Mom's Car: Jedidiah Jenkins

Welcome to Mom's Car. I'm Dax Shepard. I am Aaron Weakley. And today we have Jedediah Jenkins. We love Jedediah Jenkins. He was one of the greatest guests on Armchair Expert. He's also a very longtime friend. I adore him. He's also an incredible author. He has three books, Mother Nature, To Shake the Sleeping Self, Like Streams to the Ocean, and he's got a new book, Look for it, coming out in early 2027, Go Quiet on the Mountain, The Power of Stepping Away from a World That Never Stops. We love Jed. We do. We talk about a lot of sex in this one, so it's juicy. Please enjoy Jedediah Jenkins. This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the dress code at the new restaurant, showing up in sandals and getting turned away at the door, no fun at all. Yeah, checking first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the dress code at the is always a good move. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. We are supported by Uber Eats. Boom, boom, boom. In need of groceries? Uber Eats has you covered. From last minute ingredients to weekly essentials, get groceries delivered in as little as 25 minutes with Uber Eats. Get groceries delivered with Uber Eats. Terms apply, see app for details. Now, let's get into the show. What I find so funny is I've spent a lot of time in Japan because my partner is Japanese. What's so interesting about him is like we rented a car recently, and then before we go, he's like, oh, we have to go to the car wash and vacuum and clean the car. I go, what? He's like, we're not returning this car dirty. I'm like, it's a rental. It's garbage. And if you saw at the World Cup, the Japanese fans clean when they leave. It's a cultural mindset of like leave a place better than you found it, which is obviously incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. It is. Yeah, there's another Sedaris thing. He talks about being over there and he watches a woman whose little boy wants to put her hands on the glass of the subway. So first she puts down a towel. It was in her purse so he can put his knees on the armrest. And then when he's done, she cleans the window. This was just in his newest book about how terrible parents are in the U.S. Do you? Okay, this is a question. So Sedaris famously has his little pocket notebook. And at all times, doesn't matter what's going on, he's making a little note. Right. About any interesting thing. Do you do that in your life in terms of like building out guests and questions? Like, are you do you have a version of that? No, but I've been with him and watched him jot down stuff. And I go like, God, I got to start doing. Can you tell what he's jotting down or is it random? Lucifer's? It's my favorite pizza backwards. Yeah, I've been meaning to do that. I wish I could do that. But what's funny is now I think of jokes and I send them to him. Like I just now if I think like the normally he's writing down funny little sentences that he hears mostly is what I've been able to. Yeah, from it. And so, yeah, I just text him the other day. Like I thought of a great name for firefighter pants called. Oh, it's going to kill me. And then just the other day I was like, God, why don't I have that written down? I like that he physically writes it down. There's something I love about the tactile of like having a little ledger of all your little quips. Yes. Versus some file on your phone. I kind of model the whole thing out. And I and I kind of feel like I already know where it's going to go. It's going to write. All these things down. I'm going to put them in some drawer. And when I get inspired to write, I'm not going to be able to find the thing that I wanted. You know, what page is that thing on? And I'm just very. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm very suspicious of how well I would be able to use. Have you heard the Woody Allen thing about the drawer? No. Tell me that. My understanding is that he having made so many films, he has a drawer of like trinkets, like the everything drawer that everyone has. OK. He had it next to his bed or whatever. And he would. Once a year, maybe January 1st or whatever, he would open the drawer and pull out one of the things he put and write a script based on that object. Wow. He'll just keep things like weird little trinkets or whatever. And then whatever that year's script is. And that is the jumping off point. Well, that's amazing. I don't know if it's true, but it's not. It's a truth. Yeah, me truth. Like I've been meaning to text Sedaris for two days because I thought that the greatest nickname for Trudeau, the Canadian ex prime minister, would be John F. Canada. Isn't that good? Yeah. And I don't really write like somebody has to have said that it's too good. I know. And I thought of it. I'm like, it's got to be out there. And I haven't done any research to see if it is. But I also came up with another one a couple of years ago, which was did you hear that Forbes just announced the richest man in Mexico? It's not. Oh, this is my favorite slammer. What Jeff Pesos. I'll never not laugh at that. So like I immediately text him now, right? And he's like, oh, I can't wait to start singing. Is that his style of comedy? Oh, yeah. He loves wordplay like Gunderpants. He's really mad. He saw that there were underwear specifically designed for shooters. And he was so mad that they weren't called Gunderpants. What is the underwear doing? Gunderpants. Do you want me to get the pizza? Probably some compression situation. I have no idea. Maybe you can tuck your pistol in them. It just I don't know what it does. But the underwear was designed for shooters. And he saw it when he went shooting with his sister. It was like in a catalog of things. Have you ever shot like a major gun? I've literally shot every gun on planet Earth because I've done two USO tours. And when you're there, you're kind of reward for that is they let you fire every fuck. I've shot an RPG over my shoulder. Standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Standing. How does it not knock you over? That's not the issue. The issue is it's so loud. It's a rocket that's one inch from your ear. And when that thing rips out of the tube, it's pretty. And even with an earplug in, it was like, oh, that's damaging. What gun has the gnarliest kickback? Well, I've shot AK-47 over there. I shot I shot a fully auto grenade launcher. So and in the desert, it's just fucking grenades are going off. I fired the howitzer, the fucking enormous cannon. That lobs a shell this big. Yeah, you got to pull a cord in it. Shoot. What are you? I was on a I was on a I was on a cable. Yeah, mountain. I was shooting actually into Pakistan on the border of Afghanistan. And okay, what do we learn now? Now we're going to eat a pizza, a small pizza between us. In your life, both of your lives, do you find you're the driver or being driven? This is great. I am 100% the driver when I'm not with Dex. I'm 100% of the time the passenger. And even when I offer like we're out on the boat pretty often together. And I'm like, you want to drive the boat? And he's like, no, I love sitting here just checking out the scenery. Like, I don't really want to deal with having to think about hitting logs and shit. I fucking I don't I feel a little bad because he never gets a break. Because I don't want one. So but he doesn't want one. Yeah, but I really enjoy the this role started when we were very young. So I love this. And I would never ever be a passenger anywhere else. Tell me about our trip home from Salt Lake City. You know, we lived in a car for six months when we graduated high school. I was like, I was fulfilling my on the road dreams, right? We lived in his 1984 Mustang for where we met people. We stayed in dorm rooms and I love Vista at Santa Barbara. I mean, the reason I live in California is this trip like we made friends in Santa Barbara. We were friends everywhere. Atascadero we were. Oh, that was beautiful. Yeah, we occasionally slept in a field. Yeah, we had a tent. Yeah, this is mountains, fields. Yeah, Mount Charleston. Make a movie about that. Because that's also a cool time period to see the movie. There was funny times on that trip. I can't imagine the hijinks that ensued. The last part of our trip was we're going to Salt Lake City to see our friends that were in these punk rock bands. And so we're gonna fucking party. And then from there, head home. Which is about a 30 hour drive to Detroit. We took off. I fell asleep. It was a blizzard. It was you drive that whole life on the road or did you split? Not once. He didn't drive one time in six months. I think I drove someone else's car along the way. But um, and you may have even driven the Mustang without me to drive like an established role. It was a natural expression of what you want. Yeah, I may have went to the store while he was staying somewhere. Yeah, no, it never happened where he was on the side. But it was a fucking horrendous blizzard. And you know, the storms move west to east, right? So you're driving with it? Yes. So go ahead and get on the other side of it. And the Mustang was being a little finicky. And we had blown the rear end the day before and had to like, we had no money and I get the rear end replaced by this guy. And there was a whole thing with the double clutching the shift. It was a it was a it was a whole process to drive it at this point. And rear wheel drive. So yeah, the fucking thing had no way rear wheel drive big motor so it did not want to be in a blizzard i fishtailed for 36 hours it was zero zero visibility pure white knuckles stress bloodshot eyes or it's a mix you know i kind of live for that so i kind of am loving the challenge i'm watching semis fly off the road i'm watching people in four by fours not going as fast as we are you know so i love it no it is it is you're from detroit you can drive in the snow unlike many other people and my identity is that i'm a great driver right so it's like here's how i prove here's an opportunity to prove that suffice to say after 30 hours of it yeah i was i was pretty fucking fried i fell asleep in salt lake i didn't wake up until we were an hour from home 29 hours what do you mean at least at least that and i couldn't keep my eyes open well he wakes up and it's still snowing so i think he might be in wyoming or something right he goes where are we i go dude we're a fucking hour from home god bless you i could be in the center of the earth so far from light and at eight hours i will spring awake and my entire body will hurt and tell me to get out of bed i couldn't agree more and wait to hear my age that goes down to about five and a half hours or it's just like i'm too uncomfortable my body aches everywhere get me out i peed three times i've woken up to pee and then finally i go fuck it let's just go let's just fucking get up be get it over with this is dystopian but you know how like spotify does spotify wrapped and it's like you listened to whitney houston 39 hours i want a annual wrap of everything oh that would be great how many times did i say fuck this year how long was i on the toilet this year wouldn't that be the coolest searchable database yes yes yes oh we gotta be but then also like let's say you date somebody and you fall in love and you're dating them and then you can go have i ever been close to this person before and i didn't realize it and then it shows you you guys were at disneyland in 2015 and you were two meters away and you didn't well even think model out all the different things that would happen within your arguments with your partner because you're all partners make these statements like you're always on your instagram or you're always do this and you always do that and to be able to just go hey how often you know what percentage do i do that sorry that's bullshit talk realistically about it because everyone's exaggerating it all you get an end of the year report of what's the truth and then you can fight and it'll solve nothing because it's emotions always you'll think you're now clear it doesn't really matter if you are or not they feel that you are and that's what needs to be addressed do you catch yours do you police yourself when you're arguing with your partner where you go like i say those statements right like no you're always and i go you're often yeah well i try to be moral about it so this is the challenge so i'm two years in and we have had constructive conversations but no real arguments he's japanese and he's very conflict adverse conflict averse and so am i but we're also very conversation forward like i don't want to go to that party okay oh okay like that and maybe it's because we're older that sounds lovely now do you run into this though my friend nate produced a movie in japan and he said that something he noticed culturally pretty quick which was so hard to deal with for us is that often they just say yes no matter what but they didn't mean yes and if you were japanese you would have seen the other the nuance nuance things that are going on that that was really no but he's just hearing yes and then the thing's not happening and someone's explaining like well no he looked this way when he said yes or you know all these intricate things and generally they're not gonna say no there's a word for this and i'm forgetting the name it's that these are amazing japanese words japanese people have three faces they have the face they show the world the face they show their close friends and the face only they know and the very famous japanese culture that we all know is that outward face of like very respectful very sweet and then it's but that is not the truth inside it's it's a war zone and they're having a lot of feelings yeah so i've been very trepidatious trepidatious around that with him do you feel like you're with a chicken time bomb sometimes well i do i wonder i really wonder i don't think i am but i could be so it feels untenable to me we will i mean it will very much see okay so also there's a pretty good size language barrier right because kristen met him yeah yeah he does not speak a ton of english he does it's he does maybe not out and about he is shy around his english around new people okay it makes him clam up in it when i don't even clock the language barrier except that it's cute when he won't be able to pronounce parsley sure sure how does he say parsley hussary oh lovely i would ask him to say all night all day yeah well try to get him to say heated rivalry in his war zone that you cannot imagine i just saw like a trend on either instagram i know on tiktok so it must have been instagram but yeah asian people trying to say a specific word i wish refrigerator is really i think that's what it was they can't even so cute yes and they many of them can't even attempt it right it's like how i felt growing up trying to read words like right oh i don't even have a guess of how this starts oh there's japanese words that he'll say that i can't even begin to make my tongue go they do this little like this little dance so how did you guys meet we met on tinder i expanded my radius to japan well yeah i was just like well that's you know that's how raya is is it it's worldwide raya is worldwide which is like annoying because then if you're like matching with someone in hong kong what now yeah they're assuming you're so global that whatever but no you're constantly in a jet yeah yeah yeah you know like the weird mentality i had was i would have my thing set to five miles a circle around my house and i'm thinking what if the love of my life is five and a half miles away yeah that's that seems very narrow here well but it's annoying to drive far okay so then i try to go but it sounds very good then i drive you know i'd go on a bunch of dates on those five miles and then i would make it so you're airing your privilege of living in l.a like if you were gay yeah yeah in the middle of iowa no no your radius would have to be like a thousand miles totally yeah yeah no chance five miles like there's there's and there is there's enough dudes within five miles that are good no problem now that i am partnered i i actually i do not miss the apps at all except for this one element which is getting on an app and seeing how different gays are in different parts of this country okay yeah you go to nashville and you open it up and it is like yellow polos grooming like they're all christian traumatized but they want to like present they have like rosacea they're like pale they're stressed out or they're like trying to be this like performance oh my god performance morgan wallen beast it's like this really interesting cultural expression and i miss checking in on that i'll reference the bill burr joke right he's telling this great story and he's like what's going on he's like this is what's going on he's telling this great story and he's like what's going on he's like what's going on he's his red rock stand up he's in town shooting a movie playing a firefighter so he gets off work and he's walking back to his hotel so he's got this huge mustache and he's in like shorts or whatever and then he realizes oh it's also pride week in manhattan so he's like well clearly everyone's like yeah that dude's uh a fucking gay dude he's got this huge mustache whatever he goes and then i see this lesbian walking at me i know how do i know she's a lesbian the same way you do that is so brilliant yeah everyone thinks they know yeah yeah yeah yeah but i will say the times that i've been pretty confused it is exactly the super sweet christian boy because again i don't have a ton of familiarity with that christian world but so often i'm like i don't know super christian loves jesus or gay yeah no that was a little and a lot of you yeah yeah you know you said something years ago that i think about a lot which was there was somebody that we knew that was like coming out as bisexual and you go they're gay and i go i i don't know i think they're bisexual and you go you ask me the question go have you ever seen a man that was straight who comes out as bi that does not slide all the way to gay and then stay gay do they ever go back and date a girl after that like once they've gone gay do they ever go back and i said i have never seen that now well and i ended up talking to that person and we're close enough for me to say this i'm like is it possible that it feels a little less shocking to your family and a little more comforting that you still have a foot in this other world and um he said no i don't know i don't think it's that he goes i like boobs and i go okay there are two doors behind one door is a dude with a six-pack and a 10-inch dick and on the other door there's a girl with really buoyant sea boobs are you ever walking into the door with the boobs and he goes no i'm not that's so good man and that's what i'm saying that's great that's great i love it in fact i like it more no competition with you now you're very charming and stay tuned for more mom's car we are supported by allstate checking allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance not checking that your best man speech is in your jacket pocket you wrote it weeks ago practice it in the mirror but now you're up there 200 people staring at you completely winging it sweating through your rental tux yikes yeah checking first is always the 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This is an interesting question, but I would love to know how you fall, both of you. This is a made-up analysis, but I think that there's so many types of sexuality that we, like, force things into binaries and trinaries and whatever. But, like, I've met people that are turned on by being attractive. And so they are straight, but they have had gay experiences because they're hot, and they are turned on by being hot. And I can totally relate to that observation because what is hot to me is that you're horny for me. Like, when people get into, like, oh, she's not this or her feet weren't that or that, I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Like, for me, like, if I make someone horny, that is so exciting. We're going to have a very fun time. Like, that is the most important aspect to me. It's just, like, if you're super hot for me, I find that very attractive. And I would like to be with that. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me right now. That's going to be way more fun. I want to consume. I don't care to be consumed. And I think that has a lot to do with maybe, like, not feeling like I was part of the game or ashamed of my body growing up or whatever it was. Where it's like, I was always looking from afar and being like, I want that. And so I want to devour it. And I don't even consider being devoured. What about you? I'm actually pretty much with that. I know that excitement and feeling. Of being adored and desired. Yes. And I will look past maybe a lot of things that I would normally look at afar and go, yeah, that's enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you're just looking at pictures, and that's probably why I'm glad I wasn't in the app world. I have been very superficial in the past. And I did a little stint in the fucking app world, yeah. But do you know what I'm saying, Jed? Like, if the guy looking at you. If you can see in his face, he's so hot for you. Yeah. And so horny for you. Isn't that so, does that not give you the. No, trust me, it does. But I still am in a healing journey with that. Okay. Like, because I get that from my partner. And like, and sometimes he's like ready to eat me and it's scary. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah. And then, and then this is very revealing, but this is true. My sexuality. Like, when I watch pornos, this is the best way to describe it. When I watch porno where the dudes just clearly. Doing the thing he wants to do and he's fucking making the girl choke and all this stuff, I'm not turned on at all. The pornography that gets me really excited is like, if I really buy into the fact that the woman's super horny and actually orgasming. And by the way, you got to dig through the haystack. Oh my God. I was going to say, that is rare. It's just so clearly a performance and they're not getting any pleasure out of it. And this is probably a selfish desire, but maybe sex is inherently selfish. My dream is that they think I was the best that they ever had. I want to. Give them the platinum package and I hope that they'll walk away going. That was the best experience I ever had. And I want that way more than I want to come. Yeah. Like I've even talked to people, friends of mine who have like, we'll talk about ecstasy and sex is so fun on ecstasy yet. You can't come generally. Right. Yeah. So people go like, oh, I kind of hate it. Cause you can't come. And I'm like, I'm the opposite. I'm like, I can't come. All I can do is provide pleasure and I can observe the pleasure and it's the best sex you can have for me. I've heard that, like, there's also two ways of watching porn. You're the person doing the thing or you're, you're imagining you're the person being done upon. Oh, okay. Like you want to be the person that's providing ultimate pleasure. Well, and I've experienced that. It's very interesting in the gay world. There's tops and there's bottoms and then there's verse. Do you know these things? Yes, I do. We were taught that and are they percentage wise? My understanding is it is predominantly bottoms on the apps. I think so. Well. Bottoms generally, this is obviously a major generalization bottoms. They carry with them a more forward, feminine energy because they want to receive rather than deliver. Yeah. And that feminine energy is often harder to assimilate into heteronormative society. And so they generally are more out there. A lot of like heteronormative tops can like hide or are still ashamed of their sexuality. And they're doing this, this and that. I love Pasadena. Yeah, this is gorgeous. I love a bungalow with my whole heart. There it is. There it is. There it is. Oh, there's a lot going on in there. The Boo Radley house. You know, I'm obsessed with houses. So I look in all these different accounts that have houses. And by God, there was a fucking house for sale the other day here in Pasadena. It's on a goddamn lake. I'm like, there's a lake in Pasadena? You can live on a lake in Pasadena? What? All right. Let's deliver some Uber Eats, shall we? They have a big antenna. Oh, and they seem to be breeding chihuahuas. That's scary. He didn't give them the coke. Oh. Oh, there he goes. Look at here. He realized. Oh, he really did hear you. What was that? Have you ever been attacked by a dog? Yeah. In a real way? Like blood? Oh, yeah. Like a dog jumped out of a picture window. How big? Like a fucking movie. A German Shepherd. Huh? When I was five. Were you scared of dogs forever? No. Who was attacked by a German Shepherd at age five? You were? I was. You were? Yeah, yeah. Whose? It was-- I'm sure I've told you this along the way. But it was my neighbor in the Rolex. Lake neighborhood. Oh, sure. Yeah. They had-- Very, very low income neighborhood. Yeah. Rolex. They had-- most dogs roamed the neighborhood. But this one was particularly mean and vicious. And, you know, that's a status symbol for-- Had a taste for anus africanus. Yeah, you did. Caucasian africanus. Anus Caucasus. Anyway, he fucking jumped through the window. Through a big-- Like-- Like a square picture window. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jumped through it like it wasn't even there. And he fucking ripped me off that bike. And just fucking started tearing into my leg. And-- How did you get away? My dad-- Was there. Yeah. But it was really violent. I fucking love dogs. Yeah. And I can't even-- I know. You have gorgeous dogs, don't you? Yes. Like, doodly, gorgeous-- The stupidest-- The stupidest doodles, yes, of course. Who doesn't have a doodle nowadays? OK, I have a question. I don't know if you use X. I don't know why I still do it. It's just because all the people I follow are still there. If I watch a video on X, it auto-- it's trying to be TikTok. You know, it autoplays another one. Yeah. Every single time, it's like, I'll be watching, like, Project Runway or some, like, cute gay thing. And then it swipes up to, like, the most brutal street fight I've ever seen. It must know that I want to watch this. Yeah. Man, I have the same algorithm. And so, so anyway. It showed this video of a pit bull grabbing onto, like, a five-year-old's leg in a playground. But the adults are scared of the pit bull, too. So they're, like, taking, like, a broom and going, trying to tap the pit bull. And I'm thinking, what should an adult do? Like, am I supposed to headlock? Like, jump on the back? Like, what would you do? There's an answer. So if you don't have a hose-- I hate being sprayed with water, right? So you're supposed to spray them with a hose. And in the absence of that, you're supposed to put your thumb up their ass. And put your thumb in their ass while that's happening. They'll stop. I'm told. That's supposed to be the solution. This is a major update. Because you're not getting those jaws apart. You would need, you know-- They're locked in. Yeah, channel lock. There's some-- yeah. But wait. When I got out of the car, you were starting to tell me about-- OK, you guys know there's tops and there's bottoms. Oh, yeah, yeah, we're back. And verse. And verse. And Jess tells me that verse is generally a lie. No, I'm verse. Oh, OK. Great. But so here's what's so interesting about this. So I always thought I was top. I also come from a Christian background or whatever, where I was, like, so embarrassing to be gay. And so you want to be masculine. I'll do the fucking around here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The least gay version of gay. And so I always thought I was an exclusive top. And then I was dating a guy who he was also an exclusive top. And this is what's interesting is, like, early in the dating app era, you didn't say what you were. OK. You just were a guy. You're a guy. Now, a lot of these places, you say it, especially on a hookup app like Grindr. Yeah. But it's also limiting because some people, like, you think you're a top. And then I dated this guy, and he wanted to top me and I was so in love with him. I was like, oh, OK, like, let's try. I mean, people, these loud bottoms seem to love this. So what do they know? And apparently, and apparently our G spot is up there. Yeah, yeah. So let's find out. So anyway, and it was so profound. Like, by the way, I mean, obviously it hurt, whatever, I got there. But like, the act of receiving someone inside you is so spiritually different than putting yourself in someone else. The trust. The trust involved and all that. It is. And I can't get pregnant. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, that act, and it felt, weirdly, so much more powerful. Oh, really? I was like, I decide if you can come in here. And it was like, so, it expanded my worldview. And I was like, everybody that doesn't do this is, like, missing a major, like, code. Yeah, yeah. But then I'm still predominantly a top. Right, right, right. But it was-- That makes a ton of sense to me. It was a very profound exchange to learn in your 30s. I was like, wow, there's, like, parts of my body that I didn't even know were there. And then there's all these people in the world who have no idea. Yeah, like, a friend of mine, I won't say his name, but the one who's informed me on most of my knowledge, yeah, his thing is he rides guys, and he is either jerking off or they jerk him off. And I was like, yeah, that sounds fucking radical. Like, you have-- things are happening everywhere. Yeah, in every direction. Yeah, that sounds like an all-encompassing experience to be riding a dick and jerking off. - I'm so jealous. - Totally. - It's fun to think that. that you have a sexual life and then you like as you're learning and you're experiencing and trying new things with your own body and with theirs like it's kind of a fun and you're also getting into the magic of sex which is i think it's this opportunity to physically display the level of trust you have that the other person loves you and likes you and there's nothing you could do that would be gross or disgusting or off-putting it's like each layer like i remember we were watching that great show uh beef the first season and there was this super hot sex scene and like they spit in each other's mouths and that became a big topic in our circle and we were like i don't get it's so disgusting i'm gonna get it and i go that's the point it's so offensive and gross but two people have agreed that they trust each other to do like that's don't you see that's what's happening like they want to become one take all my fluid take everything i've got and all the things i would never do because i'd be embarrassed i'm gonna let you see like it's it's a real display of trust and i think it's rad i mean i would never be interested in bdsm but that's like it at its zenith right like like you have the ability right now i'm i'm constrained you could hurt me i trust you so much that i know you can take me right to the point of almost hurting me but i know you you know like i get it intellectually what's going on i have a friend who's really i don't know what it's called he's really into being tied up there's a term like like where he's like hung like a chandelier oh wow and it's like it's like i mean i can't even who has the time for this sex that's my first thought of like this is a construction it's more it's not sex it's like it's like okay it's sexually energized but it's not nothing's happening but he just like loves it yeah and i'm like wow there's so many things going on in our psyche yeah like we are consciousness skips along the surface of what's really going on yeah which i love sometimes i feel so normal i'm kind of boring i'm like can't a guy just hop on missionary pump a couple times i always thought i was crazy but until the fucking all this internet i'm like oh i guess i'm not even crazy at all okay so back to your partner how far did you expand your radius obviously not to tokyo but i made it to 60 miles which is as big as you can go okay 60 miles and he was 58 miles oh my god no way i mean there's confirmation bias there because i mean that is as far as you can go but like then i met him and we fell in love so it's like if i had to go to the hospital or if i hadn't i would have kept expanding my radius in other ways so it's like that is the thing that worked for you so now that's the solution yeah yeah yeah it's like you find your keys where they last were it's like the search is over yeah yeah right so i remember i got really mystery sick when my first book came out what's mystery sick meaning i went to the er 10 times and i did every test they drained me of my blood and they couldn't solve it oh what were your symptoms uh i lost 30 pounds i would sweat a bucket of sweat every night i would have to i would sleep on six towels and peel them away throughout the night it was like dengue fever yeah and it would shake and it was like six weeks okay and then my book came out and it went away yeah oh which is my friends like it's psychosomatic you were so afraid that this book was gonna blow up your life that your body was trying to stop you yeah yeah all they'll say i went back to the doctor for my like final checkup and i was like well do you want to keep doing these tests to figure out and she goes no like you probably don't want to it's expensive and like it went away she's like this happens all the time people don't want to keep going to the hospital so they just stop right and then they never solve it she was like this is a tale as old as time there's so many mystery things do you know i had an expert on and she was a neurologist in england and of course the national health service there you have better access to group data and stuff so what she had found in neurology was that 30 percent of the people having seizures did not have epilepsy and in fact you would go like okay so it's psychosomatic and she's like that term really means nothing they're having seizures and in fact people who don't have epilepsy who have seizures have them more often it's actually worse and our treatment currently is just to go like well you don't have epilepsy so it's all in your head and then people's like well now what right right i'm still suffering she and her whole thing was like we've got to figure out how to treat these people and this notion that's like psychosomatic is you throw that away she said she started talking to other department heads and she said in the cardiology department 30 percent of all heart attacks are not results of heart disease and it's almost standard of this 30 percent number is is psychosomatic but it's like who cares right but 30 is a huge amount yes a good deal of the people they're seeing they don't have a treatment for you need cognitive behavioral therapy you need all these different things and so we're ill-equipped to deal with those people we don't have a treatment for them we're ill-equipped to deal with those people we don't have a treatment for them we don't have a equipment to deal with those people we just like get them out of here i i deal with epilepsy i can treat with this drug you know stints for this and so they just don't have any tools but it's a huge percentage of people suffering from these things aaron are you in a relationship wild yeah i'm married do you have doggy children do you have human children i have human children with my ex-wife how old are they 14 15 19. are you guessing or is that no you know when they start a person or is that you know well i don't know if you know but like i start thinking how close my one daughter is to 16 and i and i i want to see you six i'm like no she's still 15. you start trying to do the math of when this episode will come out yeah i'm like oh yeah i don't want to get it wrong um yeah oh yeah i was 40. i was 40 for two years because i was like i'm basically yeah right right but yeah jed i got sober almost seven years ago and the reason i'm saying it is a year after i got sober i met my now wife and she was living out here in long beach she now lives in michigan oh so yeah it's been awesome oh and i love your word choice there you said my now wife i hear sometimes people say my current wife which seems to imply it might not be yeah yeah yeah right but i i can easily say current wife it feels natural to say but when i hear it i'm always like that doesn't feel terribly committed my wife for now yeah so anyway today's wife we're kind of not quite newly but uh yeah it's been a few years four years that leads me to my question which i want to ask you both is now that i have a good thing that's going well and i've been on such a journey i was like virgin until i was 30 had my first kiss at 28 like listen to the armchair expert next uh episode with jed yeah blah blah blah blah but so i was and then i spent my 30s as my rumspringa tasting the rainbow and having my heart broken left and right and then i really found this guy which is really going well but i really also feel like there's some i had to go down all those avenues and try all those things and get hurt by them to realize and reach 40 where i really felt something shift and i was like why am i chasing idiots when i should be chased why shouldn't i accept like would you say with the amazing women in your life you reached a place where you could receive them or they were just always going to be met for you if you met them when you were 19. do you think that's what you're talking about or do you think it matters what place you were well this has been explained to me by several gay friends of mine and i really do co-sign on this which is so often you were having the relationships i had in seventh grade yeah yeah yeah and in ninth grade and then you know exactly but by the time i graduated you know that girlfriend i had in my senior year we were together for five years like a very substantial relationship you learn a lot and then when i meet brie in my 20s i've already had a five-year really so it's like yeah of course you are learning to value yourself you're learning to love yourself you're learning to love yourself you're learning to love yourself all those kind of things but i think you really figured that out in high school really kind of quickly i think you get burned yeah yeah you realize you were an idiot you know all these things are accelerated i think if you're straight and growing up in the 80s you're probably where i was at you know when i met brie you know who i was with for nine years yeah have you seen this data i think this is really really there's a lot of comedy in it there's a lot of social science in it you know this divorce rate statistics that are you know there's a lot of data that are there's a lot of social science in it you know this divorce rate statistics that are you know divorce rate statistics that are out like 51 or what i don't know i don't know oh no it's um what is who do you think is the highest divorce rate oh like between groups yeah straight people uh lesbians really they have the highest divorce rate and then who do you think second we don't know it's smart who would you think would be second well i thought straight people yeah right so you got to go straight people now right yeah they're straight people and then gay men have the lowest divorce rate and i think that's very counterintuitive right and i've talked to a few friends of mine who are gay and in relationships and i've asked how would they explain that and i want to know what what you're i have a theory yeah yeah hit me because we don't have a biological clock i don't think we're in a hurry to get married so you're probably not getting married at 23 and so you're actually having lots of sexual experiences so if you are going to settle down with someone you've had all the sex you want for now then you settle down and now you've actually found a partner that works well for your life and they have good interior design tastes and they like nice sushi sure sure so then and then it's it's actually in gay culture not that big of a deal to be like should we sleep around a little bit and i'll just see you tonight i would say that's biological because it must be a biological response by a female to be like don't sleep around because a you're gonna impregnate someone else or i could get impregnated like that's not fun for me and they we've had to think that way for three million years so like it's new to be free in that way but gay men don't have that fear so it doesn't create that same sense of like you're abandoning me i love that theory stay tuned for more mom's car aaron you're making dinner for a friend and you're ordering groceries on ubereats what is the signature dish you're gonna hit them with pot roast oh baby i had it last night i'm so glad you you picked that you knew i was gonna say that and guess what girl you were out of potatoes and you uber eats those sons of guns uber eats potatoes carrots onions some beef broth it came in 25 and we killed the whole thing in 15 yeah yeah we are supported by uber eats do you love cooking but dislike having to find parking and wandering aisles trying to remember if you're actually out of certain ingredients because same the good news is you can skip the grocery run and have what you need delivered in as little as 25 minutes with uber eats shop fresh produce pantry essentials and all that everyday good stuff from your favorite grocery stores whether you're stocking up for the week grabbing a few essentials or getting ingredients for tonight's dinner uber eats makes grocery shopping easy less time shopping more time for everything else and you don't even have to put your shoes on you so many wins get your groceries delivered with uber eats save 20 off your first order of 60 plus with code mom's car 20 terms apply see app for details i'm glad i heard the first part that's that's a very thoughtful part about the risk that you take on as a woman versus a man although in a relationship that's not really that present yeah as far as like whether you're going to carry a child or not yeah yeah yeah yeah but the friends i've asked they're like well yeah most long-term married gay guys or many of them let's say are in open relationships yeah and so i think that's wonderfully counterintuitive and a fun yeah yeah yeah bit of data right i'm one of these like degenerate millennials where i watch a lot of youtube like i watch more youtube i remember there was like a there was a stat that said youtube just surpassed netflix it's more than all of the streamers combined incredible yeah yeah so anyway i i contribute my algorithm knows me so well and it showed it showed me this like animated history of homosexuality in ancient rome okay and i was like click yeah yeah because i want to know because also when you're dealing with your sexuality and you're you live in the south and in southern baptist culture and i remember learning that everyone was gay in ancient greece so it's like what's going on yeah and it's always been to me a really interesting hard to avoid fact when people say it's biological so i'm like it may be biological it's also certainly cultural yeah because the biology of greek men didn't change right right right but they don't do that you know well so christianity came along this i forget if it was greece or rome i think it was rome because it was caesars so it was very common in ancient rome especially men of power men of status had tween prepubescent boys or puberty boys as concubines sex slaves even though they were almost always married to a woman if you were a like prepubescent sex slave boy for a caesar it was very good for your standing in society you could like kind of rise up there it's like good for your family you got to cut the line for the bread yeah but some of these caesars would fall in love with these boys of course but they were saying it's actually hard to call them gay or straight because the sexuality back then was purely power based are you higher status lower status whatever so that sort of we were talking about earlier is like do you find me sexy it's like are you powerful bestowing your attention on me i'm aroused or whatever yeah and back then heterosexual sex was so dangerous because like one in three women died in childbirth and so oh my god if you really loved your wife you didn't have sex with her very often whoa you did it to have heirs and you because you were afraid it would kill her wow and so they would get their rocks off with these boys and so there's so much and then a lot of that's happening then they're falling in love with these boys and they have concomitant like relationships with them whatever i thought that was so interesting well also the other explanation i heard was like you know these war campaigns were sometimes five years that they would have left rome or left athens and they're out there gonna you know fight whoever uh one year walk away and then the battles are slow you know whatever like so they're all just with men yes and then you get more the prison phenomena where there are men i just had an expert on talking about this oh i'm gonna listen to that that in prison of course are having sex with other men but then they get out and they don't so you know the the flexibility of human sexuality is on display even right in front of us currently and then back then yeah that makes sense and it was yeah said to me that basically it was like older soldiers had younger soldier lovers yeah because what the else were they going to do for five years yeah be sexual beings i'm curious like in places when stigma is removed what is the actual percentage of people that would experiment and play like if they're truly there was no energy put towards it negative at all it's just like do whatever you want i challenge myself with this right so like as you know you've known me for 20 19 years now i was the one who took you to lunch and said jed you gotta be with other men god does not want you to be lonely your whole life that cannot be the plan right it's so true so i couldn't be more supportive of it and even like i try to watch a very popular show that was out recently that everyone loved and when the gay sex starts i'm just like yeah i don't enjoy watching yes right because i don't want to be doing that so i can't put myself in either of these people's shoes and then i do go it's so weird that i'm i've always been so comfortable with it and yet for me it's just insanely clear that's not anything that would ever give me a boner i think that's the concept creep of people being okay with it and then you're like oh my god i don't want to be a boner but i'm okay with it almost being like a tell that they are where it's like i couldn't have had more pressure to be straight right it would have been so socially beneficial it would have been familially beneficial it would have changed and yet i cannot be with a woman and i'm not against it yeah i love women and i'm glad they're beautiful to some people sure sure sure so all that to say like the spectrum is wide and there are many people clumped at the ends of the spectrum but i'm curious how many people fall in the middle did you see the charlie sheen documentary yes fuck now that wasn't that was a hit don't say because i mean we can talk about it as if yet i i actually don't hate spoilers when something's been out for a year no yeah and people will be like don't say that like how long are we gonna fucking wait for you like you're fucking lazy and i gotta now i can't mount this topic for the rest of my life because you can't get around to watching game of thrones where do you fall on this line i think now we've reached there's a generation of people who have never seen the sixth sense sure sure like i bet they know the ending of six cents but what if they don't they do i think i was just talking about this with monica like the amount of books i could tell you about who wrote them the title what the book's about i haven't read it because it's common knowledge yeah there's just so many i know i know the story of them or if even someone's trying to think of it i'll say oh that's that book yeah yeah yeah i haven't read it but i know it and i just have to imagine since the sixth sense has been such a punch line for decades now that probably everyone knows i don't know i don't know i think people don't know but i know what you're saying they don't know you feel bad of robbing someone of that joy you experience not knowing i will never forget that moment yeah yeah there's a few incredible ones usual suspects has oh yeah what a moment don't spoil that okay that one's too good that's more important i've decided that one's more important yeah but also that one maybe more people haven't seen it because it's not as like i see yeah i think uh sixth sense is ubiquitous okay so now you extend your range he's 58 or nine miles from you and then what's by the way sorry five miles is the the minimum right yeah and you went from the minimum no no no there there were months like there were years where i was expanding or like over the course of the year you jumped from uh your apartment building well because i mean listen we deliver uber eats to pasadena but like that's in la that's far for to risk for a date i mean i had to learn the hard way like you don't go to dinner you go to coffee or a beer like you need to be in and out you have to have a fake reason to only have an hour because you can tell the vibe in five minutes yeah i know i've told you this but my favorite part of hearing my friend's journey on grinder which he used excessively one might say is that every experience i think you can have on it yeah and he was saying you know there's all these customs which is you have the dude over to your house and you're like oh my god i'm gonna go to my friend's house and i'm gonna go to my house it's customary to offer him a water and it's also known you shouldn't accept it already that's hilarious that that is like figured out and so deeper than i know okay and he's like yeah so you know the guy comes over i offer him a water he doesn't take it and we kiss it for a second and then i i look at his dick and if it's not as advertised i come up and i go oh i don't think we're a match and the guy goes okay cool and then he leaves and i said i want to say his name i'm gonna call mike let me tell you if i met a woman somewhere i kissed her for a few minutes pulled her pants down looked at her pussy and said we're not a match that would ruin that person's life i can't even imagine how cruel that would be and i'm like this sounds awesome but there has to be because cut to the chase doesn't doesn't the straight world have field have you heard of this no what's that my understanding field i've never looked at it i've heard people talk about it is like the straight grinder it's like oh it's like hook up it's like very clear i want you to come over here and whatever slap my ass and leave in five seconds whatever it is like you could be it's it's like the free-for-all do whatever you want put it out there and see if like go fishing and see who bites yeah and people like are loving it all that to say i would love to see the breakdown of their hours of max activity right because it's got to just i think when women are hammered yeah yeah they're far more likely you know i just wonder if that thing at like drunk drinking hours this is night and day grinder's hot all day yes yeah all day all night do you think you've ever looked at a pussy and would have said no no no i've never even if i didn't love it i was trying to think do you really look at them oh god yeah well in the same way you imagine you love penises right i do yeah but i love asses more okay great i love asses too but i love vaginas i love areolas i love nipples i like i like you like to see a naked woman be like look at that i can't wait to see her vaginas oh i I know i do go right for the ass also i remember and this was kind of telling it saddened me when i was talking to krista one time and i said if you lined up 10 of your ex's penises in a photograph would you be able to say whose was who and she goes no and i'm like oh my god that like the amount of worry men have about whether the girl likes your penis and it's not even committed to memory no and she goes could you line up vaginas and i go oh yes and i i would do very well yeah yeah yeah and she's like how they don't even look different and i'm like you don't know what you're talking about they look so different and that's part of the excitement is the novelty yeah also like girls will stress out about i hear this you know they they they have fear that their vaginas don't look right this was in the goop gwyneth paltrow yeah yeah yeah and i was like you guys don't get it if it doesn't look different that's thrilling this is like so memorable and this is a new thing i get to experience and it's like there's no can it look bad i mean you have your preferences for sure right like you'll talk to guys and like they hate hair other guys love hair i grew up in the 80s looking at a playboy and a woman had a bush like that was that's what's delineated her from young kids or whatever yeah yeah yeah it just was like womanliness so i like it both ways but i like i love that but i i know a lot of younger guys are like oh no i don't even want to with that and i'm like oh i don't what's wrong with you yeah give it to me also beggars cannot be yeah exactly what are we talking about you must be doing yeah and there'll be guys that are like oh they hate long labia and i'm like rad let's go but some dudes are picked but there's also dudes that don't like feet and i'm like what is wrong with you you're here's a tip don't look at her feet you got to go out of your way to see someone's feet could you look at if you isolated if you isolated boo oops uh-huh people could you tell who it was yes i can see them now i don't have a nipple i don't even need to see the photo i can see it perfectly in my head i don't think i could do nipples but that's not surprising yeah they're not heavily involved in the activity they're around for men right yeah yeah yeah but penises you would know right you would know i would know the major players there's been like there's been some drunken nights where who knows what i said well yeah and also look i was a bit addicted to it and i was famous for a while so yeah i had a moment relationships and situation chips did you ever go into a girl's apartment or whatever and you're like i can't do this you're disgusting oh god no oh are you asking me yeah both of them i've gone okay well but what about one and done yeah i have an actual thing but like you're like i can't be around mud and garbage no yeah you clock that you won't probably be in a relationship with this person do you want to hear my breakthrough when i realized i had a problem yes i'll just say another experience just so maybe you'll know what i'm talking about when i decided to that i was going to ask kristen to marry me and i was going to buy an engagement ring and i went to the store and i i got the ring and we're at the point where he's asking for the credit card and as i'm handing my credit card i stop and i'm like oh my god what is this i'm having a very very very specific feeling that i've had before and he's like are you and i go oh no no i'm sorry just i just want to identify what this is and then i was like oh i know what it is it's the moment when they put the transfer on your arm for a tattoo and they peel it back and you've got like a purple outline of it and you go do i want that forever it's permanent yeah it's like the only permanent decision i had ever made in my life incredible and that was the tattoo but it was unmistakable and i was like what the hell is going incredible analogy was the tattoo but it was unmistakable and i was like what the hell is going and i was like what the hell is going was the tattoo but it was unmistakable right it was just was the tattoo but it was unmistakable right it was just like this very specific like this very specific like this very specific sensorial experience it's all been a sensorial experience it's all been a sensorial experience it's all been a chat and an idea until right now in this chat and an idea until right now in this chat and an idea until right now in this chair so i chair so i chair so i had a period that was you know had a period that was you know had a period that was you know whatever i was on my space at a period whatever i was on my space at a period whatever i was on my space at a period and i had a lot of access and i was on tv and i had a lot of access and i was on tv and i had a lot of access and i was on tv and i would often have people over to the and i would often have people over to the and i would often have people over to the house that i didn't really know that house that i didn't really know that house that i didn't really know that well and in general we would do a tour well and in general we would do a tour well and in general we would do a tour of the house and pretty then shortly of the house and pretty then shortly of the house and pretty then shortly thereafter there would be some love thereafter there would be some love thereafter there would be some love making right yeah yeah and making right yeah yeah and making right yeah yeah and my house is not that big at the time my house is not that big at the time my house is not that big at the time right because we're about to pass yeah right because we're about to pass yeah right because we're about to pass yeah we're about to pass it's a nice house we're about to pass it's a nice house we're about to pass it's a nice house it's 3 000 square feet yeah nice house it's 3 000 square feet yeah nice house it's 3 000 square feet yeah nice house but in general the tour didn't take much but in general the tour didn't take much but in general the tour didn't take much longer than 10 minutes right yeah yeah longer than 10 minutes right yeah yeah longer than 10 minutes right yeah yeah and i remember i was showing this woman and i remember i was showing this woman and i remember i was showing this woman my office and i had this like surge and my office and i had this like surge and my office and i had this like surge and it's so embarrassing to admit but i was it's so embarrassing to admit but i was it's so embarrassing to admit but i was like like like oh this tour is so long oh this tour is so long oh this tour is so long and then i had this and then i had this and then i had this and it was the same one with the credit and it was the same one with the credit and it was the same one with the credit card where i go oh my god wait what is card where i go oh my god wait what is card where i go oh my god wait what is this i know this feeling this i know this feeling this i know this feeling so well i've been in this feeling so so well i've been in this feeling so so well i've been in this feeling so well and i go oh my god well and i go oh my god it was when i used to be at my drug dealer it was when i used to be at my drug dealer it was when i used to be at my drug dealer tom's house tom's house tom's house and he'd be measuring out and he'd and he'd be measuring out and he'd and he'd be measuring out and he'd be telling me about his whole life be telling me about his whole life be telling me about his whole life yeah and i wanted to scream just give me yeah and i wanted to scream just give me yeah and i wanted to scream just give me a bump of that a bump of that a bump of that and then i'll sit here all night and and then i'll sit here all night and and then i'll sit here all night and listen to this but the agony listen to this but the agony listen to this but the agony of watching him get distracted as he of watching him get distracted as he of watching him get distracted as he measured out measured out measured out and the impatience and i need to and the impatience and i need to and the impatience and i need to regulate now that was the last i had regulate now that was the last i had regulate now that was the last i had that connection and i was like oh it's that connection and i was like oh it's that connection and i was like oh it's drugs man drugs man drugs man this is i'm using this like drugs and i this is i'm using this like drugs and i this is i'm using this like drugs and i can't i don't want to do this this is can't i don't want to do this this is can't i don't want to do this this is taking too long taking too long taking too long that is which i'm already in the most that is which i'm already in the most that is which i'm already in the most insanely spoiled situation where it's insanely spoiled situation where it's insanely spoiled situation where it's like i need to have to go out to a bar like i need to have to go out to a bar like i need to have to go out to a bar and charm somebody you know and charm somebody you know and charm somebody you know it couldn't be easier yeah and even it couldn't be easier yeah and even it couldn't be easier yeah and even that's not easy enough because i need that's not easy enough because i need that's not easy enough because i need the medicine now i want i'm i'm the medicine now i want i'm i'm the medicine now i want i'm i'm in discomfort and i know the solution in discomfort and i know the solution and I can't have it now. And I was like, oh yeah, I hate this. I don't know what I was listening to, but this guy who talks to a lot of billionaires and he was asked like, what is, what have you learned about them, about being in such proximity to these rich people? And he said, I've learned you cannot outspend emotions. Like it doesn't matter how rich you get, whatever that kid is that was bullied, that is left behind, that is like addicted is gonna still be right there. Just, it's so funny how everything is transposed on everything else. Yeah. And if you can figure out, it's like you keep saying, it's like, if you can actually get to the root of what that little kid needs, there's 50 other costumes it's wearing in your life. Uh-huh. That if you whack them all your way across and you don't deal with that, nothing changes. Nothing changes. Yeah, and the thing I've observed about being around really, really rich people, and I also, anytime I watch a doc, like I watch this doc about the children of, who was that famous preacher? He became very political. He's got Jerry. Jerry Fallowell. Right, and then his, I think, is a son. He's a son of, he got in a mix-up, right? He and his wife were swinging. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Liberty University. Yeah, I watched that documentary and I kind of had sympathy for them because I know what goes on. And I, myself, even experience this. Like, you've had this fantasy your entire life that I will get rich and it'll feel this way. And then you get rich and you feel the exact same way. So you go, fuck, that wasn't it. What more can we throw at this? Yeah. Maybe if we had a more exciting sex life. Maybe that'll give me this feeling I was promised. And I just think it's, yeah, that hedonic treadmill that is, you can't get satiated and you don't get elation from any of the activities and you were promised elation. And you just keep adding. So, well, maybe we should do drugs. Maybe we should be swinging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just, you don't get there. There is no there. And it's scary when you get to the top of the top of the top because then the public or the people below, they don't actually have sympathy for you because they're like, if I had your money, I wouldn't have that problem. You're incapable of having sympathy for people who are higher status than you, basically. That's another thing that like the billionaires don't know is like, oh, it's going to be very lonely as well because no one will ever, you could break your, like, honestly, if Jeff Bezos falls down a flight of stairs, I'm like, who gives a shit? He'll eventually stand up and be a hundred billionaire. He's making money out laying there, made 14 million. Yeah, Monica, we hashed this out publicly on the fact check, which is we go to the Hanson's Christmas party and there's a white elephant. Right. And in the white elephant, sometimes there's kind of a high valued item that everyone wants. And I can't remember in this situation, it was maybe a gift card for a few hundred dollars or something. And Monica used her last thing and she got it and froze it. And people were pissed. Right. And she's like, it's not fair. Like, I still want to play the game and play it the way it should be played. And I go, yes, I understand that desire, but you have to be realistic about the fact, like, would you like if Jeff Bezos ended up with that? Right. Because you don't think you're Jeff Bezos. It's the same identical thing. You have more than everyone in the room. No one's going to enjoy watching you get some more money. It's so true. And you just got to, that's part of the game. That's the game of life. And it goes with it. So do you want it or not? Yeah. Jed, I'm so happy you did this. Oh my God. I love this show. I'm going to give you a compliment. I hope you hear it as such. There are only a few people, Angela Duckworth, Stephen Dubner. I'm forgetting some where I don't have to do any research. It's so liberating. I go like, oh, Angela's coming. I don't need to worry about anything. She's an explosion of thoughts and I'll ride the wave. And I just want to compliment you that you're the only guest on the show. Like I didn't do, I didn't find out what you're up to. I don't know what book's coming out. I didn't learn anything. I'm like, oh, Jed's here. He'll, he'll explode with fun ideas. And you did. And I love you. Oh, I love you. And I'm glad I got to see you because it's been too long. I know. And I'm so happy I got to spend time with you. I know. We are supported by Allstate. Not checking that your phone was backed up. Before you upgraded, the guy at the store said, you're all set. And well, you believed him only to open your photos and they're gone. Yeah. Checking first is a good plan. you