Molly Kearney Returns

-Woo. -Wave. -Vote in the comments. Do you think they're dead? Do you think that the Seth MacFarland film, "Ted" is like, "Large in the Real Girl" or "Her" or "Gurl." -Gurl. -Large in the Real Girl? [ Laughter ] Today's episode is presented by Intuit TurboTax. Now, this just taxes. Molly! [ Singing in the background ] Why do you play with the mic? Don't play with the mic. There was a little fuzz on it. Don't play with the mic and don't insult the mic. Look at that. That's called being a dainty day. [ Laughter ] You're in a mood today. What's going on with you? I'm loving it. I fell outside twice. You fell. Literally. I fell -- I -- well, now my knee is dry, but -- No, I left my house this morning like a sharp 815 first step outside. I literally -- like, I have like eight steps probably. And I -- and I heart-tuned up in a guy at the -- was at the bottom of his little dog, and he was just looking at me like -- -Yeah. -And I was like -- [ Laughter ] And I was like, "Oh! -Did you try?" Yes, but I was like -- I was like edging. I was like -- 'cause he was like -- It was this nice man with a dog, and he was just like -- He didn't ask -- he didn't like try to help me up. He was just like -- Like, I was coming down a slide at him. Yeah. And then I just cried a little. Yeah. It hurt really bad. Oh, my God. I don't even want to tell you how great my morning's been. Oh, I never said it was bad. I got through -- I got through it. And then -- What was the second fall? Um, who was right up there. I was walking from -- I walked from the F. Yeah. It was a nice walk. No, it wasn't. It was terrible. Nobody shoveled. Then I was like, "Should I have just carried a hand shovel with me?" Yeah. And then I fell. But it was -- the second fall was into a pile, like a soft pile of snow. Yeah. Huh. Well, I'm so sorry, buddy. I ain't talking about it to you. It's okay. Thanks. You know, I love you. I know. I just thought it was more athletic, you know. I -- I am athletic. But I just thought it was more athletic for me. No, you're very athletic. There's no can make anyone fall. Maul's, come on. Don't do that. But -- Come on, brother. You're so athletic. Shit. Look at those big, thick, strong thighs. Thank you. You got working thighs. Yeah, man. Oh, bad. My left butt cheek is not working today. Yeah. And when you're getting a little older. Hey. You're very athletic, but you're getting a little older. I'm not getting old. You can't -- I didn't -- I fit as a fiddle. You know, totally. I didn't say old. I'm just saying, as we get up there in years, as you are, it's -- You're a young boy to me. You're a young boy to me. I am -- if I fall in the snow, it's a problem. [ Laughter ] Like, the noises I must make, and I had, like, my, you know, noise canceling out. So I probably was like, "Oh, no." You know? Yeah. No, if I fall in the snow, it's a big problem. And it's different than four years ago. Four years ago, I could fall, jump, skip. Yeah. Like, I was like, you know, it took me like an hour or two to get over that first one. And then the second one, I was just like, you know, maybe I should just go home. I would have totally understood -- Nobody understands canceling more than this group right here. What cancel? This group right here? What cancel? I've canceled things you wouldn't believe. No, I -- I felt like this -- For reasons you wouldn't understand. [ Laughter ] I've canceled things you wouldn't believe. For reasons you wouldn't understand. I think our generation has ruined the -- like, what am I trying to say? What, we ruined them all? We ruined so many things, but also I just think like, canceling used to be okay. But we've like abused it so much that like, canceling -- I'm just like -- I can't, I can't. I think you -- Like, I'd rather -- Mm-hmm. I can't -- You can. I think that you -- maybe -- Do you identify as a people pleaser? [ Laughter ] That's -- are you kidding me? Yeah. It's part -- That's why I'm in therapy, you know? What are we doing about that? Because you shouldn't be people pleasing. What do you mean you can't cancel? That's crazy, Mom. I think I said sorry to the man with the dog this morning when I -- That's really insane. Yeah, no. I've been working on my -- sorry. Yeah. Doing less? Yeah, doing less and really meaning in it, if I'm sorry. You're somebody who needs that. I think there's some -- there's a lot of people that I say that are like, I'm working on saying sorry less than I'm like, you don't need to. You don't need to. You're somebody who I actually believe it from. Do you think like going to be getting hypnotized would be help? People do that for smoking. You know, I -- Look at me like that. I know people that have done that. I have a friend that did that for snack food. What? He couldn't stop eating snacks. Tell me everything. He was eating junk food all the time. He got hypnotized. They made him feel like junk food tastes like garbage. I thought -- You know what? Throw that in the bin, too. I'll do that. I'll do that. Oh, you got me under, yeah. I'll do that one. You're not like men who are unavailable. They taste like garbage. You do not like McDonald's after midnight. God, that's what it tastes so good, though. McDonald's after midnight is, ooh. Honey, honey, it's up. McDonald's after midnight hits almost as good as me. What's your order? What'd you say? What's your order? My order. Oh, my God. Well, it's changed. Back in the day, do you want my fattest order? Yes. When I was at peak fat behavior. Yes. Oh, my God. I was just -- I'm excited. All right. I know. I'm kidding. Call 'em up. Peak fat behavior. You're talking 1, 2 a.m. Yeah. You're talking Big Mac meal. After the best improv set in Chicago. Best improv set. Your life's got home. I'm going to New York. By the way, splurging on McDonald's, being like -- Absolutely. I deserve it. I had a great set tonight. It's like $12. Big Mac, large fries, large coke, hot mustard, buffalo sauce. Now, this already makes it sound like a lot, but two of those are condiments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then big chicken with no lettuce. A big chicken. A big chicken with no lettuce. And usually, I would say 90% of the time, that's where it stopped. There were a couple times that a second big chicken found its way into that bag. I respect your order all the way up until the no lettuce on a big chicken. Here's the deal. I like the lettuce when they do it right. You can't always trust these McDonald's to do it right. Yeah. Sometimes they put that nasty, warm, wilted -- Yeah. Sometimes they put that nasty, that fucking gross, like almost brown. Ooh. And then it's mixed in with the mayonnaise. When it's crisp and fresh and they have the fucking decency and foresight to put the mayo on the underside of the patty and the lettuce on the top, then I like it. But I can't be in the kitchen with them. I know. And you know what? The kitchen. The assembly line. It's in the assembly line. And I've always wanted to use one of those guns with the sausage. Like, yeah. The power they hold back there, they don't even know. They do know. And you know what? They all go on to do amazing things or stay and do amazing things there. But I'm grateful. What's your order? It's exactly yours. Mine is the McChicken's. And I got a Diet Coke. I like to need my ranch dips. Yeah, ranch dips. I only got Diet Coke because my dad's a Diet Coke. Like, he's like practically a sponsored Diet Coke drinker. Big kev. So we don't really have options for regular. Big kev. Big kev. Respect it. Respect it, Big kev. He goes McDonald's every morning at like approximately 615 in the morning and gets only a Diet Coke. It's his coffee. Yeah. I mean, that's beautiful. And they go. They go, sir. That happened to me this morning. This one of these guys, the guys, the city guys shoveling out by my building. I had to walk through their shoveling. I said, thank you guys so much. Sorry to get in your way. And they went, oh, thank you, brother. Have a good day, brother. And I said, brother. How good does that feel? When a guy who has a real job calls you brother, don't tell me anything about that. That's the best thing could ever happen to me. It's never happened to me. But, um, yes, it has to. I know working guys are calling you brother. Well, I go, I go, no, because you know what I do. And I've been called out by many friends. When I go, hi, I go, you fill it up. Hey, boy. I'm like, I'm like, thank you so much. Like, thank you. And I'm like, oh, what the hell? You started doing a Betty Boop routine. It's warmed. Yeah. Yeah. Literally do. Oh, Molly. What is that? Let's get into that. Write that down for therapy. I did have something. Now that we're just talking about me falling. Can I tell you what happened to me on a city bike? We're talking about anything you want to talk about. Tell me about it. Um. I was riding home from a show. Mm hmm. Ebike or regular bike? That's where it gets dirty. Fuck. I get. Fuck. Fuck. I get up from the bed for its stop. And I'm like, oh, I. You did not answer the question just so you know. It was a blue bike. E-bike. No. What? Oh, the dark blue, dark blue. Yeah, dark blue. Because one little son of the bitch, little woman got to the last one before me. And I was like, you know, I'm not going to be ticked off. I just got a mile. You know, I'll go through the park. It'll be fun. I'll be nice. 10 p.m. after a show. I'm like, whoa, that's such a good set. I got myself a little gelato. Just one on one date with myself. Whoa. Got on the bike. Two unhoused guys have a big gas cart. Two of them both have their little carts. Of course. And I'm going through the park. And this guy jumps out in front of me and goes, and I, like, I'm talking closer than me. You were in his neighborhood. Yeah. Exactly. Don't be in his house. So then I veered to the right. And I'm on a bunch of monkey balls. I'm this fricking city bike. And I fell, ripped my pants, blood everywhere on my knee. And my headphones split in a bit of a million different pieces. And then the one guy who didn't scare me goes, oh, honey, are you okay? And I go, um, and right before I could say anything, the guy who scared me goes, he's fine. And he is. Yeah. I, yeah, I was. And I was like, thank you. At least it's better than not you being gender-affirming on the ground. Yeah. Oh, I was just like, thanks, man. I was like, oh. And I got on the bike. Like, I was like running from like the devil. Like, I was like, oh, then he started peddling. And I was like. Have you ever had your iPhone say, like, oh, no, it looks like it. You don't have an Apple watch, but because you're cooler than me. But it says like, oh, it looks like you've taken a terrible fall. [LAUGHTER] I have only had it up in two or three times, but did you've had it up in twice today? Yeah, I can't imagine the numbers small overall, but yeah, it's it says you've taken a terrible fall. Right when you're like you've been scared by a random man in the park, you fall in monkey balls, you ripped your pants, my headphones got some scratches, and then my iPhone goes, hey big boy looks like you've taken a big fall. Hey, not another tumble there, mom. Yeah, I did. I do like the two unhoused guys playing good cop mad cop on the situation. Yeah. Oh, honey, are you okay? Like he really scared the daylight. I was like, I was like, oh, my skills are good, but no, then there's a pile of monkey balls. Like what, what, what, what, what? I want to tell you, one of the funniest things I've seen in recent memory was I was standing outside of a restaurant in Park Slow. And this, I had, I was out there taking a phone call, my friends inside having lunch, I'm on a phone call. I, I know that up behind this like mailbox, there's a big huge German shepherd on a chain tied to like a pole. Okay, I knew that because it had been over there, like barking at people before. This guy tiny little running shorts, tank top, like ridiculous like running gear, you know, like, shit up the like, like, somehow a half for you for some reason. Yeah. And he's just like really, really, I'm probably projecting, but he's looking pretty pretentious. Like the way he's running with like his head in the air, then 100%. That's probably on me. That probably has nothing to do with him. Okay. But he, he runs past me and he doesn't notice the dog there. And when he gets right by the mailbox, the dog goes, and like really jumps at him, doesn't get to him. But I have never in my life seen somebody jump and scream the way this man did. And it just was such a juxtaposition between like, cool chin up, serves him right. I don't think he did anything wrong, to be so clear. I don't like him. No, no, no, you're right. You're right. Okay. Fuck him. Yeah, I don't like him. He was just so like, hotty and like, and then boom, just fucking immediate, like that. It was really funny. And were you on the phone call? You're like one minute. No, I said, I said, sir, are you okay? And then I went over to check on him. No, I didn't. No, he's fine. No, I didn't. He's all right. I said, he's fine. And then he ran away. But the way he was running before and I can't scare away. Yeah, seeing things like that in the city, you know, happened more often to me or like, I just, some crazy stuff happens to me. Like, not me about it. Like, it's happened to me so often lately that I'm like, is someone out to get me? Like, someone following me around with a camera and this stuff happens. Like, there was a blind woman on Manhattan and I was walking two days. That's not funny, guys. No, two days ago, she was a nice, lovely lady. And she asked, uh, you don't know that. She could have been a total bit. She was really sweet. Okay, my wrist. I'm trying to understand. She was sweet. So, um, and she was looking for help. She's like, can someone find me find my nail salon? And she, I was like, oh, I'll help you when I grabbed her arm and we were walking and her stick was kind of fun everywhere. And, uh, like, cause, cause I had her arm. Right. And we find the nail salon and I'm pushing the door, I'm pushing the door and she goes, honey, it's a pull. It's a pull door. And I go, you know what? Well, if you're so goddamn good at this, do it yourself. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look who can see. Yeah. I swear that woman winked at me. She didn't. But what if she did? Yeah. Molly, who what else is going on with you? How you been? I don't see you anymore. You avoid me like to plague. Yeah. Do you know what? I haven't been really not avoiding anyone, but I have not. I've been reading and like going to better early. No, you haven't. No, you have not. No, you have not. I know you're right. You're out drinking. You know, I mean, yeah, I'm a weekends. I don't have shows. I mean, a Miller Light doesn't like to see me. Yeah. Yeah. It's a big trouble. No, you've been, you've been, uh, even working. You've been in Vancouver. Montreal. Montreal. But, uh, yeah, have you been in Montreal? Have you spent time in Montreal? I have not had the pleasure. Oh, it's fun, but let me tell you, I don't know French well. And they do because I don't know. I'm practically French. Excuse me, what? No, not good boy. I've been trying good boy and good girl on friends recently and it's been a lot of fun. I think it's so fun. It's so fun. Hey, can you grab me a glass of water? They say, yeah, I say, good girl. I do that. I only do a good boy though. Okay. Even if it's a girl. Oh, really? Yeah, I go, good boy. Oh, because I used to say that my dog. Oh, my dog is dead. And now I do it to my friends. Yeah. How's it going? Are people liking it? No. I did good boy on a straight guy friend the other day. And he really actually liked it. Oh, I think it's so funny. If someone calls me, say, good boy, be here on time. I'd go. Someone calls you good boy for being on time and you give him a big smile. Yeah. I just, yeah, I think I've learned a lot about you in this moment. I mean, I think yeah. Do you want me to call it good day during sex? No, no. Good there. Good there. Good day. Good this. Good them. Good Molly. How do you get? How do you get praise King during sex when you're not binary? You're gonna get me punished. I want mine. How do you not? How does that speak for the non-binary community? How does the non-binary community receive praise King? I'm sick. I did hook up with the he day recently. And I said, good boy. And then I went, I'm sorry. Do you have a problem with boy? I think good boy. Good dude. Well, no, dude. Just for you. Not, or we'll, dude, we're not having sex. Good, dude. We're not having sex. At least not today. Okay. Somebody in saying good, dude. Good, dude. You're good, dude. Like if it was a mask and mask, I'd be like, brother, that was sick. Like, thank you for your services and legitimately something I think I've said during that talk about this. Brother, that was sick is actually an awesome thing to say after sex. Because it's like, I respect your craft. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. They don't call it a job for nothing. Yeah, thank you for having me. What was that was a sex in the city line. I'm not, I'm not, I, I'm talking about BJs, please. Oh, yeah. Sick. Yeah. Look at me. I just want dude mode on you. Good day. Good, dude. I like good dude. Good dude is nice. Good dude. Good dude. Good partner. Laura. Good partner. Really cracking myself up today. Good partner's a lot of fun. Where's the craziest place you've gotten to BJ before? Tell me. Yeah, all right. I don't know about crazy. A couple green rooms, couple green rooms of venues. That's always fun. Incredible. Yeah. Oh, put it in. I don't care. Leave it in a chance. I saw a chance going to type on his little computer. No, leave it in. Yeah, I'm getting ahead in the green room sometimes. Whatever. Good dude. That's a good dude. Good partner. Good partner. Good partner. Good partner. Good partner is giving me the egg. But good dude isn't good partner. Good partner. Good partner. Yeah, I don't like I've never been a fan of like gay people having to say partner. I think straight people should stop it. Stop saying partner. Like knock it off. Yeah, especially for like friends. And I know like just be like, yeah, my husband, like it's all good. Yeah. My wife. I know you're trying to be inclusive and you're very nice. And I'm sorry. Now being a dick. No, I don't think you're being a dick. What do you feel about that? The straight people using partner? I don't, I don't know. I'm like, I understand that most of them have good intentions when they do it. And so I try to be like, oh my god, that's sweet. But then also I'm like, I think you just want to make yourself sound cooler. You I have a lot of problem with this like room for speculation about gay. Sorry. Come out. I don't like, I don't like closeted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like room for guessing. Come out. If you're queer, come out. We need you. Like I don't want someone who I just met at a party. You're like, oh, my partner. Then I kind of it's not even that I'm into them or anything. It's just like I kind of get like the, I'm like, what is that? Because you're 42 years old. Unless you like it for a year old in Louisiana, they get to stay on the closet. Yeah. If you're 40 and living in New York, come out. It's enough. I've had it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come out. We need you over. And like come out, like coming out stories just aren't fun as they used to be. Like they're just not like. No, we normal. They used to be so good in clever or hilarious or traumatizing, but now they're just like. Yeah. And they're just my family and my boyfriend. I give me something. I had dinner with some older lesbians the other night. And we were going around trading, coming out stories. That shit hit like crack. Trade more stories. Trade more stories. Well, I, uh, I went home to my husband. With that haircut. Yeah. It was crazy. Oh my god. But she didn't use to have that haircut. And that's how they didn't know. I feel like. And I, I mean, it's with the utmost respect. I feel like Kansas City has a lot of cool lesbian, older lesbian women. It does. You use her. You attract them. Well, I expect like packs of wool. Two things can be true. I am a magnet. for the older lesbian community, they see something in me and I see something in them. And what that is is a love of football and a complicated relationship with men. - Yeah. - But Kansas City does have a really cool lesbian history. Do you know what woman town is? - Tell me everything. - Woman town is a project that a bunch of lesbians did in Kansas City in the late 80s, early 90s, where they bought up a bunch of houses and created a lesbian-only community. And they recruited in women's magazines in like Lilith Fair and they told women like lesbians all around the country at Comdenk Kansas City were building a lesbian utopia. And they did and it's still, a lot of them still live in that neighborhood. - I am so gullible and I know now that you're being serious 'cause I looked over here and I said, but sometimes you get me in these jokes and I was like, really not known where I was going there. That's really cool. And why haven't I gotten like us? - It's over. It's not over. They still live there. - They're still hot. - Well, you can guess what happened. A lot of them started sleeping with each other and then tried to be friends afterwards. And it was like, "Well, I need you to come fix this shelf for me." And then things got messy. - Messy. - But the big joke among the gay men in Kansas City at the time was if you drive through woman time and you're a man duck because they'll shoot. (laughing) - Oh my god. - Wow, that needs to be man. - In a TV show? - Yeah. - I wrote it. - Didn't make it. (laughing) - Holmes and I wrote these. - That's what we wrote these characters into our show. And then make it. - Shame. - Shame. - Shame. - We can bleep, but we can keep the rest of it. - Yeah, shame on. - What's going on with you? You haven't told me much about you. What's going on with you in life? What are you thinking about? - I am really trying to get into my craft era. - Yeah, how so? - I don't know. I just like, when I was doing stand-up in Chicago, and we were still not monetizing and making money from it, I just was like, "I like to do my crafts." And comedy was like, "One of my crafts." And now I'm, I just signed up for a sewing class. - Oh, yeah, dude. - And I still don't know if I have to bring my sewing machine to the class. That'd be like a lot to carry, but that's here and or there. I'll let you know. (laughing) (upbeat music) - I don't know if anyone's told you this yet, but the April 15 tax deadline is rapidly approaching. The old way of doing taxes led to so much unnecessary stress. Things like sitting in a waiting room, handing over a pile of papers and then staring across a desk for hours, or sending emails back and forth and still wondering if they really understand your situation, only to find out that something's being missed. These are all things we need to leave in the past. I'm happy to report that this year brings a major upgrade. 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(upbeat music) If they don't have some sewing machines there, - Right, but it's like, what if there's like, they got, I drive it forward and they have a Chevy, like I don't, what if they're different? - Yeah, totally, that could be a totally big problem. - Yeah, and I've just been drawn more again and really kind of going inward, which is not gonna get the pressing way in like a, I miss myself kind of way. - Yeah, do you lose yourself there for a second? - I think I just, yeah, maybe. - What happened? - I think I just like didn't, I was kind of ignoring myself and I was like trying not to like listen to my inner thoughts 'cause I was depressed. And then I was like, how do I fix this? Friendships and crafts. - Yeah. - And not worrying about my looks. - That'll do it. Was that part of what was depressing you? Was thinking about appearance so a lot? - Oh, yeah. I mean, don't you think so? Doesn't that feel like that sometimes? - I've been through that, yeah. - Like being more front-phase like being on it. Chevy Joe, I'm like, or being commercials, I'm like, "Ah, God, heaven." But now I'm like, I am awesome. And I'm Irish. And I'm gonna, you know, Carly Kane is one of the best jokes ever. And I don't know if I should say a joke, but it won't be, I shouldn't. - You should say a joke, yeah, she won't thought. - Yeah, right. Carly Kane is a joke that she said, she's Irish, she's gonna age like a banana and a backpack. And I think that's one of the best written jokes of our time. And yeah, that's me. - She's so fucking funny. - She is so funny. - Yeah, that makes total sense to me. You know what I noticed? Probably like, I had this realization like, maybe 2023? Maybe I started, I had been on the internet a lot at that point. And I had like posted a lot of videos of myself and a lot of pictures of myself. - That was like Twitter era for you, right? - That was like posts. - Post Twitter era, but like really getting into TikTok and being on people's podcasts and stuff. And Twitter, I had weathered the whole Twitter era. I had like weathered people remarking on my body all the time. And that was so hard at first. Like people being so mean to me about my appearances. And, or even when they're not trying to be mean, just when they're talking about my looks. - Yeah. - And I really noticed like around like 2023, I would look at, I would like see a picture of myself and I'd be like, oh God, I've, X thing has happened to me. I'll be like, oh my God, my hairline's pushed back or Yuck, my teeth are more crooked or gross, my, whatever, whatever, whatever. I would think that something new had gone wrong with my appearance. And then I would look back at a picture of myself from like 2018, 2019, before I was perceived that much on the internet. And it was always, that was just always how I looked. I always had a little bit of a pushback hairline and I always had a crooked tooth. - You could never have, one of the best heads I heard in comedy. - I love my hair. But it pushes back right here at the edges and that's totally fine. It's part of my hairline. - Me too. - But I noticed that I was like inventing, the more I was perceived and the more I was like weathering people's comments about my looks and just seeing, like literally seeing myself. 'Cause when you post, when you edit a video of yourself the way that I used to, you have to sit and look at yourself for so long. - Oh, I haven't seen this. - It's really psychotic. And yeah, I just was like, oh my God, I'm like learning to hate things about myself that I never even noticed. before. And then when what before you even have those thoughts when you look at those pictures in like 2019 you're like I remember seeing this photo of me and I felt like I looked incredible and like I posted it and I was and then you're like back you're like what you do because it is I don't know being more front-facing is scary. Well and I think it's a thing that we're all- Not been as I've been behind camera. You're key gripping. You're key gripping and not telling us. You're moonlighting as a key group. No it's not even I think about like necessarily being like perceived on such a large scale. It really is like I think cultural for all of us. The way that we take so many pictures and videos of ourselves and look at ourselves so constantly and think so much about appearance. It really is like yeah I think it's good to just step back and like really try to distance yourself from worrying so much about what you look like. Yeah it was it could hit dark. And it got dark for you. Not I think I just needed to I just needed to hang out with myself. Yeah a little more you know. Yeah. And yeah that said no to like some things and trips or whatever I don't even know but I just I just am having a better time. Yeah. Minus those falls today. Minus the falls today. Yeah but I got up. I like that you're having a better time. I like that you're having a better time and that you're spending time with yourself. Doesn't make you uncomfortable when I ask you earnest questions about that. No I was uncomfortable because I was about to cry for some reason. But that makes sense. Yeah. You were sharing something pretty personal. Yeah. Yeah. But don't cry on my show. But I never feel weird. I'm the most comfortable talking to you. Good don't cry on my show. Can you imagine I'm like. Yeah I can imagine. I got into bustling. I don't know if I'm going to have to take my own sewing machine. Weeping. I really will be reporting back on that. I can't wait to hear about the sewing. Are you hoping to know is there something in particular you're hoping to sew? So this class is a one-on-one like or one-on-one we make a tote bag whatever everybody's got. There's so many tote bags everywhere. But I really want to start doing some like design work. I'm like colors like this. Oh yeah. And like I don't know I just want to fiddle around like I like being tacked out with my hands and things like that. So oh yeah. I'm just stoked to get lost in it. I want you to get lost and I'm loving that. And I also want to start making rugs. Rugs tuffing? Yeah. Fun. I thought about taking that class. Yeah I'm very very going to be doing that very much. I want to take a neon sign making class. I almost signed up for one last year but I was going to be out of town. Yeah. This is my big issue with classes. Make a sweet one for this. I know. I like to make a little I want to make a really small one. I want to make one like literally like this. Like really thin right over on the set somewhere. Yeah. That's so good. This is my problem with classes and with volunteering. There's so many class I'm going to take and so many volunteering things I want to do that are like you have to commit to this time for eight weeks. Yeah. And I'm like I straight up can't do it. I can't guarantee. What kind of volunteering are you? There's so many cool ones. I want something more I mean this is the issue is I want something consistency based like I want there's this one in my neighborhood in Brooklyn that I know about where you like go over you take senior citizens their groceries like they send you a list and then you basically like taskrab it for them for free. Yeah. And then you go get their groceries and you bring their groceries over put them away and talk with them for a while and you're like they're dedicated person. And I think that would be such a nice like yeah it would be a nice way to use my my mobility in my body but then also I get to chit chat and have a relationship. I'm looking for both. I want to volunteer in a way that's like I don't just want to like build something by myself in a silo. I want to use my body to do stuff because I miss using my body at like tasks that matter. Yeah and you're a strong man. I am. But I also want to chit chat because I'm good at that and I like it. I like I love that and it can be very intimate and you know I was looking into volunteering recently and it's funny because I was like I want to volunteer like got a nursing home or like and I know those those aren't as like my Nana was in nursing home for like 14 years and it was like you know we went we had we went every there's people there like every other day to hang out there. But I'm like there were so many people some of our like buddies there like who just never had a visitor. So then we would obviously invite them over to our table and hang out but I'm just like oh some of those people like maybe they're the youngest in their family and they don't have like a niece or nephew or a friend's kid to go visit them and some of them are just so funny. Yeah they're really funny and they got jokes they are holding in you know. There's something really funny about when you know you're gonna die soon and you don't have to care about what anyone else thinks anymore. Especially if you weren't like that throughout your life I found like yeah there have been some older people in my life that like were really reserved their whole life and were very polite and like proper and then the second that they thought maybe they weren't gonna be doing this much longer. They're like I got some fuck there like I'm holding on to some shit and I love that era. That's fun. Yes. I'm trying to get there way earlier in life because you your grandparents do you have yeah I have my grandma and I have two grand I have both grandma's and my grandpa. How lucky are you got three out of four. Yeah I know about lucky. You should hang out with these people for a little bit. The other great I love them. Are they all in Kansas City? Well my two grandparents that live in Iowa are in Kansas City a lot because they get surgeries down there. So they're down there staying with my mom a lot and then my dad's mom my other grandma lives in like Northern Missouri but I see her maybe like two or three times a year. That's nice. Yeah or do any of them have like a they're probably retired now but didn't even have any cool jobs. Yeah my my grandma my mom said was a nurse and your mom and my mom's a nurse. My grandpa worked on the railroad his whole life and then opened a business leader in life that he still has was selling like scrubs and boots and stuff just like basically he was like a bunch of people in town need stuff and they have to go somewhere else to get it. So he opened like a general store and then my grandma on my dad's side worked as like a clerk at the county courthouse. So she was she was so she was a cable. You'd be like you'd be like oh but I know when he from down the fall she was on 283 fourth street is like well we all know exactly that you'd be like I'm going to David's house and she'd be like hope her mother's doing well. David hasn't been on the porch you know he likes to go but he hasn't been on the porch in three weeks. True and it's like she knew everyone's stuff. It was like a very small time. Oh that's kind of um those people hold a lot of power and are very trusted in the community which I think is a very cool thing. That's a really cool thing yeah like yeah that didn't work cool. What job do you think you would have if you hadn't left Ohio? Oh my god I was just talking about this oh my brothers I think I would be I think I would just be a blue collar like welder or something. You think you'd be a welder. Yeah I like that idea of flame. Nice. Molly! Or like maybe I don't know yeah no something like dirty. I think you could totally be a welder. I wouldn't do underwater welding. No that's not you. That scares me. Yeah that's not you. I'm surprised you're a welder just I thought you were going to say that you'd still be working at the restaurant on the island. Oh well I thought maybe you'd be like an old time or like a fun person at the restaurant but I see welding for you in a big way. Well maybe I wouldn't know when all these say that. No I think my time on the island would have ended when it ended. I go dark I go. I go. I think my time on the island had to end when it ended. But what what the heck would you do? If I was in a Missouri. Yeah. I don't know I think you'd be taking your grandma's box. Hello I'd be I'd be the new clerk at the course of NEPO. Junior's here. I'm a NEPO clerk. NEPO clerk NBC's Tuesday nights. What would I be doing if I was in Missouri? If I never left my hometown there's only like four jobs. I think I'd probably still be working in Applebee's. Okay. How many pins would you have? How many flare? I had plenty before I left. Were you ever on your Applebee's wall? Yo yeah I'm still on the Applebee's wall to this day I think. Me too. Picture me at prom. Meet oh mind's map. It's like an employee picture. Minds lacrosse. Oh of course. Yeah remember I told you I used to be an athlete before today. I remember you were across there when you went to all girls high school and you had that van that you'd stick everybody in. Your memory is physical amazing. I listened to everything you say to me Molly and I never forget. Yeah you used to take them all to Taco Bell before practice because I was the goalie I didn't have to run. I go this time you. Yeah y'all do whatever you need to do. I can have bubblegum something that I'm good. Yeah. The bigger I get the more blockade there is you know. Yeah of course that's beautiful. Yeah. Were you dating any of those girls? I was still in the closet. Yeah. I was packed behind a bunch of boxes. I was in the back. Yeah. But I actually wouldn't have changed. I feel like I came out just at the time that I was mature and mentally well enough to do it. Was this when you were at Dayton? Yeah well I was at the comedy studies program at second city. Yeah. So I was technically a junior in college. Yeah. Yeah. You were like a you were like a skinny jeans and vans. Yeah. Was there for a little bit. Oh, it was tough. Yeah. That was awesome. I love those. If anybody has one of those photos, just bore my face. No. Actually no. You can keep my face. Boy the pants. I just bore my bottom half. Put a blurred blocks and no one can see the dimensions. No, I liked it. Well, it's like I always say you guys just in a different way this time. There's something about there's something about a new workout set That makes you feel unstoppable. Only one problem, buying a new gear all the time just isn't realistic and I always hate when my gear is old. But when you join FABletics as a VIP, that's all, that'll all change. New VIPs unlock insane savings on their first outfits, insane savings. So getting that fresh set boost is suddenly totally doable. I love their stuff. It's so comfortable and cute. The quality? Well, it's out of this world. It basically came down in a UFO. It's so out of this world. Right? FABletics pieces feel like the kind of high-end active where you'd easily pay a couple hundred dollars for. But you get that same premium fit and durability for a tiny fraction of the price, fraction of the price. 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Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select Sotrue when prompted to unlock your 80% off. That's FABletics.com/showtrue. Except so, it's brought to by our friends and family at TrueFrew. In a world where there's hundreds, if not thousands of options, when you're looking for an exciting new snack to try, TrueFrew is making the choice easier than ever. I actually really love eating these. My favorite flavor is probably the blueberries. TrueFrew is made with real fruit and real chocolate or yogurt. And you can taste the quality in each pie. You keep them in the freezer to ensure they stay fresh and ready to grab when you want something sweet. TrueFrew is the ultimate treat that's also made from real ingredients. So it feels like a better dessert option without sacrificing taste. A lot of times that healthy stuff tastes like garbage. Not TrueFrew. Tastes good. And it's made from real stuff, fruit, et cetera. They're perfect for everyday snacking and any occasion. Grab a handful of TrueFrew when you're watching TV or maybe when you're winding out at the end of a long day, you've just about had it with your boss, you know, but you're winding out the end of a long day with your sweetheart. Put them out on the kitchen table next time you're hosting friends and watch the feeding friends you begin. Be sure to save a bag for yourself, though. Trust me. They go fast. So next time you're at the grocery store, it's not funny. So next time you're at the grocery store, be on the lookout for those blue bags with fruit found in the freezer aisle. Thank you, TrueFrew for sponsoring this episode. I remember one time you did, you came to do my show in Chicago. At the aisle. Yeah, it was a small room and the mic was broken. The mic was not working. We figured out we didn't realize until you walked out on stage. And I was so a lot of our friends in the scene at that time didn't have like a stage presence really yet. Like they were just figuring things out and they were very like dependent on things going the way they needed to. I would say myself included, like if the mic didn't work, it would be like, well, you fucking need to figure out how to turn it on before I could do my set. And I remember you were just so like you'd been doing it just a little bit longer. You'd been there like maybe a year longer or something. And you were just so in the pocket. And I remember I go, I go, Molly, I'm so sorry. The mic doesn't work. Like we're trying to fix it right now. If you want to wait a second, you go, I don't care. And you walk out and you go, I'm doing my set without a mic. Can everybody hear me? And everyone in the audience is like, yeah. And you're like, yeah. Anyway, the other day I was at the grocery store, grocery store. You ever been like, I was like, Jesus Christ. I was so impressed. I was like, who is this fucking dynamo screaming in the room right now? Isn't it fun? Like I was like very fearless back then. Now I'm like, skittish and scared to go on stage. I mean, I love stand up still, but I'm just like, I don't, which is, it should be the opposite right? But I don't know what it should be. But what do you think that is? I don't know. I, I, I'm working through that. But to work through that, I'm just kicking my ass on the stage, no matter what, you know? Do you think it has anything to do with like the pressure of expectation? 1000% right. And I think like, I like just love every comic that I'm able to work with and everyone's so impressive and talented that I think I. I don't know sometimes you, you play that comparison game where it's not like. I don't know. I just want to make my friends proud of me. We are. Thank you, buddy. We're very proud of you. I'm proud of you. We'd be proud of you if you were welding in Ohio. Hey, underwater. Underwater. Kidding. No, I would never do it. It's funny. I was talking to a friend the other day. I won't say their name just in case they didn't want this out there. But one of our friends and we were talking about, well, first of all, you also, I'm sure you don't want to talk about this, but you also went through an experience for a multiple years, working at a place that is intentionally designed to make you doubt how great you are. And that's my perspective of it. But then I was talking to a friend about expectation and how easy and fun it is to go in and kill when nobody expects anything of you. When you're underestimated, when like, yes, when you aren't known as like the funniest person in the room and you're not expected to come in and kill. But then when you get to a place in your career, if you're lucky enough to get to this place, which you have been, that when people are like this person's a killer, they're very funny. They don't even need the script to be good. You bring them in and they're going to make it happen. When that's the expectation of you, and this doesn't even have to be about comedy or acting or anything. I think all of us, when we have a role in life where we were at one point underestimated and we got to show up and surprise people, when it changes to expectation, all of a sudden it gets way fucking harder. That is a nail on the head, sir. You know? Yeah. That I would never have been able to The pressure is so heavy then because you're like, oh, well, when nobody expected anything of me, I could just blow past it and exceed it. I'm just gonna go for it. Yeah, like, yeah, and now I'm like, and now people, yeah, and I feel like it's just a, it's a phase and it's something I'll grow out of and like work past. But it's just interesting to say that. I think, yeah, you'll definitely work out of it. It's a lot of work, but you'll work out of it. It works way out of it. It's just like maybe like a couple minutes before I go on stage and I'm like, and then I get on there, I'm like, I'm having fun. I'm like riding by. You ever get like that before you go on stage sometimes when you're maybe not feeling like that day or like, or you're just like, I'm almost never feeling it. I'm never, but I, and I don't say this, I, I, yeah, I'm, I'm never doubting that I'm gonna do well. I'm just never feeling it. Like, I don't really want to, I have a very complicated relationship with attention and I'm never, I'm always a little like, God, I would give anything to just be hanging out tonight. And then I have to work myself up and talk about, I have to like talk to myself about like, all these people came to see you. You have a job to do. You owe them a good show. And I get myself there. But I would say, I mean, chance has been with me before shows a million times. I'm, I'm almost every time like, fuck, I don't know how I'm gonna get it up tonight because you technically are turning, you gotta turn it on. That's the game in the game. Well, you have to be stage mauling now and it's like, it's a different than I can't just go up and be whoever I want to be. I have to be who people came to see. Yeah. Which is great. It's a huge, huge privilege. I love being the guy that people came to see. I like him. I think he's so much fun. I love him. I love him. I'm so much fun. But it's, yeah. I love this one too. This guy over here. Yeah. I'm, are you a, Matt's fan? Come again. Are you a New York, Matt's fan? Uh, no fashion king because I do the same thing. This is just a really cute vintage hat. I love that. Let me tell you, I just didn't know if something changed. The people I talked to around New York, they really want to get involved about this. Yeah, yeah. One way or another, one of the door guys in my building, I walked in the other night at like two in the morning and he was sitting there like, you know, kind of half asleep at the desk. Yeah. And I walk in and he goes, get out. You can't come in here wearing that. And I was, I was like, what? And he was like, you're ahead. Get out of here. He woke him up out of like a fool. His hatred of the mats, like woke him from a stupor to be mean to me. And then we, and then I really got caught. I don't watch baseball. I don't give a fuck about baseball. I hate baseball. I think it sucks. And I got caught talking to him about baseball for 45 minutes. Like I could not. And I was inching every, I would take a step away from the desk. I was for 20 minutes I was polite and really locked in. And then I'd be like, yeah, well, you know, I, I hope the Yankees do well. I'd start to turn. He go, well, I'll tell you they're not going to. I get sucked back. Your inner monologue was like, get out, get out, get out. Really go to bed. So, but I had to like walk in because that's my boy. I mean, that's a side. Your fashion had game has always been one of my favorites. Thank you for saying that. The back wall. You know, we got some good ones back there. This, this, uh, they, that's why they call it fishing not catching one. I wore the hell out of them. I know you did because I was like, you want to trade hats and you're like, no, and I go totally, totally. I'm like, it still looks mint condition. Oh, let's know. We got a, we got these are all, I've never worn any of these. These were all bought to be on the set. Okay. But that fishing not catching I wore the hell out of it. We got a brosky report hat. I love that one. We got to wax a hatch he had. Yes. We got kinds of stuff. We got best styleings, frame socks back there. I just, I have a pair of those and I was like, women stand up comedy, shout out best styleing. Also, I just have to say because I don't think we've talked about it on the show yet. She rides up to the set design here, bud. Katie Birmingham. Katie Birmingham. Let me, I hope someone clipped this and send it to Katie when this episode comes out. Thank you, Katie. Katie Birmingham is a fucking genius. She did my HBO special. She did sorry, baby. Eva Victor's movie, which is phenomenal. People haven't seen it. Eva's so great. Katie, Katie Birmingham designed the house. out of this set. And when I tell you, I gave her the loosest like, yeah, I think maybe it's blue and cluttered. I was going to say, I love the, I just, I don't know, even down to the color scheme, it's really cool. She made this fire. She, she hand-tiled that, like Katie Birmingham is an absolute genius. She hand-tiled that. Yeah. Well, yes, she like put the, the things that, because the thing was originally just, and Nicole helped a lot. Nicole, Nicole helped a lot. And Michelle and Chance helped a lot too. You guys all did so good. Sorry, it was obviously Katie was kind of thinking of it, but you guys helped a lot too. Everybody did a, everybody did a really good job. And the people in the team at Wave as well was over here doing it. Actually, I met someone in a dinner the other night that were like, this is so, I was a dinner the other night. And this woman was like, this is so funny. You don't know this, but I was actually helping out with your podcast studio, but I wasn't in town. So they were taking it while I was gone. And I was like, oh, my gone. And then we got to talk for a little while. And that's for you. Yeah, this is like my most favorite. I've ever been on mine too. It really is cozy. Mine too. I love it so much. It feels so much like the show. And we, the big running joke about so true during the whole show has been our set changing every week. And it'll still change sometimes because I will have to travel. Yes. But I really feel so happy that we finally have, we just hit the two-year anniversary of the show. And we finally have a set. Is it already been two years? How many episodes? Sorry to talk about 100 something now. Britney was 100. So 103 four and seven, I think. Yeah. It's funny. We have that reaction because you were there at the beginning. Most people who weren't there at the beginning, they go, it's only been two years. They think we've been doing this for five, six years. Dang. Yeah. I know. I'm like, I was last time I was on here. You were at the, well, it doesn't matter. But the true homies know. Yeah. I was actually with Zoe Lister Jones the other day. And I remember when I was concepting. She's the best. I just had a delayed reaction. Because she's a guest star on DB. Yeah. Oh my god. We were in Amsterdam when I was thinking about doing. I was like, yeah, I think, maybe when I get back to the States, I'm talking to my buddy Chance. I think maybe we're going to like, I have this idea for a YouTube show. And I think maybe I'm going to ask him to help me with it. And I think I want to do like a YouTube show. I think I want to like find some way to like take things into my own hands. And she was like, what would it even look like? How would it make money? And I was like, it won't for a while. And like, I don't, I'm going to lose money on it. But I think it's a good idea. And we were just the other day. I was in LA last week and we were talking about how crazy that is to have an idea, go do it, have it really work out, and then have it be like a truly like foundational part of my life. Isn't you like executed it, y'all? It's fun as an artist. Like anytime you have an idea, and then it actually happens, you're like, well, we actually made something. It's low stakes because you're just being yourself. And I wish that was true. I'm faking everyone on here. So your grandma wasn't a clerk? No. Everything I've ever said on here is a lie. I'm not even gay or fat. I got a real dress. I fall back, Mr. I'm skinny and straight. Molly falls for a third time. Uh, tag. Put it on there. Molly can't quit falling. Molly the faller. Thought more. Oh, God. More like Folly. No. Hold on. More like Folly. You know, he knows he knows what the kid wants. I can scare me. Yeah. He's a scary guy if you let him. I'm like, I think he's getting close for me. Yeah. I know he always is. He's always inching in. That's gun wheels. What the hell? What the hell? So 2026. Is it my, you, you lead? No, no. I like where you're going. I like, I'm dancing, but I like where you're going. Lead me. Push me a little bit. Well, I was going to say what, like, because you used to be a crafter, I don't know if you still do, and I don't want to out you, but used to do collaging. I still do a little bit. Cool. Sometimes. I haven't made one in a second. I, when I moved my houses, I had most, my setup was in Kansas City. Yeah, I was very impressed by your collages. I really was. I like doing it. I've never shared any of them. I do, yeah, most, I think most of my crafts are private secrets. No, I totally agree. Not that we can't mention them, but my collages, the, like, I've written a lot of like songs and poems, and they're all just kind of for Caleb. I love that. And I think that's very special and I think that's very important to not always, you don't, it can be yours, you know? Yeah. And like mine if you want to give me one of your clothes. It can be yours, but also mine. And wait, the Kevin Warby video on the bike. Can't I talk about that? Yeah. Okay, was it a four-wheeler or a mopet? It was a four-wheeler. God, I love a four-wheeler. I know. It is fun. Oh my God. I love a four-wheeler. I crashed a four-wheeler off a bridge when I was like 12 years old. Were you alone on it? Or just when we got back? I was alone. I was alone. And bridge is, it was like a, it was, you know how when you're, like, if you're out on a farm and there's like a big, like, brush ditch or something. Yeah. And it's like just a huge ditch that you get over. And you, well, we had, I was on a family friend's property and they had a big brush ditch where they would like put like discarded brush. And they had two boards over it that you could drive over. But they're just about as wide as the tires on the four-wheeler. And I just misshot it and tried to go too fast, like a 12-year-old took it off into the, into the brush ditch four-wheeler on top of me. Didn't break anything somehow. That's, you know, you can easily die from that. People do. I know. Scraps, bruises. I was all fucked up. And I just had to lay in there until someone came and found me. Oh, Keele. Baby Keele. It was really scary. I have your baby photo from your, like, when you're first. I have your poster baby photo on my fridge. I noticed that. And if I pee with the door open at my apartment, I can see you. Yeah. That's really special, I think, in some ways. Yeah. And I would go, I don't think I got to move that. You're like, I got to move this closer to the toilet. He's got to be in the bathroom with me. Yeah, it's a really cute picture. Sorry, I had to, yeah, I stole it from the wall at some Union Hall or Bellhouse or something. Yeah, I think Bellhouse. Yeah. Remember my, before I moved to New York, my, my era where I was doing a Bellhouse show every month and throwing a party afterwards. Yes. And it was the most fun ever. Yeah. Wow. That was before you lived. Oh, yeah. Because you were just like, you're like, yeah, back in New York. I'm like, were you here? You were just here two days ago. I was coming every month. Let's. And being like, God, I wish I could live here. I'm like, hey, huh? Hey, you can, you can't, very much. That was a fun era though. I really enjoyed that. Yeah. Those shows were goofy and loose and awesome. And that, you were kind of like crafting the beginning of your, the beginning of your special, right? No, by that point, I was pretty, or did you already record it? No, I hadn't recorded it special, but I had the hour, took a long time to sell the hour because the hour was done before I started the podcast and no one really wanted it. Like it was already filmed and everything. Not filmed. We had filmed a test version of it. We hadn't filmed like the version. But basically, we took it everywhere and everyone was like, ah, call us when you have some more followers. Oh, I got a fight. Well, I got a very specific list of names for you. If you're interested in trust, I won't be forgetting them. Yeah. And you know what? They're going to never forget you either because they messed up. It's just such a funny thing that we're in now where you have to take the audience to the network. Like it used to be like you, the whole point of wanting to do something with a network was they had an audience for you. Yeah. And now they only want you if you can bring them an audience. That's what you were in. Wally were talking about. Really funny. Was that her so true about how like they like Broadway? That was just interesting. We don't need to repeat with the pot. What the episode was. But anyway, no, let's talk about what Wally and I talked about. What's it? We did. We, you start telling me about snakes. Wally and the fucking snakes, dude. Yeah, I'm very interesting. Very interesting. I wouldn't touch snake with a 10 inch pole. So 10 inch. Wait, 10 inch pole. I wouldn't say 10 foot 10 inches way funny or though. I wouldn't touch that with a 10 inch one. It's like you're kind of scared of something. But with an 11 inch pole, I get him. Yes, stick not stick one. Magician stick. No, it's a magic. Come on. It's a magician. Stick. A wizard has a wand. A magician has a wand. Just okay. Just let's get to the bottom of that quickly. It's like the wizard wizard has a pointy one and a magician has a little white tip at the front. That is correct. What is that about? I don't know. I think you'd be a really good I think like I think you like kind of like night out as like a little magician and you go around and you take your glasses off and you put on a long wig and you're like around New York City doing magic at like like and like playing like dungeon the dragon stuff. You think I have a magician's energy? Yeah, sometimes. Well, guess what kind of energy I think you have. Be in a bitch. Molly, I don't think I've ever seen you be a bitch in my life. Never not once. I remember when you had a guest room in New York, the way that you had some wayward comedian, usually me, staying with you every fucking day of the week. It was like a B&B, but I was just like, okay, what does everyone need? What does everyone need? No, but that was great. I got rid of my guest room for that reason. Yeah, I think I told you when I heard you were getting it too better. I was like, save yourself. Save yourself. Save yourself. Don't. Do not get a guest room in New York. You will only have rice. Or just make the landlord change it online that it's one bedroom because it's so good when people look up. Sorry, there's so many boxes in there. You're not going to be able to stay in there. No, no, no, no, I can't. I can't. My mother's stuff is in there. I can't. Oh, it's my mother's replica. My mother's things are in there. Hi, for my birthday party this year, I had five people staying with me. I'm so sad. I miss your birthday for a year, two in a row. It was fucked up. I know. You need to mark. I dressed up though. Did you? I just had a look. I put on a costume. Did you? Yeah, in your spirit. Are you lying to me? - Yeah. - You need to mark your calendar for next year. - I will, because I feel like, I was being disrespected by not being in town. - What are you listening to right now? Or watching or reading? What are you getting into? What's informing Molly's mind right now? - Well, I just got a Kindle. - Yeah. - Because I've been like really on my reading game and I think being able to read books and enjoying books is a privilege because I am less like, I'm not working in a restaurant where I'm like hustling and exhausted all the time. I like have time to read. And I think it's a privileged thing to sit on, reading. Or like watching TV. (laughs) - What are you watching? - Everything. - No, what am I reading? I'm on Goodreads, shout out. - Shout out. - One of the worst run apps of all time is that app. - Yeah, it's run like a website from 1989. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like when we just got websites. - But I keep crawling back to it and move on my little reviews. - It honestly speaks to them that it's lasted this long and no one's kind of best at them. Somebody's gonna come along and do like a letter box for books and it's gonna be over for Goodreads. - Oh, and it's kind of smooth, Goodreads. I don't mean it and maybe, but the app sucks. TV-wise, what am I watching for TV? What am I watching for TV? I just watched task with Mark Ruffalo. - Nice, what's it about? - It is about FBI, some people who steal some drugs. It's really good. It's not one of those normal shows. It's crazy. It kept me on the edge of my seat. What are you watching? - Wow, back, I watched the, was it called Fit for TV? The biggest loser documentary? - Oh, that was why. - That shit was good. - Oh my God, I was like. - Oh, that shit was good. - They weren't eating anything. - They weren't eating anything and they were exercising so much and it was, it was crazy. They're like selling products. They're like, get your biggest loser water bottles. It was really, really insane. People were fainting on treadmills and shit. And they're screaming at 'em on cocaine. - It really, yeah, they're all on speed. - That was, that's yours. - There's like a doctor who's like, it's good that you're losing 10 pounds a day. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. I get loved watching that. - All 12 of us lit English muffin. (laughing) And Diane took a little bit too big of a bite. - Yeah, and then we had to do our 12 hours on the treadmill. - Yeah. - It was really crazy. - Yeah, that was wild, that was wild. - I really only watched like documentaries and movies. I just rewatched Lars and The Real Girl. - Oh, I wanna watch, that's what, you were seeing Ryan Gosling, right? - Ryan Gosling. - I think I saw it when I was like first, I need to rewatch it. What is it about? - Well, is it, is he in love with the doll? - It's so much more than that. (laughing) Yes, of course, that's the central premise. - Okay. - The way, I wanna say something about Lars and The Real Girl. - Tell us. - The way the town treated that young man was beautiful and special. And the way they treated Bianca, his doll, Sweet Baby Bee, was really beautiful and special as well. And I wanna say, Lars, I am happy that Lars got over the thing with the doll. She died in the lake. - Like she got popped? - No, she died from-- - I mean like physically popped, was she a blow up? - No, she was sick. Yes, I think she was a blow up doll. I can't really remember. She was a life-sized human doll with the correct anatomy. - And you probably had to drive her around. - She didn't sleep with her. While she was bound to a wheelchair. She was wheelchair bound. And because she was sick. And then she was sick and she ultimately succumbed to illness and she died. - And the pond? - She died by the pond and then he put her in the pond. I think to try to bring her back. Now, she lived a beautiful life and she was loved so beautifully by him right up until the end. Lars and The Real Girl, I like that the town indulged his delusions. I think if the town wanted to indulge my delusions, I would really love that. I'm not painting on being alone with a sex doll. That's not my story. That was never going to be part of my story. - Thank God. - But I do think it's sweet to let someone be crazy and just love them right through it. - Well, 100% like when people get dementia and things and they're like, "I'm looking for my husband, Joe." And they're like, "Joe's coming back in a little bit." - Yeah. - But Joe's. - But Joe's a sex doll. (laughing) - He put her in conservative clothing. He dressed her up. I had some fierce looks. She got bangs, Bianca in the movie. - Did he give her bangs? - A local hairstylist gave her bangs. - No, Caleb, I gotta go and watch this movie. - And she looked fierce. And Ryan Gosling acts his gosh darn hard out in this film. It is a beautiful film. And the soundtrack is incredible. - Okay. - I know you love a good soundtrack. - I love a good soundtrack. I thought it was a beautiful film. I've seen it a couple times, but I rewatched it. And yeah, I just have to shout out Lars and The Real Girl. I love that movie. - Are you gonna cry? - No. No, I'm not emotional. I cried when I rewatched it. - Yeah, yeah. And that other movie with the other, her. - Her. - I haven't seen that one either. - That, I do not find sweet. - No. - There's something about that that I find very upset. - A bit dark. - Yeah, I don't like that he talked to the computer like that. - Okay. And this is not the same, but this is in a similar vein. Ted. The stuffed animal that talks. - Yeah. - Is that similar to. - I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say no. - Leave it to the public. - For me. Vote in the comments. Do you think that Ted, do you think that the Seth McFarland film, Ted, is like Lars and The Real Girl? - Or her. - Or her. - Or The Real Girl. (laughing) - Or her. - Girl. - They should've called her, girl. - Girl. - But yeah, I, you know, in a way, that is talking to the animal. - In a way, you guys vote in the comments. - Yeah, let us know. - Do you think that Ted is like Lars and The Real Girl or her, or both? Are they all, you know what? Sure. I don't care. (laughing) - Not a bother to me. - It isn't fucking matter to me. That's fine. - It's not a bother. - That's fine, Ted is like Lars and The Real Girl. I don't care anymore. I don't care about stuff like that anymore. I'm grown up. I'm just trying to put childish things away. - Finally, he lets me win. - Do you feel like you're grown up? - No. - No. - Well, when I talk to my accountant. - Doesn't it feel like they're the grown up? (laughing) Is it to hire someone to beat the grown up? - Yeah. - Oh, since the day I was born. - Actually, yeah, that makes sense to me. - Yeah. I feel like if anything-- - In the way you've been raising me this whole time. - That's really beautiful. - That's a friendship, usually because I'm older and I'm bigger, you know. - You're certainly not bigger. - I am in my wisdom. - Yeah. - That's true. - And my wisdom is where my heart is. - Yeah. - I am in my wisdom. (laughing) - No, I've learned a lot from my mom. - You know, I'll put that in the comments too. - Mom, I've learned a lot from you. - Me too, you buddy. - What'd you say? - Yeah, whatever. (laughing) - Me too, you buddy. - You buddy. - Me too, you buddy. - My buddy. - I think the last time you came on the show, I read off some of the sketchy ideas that we wrote for each other at that Japanese spot. - I still think they would win. - I still think we would be incredible as a sketch duo. - And man, we could barely pay for the meal. (laughing) - Yeah. - But now we could. - You could pay for me to get Japanese some time, really. - Absolutely. - Truly. - I'd be honored. - Wait, I wanted to talk more about you feeling like a grown-up or not feeling like a grown-up. - Yeah. - No, you don't feel like a grown-up. - I feel the day I feel like a grown-up is the day that I give away my whimsy. (laughing) - When did you do that? - What are you doing? - When did you do that? - I'm saying, I'm not gonna say that I'm an adult because then I would give away my whimsy. - Oh, I thought you were saying that day had come and passed. (laughing) You're like, there's a day I gave away my whimsy and that's when I became an adult. It was one of the most harrowing things I've heard on this podcast to date. - Like, why be an adult when I can be a mature young person? - Mature young person. - Yeah. - Like a pretty young thing. - Yeah, P-I-T. - Exactly. - Pretty young thing. - Come on to that ear. - Hey. - Come on. - Yeah, give me the headbub. You got a real mobile neck. - Thank you. - You really, you get that head going. - Well, I tried to when I felt today and it like readjusted itself. (laughing) - Mom, you wanna play a game? - I love, I would love to. - Okay. - I've been wanting to redeem myself 'cause there were some people who were saying that I went a little crazy, but I'm gonna win. And by people, I mean, you. (laughing) - You went a little crazy, but you're gonna win. - Yeah, yeah, wait. - Let me let me adjust, let me adjust. - Molly, I'm gonna read you 15s. Don't you're moving the chair so much. - I'm really sorry. - I'm gonna read you 15 statements. - All right. - You gonna tell me if what I just said was true or false. If you get ten or more correct, Molly, I think you know that you're gonna win 50 US dollars. You ready? - Yeah. - Quick as you can, avocados are a fruit. - True. - True. A shrimp's heart is located in its head. - False. - True. The current mayor of Cleveland, Ohio is Steve Ponce. - False. - False Justin Bib. X is the least used letter in the English alphabet. - False. - Z. Columbia is the largest exporter of coffee in the world. - False. - False. - False, it's Brazil. Antieters have no teeth. - True. - True. There's a Taco Bell in Vatican City. - True. - False. - False. - We peers happen every four years. - Yes. - True. - True. - The student newspaper at the University of Dayton is the flyer news. - True. - True. - True. - True. California is the largest US state by land mass. - False. - False. - False, it's Alaska. Your nose and ears never stop growing. - True. Ohio State Anthem is the Ohio Waltz. - Shane again? - Ohio State Anthem is the Ohio Waltz. - False. - False, it's beautiful Ohio. Q cumbers are 95% water. - True. - True. Steven Spielberg was born in Cincinnati. - True. - True. - How'd they do? (cheering) - It's too bad. - Hoon, hoon, hoon, hoon, hoon. - Molly, Molly, Molly. Molly. - Oh my God. (laughing) - I am, who was the last person to win? - Who was the last person to win? - I don't know who won last. - How many did I just get? - 12 of 15. - Are you gonna play the National Anthem? (laughing) - The National Anthem? - Do do do do. - Do do do. - That's the National Anthem. - There we go. - I just got laid-headed for my excitement. - Play taps. (laughing) - Da, da, da, da. - Wow, I'm sorry about. - I'm talking so immature in there, but that was so fun. - No, that was beautiful, Molly. I love how much you walked in. Thank you, brother. - Thank you so much. - He's fine. - Sorry. - He's fine. - He's fine. (laughing) Is there anything you wanna tell the people before you go? - Oh my God. I am on a new show. We're halfway through called DMV, it's on CBS. Shout out. And my name is Barbara Jason Berry in the show and the manager of the DMV. And there's amazing cast and it's a comfy show where you have a nice time. - That's beautiful. You want to tell people where they can find you? - You can find me on Instagram, meet brick Molly. And follow me around. - Love you, buddy. - Love you so much. Everybody, and you, specifically. - Thanks for coming on. - Thank you for having me. Oh yeah, tap to me, tap to me.