My Turn Now HELLO

[applause] Uh. Hello! Hello! Welcome back to BirkenCon or make a podcast. We would like to start this episode by wishing a very, very happy birthday to our dear Izzy. Izzy! The big two, you know what today? And. We'd like to start off by telling her. 20 blank things that we love about her. Yeah, and we'll stop whenever. And it may not even be related to the number that she is. It might not, but it might. [laughter] Which is amazing. The important thing is that she's getting up there, in a way, compared to other numbers. [laughter] But also. Compared to other numbers, so down there as well. Brooke, that's the thing about numbers. There's always some time. Everyone's gonna be down and up. There's always something lower. Comparison is the. Oh, relative. Comparison is the deep boy. 1,000. [laughter] Hello! Hello! [laughter] Hello! [music] Okay, do you want. Let's do every other. Okay. Do you want to start? Well, they're kind of like. Yeah, okay. But what do you mean? Do you want to do the ones that resonate with you? Yeah, why don't you start? I think we. Did you mix them up? 'Cause I. Yeah, it's possible. 'Cause I. Okay, go ahead. Number one. No, start with. Okay. 20 blank things. 20 blank things we love about you. We love about you, yeah. That is easy. Number one. You are. Let's not even number them. Let's just. Yeah. You are our safe space. You. You be knowing what I mean. [laughter] And wait, should we provide any. I feel like I want to provide the context just. Okay, right. Just trying to list things and I didn't. Provide it. So you be knowing what I mean. Sometimes I'm laughing so I look at it and she. I'm like. She be knowing what I mean. Yeah. And like. She also be knowing what you mean, though. No, she speaks two different languages. She's bilingual. That's exactly what you're trying to say. Yes. That's why I just said she'd be knowing. Yeah. She'd be notes. Yeah. To many. Or bilingual queen. You're a Rolex of having a guy for that. Well connected. So well connected. But also. Even when it's like. I didn't even know there was a guy for that. No, but also it's like. It's also like. Tell us that. She's like. So humble. No, no, no, no. One of the things I have on here is like. You are moving in silence constantly. Yeah. And a way where it's like. Why didn't you tell us that? You know? Yeah. I would love to know that you knew that guy. Or like. It's just fascinating. Yeah. It's like. Oh, you want to go to Omeri? Don't worry. I know the producer. You know. You guys know. Every guy I know, you guys know. And you're like. You told us, you know? I'm like. I would love to be like. Yeah. That's my cousin. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Which is Matt. You've met my cousin. On adulterated horse love. Now this is a two-parter. Yeah. You love horses. But you're still like. You're kind of like changing the way that people would view a horse girl because you carry yourself in like. And now this is going to. I'm going to be. I'm walking in a gray area here and if I step in the either direction, I have a community of people mad at me. You were changing the way I would view a horse girl. And me. And then I could probably stop there because I think less is more here. Agree. Yeah. Hello. You do have horse girl hair though, Pazcon. Thank you. Yeah, it's healthy. It's beautiful hair. And we will actually get there. Man and tail. We'll get there soon. Man and tail type shit. You are a living proof that there are no stupid questions. Yeah. In the sense that at least you make us feel like our questions are not stupid. Even when they are. They accept them. You accept them. You accept them. Not only do you accept them, you're enthusiastic about them. And so now you know the answer still. And you're like, "Okay. Well, it's like a different parenting." That's another thing I love about Izzy that's not on here is that she does know the answer most of the time. And anyone else would be eager to say them. Especially during connections or something like that. But Izzy always wants us to get there on her own. Oh, Jesus. The way I would be the worst producer. No, no, man. I'd just be filling it up. I'd be mine. You guys are too slow. I have to go. I have stuff to do. You guys can't just be sitting here staring at the water. You're throwing on to the microphone. Oh, my God. Hello. Hello. Okay. I like this one. I do too. Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen your kneecaps. Really? I find that intriguing. I don't think I have either. You're like, you're so open, but there's mystery to you. That's what I. That's the moving in silence. Like, you do this air of mystery. And it's like, kind of the things that you wouldn't think to hot like your kneecaps. Like, maybe there's something that you haven't even told us. Like, any remotely fun fact that I have, it's like you're. To sure. You're going to know it. To you sure. It's like you have so many things that you just offer when they come up in contacts instead of blurting them out. Like, just one app. But not imagine. Genuine. And then we've already touched on this one. Yeah, I move in silence. You have what you touch on this next one, because I don't know if I understand. You cut the fat from the storytelling. So, I have like, obviously, I have the thing. So, kind of like what the connections thing that we just talked about. If I know your story's going, I promise you I've finished it in my head. And I'm thinking about something else. Well, that's why I bury the lead all the time, according to you. Because you're burying my lead with my story. Yeah, exactly. Because it's like, let's go. But like, I want to. I'm getting there. I think instead of finishing the story that I'm trying to tell to other people in the podcast, why don't you just like, cut the fat? Cut the fat. It's because, again, and this goes back to why Izzy is so special. I want to talk. I want to go. I want to go. My turn now. It's my turn now. Izzy doesn't have that. It's an amazing way. You're able to hold your time in a way. Most people can. But like, in a really good way. I want to go. She's self-control. I want it now. I want my turn now. Mine, mine, mine. Daddy. Hello. Hello. I'm sweating. Sorry. You're attention to detail, which goes kind of hand in hand with something that we've mentioned a few times on your thoughtfulness. Yeah. Like, you will get like a gift for someone that like I said this like five months ago. But you paid attention like so deeply that like you knew what why you laughed. That sound bad. No, I was just like thinking of a situation. Like what? Nothing. Like really nothing. I was not related to this. But please continue. You're trying to talk, don't you? No, I'm literally like making up a scenario in my head. I'm like thinking about what you're going to say. Yeah. I'm just thinking about like, we were earnestly in a conversation right now. Like, you're telling me that something. And you really are for me. But not to be like, hello. I'm telling you, I need to stop myself. No. You were genuinely going. So bad. You're so thoughtful. And you're like, it's so amazing and touching to us. And I'm just like, hello. This takes a bell. I think we were reading the ads. So this is a live, live development. But your attention to detail is amazing. Hello. Nice. Really. A good quality. Your ability to be unfazed. Like the way that you could Google like something like. So discussing about poop with such a straight face. No, you just go. Yeah. Actually, you're already googling it. Yeah. Well, actually, I have that in here too. You're always one step ahead of us. The foresight. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm like, can we, and it's already being pulled up on this. And like, for everything else, there's always stuff where it's like, oh crap. We didn't. And she's like, Inspector Gadget pulls out like a lighter from her sleeve. Oh, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins. Yeah. I also, she always has like, I need to abandon the other day. I shouldn't think so. So it's like, who has band-aid sound days? Is he? You know? Oh, my God. I sliced my finger this morning. Ooh, I did one of those thin slices that will stay with me for a while. We don't want to be about thin slices right now. Okay. Um, you have a great sense of style and great clothes and a gorgeous body under them. Hmm. Cute. You're welcome. Um, you're, to me, with Xan access to other people, I think. Because I'll be like, like, worst case scenario. And you're like, no, literally don't worry about it. Yeah. Hand in hand with that safe space. Yeah. Like, do you think that like, when I said this, this, this or people are going to think this, you're like, no. I'm like, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Absolutely. I know what you mean. Uh, you're the greatest Googler I know. You always know exactly what to say to the beast. To get them to tell us what we need to hear. Not a lot of people can do that. Is he in the machine? Yeah. Some spelling mistakes though. It doesn't matter. I know. Uh, when we both say that was the worst step ever and you go, no. Even though it was. I love that. I do too. Uh, food tastes better when you order it. Ooh, yeah. And you always like know what we want. Like, even when we don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Except that one time when I said shakshuka, yeah, nobody knows what you're saying. And you were like, "Okay, so I got you the shakshuka." And I was like, "Is he like a lot of you?" - 'Cause you even thought you were just commenting on it 'cause it was a funny word. - Yeah, I had never until two weeks ago heard of shakshuka. - Yeah, I was like, "How do you want your eggs?" You were like, "I don't." - Oh, I genuinely thought it was like a big joke. - Yeah. - I was like, "Why are we ordering from a polis restaurant?" It was already Joe and the juice. (laughing) What is this? - When did we say the abroad? - There's another thoughtful in here. Sorry if we already said that, but I think it's worth mentioning twice. That's true. - This is a good one. - You like it. - Your ability to keep two of the biggest space cadets and two different time zones on schedule is no small feat. - That's true. - That's a good one. - Like the fact that we have recorded an episode every week for the most part, except for that one week when we messed up a few weeks ago. - Yeah. - And that was our fault. - There was a lot going on. It was our fault. - It was our fault, but the fact that, like that's only happened once is, like I'm actually insane when you think about it. - It is. - Like the fact that neither of us have any sort of handle on our schedule and are living across the country from each other and we're here once a week. That's all because of Izzy. And when it's not, that's our fault. - That's true. - You're a real adult who we can learn real adult skills from. So that's nice. And we appreciate that. - Wow. - You never get mad at us for being late. Which is funny. I'm loving this new thing recently. We're like, broke us late now and like I'm completely up. - I'm so happy. - I showered upstairs in the sink when I got here. - Yeah, I heard about that. - Did you ran on me? - Yeah, and it's nice. But there have been times where I've been like, there was one time where I was like genuinely 40 minutes late and didn't bat an eye. You're like, it's okay. - No, it's really amazing. - Are you on something? I've never had, are you on something? - Okay. - Cocktail, yeah. - Okay, cocktail. - Yeah. - Wow, beautiful. 'Cause like, need that. Ashtag, need that. - Ashtag, need it. - And then lastly, you're so pretty even though your looks are the least interesting thing about you. - God. - We love you, Izzy. - I love you. - It's truly, truly the best present ever. - Oh my god. - We heart Izzy. - We heart Izzy. - We heart Izzy over here. - Oh, I thought I was drinking out of the Izzy mug today but I'm drinking out of the Connor mug. - Oh. - I never would. - Hello. - I've never once drank it out of the drunken. - Drunken. - I don't know. - I've never sipped out of the brook. - Can I say something? - You may. - Those mugs make my coffee taste like complete bullshit. - Really? - I know what it is about those mugs. Like, I know they're handmade by a fan. Like, thank you. It's very nice. - No, they're made from Patrick where we made this pot. - He made us those mugs. - Completely. It tastes fine. - Complete. - Like, there's no time. - Oh, for me, bad mood. Like, I pick up that mug and I'm drinking out of it. I'm like, oh, today's gonna suck. Like, I'm gonna be super negative. - Interesting. I'm not getting that. Do you want to dive into these bananas and just like see like what's going on? - Mine's holding on by, it's on life alert and yours looks so healthy and fresh. - No, it doesn't. Like, Connor has this banana that he just dropped on the floor that's like pretty damn brown. And like, could, it could be banana bread banana, but it also might be able to be a regular banana. - Okay, it's one. - Ew, ew, ew, Connor, stop. Okay, I think it's a banana bread banana and I have one that's maybe a little bit too green. So we wanted to see, we wanted to do a taste test. That looks so good. - Miss me with this. - Miss me with this. - See, this is like, I don't know if this is gonna be it. - Miss me with the nipple of the banana. - Cut off the nipple. - What's crazy to me is how much you have to fight through for the good part of the banana. When that string, even though the string is, when that string is kind of, - Starts with a P. - Penelope Cruz. I'm forgetting what it is. - Pertuitary. - Pertuitary. - No, that's not right. - That wasn't it. - That, that would definitely wasn't it. The Curio, it definitely was not the Curio where it'd be radicant. That sounds like a hotel. - The furniture started floating in the corner. - Floam bundles. - Yeah, hello. - And hello. - They're disgusting and it's crazy and I can't believe like, what's this? You know what would be amazing? A school lunch where the string that you pull off is cheese. The Floam bundles made out of string cheese. - So that's just a piece of string cheese. - No, but the banana's on the inside. - Okay, we are going to do a taste, hasn't see which is better. The one that's barely ripe or the one that's a little overripe. Ready? First, you have, let's, ready? This one's sour. - This one's sweet. - Here, switch. - Mine's very soft, like, in my mouth. - Oh. (laughing) - I seriously think what we're tasting is like GMOs. - Those are the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Extremism is not good on either side. - That's a polarizing banana. - I'm good to call it on both. Which one did you like better? - This one. - Me too. - I don't want it though. - That one I found, like. - That one was pretty disgusting. - Under a bunch of bags of chips. - I don't know how long it's been there. - All right. - I truly, like fruit recently has been-- - Oh, I have two good chills. - Good chills. - I might go chill up. - Good chill. (laughing) - Hello. We gotta stop, I guess not even. - I want to. - I want to. - I, um, I, um, I have something to tell you. - What? - I woke up. Have you ever woke up, you ever wake up with a song in your head? - I don't know. - Probably. - There was one day when I was like, "Oh, today is gonna be a cursed day." I woke up with Gaslighter by the Dixie Chicks in my hand. I was like, "What did I do wrong?" Like recently, this is my punishment. ♪ Gaslighter stands by ♪ - But it was, it was bad. Today I woke up with white boy wasted Channing Tatum. - No. - And it's like, "I don't even know what that's from. I had to Google it." And it's from Meg the Stallion song. Meg the Stallion. - I don't know it. - It's Meg the Stallion in Glowrilla, but I wasn't singing it like how she does it. It was like, you did the remix. - White boy wasted Channing Tatum. It was like that. - Like, Yankee Doodle. - But I also didn't wake up with the right lyrics in my head. It was, he don't want to be saved, don't save him. - Oh, I know that song. Don't save him there. - 20 missed calls. White boy wasted Channing Tatum. But for some reason I had white, white, she don't want to be saved, don't save her. And I was like, what a weird lyric. Channing Tatum, who's that? That would be fun. But now I would really like to make a TikTok after this and you do the rap and it hits me. And I was like, "White boy, is it Channing Tatum?" - Okay. - If that's okay with you. - Have you heard the Puerto Rico song? - Yeah, I can't do that right now. I'm curious. - Okay, no worries. - I can't. It hit, you don't like it? It hit my desk and I was like, "Oh, that's funny." Like, and then it didn't leave my brain for a long time. - How does it go again? I'm being serious. Like I genuinely- - First time in San Juan. - It's so good. ♪ San Juan, Puerto Rico ♪ - It's so good. - It is really good. I'll be honest. - It reminds me of like, there's an essence of like schoolhouse rock to it. - Well, the guy, it's AI. You know what's AI? - No. - Yeah. - But there's a guy. - The guy writes, apparently, the guy writes the songs and then plugs it into Chad G. B. T. Or whatever and then it cooks it up and makes a song for it. - That blows. - And so he's like full blown, he's not singing it. He's not, he's writing, apparently he's writing the lyrics. And he travels a lot. And so every time he goes to a new place, he writes about his trip and it puts it in and it makes a song. And people are commenting on his TikToks from other places and they're like, "We like San Juan more." And he's like, "Okay, like I'm not an artist. It has nothing to do with me." - I, like I wonder if this song is like genuinely like benefiting Puerto Rico. 'Cause like I haven't thought about Puerto Rico this much in like a minute. You know, like I wonder if people are now like wanting to go to Puerto Rico more. - I didn't even see the video. I've only heard the song. - It's educational in a way. - Anyway. - I know nothing about Puerto Rico. I don't, I don't totally know where it is. - Do you think it's a Cuba? - I don't care. - What? - You family from Puerto Rico? - Kinda. - Huh? - Like an aunt. - Like an aunt. - An aunt is from Puerto Rico? - Yeah, she's Puerto Rican. But like she's not by blood. - Like this. - Like one of my uncles like moved to Puerto Rico and married a Puerto Rican woman. And so now I've Puerto Rican cousins. - You scared me, I was like, I don't know this. - I'm not Puerto Rican, but I have Puerto Rican family. Does that make sense? - Yeah, by marriage. - Yeah, but like the cousins are blood. - Will you go? - But the aunt is not blood. I don't think they live in Puerto Rico anymore. - I've met them like once. - You should text somebody. - But they are good people. - I love, have you heard the song? - No, I mean this could reconnect families. - You should reach out. - Okay. - I have to tell you something. But are you ready? This is something I've been meaning to say for a long time, but I kept slipping my mind. It is poop related. Permission? - Granted. - Let me have a few more tips out of my Connor mug. - Okay. - For this one. - Those mug suck, sorry Patrick. Those are the worst. - Don't be mean. - No, I person, you know I personify all of my dishes. - I love these. - That mug gives me like coworker carpooling with me to like a work thing. And I wait, no. Co-worker, definitely. Co-worker, I'm stuck in a situation. What is the situation? Co-worker, work retreat, randomly assigned share hotel room. Co-worker. - And they're drinking out of this mug. - No, they are that mug to me. - Oh. - Okay. - You don't have that? Your dishes at your house, you don't have a favorite dish that you like feel close to. - Of course I do, but it's not like I'm like you're my coworker. - You're like the way you look. - Oh, we're different. Like I'm like you're my family, you're my friend. If I don't use you, I think you'll feel bad. My fork that's rounded doesn't hurt when I cut hard. That's my family member. - Yeah, no, I never really personified objects. Just things with faces. My front left, my front right burner on my stove. If I don't use that, I really truly feel like I'm gonna feel guilty. - That's fine. - That's like going behind someone's back and not telling front right burner. - Okay. - Don't get me started about ramacans. - I won't. - Do you want to hear? - Hello, no. - Come on. - I want to tell you something. - I only have four ramacans. - I've been trying to tell you something. - Doesn't care about my ramacans out the record show. Tell me. I just like, forget me for pushing off the poop convo just a little bit further into the app side. - It's fine. - Okay, poop. - We are like a significant amount in. - Okay, poop me. - This just happened a while ago, but. - You've been holding this back? - I keep forgetting to tell you. Basically both of my boys are really good at using the litter box. - Yeah. - And they always have been since they were babies. But like kind of recently, like a few months ago, they started like maybe like every two weeks just being like a little poop. Like here and there. And it was like weird because it was such like an intentional poop. Like it was not like they, like it was like a turd. Like they didn't have a stomach ache or anything clearly. This is going to be like poop heavy. - Whoa, either. - Like it was like, I was like, you had to have pushed this out. Like you did not like have diarrhea on the floor. Like you were not having a stomach ache. Like this was an intentional thing. But it's like kind of just, it started later in their lives. And it only happened like once every three weeks or so. So I was like, okay, weird for my kids who are so good at the litter box, but whatever. And it's a very like, I can't start this enough. They always look the same. This little turd. Yeah. - And get chills. - Yeah. And so a few months ago, John started gagging. And I was like, oh, he's throwing up. So like obviously rushed towards him. And I want to be there with him. If he's not feeling a ball so eyes and ears closed. Well, that's happening. And then when it was done, open my eyes. There's the poop on the ground. - The turd. - The turd. So I was like, did you just throw up poop? All of these poops that I've been seeing have been coming out of John's mouth. So John has been pooping out of his mouth. So obviously I think he's dying. I'm freaking the fuck out, googling cat poop out of mouth. Like, hi, hello, cat pooping. - Hello. That's a very unindosious akelo for me. I'm worried about that. - A lot. And guess what? I just did cat pooping. The suggested search immediately filling out of mouth. This is a very common problem because guess what? Have you ever seen a hair ball? No, you haven't. - I had a cat, bro. Do you know that it looks like a poop? - Like, maybe? - No, is he, I'm sorry. - Did you have your contaction? - This is a poop. - Yeah, go maybe one, two, three, five, the fifth, sixth, next to him. That's it, two more over. No, just that like, that piece of poop. (laughing) - Yeah, like I've-- - That's a hair ball. - Yeah, I know. I've seen hair balls. - Yeah, I-- - But mine boys looked like more like poop than that. So imagine, yeah, that's a hair ball. You're telling me that's a hair ball. - I'll give you that that does not look like a hair ball. - That is not a hair ball looks like. - No. - No, no, yes. Is he just had to Google cat hair ball? - Look at all of them. - I could maybe have to get it. - I get it. - I understand it, but why didn't doc, like the vets should tell you, like, hey, don't worry, like new cat owner. Like if it looks like your cat's pooping out of its mouth, that's what a hair ball looks like. Because that's not what the media has portrayed hair balls as. They portrayed it as more of a ball of hair. - I do want to say like my cat's hair balls didn't look like fat turds, like fat long turds. Like that's crazy. - They are fat long turds. - No, mine was very hair heavy, so it was very clear. And also there was like, - What color was your cat? - Like gray. - I guess maybe because I have black cats. They're, that's like, it's pretty much a poop. - So okay, turdgate is closed, right? - Turdgate is closed, but it's no less upsetting. It's more upsetting. And it causes them discomfort that I, which I don't care for. - Hair balls are normal. - They are normal. - I wonder if any have ever come from Rob. I'm really curious, 'cause I only saw one. - I gotta keep taking measures. Don't move your shirt. - Oh wait. - Just hang on. - I know that. - I'm gonna do a collection of Brooks shirt every time I see it in like a different shape. And I'm gonna share them at the end of the episode. It's remarkable what's happening to Zach. - This just showed up to my house, I didn't order it. - What a coincidence. - I don't think it's a coincidence. I do think someone ordered it. - No, what a coincidence based on my experience on Monday. - We'll see your experience on Monday. - I texted you, I texted you both. - I forget. - I saw him. - Oh, and you think I didn't have a dream about him last night? By the way, I'm wearing a Troy Bolton shirt. - Don't move. - No, don't move. - I just didn't. - You just put your chest out in that way. - Honor. - Brooke! (laughing) - Hello. - Hang on, don't move. - I don't know who ordered this for me. I checked in with everybody that I know. So I do think it was someone that I didn't know. But I'm grateful for it. It is weird. But I love it. He was in my dream last night. - Well yeah, he's ever present this week because I went to the Lakers game on Monday. I lucked out. Someone gave me tickets to these amazing seats. And Lakers having a really bad season. I'm not totally like a basketball man. I do love going to Lakers games. It's very cool. - I want to go to a Dodgers game. - I would go to a Dodgers game with you. We are historically-- - Farmers bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. - Such as-- - You said we are like that. - Oh, okay. - Sorry. - No, it's fine. I was gonna say, hello. (laughing) No. I was gonna say we're historically very, we have historically a lot of much. The buses are very late. The buses are nasty. And we waited a periodically long time. - For the Lakers? - No, now we're both tweaking. We had a good time at a Dodgers game, that one time. And we have to go back. - The one where I was crying? - Yeah. And then we started laughing. - Yeah, that's fine. - We did a little bit of shrooms. And so emotions were high. - No, we did high. - No, we did. - Yeah, we did. - No, we didn't. - Yeah, we did. - No, we did not. - But yeah, we did. - I would not have done that at that time in my life. - Broke we did. - I swear to God, there's no way. - Cross my heart, hope to die. - Like chocolate? - Yeah. - We're like-- - Like, I think. - What was the context of it? - We were just like, let's do it. - At the Dodgers game? - Before. - Where, like at your house? - Yeah. - I don't think there's a way. - I promise, there's a will. - I really don't agree. - But that would make a lot of sense. - Yeah, I don't agree. - I don't agree. - I don't agree. Unless you gave something to me without me knowing. - Well, I would not slip shrooms into your drink. I don't have an interest in you not knowing that you're all sure-- - I just don't think I will, I don't remember that. - Is that a side effect of shrooms? - Like, yeah. I told you when I went and got that massage and I thought I was eating chocolate before my massage, the massage that gave me COVID. And they were playing music on this little boom box. And it was that song from not Ave Maria, but it was like something adjacent to Ave Maria and it was playing at a boom box in this tent that I was getting a massage in. And they were massaging me and I like, my emotions were overflowing and I started crying through that little face hole on the massage. table. And I was like, what is going on? Why am I so moved by this? I'm like, the guys, that was the fingernail one where the guy's fingernail was like scraping me on while he massaged me. And then I got COVID, like all around was worth every, every $15 that I spent on that. And then I was like, oh my God, I ate that shrimp chocolate. What were we talking about? Zach Efron. So I was at the Lakers game. And I'm looking around. It was crazy. It was so star-studded. It was ushers sitting here, Jessica Alba and Odessa, Daisy Anna, or whatever. I don't know how to say her last name. I just read her Instagram name so I don't know when her last name starts. I read it. No, it's her first name ends in her last. Yeah. So Odessa was with Jessica Alba. And Leon under the caprio was sitting right in front of me. And I think it was with like two young influencer girls, like bleach blonde hair influencer. No, but it was weird because he's with like an Italian still 22 year old. But like, these were like L.A. like influencer. I mean, it was not like, anyways. And then next to him, not right away, there was like a bunch of those people that like definitely talent agents. And then, then it was Miles Teller and then Zac Efron. My man, my man. And they were talking the whole time. And I was like, that Zac Efron, like I immediately clocked it. And they're talking and they're hanging out. And then like Miles Teller gets put on the jumbo, trying to hit half of Zac Efron's face. You know, you know. I know. Is he put up? Can you put up the photo? I sent you guys where he walked by. And it's like, I got to send a photo to these guys. I was like, it's weird that they're not highlighting Zac Efron. Yeah. And you know what? I should have noted that when you sent that to me. But really, there was no doubt in my mind that that was Zac. If you are listening to audio, you should look at this because it's pretty a lot. It's remarkable. This one, I was like, that's not that photo. Yeah. No, it doesn't look like him at all, like in any way. But then his, he's, we got to go to the next one, his profile on the image was like completely Zee. That is the on the jumbo. Yeah. And then go, when you see the screenshot that I sent next, you're going to be, that's a, that's a, that's a remarkably bright creature. Yeah. 150. And I'm thinking, okay, cool, locked and loaded. And then I'm getting my car from valet. And he walks up and I get a straight full frontal. This guy was like Asian or like half Asian or made like he was like not white, not Zac. It was not Zac, but it was like so close and it makes me think that that to me, I would have said, you sent that to me, I said, wow. No, it was, it was like, perhaps he's gotten a little bit more touch, touch ups in the studio. Oh, so you're saying it was, Zach, you think it was, Zach? Maybe. No, if it was that, they would have put him on the jumbo with my, I don't think, I don't think he would have done his eyebrows that dark because he doesn't have that dark fibras. I don't, I don't think it was, but it isn't a warming doppel. But yeah, or, you know what, they should, I mean, if anyone's looking for a body double for Zac Efron, I found one. It's remarkable. It's remarkable. That is, that is Zac Efron. Yeah. So, are you sure it wasn't? 100, 100 p. How about you ask Dylan? Or is that weird to send him a video of his brother? I like the way I forget their brothers and sisters. It's like, it's crazy. No, sometimes Dylan will say like my brother, and it just won't occur to me to like four hours later that he's like, I'm like, okay, you're talking about Zac Efron. Okay. Um, what was he going to say? I have something to say about my dream about Zac. Yeah. Um, it's not that it's just like stupid. So I'm, I'll pass actually. No, you should say. Basically, Ariana Grande invited me to her concert. Don't move. Okay. Keep talking now. And there was a lot that went on in the woods by the concert. I did, I think I did end up shooting someone, but that isn't relevant to the Zach Efron portion of the dream in which he was congratulating me. I had basically solved this huge FBI case in the woods next to the Ariana Grande concert that was connected to the stadium. And I, you know, I had brought the on sub in justice restored. The what? The on top. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Zac came up to me. For Ariana said something and then Mike and was like, Brooke, it's finally time. Like we have someone we want you to meet. And then I pulled me over to Zach. And then Zac was like, I have to be honest. Like I already know who you are. And then at the same time, as he said, your friends with Dylan, I said, you know lady Efron. And so he was like, what? And then I was like, yes, I'm friends with Dylan. And he was like, no, what did you say? And then I had to explain lady Efron. And it was so embarrassing. That's funny. How did you not think even in your wildest dreams that that wouldn't be a little bit endearing for the young man in the dream? Yeah. I don't know. I would, I don't know if that would be endearing at this point to be like, I am 30 and I go by lady Efron sometimes on the internet. Thank you. Hello. Hi. No, that's your, your community. I'm actually 29 now. So it could be funny. Yeah. Get it in while you can. Yeah. Well, that's fun. Thank you so much. I think you, I'm sure you were there. Praying the background screaming for me. I'm sure you were there. I'm the one you shot. No, I didn't shoot you. Also, it was not a fatal shot. I was just able to disarm. Well done. Thank you. Neutralize the threat. Patriot. My gun came out of nowhere. Speaking of a situation like that. Yeah. This is just like a story. I'm gonna tell quickly. It's not related to anything. I just forgot to happen this morning. I texted. I was texting Maggie. Because she talks a little bit about Tucker Carlson in her set. And Tucker Carlson was just listed as a domestic terrorist by the White House. And I texted Maggie. Tucker Carlson just listed as domestic terrorist by the White House. Texted sent. I think you have the wrong person. Nice. Hope you're doing well. Texted my high school soccer coaches wife. That Tucker Carlson has been listed as a. It's her name Maggie. No, I'm not gonna say, but it's a lot of the same letters. Okay. That's the worst. Yeah. She said, hope your wrong person. Hope you're well. I said, well, just so you know, Tucker Carlson's a domestic terrorist. Hello. Hello. Yeah. The domestic terrorist list is growing. Can you explain what happened you last night? Yeah. Nothing happened to me, by the way. Can you explain what you went through? Yeah. Well, okay. Okay. So last night, basically Alex Adamin, who's a comedian, very funny. One of my buddies messaged me over the weekend. I was like, I have a show at UCSD in San Diego. Would you want to jump on? And I'm like, yeah, oh my god. I'm a huge fan of his. He's so funny. Let's do it. And then I, so I'm so this didn't go through anyone. So like there was a schedule or anything. And then like day of. We're like driving down. And he's like, oh, it's at this, this auditorium, blah, blah, blah. And then he starts laughing. He's like, oh my god. I didn't realize this is for the Jewish arts festival. Yeah. And so I arrive. And there is like Shabbat music playing in the green room, which I found so interesting because it was a Tuesday. Yeah. Like the song, Connor sent me a voice memo and like the song that you sent me is something that is sung on Shabbat. Yeah. And it was, I think it was just maybe to get me in the mood. And then we went upstairs and like the, the. The median age of of the group attending was probably 75. But I feel like you would love that, no? Yeah. Like, yeah. Was it like a religious Jewish community? Or was it like a bunch like Larry David? I don't know. It was not a bunch of Larry David's for sure. But the thing is like anytime you get like an audience, you want to like tailor, I tailor my set, you know, like when I'm in the south, I'm like, sure. Vaccines. Hello. I don't know. I don't know. But there I was like, I want to like. And they're like, I think it was like a little bit more things outside of my knowledge of Judaism. Like, I like, yeah, no one enough. I hang out with like a little bit more deep cut. Yeah. And like the things being said, and I had not prepared anything. And then I, I find out on like basically when I walked on stage, I was mediating a conversation with Alex at the end. So it was kind of just like an improv-y thing, talk through things, open it up. I had a list of questions I was asking. I'm kind of like running through and chatting with him, kind of like live. And we're talking about his set. And like immediately, I'm like trying to do jokes at the beginning. And like it was not even like pity laughs. It was like complete like, what is this? - Okay, which is not your fault. - No, I think it was fine. I do think that like given the audience, like they might have just been like, we're sitting and listening. Five. - Yeah. - And I don't receive like, sitting and listening very well. - Yeah. - So I'm like, okay, let me just ask these questions. And at some point I'm like, okay, we're asking the questions. We do need to have a conversation that's what I'm here for. And I'm forgetting like, sayings and stuff. And I'm saying things weird. And like, and we're talking about a set. And I'm like, so when you're working to a set, blah, blah, blah, you do have to like, you're breaking it down. He's like, I had four hours of material. I broke it down for my special noon hour and a half. And I was like, so you had to like, you had to like, cut your babies. And I was like, okay, that was not the saying in my head. And then like, because I'd been trying jokes, I was like, what if they think that was a circumcision joke? And I'm sitting there fucking sweating. And then he's talking, talking, talking. I'm not even hearing a word he's saying because I'm in my head like, they're thinking I made a circumcision joke. And like, no one like every, like I'm looking or I'm like, every, there's 700 people. I'm like, everyone here's mad at me. And then I go, middle of a sentence. Kill your darlings. And it was like, I've never heard of kill your darlings. Like I couldn't even, I couldn't. And no, but he was in the middle of a sentence. Figure out what he's meant by, cut your babies. It's basically like, I don't know if it applies anywhere else, but basically like when you're doing comedy and you have new jokes, so you have to work into your set, you still have it's a set time. Like if you're, if you're a comedian, you're doing an hour special, like, and you have an hour and a half, you have to kill off some of your darlings. You love these, you love these jokes and they feel like so key to you, but you have a better joke coming in, you gotta kill your darlings. And that's another like, cut the fat and send you in though. Got it. Cut the babies was not right, no. And then I just cut him off and I was like, kill your darlings and they probably thought I had Tourette's like. That's, you know what, that's probably best case scenario. It sure wasn't. I promise you, but he was happy. So yeah, and then we went to this dinner place last night. The way it was my dream venue. Who was it? It's a bar, like dive bar. And it's like where I put, where I would put a pool table in this dive bar. Benny Hanna Grill, you order your food, you cook it yourself and you sit around a grill and everyone's grilling and then you walk back to your table and you order your beers. What kind of food were you grilling? I got a flank steak and I got salmon. What about people who don't want to do that? You can go in there and sit and drink. No, what about people who want to eat, but not grill it themselves? Better bring a friend that wants to grill. Wow, so it's not even an option for the kitchen to make it for you? I'm not sure, but-- So they just bring you out raw meat? Yeah. I would not trust myself to cook it thoroughly. They have directions on the thing. It's like, if it feels-- Doesn't matter. If it feels like you're cheek, then it's ready to go. No, I'm not. Well, I'm not going to put my hand on a hot piece of meat, but it was very, very cool. It was like a cool experience to me. OK, I love that. Yeah. Another San Diego experience where I was like in San Diego. You know how I was talking about San Diego? I'm like, every time I go, it's like I'm in a different place. Another night where I'm like, I don't recognize anything. I've never been here. That's kind of-- I love San Diego, you know that. You know my-- I was in the Hoyah. Oh, the Hoyah. But I drove back up here. I'm thinking I'll leave really early and I'll get up here and we'll celebrate Izzy's birthday and everything. I'll leave-- Suggest a time to leave on ways. 5.40. OK. Hello. Did you leave at 5.40? Yeah, can you believe it? No. 5.40, I honestly called my dad, listened to music, saying-- How long was the drive? Two hours, 48 minutes. Why was it so long? There's traffic. There's traffic. No, the way people are crashing in the morning is crazy. It's like not like afternoon crashing. It's like full of 18-wheeler turned over. But I felt so bad for the people going south because an 18-wheeler on that two-lane road when you're going down San Diego and the ocean's on your right, there's no other road. You can't even exit. If you're just on this road, an 18-wheeler fell, blocked-- like, there's no going around the 18-wheeler. It was 20 miles stop. I wouldn't be here right now. Thank you. That sucks. It does, sorry. But I'm glad that you made it in one piece. Thanks. Oh, I was going to tell you also. This was related to this. Did Netflix as a joke last night? Oh, wait. Yeah. Let's talk about it. Well, the biggest thing for me and the thing that I did last night with Alex, and I've been kind of talking to other legitimate comedians this week. And it's the most real comedians I've ever talked to me. They don't like-- because an Alex is pretty open. He just doesn't-- he doesn't hold anything back. And he's like, yeah, I came to your show at grammar scene. I was like, I don't need to go to this TikTok or show. I'm like, I know that's how everybody thinks about people that start comedy on TikTok. And I remember being in green rooms and no one-- I didn't feel that way, too. Yeah, no one would talk to me. And then you go out and you prove yourself. And then they're like, oh-- Prove yourself. But there is like territorial. I'm already seeing new people come out and start doing comedy. I'm like, stop. Oh, I get mad when other influencers write books. I'm like, you eat-- Yeah. No, it's like the gate should have closed after I went. My turn. I want to go. Oh, wow. My turn. Do you know what that's from? No. Forget it. Who cares? Who gives a fuck? It's from that episode of The Office. It's just for an incredible dinner party. Oh. And when my book goes, my turn in Jan is like, whoa, babe. I just-- It's so good. It's the best episode. That's the Asabuka surprise for three. I just watched that with the TV. Yeah. The plasma. Sorry, did I cut you off? No. I'm wondering what's happening. Am I just dumb? I'm outside. No, that was it. It's just like legitimized the company. Well, did he say you proved yourself? No, he didn't come. I thought he went to Grammarcy. He went to Grammarcy two years ago. OK. And I was like, have you been holding on to this? Because it was our first time meeting in our three or drive down to San Diego. OK. But we have a ton of mutual questions. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. Hello. Hi. Yeah, it was OK. Were you driving or driving? I mean, it was good. It was good. I was driving. I have this little Hyundai. That's like half electric, half gas. Oh, yeah. It's like I get it. It was awesome. I filled up the tank one time. Where? Two in from San Diego? No. Like the whole time I've been here. I've been here for two weeks. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Like no one-- like, you're listening to a podcast where I'm telling you that I filled up my tank and my Hyundai is amazing. Sorry. Like, I'll move forward. But that was a good show. Like, that was one of my more fun shows just because it went really well. But I talked about it. It was so good. Thanks for coming. You're so proud. You broke came. My grandma came. I didn't get to see Mimi. cousin Logan came. The understanding. I did get to see cousin Logan. She got in a lot of trouble for taking a picture of you. They were so-- there was this one guy that was so strict on her. You couldn't breathe without him breathing down your neck. That was like the craziest-- the venue was so insane. We did a meet and greet after him. We all went out. There was not a single person on the staff there, and it was just bizarre. We were so far away from everyone, and we didn't know what to do. And there were people that had bought meet and greet tickets, and they were just standing in the room with you and I. And they were like, what do we do? I was like, I don't know where we are. Yeah. I didn't know. What was going on there? But I loved every second of it. You were amazing. Thanks. It was very fun. I think. I don't know. But no. It's fine. OK. And then that's the last thing. Well, I got a Milwaukee this weekend. I'll see you in Milwaukee for a show. And then why? I just like get confused. So now you're just doing like one-off shows. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Keeping fresh, because I film my-- Keeping fresh. I'm not calling it a spiritual. Tight and fresh. I'm filming a spectacle first month of June, and I'm going to read it off where I'm going because I want you guys to come. I think this will be announced by the time we go live with this. But June 10th and 11th, I'm in Fort Lauderdale. June 12th, I'm in Tampa. And June 13th, I'm in Orlando with Maggie Winters and Xavier Phillips, Fibs and Friends. We're taping it. We're taping a special is what people call it. But it's a spectacle because it's going to be very different. I love the y'all are like a little family. It's great. It really is. It makes it so easy. We have such a different dynamic. Yeah. It's so good. And I can't wait to be in Florida. I know. I love Florida. It's going to be great. And you're going to be on tour too well. I'm on tour. We're going to be touring. We better talk about-- do we talk about scheduling yet? Yes. We did, baby. Oh, spooky. Um, I am, I guess, nesting, you could say, in preparation of Phoebe and Tor. Good. I'm not kidding. And this is mental illness, but it's fine because I know I will snap out of it when I have to because I don't have another choice. I have gone complete, like, agoraphobic. I can't leave the house unless I have to. Sunlight, like, burns my eyes and skin. Like, I cannot leave the house, like, in preparation. Like, I think my body and my nose that, like, I will not be home for a while. And so, my body is bound to the home, like, legally. And, like, there's, like, a biological component of my body that, like, cannot step outside. Or do any-- or respond to any email or text. - That's okay. - It's really amazing. - That's okay. I wish I had like some, something deep to say. - There's nothing and like everyone is like concerned in a way that I'm like, no, like it will have. - It's inside. - It will totally subside the moment I step on the plane because it has to. - It'll understand. - But like I am definitely nesting. - That's awesome to me. - They're nating. - 'Cause I'll be like, moving around doing a ton of stuff and then I'll go do the traveling stuff and then I'm like, I'm gonna end it. - Yeah. - I'm gonna end it all. - Yeah. - I nest post, I nest in post. - Okay, so I'm definitely nesting pre and I almost can't even imagine what will happen post. What I'm worried about is that I come back on the weekends for a day and I'm worried about getting like having to leave again and like if my body will let me, you know? So it'll be interesting to see. - I think you'll just be on autopilot. Like I think your feet will just move and your body will move and you'll go to the airport and you'll pack your bags and then it'll be just like. - I'm just so curious. Like so excited and so lucky. I'm just very curious about how I'm gonna handle it. I'm looking forward to finding out. - I think it'll be kind of like you're on crack. Like I think it's gonna be awesome. - I definitely wonder. - I think you're gonna be an arc to do it. So that's exciting and less than two weeks, 'cause it comes out, P-B-G-E-L-I, P-B-G-L-A, she pops. - Oh, that's why I wanna make TikTok. She's like I'm gonna do a promo for Phoebe, but it's just like in my own way. - What will the way be? - It's like you just have to agree to do all these TikToks with me that are fun and I'll make the caption. Phoebe Berman, X amount of dates out. (laughing) - That work. - Perfect. 'Cause they're fun. It will be so fun. - I wanted to do Puerto Rico's song, but I don't wanna get in trouble if it's AI, honestly. - No, everyone's come to terms with that, because- - I don't like, I don't get it. Like some people are, like some things are okay and some things are not. I don't know where the line is. - It's truly like, I don't know. - It's truly like we like this person. They can use AI. - I don't get it. - Is anyone mad at Reese Witherspoon? I'm confused. - Yes. - Okay. - Yeah, but she doubled down. - I know. Well, she's a business woman. Like, it truly is like she doesn't, she's not reading any feedback from people. - I see, like I, and I'm actually at, I'm dancing on a commercial thing. - You can't say it, I can. I will just say like, when you're, she's adapting these amazing books. It's like, at what point do you need AI for that? Like what do you just, you have the, you have that, and then you have writers. Like I'm confused like where AI would come in. - No, I don't think that she plans on using AI. - I'd say it feels like a message of someone getting ahead of it. - I think she's just like, I wanna understand it because it's happening whether we like it or not. I did not take it as I'm going to be implementing AI into my projects, but to teach their own. - That's how I received it, but I'll keep it very open mind. I hope not, I really like her. - Yeah, we'll keep our. - But the Puerto Rican guy. Puerto Rican guy can use it. I, that song like, you are the only exception. - I love that song. - Yeah, it's really good. - Paramore I'm still into you by Paramore. - Yeah, it's a good song. I listen to it all the way here. - No, you did not. - Yeah, you know what else I listen to? I promise you, 'cause it was on a really weird playlist. Believe women, yeah, I listen to that song on the way here. I also listen to, no, no, no, no, don't funk with my heart. I miss the days when like, song names would be like, don't funk with my heart and it was like, oh, you're bad. - Like, if you seek Amy. - No, that was my other example. - Literally took five years, literally one day in the most random, like I was in the supermarket and it dawned up. - No, it was like, in your window, I'm like-- - Hello. - And my parents, I'm gonna listen to my bedroom and my parents don't know, and now the songs are like, eat my pussy immediately. - Yeah. - Remember you in your hand by pink? - No. - You don't remember that one. - That's our bonus song. - You don't remember you in your hand. It's just you in your hand and I. That was so good. - No, I didn't know that. - I had no idea what she would talk, what she meant. - Oh, I get it. - Yeah, wow. - I didn't. - Until I did multiple years later. - Until I did multiple times later. - I remember poor Gabby, my sister, like, had older siblings, obviously, and so she would get in trouble for explaining what songs meant to her classmates because she was just trying to get ahead of it and to warn them, and she got in trouble for telling everybody that's that whistle song. - Are you gonna blow my whistle, baby? - Yes, so she let everyone know. - Just the subtext and the deeper meaning behind that song and she got in trouble, which you shouldn't have. - I truly think that's an art that we need to bring back like these kids. - She's dissecting lyrics. - It's genuinely impossible for the, like, it's just handed out now. It's like, this song is about sucking and blowing dicks, you know, like. - Yeah, candy shop. - Brilliant work, also lollipop. - Yeah, never. - That was really, I remember someone telling me about that and I was little and I was like, this is deeply upset. - No, no, the beginning of the song is call me so I can make it juicy for you. I go, how do you make a lollipop juicy? What does he mean by that? So good that make me wanna lick the wrapper. - He actually said no homo. In no homo, but I wanna lick the wrapper here. - Did he say no homo? - Yeah. - I wanna bring that back. I think you can, if you're an ally. - I said, he so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper. - No homo. It's like good to get out of it. - Wait, sorry. - No. Oh, it's the first thing he says is no homo. - No homo. I said he so sweet, make her wanna lick the wrapper. And like. - Is she just like talking about his buddy? - No. - What, wait, what song is this? - lollipop. - I was talking about, I'll take you to the candy shop. Candy shop. - Yeah, I mean, this is just like an off, she, I'm sure. - Sorry. - She, she, lick me like a lollipop. - Yeah, she, she, lick me like a lollipop, lollipop, yeah. She, she, lick me like a lollipop, lollipop, yeah. - And that's in honor of Tucker Carlson being a domestic terrorist. I wanted to read it like him. Um, Shawty wanted to hug, yeah. Bottles in the club, yeah. Shawty wanted a hump. You know I like to touch, yeah. Your lovely lady lumps, yeah. - I wanna talk about the no homo. - Sure. - Because I don't get it. - So, okay, intro, Lil Wayne. - Ow, uh huh. - Can we, can we click on the genius lyrics? Maybe they can explain them to us? - No homo. Like he says, the first thing he says is no homo. - Here Lil Wayne expresses his intention before he starts saying, no homo, he's not gay. - So though, but just he is setting the scene for the entire song. - The word, rap can be perceived as gay. - It's a level 100, he's a rapper and he's talking about a rapper for a piece of candy. You wanna lick it 'cause it's so sweet. She wants to lick his cock and balls. - But what could be gay about that? - He's quoting her, but in the song, you can't hear him do quotation marks. - Okay, so he's singing from the POV of a woman. - She wants to lick the rapper of the lollipop as it's so sweet. She wants to lick Lil Wayne, the rapper. - He's getting in the head of a woman and he's like, no homo, I'm singing from the POV of a woman. I'm not yearning for this cock and balls. - Exactly, bro. - Okay. - Got it. - Symbolism is everywhere. - I got it. - For those who wish to see it. - I got it. - This is a brilliant sign. This was one of my favorites. I was one of my first songs I split headphones with someone for. - Mine was pussy money lead. - Fabulous piece of work. - Yeah. - I also, that was, wow, I didn't know that you listened to Lil Wayne. - Only because my crush liked it. I was making my Facebook status a little like when they were ex. - He was great. He's one of my favorites. - Mine too. - What were we talking about before this? - I don't know. - We're about to do a little word on the bonus, and okay, I really like. I really want to say something. - Okay. - Let me like read back what I was thinking about it before I say it just to make sure, like, this is coach. - I've just knees. - Phew, thank you. - Everyone copes differently. - To announce a hosting of Wordal to cope with your odd and mysterious murder of your elderly mother. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did she say that she was launching this in order to cope? - No, I would probably just be nesting right now. I don't know. - What she's supposed to do, just lock herself in her house? - I'm sorry, the Wordal of it all really changed. If she was the new host of Jeopardy, I'd be like, that's a noble step, just like Wordal. - To me, that perhaps a Wordal game show could be the only thing that brings me back from the ashes. - Okay, you just re-re-re-did, hello. - Like it's light and like. - Executive-produced talent. There's like a lot of nefariousness in this, like the Jimmy Fallon of it all, I'm like the Wordal of it all. - I don't love the Jimmy Fallon of it all, but like I think this could be a good project for her. I really do. - Why is the Holocaust trending? - Sigh. I don't know. - All right, maybe that's not the end. - I don't wanna end on that. - Can we end with, I can't touch my toes again? - What do you mean? Remember how I've been working on having to Touch my toes for like the past three years genuinely now, okay, I Can touch them again. Yay. That's how that's how well we can end all right well. I tried to try to try to prove it to you I would What's this? I Don't know What's that I don't know what's it accordion? I'd accordion. I accordion. I accordion at some pee Because I'd squeeze okay. Gotcha. I would pee. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening I will see you in about it. Love you happy birthday. Love you. Thank you, Izzy for everything that you do for us. Bye