My Dad Was Probably A Murderer w/ Kirk Fox | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Hey everyone, I have some exciting shows coming up on Saturday, November 29th. I will be in Tacoma, Washington at the Emerald Queen, Casino. After that, I'll be in Oakland, California, at the Paramount Theatre on November 30th. Tickets and all info is at TomSegra.com/Tour. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Two Bears, one cave. Bert, you look great. Thank you, man. I've been trimming up and, you know, I'm happy to be here. Yeah, man. That's a surprise. I can see that your face is kind of narrowed back in. If you stop eating completely and you're drinking, you just find out who you really are. That's fantastic. So this is it. This is it. For those of you who don't know, I'm sitting here with the great Kirk Fox. He is a very funny comedian and actor. You may have seen him on Parks and Rec. You may have seen him on jury duty, reservation dogs, so many things, so many things. A lot. A lot of things. I try not to think about it. I was watching, I've seen, I don't know, every time I'm scrolling, I see a clip of you and something else. You're just. I don't watch it. I don't even really have a TV. Yeah. So, did you feel like you have a lane as an actor? A lane? You know what I mean? Like a certain type of part of your call for? Anyone on their way to prison? Yeah. Or about to be caught? Yeah. Always sex offending. There's always somebody that's a target. Yeah. Always a member's only jacket. Do you remember the first part you got? Uh, yeah. What was it? It was, uh, well, in house four, I got my sad card. Okay. With Sean Cunningham, who I was teaching tennis to. Tennis has given you. Tennis has been my agent for, uh, the whole run. Any job I've ever gotten was because of tennis. That's so crazy. That is so crazy that like, because I've seen it a little bit, just like being friends with you. You're like, "Oh, like once I kind of saw how this worked," I was like, "Oh, because tennis is a sport of the elite in a lot of ways." I like to think so. Yeah. Like tennis and golf, right? Those are kind of like more. That's country club. Well-to-do sports. Anything else doesn't interest me. But the irony is that the well-to-do like to play them, but the people who usually are really good come from a working class about like people who strive to be good at a sport. Don't come from those usually those families, right? I mean, I think for me personally, I didn't come from money. You came from a working class fan? I didn't see him work much. I just came from a family. My dad found a way. He would, he called himself an inventor. But he'd get up every day at 6.30 and invent ways to not have to go to work. That's cool. He'd get up every day and he'd get a bamboo stick. And he'd go down to the beach and just trudge along the deep sand. It's kind of a good life. It seemed to be for him. He lacked much of an income, but he found a good way to not have to work. He was a handyman. But is that tough, then, as a young kid wanting to. You find a sport you really like. And at least in today's world, it's like, if you really want to pursue tennis, you have to kind of invest some in that, right? But he would drive me around and he would drive me to the tournaments and. Who introduced you to tennis? No one. There was a garage door across the alley. Yeah. And I would just hit tennis balls against it. And hitting the ball against the wall is something I did for most of my life. It was something really like so pleasurable and satisfying about a ball against the wall. Still. Just the sound is hypnotic. Even if you throw it against it, you could do it for hours. And I would do it for hours. Yeah. I often think now about just. If I could just dump my family. Yeah. Yeah. And find a wall and just hit balls against it forever. You know that's possible, right? Well, I'm leaning into it. Yeah, yeah. Because there's walls everywhere. They would call and they'd say you have a family and I'd say not right now. Not right now. Let me finish this. Yeah. And I would hit until the ball would pop. Right. So I think it's just insanity. Yeah. Like, you know, serial killers just write notes to themselves for hours. Yeah. That's my note. The ball wall. The ball wall is my note to my family that. And I was thinking about it today as I drove here. I was like, first of all, I was in a waymo, which is not good. No. Because it's like if you. Called the drunkest person, you know. Yeah. For a ride. Yeah. Because they drive so slow, they're so careful. And there's no one there. And they won't go on the freeway because they're afraid of highway patrolmen. Yeah. It's the slowest. It's just. If you want a drunk person to come get you, you just call a waymo. Waymo, for those of you that don't know, is the driverless car. There's a car pulls up when there's no one driving. You get in. I did one. I got in one just to experience it. And I just, for the whole ride, just said the N word over and over and over. Because I knew I did it. Was that the driver's name? Well, I guess so. Yeah, you can make it any. You can make it anyone you hate. Yeah. I just did it for fun. What I don't like about the waymo is. If someone's trying to kill you, like shooting at you, the waymo's still going to just follow all the. It's going to pull over and give them a better aim. Maybe. It wouldn't stop because it has, you know, it has a mission. Yeah. Where if you have a real Uber driver, they're going to maybe try and get away from the assassin. A Turkish guy knows to do that. So yeah, so that's my problem with waymo. Is if you're getting shot at, you're going to be killed. That's a really good point. I want to ask this with regard to tennis, though. Okay, look, when do you know? Because I, for other sports, you can kind of see this. When do you know you're actually pretty good? When you win. When you win. When you start winning. So you're doing tournaments? Yeah, you're doing tournaments and you just start winning. And you're like, "All right, I'm. " But I never got to that stage. Of what? Winning. You did too. You know, not enough to, people don't know that I was great. You're great. Well, I could have been the best in the world. But I just pushy. Yeah. Women fucked that up. Did they? Yeah, look at me. Look at me. Yeah. So you'd be, you'd arrive for a tournament and then see a skirt? I'd barely arrive. I'd still be chasing the girls. Yeah. And I'd never win the first set because I like to dig a hole to climb out of. Yeah. So everything I did was counterproductive to winning. That's a real artist right there. Yeah, it's like. So a lot of matches, I just. I dig a hole. Yeah. Because I wouldn't stretch. I haven't stretched in my life, really? Yeah, and you know that. Like, if I have to do more than 20 minutes of stand-up, it's going to be start to feel like work. Yeah. So, I'm as famous as 20 minutes can get you in life. Right? Like, you're famous. This is your podcast. Right. I came here reluctantly. Right. Yeah, no, I appreciate it. I don't want to be here. I know, I know. I don't want to be anywhere. I don't mind talking to you any place where there's no cameras or people hearing us. Well, we have to edit so much. Yeah, that's the problem. I know. So. And people wonder, why do you have to edit? Well, because prison cellmates know not to speak. Yeah, but I. In front of the warden, you know. Any conversation I have, I imagine that someone's listening. Yeah. And that I'm wired up. And that if I say something wrong, it could end. Let's talk about something fun. Bundy. Aren't we? This is. Bundy's fun. Yeah. He had a twinkle. He had that hunter mentality. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I only do locations with you if I've known he's been there. Yeah, I know. That's why we're going this weekend. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Did he do some work up there? Um, I don't know. But I mean, truthfully, where didn't he do some work? He's so. You know, did some work up there? Is Ed Geen. Oh, Eddie. Eddie. Little Eddie G. It's nice that we have that in common. He loved his mom. Yeah, he's the daughter. Dug her up. I love mine. Yeah. Do not kill her. But she appeared to be dead for most of her life. Did she? Yeah, that was a gift my dad had. Just driving people into seclusion. That's, um. Yeah, my mom makes me want to be dead. I don't know if that's a spin on that. Sometimes I look at your mom and she already appears stuffed. You know. You know who looks just like my mom right now? One of those dried up apples. Bon Jovi. Oh, shit. I think it was Amy Miller texted me this photo and she's like, oh, she goes, you know, who the fuck is it? Hey, Amy Miller has your number? Yes, she texted me. I like watching your mom when she gay. handles. That to me is pleasant. My mom is when she's at her happiest. Yeah. Did your mom have a thing like that? Did she like? I don't know. My mom never left the house. Really? I don't remember her going very far. She'd go to the market, but she had, what, five? She had five. Yeah. So she did go to the hospital. Oh my god. That's Bon Jovi. Is she on the right or left? That looks like Charo. It really does. Oh, shit. It does look like Charo. Wow. That's crazy. That's the evolution of rock stars. Yeah. At some point, they look like an 80 year old Latin lady. An aunt. They all just fade into that. Yeah. It's because they had their vanity. Like they have to stay real thin. Rock stars like to stay there. Well, they don't eat. And then they have, they want to have crazy hair. Yeah. But your hair starts to just do weird things as you get older. Yeah. Steven Tyler just looks like a crazy, beautiful older woman. Yeah. She's frightening. Yeah, it's frightening. Alice Cooper. What's that to the right there? Is that a Christmas tree? I think so. We never had those. No, no. What did you have? It was a tree that my dad would cut a limb from this tree in the front yard. A limb? A limb, brother. And then prop it up. Prop it up. It wouldn't lay it down. It would still be propped up enough where you could put a present under it. That's awesome. I basically grew up, I would say, in the 1700s. Yeah. No, then I think about it. Yeah. My dad just didn't like to spend much money. He'd always just have a few dollars in his wallet. And he would take it out and, you know, but it was only like two or three dollars. But that was his big takeaway. I wish there was footage from a reality show of your house. Oh, God. When it comes to starting a business, I can tell you there's nothing small about it. If you've been losing sleep over starting your own business, I've been there. It's time to stop wondering and start doing and Shopify makes that first step way easier. Cha Ching. 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And as always, please enjoy responsibly and thanks to Indicloud for sponsoring this episode of today's two bears. I love you guys. My grandma lived upstairs. I didn't know that. She's no one did. She's in a box. No. My dad married my mom and then just moved in with her and her mother, which is exactly what I did. I'm following the tradition of mixing a woman. So I come from a long line of that. Just a long line. That's what it was. But grandma lived upstairs and the phone was upstairs or down in a called a Lathouse which was L-A-T-H. Never heard of that. Well, you wouldn't unless you grew up in the 1700s. Okay. Okay. But that's where my mom slept down in this Lathhouse. Really? Yeah. My dad, they didn't sleep together. Okay. It showed you the appeal of my father. So yeah, my grandma would hit the floor and she'd say, "Telephone and I'd have to run almost half a block down to this Lathhouse to get to the phone. And if you don't want to go upstairs and they don't want to see grandma." No, no, no. But if it was for someone else then you had to run back. Well, they'd say who it's for. Oh, okay. Kirk, telephone. Okay. And then I'd run down to the Lathhouse and I'd get them. I got a grandma and then sometimes she wouldn't hang up. And you'd be like, "That's when you knew she was plotting murder." But yeah, that's the life I grew up in and the shower was outside. Yeah. So I had an outdoor shower. How close were you to the beach? A mile. A mile. Okay. But I do like outdoor showers. Yeah. There was one at the foot of Law Street in Pacific Beach, an outdoor shower. So I'd swim and then I'd take this shower. But I liked it because you could look at beautiful women while you shower and pee. Oh, yeah. So that maybe is what started the dementia by looking at women and just peeing in your swimsuit while looking at the making eye contact. I remember peeing on this girl in high school. And man, I didn't realize that it would be so empowering like it felt. Of course. It's such a great feeling. You were probably sad when you stopped peeing. Oh, I was. Yeah. That's like hitting the tennis ball against the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, when I pee on women, it's hard to stop. It's hard to stop. Same with choking them. Yes. And I didn't choke any. I'd heard about it and I was like, that's crazy. And then the first time a girl, she told me to. Yeah. I guess I didn't know you kind of like have to stop. Yeah. See, that's, that's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I, I've done it before and just kept going. Yeah. I also didn't know that like, and I said, did you like that? And she was on, I think she was out. So then you have to know CPR. You got to start slow to your supposed to just kind of, and I just went for a 10. I was just like, Oh, I thought you wanted me to kill you. You're an athlete. When I choke a girl, I say, you know, I want you to know this could end bad. Yeah. For one of us. Yeah. That's why I start on pillows. Uh-huh. But choking. That's empowering also. Oh my god. If I could find a woman that I could just pee on and choke all day, I wouldn't even need to play tennis. No, I know. I know. That's a problem with my wife. You know, she makes me, you know, pee outside. It's the worst. Yeah. God. I do have a pee tree. You do? I do have a, a pee tree in my backyard. I love paying outside. Every time I would go out there, no matter what, it could be raining. I go to this peat tree. And Sharon hated it. Yeah. Until I shit you know, she saw her water bill dropping. Really? Yeah. Because I, you stop flushing. Right. So if you're peeing outside, you're just killing trees or something. One tree that was an avocado tree that was strong, avocados every year. And then once I've married her and moved in, no more avocado. (laughing) And no one can figure out why. Why does this thing stop producing? Why is this more of a lime tree now? (laughing) But yeah. And my daughter, I have a kid, I think. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think I've seen her. Yeah, I don't really know, 'cause when I'm out on the road with you, I don't talk to them. Right. When I leave the house to come to you, the family's dead. Yeah. Is it tough? For them? I meant for you. No. Okay. It might be tough for them, but I don't know 'cause we don't talk. When do you talk again when you arrive back? Maybe. I'm hoping I don't have to. Yeah. If I feel in my brain, if I don't talk about marriage, it'll go away. (laughing) It's like when you talk about something, it gives it strength. Yeah. I keep it hidden, yeah. But Addison, which is her name I found out. Uh-huh. Whenever I would go pee on a tree, she would pee on a mound with me. Really? Excuse me, yeah. And it was the only thing we really had in common. Pissing on stuff. Pissing on stuff. And it ties back to, you know, do you like peeing on women? Yeah, 100%. And she would be on a mound about 20 feet away. She wasn't ready for the tree 'cause it was kind of on a slant. And I have to find right balance to pee on this tree. Yeah. And when I pee now, I put my hands on my waist. Oh, it's a power move. It's a real king thing. Like when you pee, you take your pants down still, right? Right. So that's how I pee. Yeah. But Addison would stand up to pee. Wow. She would never squat, which shows me, and I don't know if you know this, that women don't have to sit to pee. They don't. That's just a lazy-- Yeah, they're just all-- That's a power move. Such dumb brads. They can just stand and just fire it out. And she was out. And I did not know this till I watched, you know, a four and five-year-old just-- And she has strong calves. [LAUGHS] And she can pee, you know, stand it up. That's amazing. Like her mom, a drunk sorority girl. I didn't know about that, either, until I saw a woman doing that. And it was just rocketing forward. I was like, oh, yeah, why are you sitting all the way? The best part of this is I would put Addison in the shoes with flashing, blinking lights on them, because when we pee at night, I'd often fantasize that a coyote would grab her and run with her. And I wanted to tell the cops where-- Which direction? Which direction. That's-- it makes sense. And we also have a California condor in our backyard. And I often fantasize about the condor grabbing my wife and kid. And just leaving with them. Just leaving? Yeah. And that's, you know, a great way to go. Yeah. California condor. I mean, it's front page LA Times. They're almost extinct. So cool. As my family also. Also almost is, yeah. Yeah, so that's who I am. I just think-- I learned in high school about-- I learned about consent, because the first time I didn't-- I didn't ask-- Wait, what's this word? Consent is supposed to be like, is this cool to do? Because I just peed on somebody-- Who do you get that from? I guess the other person. What? Yeah. I'd never-- It was a new thing. That's something I have to-- But she was laying there and she was asleep. And I was like, all right, I'll just relieve myself, you know? It was a whole thing. It was cool. That was intercourse or pee? This was just pee. Yeah. But it woke her up, you know? That's good. I think she needed-- I think she was late for something, so I kind of helped her in a way. Did you stand to pee on her? Yeah. Now, were you sleepwalking or is this just-- No, I was just-- I was awake walking, and I just saw a-- A girl asleep and you peed on her. So that's a territorial pissing. It was, yeah. That was a bum-- That's a bunting move. I thought it was a nice way of like sort of the equivalent of giving someone a note, you know? Hey, I like you. I think I was doing that in a way, too. I do like-- I don't-- I'll be honest with you, Tom, right? Yeah. I don't pee on enough people. You got to up your game. Yeah. We could do it this weekend. I'd like to. Together. That's a lot of pee. We could change some girl's life. Definitely her speech pattern. That's what you-- [LAUGHTER] Jesus. Man, BTK, I was watching his new documentary. Did he make this himself? I don't think so. It's called-- People know who BTK is. Well, if you don't know-- It's not a breakfast sandwich. It's not a breakfast sandwich. There's a new doc on Netflix called "My Father was BTK," or "My Father's BTK," something like that. And it follows mostly his daughter. And it's a great doc, which shows you that this girl was like 20 something. She was like married with a kid the day she-- like her dad got arrested. So that'd be like my family. It would be like your family, yeah. And they'd just knock on the door and they're like, hey, we just arrested your dad. He's BTK, and they're all like, what? They completely were thrown by it. Did not think it was true. And then-- well, obviously, then, you kind of-- he was the city controller, too. And I-- he liked controlling and killing. He did. And I feel like one of the things that is not talked about enough in the press is the guy was really good at his job. And I think he doesn't get credit for that. He was on top of the rules of Park City, Kansas. And he would leave, you know-- It's amazing how one thing can make people forget about-- Everything else. Yeah. Why let the killing define him? And how many was it? 10 or 11? Like 10, I think. It's not a lot. That's not that many. For a controller? Yeah. So he held back. 100%. And they-- No, for sure, BTK, bound, tie, kill? Yeah, bind, torture. Yeah. Oh, that's even better. So the T wasn't for talk. No, there was no talking, no. I bet he peed on people. Well, he definitely would wear lingerie and jack off. So maybe-- Well, who doesn't do that? Yeah. That's a new normal thing. But Gain would also put on Mama's panties and jack off, you know? Oh, God. I'd love to have-- We probably have met some of these guys. Yeah, you probably are talking to one right now. How do you really know what's so much capable of? You don't. The guy in the dating game? Remember him? Yes. Yeah, he was a killer and came on. It was pretty charming. That was Alcazar or something. Cash. Yeah. That was-- Yeah, Rodney Alcala. There you go. And he's got that good hair. Great hair. By the way, that's dirt. I wear that same shampoo. Let me just tell you something. Speaking of great hair, you've got great hair. Where? Dude, look at this head of hair. Oh, I thought you said gray. No, no, great. Yeah, this is a good hair. Yeah. This is a hair of a young serial killer. Yeah. Yeah. And it just keeps coming in. I know. It's nice. It's all I got. Oh, dude. And long eyelashes. Long eyelashes. I got green eyes. Long eyelashes. Yeah. Big cock. A lot of confidence. I have everything but an income. Well, do you really need one? Clearly, I don't. No. Like, at some point, man, I can just walk away. Yeah. I have nothing in my name. I'm a hobo at heart. Yeah. This jacket was yours. It's-- I haven't taken it off since you've given it to me. So I just wear things till they fall off and then they become rags that I use to bind and torture. You're resourceful. If that's a word, is that-- Yeah. You're resourceful. You're resilient. I'm supposed to stuck on consent. I know. So that's something you ask people before you pee on them? I guess. Or if you like any type of touching, you know what I mean? That's so odd. I know. You go like, hey, is it cool if I do this? I like to wait till after. Yeah. And see how they feel about it. Yeah. And if they don't feel good, then you can just end it. That's on them. Yeah. That's something they need to work through. Then you can choke harder. Big fan of consent. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really like it. I don't like it either. It's so bad. As the holiday season approaches, it takes going the extra mile to stay one scoop ahead of all the strain on your system. That's where AG1 comes in. 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The days get darker sooner and it can be tough for most of us. This November better help is encouraging everyone to reach out and check in on friends reconnect with loved ones and remind the people in your life that you're there just as it can take a little courage to send that message or grab a coffee with someone you haven't seen in a while reaching out for therapy can feel difficult as well. It's worth it and it's almost always leaves people wondering why didn't I do this earlier? It's like working out for your soul and every time you work out, you go, man, I wish I had started a month ago. And it's the same way with therapy. I wish the end of night started couples therapy way before we fight so much better and cleaner. And honestly, we don't fight at all right now because we if we have any disagreement, we put a pin in it and go, let's talk about it in therapy where we have a referee to tell us what we are and aren't doing wrong for each other with over 30,000 therapists, better help is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms having served up of five million people globally and it works with an average of 4.9 out of five for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews this month. Don't wait to reach out, whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist for yourself, better help makes it easier to take that first step our listeners, get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/bearers. That's better help help.com/bearers better help.com/bearers. You know, AI is the talk of the town right, everyone talks about it, the sauce, A1 sauce. Apparently I did not know this, Michael Cain and Matthew McConaughey sold their voices to an AI company. But the big thing like a little while ago was like all these actors were like, oh I don't want, but you know what's happened? That check gets big enough and you can use my voice. I don't care. Nothing really matters. And also Michael Cain's 91. Yeah, he's not going to act again. That was probably his last voice over. Yeah for sure. For a. Do you know what they were sold for? Is there any like information on that? Because I bet it's got to be a million. Oh, it's got to be, dude. There they are. Oh, an undisclosed sum, that's always. That's always high. Yeah, it's not 100 rows. Oh my sums are undisclosed. Yeah. How do you enclose them? I don't know. Yeah, AI's here, man. It's here. Also, the robots that. You know. The blowjob robots that are coming. The blowjob robots seem like they'll be popular. Yeah. And they don't have to be tall. No. So you're saving money on metal. Yeah, just knee height. It's pretty good. I've seen a few where they added a tongue to one. And I already put in an order. I like that job. Yeah. Like, I don't want to work. Yeah. But if I could work in an AI factory and just stick my dick in robots, I mean, that seems like I'd get there early. It's like. From. She's not even. You know, we haven't even plugged her in. I'm like, all the way. Oh, wait. Yeah, I want to be first, though. Yeah. Oh, you don't want to rush. Yeah. Sloppy 23rd or 24th. Do you ever think about the age of the great serial killer is gone? Like we're not going to have anymore because like DNA fucking cameras are everywhere. It just fucks everything up. You can't get away with shit. Yeah. You know, like, you used to be able to roam the country like a hobo. Oh, God. Those are the days. Oh, man. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. I know. When you have that middle name that's prominent, you're going to kill. If you click on his Wikipedia, then he seems happy. He was thrilled to be doing what he did. I know. I know. I know. And he was like, "I'm not going to kill him. I'm not going to kill him." I'm not going to kill him. I'm not going to kill him. murder. I just imagine she's dead by whatever show I'm watching. But yeah, I think about prison because you get to go to bed early. Nice. Lights out at, you know, 1030. Yeah. And then you just, you know, the screams keep you up. But it's like a white noise machine. Which I like. Yeah. Soothing. Yeah. I like to say I sleep with a white noise machine. Her name is Jared. And she's white. And every night I go to bed, I ask her about her day and I fall asleep immediately. Yeah. Drift off. Except I wake up and she's still going. Yeah. So yeah. So yeah, I think I married. That's fun. That's fun. Marriage is good. Yeah. You know, I'm surprised more people don't do it. I wonder what it's like at super max at super what? Super max in Colorado. The prison. The prison. Yeah. I bet it's, you know, focused. Yeah. I bet you know where you're supposed to be. El Trapo is there. Is he? Yeah. And some other real knuckleheads. Who's that who's that super max right now? What are some like well-known prisoners at super max? I bet it's it's a who's who. I mean, it's a good list. I would like to do comedy at like Pelican Bay. Yeah. I think about that because no phones, they're quiet. Stand up for prisoners would be amazing. I would love to do that. And their little tear drop, you know, when it when it moves a little, they're either laughing or thinking about murder. Yeah. You know, so I love that. Somebody did a stand up show. One of our friends. I forget who it was. That doesn't count. No, but they were saying that was Jeff Ross. Jeff. And I think maybe Jeff said, I forget if it was Jeff or somebody who told me that he was like, where are the murderers? Yeah. And it was all the front row. Oh, good seats. They put them all in the front. That's I court side. Yeah. Court side seats for the killers. And they weren't there because they were already dead. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. You know, as long in prison, I'd have to convince the prison that I'm not a, that it was just roles I played. Yeah. Yeah. True. I often think though, Tom, right? Tom. Yeah. Fuck that. I don't always play a sex offender. Right. But even when I don't. Yeah. My character is still thinking about it. That's kind of. Yeah. It seemed to always be on my mind. And it it reads on camera. Yeah. I've seen it. I've seen a lot of your work. Yeah. I can always tell like, oh, that guy's an offender. Yeah. They're like, you know, when I have to play a sex offender, it's like, you know, what do you want me to do? And they're like, just be you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just, you know, what would you do right here? I'm doing it. Yeah. And they're like, oh, perfect. Yeah. It's, you know, they would check out this list of notable inmates for Super Max Ted Kaczynski. Teddy Robert Hansen, the former FBI agent convicted of espionage Terry Nichols, who also helped plan Oklahoma City. Eric Robert Rudolph. You know, after the Oklahoma City bombing, I applied to the FBI. You did? I did. I wanted to be an FBI agent. Really? Yes, Tom. It just seems like everything I say is bullshit. Yeah. But it's true. And what happened? I got pretty far along. And then one of them saw Wyatt Earp and I had a little part in Wyatt Earp. And so they didn't think I was serious. Serious. They thought I was just doing it as a prank. And I told him I really wanted to just be an FBI agent. That's cool. But it didn't happen. They wanted me to have some accounting background. And I didn't know much about numbers. Yeah. But they, I like the fact that if I was an FBI agent, I could just kind of, you know, float through life with a gun. You know, my grandfather's FBI. Was he? Yeah. My dad's dad. Yeah. See, that's the advantage of a podcast like this. I did. That would have never come up. I know. So now I know more about you. I don't need to. And then I was like, one day I was going through his papers and I found a handwritten note from J. Edgar Hoover to my granddad. They were dating. I mean, I think they were exchanging broths. And I don't think they'd put it on each other. That would be amazing. I bet J. Edgar Hoover did a lot of peen on special agents. That was a time where there was no such thing as like HR or like code conduct or proof sheer sugar suits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, who else is there? Richard Reed, the shoe bombers there. Zacharias Musawi, the convicted in 9/11 attacks, Ramsey, Yusef convicted of orchestrating the 93 World Trade Center bombing and El Chapo. They're all at this, well, they either were or are at this prison. That is nuts. I wonder if they all love the same table. Yeah. I mean, that's a good group of guys. Scroll down a little bit. Let's see these details. So to how inmates consider the most dangerous, high profile, greatest national security risk, making them too dangerous for even a standard maximum security prison, there's only 340 inmates there. So it's intimate. Yeah. That's where we want to be. You want to be in a prison where you know everybody. Will you, will you Google? Do they get to, or do they get to socialize? Do people at Supermax and college? Do they get to, do they get, yeah. I mean, that's got to be a top question. See, prisons, prisons are a place to go. There's a lot of sports in prison now. Damn, dude. Minimal, highly restricted opportunities for social. The prison is specifically designed for isolation. Most inmates spend 23 hours a day alone in their sales. Fuck, man, that is rough. I do that. Yeah, you like that, right? Yeah. Soundproofs. Soundproofs. We can hear the crying. Holy shit. They're allowed one hour of wreck in a small and closed concrete pen. This presents them from seeing the prison. So they're like rescue dogs that haven't been rescued. Yeah, they really are. And that no one wants them. They yell through air vents to communicate. Wow. That's kind of like when I grew up, because I'd have to yell up to my grandma, you are designed for prison. I am in prison right now. Yeah. I'm wired for it. Yeah, you are. I travel light. This outfit I've had on for two weeks. I do change my underwear. That's good. Do you know when I change them? When I take them off to shower? And they stay standing. Oh, then you go, it's time to switch. When I put them on the ground and they don't tip. Yeah, then you're like it's time for it. It's like, oh, I'll put on a freshy. You are made to be a drifter. Oh, I am. Yeah. My dad was. Yeah. He drifted on a 1947 Indian chief motorcycle. That's how he got around. That's cool. With his dog Bruce on the gas tank. Yeah, a little Australian jumper. And Bruce wore goggles. And Bruce was on the gas tank wherever my dad went. That's fucking cool. And when Bruce turned around to my dad, my dad knew to pull over and let Bruce pee. Really? On a girl if there was one. Yeah, yeah. And then when my dad would kick over the Indian motorcycle, Bruce would come running and jump back on. Holy shit. And one time, sadly, I don't know how you respond to sadness. I don't know. But my dad kicked over the motorcycle and Bruce did not come running. And my dad found Bruce. He'd been hit by a police car. No. So my dad lifted up Bruce, put him on the gas tank and drove him home to the house where I grew up in, where the same house my mom grew up in. And he took Bruce and he dipped his hand in Bruce's blood and he wrote Bruce on a wall of the washer dryer room. And that's where Bruce's name was for the rest of kind of like Helter Skelter. Yeah. Little Charles Manson. Yeah. So that's why we thought my dad was probably a murderer because he wrote Bruce in blood. And we didn't even know he could spell. My dad wasn't much of a speller. I don't think he kind of got his high school diploma in his 60s. Really? Yeah. He went back and thought it would maybe help him get work. But it did not. No. But he got his high school diploma at 60. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive to go back and get it though. Yeah. Yeah. Because you don't need it at that age. No. You don't even need it at 18. Right. But yeah, he, he got his high school diploma. That's cool. He was really happy with that. Yeah, but my dad was interesting. No Nova Cane. He'd have teeth pulled with no Nova Cane. Yeah. At one time he cut the tip of his thumb off and he said, I hell. That's all he said with his butt with his buzz saw. Jesus. So I think looking back now since I've never really talked about this out loud. Yeah. I think he was a a serial killer. Yeah. I'm going to do a little more research. But it looks like maybe possible. possible. Yeah, Jeff Tade also has a really good, he has like a deep details, outline of why he believes his father may have been the zodiac killer. That's possible. It's pretty amazing. It's pretty amazing. If you can have a good fantasy, it's nice to fantasize, you know, a lot of people wish their dad was a major league baseball player, but you know, I can serial killer. It's great. It's great. He had, because of his size, Jeff Tate, tall, kind of lumbering, the zodiac was a big guy. Yeah. I can see it. I can see it. What's one of the details, do you know? Oh, my God. It's incredible. It's like when the murders began in the, I think the San Francisco area is the year that his, the year after his dad moved to San Francisco, like psychological profile things. His dad was, you know, a certain personality type and he's like, that matched what the FBI said. Did his dad go back and get his high school diploma at 60? I don't know about that. But he had a good cover. He was a pastor, you know, so it was like sort of like BTK was, he was the president of the congregation. President. I've missed people voted for him. They were like, he's the good guy. Yeah. It's pretty good stuff. Controlling. Controlling, man. Very controlling. Yeah, I mean, it would be fun to see if you can get away with something like that, right? Are you asking me? Yeah, yeah. Or yeah, it's fun to see if you can get away with me. Yeah, I would, that's just, I mean, I just can't believe how good the, the feeling is. No, I meant how good the, the, the, the forensics are today. Yeah, we can, it's, if you're going to kill today, you should know that you're probably one and done. That's the thing and that's the real bummer. That's why we don't have any. The bummer you have to do it all in one night. You do or this, and this takes real discipline and this is why we don't see this as much anymore. You have to have no pattern. You have to be like so disciplined that you're going to kill someone in Maine and then your next one, instead of like sticking to the neighborhood you know, the next one's going to be in like South Carolina. So they don't tie these together. Yeah. But like, who has that level of commitment, discipline, perseverance, hopefully someone listening to this goes, Hey, it goes like Tom is right. I'll do one in Maine and then I'll go down to Miami. Yeah. That's how you can start building numbers. And you're also collecting miles. That's true. So you can fly free to your, your last, last murder. Yeah. That's when you get greedy. Or there was, who was the guy, did you know the guy, I think his name is on the wall at the comedy, comedy magic club that signature is there. And he was a star search comedian that was like had some, he had some heat with him. And then they found out that he was assaulting people on tour and they tied it together by putting together. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. He was. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like, oh, this lines up with everywhere he was doing stand up. That's not bad. Was it people at his show? I don't know. I really don't know because I try and make sure it's no one I know. I don't. Yeah. I never met the guy. It was before my time, but I forget his name. Can you find it based on that comedian, just Google comedian and scroll past me. I'm kidding, man. I get that word. What is it? Consent? Vince Champ. That's his name. Vince Champ. Oh. Isn't that the sham wow guy? It's a different guy. Oh, okay. Same outcome. Hit his wiki. Yeah. Now where is he? Is he in 30 to 40 years? Is he in jail? Yeah. He gets to release in 2033 after which he will begin to consecutive life sentences in Iowa never mind. He's not getting out. Wait. So that was a plus murder. I don't know. It first place in comedy. It's the first place. Yeah. So he's of the champ? Vince Champ is a champ. Yeah. It's tough when your name dictates what you do with your life. I know. Let's see. The attacking is 17 year old girlfriend in 96. He was 35 at the time. Nice. Nice. Nice. And then here are the attacks linked to champ University of Iowa. He did one in Lincoln. We're at the university first. So these are college gigs. College gigs. Yeah. Which means he might have had a clean act. Which is like I'm telling you. These clean comics are the scariest dudes on the planet. Yeah. The guys they tell us. They get off stage. They put the murder. Oh yeah, they suppress so much of their darkness. Like our friend that's going to murder pretty soon. God. Let's see this. So he was arrested fleeing the scene of an attempt in Pasadena. He was arrested at his apartment in Hollywood. He was arrested at Newark Airport. So he was getting around. He was getting around. So he was on the road. And at the time they said his booking agents commented that his schedule resembled a road map of where these crimes occurred. Yeah. In prison. Champ top public speaking. Oh, nice. He. That's cool. He were. You know, he communicated. I'd love to see what the picture draws if you connected all his dates. Oh, yeah. Maybe just a penis. Yeah. Yeah. Can you, can you Google his image? And like maybe if there's a video. All right. There he is. Doing a stand-up. And he appears black or is that just he is. Yeah. He is. Now, was that a cover? I don't think so. Okay. So he was black. He was. Yes. Um, click on video at the top. Yeah. Let's see if there's. He had a tight five. He must have, dude. That's. I wonder if he did his act while he was I want to see him do stand-up. Is that him? He's doing sets in prison, maybe go to YouTube and type in Vince champ stand-up. Let's see if we can, let's just see him do a tight five, you know? We got time. Yeah. Want to just see what. Oh, we've clearly have enough for some strong clips. For sure. We don't need much more. I also liked that the club kept his name up on the wall. They're like, well, he earned it. He's like, he's a funny guy. Yeah. Yeah. That's some good sets here. Yeah. Comedy and magic is clean. They are. And he probably was a star there. He probably. I wonder if he did something in that area. Yeah. Like if he had some salmon there after a set on the beach. Oh, there. Is that him there at the top? I don't find in anything. I liked that they didn't take any of his stuff down. Is this him here? The other rapist comedian. That was his name of his set. Is he actually performing there or no? No. It's just music. Oh. Oh, he's a musician also. This guy keeps getting better. He's a talented guy. Vince champ. Man, that's quite a sentence he's got. Yeah. There had to be more. Yeah. Um. Is all life sentence? Can you look that up quickly? I mean, that would be state by state, right? Yeah. Because it's not a federal, it's a state thing. Yeah. Panel, he's very significantly. So he was good at it. He really had a thing, yeah. He was also good at standup. But and he wasn't murdering. He was just. Yeah. So a big control guy. Yeah. But what that means is that he's actually, right, when he can't get an erection, that's when they murder you. Oh, really? Don't tell your friends. Oh, yeah. But he was soft. That's just something I know. How do you know that? Uh, I've talked to him, you know, I was, I studied, you don't know this behavioral profiling in college. You did? Yes. I was going to be. See, this is another thing we've never discussed. Yeah. We don't talk about much. If we're not peeing on someone. Yeah. We run out of shit to talk about. That is true. Yeah. We don't really care about the past, but yeah, I was going to be a behavioral profiler for the FBI. That was what I wanted to do, like John Douglas. Yeah. Because I seem to know what serial killers are thinking. And I thought it'd be great if I could find a few. You know, it'd be cool to let, why don't you reapply to the FBI? I should. Yeah. Could I work like 20 minute shifts? Maybe. Yeah. I, I even tried to, I thought about the police academy. These are all things I've thought about. Yeah. just move on. Yeah, I think FBI would be cool. You have more follow-through than me. That's why you have the podcast and I hear reluctantly still. Reluctantly, I know. But we're almost done. We've almost fulfilled my obligation. Yes, it's the real problem with this was I had to take an Uber here. So I'm already out $20. I'm going to cover it. No, I don't want your money. Okay. But usually when I'm at the hotel here pays for my Uber to the airport. Right. So when you said, you know, the guy that works for you, I don't even know his name. Don't worry about it. Good hair. Yeah. But he said, will you come do a podcast with Tom? and I didn't want to. - Yeah. - But here I am, out 20. We've had some fun, there's been some laughter. I'm sure police and FBI have take note of this. This is kind of like, he's so obvious. - Maybe he is a killer. - Yeah. - That's kind of a way. - That is kind of a way. - It's like, oh, he's so obvious. Of course, he's not a killer and then he turns out to be like basic instinct. - Hiding in plain sight. - Yeah, like I've opened my legs twice and no underwear, but no one noticed it. - No one noticed, yeah. - That's a little basic instinct. - That is. - Consent, you gotta be a good community member, you know? - Controller. - Yeah. - You know what you need to do next? - I can't wait till my daughter turns me in. - That will be a thing. You gotta do some, you gotta do some like, community service type of thing as more cover, you know, like volunteer. - I do a lot. - Yeah. - When my child was in early school, what is it, kindergarten and things? - I'm like that, yeah. - I would go there and I would read books to her classroom. - Yeah. - And she went to, I could Jewish school. - Jesus, why? - I did not know my daughter was Jewish. - Oh, you didn't? - I still don't. But I noticed a lot of people at the school had on the hat, the little circle. And I asked my, oh, temple, Israel. - Okay. - And that should have been a giveaway. - Yeah. - But I would read to the school. So that's a pretty good cover. - That is a good cover. Like, oh, he loves reading to children. - Yeah, that is a good one. - And some would sit on my lap and then the parents would quickly lift them off. - Yeah, yeah. - So I think a lot of this shit will come back to haunt me if I had shame. - Right. - But you don't. - I don't. - No. - My favorite character was blade in community. - Uh-huh. - Brita's boyfriend, I was a carny. And I had no shame. And that's why I was getting all the chicks. - Yeah. - Because I took a bolt in the head and it eliminated shame. - Prefrontal cortex? - Probably. - Yeah. - I didn't finish med school, but I started. - Yeah. - I did a week in med school. Look who we got. Okay, we should go out on this, yeah. - It's different from most black comedians because I have a black girlfriend. So you know I am. (audience laughing) - People got that back there. (audience laughing) - Charmy. - Charmy. - I really consider myself quite different from most comics. I'm a stand up comic, travel great deal. Don't drink or smoke, can you believe that? Do a little heroin, on occasion. (audience laughing) - Don't. - So that's a wacky world, we'll live in a new age. Dating's getting expensive. Everyone's dating, we're married right here, right? Is that right? We're married couple? I can see why people go ahead and get married. Peace. 75 bucks for dinner. 50 bucks for drinks and dancing. 10 bucks for the motel. (audience laughing) - Sounds just like Obama. - I've done include the 100 bucks you got to pay her. I mean, you know, I can get up. Oh, yeah, sure, sure. - Well crafted. - Well. - New era. - Confident. That's what we need to do. - 90's, all of our home appliances are gonna be talking back to us. - Home appliances, talking back to us. - What kind of scary? - Bigger vacuum cleaner, getting real mad at you one day. You want me to sock what? (audience laughing) - I might snag a few of these jokes. - That's just pretty good. - He's not gonna, he's not gonna need them. - Definitely not. - I bet this guy has one regret. - I don't know Americans. I don't know if that fits too well with me. - You know, that means it means they might have to change the NAACP to the NAAA, which to me kind of sounds like man. - He's killing, he's killing. And that's just one regret, I bet. - Yeah. - That he did not kill the women he was. (laughing) - Sound Caucasian. - Sound Caucasian, kind of silly, I suppose. I guess it does come in handy every now and then when I'm on the phone with a bank, trying to get that loan approved. (audience laughing) - I miss him. - Confed. - It's no sense of humor. It just me or cops always mad, always upset, always teed off. Pull up alongside a cocktail. - I wouldn't like to open for him. - That'd be fine. - I'd just wait in the car and then hear about it. - He's driving just fast to the club here the other day, doing about 70 Corbin, but mine and my own business. (audience laughing) - He's charismatic. - Stop by the nerve to pull me over in a holiday. - No, I don't have a cover saying no to him. - I said that ain't no man, give me a break, I've been drinking. (audience laughing) - And he's doing a few lives? - Yeah. (audience laughing) - Oh, I just dropped your wife off. (audience laughing) - I could say him with the comedy of Magic Club. - Oh, he's crushing him. Yeah, he would be great there. - What about the flashlights cops? Flashlights cops carry out 145 D so better. Get that baby just right, you're like a friggin' possum there, aren't you? He's got a frozen there. (audience laughing) - Doing faces, physical stuff. - Jesus. - Clever writing. - We gotta start a petition again. - I gotta be honest with you. - It's a shame he got caught. - No, that's no problem. - Yeah. - He'd be doing movies right now with Eddie Murphy. - Oh, yeah. - I'm right Charles now, is that the old, don't turn away. - God. - Well, here's the question. - That's all I was talking about. - Thank you. - We've seen it enough. I get it. - Yeah. - He's good. - He's good. - Do you think, and we can go out on this. Do you think someone that night? - The night. - That night of that set. - Oh, maybe it gives them pep yourself. - Yeah. - I think, when you crush is when you go, - Brought, when he's at his highest. - Yeah, that's why I'm always pretty mediocre. (laughing) I ride the middle just to avoid. - 'Cause he probably, if he did poorly. - Fuckin' yeah. - Can't get it up. - Yeah, but on a great set. - She had always dripping. - That's why I'm an edger. - Yeah. - That's true, okay. - Well, this was a fun chat. - Yes, I learned a lot. - Yeah, me too. I have stuff about you. We've been talking, we talk like every day for years. I didn't know this stuff. - Yeah, but it's mostly urine-based. - Yeah, this is like a deeper-- - So yeah, I'm a college graduate. I've had hopes and dreams. - Yeah. - FBI, I have wanted to do all the things that most serial killers want to do. - Yeah. - Law enforcement, you know, my marriage is a cover. - Mm-hmm. - It's all that shit. And I think, you know, even though you didn't get into the FBI, I feel like the FBI is gonna get a hold of this episode. - Oh, let 'em. - And you might hear from them. - I might finally get to be in the FBI. - Yeah. - At least there are offices. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, you might get to see the inside of the interrogation room. - Ah, shit. I, here's the dream. - Tell me. - Sellmate with Vince Chimp. - Oh, wow. - Let's find out where he's at. And maybe if I can, you know, request it. - Imagine the stories you guys would swap. - Jesus. - Kid can dream. - Kid can dream. - Well, thanks, Kirk Fox. Appreciate you coming in. - Thank you, Tom, thank you, Tom. - I hope you guys found this enlightening. And yeah, we'll see you soon. - See you in prison. ♪ Bird time, time and bird ♪ ♪ One goes top and swap the other, where's the shirt ♪ ♪ Tom tells stories and birds the machine ♪ ♪ There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep clean ♪ ♪ Here's what we call ♪ ♪ Two, there's one cave ♪ (upbeat music)