing. It's great, it'd be great here too, but they got three rooms. So you can just do three shows really quickly. - That's always what you want as a comic, 'cause we've got like, we have three different opportunities for you to bomb. - Yes. - And you go great. - So they've got what's funny is in one of the buildings. There's two rooms. The upstairs, everyone bombs in. And then the downstairs is the best room. Like you just, the problem is you'll kill so much there and you go, oh, they've got on you, and you don't. - Yeah. - You don't have on you. - Do you have that false inflation? - Yeah, but it's so good downstairs. Then you go, we used to be that you do downstairs first and downstairs, you bomb, then you have a great one and leave. Now they do it the other way around. So it's sort of like you end up with this. - Here we go. Hi, I feel great now. I'm gonna leave walking out. That happens. There's a club here at the stand. - The stand is great. That downstairs room is one of the best rooms in the country. It's just unbelievable. That full feels great. And then sometimes you go upstairs and just leave being like. - I've heard that's hard that room. - Yeah, you can leave being like, well, there's always tomorrow. - Yeah. - There's a lot of walks home because of that. - Yeah. - I've just far enough that it's a little much of a walk, but I go like, it's good you guys. And like, I just can't get into it with this sort of - Driving? - The fucking Uber's ever, but people get a three minute Uber and the Uber will pick you up for a three minute trip. - Yeah. - That's insane. - The Olympics are there. That's going to cost your shit. - More about the World Cup, but I suppose it's spread out. - Yeah, World Cup is like, they're doing the road trip thing where it starts here in New York and then it goes to Chicago and then they're doing a game and then the finals are in LA. The World Cup finals are going to be in Los Angeles. The Olympics. - You guys give a shit, you don't read. - We do, we would if America was a lot better. - Yeah, okay. - If USA was like a powerhouse in the World Cup, we would give a massive shit. But that being said, we have a lot of fans of football. - Yeah. - Of English football. - It's getting bigger here. I mean, even when like Messi joined into Miami and you start seeing like Kim Kardashian's there with our kids, you know. - Oh, back on with the dressing. - Back on really fucking did a lot. How big was, I don't think we understand the scope of how big he was in England. - He was, his biggest, the queen. You know what I mean, massive. - Like Michael Jordan, big. - Yeah, we have, but the thing in the back of me is amazing. Football, he was never the best. It was just the brand and he was brilliant. But he wasn't like, I wouldn't, would he be in top five all the time? - No, no, you know. - What would you put in the, I only know, here's what's fun about video games. Is you can learn about sports, very quick like I have friends in the UK that play Madden. - Yeah. - They don't really know about football, but they know how to play Madden. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And though you get it, that was FIFA for us. - Yeah, okay. - And I remember playing with schools. - Pulse schools. - Pulse schools was like. - He was great. - His speed was off the charts. - Yeah. - And you just slam that, you just hit circle. Like, fucking, go, go, go, go, go. - The, who would be taught, I'd say, Wayne Rooney. - Yeah, Wayne. - Sherrod. I mean, Beckham was fucking brilliant. But Lam pod, Skulls, great. - She, that's the difference. - I don't know. - I guess we'd do it with, I guess we'd do it with Jordan, where we go Kobe, Jordan, LeBron, but everyone's really like, it's true. - Who would your Beckham be? So imagine Beckham was never like, there was point, there was seasons where I think he came like third in the World Rankings and stuff, I think, like, 99. But he was just a very good-looking guy who got married to the pop star of the UK. So it was kind of this royal, and the press had like a love hate with him. So everyone loved to escape, it was a fucking idiot, and doing impressions of him. And they kind of, they'd have like, their wedding was like, all gold. but like, look at these, you know, working class, they don't, they don't have to spend money at all. Give them money and look what they do with it. - He's garbage idiots. - So it was kind of like, you know, he's in hers throes and so they were sort of this, like, institution, but now I mean, the kids are all fucking, well, the one at the end. - Brooklyn doesn't talk to 'em. - He's a little fucking, it's always funny, dick. - Yeah. - Well, I can't even wait. - It's like a front public, yeah. She, she looks like a cat that's been thrown in the bath. She's just, ah. (laughing) - An expensive cat. - But her, I think what you're watching is, and what the inevitable Netflix documentary movie, is you're watching her versus Victoria Beckham. - Yes, of course. 'Cause I think Brooklyn. - And it's dumbass. - Yeah. - I'm gonna film myself making a sandwich. - Why? - Yeah, and then David Beckham, like, I don't know. - Yeah, yeah. - I gotta call it cheating once. - You just leave me alone. - But I think it's probably more fun. - Yeah, no, that's why he's like, he goes, I want that to remain where it's at. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Keep it that number low. - Yeah. - You do, like, you wonder, 'cause there's always a real story behind these situations, and then you read like, she was a problem with her ex-boyfriend I saw, and then they're like, and then, for that drama to get to me, I can't imagine how big it is in the UK. - Yeah. - 'Cause you guys want that stuff. Listen, what we found out is, and this is why, the Trumps and Obama's and stuff are so good at politics. Rage baiting worse, it sells shit. If you get people pissed off, and that's what sucks, we gotta get away from that. We gotta go back to, like, how about we just make good stuff, but that's boring. - Well, yeah, I think no one, I think we're done with good stuff now. I think it's over. - It's like trying to get pedals to go back to missionary. - Yeah. - You got that? - You fucked a 15-year-old model. But what about an age-appropriate woman in your face-to-face with her? - Yeah, it sucks, you're like, I want to go back. - We want the big, I mean, like, I watched the Godfather the other day, and I was like, this just would never, the first scene's 20 minutes long. - It's quiet. - Yeah, let's do this in a minute. - Well, they don't. And it's also like the thing they say about Netflix, that Netflix tells people when they're making movies, like, hey, keep saying in the dialogue. - What the plot is? - What the plot is for people-- - God, it's hard being a spider man. (laughing) - Did you see the rip with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon? - What was that? - It's like, they're two cops, but they-- - Oh, that's a new film they've been doing a press tour for, yeah. - It feels like a parody. - Really? - Like, it feels like, when I watched it, it felt like there were like, let's fuck with them. 'Cause every five minutes, they're like, don't you understand there's a ton of money upstairs and a lot of people are coming to get it? And we don't know who's right and who's wrong. And you're like, right, and then the scene happens. - Plus I've gotten a divorce. (laughing) - And my lady died, five minutes later. Don't you understand there's a lot of money upstairs? - Don't you all have amnesia? - Yeah, God, I wish you'd never drink problem. (laughing) - And my lady's dead, and then you're like, I don't like this, it has a movie. - No, 'cause there was a clip of them saying, I think they were on Rogan talking about that, that they get all these notes. And it used to be, there was Matt Damon was talking about, it used to be like, there was a set piece, and then set piece at the end, now Netflix is like, set piece, three minutes in, duh, duh, duh, duh. 'Cause it just, we can't be trusted anymore. - 'Cause the phones. - Yeah. - They got us. - Yeah. - Whatever the phone is. - I've read a book in years. - I'm trying to, I'm-- - It's terrible. - I'm trying back into-- - I look and you go, this, why isn't this glowing in my face? - It feels like jogging. - It's crazy. You're like, get out there and you're like, I've had a breath three. - Yeah. - I know I gotta keep going to do this more, but it's just so good that got so good at the programming. - It's crazy. - I catch myself at least, I'm not joking, at least five times a week, going, why am I scrolling? - Wait, it's made completely, I was with Mike before this, and he said he deleted apps off his phone, and he said the reason was he was waiting for a train, and he was just watching a man tight-rope walking, and he was just, why? (laughs) - Why? - Why? - I was like, I remember I got on a flight, or whatever, and I was looking at it, and the first thing is a blue baby being brought back to life like a dead bit, it's like, I opened my, I opened Reddit and it's like a guy slapping a baby's back and the baby being like, I don't know why am I watching this. - And there's a mad, I've got, and there's algorithm on Instagram with these cat videos, but it's like AI. - Yeah, I did. - And the one's got a cheat on the cat, starts cheating on the cat with the gorilla. - With the horse? - Yeah, yeah. - She's cheating with the horse, she's cheating with the gorilla. - And I watch like 30 of them in a row. - Yeah. - I haven't done what, do something, what are you doing? - They completely nullify. - Could it, uh? - You just sit there and you're like, it's so bad. - Yeah, you get caught in the algorithm and you're like, - It's fucking pathetic, how is it like? - And then I would say we're at this weird time where I almost feel a empathy for people that go all in on social media creators because of the turnover, they burn out something. - It's horrible. - We're men opposed to it, we shouldn't be. I mean, we shouldn't be doing this. - No. - It's like, I wish I'd been around this. - This is fun, I love having a conversation with you. - I wish we were in a world where both of us just stand up and this was a long time. - We were just chatting. - Yeah. - I wouldn't have to worry about it. - I wouldn't worry after about a guy getting butt hurt 'cause I made fun of Trump a little bit. - Yeah. - Even though I doled it out evenly, I wouldn't have to call him and be like, "I just fucking, there are people that are dumb "and I want to come back to the center." - Yeah, yeah. - This is not fucking missed on this, everyone. - But there is, there's like no appeasing everywhere. - Yeah, I put my idol podcast and I get sent the clips from the producer and he goes, "Put this on," I go, "Why is fucking shit?" (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. He's great at picking out clips where I go. - Okay, good. - I go. - That's all right, yeah. - 'Cause there'll be times where he'll send me stuff and I go, "I hate myself." - I hate the laugh, I do a laugh at the end and I'm like, "Oh, you look like a c--" 'cause my algorithm's comedians. So it's just two guys on a sofa and they'll be like, "I've been talking about the time I came in my pant." They go, "Ah, ha, ha, it's not that funny." - But by the way. - But you know it is. And you can see it in the rise. I love my favorite one is watching not unsuccessful but mid-level successful podcasts and they have friends and millionaires and yet, but they go, "We're doing the same laugh." You know, you can see it in their eyes when-- - The same exact movements. - Yeah. - Where is my mind? - Why am I not making any money? - I just like, I enjoy it because I get to have, I get to have people-- - It's great to meet people, yeah. - And to my apartment and talk to like, "You're gonna leave and I'm gonna play our craters." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This isn't like a thing where we have a post-production meeting and we have to really sit down. It's like Mike and I break down the lights and cameras. When I did Pete Davidson's podcast, it's produced by Netflix. - Really? - And I went in and it was like a movie shoot. And one of the ladies, I was like, "Waiting, Pete wasn't even there and I'm waiting for Pete." And she's like, "What's your podcast like?" And I go, "It's just equipment. We keep mixing my dogs, kennel." - Yeah, man. - In my office. And she's like, "Oh, thank you." - Oh, it's, and everyone's in like-- - I don't feel like a ripping people off. - The road, like, you know, Spotify paying $100 million and it changed everything, I think, now, everyone's trying to get, and everyone has a podcast. We have reality TV stars who were in fucking dog shit shows 15 years ago. And that will be them sat down talking about the mental health. You're like, "Why is this still famous?" - That's why when everyone, when anyone like, shits on it, I go, "Yeah, man, it's not for everybody." - I'm also, I enjoy the conversations, and I enjoy hanging out with people. And I really appreciate people listening to this. - But this is all a commercial to come see me do this. - Yes, that's what I'm doing it 'cause I want to summon tickets. - Yeah, it's like-- - But when I do-- - I would hate if I were funnier. You know, that's one of the reasons why I wanted to go concentrate on my stand-up, 'cause I felt like I was on podcast being funnier. And it's like, I'm putting my time in the wrong place. Now I can do this, but the work week is one day a week. - Yeah, it's an hour a week. - It's an hour a week, a little over an hour, and I'm gonna fucking go. And then in an hour, I'm gonna make another coffee and sit down and write jokes. - And then go do spots, you know what I mean? So it is like, there is an end. There is a means to the end. - But just like, the guy who killed Ben Laden followed me the other day. - That's it. - He's got a podcast, I mean, like-- - Number one, I'm jealous. Number two, give me on that podcast. - My, my, I want to go on it. My favorite thing is the mob guys, the rats. - That's Colin Quinn has the best joke about that. - Really, what does he say? - He's like, I think it's over when the mob started a podcast. - That's it. - He's like, you know, they took a oath famously to never talk about it. And then you're hearing him. He's like, what's Colin's line? He goes, and then I beat the guy to death with the tire iron. We'll talk about that later. Right now, we want to talk about Dollar Shave Club. - Right. - The best shave your life. - Three of you, that's it. - Better than the best shave your life. - Oh, that's so funny. - But it is like, you see that? You go, yes. - It's because, you can imagine the eyes. These guys, like, carrying a fucking body, and you know, throwing it in the shark. - No, no, no. - Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, she's like, she's like, - Another reader glasses, and they go, they're six picking tracks. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - He's got five million views. - It's not me, the bogey of honor, it's a bad house. - It's just one. - You ever feeling depressed? - Yeah. - He's just fucking, he's like, you know what I do? I take blue shoes. - Blue shoes. - It makes me fuck my gulman away that I never thought possible. I'm loving it. She might be a side beast, but with my blue shoe, she's the main screen. Now don't forget, you tell anybody you comment, dude, I want to start, let's just the way we're going to start our Sydney Sweeney Hidden Quest podcast. - Okay. - We're also going to do a podcast of tough guys' read comments. - Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They were going to have mobsters and mafia bosses and all that stuff, and we're just going to scroll on a giant screen with a crowd behind us. - So they can't kill us privately. And you go, oh, look at this one. This one hurt. - This guy says you look like a can of tomatoes put on a suit. (laughing) Put on a suit. Is that hurt you, Johnny the Strangler? - Yeah, I saw him with, was it that Michael friend says, a guy, him and Sammy, the boom, having an argument on Zoom. And Sammy, but was like, you never killed anyone. He's like, I've done so. and you're like, "This is so funny, man. You're publicly doing it." - If we had real police in this country, or they'd be like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." - Okay, they go to court and they go, "What do you got?" They go, "Play episode 47." - It's mad. But even like, if you're a burger van, you need an Instagram now. - Yeah, it's all, everything is shifted to that. So I understand people hating the overexposure. But just like I was saying with Dependulum Swinging and like how you have these cults of personalities and stuff, everything changes. Everything washes away. You mean, it's like, you can't stop erosion. It's just the water, the waves hitting you over and over again. This shit will be, dude, they'll come a time where I am like in my addict or garage and I find a podcast setup and I go, "What if for one, we take it back to 2026?" - Yeah. - This is Katie and I old and I'm like, "Let's talk about Dougie's stat." - Yeah. - This is the first, we're talking. We're sex-positive. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it'll all change and it'll go to something else. - And it'll be like-- - It'll be worse. - Having a podcast will be like our parents being in like a hair metal band in the late '70s. They'll be like the flares. No, the leather pants, that'll be, this'll be our leather pants. - My niece, my niece at her wedding will bring up a podcast clip that resurfaced that she's embarrassed by. - Yes. - It was Uncle Dan, why are you doing that and I go, "I don't know, it was high, it was in the afternoon." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Why are you being like that? - Everyone podcasts about that. - Yeah, yeah. - It is, I mean the analogy Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it but I've heard it before. It's smoking inside. - Yeah. - We're just all gonna look back and be like, "What was it like?" - What was it like? - Who thought that was a good idea? - Yeah. - And I'll tell you who thought that was a good idea, cut to the ads. (laughing) Red Richardson's one of the funniest dudes that I've came across in a while. You're fucking hilarious, you're staying up. I love your jokes. The joke about sucking dick, that was the one I was thinking about that I got mad about the Dubai. - Oh yeah. - Just the king, do you call the king? You're like, I really wanna suck a dick right now. Watch Bugatti Live. It's up on YouTube, it's hilarious. Get it, you know, it's got 1/4 of a million views. Get it to a million. - Yeah, yeah. - Get it to a million. Get red so much money that he's on an island with a shark door. (laughing) That's why we do this. - That's why you get in the game. It's not to create, it's to get to the shark door and ask questions about it, but not go through it. - Not go through it. Do you, thanks a lot. - Thanks so much for having me, man. (upbeat music)