My Baby Is RUINING MY LIFE! | Lunch Table #39

Our baby is she is raising a baby on a hard mode so far. She doesn't sleep, she doesn't eat from bottles right now. She rejects bottle feeding, she won't nap during the day. She cries nonstop. Sam's talking about having a second one the other day. I'm like a second one. I'm looking to return this one. [MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome back to the launch table. Abby, my baby is about to ruin my life this weekend. Going to college? No, she's not going to college yet. I wish she was going to college. What a way to open up this podcast. So Sam has a bachelor at party on Saturday and she's going all the way to Kate and I. So she's gone the entire day. This is the first time that I'm going to be alone with my baby for the entire day. My parents are down the shore. Sam's family is busy. It's just me against her all day. It's going to be a battle. I have a solve. What's your solve? You have an employee, don't you? Steve? Steve, you're in charge. Steve is my manny. You don't even have to hire him. He's been on the payroll for six years. Make Steve much bigger. Yeah. Well, Steve's going to Ireland. I don't know what-- Originally, I asked him. I was like, oh, Steve, when are you going? He's like, oh, late August. And then last night, he texted me. He's like, oh, it's August 9th. I was like, how is that late August? It's like the first week. It's late in the early part of August. Yeah, the first trimester of August. It's really late in that. Real late in that first trimester. How long is he going for? I don't know. I have no idea. How much do I-- I don't think Steve knows. He just found out. He might be moving to Ireland. I don't think he would tell me. That would be a good vlog. Anyway, you're back from Spain. I see you've got the jersey on. Dude, you're on fire this summer. Dude, Abby's a huge New York Knicks fan. They won the NBA championship. Now, Spain wins the world cup a few weeks ago. Someone's got to like, you got to lose. You need an L badly. No, it's the summer of Abby. I'm undefeated. We just had the Mer interview millions in social media views. I actually want to talk about the Mer interview a little bit. But let's talk about your trip to Spain really quickly. And then I want to talk about my baby ruining my life this weekend. I want to get more into that. But we'll get back to that. That's fair. We can talk about it because Rafael Bruins, Maine. Not just kidding. Kind of. What is he? 18 months? How old is he? Yeah. Exactly 18 months. And what did I always say, Abby, before I had a child and I stand by it today? I'm not taking my baby on a plane until she's at least five. Maybe four. Okay. I can't say I didn't think of you at times during this trip. Was the plane ride bad? So Brandon, I texted you this, but I didn't want to give too much away. Okay. Not only before my trip was my wife on the phone with Andy Kim, the US Senator from New Jersey. Nelly Poe, our House of Representative. I contacted Homeland Security and contacted friends with the opportunity to reach out to our president, Donald Trump. Yeah. So, Abby texted me. I asked him like, oh, how did your trip to Spain go? He's like, I'm not going to tell you because I want to save it for the podcast, but he's like, I basically tried to contact every form of government. Yeah. While I was on this trip. So when he was sobbing, crying, my dad took multiple aspirin saying he was going to have a heart attack or a stroke. What happened? Was it your child's fault? You know, technically. Okay. So yes. Because if it was something else, you would have just immediately said no. It wasn't like a, it wasn't a, a, a plain operational problem. It was an 18 month old problem. Technically yes. It was his fault. But you know, every other person that you might ask would say it was my fault. Oh boy. What did what happened? 10 a.m. We're both working from home. I get off like my third meeting in the day and I go, you know what? Let me check into my flight. Walk into the room. Kale is in the room working. Go into the safe. Two passports. Now we're a family of three. There usually should be three of them. One per person. That's usually how it works. Yeah. So what are you missing? Who's, uh, who's passport? Rafael. Oh, this is not his fault then. Okay. Well, if he was never born, I wouldn't have this problem. What do you expect them like? Rafael, do you have your passport and your wallet? You expect them to be like, oh, sorry. I think I left it upstairs. Let me run upstairs. I will say I've never had a problem with the third passport ever in my life until Rafael came about. I've only had, I thought you were going to say. He was like crying on the plane and some guy said something and you got into a fight with them. You lost his passport. And then also my dad is the classic dad where he called me like multiple weeks in advance. He's like, you check your passports yet. And I'm like, why would I check my passports are in the safe? Uh, I got, I have like mental problems when it comes to vacations. I'm the guy that's checking my passports every three minutes. Wait. So am I though? I am not. I don't want to do this on the pod. But I'm not the Steve type. I'm not just like Steve today. We're killing. Yeah, Steve's going to Ireland in a week. I don't even know if he bought a plane ticket yet. I have everything in my safe and like Manila envelopes labeled. I have tax returns back to like 2008 in there. Everything's meticulous except the stupid passport. And that's why specifically was really out of character. How important is it that we bring our child to Spain? Oh, seriously? So seriously, that's what I had to kind of ask. You think he's old enough to stay home alone because like your parents are going, Kayla's family's going, you have no one to watch him at one point when Kayla was sobbing throughout the day. So then long story short, I ended up with a seven hour house search with my parents, my sister, Kayla, everyone called up my boss like right away. I was like, I'll be back online maybe never. And then the phone. So yeah, I called up the US Department of State. I was like, how quick can I get a passport? It's an emergency. They're like, uh, two to three weeks. You're like, not going to cut it. I need two to three hours. Well, they were. They were like, oh, Friday. So I called up Kayla's stepfather. He's like the mayor of the town. I was like, do you know anyone in the state government? He was like, I'll see what I can do. I also have my friend who used to be a political pendant. He's actually had a meeting not to brag with the president of Bermuda. So I was like, Hey, bud, I was like, I need a problem. It's got to be solved in the next one. What's the president of Bermuda going to do? You need a US passport to travel to Spain. Bermuda is not, I mean, you kind of fly over to Europe. They're all friends, like your content creators. Like you should have. You have to merge. Well, you have that trust me. I was going there. Merchants connections. You have the number for Fadeus who has the number for Mr. Bees, who has the number for the president. It's that's true. It works like three steps away from everybody on this planet. Long story short, everyone's about to leave. My dad's like the most sad of it. My dad is a very stoic man, like the most sad of it. Yeah, I was going to say he doesn't get high or low. Like Spain, the world cup, you showed me like everyone's going nuts and your dad was like, maybe smiling. My dad had like a thumbs up. Yeah, like his thumb might have come up a little bit like sad. Like I've seen my dad's like sister die. I've seen my dad's obviously mother die, all that stuff. This was worse. This was the worst. And he was like, all I was looking forward to was like holding Rafael like in my hometown type dealing. My mom's like sobbing. Kayla's like, what are we going to do? So serious question now. I will finish the story. Where did you end up finding it? In the basement next to the mouse traps. Okay. Why? Why? Why was it there? The cleaning people were coming over the next day. And I grabbed it and I was like, where are they not going to look for a passport? And I just threw it down. Where are me and my entire family also not going to look for a passport. Okay. Now fast forward. Let's say you actually didn't find it. Did you like what was the plan? The problem is to get a passport for the baby. Both parents have to be present. Oh, you were going to try to still get one. Oh, yeah. I thought I would have just given up. Yeah. If you were given up, you were given up on everything in life. I would have no more dollars of tickets and hotels. No, no, no. That's the easy stuff. No wife, no family, no parents. Nobody would have been on my side for the rest of life. Hey, you could have been mentally moved out to here. I was just going to say I would have moved. I do not know. I do not know. You know what's funny? I was online the other day and a new house popped up. And I think you were in Spain at the time. Beautiful house. Well within your budget, Abby. You just showed me a house recently. This was like a hundred thousand dollars more, but didn't need any work. New kitchen, pulling the backyard. It was in my hometown. And I was like, gonna send it to you. And I was like, he's having a nice time in Spain. I don't want to like bust his shops. Meanwhile, I didn't realize you guys were going through it. Oh, I would have moved in there in a second. It might have been that it might have been the day you left for Spain. Actually, it was probably the day you were panicking. Meanwhile, you're going to get a sarcastic text from me like, hey, buddy, you want to move in? You sent me a really funny Snapchat. So Abby's dad grew up in one of the most beautiful towns I've ever seen in my life. Right. Same with my dad. My dad's town in Italy where he grew up. Beautiful, gorgeous. I've seen this meme online before. And Abby's like, glad my dad was like, let's leave this place and go to New Jersey. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good to do work New Jersey and raise a family. Obviously back then, there were reasons why they left. But it is just funny to see the towns that they left. And it's like, these places are beautiful. You know how the parents are always like, I like it. I walked up hill, both days with a brick on my back every single time. I'm calling my dad out. I'm not sure he was poor. So you're like, oh, this is my old house. It's just like a palace. That's exactly what happened. And I don't remember when I was 14, but I remember it now. Check out where my dad grew up. My dad's town was not. It was not like that. That was his house. Wait, was that an apartment building? He didn't know the whole thing. It is, but he was on the third floor and he had three balconies. That's wild. Well, I'm glad to have you back. I'm glad to be filmed. We haven't filmed a podcast since the Murr episode. So after-- okay, we'll give the people a little behind the scenes. After the podcast ended, Murr did leave. He was joking around. If you didn't see the episode, go back. It was our last podcast. Murr was joking around the whole time that he wasn't going to leave. You think he peed or he pooped in your bathroom? Because we were on the fence. It's a debate. It's a debate. So we shut off the cameras. We walked downstairs. He met Sam and the baby. We took a picture. And then he's like, oh, I'm just going to stop in the bathroom. And then I got to get going because he had like a meeting that he was late for. By the way, he said he was going to give us an hour. He gave us like an hour and a half. Dude was awesome. Nice, nice guy in the industry. Super nice guy. Now he gave me his phone number. He's now the most famous person I have in my phone by far. I don't think I had anybody else before that. A lot more famous than you. Are you pointing at yourself? I was. He's way more famous than you. But right before he left, he went to the bathroom and he was in there. Like four minutes. No, it was like two minutes and 38 seconds, which was like, it was too long for a key, but a quick poop. Can we ask him? We should. Maybe he's watching this episode. Murr, if you're watching this episode, can you let us know? I will say I had to pee right after he left. There was no smell. And while you do, you have the poopery though. Yeah, but you can, you know, it's funny. You can smell when someone used it. So all right, it doesn't smell like poop, but you know someone went. Sam's a friend. I hope she wants the podcast. I'm going to embarrass her. I'm not going to say her name. Sam's friend came over a couple of weeks ago and she was in the bathroom and then like, it's just, it's just so funny. She left the bathroom and the room just reaked of poopery and I'm like, well, I know what happened in here. I guess it's better than actual poop. Nobody can poop as fast as they pee. At least I don't think. We all know what's going on in there after if you're in there for more than like 90 seconds. So that yeah, that's the thing. If you're in there for three and a half minutes, you're just like, dude, what did you just do there? But Murr's was in between. It was, yeah, it was perfect. It was like, it was probably like two minutes and 45 seconds or he was peeing and then it's like one of those things where he's like texting his assistant like, I'm late. That's probably yeah, or he's a hypokondriac and after he peed, he washed his hands for like two minutes or another scenario. He was in a big rush. So maybe it was just the world's fastest poop. How fast can you poop? You think you can get a 45. I normally take like 40 minutes. Me too. I'm normally in there forever just scrolling like YouTube shorts or whatever. But if you had to, it's like the end of the world. You have the apocalyptic, what are they? The headless horsemen coming at you. The headless horsemen. Is it like the four horsemen of the apocalypse? It all depends on the poop because I've been in, I mean, there's nothing worse than having to rush a poop. And there's times where I go in there, boom, I'm able to get in and out like a fast food restaurant. But then there's other times what? What do you mean a fast food restaurant? In and out like a fast food restaurant. Oh, I thought you meant like when you go to a fast food restaurant, you're always using the bathroom when you're in an. No, no, no, no, it's just an analogy. Yeah, there's times where I can get in and out really quickly. But then there's other times where you sit down and you're like, "Oh, this one's going to take a little time." Really quickly. I want to get into a lot of things. This is a great episode, by the way. I know Mermaid Funamy for having notes, but I'm back. I got my notes back. We got a sponsorship, Abby. Oh. I just hit you with that out of nowhere. Iper. They make pool like cleaning robots, right? So I've had a pool cleaning robot. I'm not going to say the name of the brand since I moved here about a year ago. It's horrible. I actually reached out to this company because I saw an advertisement on Instagram and they were like, "Oh, we've seen your podcast like they saw the episode where we interviewed Ryan Surhand." And they were like, "We love your podcast. Oh, absolutely. We'll send you the brand new. It's called the Iper Scooba V3 Ultra. This thing is unbelievable." First off, it cleans my pool perfectly. It's wireless, Abby. How? It charges. I guess it's got an internal battery. I put the thing in the pool. It's got an app so I can literally, it maps my pool like using AI and cameras. It cleans the floor. Then it cleans the walls. Then it cleans the tile like the waterline. It skims the surface of the pool. No way. Then it does my shallow end. You know how I have like the, it's called like a sun, sun shelf. Well, my old pool cleaner wouldn't clean anything if it was more shallow than like three feet. This one goes up to like 7.9 inches. So it cleans my shallow end. Then it even has like a compartment where you can add chlorine and it'll chlorinate your water. And then at the end, this is my favorite part. It has something called jelly float technology. So when it's done, it'll ping my phone and say, "Pool cleaning is finished." It floats to the top, goes to the side of the pool and just waits there so I can grab it and pick it up and take it out of the water. Next time you come over, I gotta show you this thing in action. So you also give it a name when you log into the app. What's your name? Jimbo? Jimbo. Yeah, I don't know. It felt like a Jimbo. Me and Sam will literally just sit out by the pool with our baby and just watch this thing clean. Watch Jimbo. We watch Jimbo. You know I don't promote things if I don't actually like it. I freaking love this thing. The difference from my old cleaner to this one is incredible. Check out the link below. They also have a bunch of other pool vacuums of all different sizes and price ranges. So if you guys are looking for a pool cleaner, if you guys have a pool at home, I highly recommend this brand. Abby, I'm sending you a picture right now. Okay. It's a debate. Remember when we debated like, what was your favorite chicken wing on the platter? Ah, yes. That didn't happen. It's kind of like that, but it's with bananas. Again, I'll show it on the screen if you guys are watching the podcast on YouTube. Which, and also Spotify. Did you get it? Yes. I'm not a banana con of sewer, but you know I love my takes. And this is an easy one. So if you're watching on, if you're listening on audio only, it's a picture of 15 bananas ranging from like green, like basically as unripe as possible to like the darkest brownest most rotten banana and everything in between. If you had to pick one of these 15 bananas, Abby, which one are you going with? This is a no brainer. And if you don't bring anything else, you don't have a brain. Wait, let me come up with mine. I think we're going to disagree because mine's not what most people will pick. All right, I got mine. Three, two, one, ten. Oh, I was going nine. Okay, so we're not that far off. There's like two choices on this list. I was between eight and nine. You know what? I was like, I liked, I liked a little green. And my banana, as I've gotten older, I've started to go a little bit more ripe, but I don't like a brown banana. If you like a green banana, you might as well just be eating human flesh. Like your most people, most people, I think most people would say 11. Okay, most people like the brown spots. Like I know my wife, Sam, but my 10 has brown. 10 has brown. 10 has got a little bit of brown. I think 11 is what most people would pick. 12 you're eating rotten food. I was going 11. I think my dad might go 14. Ew, my dad will eat. Well, my dad will just eat any of them. That's the answer. Did I ever tell you the story of my dad eating an apple on my parents' second date? Yes, you have. That's how you do it. Yeah, he literally, my dad, my parents were on like their second or third date and they're eating apples. I don't know why the two of them are eating apples. And I already told the story on the podcast, but it's really quick. My mom, at the end of the, when she was finished with her apple, was like, oh, Dan, like, let me have your apple all thrown away. And he's like, what do you mean? I mean, I'm really eating the entire apple. Seats, core, stem and everything. Does he eat the peel? No, I don't think he eats the banana peel. That would be wild. Maybe when he was in his like teens, I don't know. Yeah, I'm going, you know, I'm changing. I'm going nine. I'm going nine. I don't think I would date a girl who chose anything from one to four. I just don't like how as you get to like 10, 11 and 12, it's too progressive. It's too progressive. It gets mushy. I like a little, just a little chew to my banana. I like a firmness, but I'm not a big banana in the raw guy. I've told you about bananas. No. So what do you mean? So you just don't like bananas? Why'd you say in the raw? Well, at least in banana bread, I like it, but I think I like it for the other stuff. I love banana cupcakes, the sugar, the butter, the frosting. No, I'm saying in the raw because it's just like a whole stick of bananas, like too much banana, but I like banana flavored things. You know, I don't really like banana flavored things, but I do like bananas. I'll eat bananas a lot if I'm like playing a long tennis match and I need some potassium or something. No, but all right. I just want to talk about it. I know we talked about him possibly pooping in the bathroom. Yeah. So Abby came over earlier that day. We were hanging out and the whole time we're just like, is he gonna come with someone? Is he gonna have security? Is he gonna have a public? We thought he was gonna come with like a manager or something. So he pulls up in my driveway, knocks on the door and it's just James Murray from impractical joker sitting at my right at my front door. Abby and I were like running down and then like two little kids, we were like, wait, we don't wanna answer the door right when he knocks. That would be weird. So then we like giggled and ran back upstairs. Then we waited for him to ring the doorbell. Then we went downstairs. We also like looked outside the window to see if anyone was with him. I was like, one of those in a movie where you're like, look at the window. Oh, he could definitely see us. The two of us are just like peeking and then he looks up and we like, scoot away really quickly. I was nervous the whole morning. You know, I get really nervous whenever we're interviewing someone. Were you nervous during the interview? No, what's the interview started? I felt good. Okay. All right. I wasn't nervous at all. I was nervous beforehand, partially just 'cause I'm like, oh, this is like a big guest. But I'm always nervous because when we interview a guest, things have to go perfect. Well, they don't have to go perfect. But like the cameras have to record. The microphones have to be working because James Murray is not gonna come back to my house the next day if I tell him, hey, my microphone was at a focus. So I'm always nervous that all the logistics are gonna go smoothly. Fair. Usually when you're as big as us, you have a staff that takes care of that. Yeah, but we don't have anybody. You got a producer behind the camera, making sure the audio sounds good. They got the cans on as you call them. We don't have anybody. What do you think our future producer will look like? Besides Steve. I was gonna say probably a lot like Steve. (laughing) You know we're working on another guest. I don't, this one hasn't gotten locked down yet. So I don't wanna like make any promises. Why not make promises? We got, we got someone on the line. I'm trying to reel them in. It'd be a big guest. We might even have to travel to Los Angeles for this interview. I for one have already booked my trip. Great. I will be stressed. Hey, you don't need a passport. We're traveling within the country. So no need to worry about your passport. Can I expense that trip? Yeah, I assume so. No, no, it's like you. Oh no. It's like, see you. (laughing) We make like $50 per podcast. What are you gonna expense a $500 plane ticket? I was laughing with Sam. She's like, why are you going to L.I.? She's like, you realize you're gonna take a massive loss on this episode. Oh, big time. Oh, like we're gonna spend $1,000 plus dollars to make $50. It's the worst investment ever. But it's good for the podcast in the long run. It's also just great to get away from our kids, right? Yeah, well yeah, that's that's, I didn't want to say it. I didn't say it. Abby said it. Having Mer come to my house, yeah. Will probably never happen again. Why not? I don't live in New York City. I don't even live in Philadelphia. Like I don't live in the middle of nowhere. Like Abby says, but I live pretty far from any major cities. The fact that we got a pretty big celebrity to literally come to my house. I mean, unless we turn into like the biggest podcast in the world, which we will, like I'm still in shock that he came here. You think I could get anyone up to my attic? Honestly, you would be more likely to get someone to your attic because you live closer to New York City. Yeah, and I live here like pretty unlikely. I live near like a lot of comedy clubs too. So I was trying to think like, can I just like go kidnap Chris Rock and like bring him here? What do we do? Like all right, this hypothetical guest that we might be going to Los Angeles for. This is a real thing. I don't know if it's gonna happen. It's probably 50, 50. Like where are we gonna record that episode? Abby and I have no plan. Are we just gonna write a hotel? Are we gonna go to his house? But like, I want to record it at his house because I know he's got a little podcast set up in his house. But like, do I ask him, oh, can I come to your house? Is that weird? Honestly, I think a lot of celebs prefer that because like, that's what I said. I was like, I think he'd rather me just come to his house than like me to set this hotel, but I feel funny inviting myself. I have seen the offer. Alex Cooper interview like Miley Cyrus and stuff. And I think, dude, it happens all the time. I watch a ton of podcasts where they interview the celebrity at their house. Like they'll go to Puerto Rico to interview Jake Paul at his house. It's easy for them. They don't have to go anywhere. Interesting name you just chose there. We're not interviewing Jake Paul, but he might be in the Jake Paul. Strauss. We're not, not, not technically. There is a sliver of a chance. We could be interviewing Jake Paul. This guest could lead to Jake Paul. No. I'm saying Jake Paul could happen on the episode. Unlikely. What if he's like walking in the, I'm not gonna say too much. I'm not gonna say. Anyway. Logan Paul, no, it's not Logan Paul. No, I'm excited. I hope it works out. I think people, he's got an awesome story. Again, I don't want to talk that much about it. Just in case it doesn't happen. But yeah, just to wrap it up, having Moreover was a surreal experience. He literally held my baby. We took a picture. It was awesome. And he was a super nice guy. And like I said, now I have his phone number. He's the most famous guy in my phone. Who's the most famous person in your phone? Broco Bob. He can't have anybody. You don't have Barack Obama in your phone. I can get the most famous, am I the most famous guy you have in your phone? Can we just pause for a second here while I look? All right, my, my dead father in law. The HVAC guy, shout out Caesar. Are we really going one by one here? No, no, I'm already on the seas. So you're already in the seas and your HVAC guy made the, the cut. What do you think you're just gonna look through your phone and be like, oh yeah, I forgot. I had Leonardo DiCaprio in there. I think there's a chance I got someone. You think you got someone an a-list celebrity that you just forgot is in your phone. I'm on X. It's not looking good. Oh, I think I got you beat. You have someone more famous than Mer. The old CFO of my, the old CEO of my company. Really, you have them in your phone? I mean, he's not more famous than Mer, but that's a pretty big one. And I have our old CFO. Also not more famous than Mer, but more powerful, the richer, the control the consumer goods industry. Yeah, but nobody cares. Oh, you've got the third most famous consumer goods CEO in the country. I got Mer from impractical jokers. Well, you asked me a question, who's a realistic guest that you're shooting for? Yeah, like who do you think is some, oh, you're asking me? Well, you never said anyone. Because after the James Murray episode came out and the clips did really well and the episode did well, I shot out like 100 DMs. And the only person that responded was this guy. That was the most interesting person outside of this guy. Did you message? KEL from Keenan and KEL. Oh, that's cool. That would be awesome. Guy Fieri, I think I told, I already had message Tim. Any other like crazy ones? Like some wild, like just shot in the darks that's never gonna happen here. I can look right now. I could name some of the people. Miranda Cosgrove. Ooh, I was like trying to think of like Nickelodeon celebrities. Brian Bumgarner, the guy from the office. Oh, the office. Oh, Joe Sanagato, Frankie Alvarez, the guy's from the basement yard I tried. I sent them a DM to Matt Campbell, who's the new head coach of Penn State. What if he was just like, yeah, a couple of like you guys can interview me like in the facility. I thought that'd be cool. What did you say to Joe Sanagato? I'm not gonna read the exact message. I'm gonna read this DM to Joe Sanagato. I mean, I pretty much sent the same message to everybody. Oh, you can't. You don't personally. Oh, I said, hey Frank accidentally to him. No, no. I did like double triple check. I said, hey Joe, I have a podcast with 1.3 million subscribers. We love your content for years and we'd love to have you on the show for a quick interview if you're interested. I feel like if I don't put the 1.3 million subscribers, no one's gonna take me seriously. It's Joe's. Because on Instagram, we're not that big. It's a co-host of the basement yard. You think he gives a crap about 1.3 million subscribers? Probably not. I sent the DM to Mike Malak, who's like a, he's like a big, if you'd like him. He's a podcast host. Oh, that would be a good one. Tom Brady. Did you really? Yeah. You want me to read my message? Yeah. It's the same thing. Hi Tom, I have a podcast with 1.3 million subscribers. I would love to have you on our show if you're interested. We're happy to promote anything you've got going on. These are the same messages you sent your parents. Oh, here's a good one. Keegan Michael Key. Oh, good one. Hey Keegan, fellow PSU alum here. I run a podcast with over a million subscribers. We'd love to have you on for a quick interview if you're interested. Anyway, yeah, so we'll see if like any of those people, oh, speak at a celebrities though. I didn't, this person is so famous. I didn't even send a message 'cause I didn't want to waste the 10 seconds it took for me to tell him I have 1.3 million subscribers. How about LeBron James coming to Philadelphia? Oh, baby. So I know a lot of people don't like LeBron James. I don't really know why. Like Steve's like, oh, I don't like him. He flops. I'm like, you like that guy, but you hate LeBron James because he flops. Anyway, he's, he's like, I don't like LeBron James. I like a man of character. Darryn Sharper. It's ridiculous. The line that he draws of guys that he likes and guys he doesn't like. He still hates LeBron even though he's on the six. Well, he said now it's gonna tease like it's gonna take me. It's gonna take me a few games to get used to it. It's gonna take one Oliu in a preseason. Yeah. Jalen Brown to to LeBron James and he's gonna be sold. But LeBron James coming to Philly man and they got Jalen Brown from the from the Celtics. This team's winning a championship. No hold on hold on hold on. I've got a take. But they're also holding on by like 240 year olds and Joelle and Bied who's basically 50. I think you're looking at the 2003 2004 Lakers. No, I honestly don't think they're gonna win a championship. I think they're gonna be really badly injured all year. You know if the next lost the championship LeBron was going to the next. Oh for sure. Yeah, people are saying he's gonna live in New York and commute like to a family. Apparently I heard I'm part of my take today that will Chamberlain used to do that. Oh really he would slide or like take a helicopter. It was like 1964 brand. Oh, that's true. I think I think he took a like a freaking horse and buggy. Yeah, Campbell. He didn't want to live in Philadelphia so badly that he would commute five hours to Philly. You know as much as you make fun of where I live a lot of celebrities live in my town like a lot of celebrities that buy houses in this area. There's a lot of Eagles athletes. Philadelphia Phillies athletes. Jim Tohme. Nobody knows who Jim Tohme is at this point. Whoa, Jim Tohme lives in here. Jim Tohme live three minutes from my house when when he was on the Phillies, right? Uh, Bradley Cooper, Sydney Carpenter. So I mean it's possible that LeBron James buys a mansion in my hometown and maybe I run into him at the local farmers market. We become best friends and then he becomes the third host of the podcast. It's possible. I don't think I want to muzzle co-host. Yeah, you know what? I'll kick you off and I'll get LeBron James is my second mic. I don't think you would do that. That would do that. That'd be mean you would do it. Yeah, I would do that. Really? LeBron James. I mean, I don't think I'd kick you off the podcast but like there's no way if LeBron James was like, hey, could I be a regular on your podcast? I'm obviously not going to say no. I like I you're getting real insulted about this scenario. Like when LeBron James decides to join the lunch table podcast, would you never talk to me again if it meant that you were in LeBron's entourage? No. Really? Yeah, mean, like mean, I'm very I'm very happy with my life. If we like having LeBron James just be a guest on the podcast would be like one of the most probably the most awesome thing that's ever happened in my life. Sorry, baby Amelia, but no, I'm not going to abandon my friends that I've known for years. You know, we just hit over 700 five star reviews on Spotify. No. 700 Abby. We got to hit we got to get to a thousand. That we got to get to a thousand by the end of the year. If you're listening, drop what you're doing. Go on Spotify. Radist five. Yeah, there's a link below the video if you're on YouTube. Go to Spotify. Radist five stars. Do you know who is number 66 in Uganda and number 190 in Vietnam in terms of comedy interview podcasts? Us the lunch table, baby. Where do you see those numbers? Google AI. That feels like one of the things you would Google it and get a different number every time though. The show has found a footing internationally in apples comedy interviews subcategory analytics from podcast tracking platforms like pod status show that the podcast has broken local charts and multiple nations. Notably Uganda at number 66 in Vietnam at 190. Not bad. 190th best comedy podcast in Vietnam. That's not bad. That's not bad. Shout out to all the Vietnamese. We're watching. We're a top 100 African podcast. Uganda. Do we got to put that in the bio? See, if you reached out to Joe Santagato and was like, hey, 60th best pod. No, don't even phrase it like that. You got to learn how to market yourself, my man. Okay. Same. Maybe that's my better way of getting people. Really quickly. And I want to get back to my baby because I got a bone to pick with my baby. And I got a bone to pick with my wife. I mean, this is like a weekly thing. But really quickly, you know, Andy Murray, the tennis player. Oh, he is stealing all of your con. Can I call him out really quickly? And honestly, I love Andy Murray. I think he was an unbelievable tennis player who's fun to watch. He's a really funny guy. He's almost like Eli Manning where I think he's gotten funnier after he's retired too. His personalities come out. Anyway, Andy Murray and his brother Jamie just started a YouTube channel about a month ago, right? And anytime I see a celebrity start a YouTube channel and they don't have a lot of subscribers because it's new. I always lick my chops. And I'm like, here we go. This is an opportunity to make a video with Andy Murray because I'm like, they're trying to grow. I have a following. So I shoot him at DM on their like new channel. So their Instagram had like 4,000 followers. I know, like, it was wasn't. It wasn't big. They definitely read your DM. They saw it. I was just like, hey, Andy and Jamie, just saw that you guys started a new YouTube channel. I've had this idea for a while and curious if you guys are interested. I would like to challenge a professional tennis player to one set of tennis, but they have to use a 100 year old racket. And I get to use my normal racket. That was kind of, I kind of paraphrase because I couldn't find it. But that's basically what I said. My idea that I pitched to him was an average good tennis player against a professional, but the professional is using a 100 year old tennis racket. No response. He didn't respond. Whatever. I didn't expect him to respond. Two weeks after I send the message, him and his brother release a video, playing tennis with a 100 year old tennis racket. I'm like, there's no way that they didn't see that idea and say, hey, that's great. Ignore this freaking bozo. Let's just make it ourselves. And are you going to mention the next thing? What's the next thing? You didn't see his thumbnail from his latest episode? No, it's him hitting a tennis ball with a frying pan. I made a video a few years ago playing tennis with a frying pan. I played Abby. I won. Yeah, you did, but I beat Steve badly. It was like 10 to I don't in reality. I don't know if he saw the message. Maybe he didn't. And it's a coincidence, but boy, it just even the way he titled his video, it was like 100 year old tennis racket. It was the exact same way that I pitched him the video idea. I don't know. I don't know. He might have seen it. He might have not. Sir Andrew Murray. Have you ever heard of the term cease and desist my friend? My next vlog is going to be I sued Andy Murray for $100 million. He's got views, brother. Yeah, he's pulling in views. By the way, the video he made, it was awesome. I want to kill them, by the way. Everybody was like, Brandon, you have no chance playing a pro with 100 year old racket. Those rackets stunk. Stunk. Dude, he hit one forehand and four strings broke at the same time. I was like, oh, he's got no chance. I'd kill him. I think the frying pan might be better than 100 year old racket. It's tough to get guests. I get comments all the time. I'm sure you see him too, where they're like, Brandon, interview this guy. Brandon, interview that guy. Someone said Brandon interview Markiplier. I was like, you think he's going to answer me like, reach out to Markiplier and tell him to come on. Would you give me your Instagram password? Probably not. Why not? I think I can add you as an admin though, where you have certain accesses. Yeah, because I would like to DM people. I don't know if I trust you though. I feel like you're going to start like threatening people. Come on. Hey, if you don't come on, I'm going to send my next door neighbor from the Armenian mob after you. Albanian. Don't get it. Albanian mob. Sorry. Come on the podcaster. Else Tony's going to come with the with the dera proof van. Yeah. Okay. Can I bash my wife and my kid real quickly? One more question that I did get from a fan. Okay. Maybe I should ask you that off camera. But why is the TikTok called the lunch table with the Instagram TFG vlogs? You know, because TikTok, I'm only doing vlog or podcast content now. I'm on TikTok more. Oh, I do, but no one ever. No one does anything on it. TikTok DMs. Okay. I've sent a bunch of TikTok DMs and no one ever responded. So I gave up. I don't even check my own DMs on TikTok. So I just don't think people check. But yeah, the reason why I named I did see that comment someone was like, are you going to change the name of the pot of the channel to like lunch table? The reason why I changed the TikTok channel is because all I post is podcast content there. But Instagram, like I post a lot of pictures of like me and the baby, me and Sam, I'll send vacation, like I'll promote stuff on the gaming channel. So for that one, I'm like, all right, TFG vlogs kind of keeps it gaming vlogs and podcasts. It's kind of like the sphere. And then I don't want to change the actual YouTube channel because I still have all my vlogs on the channel. And they still get a lot of views. And I don't do like hurt. Yeah, I don't want to hurt that. No, no, that makes that makes sense. I've always thought if it is like your mom's house. I mean, I could have started a separate Instagram. - No, that's not true. - But then it was gonna be small. - I always thought of it as like your mom's house, like studios, you know, where they have like two bears, one, they have basically like, barstable sports. You have barstable sports, but you have all podcasts underneath it. - That's kind of the way I'm looking at it, where it's like RIT, 'cause like we have a, our like resume kind of, it's called a media kit, whenever we reach out to like brands, and it says like the Lunch Table podcast, and in quotes it says like on TFG vlogs or something like that. - You think I'll ever have a solo podcast on the network? - Probably not. - You wouldn't sign me to a deal. - I'm sure, how much do you, wait, you would pay me? - No, you would have to pay me. - Ah, I don't wanna do that. - To like whoever famous. - Oh, all right, maybe one day if we get really big, we are pretty big. I would take a hometown discount for you. - All right. (laughs) - $5 million a year. - I can't, actually, yeah. - All right, good. - All right, good to why you hate your daughter. - All right, well I'm actually gonna go into my wife first, okay? - Okay. - Good. - This happens 50% of the nights, okay? And this is just basically Brandon meets me. - Not bad. - Good for you. - This is Brandon being selfish, okay? - Not bad, good for you. - Our baby wakes up every 45 minutes right now. She's going through her four month sleep regression. It's absolutely murdering me. It's killing me. - Did I not tell you that it was the worst? - She never slept well, but now it's even worse, okay? So at like three in the morning last night, I hear her crying, so I turned the monitor off, and I knew she had eaten. So Sam didn't have to go in. So I went in. And like as I turned it off, Sam was like, oh, thank you, right? She's like, if you can't get her down, just like come back in and I'll feed her or whatever. - Very polite. - So in there, I'm in there with her for like an hour and 15 minutes. I can't get her to fall asleep. I'm rocking her. I'm bouncing her on the medicine ball or the exercise ball. I'm rocking her in the rocking chair. I'm shushing her. I'm using the pacifier. I'm doing everything. After an hour and 15 minutes, I finally give up. By the way, this story has happened like multiple times a week for a month. I go back in and I turn the monitor, or I don't turn the monitor back on, but I get Sam. I say, hey, I'm really sorry. I just can't get her. And she goes, that's all right. Thanks for giving her, thanks for giving me a couple of minutes. The problem is, Sam sleeps like a rock. Like when I go back, it takes me two hours to fall asleep. Sam falls asleep like that. It's a superpower. Like Sam will literally be sleeping while the plane is taking off and her head is banging on the window. That's how well she sleeps. - That's awesome. - So I go in, me as room, Sam falls asleep instantly. I'm in there for an hour and a half. I wake her up and she thinks I was only gone for three minutes. So now it's four in the morning and selfish Brandon is like, well, I want credit. Do I tell her? So some nights I'll give it to, I'll give her the, well, I was in there for an hour and a half. And then other nights I'll just bite my tongue and just tell her in the morning. - How did she never go tell her? - Usually she's just like, oh, well, you didn't have to stay in there that long. She handles it well. But I'm always in this predicament where I'm like, well, I want credit for my hour of suffering. - What? - You're like, by the way, I was in there for so long. I'm a very famous podcaster. - It is just funny. It's happened so many, like at least six or seven times. Where Sam's just like, ah, well, thanks for trying for a few minutes. I'm like, a few minutes, I was in there for an hour getting screamed at by this demon child. - To be the grand boys for a little talk about fatherhood. Isn't it a young man's game having a kid? - Dude, Sam and I were like, I don't know how people have children in like their 50s. It's nuts. Now, it's literally back breaking. - Great. - I'll be rocking her on this bouncy ball for like an hour. My back is spasming. But then you know what makes me irrational, furious? Our friend Chelsea and Matt. Shout out Chelsea and Matt just had a baby. - Baby's asleep for 10 hours. - I go over there. Oh, you were with me. You were with me that day. When we went to go visit the baby. Beautiful baby, by the way. She's like, oh yeah, she doesn't sleep great, but like we'll usually get her down from like nine to four. I'm like nine to four. I haven't gotten our baby down from nine to four once and our baby's two months older. - What literally is the longest stretch that Mia has been asleep? She's probably done like four hours. - A couple times? - Ever. Oh yeah, no, she doesn't sleep. (exhales) Our baby is, she is raising a baby on a hard mode so far. She rejects bottle feeding. She won't nap during the day. She cries nonstop. She's crazy. Our baby is just absolutely crazy. Couldn't be happier. (laughs) - She's the best. - Sam's talking about having a second one the other day. - Sam's a genius. I'm not even just saying this for a ceaselessly. My life's getting too good. I've warned Kayla about this. You gotta have the other one while you're still miserable. - Well that was Sam's point. She's like, well I can't get worse. We got a really tough baby already. I'm like, I can't get worse. Imagine this baby on another one. It can get worse. - I'm on a second one. Are you out of your mind? She's gotta have some hormone problem going on right now. Sam's gotta have hormones going on because there's no sane human being that would go through what we've done for the last four months and been like, I'd like a second one please. - Maybe you're just, have you ever just thought you're so unbelievably handsome that she just can't? - She just can't. - No, I don't think that's the answer. I don't think that's the answer. You know, on a serious, no kind of serious sort of joking. Like I have legitimately, 'cause you see like everybody online is like, having a, and I'm joking. Like I love my child so much and it has been a blessing. It's been a magical four months. It's been insanely hard. But like you see these people online where it's like the moment I saw my baby it was love at first sight. This has been the greatest thing ever. And I'm just like, am I like just a really, like kind of seriously, am I just like a selfish, horrible human being? - No, you're just a real person. - Am I like, am I just the only one actually saying it and everybody else is kind of like lying? Because Sam legitimately, I mean, it's funny. Then Sam has like, we all, we both of us break down at three in the morning like, this is the worst thing ever. But then the day comes and she's like, I want to have another one right now. - Yeah, apparently. - And I'm like, I don't have that right now. - Parenthood is in term, is sprinkles. Parenthood is drugs, right? And I'm not a big, well I can't even say I'm not a big, I'm not a drug guy. I got a two drugs. - Life is terrible, terrible, terrible, and then they give you a one giggle. And it's like, oh! - It's what I would imagine drugs are, right? Which is, that's actually making drugs sound good. And if you're listening to the podcast, drugs are really bad. - Yeah, what are you going with that? - I don't know what to do with this one. But I think I know what you're saying though. It's an intermittent dopamine rush. - Yeah. - And then it's gone. - For the next, - It keeps you coming back. - But you're coming back. And it's a bad thing. But now Parenthood, Parenthood's good. - I have a legitimate question from a father to another father here. - Let's talk, let's talk baby. - And I know every baby's different, right? Like if you talk to Chelsea and Matt right now, their baby sleeps and eats great. When does it get, like when does it get a little easier? And I know then it comes with other challenges where now he's running around. Now you got a house proof it. - You're not gonna like this answer. - No, no. I felt that everything connected when I was on paternity leave, where I just shut off from my job for a month. - And you don't get that. - Okay. And Sam has actually mentioned that before, where she's like, she's like, she doesn't hold it against me at all, but she's like, I do wonder if I bonded with her a little bit more because she's with her 24/7. - Is there any way you can find that? - But I see her a lot, 'cause I work from home. - Yeah, it's different. Is there any way you could take two weeks off? - Absolutely not, but this Saturday, I'm with her for 24 straight hours, just me and her. I'm terrified Abby. Abby, Sam goes to the grocery store. Sam goes to the grocery store and when she comes back, my head is spinning, but why are you terrified? - I don't know what's gonna happen with the two of us. - But what, she's a bully. Abby, she's a four month old bully. - But just go into it realizing that it's gonna be horrific and you're gonna come out of it, so like reward. You know, it's like, you're about to sign up for the city to shore marathon. It's a hundred mile bike ride. You're gonna be in pain, but you're gonna feel great at the end of it. But at the end of it, you're gonna feel the sense of accomplishment that you need to feel. It's almost like why they say, wake up and work out because you get the hardest part out of your day. - Yeah, I mean, I'm nervous, I'm nervous because there's no one to help me. My parents are down the shore, Sam's at the bachelor at party, Sam's family's gone, call Chelsea Matt. - Yeah, but they're so, but they have a seven week old at home. I don't wanna bother them. - You gotta break up the day. It's important and imperative to break up that thing. - I don't know, go for like a walk with Chelsea though. Like I'll bring the stroller. We'll meet there's like a local park in between our houses. - That would be a good idea. - That's a good idea. - Break up the day. You know what I did this weekend? I got back from vacation. First day. Called up the Walgreens. What are you doing? And they were like, "Whoa, I didn't really have anything planned." And I was like, "I'm gonna be transparent. I need to come to your house and hang out with you." Like with the kid and the baby. And they were like, "All right, just like come over." You know what's been I think the toughest part? Again, getting a little vulnerable here. I think the toughest part has been like, because my job is so time intensive and our baby is just a very neat, I mean, any four month old is super needy. But she seems to be just a little extra needy. Like we don't do any, like Sam and I don't watch TV or shows together anymore. I haven't hung out with friends in four months. Like we don't do anything. All I do is work and watch the baby. All Sam does is watch the baby. Like we don't do anything for ourselves anymore. Not one thing. You need to trust your parents for like four hours. And that's something that I think maybe Sam needs to work on. Maybe I need to work on where it's like, "All right, she's four months old now. If she cries a little bit, she's okay." But she needs to start getting used to it. - But she needs to start getting used to it. - Not once. - Do it. It's gonna suck. - But she's gonna melt down. - But she will. But it's all okay. You'll realize like, - And they get better with time. - I also have realized this as a parent. Like, "Oh, the planes are gonna be a nightmare." And I just talked about how, you know, Rafael ruined my trip, but it's a little facetious. - But like nobody actually cares. - No. - There's, there are like, I've been at restaurants all the time with crying babies. It's not like they ruined my dinner. It's usually like you kind of laugh. - You got like, "Oh boy, they're going through it." - And now it's essentially, if you're a parent, I was just gonna say it's a sense of community as a parent. I remember taking Rafael to a bar, which is like kind of bad parenting. But it was like during the first beer. It was during the middle of the day with a friend of mine and another one. And like, guys don't do this, right? Like, I feel like a more of a female thing. But like, dads were coming up to me and they were like, "I've been there before, like, good on you." - Oh, good for you to bring them. - I have a friend for my tennis club that was like, "Hey, me and my wife started like, going out to dinner right around like month four or five and we like did it regularly." And before you knew it, the baby was used to it. It was like, "Oh, yeah, this is what we do." - I'm gonna, as your best friend, we talked about it during this episode. - Yeah. - As your best friend, go, go out to dinner. - Yeah. - How about this? - Well, I mean, for this weekend, I'm glad you brought up like, uh, going for a walk with Chelsea and Matt. - Will you let me watch me? - Oh, Sam would not at all. - What? - I'm gonna let her. - My parents or parents, she won't let them watch me. - Yeah, your parents raised you. I could understand her. - Oh, yeah. - 34 years ago and it turned out like me. No, we definitely need, I was actually telling Sam, I think daycare is gonna be really good for her. - For when I say her, I mean me and Sam and me. - I think it's gonna be really good for us to get a little distance. Trust other people. She still has another month and a half. - Oh, broo. - Yeah, she's starting at six months. - You'll get out of it. We all do. And I think this is an important message for the people listening to our podcast. It's not even in relation to parenthood. But is that a lot more people are going through or have been through exactly what you have and they come out the other side? And I think that's a super important thing for people to understand. And people get marred down in the like, it's gonna sound horrible, but like you're not unique. Right? No, and I'm notorious for in the moment. I'm very pessimistic. I'm just a very pessimistic person. And like in the moment of quote unquote suffering, I'm very negative. And that's something that I need to work on. I'm very negative about things. Like when things aren't going well, if I lose a tennis match, if my channel's not doing well, if the baby's struggling, I'm very negative and I'm down. And I need to learn one, just to be more positive and two, that like my parents were like, this two shall pass. They're like in a year, she's gonna be walking around and she's gonna be smiling and eating and like it's not gonna be, she's still gonna be a lot of work. Babies are always gonna be a lot of work, but like she's not gonna be the way she is now. And I'm gonna look back at it like this. And I think that's why people have multiple babies. 'Cause in the long term, four months is nothing. And they forget. And you forget. But in the moment, like you said before I had the baby, you were like, the days are long, but the years go fast. And that could not be more true. Like the fact that me is already four months old is actually kind of crazy to me, but the days and the nights drag on. Yeah. Like I might just film this podcast for five hours today, just so I don't have to start going, like start this night. It's, parenthood is like surviving every single day. It is. And it's a groundhog event of like wake up in the morning doing it again. You know what's depressing as a, as a new parent? Fridays. I told my wife, I said Fridays have become really depressing because I wake up and I'm like, it's Friday. And then I'm like, oh yeah, literally every day is the exact same day right now. Like just because it's Friday, I'm not hanging out right tonight. You got it. You're not going to dinner. But we're not seeing like, why can't you invite me over? Not me, I'm a bad case, but why can't on a Saturday you feel like Jess Chelsea Abby come over? I could, I could. But then she's cries and Sam goes upstairs and stays with her. Like, how about when she cries, then Sam goes away and stays with her and then 45 minutes which she comes back downstairs and then she enjoys our company. No, you're right. Especially in the summer, we have the pool like we should. Larry, Larry's great with babies. The Larry dog. You got to be willing to be more vulnerable with your friends. And that's why I contacted my best friend Matt and was just like, I'm going to be honest, like I just want to come to your house. And he was just like, all right. And we had like an amazing day. I do think like I went for a bike ride with Steve the other day. And it's fun. I didn't even tell him because like you said, guys don't get vulnerable that often. But it was like, we were just chatting for an hour. And I was like, Giddy. I was like, hanging out with my buddy like we're BS and talking about that. Like and doing that by the pool, you know, maybe grilling, you know, it would be fun. All right. I want to get to the point where I started having fun, like even with the baby around and with families and stuff like that. We're coming on this weekend. Hey, if you want to come Saturday, be my guest. Hang out by the pool. Bring the bring the kid, bring the wife. You're more than welcome. Chelsea can come over with Matt. Honestly, maybe we can make like a Saturday event. We could fill a pod. Well, probably not because live studio audience, live studio audience. That'd be funny. All right. I got a lunch table. I mean, let's hear it. You're ready before I got to start the night shift. Okay. This is kind of a classic. You ready lunchtime. If you guys don't know what lunchtime is, basically we answer a question from the fans from the previous episode and we debate it. This came from Joseph modern is a hot dog a sandwich. Is a hot dog a sandwich, Abby? We haven't done this. No, we've never done it before. I saw it and I was like, how have we never discussed this? I think it, I want to write down my answer because. Okay. I've long said, no, I didn't change my mind. I've long said it is. I knew it. I said, no, I said, no, it's not a sandwich. But what like it constitutes what a sandwich is? It's got me in the middle. It's separate pieces. Doesn't have to be well, but I guess like a sub sandwich is sometimes connected. What do you mean sometimes they're always connected? You cut this. Yeah, you're right. You know, I've never thought of like a, like a Italian hoge or an Italian sub where it's pretty much like a hot dog bonnet. It's just a bun that's cut. I was just going to say an Italian hoge literally the Italian, like what Copacola and it's literally just a hot dog. Yeah. But there's nothing else on it. What do you mean? Do you need like meat? Do you need like a cheese, a lettuce, a tomato, a sauce? How do you? Well, you don't need hot dogs. You have no hot dogs. You have no dog in this fight. Literally hot dogs would be one of the last things on earth. I would want to eat that. A Chicago style dog guy. I do the pickles, tomatoes, relish mustard. Well, they're like a, a seated bun, like a poppy bun. Oh, that's nice. I like a poppy bun is Chicago. I think I like a split top regular with like a butter on the side. Oh, wait, really quickly talking about Saturday. If you guys want to come over, there's a brand new ice cream shop grand opening on Saturday. No, I'm on a diet now. But it's bring your own tumbler day. You can bring a tumbler and they'll fill it for 17 bucks. Okay. Up to 40 ounces. Well, that's in Dyson. That's like three pounds of ice cream. That's crazy. I like how you're on a diet for your like, but for 40 hours, I have to look and back in photos of Spain and I am, I am my house. And you know, my nieces and nephews, I love them to death. I really do. But you know, like when a kid like makes fun of you, they're telling the absolute truth. It cuts deeper when there's a kid that says it because they're just, they're just saying what's on their mind. It didn't cut. - Cut deep in terms of like hurt, because like sometimes maybe you have to say it, but it was a lot of like, oh, I would love that. And they were like, of course you would. Like very quick. - Ouch. - How old are they? - 17. Oh, well that goes beyond kids. That's just rude. Oh no, they weren't rude about it. 17, 14 and 10. - I think it cuts deep when it's like a seven year old. Like apparently Sam's niece once said to like her dad. - Yeah. - Like she like grabbed his love handle or something like that. And he apparently got like a gym membership the next morning or something, which is really funny. But it's funnier when they're so young that they don't even know that what they're saying is insulting. - You've never been chubby? I mean, I've never really been chubby. Like this is the chubbiest I guess I've ever been. - But like, you know, I feel like I can lose a couple pounds around the midsection these days. You've never not had abs. I don't have abs anymore. - You have abs. - I mean like, I don't have a gut if that's what you mean by having abs, but I don't have like a six pack. - What's sure to you wearing a small? - Yeah, it's a small. - Have you ever worn a medium? - Sometimes, if I have cotton, unlike I'm a medium, I'm in between small and medium now, especially if it shrinks in the dryer. - Good for you. - Thanks. (laughs) - Have you ever ordered double XL swim trunks on Amazon and they didn't fit? - That I have not, well they wouldn't fit, but it'd be because they're too big, not too small. - Oh yeah. - Guys, wish me luck this weekend. Maybe Abby will come and actually help me out on Saturday. We could have a lovely time. But seriously, check out the podcast on Spotify, Raiders 5 Stars 'cause we're trying to get to a thousand five star ratings. (upbeat music)