My mom: Getting married young, Hawaii, and Parenting Now vs. Then

Thank you to Quince for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Let me tell you, the seasons are changing. It's starting to be time that we can get out our denims again. We can get out our sweaters and there is no better place than Quince. So many of the things I'm constantly reaching for in my closet to layer up, dress up, dress down come from Quince because they have very, very high quality products. I'm talking 100% Mongolian cashmere. They have silk, organic cotton, wool. They have those premium fabrics, but at an amazing price. Everything at Quince is actually priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And that is because they work directly with ethical factories, cutting out the middleman. So you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. Actually just last night, Matt was telling me that he grew out of his shorts. I don't fit in my clothes. I've been hitting the gym. And so I need new clothes. She bought me Quince swim trunks that are really high quality. I wear them all the time. We go in the pool with the boys. I'm excited to see what she picks out from Quince. You're nice khaki shorts are from Quince. With the khakis that I wear like literally every day. Those are from Quince. You don't even know where your clothes are from, but if you had to guess they're probably from Quince because I love shopping their men's section as well for Matt. You can wear them in many different ways for many different seasons. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers, or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know. That unplanned sent you. It's the best way to support the show. When did I freak you out for the first time? Mom, you can just confront him right now. This was a moment that I was dreading for years. What happened? You're bringing up a lot of stuff, Matt. You're bringing up her trauma. Do you secretly have a favorite kid? No, but I think. Not true. I think I have. It's Blake. It's you. I don't think there was ever going to be like a time that you were like, yeah, take her from me. No, it was just hard to accept the whole family thing. I didn't want to change. All right, you guys, welcome back to the unplanned podcast. This week we have a very, very special guest. Probably my favorite guest we've ever had on this podcast. It's my very own mom. Hey, give it up for Lori Biswell. It only took over three years of this podcast. And I do think that I need to open by addressing the elephant in the room. Where's this guy? The elephant is at the park with the boys. The elephant is at the park with my sons because my mom is happily married to my father, has been for over 30 years. They are honestly attached at the hip at any given moment at any time, except for if there is a camera on. Filming moments. Yeah, they can't do anything not together. Not together. Except for being on camera. Except for being on the podcast. Yeah. No, you guys are always together. We are. And pretty much always. All right. And I think it's really sweet. But my dad does have, what do we call this? Anxiety, phobia. It hasn't been diagnosed. Not officially yet. He's got like a, you guys, my family, I was raised very, I would say sarcastic. We show our love by teasing each other. And we've really teased my dad about this. But then there comes a point where like, no, this is like actually serious. Oh, yeah. No, I think. What was it? What's the story, Abby? You guys were at Disney World, and then he was worried that he was going to get the camera on him at the laugh floor. You guys know at Disney World. No, here's the thing. He doesn't get to defend himself because he didn't show up. True. So he, and also we say this with love because I'm also acknowledging, he has a real thing, which is so funny because he is, I have his DNA. You cannot be more different than your dad. I know. Yeah. I have to say I'm probably a little bit closer to dad than you though in this regard, but. Yes, totally. But you know, okay, so Disney World has this Monsters, Inc. laugh floor thing. It's like a comedy show. It's literally for kids and just for fun, people on vacations. But they do like put the camera on audience members. And the sheer thought of that has my dad drenched in sweat, and he has to vacate the premises. I've thought about this, and I think here's where it all started. When we were like probably first married, there was a comedy club in Quincy, if you can believe it. And we sat in the very front row, and this comedian the entire time pointed us out and said stuff to us. Oh, so he has trauma. I think it's PTSD from that comedy. I've never even, how have I never heard this story? I don't know. We've tried not to talk about it. You guys went to a comedy club? I know. It doesn't seem like it. Was it clean? I think so. Well, you know, I think mostly. Okay. Wow. So mom brings up Quincy. So we, I was raised and my mom lived her entire life in the town of Quincy, Illinois, which is, I always say small town, but I say this like it's a little level of fear that I'm offending people in Quincy. Do people in Quincy recognize it as a small town? I mean, probably a lot of people don't exactly because there's so many smaller ones around it. Right. But you know, it's like 40,000 maybe. Yeah. I didn't grow up thinking it was small, but then when you, when you leave, you're like, oh yeah, that was small. Cause we know, we all know people in like the littler towns around us. So that's the small, those are the small towns. Quincy is the big city compared to everywhere around it. Like people drive in from other towns. From medical stuff and for restaurants and shopping. Yeah. What can you tell us about a young Abby Biswell when she was, you know, a kid growing up in the small town of Quincy, Illinois? Wow. The good, some of the good things about Quincy is they're very good with fine arts and the music and theater. You know, a lot, she didn't necessarily play an instrument for very long, but vocally, the vocal stuff going on in Quincy. And I think those are all really big positive things in Quincy. And I think you had some great training in a lot of those things, maybe more attention than you would have maybe in a bigger city. Big fish in a little pond. Because Abby did some sort of professional show of Alice in Opera Land, right? Wasn't she Alice? That's the biggest one you came up with. Wasn't that, wasn't that your claim to fame? Oh, I have so many. You were Alice in Opera Land. I was. You were, you were something, there really is a Santa Claus. What's the? Yes, Virginia, there's a Santa Claus. Yeah. You used to have that framed up in your house. It was on the front of Arts Quincy. Yeah. Wow. I was on the front of Arts Quincy. I was in a couple of commercials. You were friends with the mayor. He used to, you and the mayor were buddies. He gave a little speech for the mayor when he was running. A few times. I, oh, the bridge lighting. Yeah. A little bridge lighting with the town. I feel like that's like one of the really special things about growing up in a small town is that you kind of, like I said, you're a big fish in a little pond, but also like it's a small tight knit community. So then like you just had so many opportunities to like, like, and what situation am I going to be talking with the mayor of where we live now? You know what I mean? We just need to get Jonathan Vaness on the podcast. Cause he's another, he's another Quincy legend. You know, I know Jonathan from when he was a little kid. Did you teach him in school? No, but I was, when I was in high school, I was a pool waitress at the country club and he was a member there as a little toddler. And I can remember him walking around there and hanging out with him at the country club and him, he wanted to pretend like he was a pool waitress with us. That's cute. And, um, as a little kid, I don't know him as an adult, but. Wow. It's a tight knit community. But very nice family. Super nice family. Yeah. Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. And so I was very involved in the arts, which is actually kind of funny because I feel like you and dad, I mean, certainly not dad, but not even you really were, what was your motivation then? Was it cause I was so shy at first? I don't think you were shy. Really? No. I can remember just, I think it started with dance and you were like a preschooler. And I can remember talking to some of my friends about where you should go to dance. And they're like, go to Cheryl Kaiser school dance. Cause she does a lot in musical theater. Cause they're kind of stuff. I thought that sounds cool. Um, like shows and stuff. So I think that's where it started. And then when you were in second grade, is that when. Yeah, I was in second grade. Best Christmas pageant ever. They were doing it at the community theater. Mm-hmm I had one line. And you took a, um, and you took a class right before just to kind of be comfortable and got cast in the show as well as Blake, his debut as well. Yeah. Little brother. Mm-hmm. It was so difficult to work with your little brother. I would never recommend it. He would, whenever he would misbehave, I felt personally responsible for it. He kind of fell through the cracks on the whole thing. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh, please ignore. Do you know the first line from the show that I was, do you know the one line I had? An angel broke my, an angel. My wings are bent. Okay. My wings are bent. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I, I was named Juanita, the baby angel that has one line. That's sweet. I feel like the questions people really have for you are about your first impressions of me, your first impressions of like us dating. But to get to there, I feel like we first need to talk about the Muny, you know, that's kind of the, that's the theater in St. Louis that Abby and I met. So what's the story behind how you and Abby ended up in St. Louis for musical theater at the Muny? I think somebody had said that they, like, I didn't even know it was a thing to audition for there. And then, cause it's two hours from where we lived. Which for context, for people that have no idea what the Muny is, it's the oldest and largest, outdoor musical theater in North America. It's like a St. Louis tradition. It's been around for over a hundred years. They do summer theater every single summer. Like it seats like 11,000 people. Yeah. It seats 11,000 people. They have like free seats in the back where if you want to come. A thousand free seats. No, I think it's more. Is it over a thousand? 5,000. I was thinking, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. I don't think it's 5,000 free seats, but it's a lot of free seats. It's, it's cool. It's a St. Louis tradition and it's in Forest Park where they had the world's fair back in 1904. So back in the day when like they used to do world's fairs all over the place, St. Louis held it. And then I think it was, yeah, not too long after the world's fair that they converted that part of Forest Park into the summer theater. And so. it's cool you guys like they bring in super talented people from broadway every single summer um and then they have a youth program for st louis kids and teens to get to work alongside this like high caliber of broadway talent and abby and i were some of those kids and teens growing up and that's the place that we met so yeah i was really an outsider of sorts coming from like not like not being local but i have to shout out my mom because she really like saw this passion and drive in me and just like you went 150 like this whole like the whole time like nothing but support from both my parents because also like my dad couldn't just leave for the summer you know like that but he was like more than he was like go do it like chase your dreams and so that's what led you to having like honestly i think you you heard from other moms about this audition i can't remember how we knew about the audition but i think the first year to make it you're right well i think we like decided like the night before something crazy like that and the next year we kind of had a little bit more knowledge on what to do and you know we're prepared for it but i can remember how exciting it was like when you got a call back for it and then i'll never forget that was such a fun night and we spent the night we were so happy and giddy together like we were like i don't guess we gotta get a toothbrush we went to target and we bought a little because we didn't think we were going to spend the night but i actually secretly had packed a few little things yeah like some extra clothes just in case but anyway so that was super fun and so you got cast in that first show i think you were in between your eighth and ninth grade year yeah and we really didn't know at all what to expect because we were there maybe a month by the time it had rehearsals and um and the shows and then matt matt's mom theresa i think did you meet her first before did you like meet my mom before you met me i think so okay i think so well well yeah i knew your mom definitely from like before that and stuff i can't remember exactly yeah a lot of those moms i met from there and then yeah so i can remember you guys like playing cards together uh-huh like all the kids would play cards when you weren't on stage there was a lot of downtime because we weren't necessarily in every number we were in let's just say about 90 seconds of the productions i mean it depends on the show if you yeah it depended on the show like if it was a show like you got to be in 90 seconds some shows like i want to say there was a that i was in like half of the show yeah because you were the muni golden child that's not true i was for a little bit and then i feel like i got blacklisted for a little bit because i went and i did shows at another theater the scandal i did i did shows at stages st louis isn't it funny though how high stakes kids theater dance sports like how high stakes it can get like politics to it there's there's politics even in kids stuff you know it's totally um but i what's funny laurie is i remember my mom telling me probably when i was in eighth grade like yeah this this you know cute girl and her mom invited you to come like do shows in in their small town of quincy illinois and i was like oh that's cute like i i just didn't like it was it was like a week-long camp like this boot camp is a big deal on quincy i didn't know that i couldn't sleep the night before it started like i was so excited which yeah which anyway i looking back if i could go back i probably should have done the boot camp probably would have learned to act better i i spent so much time dancing like it came time to act and i never really i never really like learned how to act until maybe my senior year of high school it's never too late i think yeah brandon thompson who was the director of the theater and was for your whole time in quincy i mean i think he taught you so much and totally um stuff i don't think that you would just learn from random classes if you were somewhere else and so laurie was that your first attempt to put abby and i together when we were in eighth grade no not in eighth grade when when were you trying to like i feel like the sprinkling started around my brain yeah when did you become a matchmaker no i think honestly getting to get like we'd come like there were some those classes or whatever at christmas time like around yes and so then that would be a broadway theater connection is what it's called a second time that we go to san luis and i don't know if you always were at it but like i'd get together with your mom still we'd have coffee and talk and i'm like gosh our families seem like a um it's maybe i just really liked your mom yeah at first and then i was like it's important but matt seems like you know obviously you came from a nice family and um so i got to know you kind of through your mom i'd say ah okay this show is sponsored by better help this is a reminder that no matter what you're going through in your life you do not have to go through it alone and that's i'm a huge advocate and so is abby for therapy not only do we do couples therapy we've also both gone to individual therapy and with over 30 000 therapists better help is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms having served over 6 million people globally better help is an amazing introduction especially if therapy feels overwhelming for you because you can do it from the safety of your own home on your own calendar and it's completely online plus better help does a great job of finding a therapist that's a good fit for you honestly right off the jump because they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals they'll just send a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences and their 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate means they typically get it right the first time but if you just so happen to not be happy with your match you can switch to a different therapist at any time from one of their tailored recommendations you don't have to be on this journey alone find support and have someone with you in therapy sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com slash unplanned podcast that's better h-e-l-p.com slash unplanned podcast i remember i feel like whenever like i would talk about boys around my mom which i will say wasn't that much i was not the most boy crazy girl like even though i get i get accused of being boy crazy no you were not at all thank you not at all and not even just like you just didn't seem like yeah there was nobody i was so i was too driven i had set i had a had a purpose i had a other things that were important to you and it wasn't boys and i loved hanging out with my friends like and my friends really liked that either no so i feel like if my friends were more like boy crazy then maybe it would be like you know the girls would hang out yeah they were good influences on me it's probably the craziest of all of them which is pretty crazy to think about um but i remember when i would talk about other boys they would be like or my mom would be like he's no matt howard i would say that the standard and so she really got in my ear getting bigger and bigger but i was like mom he has no idea who i am he has no idea who i am and it might have been true so honestly i don't think you thought a thing about about me i'll be honest i did not pay much attention until rude sorry sorry i did you just i think you just like got more attractive i don't know i don't know we both did look at the picture of us we were i had like pimples on my face i don't even know what did you even see in me there's a there's a lot of humidity that night that you guys had that first picture taken should we throw the picture that the og pick of abby from when we were in mary poppins it was just it was very funny and i was like i don't know what to do with my hair it was very humid 2013 you can't control it and my hair was cut way too short for how thick and frizzy it was it's weird to say that was 13 years ago but also it was a post show yeah that's a long time i just looked down i'm like wait i need to bring this up what oh yeah i have my mom's book also mom doesn't just do a hiatus from the podcast for three years for nothing she's an author now yep she's on her official press tour she's doing it she's doing the circuit she's going on all the time always here with the abby howards and now she's on unplanned no promoting her brand new book what's the first ever book that she wrote with my aunt called let's travel to hawaii mom talk about your book a little bit all right well so i don't know so gene and i my sister and i had decided i mean like i don't know 15 years ago we were gonna do a travel book and i think we first thought about it because you know we did a lot of nice traveling as you know it was a priority um yeah i mean you know everybody decides what to do with their money and i think we it was important to us to travel and so i always thought you guys did the coolest trip because because it was your your parents that would take you guys on these you know different vacations to greece and italy we would go to disney every time okay because that's that was our that's our place it still is my place yeah but um otherwise we did go with we went with my mom and dad and my sister and her husband and their cousins brett and bennett and we did some really nice trips and so whenever we would go you know i would think oh i want you know if you have more buy-in if and you're more it seems more fun if you have some knowledge about the place and so i'd always look to see what kind of books could i get for the kids or you know to learn about it and honestly they're really there just weren't anything that was quality that was out on the market that i could find about any of these places we you know that we'd go to and we went to hawaii we went to alaska and europe and some different places and i'd always look and you couldn't you you couldn't find anything good and honestly to this day so you'd think at this many years later there would be some good books out now and but there there really aren't the things you can find a lot of times are just like you know write your thoughts about the day or you know but i wanted something for you guys at the time and now that was you know visually appealing but had you know good facts about the place and so that's kind of why we decided to write this book so it's it's the first in the series and um hawaii or why is that no But Florida's already in the works, and then we're going to, you know, do some international or we're not sure. What should we do next after Florida? Yeah, comment down below. What should you see them cover next? What's really cool is that this feels so fitting for a multitude of reasons for my mom. First of all, she was a teacher, elementary teacher, for 27 years, and her teaching never stopped in the classroom because I was certainly raised by a teacher's child because I have memories of us road tripping to Florida from Illinois because we surely drove most years. We did a lot of times. And I remember, like, when we would cross state, you know, you're crossing over a lot of states when you're driving from Illinois. There were some times where mom would prepare for every state border we crossed a new state activity, like worksheet activity, like some type of learning. In typical elementary school. Yeah, and it's summer, you know, we're on summer break, and here we are, we have crack out our, oh, we're now in Georgia, get out your peach thing, and so this is very fitting for you, and the book is beautiful. We could open it up. Yeah, correct me if I'm wrong. Did you teach elementary school for 20 years? How many? 27. Well, 27 years in education. 27 years. Wow. A couple of years where I was doing a few different things. She was a star guide? Well, for a few years. She was a behavior enforcer. At the last few years, it was a. I mean, it's. Kind of like. I love it. A dean for elementary school children kind of a thing. It's beautiful. I guess I'm thinking, I'm hoping, you know, even adults would think it's fun to look at it. I mean, you know, you're not going to get everything you need to know about Hawaii if you're trying to do. But I'd say it's a good overview of, you know, the main things in each place, and in a fun-to-read way, and. What would be, like, the best age, you think, for a kid to really enjoy this book? Because obviously, the pictures are cool, I think Griffin, our three-year-old, would love just looking through them. But to actually read it, do you think it's more of, like, a third grade or fourth grade? Yeah, I'd say third grade, which is the grade I taught, so. Okay. Yeah, I'd say probably so, and. That's really cool. It's really cool. It's very. Here's the thing. It's great for anyone's home library, too. Just like, okay, how many times are you doing a project on a certain state, or you just. I don't know. It's just so visually appealing, and here's the best Easter egg of all. Oh, yeah. Did you notice this? Me and my cousins in Hawaii. Oh, that's cute. So, we're trying to do a little Easter egg-y thing on each book on that same page, a picture of you guys, you and Blake, and your cousins at the. Wherever it is, so. It's really cool, and also, it's just the perfect collaboration between you and your sister. Our whole family is. You're gonna see this trend, if you haven't already with us, very tight-knit, like, and I think I took that for granted until, honestly, I was about 27. Like, I was like, this is unusual, what we have here. But the fact that, like, you and your sister are working together, combining your skills as both moms, but teachers and a professional, like, journalist, author, or really a writer, is what Gina is now. Now, authors, to create this awesome resource for families and kids, and I'm really proud of you, Mom. Thank you. Was your job more of the illustration, and Gina was more of the writing? Almost all of it, yeah. And then, my mom and grandma also helped. And grandma also helped. I was on the team with some of it, but yeah, Gina did the writing. And I did the graphic design. Let me say that I am so proud of what my mom is doing, but it would mean, like, so, so, so, so much to me, you guys. If you follow them on Instagram, purchase the book if you can. It's on Amazon. It's on Prime. We all have Prime. It's really easy. It's a quick buy. It's great to add to any library. I know a lot of you guys have kids, or just, I don't know. It's just a beautiful book to add to your library, and I just really think that it would just be such a. I would be so grateful if you took the action of just supporting my mom, because, honestly, loving my family and supporting my family is, like, the greatest act of supporting and loving me. So, thank you so, so much in advance for all of you that do that. Write a review if you buy it. Give it five stars, and we'll link it down below, and also follow What a Smart Cookie Publishing. And thanks, guys. Really thankful for this community. Is it okay if we circle back to our love story through Lori's eyes? Yes, I think we need to get back to. I feel like we've talked a lot about, like, yeah, this is what my parents. I said, and my parents did not want us to get married. Yeah, but you did. And we haven't really, like, talked that through with your mom, and she's right here, and we can ask her literally whatever we want. Yeah, so we were scandalous, and we wanted to get married before we graduated from college. I feel like we've talked about this a lot. But even before that, though, I feel like your mom was just, like. Oh, yeah, she has a specific memory. She would drive. Can we just address this? Lori would drive Abby from Quincy two hours away to St. Louis all the time so we could Yeah, I wasn't allowed to drive on highways. Like, you would. Yeah. So you weren't allowed to drive to visit me, and so you would go and stay at, like, a hotel using points, right? Let's be honest that the driving part was more dad not wanting me to drive. Oh, okay. Another one of his phobias. That's right. Your dad would drive because he didn't want your mom driving alone. He's got a real safety thing, you know? Well, also, in Quincy, the fastest road is 40 miles per hour, so I had no experience driving fast. And that's maybe a stretch, 45 feet. Yeah, and I don't even think my car could have even gone 45. See, Abby, like, that's just, like, finally dawning on me, like, why the highway was so scary for you guys, because, like, driving on the highway was just, like, part of life for me. Dude, when we moved to Phoenix, that was the first time I was like, how am I going to drive here? We drive on the highway every day. That's the reason why my grandma can't move here. That's the reason why, like, mom was worried about driving here. She was worried moving here because of the driving. Yeah. It is a big change. I'm talking about Vicky, too. We're talking about different grandmas, I think. Ah, okay. Everyone was worried about driving. Let's just say that. Everyone in the family. Phoenix is probably not a good example of moving to a bigger city with the driving, but. You were very supportive of the dating. I was supportive of the dating. Why? Why did you. Because I just thought, you know, it just seems like you guys have a lot of the same values. You, as I said. You got along with Teresa well. I loved your family. Yeah. I can remember going out to dinners and stuff with your whole family. I don't even know if you guys were dating then. Maybe you were, but. It's almost been 10 years ago. Yeah, it's been a long time. Okay. Can we talk about that? Yes. You can just. Yeah, let's just have this conversation right here. I can remember where we were. You and I were in the car. Okay. It was Abby's senior recital, dance recital, the last one, as well as her graduation from high school was all in the same weekend. So you're just feeling so emotional. Yeah. As was I. This was horrible. This was a moment that I was dreading for years and years. Okay. This moment when. And it's like, I distinctly remember just so many times just being sad and upset about Abby growing up and dad would be like, don't waste your time, you know, thinking about the. Don't think about that now. Don't waste his time now. But anyway. You've unfortunately given me that quality. I've already cried about Griffin and Augie leaving. This was. Many times. The climax. This was the big weekend that I, four years, was dreading. Yeah, you were dreading that weekend. Okay. And then here we are in the car. And what do I say to you? You ask, could you take. Could I take you to go get some flowers for Abby for either the day after that or graduation? Yes, I can. And then you're like, hey, Lori, I've been thinking about this. What would you think if Abby and I got married young? And I was like, thinking in my head, you have got to be kidding me. This is the moment you chose of all moments. He's never been one for timing. It was just the. You know, I think I'm going to say it. I think I'm going to say it. And then you said it. And I thought. And I'm pretty sure I said, this is not the time to have this conversation. You've always been comfortable. I feel like you're also extra comfortable with Matt because you literally met him when he was a child. So I feel like there's just a different level. Like, when we were dating, he stayed in our house. Well, that's the thing. It's not just like a typical dating thing because of the. You can't just like go on a quick date and come back home at night. So he would come and stay. We were staying at each other's houses. And stay at our house for weekends. Yeah. Like, yeah. That's the thing with long distance. It's like, we were just hanging out. Like, we're just. I'm like, I'm at your house. You're at my house. So then you do everything with us. We do all the meals together. You know, meals together. We. You know. It's like he's already a part of the family. I know. Yeah. And I also remember. And Matt. My Matt. Okay. Just so everybody knows. My dad's name is also Matt. Yeah. Very confusing. So my Matt, your Matt. Matt Bazewell and Matt Howard. Yeah, we got a lot of Matts. A lot of Abbies. A lot of, you know. Maybe we should name this baby Matt. It was on a Sunday, and it was like you had come for the weekend, and you had to go back. You were going to go back, and you're like, oh, I'm pretty sure the weather looks really bad outside. I think. I don't know about this ice outside. And we're like, there's no ice outside. And you're like, I think it's going to get bad. I think I better just not go back tonight. And so you stay another night, and you're like, there's no ice outside at all. That's sweet. I loved being at your house. Like, it was just so much fun. I mean. Yeah. Played lots of games. Played a lot of games. That was a staple growing up. Gosh, if I could. If I had a time machine, I wish I could just go back to that time. That was so fun. Just to be like. Just to be young and in love again. Oh, wow. But like. Now you're just older than love. No, but like. Yeah, just. I don't know. It's just like everything is so exciting. Oh, yeah. Literally everything. Yeah. Every date we went on was just like, I can't believe I'm taking this pretty girl on a date. Oh, my gosh. So fun. Yeah. Was that before. So that conversation. Where I told you that I wanted to marry Abby Young. Was that before or after we talked about me getting a promise ring for Abby? Or did I just spring that on you guys? did you just find out i don't after the fact she blacked out because she's wearing it right now i got her promise ring in high school that is a real diamond and i went and i negotiated the price down at the jewelry store that sounds like something you would do yeah um i don't know this was this was her high so you probably got that first huh i don't know i got that school yeah that was yeah this is probably that conversation because you gave it to me in june of after high school i remember i was in music theory class and telling like some of the girls who were in the class me like yeah i'm gonna get my girlfriend this promise ring and tell her that i'm like want to marry her and i was like what do you guys think about these and like oh that one's cute and then i went and bought it at the jewelry store thank you to ladder for sponsoring today's episode if i'm being completely honest with you guys at first the gym was very overwhelming to me because i didn't really have a workout plan i would just go in and start doing like random workouts until i actually had someone sit me down and walk me through exactly what i needed to do to hit my fitness goals and that's exactly what ladder does they pair you with an expert coach and set up a workout plan for you that can be done from anywhere if you haven't heard of ladder ladder is an expert strength training plan it's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches when it comes to fitness and my own personal fitness journey i think the most important thing for me has been accountability and consistency and i love that ladder make sure that you hit both of those things when you are paired with a coach you have that one-on-one accountability that makes you feel like you're in the right place and you're in the right place you get the workout done and it's specifically tailored for you and you also have that consistency because ladder allows you to do it wherever you need to get your workout in plus with ladder you get a new plan each week that builds on the last there is an in-ear coach that guides you through each set with cues form reminders and motivation the app remembers your weights reps and sets so you can see yourself getting stronger over time remove the guesswork with a ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout no thinking everything planned for you if you have an iphone head to ladder.fit slash unplanned and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan use our link and get a free seven-day trial with no credit card and ten dollars off your first month if you join what's funny is that i remember i always was really i mean i've always been really close with my mom and i was like we had the type of relationship where i feel like i would just like tell you things that like maybe other high school girls wouldn't feel comfortable telling their mom and i remember like literally a week no no a month after us dating and my mom he would drive to pick me up like because you would have to stay the weekend like in a hotel or like what even happened with that i can remember well he's at matt's prom no this was must have been homecoming but like just so i could hang out with matt yeah and i remember i asking you i was like mom do you think that matt and i are gonna get or do you think that do you think we're gonna stay together or something like that or do you like i can't picture one of you breaking up with each other like i remember thinking that and like having that validation from mom of like so did you actually take it seriously at that point or were you kind of just like yeah she's just infatuated as a high schooler i think because i've been thinking about it for so many years like in my head i kept thinking this just seems like perfect like you had the intuition so then it almost seemed weird at then when it got to the time when you actually went on a date i'm like how did this actually happen how did this actually happen how did i manifest this because um i that was that would be a very weird thing to actually have work out because being in two completely different cities and you know being young and right and so when we were in high school did you actually think you'd get married i think i did yeah but i just didn't think about it that soon yeah that was the big thing she really wanted us to graduate college was it the fear that i would drop out of college or was it no i no it really wasn't that i think the biggest fear was just like changing our family structure so soon it was just like because i mean that's like been you know like the most important thing yeah just like the four of us the our core family unit was like gonna change and that's it wasn't that i didn't want matt included in it it was just like it was just like too soon yeah you weren't ready for that to change that's valid can we talk about the conversation of me asking you and matt to marry abby if i could marry abby i wasn't there so i can't call it on this go the way i said it should go what what happened what do you remember well i mean this is a lot of you're bringing up a lot of stuff you're bringing up her trauma so anyway it was a long struggle of accepting that trying to accept this or not accept it like fighting about it lots of conversations and talking to other people and after we talked to you made us meet with like several people i taught we had oh yeah we did you put together the avengers to try to convince us wait wait wait hold up laurie literally got to get together the don't get married avengers you got all these like married couples that you knew from your community and your church to be like well you guys know that like when you get married you can't do this and you can't do this and then like you have finance and they're like trying to like convince us not to get married and then one of them eventually like we went to like get tacos with one of these couples and then one of the guy was just like honestly it's pretty freaking great it's like and we're like wow i i don't think you got the memo from laurie one of them said to us we which we'll never forget they're like well you just can't when you get married you just don't have you can't be selfish anymore and we're like well is that what we're supposed to be striving for well i had we had talked so i was just like panic mode so i we matt and i had gone to go talk to our pastor and his wife and i was like they're gonna be on my side this is this is it what am i they're gonna tell me and finally i can remember his wife saying you know so you know basically what you what we like about you you know if there's anything we were like were there concerns about matt as a husband no and so she's like you know you might lose the battle but you're gonna win the war i think you need to accept this whole thing so i was like you never told me that okay do you want to know who told me that papa oh so that's hilarious that you heard that from your papa here's what happened then so i was like all right matt that's what they told us to do so i said matt wants to talk to you by yourself so i know that's what this is this is freshman year of college so i'm 19 i'm like i'm not gonna be at home abby's 19 i'm not gonna be at home you take this you you do this conversation he's like okay so you so i'm just supposed to be like okay and i said yes can i just clear my record i had no idea that this was taking place this was this was before i left for the summer uh to be in orlando and so i was like i need to have this conversation now because i knew i was gonna pop the question at disney you told me you didn't know that well i was gonna pop the question at disney world because i knew that you wanted me to propose in front of the castle i knew that that would be like your dream place to get proposed a lot of lies because i thought you were gonna propose at christmas time but that's well i was like i i was also like he wasn't totally sure i was like yeah so so mom you were like you wanted dad to have a conversation without you well matt officially had asked dad okay just so i was like i'm gonna be out of the house so he goes all right so i'm gonna i'm gonna be like yes it's fine i said yeah i think that's they told us to do that does this mean that you wear the pants in your relationship no we just i think he knew i was more upset okay i was i think i had the most struggle with yeah yeah i think so he's like all right so i walk in the kitchen i can remember where everybody's staying in the kitchen i walked in from the garage and i was like i you know he must have already at you must have already asked and he was like okay i don't know you know i wasn't there but then i can remember thinking it just it started bubbling up against again and i was like i can't accept this so then i started arguing again and about kind of it and then later dad was like what was that you told me we were gonna go for this thing and then you go back on it the conversation with matt was like maybe 60 seconds and i think we talked for over an hour i you asked me a lot of questions about i don't know what are you going to do to pay the bills how are you going to afford this and i was trying to come up with anything i could yeah i know and i was and i i came prepared i was like look i've been working a job since the day we you know started college at missouri state and then we even we found low-income housing that fit our budget because you know shocker we were low-income so just it worked it all worked out just this is stressing this is a lot of trauma so you love i got grilled let me just clear the room she loved 100 wanted me to get married to him yes it was just the timing and i don't think if we're totally honest mom i don't think there was ever going to be like a time that you were like yeah take her from me no i i think i knew it was the right thing i just it's it was just hard to accept the whole right family thing changing because it was like perfect you know i thought yeah everything was perfect and um anyway i didn't want to change so yeah that's hard and i feel like mom and i like all growing up and even to now like i think what you didn't know maybe then is that we would still be yeah super close like through it all i guess in my head the whole thing's over you know right you get married the whole thing's over and everything i you know loved was different and but it's not because it kind of like a tight unit and then Blake, my little brother and my dad were like a tight unit so then we get married you know you think that everything's fine what do you mean and then we're posting on youtube every week this is her other trauma don't bring up all the traumas okay we don't need to go come on sorry mom hates social media that's okay i don't let's be honest you know i hate you hate us being on social media again i i wouldn't say that that strongly there are things i like more than others she just likes us being on social media no she doesn't like us i think it's hard i think it's hard for parents to see their kid get you know for people it's hard for a parent to see people like be mean to their kid yeah so that's why like we have to tell our parents to stay out of comment sections and i do yeah yeah you do now but you used to screenshot them for me and text them to me i was like mom you're just actually re-traumatizing me every time you're like go and delete this i learned i learned um so that's funny but now mom's learning how to make reels she's she's making reels for smart what a smart cookie publishing yes so shout it out everyone you guys seriously actually i'll do a private plug not in front of her but if you could support it that would be very that's very awesome and sweet and mean a lot to me so then the next chapter which also i will say my brother got married and didn't face any a single trial yeah i think i think you're skipping a step though because you kind of forgot about the part of the story where we're like hey mom i know we just got married and like we got married way sooner than you wanted us to we're moving to hawaii yeah we honestly mom this should be our formal apology there's a lot of maybe a lot of trauma wrapped up in why i wrote the hawaii book i don't know but um i that was that was horrible yeah and i can remember being at grandma and grandpa's house in chicago and just crying sad i'm the worst daughter ever no you're not we just put i i put you through a lot all at once you know you actually i was an adult right for all of these things i was was it easier to parent me as a child than as an adult thousand percent oof not because you were necessarily doing anything wrong as the adult because i'm not like in retrospect none of these things were wrong it was just not how i wanted it to be right so it was really all a selfish thing it wasn't because you had done something wrong it was all selfish stuff that i didn't want to change i could see selfishly that how if like augie's like hey dad i'm gonna move to new zealand and like go surf in new zealand and i'm like dude i can't i would have to take like a 20-hour journey to come see you you know so i can see how like hawaii is not quite that far but it's still like you know from quincy quincy to oahu is like a 10-hour journey so more than that you gotta drive to chicago yeah you first gotta or you take the train to chicago and then you can take the plane yeah but yeah that's like a 12-hour journey yeah it was a big stretch i think um yeah i'm thinking about all the things that mom just had to process were you regretting giving the permission she wouldn't admit it if she was she would she regrets we can just say she regretted it she was like why it was a very to say i gave permission is still a little like did i ever really i don't know it was like i never said yes i don't know i will say yes and then i'd fight like like i get upset about it again so i don't know i had no idea that matt and you had a conversation beforehand about like saying yes to my guys didn't seem like a you know i had no idea that's why he was like what are you doing that hearing that is really funny because i had no i had no yeah he was like we talked about this and i'm like i know but i couldn't go through it where was i during all i don't know we're dance class maybe doing something at like the theater or something or maybe no you're probably watching wes and elise the kids you used to babysit that's true yeah that's true um but i'm thinking it's like so funny because like it seems like you know we were just kind of out here gallivanting making our own decisions but also our family we came back to visit family so much and family came out to visit us so much even in that short amount of time that we were living there and then when it came time to move we were going to move back to like the mainland we were like we were telling our family we're like okay so we're thinking between utah and arizona everyone our family is like we'll move to arizona like we could see ourselves moving to arizona but we never moved to utah we're like okay fine i had never been to either place so i don't even know if i weighed in on that i've never been to either place before but you were like i don't want the cold if we would have moved to california do you think anybody would have followed i don't know i think i was secretly ever in there it was kind of florida yeah was florida ever in the picture nothing was off the table at this point what's crazy too is we've vlogged all this this is literally on our youtube channel like us going back and forth about where to move that was real it was real it was a hundred percent none of none of it was scripted none of it was realer than any reality we like legitimately did not know we were people would say why did they decide to move to phoenix i'm like ah i think they thought it would be fun and honestly that's the answer i would have gave it was not a solid read like people think there's a big reason i'm like yeah i think they think it would be fun and they had some friends here and that was that was it we just like the sun yeah that was really it and you know what since then since we have moved here four years ago mom and dad my parents moved out my grandma moved out my brother and his wife and they now have a daughter your brother and his wife and they now have two children yeah and so it seems like that we brought out 10 people but then again and they're multiplying there's a lot of other parents of some other parents that are like temporary yeah holy cow okay wait so between you and i and griffin augie and i'm not going to say our son's name we already know what it is and then we have your parents and then your grandma and then caleb and abby and there are two two kids there are two kids and then blake and addy and they're real 15 people you have 15 people and also addy's parents come often your parents come often abby's parents come often so if we move back to hawaii our family's gonna literally oh my excommunicate i don't think i don't think laurie could do that i don't think she could do that i don't think laurie could survive that she has weathered so many storms don't do that to this one we ever moved back we'll bring her back on the podcast here's the thing i know about mom though here's the thing i know about mom well you love hawaii you wrote a book about it i do she is uh she doesn't go by grandma in fact we get in trouble if we use that term our kids don't even know that you are their grandma but she goes by honey and she will not be separated from her grandchildren that's right no so i i do think that even if we had decided to move to california in california which would not have been her choice she would find what she would have found a way to be there i would go that's true and so would my dad ga is his name yeah so the funny story behind honey and ga is really not that funny it's kind of just my mom's like when i when you guys have kids i'm going to go buy honey and then that was because there was a kid that would call his or her in my class yeah there was a kid in your class who would call uh her grandma honey and then he's like my honey's picking me up and then she like loved that and so she had already known that that was going to be her name but then she's like asking my dad she's like like matt what are you going to be and he's like i'm going to let the kids decide and we're like that's what you get when that's what you get you get a name like gah yeah because when they're one year old and they can't talk and that's that's what they can do and so it's honey and ga and i remember blake and addie were like we're not calling him gah it's so dumb and then now sure enough they're like brielle look it's god everyone is like i mean that's who he is that's who he is my favorite is when griffin in full like like not even stuttering once goes hey guys this is meet my honey and my god this is my honey he introduces his friends to to his god yeah well he introduces dad as his friend my friend got like i don't think he knows he's he thinks dad is a peer of his and dad plays with him like he acts like he's a peer so yeah yeah okay that's the thing you guys were really young having getting married and having kids yeah what's the trick lori so you guys got young why why what was the big deal i was 20 and you were 20. is that the thing we thought you guys were going to be on board when we asked permission because abby was like my parents got married when they were young so this was totally going to be dad had graduated two years earlier and i graduated three months earlier i think you were 22 mom something like that but it seems like a big difference plus dad was two years older than that oh well i should have found myself an older man then apparently i guess it seems different though if you're in college or if you're outside of college like it just seems like you're in a different that's stage of life that's true it is really weird being amazing i don't think i knew other kids that were married in college we were weird for sure but yeah i think most of those kids don't end up going to college there are a lot of kids that get married young but not usually i know what happens if you could see yourself now lori you know all these years later oh gosh we're looking at coming up on a decade of abby and i being a couple this was nine years ago when i first brought up marrying abby if you could have just like shown yourself when you were having a like one of the saddest days of your life after recital and you could just see well i know isn't that like a lot of things like you're like yeah if i could just see how it turned out in the end i would have been okay but but yeah of course yeah i would not have changed a thing then but i just needed somebody to tell me that that you need a magic ball and i feel like the same goes for us doing social media because like you don't like us being public facing or like all the things that come with that but you do love some good pr and some good social media some influencer benefits uh you know on occasion it has it has its perks if it happens we've taken your parents on a trip before right yeah we've yeah yeah kind of we've done some fun fun travels fun travels thanks to social media and uh some pr some fun opportunities so do you think that i'm similar to you as a parent obviously i was like i remember like you're my mom i remember things but i'm like i really only have memories obviously of when i was way older than the age my kids are do you think i'm a similar parent like do i think i parent my kids like you parented i probably was a little stricter than you are about things i'm not saying that's good but i'm just saying maybe my maybe because of teaching and like needing things to be orderly and needing you know things to be calm i probably had more rules on some things than you do and i'm and again and i probably i probably needed to let more things go and it wasn't like not behavior wise but just like messes and it was more blake you know than you but noise yeah messes and noise maybe because i had so much mess and noise during the day that when i came home i just really needed it to be more calm and orderly yeah let's talk about being a teacher because i feel like the combination of being a teacher and being a mom especially to littles at the exact same time had to be i know that i mean that overstimulating sometimes super overstimulating yeah and how do you think being a teacher and like impacted you as a mom thank you to wayfair for sponsoring this portion of today's episode if you are anything like us if we have the opportunity to be outside we are going to be outside it's just a way to keep the inside of your house clean and also the fresh air is so good for us also our physical health the thing about your outdoor space is that it should feel like you it should feel like an extension of your own home i feel like we've really accomplished that in our backyard and that's why we want to spend so much time out there as well wayfair is awesome because they have everything from furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials so if you're considering completing your backyard this summer or maybe getting some new staple pieces that'll help elevate the space you should consider completing your backyard this summer or consider wayfair wayfair makes it easy to find what fits your style and needs that work within your budget whether your vibe is modern coastal farmhouse or eclectic wayfair has options to help you create an outdoor space that's uniquely yours as personal customers of wayfair i can also say that i deeply appreciate that their installation and assembly services are available for a fully seamless experience we are admittedly not di wires and we are not savvy with the toolkit i love that they offer that service to just make it even more convenient for you you can shop with wayfair verified aka your shortcut to the good stuff their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10-point quality inspection so you know you're getting a quality piece no matter your budget get prepped for patio season for way less head to wayfair.com right now to shop all things home that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair every style every home wayfair every style every home i mean you see it's i mean at school the way other kids are behaving and you want to make sure sometimes that my maybe maybe i went overboard but like you i'm correcting things at home if you saw certain behaviors at school and maybe not behavior-wise but i i also was always very aware of like things you needed to know in school you know like benchmarks yeah i hear this is okay if we talk a little bit about teaching i feel like there's a lot of teachers that listen to our podcast too that find this interesting but i think it's a lot of things but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and things that i think it's a lot of things but i think it's a lot of things but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and things that i feel like i've learned over the years and i think it's a lot of things but i think it's a lot of things but i think it's a lot of things but i think it's a lot of things but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and things that i think are really important to me and i think it's a lot of things but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and i think it's a lot of things but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and things that but a lot of it is is the discipline in the schools and things that you know kids are probably not you know kids are probably not you know kids are probably not raised quite the same as they were raised quite the same as they were raised quite the same as they were you think it starts in the home yeah you think it starts in the home yeah you think it starts in the home yeah and therefore and therefore and therefore at school at school at school you're getting you're getting you're getting the kids coming from those households the kids coming from those households the kids coming from those households that are very different than maybe that are very different than maybe that are very different than maybe some than some of them they were in the some than some of them they were in the some than some of them they were in the past and past and past and um um um it's hard to know what to do with that it's hard to know what to do with that it's hard to know what to do with that then your hands are tied a lot of then your hands are tied a lot of then your hands are tied a lot of times and a lot of times the parents times and a lot of times the parents times and a lot of times the parents don't don't don't you know are not on your side or not on you know are not on your side or not on you know are not on your side or not on the teacher's side the teacher's side the teacher's side what's the thing that frustrates you the what's the thing that frustrates you the what's the thing that frustrates you the most about like how schools and most about like how schools and specifically you taught at a public specifically you taught at a public specifically you taught at a public school like how public schools are school like how public schools are school like how public schools are talked about in america like now in the talked about in america like now in the talked about in america like now in the media like what's the thing that bothers media like what's the thing that bothers media like what's the thing that bothers you the most i mean i can only speak for you the most i mean i can only speak for you the most i mean i can only speak for the quincy public schools and the the quincy public schools and the the quincy public schools and the quincy public schools are great and the quincy public schools are great and the quincy public schools are great and the teachers i know are super hard working teachers i know are super hard working teachers i know are super hard working and they spend countless hours at school and they spend countless hours at school and they spend countless hours at school they love the kids in their classes they love the kids in their classes they love the kids in their classes and so um and so um and so um i think unfortunately i think unfortunately i think unfortunately in the news you're gonna have you know in the news you're gonna have you know in the news you're gonna have you know there's gonna be this random teacher in there's gonna be this random teacher in there's gonna be this random teacher in this state did this thing and this room this state did this thing and this room this state did this thing and this room teacher but that's you could do that for teacher but that's you could do that for teacher but that's you could do that for any profession any profession any profession that you can find somebody who's not that you can find somebody who's not that you can find somebody who's not doing what they're supposed to be doing doing what they're supposed to be doing doing what they're supposed to be doing and who's done something wrong but and who's done something wrong but and who's done something wrong but for the great great majority of the for the great great majority of the for the great great majority of the teachers it's not that way and so i kind teachers it's not that way and so i kind teachers it's not that way and so i kind of feel like of feel like of feel like they're getting a bad rap for a small they're getting a bad rap for a small they're getting a bad rap for a small amount of people that are doing amount of people that are doing amount of people that are doing something because the teachers that i something because the teachers that i know work super super hard and it's not know work super super hard and it's not know work super super hard and it's not just teachers it's just teachers it's just teachers it's it's the para educators it's it's the it's the para educators it's it's the it's the para educators it's it's the administ administrators who also get administ administrators who also get administ administrators who also get ripped on by people unfairly because i ripped on by people unfairly because i ripped on by people unfairly because i do know do know do know i work closely with the administrators i work closely with the administrators i work closely with the administrators last few years and how hard that they last few years and how hard that they last few years and how hard that they work work work and you know having to juggle between and you know having to juggle between what the parents want what the school what the parents want what the school what the parents want what the school district what the superintendent wants district what the superintendent wants district what the superintendent wants what the what the about the kids and um it's it's hard about the kids and um it's it's hard about the kids and um it's it's hard i think that's frustrating too like i i think that's frustrating too like i i think that's frustrating too like i obviously obviously obviously can't know personally but just being can't know personally but just being can't know personally but just being closely related to closely related to closely related to many teachers you both my grandmas many teachers you both my grandmas many teachers you both my grandmas like like like the fact that teachers have to face the fact that teachers have to face the fact that teachers have to face criticism from parents the public like criticism from parents the public like criticism from parents the public like everyone and then they're also just like everyone and then they're also just like everyone and then they're also just like severely underpaid severely underpaid severely underpaid and working so hard that it's just like and working so hard that it's just like and working so hard that it's just like i feel like it's their or their points i feel like it's their or their points i feel like it's their or their points were like were like were like what the heck am i doing this for and what the heck am i doing this for and what the heck am i doing this for and what does it boil down to what does it boil down to what does it boil down to it's it's tough and i think about all it's it's tough and i think about all it's it's tough and i think about all the time now that i'm not teaching and the time now that i'm not teaching and the time now that i'm not teaching and i'm like wow i'm like wow i'm like wow you know you know you know you can you really appreciate that you can you really appreciate that you can you really appreciate that when you're not in it at the moment when you're not in it at the moment when you're not in it at the moment anymore you know like anymore you know like anymore you know like that's so it's so much work and with that's so it's so much work and with that's so it's so much work and with not a lot of not a lot of not a lot of give back to you i guess i don't know give back to you i guess i don't know give back to you i guess i don't know it's kind of like yeah well it's for the it's kind of like yeah well it's for the it's kind of like yeah well it's for the kids kids kids it is um it is um it is um and also mom always told me that she and also mom always told me that she and also mom always told me that she chose the job like being a teacher chose the job like being a teacher chose the job like being a teacher primarily because she was like it'll be primarily because she was like it'll be primarily because she was like it'll be the best schedule for having kids the best schedule for having kids the best schedule for having kids and um that was great we spent all and um that was great we spent all and um that was great we spent all summers together obviously i went with summers together obviously i went with summers together obviously i went with mom to school and then went home with mom to school and then went home with mom to school and then went home with her to school she was my very own third her to school she was my very own third her to school she was my very own third grade teacher and blakes and so we were grade teacher and blakes and so we were grade teacher and blakes and so we were basically like always attached to the basically like always attached to the basically like always attached to the hip when you really think about it and hip when you really think about it and hip when you really think about it and um i think that's something one of the um i think that's something one of the um i think that's something one of the many things that i like many things that i like many things that i like got from you was like just this got from you was like just this got from you was like just this prioritizing of motherhood and it just prioritizing of motherhood and it just prioritizing of motherhood and it just it wasn't even something i consciously it wasn't even something i consciously it wasn't even something i consciously thought about like it just happened thought about like it just happened thought about like it just happened where i was like we have to find where i was like we have to find where i was like we have to find something that works for having kids something that works for having kids something that works for having kids like so i can spend as much time with like so i can spend as much time with like so i can spend as much time with them as possible because that is like them as possible because that is like them as possible because that is like the most important thing yeah and that's the most important thing yeah and that's the most important thing yeah and that's what led us to honestly what we're doing what led us to honestly what we're doing what led us to honestly what we're doing now um and obviously i didn't even now um and obviously i didn't even now um and obviously i didn't even foresee this as being an option because foresee this as being an option because foresee this as being an option because i did go to school i know going to i did go to school i know going to i did go to school i know going to school to be a teacher because i was school to be a teacher because i was school to be a teacher because i was like well i guess this is the best like well i guess this is the best like well i guess this is the best schedule for kids and in so many ways i schedule for kids and in so many ways i schedule for kids and in so many ways i was like because that was my priority was like because that was my priority being a parent was my priority right being a parent was my priority right being a parent was my priority right but also i needed to earn an income so but also i needed to earn an income so but also i needed to earn an income so that was the best thing that was the best thing that was the best thing i need to do and i followed your i need to do and i followed your i need to do and i followed your footsteps nearly exactly it's kind of footsteps nearly exactly it's kind of footsteps nearly exactly it's kind of funny the degree paths we went down funny the degree paths we went down funny the degree paths we went down because after i got grilled by your mom because after i got grilled by your mom because after i got grilled by your mom on like having finances together i was on like having finances together i was I was like, I guess I need to do like finance. I got to figure out this money stuff so I can afford to be married. Well, the whole theater thing at the beginning was a little stressful. Yeah, I was like, I don't want her parents to hate me because I married their daughter and now we're like broke and can't pay for our food. Like, we got to figure this out. Yeah, that's funny. It's weird though, like the freaking changes. Like we were so set on doing theater and so set on being performers. And we honestly dropped it so easily. We dropped it because we just put our relationship first. I was shocked. It was like at Christmas time when you're like, I think I'm changing my major to education and Matt's changing his to finance. I'm like, wow. And you know, I don't know how to explain it, but at the time it was just natural. It wasn't even that sad. Like it wasn't that sad. It wasn't that scary. It was just like, I guess we just so, we were very young. I feel like to have like, we really had our priorities clearly mapped out for ourselves. It was us before careers. A hundred percent. Yeah. And like family, marriage, and it's always kind of been that way. And I think it's because of the people that raised us that that made that not like anything crazy at the time. Okay. So we talked about you being a honey. I've asked mom this before, but you know, for the sake of the cameras and the mics. Matt's mom says that she enjoys being a grandma more than she enjoyed being a mom. She doesn't mean, and that sounds bad the way I'm saying it, but she's saying like, basically what I hear a lot of grandma, I don't know what to say. Like, you get all the perks of the children. Like, you get to have them, like, when it's fun, it's not overwhelming, but you don't have to deal with, like, you know, the sleepless nights, the, like, you know, the discipline, things like that. But what would you say? That all makes sense. I mean, that all makes sense. But I also want to say that I loved being a parent so much that I never thought that that would be matched or topped. And so that's why I was saying before, like, for so many years before you graduate, I was, like, dreading, dreading, dreading, dreading, because I didn't want it to be over. And at some point, like, in the last, I don't know, four years or whatever, you know, before Griffin was born, I was like, wait a second. Because the things I liked, I liked doing so many things, like doing fun things for, like, the holidays or, you know, any of those kinds of things. Mom had so many themed dinners. And so I loved doing those things. And I'm like, and so then at some point I'm like, I could actually do this all over again. Because I kept thinking there was, like, this was, like, the end. This was the end of my fun. This was the end of everything I loved because you guys are grown. It's over. And then I'm like, you know what? It doesn't have to be over. You can actually start all over again and do the same stuff again, but just slightly different, you know. She's already started. She's had, like, little parties for the kids. So cute. And you're raising them to be little mini, they're mini honeys on their personalities in some ways. Like, Griffin loves them. He loves a party. He loves a theme. Oh, yeah. And I think Augie's going to be the same way. But he's just not able to vocalize it as much. And so, yeah. It was just fun to think, you know, that doesn't have to actually end in your life. It can just repeat it in a slightly different way. And that's what I hope to do. They had, like, a little Grinch party at her house over Christmas and things like that. This is not new for her, though, because. Because growing up, I remember we did dinners around the world. So, like, we would have, like, a theme night and Mom would try to prepare food from, now, I don't know how authentic they were, but we tried. I had the Italian night. I got CDs from the library for the music to go with it. Yeah, we had CDs for music. Weren't you attending, like, some sort of kids' college course? Oh, Mom taught kids' college. You taught kids' college. It was Ratatouille, Disney-themed. Oh, yeah, that was, that reminded me. Yeah, Mom taught a kids' college course. It was Ratatouille. I did a French and Italian cooking class that had a theme of, like, Ratatouille or, I don't know what the Italian was. Ratatouille and Lady and the Tramp? I don't know. Mom never stopped teaching, when you really think about it. And she also always found a way to tie in Disney, which leads my next question. Do you identify as a Disney adult? Yes. Okay. But not in a creepy, weird way. I don't know what you consider a Disney adult. I don't know. I just feel like it was news to me that this was something that was. I know there's some kind of a Disney adult culture. I don't know what that is, but. I think it's weirder when, like, the Disney adults, like, have to get their picture with, like, all the characters. No, I'm not that. And get them to, like, sign their book. No, no, no, no. I'm not that. If you just consider Disney adults an adult who loves to go to Disney, then yes. Because I will say my parents take solo trips to Disney. We do. frequently. And here's the thing I need to know. Like, this doesn't follow. dad's personality. Not really. But he goes. He would rather go there than. I think, you know, again, we had so much fun going as a family that, you know, you continue doing something that you've always loved. And honestly, the first time dad and I went without you guys, I'm like, this is not going to be any fun. And you had a lot of fun. And it was really fun. You know, because you do eliminate some things. Not that we were doing this up until, you know, you're not pushing strollers, you're not. Right. Although, obviously, you guys were going in high school and we weren't doing that still. But, you know. It is something to be just. You can start to understand, which I don't think there's any excuse for this, but you can understand, like, why some parents at their breaking point, like, at Disney, there's always some parent that's, like. Having a meltdown. screaming at their kid. I hate that. Adults have meltdowns and toddlers at Disney. I know. I'm like, chill out, dude. You're the happiest place on earth. You brought your kids to Disney. But I will say that last Disney trip that we took, I was so tired from all. We were close to having a meltdown. Like, you know, you're waiting in a line for an hour just to ride a ride for 45 seconds, and then you're just like. Ugh. Oh, here's the thing. It's not an easy vacation, yeah. We have such good memories of driving there and that, you know, the DVD player's in the car. Yeah. My dad had to leave in the middle of the night because he was just too excited to wait till the morning. There is an old commercial that people my age would know that, like, the kids are, like, in bed. They're talking. It's an old Disney commercial. They're like, I can't sleep. I'm too excited. And then, at the end, it pans to the parents, and I guess. I guess it's the dad saying the same thing to his wife. He's like, I can't sleep. I'm too excited. And that's literally. That wasn't my. That's cute. It's, like, funny to make jokes about Disney idols, but there's actually just so much nostalgia wrapped up in it for our family. Yeah, it's nostalgia, I think. Because Disney used to have. They called it Fast Passes. Yeah. But there were physical paper tickets to get a quick. Like, you didn't have to pay extra for them. Yeah. You just had to get there first. And my dad, shy man. Very competitive about it. What did you say? I haven't said any competitive about it. Very competitive. Like, he would, like, speed walk. Strategic, yeah. Sweating. Like, running to. Like, I have memories of him, like, just sprinting to Splash Mountain. Oh, my gosh. Not even Splash Mountain anymore. No. Like, sprinting to. Tiana's by you. Yeah, Tiana's by you. No, but just sprinting, and we got the paper tickets. I can remember saying something to him about this. Like, don't. Just don't stress about it. Don't. We had to wake up at, like, 5 a.m. But I want to make sure. He's like, I want to make sure the kids get to go on all the stuff that they want to do. And I'm like, okay, well. Yeah, there was no question, always with family vacations, that it was about the kids. It was about us. So, that was really. We have so many good memories. And so, I say Disney adult in a fond way. Yeah, in a weird, creepy way. I don't know what the definition of that is. I think they think. I don't know. I think the internet thinks Disney adults are obnoxious. That's not me. That's not mom. No. She does have a lot of special Disney backpacks and ears. She has every single one. Every single one. Most of them. I have a couple. She has a couple. Five. Little do you know, there's probably hundreds and hundreds of these. Really? There's hundreds of these things? Oh, Matt, there's a whole cult behind this. How many actually do you have? I mean, four or five. Okay. How many popcorn buckets, though? I. The kids love them, too. I only have the. They are fun. I got the Christmas ones. I was so upset when you let us borrow your popcorn bucket and it didn't work at Disneyland. What the heck? I did not realize that. It should work at all the parks. Come on, people. I guess there's. I only have two. I have two Christmas ones. So, when the boys come over Christmas time, they wear them around their neck and then I fill it with snacks for them. Not popcorn, because we don't let them have popcorn. I think popcorn. The puffs from Trader Joe's. People were confused in the comments on why we weren't letting our kids have popcorn. They're like, you don't let your kids have popcorn, but you let them have a Slurpee? And I'm like, yeah, because a Slurpee's not a choking hazard. Right. Silly goose. Choking hazard. Talk to some nurses that have worked in ICUs. Grapes are a choking hazard. Certain candies are. Yeah. Oh, nuts? Certain nuts. Okay. Popcorn. For younger, maybe, than your kids. Yeah. Our kids love cashews. No, I think it's really the shell aspect. Oh, yeah. Our kids are bougie. They love cashews and blackberries. Could be worse. It could be bougier. I used to think those were like just. You know what's actually bougie is the Johnny Pops that they like. Johnny Pops? Because they go through so much of them. What even is that? The no sugar added like popsicles. Anyway, so now, okay, back to Quincy. Quincy, lived in Quincy your whole life. Circling back, okay. Raised, and then you made the move out here to Arizona. I guess, wait, is this too far back? No, we don't, I mean, I guess. I guess we already talked about that. Maybe the question is, how is it living in Arizona now when you lived your entire life in this small town in Illinois? It's weird, you know, like, you get used to, here are the restaurants I go to, here are the, you know, things I do, because it's. What's available, and now, you know, there's like an endless amount of things that's available to do, and places to eat and go. You don't have the same people here, though, as we did. You know, so some of that, you know, it's. I would, I have only positive things to say about Quincy. Do you miss that small town community? Because everybody kind of knows everyone. You know, honestly, one thing I miss are going to our high school basketball games, which are a big deal in Quincy. That's so sweet. And I, that's one thing I love doing. And, you know, certain restaurants, like Tiramisu, Gym City, those are like, we still talk about like. T-C-Y isn't even local, but it feels local. Right, we, you know, have all these places to go here, but like, we're like, you can never get better Italian food than Tiramisu, or better pizza and nachos than Gym City. And so. You know, the town where there's just more Mexican and pizza combos, then. But it works. It works. It works somehow. It works. But, and people that I taught with, and other friends of mine, you know, I miss those kinds of things, but. It's hard to beat the sunshine every day here. And honestly, if you guys had moved to some dreary place that I didn't like, we probably still would have gone. Really? Seriously. Of course. So if we move again, will you guys follow us? We're not going to discuss that. She's like, no, no, I'm not. Okay, so we polled our audience. They knew that you were going to be on the podcast. And we polled our audience and asked questions I'm too afraid to ask my mom. And so they're going to ask you. those questions questions the audience you're representing all moms oh this is a lot of pressure yeah so don't take this lightly oh um this one's a random one what is it it says was there someone you almost married instead of your spouse no me personally yeah no why are you saying you're acting no i'm not i'm like no did you wait did you ever date anybody that i date other people but not what nobody seriously just kidding college here's the thing this is the example i had of my parents like first of all let me just we can take this out if we need to but there was a time when both the kids were really young and we needed to go to la for a work thing but we didn't want to leave the kids we were like mom could you just come and just like while we're working you watch the kids and then we'll just be back and like do it and then the question you asked me was but what am i gonna do with your dad yeah it was like a two-day trip and i was like this honestly symbolizes like they are this was right when we moved here too this was when we interviewed taylor lautner and tay lautner like mom felt like she needed to she like they just couldn't leave well dad and it's sweet because this is like this is the example of marriage like i feel like you guys were always you were guys were all you're just a unit like you just like were always together like there was never so i think when i got married there was some confusion for me like when i if i if matt was sick he wanted to sleep in a different bedroom because he's like i don't want to get you sick but like dad would literally never think of that like he would literally be like if you're getting sick i'm getting sick too like we're both getting sick like that and that was just like it was like we're both like they're it's just it's not one's better than the other but i think that you know you you look at your parents marriage growing up and then you yeah just think you're going to do the same exact thing and you're like oh wait this isn't the same thing and so when matt like one he's like i'm gonna sleep better if i'm like i'm like but you don't do that you simply just don't do that like that was just whereas your parents yeah it's crazy happily married you married your father you know you married someone who's like just you're nothing like my dad you're nothing like my dad but um no you're not so okay sorry how do you keep love growing in a long marriage deep question mom try to go there for me i don't know just like we were talking about thinking about the other person and not having yourself first on the list i don't know i don't know i don't know what to do i don't know what to do i don't know what to do i don't know what to do and going on dates and doing fun things and not keeping everything the same always and conversations and maybe maybe some pda in there as well no mom is more pda than she thinks your parents are 10 times more pda than my parents i don't even my parents the most i'll see them do is be like love you like it's like like a one little like tiny kiss and like your parents will just be like getting cozy on the couch and cuddle cuddle well i don't know you cuddle you do a little butt smacking i do not do that but yeah the butt smacking's going on everyone's slapping each other's butts i don't know no she said i don't know but didn't you pant weren't you like pantsing matt for a while was that a thing no me and blake did that oh you were pantsing your dad yes ah yeah no problem that's just some good classic humor were you off limits to the pantsing i'm guessing probably not i don't know i don't remember i'm sure there was an age that that became no longer but i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i can't remember i kept doing it to blake i still do it to blake that's messed up anyway um when did you know you were ready to have children hmm i think i like you were saying i think i did a lot of same things that my parents did you know actually my parents met at the same college and then dad and i met at the same college and they got married right after they graduated we got you know we some of the same things and actually a lot the same professions kind of between what is up with our family my dad and my dad and um me and my mom but anyway um i don't know i think it was something i always knew we were going to do and after two years of being married it seemed like about the right time and um was there i don't know if i what specifically if there was a moment that i thought this was the right time but i don't know it just seemed like natural that it would be then this one's specifically for moms of girls when moms have girls do they try to live through them vicariously i think probably a lot of times they do probably i mean obviously that's not what you should be doing and i hope i didn't try to do that i think i tried to just have you do what you like to do and what made you happy um they weren't things that i had done as a child so it wasn't like oh i was i failed at dance so hopefully you're good at dance or something like that i think it's just a matter of time and i think it's a matter of time and i think it's a that you did your own things but um i don't think i literally you know i think you just hopefully want to see your child succeed and whatever makes them happy this reminds me of something that you brought up earlier like towards the beginning you were talking about how like i had done a short stint of like trying instruments i never liked playing instruments but what's funny is that like a lot of parenting advice that i hear is like if your kids start something make them finish it but i remember mom got this piano i think someone gave it to you no that's kind of a bad story why i can't remember we first got married and i was like i'm gonna go buy we needed some piece of furniture i can remember on a sunday and i was gonna go buy it and somehow i saw this auction and i'm like that's a nice piano and so i can distinctly remember because we always had a piano growing up calling dad and saying um it's about to rain and i actually just bought a piano at this auction could you come pick it up of course that's not an easy thing to get oh yeah instead of buying the thing i was set out to get that day but anyway you didn't tell him how much it was like you just went and purchased it yeah and that like hey go get it right now somehow pick up this big piano because it's about to rain of course outside and we had a very very tiny house and no room for a piano but anyway um so we had a piano and then mom finally my mom like you were like hooking me up with a for whatever i was so young like i was like kindergarten or something apparently in my little kindergarten head i was like that is not happening and i was like i refused and she was like fine get rid of the piano we're not doing it she did i didn't do i don't think i did one lesson i don't remember and i and i was doing really bad at soccer i was so bad at it um i was good when i was little you're good because i like mentally knew the sport but then when it required athletic ability and other girls were getting more aggressive i just want to stop pretty sure you guys let me quit soccer in the middle of season two i don't know if those were good advices to give but i think yeah we're like if you don't like it i don't know you're like we were stricter than you and then you just letting me drop out if you were quitting everything and you weren't involved in anything at all i was doing a lot of other things yeah you were doing a lot of things thank you to kindred bravely for sponsoring this portion of today's episode i am a huge fan of dropping off a meal at a friend or family member's house when they've had so good at it you you do it all the time well the reason i do is because so many people have filled in for us in that way when we've had both loss 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everything is going to be fine and they're going to be fine and they're going to be fine and everything is designed by moms who've been there which having products that support you in that critical season makes such a huge difference so right now kindred bravely is offering our listeners 20 off your first order when you go to kindred bravely.com unplanned that is kindred bravely.com unplanned for 20 off your first order make sure you use our link so they know that we send you exclusions apply what were you most nervous about having kids i think what i was not in my control or even your control like safety things or something bad happening or something that nobody could control so i didn't think um i was never nervous about a decision you were going to make or those kinds of things you know as a child or you know i don't think i was too worried about anything that we were doing on our part but nervous about other things happening mm-hmm um what's one thing you wish you did differently raising your kids do you want to answer that i don't know differently i mean i always wish that i was able to stay home full time um and that i could have come up with a way at the time to do that didn't i just didn't know of a better solution you know there are a lot more opportunities now i think to work from home or you know have some kind of a flexible schedule that there weren't at the time yeah a lot of like this is the best thing i come up with yeah it's like same schedule as your kids kind of a thing yeah well um i didn't ever i felt like we were always with you so i don't really have like any type of um okay do you secretly have a favorite kid no but i'm not true i think i have like it's you i have no you have your kids one of them is your favorite for fill in the blank here one of them's your favorite for another you know for different reasons not favorite overall did you say fill in the blank year no oh here i don't know what i said but but basically no you don't have a favorite kid but you have you connect with each child on different levels for different reasons and um no okay that's not really a fair question anyway i never really felt like there were favorites to be fair how do grandparents take boundaries that new parents set i mean i think you have to bite your tongue a little bit sometimes and say this is not exactly the way i would have been if i were you know if i were you know if i were you know if i were you have done it but these are not my children i'm not raising my children so i have to a lot of times you know well mom you know mom doesn't want you to do this so we're not going to do this right now or maybe this is something a rule that i know dad has on something not that you guys have tons of rules but you know what i mean like these are things you know maybe with how they what they eat or something like that that maybe it's not exactly the way you would have done it but you have to go with what the parents want so um i mean if there's something big that is unhealthy for them for some reason then you'd have to talk to you guys about it but parents about it but um otherwise if it's just a parenting style you have to go with what the parents want i have to give you kudos because i feel like you do this really well like with the kids you're like well you have to ask mom or mom says we can't do that like you don't really go off the cuff with like disciplining them dad breaks the screen time rule dad breaks several rules probably just pull up darth vader on his phone he gives them whatever he wants they want i think yeah it's not just the screen time it's if they ask jelly beans probably probably who knows what they're doing right now we need to have an intervention with your dad sit down you need to come to us we're the parents here honestly god's a lost cause because i know that she's gonna reign it in so i'm like thank you i'll correct him but he doesn't know but then once he hands them darth vader i'm like what are we gonna do it's game over it's game over we've lost to gah but you do a really good job of that thank you can't give this i can't say the same for dad um do moms really not judge this person says my mom says she won't but she seems to have strong opinions judge what i'm taking this as like parenting decisions i'm sure a lot of parents do like among your friends they're like are they like oh my gosh my daughter or my son-in-law or my son is doing this i don't think too many of the people that i'm talking to do okay which would be we would know who they are yeah no they're not doing that i think i think the parents of people the kids your age whatever the grandparents are pretty supportive of what their kids are doing with their grandkids that's sweet that's gracious too do you think it's harder to parent today or when you were raising kids we talked about this on always here yeah um i think it's harder today just because of social media for one thing just access to so much more that you didn't have you had more control over where your kids were what they were viewing or what you know who they were talking to then then now and now there's so many avenues that you could get in trouble i guess and have have issues so i think it's harder now than then in the past yeah when you think about it like me growing up my world was so small it didn't feel that way until i got probably to high school and i was like other things i want to do that i can't do here but like the and that was the first time i had social media too was when i was like in high school like the world felt so small and now it feels like because of the access the world is so big which is good for so many reasons but just when you're you're developing brain like it's almost like that was a good like growing zone like a healthy safe environment to grow in to be prepared for the world at large but now it's like they're just like dunked in the deep end yeah you know what i mean there are a lot more decisions you have to make now on what you can allow or what you don't allow whereas those things weren't available then yeah like life was pretty i don't want to say it was simple but like it seemed safer or it seemed and maybe that's not true but it yeah it seems like that like you could have i mean i wow this feels really fear-mongering but you could have like a predator in your own house just on a device you know what i mean like things like that that feels scary and like the fact of like things getting posted like something could be happening and then it's also made public to so many more eyes like if you think about bullying or things like that i mean now for your child to watch a movie they have access to everything seriously the world unless you've put some you know controls on your tv whereas in the past you put a you got a dvd disney dvd you put it in there you had to watch that a thousand that's all you that's you know what they're gonna see yeah you don't have to make a decision like disney plus has r-rated movies you gotta make sure that your kid is watching like the disney plus kids version you know um yeah you're right it's harder yeah what uh when did you realize that abby's job was legitimate i think when i know what she's gonna say what go ahead when we we were at a hotel in st louis i don't know what we were doing there and you're like mom i think i might um i might quit college now to pursue the social media and i'm like this seems like a bad idea i don't remember this conversation yeah i remember where we were sitting in the booth in in the hotel what hotel is the hyatt wait you you were the hyatt place were you i was gonna quit college or was i gonna graduate early you first were gonna quit and then you found out that you could and then i said please do me a favor before you just quit can you please go talk to somebody and see if they can look at all the credits if they can also gather together to make a degree that made this possible that i have a degree i think that's true yeah you kind of and and then a couple days later you're like hey yeah they said i can get this degree i have enough credits for this degree and i'm like okay there's something there when you're like i'm gonna drop out and they're like actually you have enough credits right now to graduate and i was like oh sick let's walk in graduation was that in the summer no it was no it was like at a christmas time wait so i don't know if it's christmas but at least it was the end it was like getting towards the end of that fall semester wow yeah so maybe i don't know if i thought it was legit then but at least i thought you thought it was legit at the time but i don't know i remember having the conversation with my mom with my dad where i was like i was so proud to tell him that we made six figures because that was like like when i was a kid that was like the number that my dad was like if you can make six figures dad you've made it you know like that's like with inflation yeah it's gotten now i think it's higher than that but yeah no i was like i was like dad we made six figures no that was something you'd really be proud of and then and i was like sorry that i dropped out of college i'm sure he was your parents have always been really supportive too so um someone wrote in and i'm not making this up how do i get my kids to turn out like abby it's a good question you're a perfect person to be honest with you i've had some i've had other parents ask me that i can remember a parent in my class asked me that about you guys and i'm like so sweet yeah i i remember the parent who actually has wonderful girls like so she obviously was on doing the right thing and so i'm you know i'm not gonna take credit for that but um you were a really good parent you were a really good parent you were a really good parent easy child and that's obedient and it was that's probably why i didn't want anything to change because it was easy and it was fun and um i don't think there's any big secret that i when i think about you as a parent like i think about like i don't remember there being a lot of rules or like you described yourself as strict i don't remember that but i feel like you had really high expectations for us that gave you a lot of confidence and i think that's a really good the confidence to like achieve that because it's like you held it like i feel like a trap of parenthood that i'm afraid to fall into is like i don't ever want anything to be hard for my kids like i don't i want to make it easy but then i think that you like expecting like no like having that expectation it wasn't even like oh i hope you can do this it was literally like no this is the standard yeah it gave me the confidence i was like well i must be able to meet that standard and that went for behavior i'm also thinking about like in school like i was like you weren't like you have to do this in fact i was talking about the other day i was like you let me skip first hour you encouraged me to skip first hour well i think at one time i was like you're working too hard slow down girl yeah and um i'm like you don't have to get an a in everything you can just b's are fine and um if you you know because you were working really hard and were involved in everything and i was like just like i wanted to try out for everything yeah and it i like i was like i was like i was like i really felt like i always talk like talk about this like i have such a huge ego apparently but also growing up and even i'm gonna say i can't it carries into adulthood like I just feel like I never really struggled with confidence, but I don't think that was just an act. Like, I don't think I was born that way. Like, I think it was truthfully, like both my parents fully believing me from the day I was born to like never once stopping. Like, I always tell the story about dad saying like, I could be president of the United States and I was like, yeah, I could, but gosh, that doesn't sound very fun. Like, I literally believe that. I was like, I'm personally choosing I don't want to. Well, if you would ask him now, actually, I said that to him the other day because I heard you bring that up and he goes, she could still now if she wanted to. Like, this is the people that raised me. Like, how do you ever like. He goes, she could still do that. She could still do that. But, and yeah, I don't think I was strict as in, I think that maybe that is the wrong connotation. Like, I don't think I was, because I don't think I had to be strict with you guys. I just, you know. Like, I don't, I was never grounded growing up. I don't recall you ever really being in trouble. Like, because you just did it. I think the. The main thing I did was sass back. And I remember that. I remember saying duh to you guys and getting in trouble for that. And I also did this. When they were talking to me and I, you only do that once. You know, there's a couple things you only do once. You only say duh once. You only call your brother a maggot once. Did you do that? Yep. I heard Liz. I was on Lizzie McGuire. Oh. And actually a kid at recess told me that was a bad word, but he actually was mixing that up with. it was josh daly oh my gosh he's like that is such a bad word and um i was like really that's crazy because it's on disney channel and i like and here's the thing in my head then it was a bad word and i could never say it again there's so many things i'm like i grew up so sheltered but i went to public schools i think there's a lot of parents are like so fearful of public schools because they're like what is my kid going to be exposed to which is so valid even our two and three-year-old learned the word shut up from freaking monsters inc who would have known that monsters inc you know those two little like those two monsters that work at the factory they're like the helpers you shut up and then griffin said that and he goes the guy on monsters inc said it shut up and i was like oh gosh oh my gosh what can you show your kids these days but um and then i was like i grew up watching that and i'm okay but um like i also remember like okay this is how sheltered i was going to a full public school you also in a small town but also you know who i mean everybody is exposed to everything and so i just i remember a girl said to me she's like there is a bad word that starts with f and it's three letters and she's like it's f u c and i was like that's not a word and i was pretty much right but she's like no my dad said it and it's a bad word and i don't know why like in my head whatever i said around my friends they believed so i was like don't worry that's not a word like she was like buddy stay calm she's like confused like she's like hey guys it's not a bad word when chloe told me about periods i was like that's not real don't worry i was like it's just p there's no blood don't worry and i just like told everyone i'm not then i was like okay everybody said it it's fine abby said there's that's not real and i'm like everybody it's fine there's nothing nothing to worry about here you might need to um cut a bunch of what i said what'd you say that was wrong i don't know here's the other thing mom made me so confident and then she struggles with confidence herself that is that is actually very true maybe that's where i was like i'm trying to live vicariously through you not in it just in the sense that like i probably haven't always been super confident but i thought you should be and so i appreciate that about you that you are confident and that um i always hoped that i was raising you to not care what other people thought and maybe that went to the extreme here i don't know yeah i mean i really broke the mold i did social media i did so many things it's like because you gave me the confidence to make my own decisions to the point where when i was an adult i was like i'm gonna hear you out but like ultimately i felt like i was equipped to like make an adult decision on and it's true it's hard marriage career kids where i lived and it was hard for you to accept but you did you respected it well make sure to pick up your copy of let's travel to hawaii hawaii travel guide for kids by what a smart cookie publishing which is again by abby's mom laurie and um laurie's sister gina and we'll link this in the description it's on amazon so it's a really easy purchase yeah if you just like search the title amazon prime it's on amazon um i know that they would appreciate you guys supporting them and let's read a review thank you guys for supporting our show so we can keep doing this and putting out these episodes um we really appreciate when you guys leave us reviews yes review is from chloe dixon it says most impactful matt and abby have already made a huge impact on my life work day and way of thinking i've always followed them on other social medias but my sister in law recommended listening to their podcast so glad she did because i look forward to listening to new episodes and i get to listen to the old ones thankfully i'm going to be real sad when i run out of old episodes and i can't listen to a new to me episode all the time oh so nice that's so sweet so sweet and who's that from chloe dixon chloe thank you so much thank you to your sister in law for recommending and you guys should also take that seriously there's probably someone you should share a podcast too that might enjoy this as well maybe if you share this with someone it'll make them have more possible share it with your mom that would be sweet your sister yeah and i just i think that like i said i've really taken for granted until i started my own family and have gotten closer to 30 which i know i still have a lot to learn in my life but that it's very rare to have such good relationships with your family and i think that's a really good thing to do and i think with your parents as adults, especially in our culture in this day and age. And I just think that that comes a lot from the people that raised me and they did such a good job and I'm so grateful to them. And I'm really grateful that my mom put herself out of her comfort zone. This was a really far stretch for her, you guys. Clearly my dad couldn't make it. Everybody go hype Lori up in the comments right now to let her know how great of a job she did on this episode. Yes. Thank you guys so much. And please follow What A Smart Cookie Publishing on Instagram or Facebook. We'll tag it below. Follow it on Instagram. Follow on Facebook. Just bombard them. Buy the book. It's on Amazon. Write reviews and just interact. It really just means so much to me. Sweet. Thank you. Thanks, Lori. Sweet. Thanks for listening, guys. And we'll see you in the next episode. Bye. Pink Panther is here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it. 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