Most Replayed Moment: Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs

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Because you know, you make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn right around and make you. And then confirmation bias means you look for proof of what you have chosen to believe. And you'll find it. So if you say, oh, I hate cats, they're vicious things that scratch you. They're really a loofah. I don't like dogs. They're barky, yappy, horrible things. Then if you believe that about a dog and you meet a dog, you'll feel so anxious that that will become true. But if you say, oh, I love dogs there. The most loyal, gorgeous, loving things, then you'll have a different energy around them. So you should choose your beliefs. You should constantly upgrade, update, question your belief, where did I get that from? Is that true? Who told me that belief? And even if it's true for them, does it have to be true for me? Now, I see a lot of women who say things like, well, you know, if you're really famous and rich, you'll never find a guy because a hundred years ago, that was probably true. Men didn't go for rich, successful women because they wanted them at home. But it's not true now. So your grandmother's belief is not your belief. I love my daughter's generation who don't do body shaming or fat shaming and have a whole different language. But I think it's so refreshing. So you can always choose your beliefs and you really should constantly check, why do I even believe that? Is it even true? Because so often it's not true at all. It's just something you've been taught or you've just gone along with it anyway. So in the case of cats then. You know, I like all animals, but cats, I do think, you know, the way you describe them then, a little bit scratchy, sometimes a little bit annoying, not as loving as dogs, maybe I'm going to annoy a lot of cat people here. If that is my belief, if I say to myself, okay, in a cat's wonderful, they're lovely, you know, they're fantastic, they don't scratch, etc. I feel like I'm just lying to myself. And this is the case with self belief as well. I could say that I'm amazing in a tract even on these things. But in my subconscious mind, after getting, I don't know, bullied at seven years old by a kid that called me fat and whatever else. Am I just not lying to myself? Well, I think you should lie to yourself. I think should lie to yourself. I think you should lie, cheat and steal every day of your life. Lie to your mind, cheat fear and still back the confidence you were born. So it's imagine you're going for an exam, you're going to fail, I'm going to mess it up. I've got a terrible memory. I know when I read that paper, my mom's going to go blank and I'm going to blow it. So that's a belief, but you could also say, I've got a great memory. Everything I studied for this exam is in my head when I read the paper. The questions are going to come up and I'm going to remember the answers. And I'm super chilled at exams. I'm cool, calm, collected. I'm going to ace this exam. So if you repeat that over and over again, you see the subconscious doesn't think it just feels. And if you say, I'm nervous, I'm so nervous and the subconscious feels that, then when you're nervous, the mind shuts down. All the blood rushes to your heart and your mind empties. It's like if you're crossing a road in a car, I don't think, should I go left, right forwards, back, would you just move? Because in fear, you don't think you move. So when you're scared, you're mind empties. I remember years ago, I was coming home and this guy was following me and I knew he was following me and I knew I had minutes to get in my door. And I couldn't get the key. And I couldn't remember which I did. Oh my god, I have all the time to forget how this key works. I lived for five years, but I was so scared. I couldn't remember how to open my door at all because when you're scared, you're brain empties. And so if you don't do an exam, going, I'm scared, I'm nervous. You won't do it. If you say, I've got a great memory. I love exams. I'm excited about this exam. I'm so excited. I'm going to be assessed. I'm going to do really well or I'm going to do this assessment. I'm going to ace it. This person is going to love me and see that I'm so smart. And my answers will show them that I know I'm talking about. The mind doesn't go, "Well, come on that silly, the mind goes, okay, whatever you say, you make it real. Your mind's job is to make your thoughts real. The subconscious doesn't think it only feels. And if your mind's job is to make your thoughts real in your job, it is think better thoughts all the time. So imagine you're going to have a needle stuck in your arm. You've got, "Oh, that's going to hurt." And that's going to be so painful. But you could, I always read my phone. And if you cough just as the needle goes in, it confuses your mind and you don't feel it. Is that lying? Or is it just taking your mind somewhere else? That's the, because I think if I can choose my beliefs, then I can unchoose beliefs. But I can do that. I can do that. I can do that. A single belief I have now that I could genuinely unchoose. I can say it. Yes. But I think I'd still believe it. Yeah, but the thing with the mind is there's a couple of rules of the mind. One is, let me give you a couple that will help you. Every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind and body work to make real. Every thought you think has a physical reaction and indeed an emotional response. And here's another one, "The mind learns by repetition." So when you think a thought a lot over and over again, it becomes real even if it's not real. So if you think a thought, "My neighbour's driving me crazy. They're so noisy I can never sleep. I can hear their television. They're getting on my nerves. It'll become your reality." If you say, it's a little bit irritating, but I can put my headphones on. I can tune out. Then you'll have a different reaction to the same event. We don't have to change events. We have to change how we think about the events. It's like saying, "Oh, this commute to work is killing me." This being on this freeway is driving me crazy. But someone else would go, "Wow, I'd love to be on it." You've got a car and you're going to a job when you're getting paid. That's my fantasy dream come true. Don't have to change a thing. You have to change how you think about the thing. So that is changing your beliefs. And a belief is really just the thought you think a lot. So your born as a blank slate, where did you get those thoughts from? Who gave them to you? So the beliefs you think you can't change? Where do they come from? Let's do that. Where do the beliefs you think you can't change come from? So I think one of the recurring beliefs I've had about myself, which I think goes back along as long as I can remember to be honest, is that I am fundamentally unorganised. I think it will be surprised to hear that because I'm very, I'd say, productive. My output is high, but the organisation of my stuff, even if you looked in my bag, it would be like a jumble sale. My house as well. If I didn't have a cleaning, I think it would be, you know, it would be like a bomb that got off in there. I heard you saying actually on a podcast that when you go, your hotel room is very messy. And it upsets you, but not enough to make you change it. You've been listening. I have been listening. No, you're right. I think there's a habit or something that I've built into myself where I think I've told myself it's faster to be messy. Yes. But then the, the dissonance or the, the issue that I take with it is that's not who I want to be. I want to be a messy person. I want to be someone who comes into the hotel room, goes into their suitcase and hangs everything up. So that tomorrow is easier. What happens is I dive into the suitcase, pull my gym equipment out and run to the gym. And it's something I want to change because it's almost like this concession in my life where I've gone, well, that's just who I am. I'm just a messy person. And I think we all label ourselves. And of course, when you do that, now you're making it really, say, no, I can't spell, but my dad couldn't spell. And now it's genetic. So every time you say, I'm just a messy person, the strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you. So if you start by changing that and saying, I love being organised, it gives me such joy to be able, I love putting so many say it, say it, say it. It will start to change. So if the last three weeks have been staying in a place with an amazing gym, and I started to love working out with really, really heavy weights because now I got run over, and I started to get muscle weightage in my leg. I was going, I love heavy, heavy weights. I love it. And I was really a Pilates yoga person. But for the last three weeks, I get up when I'm in the gym at half seven, got one love heavy weights. And I didn't like it before, but I decided to say it over and over again because when you say, say, and affirm something, your mind must make it real. So all you have to do really is to start saying a lot, I love being organised. It gives me immense joy to put so far. I love it when everything's in its place and I'm in a hotel. And sure, I run to the gym, when I come back, I put my gym getting a particular place. And I love that feeling of being super organised. And very quickly, it will start to change because you're thinking a thought that your mind has no choice but to make real. But it's also true, you know, you think a thought, and your mind can't help it, it has to make, you know, we did that thing with a lemon, didn't we? Where do you think you're eating a lemon? We ever done that? Well, let's do it now. So put your hand in front of your mouth. Imagine you're holding half of a great big fat juicy lemon. Close your eyes. And just put that lemon right up to your nose. And breathe in that amazing lemon smell because nothing really smells quite like a lemon. Now squeeze that lemon so hard so that lemon drops, pucker onto the surface, stick out your tongue, lick off the lemon, open your mouth really wide and shove that entire lemon into your mouth and I want you to start sucking and biting and chewing all the flesh literally bite into that lemon until the lemon drops burst onto your tongue and your taste buds pucker and swell as you start to chew that lemon, suck that lemon, swirl that lemon all around your mouth keep eating the lemon, suck it, chew it, swirl it around and then open your eyes. Did you start pumping out saliva? And so here's a question, was there a lemon? No, there was no lemon. That's true, there was no lemon. But you could also say yes which is also true, they're both true, no there wasn't, but yes there actually was, where was it? Where was the lemon that was making you make saliva? In my head? In your head, yeah it wasn't anywhere else, it was in your head just to another one put your own right arm out towards me and just swing your arm behind you as far as it will go and have a look at where it's gone just look behind you to notice where it is bring it back. I think you went up to like the third book on that bookshelf. I want you to imagine, close your eyes and tell your mind my arms gonna go a third further. I'm now like a bendy Barbie and Ken doll. My arm is so flexible, he's going further. We do imagine all the muscles in your right arm becoming super flexible like hook pastor. Open your eyes, put your arm out and say to your arm you're going a third further now. You're like a pretzel, you're super flexible. Go a third further. Swing your arm back and just watch as it goes a third further. Now look at how far it's gone. You're only up to the third book before. So what happened then? I just believed my arm was going to go further. And it did. Yeah. And you see and for men I get men who say no I can't please my wife, I can't get an erection or I can't keep it going and she's going to leave me and if I tell them other things you know you're a great lover you can maintain an erection for 20 minutes or 10 minutes or the average is about four and a half minutes. That starts to happen. They don't do anything else. It's a listen to recording that says you have longer erections. You can have a great sex life. You can wait until you're apart and orgasm and it all becomes true because every time they say but I can't do it. It's all over in a minute. I can't please her or him. They actually make that real. But when you just change a thought you know there's a song called Love Changes Everything by Clim Efischer. But actually thought change everything. When you think of thought it's such a game changer. Errations. It's so interesting because in my friendship group with my male friends we've spoken about sex life libido errations. Of course. Yeah. We've all struggled in different ways at different times with this. And it's one of the areas in life where it's so clear to me that thoughts are the problem and the solution. Yeah. Because again if a man thinks about sex looks at pictures looks at a movie and gets aroused you get a very physical reaction straight away even if there's no one in the room with you. So that's a classic example of thinking a thought about being aroused turned on feeling sexually attracted and your body makes it really there's no one then it can be at a wedding can be an event it can be highly embarrassing for a guy to get an erection in the wrong place but if you think a thought I'm turned on here the body makes it does it for women too but it's not so obvious for us we can kind of hide it. But yes it's a thought I can't do it I can I'm going to fail I'm going to succeed. I also think I just learnt that I was at a very young age that I think maybe that I learnt that I was unlovable at some level because I think about being a black kid in an all-white area where your house is like dilapidated I think that's what you can't never brought anyone home never brought a girl home in the 16 odd years that I lived in Plymouth never brought anyone home no one knew where I lived I had this like constant shame. Yeah shame. I showed up as if I was a confident kid like you know it was an act. It was an act. Yeah and you went home feeling ascent you see one of the I taught 16,000 therapists all over the world and I teach them so there's only three things wrong with every person that turns up at your door only three things and one of them is I'm different so I can't connect the next one is I want something it's not available to me the third one is I'm not enough there's a lot of versions I'm not smart enough good enough but when you tell me that little boy who is a black kid in a white world living in a shambolic has never bringing people home straight away you're saying I was different and if I'm different I can't connect because we connect by being the same person I like postman Pat so do I I like pastor so do I I like Barbie so do I oh you're my friend but when you're different you can't connect so you first had that first thing I'm different so I can't connect what I want being the same as all the other kids is not available to me and if you think you're unlovable then you have to think you're not enough but of course that's what you felt the truth is you're deeply lovable just the way you are but it's very hard when you don't feel it so when you you know your feelings the most real thing you have and we're always trying to use logic but logic doesn't work because in the battle to be an emotion and logic emotion wins every single time so the emotion of being this kid who felt different not enough not the same you can't logic that better yes you can achieve a lot and work hard and be a millionaire you remember John Lennon said the thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside and so you're trying to fake it till you make it but then you just don't feel like a big fake you have to go back and look at okay I felt different but here's an interesting thing if our greatest fears to feel different it must be none the same as everyone because that's our greatest fear to be different we used to be cast out for being different banished for being different but actually if you fear being different I wrote that means you're the same as everyone because you got the same fears and what wasn't available now you've made it available many years ago and you're deeply level and more than enough you have to kind of go back and look at that old scene together that's not me anymore of course it's not me so just stating why it isn't you is actually one of the most transformational things you can ever do as we're so busy looking for how it is us you know here's a rule of the mind whatever you look for you will find whatever you focus on you get more of so when you look at how it's still you or still there or still bothering you then you'll find it interesting I think when you look at the mess in your room you remember the shambolic house and that's why it bothers you not because it's messy because you were brought up in a shambolic house now you come out and think oh look at this room I've recreated the same instead of saying actually I'm in a five star hotel there's a maid next door it's a little bit messy it's not shambolic but you see what your brain is looking for is what's the same and it will always find it but if you look for what's different you'll find that too so when you have a brilliant brain which we all have and you definitely have said that you've got to talk yourself out of it not into it you're talking yourself into how the messy room is the same as a messy home and it bothers you greatly because it feels out of your control which it was when you're a kid living in that house don't talk to yourself and talk yourself out of it oh yeah I have grades of mess but hey I'm a super successful guy I'm busy so I'm just going to come in and clean all of this up and it's not the same it's vastly different but our mind is always looking for what's the same because it loves what is familiar after all you know if you were to your kid living in the prairie and you wanted out on the prairie you don't eat the berries you already knew you wouldn't eat anything unfamiliar because it would have killed you so our primitive brain wants to go back to what is familiar back to what is known back to what is comfortable I wasn't sure whether I'm messy because it reminds me of home so a messy room makes me feel comfortable or if it's the opposite like you know I've never been sure which one it want which one it is well it's just I think it because you lived in a messy home it was familiar it was easy no one said tidy up put that away so if you're in the army friends you say oh no I make my bed and because you learn to certain way but you learn the opposite just everything's an amaze so the two things that you learn to is familiar but also it's deeply disappointing because it makes you feel oh god there's a message and I can't fix it when the truth is you can't you've always got a choice the worst thing is I can't change it and I can't accept it I can't change it I can't accept it I can't change it as I can't you think okay I can accept it okay I'm messy and I love it like an artist or you can say I can change it but it's like I can't change it and I can't accept it except it my daughter loves living in a mess because she's an artist you just don't even see it or you can say I can change it by changing how I think just say I love putting stuff away it makes me feel powerful and if you say it enough it will become real because your words create your reality and if you don't like your reality you don't have to change you already have to change the way you're speaking which immediately changes your reality which is completely shaped by your words what you just listen to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode if you want to listen to that full episode I've linked it down below check the description thank you.