MITCH GREER: Answering Your FAQs as a Trans Woman

It's a lot is recorded on Gadigal land. We pair respects to the traditional custodians of this land and to elders past and present We also would love to extend our respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people listening today and remind you all that sovereignty was never seated and it always was and always will be Aboriginal land Hi everyone, I'm here with our best friends Mitch Crea. Hello We had your birthday yesterday. We were like time to get my girl in yeah, so excited. Sorry everyone Mitch has gone viral kind of recently. Well engine well in my life. She's always been viral Sorry, the voice we've got a sort of voice. We actually can't do it babe. We actually can't be constantly going okay Sorry Get a sorry out before But we actually can't wear ill. We are ill. It's actually worrying like when we have dinner we need to we spend a lot of the time just Talking like Sheryl and Barnes about Sheryl and Barnes. Yeah, see now. Yeah, any story we tell will be in Sheryl and Barnes's voice. Yeah, or style as yeah Yeah, say but we're gonna really try this episode to not do it. Yeah, because Mitch is here because she's done a few videos recently that are Really really good and it's your most commonly asked questions as a trans woman and I think it's really interesting. I think particularly right now where everything's going a bit backwards and trans people are being used as these figureheads of Politicians and people to like kind of use them as pawns and go well. I'm pro trans. I'm Andy trans You know, it's like I think it's a really good way to go and well, this is my opinion as a trans person as an individual Rather than being like I'm speaking for the whole community. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I've never spoken for a whole community and I never I never will No, I Have such a unique experience and I think everyone does too like it's so hard to speak For a whole community. Yeah, especially one as I versus trans people like it's it's People all over the world that are trans with all different experiences and all different understandings of and preferences as well What they like and what they don't like and what they will tolerate what they won't tolerate But I've loved seeing your videos and everyone like losing their minds Who will laughing before about the most viral one is Where do you go to the bathroom and it's like yeah calm the fuck down, but we're at a stage now people Everywhere now aware of trans people and they're learning about the basics like entry-level things So because we were saying that's the most boring question I've asked We're like okay, so this is interesting I think for all of you to hear also because you all love Mitch Anyway, you have been gagging to have a bag But I think it could be good to send to people in your lives that are Don't know trans people to just hear someone talking hate to say it but normally Sorry for the last shareland vans reference last shareland vans reference, but yeah, so I've got I've got 13 questions I've got a lot of love, Mitch and we're gonna kind of do like a you can't ask that style So don't think that these are my questions that I've prepped because she actually knows the answer's to everyone of these questions Yeah, and Mitch is one of my best friends, so I'm not asking going where do you piece? You know like Jesus fucking Christ But the first question I thought we should answer is how we met yes, which is not a you can't ask that question But I think it's a cute little it is it's like a meat cube. Yeah, do you remember? Yeah, we're at the TBH event Yes, TVH can you call TVH anymore? Is it not? No, I have changed it. Oh, what's it called there called the breakout? I think it's copywriting because they're launching internationally good on yeah, she's lovely She's lovely. She's lovely. So you're at this event and I think I was seated next to you Yeah, it was like a seated lunch and it was like you had rowdy there You were there and we're all seated next to each other. Yeah, and you know actually Sorry to reference shares again, but like I could just hear that you guys were talking like chips and I thought He's pretty good online So really actually shares bought us together. Yeah, she do know. Thank you Sherylon She yeah, so we were at a lunch together We were chatting and then we were feeling each other and then we went to about after the work and it was like a date I mean when should we keep this party going us three and then remember I was like No, I hadn't broken up with my ex yet. No, it was like There was there was struggle. Yeah, so first time we met it was like an hour and a half you going and then this happened Yeah, this happened and then I who got this text them I'm going wow. We love her. You know what's so cute afterwards Rowdy was like to me I think we should be like actual friends of her and I was like I think we should so we made it a mission And now we are of Rowdy Rowdy is like Rowdy just like never fails to make me happy like he is like one of the funniest people I know so and Just no matter what mood you're in he'll always make you laugh. Yeah, he's the type of friend that you could be doing the most boring thing And you'll make it fun. Oh, you know, so beautiful. I love jockey Rowdy love book and Jockey Abbey. Yeah, I'm like right. What I bring to you a lot Anyway, that's how we met what you bring to my life is you're actually the best person to have event to Very good advice and you always ask really good questions and you you're just like I feel like you I Don't know if you think this about yourself, but I think this about you say like very level headed in like Conflict situations and like I just always say the right thing like you know when you are in the shower later that night I should have said yeah Should have said that that was great Shabby's like saying those things on the spot. She's just right. I think you're like that. I think you're very I think that's what's gonna say about you you're very little headed and very good at boundaries And you know what you want and what you don't want and you make it clear, but not in a rude way. Yeah, I think so love it Anyway guys, that's how he met it's very it's actually very cute. It is cute Alright, let's start these questions. It's got a shit time to get through But the first question people want to know was when did you know you were trans? Well, I Can't pinpoint an actual time, but the last time I looked like a boy. I was like five years old So I would say maybe then because like we started growing my hair out when I was five and then I slowly started dressing More feminine and then there was never I've never come out like I Never made a big sit down in the lounge room 80s style announcement with mum and dad Of course, I'm serious to tell you. Yeah, you know, that's Not what I did. I just didn't feel that was necessary. I feel coming out very dated I don't think anyone should have to come out if you want to come out great. Yeah, I don't think you should have to And so yeah, it was just kind of a very slow progression into what I am today like there was no sudden changes. It was like oh That's up wearing a dress or you might like you know, and then I've also never told anyone in my family or like my inner circle What pronoun to call me but I've all just caught on themselves and used common sense. Yeah, and thought well Obviously a sheet there are and I've gone the Louboutins are on yeah Yeah, like it was a very natural slow progression did your parents consciously say are we think Mitch wants to Grow the hair out or were you asking for it? Do you know I? I always wanted to have long hair. Okay, so like okay Mitch wants it So I was obsessed with long hair and every time I would get my haircut as a child I would cry Yeah, it was very Clearly, I have a deep root You know inside it wasn't just about the length of yeah, it ends being cut off. It was obviously Because I felt like maybe it made me look or seamless feminine Yeah, I'm sure to have yeah, you don't have any moments that you were like Okay, yeah, I'm a girl and when do they start calling you she? Because being five you don't have the language to go on to and I didn't know that was and did your parents know I think they probably knew like they probably knew before I did yeah But like I was always like obsessed with five we obsessed with girls toys I always dressed up as a girl was like whenever you'd play like moms and dads I was always the mom like you when we play high school musical. I was always sharp. Hey. Yeah, you know, all like fucking tracks It's so good. Right and grooms. Yeah, I was the bride. Mm-hmm Kings and Princess. It's a princess. Yeah Princess girl forever. So do you think your parents did they start calling you she? Yeah, but not not till I was older. Okay. Yeah, how old I don't know when When they started it was like but it was also probably like oh You'd forget on this day and then you'd remember that day. Yeah, it was never that like a slow change rather than suddenly one day Yeah, like people that come out it is like a sudden one day. Yeah, everyone has to call me this pronoun because it's what I am but yours was just people were kind of Going off your vibes. That sounds so silly. But like they're going, all right. It's kind of connecting the dots themselves, honestly. Isn't that amazing? And like, because I never made any announcements, but I was like, if you want to ask me a question, you can ask me a question, but I'm not going to do a big announcement. You want to know something? Ask. And so as you were going up, did you always internally say, I'm a girl? Or did you not think about it? Because you don't think about gender when you're a kid. So were you thinking, I'm just me? Yeah. Well, I always wanted to be a girl. And I would always like play the girl characters, as I said. Like I always wanted to be a girl. But I didn't even know what trends were. It's like I didn't actually know that that was possible. Like when I'm talking about when I was like five, I didn't know that was a thing. No, you didn't know what could do that being gays when you're five or sexies. You don't know what gender is. You can't even comprehend it. Yeah. I just wanted to look like a girl visually because I thought I looked nice. Beautiful. You saw a pain. You went, I did. That's a bit of me. That is a bit of me. I would. My dream was to be an American teenage girl in high school. And I never got that dream. Well, you got to be an Australian teenager. You're like, you're going to have to decorate the locus. No, no, no. You could outfit. Beautiful. Man, little skirt and high heels. Actually on Muffedeys, I would wear arms to let that is so. I would say that. And it was like in the like easy Kim K face, when like everyone would be in like those sock boots and like hoodies and like like skinny jeans under the like thigh high boots. Yeah. Yeah. Like Ariana Grande. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was showing up to school in Muffedeys. That is so hot. And the teachers because that and they also never specified if you could wear heels or not. So I was like, well, you didn't say you couldn't wear heels, but they never said it because they didn't think anyone would actually wear heels to school. I said, it's in the real story. It's so fun. When did you when did you know that you when did you have the language for saying that I'm trans? Probably high school, I'd say. Like I remember when because it was like so uncommon, like even as I started high school in 2013, even then it was uncommon. And when I I remember when it really started to become mainstream was when Caitlin Jorden came out. Oh my god. Yeah. That was the moment. Wasn't it? Yeah. I think it was 2015 or 16 if I remember correctly. And I remember we all woke up one day and Caitlin Jenner's in a satin corset on the cover of Vanity Fair. You know, the world. Yeah. And we're like, wow. Yeah. That was kind of like everyone's introduction. And you know, it was like one of the biggest reality shows at the time. And to have, you know, someone in their 60s or 60s or 70s, I can't remember how old she was, but like, yeah, it was just unheard of. It's fucking crazy. And then as you're all that's me and kind of a passing coach. No, I knew before then. I knew before then. But that's your language for it. Yes. Like when I was like, I probably say when I was like 12, 13. Yeah. Yeah. But I wouldn't really refer to myself as trends. I was like, I'm just me. I'm so good. And then like as I got older, I was like, well, I guess that's what I am. Yeah. I didn't make a conscious choice being like, I am trends. I was like, well, I'm just me. And then, you know, the Venn diagram was kind of a circle of being me and being trends. Well, it's like it was like, it's like the same emotional attachment that you have to, oh, I've got blonde hair. But that's just me. I have blonde hair. That's a fact about me rather than you were like, this is a huge thing. Or did it feel like a huge thing? No, it didn't feel like a huge thing because it was like, because nothing had changed for me or anyone in my life. Like it was just all like, I think because it was such a slow progression. No one was shocked. No one was surprised. There was no, there was actually nothing changing. Yeah. Like, and the changes that were made were very small changes over a very long time. Yeah. So there was no big shock or surprise. Like it was, yeah. Continue on being you. Yeah. Next question. Well, this is kind of covered though. How did your family react? Oh, my family was so supportive. Yeah. They're that I've never, I think there was like one uncle that said something like, but I'm not going to show, not not coming into shape. You would have said fucking hell. Probably or something. But yeah, we he's just changed obviously. Yeah. We don't talk to him. But you won. Yeah. They chose me. Sorry, mate. I mean, there was always a rocky relationship there. So kind of sealed the deal. But yeah, like apart from that, everyone in my family so supportive, like no one, and again, I think that comes back to it not being a big sudden announcement that I had been keeping as a secret that like no one had to adjust. Yeah. It was just no same as usual. Yeah. What was school like? School primary school was like no one really knew what trans was. They were just like, you're the weird boy that has long hair. And like obviously all the boys would tease me and bully me about it all the rest of it. Just about your hair, but also about like, yeah, that I was weird or I'd have like painted nails or I'd talk like a girl or like just like all teasing about seeming like a girl. And no one knew what that was at that time. And I probably didn't need to know what trans was in primary school either. Not more not towards towards the ladies I would have. And then high school like early high school that was probably when the bullying was the worst. Really? Yeah, because like teenage boys like. Oh my god. Like I remember we would get changed for PE. And because I would use the boys bathroom. I didn't really because when I came when I moved to high school, I was like, I don't know what's allowed. I don't know what you're allowed to do. Like it was very, I don't know if it's changed now, but when you're like in a fresh new school, you don't really speak up for yourself. And like, you don't say what you are an uncomfortable with. And like you just kind of go along and try and fit in. And when you're like a preteen or you're doing that in general life anyway. Yeah. So I would use the boys bathrooms because I was like, well, that's where they told me to go. So I guess that's where I go. And when we would get changed for PE, I remember all the not all of the boys. Some of the boys were trying to kick the door of the cubicle in. I would get changed in. And for some reason there was no locks on the cubicle doors. Oh my god. They gave us all like a little USB with a lanyard on it when we started high school. And I would use the lanyard from the USB to tie up the door lock. And they were trying to like kick it in. And that lanyard was strong. Yeah. I got it from school. I know. That's fucking awful. Yeah. So that was like, that was a that was a confronting memory. That's scary. Yeah. Also, why are you trying to kick my cubicle in? Yeah. We don't like me. You're nasty to me. Why are you trying to get in while I'm getting changed? What are you doing? I guess are they trying to humiliate you? I guess so. What would they say to you? I can't even really remember what they would say at that time. But another memory I had was whenever there would be a new boy that would move to the school. And I would all the like existing boys there would be like, Oh, who do you think Sir hottest girl here? Like who do you want to be your girlfriend? And they would always say me. And then they would be like, Ha ha. She's a boy. You like a boy. And then they'd all tease that guy and tease me. And then that guy would hate me because he said that he liked me and thought that I was attractive. And now he's getting teased for it. So he's like, Oh, I've got to be mean to you as well. So every new boy that came to the school was always like nasty to me as well because of what the existing boys had done to them. So I never had a high school like relationship or anything. Not that I would have touched any of those boys with a tenfold pulse. No. You know, that's awful. So you're like the go to butt of the joke. Oh, always. Yeah. And that was that was like early mid high school. And then I think in you 11 and 12, everyone just like matured. And when you look back at it now, it's like actually that was quite a sudden change. And they all just stopped. And they all I think they all just realized that it's actually really nasty. And like some of them came and apologized to me. Did they? Yeah. Voluntarily. Some did. Some didn't. Like some were told to. And what did they say the ones that were voluntary where they're like, you know, they still take age boys. So they were. Sorry about the very few words. Yeah. Sorry about that. I was a bit of a dick. Yeah. That was the standard of it. Yeah. And then it just stopped. And I yeah, I think, you know, as you're becoming an adult, you realize, I'm not only missed, she's never done anything to me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And would they call you he or she? - Hey, he or high school? - Yeah. - I never told anyone what to say. So to their credit, they're not. - No, they're not. - I was wondering if they, yeah. I never have told anyone what to call me, but yes, they would call me he. And how are the girls with you? None of the girls are ever nasty. - It took a lot of time. - Nothing I can remember. Like I was friends with all the girls. - Yeah. - And that's, I also think probably maybe some of the reason why the boys stopped being nasty to me 'cause I was like, oh, they're all the girls that we want to date. And they're all best friends with Mitch. So maybe it should be nice to her. - Oh my god. - 'Cause they may see 'cause all the girls would see like an ugly side to them and be like, I'm not going near them. - You've been me and my friends. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So I think maybe that I had something to do with it. - Yeah. - We were speaking at your birthday about the school that you went to, which was like a creative art school. - Yeah. - Which, duh. But I was like, I thought it was a private school 'cause a few of your friends were there who also went to school with you. I was like, oh, sorry, I thought it was a private school. And you were like, no, Dylan, I wouldn't be going to a private school. - I wouldn't be allowed. - No. - No. 'Cause yeah, I mean, even at the school, I went to it as a public art school and public creative art school. And they were still telling me to take off my makeup. You're not allowed to have nails. You're not allowed to do this. 'Cause I was in full, but lashes, extensions, everything every day at school. But my school, if you wore a pink hair tie, it was detention for three days. It was like a private school. - Private, exactly. - Yeah. - So that's why all that balm, I had a lip balm. - Vastling at the red store, but in the balm with the Chinese tint. - Yeah, with the Chinese tint. And I got it taken, I got it confiscated off me during an exam. It was like, "I'm gonna put a fucking winter "my lips with chat." - You got it now. - You're trying to seduce the teachers or whatever the fuck going, okay. - Oh my gosh. Yeah, well, even, and my school has meant to be like, a lenient school. Like, that's why we chose it. That's why we went there. Because I think my parents were probably like, this is where you're going to be least bullied. - Yeah. - And it's still gonna get bullied, but this is probably, you know, my heart's day live if you go to this school. (laughs) Yeah. Because my, I remember my mom said like a while ago, maybe last year, I never knew this, but she said, I was always worried about you killing yourself. And I was like, you worried about me killing myself, 'cause I've never been suicidal in my life. I've been depressed, but I've never been near death or wanting to kill myself for anything like that. So I was like, you worried about me killing myself? What, what, what, what, you mean, mom? And then she was like, yeah, because you were the, the trans kid, like I was just worried, like, 'cause that's all you'd hear about in the media, you'd hear about these trans person killed themselves and like all the statistics obviously of like, obviously the suicide rate. So so much higher with trans people. But yeah, I was like, oh my gosh, I never knew that she felt like that or had that concern. I never knew that. - You were also getting bullied, hecticly though as well. - Yeah. - That's the other thing. Did she know? Did you tell them? - Yeah, sometimes, like I wasn't, but the thing was I also had really thick skin. So I would do come home crying at all. Like I just, I don't know if I probably cried about it, but I had such thick skin, 'cause I'd like been dealing with since primary school. That's just what I thought school was, you know? - Yeah, you were accustomed to it, unfortunately. But also maybe a little bit so grateful for it now. - Yeah. - I thought during the time I was awful obviously. - Idiot. - But for the job I do now and the career I have now, like I don't think I would have survived this career with if I didn't go through that. Like I just feel like everything happens for a reason. It was meant to be like, thank God I have the thicker skin ever because I read the most disgusting things about myself every day and I can go right to sleep after reading it. And I have the lovely night sleep, you know? Couldn't care less. They think I'm like disgusting, you think I'm ugly. I should kill myself, like what? - Cool. - But literally nothing. - 'Cause you've been through so much. - Yeah, yeah. - It's like crazy. - I'm so sorry, but I don't know that those boys were like kicking doors down and shit. And so will you use it? - Well they never kicked the, they never, 'cause the line was, the line was really strong. - They were trying to, they were just, you could never get through. - Waking little, you're going wake little boys. - Try again. - Come and get me. - Yeah. - Get your clarks into the door. (laughing) Get heavier clarks, new ones. - You should, remember the rocks? - Yeah, that's a little peel. - That the girls would wear, yeah. - Maybe they should have got those. They look a bit more durable. - They're absolutely sure. - Yeah. - So we're using the boys to change them all throughout high school. - What did you change halfway through? - Well, I, I can't remember what year it was, maybe you 10 or nine, my, I think it was one of the year advises came to me and she was like, "Hi, like, let's notice, like, maybe you don't want to use the boys' bathroom so you can use this, teachers' bar, the disabled teachers' bathroom, which no one would use." And it was like, yeah, just like, a vacant bathroom. So, my school is very like, in between, like, they wanted to make me comfortable, but they didn't want me to go with all the girls, like, even on school camp. I remember I never wanted to go on school camp 'cause I was like, "Bursley camp." - Camping. - Camping. Secondly, I'm a six year old woman. I'm gonna miss MasterChef. - Yeah. - And I just wanna sit at home and do the ironing and watch MasterChef. I'm not interested in playing silly burgers and sleeping in the dorm with six fellow boys. - You would hire ropes, low ropes, hire, my up and down jumping off things. - Yeah. - I was not a normal kid, like, guy acting in a hire ropes course. - No, he's not. - Sorry. - 'Cause Rowdy wants to do a hire ropes course so badly. - Oh my God, she does. - Yeah, yeah. - I do it now. - Okay, so I don't wanna be, I do it with you, but I don't wanna be, I don't like being forced to do things. So, I don't like being yelled at by a six year old man stomping into the dorm, saying, "We don't want an hire ropes course get up." - You need to be at the campsite in. - I said, "Sawry." - Sorry. - Who are you? - Oh, no, David. - You see, he's breaking my boundaries. - I'm wondering you like folding your clothes. - Yeah. - So delicately, like the way that you fold your napkins and stuff and where it did not like you gone, "Sawry mate, what are you doing in here? Get off your silly bag out there." - I've got it off the face. - Yeah. - How'd you go? - Face masks. - Don't you feel bad? - So you didn't want to go to school camps, right? - Yeah, so I never wanted to go to the school camps and when they'd give us the permission slips to go, I'd just rip them off. - She just never went to the camp. - No way, did because my, I think my mom really wanted me to fit in and have a normal upbringing. - So she was scared you were gonna kill yourself. - Yeah. - So she's probably going, "What else can I do?" - Yeah, so she wanted me to always participate. She was always trying to get me to do normal, to keep things and this had nothing to do with me being trans. I just was a wee kid and didn't like do it. I didn't want to do a team sport. Not interested, sorry. Like I didn't want to go to school camp. Like I'm not going out and playing with the kids on the driveway. Like, sorry, I'll sit inside and I'll watch reruns of the Kardashians on the desktop computer. That's my fault. - That's it. Like I'm not interested. - Yeah. - So my mom always wanted me to just like fit in being a normal kid and not like oh, you need to conform just like I want you to have like the most normal childhood you can. And yeah, and in the school, my year advisor really wanted me to go as well. So my mom and the year advisor were always on the phone. Having little secret meetings. And I was always like, "Dalene, what do you have in fun? "I'm fine." Sorry. So they really wanted me to go on this school camp and then I was like, "Well, I'm not going. "Sorry, I'm not interested." And then I said, "Okay, I'll go, "but I'll be going in the girls' dorm." - Yeah. - I'll be having my own bathroom. And they didn't want me to go in the girls' dorm. And then there was a big cup of all about that. Many an hour, I sat in the principal's office doing negotiations. And then I remember my Phoebe's dad who you met yesterday. - Well, you've met Phoebe before. - Yeah. Her dad was like the head of the PNC and he wrote this aggressive email to the school or something and was like to the transphobic school. - Oh. - Oh my God. - And he was threatening to leave the PNC if they didn't like, if they weren't inclusive. - Wow. - That's amazing. - That was very supportive. - I love David, he's an ally. - Wow, he loved you, David. - He loved you, and you would actually love me. - Wow, also friends and I, places here at the PNC. (laughing) So yeah, and then we basically negotiated that I was gonna, I was gonna come on the camp but I was gonna have my own teachers' room. And a lot of trans people wouldn't be happy with that 'cause I was actually segregated. But because I was a weed child that was like a six-year-old woman, I was happy to have you. the teachers room with my own bathroom and a living room. - It was funny. - I was gonna say, I was gonna go, now a lot of you listening may think that having your own bathroom and being separated would be sad, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna meet you girl and she'd be going, well, thank God. - Oh, I'm fucking fucked through. - You'd be going, I can do my full beat. - Yeah. - I can get my lighting out. - Do you know how long it takes me to scrub off a tan of the flyer? (laughing) 'Cause there's nothing more that I hate than being rushed in a bathroom. - Yeah. - rush me. - She needs it. - Yeah. So yeah, a lot of, most trans kids would have hated that. - Yeah. - So I was still segregated and we did refer to our room. Well, I said, also I'll be having Phoebe stay in my room as well. - Oh, good to have a friend. - Yeah. - I said, I was putting, laying down the laws so that's gonna work. - Yeah. - If you want me to attend. It was kinda like, it's kinda what I imagine my manager does now. - Yeah. - And she's like, well, she'll do this. - Oh, and room. - Yep. - Yep. - Plus one. - Yeah. (laughing) - I thought, well, I'm not taking the first offer. - No. - I'm gonna go, she absolutely not. - So then we always refer to it as the segregation cabin. - I love that. - Yeah. - But we're quite happy for it. - Yeah. - So school, in summary, awful parts, awful parts, but I had really thick skin and I enjoyed parts of it too. - Yeah. - You know, it wasn't, I think most people would think it was like absolutely traumatic and awful and bits of it were, but I'm so grateful for it. - I'll be so much. - Yeah. - Love you, you'll be good. - Okay, next one. - Hormones, do you take hormones and how does it affect your body? - Yes. So I do take hormones. I started hormones quite late for a trans person. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that. - Well, a lot of trans people want to start hormones before they go through puberty. Because when you go through puberty, you develop quite masculine features or very feminine features. That's when you start growing boobs and whatever. So yeah, a lot of trans people are very worried about going through the puberty of their biological sex. And I went through my own puberty and I just have always been very small and petite and quite feminine. - And so, and me, my friends would always show 'cause I'm just gone wrong over this. 'Cause you've not got a normal man's body. Nothing's gone wrong, you know? - Like, I like to be a straight man in my body. - Yeah, is your dad? - I'd have never been your dad. - Yeah, my dad is a little boy. - My dad's short, but he's got a masculine body. He's also very fit and works out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So yeah, my whole family's short. But my dad and my brother's body looks nothing like mine, you know? So yeah, we'd always joke that time that's gone wrong at birth. So I only started hormones once I was like over 18. I actually, it's probably bad, but I actually don't even know what the rules are regarding hormones and youth in Australia. I don't know if you've got an ounce or not. - Yeah, well, it just wasn't relevant for me. Like I don't, yeah. And my doctor would always say, "Oh, you don't need all of mine." It's like you're so feminine. And my estrogen levels were higher than a regular biological male. And my testosterone. - testosterone. - That's the one. - You go, don't even know it. - Yeah. - I was so hot. - Yeah. - I'm gonna go. - I'm gonna go. - I know that he. And then my testosterone levels were always quite naturally low as well. So something was already off there. - Yeah. - So it was on. - Something was on, true. - Perfect, true. So yeah, and then I started hormones. And when, before I started hormones, the doctors always like, "Well, you might want to have children one day, so you should go to a fertility clinic and get everything frozen." So I did. So I can have biological children. But yeah, so I started taking it. You take two things you take estrogen and you take testosterone blockers. - Yeah. - And when I started taking the testosterone blockers, like usually they're like, "Oh, just take like one pill every day." And then that was just so high. I had like no sex drive, which I think when I first met you, we were like still, even then adjusting the, yeah, I'm levels. - Yeah. - And yeah, I just had no sex drive. Like the testosterone was like way too low. And then we were doing tests. - So the blockers was making it too low too low. - Because you already had low T. - Yes. - Right. - Like lower than a biological female. - Really? - Because like women have, every woman has testosterone as well. That's what gives you a sex drive. - Yes. - So yeah, it was like even lower than that, like nothing. So we kept reducing the medication, reducing the medication. And then now what I take is a quarter of a pill every third day. - See, just lick it and put it in the back down. - This is something in there. - Literally. And now my testosterone levels are that of a biological woman. - Okay. - And it's like the tiniest amount. - That's crazy. - And then with the estrogen now, instead of taking pills, I have an implant. - Okay. - It kind of looks like a little pill actually, but it's in my butt cheek and they do a little cut. They put the implant in and like do three stitches. And then you don't have to take estrogen for like a year. And then you just get it replaced every year. - Fabulous, so easy. So all I take now is a quarter of a pill every three days. - That's amazing. - Yeah. - And the estrogen doesn't affect you negatively. It's just the testosterone blockers with the issue. - Yes. - The estrogen, the changes I noticed from the estrogen were, I was like, I look more emotional. When I am a lot more emotional now. But I think it's good. Like it's not extreme, you know. When I first, actually when you first get the implant changed and put in, like I actually got a change like a month ago. It's very emotional. - It was a freshie. - Yeah. - Ah. - Ask my boyfriend, yeah. I'm like, I'm asking when I see him next. - Okay. - Tell me all about it, man. - And then like obviously the changes I noticed were like, breast, like the breast tissue goes. I like my body shape changed. Like I'm still quite boxy. But like the fat redistributes in your body. - How long does it take for you to notice that stuff? In a few months you notice like a little bit of breast tissue. But yeah, like probably the like most noticeable changes would be like after a year I'd say. Yeah. 'Cause like my breast like won't grow anymore now. - Or really still being on it for like, I don't know how many years have been on them now. But like yeah, they just like get to a point where they stop growing naturally. - Well speaking of, people asked you about surgery. - Yes. - And what surgeries you've had, face short, cosmetic surgeries you've had. And also would you ever have a boob job? - Yeah. - Or have you thought about it? - I wouldn't get a boob job. Boob's just a not my thing. - Yeah. - And that's not like, it's not you're aesthetic now. - Which sounds crazy to say, but like, it doesn't make sense. - No, it's not my vibe. - Yeah. - I like a little fashion boob. - Yes. - Where I can wear a tiny little singlet and nothing else. - Yeah. - And I worry about bras. - Yeah, I don't shit like that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Transprivileged babe. - It's going. - It is. - Yeah, it's wonderful. - It's lovely. - Yeah, it's very good. - 'Cause I think a lot of trans girls, you like see them go and get implants and they get the biggest implants. They are allowed to get. - That's their aesthetic. - They want. - Yeah. - 'Cause I think that a lot of them feel that it makes them more feminine. - Yeah. - Big breasts they have. And I just don't feel that. Like I don't attach breast size and femininity to each other. Like I don't think I would feel or look more feminine if I had big breasts. - Or because women have all different - Exactly. - Size and shape. - Yeah. - Breasts. - Yeah. - Exactly. - A lot of times my mind is constantly changing. - Yeah. - Every time I'm with you. - This is your consistent size. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Smaller get up. - Got them big. - Yeah. - Got them big. - Have a bit of a fill up. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But I just like, it's just never interested me. Like I, and I'm like, I am very happy with how I look now. - Yeah. - And like that's the thing like I didn't always like how I looked. When do you think you started to like how you looked? - Probably when I was like 15 or 16. And I like that's when I like really probably like knew how to do a make up. - I saw the photos just say, "Oh, he's sub-chatting Marie's." (laughing) - From when I was in school. - Yeah. - And yeah, I've worn hair extensions since I was like 14. So I feel like, yeah, that's when I started liking how I looked. So when people comment like, "Oh, you look masculine, you look this, you look bad." I'm like, "Great, I like high look." So if you don't, and I think a lot of people are like scared to say that they like how they look. - Yeah. - True. - Because you sound like people say it is like, "Oh, you're so conceited, you're so up, you're so firm." No, I'm very comfortable and happy with how I look. Like obviously there's always like things, and everyone has things that they'd wanna change or a chance to. like I'm not saying I'm Kendall Jenner, but I'm happy and I like how I look. So you can say anything. I'm happy. But yeah. And you've had no surgery? No surgery on my face. No. All I've had that's done on my face is just feel I'm both hooked on my face. Yeah. Because someone else, how is she so gorgeous? We're talking about ourselves. We're in both of us. Yeah. I'm actually gorgeous. But people always like, have you had your jaw shaved? Yeah. Because there's all these different minimization surgeries. Yeah. And have a brow bone shave. Yeah. You can have all this stuff done. I just don't feel the need to. Like I'm comfortable with how I look. And you're just got a little bit of filler on my body. I get unbotex in my jaw to slim the jaw. And that makes it look well feminine. But yeah, fill out with a cheek, fill out the bow top. Yeah. Bit of book. Speaking of surgeries, someone who is trans themselves asks a question saying, how do you feel about the bottom surgery question? Yeah. So this is like a very controversial question to ask like in the trans community. I just think it's very odd to ask strangers about their genitals. And I would compare it to going up to a man and saying, are you so concise, John? Like you would never say that. So true. So true. Yeah. Or do I'm going any or out of you? Yeah. Literally. What's the measurement of the flap there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like why do you need to know? Yeah. Is it like a bunch of grey? Yeah. Is it nice little hands? Yeah. Mine's like a Ruben if he must. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it's there's no need for anyone to know. The only time I think it's appropriate to ask someone to ask a trans person about their genitals is if you are talking to them in a dating context. And because it's going to directly affect them. Like my boyfriend, he actually didn't ask until we like just before we slept together. And that was like many dates before that. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's the only person that's actually relevant to NFX. Yes. Nice. Anyone else doesn't affect your life. And don't know why asking about a stranger's genitals. Yeah. And my friend, Phoebe, actually, when she goes on a first date, she'll mention that she has a best friend that's trans. And she uses as a bit of a litmus test to see how these men reacts to it. I love that. And what questions they ask following. And if they ask about my genitals, she's like, now I'm out. Sorry. Why are you asking about some genitals? It's an odd thing to be happy to say it on. And I think it's great when people, when trans people talk about it online. Yeah. But it's asking you, like you used to people have asked you in pubs and stuff like when they meet you, they go, so what's going on? Yeah. The fuck is up with that? Yeah. It's bizarre. Yeah. So it shouldn't be a question really. No. It's asked, even though we did say this as you can't ask that. But sorry. You actually can't. Yeah. That's our boundary. Okay. Let me just go to boundaries. We're sticking to it. Exactly. The next question is, should I always ask people their pronouns? So for me, I'm not going to speak about for anyone else. But for me, I don't like being asked about my pronouns, because I think it's similar to the question of what bathroom do you use? I just go to Darlene and use some critical thinking skills. What do you think? Like, and I know this people that don't present as the gender that they would like to be referred to. Yes. Totally fine. And that's why I'm not speaking for them. I'm speaking for myself. Because I just, I find it annoying. I just think like, what do you know what, I'm standing here with hair down to my waist and hair of loops on. You know, like, what do you mean? And I've got a Camila and Mark top on top. Yeah. Like, what do you think? Like, I just like, in my head, I think silly question. Yeah. I also think the people say they're like, you know, should I ask someone their pronouns? And I think if you're going around to literally everyone and doing it, okay. Sure. But I feel like usually, we talk about this yesterday. Yeah. I've barely said to my, about my boyfriend. He's like a very masculine person. Yeah. You would never ask him. Well, some people might, but I would never think to ask him his pronouns. So if you're going to ask everyone their pronouns fine, but you don't, I think if you think someone feels like they're being singled out, like, yes, oh, you're weird. Yeah. And you're something's up with you. Yeah. What's your pronoun? It's like, almost like they're being clocked of like, we can tell you used to be a man and you don't look like a woman, but you look like you're trying to be a woman. So what's going on? Yeah. Yeah. It feels like that. Yeah. Rather than just being like, I've always just like called people what I think they are trying to be. Like there's people that I can tell trans, but they're in a skirt. So I'm going to say she, like, I can tell that, but you know, I mean, I might be wrong, but it's up to them to correct me. And I'm happy to, you know, I apologize for that. Yeah. But I don't have people saying, I am Abbie and my pronouns are she, her. Yeah. I mean, I'm talking about myself. Yeah. Yeah. I think if you want to do that and that makes you feel comfortable, then great. I just don't think that everyone needs to go around asking. You know, and I think realistically, I think, I think it's like, I think it's great in like a bio or like an email signature where it's like, it's just always there. Like you can figure it out. I think it's also good even just like for emailing to know who, but that's also you letting someone else know that's not someone else. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're letting them know you're putting that, you're putting that forward. Yeah. So you want offended when people ask, no, I'm not offended. I'm just like, are you tell, Joel? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I just, it just feels like an unnecessary question. Yeah. Well, in the similar vein, is it a compliment when you're told that you pass well, someone asked. Yeah. I mean, I take it as one. But there's a lot of people that wouldn't. And there's a lot of people that don't pass. And they are trans. And they would like die to get that compliment. And I don't even know if I would call it a compliment. But I've had a very privileged experience of being a trans person because I look very feminine. I'm sure some people are going to disagree and say, it sound like a man or whatever. I think I look feminine. I have a very sporty family. I've always been able to pay for everything myself. I've never had financial issues. I've lived a very privileged life for a trans person or a regular person. So I think I take it as one. But I'm sure not everyone does. And I think it kind of singles out people that maybe don't pass. And they're like, okay, well, maybe I don't. They don't look at them as a woman. Yeah. If you don't pass, then you're not treated like a woman sometimes. And people that don't pass have a much more difficult life than I do. Like I can walk around and not get weird looks in shopping centers and where whatever I want. But like that's such a big part of it. And I think not passing is makes people's lives so so much more challenging because when you can immediately tell from a visual appearance that someone is trans, like it's just you're just putting yourself in front of so much more criticism. Just from just walking out on the street you are. Yeah. So it's like when someone says, if someone says to you, oh, you pass, so well, you're kind of like, thanks, but that's kind of an insult to people that you don't you don't perceive as passing. It's also about self perception as well. Yeah. Oh, because I get comments, literally one comment under the other will say, oh my god, you're so feminine. I would never know. Next time I'll say, I could tell straight away. Yeah. You know, like it's it's an individual thing. I don't even know anymore like myself. I'm like, yeah, no, I mean, I'm happy. That's a thing. As long as you're happy with how you look, I think maybe do you think a better compliment would just be your gorgeous? Yeah, you're beautiful. Like do we need to say it's kind of I would compare it to when people say, oh, you look so good for a 70 year old woman. Yeah. Oh, you look so good for a considering woman. Like what about you just look so good for a person. Yeah. Maybe you don't need to mention the passing situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The off the next one. Fucking hell. What's it? What bathroom do you use? Well, which feels stupid to even ask, but you did a video and it was what three points of a million views and you're like everyone's obsessed with talking about it. So odd. Yeah. Well, spoiler alert, girls. It's the girls bathroom. Who would have thought? Who - I would have thought. - I think I would have thought. - Honestly, I'm like, what do they think? So I saw a comment of someone, so I made a video, remind to a comment that was like, I liked Mitch Greer to life found out that and I said, he uses the girls' bathrooms. And I'm going, Dullin, I've been with Mitch in the bathroom a million times. She's got a buddy, Loobzon. She can't get very far very quickly. She's not really doing much stuff and fixing up her face a little bit and maybe taking a selfie in the mirror. - Maybe if it's a nice thing. - No one else is in there. - It's just me and her. Like, there's nothing of interest going on in bathroom. - But people, I like I had women commenting being like, oh, I wouldn't feel safe with you in the bathroom. So I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't want my daughter in the bathroom with you. I'm like, okay, so you wouldn't feel safe in the bathroom with eight, five foot five blonde girl. - Why? - 'Cause you would never know. - You'd never know. If I'm just in the bathroom. And then what do we do? Then do we do checks before the bathrooms? This is the thing now in America. It's like, okay, cool. - Yeah, so legal in some states. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, cool. So let's just say you don't want to be in the bathroom with the trans woman. Okay, cool. How do we ensure that that happens? I can only happen through what a security guard at the front of every bathroom checking and how are they going to check out some of the genitals? - Yeah. - Or the strategy, maybe they have had this, like, if they have the surgery then what? - What? - They're going to know, like, and if they've had it changed on their ID, how are you going to know? - Like, it's just, and then they say like, well, there's certain people that are like coming in, like under pretending to be trans for like sexual reasons or to spy on people or like, but also cis men who are coming into bathrooms for sexual reasons aren't transitioning in order to do that. They're just coming in. - Yeah. - Because they're as a security guard. If a man wants to do that, they will come and do that. And they do do that. It doesn't, it's not like being trans. You don't need some sort of invisibility cloak when you're trans and you go, "Oh, now I can finally do it." If that's your motivation, often men will just do it. - Yeah. - Exactly. But also that is like such a vast minority of people. - Oh. - They're like, yeah. The amount of people that would be doing that is like, I don't know, the lowest statistic you could imagine. - And if you're that weed of a person, you're not gonna care about bathroom rules. - Yeah. - Either. - You're a weed person in general, that's not. - It's about gender trans. - No, and it's the assumption that trans people are like sexual deviance as well. 'Cause that's propaganda spread in what the 80s and 90s that trans people and gay people are all pedophiles or they're all rapists. - Even I get comments like that. - Do you really still? - Yeah, pedophile, this pedophile that I'm like, "Oh, what?" - I just don't understand the correlation between the two. What does changing your gender have to do with sexually harassing a child? - Yeah. - Being the lowest of the law between there, 'cause I'm missing it. - They've just been told that it's sexual deviance, but it's something to do with sexuality even to do with gender. - Yeah. - And then also it's just about where, also how are you gonna go into the male bathrooms? - Oh, that's what I said in one of my videos. I said, "Do you understand? "Like it is the most unsafe position "I could put myself into a male bathroom." Like it's just like, and then the women are commenting saying, "Well, weed, you might not feel safe, "but we also don't feel safe." I'm like, "Okay." - Of course, do you want trans men in our bathrooms? Is that the rule then? So the trans men who look like in a very muscular, masculine, they're strong, they're on tea, they've had top surgery, bottoms up, whatever, then are you all okay with trans men coming into our bathrooms? I mean, personally, I don't really give a-- - I don't give a fuck. - I think all bathrooms should be unisex, actually, bit yak with the men. - Peace on the women. - I don't wanna urinate in my bathroom. - Yeah, if the men figured out how to piss, then I'd let them in. - So it should be a little test. - Yeah. - Like a sobriety test, but can you piss? - Yes. - Also, why have we taught men that you don't need to use toilet paper when you pee? - They just shake. - I'm like, "Well, how are we shaking this heavyweak?" - Piss the toilet paper and dab. - Yeah, that's the real conversation we have. - That's true from the bathroom. - We need to start the proper gander of that men don't need to use toilet paper when they pee, 'cause they do. - They do, please. - It's sick and twisted. - It's disgusting. - But I just find it really interesting that obsession with you being in the bathroom. - Yeah. - And if a trans person was some sort of, there are other, I guess the bathroom has become this symbol. Like I was telling you before we recorded, people were saying that I was a sexual deviant 'cause I uploaded a video of me dancing in the bathrooms at work. - That were empty. - They were empty. It's a corporate office, also that I've worked at for five years, multiple times a week. I had a radio show there like, I also know everyone in there. I'm also not recording people pissing. I'm in the bathroom with no one in there dancing. But they see, because of this rhetoric about trans people, they see it now as like a sexual place. Like when if we, I've never had anything, the most happens in the girls bathroom is, kind of buying your lips, - Yeah. - Stick it up into the crazy amp. - Or someone passed me to a type of or someone crying about their boyfriend ago. - What's happening, Dalton? - It's a very friendly place actually. It's not what they think it is. All they've been told that they've been brainwashed to think that trans people are out to get them and the place they're gonna do it, if anywhere is the toilet. - Is the bathroom, yeah. - It's so odd. - It's the obsession with bathrooms, is it? - It's fucking weird. - Yeah, I've met like so many followers in bathrooms. We're like, I'm up, I love you. - Yeah, so why would we deprive them of that experience? - Exactly. - We've gotta let you in, you know? The next one is, what dating challenges have you had? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Something about Mitch is that she's really, really good at boundaries. - Yes. - Since he first became friends, I was like, this bitch is so good. You're very good in dating and in general, but in dating, you're very like, it's trying to be like, I'm trans, by the way, if you have any hesitation about it, I don't want anything to do with you. - Yeah. - So, and you aren't? As well, you're not like, you know, secretly going to us, oh, when I hope this is okay with you, like I'm genuinely not interested if you aren't, - Yeah. - To me, and okay with who I am. - Yeah, that's why I say, I will say it like if I'm on a dating app. - I'll say it in the first message. - Yeah. - Like I don't have it on my profile, which I'm sure people are gonna say, oh, you're trying to trick people, I'm not trying to trick people because I want nothing to do with them if they think I am a biological woman. Like I'm not trying to hide it, I'm proud of it, you know? So I'll always say it in the first message, and yeah, just let them know. And I'd say in my experience, it'd be like 80% of people I've spoken to are like, cool, I'd love to keep chatting with you. Like 10%, I like, oh, not sorry, not for me darling, I'm out. And then the other 10 are like curious, but scared and not sure. So I make the decision for them and they're also out. - Yeah, I'm not having any in between. - And why don't you put it on your profile? Is it so you don't have weirdos that are coming off to you? - Yeah, because I don't wanna be looked at as a fetish. - Yes. - And I don't want, like, I don't want anyone matching with me because I am trans. I want someone to date me because they like me for me and I happen to be trans. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, I don't, yeah. So challenges with dating obviously the first one would be like letting them know I'm trans. That's the first one. And then a lot of it like, honestly, like, once you get past that point, the actual individual men themselves that I'm dating and like finding cool with it, what they're worried, or some of them already about, are like, well, my friends think, well, my family think like blah, blah, like someone we both know. I was talking to and he saw embarrassing for me that I thought this person was. - What about these old work? - Oh, fuck off, don't, oh my God. (laughing) Oh, but he said to me, like, we were like chatting for quite a while back and forth, like maybe a couple of weeks. And then it came to planning a date and he goes, okay, I'd love to take you on a date. Just letting you know, I don't wanna be seen with you in this suburb, this suburb and that suburb. But how about we go on a date in this suburb? I said, oh, sorry. No, I'm out, I'm not doing that. I have no interest. - The fact that he gave you a list of suburbs. - A proof to do suburbs. Is fucking crazy, isn't it? But after that, you were like, not not interested in it, you kept going. - Yeah. - Oh, he's message me for years. - Yeah. - And then like, but even just the audacity to think that I would be okay with that, and nobody should be okay with that. Whether you're trans or not, like no one wants to be feel like some weird little fetish secret thing. Like I'm not going to some dingy pub with you in the back to hide. Like, I have no interest. - And the assumption that you should be so lucky. - Yeah. - Like, oh, well, she'll accept this because she's trans or because, She's queer or because, you know, whatever the reasons people have for hiding their partners. Oh, she's, because she's old, she can get, so she'll be okay with only going to predetermined suburbs. Yeah. Is so crazy. Yeah. The assumption that you would have such low self-esteem. I know. Yeah. When I'm a man, I'm a man. Yeah. But it's funny because he then, like, these men, even after they're trying to put you into this little box of, I'll only do this. I have these boundaries around it. You go, okay, cool. Not for me, then by weirdo freak. They then continue. Then they're obsessed with you. Yeah. And it's like a weird, do you think that's a fetish thing? Or do you think it's, I can't say, I always, I've never come up with a like, definitive answer for that because part of me is just like, oh, you're like a straight white wealthy man that's always gotten what he wanted in life. And now you're being told you can't have something. And it's something that you thought would be easy to get. And now the roles have been reversed and you've been told, oh, no, you can't have me. Like, I'm not comfortable with that. So I'm out. I think it's part of, yeah, part of me is like, is it because, you know, just like, human nature of, oh, you've been told you can't have something now. You really want it. Or is it because you do have a weird fetish and you thought you could treat me badly. And now you can't. So now you're trying to like backpedal on that. Or is it that they actually have a big fat crush on you? And they kind of thought like you were saying initially, it isn't about them. It's about they surround themselves with yeah. Well, I like one of my exes his parents were like not cool with me being trans at all. And I like that was definitely like part of what contributed to our break up. And like, I wasn't aware of that when we first started dating. If I had been, I would have cut it off then. Like, I'm not going to, you know, because even the friends and family you go, if there's a whiff of it, yeah, I'm not. Yeah. I'm never ever going to be with someone who is embarrassed of me. And don't get me wrong. Like, I don't need to meet your family on the second date. But like, I'm never ever going to be with someone who's embarrassed of me. It's not worth a dollar for anyone. And you've got many options. So you go, sorry, sorry. Into the next. Okay. Well, next question. Oh, how do you see your future in regards to children? So we spoke about before you've frozen your sperm. Yeah. So most any good doctor will like make you go and either have your ex frozen or have you spent frozen before they allow you to do a homeowner replacement therapy. And so that's what I did. So I think I would like to have children one day when I have a little boy, little girl, boy, could be older, get a little younger. I think I plan on a good idea. Yeah. I would, so I can have biological children because I have frozen. Yeah, because I go into a fertility, like an ant frozen. But yeah, so I would, I think I would use a surrogate. And then I would like to have the egg from, I don't think I want the egg to be from somebody related. Cause I'd, and I'm not saying it's weird. I'm saying I would feel weird about having say like my boyfriend and my sister's child. That just feels odd to me. Cause also like, I don't know, like my sister is not me. She's my sister. Yeah. Yes, I understand that it's like, you're trying to get a genus, yeah, I love to be related. But I just feel odd about having the product of my, um, boyfriend and sister. Would you get a donor egg? Or would you like, I said, you can have one of my eggs if you want. You can have the curly hair might be really annoying. My wife really straight hair, something I even out. Yeah, maybe. But I just, I know if I'd, I'd have to give you some tutorials. Yeah. Yeah. What would you do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I go, come on. This video is for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually my kids. My mind. But, but so would you want it completely random then? Or would you, I think maybe also being to pick who the egg is from. I just don't want it to be someone related to me on my boyfriend. Yes. You know, fair enough. Yeah. Or like, and then people are like, oh, so who would you choose? Like, if it's going to be your, because he's, I don't have a biological child and my boyfriend can have a biological child, but we can't have a biological child to get. So yeah, people are like, who's sperm would you use? And I don't know what I would do. I'm like, do you just put both sperms in and mix it up? And then you go, what happens? Yeah. Or do you like choose one each? Like you have the first one. I'll have this. Or are you emotionally attached to any of those options or you would just kind of like figure out what happens? Yeah. I'm not attached to any of those options. I would like to have a biological child just because I think it's nice. And like, just because I'm trans, I don't feel like I should miss out on that experience. If that can't happen, then of course, there's like adoption as well. But yeah, I just think it would be nice to like, you know, have a biological child. Have you had a little bug? Yeah. So cute. Next question is, we've kind of answered this, but have you ever been someone's secret? Yeah, when I was younger, I probably would have, yeah, I have been a younger. How old is younger? Like, oh, probably when I was like 20. Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, I'd probably like thought at the time as well. I was like, well, I guess this is how it is. And yeah, not for a long time though, like I'm very, very, very strong boundaries against that. Like there's even a cent of it in the air. I'm out. Like I have no problem cutting someone off. No, absolutely not. And you know, you know, I know this very well. Oh, you pissed me off. Yeah, he's gone. And you can try to go, well, too bad. Sorry. Yeah. How about, we wanted to ask you about not secret thing was about, oh, have you ever, because you always tell everyone straight up, but someone did ask, have you ever had someone find out, like you have had a chance to tell them. Yeah. And then something happens. Yeah. Like it's like, when you go, when you're like out at a bar or something and it's like loud and you like, you don't do a guy, he's just come up to you and you're like in a crowded loud public space. And it doesn't, like it doesn't really feel safe to say it then. Like I'd want to like sit down and explain it. And also you don't have no idea how this man is going to react. Like this man could be very transphobic, very homophobic and like lash out at you because he even just like came up to you and like initially thought you were attracted. Yeah. Like he could, you know, upset with you. Because of thinking in armies. Yeah. Yeah. So like that's also a scary situation. And then like, yeah, I've had situations where like they've lent you and kissed me before I've even had a chance to say it. And then it's like, well, what do you do here? Yeah. And then I'm short people are going to say, oh, you're tricked. That means you're tricked. No. Nothing to do with them. If they don't know, I feel like very uncomfortable. No. Those times that have happened. Well, it's dangerous. You just not tell them. Like always tell them as soon as you can because why would you want to risk your safety? Yes. Or give them any time. Yeah. If they're not okay with it. Yeah. Like, these are. Yeah. So you haven't been secret before, but you've yes. Yeah. But I would like a long time ago. It's someone saying to you, I want you to be a secret. It was just kind of like assume. No, it was just kind of like, why don't you just like actually, that's how it happened. It was during at the very, very start of COVID. And we like, there was no restaurants open or anything. And like when you would go on a date, you'd like have to go to each other's house or like go for a walk. Oh my god, yeah. So that's kind of how you got away with it actually. Because and I wasn't breaking any rules. He was in my pub. Yeah. That's how you got away with it. Now I'm remembering that. And then because I have always been like against it. But I wasn't as against it as I was back then. So yeah, he kind of got away with it by like, Oh, just like come to the house and order food and watch a movie and stuff like, yeah, that's that happened. And then yeah, there was a lot of get back together and break up with him. Yeah. And now it's goodbye forever, mate. So I'm not even the country anymore. See? Yeah. Yeah. Next question is and we've got a few of these. Is a guy gay if he dates you? Oh, this was a very popular video as well. This is a viral too. Yeah. God. So I always get this question of like, it's a man, don't use a guy. He buys. He's not easy. What like? And so many people, when I posted this video and I said, well, I've only ever dated straight man. Every ex of mine have been straight. My boyfriend straight. And they're all commenting, well, he's by his by. I'm like, well, he's not by because he's not, he'd never date a man. So when you buy the definition of that That is you would say, a man or a woman. I'm not a man or a woman. Yes, like I'm not like. He's not attracted to men. You're a woman. Yeah, so he, yeah. So I've always dated, everyone I've dated has never dated anyone trans before me or after me. Well, that I know of. I relevant to life once I go on. You go to your wheel. Yeah. I share some data. Yeah, immaterial. So yeah, like I, and they're like, well, no, he's not straight. He's not straight. I'm like, well, hey, he's that's the thing. And they're like, well, he's not. But why does it matter? My question is like, OK, and what if, and if he identifies as straight or if he is then considered, but like, why do these strangers care if your boyfriend or someone that you fucked is straight or gay or bisexual or bisexual, it's like, OK, well, he's saying he's straight. OK, have you ever thought about changing your name of Mitch? See, when I met you, I didn't know you were trans. And when you said name was Mitch, I was, oh, Michelle, that's what I've heard. That's what a lot of people. People that are commenting and will ask him here. And again, we did say ask anything. So it's fine. But the amount of people going, would she ever change your name to something more feminine or and I go, I think Mitch is a neutral name. I think anyway. Yeah, I don't think it's an overly masculine name. No, I just thought your name was Michelle. Yeah. Well, that's what a lot of people say. Yeah. Yeah. So I-- No, I would not change my name. I just feel like it would feel very odd to me to change my name and wake up one day. But I-- All right, everyone. I'm Wendy Nehal. Yeah. Everyone's got to call me Wendy. But because you've been and dad socially transitioned, which I guess you weren't-- your parents and you weren't calling it that back then because this is 20 years ago, you know? Yeah. But you have always been the gender presentation that you are under the name Mitch. So it's like, yeah. Where's the definite moment of change? There isn't one. No. Doesn't make sense. Yeah. And I never-- I've never felt the need to. Like, I like my name. I think it suits me. I think-- And also, where do you even start? Say you had to change-- or not had to, but like, we're going to change your name. Where would you even start to think about a new name for yourself? Yeah. Like what? What I call myself-- Yeah, what would you be called? Yeah, that's so weird. Yeah, people, obviously, I think, you know, people who are transitioning in a different way to you. They probably have like, you know, they have like a desire I'd love to be called this. I'd love to be called this, which makes sense. But you haven't-- you've had the same experiences me always being called the same name and not having a desire for it to be changed. So you're like, I don't have a thought of it. Yeah. I don't have a thought of it. I also think a lot of people-- a lot of trans people will change their name because it makes them feel more feminine. I don't feel masculine with the name Mitch. I like the name Mitch. And they also have trauma with their name as well, because they've been harassed or abuse or under that name. Whereas you've had a really, really positive-- obviously you've had all four things in school, but with your family and your friends. That's a very privileged experience. So you don't have this disgusting feeling about you. You don't have this like-- No. I want to get rid of it. But it's just me. Yeah. There's no like before I was trans and after I was trans. There's no like before I was trans, I want to push that all the way and bury it and hide it. Like I'm like, there was a change, but it was like, a very slow progression. There was no flick of switch. And this was the day I transitioned and became a woman. Yeah. Second last question. People are asking, would you ever detransition? Yeah. No. Sorry I was saying opposite. Yeah. No. No. Like I just think-- and you'll hear about some niche people getting detransitioning. They will never trans to begin with if they're detransitioning. That was-- I'm sorry. I'm going to sound like a 60-year-old mum here, but obviously it was a phase you were going through and you thought that's how it felt to be trans. When you're trans, there's no doubt in your mind. And I always say, I get messages all the time from people being like, I think I'm trans, I'm not sure. I always say, when you picture yourself as an 80-year-old person, is that a man or a woman? I could never imagine myself as an 80-year-old man. Yeah. So what do they say back when you say that? They're like, oh, I've never thought of it that way. Yeah, I think I do see myself as a woman. Like, yeah. And I don't know if that's good advice or not. It's not like medical advice, but you're good. That's how you-- That's how I-- Like, came to the conclusion, I guess. Really? Like, I just-- I've never felt like a man. Like, you've never been masculine. I mean, I look like a little boy when I was under five. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I would never do your transition. There's no doubt in my mind. And if there is doubt in your mind, then maybe don't transition. Like, maybe hold off. I'm not saying never transition. Just-- Slow it down. It's like a serious thing. Like, and somethings can't be undone. Yeah. So like, if there's a doubt in your mind, I'd hold off. Yeah. Until you're certain. Yeah. You know, it's like surgery. Like, you'd never get surgery if you're unsure about it. No. Yeah. And then, the transition is talk about how they didn't know that things were irreversible. Well, that's just-- Paul medical care. Yeah. Like, that's really Paul medical care. That's really Paul medical care from the surgeon. Yes. Because every surgery is permanent. Every time you go get Botox and they're like, read out a whole page to you. Yeah. So you know, these are the risks with it. You have to sign a consent form. Yeah. Every time you get a doctor, you have to do it. Yeah. So that is really irresponsible for whoever there, surgeon or doctor was. Absolutely. But also, some of it's like, what surgery is that they're having done? If you're having a breast removed, isn't it not-- I think it was talking about hormones and things. Okay. They're like, it's changed this forever. Yeah. Which, again-- I mean, I certainly was informed when I started hormones that these changes are irreversible. Yeah. Yeah. I said it. Absolutely. Like you have to do it. Yeah. Even being on the pill, like, give you a whole spirit. Yeah. Everything medical should be very, very-- you need informed consent. And the issue with that is then what happens is detransitioners who have a very valid story. This is the thing. It's like, I don't want to say any more. Like, it's like, it's like, it's a valid story, but they're conflating their medical malpractice essentially with the trans experience. Yes. And the reality is, well, that means that you were treated awfully as a patient. That's so fucking awful. And no one who's trans, I've never spoken to anyone who's trans who goes, and yeah, those fucking stupid detransitioners, it's like, oh, God, how awful that you weren't given the right consent, informed consent. Yeah. It's awful. It is. And it's also very, very rare. Yes. Very rare. Very rare. Very rare. It's a detransition. It's not common. No. I've never met anyone that's detransitioned. I know one person. Do you? Yeah. Really? I'm not talking about them detransitioning, but I didn't know them when they were a trans woman. Okay. Yeah. But, um, yeah, no one person. Okay. One more question. My 13 year old is expressing they are trans, a trans girl. And I'm struggling on how to help any tips. I get messages like this all the time. I would. Yeah. And I really don't know if I'm qualified to even give advice, but I can just tell you what my parents did. Yeah. And I think my parents dealt with it really well. Like my parents were so supportive. Like they never really, they never express like strong opinions of like, "No, you can't do this. You should do that." Honestly, I think the most important thing is just for you to be there with them or for them and like make sure they feel like they're in a stable, safe home and they can come to you and tell you anything they want to tell you. Like, and then apart from that, there's no handbook. Yeah. And then right or wrong way to deal with it. Like as long as they feel supported and loved and safe and like they're not going to be kicked out of their house if they transition. Like, I think it's like such a personal journey. There's like, and you shouldn't be trying to influence them one way or another. Like, I wouldn't, I would say don't offer them like, don't, I wouldn't say to be like, "Oh, would you like me to take you to the doctor so you can get hormones?" Like let them bring that up. Like, it's not, don't push anything, don't try and speed anything up. It's such a personal thing. Don't, yeah. Just literally sit back and just be supportive. Like, yeah, don't, don't try and influence the process at all. Well, actually one more question I wanted to ask you, the people asked was, do you wish you were born a woman? I, there was, there was definitely a time I did wish I was when I was younger. Because like, probably like Jay's around getting bullied at school or like was just like not having a good time in life. I was going to be like, or maybe even like early dating, like teen dating or something. I probably, or I do, I do remember being like, "Oh, my life would be so much simpler if That was just vulnerable. and like everything would be so easy. I'd be like in a relationship now, I'd have like a normal life. But honestly now I look back at that and I'm like, I'm so grateful that I wasn't. Like I just like nothing of me would be me. Like I'd be a completely different person. I'd have completely different experiences. I wouldn't have thick skin, that's for sure. I'd just be a boring white blonde girl. (laughs) You go, let's go something to me. Yeah, I think it is. Quite a different. Yeah, we've got life experiences. Like there's so many things that I've been through that have shaped me and made me who I am. Like that break up, for example, with the guys family who didn't like me. Like I'm so grateful that happened. Like it was awful at the time and it took me literally two years to get Ivelish you. I'm sure you suffered through. No, I didn't suffer through that. You used to hear about it, it's not. But like so grateful for that. And I never would have had that experience if I was born a woman. I think I'm such a better, kind and nicer, more accepting person because I am trans and because of this experience as I've been through. That's beautiful, mech. Well, I love you. Love you, take the time. Take the time. Thanks for having me. I'm Mitch.Grey. I mean, if you don't know by now, what you're hairly doing and also go subscribe to Sheryl and Barnes' YouTube. So you can understand what the hell. Yeah, you can understand our language and our lingo. Yeah. Right, we'll love you. Love you, Tucky. It's a lot, isn't it?