Modern Masculinity, Feminism, & Raising Boys in 2026

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But I think that in 2026, we need to redefine healthy masculinity, especially as our roles have changed in society. What's up, dudes? And welcome back. Welcome back. To Unplanned. Woo! Is that fun? Should we rebrand to Unplanned with just, like, the one word, Unplanned? I've actually wanted to do that for a while, and I've gotten nervous. I don't know why. But I think it'd be kind of fun just if this just said Unplanned. Okay. I think we should do it. Do it. Do you guys approve it? Let us know in the comments. Oh, my gosh. Speaking of the comments, everyone that's been leaving reviews, we really appreciate you. That helps us so much. That's, like, a free way you can support the show by just telling people why you like it on Spotify or Apple. And then, especially, another free way, is just subscribing. If you're listening on YouTube, the subscribe button really helps us out. We're actually trying to hit a million subscribers this year. And if we do, I think we need to do something special for our team because we're growing. We're trying to make better videos. What are we at right now? We're at 800-something thousand. Oh, yay. 830,000, I think. We can do it. So, I don't know. I've seen other podcasts where they, like, throw a party for their team or they take their team on a trip. Maybe we'll take our team on a trip if we hit that number. We should make a goal, too, because we're always here. Because I don't know. I think I just want to celebrate that. And I want to be around for a while because it's fun connecting with you guys. It's fun interviewing the guests that we have on these shows. I can't believe we get to sit down with the people that we get to sit down with. But we got a very exciting conversation today. Abby, what are we talking about today? Well, a couple years back. Gosh, it's been two years at this point, I think. No, it was three years ago. Three years ago. Wow. Time is an illusion at this point. Yeah. But we had posted a clip from this podcast. It was a podcast where I was just, you know, running my mouth. We are literally living in a man-hating culture. And as a mother to a son, that makes my heart really sad. My son. Watch me. Oh, it's okay. It's okay. You got this. You got this. I would hope that my son could grow up and there could be males and females uplifting him and rooting him on and not hating him for his gender or, you know, thinking a certain way about him because he's a man. Let's actually get into this conversation. What's the context? Let's get into it. Let's get into it because here's my thing. I am so pro-women. I love women. And yeah, I'm the biggest girl's girl. Like, I'm just. I just. I'm going to take a girl's side if we're totally honest. You really are, actually. I will publicly take a girl's side but then quietly put them aside and be like, okay. I feel like I've heard you say, like, I just, like, women are just better than men. Yeah. I feel like I've just heard you say that. Yeah, I've said that. You've definitely said that. Which is okay. There's a part of me that believes that. Are you sexist? Yes, you are. But that's okay. I mean, like, I fully support your belief that women are better than men. Let me get my thoughts out. I'm okay with you believing that. I want to fully acknowledge that, like, women that have been hurt by men, like, I. That. That angers me so, so, so much. Oh, yeah. That fully. Those men should be held accountable that are abusive, that are dominating, that are just completely inconsiderate. Like, there's just so many things. It's like, that fully enrages me. Especially when it comes to sexual assault, too. Like, some of these instances, you just look into what happens. If you watch documentaries on abuses of that, it's just. It's sick. It's. I can't even watch it half the time. That makes me so mad. And so, I want to recognize that the people that are feeling. I think there's two categories of people that I view as, like, man-hating. And, like, I want to fully recognize that a big population of people that have been hurt by men, by boyfriends, by husbands, by men misusing their power, and also their fathers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That breaks my heart. The fact that the role of a father to a daughter, like, that can start as a. Oh, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. And so, I want to recognize that, like, a lot of that can start from literally an infant. When you have a terrible view of your father. They were not a good role model to you. They represent. Your dad represents so much to you. Like, even as you grow up into an adulthood, you're like, this is the person that is, like, kind of setting a standard. Now, like, we can change that standard as we get older, have therapy, have new experiences that are better, but, like, there's so much there. The other category of, I want to put in quotes, man hate. If that's not appropriate, someone tell me to say that, but I honestly feel like that's just kind of how I'm interpreting it personally, is people that are reacting to society now in this overcorrection. The people that are just, like, now a part of, like, it's okay now. Like, I'm telling you, I cannot tell you how many times a day where it's like, I hate men. Women say that all the time. I hate men. I hate. Men are the worst. We don't need men. What's an example of that? Like, why do women feel that way? Pull up Instagram right now. Just fill me in. Like, what's something that you've seen? You don't see it on your social media? I don't scroll social media. I play video games now instead. Like, my doom scroll is playing video games, which is just as bad, if not worse. I literally. My screen time's, like, zero. It's been great. Take a drink every time Abby gets the ick, right, Matt? I know. No, it's funny. Like, we used to. I used to brag about. I was like, yeah, Abby thinks video games are a huge turnoff, and just like the past six months, I've been, like. No, you've been playing with your boss. I love games. I'm gaming with my bros. Literally my brothers. But what I'm saying is that now, at least for me, what I see in other women, you can comment down below if you see the same thing too, or if you don't, then also like, feel free. This can be a discussion. I'm not offended by this. Also, this is just how I'm interpreting the society that we're living in. And so, um. But the other is, like, now it's, like, okay for people to say, like, literally. Women to say, I hate men. It's actually, like, totally okay. And men are supposed to just sit there and be like, yeah. You're right. No, you're right. If a man were to say, I hate women, we'd all be like. Yeah, you'd get burned at the stake. No, but it would just. Which. Someone's gonna clip that. Someone's gonna clip that right there. It's just not. And I recognize, like, this is a tale as old as time where something is wrong, and we finally recognize that as a society. And then it's pitchforks and fire, and then we're back at the other side of this. Can I be a devil's advocate? Of course. I feel like. So the pendulum swung too far into one side. Now it's swinging you too far to the other side to, like, overcorrect. Totally. But I think that's it. Like, I think a pendulum needs to keep swinging until it slows down, it slows down, then eventually it stops. I'm speaking, though, as a mom who has a two- and a three-year-old boy at the time that this pendulum is swinging on this side. Yeah. Okay. And so my little boys are hearing I hate men, men are the worst, we don't need men, we don't need blah, blah, blah. And I'm. And here's the thing, Matt. This is reflected in data. So, like, Scott Galloway does a lot of. I was actually. The first thing that actually put words to the things that I was, like, feeling and noticing in society was when Scott Galloway. I'm pretty sure that was who was on? Scott Galloway. Yeah, he was on Diary of a CEO. This conversation was. I don't necessarily, like. Once again, I don't necessarily agree with every single thing on there or feel the same way about things, but, like, this finally put words and data to things that I was experiencing and feeling and noticing in society. Which we would love to have Scott on the pod. Go spam Scott's DMs if you want. If you want him on our podcast. If enough people. Seriously, guys, like, that's what's crazy about your influence on who we interview. Like, if you guys really want us to interview someone, let us know. Like, like the comment. Make the comment go to the top, and we will. We can get them on the pod. Like, if enough of you, especially, reach out to them, because you want to see them on here, it's going to happen, because you guys. Like, you, the people, are so powerful. So, thanks to everybody for watching, and we listen to everything you say to us. So, thank you. So, let's go back, like, 50 years. So, not during our lifetime, but like, the very beginning of our parents, especially our grandmas, like, their experience. They did not have access to information like they do now. No. Not at all. They needed to get married for financial security. Which is so sad. Imagine getting married to a subpar man just because it was a means of survival. Here's the fact, though. Women in the United States legally gain the ability to open bank accounts, apply for credit cards, and obtain loans without a male cosigner with the passage of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act in 1974. That was not that long ago. Abby, that's goodness. That's about 50 years. And look what women have done in that amount of time. 50 years, and women have 52 years to be exact. Holy crap. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's something that I feel, like, immense pride for women for. Like, look what we've done in 50 years since we've gotten the. It's like they literally finally allowed us in, and it's like, look at what we've done. Women can succeed, but we don't have to crush men beneath our feet to do so. That's good. Snaps. Like, there's. Space for both of us. Yep. And I feel like that. Abundance mentality. That's what that is. You have the. There you go. You have this abundance mindset. I'm sorry for interrupting. No, you're good. Keep talking. And that is BS. Yes. You can do so, so much. And I think if you view it as, like, whatever it is as a man that you're doing to give back to your wife and your kids, that, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter if it's, if it's money. Cause if your wife makes the money, cool. Are you, are you loving your kids? Are you showing them a good example of what a man is for the future for what you want future them to be? Okay. That's, that's your number one goal right there. And if you're doing that, that's all the providence your kids need. Yes. And I feel like that is where like my heart and this issue truly lies, not wanting to like crush our son's masculinity. Like I want to build that up. I want, I want them to be masculine. I want our boys to be masculine. But I think that in 2026, that needs to be redefined because we've, like we've talked about throughout this entire episode, this pendulum has been swinging. So like when our parents and our grandparents, it was like men, you, your job is to provide financially, to put the roof over their head, to be like a fierce protector. Maybe even this was misdefined. In some ways as like dominance or like, like there's some of those harmful parts of it too, where it was like, oh, like, you know what you say, you go, everyone has to just bow down and listen. And it's just like, it's like dangerous assertiveness. Whereas now we need to redefine healthy masculinity, especially as our roles have changed in society, because now the women are more educated and I'm talking in general, more educated and making more money. Like there's a different role. You are, you are more educated than me and you make more money than me. That warrants a redefinition of masculinity. Because like now it's proven like men in their twenties are floundering. And actually a lot of Scott Galloway's like messaging is geared towards men in their twenties because what do they define them as? Like basically like unmarriable men. Like they really just are kind of lost. His big thing is that he's saying that young men are facing a severe overlooked crisis with really high rates of addiction, loneliness, and failure to launch. And he actually cites that men are 12 times more likely to be incarcerated. And he's saying that men are 12 times more likely to be incarcerated. - Yeah. - Than women and four times more likely to die by suicide. - Which is actually really, really sad when you think about it. - Of course it is. That's heartbreaking. - Can you imagine one of our sons being incarcerated or like taking their own life? Like, can you, can you imagine? Like that's, that's a problem with, with men. It's really sad, but I think really what men need more of, which I think there's stuff that women can do to support men. But I think if we're going to talk about men for a second, I think what men need more of is, is to go to therapy, talk, talk about their feelings, not, not ignore them, not, not like just disregard them. I think it's so toxic, this idea that like men can't cry. I'm like starting to embrace more of my like emotions now that I'm older, but I feel like I don't, I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was society, my parents, my, my like community. I don't know what it is, but I like, as a man, I still feel like it's weak and not masculine to cry. Um, but I think I'm learning that like, it's okay to embrace those emotions. And I think really women want emotionally intelligent men. They don't want these men that just completely ignore all feeling. Um, and I think women want a safe man. They want a man that provides comfort and maturity and like, just, just confidence that everything's going to be okay. But along with that though, they need their, their men to be emotionally intelligent or they are most women to generalize. Most women want that. Mm hmm. Well, yes, because the fact is, is like now that women don't need men to literally have a roof over their head to achieve any type of status in life or any type of thing, you know what I mean? Like they used to need to basically ride on the backs of men. Yeah, you literally don't need me. You could, you could divorce me. The fact is, is that women are still choosing to marry because we want men, like we want good men, we want masculine men, but we need to have this redefinition and we need to have this conversation and I can recognize where saying like, this is a man hating world can come across as like, not fully understanding the breadth of where this comes from. And so that's why it's important to have these conversations and understand the nuance related to it. Um, but the fact is Matt, is that college educated women still tend to get married. They just get married a little bit later in life. About 20 to 25% of college educated women marry men with less education. And I'm sure that's going to continue to grow. I think we're going to see this gap more and more. That's you. That's you. Our sister-in-law, Addie, she has her master's. Your brother doesn't have a master's. I didn't graduate. You did. And like my mom, that's, that's my, my parents, baby. My, my mom is a civil engineer. Like she's extremely intelligent. I guess they both graduated degrees, but my mom's degree was like twice as hard as my dad's 10 times more hard. Like, I don't know. Yeah. I think there's like, there's definitely a trend there for sure. Yeah. And, but women are still choosing to get married. New series, East of Eden, a bold re-imagining of John Steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the Trask family through love, betrayal, and the choices that shape humanity. Starring Mike Feist and Christopher Abbott as the Trask brothers and Florence Pugh as Kathy Ames, the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants, no matter the cost. Watch East of Eden, October 1st, only on Netflix. Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion. On October 2nd, causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant. 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Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/unplannedpodcast. That's BetterHelp.com/unplannedpodcast. Another top comment on the video that went viral is a Taylor Swift quote. It says, "If guys don't want me to write bad songs about them, they shouldn't do bad things." Fair. Yeah, that's good. Fair. Probably, yeah, don't be a bad dude. Here's my other issue I take with some of, I'm not saying with Taylor Swift, like, there's not, if someone, if a guy hurts you, yeah, you can make a song about it, but let's not extend that to the entire gender. Yeah, I actually like T. Swift a lot. We have learned not to generalize across many different categories, like ability, race, age, all these things. Gender is the one where now it's okay to generalize, but only with men. Yeah. That's where I'm coming from, where it's like, okay, you have a terrible experience with somebody, with a person, and it's like, well, he's a dude, it's because he's a man. And it's like, this isn't, it's not, that's not fair. That's not right. Yeah. That's not even true. Yeah. And so that's where my concern is, like, with having a two and a three-year-old as we're, as we're, this pendulum is swinging this day. Like, my two and my three-year-old are building their sense of self right now. Their, their internal dialogue, who they are, how they fit in this world, what their role is. And that's, all that is forming right now at this snapshot in time where the pendulum is over here. That's my concern. That's why I'm speaking out about it, you know what I mean? It's not because I'm like, I'm disregarding, I don't want to disregard women. I just don't think that we have to put down men to bring up women. We are up. We are thriving. We are doing amazing. And so it's like, but it doesn't have to come at the cost of men, in my opinion. So how do you as a mom of two and a three-year-old? How do you as a mom of two boys direct them to be good men? How do you point them in the right direction? Because it's kind of confusing if you tell your kid, don't be this, don't be this, don't be this. No, that doesn't work. So what do you point them towards? That's the thing actually with our parenting that I'm always trying to redirect. I catch myself doing it a lot where I'm like, stop, don't, no, don't, like all those things where it's like, that's really confusing for them. Like, don't do this. Well, then what am I supposed to do? And so they might continue to do that behavior because you're just like, stop, no, no. And then, so now I'm always trying to redirect my discipline towards them to say like, do this, do this. We are this. And so that's more clear, I feel like. And I've talked about this before, but we have like a family mantra. And I really feel like this has been very beneficial to us and all sorts of misbehaviors or behaviors that we want to redirect. And that is how words are. And then we've continued to add, we have how words are patient, how words are kind, and how words are generous. Those were like the first we started off with because it was just like a lot of the early misbehaviors you see in toddlers. Which are like, first of all, patience. It's like, mom, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And so it's like, oh, how words are patient. Try that again. And then they'll say like, excuse me. And we really, we really are very gentle with that because we know that they, they need some gratification right away. But just patient became obvious. Kind became really obvious because I feel like hitting and just like general like yelling nastiness. Like that's impulsive that every human does. And so that kindness kind of covered a lot of those bases. And then also generous because sharing is like really hard for little kids. And so those really helped. We've since extended it to gentle because also we're raising boys. And I feel like, like we can't deny the fact that like raising little boys is different from raising little girls. Like they, they're, it doesn't, this doesn't fit in one box always. But in a lot of experiences with little boys, like they're, they're more. They're more prone to rowdiness, to being physical with their bodies, to wrestling. Wait, what's the, what's the song? It goes, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control against some, there is no wrong. Isn't that it? Never heard that in my life. You've never heard that jingle? That's beautiful and wonderful. Let's use that. I went to private Christian school. Well, let's start instating that. So like, I feel like, but I feel like those are like some timeless principles that you pull from. For sure. That's definitely where I pull these from. Yeah. So we added gentleness. We need to be gentle. We added gentleness. Especially when it comes to girls. And I love that you do that. And I think that's great. And I think that's also how we're raising good boys. Does that make me toxic that I go, we do not hit, but especially not girls. No, you said that one time. I was like, Matt, keep that. That's great. Because I think it's, it's great that our boys are instilled with a sense of protectiveness over females. I think that's great. And that is a really great example of healthy. Like we are protective over them. This doesn't mean that we dominate them. We're cruel towards them. We flex our muscles over them or like we, like we protect them. That is our role. And I think that's beautiful. As a woman, I am very happy and pleased to feel protected by you. And like, and I think that this has just been twisted so much and it's been misused and men have over certain men in the past have messed this up. And I feel like. It's been made to think that that's a bad thing. And I feel like another thing that can be like, quote unquote, toxic in a more quote unquote, traditional marriage is like men loving being served by their wife. But I think that, that like word of service can, can mean so many, so many things. And I think it only comes if you're being a respectable man. I think, I think where, where this like deep distrust from men comes is women that would like serve their husband, but their husband wasn't serving them back. Right. Right. And that is very toxic and very harmful. And that service can look different. And up until recently, women could not speak up. Oh, totally. Cause we just like, women couldn't have bank accounts in America until the seventies, which was 52 years ago. So many more things. So voting, gosh, my, my great grandpa was born in 23 and I think my great grandma, I think my great grandma was born in 24. And so I want to say, goodness, was she born? When did, did women get the right to vote and do it? Just use Google, Matt. It was. When did women get the right to vote? 19, 19. I think so. 19, 20. Okay. Women gained the right to vote in the United States in 1920 with the ratification of the 19th amendment to the United States constitution. It states that the right to vote cannot be denied based on sex. And that was babe. That's literally a hundred years ago, 106 years ago. That's the year they got the right to vote. Think about how long it takes to change laws and practices and women to eventually be in the role of leadership in our politics. I'm not, let me add our other Howard's are, and that is Howard's are obedient because I also think that it's really important for boys and girls, but I think maybe even more so boys to know that like you have to fall under something that does that make sense? Yeah. Like you have to be obedient to someone bigger than you, someone higher than you. Yeah. A rule book. There's a rule book. Yeah. There's a rule. There's rules for you to follow. Yeah. And I think honestly, these, these rules are pretty universal. Like I think if you ask people what it. Looks like to be a good person. If you look at belief systems across cultures, 99% of the stuff is the exact same. And that's why I was asking AI babe. I was like, help me understand what's going on here because there's clearly like attention that exists right now in the world. And I asked chat, we'd see why is there a tension between wanting to raise strong, confident men and the societal pressure that often labels traditional male traits as toxic. And it says it's because there's two different cultural reactions. That are happening at the same time. Society is trying to correct past problems with masculinity, but in doing so, it sometimes creates confusion about the health, what healthy masculinity looks like. But the reality is like these, these big reactions, this stem from reaction to genuine harm. Like initially this was because of genuine harmful behavior by men with aggression, with emotional suppression, dominance, um, intimidation, uh, and then it just kind of equated some people, the thinking of like, man. And then it just kind of equated some people, the thinking of like, man. as like as control or violence and just these like negative these negative traits i don't know yes you can talk about those things are bad but boys today still need to have leadership skills yes boys today still need to have confidence boys today still need to they needed then and they especially need it now emotional regulation yeah and and so that's where i feel like this conversation needs to needs to shift towards like like i keep saying like what does masculinity look like this year it makes me so happy whenever our boys are struggling with anger when i hear them start to do their breathing exercises yeah it's so cute that's really why i'm very specific about having them name how they feel yeah and it's not because i'm like some fluffy parent like i want you fairy godmother i'm not like that you're not you're not crunchy you're not a hippie well no you're very all of that you're very white mom from illinois from the from the midwestern part of the country you're very white mom from the midwestern part of the country you're very white mom from the midwestern part of the country you're very white mom from the midwestern that's not true what's wrong with that i think that's so sweet no but i think it's very important that they name their emotions and so this is where that emotional regulation comes from okay so when i hear them like we've been experiencing a lot in our household is when they're experiencing anger we hear growling and it or obviously it can escalate to like lashing out yeah and so we always say our line all the time is like you can be angry but you can't be mean can we just talk about how we have a growling problem in our house when did the growl when did you first notice the growling it's honestly been fairly recent why like was it two weeks ago that i just noticed a consistent and then we had a conversation between the two of us where it was like is this something we correct and i feel like it's not something we necessarily correct it's more of like we help them name it and understand what they're experiencing yeah so now when they growl i'm like are you feeling angry yeah and i'm like rather than rather than attacking our kid and being like stop growling stop growling we do not growl growlers don't growl no we're just like hey how are you feeling what's going on like are you are you feeling angry and maybe given maybe like hey we're gonna let's we're gonna do uh we're gonna breathe together okay rainbow breath here we go one two three four like you know counting slowly yeah they do take deep breath and i love it when i go wow i feel better now and they go i feel better and then they'll like i feel better and they do they actually feel better take a breath we will have them or sometimes we're like you just need to take like take a break do you want to go do something by yourself for a little bit you know it's so funny abby is like these simple skills we're teaching our kids sometimes we're like oh my god i'm like oh my god we're like man this is like this works for adults you know same principles breathing doing some breathing exercises when you're stressed like maybe rather than you know if you're if you're like a wine mom or a beer dad like on on a friday night where you're like i am so effing over this crap's going on like you're like unwinding with you know a substance like it's like you know you could just do a breathing technique you get the same result seriously seriously though um i'm preaching to the choir here like a lot of times it drinks a lot you know so i'm just never literally don't i'm not interested in it but um you told me that you were gonna never drink alcohol and then i i'm so bad i got you to drink champagne with me on our on our honeymoon and then you've been hooked ever since now you're not true it's not even funny um but so also i think about like if we're leaving a place that our kids are having a lot of fun it's not uncommon for them to like throw themselves on the ground you know big reactions big reactions and so help instead of of just getting on that behavior. they're they keep things interesting it's i'm first like urging myself to like reminding myself to just be like hey are you feeling disappointed yeah because it's like man i hate leaving a place that i'm having a lot of fun at and just like trying to help them understand what they're experiencing emotionally in their bodies abby sometimes i wonder my purpose in these conversations because i literally could just hand you the mic and you could do a ted talk like you're such a good speaker i think it because i don't know even i'll like review i'll do editorial review of our podcast and i'm like i'm just speaking some stupid stuff and you're out here like just dropping line after line no no no no no but what i'm saying is that it's really important for me that my boys understand their thoughts because i do already notice a difference this is just my experience but i do already notice a difference in my two and three-year-old boys and then our friends that have two and three-year-old girls oh yeah isn't that crazy like just the nature of boys and girls acting completely differently this is and here's the thing why does it feel it shouldn't feel scary for me to say this publicly oh yeah wait why is it but it does feel that way fill me in on why it's scary i'm i'm not freaking well i'm just saying it feels that way to wreck it feels scary to recognize like there is a developmental difference between boys and little boys and little girls but why is there well just because the subject of gender is very touchy and very sensitive yeah and it's very it's deeply personal ah but i'm just speaking from our experience of watching our little boys grow up next to little girls and i i always describe it as this is also such a big generality yeah this isn't we have friends that have little boys that are very very sensitive and very like very emotional and very emotional very um gentle like all these things that we typically ascribe to femininity yeah and they're very much a little boy too but i'm just saying i'm speaking in general terms here but i'm noticing this is the this is the best way that i can generalize the difference i notice so say one of our kids gets hit one of our boys gets hit what do you mean hit oh like they're a friend a friend hit them ouch that part of their body that they got hit hurts and then as soon as it stops stinging they're back to playing whereas i've noticed more in general our friends have little girls that are two and three like they get hit and then it stops stinging but they're still crying because now their feelings are also hurt like their friend chose to hurt them like they're like their friend used their body to harm them and i'm noticing that that doesn't necessarily play as big of a role at this moment with our specific boys and some of my other friends that have had boys so you're a lot more emotionally intelligent than me and way more mature than me so i'm going to ask you this question because i feel like you would know the answer quit giving me this i'm not an expert i know but i just feel like you you i don't know you're just smarter than me anyway uh question how do you raise emotionally intelligent masculine men like that strong leaders but then at the same time recognize that there are there are gay kids out there and you and you this has nothing to do with sexuality in my opinion really so like do you raise if you have a gay son do you raise them to be masculine like what i don't even know what the answer is for that how do you rate i don't know like because this is this just shows how you were raised with such a rigid view of masculinity in my opinion oh frick damn i really i really was gosh yeah um yeah yeah and i'm not this isn't this isn't a critique of your parents yeah this was the times and i don't know why this is me saying that the times are now different and and here's the thing if we don't change it men are falling behind that is like what we said earlier with scat galloway like with with how men are not they're falling behind yeah and he has all these factors that attribute to that but let me get to the your question first of all i am no expert i boys are little they are not men and there's i'm not a good case study to say like oh i know how to raise men i'm still i'm just figuring this out and i just want to figure it out in real time with real parents of little kids and so like i just think that this should be a conversation these are the conversations i'm having with my friends all the time and so like this something that i'm interested in talking about also on our platforms but what i'm saying is like first of all i don't know the answer let's just start by saying that i'm no expert in this area but the first my first is that empathy needs to specifically be taught intentionally with boys empathy like really really working on that and so like with our kids and i've noticed a lot of my friends doing this too so i've like learned this from them it's like okay like you for instance today one of our boys got in a physical altercation oh my gosh i did not know this yeah it's unlike them that happened today it's unlike them but you know they're that's so sad was everybody okay everyone was fine and but i think that no blood right there's like okay um but it was just a sucker punch to the stomach good old and then we do what did we do did we do time out for them to learn and think about what we actually just had a conversation i didn't feel like there needed to be consequences this one because we didn't witness it punch another kid and we didn't do a time out he didn't he was the one who got punched actually but it didn't it's totally fine so here what i'm saying did you feel the urge to like be like you better freaking put your kid in time out or no because i just was approaching with curiosity because i didn't see it and so that's a really hard thing about like with little kids you're like kind of like what actually did happen here one of you's crying one of you's like saying something happened so but what i'm saying is that like with when these things happen really intentionally teaching empathy of like how did how do you think that made some feel check on them make sure they're okay that's good like we don't how would how would you feel if you were treated this way and so like having to really really be intentional specifically with little boys about teaching empathy for others and i think that's that's extremely important because i think i take for granted being a girl like empathy is just maybe something that's just more naturally running through my veins than like boys necessarily you are so much more empathetic than me i have i have so much to learn from you like where did you learn the deep empathy that you have that's what i'm saying i just think is there was there a woman in your life like was it your mom your grandma that i was treated with empathy and so like and i was parented with empathy yeah and i also think this is like maybe just a natural thing it was also observed but i'm just saying that that with boys being intentional about that so our family rules to sum all that up is howards are patient kind generous obedient and gentle it doesn't matter the order because they're never actually used in order if that makes sense it's always like we're isolating one yeah and like in practice but it's good like we should frame that we should have those like well they also keep changing as they get older but maybe we like frame it and then we put like some lines underneath to show that like we that it can evolve like yeah who we are the family can evolve i also don't think it needs to be but we also have a couple other mantras i did not i took this from another family i can't even remember the first family i learned this from but we always say howards do hard things where it's like oh if they don't we don't really struggle with this a lot because we do have very like very confident brave little boys um but if they're like i think this is i think about this when um we had signed them up for soccer and they didn't want to do it let's add in brave howards are brave i like that well this comes up to yeah we say that all the time i'm like you're brave i resonate things i think it's just like unprocessed trauma or just like stuff i need to work through in therapy but like something about being brave like i resonate with that attribute because i feel like being brave makes me feel like i can like i can mean something do something like it makes me i don't know it gets me excited it's scary to be brave but i think it's admirable to do to be brave for the right reasons to to go in and like make a difference in the world and be a good person yeah honestly actually the book i'm reading is talking about the difference between bravery and courageous like being brave and being brave is like having courage what is the difference i think that um probably having courage is better because being brave is like not feeling fear like i'm not fearing it but having courage is like feeling the fear and still doing it people can disagree with this but i do say my boys like when things are like small like i say it's not a big deal because i feel like when you're a little new human to the world like everything can feel very alarming because everything is new everything is scary everything is like max volume right of like oh i have no frame of reference to the world right of like i have no frame of reference for this thing that's happened and it and it elicits like the largest response possible that's toddlers they're just walking talking nervous systems yeah and so i feel like as a parent it's okay for me to acknowledge that but then to also follow up with saying it's actually not that big of a deal yeah and so the area that that falls in a lot i feel like in practice in our parenting because i don't want to just speak in broad terms and not be specific about this is like the color of their vitamin the color of their vitamin the color of their plate the color of it's like okay in general i know that you like green and you like blue but guess what in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and so sometimes i do have to break that and i had to intentionally break that with the vitamins because we didn't like i was literally like okay we're gonna find out what we get today and i feel mean when i do this babe but like if our kid is throwing a fit to get something he wants that's like just so like i'm already caving like they've asked for a second book during bedtime and then they ask for a third one it's like guys like i don't know what you're talking about like i don't know like i don't know we're supposed to do one book i gave you an extra one it's past your bedtime already like we we played in the pool and it's 8 30 bedtime so we want to do 8 p.m but you know so it's just one of those things where then you almost have to pull the card of okay i guess we're not going to do uh like like maybe oh i'm about to read the second book but they're begging they're like no i don't want to i want three books and it's like no this is what we're doing and then i have to say okay i guess we're not going to have the book because we're we're throwing a fit and we're we're not being respectful and so i think it's like you have to Have those uncomfortable conversations with your kid um but it's for their benefit even if it's just as simple as saying like hey sorry today you don't get the green cup so like what you're exactly saying is also the reason why i always tell our kids first of all everybody has consequences kids need to learn from an early age that like your behavior your actions do have consequences yeah and so it's like i don't want to protect them from that their entire childhood only for them to be an adult and they take a misstep and then all of a sudden they're facing real world adult consequences and they're like what the heck like i thought i thought i was immune to all this stuff and so i always but i also don't want them to receive consequences without understanding and love and empathy about it now i always say when they have a consequence i'm like i wanted to give you this but everyone has consequences right and then i also follow up with the why behind consequences and so that's where we have another mantra i like literally repeat myself all the time with our kids but i just really want to know what's going on with them and then i also follow up with the why behind consequences and so that's where we have another mantra i like literally repeat myself all the time with our kids but i just really want to know what's going on with them and then i also follow up with the why behind consequences and so that's where we have another mantra i like literally want to hound it in their heads and keep it simple and i always say why do we have consequences and it's because becoming a good man starts when and then they're like now and so like we always talk about that and it's funny too like talking about generals too i want to say like it was either griffin or augie that said they wanted to marry their brother and it's like i don't think you need to explain it's not that serious it's not that serious like i i think like maybe an old girl like i don't know you'd like a parent would like freak out and be like i don't know it's just like that's not like you can just talk about this stuff at age-appropriate times it's not a big deal it's very appropriate for them to want to marry their brother and if your two-year-old wants to throw on a dress because they're playing dress up and they're trying on dresses totally fine spider-man costumes and batman costumes you don't uh you don't say no to the dress you just let them put on the dress because they're just being a two-year-old well and also because wearing a dress is not what makes you feminine yeah and wearing and wearing not not wearing a dress is not what makes you masculine which brings us to the conversation of masculinity again i think a parent's role is to love their kid and support them and and really anything they want to do in a way that's like loving and so i think if your kid you know says like well i want to be a princess you're gonna eventually have to break the news to them that princesses aren't real and other than like the queen of england are you looking like that but i think you like you love them through that and you tell them that like you look at them you you view them as a princess and you just want to see them like you know not not just be happy but like find purpose and meaning and love and joy and get back to the world so kind of to come back to what i was talking about earlier about like healthy masculinity i think that includes empathy and consideration consider deep consideration for everyone around you because i think a big part of healthy masculinity should be service yeah and so that's why i talk to our boys all the time like for instance when we had groceries at the front door i expected our boys to carry the groceries for me from the front door to the kitchen yeah and i kept saying thank you gentlemen thank you gentlemen because he should know that as they should know as males like a big part of their role and as a as a man is to serve and so i'm always like yeah you should serve me by carrying my groceries which is great my door which is really really good i love i love that we're teaching them to like be a part of our household and help put away the groceries with dad or to help hold open the door for mom like dad does for mom and i always am trying to say thank you gentlemen but in addition to that i think something that we're not doing that we can do a better job of is in addition to our financial giving because we've been giving a portion of our revenue every year since the beginning of our social media journey we've been giving a portion of our revenue to charity every year but we don't give a portion of our time in addition to the financial backing we're giving to different charities that we love like saint jude charity water give well these are all charities that we've given um generously too because we just care about making the world a better place um and we've done podcasts with two of yeah we did a saint jude podcast a charity water podcast we haven't done a podcast yet for give well but i'd love to do a podcast for them because really really love what they do but um i think having that like physical component as a family like on saturdays we go and we help the like aspect of service and how important that is to give back to the world i think that's i think that's really important i think it's really really important i we definitely need to i've talked about this before like that is something that we definitely need to improve on and also invite our kids along on that journey is like serving their community but more than anything i'm also talking about just like serving in the home like they should know that part of being a man is serving those around you and specifically serving the women around you i really believe that and i think you also model that really well in our household with like thank you how you talk to me and what how you take care of me and that is very much evident in the way that our kids talk to me okay fill me in on this because i had a juicy question for you what is something that i do a good job of as far as leading by example for the boys and then what scenario i can improve on i was actually just leading into this like our kids like you can see the fruit of how you've modeled what it looks like to be a loving manly husband and the way that our kids talk to me wait that kind of turns me on you like hyping me up right now i was like literally well our kids tell me i've got the hots for you right now babe got the hots they're like mommy you're beautiful or if i'm like sad they're like it's gonna be okay wait i love that why do i love that our kids say that to you like this makes me so are you worried no i love when augie says if you're crying about like miscarriage and and missing emerson the boys will literally say to you it's gonna be okay mom it's gonna be okay and i'm just like tears like it's just like i love that they're comforting you like they it's it's i'm so grateful that they have you as an example to look to because like you are an amazing example of what it means to be manly nowadays like you're literally and here's the other thing that makes me so freaking mad and where my comment came from back three years ago is i think any creator that is a couple that is in the same space as us has definitely experienced this i feel this without a shadow of a doubt whereas if the husband displays sensitivity to the other person's sensitivity emotional any type of emotional aspect being emotional at all yeah kindness sweetness gentleness all the comments are like run girl he's gay he's gay he's gay he's gay i've been i've been told i'm gay my entire life and you know what let's let's those people that are that are commenting that are feeling that are saying that let's also have empathy for them because they were raised in the same society and culture too where they were probably told if they had any type of emotion as a kid that they were gay this just shows a misunderstanding of masculinity within myself there is masculinity and femininity wait that's uncomfortable with you there is masculinity and femininity why does it make me as uncomfortable as a man and the time that i was raised in to like say in me as a man there's masculinity and femininity like why does femininity like why do i feel like i i don't know like that word once again it's just the time you're raised it sounds like a chill it's very easy for me to say like in me there is masculinity like i don't i was kind of raised in the girl power era which i'm grateful for i'm so grateful for like i was encouraged to succeed i was encouraged to be strong resilient like all these things and like that's why i also feel like it is my duty to also reflect that too towards our young men this episode is brought to you by netflix's new series east of eden a bold reimagining of john steinbeck's masterpiece following generations of the trask family and the young men of the through love betrayal and the choices that shape humanity starring mike feist and christopher abbott as the trask brothers and florence pew as kathy ames the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants no matter the cost watch east of eden october 1st only on netflix mr president my company told me of the explosion on our rig on october 2nd causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami they all keep the blame on me tom cruise 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For more information, go to drinkolipop.com slash unplanned. Thank you to Kindred Bravely for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I remember so distinctly, and I'm sure a lot of you listening can also remember it, when you hit that point in pregnancy and again in postpartum where you just want one thing to feel easy. Once nursing and pumping were in the mix too, I realized I needed a specific bra designed for this specific chapter of my life. And that is why I seriously love Kindred Bravely. If you don't know what they are, they make intimates and apparel for maternity, postpartum, and breastfeeding, as well as baby essentials too, all designed to make early motherhood feel a little less overwhelming and a lot more supported. One of my good friends is about to have a baby, and I already have stocked up on a couple of Kindred Bravely items. No way! That's so sweet of you. Yes, their pumping and nursing bras are essential in my mind. 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I know we touched on this already, and I think I know the answer to this, but I want to hear you say it out loud for everyone listening right now. With women making more than men, how should men respond in the home? What should men do? First of all, I think we need to view income for a household differently. Like I don't look at our income as like what I make and what you make. I have no idea. I don't know what dollar amount I make versus what dollar amount you make. It's what we make. I think it's a fragile masculine view, but I think the viewpoint is like, well, if my wife's making more than me, I'm insignificant. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not contributing. I'm supposed to be the provider. I'm not providing for my family. I don't know how to tell you. I genuinely do not think women care about money. I think that's the black and white view of men. Like men think that if they can make more money, they can provide security and provision for their families. No, I think men are just, in this view of masculinity, men are set up to fail. If men are viewed as valuable for the amount of dollars they bring home every year or every month, then we're just setting them up for failure, limiting masculinity to that. And how is this a trend affected then by childbirth, because I feel like the women making more than men are probably mostly women that are probably not married or probably don't have kids. I don't know. There's a lot of working moms out there. True. True. There are. Yeah, actually, that's a really good point. I'm not sure that that's actually even true. Actually, you're right. Like, you know, I think like even in our own life, I want to say both of our sister and laws make more than their husbands. And I think like we're probably seeing this trend. We've seen it in our life. And so I'm sure people are seeing it in their life, too. Of course. And I think that like a lot of women got these like really big careers, very high opportunity careers, well-paying jobs. And then they find themselves like maybe making more than their spouse and then having a kid and then feeling like, oh, man, now I actually kind of want to stay home with that baby. But then it's like, oh. I am bringing the bulk of the income home each month. That makes me think of the tick tock with the Mrs. Incredible audio. That's like, come on, girl. Leave the same world to the men. I don't think so. I love that. I love that. I like that, too. And I also think never mind. I'm not sorry. I think you I think Mrs. Incredible is attractive, but I think you're more attractive. So I think that makes me like I just gave you a really big compliment. Great. Yeah. I think also modern masculinity. Yeah. Or help modern, healthy masculinity looks like good communication and that which also comes from like empathy and from consideration. I'm saying some unhinged stuff today. I'm like, I got to be careful with the clipping, the clipping of this. Another thing that I think is really important specifically in us raising strong, confident, resilient young men that are also very empathetic and considerate and kind and gentle. And that is critical thinking skills. I think that's specifically like, what is the calling for men nowadays is to be really strong, critical thinkers, because I think that that's part of being a good leader. And I still want to raise our boys to be strong leaders. And so a part of that is like having really good critical thinking skills. I feel like a lot of times, like at least in our relationship where I'm like, oh, my gosh, like this is something that's like new and I'm not really sure how to like I'm not really sure. Like, I'm kind of like feeling out of sorts or like this is bad. I'm not really sure. This is big. And I'm like, Matt, I like look to you and I feel like you have amazing critical thinking skills. And that's like why I think that's like a unique, special gift. It's not like women don't have it, too, but like that is really like strong. Why does that make me feel like an alpha whenever you like turn to me? I does it. That's good. And so I feel like with our boys, it's like I really want to help teach them critical thinking. So how this comes into play, because I also want to be practical about this conversation. I don't want to just be speaking in general terms. Like I said, how it comes to play is when there when they are given a consequence, it's like if they're taking a break for like one or two minutes or whatever, like they don't get the fruit snack or whatever your consequences are in your household, obviously keep them appropriate as having a conversation to help strengthen those those critical thinking skills. Yeah. And so it's not like we're just doling out consequences for no reason. They don't understand. It doesn't lead to behavior modification down the line as we say, like, hey, what did you do wrong? Mm hmm. What should you do differently? What should you do next time? Yeah. And then what should you do now? Yeah. That is them thinking critically through like, OK, we did not just give a consequence to give a consequence. And then we always say, like, I didn't want to give you this consequence. But raising good men starts now and everyone has consequences. And so we talk about like even with us, like I love when there's like a situation in life where it's like, oh, we have to have this consequence. Like for us, my mommy has this consequence because I didn't do this or. Yeah. Like if I'm running late. No, I love it. Like what's an example of Griffin telling me something? Yeah. Like one time I was like driving like five miles per hour in a parking lot and my seatbelt wasn't on. I was like, Dad, you got to buckle up like and then it's like, oh, my God, like Griffin, I forgot. I need to pull over. And I'm not going to explain to him as like he's a three year old, so he doesn't he's not going to fully understand like how driving 20 feet in a parking lot going five miles per hour isn't a big deal if you buckle up. But because he understands the rules, I want to reinforce like great job like you recognize the rule that we have in this world and these rules are set up to protect us. And so I'm going to like I'm going to praise you. I'm going to praise you for that. Like, thanks for reminding me. But I'm not going to be like, oh, dad doesn't have to follow the rules. I do whatever the F I want. Like no. Yeah. Like you like that's also you modeling like, oh, I'm submitting myself to like obey the rules. I'm submitting myself to a three year old. I'm not to a three year old, but like they can see you once again not being too big or too proud. I'm acknowledging my two three year old. You acknowledging your role in society, too. And so all that to say, like, I really want to make sure I feel like that's how critical thinking skills can play a role. And like it specifically comes in, like after having consequences with our kids. Yeah. I feel like a lot of this is kind of making it sound like I feel like I know everything and it's like that's literally not the case at all. I'm constantly having conversations with my friends of like, how can I learn this or like reading books or like just learning? And I feel like honestly, a lot of this is best done through conversation. And the only authority we have on this topic is the fact that we are parents. We have two boys. We're not experts. Really much of an authority. There's a lot of parents out there. We're not experts. We're not. You can't go to school at Harvard or get a master's in family, like like practice counseling in therapy. That's not us. We're not a marriage and family therapist. OK, our degree is not in this, but we're just talking about our own life and our own experience. Yeah. I also want to say, like, I feel so proud of our boys in specific circumstances. And I always praise the heck out of it when I see these things happen. So we had a little friend come over who is three year old girl. She's playing. And then I noticed that, like, our dog had scratched her. Oh. was really sad about it oh wait i know who this is and i hate that and she thought to go to our oldest directly she's like hey like i'm sad because pretzel scratched me oh and her son put his arm around her and he gave her a hug he gave her a hug and he like looked checked out he looked at her wound he like looked at it and then he proceeded to walk over to our sliding glass door where she was outside and he threw the glass he's like don't do that again pretzel and i feel like that is very that was just a beautiful picture of him being protected he's protective of women but then he also like checked to make sure that she was okay and he cared for her emotions gave her a hug yeah and then went and it was like i'm gonna defend you yeah and so i feel like all of these things are like really really such good things at their foundation now can these things be twisted to be misused like this you , can this masculine masculine trait be twisted to be toxic or to be harmful towards women yeah or to be just like belittling yes it can but like that is such a beautiful picture to me i'm like hey griffin thank you so much for protecting her thank you so much for caring for her having empathy for her and we don't necessarily use all those words but i'm like really thank you for checking in on her thank you for giving her a hug thank you for like doing these things and it just makes me so so proud and my main thing first of all if the term man-hating culture is like offensive that's not my goal at all that was just how i was experiencing it because i just never want my little boys to go about their life and just hear these things and take them on as they're developing their view of themselves and their role in the world to hear like i hate men men are the worst and then be like man there's something wrong with me like there is something i'm not capable of this like there's just just such a defeated i don't i never want that to happen like i want them to feel empowered in their unique role as a man like i want them to feel empowered in that yeah and i feel like a man that's properly empowered is not one that is going to be abusive like misused power any of those what i think a lot of them i think men that have positions of power that do harmful things in society and in the world probably are just men that need to go therapy and and haven't been and haven't worked and haven't worked through personal things that they're now like they're searching for something that they're never going to find because it's just they need to put in the work for themselves which i also want to like applaud you on because when you go to therapy it's not like okay they're like wait where's dad going it's not like you're like i'm just gonna go out and do tinker with the car like i'm going to therapy and you're making that normal making it normal to be like i have things i want to work on yeah making that healthy and making that like okay for them to be like i'm going to therapy and i'm going to therapy and i'm going to like okay i can go to therapy too and i feel like a lot of boys a lot yeah haven't and also let's props to your dad and older modeled that for you too which was very rare my dad's never done my i am proud of my dad for being open about going to couples therapy i think the next step that i've taken that i guess i should be proud of myself as individual because that wasn't modeled for me what was modeled as going to therapy for your marriage not demonizing therapy in general but my parents a big step yeah individual therapy was not modeled for me and so for me to take that step myself i'm proud of myself for that and i think it's important for like and i truly mean this like i'm not trying to just like sell everyone on therapy but i i do really believe that everyone literally everyone could gain value in therapy even if it's just a few times right for sure and if therapy isn't like a financial option at a certain time yes like having expensive having candid raw vulnerable conversations with trusted community really can have very similar effects which something i need to work on is like just to be candid and vulnerable for a second like i there's conversations i have with my therapist that i don't think i could have with any of my friends which is which is i feel like that i wish it wasn't that way i don't know what it is with me it's i i take full ownership for it i don't know what it is about me where i feel like i can't share some of those things those things with my closest guy friends but i i literally have told it's like it's like my therapy like i've told my therapist like everything just like you you know so it's just i don't know but i i want to say too like that is a great example of masculinity for our boys as you being willing to work on yourself actively as an as a grown man and specifically working on yourself in an emotional capacity that's huge and that's so important and i feel like that also needs to be included in our definition of modern masculinity yeah and and can i say this too this is this might be a bit of a hot take but i don't think your spouse can be your therapist you cannot expect your spouse to meet each and every emotional need you have man or woman it does not matter like you need to find healthy outlets for your emotions especially the big ones that you know everybody has them everyone has different ways of dealing with them but i think it's like extremely toxic for a husband or a wife to to expect their their spouse to meet all of that and i've definitely been guilty of there's been times where i'm like oh abby needs to do this for me and i think a really good place if you're ever in a state of bitterness i think like for me to have this this this realization of what can i do it's like that saying what look not to what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country i think that's john f kennedy somebody quote me on that i said i've quote i've posted i've quoted that in the past and people were like oh yeah that's the quote by and then i forget who it is every time my memory is not that great but um in your marriage same thing what can you do for your marriage what can you do to make your marriage better um which once again goes into service and i think like both men and women on the side of like hate like almost if you're finding yourself as a man or a woman being finding hatred for a gender period it doesn't matter which one it is doesn't matter if it's the same gender that you are it doesn't matter if it's a different gender regardless of what the hatred is if you're finding that think about it put yourself in their shoes think about it from a different perspective and i i think it's just important to always do that let's also recognize like why this became so popular yeah in my opinion i feel like a lot of it has to do with our algorithms they promote the most angry the most like emotion infused response the most like i feel like that played a major role in why i was arriving to the conclusion of like oh we're living in a man hate world because the big the the videos that are like the most anger driven the most stereotyping the most emotional like those are the ones that are getting promoted those are the ones again the most comments the most getting likes shares all of those things and that's how i like arrived at that conclusion and i'm like i'm not fully i still don't necessarily fully disagree with that um but i do think that yeah like that clip definitely did not recognize the nuance that this situation the complexity of this issue and like why we're seeing this pendulum swing this way yeah um because of all the oppression and hate and abuse and mistreatment that's what causes that i think the problem social media i think i think it's a big drama the drama and the tea gets clicks and i think that's why we see i think yeah all of that leads to the voices of people hating on men and then the men that are then hating on women like the red pill community like i think that's like where you get all this drama and then you get these sides and it's just a lot of conflict yeah and i just want to say like as a mom to two young boys i am not afraid to raise my boys to be masculine yeah like that is something that that's like literally one of my goals and in my mind that comes with so much nuance but it is i want them to be strong yeah i want them to be resilient i want them to be good leaders yeah and i want them to be protective yeah like those are things i'm like i uniquely want that for them as boys now that doesn't mean that if i have a little girl that i don't also want her to raise her to be those things yeah these are like these are primary goals for me as a boy mom this is like a messy sensitive topic and like i don't want to act like i'm disregarding that at all and i want to be very empathetic towards that like my thoughts aren't fully collected but i've just been having these and it feels scary to voice them because of responses like we got in the past yeah but i don't want that fear to hold me back from having a conversation that feels important to me but as a mom of two boys it's important to me too and i think it would be silly for us to not talk about what we believe like it's important it's important to talk about what you believe and then also like i i think the beauty of social media is the connection that we have and we can share these ideas you know even though the that was a 22 second clip by the way that blew up and got some you know maybe negative comments but i think like there's a lot we can learn from that there's a lot that our viewers that believe a lot of the same things we believe can learn from different viewpoints and i think it's really important as a society especially in today's day and age to listen to other viewpoints because that's what brings us together we don't need to we don't need to continue to divide up as a as a country and as a world we need to build bridges to one another and talk about these things well guys thank you so much for tuning in um again if you have not left a review for the podcast please please do that um it's also free to subscribe and hit the like button completely free way you can support the show um because it's free to watch it we don't charge you guys a penny so thank you and thank you to our sponsors for allowing us to keep the show going and continuing to build the team so we can make better episodes for you guys so thank you guys thank you so much and until next time peace out dudes this episode is brought to you by netflix's new series east of eden a bold reimagining of john steinbeck's masterpiece following generation of the Trask family through love, betrayal, and the choices that shape humanity. Starring Mike Feist and Christopher Abbott as the Trask brothers, and Florence Pugh as Kathy Ames, the complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants, no matter the cost. Mr. President, my company formed the explosion on our rig on October 2nd, causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. So y'all keep the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. Rated R. So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready. What if Mike, brings his cheerful dogs? My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is. But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one? We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay, what if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. 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