My birth story: redemptive labor and delivery after loss

I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge couple Odin and Edward. Written and read by me, Curtis Garner. Listen to the free audiobook now. This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments, it's weeknight dinners. Sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9% of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. We're back and we have a new addition to the family. I can't believe he's here. It was such a long road to get here. Literally every day I was like, today's the day, Abby. I was. This is not helping your mental game. I'm like, truly, it's today. I had spiked a massive fever. Yeah. And I literally was shaking and couldn't stop. I was like, I have veneers I'm going to break. Seeing life and death and holding it in my arms in less than a year. My perspective on life is bigger because of all this. Welcome back to Always Here. welcome back abby howard and abby and the third co-host little fisher he's here oh my gosh i literally can't believe it sometimes i just look down i'm like oh there's a baby no i can't he's so sweet you guys a lot has happened so much i've been here and also shout out to addy and abby and our friends caitlin and val for holding down the fort i honestly feel so much better a week out to like feel so much better to like you know talk have the lights on have the cameras on like first of all it's always easy to just talk with you guys but then like i feel so much better one week after giving birth than one week before giving birth to do that i was like i was like i cannot show up on the internet one more time pregnant i know it's done yeah and so we're back and we have a new addition to the family and i just i'm so excited to just fill y'all in i can't believe he's here it really felt like such a long road it was such a long road to get here and like and then the end just kept falling longer and longer i felt annoying honestly like i was like no i might have a baby before i see you next and then i would see them like 18 more times and they're like girl hang tight it's not it's not happening literally every day i was like today's the day abby i was not helping your mental game i was like truly it's today you're not making it past tomorrow for sure my my yeah i was like i had like three weeks three weeks later i know i feel like every day i was kind of i did at one point like lose hope i was like i'm just not it's not it's actually i'm just gonna be like this forever i'm stuck i'm stuck which is so dramatic because 40 weeks is your due date sure like how did i seem to forget that but um you know you just hear all these stories just hope you just get hopeful i was just excited okay they're like just let your baby cook and i'm like no but you also wanted to be back so you're like don't cook too long because you're gonna get big yes and bigger and bigger and bigger and he did and he did i was incentivized to keep him a little bit tiny and when i say tiny i mean average i don't mean yeah like seven pounds seven pounds right but i don't mean average i don't mean average but we'll get to that we'll talk about that we have a lot to fill you in on but we are here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor and obviously i feel like my my hope is just so obvious yeah baby boy here healthy happy i feel really good and i just feel like i have actually just been like literally matt kate matt found me in the playroom he went on like a quick run and he came back and i was like nursing fisher in the playroom and both boys were playing and i was crying he's like oh my gosh like you know he's like worried and i'm like i'm just so happy i was like this is my dream yes and i feel like i have that moment like a million times every single day like i'm so happy and like or i'll be in the car with all them i'm like we have three boys this is crazy yeah and so i was like matt does this cow has a lot of kids now i'm telling you sometimes it does feel like that when i am like boob trapped and there's chaos and i'm like this is a lot of kids i'm like i'm not gonna be able to do this i'm not gonna be able to do this yeah i know that's a lot i know i still think when we were at forest frank and there was a row of four kids in front of us and we were like counting their heads we're like that's that's sizable that's a lot wow that's a lot all right like i said the hope is obvious also just a little caveat if i start just like not making any sense just i mean keep listening i'll get back on track i feel like that was the first four months of the podcast for me i was like i don't even think my thoughts are making sense i can't conform any sentences like doing much yesterday but at one point i was like matt i just feel like super overwhelmed like i just feel like yeah there's just like i just think that there's a lot to do he's like okay well like what i'm like we didn't unpack our hospital bag and he's like that's one thing that's one thing we can we can tackle that yeah i know it's the little things that'll get you you're like that's really pestering it's really ticking me i was gonna say i feel like you i just assume coming into a house when you're postpartum there's a lot going on i think i assumed oh they're gonna be overwhelmed or like just going through it but i feel like there's this breath of just relief in the air and just peace and joy i know i know me too every time i think about i'm like yeah but it's just so thank you yeah no that's exactly what it feels like and so it just feels like the most insane sigh of relief like ever and so like obviously like my heart is like i'm tired like boohoo i'm like i'm so happy to be tired because like there's been a lot of other reasons that i've been sleepless you know so this is a really good reason i'm very grateful and so like literally all my tears have basically just been like tears of joy i'm just so happy and i really don't want to cry this early on sure no i know i'll cry later too i really don't cry that much because i sobbed on unplanned yesterday and i was like wow that's a i didn't even think you cried that much really because i started to get a headache that's a way to tell that's how you know it's crying you need to go to sleep that's some blood vessels like my eyes were like hurting because you're trying to hold it in you're like i can't too much effort yeah it's like all the pressure to your head yeah um so yeah i'm a little sleepy but i'll wake too yeah i honestly like i'm like i love waking up in the night i love i literally love all of it so i'm like no problem oh it's the best but um abby's like we're preparing for this episode she's like i'm just not gonna talk and i'm like no please i'll do it because you have good ones okay well let me talk about my hope my heart i feel so goopy going like off the conversation of obviously fisher and birth and then going back to it but no i'll share and then we'll stop it's a great story and i love i love it your heart is that you're tired my heart is that my dog ate an entire diaper and had to go we didn't just eat a diaper let me set the scene my dog i talk about all the time he's 100 pounds he's a labradoodle he is a small bear he's a massive dog and in the case of this context of the story i was like this is a wild was a pro yeah this was this was actually played in his favor if you have a i'm like okay either get a really small dog where they can't reach anything and if they eat something bad you can just give them a little hydrogen peroxide and make them throw it up okay okay so that's like the other option or you go our option you get a massive dog that gets into everything but it doesn't phase him okay okay well i feel like he gets diarrhea a lot yes but that's usually the extent of it but those middle dogs like if this happened to a dog pretzel size i think pretzel would have had surgery okay so it's 6 30 in the morning joyous time of the morning i wake up i'm like leos let's go potty let's eat your breakfast i let him outside i have trash sitting at the back door i'm going back inside to get more trash i'm gonna take it out to our trash cans i come over lewis had pawed the trash open and he was chewing i saw one of cj's diapers cj has it's like one of his overnight diapers was full of pee like the diaper is fully expanded size five diaper pawing out the trash like he ripped the bag open oh okay okay and went and reached out and just grabbed this diaper out of it and i'm oh no lewis come here no come here lewis no come on no you know i'm trying to get him and i'm running around the turf come on and i get my hands on his mouth and i'm opening his mouth his jaws yeah i'm opening his jaws open and he's fighting me i'm like no come on so we're literally like the alligator and i'm like trying to pry his jaws open and um yeah he decided to take his opportunity to go and just swallow the diaper hold down his throat and i'm literally i see this it's in my hands i'm looking at it and i just in my deadpan face just looking i'm like what did you just do okay but if he's a dog pretzel size pretzel couldn't swallow that big that's true i literally was like you're a snake you have a full his body expands around this massive diaper it probably did this thing was so thick i don't even know how it got that how he didn't choke on it the whole thing full just falls right down his gullet and he starts choking he's like and so then i'm like get off the turf don't puke on the turf get off the turf i'm trying to push him into the rocks it's a whole scene okay where's your kids in in their room thankfully yeah yeah uh so this happens at like 6 30 and i'm like you know what i'm just gonna ride it out maybe he'll throw it up this is so dumb of me then after like an hour he's not throwing it up i make him stay outside and um i'm like let's try giving him some hydrogen peroxide i've never done that before they say max of a dog give him three tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide i'm like he's the biggest dog ever so give him three doesn't phase him nothing so then i call caleb and i'm like hey because he's he's so big and he's got a diaper in there it's just absorbing how much hydrogen peroxide can you give a mule what can you give a pony oh what are the little horses called ponies no no but the little quarter horse a little quarter horse um so i called caleb and i'm like this happened it's probably not good um he gets home like 30 minutes later and we're looking at him and i'm like hey i don't i don't know how he's gonna pass that he's not throwing it up it ain't sure a second coming out the back end so we probably need to i call the vet they're like yeah yeah yeah you got to bring that in immediately thankfully when lewis is there they are able to induce him vomiting and he does puke the whole thing up caleb said the vet came out laughing out of shock and was like he literally threw up that thing whole and it was fully expanded long long ways and thick ways i mean this thing was over a foot long full coming out of his mouth is that not the craziest thing you've ever heard lewis felt horrible the whole day and i was like as you should no literally i felt so bad for him he just laid around that's a good uh teaching moment for your children really what ways i always tell everybody has consequences oh yeah even the dogs even dogs your choices have consequences that dog is eating a lot of crazy things that was for sure top five yeah it's so weird is that i know that he's had the opportunity to have a diaper before he has eaten diapers before oh okay but he rips them up oh yeah he'll like even pieces or he'll just eat the inside i'm sorry he'll just eat like the soiled part out yeah yeah this was literally the entire thing intact like grown child adult not adult grown child diaper it was just nuts so that was my hard pretty expensive and frustrating what did they use to get him to puke i didn't ask questions i wasn't there but it didn't make him feel good and he felt pretty nauseous all day you could tell yeah yeah so that was nice what a day what a day that was my hard um so yes we're still keeping him i'm glad we're still keeping him i'm glad caleb took care of that at what point is it we're giving up the dog i mean it's just something crazy that's happening with your children or something it wouldn't be a diaper no it would be someone else's kid like if you hurt someone yeah if it was ever that's why i'm like shoot we're like definitely stuck with this dog for another at least six years because he's such a good dog besides this stuff he's such a sweet dog so i'm like but i know we're getting to the end of i'm like i will love him again i will have affections toward him again it just comes and goes that was my hard but he's really sweet he's doing better so that was great very grateful that he didn't have to have surgery and that would have been really great that would have maybe taken a lot of hard thought on that one really we're gonna i was like are we gonna save him i can't let him go over a diaper um okay that was my hard yeah yeah um my hope is that we got sablay yes caleb surprised me if you're not familiar with this bakery that's gone super viral here in arizona this guy who opened it he's from arizona and he's lived in france for a couple years studied under a pastry chef then moved to dubai just i mean this work is phenomenal looking and so we've been trying to go for months it sells out every day within an hour two hours the lines people line up like for him to get these pastries i know so caleb went on sunday after an early morning workout and got in line and waited uh yeah it was delicious i think it was worth it yeah the croissant so we got a croissant we got a chocolate pan suey tart and then a chocolate brioche i would 100 get the tart that looked insane it was he came over here and brought a croissant just to rub it in your face a little bit and i just looked at that no he asked if he wanted anything oh i know i did and i was like that looks crazy there's like a whole container of blackberries on it yeah i know that's literally and underneath it's not just a jam so it's the blackberries then it's a jam then it's a mascarpone cream and then it's a shortbread crust and then the tart crust on the sides oh my god that's so good what you were excited to try the croissant too i was so what did you think it was just like any good croissant okay i would not go back for a croissant it was beautiful though most gorgeous croissant i've ever seen it tasted delicious but the other things comparatively i'm like those things are worth my money there's only so much you can do with the croissant exactly yeah i'm just i'm not very adventurous like the tart you're like that sounds really not not my style it wasn't overly sweet i don't really like fruit that's true you're not gonna like that then so i would go over i would do a croissant over a chocolate croissant no get the pan sweet over the chocolate croissant what's that it's the one that has all the folds it's actually air inside i don't know it was so good though it was so chocolatey more chocolate and that than a chocolate croissant okay sorry you can only say croissant croissant croissant um guess what we spent on five pastries because we had our four i have a good and then yours sixty dollars probably more no way eighty more was it over a hundred it was ninety dollars well okay actually caleb did tip ten bucks i don't know what he tipped ten bucks for but wait for five five pastries the total was seventy five and then he tipped ten dollars in the tax was ninety bucks whoa i know i would a hundred percent go back though for like special occasions and get the tart and the pan sweet yeah maybe not for an event it's not like a daily thing i don't know i'm expecting someone to bring me a croissant my birthday i just someone's got to wait in line it's not going to be me yes yes buy your birthday hopefully we can you never know every day they're posting that the line is only 15 minutes well now you can order ahead online but i think you have to get like a you have to get like a box of items but you should you don't need a we should buy we should buy a box for your birthday yeah i see okay cool and we just get what we want and give you your measly croissant okay how about we do it for the one year anniversary of always here we get some okay when is that january january what night first first oh my god well i mean maybe the fourth i know a lot of you moms are in the thick of back to school which comes with a lot of excitement but an equal amount of pressure specifically for a mom and a dad think about it every single day you're having a pack of lunch and nothing is harder than lunch okay you have to think about will your kids like their food will they finish it just the mental load every day like preparing a lunch or before school just that panic of getting it in the backpack but that is where thrive market has made mom and dad's lives so much easier thrive market has pre-vetted lunch ideas not just products they actually have the full lunch mapped out for you um you guys need repeatable solutions thrive market delivers the food obviously has to be kid approved think chomp made good good crisp goodles thrive offers member pricing weekly sales free gifts and free delivery on qualifying orders all just for five dollars a month which that's less than a latte use our link thrivemarket.com abby to get 30 off your first two orders you cannot get this deal on the website it's only available through our link that right there covers your membership fee so sign up now before this exclusive offer ends well we will do a while that's crazy wow that's crazy wow that's crazy that's crazy that's crazy i always say it in my head um have you guys been keeping up or seen anything about the dairy boy in nantucket drama i like hearing it this way this is this one's light so we'll share it because that's what we want light there's some heavy stuff circulating yeah there's a lot of there's always heavy stuff have you heard about this addy no not until you brought it up okay so nantucket is very ritzy exclusive very old money where's it even at massachusetts okay is that right that sounds right new york it's not the hamptons i think it's even more exclusive than the hamptons is the kind of vibe that i get and so a lot of their stores can you look up some of the rules of living in nantucket like i think they can only have certain color homes it's the whole island's kind of like an hoa wow i'm pretty sure so don't show me on that i'm pretty sure we never went to the east coast like basically yeah except for florida and um anyway so it's very exclusive very old money but it's kind of been with social media obviously people want to go and see the beauty of it and just picture hydrangeas cottages super picturesque gorgeous lighthouse vibes so it's kind of been having i guess an influx of people coming in and visiting and so the people that are there i guess aren't the most thrilled about that and page loren she started this brand called dairy boy they have really cute and high-priced luxury like leisure wear um very trendy she's setting the tone right now she's crushing it she opened up a storefront in dairy board that this is or in nantucket and this is their first ever storefront and i guess it's been bringing a lot of influencers to the area what's it called dairy boy oh that's her her brand yeah her brand is called dairy boy so she opened a store there bringing a lot of influencers there she's obviously an influencer herself well another store that's been there for a long time put up this gorgeous gold gilded sign like had it carved that says no influencers allowed no it's just like crazy shots fired like we don't want your marketing influences we don't want you here beat it we don't need you taking clips in the store so that was part of it and then obviously i think people were kind of assuming it's shots fired at page lorenz have an influencer opening the store her store has people lined up wrapped around the store so it's been very busy drawing a lot of attention so she did respond oh and she put a sign up gold gilded that says everyone welcome i know i was like what a great pr move i think that's a great i think that's a great response i think so too honestly i feel like there's a clear like i i don't know what's your take on that i don't really know i'm just i know literally what you just shared yeah your take on that i guess i could i do see the frustration of people that are live there that are local are maybe a little frustrated by the hoopla of what's going on i could see that being annoying but also maybe just kind of set in their ways of like hey we are doing fine without your you're bringing all the buzz over here we don't need the buzz we like things as they are there's like that kind of camp which i'm not like that's wrong i understand that you know they've been there a long time they like things a certain way but also it's like that's just not life that's not how it works you know it's like just not real um and if people are you know bringing business to your town that's great and exciting and it's not like this is a random town to her i guess there's some she has significance with nantucket and so there's meaning for her there yeah she's like this is my home yeah she's not coming and being disrespectful to just open up a store that's so funny i know can you imagine it went pretty viral like no influencers allowed i have my own so specific experience with some this is a crazy story this really this actually this hits home okay this story hits home and in a personal place for me no it was just loud here because um so okay this is so i don't know why you told me this story my jaw was on the floor same this story is embarrassing for me like i feel embarrassed by it i would too okay yeah yeah i think that's valid not because you did anything wrong it's just like whoa so embarrassing it's so embarrassing okay so um obviously take me back to a few weeks ago i was 38 weeks pregnant and um planning to like attempt to v-back and like anywhere that you like are learning about v-backs i feel like the general advice like the best thing you can do is just walk yeah walk that big and so um it's like 115 degrees in arizona i would love to walk outside it's not really a safe option and so i had been walking at my my parents apartment cardio facility like they gave me their little fob and i would just go in their little cardio room and i would say that i would go in and walk two miles and leave 30 minutes yeah quickly in and out and i most of the time i'm the only person in there right sometimes there's someone on the stair master behind me there's multiple treadmills there's multiple there's like there's so much equipment in this room and it was usually just me and um my mom gets an email like a week or so later and it was like hey um i'm paraphrasing here but i guess we could actually pull it out no pull through you know do you have the receipts i can get it yeah i get it pull it up while she's looking that up what are the rules of nantucket it's not saying there's any like official rules it's mostly just like common norms of like exterior changes paint color this is for the historic district exterior changes paint colors roof types solar panel placement must all be approved by the town the town they have a very they have a strong aesthetic yeah oh okay i got the email i'm gonna read it okay it says this is hi laurie i wanted to bring something to your attention during a general conversation someone mentioned recognizing a social media influencer who has been using the cardio room since the name wasn't familiar to us as one of our current residents because they know everyone they know the thousands of people who live there we reviewed the amenity access records for the time frame we found that your fob was used to access the cardio room during that time however the individual observed was not you are you aware of anyone else using your fob to access the community amenities if so we wanted to remind you that residents must be present with their guests while using community amenities additionally certain amenities including the business center fitness centers and basketball court are reserved for resident use only so even if i was with my parents i can't use this room if you are not aware of your fob being used by someone else please let us know as soon as possible we can deactivate your current fob um and issue a replacement to help protect your account and community access thank you and we look forward to hearing from you oh so what does my mom do exactly what she should she trots her happy little booty over to yes ma'am the office yes ma'am she starts she said she is 38 weeks pregnant like it is 115 degrees out she is not harming anybody we pay our lease like we are great residents like she just really yeah i would be so mad mom please i'm already embarrassed enough that my round little belly is just they're watching on the cameras like i just felt so embarrassed and she's like i'm just gonna i'm just gonna go with you i said mom did you read the email even if you go with me i am certainly not welcome in this space wow and so she's like she's like it's obviously just so dumb because it's only because i had like a recognizable to someone like face that they wouldn't even thought anything of it no influencers allowed there no influencers allowed no influencers allowed at the cardio facilities it does not matter i understand like a rule is a rule but the way that i said a social media influencer was spotted i was celebrities they're just like us i was like do you just go i'm like mom that is going to make me just feel like yeah oh my god let's just say i never have returned we don't expect exceptions to the rules but also but also they would kind of know if you weren't yeah they would have never said anything would have never known your mother and father well-paying residents i think it's just funny because they really could have said it differently like we it's been brought to our attention that's that a non-resident has been using it perfect but the the social media influencer and was not familiar to us it's like trying to be so i'm like well i know the conversation the off that's why i'm embarrassed i'm like what was the conversation they all talked about you know i've read that email i know i know yeah no influencers allowed oh it's growing it's spreading it's a trend we gotta hide we gotta go we're gonna run manhunt we're not allowed around here anyway oh that was funny man okay finally getting to the meat and people really hate influencers people really they really hate i hate myself what's your job uh marketing can't even say it no i actually have like fluctuated with that answer so many times and then finally i was like i just have to i i gotta be we do social media that's what i say i do social media yeah it's kind of funny because when you say that people are just like oh cute you know they think you're trying they don't know no i love that oh it's cute for you i'm always like and well i always preface it when i'm saying like i never thought i would do this either like and it's been such a blessing and like i always like kind of go into a little bit i was like we started in college yeah and then i always feel like i have to give caveats but people everyone's no one's been like you know i'm not gonna do this yeah i know totally but that's my fear no they never will i'm like oh my elephant in the room i always think it's funny i just think in general when you do something outside of maybe a typical job like i remember our friend bella has a really successful jewelry company and someone was like she's like oh yeah i have a jewelry business like oh that's cute like good luck with your little business or something like a small like shop you know it's like no she's crushing it you know she is really crushing it you guys you would not even believe shout out origami out it's just funny you know you just need to whatever you it's pretty funny i know ah so that's great those are crazy what else is crazy was our birth birth was crazy as it should be um yeah okay so by the time this this goes out the birth vlog will be out and so vlog and the unplanned episode oh and the unplanned episode so we'll just try to fill in gaps that like weren't covered from there i can't wait to see the vlog is it a full youtube video i thought you weren't filming we did film good well on our phone good i'm glad or doula did good yeah i'm glad and so and i'm glad but i won't be watching i actually watch vivian's birth all the time really yeah i mean it's not from this angle you know it's like before you got the epidural i can watch after i got the epidural i guess i don't really have much video from before you were more in control than me no i guess i do i guess i don't watch myself having contractions because it's so weird hearing myself groan like that i can't also i did watch it i was like it looks fake i feel like for the husband it's like they're just watching you you know and to them i'm sure in their mind like this looks fake because they can't feel the pain they just see you like and you know what's weird is i literally said you're fine a week later i can't remember it i know but then as soon as it happened again i remembered it yeah for sure here it is thank you to wafer for sponsoring this portion of today's episode kilbury did our shed which was great but then we actually have to have things to put in the shed so that is where wafer came in we got a gorgeous desk to go in there we're making this a home 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start saving on your next home upgrade head to wayfair.com to shop all things home that's w-a-y-f-a-i-r.com wayfair every style every home we're gonna need to wake the baby soon okay i can really feel it rock hard holy cow okay is it still toe curling uh yes yeah there's a lot you still having the afterbirth um cramps when you know thank goodness that was so painful way worse this time yeah mine were way worse with the i didn't remember i'm with cj ah yeah i didn't all right okay so the morning started off we all went to the gym together and it was very fun i felt like i told everyone there i was like i feel very attention seeking because it was my like i was 40 weeks and everyone knew i was scheduled to have an induction that evening so i was like i just was like i need to do something to occupy myself it's your last chance like i just need to occupy my mind do something with my body and then like get on with my day that's what i was kind of thinking i was like oh she's just seeking attention seeking attention and so um it was a good workout i wouldn't say i felt significantly different from like any of the other days like recently and then had my 40 week appointment in which case my i was like oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited i'm so excited and which my doctor did a cervical check and immediately my water broke so did she do a full circle check or was she just like on the way up and she did a cervical check but she was gonna do a membrane sweep yeah just because for the third time might as well and so because the induction was at night like i was like let's just sleep a girl and we didn't even do the sweep and it like she was like oh that actually has never happened before did it happen on her arm oh it was everywhere everywhere i have pictures crazy and so she goes oh i'm so i'm so sorry and i said was that and then i i knew what that was she said oh i'm so sorry yeah she said sorry because uh but she's like that's actually never happened before and uh which every time i had they said the water bag was really hard yeah i don't know what that means but this time she was like it was it was ready ready and so i was actually stoked i was like thank you so much i'd rather start this right now because originally it was supposed to be like 3 a.m and then it was 9 p.m but that was only if there's beds and i was like that just doesn't sound fun to labor yeah it's a long night and so um this was great timing because i went to the gym i had showered i washed my hair i dropped the kids off at school so i was very excited and um she told me she's like you have two hours to go to the hospital get home we just like get our stuff get to the hospital and um i was starting yeah but it started to pick up pretty quickly as soon as we like got there to check in really and then um i still like wasn't timing anything though because we were at the hospital or something no point and then i didn't have to go to triage or anything because my ob had called and said like she's coming and uh get in our room and then at this point it had been three hours since my water broke and my my like ultimate goal the whole time was like that i wouldn't need to use like medications to induce contractions and so i was thrilled when they hooked me up to the monitors and i was having regular contractions that were four to five minutes apart that were already like pretty strong and so i was like sorry buddy and so i was like okay this might actually be happening and we don't have to use pitot i mostly just wanted to not have to use pitocin yeah and so then uh my doula arrived and then i was so glad we had her yeah good she was just so it was so good to have like her presence in the room yeah especially because like a lot of times you're just alone and our nurse was amazing but it was just really good to have her just like in those like they're not gonna stay in the in between moments yeah and i don't know why i would like that if the nurse stayed the whole time i'm like i would like that too yeah you just feel like pain you just want some it's comforting knowing someone's there that knows what to do yeah i'm like everything's okay right yeah my body feels like it's breaking um and so she comes and they have you monitored for a certain amount of time and then she's like if you want to because i told her i wanted to move i put on my little tennis shoes and my little diaper and we start walking around the halls and um things really started picking up and so then but she said at five she was gonna i had to get back on the monitors so in my head i'm getting like a little stubborn with it like i'm like wait till five and so i waited till five get back in there and i'm like huffing and puffing it was bad huh i don't it got worse so i don't it was bad at this i would say bad yeah and then contractions were really strong yeah i wasn't like talking during them and so then i'm like having my headphones on i'm like matt no more talking no more touching no more looking at me actually like and so then they get me back on the monitors and then she's like i don't know if you're gonna want to stand up and i was like i do i do want to stand up stand up immediately i just feel like oh like i was like there's so much pressure on my cervix and so then she's like empty your bladder that hurt like really i almost felt like why did you say empty your bladder um just to relief pressure i really don't know why she said empty my bladder maybe so then you don't have to get a catheter give him room i guess yeah well i guess just like go to the bathroom before you get epidural so then you don't have to yeah maybe probably that was probably i mean you always had to have a catheter no matter what i didn't get a catheter like they they didn't they didn't stick they just did it emptied me and took it out like i never got one that stayed in i loved the catheter anyway anyway i love i don't remember anything about that but it like really hurt to pee at that point i was like oh my gosh what is that and then i put my tennis shoes back on and just start walking oh my gosh abby he's like down there ready to come out they were literally like get back in your room and we need to check you and so then they did so what does that actually mean it means you're seven or beyond yes and so um like seven eight and nine is transition so is that when the baby fully descends down and during that time no it's eight to ten okay so i was in that transition i was eight and things were i said it was like a snowball going out of mountain at this point things were oh feeling like we were gonna get a little out of control yeah yeah and i was like i don't i paid for my epidural already and i bring it this was part of the birth plan and so i was like get like transition this is when we're doing it and they're like yeah but you have to get this bag of fluids in you no and then we have to call the person and so i was like then i was really panicked because no one told me that they said the fluid takes 20 minutes once they start issuing it and then there was two other moms ahead of me and so they're like i did not know that so yeah so then they're like my nurse and my doctor went and that fought for me good yeah what they say i love that they're like she's a tolac which means attempt to labor after yeah so there's complications you have to go to they're like she's a tolac and do you they said go stand by her door she is in transition she's not gonna make it otherwise these other moms were like uh not as progressed and which i feel so bad like man me like just not communicating that i it's okay it was happening fast i didn't really know that i was like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god and so they they argued for me and i think they got a little spat with the with the anesthesiologist not the one that ended up doing mine but like they're like the head person and they're so nice but i was like wow they really fought for me like that's so nice what a team because genuinely i wouldn't have had one otherwise because after the epidural like after they let you lay back down after the epidural it was like 30 minutes and he was out so i really would not have gotten one and i was not mentally prepared to do that right and i was and i'm not i know that i could have but i'm just gonna say i could have done it like you said you could have a hundred percent you could say i couldn't have like i'm like that it was it is there is a panic when you're not prepared for that no i was not prepared like the there's fear so much i probably should have mentally prepared more for that um well i was mentally preparing to have a c-section yeah like and i was like man if like if that needs to happen i need to like be mentally prepared for that and so anyway they come in your pain tolerance is insane so you always need to no no you didn't hear me during these contractions i was like did you hear it i watched all the footage before we said that's exactly what i want to hear i want to hear it later it was like that yeah of course so scary no i mean that's what you have to do yeah yeah well i mean it was so nice she was like you were in so much control and i was like i'm not my nurse and my dealer were literally hyping up so much because in between the contractions i got so embarrassed because you start to feel a little normal yeah and i was like crack a joke or be like because i felt embarrassed i was like i'm sorry and they were like no you are you're in control they're like you can't do this and like and i was like no i feel like if they told me you're in control like i'm not i was like i will say i didn't feel out of control yeah but i did feel like i was like no no this wasn't the plan yeah totally and um anyway so then they let the fluids in and then i got the epidural and such relief why is it always like a young guy that's like our like a guy that's our age yeah and i'm like you're seeing like this much of my butt crack no literally mine was a male too and not in its best form might i add i'm just leaning hunched over literally that guy and honestly he has to be the most beloved person in the hospital oh what a job i know you're the heroes of the you're the hero they let me back down and then i got my dream birth because it started to be fun uh-huh and i was like oh yay for 30 minutes and um then they're like uh my doctor comes in and she's like i have a feeling that you're gonna be at the end and then she was like okay time to push and i was like at this point i was like so grateful that i had the epidural because i felt like i was able to be like i'm about to meet my i got the clarity of mind to be like this is about to happen like these are my last moments before i'm like holding my baby yeah and so that was like i was so grateful for the relief in that sense too um like i it was actually hitting me a lot during unmedicated too though i should say there's like i would literally get so emotional in between contractions there was just a lot going on i was happening yes and so it's the pinnacle of your process you know yes this is the peak moment of you've been building this baby for now and before that you know and it's like you're getting to the end of the road and it's like the the pain is so unbearable but it's so exciting oh you're so right and you're just so it's so emotional it's like you literally can't even like imagine feelings like that no the feelings are unmatched like i then it's when i was like watching myself like and they what here's the thing about me oh you disassociated again yeah just a little bit and um they're like okay we're gonna get your legs in the straps here's the thing about me i can still put my legs in my own straps oh so it was you had a very light epidural at that point it hadn't fully kicked in i don't know it didn't fully kick in okay i could feel like good i could still feel my contractions i could feel crowning i could feel like things like that but it was nothing like it was honestly it's an ideal kind of you're like you could feel enough yeah yeah it was ideal yeah but it wasn't it was it was great yeah and so then um he came out in two contractions which was wild and um then we got to hold him and this moment will just forever i just you will never forget those moments no like it was i don't even think i cried because i was literally just like probably disassociating but then also just like i couldn't it was like it was too big of an emotion for me to even feel like it was literally like i was like i don't even know what's going on right now like i just held him for so long and um it was like i yeah there's literally just no words to the relief like that i felt in that moment oh my gosh yeah it was like i i yeah it was a year of holding your breath seriously yeah and it was just like so it was so good to hold him and to hear his cry and the adrenaline then when the emotions kicked in it kicked in so hard that i literally was shaking and couldn't stop i literally told him i was like i have veneers and they're gonna break you're like give me a towel they did they had to bite something because my my i couldn't talk no i couldn't like my jaw was trimmed they're like this happens but this is like a little bit much like let me take your temperature i had spiked a massive fever yeah and they were like there's no way you had an infection your waters have like been broken for seven hours like there's just no way that you have an infection so they didn't give me antibiotics it was literally from so much adrenaline yeah that i got a high fever oh i believe it and so i started shaking like crazy yeah and that affects his apgar score really me getting a fever after birth yeah i don't know why that's weird yeah i don't even know what the apgar score really is i don't know either but that sucks yeah i mean it wasn't a positive thing yeah but um i was literally shaking just from like processing all this and i think too something that did add to it is that okay with like my birth history my first one what i had a shoulder dystocia which is where the shoulders get stuck and so that was the reason i was recommended to get a c-section to have a c-section for my second this baby we were anticipating to be smaller than he was and so everyone on our medical team and like my doula was very supportive of a v-back because of his smaller size that greatly like reduces his risk of shoulder dystocia yeah little man tricked us because he wasn't as tiny as we thought i mean he surely is tiny to me but he was eight pounds 11 ounces and he did his shoulders did get stuck and so in that moment i was a little bit panicky because i knew what was like happening yeah like i because we had even prepped like right before i pushed she's like if things get hairy like dad move like you know what to like she's like we'll move your leg like do all these things and then i just like make eye contact with her because they're like head is out and i just would make eye contact with her because i was like they can tell right away because babies usually bob like in and out at that point interesting and if their shoulders are stuck then they just stay put yeah and he was stuck and so um i don't know what she did so why is that dangerous if their head is out can't they get air it's so crazy and it's it's actually a miracle so babies when their face touches oxygen like touches the air like their head is out yeah their internal system is already switching to rely fully on oxygen yeah rather than like you for to to breathe to respirate or whatever and so you have five minutes before um i think it's five minutes don't check yeah you have short time you have a short amount of time before um it's like pretty serious like they won't be able to breathe yeah and so um but if the head's out and they're breathing air because they're in the birth canal they can't they can't open their chest their neck and stuff i don't know so he got stuck for a second serious he got stuck for like i think it was like a little over 30 seconds wow okay and so um which was shorter than my last one was was they had to do more like interventions interventions and so this one was not nearly as bad but i think in that moment like since i had lived it before i was like oh no no no no um but it was short and he came out and then um it was just like it was just there's no other word other than miraculous and like it just felt so redemptive the whole experience and um like i'm just so grateful i'm like matt i want to do that every single day he's like i feel like you were in a lot of pain i was like you a man can never know what it's like you know you're like yeah that was horrible what do it again i wanted more i want more of it it's the hormones um but it was really just like so awesome it's just so worth it it was so worth it and he's like so perfect sweet boy oh that was the best it was the best group chat uh i i get i just wanted everyone to know i know everything amazing yeah so yeah it was the best day ever totally we were so happy we had him by bedtime and it was crazy it was really wild because i think it was like by the time we were admitted like four hours and then he was like a little over four to five hours and he was here it's awesome and so it was a whirlwind and it's crazy because four to five hours actually sounds like a long time but like living it it was like felt really so fast um so yeah that's yeah it's like an afternoon you're like well let's just you know so relaxed and you guys both came addy came like right after what's so funny is that like they were in the labor and delivery room yeah they weren't in the postpartum area yeah i wanted to do so bad there's just hard with bedtime yeah yeah we i had a girl's night that night anyway and so and blake it was their dad's birthday so blake was out with his dad and so my mom had brielle anyway so i was like perfect yeah so i just got to come over and see him yes i know you were still in the delivery room i'm like do we does she wants to come everyone's sitting in the i'm like should we be here yeah yeah i was on a high i was like let's go let's go no caleb and abby came in after griffin but griffin's birth was like a lot it was also the first but you were like come on in and i was like your butt's out it was so bloody it was so bloody in the room i was like oh my gosh i remember walking i was like oh they didn't clean anything up that's like they did this is very i didn't know we've never seen anything like that we're like i don't know why his was so bloody it was so animal it was like animalistic that's like something happened that's real yeah but you were you were in great spirits you guys like come in and meet him you know yeah that's the hormone i know it's the best and his labor was 27 hours so funny crazy um anyway oh yeah what were the spirits in the waiting room because how long were you there waiting i wasn't there for very long i was like i said i had a girl's night so i was there we had a presentation night so we all like made presentations about ourselves and basically as soon as i got there they're like he's been born i said guys i'm giving my presentation i'm leaving so they learned about me and then i yeah oh yeah you're good to know and then i said send me your presentations please this is my idea but i thought it was cute because blake was at cold burn cheeseburgers with your dad as always when they got the news i'm like of course very appropriate and then they left wrapped it up and then because they were they were trying to figure out the plan of like who's gonna be with the kids because we're like we want your mom to be able to be there with you and then because she was watching the kids and then i was like blake you're in charge of the kids for the night and then i was there and then we all just went over there and i got you guys some culvers brought him i had to he got it for me so i had to do it and so i was only in there for like probably 10 minutes and then the vibe in the waiting room because we also had the kids in there the kids were having high big emotions big emotions they knew something was happening i'm sure they know this big transition's happening and then it was also kind of late yeah yeah i think they were tired they wanted matt and i and like yeah i didn't yeah i'm sorry it's hard to prep them for that you don't know when it's gonna happen and then because otherwise i'd be like hey mom and dad are not gonna be here like but it was also just so sweet it was sweet to watch them like be so excited to like see you guys and be with you like yeah obviously you can't like stay with them and so but it was really sweet like i have a really cute picture of like matt holding griffin because he was sad and they were just like cuddling because he didn't want to leave and so that was sweet but yeah coming in and seeing you you were you didn't look like you just had a baby you were chilling you were i was had just that that fever down before i was yeah yeah they're like she's chattering i remember after the adrenaline was so intense i was like oh my god i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i was shaking so hard and i was i actually thought i was gonna faint oh like i was really dizzy um but i ended up being fine i think they were a little worried that i was losing blood but i it was all fine i was actually also losing blood i was shaking before i had real like after the epidural the epidural shakes with griffin yeah i did with it with cj too not as much with vivian oh but then i was like hey what can i do guys i like this is before it got really bad i was like i like my teeth are like i can't stop shaking they're like skin to skin will help they did put him on me skin to skin and that did help it did yeah it was like but then it started to get really out of hand i was like i'm feeling woozy yeah and then they're like honey you are fevered adrenaline's the worst i did not like that these adrenaline junkies i don't get it i'm like oh i never want to feel it again i mean i do after i have a baby but that kind of i don't want to like jump out of a plane for that this looks like bad this looks like a someone grabbed my arm that's the best spot for the ivy don't get it in the hands because those got blown they do get blown but it's just the most comfortable it was over here because these didn't work but it looks like someone grabbed my arm yeah mine was right here too it's like black yeah yeah i have some really bad veins they're always like uh i'm like well make it work otherwise like you have really great veins and then they blow they're always like you got really small squiggly can't get it in there like keep trying i'm sitting here it's not going anywhere else um yeah so we only we only stayed for like 30 minutes until and then you were about to move to your um room anyway so we left for the night and then what was it like the next day you going well matt wasn't there we showed up i felt bad he had to take the kids i know they were having yeah they're having a hard time they're having hard times i know so i just felt bad that we missed seeing him but um we were only there for like 15 20 minutes yeah it was such a stressful i was like i don't know why i'm getting there felt because caleb was coming from work and we were going to go over lunch and bring you guys some food and he was coming from afar and i was like okay i'm loading up the kids can you stop and get flowers i'll get the lunch and he stopped i was like let's just get the flowers at the hospital anyway it was a whole thing and it took a little bit longer so i was sitting in the parking lot for a long time actually i didn't want to go in without him i just felt rude so i was sitting in the parking lot for like 10 minutes before and i was like i'm gotta go and we had the recording right after that so i could only i had to i had a hard out time um so it just wasn't as long as i would have liked it was really precious it was perfect yeah i'm glad we got to come and see and bring you guys some food kill picked out some good flowers yeah they're really pretty doesn't pretty good flowers that was chick-fil-a you were sitting there with like a princess you had the twinkle lights over you yeah i was like bringing the twinkle lights there were stars stars i actually really liked having them good yeah nine dollars well spent addy made a really sweet poster for the room to add to the whimsy cute and said welcome baby fisher cute oh he got two cute we love the posters oh yeah caleb made a really how did he do that he's artistic i was looking at that did he draw that it took him a couple days yeah i know he's very artistic i know he just freehanded that well listen i do know that kill's good at art because in high school he had this painting of gary underwood that is so random like apartment to apartment with us a couple times and after her second house i was like so are we bringing carrie everywhere or can we leave her can we leave carrie it's like this just a painting it's not even it's good but it's not you know you would have to ask who that is for him you wouldn't know it's carrie underwood but it's like a good portrait that's what you should do take it to the streets of phoenix and be like who wants to buy it who is this yeah so i just he is like pretty good at drawing i think he did augie's poster too we gotta get those frames i have the frames oh yeah i have cj's frames sweet yes oh and i need to get with you i literally i was never going to bring it up i literally think about it all the time you do good i'm glad well in like a year getting one for her maybe for her second birthday for her first birthday god don't put that on you right now don't put that on you right now september gosh okay well if it's not she's got me she's got 18 years in our home so we got time a little less than a month one day less than a month here we go we got it we got 18 years in our home so uh it was perfect it was perfect i'm gonna have to feed the baby thank you to policy genius for sponsoring this portion of today's episode so much can change from summer to summer like we recently had a child at the end of last summer growing your family comes with the responsibility of planning for what could happen and making sure that your kids are set up so we actually recently got life insurance it felt like a very adult thing to do but thankfully policy genius makes it easy for you prepare for the next big change in the life of your life policy genius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from some of america's top insurers side by side for free their license team helps you get what you need fast so you can just get on with your life we want to get in we want to get out get it done get it out easily find what you need coverage amounts prices terms there's no guesswork just clarity being able to compare the plans and the prices makes it so easy they take the guesswork out of something that can feel really overwhelming and it is a big decision with policy genius you can find 20-year life insurance policies starting at just 276 dollars a year for one million dollars in coverage head to policygenius.com abby to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save that's policygenius.com abby also i just want to say there's a jump cut because i needed to feed the baby and now he's hanging out with dad so and we're trying to figure out where we're yeah trying to figure out where we left off but um thanks guys for your patience yeah i feel like we it was so sweet seeing you in this like in the delivery room holding your baby it was just such a sweet moment i i got very emotional i was blubbering like a baby and i'm just like curious how you feel about birth after a loss like that it's it's i have to be so real it's completely different like i the actual like processing fisher feels so different having a baby feels completely different after having like a loss this is where the tears come in there's like just no other way to talk about it like it's just um it's completely different at least for me like i don't know how i i kind of said this before but like my thoughts really are not fully formed on this yet like yeah i just feel like i've just like just started processing this like seeing loss of life in a baby so clearly and then to see just the start of life so clearly that alone has aged me like 10 years i don't know how to describe it any other way like seeing life and death like just and holding it in my arms and less than a year it's a roller coaster i'm an entirely different person because of losing emerson and then having fisher like i'm an entirely different person because of it yeah and i think i'm just like only at the beginning truly of like unpacking everything that that has done to me like that that is crazy and to be in the same hospital like just to see like i keep saying like it's not like we're writing over emerson's story like they it was an extension of emerson's story was fisher's like it's all one story that like like i i don't even think i i don't have the word i literally don't have the words maybe one day i will to like describe what that what that's like i don't have the words to describe what that what that's like i don't have like to try to unpack it's crazy and like like stiffling into the mic like my entire hope for the day of fisher's birth was that it would feel different um just because of fears like i was really scared but also just redemptive and it was literally just so symbolic like walking into the room that looked the exact same as like where i went to have emerson but the room was completely flipped like the orientation of it like you're facing an incubator right both times but it was like the opposite orientation i don't know how to describe it other than like yeah it was flipped everything was was flipped and everything was different and i'm entirely different because of it and i think the moment where i was like first starting to be like this is you o bigger than so much bigger than i thought was when they were wheeling me from like my my labor and delivery room to the postpartum room because i don't know if i ever talked about this but when i was in the hospital with emerson and like in labor you hear that lullaby playing hmm and it's so sweet but it's so dark when you're in the position like i was in and you're playing the lullaby for me this time then for sure that's when i was like oh this is so much bigger than i ever anticipated this was gonna be and so yeah everything is like literally just entirely i don't know i don't have the words but this is just like my top of brain like what i can describe right now yeah it was crazy gosh i'm sorry when you say bigger do you just mean like the feelings are bigger the emotions are bigger the feelings are bigger the emotions are bigger but then also like my perspective on life is bigger because of all this and i mean i would rather not have that personality i would rather not have that personality i would rather not have that personality i would rather not have that personality i would rather not have that personality i would rather not have that personality but there here we are and it's it's just giving me so much more gratitude for this like none of this will ever be casual again nothing will ever feel like i don't know it just will always feel miraculous it is for me and for everybody else that experiences it and so yeah i just kept saying like i wish that there i could have this is this is why life is like this is life you can't show yourself what the future has in store for you you can't show yourself what the future has in store but there were times where i was like i i don't know if this will ever like i don't know how we could ever like i know there's a future beyond this i never felt hopeless but i don't know what it could if it could ever be good again like some sometimes like after that and the in the specifically in the area of like family planning and pregnancy and birth and all that stuff but if i could just show myself a glimpse into where we are now literally i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if i could just show myself a glimpse into where we are now literally less than a year ago oh my gosh that would have been such a relief but you don't have that luxury and so we had this year of like holding our breath of like anxious thoughts and some days were way harder than others but we got here and it's just yeah it's it's big it's like oh like i don't really know i think my work i think i have a lot of time to think about it and i think i have a lot of processing to do honestly still in like this area i mean i feel like it's affected i think all of us have been changed by that because i every time i think about our group chat on the day of fisher's birth and i compare it to the group chat on the day of emerson's birth and just like the difference of those texts and like the process of labor you know it's just you see both sides of it and so yeah even just of like um being family and friends it goes through it and and acing witnessing it and seeing you guys go through it it changes it for at least for myself yeah definitely i feel like uh everyone else will see it in the in the birth vlog but like watching the footage of like you giving birth and fisher being placed on your chest and you just kept saying over and over and over like i'm so glad you're here and you can just it's different than being glad that your baby's there before loss like and you can hear it in voice in the way you're saying it and it's just i'm i'm so glad you're here and i'm so glad you're here and i'm so glad i was cooking breakfast while i was reviewing the footage braille's in her hide i'm sobbing like you just feel it and you feel it with you of just like being so glad he's here yeah yeah thanks guys like it and i knew i was never alone too and so that helped everything and that like shared grief and shared like love and excitement like made this so much lighter for me too so yeah i mean i don't want to speak for every single mom that's got through something like i have but it it does feel like entirely different for me like and i've done this twice before and it still just feels that's the thing that feels crazier than any like obviously the birth experience is totally different but like this it was like just how i feel about it having a baby after loss just feels like the biggest difference of everything yeah and it's crazy it is really crazy i think that also is just like put my postpartum experience in a new light where i'm like i literally don't care like i'm like i i'm just so glad you're here like i there's nothing that could nothing can bring you down baby nothing can bring me down yeah i was even like i was down and now i'm up seriously like meal train this time around versus last time around and like you even you talked about it on a plan that you're like every single time i'm like i want you guys to come in and meet my baby and hang out with me and doing that versus like last time it's like i don't know what to do i'm gonna drop this food off at her yeah and like i don't i don't know how to help this experience in no way corrects the experience of before like right i don't know how like they're separate but intertwined yeah okay good because yeah i feel like there are things i'm like i want to say or even just like reflecting on the group chat thing that i just said i've been every time i think about it i get emotional and i'm like man i want to tell abby that it was just cool i'm honored to like been in both of those chats and like walked through and seeing the dark and the joy yeah but like i'm like i don't want to bring that up on the day you know or whatever you know it's like just so it's good to hear and i'm sure that people oh yeah i know i didn't i people have brought it up and it hasn't but it has always been a mom that has had loss because i feel like you're just you're very comfortable talking like we both like lived things like that right like and so you're just comfortable talking about it in a different way good thanks for sharing that i know it's hard and it's like it's so hard so hard that's the thing i'm like okay and i know you'll keep processing it and yeah i think i do have a lot more to process honestly because i feel like i can't even put to like the impact of it but it's i just know it's big i like something that is different because of it yeah i feel like grief is one of those things when you're you're in it deep you know and i i feel like i hear people talk about it where it never really you don't come out of grief you just learn how to like move through it and you can process through it and all that so it'll just take some time for sure we're not in a rush well that was great for i always say we've been chatting so we'll move this rest of the conversation over to patreon we're gonna talk about maybe the first night at home and some of those things over there on patreon so if you guys are curious check out our patreon we always do extended episodes our bonus segments and just kind of keep the conversation rolling we also do our always hungry chat where you guys set and do your recipes too we're gonna do our like extended in-depth book club which we are talking about today so go check out our patreon thank you to upwork for sponsoring this portion of today's episode the most successful business owners don't do it all themselves that's always the temptation so the best thing you can do is delegate upwork let's you 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is upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow that's upwork.com upwork.com ask ask ask abby hi abby abby and addy this is jessica from wisconsin i was just wondering what are your go-to snack to bring on an airplane. I have four-year-old twins and their first time on an airplane will be next week going to Colorado. And I just don't know what to pack because it's very difficult to know exactly what they will eat. But yeah, I was just curious on what are your go-to snacks? Thank you. Well, my last flight, I bought the family-sized bag of Trader Joe's white cheddar corn puffs and that's about all my kids ate because we all eat them. And they're kind of sticky so they don't fall out of their mouths. I don't know. And they take up a lot of space. They do. It was my whole backpack. I was like, what's in your backpack? Diapers and a big old family-sized bag of corn puffs. That is hilarious, Abby. That's your go-to? Puffs. And then I had some packets and a lot of fruit snacks. They do let you bring packets that are like more than three ounces if it's like. for a kid. Yeah. So I should say that. I think that usually I would opt for something that is like not going to pop or like is like. Oh, interesting. I never thought about that. It's okay. I mean, it didn't pop. But like my compact, I feel like we do bars a lot and like, you know, I just saw this. Someone said that they were thinking about. I can't remember where I saw this. They were on a plane. They were going to bring nuts. We bring cashews a lot. Oh, yeah. Because they're filling and, you know, dense and somewhat healthy. I bring peanut butter crackers. But then I'm like, I guess people have a nut allergy. I was thinking about that too. You're in really close quarters. I know. I brought peanut butter crackers last time and I don't think I brought them out because I got nervous about it. So I don't think I should do that again. But I have brought those in the past. And I feel like a lot of times we try to do meals on the plane just because it kind of works as an activity. And so we'll just get food at the airport and then get on the plane. But I can understand why a lot of people wouldn't want to do that. It is kind of a gamble. You like doing that. I like doing that. Caleb hates doing that. Really? He's like, don't bring your meal on the plane. It's going to smell. Yeah, I do feel bad about that. It's food. It doesn't bother me when other people do it. No. So then I'm like, maybe. No, I'm like looking at it. I'm like, I want some of that actually. You want some of that? Yeah. Try not to get something too stinky, I guess. I did get Chinese food one time and I did bring it on the plane. Caleb was very embarrassed because it was very strong. Oof. And it did give me diarrhea. It's all right. Next question. I have no advice. I have a one-year-old. A four-year-old is completely different than a one-year-old on the board of what you can bring. Yeah, whatever you like, honestly. Just bring him a sandwich. I mean, bring him a turkey sandwich. Yeah. And that's the only thing they have. Hey, Abby, Abby, and Addie. I am a first-time mom and I just wanted to know what is one personal boundary that you've had to set after becoming a mom? Thank you. Bye. I immediately came to mind. What was it? I don't share my water bottle with my kids anymore. Oh, yeah. That was a hard boundary to set. Mm-hmm. And it's. Mm-hmm. Every time I see it, I'm like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, no. Yeah, I go get new water bottles after. I clean my straws. I know. I'm so sick of us all getting sick at the same time. No, yeah. And it's like, I can do this one small thing. Yep. You just, you're entitled to everything in my life. Yep. But I want this one thing. Yeah, it was really cute when they were one and, like, they were the first. Yeah, Brielle does just started doing it. Yeah, I'm like, oh, it's so cute. Just give me my cup. And then you all get sick so many times and you're like, get your mouth away from my straw. Like. Immediately. If I turn my back, they're trying to drink it. I'm like, what about your water bottle? Literally CJ today. You have 8,000 of them. CJ's been coughing. They've all been coughing. And, um. Yeah, I think they might have gotten it from my kids. It's okay. Not Vivian. Just CJ's been coughing. But, um, he was coughing today, so I was like, buddy, don't drink. And I always make my protein, creatine, electrolyte drink. And he always gets, he gets one sip. He's allowed one sip every time. And I said, not today, buddy, because you're coughing. I leave the room. I come in and he goes, I took a sip. Mom. And I was gone. Behind my back. I got a new straw. I mean, it wasn't a big deal, but. He told you. That's so funny. I know. He, like, added himself. He was like, I took a sip, mama. I was like, okay. He's always, like, trying to, like, get a reaction. I know he does. He's addicted to, like, potty talk. And he knows he's not allowed to. And he'll look at me and go, poopoo butt. Yeah, he does do it like that. He, like, makes a face. And I'm like, time out. He's such a character. Time out. Now, go. He's great. What's my personal boundary since becoming a mom? I can't think of a single one. Was that not the right direction? Was that. No, I think it was the wrong direction, but I liked the direction you went with it. That's the direction I have. Yeah. I immediately thought of that. Because that was really a hard one to walk back. So, as a first time mom, set that boundary. Set that standards early. You're going to want that. Okay, last one. Hi, Abby, Abby, and Addie. I just found out that I am pregnant with. a boy, a little baby boy, and I am so excited, but I grew up in a house and a family of all girls, sisters, and cousins, so I don't know what to expect. So, I would really love any stories that you could share, maybe about some things that I could look forward to about being a boy mom. Thank you. Bye. We are in the same boat, girl. I had all sisters. I had no idea what to expect about a boy. I didn't know how to take care of a boy hygienically. I knew nothing about. boys at all. I was like, whoa, what? But it was so fun. Every part of having a little boy is so fun. Their energy is fun. Just their. The way that they play is so cool. Their imagination is so fun. I know girls have these things too, but. Specifically, even just experiencing it from never experiencing a boy growing up in my house, it's been even. It just makes it so cool to watch because it all just felt so new. So, I just feel like everything, everything is cool and exciting. It's even fun just getting to play with the. trucks and the toys and watch the boy shows for me because I never got to do that. It's just cute. You're just experiencing a totally different. You're getting to. You're going to get to witness and experience a fully different childhood than you ever witnessed growing up and you get to be a part of it. It's so fun. See, I like that you're saying it was different. It was so different. The internet does not like it when we talk about boys versus girls, like generalizations. Oh, okay. Well, they don't have to take it up with me. They can take it up with them. So. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Everyone is very. You can disagree. It's a different experience. It is. That I can tell anyone is a different thing. And with the boys, I feel like they are so. What's the word? You can really pull the rug out from under them if that makes sense. Like, I feel like my friends that have girls, it's not like they're not curious, but I just feel like with day-to-day things, they're very. They're very, like, distractible in a really good way. Like, their imagination is so big, and they're, like, they're so eager to just, like, they're just. They're not going to sit and, like, ask about a bunch of questions. Like, they're, like. They can just keep them. You can just. You can keep them going. You can keep those boys rolling, and then they will roll all day long and then crash. Yeah, they will. And it's so great. Yeah. I think it's so fun. It is so fun. They're very. Yeah. But just all the stereotypes of, like, very physical, but, like, also just so affectionate. Yeah, they are. I feel like they are, like. They're, like, very tender towards me specifically, and I know that that's a generalization, but it's true in our house. Like, they're very, like, tender towards me, and, like, I don't feel like we, like, argue. Like, which I know some of my friends that have girls are like, oh, we are. Oh, CJ and I argue. We are fighting. We argue. Oh, you guys argue. We argue. But he's so tender. Yeah. And it always ends with a big smooch and a big old hug. He just wants me to hold him, and then at night he'll ask me, like, Mom, would you sleep with me one minute every night? One minute. It's so true. It's so sweet. Yeah, very tender. Big energy and big snuggles. It's so fun. And I feel like they do feel, like, a sense of responsibility that is, like, really sweet too. Like, with their. He's, like, they always want to make sure, like, everyone is safe, and I feel like that's, like, a conversation all the time. They're, like, who's going to keep you safe, though? Like, the night that we left for the hospital, like, I was, like, okay, Daddy can go home with you and put you to bed, and then they're, like, but who's going to keep you safe? Oh, my gosh. They're protective of you. That's so cute. And I was, like, well, honey will stay with me for a little bit. And then they're, like, okay. Even though they were so sad and, like, worried about themselves, they were, like. That is so sweet. Aw. It was sweet. Yeah, they're very sweet boys. Yeah, you're going to have a blast. Congratulations. It's so fun being a boy mom. The best. Always hungry? Yeah. Should we share recipes? Yes. I love this segment. I do, too. I'm not cooking, though. Everyone's been cooking for me, which is so sweet. Yeah, it's sweet. But one of my friends made me protein balls, and I asked, I said, is it okay if this information is public? Because they're so delicious. They're so delicious, and I can't wait to make them myself. I'm not much of, like, a snacky girl, but now that I'm breastfeeding, I, like, want hearty snacks, and these protein balls are. She said she figures there's about, like, five grams of protein in a ball. Nice. Which is. I feel like it's really good. And so I'll include her recipe. Okay. Because they're very good. And just for whimsy in mind, she added mini marshmallows and Halloween Cadbury eggs. Cute. They're very tasty. Yum. Is it a peanut butter base? There definitely is peanut butter in it. Yum. Let's see. Oatmeal, coconut, flaxseed, protein powder, peanut butter, a good amount of peanut butter. Yum. Honey, maple syrup, salt, mini chocolate chips. All the good things. Yeah. All the good things. I also want to say, people have brought up the fact that you hold your iPad upside down, and they're wondering how. We don't have the lock screen. Like, we don't have the lock. So whatever way she grabs it is the way. Yeah. The whole episode last time, I did notice it was upside down. I was like, don't say anything. No. How is it consistent? Why? Because that would really hurt my feelings. I don't know. It just felt like. i was like that's nitpicking people are like how is it upside down i'm like we just don't have the screen i'm confused on how i consistently get it upside down i don't know i think you set it down and pick it back up i don't know um my recipe is this is super simple but i'm gonna make them for dessert this week it's dates with peanut butter and dark chocolate and sea salt on top it tastes like it's so good i had them all the time when i was pregnant they're just like the perfect treat at the end of the night and you don't think it would sound good but the date tastes caramely and then you've got the peanut butter punch and then you've got to put a lot of dark chocolate on it and then sprinkle sea salt on top how do you make it so they don't break your teeth well you've put them in the freezer until they're set then i keep them in the fridge oh so they get softened in the fridge the peanut butter but the chocolate stays set people were should i even say this people were asking like because you're supposed to eat dates at the end of pregnancy and that was actually one thing my doctor was like there is a little bit of evidence actually this one and um she's like there's one study out of israel like she knows exactly where it came from yeah and something like that i think but um people were asking they're like how do you eat them because like i hate them oh my gosh oh i just eat them plain and then i was gonna say in that video i was like i raw dog and then i googled it before i was like gonna say that and i was like is that and i said is saying raw dog inappropriate and i was like it is it's i was like backspace backspace backspace okay the way that i learned that term was from a girl that was um in my high school got pregnant in high school and they were like well that's the first i heard about doggies i actually i didn't really know what is that i didn't really know the origin so that's why i didn't know that was my origin that's an origin story so anyway i'm saying that it's a funny term did you say it what no no no now i said it so i was talking about maybe not saying it anyway um oh goofy goofy um yeah but i'm obsessed with dates i can put them in everything yeah i think they're really yummy i don't like okay well you have to open them up take the pit out put a you know good a little bit fill them up with peanut butter and don't go light on the chocolate don't drizzle it i'm like you're coating it in chocolate maybe if i tried it like that yeah like would you like bacon wrap dates yum i love i love a cooked date oh my gosh a hello fresh meal made me do that one time where i cooked them up i put like a tablespoon of water in a pan and just sauteed them they got soft and then you put the veggie on with it oh my gosh it was so good let me do that it's unbelievable great okay yeah okay now we yeah we can do a little synopsis and tell everyone your next pick we just made a little video still dizzy i'm just kidding oh i'm excited what was it wait the last something the last night the last marriage just last night just just last night yes just last night mary mary marie mcfarland marie mcfarland maria mcfarland just last night this is a goofy video oh i love that you guys did that but this was us feeding fisher yeah yeah yeah i feel like i was going faster than that no you were really slow and then we got it we got a top angle too yeah we did we got angles abigail so we learned the next book the next book just last night by marie mcfarland yes book club i'm giving it two and a half stars i gave it a three i gave it two yeah overall this book what was your word unsatisfying unsatisfying i feel like it went in a lot of different directions very unclearly or like didn't come to a lot of conclusions within the book i didn't really know what to think at the end of reading it i did think it was interesting seeing her try to justify her wrong that she did commit i was like that was interesting to try seeing her try to like convince herself that it was okay and i liked that aspect of the book but that was really it yeah didn't like the main character and didn't hate her enough to like reading the book there's a lot of promising offshoots where like we could have followed this plot line or this plot line and i started to be like excited about where that could go but then i just felt like they just tapered off and then also never got resolved in my opinion and then it was just the end of the book and i was i do agree that like her internal conflict of like no but this is okay because of this and like maybe i can spin it around and do this and i feel like that was like probably the most well-written part in my opinion yeah um but the whole thing just got me wondering if i'm just too dumb am i missing the point i yeah i felt like i was missing the point the best the best part of the book was the beginning very promising concept really interested in that because i feel like the first chapter ended and it was like she's like found the manuscript and i'm like oh my gosh what a terrible person uh-huh like how could you even have that thought after what you just witnessed yeah you're like oh this this is a villain yeah and then it was like yeah i wish the character development on the other characters a little deeper like with athena and her ex-boyfriend and her mom like i think there was a lot of missing character development i agree yeah we're green not that i know anything about writing no i could never do it yeah there was a lot it was trying to do a lot yeah yeah well you guys this episode felt like a long time because everyone was so patient with me not feeding the baby feed that baby girl we'll say we'll wait that is what the transition looks like but um thanks everyone for your patience thanks everyone for being here leave a five-star review wherever you guys listen to our podcast spotify apple youtube all the things subscribe hey we just hit 50 000 on youtube thank you guys it's so exciting thank you so much for subscribing and following along you never miss an episode and remember we're always here you