Montreal, Canada w/ Ian Fidance | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

I guess. You know who's cool. It's right. We're all thinking the same guy. Arnold Schwarzenegger. And you know why is school? Some of you might have the wrong answer here. No, it's not because he had sex with his maid and had a child with her and raised him as if he was this full-blooded marriage child. No, it's not that at all. Even though you could tell who it was. It's because while he was dealing with all these smoking cigars, Arnold Schwarzenegger smokes cigars. He's one that covers cigar-oficionato. But how do you get him? You're new to it. If you're a guy, you know it's cool. And if you're a girl, oh, if you're a girl, you smoke a cigar. Oh, that's hot. Probably what that maid did. Turn him on. Well, that's for cigars. International comes into play. They have the largest selection, unbeatable prices, and customer service, experience, a second and none. Whether you're new to cigars or a seasoned aficionato. Cigars International takes and joins cigars, makes them easy, approachable and fun. And now, they're offering free everyday shipping on cigars International. No co-dominums. Cigars International is the go-to really for all retailer for all things cigars. Biggest selection. I love them. I got and go. He was out of them. Use my code "trippin" at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more. Or visit cigarsinternational.com, www.cigarsinternational.com/trippin. And the discount will automatically apply. Guys, some exclusions apply. But it's a solid gift and a solid pickup. Let's get back to the episode. You don't look before you stage dive? I did, but I didn't have my glasses. Everybody was stage diving. They caught so many people except for me. They caught every fat person ever invented. And then I go skinny like a salmon upstream and I'm fucking done. That is the problem with stage diving. Even just crowds surfing. It's somebody's going to be like, I'm over it. Well, the whole thing is everybody's so packed up front. So it's like, you know you're hitting a wall of people. And in the video, you could say everybody part. I think because I got so high, whatever. That's never how I've always been caught. And I fell so hard on my ass. That's so far. I saw stars. It was fucking normal. The band stars. Yeah. It's so hard. It goes to the element. I didn't see it really mellow. Oh, yeah, where you been and where you go. And this is our reach travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you be tripping. Yeah. Welcome to you be tripping everybody. It's a travel podcast. So every week I go to a different place. The guest takes us to some place they've been. It's it's not factually correct. I'm letting you know that right now. It's a pretty factually incorrect podcast. It is the only travel podcast that stands staunchly against Scott. It is not part of the hardcore and punk scene. Oh man. It's his own thing. And actually, whether or not you like Scott, you shouldn't lump it in. It's like lumping in heroin and marijuana. There are different things. And just like heroin addicts should be killed and sent to another island. So should scoffants. My guest today is notable hardcore non-score entrepreneur and Raghur Sainarero. Ian Ferdanzio. Hello everybody. Thank you for having me. You know Ian from a special two times this Sunday. What was it called? Wild happy and free. Wild happy and free and his podcast being Ian with his Jojo's some frumpy whore. Yes, that's we're actually rebranding. Rat in the frumpy whore. You have a rat tail. I feel like you could pull one off. We were going to change the name of the podcast to rat tails. Really? Yeah, but then you could pull it. I had a mullet grown it. Did you ever have a mullet? Do you ever have gnarly haircuts? Aside from what you've done to yourself? I'm up to you. Like as a oh wow. Oh wow. That's great. It does kind of look like him though. It does. Yeah, that's perfect. You really grow it up to your eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get strays that I got to pick, but you have to like actually shave. Yeah, this goes I mean it's wow. Yeah. I mean I'm touching eye socket really. What was your question? I don't know. Ian, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. As you know, I've been avoiding doing your podcast for quite some time now. Yes. Yes. Everything in my power to not help you out. To the point where I confronted you and said, do you have a problem with me? Yeah. And I was like, I was like, which one did you mean? And I was like, oh, I thought just the smell. Yeah. I had to confront you because it was on my mind. And I thought that you did. I did let's gang fest personally wrong with you to problem with me. Because we hang out. We go on trips together. But then I asked you to come to Brooklyn for a podcast. You act like I'm like, I live in Manhattan. I'm horrible. I'm a Manhattan guy. You live in a pigstie. In Manhattan. This looks like where those migrants that live on the bicycles stay when they're not a good place. I really do live on the bicycle. Dude, have you have you gone two blocks down? Yeah. The is little sedan. It's crazy. It really is a train out there. That's where I found a Blacks are African or are most of them. Yeah. They eat. They have no shoes on on the street. On the street. They're sitting eating on the street on the ground. Yes. In those little little the tin. The metal. I did was looking for a quick bite to eat. And I came across like, oh, hello, food. And then I grabbed what I saw the pictures. Just a tin. And I'm like, oh, this is, it's got 4.6 stars because they support. They're the only ones eat there. In order to stay in the country, they have to vote high. The friends all ultra. Does it have rice? Does it have some meat ball? Does it have the white sauce of unknown origin? Does it mix? Dude, it is. It's the entire block is all petty cab bikes with grubbub boxes and a bunch of Senegalese men just yelling, cutting their toenails. Cutting toenails, getting haircuts. In the middle of the street, out in the street. I need a direct line to ice in Los Angeles and say, hey, you're getting the wrong ones. You know, come this way. They have this thing of like, of like the UK, like immigration to problem. But then the backlash is like, well, yeah, but late night food now is something because they know food here sucks. There is no late night food. But I'm saying, diners are open. No diners are open is true. But I'm saying in London, without them, there's no Shorma places. There's no cababs. There's no without immigrant in London. There's no late chips. But that's all they had before, before immigrants came. I'm saying, without immigrants here, we're not getting packages and we're not getting delivery grub hub. Dude, we lived without it before, for some reason, I'm taking like an anti-immigrant sense or number. It's the reason just to argue. That's so funny. When you start arguing and then you realize that, but they're like, why didn't don't believe in this? Yeah. Can I just call us? I'm just debating it. Yeah. It's like, well, yeah, but let's not forget, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dude, years ago, I used to deliver pizza in Williamsburg. Is this a lie? I'm not a liar like you. Before I guess, I lied and said he loved Turnstile and he grew up with their lead singer, Aaron, which was Aaron's real swing for the fences. No, yeah, I grew up with the lead with the lead. When I said lead, I was like, oh, shouldn't say that. Dude, actually, I should have been like, on this trip that I went on, we're going to lie. Where are we going today? I lied. This was my lying phase of drinking. When I would, did you ever lie when you were drinking to pick up chicks with a lie that no, but like when you were like, oh, I went to, I grew up with the singer Turnstile for a second. I was like, oh, my lie was, oh, I was a backup drummer and third I blinded. That was backup drummer. That's such a wild one because you need a backup catcher for baseball. You don't need a backup drummer. Drummers rarely get hurt. On tour. Something can happen. Do you know there are? Oh, no, it's hockey. But there's also local musicians where you're like, oh, shit, we actually need a cellist for this. They have like a, a, a go to like stand by, like call. Well, that's like what like guitar techs are. Like if a guitarist gets injured on tour, the guitar tech takes over whatever. Like, there's stories at metal bands like the guitar tech would just play backstage. Yeah. And, and they would like replace them. So on my mind, I was like, there's no way for them to find out, but it is kind of cool if I was the backup drummer and third I blinded. There was some guy in the Boston area that said he was the catcher for the red socks, the goalie for the, for the Bruins and something else like mask, all mask. And people were okay. The center. I don't think this is in the 80s when you couldn't really like look it up. And he was get laid off climber bitches. It never worked for me. It did not. No, because I liked third I blind. And no one else was like third I blind. Cool. Like it was, that wasn't like a big pull. I don't know why. Can I have a hot taken third I blind in the genre of the time anyway? It was the end of white dominance. And, uh, and they're still happy. Go lucky in their music. But the theme started to get dark. I wish you'd step back from that ledge, my friend. But it was like, wish you would step back from that lead. Well, some of your own kind of life is, is about math. Interesting. But it was all pop up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was the end of white dominance in pop music in music in general. Now it's like whites are backseat for sure to blacks. Well, I mean, it all depends on what genre. Yeah. Crush on. I'm saying the popular in popularity. No, of course in genre. No way. No, country. It's definitely actually is changing out of country. It's gotten popular. And that's all white. Third I blind was before like the strokes and those like lowry side. Let me say it again. Revival bands. Yeah. Let me say it again. It's not white dominance. It's whites not knowing anything else was wrong in the world. And so this is the first crack in the armor of the Reagan 80s. He's like, "Oh, everything's great. We're off in good time. I love you." Uh, just, uh, uh, what's the Cindy Lopper song? - Girl's just when I have fun? - Yeah, all that shit. And then, and then it becomes like, "Oh, actually, we've been pretty bad to some people." - Yeah, I feel like Third Eye Blind came in at the tail end of like the 90s when everything was good. - Everything's great. Yeah, so that's why I made my peak white. Like, this is all fucking awesome. And some people like, "One great for us." Like, "Yeah, we weren't looking at you." - Yeah. - You'd be in back to the rest. - It was still pretty great, I think. - It's still pretty great right now. - I think the 90s were great for mostly everyone across the board. There's always bad for people, but I feel like the 90s were great for most people. - Yeah. - In a regardless of who you are. - When were you born? - 90s. - 84. - There's a book about your year. - I know. - Yeah. - It's coming, just, it's-- - It's called "Be a Needed With Me." - It's a fucking textbook, by the way. - Oh, really? Okay, so you went up, you went-- - Montreal. - Montreal, Canada. - Montreal, Canada, 2006, December. - This is not, so when you said Montreal, I thought you didn't met the festival. - No. - Interesting. - No, this is peak drinking Ian. Montreal, New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve is my favorite day. - When was this? - 2006. - 2006. - 2006. - Hold on, let me think for a second. 'Cause I remember it was '36 when they told me it was two-hole from Montreal. The same year, Duncan and Brendan Walsh got it. At 36? - At 36. They said, "You're two-hole for this." And I'm like, "Dunk and got it the same year." And then the next year, Brendan got it. I'm like, "Wait, wait, wait, wait." I was like, "Oh, I'm just not good." And you didn't have the heart to tell me. So it's actually easier to say, "Well, we're not looking at white guys right now." - I would much rather just here, you're not good. - Would you? - Tell me, "Yes, tell me I'm not good." Tell me the truth. So I can go, "Okay, instead of going, "Oh yeah, it's this thing that I can't fix, "I'm defeated no matter what." - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah. - Like, I do infinitely rather here. You're not good. You, we just don't think you'd have it. - But you know, I'm sorry. - I won't go to work and fuck it, get it. Instead of being like, "We're not taking white guys," and then I'm gonna be like, "Oh, oh, I feel so bad." Oh, the world stacked up, it's like, no. - But you know, if you tell 10 comics, you're not good, you're not good, you're not good. At least one of them, probably six. You know what the fuck you're talking about, man. You're too old, I'm like, "I don't know the industry, okay." - Of course, but how, they told you you couldn't do new faces at 36? - Yeah, I was too old. - And how old are you now? - 38. - I'm trying to think what year it was though. 36, 74, 84, 94, no. Oh, 84, 94, oh, four, 10. Huh? - 34, 94. - 13. - 10. - Seven. - So, 2010 would have been, that's what it was, 2010. - So, in 2006, you was trying to get into Montreal. - Right. - Back to your story, sorry. Needless, needless interruption, terrible. - The only time I've been to Montreal's for this trip, and then I just flew in to Montreal and then drove to Ottawa. - Hi guys, it's that time where I break into the episode, make a needless interruption to bother everybody, to tell you about the guests, 'cause that's what I do, guys. We're here for the guests. If they can't promote their stuff, then what's that, why are they gonna come in? Just to talk about travel, I mean, maybe, but really, they also want to promote their stuff. And Ian is a high level New York City, which means the highest level in the world, comedian, his website, eandfinance.com, we can find all those dates. Check him out on Instagram. I, animal, Ian, m, l, 69, at I, a, n, I, m, a, l, 6, 9, 6, 9, because he likes to suck off dudes from above and below. He does reverse 6, 9, where he does it asshole. He just puts his dick in the back of the dude's head. Strong dudes, they hold 'em up. Strong, strong dudes, they hold 'em up and he looks to dudes ass, he's discussing. His podcast being Ian with Jordan Jensen and his new show with YMH called Ian Doe, a show where he finds local tradesmen in the cities he's touring and learns how to do their jobs. Ian finance is a great guy. I met him a long, long time ago. Back when we had our first discussion back when the stand was in between clubs and we were doing shows at Rockwood Music Hall. By the way, Rockwood Music Hall was forced to serve Harvey Weinstein and all the waitresses there said, "Hey, we're not comfortable as when he was out. I don't know if he's out or in now." And they go, "We're not comfortable with that." And they go, "His money's green just like anybody else." And a couple of waitresses quit. Then what 'em got a job at the stand? They're like, "Man, I know, I don't want to start. His money's not green like everybody else. His money's not green like everybody. It's stained with red." Or he wiped up somebody's fucking butt blood. This was Ian's gonna be, you can find him at punchup live, punchup.live/eanfightance, Baltimore, Maryland, the end of February that in March we got Nashville, Tennessee, Huntsville, Alabama, Rochester, Minnesota, Madison, Wisconsin, Fargo, North Dakota, Kansas City, Missouri, Manchester, Connecticut, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey, Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey, Albany, Syracuse, Greenfield, South Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Richmond, Virginia, Richmond, Virginia, Saratoga Springs, Philadelphia, PA is hometown, and Miami, Florida, Kuzma, Mexico, for the Burke Christchurch, 2026, fully loaded gay crews. You can subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Please do and leave a comment. Smash the like button, they say. And help support the show, you guys. Get out there and really support the show. It's not a lot by a t-shirt, if you want. That's financial, that'll keep me in fucking ridiculous places like this. Anyone who got a t-shirt, this background is sponsored by you. And in the outro too. Ooh, I see a fucking hammock. Let's do it in a hammock. I'm Ari Shafir, I'll subscribe to the YouTube account at UB Trippin Pod and the Instagram account at UB Trippin Pod, run by two of the highest level lesbians in the fucking world. You should see their fucking Lesbo game. They're not just eating box, they're fucking slurping it, dude. Slurping it. It's disgusting. As a man who is bisexual, but really just fucking gay, it's disgusting. Guys, I've taken too long. I say we get back to the episode. Buy a t-shirt, subscribe, wherever you're watching or listening, don't forget to check out my special on YouTube right now called Jew. (camera clicks) - No. - Okay, back me up, that's all, that's all. - What was the trip? Tell me about it, what were you going to do? - This was a guys trip, 2006, like December 30th, 29th, to January 1st. - And this before you sucked Dix regularly through Holton Walls? - I never did it regularly. It was more like, treat yourself, foul, you know? It was more of a, more of a mooch-bush every once in a while instead of a full-on archery, you know? And I don't know if you hope it, I don't suck Dix through Holton Walls no more. You ain't been around in a while. - I just do that. - I don't suck Dix through Hols no more, all right? - What if you had a real thing with Glory Holes but there wasn't one around, but could you just pull through the hole in your underwear there? (laughs) That's a nice, nice thing. - I bring my own Glory Holes. - Who were the guys? Why'd you decide to go to Montreal? What was it about? - My friends from high school. - Okay. - We all decided to go on a trip. We would go like, we would all do like trips yearly to either somebody's town that they were living in or some of these guys would go like way to Europe or Brazil or whatever. And then I, I don't know why we decided on Montreal but it was, I don't even know, if it was 2006 and I was born in '84, how old would that make me? - '84. - '22, '23? 'Cause I'm December 31st, 1984. So it was my 21st day in the 20th. - Oh, it was December. - '21 and knew that was gonna fall. - '22, what the hell was that? - Shroomfest thing from 2012. - Masks. Yeah, so I was like 23, 22, 23, 24, I forget. But it was a peak drinking to where I was starting to become like a huge liability to the people around me. - How were you a bad drunk? What would you do? - Well, if you take a look on the screen, that's you. - That's you. - That's me. - Damn, I couldn't tell to be honest. I didn't tell. - That's me. - The problem is, can I do 'em? - Yeah. - Here's the problem. That's not that you're having fun. They're your double festing. It's not even the issue. It's that you're doing it. This is just some lady having a nice time. She's just having a nice time at a bar. It's just gotta deal with this piece of shit. - My nickname was Piggy 'cause you used to put my belly out, I'd slap it and go, "Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain." (laughing) So yeah, this was like two days before the trip. - Okay. - And prior. - Oh, it was before, okay. - So we all decided, I don't know what made us decide Montreal. I guess that was kind of equidistant for all of us where we were living at the time. I was living in New York. Handful, my friends were living in Boston. And we would go home to Delaware for like Chris' vacation. So then we were like, all right, let's go to Montreal. So we loaded up a van and the night we drove, me and my one buddy were like, look, like this ride is gonna suck. Let's just get blackout drunk and we'll pass out. And by the time we wake up, we'll be in Montreal. - I don't hate the reasoning. - It's pretty good. - Wait, but you weren't driving. - No. - Okay, great. I wasn't driving. This picture was them trying to get me into the car. - It looked so fun. - Yeah. - This is fine to get you into the car. - I'm trying to get me into the car. - You're already a problem. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Come on, Ian, we gotta go. Ian, come on, we gotta go. - Here, Ian. - Outside from the bar. And they were trying to get me into the car. And this is actually a picture. of me earlier in the night. This is me at the beginning of the night. That looks like you, but good old fun time guy and this is the same guy into the car to go to Montreal. So apparently I didn't know this because I was blackout, but we left Wilmington at like 1am and at maybe 2.30 I realized I didn't have my passport in a blackout and they had to drive all the way back to my mom's house for me to get my passport. I think we were like on the road for like an hour and a half. You're a problem. Huge problem. Huge, my name was a liability. I was a complete liability, unable to function, getting in fights, like ruining everyone's time. I have a picture actually of me. Oh, I think there was a shot of my cock there. Let me see it. Let me see it. We won't show it. There was. Let me see a cock. There's a picture I think of me. I just got done pissing on my friend. Oh, yeah. See, however, it was just drinking one shot. I have one shot two shot, two beers. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So it was just, you know the guy from, you know the guy from Twilight? Who? Let's go back to that one. Yeah, isn't that, uh, to the right writer. Him? Yeah, he's named him Twilight. He's in the where else. It's like I was named for Twilight. And he was in Mickey 17 patch. Wait, Robert Pattinson. Robert Pattinson. You think that's Robert Pattinson? My boner does. Oh, that's hilarious. I can't wait to tell it. Can I have a picture somewhere? Oh, yeah, this. I took a picture of us in the elevator in the mirror on the elevator. And in this picture, my cock is out. I'm taking a piss. No. And I pissed all over this guy's feet. And he really roughed me up. But, uh, yeah, complete liability could not like, I would just drip. Everyone would stop. And I would just drink and drink and drink. And then I'd be the first one drinking when we woke up. And then me, me and this guy here, Joe, we were like the two terrible twins. We went to this mountain called Montre blanc. I've been there. Yeah. It's great. They're lurping outside at the bottom. We I mean, this whole trip, I was in and out of a blackout. And I just remember we went to Montre blanc and he found weed somehow. And we made our way to the top of the mountain. And he just gave me a handful of like weed in a hand with no bag or anything. And was like, here, I found this. I'm like, all right. And so for like a year, I was finding nuggets of weed in my jacket pocket because we were just taking nugs of weed in our hand and just putting them into this little like one head we had and ripping it. It's so funny. It's so the wrong way to do it. Oh, everything was the wrong way. Everything was the wrong way. It was, I never did anything like the right way. The normal way was never a possibility when I was drinking. So who's who went up? Who was it? Uh, me. And man, how many was it? It was our friend Josh Steve Steve. Where are you going? Is this part of the show? Where I just talk. I'm listening. I'm listening. Well, I'm listening. I'm right here. I'm with you. What happened here? Oh, did you get tested? Yeah. I've been evading the bug for a very long time. What movie is that? I'm right here. What movie? I don't know. Vince Vaughn. Uh huh. Wedding Crashers. Not when it crashes at all. Swingers. Nope. He's in reminds you of weed. He's in a foreign country. He's got Anheish or whatever name is that had to go fucking burn alive. Whatever. Is that the one who burned alive? Yeah. Okay. She remember she dated Ellen to get ahead in the business and then dropped right before she knew Ellen was going to be outed and then burned her to death on purpose to revenge. Uh she was really good in a country with not leave Shriver, but some of that reminds me somehow slightly of leave Shriver. And they got caught with weed. But uh swingers are already made as way back home. And so then they go the burned alive lady goes, Hey, you got to go back there because my brother's on on death row. Bro, I have no fucking idea what movie this is. Two buddies and then one of them was shocked to fucking bike. Oh, the guy came back to collect his bike and they found the fucking pounds of week was so cheap there and they go, well, that's Vince Vaughn wasn't it? Vince Vaughn was one of the two guys and they go, you got to go back there and see. And it's a comedy. No. Oh, he's getting. So he's getting hung, spoiler. And he goes, I'm with you, buddy. He's in the in the in the in the present. I'm with you. I'm right here. I'm right here, buddy. You're not alone. You're not alone. Oh, that sounds so brutal. It was a good scene. What movie? Now I have to know what? What's your room? God damn it. Hold on. Vince Vaughn movie. Prison. Foreign. Let's see. Let's see. No, no. Return to paradise. Oh, that's it. He's getting killed right there in that picture. Oh, and that's Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin, who reminds me of Leaves Shriver. You kind of look like Leaves Shriver with that facial hair. Do we run it? We're on it. Let's get back to Montreal. But we were on a Halloween bar crawl. Me and Sal, we got and just Stefano. We got 25 people to get the same Batman outfit and we went and we tried to get in the Hollywood parade. We got in there. Leaves Shriver was randomly walking by and we were like, oh, let leave in too with this kid. He was like, thank you. Why wouldn't they let you in the Hollywood parade? Why wouldn't they? Do you have to sign like a waiver? Like why wouldn't they just let you join like, you know, dignitaries and such. Okay, go ahead. I'm just looking at all of this stuff. Okay. Yes. Why do you fight all birds in the game on your wall? That was for my, it's my bits from my last special. You have a bit about fight over. I do. I do. My closing bit after him. It's about a dead Holocaust in mate. I named it after Fidelberg because I asked his phone once. So I was like to make it up for my name to bid after him. Yoni Fidelberg, most annoying guy in the Holocaust. He's like closer. I was like, buddy, I'll make it up to you, Fidelberg. When he left the room, I took his phone and I just fucking asked it and he was like, I'm getting in your phone. That's disgusting. And I was like, no, I'll wash it because I'm bought and he's out 1,800 bucks and he wouldn't take money. So I named it a bit after him. I made Fidelberg do poppers with me at the pride parade a couple years ago. You were what? Yeah. Bar stole always has me on their pride parade float. Fair. Some like one of the only kind of gay people. Bar stole those. They will talk to him. Besides me, Joey and Pat. Yeah. Actually, I got I don't know if I'm the reason, but they the first year they had a truck the second year they had an actual float. And I mean it's the year after they did not have a float. And there was a little bit of issue. They had me get on the microphone. And they're like, yeah, you're funny. Say get the crowd route up. And I was like, all right, who here believes love is love. We're going down Fifth Avenue. Everyone's cheering. Who thinks love is love? And everyone's like, whoa, I'm like, who years? Yeah. What a pain. What a pandora. And they're like, yeah, and I go, who year thinks Fauci is a liar? And everyone was like, what? And they had one of the ad execs on the float. And he ran and like grabbed the mic and was like, get out of your stop. Don't sound like queer voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm in finance. They are. Yeah. And each week I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com/ean-fightance-comedy. Every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip apart too, bro. Let it lose too, too. I'll see you out there. How long you been working here? [Music] The Berkschurcher Dillens by Free Waters, wherever you go, you're going to be reminded of a bird. Hey guys, you know who's cool? That's right. We're all thinking the same guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger. And do you know why he's cool? No, it's not because he had sex with his maid and had a child with her and raised him as if it was his full blooded marriage child. He's one that covers cigar-efficient auto. You're new to it. And if you're a girl, oh, if you're a girl. You smoke a cigar? Woo! That's hot. To turn them on. Well, that's where cigars international comes into play. They have the largest selection, unbeatable prices, and customer service experience, a second and none. Whether you're new to cigars, or seasoned, aficionado. cigars international takes and joins cigars, makes them easy, approachable, and fun. And now they're often free every day shipping on cigars international. No cosominums. cigars international. They go too really for all retailer for all things cigars. Biggest selection. I love him. He was out of them. Use my code "trippinetcheckout" for 20% off your order of $50 or more. Or visit cigarsinternational.com, www.cigarsinternational.com/trippin, and the discount will automatically apply. Sorry. I'm a terrible host by this. No, this is great. I don't know how much legs Montreal has. It does. You're right there to booze with your buddies. Went there to booze with my bro. Which is a great time. Which is one great reason to drink. It is funny where you're like, "Let's go to another place. We'll just drink a bunch." You're like, "Can't we do that here?" And I'm like, "Yeah, it's better than another." Well, that was like the argument of our, so like, my two best friends, when I'm still close to today. And I still talk to these guys. I would. We never like see each other. But they were like, "Why do you have to go somewhere else to get fucked up? Why can't you stay in Delaware and we'll all have a party? We'll all hang out because me and my best friend Allison, we always spent my birthday together like every year, every year, and then this was the first year I wasn't. Ah, let's see. Hey, see if we get the rights to that. Well, aim is truth. See how much the rights are to that song if we can use it here. And we got like an argument because I had to like, just go somewhere else to drink. And this is around the time when like, everything I did was based on like, drinking. So it was like, "Well, I'm going to go here to drink and it'll be more fun, you know what now." And we went, I forget like, honestly, like looking at the pictures helps because so much of it is like, hazy, but we all got in this kid's van and we just drove up to Montreal. Child's van. We all got a child and went into it. They were trying to abduct but it's a kid's van. Yeah. And we got up to Montreal. We stayed at a hostel. No, really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you stayed in hostel before? Mm-hmm. It's gnarly. You seem like a hostel guy. I love him. You seem like a chews hostel over hotel guy. Oh, sometimes. Yeah. Not for one night, but. Right. Yeah. You meet so many more interesting people. Yeah. Yeah. And you save scratch for sure. For some reason, dude, did you find this? Nobody was like hot until recently. I don't know what it is, but everybody is so hot now. And even in like college, like after college, for years and years, everyone I was meeting was just like pretty frumpy, pretty fine. And now everywhere you go, every single person is hot. It's very strange. I know what it is. What? Instagram. You think? At any moment, women who are the ones more interested in being like, are might be on record. On record. They might run into something to supermarket and be like, I always take a picture. I'm like, whoa, I'm not ready for this. Dude, I don't know. For so long, I feel like everybody was just weird looking and like, okay, with it. And now. And what Janine Garofalo is the hottest actress in America. Dude. She's still all together. But it was a different vibe that we were going for as Americans if she was like the line. Yeah. That was like the. By the way, Janine Garofalo 75 years later has dropped half a point. Dude, she's great. Crazy. But she is still. She's so great. I sat next door on a flight and we had so much fun like talking shit on the stewardess like going by and everything. It was really, really fun. But yeah, I feel like everybody was so fucking hot and looking back at this trip, everybody is like gross and weird looking. And now you go everywhere and every I honestly think it's something in the food that's like making people develop and like look. Ooh. It could be. It could be. So where'd you go? What'd you do when you got there? Stay to the hostel. Went to a hostel. I was coming out of a blackout when we got there. I wish I knew that Ian drinking. Dude, it was a fucking nightmare. It was, it was, it was very bad. You know how some people quit and it's like, ah, and some were like, yeah, finally. Yeah. You were the latter. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. This was the last time. Also, even the people that were, that like finally, there's still a moment in the night where like, can you just be this guy for the whole night? Well, this was like a watershed moment because this was the last hurrah of like, let's give it one more shot to be around you when you're drunk. And I ruined it. And then after this, it was very much like, dude, like literally not answering phone calls, having to figure out where people were and show up and then like, here on the other side of the door, fuck you found out. All right. No. What's up, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like problem. Problem. No, one wanted to get around. It was bad fucking news. I was either fighting or stealing or like, blacking out and waking up somewhere. The end of this trip, I went home with some woman that barely spoke English. She was like in her 50s and I lied to her and told her I was an investment banker in America and then I had two homes. She believed me, brought me to her place in a part of Montreal where I had no clue where I was. We get to her place. She takes her clothes off. We get in bed and she starts taking out pictures that she has on her like dresser and everything of her family and starts telling me that they're dead and that she's like a widow. And I just remember being like, oh, let's just go to sleep. Like I was like, there's no him going to have sex with this like crying French woman. And then I woke up, knew no English, had to get back to the hostel. The only street I knew was Saint Laurent Street because that's where all the strip clubs were. I was just going up to people knocking on their doors, going English, English, Saint Laurent Street, cab, cab, Saint Laurent Street, English. And then finally somehow I found my way back to Saint Laurent Street, ran to the hostel. The cars packed, everybody's waiting and they're like, where the fuck were you? And I was like, I don't know, man. And then we get in the car and just like drove home, I snuck booze into the car. It was a fucking mess. And yeah, I met the woman at like a McDonald's. Oh my God. Yeah. By the way, that's what separates you and me, what I would have. No, no, no, even I'm going to say even in my like debatuous time period, I still was like, oh, this isn't a good idea. You know what I mean? Like I could not have sex with this woman that was sobbing about her like dead husband and child. Damn. In her French house, I was just like, it's okay, let's just go to sleep. Oh my God. I couldn't push through. It was terrible. I mean, she got naked to tell you about it. I think I have a picture of her too. When a chick takes you over and just gets naked, you're like, sweet, why are we playing this game? That's so much better because I'm still not sure you're making me sure. Yeah, that's like a sign, but then when they take a picture of their family, with them into bed and starts pointing and crying and telling you what's going on, I can sleep good at night knowing that I wasn't like, let's talk about it later, you know, I was like, okay. I'm gonna go cry once and then I was like, oh, okay. Really? And then like, and then like, she'd be like, are you just not gonna try anymore? I'm like, okay. And then you try for a while that you cry about some like dead, dead person in her life. And you're like, oh, and she goes, why aren't you trying? And you're like, come on, man, I got a handy in the end. So that all we, this is her. That's the, oh, we can't show her. But that is funny. She's pretty though. Let me see her. I can see her. She's alright. Not bad for a widower. So you just went back to her place with you. That's her house. Back up. Back up. Back up. Back up. Back up. I went home with this 45 year old woman. Let me see. Zoom in. Zoom in. What? It was happen. Oh, that's her. I think she was like writing her number down or something. She's like, I'm gonna fuck. And then, this is her house. I took a picture of her house, because I was like, no, that's me. I got an ad for a candidate, Patel. Kalash Patel. Yeah, that's her. Oh, my God. He co-hosts flagrant, too. And then. And then I took a picture of a street sign, somehow, I don't know what I was thinking. And then this is everyone. This is film. Mad at me. Are these film days? Oh, yeah. This is all of us. Afterwards, but you'll wet to drink. Yeah, but I you're an issue though. I kind of wait. Let me go back up Let me see the check. Let me see the check back up. No, no, no Yeah, keep going keep going keep going keep going three more two more one Her who's she some random girl damn nice titties though. I know right, but see look gross gross. You're right Seagulls the pale rider weird gross. Oh, yeah, it looks like that looks like my type go back. Go back. Go back to that's my time High school in college. That's my tide good enough. Won't hold you look bombed. I am you are black out Blackout I mean look at this face. That is that is blackout trying to figure it out Russian bar mitzvah. We witnessed some guy. Yeah, there was some fight or something at this bar this guy brought in his own whiskey and The guy the bartender was like get out of here and the guy took the whiskey and sprayed it on the guy and then threw the bottle at him and The police came and I'll never forget the guy that threw the whiskey Gave my buddy like a cigarette and so my friend told the cops. He's like now the bartender did it. This guy's a good guy Dogged out the innocent guy because the guy that's through the whiskey gave a cigarette so I was like is a good guy I'm in there finessing this 45-year-old widow my buddies outside giving a witness in backstage into the police like this guy's innocent the bartender's a problem It was just fucking debauchery when we got to Saint Laurent what we got to Monttremblont that night We nobody decided who was gonna be the designated driver. Yeah, so we all Decided to sleep in the car and then wake up and whoever felt the most sober would drive us back and there was one point where we thought like We're probably gonna die so me and my buddy got blackout because we were like look if we die At least we won't be awake for it So we just got blackout drunk in the back of the van and our other buddy held on to the wheel While our one friend controlled the pedals and then somehow we got back to the hostel That's crazy. Yeah, yeah You're driving around there drunk. Yeah, can you when he's doing his story about that? Can you add in a French of siren French? They're like I don't even take that seriously. Yeah, it's crazy that we didn't get busted for drunk driving or I mean They want everyone their booze and I guess that's one of the things is go over the border, right? Or is that more winter peg that's I don't think I think Montreal wants Like your money. They don't care what you do with it. This is Monttremblont. Yeah, it is pretty. It's beautiful. Especially in the winter Here oh, and at one point my like I couldn't get I couldn't get or you went in the winter No, really this is we went like December 28th to January first new years there. Yeah, which is different years Went to some fucking bar eight Poutine and I used to do this thing where What go ahead? We got to talk about Poutine Well, I read um, what was it Jim Morrison book? Riders on the on the no not jump in the fire writers in the warm. It's a it's a it's a What's the word for after sequel to June writers in the warm? No No, it's It was light my fire I think anyway. I read this this book about Jim Morrison and he used to take his cock out at the bar and just piss at the bar And I was like, oh man. Why can't be like a singer, but I can with my cock out and piss at the bar So that used to be I can do half way so I used to like get dragged out of bars with my pants and my ankles Being like it wasn't me it wasn't me like my thing was I would try to piss and get away with it And I just remember at the bar You're I remember I remember eating Poutine and just pissing underneath the table. I'm eating Poutine on New Year's Eve And then I went home with that woman. I was it was it look I was doing with it on New Year's Eve Yeah, so you rang in the New Year with a crying widow on New Year's Eve January 1st, 2007 new year I'm banging on people's doors trying to find a way back to Saint Laurent Street, but she's going English English Saint Laurent Street English, please Otherwise, so funny is they all understanding They might not speak it. No, no, right. They'll hit you and you're in your head as a 21-year-old fucking loser asshole going I guess they don't speak English like no you look like a lunatic. Yeah, no one wants to deal with me Yeah, and at one point I called my mom like because I was like the fuck's wrong with you You don't call your mom. Well, no because I was at a strip club and my I think I like took too much out of my card or something and I don't know what happened, but I was asking her to like Front me money because there was a stripper that kept asking for more money, and I was like I swear to God She likes me like it was every single person in my orbit. I would take down with me. Yeah, it was bad You need to quit. Do you go program or just regular? Program hospital rehab program jail rehab, but like chips and everything. Yeah, well, I've 10 years sober now So these are a lot better. I'm 10-year drunk. Yeah, 10-year tenured. Yeah Ph.D. I just hung out with Norman yesterday Full-norma mode now Strip clubs there. Yeah, yeah, I fell in love with some strober named Michaela like huge fake tits And I was like I swear she likes me like I was begging my friends to give me more money I was like she just said if I give her money that that she'll come home with me later like it was pathetic I was like the most pathetic drunk ever. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I guess you know who's cool That's right. We're all thinking the same guy Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you know why is school? No, it's not that at all It's because it while he was dealing with all these smoke to cigars to go Arnold Schwarzenegger smokes cigars He's among the cover of cigar aficionado, but how do you get him? You're new to it. If you're a guy You know, it's cool and if you're a girl. Oh, if you're a girl, you smoke a cigar. Oh, that's hot Probably what that made it turn them on But how do you get them? Well, that's for cigars international comes into play They have with the largest selection of unbeatable prices and customer service experience the second and none whether you need to cigars or a seasoned aficionado cigars international takes enjoying cigars makes them easy approachable and fun and now they're offering free Every day shipping on cigars international no co-dominums cigars international is the go-to really for all retailer for all things cigars Biggest election. I love them gone. Go. He was out of them Use my code tripping at checkout for 20% off your order of $50 or more or visit cigars international.com www.cigarsinternational.com/tripping and the discount will automatically apply guys Some exclusions apply, but it's a solid. It's a solid gift and a solid pickup. Let's get back to the episode Yeah, what a fun time though. It sounds like it really was great. Describe Poutine for people don't know because I don't think anyone Poutine is soggy fries and gravy with chunks of cheese. Oh, you're doing a disservice That's all it is soggy. The gravy makes a fries soggy. That's like saying spaghetti is soggy. No, it's not similar. It's wet Okay, I see what you're saying these are like what fries. Yeah, what spaghetti doesn't make right? It's not soggy It's wet. Yeah, you get a wet arm. It's not a soggy arm soggy shirt. It's good in a great way Maybe I've just had poutine Maybe I've just had poutine while I'm taking a piss under a table, but to me poutine is nothing. This is shit poutine Really? It's like one clump See, I like that better than the little Clumps all throughout. Let me tell you what poutine should be for my memory and I will be corrected. Please correct me on this one Fries yes, so obviously anything's gonna start with good fries. It's the base. You know any sort of like the pasta is like you want good, you know, I'm new to Gravy there's two types peppercorn or the other one. I don't know. Don't quiz me Cheese curds. Yes cheese curds are illegal in the United States except for Wisconsin because they're unpasturized when they're now when they're real They're unpasturized, which is illegal in the United States. The FDA will take Hand over a fist under the table to poison us at any point except when it comes to pasteurization In fact, that's why raw milk is illegal. Yep, we had a portlandia on raw milk and they had to do it in the black market to get raw milk Yeah, because Marie Curie or whoever it's fucking a Louis Pasteur Louis cats Related for sure Anyway, and you pour the gravy over the cheese curds. I can take a piss. Yeah, go quick. Yeah, sir. What's your special cult? What's your special? You guys right now you can look at Ian Finances special wild happy and free It's on YouTube right now. Let's leave a comment and see if you can find it Here we go Let's go Find this one. Ian is a fake gay. He turned down, Pete Buddha. I don't know how to spell this guy's name. Then Pete Buddha Church, Buddha Church, had to jerk off Joe Biden to get Aroused boom I've responded to that It's a very funny comic and now we pause well guys. He's coming back soon long pass long bathroom break We actually cut some out long piss the fucking wall is going strong at this point. I am out of this I'm not here. You can't send me anything anymore. So stop sending anything. I got to get a new P.O. Box maybe in Austin for postcards and money Or maybe in another country, but right now we're gonna put a pause on sending me anything But I just got some Cayman Island money from Sarah Tolamash that episode already came out Peruvian from a fan Yeah, all sorts. I did my for me and my handyman came in. He's from Guatemala and he goes where's the Ketzal? I'm like, I don't know And I've been to Guatemala, and I know I had some Ketzal and I don't know what I did with it Ian you're late. Are you shitting? Are you shitting in there? Oh, I can't do that when you're late. You got a shit later Get a big important celebrity. Did you shit? No? How long was the piss? Well the piss was like 20 seconds and that shit was about a minute. Did you shit? I had to you're allowed to shit. I didn't think it was gonna happen. And then it just happened it happened It doesn't think up on you sometimes. Snuck up. Is that my lighter? Looks like my lighter. I remember having it one. I don't think so Okay, where were we? What shit did you just talk of me while I was going? I promoted this special. Well, that's nice Thank you. I love the comment here. Oh, where was this shot the cutting room? I almost shot this the new unrelated to this not happening completely unrelated to this not happening I have a new storytelling show coming out completely unrelated to this is not happening Story telling show where is it coming out on? Visual audio visual. Mm-hmm. Yeah, paper view. Mm-hmm. Yeah For real the paper view, but we scouted this place. Did I tell you my story about this place? No, you tell me your story first. You have two stories now about it and I have one So do you want to go what you go and then I go and you go both? I only have really one You have another one you're promoting this you're promoting this to a popular black comedian recently. What was that? Yeah at the seller It's so funny. Wait. What happened? Yeah I forgot about that. That's so funny Who's making me laugh so hard Yeah, that was great. Yeah, Dave Chappelle was like so drunk like grabbing on the R.I.B And like what your special Jew man is amazing. I haven't seen it right go ahead It's like I haven't seen it, but everybody who's everybody says it's amazing I can't be like thank you because you didn't see it. So I'm like, well, that's cool that people are talking about it I can't say thank you. You tell him you haven't seen it So it's like this is cool that you're talking to me. You're too drunk to actually talk to which is fine to be drunk And you haven't seen it. Yeah, and so I'm like that's very cool people people people hate you say People people love it and I know a lot of people that hate Jews and they love it Kanye's a fan man And then he's like good to see a good to sit cheeks my head. He's all good. I go. I have a special two days It's on YouTube Happy your free. Why don't be free? Who's in the cutting room Dave? Everybody check this out for sure you're hilarious comic, but thank you. Okay, so that was one I'll all go Yes, yes, I went I can see it here. I went to scout it from a storytelling show called the end Which has nothing to do with another storytelling show I once hosted. Oh, this is not happening So they asked me you to see on the right there were like so people put a curtain here Yeah, and they go why would they put a curtain there and they go why outside of times when they shoot here and they go Why would they put cafe seating? I don't know what kind of seating you had We took all the cafe seating out and did actual crowd seating so the guy asked me goes I don't know why these people come here and put Actual seating in here instead of cafe seating and put a wall here and I'm and I go and I'm looking around like looking How would look from on stage as I'm scouting it and I go do you want the actual answer? And the guy's like what I'm like, I mean, I can tell you the actual answer. Yeah, I don't know these comics who's to have done that But I know the answer and he goes what is the answer? I'm like, okay, so we feed off energy and The more people you get the more hyper it is so cafe seating is for people when you could probably get like eight in that same area Because there's no tables so then it just like bigger laughs and then we put that wall in our curtain to wall off This like blank space. Yeah, and it goes well Like no, that's the actual answer and it goes Well, that makes sense actually. Was it Steve? Maybe gray hair Steve. Oh, yeah love Steve. Yeah, Steve is great Dude I'll tell you God bless the cutting room, but boy oh boy We had two shows sold out Sunday night Good job writing this up here the bar the the pricinium. Oh, yeah, which shares there. I like the look of it Dude all the entire stage design is everything that was at the cutting room John none helped me with that like long-time Best friend he worked on tires shut out Johnny none Yeah, he helped me stage design this everything there was from the cutting room the cutting room itself is like Such a cool room. It's an old New York cutoff. The problem is the fake entrance to so you got to either open those doors and then have a wide open or close Those doors. What'd you do? Well, we closed it so They they didn't know we did a live podcast here and they had the cafe seating and everything right we came in Hour ahead of time set the cameras up blah blah blah So when I came to them and said hey, I want to fill my my special here. They were like great You know you've worked with this before here's the deal. You know you'll get this cut of the door blah blah blah Credits what's that I'm not in the credits do the podcast. No, I'd you and and What are you giggling? You'll add me on We're re-releasing it on 800 pound gorilla. I will let you in to a credit Steve fiber canton. Yeah, Steve's a buddy there Steve would come to Brooklyn. I will not Dude I live in New York. You know, I'm starting to break down now live two blocks from the L train You are a 16-minute Walk and subway ride combined from your door to my door and you act like you got to go to Beirut I guarantee you it's under 22 minutes subway ride. Well, you just changed a lot. I went from 16 to under 22 What is it? Sub 20 minutes do not leave a man hat. I'm a man hat night. You are a man You live in filth. You know who's coming after this popular man hat night. Who? Dude, I rat man hat and bro, and I don't want to go to those fucking Minutes from your doorstep to my doorstep. I just really don't want to spend the time going to Brooklyn and there's too much of a Track and I need to get my passport. Yeah, I need to this will be out of rate. I had to fake a fucking What's a call the letter to the I had it by a flight print out the flight then cancel the flight so I can go say I need an emergency passport. I'm leaving on this flight this day. Really? Yeah, I got to get shit on buddy Do you have I'm gone when this comes out? Do you have real ID? Or do you just use your password? I did get a real ID Really? I didn't do that. I got a new license. Oh, you can use passport, too When are you leaving? I'm already gone Oh, when did you leave? Well, this I don't know I'm gone bro. Dude, when this comes out. So do you have any new specials coming out or anything? Yeah, youtube.com/e and finance comedy. I have a special coming out on there that just came out when yes That just came out in we'll see. Do you not know the day yet? August We'll see and check out my travel show e and do an odd guy doing odd jobs You do a travel slash e and finance comedy. Yeah, I have a travel show. So every time I go to I do different jobs Bro, let me ask your question. What it's like dirty jobs meet dirty jobs meets the simple life your Jewish Yes, just found out which implies intelligent. Yes You're on a travel podcast. Mm-hmm. Why would you not up top promote the travel show? You're talking to a listener base of people who want to go places You know if I'm on Hot ones and she refused to have me on even in season two before they're really they said no we don't want that guy Well, you were too old. Yeah, but it was like she had my friend. I was we don't want him. Why they're afraid of dude could be Many reasons. Yeah, I'm hateable. Mm-hmm. Let's get back to this trip Ian do an odd guy doing we got 12 minutes, bro. Let's get back to a bunch of y'all cut it into the beginning Let's get back to this all right, so you're so I'm in Montreal. I'm doing jobs in different towns. It's not out yet. Oh, yeah, I have to get my subscribers up on the YouTube channel That's gonna be my big plug. No, come on. We'll just put it in. Yeah, so Montreal Poutine we talked about that's where we left. Yes, you don't like it. It's fine It's fine. It's not something I'm like you have to try the Poutine every country's got there Disco fries Canada Chili cheese fries for Midwest. I'm not a fan of chili cheese fries. I'm not a fan of Poutine. I'm not a fan of cheese curds everybody goes off on cheese curds. I'm not that big of a fan I'll tell you I'll tell you a Poutine story. Actually remind me. I'll do it at the end. Oh, yeah, wait you Oh, I gotta go I gotta finish my cutting room story real quick. That's right. Thank you sold out shows Sunday, December 3rd, right on on Thanksgiving. Yeah, my manager looks up the the schedule and they have daddy the cool band scheduled to play at 4 p.m. Daddy the cool band and my sh or no at 6 p.m. And my shows are at 7 and 9 30 Daddy the cool band is in all So I go ahead is an all Korean cover band of Dad's that just that only started learning how to play music in the past 10 years and this is when before you Before my show it's at 5 o'clock and you're filming a special you got to set up They thought that we were filming another live podcast They didn't know that it was like Netflix HBO level production They didn't know that we were getting rid of the cafe seating and and putting in stadium seating They didn't know any of that. They just thought it was a one cam shoot. They didn't know I was using six fucking cams So dude the the fucking nightmare that was dealing with this and Steve goes look I understand but daddy the cool they bring in people every year if you can get them to move they'll move But I can't do anything I had to call this guy his name was Jerry Lee. He's a dentist I had to call him and be like listen man artist artists like I'm filming my first specials There anyway you can move the show or move it early in the day. He's like nah can't do it. Sorry. He's career Yeah, yeah, so look up daddy daddy the Cool daddy the cover band or daddy the cool cover band in all Korean cover band It was crazy finally we figured it out. We go look we'll give you the the room for an hour and a half You have to be out by six o'clock, right? It was why do you keep looking up gay sex? Why please go to the picture of the two men and a baby. Where's that right below the one guy is like a communist China flag wrapped around him This is every comic in Austin's afraid of Is this exact thing? He's nice nips though. Okay, so wow so he wouldn't move wouldn't move wouldn't budge dude We had to get them in and out. They had to be out by 16 daddy the band. Yeah, wow You got them all out dude got them all out people know this isn't it. It's daddy the cool Coverband Daddy cool daddy cool band cool the cool daddy band Anyway, they're like it. They're in all Korean cover band. Anyway, it was a fucking nightmare Everybody that was waiting to get into the gig went to the lobby and I like wow We didn't know you know so many Chinese fans It was fucking nuts, dude. It was so that it was almost like a blessing because I didn't have time to like worry about anything but that You know the plane the camera. Yeah. Yeah, there it is Yeah, okay, they're playing the coming room Wow dude by on Thanksgiving when we found this out They had three tickets sold a week out they had six tickets sold and the guy Steve is like they're trusting me They have a fan base. I talked to guy he goes everybody's flying in from Korea to see daddy the daddy cool the band Dude, I'm saying 430 it was packed wall-to-wall with Koreans Screaming die hard fans of daddy cool the band and then they got out we push a show back a half hour and everything was fucking fine It was crazy every special issue. You got a roll of stuff. Yes. What else you get into strippers strippers? How are the strippers? Fake boobs expensive hot like they liked me they have Loonies and tunies that you'd give them you know, right? Yeah, but I won't you don't give them Yeah, and you know what they do you know they do they come up and they take a little poster Fun or and then you throw it and when it gets in you win a little prize gets into their vaginas it hits it It doesn't go inside, but you want a prize because they don't commit I have a stick. I have a I still have I should have brought it I still have a Magnet with a stripper named Delilah that I won from throwing a loony inner thing and it I Mean just why did she run in all the time? I get walking up there He's living underneath an elephant you know my old tenant was way better. You know my old tenant. He died who my old tenant He just died. Yeah up there. He drowned and died and there was floating because she was fought with them downstairs Shoes water come through. Oh, yeah mold everywhere. That was out of here I just finished building this and then let you're out for three months Dead guy water leaking through yeah coming through that that thing's pouring down. Oh my god Yeah, and then it was like I was like hey, you got to go up there Everyone else doors up. We got to air this out because how do we fight if I open it without permission dead? Floating in like this much water. No, but you could smell the mold. Oh How'd you leave Montreal? How'd I leave yeah like so you would ever be a mad at me because I showed up late because I was coming back from a widow's house and part of town You left on the first you were driving back on the first. Yeah, and so fun my mom like so funny. My mom Side adventure was gonna have like a big surprise party for me like Go into the house and have like balloons and cake because there's my birthday December 31st And she was so pissed of me because I kept calling an asking her to give me money to give to like a stripper that I Showed up her piece of shit. I walk inside my mom goes. I had a party, but it's canceled happy fucking birthday And then I had to go stay to friends house because she kicked me out for the night and that was like my 23rd birthday It was a good precursor to a ending up in rehab a year later. Wow. Yeah, but I mean dude It was it was like as far as guy trip goes. Yeah, it was super fun Just getting in a van with your boys your bros your dogs getting into some trouble drinking on the way sleeping on the way Yeah Finding finding weed and just shoving it into your pockets Getting strange French people to give you coke on New Year's Eve It is something to be true to doing like that where you're like, I can't do that anymore I'm gonna go off my own and I'll catch up to you guys like whoa Where you going? I'm like, I don't know figure it out and even now with like Uber and stuff like that You're like, oh no, I don't do it. But back then it was like, yeah, we'll just figure it out Figure it out and we didn't have service. So none of us were using cell phones. That's right So everything that that was the thing That was the days of if you go to if you have your iPhone you go to Canada's like well 700 bucks for the week Well, dude, that's a thing. I spent all this money calling my fucking mom being like I need money for this girl And my mom hanging up on me over and over. I ran out of my minutes. My phone is older. Why? Yes, I was fucking blackout drunk. I tried to reason with her. I was like, don't you want me to find love? And so that's why on January 1st I couldn't call anyone because I was at all my minutes So that's why I'm running around going get me to Saint Laurent Street So then that way I could figure out my way back to the hostel Because I had no way of contacting anyone You know it's called Roo You know it's called Roo Skull Roo It's called Roo What's Roo Street What is that? The main Roo, Roo Saint Laurent Roo Saint Laurent Yeah Oh Boulevard I don't know. I just know that was where all the fucking strip clubs were There's also like ice cream shops and niceness. I mean, I've been here a ton of times from my for JFL And I think that's where we we did an unrelated show to this time to to the end Yes Actually, we did have a name back then it did not so So yeah, we're doing a precursor to the end at Clio Patra on Saint Laurent Tran Nii Jimmy sexual 20 sexual Traini vestite Yes, strip club Called Clio Patra I got to get up to Montreal And the best things I ever saw was some of the comics you did the show Have you ever done it in life? Not even live? No, you've done it live The your story time show? Yeah I did it the store Yeah, yeah, you did it Yeah, I called it in - It was fun. - I didn't get asked to do the taping. - No, no. Your name came up. It was shot down pretty fast. - You mother fucker. (laughs) - I loved on the old days not happening, which is a different show. - Yes. - People were like, "Hey, they suggested me "and they said you didn't do it." I'm like, "Butty, like Brenner." And so I'm like, "Your name never came up." - Really? - Whatever rep told you that it came up or whatever your contact was at Comedy Central, that's a lie because I was on every call. - Yeah. - And trust me, you're my friend and I would have fought for you and I had to pick my fights. - Yeah. - Your name didn't come up. - Yeah. - And he's like, "What, am I deal with that?" - Well, at least my name came up and it was shot down. - He didn't was shot down, I guess. - Now, the person that shot it down, are they in the room with us right now? (laughs) Is that person with the proximity to me? - It was already as someone who's a charge of the show. - It came up at a point where we're like, we're not looking for anybody at this level anymore. - This level, what are you talking about? - We had like, fuck it, we have six arena acts on the show. - Oh, and then you were going to. - Yeah, we got some mid-level people, but like, the people who have done the show and killed her a bunch of times. - Well, that's hurtful. - Yeah, we had unlimited time for sure you would have been invited. - Well, that's nice. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Yeah. - Can we just at least say I'm a little above mid-level, like high-level? - I'm mid-level. - You're mid-level. - You're high-level? I'm mid-level, you're high-level? - No, no, no, like, I think you're above high-level. - Above high? - Yeah. - No, shame. - What are the levels? - High-level, which I guess got to be split up. That's shame, Nate. - Oh, I thought he was a arena-level, high-level, mid-level, low-level. - Well, I don't, then Norman's high-level. - Okay. - Norman's bigger than me. Sam Rill's bigger than me. Stop is bigger than me. They're not arena. - I don't think they're bigger than me. - I think you're right up there with. - Way more tickets. - Really? - Yeah, I'm. - You're so good. - I said, I'm not, I'm not happy, but I'm a club to occasional theater. That's mid-level, and then low-level. Well, there's then like open-micro. Then like you don't work. And then like low-level is like, I'll sag a little is now mid-level. Mid-level is pretty wide. - You have a mid-level sound, so insulting. - Yeah, that's my mid-level. - You're not mid-level? - Yeah, we need more categories. 'Cause all you gotta is mid-level low. - Yeah. - Mid-high-low. - Yeah, either way you cut it, it's insulting. It's a win to be brought up. It's a knock to be called mid-level. - If, tell you what though. If like when you did the show at this comedy store, if it was like, oh my God, that was one of the best stories I've ever heard. Your name would have come up earlier. - Ah, so I failed the audition. - You lack of talent. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It wasn't an audition. It was just like, it was good. - It would rather hear that. - Yeah, it was good. - Then no, sorry, you're too old. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - Fair. - Yeah, no, if we ever bring it back, you'll be too old. - Oh, fuck. - No, if I had more time too, it's just like, it was just like, yeah, anyway. I wanted to use everybody. - Yeah. - They just couldn't. - It's so hard to be on you for the fucking. - And then you know the hardest part? I already got to wrap this up, but was like when you want to has a high level person, a high, like, mid theater to like above theater act, and go, I'd like you to do this, but I got to see your story first. And there are agent managers like, no fucking way. Make the offer or not. And it's like, I can't make an offer if I don't know what they're gonna do. - No way. - I can't just make an offer. So then I'm like. - Was there anyone that you were like, sorry, we can't? There was like, so super big. - It was just a cold people. I'm like, I don't know how to do this out of insulting them. I gotta see what you say for you, Jordan. I gotta see your story. I would have to see what you're gonna do. And then let me think about it. And a lot of people would, and I'm like, this isn't really a story. - Yeah. - Or like, if it was fine, it's not there. And I don't have time for you to get it there. - Really? - Yeah. - And it was great, but it's like-- - And you helped him develop it? - No, he didn't. - He did it on the road for like a year. - No way. - Yeah, as a story. - He's about getting robbed. - Interesting. - Yeah, getting held up a gunpoint like kind of kidnapped and whatever. But it was great, but he had to work on the road, make the jokes good. So it's like, you can't be like, you're gonna have something good in a month? - Yeah. - I don't know. - I have so many stories, but they come out in the moment, like actually finding like a story and like structuring and working on it. - And go, what part of this is important? How do I do? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was like a shank where I'm like, back up way too far. - Do you think, on the success of this, do you think you'll make another one or is this just like a one off? - I think it's done. The whole point of this. Who knows what the future holds? The whole point of this was to finish off. Sorry, it's unrelated. It's unrelated, but I had another show that was stolen from me. - I know. - And so I wanted to do something unrelated, but make it like a big-- - I just wanted to end on my terms. I wanted to do, so it's called the end. - I like that. - Plus the story at the end. - Yeah. - Yeah. - This is the end. - That's the name of the book. - So you've never been back to Montreal? - I flew there to drive to Ottawa. - The Chess Weekend. - The Chess Weekend. - The fucking hot there in the summer. - I gotta go. - They're on bikes with like shirts. - I should have called my agent tomorrow about Montreal. So-- - Oh, it's not a good point, city. - No, no, about going up for JFL, on like a showcase show. - You should, because all the people are running in its way smaller now. - I'm in old face. - I can't do new faces. - You could do nasty show. - I'd love to do nasty show, yeah. - You could do, you know how I booked nasty show? I was in Montreal. This relates to travel. It was in Montreal open for some, like a mixed martial arts commentator. - Rogue. - Oh, you know 'em, yeah. Okay, yeah, Joe Rogan. And some chick in the audience and there was wild times back there. So I'm in the back with the guys from Sconq Magazine. They had this new water bong or whatever. It was like gravity bong they made. And so, and I hear Joe Rogan going, some lady's like, "Mah-ah." It just comes out. He hits him, drunks back then in the audience. And it was like, "I'll show my tits." And he goes, "If you show me your tits, "or you'll show you his dick." And I'm sitting with this guy from Sconq Magazine, Leonard. And I go, "I hear that." And I'm like, "I'll be right back, man. "I gotta go." And I just, I balled out, you know? And then I went out there and did, I mean, I've done it a thousand times already. You know, it's a comedy store, guys. Yeah. And the sound of 1,400 people, he's saying flaccid dick. So wonderful, such a wonderful sound. It's just amazing. So you're a shower, not a grower. I'm a grower. Oh, I'm not a shower. It's ball goes lower than my dick. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, so you pulled out tiny. Yeah, you know? Otherwise, it's offensive. Wow. Okay. Anyway, then they call me, said we'd like you to do the nasty show. Because of that. They promoted the show they were in there. Robbie. Who runs Netflix now. All of us, we were there. And I was like, "This guy is a pervert for the nasty show." What year is this? I think like '78, '77. Okay, I got a fucking thing. Acting star coming. Not acting. Whatever it's called. A Big Manhattan. A musician, a Big Manhattan musician. Oliver Tree. What the fuck is Oliver Tree? Manhattan. He helped me find joy in Manhattan. Bro. Former Razor Scooter, professional Razor Scooter. Oliver Tree. This fucking nerd. Oh, yeah, he's a nerd. This was a good episode anyway, though, Ian. I like this. It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. It was fun. It was kind of pervert for the episode. Who teen? So they speak French and Montreal. We should've covered that. They speak French in the French part. They do not like English in Montreal. I don't know if that's changed, but when I was there, maybe it's because I was the one speaking it. We were once. We saw some backpacker from Quebec City, which was very French. Montreal split. So Quebec City, and he was like, "This is what he was talking about." And we're like, "Oh, we don't, uh, we're all drunk at the festival." We're like, "Oh, we don't speak French." You should speak French. And we're like, "Oh, we're not from, we're not from Canada or from the United States." Oh. But still. Like, what do you mean, but still, like, we don't, we didn't take French. Like. Oh, yeah. Somebody later was like, like, I could establish it. This is Quebec City people. Like Ward. Are they tough up there? They're like, hardy. Because it seems like everyone up there is just like a pussy, like because I just associate French with like, uh, no. I know. But there's, there's the mean streets everywhere. There's heroin in Alaska, there's fucking, you know, there's parts of everywhere. I think, I don't know. Yeah, you're like, Arkansas? No way. But it's like, there's heroin there. There's nothing. Oh, yeah. Out in the sticks. Cap really used to joke about Montreal, the Montreal tough guy is like, "Shut up, Pierre dog." Yeah. "France Wilde." Yeah. Um. Cusca C. And so you got sober right after that pretty soon, ever? No, I got sober. I tried in 2008, then I went to rehab in 2009, and then now I have 10 years. So I fell a lot. Yeah. Are you still worried about it or not? I mean, if, if I don't take care of things, it could sneak up. Do you have, like, ah. No. Actually, dude, when I was in Ottawa, I went into a pub and I really wanted like soup. It was like kind of a rainy day. I went to a pub and there were all the, what? You don't like, like a hardy bowl of soup or anything? I have never gotten bar soup, and no, I've never once got bar soup. Just a cream of broccoli on a hardy, woo. And I went in and it was like all this merry-man, like, some guy was like, "That's what all you need to know about the Italian league." And all of his friends were like, "Aha, ha, ha, ha." And I was like, "I want to be that guy." It would be a regular bar. Oh, yeah. But then I know every bar tried to be a regular at, I got banned from, you know. - You're not allowed to be a regular. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I would have loved to see me in drunk. I wouldn't have liked it. I would have liked to have seen it. - No, you would have hated it. Hated it. I mean, if you think I'm like annoying now, imagine just like slurring and drunk and fighting and spitting and stealing, you know? - Yeah. - Robbing. - Really? - Yeah. - Not like strong arm, but like. - Yeah, when they're not looking. Yeah. - Bad, bad stuff. - Thank you, Ian. Everyone check out Be an Ian with the front queen and check out a special while happy and free stamped approval by Dave Chappelle and Ian do his new travel show. - Yeah. - That'll be out at some point. - Yes. - When this comes out. - Thank you. - It'll already be out. - Buddy, I love you. I tell you what it did on your podcast. It just ran out of time. I had a month here and I wasn't, I was like, oh, at any time, I wasn't thinking, I'm not thinking, oh, I gotta get back to these people. You know, you gotta harass people at the right time, but not too much because then it's annoying. I get it. - I understand. - Same with this. - 19 minutes is a track. I get it. - No, it's having to be somewhere and then go for a fucking hour. Having to fucking, you know, I mean, I don't know what your sense of smell is from all the coke, but your co-host stinks. - Bro. - Stinks. - Did you catch her after boxing? - No. - I catch her. - You said she's fine. - No. - Must've caught her on a. - You got coke, nose. You don't smell. - You know, cigarette. Taste buds too. - Yep, taste buds. - Can't taste her smell. Bro, so fuck you. She can stink if she wants. - Oh yeah, I just don't want to be next to her. - You can stink if you want to. (laughing) - All right, thank you, buddy. - Thank you, man. - Yeah. - Oh. Hey everybody, sorry. I dozed off during that episode. But what episode it was, huh? You in finance. Thank you very much for coming in, buddy. That was cool. Man, what a different Montreal that I always did. I pretty much only went to Montreal for just for laughs. For the Montreal comedy festival. It's interesting, I have a love hate relationship with that place and beginning it was love it and then hate it 'cause I couldn't get in. And then once I got in, buddy Robbie, Robbie Prall got me into the nasty show. You know how I got into the nasty show? It's one of the biggest shows in Montreal, even though they're way bigger shows, but it's like one of the most important shows, probably Slate used to host it all the time. I met Jimmy Carr doing that. I saw Luis Hikey do a set. He told me actually I mentioned it years later on an all episode of The Skeptic Tank. Those were all gone by the way. He goes, hey, I saw you do a joke. You slow motion jerked off two dudes. I always remember that, good joke. It's like thanks, Luis CK. Anyway, I think that very show, he was gonna go on later after the intermission. And he goes, how are they? I'm like, dude, they're great. They're gonna be terrible for you. What do you mean? I'm like, dude, they're so ready to be too drunk. You're not gonna like it. And I was right, he didn't start yelling at him. Isn't that crazy? The highest level comedian there is. I mean, no matter what your category is, no matter what your breakdown is, he's top five ever. Even that conservative way. Easy, if you wanna pick number one, easy. No one's gonna be like, how dare you? If you did them out of the top 10, you're, okay, you're being difficult for no reason. That's what a great he is. And on that night, on that show, the crowd was just, couldn't handle it. And he was at his prime right then. That's when he got into that discussion about, I've mentioned this, it was that show, about how to build new hours and like, the joy of it and stuff like that. It's crazy. It's crazy. They were better for me than for Louie's UK. Dumb, crowd. Dumb. But he had a different experience there. My first the way I finally got booked in a nasty show is they wouldn't book me on new faces the big show. They wouldn't book me, wouldn't book me, wouldn't book me. They'd talk about callbacks, wouldn't book me. That was a hack. And then he saw me open for Rogan at the old club soda. And there was some heckler. And he goes, she was like a wreck. He was like, show us your tits and she goes, no. And he goes, tell you what, if you show us your tits, Ari will show, we were partying back then. Ari will show you his balls or his dick. You know, at the time I was in the back in the green room with the guys from Skunk Magazine. It was a weed magazine. Can you believe it? What are those magazines are? What a little weed. It's legal now. Why would you do that? I mean, I guess they have cigar fish and not. So I'm wrong. And they'll show me a new made to order gravity ball. Not the kind you make in yourself in your bathtub. Shout out central Washington. But I have made one. That's actually that gravity ball that gave me. Lenny from Skunk. Shout out you. That's the way I showed Big J. Oakerson and his wife, Christine Oakerson, how strong the LA weed was. He said, LA weed is the same as New York weed. And I said, you're out of your mind. You were tired, AJ. You're so dumb. You don't even finish off your gloves. And he goes, prove me wrong. And I had the super blue dream, which was high end, not the highest end, weed at the time. And we were both shivering in the corner afterwards. Maybe it's the gravity ball, maybe it's the weed. Maybe it's a combination of both. Maybe it's just friendship, you know, gets you high sort of. So it was already pretty high of friendship with Jay and Christine. Anyway, so I heard that. I was in the back with Lenny. And I was like, oh, shit, I gotta go. And I just, I mean, me and Rogan used to party so hard on stage. We used to have so much fun. I got jerked off by some lady in, I think West Palm. Take Fletcher saw it happen. But she had just jerked off like a bunch over the people. And I kissed her. No, I licked her hand first. I think I did a story about it on this, not happening. And I heard him go, we talked about it the next day on stage. We were having a blast. Those days with Rogan, I mean, I'm not who I am as a comic. I'm not even close without him opening me up to those kind of crowds. It was so fun. Just go and do whatever you want, bro. Do whatever you want. There's no rules here. That's how you fucking unleash somebody like a loser like me is telling him, hey, there's no rules here. I didn't say in Portuguese. Never stop. I was like one artist. I saw that T-shirt. I shouldn't have fucking got it. It was a tank top. It was too high. Anyway, so I came with my deck out. The crowd makes a certain noise that over 500 people makes when some flaccid male dick is out. I've never, never fallen out of love with that sound. You can call me low bra all you want, never fall out of love with that sound. Is this cool? See my face go in and out of the shadow? Hold on. Alan, is this cool? Alan. Put on here. Alan says, cool. Not cool. And then make a circle around one. Extra work. Today's episode is edited expertly by Alan Caffe, this produced by your mom's house network. Listen, guys. Ian. Oh, so anyway, so I put my deck out. The crowd went nuts. The next day, I got a phone call so we'd like you to do the nasty show in Montreal. And I talked with Robbie about it a long time and he we agreed that my style of nasty is not like a obligatory nasty. It's the same as big J. Same as Jimmy Carr, actually. Same as Adrian. It's like, we can't help it. It's not sex dirty. She's like dark dirty. I was at the time. Very sex dirty. Now I'm more dark dirty. I've learned a lot from Adrian. Yeah, and we don't like the guys that are pushing and trying to be dirty. And Robbie, like the guys who are just like, I can't help it. I'm really sorry. If you want to walk out, you're not wrong. The odds I'm recording. You can check e an out on his website, e in finance. This phone is dying. I dropped it in some water that had a poop in the toilet. I put it on a roll of toilet paper on the back mistake and then I heard it fall. And I dove for it. Guys, it wasn't good toilet water. Me on a stick the night before lots of cheap beer in there. Wipe it. Wipe it. Whiped it. Hands sanitizer. Wiped it off more. Little pieces of shit on the fucking towel, which means it was on there. Worked for a few days and stopped. It's going on and off. I don't know. Long live the fucking Moto G4, 2024. As website is e in finance.com for dates and tickets. You can go to punch up dot live slash in finance also dispelt for dance. Yeah. He's by. His Instagram is E N E animal 69 E animal 69 Ian is a homosexual, but he fucks a higher level of woman than I ever did, which is what makes people hate gays in the first place. Stan your lane. His podcast is a standard podcast so you guys all know the old one is being Ian with Jordan. He started that. He was a bigger crime within Jordan, Jensen eventually, which is being Ian and then she was like, you know, I need a little name in here too and she goes, how about you being with Jordan and she goes, "Can I get my full name?" And he goes, "No, you cannot." If my full name. name's not in it, your full name's not in it. And then eventually she got much, much bigger than him. She eclipsed him. And eclipse is not a fat joke. She's not fat. She's just like nothing bodied. Ian personifies, I'm sorry, Jordan personifies a nothing body. She is the little brother you always had. When she puts on makeup, she looks trans. Anyway, eventually she got way bigger than Ian. I'm sure tears him up. It probably really, really bothers him. And then she fought for the last name. She got it. She goes, I'll walk. She did for a short time. That's Hollywood Hardballian. Jordan walked for a long time. And now it's being Ian with Jordan Jensen. He's also got a new show at YMH called Ian Doe to show where he finds local tradesmen in the city's he's touring and learns how to do their jobs. I mean, that's gotta be once I call it mansplating. I can do your job. Ian Doe, you can find it on his, where is this on his YouTube account, right? Kind of his YouTube. Ian Doe by Ian Fire Dance. My travel show. Oh, it's a travel show. Well, that's great. This is the last episode episode one K nine training. That's his first episode. He's got four videos as of right now. This will come out in a couple weeks. As of right now, I haven't worn shoes in four days. It's been pretty nice. Ian also was a solid comedian because I really like him. He's high energy. We've traded gum before on stage. Ian, whatever happened to that clip, you should put it out. That was a fun, fun night. A comedy seller. I miss comedy. Actually, I don't miss. I just have fun memories of it. It's pretty sad actually. I have no missing of this at all. By the way, subscribe. We're every watching. Let's leave a comment, guys, for the algorithm. You can start leaving comments for the algorithm. Maybe some insult, you know, from the show. How about for this one? I think you should be called Jordan Jensen with being Ian. Jordan Jensen discovers how to be. I don't know. I could've done better there. That was on me. Ian's on the road. What better chance to see him do stand up comedy on the road? Yeah. He's at the comics all the time and she'll like that. But if you want to see him do a full fucking hour, probably 48 minutes. Head over to punch up dot live slash Ian finance or for dance. Again, he's bisexual. He's by where he'll be in Balmore, Maryland. Oh, my home stay at the poor comedy club this weekend, February 27th to 28th, 27th and 28th. Two shows each night. Then national Tennessee at the Latin Xanies, one of the best clubs in the world. He's at the room next door. Huntsville, Alabama, Rochester, Minnesota, Madison Wisconsin, at the Alliance Energy Center. Now, March 15th. Now, these are wrong. These, okay, first of all, Ian, you got to say when you're opening for somebody, you're at the Myo Civic Center, March 13th. Okay. Sure. I could do it. March 15th, the Madison Wisconsin, you're at the Alliance Energy Center. Now, I don't know, bring a day, buddy. I should say with somebody. I'm going to go buy tickets. But first of all, let me point this out. Ian about your website. This is Ari is autistic about websites. Nobody has a worse website than Ari Maddie, by the way. I mean, built clearly by a cold war survivor. March 15th is a Madison, Wisconsin. March 15th is a far better North Dakota. How can it be in both those places? How can it be in both of those? And then March 20th, Kansas and Missouri, the funny bone, that's his date. I believe that's his date. April and Manchester, Connecticut, Calgary at the laugh shop, wrong room. Should be at Yuck Yucks, Shadow Scott, but still go see him. Point pleasant and Uncle Vinnie's in May, Albany, in May, Syracuse in June, and Greenville, South Carolina, Greenville, Greenville, Greenville, Greenville, Richmond, Virginia, Richmond. Sarah Toga Springs, New York, Phil Delphi at Helium. That's a great club during the main room. Congratulations. And then Miami, Florida, Rosemail, Mexico. But Christchurch fully loaded crews. You're not going to like the kind of crews. It's not the kind of crews your people want. But your people want in is also known as a priest, crews where it's mostly dudes. That's what you want. Where international waters can't judge you. God can't even reach you. Now let's go back to that date before it. Let's see who the fuck he's opening for in March at the Alliant Energy. Hey, maybe he got so much bigger than I remember that I owe him an apology. And I'm willing to apologize. I'm a guy who apologizes. What I'm wrong. I should not have dose per crescent. Kobe D. Treat ruled and probably had to be shown. Madison was County, a light energy center by tickets. Let's see. Let's see. Okay. Oh, wow. What do we have here? Must be a misprint. It says Berkrisher. Wow, it says Berkrisher. What do you mean? But I thought it was a, I thought it was an in finance state. Berkrisher is $35 tickets, standard admission, row age, back row, but good for you, Burt. 35, 78. And now let's see what ticket master does when you get two of them. 71 for upper level. See, 71, 56. That's what it should be. Confirming availability. Let's get two tickets. Oh, do they make a law saying you have to show? I got to wrap this up. You have to show the actual price now. Let's see. No, I don't have an account. What? Remember account, we're prompted to create one. Oh, damn it. I'll just get my shit. Fuck off. Well, Burt, you just lost to sale. I'm sorry. Ian, you just lost the sale. So now, let's go back again. Do you think Ian is in another? Wait, I'm sorry, Ian, finance. Let's get far more Dakota. March 15th. Let's see with that one. Is that the shields arena? Get another great in finance builds. Well, this says March 14th. Burt, hey, can someone talk to Burt real quick? Burt, I have a couple words for you. Number one, your shoe, the Burt Crusher flip flop. I can't speak for the slide. But the Burt Crusher flop is the most comfortable flip flop ever worn ever easily ever. I've taken it to so many countries now. I mean, probably nearing on 20 and it served me well everywhere. Shouldn't get it wet. $45. There's the lowest one there. It's an arena all out. But Burt, I got a message for you. Your openers not pulling their weight. Now, you have your guy in finance taking credit for your show, your hard work. You never got it to an arena arena. Do you know who plays at the fucking? Where is this? Shields arena. I actually don't. I actually don't know who plays there. I actually never heard of it. I don't know why they would have an arena there. All events. Fargo first, first, first, waterloo black hawks. What is it? Minor league hockey? The Madison capital. Oh, it's the Fargo force. Is this minor league hockey? Anyway, Burt, he's not doing his job. He's telling the wrong dates. People going to show up on the wrong dates. I didn't get tickets. Ian, I trusted Ian. He told me. Now, Burt, let me ask you a question because I know you've taken guys on the road who've just been great with pit barbecue. And that's great because they added something to the tour. Absolutely. Now, if you're bringing Ian, bringing Ian to get lots of fucking hot horny dudes, then I take it back and I talk to apologize. Ian is the best at corralling hot horny lubed up and also possibly not lubed up. If that's what you want, if you want to not lubed up, dude, listen, Ian's not about problems. Ian's about solutions and he'll get you a not lubed up dude. It's going to be hard to find because these dudes love to lube. Guys, I mean, what am I doing here at this point? Next week, Julio Galarotti, one of the all time great stand up comedian travelers. We'll be on the episode talking about Iraq. Dude, you've never had that before. I had some money on the wall from Iraq. Some Saddam Hussein money. I don't think that's the usable currency anymore. And Julio went there. He goes to places. No comedian goes and he had a fucking blast and we're going to talk about it next week. Please subscribe wherever you're watching. Listen, this is, you should know by now, the visual podcast, the pictures we put in there next week is going to be a prime example of that are such that you should be watching it. On Spotify, Neono, this is available on Spotify to watch, right? It should be. And on YouTube for sure, at UbechippenPod, please subscribe and hit the like button and leave a comment for the algorithms or more people see it. I've met a bunch of people on the road. Who are not fans, I've been obviously killed Tony's my number one draw, Joe Rogan number two, and then here I've met a lot of people who are fans of not just other stuff of mine, but this travel pockets Which makes sense because I'm out in the world These aren't in people from the houses, these are like locals, or these are people from like Bosnia who are like I just ran into and fucking Florianopolis for some shit So please like subscribe and leave a comment leave a comment about someplace you're gonna go or just got back from and Ask anybody else for advice, and it's a nice little message boy. I think there's a reddit account too I'm not really sure what else is going on, but uh getting the discussion get your passport everybody you need one for Montreal Because their prime minister is now dating a rock star in America. Is that true? Somebody told me that was true. It doesn't seem true You know when they say it's all a fucking the matrix solid an algorithm or whatever they call all of You know computer program. Then why would they program that? They program more less outside or outlier stuff. Anyway, that's it you guys. Please subscribe wherever you watch your listing buy a t-shirt Buy a ub-chip a t-shirt wear proudly on the road. I wear it on buses. They're very comfortable So I wear it on long distance overnight buses all over the fucking Latin America countries. Latin. They call it in a lame way Where yours wherever you go take it with you on the road get a black one unless it's gonna be too hot and then get a mint Color one and get some t-shirts stick it up and tag the ub-chip and pod At ub-chip and pod where you can see more pictures every time You can also subscribe to my own podcast page Not sorry my own Instagram page at R.A. Shaffer and my YouTube account at YouTube and homestash at R.A. Shaffer. Everybody go watch my special R.A. Shaffer Jew Best thing I've ever done Until this episode you just watch now only to be a clips by next week's episode with Julio Galerotti number one Comedian traveler in the business. I'm R. A. Shaffer saying bumzul Oh, also I didn't mention I fucked a lot in Montreal. It's been a really good fuck city for me So give it up for Montreal and all the chicks who will take me An uncondombed me inside their vaginas kudos to you of law