On today's episode of The Ringer Fantasy Football Show, Monday night football, the 49ers are still undefeated, but at what cost, Jayden Daniels still doesn't know what down it is. Power ranking, the things that have aged best, this season, we have a robust fantasy court docket and also a lot of gold bond, a lot of gold bond. All that and more after the break. This episode is presented by Verizon. Let me tell you all about Verizon's new simplicity plan. You get one plan, one price, just $30 a line per month, even for a single line. So while everyone is running four trade analyzers before offering a backup tight end, Verizon said one plan, one price. Sometimes the simplest move is the best one, like the simplicity plan. Head to Verizon.com today. For new customers who switched to Verizon, $30 per line includes auto pay and switch discount. Additional taxes, fees, and terms apply. Welcome to The Ringer Fantasy Football Show, my name is Danny Hyves, and I'm joined by Danny Kelly and Craig Coraldeck, and we are going through Power Hour, where every Wednesday we Power Rank something. And this week we are Power Ranking, things that have aged the best this season, because you know what, we get a lot of stuff wrong. Coaches get stuff wrong, GMs, owners, everyone gets stuff wrong, but you know what, today we're actually going to go through a bunch of stuff that people got right. And Craig, we're kind of borrowing this idea from the watchables, so maybe you should explain it. Well, what's aged the best, kind of self-explanatory, there are certain things in movies that when you watch it 20 years later, you're like, wow, the way they portrait technology aged really well. That young actor turned out to be a big star, and we're going to do the same things one-third of the way into the NFL season. And yeah, we'll go through that, DK, maybe we'll even let you bat first. I think you've aged well, DK. Oh, thank you. Appreciate that. It's a very nice view to say. What I'm really interested in seeing how it aged is the amount of listeners who sent in photos of their bathroom habits to Danny Heifetz and to our email, that's what I wanted to have. Back through much habits. You have fun. I'm just going to give out your work email if you keep, you know, just give out. How many pieces of shit have you seen in the email? You have pieces of shit for breakfast? Okay. That we're just merging the two. Yeah. We're not allowed to know right now. Gosh. It's got to keep them in the hook. We're going to start with Monday Night Football, though. So the 49ers beat Washington on Monday Night Football. The Niners was 23, Washington at 17, so the one by six. It was a weird game. The Niners were kind of dominating. It was 19 to three, and it felt like it should be 31 to three. And then somehow, yada, yada, yada, yada, Washington's like almost going to win the game. Even though Terry McLeoran is now out for the season, probably Patel or Tendon Injury. It was kind of like a shocking comeback, like the Niners kind of fell asleep. But I have to start with this, which is the Dan Quinn follow up here after a week after Washington obviously has the tie that feels like a loss where they get feel arranged with a minute left. They get their field goal unit onto the field to win versus the Giants. And then this week, the second quarter, fourth and two, 13 yards in the end zone. So Washington goes for it. Not crazy. They went like 85% on fourth down two years ago, not going to judge them going off fourth down. Jayden Daniels throws the ball away. Derek Carr asked, DK, we are groaning. We're like, oh my God. And then the video comes out that Dan Quinn's on the sideline. And he's like after the fourth down being like field goal, field goal. And then it's like fourth down, and he's like shit. And it's like lip reading. But it's clearly what he said. And so now we're like, oh my God, is this a fireable offense or Dan Quinn? Like how you a week later, not no, you're the 28 to three Falcons coach, my God. I will say though, I want to exonerate him because John Boy who is this famous Yankee streamer and frankly the best lip reader in all sports pointed out that because there was a flag on the play. He thinks that Dan Quinn, who's getting crushed right now for this thing. Dan Quinn was probably asking field goal, field goal as if does the is the flag on San Francisco. Do we get to redo the down? Like do we get like is he saying like, oh, is it like a replay the down we can kick? And then they're like, no, it's on the not it's on us. They decline it. And he's like, oh, first down. Shit. Oh, not fourth down. He said first down. That seems so he said both, but basically he was he knew it was first down San Francisco, but anyway. So I want to exonerate Dan Quinn for that, I think, but that brings at least like plausible deniability. Yes. Which I always kind of hesitate to read too much into what someone thinks someone said. Yeah, lip reading. Lip reading is tough. We got too many cameras now back in the day. You never saw what the coaches were saying exactly. So I wanted to start that because I think Dan Quinn that really went around, but DK, this brings me back to I'm not a J and Daniels again for throwing away the ball and fourth down. I know. We can go back to that. Let's put Dan Quinn aside here and just get back to the J and Daniels. It doesn't know how to manage a game narrative, which was really cropping up quite a lot after he totally botched ending of that overtime game last week. Him. I don't that was like not even a throw away. It was an aggressive throw away. You know what I mean? He was just like, I fuck it. I'm throwing it eight feet and eight feet into the stands or whatever. It wasn't like in it and it didn't really feel it felt rushed too. He just basically gave up on the play. It wasn't like, I'm going to exhaust every potential option that I have here, run around, try to make a play. It was like, and nobody's up. And I'm just going to chuck it into the stands. It was not a, this throw, if I make it, it's going to be like a pick six. It was a once again, you're in the heat of the moment and you kind of just don't know the situation. And again, maybe there's a chance, Jen Daniels has been like that the whole time and that all the times, two years ago, when he was absolutely balling and just like, maybe you just unconscious, right? Like, if you ask the best athletes, what were you thinking during that cool play? They're usually thinking, I don't know, I blacked out. And like, maybe that's just, it's that simple is like all these cool moments. But man, it is, it was really crazy to just see that, honestly, it overshadowed the game for me and all these other takeaways is like, I played well, he put them in a position to win. Yeah. He played well. He played well in the second half. Yeah. He played great. Like, the touchdown he had just to font digs. I'm always struck by his accuracy. Yeah. Which, I agree. Underrated in college, I wasn't sure if it would translate necessarily, but oh my God. Like, that play unblocked blitzer to his left side, gets the ball, finds the laces, puts it to digs like, you know, door, like hits the keyhole on the door knob from 30 yards. And again, sometimes it's like, oh, a five-yard throw. All right. Well, 30 yards sideways. Like, and he's going backwards. Like, that's a hard throw. Yeah. He's got arms straight. I mean, it's been a while now since that rookie season, but you still see glimpses, even with his bionic left arm. You still see glimpses of why everybody was so excited about him after his rookie season where he looked like one of the best five quarterbacks in the league. Like, the throw to Traylon Berks, that would have given them the win. Yeah. Great throw. I mean, he put that on the money. Yeah. Berks had it for a second. Just couldn't survive the ground. And it was just kind of an unfortunate, not like, not able to execute that play, but he put it where he needed to put it. But yes, hi, if it's, I totally agree with you. Like, that was just another, I think I texted them all like, man, he's just not doing anything to cut quiet the narrative that he just doesn't have his head on straight in these games. He's just not really paying attention. He's, he's another one of those quarterbacks where it's a double-edged sword because he doesn't really show that a much emotion. And in the moment, he's just kind of like, oh, I, that was a fourth down and it didn't work. He's like straddling the line between ice and his veins and not paying attention. Yes. 100%. That's exactly what I'm trying to get at where I'm like, I kind of wish he would show a little more emotion so we could figure out what he's thinking because that was the secret to him being so good at the end that all those, he never knew it was fourth down. That's hilarious. You play in the absence of fear or the knowledge that something bad could happen. He's like, what are the downs really? You know, I just a so shocked. They call it the play. I execute. Yeah. Jillian, you went eight. Jaden, you went 18 of 23 on fourth down last year, he's like, I don't, that is me. He plays or plays. That helped me a very hard thing. What's the cover, too? What are downs? I'm just out there playing. I don't tell you how down it is. I'll be better. It's like Ender's Game. Yeah. It's just basically like, yeah, just you're still telling don't give him any information. How do you guys feel about? So Terry McClaurne's out for the year. Now they have Stefan Diggs who got banged up in the game. You've trailing Birch. You have the rookie in Tony O'Williams. I thought Chica Conqua was tight and looked pretty good. How do we feel about Jaden now rest of season? So he's got this arm thing since he's come back. He's been quite good. I mean, he had over 30 fantasy points last week. He had 21 this week. Do you feel like he's like closer to rookie season Jaden in terms of how you should trust him and what he'll do in fantasy or are you kind of still not that interested? I lean close to rookie season Jaden. I think rookie season Jaden's not in there in the clutchness of winning real football games. But again, you're talking a razor thin margins again, going almost 90% and fourth down. He had like what? Six fourth quarter comes back. And like, it's not quite going to be that. I think he's playing amazing. The rushing is there. And like, you know, the Niners defense played great in that game. The Niners defense beat them. But like, Mike Mustafa was all over the field, he was hammering day likes to font digs at the end. Like, they were winning in physical ways. But even if it comes down to like Antonio Williams and Jig and digs with his banged up and I, I think Jaden is like a must-start going forward. I think he looks phenomenal and they're just like kind of losing in small margin ways. And he's, it's frustrating, but like the, I, I, he looks fantastic. I think I agree with that. I think they're losing in small margin ways. And there's times certainly big glaring times, but like throughout the whole game, it just doesn't feel like the most well coached team. No. But yeah, and I don't know. I think Berks is giving them something to a little bit.
a few minutes stretching the field for them, which is a nice surprise, I think, probably because we thought his career was sort of over. He could be a good role player for them. Yeah, I do think I'm curious. Is he hurt now? Because he, I guess, he got hurt on that last play. Yeah, the last play. Yeah, we'll see what he came down. Yeah, I mean, also this team, despite being there one, four and one, which what happened with the one, the tie? How did that end? Yeah, what was that? Yeah, despite that, they still have a legitimate shot to win the division. So yeah, I mean, you Sal has been joking. They're the best team in the division. And that's the weird thing about the season for Washington, because on one hand, I think there's a lot to be encouraged by. It's like, Jaden looks good. I think Sonny Styles looks, again, I think he's a terminator. I think Sonny Styles is a future like, might bring defensive player of the year back to linebacker. I think he's on like the place he's made, like the theoretical, oh, a linebacker who can run with receivers. Sonny Styles is the first one I've seen that can run with a receiver that can actually be a guard straight up. Like he's, you know what I mean? The, but the flip side is man, it was kind of a disaster. You lose Terry McLean to the batteler tendon. I don't know if we are ever expect to see Terry quite the same. They lost Sam Cosme again. He's their best offensive lineman. He's hurt again. I don't know necessarily the extent of his injury, but they're really banged up on offense now. And to find Kinlock, I heard I think, yeah, like they're just kind of dropping like flies. They don't merit when I are last week. So the running backs pre thin. It's like they've lost an Eccler and in shot white. So it's like weird because Chang and House gave up on the season six quarters into the season. Jayden looks good again with his arm, but it's, it's a strange team. And also you feel like they'll be looking for a new head coach next year. They probably should be. Yeah. So I will say the San Francisco just another week, just another like undefeated, another Brock party looks like an MVP again. And another injury. And now Mike Evans who just looked absolutely fucking dominant kind of goes out with it. Like we don't know the extent of it right now, but he just seemed like he aggravated his Achilles before halftime didn't come out. But it was just another nine years game where everyone stepped up. They looked unbelievable, probably made it too close at the end. And you just kind of keep wondering like, are they just going to do this all year? Yeah. Do we want to is this is a good transition because I would say Mike Evans is at the top of our list that what has aged the best so far this season. Do we want to just get into that now hit Mike Evans? Yeah, let's do it because I might get it before he left the game kind of inspired this whole exercise, I think because we're talking about how that's signing. And also Mike Evans literally himself is just aged really well. But yeah, so we're just going to do power hour here for again, things that have aged well, this NFL sees it every two minutes. You're going to hear this sound. I think the gong's the answer. Gong plays, I love the gong. I do. Man, you can't over do the gong. So I think a month from now, the gong will be in all four episodes we do each week somehow. I do think number one that was Mike Evans. Like Mike Evans just literally aged well until I have done. Yeah, I mean, he's like his play is aging well and the signing was aging well. His body is struggling. His body is aging. And I think he's he's fighting that off his best he can. But dude, the the the the nighter's getting Mike Evans, obviously them being six and O and Brock pretty being an MVP candidate. We said this before, but like I think this is the best true ride receiver Brock, Brock pretty's ever had. Yeah, you have Debo Samuel, Chris McCaffrey and Kittle and stuff like that. But in terms of just like a guy you can drop back and hit and party being a point guard, Mike Evans is like his power forward. And they already have such great chemistry despite Mike Evans being so limited. The Mike Evans changing teams literally swung two divisions. I mean, the Niners were third in odds in the NFC West. Now they're six and O and in first place. And the Bucks were the favorite between the NFC South and now they're one in five and in last place. And I'm not saying that's all on Mike Evans. But him taking less money to go to San Francisco has legitimately swung two different divisions. Evan says so he has such a gravity as a receiver. He's so big. So that's such a big catch radius. He can still somehow get open deep, which I don't understand because he runs so slow. Yeah, that's really. It looks like he's running really slow. It's already going to be open later. And he's just he's a really, really savvy player with positioning. He is made a massive difference for the 49ers offense. And if you looked at what the offense did this in the second half of 49ers offense, they really kind of ground to a stop there in the second half. They had a bunch of three and outs. They couldn't really execute. Now they have lost a lot of their receivers. The death has been death six. Yeah, they seem to count Brandon. I you know, Debo is in that game. I mean, yeah, it's Jordan Watkins and Brandon cooks. Brandon cooks. Yeah. Who we just signed off the street. So they've obviously, but I do think still you can look at what Mike Evans brings the offense. And he is a force multiplier for the passing game for sure. He's the real John Wick, not Caleb Williams. It's it's Mike Evans who now we are six weeks into the season and already on the injury report this year. Real quick, his injury report this season since August, quad growing hip chest Achilles. That's his whole body. Adding Achilles and it's just so right. Yeah, he's going to kill his 10 to 9 is now the 9ers have a buy week eight. Just just sit on week seven. Oh, I think they will. Did you guys felt feel a little bit? I don't know if they will. They already said like it's not long term. We think yeah, okay. They said it was basically what he dealt with all last week. So we'll see how he recovers here this week. It does feel like the prudent thing to do would be resting. Did you guys feel hyphids? You were watching the game live, right? During so when he got hurt, he I was on the phone with hyphids when he got hurt and hyphids just live it. I was just catatonic. I was in a chop league and I had to pick between Mike Evans or Rashad. No one gives a shit. But I had to pick between Mike Evans and Rashad white. And I literally texted you guys. I'm like Mike Evans is going to play great in all of light. Craig literally said he'll three catches 60 yards of touchdown, which is going to be like 12 points and then it'll get hurt. And I'm like, yeah, but Rashad white is going to have, you know, 40 yards of touchdown for catches and have 15 points. And we actually nailed both numbers. And then, but I'm like, but I have to play Mike Evans. I can't go down. I mean, I need four yards in the first half. Yeah. Fell two point, fell short by two points in the Rashad white garbage time. Touchdown got me chopped. No one gives a shit though. I wanted to point out though. I thought it was interesting and I felt a little bit like I was cheating or it was voyeuristic or something. When he basically tried to like walk it off off the field right before half and he's barely limping. You can see him kind of limping or whatever. And then he gets into the tunnel. And immediately like starts grabbing the back of his heel. He's like leading up against the wall. I think he thought no one could see this. And we're all watching this live on, you know, on the on the broadcast. Too many. And then he starts limping very dramatically. Too many cameras. Dude, whenever he catches the pass, it looks like when happy Gilmore takes the baseball off the forehead, he's like, oh, that one hurt a little bit, but I'm alright. So he does every play. You guys ever see a key and peel stretch where the guy tries to come out of retirement? And he's like, I'm gonna catch the bullet. I'm gonna catch it. You know, he's like, and he's like, just shoot me. I'll catch it. He's like, he's like, you tell me you call the boys. I just want to tell it. Yeah. Number two, things this NFL season that have aged the best. I have Jemeer Gabe is being the first pick in fantasy football. There you go. He's the most valuable player draft. Category aside, right? Jeff. Jeff Capitol. Sure. It's just Jemeer Gabe's and Ken Walker. And everyone else is in their own category. And like, you could argue Ken Walker is more valuable because he was later, but Jemeer Gabe's is our averaging 28 points per game. And he's getting this absurd rushing volume, this absurd receiving volume. Like a peak of his prime on a crazy scoring offense. And I think the sneaky thing is the first pick in fantasy has been like a catastrophe. Six of the last seven seasons. Like, it's actually been either not come with. Well, I'm just saying, like, yeah, of course, it's football. I do think it happened. But the last, if you just go through it, Jemar Chase last year, number one, like he was fine. Before that, it was like, just, it was Christian de Caffrey getting hurt. Like a Monday night football ended up playing like three games the season. It was Justin Jefferson who played well and then missed half the season. The hamstring injury is Jonathan Taylor at four touchdowns. Christian de Caffrey, two years in a row, played 10 games, combined. Safe one was bad. Like, you have to go back to 2018 Todd Gurley for the last time. And number one pick in fantasy was the best player in fantasy. And even Todd Gurley for the last five ones before Todd Gurley were pretty bad. So Gibbs being the first pick, like, you're always like, Oh, I want the first pick. This is the year that having the first pick is really just automatically made you a contender. And he's that he's unbelievable. The Lions have really been like the most consistent fantasy team of the of the 2020s. Like, there's such like a perfect little preserved fantasy environment up there in Detroit, like in their dome with golf and the monrod and Gibbs. And it's just like everyone is always scoring points all the time. Their defense isn't that good. It's just like the perfect spot to be for fantasy. You have a monrod St Brown is quietly on this list. Like, we need to call it the 10 hundred thousand club guys who had 10 touchdowns, a hundred catches a thousand yards in a season. People who've done that four times in their entire career. It's like Jerry Rice, Randy Moss is a monrod has done the three years in a row. It's like, that's just like a Jerry Rice and him basically. The consistency is unbelievable. Just want to grab, I want to grab the Lions by like their face, you know, like in in Billy Madison, he's like, stay as long as you can never leave. I just want that for the Lions forever. My next one here that's AIDS the best of season is you can just expand that to the entire first round of fantasy drafts and how well it's aged. Literally 10 of the first 11 picks and drafts are hits. Jamir Gibbs, we just mentioned, he's on pace for 30 touchdowns, the second picks. B. John Robinson is on pace for 2200 scrimmage yards. Jamar Chase, who when he's not concussed, has been a top eight wider see for this year. Pukinakua is the number two wider see for one healthy. CMC is averaging 18 points a game. Jonathan Taylor, 18 points a game. Jackson Smith and Jigba is outscoring his pace last year by 33%. Wow. And it's having
the best fantasy wide receiver season of the century. I'm honor St. Brown, quietly is having the highest scoring season of his career this year. James Cook, 18 points per game, quietly having the highest fantasy scoring season of his career this year. Say, "One Barclay, fucking disaster." I took him in my high school league, of course. And then C.D. Lamb is having the second best season of his career. (laughing) - Say, "One Barclay," don't worry about that little guy. He's been tough. - But it's been like 90% of picks in the first round have just been great. Maybe Jamar Chase has been a little annoyed 'cause of the concussion, but it's been pretty good. - The JSN one that you just mentioned, I feel like we haven't talked about that enough decade. There's a chance that JSN can break the Seahawks receiving record, the old mark, the non-JSN receiving mark for the Seahawks by week 11, two years in a row. - I mean, dude, it blew my mind. It has good as he was last year. He's outscoring last year by 33%. - That's what he was. - That's actually insane. - It felt like he posted yards ever in a season. - It felt like it completely unsustainable clip that it was on. - Totally. - Like you say, and he's absolutely obliterating at this year. He already has 717 yards. - Why do you think that is? - Why is it better now? - I don't know. - The defense question, are they throwing more? - I think the defense-- - They can run less? - I think the defense allowing more points. - They're playing from behind a little bit more. I think he's even got a higher target rate than he did last year. - 'Cause they can't run the ball now, so it's like-- - Yeah. - I guess we'll just do this every time. - Also, it's just like one of those things where I think we underestimated just how fucking good he is. Not that we didn't think he was good, but he is now at that level where it doesn't matter. The environment doesn't really matter with him because this is not like an awesome environment for him for fantasy or at least on paper that you wouldn't think it is. - No. - He's been incredible. - There's some lesson to be learned about Kubiak leaving and everybody overreacting to that. - Oh, yeah, that's the other thing, yeah. - I don't quite know what it is, but that's something to think about. The next thing that aged the best of the season, I know we keep talking about it, but there's no way around it. It's the chief signing Ken Walker in free season. - I mean, it's one of the stories of the season. It's so reminiscent to me of the Seikoan Barclay going from the giants to the Eagles story, which is, and I remember having those discussions with Seiko on that going into that season where we're like, I don't know, he hasn't really been the same since he was like, as he was when he was a rookie, doesn't catch as many passes, he dances a little too much, whatever. But then on the other side of the coin, you're like, okay, but he's going to a team with the best offensive line. And that was basically all that mattered. He put up 2,000 plus yards, he was incredible, ripped off 50 yard runs like every week, and we're seeing almost the exact same thing from Ken Walker. It's basically like, he hasn't ever, before the season, we're talking like, he hasn't really ever done this. He's never put up a lead numbers. He's been in a time share. All these things that you kind of get really nervous drafting Ken Walker early in the second round. And he's been everything, the ceiling version of this, he's been even better than that, really. He's the number two running back in fantasy. He's been awesome. And it's just like, here's the equation. Kenneth Walker on Andy Reed and Patrick Mahomes team. And Magic is going to happen. So it's been awesome. - You know, it's funny. I believe there's only been one player in NFL history to win Super Bowl MVP on two different teams in its Tom Brady. And I think there's a legitimate shot that Ken Walker could be the second. - Oh, that's really interesting. - And he could do it in back to back years. - That would be wild, yeah. He's being talked about, I think he's at least in the discussion, I don't think he'll win it, but he's being talked about as a potential MVP candidate right now, just for the season. And this is something that we talked about with Sikwan too. It's like there was running backs, values were going down or at least staying stagnant for years and years and years. And a smart GM and how he rose and came in was like, look, we're going to pay this guy what, you know, what number three receivers get on some teams. Ken Walker right now, an average annual value. So here's some names that he's getting paid less than this year. Rashit Shaheed and Cooper Cup for the Seahawks. Wandael Robinson, who's making 17 and a half million per year average annual value. Kyle Pitts, Jacobi Myers, Chris Godwin, Michael Wilson, Jalen Waddles making like twice as much as he is. - Think about that as much. - Twice as much. James and Williams making almost twice as much. Wandael's been great though. - That one makes sense. - Craig touches his ear. Wait, I'm being told that's not actually not. He hasn't been, he hasn't been great. - I mean, I think Ken Walker has more yards, total yards in his first five quarters of the season that Jalen Waddle does in six games. - Yeah, that's probably right. - It's just a fascinating look at market value of different positions in the NFL. Receivers are clearly way, way, way valued higher. And running backs, like Hyphids has pointed out several times here, it's just like a stagnant market. They're not getting paid more. - It is an interesting thing because the, it's funny because the NFL, the market for receivers and what they make is not that different than a fantasy football league where it's like, the same reason that if you're a one quarterback league, Josh Allen even goes with the 25th pick or 20th pick. But if you have a super flex league with two quarterbacks, Josh Allen goes first because you double the amount of demand for quarterbacks. And so in a receivers, in fantasy football, if you have a two receiver league versus a three receiver league, there's 50% more receivers than the league. So the receivers are more valuable. But that's exactly what's happening in the NFL where because for the last eight years, every team was playing so many three receiver sets. You had a world where what did you say Jerry Judy's making for the Browns this year? - Jerry Judy's made 17 and a half. His contract is 17 and a half average annual value. - More than 10 walk a couple of years ago, which is three million more than Kenneth Walker. Michael Pittman's getting 17 million from the dealers. And so you're like, why? - Romeo Dobbs is making more jade leads, making more Michael Mayer's making more. - And then now that the tides come in though, and there's way fewer two receiver sets. Shit, there's one receiver sets for teams. And there's more tight ends. Now all these receiver contracts look ridiculous. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Like, how does Jerry Judy make more than Ken Walker? It's funny. - And so also just we've talked about this a lot. The explosive play value, getting one explosive on a drive, increases your chances of scoring on a drive exponentially. And you can get that now from the running game, especially if you have an elite running back, guy who can create the big play. And if you look at the chiefs' explosive play rate, explosive rush rate last year, 5%, they were 30th in the NFL. This year is 12%, second. So the chiefs are hitting an explosive rusher on 12% of their runs, which is a great, great clip. And they lead the NFL in rushes of 20 plus yards. Last year, they were 30 second. They had three all year. They already have seven in five games this year. - Austin points out that this is the least amount of water receivers that have been on the field in the last 20 years. This season. - The number five things that have aged the best. - We really disrespected the gong there. I feel like if it was Tom, Tom, we wouldn't have done that. - Yeah. - Number five on things that have aged the best. Waiting on quarterback and fantasy football. - Yeah. - I didn't really realize that until you pointed this out. - The first two weeks of the season, we freaked out about this 'cause Josh Allen looked unstoppable and we were like freaking out. Like, why don't we draft Josh Allen every year? And then you looked back in six weeks and you're like, well, the top 10 core, I mean, if you just look at who were our top rank quarterbacks in fantasy football and in season. Josh Allen has been amazing. And then it's Lamar Jackson who got hurt. Drake May, who was literally 34th in quarterbacks through the first three weeks. And then the majority of people benched him in week four when he was the number one quarterback. - Not me. - So we did, well, there you go. We were faithful. The majority of people, he didn't really help anyone. He was a detriment to the week five. Jayden Daniels got hurt in halfway through week two. Joe borrows the quarterback 14. Jalen hurts his out for the season. Justin Herbert is a fantasy terrorist. And then Caleb Williams got hurt week two. So you look around like that's the top eight quarterbacks. It's just Josh Allen has been net good for your team. - So the lesson does remain, just take Josh Allen. Josh Allen or bust. - Wait on everybody else here. - Here you go. But the top 10 quartericks through six weeks of Josh Allen rock party, shout out to Craig who was on the whole time. Jared Goff at three, Trevor Lawrence, CJ Stroud, Tyler Schuck, Kirk Cousins, Drake May, Bryce Young, Jordan Love, Matt Stafford, and Zach. Those are the top 12 guys. - Wild. - If you go back and draft teams right now, would you take Josh Allen like fourth? (laughing) - He'd be like in a regular draft. - He gives me Sean, Ken Walker, and Josh. - And just to have him on your team. - It's just so nice. - If you have 30 more points in the next quarterback. - I know, I'm like, I kind of feel like you can just do anything if Josh is your quarterback. - You know what H is well that tattoos, which are like take cool players and good teams. Josh Allen's the coolest player. - Yeah. So honestly, where should we rank Josh next year? Let's assume everyone's fully healthy. I like, should we just say fuck, fiduciary, whatever stupid points to prove that? Should we just put Josh Allen like 10th? - Yeah. - Probably. (laughing) - Would you just put him right after the first round? - Honestly, we should. - First thing a second round. - Yeah. - Screw it. - The ringer fantasy football show is brought to you by Fandall. Here's something to look forward to between kickoffs this Sunday. With Sunday's spectacular Fandall rewards club members can unlock exclusive rewards throughout the day with offers tailored to the rewards club level. Depending on your level, you could unlock things like profit boosts, reward boxes, point boosts, challenges, choose your reward offers, and more. The best part, new rewards drop throughout Sunday's games. So there's always something new to discover as the day unfolds. Check out Sunday's spectacular in the Fandall app only on Fandall rewards club. 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about 1,800 gambler, call 1-888-789-7777, we're visiting ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. (whooshing) Number six, things that have aged the best this season. The Raiders hiring Clint Coopie at consigning Kurt Cousins. - Yeah, this is aged incredibly well. I'm aware that they have lost three in a row, but I just feel, the Raiders just feel like a good team to be this year, a real team that can compete with anybody in the NFL. They've really only had one bad loss this year, it goes to the Patriots. Otherwise, they've taken the chiefs and the bills, the distance kept it close, competed throughout the whole game. I just feel like Kubiak, especially if you look at some of the talent deficiencies that he had coming in, has done a really good job of making this a competitive team. I think, injecting some actual intensity and juice into this offense and into the defense as well, 'cause it felt like they were really just kind of tanking, coming into this off season. And they've turned, Kubiak has helped turn Kurt Cousins into, if you look at the numbers, he's like a top 10 quarterback by a lot of metrics. I don't think he's a top 10 quarterback at this point in his career, but he's putting up good numbers. The Raiders are a 15th and DVOA, which I never would have guessed would happen after what happened last year. - But Kurt Cousins, please, the NFL in touchdown passes with Trevor Lawrence and Brock Birdie. - I mean, that play he made to Trey Tucker late in the game was just a perfect example, like, damn, he's got, this team just has more oomph that I really expected at all. And I think this is something I talked about with Kubiak in the off season. I really feel he's good at understanding who his talented players are, who his killers are essentially on the offense and then giving the ball to those guys. They've, he's basically designed an offense that has Brock Birdie, this is Y receiver one. Michael Mayer is his tight end one. And then obviously they're rotating with the running backs. Gentie has not lived up to expectation. He's been her all year. So that's kind of been an issue for them. But the numbers are incredible. Points per game, 14 last year, 27 this year. Yards per play has gone up over a full yard. Yards per game has gone up almost 100 yards per game. So, you know, in their conversion, their third down conversion rate is up dramatically. Their three and out rate is down dramatically. They're a real offense. - Yeah, also like the fact that they have the number one overall pick, Mendoza on the bench and Kurt Cousins in this offense just looks good. It's like in fantasy when you win, even though your quarterbacks on their by-week, and you had to like pick somebody up off waivers, and you're just like, wow, this feels like a get out of jail free season. That's what it feels like for the Raiders right now who look like a competent team in Fernandum and Dosa is now getting to sit and soak all this up and learn for a year. He might not play the whole season. - It's so valuable to him, yeah, exactly. It reminds me of playing dynasty in your competitive team. You have a chance to go to playoffs and win, and you have like three first rounders in the rookie draft coming up. They're kind of playing with house money a little bit right now because expectations were pretty much zero coming into the season. - Sixth and points after they were last last year. - It's fun. - I'd like, I'd look forward to watching the Raiders. I can't run the last time I thought that. - Mendoza will be more fun. Okay, number seven, things that have aged the best this NFL season. The Cleveland Browns giving written tests to their head coaching candidates. (laughs) - Pencils down, okay. - How much fun did we make fun of the Browns for 10 coaches, 10 coach openings in the NFL and the Browns, the worst of all the coaching candidates? - Yeah, so Andrew Berry nerd Harvard shit. We're like, come on. - Now we're like, yeah. - And now it's like, didn't they have a few coaches who were like, ah, I'm just not gonna interview. - They had coaches turn them down, even using the written tests to say, excuse me, like I'm not taking it. - I am doing all that. - I am doing all that shit. One, Todd Malkin has been a good coach for them. Two, look how many dumb decisions coaches have made this year. Dan Quinn not getting the field goal unit out with the minute left and over time. Aaron Glenn doesn't know which team has the ball at the start to second half, like some horrible coaching decisions. The Cowboys gave up the shortest game winning drive in NFL history to Baltimore. I'm like, damn, maybe more team should do a written test. It's a good idea. - I also think it's funny and ironic that Malkin's doing so well, 'cause he's done amazing. He and Kubiak, to be our just making chicken salad out of chicken shit this year. - He missed the coaches' photo to get a haircut. - Yeah, we first of all, like the new thing, and Craig, you mentioned this, the new thing in the NFL, let's find the youngest fucking guy we can to coach our team. I don't care, is he 28 years old? That doesn't matter. - I don't want him to be able to grow beard. (laughing) And then they go out on tired Todd Malkin. It was born in 1960, 60, 60 years old. And I think, you know, we kind of scoffed at that old. - The oldest first time head coach ever. - Did we? - He saw some. - The secret sauce to the chiefs dynasty. And I mean, they almost won three in a row, which had never happened. And the secret sauce to the whole thing was Steve Speck, other than the Holmes, obviously, is Steve Speck Nolo, is old. And if he was Steve Speck Nolo's 20 years younger, they would have gave him a head coaching shot. But because he's in his like mid 60s, no one even interviews Steve Speck Nolo for jobs. So they have the coordinator with the most Super Bowl wins of all time. No one even wants to talk to him about head coaching job. So we're just gonna be there till he retires. - And every year that goes by, there's less of a chance that he gets interviews because he keeps getting older. - It's like the higher Steve Speck Nolo and they made seven straight AFC championship games. And I think you got three freaking interviews, the entire tie base. - Browns have won all four of their games by four points or less. And their next three weeks are playing the Titans, the Steelers, and the Saints. Browns, I could legit be seven and two. - The other thing, I gave credit to Kubiak for this. I want to give credit to Monkin for this. He's playing his young guys because they are the best players that he has. Like Denzel Bossen's out there starting in play this night. - They hit on a lot of draft picks. - Yeah. - It's not like, I just feel like a lot of coaches would be, oh yeah, it's the veteran he's highly paid. - It's very Judy. - Yeah, we're gonna make him the star of this offense. He's like, no, he is putting the guys in that are making plays. And I appreciate that. I also think he's done a good job with the media navigating the DeShawn Watson to rock 'em all. - He's been kind of a privilege, like fuck you. Stop shitting on the Browns for some time and it's working. - I think it's the same reason John Dorsey, the old GM took Baker Mayfield 'cause they felt that you needed a fuck you attitude to turn around the Cleveland Browns, which is true. Number eight, things that have aged the best. I'm gonna go DK, you not believing for one second that Davis Webb would get to call place for the Broncos all year. - I mean, all three of us were basically in the off season. Halfway through the summer, we're like, okay, how many games is what I'm gonna make him? - He's gonna be breathing down his neck. - DK, at the moment that story came out, you were like Sean Payne, you literally asked me how long will Sean Payne take to take this back? I give it a month. It was exactly a month. - Yeah, it was actually a little longer than I expected deep down. I thought it'd be about three weeks. I do think one of the stories of the season though, generally is the struggles that the Broncos have had on offense because their defense is awesome. This is a super bowl caliber defense. I think that they could go really far with the defense that they have, but Bonex has taken a big step back and they are just sort of a really ineffective. They can't push the ball down the field. Bonex has been incredibly flat in terms of never being able to look down the field or to the middle of the field. And it really just has, it just neutered their offense essentially. We're trying, I know that Payne had good reason to take the play-calling back, but since he's taken it back, they really haven't done anything either. So their offense is one of the big stories of the season. The points where game work down dramatically, success rate down dramatically. Yars for play down, three and out rate is up big. They're down conversion rate down. So they are just, I don't know, I can't exactly pinpoint what's going on with their offense, but Bonex has dramatically regressed. I think they're a team that can't run the ball that well, either for the most part. So they need to figure it out. - I think there is a pretty naked power struggle happening in the Broncos between Sean Payton and Davis Webb and perhaps between Sean Payton, Davis Webb and Bonex. And then there was the dueling stories of the third of their verbiage for the Broncos offense was changed back and forth, snip-stap, the emotional toll. I think multiple things are true. Bonex probably is not naturally elite at running this kind of old offense that Sean Payne has. Everyone's back, like being everyone's at fault for it to be bad. - And the big move that they made in the Aussies in the Waddle trade, they give them a first round pick. And that has not, he's not integrated into their offense hardly at all. Have I told you guys my theory on the Waddle trade? I think it's really simple. I think Sean Payton looks at it like pre, you gotta remember Jimmy Johnson in that chart, like there's the first original chart. That was in the 90s and they were just sweeping up value 'cause they had numbers written down. I think Sean Payton has the, and it is head from that pre-chart like the 80s, which is, can he get a starter? And he looks at the little draft grades and he's like, "Who am I gonna get?" And he's like, "Damn, these guys suck." - He's like, "I want a blue player." - I don't think I'm gonna get a player who will start for me with this pick. Can I get someone to start? He doesn't give a fuck who the starter is. And he's like, "Jalen Waddle, play for me in this role." And I'm like, "Oh, number one, first round pick for a guy." You're gonna send, and I'm like, "No." He's like, "That's an upgrade over Marvin Mims. "This person will start for me." - Why did you say that in August? - Because I felt stupid at the time to say, but now it was in the back of my mind. - Why didn't you say that as Sean Payton's wife who drafted Jalen Waddle? - Why didn't you tell her? - It reminds me, well, you know what, shocked my memory of it. It was the Niners drafted Jake Moody, the kicker, because Kyle Shannon's like, "I wanna starter." And that was the only starter we could get in the third round. It was a kicker. And now the Niners fans are like, "Well, he's been a good kicker." But I'm like, "Okay, like, you also have had a ton of injuries "and you could have gotten like a depth player there." And they probably could, I don't know, whatever. But I don't know. I think that's it. He's just like, "Well, who's starting?"
Jaylen Waddle will start for me. - I think that's right. - Let's see, your number nine things that have aged the best this NFL season. I have hatred. Gotta give it to the haters, the haters are right. - The players that we hate have been terrible. And I think that we were led astray by love. We love Justin Herbert. We, all the players that we were wrong on are 'cause we love them. The players we hate though were dead on balls accurate. Like Marvin Harrison Jr. sucks. All the players on the Broncos who we hate suck. Kyle Pitts has sucked. Even the week he was good was like a kick in the nuts because everyone cut him. Marvin, like Waddle, Harrison, all these people. If we had just followed our hatred, we would've been pretty accurate this year. - Yeah, I actually do think that the advice, I feel more strongly about avoiding players you hate than going after players you love. - Yes, avoid the landmines. - 'Cause it's like sure, if you love hooka de coo and you want 'em on your team, you don't get 'em, that sucks. But you know what's worse, hating Jalen Waddle and taking him for a discount in your draft because it's a good price or it's a good spot. You're getting him two rounds late. And then you have to start Jalen Waddle every week, which hyphids has to do in the ringer league. - And I hate him, but really, I hate myself. (laughing) - So the lesson is don't let love into your heart. Love isn't real and guess what? I don't know if friendship's real either. - That's the things, yeah. - Believe hate, trust hate. - Yeah, love isn't real. - But the hate flow through you. - That's good. - Hate is the only real thing in this. - Go to the dark side during your drafts is basically what we're learning here. - Yeah, don't ever take anyone you hate the better if they're free. Again, I'd trade a Jalen Waddle for a guy who's hurt now and I'm having a better time. - I just love that. - It's the weight off your shoulders. - Yeah, it's like whatever. It's like when they're like, I don't want to cut this guy, so I'll trade him for a future seven so you're like, God, thank God he's gone. But I didn't want to cut him. - All right, we're giving time to the gong back. - Okay, sure. - Can we just play the gong 'cause I just like hit them. - It's a great gong. We found that gong like seven years ago. It's a great gong. - The best gong, there it is. Number 10, things that have aged the best. I don't, Craig, you submitted this one and I don't want you to explain yourself. You had Mike McCarthy. - This needs to be dead last. - Because it's really an honorable mention. And I think because it's not a mess, it's aged well. Like I think because your expectations low and you know what, you'll feel phenomenal. - 'Cause it isn't, it's definitively not aging poorly. It's kind of working, right? Like, they're foreign too. The Steelers are always kind of like that. But like, the offense looks solid. They're like running the ball better than they ever have. This, it might be short lived, this might be like Ben Affleck and JLo 2.0 when the first six months of the remarriage and they're like out getting paparazzi Christmas shopping and everything looks fine. And then three months later, it's like Ben Affleck slamming the door on her. - Walking around the back of a car as slow as he possibly can. - But like, look, Aaron Rogers is tied for the second most passing touchdowns in the league this year. He's throwing for like 50 more passing yards per game than he did last year. Jeremy Bernard's been a big success. Jalen Warren is a huge breakout. The offensive line's been better. I don't think the team is ultimately that different, but the Mike McCarthy thing is like aging okay so far. (Jalen laughs) - I still just love so much the fucking asshole thing that happened, the interaction between. - Yeah, they're great. McCarthy, he's like, "God the fuck it play!" or whatever. I gotta say, I do kind of believe in Mike McCarthy as just a quarterback coach. Like, whoever the Steelers are gonna get next year, I don't feel that bad specifically with Mike McCarthy developing him. Like, gay management, everything else going on is not, I don't know. But him with a quarterback specifically, I don't think he's terrible. - Isn't Hyffetz, isn't your theory he's Sean Payton with worse marketing? - Yeah, Sean Payton, but they doesn't cozy up to every goddamn reporter. I will say, is it weird that Mike Tomman's trying to give him great breakdowns inside of football and we're all listening with rap detention. Everything Mike Tomman says, as the Steelers are like kind of better without him. - Everything is branding. Everything is PR. - I love Mike Tomman. - Tomman is actually legit good. I love forward to hearing what he does. - He's amazing, but he's such a great quote. He's so, he's so just like entertaining and mesmerizing to listen to. Mike McCarthy is not at all. But Mike McCarthy's doing a good job. - I will say, I can't tell if the Steelers are better if they're just the exact same team still. - They're the exact same team. - It's the Spider-Man meme with like, takes off his glasses, you know, and then it's just, it's the same, it's the same team, really. - It's the same exact team. - But Rodgers is playing better. - All right, a couple honorable mentions for things that age the best. I want to shout out Parker Washington turning down Jacksonville's contract extension. They offered him before the season. - Better on yourself, buddy. - You could say Stroud as well. - Stroud, same thing. I mean, I don't know exactly the money, but Jalen Coker signed with the Panthers and the Panthers, that age really well, signing Locking Up Jalen Coker to a long-term deal that was an undrafted free agent. So I mean, I'm sure Jalen Coker was excited to get, I mean, what I think, like 12 million a year, I have a feeling that Jaguar's offer was quite similar. The Jaguars are like, "Hey, Parker Washington, since it's rounder, number two receiver, you want like 12 million a year?" I think Parker Washington might have doubled it. Like, he's probably gonna now sign for 25. - For sure. He'll get paid like a top 10, top 15, I receiver now. - Oh, yeah. So Parker, I mean, that age really well. And I want people to e-mails. e-mails what you think is age the best, for your fantasy of
[email protected]. And at some point, we're gonna have to do in what's age the worst episode of this. So feel free. - Oh, yeah. - That'll be just throw out a question I have for you guys. Do you guys think it's age well, speaking of locking up receivers versus not? The Cowboys not giving George Pickens a contract. I feel like that's age pretty well for the Cowboys. - Because Pickens isn't really making a difference this year. - He's not doing what he did last year, certainly. And I think it probably makes more sense from a structural building the roster point of view to not pay two receivers in an incredible amount of money that you fix their defense still. - I was gonna say, you know, well, I said, "I didn't pay Joey Porter Jr." I wonder if he more Pickens are gonna be on the team next year. - Yeah. - Well, I mean, Porter, it's hard to have an impact. I mean, he's been there for like two weeks or whatever, but the whole, I, it is quite the thing that they just have put themselves in a position where Pickens and Joey Porter are both gonna have to, one of them's gonna leave in free agency and have best recoup, but I guess a third if the Cowboys don't do anything in free agency, which maybe they, I guess they kind of never do anymore, but I, the Cowboys are just chasing losses at the black check table. Even all these people they acquire are just guys they had high draft grades on that they want later. Like, not just George Pickens and Joey Porter Jr. Jonathan Mingo, you're like, "Why the fuck is this guy still on this team?" I don't know if you make a third for him. - Yeah, I don't know if Jonathan Mingo would make like 29 other rosters, like, I don't know if he'd make the Niners right now down six receivers. And why did the Cowboys have, well, they had a high grade and I'm like four years ago, and they just kind of stick to that board. - Hey, I know that guy. - Let me tell you something. When the kids just move on from Jonathan Brooks in two years, 'cause he can't stay healthy, he's gonna sign with the Cowboys, 'cause everyone they have a high grade on, they stick to and just, it's just Jerry's world and they're all living in it. So, I don't know if it's aged well, but it's just maybe you're right, maybe just not committing that much money to DAX CD and Pickens, like, it can't work, but you just can't. - Right. - I don't know. But yeah, email us if there's anything, anything else you guys have at that age, well, email us if, I'm sure there's things in this. So, I wanna hear those things.
[email protected]. Okay, should we do a RingerFanity Football League update? Who's in first? I think we're all first. - We are first. - Me, you, DK, we all have the same record. Four and two, we're all four and two. - All three of us are all four and two. Nobody else is four and two, so we are all tied for first. - I'm in first. I'm in first place. Hi, if it's isn't second and Craig's in third. - Good showing for the, good showing for us. Well done, us. Good job guys. - If you have to use a tie breaker, doesn't that imply that a tie existed? - Yeah, but we are in fact breaking the tie. It's what's happening. I'm in first. - Okay. - It's breaking of the tie. - What is tie though? - The records. - Right. - And so now you have what's called a standings in a fantasy league where I am in first. For this week, we'll see. My team's kind of falling apart. I'll be honest. - Yeah, you just lost Terry McLean. I just lost a bunch of atoms. - Yeah, that's not good for you guys. What's the word for, I had the thing happen, which I don't know how we haven't named this in the entire run of the show, but when you're at the second most points of the week and you lose to the person who had the most, Mallory has some of come from basically last place. - Damn, Mallory has come in. - Mallory has come in hard. - She's come in hard, yeah. - She's one two in a row. House is one two in a row now and fifth. - Year of parity. So we're the top three spots we're all four and two, and then everyone from fourth to ninth is three and three, or you could argue big tie for fourth place. And then even the people who lost, it's Sean, Dave Chang, and Sal are two and four, but even them, they're two spots out of us at first. So it's actually pretty close. - Yeah, you could argue three teams are tied for first, five teams are tied for second, and three teams are tied for third. - I mean, that is factually true. - I'm not taking the bait. - Anymore. - Last question. - What have I done that's made you, how would you break the tie of what's made you the angriest the last three weeks? Me saying we're tied for first, Craig and I saying that you can't make a field goal and me saying you didn't enjoy the Super Bowl. Which of those made you the angriest? - You didn't enjoy the Super Bowl, I make sure. (laughing) - Oh, it's good. I got it last place in the lead, Chang. - Seconds last, Shao. - I love that Shao's the only guy without 600 points on the season, and he took a kicker in the eighth round. I know he keep bringing this up, but I just can't believe he'd, I just love that he took a kicker. - Bill's fighting in seventh. - Yeah, a lot of parry though. I imagine there's gonna be a lot of jostling. Jockeying. - I'm playing Chang this week. Should I even play a kicker versus him? - I think that would be in the same way that we like chose the coin flip and the Super Bowl for ringer 107.
to be up there with that level of fucking. - It's best like kickers. - It's like kind of, and I have straight, I spent a straighter who I was basically like, have any of us played each other yet? If you guys, I don't think I've played either of you. - No. - Right? - And it's just like the real season where they saved the divisional matchups for the end. I don't know. - Yeah. - We didn't edit the schedule, but we totally should next year. (laughing) - We should have rival week. - We should do rival week, and we, God, we should do that. - It is also going to be Hyvin's first Chang, for sure. - We got to rig it. We got to make it like when Bill and House record their over-unders for the NBA. Like, we got to have them playing each other that week, you know? - Okay, I play you week 12, buckle up. - Ooh. - That's gonna be good. Bangkok Craig. I love that. By the way, Craig just talks about his team in the third person. - Bangkok Craig. (laughing) - Bangkok Craig is getting screwed out here. And everyone's named their team except you who's just Danny Kelly. - Yeah. - I know, but that's part of the whole bit. - It is. - It's gonna leave that. - What's the best name in the league? Obviously other than Bangkok Craig. - Well, I noticed Chang changed his name to ChangBang. - ChangBang. - ChangBang. - ChangBang. - Try to get a little like juice on his team. You know, it changed things up a little bit. The ChangBang. I like Miles is just no tech. She's just no better. - She's just no better. (laughing) - Bill is no better. - He's no better. - Now, that can be a little better. Colbert or the engine's kind of funny. - Didn't what you lose to Mal last week. - Yeah, last week. - Mal, so Mal beat me too. - Mal has the worst form of trash talk. - She tries to make you feel bad for beating her. - Yeah, she just texts you about how she's gonna lose all week. - It's like it's constantly like, "What is long like elaborate reverse jinks?" - Yes. - It's just constantly like, man. - Good game already. My team is absolutely crumbling once again. So good game. - She almost tries to convince you. I'm like, "All right. "I'll take one of my guys out of the lineup." You know, I'm sorry. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel joy in your life, you know? And yet back-to-back, she beat me to two of you. (laughing) - Just tricks us. - No tech. - Ooh, okay. - She took Justin Herbert as her quarterback and she's three and three. - Anything's possible. Okay. It's time for fantasy court, baby. - Ooh. - Court is in session. - You definitely don't tell anyone about this thing that you're doing. - I don't really want to be handcuffed. - The definition of an object is a material thing that can be seen and touched. - Night, to me, is when it's dark. - State the lie. - How many, how many emails/dms and Twitter mentions that we got about people who've got to work that into real life? - I feel like I- - People send me group chats or it's like a family group text and they work that in. - Oh, I've got a lot of issues. - I should read one. - We put that in the intro for a week and then we missed the definition of an object so now we just keep it alive. But I have to someone emailed in, it was really funny and they basically were like, have a good argument with their like four-year-old twins. I'm sorry, I forget your name, but you know who you are. And they were like, my four-year-olds were like, when's dinner or whatever? And they were arguing amongst themselves about like, what is afternoon versus nighttime? And the dad turns around and he's like, night, to me, is when it's dark. And the kids were like, aw, so true, so true. - It's like, you know, in Fight Club, when Brad Pitt's character gives out assignments for everyone every week. This is like us, assigning. You gotta work this into a sentence. - Yeah, work this into your best man's page. That's a wedding. - I did that for my bar mitzo. You'd read like a half-tour, like you basically, you know, you basically just kind of run in the show for like a regular, you know, service for a day. And you have this little section you're supposed to read. Mine was about being kosher, which is really ironic, 'cause I don't keep that, but then I ended up being lactose intolerant, so God kind of forced my hand. But my friends bet me that I couldn't work all-tie-year who's the main character in Assassin's Creed into it and then I did and I kind of finished the whole thing with like, all-tie-year. - Oh, wow, that's good. - Yeah, just a mic-trop moment. - We had a film school project where like, somebody came up with a random sentence and then everybody had to work the sentence into a movie. And so I had to write a short film that included like the same line that everybody else had to use. - Mm. - That's good. - Night. - To me? - I think, I mean, players do this more than we think. Baker Mayfield has, like the players make bets, not just for the college football games and they had to wear it to the jerseys. Baker was talking about how he had to work the, like when he was like, real G's moving sounds like lasagna, like the players made him work little things. Like players are fucking with us all the time. - Oh, that's good. - Okay. Fantasy Court, we got a full docket here, guys. - All right. - We got a full, this is a, we have four cases today. - Whoa. - Four. - Geez. - You'll still, we can't, we can't. - Are we getting a lunch break? - Fuck. (laughs) - You know, there's a real study that was done if you will. - A recess, if you will. - Sentencing is lighter after lunch and harsher sentences judges to give right before lunch. - Hangry's the right after. - Yeah, that's tough. - Hangry. - It's not, it's not great. - No, it's not. Lighty's timing. Okay, this is from A-bone. - A-bone. Breakfast this morning was a, a tabirque, tabirque and a cold fruit. You guys know what this is? T-E-B-I-R-K-E? - No. - I do not know what that is. - I didn't Google it, I was hoping you guys would. Oh, it's, oh, it's a lovely pastry. - It's a Viennese. Oh, no, wait, what the hell? - Viennouagerie. - I don't know. - Yeah, I don't know. - It looks like a Danish. - It's Danish. - Okay. So anyway, A-bone writes, I'm writing into settle debate regarding a league I'm in. The league is called the cerebral league. - Okay. - Okay. - This is a four-man league. And we draft players strictly for memory. (laughs) - Oh, that's fun. - I like that. - When we draft, no cheat sheets, no phones, no technology. - Wow, that's awesome. - They just draft and they remember it. - Whoa, that's cool, 'cause then you, as you get like, a few rounds in, it's, there's a lot of players. - And you should have a clock. - Yeah. - So that you can just like go through every team in your head, you get like one minute. He says, "Overall record determines the winner "and a Punisher for Last Bliss Finisher." The caveat is, when we draft, we are usually really drunk and also using maybe other substances. And the drafts take place at random times during the offseason. So which has led to us forgetting some star players in the past. And this year, that was Derek Henry. - Oh, he can forget Derek Henry. How could you? - Got a lot going on. That is really funny. These guys are just cross-faded at a Friday night. They're just draft. - We're like, "Oh, God." - Ah! - Piggins! (laughing) - So good. Oh, my God. And he says, "Given fantasy football's nature "of injuries and buy." And again, it's only four teams. So he says, "Given fantasy football's nature "of injuries and buys, we have allow one midseason waiver "pick up each year." - What? - It's only like week eight. They do one year, one week for waivers. - Week eight, so Henry's just sitting there for half a season. - He's daring at you. - He's sitting there. (laughing) So good. And he says, "Oh, so it's funny. "They said cerebral league. "It should be like they're inebriated. "The cerebral-nated league. "Is there something there?" - Yes. - It's not quite there. - The cerebral-nated. - I don't know. - So, Able wants to know, "How should waiver order be determined "for our King Henry showdown?" It's one pick up. Everyone gets one pick up. - Oh, so-- - And you don't get it. It's not like you have a budget. - Well, they're saying waiver order. - Do have like a free agent budget or rolling waivers. Some people feel the reverse standings rewards the last place teams too much for drafting really. - I have an idea, hit me. - Because he's on the Ravens, I think that they should get a pen and paper and have to write down as many current Ravens that they can remember. (laughing) And write them down and whoever can name the most players on the Ravens roster, that is the order of what you can go after day again. - This is very cerebral. 100% the right answer, and I will add this. If any of them are like a Ravens fan, then that's like makes it kind of cheating, then it has to be the former Titans that they can replay. - Titans is good, yeah. - That's the tiebreaker. It's like if somehow there's the same answer, that's perfect though. - Or the Alabama roster for when he was playing. - You get five minutes right down as many current Baltimore Ravens as you can by memory. - That has, honestly, that's kind of one of those things that's probably become even more fun over time, 'cause now it's like just name shit. Name a woman. Name a woman. - Um. - Um. - The Hillary Clinton. - Can't name a woman. (laughing) - Amelia Earhart. (laughing) - It's so good. - I would 100% do that too. I would be like, uh, I don't know. Maybe he'll help. - It's so funny. - Yeah, if you wouldn't do that. - I think he's worth nine minutes. - He's like walking on the street in New York and some guy runs up to him. - Oh, big time. - Name a woman. (laughing) - Can you guys give me a few people from the 2015 Alabama roster when Derek Henry was a junior that year. They went 14 and one. - I think I could get like 20 plus on the 2017 team, but 2015 is a lot of years. - I'll give you a few, I'll give you a few. - 20, oh no, I can, can I just try? - Clues. - Okay, sure. - Is this fun? - I don't know. - Why not? - We can cut it if not. - Derek Henry's there. Working room is already in the league. So it's Derek Henry. It's pre-hurt, so it was a quarterback, Greg McElroy. - The quarterback was Jake Coker. - Wow, forgot about him. Okay, is that like the Ashton Robinson era defensive line? - Hold on. - Ashton Robinson. - No, this is fun. - He was, yes, he was on that team. - Who are the receivers? I'm trying to think. - Here, I'll, yeah.
Give me the top receivers on that team. I'll give you a clue. Well, the top receiver has had a very good long NFL career. Still a Mark Cooper. Yes. No, oh, it's a Mark Cooper. So it's a Mark Cooper and Marlon Humphrey. No, and then No, well, a Mark Cooper is not one of them on this roster. Oh, it's two years earlier. I'll give you another very strong clue. It's the name of my son Calvin Ridley. Yeah Cooper Ridley because the one I know that team two years later had like, you know, that was Henry Ruggs and Jerry Judy and Devonte Smith and like, I mean, everyone on the team was like a first fifth. Top receivers on that roster were Calvin Ridley, Adarius Stewart. The running backs were Derek Henry Kenney and Drake. Oh, Damien Harris was on that team. Man, they were so stacked back then. Jonathan Allen and Tim Williams on defense Ryan Anderson. Did back when they were the only team that can really cheat. They were good. Yeah. For Sean Evans, A. Sean Robinson to Sean Hand. Reggie Ragland, Ruben Foster, Minkif, it's Patrick. It's Jared Reed. Ronnie Harrison. Good Lord. Dude, Shane Gillis is whatever you think of Shane Gillis. His best thing ever will always be him saying in his face, one calling him like Alabama Jones and then being like, now that everyone gets to pay players, Alabama is not so good. And just looking extremely directly in the eye. Unbelievable. Alabama Jones. Alabama Jones. Oh my God. Okay. Next fantasy court case here. This is uh, this is from the fantasy team named The Lint Lickers. Okay. What are you calling Cudi Queen? You Lint Licker. And the subject line is the La Croix shotgun felony. Oh, I see where this is going. You think so, but honorable. So it's judges. Hi Fitzhorabuck and Kelly, which really could be our law firm here. Our league ruling is strict. Weekly low scorer must submit to the group chat a video of themselves shot going a beer by 8 a.m. Tuesday. Yeah. Or face a 10 point deduction in your following week's motion. I like it. Last week, the loser sent a shotgun of a La Croix. But he says that's neither here nor there at 8.54 a.m. Okay. Now I followed up. So he missed the, he missed the deadline any shot going to La Croix. They're not mad that it's a La Croix. I think the real spirit of this league, at least, which I thought that's where this was going. They're mad that it was 8.54 in the morning. Not that it was incorrect. They don't give a fuck apparently. Okay. That's weird. But all right. So the, I don't know. So the commissioner texts maybe for his efforts, we only dock five points any qualms because he basically did do the shotgun, but it was 54 minutes late. It's not like he didn't do it. So they were like, should we only docked five points? No one responds to this text. Then the shotgunner won the matchup by eight points. So if the 10 point rule is an effect you'd have lost, but the commissioner suggested only docking five in which case he would have won. And the commissioner refuses to fix it, claiming no one raised any qualms. And so he only deducted five points where she had another commissioner. So the commissioner only took five points out. And so, uh, Lintlaker's ask, is this silence, is the silence of the league consent or is this a blatant robbery? Yeah, this is tough. Silence is not consent. Good take. Right, hearted. You guys just wanted to that. Weird. You didn't say anything, but okay. As I read that, I was like, I didn't really think about this as much as when I put it in the list. Um, this is a weird one. I, I don't know. The commissioner said, maybe we only docked five points. I think any qualms. I feel like the commissioner said it as a bit. And then no one responded. And then they can't just change the rule. I kind of agree. The commissioner threw it out there. Give an inch. Take a mile. So like, what's the rule then? Does that mean if you send a shotgun by 850? It's only five points now. Is that the new rule? I will say a crazy amount of our emails are people who are, I would say more now that trade vetoes, the number one issue we get is people aren't doing this punishment. And this league has a very simple good rule. And they should do it. Yeah, I agree. I think, I think we, I think they should stand by the original declared agreed upon rule. Um, also going forward, you could do something that we did it, we've done in my league. My buddy Jackson is the originator of this. And it's worked really well. We have a gun integrity committee. So a gun integrity committee, the GIC. Okay. And basically, this is a sub, this is a subcommittee underneath the commissioner. Gun integrity. Yeah, the GIC. And they're in charge of enforcing the shotgun rules. It's not the right to bear arms. It's the right to bear arms. Oh, there we go. Put that on like the seal. Yeah. So anyways, the gun integrity committee is in charge of enforcing these rules. And believe me, over the years, people try all kinds of ways to get out of this. You know, like they'll chug a beer. Like, no, we're not chugging beers. We're shot gunning beers. This is why your wife's in labor. Okay. Literally, no one wants to watch you chug a beer. We want to watch you shot get a beer. Well, you were out of control. Adam Gase was literally a coach. You're a fucking fantasy manager. What's the big deal? So anyways, maybe you know what? Look, it's not to add more bureaucracy to your life, but put together a gun integrity committee. Be bureaucracy. Great. Well played. I'm kind of cooking right now. You really are. So we're saying Doc the 10 points in the La Croix. Yeah. The La Croix fell and takes an L here. Yeah. Yeah. So like, if this person sober, obviously a different story. But if he's not and he should be shot getting a beer, I feel like the La Croix thing should also be a factor here. I think they, it sounds like they've probably taken La Croix in lieu of shotguns in the past. It sounded my, my reading the situation was they've probably accepted it in the past. Also, it's harder to shot going to La Croix than a beer. That is what people said. Yeah. Straight up. The carbonation is too powerful. It makes your tummy hurt. It's very hard. This next email is from Rich. Arbon. Rich. Arbon. Right. I run a really competitive league. It's a deep league. There's a lot of teams. It's been around a long time. And for a long time, they just played the regular season and then they just had the top two teams played the championship. Okay. I know. Right. But he says, but everyone got really mad over time about how they picked the top two teams. So they expanded the playoffs. They started having four teams in the playoffs. So it was essentially college football in the beginning. It did. They expanded to the playoffs to four teams. Everyone liked it, but people still wanted more teams. So they expanded the playoffs again. So now they have 12 teams in the playoffs. Yeah. And there were mixed reviews, but it worked. And now everyone, now they're going to do a 2014 playoff. And he says, everyone seems really angry about this 2014 playoff and says it'll completely ruin the league. Okay. So this is literally just college football. Yeah. I'm fucking with you now. I just. No, it's just I did Rich, you know, maybe the head of the college football playoff committee was wants to know, do you think we should expand our playoff to 24 teams? Rich emailed in. Did he send you a photo of his shit first? Yeah. He's a photo of a shit nine inches long. And it was, do you think we should expand this league's playoffs to 24 teams? Let's let's really think about this for a second. What league is getting better? What what sports league is the product improving? I would say basketball people are upset about the state of basketball right now. Certainly not college football. I think baseball, despite this world series, going to have pretty ratings. Baseball at the best world series, like buster only people have covered baseball for 40 years. Yeah. I think football football. I don't know. We could talk about it. I'm over expansion of the game. The like international. There's just the games on Wednesdays and Saturdays and Fridays and Thanksgiving Eve and Black Friday. And the NFL's expanding more flags than ever this year. Yeah. Yeah. There's always some crisis, but like people like that we can talk about that. But the league is still growing though. So right. Yeah. But college credit like a disease. Well, I would say that the NFL could at least make the case that it is that it is not you could probably you could definitely argue the other side as well. But baseball is probably the only I mean college basketball is a fucking disaster. Like it probably is I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah. I don't think you can even compare them because the pro leagues are pro leagues that are having issues of maturity, whatever. College sports are in a lawless transition to professional sports faster without any somewhat any with any any kind of governing body. They have no executive. They have no governing body. They have no oversight. They're just giant like academic institutions, just like scaling up, outgrowing the conferences, outgrowing the NCAA. It's fucking lawless as the players are the players signed contracts and the contracts don't even mean anything. You have players being like, oh, can we read the contract though? We might be able to just break it and like you could leave three days later. So college is insane. But there's 2014 playoff though. I think I literally don't know a single person. I know who likes college football that I've talked to that has not just been kind of distraught about this. No one's even like, oh no. Everyone's like, this is bullshit. People, I don't know. I we just didn't talk about it. But I think it's I don't know. People get used to shit. And I actually think it maybe could be more fun than people think. But like they're just going to get rid of these conference title games probably. And they're going to go to a 2014 playoff. The entire poll is 25 teams. I know. I mean, the conference title didn't even mean anything anyway.
it would almost be better to like, sit your players so they don't get hurt. - Yeah, the playoffs. - Because the win is not that important. - Yeah, I mean, they're talking about expanding March madness to go even bigger to like 76. - That is the one that actually makes my blood boil. - It's just, one of the few things that's perfect is March madness. - I know, it is the only perfect, true perfect like sporting event is March madness. - They nailed it. - They nailed it, they got it right. It's like the best thing ever. - Yeah. - And they're like, what if we doubled it? And it's just too bad. I was texting Roger Sherman about this 'cause Roger, our former colleague here at the ringer who's just like one of the smartest people I know with all this stuff in college football and everything and wrote a great article for the ringer years ago about how all sports leagues are like crabs and that crabs like evolutionary actually are not from one line, but actually a lot of different completely different species ended up as crabs 'cause it just works. So model that works. Hard shell, big pointy. - It just works. - Like sharp. Like just so, crabs are very diverse and he was like all sports leagues are crabs. They all started, it's very different things but they all ended up baseball, football, basketball, hockey, completely different origins. They all ended up as 30ish cities, 30ish teams, two conferences. They all ended up like that. And college football is just gonna be that. It's gonna be 30ish teams, maybe 35, 30ish cities and they're just gonna have to wanna be the big 10, wanna be the SEC or whatever. But like, we're just kind of marching toward that super league thing. But this whole 2014 playoff is, you're gonna have teams that are like four lost teams. Roger says he thinks that a seven and five team might be able to make the college football playoff. You have five losses. And then at that point, what the fuck does the regular season matter for college football? It used to be like you lose one game, it's a huge deal. No, it's like you lose three games, it doesn't fucking matter. - Yep. - And then even back then, you could say like, oh, even if you lost your season, if you won the rivalry week, it was worth it. It was a great year. Well, now half of those are gone anyway 'cause people are all, all the conferences are- - Half of those guests are out. - Converses don't really mean anything anymore, it feels like 'cause they're just so changed. - No, and it's Roger, again, it's worth, if you care about this, Roger's article is really worth reading. And he made the point that like because of that, you lose the local dynamic of like, if you look, Iowa, Iowa state, my sister-in-law, they went to Iowa state, they love the huge cyclones fans. And it's like, you're surrounded by everyone around you. Probably went to Iowa state or Iowa if they went to college. It's like, you're around these people every day. And Iowa state could have two wins all season. But if they beat Iowa, then you have 364 days a year, you talk shit to people. And now the ending of these rivalries, it's like, you win your rivalry by just like leaving, like your old team goes extinct and they don't even play a high level football anymore. And so you're having a situation where like, people aren't, these teams aren't even gonna keep playing. You don't mean like the rivalries are dying 'cause you're leaving, like, pit in West Virginia, which is like two colleges, East Coast geography, but like they really overlap. They don't even fucking play anymore. And there's like a hundred examples of all these rivalries that are dying. And it's this fabric of it. And it's kind of like everything else, where they're like, well, you're not gonna stop watching. So you're gonna make the product worst. And it's, you know what I mean? It's like the inshitification. - I was just about to say the inshitification. - It can like literally all be boiled down to like private equity gobbling everything up and trying to squeeze dollars out of everything. And it's just, every year, everything gets a little bit worse and the margins get a little bit bigger and the hopes that you don't notice at home. - It's the Tulenti Gelato example. Where Tulenti was this great like ice cream gelato thing and then like, people liked it. It's expensive, whatever, but it's good. And then like, people started pointing out. And I had this conversation with my family post-COVID. Tulenti sucks. And like my dad, the first time he brought Tulenti home, we were like, what is this? This is amazing. And it's like private equity bought it. And they just cheap. And so it started like, oh, they're using real vanilla beans, which are really expensive. And they switched to vanilla flavoring. And then it's palm oil. It's like, everything is like that. Where they're just, if you go to the supermarket now and you buy stuff, it's not even just like you might look at, pick up chocolate covered pretzels the next time. 'Cause it might just say chocolate flavored coating. Like, it's not even necessarily chocolate. And these invisible changes, they're hoping you don't notice. And they're basically like, well, shut up pig. You're not gonna fucking notice anymore. Yeah. And so, and that's college football. They're like, are you gonna stop watching? Are you really? Well, 'cause there's no alternative. At least you could argue. If you wanted good gelato, you'll have to pay extra for the mom and pop shop that makes it by hand with high quality ingredients. You'll have to pay 40% more for a scoop of ice cream, but at least you can get it. With sports, it's like, that doesn't really exist. This is why it's, this is a random pivot, but this is why we talked last year when to Dublin around this time. And I was so mad about Uber and Lyfts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because in Dublin, in Ireland, they have this app called Freena. Basically, imagine if Uber Lyft were just the software that real taxi drivers use. So when you call Uber Lyft, a taxi driver shows up and a professional taxi driver with software. And I'm like, well, that's the, and we're going around. We're like, this is the best of both worlds. And there's no disrespect whatsoever to Uber Lyft drivers. I'm just upset for the, you know, in New York City, like, taxis was like, if you're an immigrant, coming to New York, the surest way was to get taxing a dallion. And like, that's what you retire off of. It's your mortgage, like, you could, you might pay half a million dollars on loans and have a taxing dallion. And then like, when you retire, you like loan it out to someone. And then you can sell it. And that's your inheritance to your children. And then Uber comes in and the price of an dallion comes from 1.1 million down to like 200,000. And you worked your whole life. And you're like, your savings are gone. And that's an insane thing. And Uber Lyft just kind of like came in and ate all these people around the country. They just ate the taxi industry by undercutting them. And now what's happening? They're just artificially like, if you call an Uber now, they're like AB testing you to see how high of a price you'll pay. They're AB testing the drivers to see how low they'll pay. They'll accept the thing. And like, it's just this crazy thing going on where it's like, to your point about alternatives. I'm like, maybe we should have just kept the old system and just had Uber be the software for the taxi drivers. And it, but it's not about that. It's just, it's everything is like this. It's just that I could go off on like a thousand different things. Like the other day, have you guys ever had like, food delivered stolen by the delivery driver? - No, I know that you've had that having a few times. - That happened like twice in the last two months where they just market delivered and it's just not there and they clearly just took it. And like, you can't even dispute it. There's nobody you can talk to. There's no phone number. There's nothing that can really happen. And it made me think back to the days of like, when the local pizza place had like five teenagers who were the delivery drivers for the pizza place. And so then if the pizza didn't get delivered, you could just call the pizza place and be like, what happened to the pizza? And they're like, oh yeah, Nathan was supposed to deliver that one. Let's call Nathan. And that was it. - Exactly. And I don't want to, again, if the people doing these jobs, like it's a lot of people have had to pick up gig work because obviously-- - Of course. And they should be paid way more, right? It's an incredibly difficult job, especially around a major city. Doing that thing is so hard. - A lot of the margins that they're increasing right now, because obviously the stocks are coming out of the driver's pocket. So it's hard. And also if you, the other thing is if you talk to Uber drivers or lift drivers and you, obviously a lot to Uber Eats or at Uber, a lot of them are like, I do Uber Eats because people are horrible to deal with. And whether or not it's true, a lot of them are just like, it was different before COVID. Like for whatever reason, people act different, but it's been interesting to be like, they are like dealing with people's not worth it. They're like, I hate dealing with some of the rude passengers. And they're like, it's easy to just like deliver the food. - Well, now we're gonna get an additional round of March Madness. So that'll be fun. Tuesday and Wednesday will now feature 2014's playing games because everybody wanted that. - They're clamoring for it. - Yeah. - And shodification. I bought that book, I never read it. I haven't read it. - Same. (laughing) - I haven't seen it here. I'm like a pile of books I was gonna read. - I know. - I read the FDN Almanac instead of like, oh my God. But yeah, emails. - I heard someone pointed out or I saw this that having a bunch of books on your shelf is not a to-do list, it's a menu. And it changed the way that I think about reading. And I think that it's just better that way. - I'm not, so basically don't feel bad for not reading it because you still will. You still can. - I like that. - I've reached the age now where I read on vacation. - Me too. - Same. - Yeah. - I'll fucking crush a book on a plane ride. - Four years ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of that. (laughing) - Go to Hawaii. Oh, I can't wait to sit down and crack open a book by the pool. And now I actually look forward to that. (laughing) - That's really getting older. - It is. - All right. - No private equity or do you guys want to keep going fantasy court here? (laughing) - I can keep going, but. - This next one, this, I mean this is more important. - We still have more? - Holy shit. - Yeah, well this is important. I would argue this is one of the most important cases that courts have ever taken. It brought a line supreme fantasy court. - Okay. - Wow, okay. - This is from Steven. - Steve. - Welcome. - Espo. - Breakfast is a smoothie with frozen strawberries, blueberries, mango, greens, banana, and almond milk. - Nice. - There are greens, you think it's just like spinach? - Yeah. - Sure. - So, Steven writes, please settle, in honor of fart or shart, please settle a shart debate. - I like this already. - I feel like it's literal. - Yeah. So, Steven writes, my wife's friend recently had an accident in an elevator. - Okay. - She thought it was gonna be a fart. - Okay. - But it turned out to be a liquidy turd that ran all the way down her leg to her ankle. - Oh my God, it's like a high rock situation. - It's a high rock situation. - To be honest, I already see a red flag. You shouldn't even be farting in an elevator. - Don't fart in an elevator. You never know who's gonna get in. - How long is the elevator ride? Hold that in. - So, well, I'm hesitant to criticize a woman for farting 'cause I feel like women are just not allowed to even fart in public. Men are allowed to at least get away with farting. Women don't fart. - It doesn't matter what gender you are. You shouldn't be farting in an elevator. - It's true. - It's fair enough. - I don't know, I don't know what women are up to, man. So, he writes, she was wearing a dress and he says, "My wife and her friend label this a shirt." - Yeah. - But Steven writes, "I don't think it's a shirt. I think she pooped her pants." - Well, she wasn't wearing pants. - That's a good point. He thinks she pooped her dress.
Okay. So Stephen writes, "My wife and I are now a house divided. She argues that the fact that it's an accident makes it a shot. But my rebuttal is a rebuttal is that no one has ever pooped their pants on purpose." And when asked, "How much poop came out, my wife formed her hands into the size of a pancake that you would griddle at home." Oh my. If only we had a photo of that. Exactly. Only we had a photo. So he says, "You guys touched on this topic on Sunday night show, but I need you to weigh in at what volume does a shark became a full-blown poop?" Shitting your pants. What is the difference in your sharding and shitting your pants? Oh, so that's a great question, really. Yeah. I think I'll go ahead, DK. I do think the volume matters. For some reason. I'd never thought about this before my life until right now, but I do think the volume matters when you were talking about shitting your pants versus sharding. Yeah. Yeah. I've all, I've let the records show that I've also never thought about this until right now, but now thinking about it, I kind of think here's where my head's at. A shark is kind of one one explosive instant. It's kind of one thing. You think it's a fart. It happens once. I feel like when you shit your pants, it's because you really had to shit and you couldn't make it home. And that eventually the damn broke and it happened. And a shark is more of like a one-time spurt of something that you didn't expect. I think we can process of elimination get most of the way there, because I think you're right that sometimes you just really got to go and you know it's happening and you're not able to make it happen. I think another difference in a shark and poop in your pants is I think a shark is, there is an element of a shark that you need to think it's a fart. Like I think that is important. There is like there are certain times like like when Lamar Jackson pretended he had a cramp but obviously pooped his pants on the field or like Paul Pierce. Part of me thinks like Paul Pierce getting wheeled shit out and he pooped his pants. I feel like if you're doing an athletic thing, sometimes you're like doing something athletic or hard or whatever and you that's pooping your pants because I think that that's not like I was trying to fart. You were in the middle of something and poop came out and I don't think that's a shark. You pooped your pants. It is trying to fart and you shart and the poop comes out. That's probably a shark. It is worth pointing out that the word shark in and of itself is a combination of what two words DK. Shit in fart. Exactly. I rest my case you're on her. You're like this is like your case study. But there's it's going around blown away. Oh my god. You're called the code brown. I have I have like a giant poster board and it just has shit plus fart equals our shark. I'm like have a giant please see exhibit seven. Yeah. But how much it's right to let's say you think you get a fart and it's a shark. To DK brings up the volume question. How much volume is it when he's pooped? I think in this case it's not enough to consider it pooping your pants and since she was trying to fart and just some shit came out that's a shark. That's definition of a shark. I would you could say that like if there's like real solids that's shit in your pants but if it's more of kind of a wet explosion that's a shark. I think that feels right. Yeah. So wait what are we deciding? If a nugget of shit drops down your pants you kind of shit your pants. Yeah but if you just have brown underwear it's liquid. That's a shark. And he's saying it's because he ran down her leg but that's just because she's wearing a dress. She's wearing pants like it. So I think yeah the liquid aspect it does matter. Yeah. I think that's right. We should really just start holding stupid court for just the stupidest question. Yeah. Emil is stupid court. I will make this part of fantasy court. Emil is stupid. That's a fantasy court. Well stupid court. Because there are a lot of stupid questions that people don't have answers to. Let's just and yeah. So we'll end all our arguments between you and your friends. Email us questions for yeah fantasy court or stupid court. And we'll do stupid court. Please email us for stupid court. Wait, in the interest of clearness do we decide she's shit or pants then? I think we decided it was a shark and it just happened to be a lot of shark. Yeah. Okay. What exactly fell down her leg? Was it a solid or a liquid? Was did it look like the Viking log? I think it's liquid. Yeah. Well it says liquidy turd. It was the turd. I'm having trouble holding it together but yeah. I think I think I lean shark. She also thought it was a fart again back to my back to my exhibit here. Shark equals shit plus fart. You're like cross-examining beyond the on the stand. Danny, what does the word? What is the two words that combine to make shark? I'd like to bring out the high rocks lady, please. You're on. As my witness. As my expert witness. Do you think she would come on the show? I think she would shit on the show. Nothing. Okay. No, I don't think she would. I don't think she would do any press. I should hope that. Okay. Emails for stupid court fantasy folk. Ring or fantasy football at gmail.com and there's something there. Stupid court. Stupid court's good. Okay. I told you it's a big big docket for the court. It really is. Yeah. All right. Emails. A couple other one. A lot of people emailed us from Alex about the Viking shit. Right. And again saying that the nine inches was the largest shit ever. So this one's from Alex. Abon. Alex. Yoga with granola and creatine and electrolyte water was his breakfast. And again, we we're talking about, you know, this fossilized Viking shit on trivia. It was a whole thing. Anyway, Alex Ritz, don't worry, not a political picture. Alex Ritz, I'm not a doctor or an archaeologist, but I am a Vikings fan. My four year old daughter has beat that shit record on a weekly basis. What? He says, I'm disappointed in the lack of trust in her institutions. He says, he says, make record books great. He's like, I just, I don't understand. And so then a lot of people fall it up and they basically are like, you guys are idiots. It's the biggest like fossilized. Right. It's obviously not the biggest shit ever. It's the biggest fossilized shit that anyone's found in putting a museum, which makes a lot more sense. Right. My dad texted me that immediately. He's like, this is obviously just the biggest fossilized shit, not the biggest shit ever. Yeah. Biggest preserved shit. Time we got to the bottom of that. But a lot of people Google, the Google's, the Google like spike is real. You know, what does your dad say when you get said it looked like a dick? He didn't comment on that. Okay. But I have to, I guess that he would agree with me. Okay. The last thing I have to mention here is we talked, I think this is a week ago. We asked for stories about gold bond. Yeah. For reference, do you want me to give the context or no? Yeah. Sure. When we were in middle school, it was a common thing among the boys in my class to, you know, put a little gold bond on your balls because it makes a tingle a little bit. Kind of a fun little thing that you can do and then talk about it. We got hundreds of emails. Hundreds. Really? A lot of people wanted to talk about putting gold bond on other balls. Have it said it for a really long time. I like was kind of stunned. That was basically like 90% of the emails were like, yeah, during the summer, we'd go to like camp or whatever football team, whatever, and we'd put gold bond on our balls as a bit. And then suddenly everyone was so addicted to it. There was like an economy that formed around the gold bond. Look at black market. Yeah. Like it was like the 12 year olds had to get a band because they were treating it like cocaine. And then I was like every story. They're searching for stronger and stronger versions of gold bond. I'm getting, yeah, they're getting desensitized. So I couldn't believe how many gold bond stories there were. And then people obviously accelerate into tiger bomb, icy hot, and then just you can imagine. So with that said, I will read a couple emails here that stood out. One is from Steve. Steve. Oh, Steve. That's, that's bone breakfast is a big ice cold. I, sorry, I don't read the breakfast that I had a breakfast is a big ice cold brew black coffee. And whatever my kids didn't eat that morning, which is usually a mix of room temperature yogurt and cold eggs. Yeah. Yeah. Steve writes, love the show. The off season stuff you guys do is underrated. Wow, thanks Steve. Steve writes, I'm a gold bond user. And I have been for a few years. There's nothing like gold bond. I have a gold bond. It is like gold bond. That's how I feel like these emails are Steve. And I use gold bond. Hi Steve. Hi Steve. Steve writes, it started when we had our first kid. Oh boy. Approximately. I had to use gold bond. Yeah, you know, take the edge off. So Steve writes, I changed the diaper powder at my son. And it got me thinking, why do I provide this baby a form of comfort that I'm not providing myself fair. So I applied some baby powder to my nether regions. And I was impressed. So they get you. He said, I searched for an adult male product and I found gold bond original strength body powder, the orange bottle, an important note for later. This is gold bond was a game changer. And it's also where things started to roll downhill. I started exploring the gold bond product line.
I started to explore the different moisture-recontrolling products, right? It gave the extra strength body powder a try, the mint green bottle, since I was blown away. It's just like good phallus. It provided a nice tingle, a cooling sensation, like a zin, but not just for my phallus down there, for the entire region. Oh! So is Dick? I think the entire region. The showed, as you would call it. He's like Jordan Belford, but just for body powders. He literally, next sentence, he says, "I was hooked." It is like a Scorsese. He was like, "I was hooked. Look forward to that extra strength body powder after every shower, but like a three milligrams zin, it just wasn't enough. I wanted more." So I went to Goldbond Maximum Strength Foot Powder, the light gold bottle. I had, for quite some time, used the Goldbond Maximum Strength Foot Powder, lying around because I had athletes foot in the past. I still had the bottle. Naturally, I gave it a go. Naturally. Holy Moses! The feeling was insane. I was mainlining spearmint through my body, like taking a peppermint, schnapps shot via catheter. Oh my God. And after about an hour of this feeling, I thought something might be wrong with me. So I read the ingredients, and I realized it was a medicated product containing methanol. And I started to get nervous. So I gave the boys a rinsing, the feeling subsided. I stopped, never to return, but boy was I living. He really called Turkey there. No, it was I living. I'll look back on those days, fondly forever. He says, "I still use the Goldbond original strength, the orange bottle, but to this day, but I swear by it, but in the back of my mind, I will always know what was and what can never be." There's things like he's out with the boys, having a few beers, he's like, "Fuck, I'll just put a little Goldbond on." This is like when Rob Lowe talks about the 80s on the podcast. Yeah. It's like he was just down. I just couldn't believe how many people he smelled about Goldbond, but the one kit. The universal thing, man. Help me out. Is it just about like sucking up moisture down there so you feel like dry and nice, or they're like a tingly, extra pleasure sensation that takes place. People want to feel tingle on their balls. It's tingly. And the tingle is because of the moisture sucking technology, or is that an additional thing? Probably some sort of chemical reaction that's happening, that can't be good for you. Like it's tingling a part of the product's advertising, is it supposed to tingle? I don't think so. I'm not a Goldbond guy, but I get to ask my friend, one of my friends is one thing. I think it's more of like a word of mouth thing, Craig. Just to like, it's just supposed to like dry you out if you're sweaty or whatever, but there's also a tingling that people like. Yes. Okay. I shout out to everyone using Goldbond. I just couldn't, I just couldn't believe how many people had the same experience. I will say though, this one stood out. This was from Dom. Dom. Big Dom. Big Dom. So there's Goldbond. Then there was obviously, I see hot. People trying to take it up a notch. So Dom writes, you guys are talking about all this stuff on your balls, balls tingling on Ferris wheels, et cetera. So my segway to talk about balls and kitchens anyway. Dom writes, I wanted to share a COVID era TikTok trend that blew my mind. That was forgotten by society. And Dom writes, the trend was, and I have no idea if anyone figured this out, was that if you dunk your balls into a bowl of soy sauce, you can taste it, the soy sauce in your mouth. Oh, I remember that. I remember that being a thing. Is that not just because of the smell of it? I guess you'll have to see it. I guess I will have to find it. Dom writes, during COVID, thousands of us, he runs us, we're dunking our balls into soy sauce to see if it was real. Turns out it is real. No idea the signs behind it, whether our balls are connected to our taste buds or whatever, but would be happy to resurrect this trend and have more people test this theory. I do remember that. There was a very specific time in COVID. Once everybody really knew that we're going to be here for a little bit, you started to just come up with weird shit. And I remember even me and my friends, we came up with a game where people had to do dares and you earned points by doing the dares. Did you dunk your balls in soy sauce? I did not. But I do remember that being popular. So is the consensus that your balls are connected to your taste buds? So I assumed that this was just a joke you play on people to get them to dunk their balls in soy sauce. This was like the dare version of like, do you like CDs? And I just, you know what I mean? And so, uh, what's the answer to that, I have it. Aren't you CDs nuts? Yeah, it's just that, but it's like, did you fucking tip your balls in soy sauce? You fucking idiot? I don't know. I replied to the guy and said, good try. Not today's it. But also it's, you probably just smell it. I don't know. But you should try. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Okay. A lot of people are thinking about it right now, I can tell you that much. I wonder if it would stain. I've got to, you got to think at least for like, like, it's got to take a second, right? Yeah. I mean, when you put like soy sauce with like white rice, like, that's, that's never the same. Like, right? Right. When it gets all dirty. Yeah. And you can't scrub your balls. Like, you can your hand, you know? You'd probably kind of delicate. Probably hard to get it off. I, email us if you did the soy sauce balls thing. I just want to know more about you. Have you guys done any like weird challenges like the cinnamon challenge? I just like the lame version of this is beezing where you put like birds beezing. Oh, your eyelids. That's, you know, that's the much lamer version of. I've done that. I did the cinnamon challenge. What's the cinnamon challenge? You just try to swallow it. Spoonful and try cinnamon powder. Yeah. You never see anyone do that? Uh, no. That's how I know you didn't grow up with the internet. I feel like that was the first big thing. Yeah. I don't, I didn't do that. Salty. I was more into like binyees and whatnot. Right. Seven saltines in a minute can't be done. 17 is the number. No, seven saltines in a minute. Oh, wow. Cannot be done. Okay. Maybe you'll try that when you're in L.A. kind of a couple weeks. Maybe. I'd have to. Okay. Okay. I think we got to go. I got to go. Watch the nicks get their rings and enjoy my championship. Hmm. The Celtics blew that lead. They lost. They blew a 20 point lead 23. Oh, Ron. They gave up. Oh, no. I was thinking of of Bill talking to himself into the Paul George trade the entire time. You were talking about my poll. George had 38. Is Tatum the problem? Tatum six for 23. Boy years are going to suck. So. Anyway. Thank you, DK. Thank you, Craig. Thank you, Jillian Bronson. Thank you to kill. Thank you, Cam. Thank you, Austin. Thank you, ever for listening. Emails at ringer fantasy football gmail.com stupid court. I love that. Emails stupid court. Emails fantasy courts. Emails trivia questions. Thank you. Lord. Lord. Oh. Guilty pleasure songs. You're embarrassed about hyphids. You are up. I went with. I just had sex by the Lonely Island last episode. And DK had apologized by one republic. I'm between a few. I feel like I only got two left and I have three songs in mind. But I think the real answer here. I'm going to go with wow by Post Malone. I don't think I know that. Is that so? Oh, you do. It's the one where he's like, wow. That doesn't help. Just pull it up. I dare you to listen to wow by Post Malone and not just try not to move your body. It's pretty great. I will say this. I don't, I've never really put Post Malone on, but I have never turned Post Malone off. There are just like really embarrassed listening to this. You don't know. I think Post Malone's like a really the most popular cringe. I just like Post Malone is like everything he makes is good, but people don't like to like Post Malone. I think I know this song. He's not like, but honestly, everything by Post Malone feels this way. So the white Iverson, like I feel like any Post Malone song you put on a sunflower, which doesn't count. Sunflower is like a legitimately, legitimately fantastic song. Sunflower is, I'm not going to, I debated putting sunflower here or not because it's embarrassing, but because I probably am embarrassed that there's a one in four chance I cry listening to sunflower. Because I don't think we're going to the spider verse. Just bawling in the car. Oh my god. I'm like thinking about the moving and jumping off the building. I kind of think circles is not that embarrassing and is a good song. That thing is any Post Malone song you put on. I'm like, this is a good song. I'm not going to be embarrassed by Post Malone. No, I mean, I like Post Malone enough. I think that some congratulations is really annoying. I don't like that song. I love, see that one. I almost put that one here too. Congratulations. I'm like, you know what? I'm like, oh, he's saying congratulations. I think I don't like, I just, if that was on and I was alone, I would be like, I'm going to listen to this. And if other people there would be like, uh, sorry. I get what you, if you pull up what's the good, what's the street in DC 14th street? That's great. If you're just rolling down the 14th blast and wow, Windows down, I get it. I get it. Is it not embarrassing enough? I can go for embarrassing. I understand what you mean. I think Post Malone, he's just, I don't know, he's the rare, he's really popular, but also a lot of people hate him for like a bunch of reasons. I mean, I think in general, there are certain, there's certain rap now that I liked 10 years ago that if I was just blasting it now, my car would be kind of embarrassed. Well, that's a whole other genre, it's just this point of just being like, like if I was just playing the song asked by Big Sean on the street, I don't know.
Fair. How does that one go again? Um, DK, do you know that song? I probably do sing it. As, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, as, stop. Now make that motherfucker hammer time. I do not know that song. And it doesn't make me not sure what point you're like, my, my, kiss my ass and my anus is like the beginning of the verse. Uh, you're probably right. Yeah, that one, I mean, that one, I mean, that one, I mean, I would just make sure it's cool. But the song is especially called dance parentheses, ask just for the record. There was, there was a subgenre of this, uh, category where Craig and I were talking about this, where it's just the lyrics are so vile or like, Oh, yeah, you know, gross that you can't listen. Like you, if you're near a car with kids, there's something you're like, okay, I'm gonna turn this down. I mean, you want to, I mean, didn't we talk about the song WAP a long time ago on this podcast? Oh yeah, yeah, I said Craig, the, the whisper song, I feel like you can't really, like if you're pulling up next to a family, you're probably turning that down. Blowjob, Betty, like too, too short, probably turning that down a little bit, you know? Blowjob, Betty, things like that. We're here for the jack-off hours. This is DJ E Z-Dick, you know, that song. Yes, I do. I probably turn them out one down if I'm like next to some kids. When I met you last night, baby, that's a great song. Is that Ain't No Fun? What? Yeah, yeah. I don't know you're talking about it. Ain't No Fun If the homies can't have none. You're back on the jack-off hour. This is DJ E Z-Dick. DJ E Z-Dick. This is a station that claps you across a fat ass with a fat dick. It's like crazy. DJ E Z-Dick, different time. Yeah. But not that different, really. You guys ever, like, listen to the actual full version of the beginning of the song, "Methodman," like the Wu-Tang had a song that was just called "Methodman" and the first 90 seconds is them just being like, "Torture motherfuckers," he's like, "I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll hit your tongue with a rusty screwdriver." And then they're just like, "I'll, I'll, I'll hit your nuts sack with a baseball mat." You can just sound like you're dad. I know. Let's see. Kind of. I think you do. He sounds a little like that. Dude, you don't know this song. He's like, "I'll show you assholes shut and keep feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you." And then they just, like, start song. That's the one in here that's kiss my ass in my anus 'cause it's finally famous. Shout out, "Postey." Feel like it's not that embarrassing. Feel like you guys were underwhelm. Yeah, that's what it gets to. I don't think it's that embarrassing. But like. It's not. Yeah. It's a little embarrassing. I feel like if I was like, "I want to play the song for you guys," it was post-blood. I feel, I just feel like you would look at me sideways. I wouldn't. No, no. A little bit. I would say yes. It's not on the scale of, like, radioactive. Okay. Okay. But what is? There. That's Bill Russell. He peaked too early. Really. All right. Goodbye, everyone. 21 plus in present and select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas, Kansas and Kansas. Thank you. 770-7867.
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