My Date in London

what's up guys welcome back to views we are back with another episode but more important than us being back natalie is back from her penis appointment oh don't do that i wish you could post like that on social media yeah yeah i had my penis appointment penis appointment went good yeah lots of i wish people were so uh uptight yeah yeah 100 you know um so that's back from london from her date yay um all right so i mean the world's dying to know i'm dying to know dave had a little bit of preamble when you were gone i was like what's going on i know what happened yeah okay yeah he's fully the jason asked me yeah i asked dave i was like what happened and he's like oh i know and i was like tell me and he's like i can't i won't tell my lips we're seeing i won't tell you till the pod you're gonna save the juicy deets for the podcast good on you let's just say the podcast shit got wet okay can you not what happened it just rained in london the whole day was horrible rain on the rain on the parade no no i go um well jason yeah did i have something to do with this yes fuck something up yes oh no i'm gonna get in trouble i have some bad news what happened the worst thing that could probably possibly happen he's gay he's a criminal that's actually low-key that's like the best thing to happen yeah if he was a guy i'd be like fuck yeah now we're besties yeah you just gained a friend yeah and no pressure pressure's off that's true okay um he's a tinder swindler no it's also kind of good i don't think so that would be cool get a doc out of it it's incredible i'd write a novel um no the date never happened really oh that's the worst nat got stood up really i mean i don't i don't think so i there was it's complicated what are you gonna share because i i have my theories about what happened i'm not gonna get into it okay all right david's making me fucking spiral i'm not you you had a conversation with all of us guys yesterday and everybody was like kind of leaning towards me and until you gave all the details and then i don't know why you inserted yourself why do you bring the details to david and zane and ilia bring the details to me and naveen we're more level-headed i don't i don't think you should be getting any advice from these guys no that's totally guys are all morons zane's not in a relationship david's not in a relationship and guess who's also not in a relationship this guy she went on a date with yeah so that you know what i mean i don't know okay what happened what happened demo that's why that's why i am looking for single 30 year old men david is the demo i'm the archetype of what she wants to date dude don't you get it jake and that's why she's pissed no way she went to london looking for me but she realized that i was this guy is nothing like you he's like a real man i know yeah um yeah no so what ended up happening was there was like you know we had planned the date and you know these activities and whatnot and then literally like a couple hours before he had like a family emergency and he had to leave his family lives in a different country he had to leave and go to that country and like seek to that emergency oh my god and yeah how'd that make you feel um i was definitely like sad and disappointed i also like i know that i feel like we put a lot of emphasis on the fact that i went for some like dick appointment or whatever that was not my intention to the tribe you went for waivers we know yeah okay let me let me chime in for prime time sorry mom i'm coning her off everybody said in my dms they're like please make sure david lets you tell us the story and not let you did i already cut you off too quick i don't know i've already been caught so just go david please let her speak please okay well i just think i just think um i thought he got cold feet okay this is this is this is from a from a can i just say my perspective i'm obviously glass half empty kind of guy very much or very pessimistic yeah you really so you hated my pilot so and and this is that's just being realistic um so like i was talking to another guy about this here when we were all talking about in the living room he had the exact same approach about as me it's like it's like it's one thing talking to a girl from another country and making all these plans and it being so exciting and being like when you get here i'm gonna take you here and we're gonna do this and this and it's like and that part is very exciting and it's almost make-believe and it's almost fantasy and then when she arrives it's like whoa what the fuck like it's too real it's too real you get spooked you get scared and and i think this is like case by case basis but i i know that i'll i know a good portion of guys get frightened by this thing and i think maybe that's what happened and then he made up an excuse uh-huh but the excuse that he made up is like so extreme it's like why the hell would you lie about that which is exactly why i think if the excuse is so extreme and he's a really intelligent guy that it feels like he would use the most extreme excuse because there's no way he'd make up exactly what natalie just said right why would he make up that the dog ate the dog ate his homework it's the dog ate his homework excuse of all excuses right yeah so that's why i'm like i don't know and then his buddy texted natalie and was like hey did you hear what happened i'm so sorry the date didn't happen yeah and i was like oh that's strange even his buddies collaborate collaborating on this excuse that one was a little weird that's what you do exactly what i really do i'd have really go up to my teacher and be like can you believe david's dog ate his homework i don't know it's a real shame i just say well okay next time you're in london when i look us up i do agree with that because i was like i didn't even know that the other friend was in town like that i was that he was even a part of anything that we were doing yeah so i'm like why are you reaching out to me we don't want to sound like assholes so you know maybe well it could i i think it's real oh no i definitely think it's probably real i think he's not lying i don't think he's lying i just think it'd be so crazy and there was like no i am like so chill nonchalant like i put zero pressure on anything and i think that you are approaching it from a perspective david where you have been in a scenario that's similar and i think you like put so much emphasis like even the way that you were saying like you were trying to relay my conversations with him that you didn't you hadn't even seen the text or anything you were like but you said this i'm like i didn't say that i never said that he never said that either he's projecting yeah he's projecting like me yeah yeah maybe well of course i'm projecting that's all i do on this wait wait wait what do you mean that's how i'm forming my opinion but why aren't you like if i was this guy this is exactly what i would say well have you been and if i didn't want to do have you been natalie in this situation and have you been the guy in this situation both yes ways yes okay yeah i've been both ways yeah yeah yeah you've been you've been shut out yeah i've been shut out you like you thought something was you thought something was gonna happen yeah and maybe the last minute the girl's like i can't and yeah but but i also told this to natalie i was like if i had to put a million dollars on whether or not this guy made it up yeah i would put it on no he's being truthful yeah yeah yeah but i'm just playing i'm just playing devil's advocate right right um well certainly like can you say what he said exactly so like i don't want to like put him on blast no just do like a simile like don't say exactly but like i mean it was something along the lines of like you And i have to fly somewhere And i have to go i have to be there like it was like it was yeah extreme but that's like that's why i'm like it has to be real you would like oh oh oh what and this part is crazy which part that he hasn't texted you yes he hasn't texted me sent well i don't want to i don't want to say that i sound like a loser no no you gotta do that no no no why that's that's the main brother when have you ever gotten onto this podcast and divulged half of what i'm fucking divulging right now me this guy showed his butthole what are you talking about yeah yeah dude what are you fucking talking that's not even that's my ass and my that's funny that's not your heart you never put your heart on the line you're making me put my heart on the line yeah i went to the spirit world bro what are you fucking talking about he's done it all you had a fucking date that didn't work in london i'm spread eagle here with my fucking best friend from my hometown it's fucking there's layers to this shit but you don't take the bottle seriously i take a date seriously that's the difference oh i've i've talked about i don't go on dates so it's kind of hard i went on one i talked about it on the pod and then it didn't work but like anyway yeah he hasn't texted you it's not a big deal i think that that's that there could be something telling i mean that definitely like seals the deal where it's like oh like if you if he wanted to he would i think he will meet up with you again me too i i i do think so i mean it doesn't make sense i don't know why he wouldn't like i think he i think it just got like i think it actually happened the way he said it like genuinely that is seven no 78 chance exactly what happened i like to think of the 22 of like holy shit this this dude's like he's a master this is pulling a fast one and listen i'm a master of the game imposter right yes you are very good at that yeah that's the angle i'm taking here yeah i actually hate playing with you you're like you're like best imposter you're like that scrabble guy that's winning all the time you see that guy no guy's so good at scrabble he's the michael jordan of scrabble he stopped playing in english he learned french and he and he wanted anyone in france yeah yeah that's fucking cool and he doesn't even know speak french yeah he just knows the words oh is that true yeah that's that's what i well that's what i read no no he must not speak french david if he's winning in gravel yeah i don't know how that makes sense as i said but here's the thing here's the thing that he messed up a little bit let's say he is being truthful yeah if that were me yeah i would have called you and spoken with you so you could have heard it in my voice a hundred percent yeah and been like this is actually really bad i'm really sorry i know it's this is like so crazy but the fact that he only texted was kind of like i would have facetimed you what i would have facetimed you and then i would have been like but like we're not like i don't know him that's why like that's why that's where i feel like you're getting really hung up because before you like let's say your date scenario right you're in a different country that's all it's not like it's not it's not like an la thing we talked about on the podcast i mean like it's pretty hyped up i know we've hyped it up here just for the sake of like conversation sure but i don't think it's like that i don't think he's thinking of it like that i don't know if someone's like coming in from another country and but i'm not going i'm not going like but i think i think that he goes there for him but like i'm just saying you're like visiting from another country i would take that seriously i'm sure that like i think that he probably travels often and like maybe that's not that big of a deal oh yes i could see that too actually do you go on dating apps what are you looking for your eyes are like really squinted right now who are you looking at i can't i'm my whole body shutting down man i do go on dating apps well i mean i just go on raya but are you gonna give this guy a second chance um he would need to like he would need to reach out like i don't feel like i don't feel like he's that invested where i need to like be that i couldn't believe it when natalie fucking sent me the message what'd you think i couldn't wait to tell him i was just like holy fuck i was in all caps i was like it's the craziest thing that could happen i was like you're not at the fucking date i couldn't believe it yeah i couldn't believe it really oh yeah because it was just like crazy and then i heard the excuse and i'm like well yeah then david sent me into a spiral for the next 48 hours it's fucked up what you did yeah i was like call the hospitals yeah i was like get to the bottom of this i it's just like too convenient three hours before the date i think one of the chances crazy timing i think that you gotta you gotta get away from dave and you know for sure he's the problem to meet somebody this guy's a lost cause what the fuck he doesn't try he doesn't go out on dates and you can't keep getting advice from him no i gotta you got you need somebody well it's also funny like i've i've obviously i'm not giving her advice i'm not giving her advice i'm not giving her advice i'm still saying she should go for the guy i'm just saying he may have which is weird like i don't even know why you're saying that if you're saying that he's a liar because yeah because i'm wearing uppers he got cold because he got cold feet that could actually mean good things maybe he's just like really really nervous about it that doesn't mean it's like so nervous you couldn't go on the date yeah 100 that doesn't mean he thinks you're i'm not saying he thinks you're ugly obviously are you crazy yeah that's what i'm saying like so i don't you see my instagram post from london i was looking so fucking cute i was like i can't believe this guy's not on a date me right now oh wow that's why you like locked in there uh your instagram post was incredible it was so good my photos were so good i showed it to naveen i was dying laughing she's like what's so funny what's so funny and i'm like look at natalie living her best life zane was just saying that zane was just saying that outside it was zane was like i saw the instagram post yeah and he didn't know if i went with her or not yeah but he's like just by looking at the post i knew david wasn't there yeah that's really funny because he was like he was like he was like he's like you could see it like whatever park you're standing at or whatever there's no fucking way david would be behind that camera yeah yeah yeah it's really funny for me it was the photo of like the cute little english cottage and her arms spread wide i didn't even see i didn't even see this post that we're talking that was the best it was pretty good and it just like looked like you were too happy to be around me i mean i just like one i i just had time and freedom literally like oh yeah you went to you went to the bookstore you went to the park you're on a bridge i would never go on a bridge that's really funny okay yeah oh there's like a weird shot of what is this shot of you on the bridge oh my sister took it oh my god yeah this is i'd not be anywhere near this what was your favorite part well the other thing too that like it's funny because i've talked to obviously my girlfriends and then i've consulted with my male friends here david and zane and you're half female half male friend david yeah and everybody it's the female perspective is so all the girls are like oh my god the poor thing like you know everyone's like obviously he's telling the truth and like they all think the best of me right and they're like he would never like not want to go on a date with you and then like my guy friends are like oh yeah classic yeah he's just you know he just got cold feet he doesn't want to do it but isn't that what girls do though but why no i know but it's and i well that's that's why i consult with david in these scenarios because i'm trying i am not a male i do not have male brain like i'm trying to put myself into the male shoes when and like think about it from a male perspective but like i'd but men are genuinely so fucking stupid like the way that you guys operate it just doesn't make any sense we're good at imposter i know what what'd you say we're good at imposter i know what happened what i know what happened what he said okay to the date and he goes on the internet and he starts perusing some of dave's vlogs and just randomly he clicks into the one where you have to take a shit at big bear and he's like oh holy shit shit what kind of excuse can i make up he is a private guy i don't know if that would really might have happened and then he checks all the apps that show all the car accidents in the area yeah and he goes this is a good one i'll get behind this one yeah he gets on citizen oh he gets on citizen huh shooting here okay i guess all of a sudden my mother is involved in this and i'm gonna send this to natalie um no no but so the other thing that was also like the david was trying to say could have been one of the issues was that so i was flying there with my sister and he knew that this is a big one and so and david thinks this is a big one i don't think this is that big of a deal i think the opposite obviously which is why i went forward with it but i was like i'm gonna be in london whatever these are the dates that i'm coming and i'm gonna have my sister there haha like if you have any recommendations or a friend hold on time out time out time out what you said you're gonna be in london like you said when we're in london we should go get dinner first right that was the idea that you should like if i'm ever in london we should grab dinner or lunch or coffee or whatever right um obviously i was there for those moments okay yeah yeah so that's what you said first and then as the trip was like being solidified more yeah then you hit him with uh my sister will also be in town yeah okay yes and so then i think that changes right what the date is oh right but there wasn't any like of course of course there was something there was something beforehand that was insinuating that he was like trying to make this like a romantic one-on-one we're gonna have this exclusive special time in london that's why i was like i don't want to put pressure on this thing either well i i i've had girls like or i've actually done that to like to girls where i'm like i'm like should i bring my friend or or do you just want to like literally just i mean in hindsight yes that would have been better just straight up be like or do you want to do solo and i love that right because like if a girl's asked me that i find that so cool because i'm like wow like we're really actually like conversating about every like we are so open from the get-go i think it's exciting but like then when you do like should i bring my friend then you're i don't know if he had different expectations and now you're like putting a curveball in it that might help i see your first i see your perspective my thought process is like one my sister is family it's not just like some random it's not some like random girl that i'm just like bringing you know whatever i'm like i think family is like a bigger deal sure i know you thought it was more like this is even more serious than just me coming by myself i want you to meet my i want you to be my family i know i just didn't think there was anything wrong with it i don't know i think you could have done everything better i fucking hate you just like just like the microsoft deal i think you did i think you did everything wrong i don't know i mean i mean good news is you're back in london soon and i'll be there oh that is the good news for podcast listeners i can't wait wait i heard i'm going too yeah we're all gonna be on that day wow guess who's back with seven of my friends no no no we'll be in london because naveen said we're going yeah i did tell naveen yesterday that's funny she already like she was so excited oh i love that okay we'll definitely be able to grab drinks with all him and all his friends and this will be incredible to ask really funny like you know honestly we should send him the episode after we had that conversation like you know we've been talking about you it's a seven part series i'm sad yeah a lot's going on i've been playing a lot of call of duty while she's been gone okay how's that going i got the little caesar's um garlic pizza yesterday wow jealous well i thought this is wellness weekend it's wellness weekend on sunday or i guess yeah i guess we're recording this pot early because natalie came in so it's breaking news no no vegas um i didn't go to vegas god no steve will do it did come by yeah that was fun that was good it's good to see him um he came with pepino interesting pepino tore me apart about the pizza place really he goes i need to teach you how to make pizza and i'm like what you've had my pizza you don't like it he's like no i just i heard from a friend that it's not good i'm like well you should go and try it so i think they went to try it i'm not sure but i played him in pool yeah for ten thousand dollars yeah i gave him four ball head start so i took away i took out four balls for him and then i beat him yeah and then i felt really bad about it so i was like that was just a practice game yeah so i watched the ten thousand and then i played steve's girlfriend uh and pepino versus me and john for another 10 grand i won that incredible but i also kind of watched that because i was like yeah whatever whatever i was like don't give me the money like steve's giving me so much yeah where i'm like he came by and he saw the car that he got me and he's like this is the car i got you right i'm like no no yeah this is the car you got me he's like it's exact it's exact car i'm like this is exactly the car and i got the keys for him he like sat and he's like this is fucking sick and i'm like what you don't remember this and i'm like you could have it right now like it is your car like take it yeah he goes i would literally never take it back and i'm like well if you need to go like gamble it or do anything with these like no it's yours i'm not taking it like it's never happening it's nice um which is kind of crazy because like what an interesting dude i operate with the idea of him coming to get that car back any day right just too big of a gift um and he he's not taking it back so it's kind of crazy and then he's and i was like well you could just have it because you bought it it's yours and he's like david if i wanted this car i'd just go buy my own it's not a big deal like this is yours so i'm like it's kind of funny it's funny how he does his videos and how we do your videos like we try to like build stakes and stuff or like i remember the bit was if a penal loses he oh if he wins he can have his job back and then i said something like that and he's like i don't know what to do with it okay so if he loses he lost so he doesn't have his job back and steve was like no he has his job steve was also like really high i think oh he was steve came with a bottle of olive oil that was all thc lace and he took a bag of waivers yeah and he dumped the olive oil all over the waivers shook the bag up and was like this is fucking gas oh my god i was like offering one to john and julia but he's like you gotta be careful because this is gonna hit you really really hard whoa i don't know if i'm gonna be able to do it but i'm gonna be able to do it like edibles no no no it's really dangerous not dangerous but like you just can't control it yeah i really like steve it was very nice seeing him for a little bit um yeah i'd like to like spend time with him yo did you see did you see so i got i had got a new sponsorship on my video fomo yeah and and i say this on the podcast all the time the day i invested on fomo the day after was like one of the biggest stock market crashes yeah ever like trillions of dollars lost in the stock market the day after i invest like a lot of money it was fucking insane all my all my all of the things i invested in completely crashed and horrible yeah because everything crashed everything crashed um and then and then yesterday i put in my picks for price picks and everything hit for me except luke donchich i had the under yeah that he had to get under 40 points yeah he had one of the best games of the season yeah he got 50 points and his final point was like a full court shot that he hit that's been like being played on instagram and no way yeah it was like the best game he's ever played it was it's fucking incredible everything that i've selected has gone the exact opposite way did you know he's having the greatest beginning of an nba season ever really yeah he scored the first seven games he had 258 points and the second best record is michael jordan was 225 points and i guess apparently he's going to win the next game he's going to win the next game he's going to win scored 50 the other night so yeah the best eight games and i was and i was playing cod while i was like while i was watching the my price picks app yeah god damn he is fucking obliterating like put this guy on the bench please um so i lost that it's fun that he's here in la yeah we should we should go see a game we should go to a laker game that's pretty sick i was i sat with his manager at a game once what'd he say when uh it's a woman she was looking for he was looking for like a house it's like right when he signed with the lakers right when he signed the lakers and i like sent her a link to a house i was like this is the perfect house for luca i wonder if he got it no he did not he didn't he lives in manhattan beach oh yeah i would never look there manhattan beach is nice that's where all the athletes live or it's closer to the stadium right yeah yeah that makes sense and you're on the beach i would never live on the beach did you watch this dane cook documentary no did he get his brother involved or no yeah his brother took all his money no i don't that's like the most famous day what did you ask if his brother was involved involved in jail oh you know what he did well his brother there's an interview with dane cook and dane got his brother to agree to come and do the wife huh he got the wife to agree no no he got the brother to agree oh he did yeah yeah to come and do the documentary yes and his and his brother responded he's like for family growth i'll come do it and then like four days later he completely changed his mind said no i'm not coming yeah yeah his brother like you natalie stole money from him um for three years but he wiped i guess the um the wife owed 12 million in restitution and so the wife came and did the documentary and dane cook wiped it wiped the deck just for doing the doc for doing the doc and they were like they were asking him they're like why would you do that and he was like he's like i just and i i really related to this he was like i just wanted to like not have that be a part of my life yeah anymore like just fucking who cares wait what happened exactly his brother but did they work together or something cook was like the biggest comedian like ever like right out of my space he became the biggest biggest biggest comedian really well and made like imagine like shane gillis really that was dane cook and he his brother took all his money all of it all of it like they had nothing and uh and so they made this netflix talk about it and then you know yeah how was his brother stealing the money yeah how does he take all of the money what was he spending it on that was without him that was not an asset i guess he was i know that he was like draining it and like keeping cash like in the house and really yeah i'm not sure exactly how he uh like over six million dollars yeah oh wow yeah and those checks like when you're like playing like the boston garden in the round like seven nights in a row like you know those checks are you're making like with merch you're making like three four hundred thousand a night i would say at least yeah the yeah yeah yeah at least like crazy you think he's making more night you're a million a night i don't know i don't know at that time what the numbers are yeah i was actually watching something and it was interesting because i've never actually put into perspective you know how like they'll say it's the highest grossing movie of all time yeah like it's funny to think that that doesn't actually mean that it's gotten the most viewership it just means that times have changed movie tickets are expensive and it is grossing the most oh yeah yeah that's interesting like it doesn't like yeah like if jaws was out would it have made just as much yeah i think it totally would have because movie tickets back then were two dollars yeah so like obviously it's very different they don't account for inflation no i don't no no no it's highest grossing it's what's bringing i guess so like forever you're always going to get the highest grossing movies so interesting right which is an interesting way to track a movie well just a market now when you watch tv and stuff there's like nothing on um i mean i don't i have a really hard time watching what do you mean watch tv like you when you go like last night i was like okay i'm gonna i hate to chat gbt like what to watch and even then everything that i listed i was like no i've seen it i've seen it i've seen it yeah bro i had tough i had um i had chat gpt roast me yesterday you guys should do this it's kind of funny just say this here chat gpt say this is david's friend or whatever your name is this is david's friend tell me something funny about him and can you please roast him and then my chat gpt said david will surprise his friends with a private jet to hong kong then spend six hours asking chat if a television looks three inches too wide wow yeah and then it goes he says he wants a house that feels warm and realistic then casually adds an indoor pickleball court a basketball court a nightclub and a 50 seat imax david you're designing a david busters with a primary bedroom wow and nothing is ever finished somewhere there's an architect getting a text that says love it can we completely change it up but keep the exact same vibe so funny because exactly that's very very close to me so you guys should do that with your friends um yeah no it's really hard finding things it's hard to find the patience to watch something i watched a movie last night this night called the assessment with uh oh the girl from wandavision elizabeth olsen yeah i love her it's basically this like dystopian world this couple lives alone and they want a baby but you've got to you've got to get approval from the government so an assessor this other woman comes and says there's too many kids yeah because yeah because or because there's yeah there's no because not because there's too many kids it's just like they can't support feeding people whatever okay and this woman comes and stays with them and and uh and uh it was pretty good it was pretty good you you would like it i think assess okay the assessor that's all you could give me yeah well then like then like it gets really weird because it's like the the assessor like who's that who's the co-star who's the guy he's like an indian dude that's been in a lot of stuff lately and he's like i can't remember what he's been in i don't know his name but he's really good the guy from eternals yeah maybe yeah i haven't seen eternals um but um but yeah the the assessor comes and just like acts like a child and he's like i don't know what he's even though she's like a 30 year old woman oh so it's like it's kind of fucked up just to pretend that like this is they're having a kid yeah yeah yeah um i have a question for you guys this is gonna sound weird until you guys start answering it when you wipe yeah do you stand or sit sit natalie i don't poop my butthole's too deep do you stand or sit i definitely don't stand natalie doesn't poop man oh my god you know that's true i don't poop i don't poop i don't poop okay that's really good because it was fucking weird i asked that question john looked at me like that's not even like why would you even ask that to anybody yeah Like obviously everyone sits And then Alex goes What you guys fucking sit And then Julia goes What are you guys talking about you sit Wait what what do you mean Alex and Julia both stand And do what Wipe Where are they going where are they standing up It's so funny because I know people listening to this right now Stand there are people out there that stand And they're just as confused What's the positive of standing Al Al I think I can always count on Alex answering Al who you with Um two girls Nice girl I'm released indeed Well you're on the pod with Jason and Natalie And Go ahead and ask Al when you Take a dump Do you stand or do you sit when you wipe I stand Probably Oh he stands Yes Yeah That's what I just said Oh sorry sorry What does Jay do Jay sits Natalie sits Wait where are you going Like when you stand up what are you doing I don't get it Like why do you I just walk around No no no Al be honest Because people obviously I do like a half squat And then I also tried sitting today actually I don't know how you guys do it Genuinely Okay this is what people say When they find out that you sit They go Well don't you sit Doesn't your hand just go inside the toilet bowl And like into the water I just didn't have any space to like maneuver Where are you going I think I know what this is What David has a large ass Alex does not So David needs to squat So it's even harder for him No no no That's why you need to squat If you stood with your big ass You wouldn't be able to get your hand in there The cheeks are too big Too cushy This is crazy I think I cracked it I mean that's why I don't know how anybody stands Because then your butt is closed Yeah Al So how do you do when your butt's closed You just dig in Why are you digging Like just leave it open I mean I I tried Sorry Who are these two girls How well do you know them Can we ask If they stand or sit Yeah This is Jan and Sip You're on my friend's podcast I have a weird question for you Okay Okay Okay I don't want to kill the vibe Okay when you guys go number two Do you stand or sit When you wipe Sit Fuck What do you mean stand We're also like women Like we sit if we pee Or if we go number two That's funny Because Julia said That women can't possibly sit What Okay I gotta call Julia I gotta call Julia bye Okay bye How fucking weird is that I didn't even know I saw this like I saw this like Like it was like a bar Barstool guy or something Was like Talking about it And I was like Why are you asking this in the office Obviously everybody Fuck This isn't even This isn't even entertaining And then people start It was starting to be 50-50 In the office And I was like Are you fucking kidding me Hello Hey Julia Who you with I'm by myself At the mall Okay great So Natalie's here Confused about Your standing situation We're on the pod You're on the pod Oh my god Okay It's not a stand It's a squat Okay she just hovers She hovers You hover Yeah like I Yeah like I hover over The toilet Okay that That makes more sense That's Yeah no But you do that when you're like At a toilet that you don't want to touch Like public Yeah No she's sitting And then When she's done But I sometimes I sometimes do it at home Like I never fully stand I'm at most hover Okay Okay that's acceptable Okay No one's fully standing Because it's not possible But I'm just saying You're Yeah There is no part of you That's touching the toilet When you're wiping No Like I hover over it Like maybe the bottom Of my like thigh But like no yeah I'm hovering I mean she says hover It makes it sound like She has superpowers So you levitate When you're wiping Yeah yeah pretty much I just feel like you know It's comfortable It's more comfortable And then you called your family Because you thought It was like Yeah yeah yeah And my mom And my brother Both They are sitters So it doesn't make any sense I don't know where I learned it from Yeah I don't know Really really crazy Alright well thanks for joining us Julia Okay you're welcome It was really funny To watch John and Julia Have this conversation with me As you know Anti-sitters And anti-standers Right next to each other And a couple Talking about how they Poop and wipe I don't know I think that's crazy I'm so excited I'm so excited To see the messages from this Would you ever go in And watch Alex And see how he does it No but he That's disgusting But he gave us a demonstration Oh he did Because Julia was like Julia was like Show us Julia was like John show us how you do it Sure sure And John kind of made sense Was kind of He was doing a weird motion How does John do it He sits He sits Yeah Like anybody else He kind of like He kind of leans over Yeah he turned Like anybody Yeah But Alex Obviously no one's standing Right But I'm going to show you What Alex did Alex went like this Oh okay okay And that's It's standing Yeah But like It's got some knees bent But it is standing Yeah knees are bent Yeah but it is standing But he's not anywhere Near the toilet bowl It's like he is in And like a lot of people That were asked this question In the bar stool thing Or whatever I saw They were like Well I want to I've already spent So much time sitting down So I want to kind of Stretch my legs And get up And do the rest of the portion That's what they said It's so weird And then Julia said Yesterday Julia's like Well I'm going to I don't think girls can sit Because it'll give you Like an infection And I'm like what I'm not saying like You're changing the motion You're not going like From back to front now That's not what I'm saying You're doing And then she was so confused She could not She's like so if you're not Going back to front Oh I see why She thought that Since I was sitting I was going in Between my legs Oh yeah Oh my god She really can't fathom How I do it sitting Or how anybody does it sitting She thought I go in From the front Yeah Just because Yeah Baffling Jay Baffling Maybe we could get An expert over here To teach you guys How to wipe The right way No no We all know how to do it You think you're doing it The right way No no It's 100% The standing people Are the outliers But it is interesting So Nat Do you have Now that you've come back You did say something weird today You're like You don't want to go out tonight Are you like A lot more horny Now that you've come back From this potential Because I'm really horny After I land Just like in general Yeah Like flights make me crazy But are you like Super riled up Because you didn't get The release you wanted Oh yes I'm ready to hit the town Are you actually I'm like being serious No yeah yeah Yeah definitely am Really? Yeah You guys are going to go out tonight? Maybe your big plan in Hong Kong You're like We're going to stop the trips We're going to We're going to just put that money To going out to a nice dinner Mmhmm That's what I was saying We should go to the living room tonight Oh you're Oh so you were being serious Yeah I was Yeah I'm actually down to go out Oh We have work to do buddy Well I know but Oh no I have to play Call of Duty Dude Can't do Call of Duty And then go out after? I love Call of Duty Love it huh? Yeah What do you love about it? Well one of the toughest parts about it Is when someone wants to go to bed When you're playing It's like a meme So it's like Everybody knows This is the hardest part Of playing Call of Duty Yeah Is when you have to tell Your guy friends That it's your last game It's really really difficult Because like There's different ways to do it Some people just Do it do it here I'll be I'll be Hey guys this is my last game I gotta go Well everybody does it different Everybody does it differently Okay and everyone will just jump in And be like what the fuck Like that Like you can't Like I always say Like you're not allowed to say that You have to like give us Like a three game heads up And like we can't end on We can't end on a loss Or we can't end on a win And like Like Alex is a fucking dick about it Really? An asshole He's like I'm done And then he just logs off Mike will Mike will Do you give a three game? Yeah You do I'm not a dick I don't give a three game But like I give the vibes very early I go guys it's gonna be a short one I have two games in me Okay Really I'm underselling it How long is a game? I have like five games Every game is like 15-20 minutes Okay But But yeah Ilya is Ilya's an asshole He'll get off He won't take any convincing What about John? John will stay on as long as you need him Unless Julia is like Unless Julia is pushing him for date night Yeah If John wasn't in a relationship Yeah There wouldn't be a single moment He's done with Call of Duty Really? No No no no He would be at that computer Full full full time Right before we started the podcast David was staring out at the pickleball court Staring at John Saying Unbelievable this guy's life No it's crazy He has no idea He really has no idea What a great life he has Cause he doesn't Like He gets John's out there in a bucket house In a bucket hat He looks like he's at the Four Seasons right now He gets all the amenities Yes But without the stress Yeah But like he's But with that Comes the stress Like John will live longer than you Yes for sure But with that he also comes He stresses about the smallest things Okay Right He's gotta stress about something Yeah Yeah I asked Taylor Taylor's the same way I asked Taylor the other day I was like I was like can you order the stuff for the sandwich And make me a sandwich today for lunch And she goes Oh my god I just ordered a lug. I just ordered what? A lug. A lug. She was like moving. She was like doing something. Oh, a log, yeah. But it was because she was doing something else. Yes. I stressed her out by giving her another task. Yes, yes, yes. And I was like, okay, do it. I don't know. Now do this. I don't know. Taylor, I'm like really like easy on, like whatever. Who are you the hardest on? Natalie. Obviously, yeah. Yeah, for sure. That's because I expect. But that's because I'm the best. That's because I expect the most from her in our work situations. Natalie had a funny joke in the vlog. I did? Yeah, really funny. Is it out yet? Talking about Ilya's fetish. How he's into Asian girls. What did I say? I thought that was really good. Asian per se. It was a banger ass joke. It even came out of your mouth. I was like, whoa. I mean, that is so Ilya. Yeah, it is. Like if you were to enhance his fetish more, it'd be like. Asian alien. Asian alien. It's like the way to fucking put it. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's so funny. All right, guys, listen. I got to go away next week. That's fine. Oh, okay. Well, that's fine now. Wait, where are you going? I guess I'll go. I'm going to go to New York, see why it's album release. I'm sorry, dude. You should come. Nah. Uh-huh. No, no. It's an album. It's incredible. It's a masterpiece. If it was here, I'd totally go. You would? That was your way of you tricking me to say that it actually is here. Well, lucky for you, it actually is here. Oh, fuck. No, I'm definitely going to listen to it. Yeah, you got to listen to it. I've listened to it like 10 times now, and it is a masterpiece. Really? It's an actual masterpiece. What's the album called? It's called The Once Upon and Future. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. The Once Upon and Future. It's really hard to come up with creative titles, and that's. Yeah, the lyrics are so good. The songs are fucking amazing. I can't even believe it. All right, well. Go listen to it. I'm excited to hear it. Thank you guys for joining us. We'll see you guys for the next Views Podcast, where we talk about us going out.