My Story with Istighfar and Surat Al-Baqarah

Fakas and Azim al-Kurhaz of On the T2 Handela So Simea Shah Allah and Hastool is the ablix to the food store If Shah Allah says Simea come up JazakAllah Khair Remember what I said before every talk Think about what gems you want to take For yourself If Shah Allah JazakAllah Khair (Same as) So I'm going to start today by telling you guys a little bit of a story And my talk is based on talking about the importance of making a habit of being a Suhrz Bukhara And I'm going to kind of tell you how I got into How I got into the practice of reading Suhrz Bukhara So my journey with this Suhrz started about a year and a half ago My sister who was my coach Nenla told me about the practice of reading Suhrz Bukhara And how in her life she saw the results from it and changes like in so many areas And being someone who reads the Quran and is around it I had obviously been reading the Suhrz cycling through the Quran But it was never like an everyday thing That was new So I started reading Suhrz Bukhara And initially my goal was to finish it like once a day The whole Suhrz Bukhara That quickly became like unrealistic for me with my schedule and everything I had going on So I kind of reeled it back to reading it, finishing it every two or three days And continuing doing that I started to see beauty in my life I started to see beauty in my life I started to see ease, I started to see kbharaqa, blessing and goodness coming from it And how I developed it, that was encouraging for me and so I started sharing it Talking to others and telling them you guys need to get in all of this And how I developed this continues and I kind of Carrying from the spring into the fall into the winter My Suhrz Bukhara starts to slow down and I'm less consistent with it Then a year ago around winter break last year I had my mom over visiting from the States And it kind of in a very sudden event that happened to me was that I was home And my children were there and my mom was there And it felt like I was having a heart attack It was a sharp pain on the left side of my chest, numbness in my left arm And this, you know, I'm a humbler that I mean I've been healthy all my life No preexisting, nothing This kind of just came out of the room I'm starting to panic, we call an ambulance And you know, if you guys know with the NHS they will not come out Unless you're like literally dying You'll be like, "No, go to urgent care, you'll be okay" And so they sent an ambulance, they came to my place They were like, "Let's take to the hospital" And so kind of all I'm thinking is like, "I could be dying, like I'm dying" And from there, ultimately they do a lot of checks and they can't seem to find anything wrong So they sent me home Now, this is late December, about a month later after that I start to have, I develop like a neck and back pain That we can't explain and we can't figure out what's going on And I'm going, I'm bouncing from practitioner to practitioner I'm going to chiropractor osteopath I'm just trying to get someone to help me, like stop hurting or tell me what's going on This proceeds now, we're going into February From there now I start to develop gastro symptoms My stomach has sharp pain, we don't know what's going on Again, in and out of urgent care, A&E trying to get someone to help me Now this continues, a doctor tells me we think it could be this But none of your symptoms are pointing to something specific so we can't diagnose you And I am overwhelmed, I am basically in a lot of pain to the degree that I'm pretty much in my bed at this point But a modon comes and I realize that I lose the first half of a modon bouncing around trying to get diagnostics done, trying to figure things out, I'm not focused at all One of my aunts is Somalis, you say my ed though, this is somebody who I grew up with in the States It's one of my best friends mom's, so I reach out to her and run her modon, she's always been somebody who's been solid She runs the whole end school and she is somebody who was always, as I saw her, steady with a lost primordial dad And I tell her auntie, like, make dog for me, I've been really sick and I don't know what's wrong And she tells me, she sends me a voice note and I kept it And she says, "Sumea, Allah subhanahu alayhi wa nani" knows what's wrong with you And these doctors don't know, you can run around and try to go to them and if they can't figure out what's wrong with you they can't help you She said, "I can make dog for you and I will, but I need you to make dog to Allah subhanahu alayhi wa nani" And she sends you to beg him and pray to him, I need you to make dog and to remember and imagine the Allah is with you in the room Allah sees you and hears you and beg him to make you better and beg him to make it clear and beg him to make it right Her voice note changed me, I had been making dog, I had been doing my big smile, God reading my quote And I wasn't, I kind of was so stuck in the hurting and the hardship that I didn't, I wasn't connecting truly It wasn't, I hadn't broken and so I did, I made that dog, Allah like fix this, I can't get out of my bed And the thought was like, "Gash tried stomach symptoms meant that when I ate it caused me pain, so I stopped eating, I basically cut down like I'm talking cutting out 98% of food, I'm surviving on two or three things My weight just goes down, I look like skeletal, like I have a eating disorder or something, I had never been this unwell, this like I was gone, I was fading away And I just felt like I've knocked on an empty door and I've tried everything and nothing is panning out Now I have to ask Allah to help me because no one else can So I make door to Allah's kind of La Salla asking to make a way for me to make me better to make things clear From here now we end, Dr. Maldon I am watching a lot of YouTube videos aside from being one Reddit like Google in what I think I have and Google telling me that I'm dying as well And I find this uncle, our father, his name is Hamad Hijazi and he's a Palestinian uncle who lives in Palestine And he talks about Surat Al-Bakara and is still far And I think he'll hear it comes Surat Al-Bakara again And this uncle, Muhammad, talks specifically about reading Surat Al-Bakara multiple times a day And is still far in high quantities, he's saying like 30k And where he gets his story from is his inspiration for it was from the story of Imam Ahmad When Imam Ahmad and the bakery know the story So those who don't know quickly, Imam Ahmad is in a place where he's traveling and he wants to sleep in the mosque for the night Because he has nowhere to stay and they can come out and the only place open is a bakery So he goes to that bakery and he finds the man prepping the bread for tomorrow And while the man is working, he's mentioning Allah, he's only a step lower And he asks the man, he goes to the bakery and he's speaking to him and he says "Have you found any results from this step lower than you do?" And the man said yes, he said Allah has answered every drive that I've made except for one And that's to me, the Imam Ahmad, he tells him Allah has a drive that Imam Ahmad here to meet you I'm here, it's not a far, far, far And so he said that the virtue of this step far of that man and the bakery And a more recent story that he told of a young man who called into a show, you know, like on Arabic television The imams have a TV show, people call it, the questions and stories And this guy called in who's a young man who had a severe, like extreme debt We're talking like a mammalians in his currency And he said that he was in a rut and this man started doing his Simphad And he said his number was 30k, he had to pass 30,000 And Allah's panel died, I paid off his debt and put blessing in his wealth and in his business and in his work and this man now in the present days of millionaire from there to there through his stuff. And so Shantam Hamakegez says, "Well, I heard that and he had his own debt. He had a spiritual affliction in his family. Some of his family members were afflicted with magic or something like that." And he said, "I wanted all of this to be lifted, so I thought, let me apply this." And so he did and subhanAllah over time what he found was the al-Azqanadada paid off his debt in a miraculous way and in a beautiful way. And with reading so it's al-Bakara, the spiritual affliction was lifted and al-Azqanadada opened doors and so much change for him. And so he came out now and he's advocating and telling people to do it. So from there I thought, "Okay, let's do this. Let's do this so it's al-Bakara thing." So I'm back with Suhid's al-Bakara again. And now I start reading Suhid's al-Bakara as much as I can, as many times as I can, increasing and doing my stiffer. SubhanAllah, these symptoms that the doctors couldn't touch and we swapped out meds and we tried everything. They start to go down and they start to fade. And I start to get better. And you know, SubhanAllah, we always kind of, we want to know what it was. Was it evil eye? Did somebody do something? Who did it? We want answers. And it can be a bit of a side-wrote and a distraction. If I go on this witch hunt trying to figure out what's wrong and who did it and where it came from. The bottom line is that al-Azqanadada put this affliction and test in my path for a reason. It's to get me to pay attention. It's to get me to fix up and we think, "Well, I'm not a bad person. You know, I'm not. You know. But al-Azqanadada knows. And when we're not doing our stiffer, we're accumulating the sins on this side and we're not doing anything to counter them on the other side and think this is a lifetime. This is since you became someone who's accountable to God. I was 12. So I've been accountable since I was 12 all that time till now. All I did was after the last of the last of the last of the low-lone medicine. I didn't have a habit. I didn't have a ritual when it's to her. And so some kind of law this became like something that started to have a big impact and a visible impact for me. Rapidly, it started to show its effect. And unlike the Quran, the Quran is still thought as something that anyone can do. You don't have to learn to read. You don't have to know Arabic. It's not. It doesn't require a lot. You just say it. You just mention Allah's para'ala. And so from there, al-hamdulillah al-Balameen, I started to get better. Things started to change. Al-hamdulillah al-Balameen. Coming out of Ramadan and Allah's Divine Opened a door for me. And that kind of what's the word in an unconventional way. One of the things that happens when you start reading Surat Al-Balakara is that for some people you can start to notice that it feels like your life is falling apart. It feels like everything starts to go wrong actually first. And that it creates this like trepidation in people. Like I thought that this was going to make my life better. I thought that this was going to help. Why are we having more arguments in the house? Why is this thing happening with my work ending or a relationship falling apart of what's going on? I thought this was supposed to bring us what's happening. And we start to see that al-Alas-Kanat-Ala is rearranging. You're rearranging things, taking people out, bringing people in, changing your situation in a way that in a moment it doesn't make sense and it can be a little bit scary. And for a lot of people they think that I think this means I should stop because it's broken. But al-Alas-Kanat-Ala is doing what he does. He's planning for you, he's taking care of you and you have to understand that this is part of the process and hold on. It doesn't mean you should stop. It means you should keep going. So for me what did this unconventional thing look like? So now I'm coming out of my health roads and having to allow me to feel better. During the scans and checks and process that I was going through in the run up to this, one of the ultrasounds that they did, they found a tumor. And do you know how it is? You get results for things later. So they tell me, "Samehya, we found this tumor on your liver and it's above 5 centimeters, so we're going to need to refer you to get it checked and figure out what's going on." So of course hearing this, I just felt like I was coming out of the woods and now I feel like I'm being hit with something else. When I got the call, some time I'm alone, I remember that our long search had kind of helped me together. If it was me a year before that, my response would have been totally different. Like the panic would have been on a different scale. Allah Almighty allowed me to do a search job and to say, "Inna inna with na'inna inna'inna'inna'inna'inna'inna'inna'inna'inna." And in that moment I felt that my suhu-dubaka daa and my stufah were catching because on my own, I would have been able to stand in. So panellonged getting those results, I ended up going to Cairo to Egypt to see one of my best friends from high school who was an ICU doctor and she basically scooped me up herself and took me all around to see all her specialists and friends and contacts and we got all the checks and we did everything and the journey to the trip to Cairo even wasn't planned or I wasn't prepared for it. I could have told her I'm not well enough to catch a flight. I haven't saved to go. I don't have anything arranged. And so that told me, "Why don't you come?" And I thought, like, maybe, and I was talking to my other Egyptian friend here in the UK and she told me, "She listened to me and she said, "You're going. You're going." She said, "I'm paying for your flight and you're going." And she sent me and I basically came together and I ended up going to Palatol and I went to Egypt and I came back. I lost Palatol and took me there and brought me back and took care of everything that he had taken care of. The last word just did it for me. So, how long will I come back? Now we're going to continue the investigations into the tumor. I'm still continuing with my stiff-blood and so it's about to, of course, you know, when you're in the middle of everything happening, shape long combs. You visit. You pop sin to have a word. And he comes and he tells me, "You've been doing all this stuff. You were, you thought, you're up, asking Allah, you're praying. You think you got this special thing going on, you know? And now look what you've got. Now look, what's that? How do you explain that? You know what? SubhanAllah, you again. Allah has to agenda holds you up when you have this little thing. So if the bucket of this stuff, but when my little clicker, you know, it's a little thing, it's a little thing. But it's not actually. It's critical. And at the time when you break and you can't hold yourself, it comes. It comes. And I have to remind myself Allah's panadayat is playing his perfect. Allah has never let me down. Allah always comes through. He's not going to bring me this fire leaving that. It's not going to happen. You have to reinforce again and again and again. So now they're sending me for MRI, scan check, after waiting for the results. I'm praying. I'm surrounding myself with stories of people who got better through doing, I'm trying to just like bolster my certainty and reinforce myself. This is going to take months. SubhanAllah, the first appointment and then they prefer me and then it's going to take some more months and then to like the results. And I've had a lot of that I've been after a lot of back and forth. You know, I'm making do-at like relentless ceaseless do-at that this turns out to be like a non-issure that it disappears actually and they can't find it. Something really miraculous. And SubhanAllah, Allah's religion answers a do-at. In the middle of this chaos that I've had for 15 years and this do-at is to go on a rumbra and how it comes about another story. A dear friend of mine in the US messages me and reaches out to me and they've had the phone conversation and she tells me that during that past formalement they had a competition going on and the winner of the competition wins a rumbra package. And so she was doing these competitions, you know, like a nerd, you know, like a dork. She was all there testing every time submitting her answers and she won. She won this package rumbra. And she told me she said, "Sameh, I gave them your name. I gave them your name for the package." the panel like the bank. answer to your dark and come and you have no clue like where you're going to be or your condition or you know I always imagine that would go from this like ideal space But Allah knows when we need and he gives us when we need And so how to love We end up going together Her and myself and two other people who needed it who needed it who had gone, you know, just a year before that And Subhanallah, you know, it it It was surreal. It was amazing. It felt like time slowed down. You know when I got there My cycle started in the second day And I thought Allah's plan is perfect. He never lets me down And you know, I'm not that I've been there long enough that I got to do my homework just in the last you know In the last bit and Subhanallah the other part of it was Visiting the knowledub I really wanted to and you know, they have an app you guys are overgoers You know, they have an app that they're really specific and the app wasn't working I couldn't get an appointment and I just thought you know what this is just at least I got to come like this whole thing was a miracle I'm not going to complain And Subhanallah were coming out of the messaged after his shed and We're speaking to each other about the role done appointments and there's a sister who's sitting on a chair outside And she's overhearing us talking and she says actually You guys can get in They allow women in from gate number 21 between 9 and 11 p.m. If you go wind up right now You can get in and so we run to the gate Then we're waiting and you know if you've been there, you know, you run I have no clue why we're running but we just we start running into the knowledub and I didn't even know what it would look like Because I've never been there before and so I'm kind of moving I'm running forward And I get there and I'm at the very front and I'm there I'm I'm writing there. I'm in the butler like And I can't believe it of course people are shoving and video calls it surreal like But I can't believe I'm there and I'm just thinking Subhanallah like where was I in year ago Who was I a year ago and all along To suddenly I'm ready to say my son what And he brought me here to visit the prophet Me and I was crying so hard And my friend shana says like oh my shawalallah like the khushur She's like I have been found my like I took her to snag that girl to look away It's not even that like I just can't believe like That the Allah brought me How merciful is Allah he allowed me who was messing up to my god knows what he brought me here to visit the swallah He taught me to do my salawat in those tired numbers that I was doing And he brought me to visit the swallah like how amazing is that Subhanallah Subhanallah so that's why I make a do I have to go again on Instagram because I blew my hole that was I wasn't praying about half most of the time But Subhanallah being you know is the first to talk about it has been a Life-life and now it is it is like my My number one priority and like my job like I can see that when I relax my Vic when I relax my foot And I can start to see things starting to fall I feel symptoms coming back. I feel things starting to happen and I realized that this is this is a life-walk during You know, this is it this is it for me now. It has to be And so when we talk about creating a habit of Vicar a habit of for the end. It's not because You know we're so pious or we're so like it's it's not about the superficial. It's not about the label It's not about how it will make me look or what people will think it's this thing between me and Allah And it needs to be that it needs to be real and it's the between you and Allah What's real that I know that when I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I make a do I talk a lot that he answers me And me and him we have this thing he he knows I'm sincere of trying I'm making that effort is still fun. It's asking what's part of that to forgive you But what it means is that I can't be asking to be forgiven on this side and messing up on the other side So I have to clean up my act. I have to let go of everything that is going to compromise my relationship with the lost part of that That could possibly put me in his dysplasia. I have to be honest with myself about that because once Allah's will judge it brings you to a position where you are The but it truly becomes your companion like the title of this thing that that you are if I have a goal in the day That I'm trying to reach with the other for example twice that's close to a hundred pages. It means that any gap I have any time I have I'm already behind like I never have time to kill because I'm trying to do my with so I'm constantly constantly If not that trying to hit my stuff on numbers. I'm trying and trying Between prayers between morning and evening of color. I'm trying to keep my head clear I'm trying to stay protected. I'm trying to stay covered Subhanallah it becomes like all consuming it takes over your life It takes over your life. It changes your perspective. It changes How you see the world and everything and everyone. It's like a love becomes between me and everyone Between me and everything and it just A lost plan is perfect. It's an everything. It's an any plan. I want to I want to set out to do it's in anything I hope for it's in things I wish I could have A lost plan is perfect. It is good for me. Who give it to me? If it's good for me now it'll come now. It's good for me later. Maybe we'll call later and so they're just There's an ease and there's a calm. There's a literal calm that descends with a still fog I lost my phone a few times in different situations and Subhanallah just felt I just felt really calm. I felt really calm. I trusted that either either I'm going to get it back Or in a new form because not that deep you know So how do I know it is with things happening this so far gives you like Just keeps you even it keeps you even in the middle of you know calamity and it's not to say that my life is perfect now Everything is fixed. I'm still in the middle of a lot of things that are unresolved but Allah's Pan'atana gives you like a Solace and a peace and a calm and I think more importantly You become in a place where you're aware that you're on this path to Allah like I'm trying my best to go towards Allah Before that I felt like I was you know struggling hit and miss here and there and I worried That in the condition that I was in if I died There's a chance that Allah might not be pleased with me and that meant that I just had this uneasiness and anxiety all the time When you're on your journey with the Quran with Suith and Bukhara with his still father with Vick You know that you're in God's company. You're in Allah's You're staying close to him and that if anything happens you are on your way You are on your way. There's no better place It doesn't mean you're the finished product. It doesn't mean you've got it doesn't mean everything you asked for came It doesn't mean that all your problems are resolved It doesn't mean that you won't have born in the future you will be you will be tested You more things will come but it's the state that you got it's the calm the state of your heart that you got That's like whatever comes Allah's contact is going to carry me through it just like you carry me through that And it's getting to that point that's what that's what we want that's what it's about When I talk about reading the Quran I'm talking about reading it in in large quantities with the aim of like purification with the aim of running the Quran through your heart saying it on your tongue So I'm just going to go over a few things and these are just a few habits that I learned to kind of give to you guys and just you know Hold this closure. I was feeling terrible today. I just thought I don't know from going to go Boy, I don't know what I thought you have to You gotta go you gotta go you have this opportunity to tell people to do this you could be saving some