271: Mind Your Business Ft. Hannah Berner

This episode is brought to you by Credit Karma. When it comes to your money, Credit Karma keeps you ahead of the game. You can count on Credit Karma to keep up with your financial needs as they evolve. They'll help you monitor your progress and give personalized recommendations so you can make strides towards your goals and find your way to money. Make sure you're on the right track, no matter where you are on your financial journey. Intuit Credit Karma, karma you can count on. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. So this podcast is all about choices. Wild, messy, wait, you did what choices. But for the choices that are actually straightforward, State Farm's got over 19,000 local agents, real humans, ready to help you. Like helping you save when you choose to bundle home and auto with the personal price plan. Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Wait, can I take my socks off? Yeah. Are you going to charge people for that? I'm keeping them underneath. I'm keeping them under. I'm going to have to blur it as you took your foot out. We'll say like, if you pay another $5, the toe comes out. Head over to Patreon to see Hannah's feet. I was getting overheated. I know. But I needed it. Hard to temperature balance a little bit in here. Yeah, we're good. No, we're perfect. We're beyond good. We're fucking set today. I don't know if I've ever had you on for an episode and been more like clocked in, ready to go. Energy through the roof. Well, this is like riding a bike for us. I know. I was thinking about that today as I was getting ready. I'm a co-host. I'm a literal co-host. You're a co-host. I said, do you do the pod when I'm not here? I don't think so. Have you ever posted an episode without me? No. I don't think so either. No. Number one co-host. Stop. I was thinking about it, though. And like, when you first came on, you hadn't even had a special yet. You were so sad and lonely. I just needed help. You had no friends. I didn't know who I was. You were shivering. You hadn't eaten. I was like a sad cat out in the rain. Like, where's my home? Well, we both were like launching our podcast at a similar time. And we've been podcasting for a minute. We had like the same PR people. Yeah. And they connected it. Yeah. Is that how it happened? Yeah. And we just hit it off. I met your dad. Yeah. Family very early on. I know. I just have to say, I'm running around L.A. Still lost and scared, actually. But I'm promoting my special. But it's been a long day. And I'm like, thank God I'm going to do Morgan's pod. It's going to be so easy and fun. And she has champagne. I open the door and she has congratulations balloons. And I blank out. And I'm like, is it my birthday? Is it your birthday? Whose birthday is it? I forgot. And then I realized she's just the sweetest person in the world congratulating me for my special. And you just live life so well. I'm just so excited for you. And like, I really, really appreciate your friendship. And just, I can always text you. And you're just, might take you a little bit to respond. But you do get there. You do get there. I feel like I'm pretty good. Except, honestly, oh wait, we actually fucked up this time. Because we fully scheduled it. And then, you know, the last text where you're like, and this is the time. Uh-huh. If I didn't respond, I mean, I didn't see it. Yeah. So then you were like, where are you, babe? You're busy right now. You've got your special coming out on Hulu this time. But this is my priority. Going on hot takes is literally the pot I will not miss. No, it's not. We don't fuck around when it comes to hot takes. No. We mean business over here. Hence, the blazer. Yeah. She literally has a full amazing outfit on and she's confused about it. And I'm like, we're covered in blankets. Yeah. No. And a new cheetah one. So we're really, we're sad. I'm burritoed. You look really cute today. Thanks. You look really cute. Thanks. I have like a fading spray tan. That's why. Cheers. Cheers to women in the arts. And assholes. And minding your business. Some of these I might just say none of my business and move on. But that's, no, that's not allowed on this pod. We'll see. Everything is about to be my business. Even if I don't have a strong opinion, I will have a strong opinion. You will make it your business. I will make it my business. I cannot wait to see how you do it. Let's dive in. I love when we get heated and we disagree. Should we try to make that a challenge today? I feel like we will. Because sometimes, sometimes I'll just be like, you know what? I'm fighting the good fight on this one. I like when you think I'm going to take a take and then I take a different one. So us. I'm going to clock you today. Oh my God, I'm scared. I feel it. No, you and your blazer, you're going to fire me today. This is my last time on this podcast, so let's enjoy it. People are going to be like, I haven't seen boobs like that before. Yeah. No, they've never been out. Oh, she's like, make sure you're on Spotify watching the video. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by Credit Karma. You're on your phone constantly. Shouldn't those bills count towards your credit? With Credit Spark by Intuit Credit Karma, they do. Build credit history using payments like phone bills or utilities. No debt, totally free, and missed payments aren't recorded. Not all lenders use TransUnion credit reports or scores impacted by Credit Spark. But if you're at or below $660 and looking to build credit history, download Credit Karma today and get the credit you deserve. Kicking it off with this one. Okay. This is coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit. So it's a listener out there. Titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Telling a Girl at the Gym About Her Butthole Hole? I, 25 female. A. I attend a pretty large 25 through 30 person hot Pilates class a couple of times a week. This studio loves to squeeze in as many people as they can into the room. So I always choose a spot in the back corner. So only one person in front of me and one to my right. A woman around my age came and sat up in front of me. For context, she was a curvy girl. I noticed we had the same body type and was wearing leggings the same color as her skin. As we started the class and went into Downward Dog, I noticed she had a hole in her leggings right at her butthole. Like to the point I saw her butt crack and then hole when she stretched further. The class was starting to pick up and the music was extremely loud. So I didn't tell her. I just figured that I'd be the only person to witness this. This is where I feel bad. We started doing sideline work. Which transitioned to her being in the front of the class as everyone turned to the right. Now, every single person behind her could see her butthole hole. I never told her after class. I told my mom this, saying that I didn't tell her because if it were me, ignorance is bliss and I hope she'd notice when doing her laundry and think, oh, maybe it's small. No one could see. However, my mom thinks I should have told her. So that she thinks maybe only I saw and she could fix slash throw them away for sure. So am I the asshole for not telling the girl in front of me at Pilates that she had a butthole hole? Points for asking your mom before you wrote it into Reddit. Because that's something I would do. I'd be like, mom, am I a horrible person? Okay, first off, this is why I wear granny panties. This is why I'm wearing full coverage. If anything happens, you're going to see some. Some old Hanes. Okay. That's the worst case scenario. I literally love. I think it was like the Hailey Bieber thing you did and you were wearing granny panties. Was Justin Bieber laughing at your granny panties? He probably was. I think that's what you captioned it. I did go through a stage where there was no one to tell me to not wear granny panties. So I did it up until I had people involved in my life. Not even seamless. You were just cheeked up. Yeah, cheeked up. But also, I have a whole thing about it. But like if. If that's what's offensive to you that I'm wearing underwear, that's. You can work on that. No guy's ever been like, oh, I liked your ass until I saw that she was wearing underwear. It's like. I wonder if a granny panty line does a little something extra for guys, actually. I think that there's somewhere online where they're looking for those lines. I mean, I think also I was a tennis player and I never wore thongs. I thought thongs were intrusive. I'm like, okay. That's like, oh, there it is. Yeah. Also, it's hard to keep everything in. I don't want to like sneeze and lose something. Why is it like it's a tiny little triangle? Why are they not making those bigger yet? Literally so tiny. There's not even a range. It's just like you have to have a Kendall Jenner like flat. You just got to be flat. No lips. Marble stone. Yeah. And then I think there's something with like UTIs and bacteria and rubbing. I don't know. I wear cotton 100% Hanes. I want to see. I want to see the Hanes words and then I feel comfortable. So that's how I personally have never been in this situation. however i've had my rips i've had my period stains i personally would not have told her because of all those little things going on such as it being loud in the room what are you gonna do like cause a scene and be like everyone stop you turn the music off or what are you trying to mouth it to her while we're doing downward dog but it is one of those things where like it's like if you don't tell someone there's something in their teeth and then someone else does you're kind of a bitch i know see if you noticed before class then i would have been like okay tell her it's before class she can go out maybe have something maybe buy a pair of leggings like from the place because i'm thinking of hot pilates in la yeah and they sell outfits they sell shit so like she could have done something yes but it's also at this point she drove to this workout class what's she gonna do especially if the class already started then you're ruining her workout by telling her yeah you could you easily could i was also thinking like does she not feel a little breeze a little air but this is hot yoga there's no air no you're all suffocating it's it's so scary and what just muggy but also crotch smelling yoga pilates it's it's a beautiful celebration of the body i feel like it's the kind of thing that could be normalized like a nude beach i've always wanted to go and also when everyone's saying plies in front of you in their yoga pants you basically see their butthole anyway i mean some of the black leggings are just like sheer they're sheer have you seen the girl she does like the granny panty cat underwear test with leggings no she's got a pair of granny panty underwears with a big cat on the ass and she'll squat and do the moves to see if you can see the cat and if you can see the kitty they don't pass a woman in stem i know what would you have done i probably would have not said anything which probably is not the right answer but like that's in all honesty because i don't think you're an asshole for not telling her yeah i think you've found yourself in a conundrum you did and there's really no easy way but you know what's also so embarrassing when you put yourself out there to do something nice for someone and then you're you look like an idiot like someone like drops something and you're like excuse me and they like can't hear you and you're like excuse me and next thing you know that like you cause a scene and you're like i'm just trying to be a good samaritan that happens to me actually every time i try to do something nice really i just feel like it's never a smooth interaction but people are whenever someone does something for me like if i drop a glove or and i'm like you need to be protected at all costs like you're gonna go to heaven i know i haven't had any odd interactions lately i feel like i if i have that must be so nice just to walk through the world i don't leave the house much oh well every time i do something happens well you're in your own house you're in your own house you're in your own house you're in your own new york too like you're subwaying you like just see more people naturally every day you have to say new york it's so chaotic that like every block there's something crazy going on to the point that you get like numb to it that's why also if yeah have you seen the guy that likes to lay in the rug in new york and have people step on him it's like his fetish have you stepped on him have you been there i could have i'd have to go through my rolodex but it's possible he lays in the street rolled up in a rug hoping people step on him and then he wriggles he's doing something under there see that's just a tuesday that's just a tuesday in new york however you need to get by new yorkers are like if that's his thing we all have a thing i also sometimes depending on the thing some people will call me out on something and sometimes i'm like i'm embarrassed now like you should just let me realize that on my own i think she'll go home and realize and it's not every day that you wear colored leggings that's the color of your skin i actually hot take i don't think those color palettes should exist in leggings no i have a hundred percent multiple times thought people in the grocery store weren't wearing pants yeah just toddler just big shirt with underwear i'm like what no pants at pavilions what are we doing are you okay like no security and then no it's it's the leggings but it looked like she was winnie the poohing it also sucks she was top on bottoms off i wish there were other things we could wear besides leggings because i'm not always in the mood for a legging i like a skort i've really been vibing with a skort i love skort yeah nice little breeze but your legs don't chafe together it's like the spork of clothing yeah bring back sporks where have they been i don't know they i think forks and knives just have really good marketing campaigns and spork they couldn't afford a pr person see i wouldn't even need a knife if you gave me a spork just one and done yeah i feel like that would conserve some of my time i don't think for the environment you would think you would think top comment on this one laughing my ass off i just read this post to my mom we're sitting in the er for her gi bleeding making jokes about butts and i saw this post she got a good laugh out of it she's like my mom's like i like that laugh the next one you let this poor woman go to the front knowing she'd be giving everyone a saran glare you should have told her right away i think it's a personality type also some people live for that stuff to be like i'm gonna i'm gonna say it i guess what you could have done is offered to switch with her and put her in the corner where you were that would have been nice because then you would have blocked her from everyone else in the room i also in a lot of classes i do i love taking dark classes it needs to be dark when it's too bright i get distracted i'm suddenly trying to prove myself to 18 strangers that i could hold a plank maybe that's good for the workout but i love a dark workout where you can just blow and grunt and fart and blame it on someone else oh my gosh i've never farted in a workout class it happens to the best of us a hot yoga class it should be illegal it should be illegal they're locked in you're you are actually you're hot boxing it you're actually hot you're hot boxing it but sometimes you know you go on a weird angle and you're like oh the release i'm not gonna do that i'm gonna do it i've been waiting for that is true especially it's impossible to hold it in when you're like doing the like legs out yeah and apparently if you're on your left side everything aligns more so it's just kind of like an easy tunnel out especially if it's you know after work you've had a big lunch or after coffee you know have a big coffee oh as long as you're not groundhogging you know that would be that'd be bad someone else basically is just like this is not it's your ignorance being bliss and all that is probably more accurate would you rather be your butt or your vag oh ass every day yeah i feel like ass is kind of like everyone's got one i mean i like i feel like even if i'm like spreading like i don't know maybe my butt's big but like it takes a lot to see the actual i don't know how this was it actually your asshole it's probably just crack which like if it's crack if it's crack that's honestly like sexy whatever good for her is back the crack is not whack no you're seeing a lot of crack on the carpet there's no way it was her actual butthole let her show some crack that's literally butt cleavage yeah yeah look at us beavage i love what we just rebranded the whole segment show your crack everyone it's fine plumber's cracks actually hot yeah men are allowed to do it why can't we in yoga class i want to see more crack this year yeah here we go this next story is actually like a new nightmare for me it's coming from today i fucked up titled today i fucked up by forgetting my car auto connects to spotify i genuinely think the most embarrassing moment of my life happened today for context i'm a 27 year old female software engineer and my co-workers are men in their 40s and older so today my team was going to lunch and i offered to drive two co-workers got into my car and my phone automatically connects to spotify except it always takes about 15 seconds to fully connect so i didn't realize or think of it in the moment i had something in my trunk i needed to grab really quick so i got out and in that time my phone connected and the last thing i was listening to was a smutty ass book and yes it was on one of those scenes i got back into the car hearing the main character of the audiobook talking about how there was not enough friction between her thighs to satisfy her carnal lust i'm dead deceased because i'm dead i of course suddenly can't function property i can't function properly and muted slash unmuted it three times completely fumbling and she's a woman in stem she's an engineer as i'm doing this my co-worker in the passenger seat goes quote oh what are we listening to akatar my co-worker in the back seat what's akatar apparently you can die twice that's fun i then just say it's a book series us girls love and we left it at that honestly great joke from my co-worker maybe i'll be able to laugh at it in 10 years or so oh my god oh that car ride no thank you that car ride but this is one of those examples in life where like you can't take life too seriously and maybe that's why i'm here it's 'cause we're podcasters. Like if that happened to me, of me to be like great story for the pod this is hilarious like lean in it's like but if you get mad at yourself and ashamed then you're just in like a shame spiral so i actually think like the fact that the guy knew what akatar was that's actually he's got a wife that reads or something yes he's tapped in yes and honestly be like sorry when my friend sent me this book but honestly i don't want any like random older man i work with to even know that like i've ever thought about sex no i don't come like i've literally just a shell of a human around you leave me alone don't look at me i'm still a virgin what do you mean well it's funny i'll work there was a meme about this how it's just like you with a bunch of people's dads like asking them about like the google doc that they don't know how to work oh my gosh yeah you're like steve no i know you have a family but you have to respond to emails yeah that was literally like everyone i worked with at the hospitals like i'd be like can i put my google presentation on the tv and they're like we don't know how to do that like what's google docs that's funny because i thought she was going to be like i was listening to like i don't know like some crazy like dirty song or something but the fact that it was actually my neck my back lick my pussy and my crack also sorry the radio is crazy i think i'd be okay with that i'm gonna be honest audiobook i would have to crawl under my car and hide i when i went to the mechanic the other day i was listening to fourth wing on my way there and i literally had to like force quit it so it didn't accidentally reconnect like i did not open spotify the whole time i was waiting i was like i'm going to make sure it doesn't come back this is why i take ubers yeah because then you don't have any control you're like safe marked safe every chance honestly i i read all the acatar books last week and number five was probably the most graphic descriptions i was blushing sitting alone in my own home yeah i was like oh i don't think i'm supposed to hear this this is like too intimate i've never listened to a smut book never well i say it's like cigarettes like i don't want to try it because if i like it i'm gonna have a problem like you actually probably would get really into it i get really into stuff i get really hyper fixated on stuff and i'm like i have a special tip to promote i'm busy i have emails to answer i can't be in a k-hole of acatar for three weeks after this i have a family i have a cat you do have a cat your cat's so cute thank you butter she's like where is my mommy my mommy's podcasting oh yeah no but i think after this when you need a little mental vacation because again i know how hard i work i think you might work a little harder than me and it's too much so i think you need to go park yourself on a beach with a book and give it a go okay it's time okay self-care but that is it takes a lot for me to get embarrassed i think that's why i've that's like my superpower and that's why i can do stand-up comedy because i'm like don't have that fear but that is that is a brutal one did you teach yourself that to like not feel embarrassment was that something that you like just had to get over i think because i come from like a goofy family like my dad would always try to embarrass me but he was funny okay so then i'd i'd always like i he would never embarrass me because i'm like my dad's actually being really funny and everyone thinks that was funny i don't know i guess it's like my family and also because embarrassing things happen to me non-stop it's like my only survival like i'm a tripper i trip all the time i spill stuff all the time i say the wrong thing all the time like if i got embarrassed i couldn't be here right now it was it was a a fight or flight type thing i think yeah no so so one you almost it's like exposure therapy i'm gonna i'm gonna lean into that it's exposure therapy and my dad would always joke to be like how was all your awkward interactions today like that's just also i some somehow i interact with a lot of people where it seems like it was their first day on earth like i have a lot of those those are my favorite they find me those are my favorite people when i'm on tour it's my opener will be like i've never seen someone have this many like insane interactions with people i don't why don't you just have like a little camera following you around i'd love to see these i know you tried the reality show once upon a time but like i think this sounds more fun like just you tripping bumping first time on earth interactions like i would love to see those no and but but i get through it because it's hilarious like but if you take it serious you start being like this is a little bit sad wait i actually want to manifest this for you for this to happen yeah you know how you love doing the worm yeah did you see the video of the bridesmaid that did the worm and her dress ripped up her ass so i've done the worm before and my dress has like basically gone over my head but i'm wearing granny panties so the crowd is like goes nuts marked safe but that was actually brutal they get louder when that happened yeah but then you lean into it it's like i always say when you fall don't then be like ow like do a funny pose like lean into it laugh for yourself that's the only way to survive in this and tough planet i like that earth i would be getting all my co-workers like gift cards for audiobooks for secret santa by the way speaking of cracks i did um sports illustrator which is so random so so random hot though but it was funny it got like a lot of attention to the point that i was like it was a little too much attention where i was like oh are people like really like oh my god i can't believe i'm like okay i'm not like that ugly wait what well people were just like i think they were so surprised because i didn't tell anyone that i was doing no i was like holy smokes but they put me in a bikini where like i had a vag crack do you ever have that the top like the top of your vagina was out like i had it it was low and then there's a shot where i'm like behind a door and it's because i was like i'm gonna stay behind the door for this one because i don't know what's coming out right now did you not get to pick your swimsuits we would like they had a fitting and they would kind of decide which ones they like the most and like it looked hot but it was like one of the teeny tiny teeny ones just a triangle yeah like a landing strip patch yeah like i shaved but like i shaved for a bathing suit not like to see inside the labia so but that was another thing of like i think because i don't get embarrassed a lot i was able to do sports illustrated because i was like what are we scared of a little a little vag crack can you just like make a course like sprinkles like you sell sprinkles hannah's non-embarrassment sprinkles like we can dust it on ourselves because i this sounds incredible this that what you're describing is how i feel on a beta blocker yes yes i mean but it's also like i feel the embarrassment but i almost it's kind of like how you could turn nerves into excitement when i feel embarrassed i turn into laughter like i've done i remember giving a speech and for my birthday once at a restaurant in front of like a whole restaurant and it was a long table of like 18 people and as i sat down from the speech i missed the chair and like fell and the whole restaurant saw me and like that's the kind of stuff that you're like yeah clearly haunts me but like i i ended up laughing so hard at it and like people are commenting like is your name grace like stupid shit and you just like have to lean in and be like i'm a silly goose i'm just a silly silly funny girl i'm gonna try it yeah and that's what i think op should do too i mean the top comment it will be something you laugh about one day and just tell yourself like that was iconic like who else would that happen to that was iconic i mean you're the young like cute girl at work you just got to embrace that role which is being up to date with the trendy audiobooks and also like at parties that story's hilarious like that story's gonna murder uh-huh uh-huh literally you're gonna be so popular i know op does respond to the top comment i laugh and then i cringe it feels like a never-ending cycle right now lol yeah it's normal it's human uh op does say my co-workers are super chill luckily i think overall everyone thought it was a funny moment i'll update if i got called into hr i was about to say it was illegal probably but you think like imagine if a man did that the girls would be like uh that was on purpose especially like the guy version of like it being porn and you walk up to someone's cubicle and they're just watching porn oh my god i've heard stories of men like going into the bathroom and their phone is connected to whatever and they're just playing no dude there's there's like technology gets you bad bad and this is why i don't have a nine to five this is why we're sitting on these couches right now thanks to all of you thank you guys don't make me ever go back to an office i'm so sorry if i annoy you but just like just put it on in the background and mute me just like don't make me go back to an office when i was in the bathroom the whole time hiding yeah i would go to the bathroom so often but you know what i hate about corporate america is people are like counting how many times you go to the bathroom to the day they're like didn't you just go to the bathroom i'm like i'm an adult i'm allowed to go to the bathroom when i want to and fall asleep now like and it's gonna be like oh you go to hr because you got in trouble for going to the bathroom too much and you're hr person's ai oh scary world you know what else is scary world this next story love a segue this episode is brought to you by state farm we didn't call this podcast one hot take for a reason sometimes you just need a second opinion someone to help you figure out if yes you might actually be wrong and honestly, insurance isn't that different. You want someone in your corner helping you make the right call. That's where State Farm comes in. With over 19,000 local agents, they're there to help you choose the coverage that fits your life. They've got your back, so you don't have to do it alone. Visit statefarm.com to learn more. This person is definitely giving first day on planet earth. Oh my god. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Making My Daughter-in-Law Cry When Proving the Earth Was Round? Yeah. You're like, sit with that for a second. Yeah. This is stupid, and I really don't feel like I'm in the wrong. I'm not going to hide that I am not a huge fan of my daughter-in-law. She can be a moron, and we have clashed over basic things. My two grandkids are at my place twice a week. I like NASA, and I've been staying home for a while. I've been staying home for a while. I've been staying up to date with the Artemis 2 journey. My two grandkids are five and seven. They saw me watching and were confused. That's the best way to put it. They thought it was fake because their mom told them things in space were fake. I assumed she was talking about movies, space movies, not overall the fact people went to space being fake. I decided to show them the moon landing and some takeoffs. I asked them if they wanted to see the moon landing, and they wanted to see a double sunset. This is when you lay down and watch the sun go down. The moment you don't see it, you stand up and get somewhere higher, and you will see the sunset again because the earth is curved. My daughter-in-law showed up when we were waiting for the sun to go down. We did the little experiment and then saw the sunset twice. The boys had a great time. I made a comment that this is one way to show that the earth is a big ball. My daughter-in-law had issues with that. She told me I'm not telling the truth and that the earth isn't round. I was confused, and she told me the earth was flat. I started grilling her why she thought that, and she couldn't give me a reason. I asked her to explain why the other planets were round or why we could see a double sunset. I asked her why boats disappear in the sky, and she said, I don't know. I didn't say it out loud, but this is literally my definition of stupid, thinking the earth was flat. She left with the kids, and I got a call from my son saying that his wife has been crying. The boys keep asking her space questions and not believing what she says because I showed them other videos. He told me I have to apologize and that I overstepped. I told him I won't apologize because the earth is literally round. He said that he knows, but I need to apologize to keep the peace. Am I the asshole? No. It's called science, and you're not the first person to say that. She's the one that's saying you're stupid for believing her that the earth is flat. Sorry, I had one glass of champagne. I'm Well, people with conspiracy theories, some of them are dumb because they are convinced that because they saw a YouTube video, they are the first people to realize this. And like they, without any research or science, they're able to come to these conclusions because they saw something on the internet, which is, we all know the internet is all real. Everything's real. Everything. Everything's a fact. I would say like, yeah, if it's like you like to teach your kids a certain type of division, and then the grandma comes in and she's teaching them a different division, it's confusing them like in their math classes, I can understand being like, hey, you're overstepping a little. This is just science, babe. It's just science. And you think it's common sense, but I didn't know about the double. I was like, this is not common knowledge. Double sunset. I was like, okay, now I know. I think I'm going to try it today. Yeah, actually. That sounds like a party. Sounds beautiful. Yeah. And then that little green light when the sun hits the horizon at the right thing, and you see the flash of green. Also crazy. If the mom was some like really intense scientist who's been doing research and has some reasons behind her theories, let's talk about it. But I don't think she's a scientist. No. So you shouldn't be telling your children about science without evidence. And if the truth is on YouTube, not evidence. I will admit, you know, I'm kind of into the conspiracy theories a little bit. Some days, I do feel like I should be wearing a tin hat, genuinely. Break out the aluminum foil and make me a cute little hat because I'm right there with some of these people. But the flat, like, haven't you been on a plane where you kind of see it like when you're way up? Well, also, because when you look, it does look flat when we're sitting in this room. So I understand how if you don't. Totally. No things. You could just be like, well, why is everyone saying that? I do think, like, corruption is real. I think corruption is real. I don't know what corruption would be enabled by saying the Earth is flat versus not. I know, because all the billionaires are trying to go to space right now. Yeah. Where you clearly, you get up there and then you see the ball. Yeah. So. There was conspiracies that certain people never actually went to space, like the celebrities and stuff, which, look, that's fun to go. You know what they gossip about? Yeah. Telling your children the Earth is flat. They're going to get bullied. Yeah, 100%. Or held back. According to polling, millions of people globally hold flat Earth beliefs. That makes sense. Two to 10% of adults in the U.S. Where we are as a society, that totally tracks. Yeah. That tracks. Oh, man. Top comment. And just quoting OP, you need to apologize to keep the peace with my wife. Why should I do that, son? Because you are my dad and you should care about me. You should care about your own sons enough to not let their heads be filled with moronic lies. Not the asshole. I'm sorry your son is a horrible father. They're going for him. Wow. Yeah. Which, like, I mean, Earth is flat. This could be, I don't want to open a can of worms, but, like, I just saw something the other day where people are refusing vitamin K for their babies. Yeah. It's, like, it's not good. That's the question. It's, like, if she believes that, what else is she believing? Yeah. It's not just letting her have that. It's giving her, like, an opening to just be, make sure the kids aren't homeschooled. That's all I have to say. Oh, my God. Just make sure. Public education, at least. There's a book somewhere. OP does say she is deep into conspiracy theories. Doesn't specify which ones, though. I wish we knew. Also, that's such a boring one. Like, that's the one you fight for? I know. Literally, like, it's been around forever. What one would you fight for? Oh, my God. Good question. I'm, like, actually so not into conspiracy theories. Not that I don't support them. Like, I, like, I'm kind of one of those people that I'm, like, I'll believe in a psychic. I feel like that's a conspiracy theory. It could be. A psychic. I believe in psychics. A medium. I believe in energies. I believe in karma. That's what I, I know that I don't know things. You're on the woo-woo train. I'm on the woo-woo train a bit. I'm on the woo-woo train, 100%. Ghost? Real? Like, people will be like, I don't believe in that stuff. I'll be the one to be like, well, you know, like, since the beginning of time, there's always been, like, witches and stuff. Yeah. And I just believe even, you know, the known as in Italy, they knew the future. There's been, it's been around the world. Would you be down for a ghost tour? Yes, but I've never done it, and I'm a little bit of a scaredy cat. Me too. But I believe in ghosts. No, me too. I'm a big believer. Like, I don't do things, like, I wouldn't go on a, what is it, just like a scary Halloween? Like, um. Oh, like a graveyard tour? I would, maybe would do, maybe, but like a scaredy, you run and you scream. Oh, a haunted house? Haunted house. That's not my, that's not. No, I really hate the jump scare. Give me a calm audio book. So, one of my friends and, like, co-host of my True Crime podcast, Kaylin, she's got a spooky woo-woo podcast, Heart Starts Pounding, and we've been making plans to do a ghost tour, and now I'm kind of like, if you're down, we can make it a girls ghost tour. Girls. And get all the girls together, and like, there's this one place in Kentucky, it's like an abandoned TB hospital, and I guess it's like the most paranormal place in the United States. But I wonder, like, how often do they do tours, and the ghosts are like, oh my god, we have to do another showing, like, we're tired. Like, do they show up every time? I don't know every time, but I've looked at the reviews, and people are definitely freaked out. I've been to New Orleans, and there's a lot of. Oh my god. Witchy stuff there, but I've never delved into it. And I went to Salem. Ooh. Where, yeah, there was. That's on my list. psychic stuff there. What'd they say? Um, her name was Angel. We actually, check it out on YouTube, we've recorded it. Had a page try witchcraft. Didn't she? She actually came up with some crazy stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But she was, like, harsh. Like, we left, and we were, like, silent. Like, she called us out. She roasted you? She roasted us. And he was like, "Are you okay?" wasn't it was intense damn I don't want to pay someone to hurt my feelings well like she told Paige like all her kids died of cholera and we were like in her past life yeah oh my god like we left her like thank god for antibiotics what's your conspiracy theory uh JFK for sure that's one where I'm like it definitely was not Lee Harvey Oswald I think Marilyn was possibly poisoned 100% I don't know really getting now suddenly everyone's coming to me she literally got picked up and her body didn't go straight to the morgue like it's actually it's so disturbing she yeah no no poisoned what the hell well we do get some positive um info that these kids are not homeschooled thank god that's what OP said no homeschooling thank god you seems like the school was telling them one thing and then she would tell them it's wrong I mean that's the fight she wants to fight if that's the hill you're gonna stand on if that's the flat hill you're gonna I know what would it look like though like if it's just flat forever does it drop off at some point and it's actually a rectangle like if you believe the earth is flat explain it what does it look like also what's going on underneath exactly I would like to know I kind of want to do a poll and see if there's anyone in our audience that thinks it's flat and like have them defend themselves yeah I love a debate healthy try to open my mind I'd be down let me know if you think the earth is flat please comment and let us know but also it's like the more we talk about it even it normalizes it that's the thing you got to be like and we're off once you say it a couple times you're like is there it's flat I'm like maybe it's on to something okay moving along to this next one also coming from our two hot takes subreddit a couple days old now titled my husband confessed something and I don't know how to feel I love the relationship ones hey everyone long time lurker first time making an account the situation is pretty strange and I don't even really know how to talk about it but if I don't tell someone I might go crazy slightly not safe for work all right my 32 female husband 37 male recently told me that a few weeks before we got married he asked his friend jay 37 male about sex we were both waiting for marriage and jay had experience and somehow this ended up with my husband watching jay masturbate obsessed obsessed with jay we got married 11 years ago and I just found out about this my husband said it sounds worse than it is but question mark question mark he assured me that he didn't touch jay or anything and I do believe him I don't think he was keeping this as a secret from me either the way he said it it was just kind of a cringing at your past self sort of way like quote oh I never told you about this embarrassing thing I did to impress you type of story I didn't really react in the moment because it didn't quite register at first what he was saying so many questions and we just moved on obviously it's strange right I can't stop thinking about it we're still really close with jay she's like jay sleeps in our bedroom and I'm assuming his wife knows as he's an open book about pretty much everything to the point I'm honestly a little surprised jay never brought it up to me himself I don't feel like my husband cheated on me or at least I don't believe that was the intention but at the same time if jay was a woman maybe my perspective would be different then again I don't know should I just let it go it was one time over a decade ago and I do remember telling him that he should ask jay for tips I'm not sure how detailed I want to get here but jay had a toy that he was using to show him how to do it which I mean hey our first time was great so silver lining I guess oh so it was a fleshlight or like the torso what you mean like a sex doll I'll show you I've seen pics I love my husband and jay is a friend of mine that I love too I don't imagine this is a common experience but if anyone has had something similar what did you do some quick questions okay so when she says decade ago this means she was like she was like 21 hadn't been married oh god you're asking me to do math like so it was right before they got married 11 years ago 32 now 21 okay so she was 21 he was like you know 25 or whatever and that's when jay was also 25 okay look I support all religions as long as it doesn't start wars however it is a unique unique thing to wait for until marriage sex so at that point I don't really judge the stuff you're doing to prepare because you already were being um like unique in your sexual that's freaky I'm always so impressed that people can wait that's freaky like the self-control and the personal constitution you have to wait and make that decision and like commit to marriage with someone without test driving like I'm genuinely so in awe of people that have that self-control well also the first night's gonna be horrible um you haven't learned about your body you don't know what you want he doesn't know what he wants so it's just gonna take a really long time my personal beliefs I don't think you're farther away from god for having sex I think that's a way to control women um and tell them the only time you have sex is to have babies we're saying I agree but that's my tea I'm with you um so he's in a unique place where he's getting married has all this pressure on the wedding night to suddenly know how to please a woman which is not possible if you've never done it before but also how is and this is maybe where that sex toy comes in which I'll show you pictures of the sex toys I'm so sorry I cannot put them on the video version because we will get removed but how is watching your friend masturbate going to help you two have sex that was my second question like if it's a hand job that seems like jay just wanted to have a little fun it's it's giving the first rivalry yes yes wait this is like they literally watch each other jack off in the tower rivalry I wonder I mean jay not jay the husband must have jerked off sometimes or as a part of their religion not to jerk off I don't know it has to come out some way or he's a loaded bullet walking around dangerous I feel like he must have jerked off there's no reason for you to have to watch another man jerk off so here's what I think happened I think he watched his friend masturbate with one of these fake toys so depending on what you purchase there are fleshlights but they're torsos they look like this oh my god yes oh my god yeah and it's jelly silicone wait I love how like this never crossed my desk before what I've never seen this in my life ever no you knew about a flashlight though yes because it's a good like punchline in a bit flashlight that what is that even called realistic silicone doll but you know it's funny I'm like is it better or worse that they don't have a head because at first I was like that's bad they don't have a head and then I'm like no it's weird for you to have like a fake woman but they make those versions too they do for that if you're into like yeah oh god I kind of like it better without the head and they wonder why these are male illness epidemic I know these men are not lonely I see what they're hanging out with don't do this I mean yeah there's a bunch of different versions so I think he was using that okay I think it's 100% unnecessary like that is not like you just took it from zero to a hundred like you didn't have to come to completion and in front of your man why couldn't you just like do a couple air humps and call the day 100% you could be like hey you could go in this position do this make some rhythm whatever actually ask a woman what she likes you don't need jay jay is having a little too much fun also I hate to say it sometimes when um you're super religious you are you are trying to suppress some other things that's what I'm like it's a little heated rivalry coded but very I'm like maybe religion isn't a part of it I'm gonna see if there's any comments because otherwise like yeah okay so we were both raised very Christian and I'm like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know but also like where do you put that this is a big torso where do you put that in your room closet with a pillowcase over it I know someone that has a foot it's like a foot fleshlight there's a vagina on the foot yeah it's like a chopped it would be cut at the ankle but then part of me is like you know what let him have his little foot thing leave the girls alone have your little I don't kink shame yeah no you have fun without foot you have fun with your foot and no one gets hurt it's what its name is bath well it didn't need a name that's a necessary um apparently this came up when they were reminiscing on earlier stuff in their relationship like their first date it is crazy because he could have gone away with it like it's been 10 years you you could have gone to the grave with that never would have known and he dropped it which i do appreciate the honesty i can see where you're coming from but i don't think this would be an avenue he'd go down we have had conversations about lgbt plus stuff before and um he's never expressed a desire to not be monogamous so he's not bi or gay according to op she goes he does go on these weekend trips with jay and i don't hear from him for a while but he claims that they're just golfing a lot of people questioned why he didn't just go on the internet and look at porn um he did know that porn existed he was against watching or viewing anything like that at the time got it he thought the concept was very very bad yeah so seeing a guy do it in person in front of you is way less graphic i also have so many questions like did jay trick him into it like was jay like hey can i show you something real quick and next thing you know he was like oh my god his dick's out which you know happens to the best of us i know or was it like also it doesn't you don't orgasm immediately like that means he there were like minutes involved are they talking during it is their eye contact are they holding hands i don't know i don't know if they're holding hands i don't know if they're not the eye contact where is his eyes i have so connected i have so many questions was he like yeah it was cringe but like we did it or was he like i hate that it happened or was he like silly old you know jay just jay being jay also i want jay's perspective where i want jay to come in so we do get an update huh just found it while looking for op's comments i'm really scared oh okay pretty not safe for work below no crazy details sorry pervs but yeah i asked him to tell me what happened with jay on that day keeping it light-hearted and he did originally jay was going to show him a video but my husband was against it at the time so jay asked if he could show him a fleshlight to point to where the clitoris was and whatnot and he said yes jay got excited while talking about his own experiences demonstrated how to put on a condom and well offered to show him how he does it i had a few comments thinking that jay took advantage of my husband but he definitely doesn't agree or feel that way my husband told me he said yes because he'd never seen someone do it before and as many of you have figured was about 10 years too late to the sexual exploration phase of life he and his siblings were all homeschooled for some added contacts they don't they are flat earthers as well as was i though that manifested in me being a little too invested in the vampire diaries more than anything else lol from jay's point of view i think he just didn't give a fuck and was open to a fault especially back then jay was raised similar to us but once he turned 18 he broke from the whole feeling shameful about normal human things so he did a complete 180 and yeah maybe a bit too far or out there for the average well-adjusted person but you know alanis morissette we live we learn obviously my husband and i have been together for a long time and we've been together for a long time and we've been together for a long time and we've been together for a long time went into more detail about what he was thinking and feeling but to not make this post even more of a novel and confusing to people who don't know all three of our histories i tried to keep it to the basics hearing him talk about in depth definitely made me feel more relaxed i asked him if he was bisexual and let him know that i'd be okay if he was but he said he's not and it was more curiosity than anything else late bloomer plus repression plus guilt triple combo does crazy things to the mind said afterwards that jay bursted out laughing at how awkward it was and then they left to go eat taco bell so really not at all what i thought was going on in my head if jay is bisexual i'm not sure probably won't ask him because if he wanted me to know he would have told me already i mean it would have been relevant if he was single or if i was worried about infidelity but i'm not the gray area of watching him use a toy on himself being considered cheating makes sense but it was so long ago i feel like it's only as big as i make it out to be but the conversation we had i don't think it rocks the boat all that much we deconstructed at different points of time which if you have any experience you will know how huge and terrifying that is we're pretty solid my husband called jay to make a point which he didn't have to but he's stubborn and when he started talking to him about it jay told him that it was quote the second gayest thing i've ever done i'm obsessed with jay and quote was like trying to teach poetry to a fish which resulted in my husband hanging up and sending him a huge block of text that consisted entirely of the middle finger emoji so yeah so they got in a fight they're in a couple's quarrel him and jay i'll try to see if i can attach some photos it was your teacher have some respect he helped you learn how to fuck come on sorry jay's an educator of the youth and how to put on a condom honestly the way she told the story i'm like look crazy things happen behind closed doors also men be men like gladiators they all were like having sex with each other there is like a testosterone where i could probably see him being like watch this bro i literally just learned this about achilles that achilles had a boyfriend and they all were hooking up and he dressed as a woman to like sneak into whatever camp or something like that and he was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and they were like you think achilles was a big buff guy no like they said it was sassy they were like achilles was a twink wait i'm obsessed that's what and i'm like where do i get this well i think gender and sexuality was wasn't as defined at a certain point yeah everybody was just cultural it's just social construction how much more like relaxing and enjoyable does that sound i also do feel like men or guys when they're younger like at camp they they're playing with their dicks like they're showing each other their dicks i feel like i've seen a lot of like really gay stuff lately coming from straight guys where like i saw this video of three baseballers on a pitching mound in like a triangle humping each other on the pitching mound have you seen the gay baseball video my my editor jenna she's gay and so she's tapped in yeah she knows she has their and she also loves baseball and she loves baseball she loves gay things in baseball so it was perfect any thoughts i liked it she goes i was into it i but i'm not like look i do think a lot of men are gay but i'm not saying that every man's gay i do think men are also like men masturbate before girls do like men are talking about masturbating they're doing all that stuff and they're kind of like bro look what i could do so i feel like maybe jay look at not me not me being a jay defender but jay kind of just being like look at this testosterone like watch this like look what i could do honestly i do see the mindset of like buddy it's your first time you're gonna have sex on your wedding i want it to actually be enjoyable for you like let me help you i actually do kind of see the teaching of person how to fish mentality here yeah i kind of i kind of appreciate it when you feel bad for your friend where you're like this is so embarrassing i'll embarrass myself to help you be less embarrassed yeah yeah it's weird i think now because you tell your friend to watch porn watch videos but like he put the foot down the porn but also and that's kind of like a hot topic nowadays where people are like porn is not real porn is not healthy so some people actually might prefer a hands-on demo you could have used a small business he can he can start sex ed classes there's like a woman making like tiktok videos and she's like okay i'm gonna be very discreet but like if you want to go down on a girl and have it be good like you lick that little ice cream cone for five minutes and then after five minutes then you put the fingers on the outside don't go in yet two three fingers just on the outside you got to create some uh oh she doesn't say any of the like word words yeah no and i'm like where was this yeah but it's kind of the same concept yeah but we're not in a room together i'm like sorry that jay just wanted the world to be more educated i want to know how their wedding night was she said it was great oh she said it was amazing so silver lining of it all i don't no one ever lost their virginity and they were like wow i've really been missing out mine was horrible it was on like the carpet of my friend's basement no furniture it was like a storage room i got rug burns there was a pillow kind of under me no blankets just fucking buck naked in this basement buck naked i haven't said that in forever if i could go back get buck in here we're so millennial we're so millennial that was a bop but i'm like god if i could take that back i would getting caught in a car and having a car come up behind us and turn their brights on as we're having sex in the back seat i'd take that one off see as a new york city kid we didn't have any car issues no one had cars where what how was it for you more enjoyable than that no not good not good subway station bathroom some cte football player not good But also it's because no one knows what they're doing. doing yeah so it's like yeah figure it out was the mascot good bucky no no no no no no i'm not gonna lie to the the crowd no but it wasn't it was like not traumatic no yeah there you go there you go that's a win yeah well that's a win that's a win i will say i did end up with the best sex i've had yeah and like some people are weird they're like you're not gonna end up with the best but it'll be good i'm just like no no i actually ended up with the best me too there's a lot of fallacies out there i know someone even said they were like people are talking horrible about marriage out there is anything okay is anyone in a good marriage and i'm like look negative stuff gets more attention that is true there are people who have nice partners i feel like you have a really good relationship with your husband like great marriage you're like because i don't see you guys online well no like you've done your burner phone call podcast together like you guys just seem very in tune with each other and so excited when the other person is winning oh my god yeah which isn't the case for a lot of people well you cannot have your biggest hater in your house no babe friend husband don't settle i think at the end of the day if we're gonna get anything from this story don't settle don't settle don't settle and get out find a guy like jay this episode is brought to you by chrysler life with kids is basically a never-ending series of plot twists one minute everyone's buckled in the next someone's dropped a snack lost a shoe or needs a bathroom break immediately that's why the newly designed chrysler pacifica is built for real life with thoughtful features like stone ghost seating hands-free sliding doors and passenger seating up to eight it helps keep everything moving because family life isn't about the perfect moments it's about making the most of any moment visit your local dealer or chrysler.com to learn more about chrysler pacifica and schedule a test drive today chrysler is a registered trademark of sca us llc this episode is brought to you by revolve my summer has been jam-packed with moments where i just want to look cute and the best way to do it is to find a good fit an outfit that makes you feel confident that feels on trend or reflects your unique style and revolve is my go-to place to find those fits i just went to europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from revolve and i have no idea what to wear i just went to europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from never never been complimented more so whether it's a big night out a wedding a summer trip or you just need something last minute that actually works revolve always has it go to revolve.com slash tht to shop our faves and use code tht for 15 off your first order fast shipping easy returns it just makes everything easier that's revolve.com slash tht you can shop our faves and get 15 off your first order offer available for a limited time so don't miss out who will guide you yeah to better things exactly and it's never too late to get divorced yep like do not marry your biggest hater life is too short to not get out whenever anyone gets divorced or goes through a breakup i always say congratulations like your balloon congratulations um this next person is in the midst of a divorce perfect here we go this is coming from relationship advice i 32 female think my husband's 40 male mistress is stalking me we're currently separated after i found out he's been having an affair with the same person for years i found out five years ago and we worked things out he swore he had ended things with her and i believed him we had our last child for male during that period since the year started i had been getting messages on facebook and instagram from accounts with no followers telling me that my husband was having an affair the dms had details about the trips he had taken with her how they go on dates how they have a child together and all of his friends mom and siblings knew her i asked him often if he was still seeing her and he denied it what pushed me over the edge was when i saw earrings and a scrunchie that weren't mine in my car after he had borrowed it for the day i went through his phone and saw that he was still in touch with her they even had sex tapes and he was constantly telling her how much better sex was with her how he loved her and wanted to be with her it's obvious he's gotten very strong feelings for her he admitted to everything including the child they have together i left the house and went to my mom's to take a break we've been officially separated for a month the problem now is that his mistress keeps showing up to places i go to often the playground i take my kids to the bookshop where i buy their school supplies where i take the girls to get their hair done we went to get ice cream once and i could have sworn i saw her i know what she looks like from the pictures and videos that they have together i feel like i'm going crazy these are all public places though so there's nothing i can do about it she just sits there and stares at me i don't know what to do with her i don't know what to do with her i don't know what to do with her it's making me feel very uneasy what is the best way to address the situation i can't ask for her to be kicked out of a public place she's always with her daughter anyways so it never looks weird that a woman is there with her child and are at the same place i go to with my kids i'm not speaking to my husband unless it's about the kids and i don't want to ask him yet ask him what how to make your mistress stop showing up at my my ice cream place i i'm not a confrontational person but i feel like that's when you can go up to her and be like can i help you you wouldn't mind your business like is there something you need like are you trying to be friends like what's going on here because because she's making you feel uncomfortable yeah you can go up to her and make and call her out i god this is like my worst nightmare because you know she's been obsessed with her for a long time because she's had what she wanted which is the marriage the openness of it yeah so she's been just like looking at her 24 7 talking about her 24 7 like it's an obsession so she's like but i don't know why now she's like putting herself out in the open also talk about how to ruin someone's day oh i can just like feel that that like stomach drop like seeing someone you don't want to see or just like oh god especially when it sounds purposeful like no i don't know where they live but i'm assuming it's not the only you know street in the town i know and it's like one time okay it's gonna happen twice three times i i think she should confront her and be like hey like i would appreciate you not being everywhere i am you would have to i mean it's it's absolutely crazy and you knew about me i didn't know about you so you get out of here like you go mind your business like you're getting what you wanted i was blindsided by all of this get out get away from me yeah like i i feel like if anyone should if they are going to the same place if anyone has to find a new spot should be the person who really dropped a grenade in someone's life well it also sounds like the other girl has started disappearing i think she's got to say something and be like hey i don't feel comfortable with you here and i know who you are i know and um i really don't want to be around you a lot of people in the comments are questioning if it's possible she planted an air tag in your car oh jesus oh my god i know someone says she definitely planted the earrings and the scrunchie on purpose like one of them wasn't enough to make sure you'd find them dot dot dot and i didn't even i totally forgot about the fact that she's been in op's car yeah which is it feels violating it also like it is weird though it's hard to be in a public place and be like can you leave but it's like she has to confront her to make her know that like she does not feel comfortable with her around like you've already violated my life and i'd really appreciate you like giving me space and like go spend time with my ex yeah leave me alone and have fun with that take my husband you got him yeah he's nasty i don't want him anymore and watch out for other scrunchies in his car because the same way you get him is how you lose them that's what they say in the streets oh yeah no it's definitely gonna be the case this is like this is i wonder what's going on with him if it's like a small town because the people must be whispering this is like level 10 drama because also that it's like in new york if like i see someone i'm like i should not see anyone i know whenever i walk out no or then you are stalking me there's so many people there um we do get an update i love the updates they're kicking my feet thank you all for the advice i confronted my husband about it he said she's not showing up at the places i go to i'm the one going to places she frequents my husband used to be the one who took the kids out on weekends since he's virtually never home on weekdays i do school pick up and drop off and he does the fun stuff all of the places he used to take the kids to which i'm doing now since they're with me were suggested by her so that's where she buys the books the playground is where she used to take her nieces and nephews before their daughter was born she recommended the salon to him since my daughters and her have the same hair texture he says she used to go to the salon on sundays but only recently switched it to Saturdays when I take the girls. The ice cream place is apparently her favorite. So yeah, my dick of a husband had been taking our kids to his mistress's favorite spots. My kids already love going to all of those places and finding a salon that caters to our daughter's hair needs close to us will be difficult. He didn't show any remorse telling me about it and reminding me that it's a public space and she hasn't committed any crime. I'm just going to have to find better alternatives. Oh, I hope there's other ice cream spots for those poor kids. Like I want ice cream. But it's also it's like, OK, tell me when she gets her hair did tell me her schedule so that I know not to stalk her. Thank you. Like make this easier for us. Yeah. Why are you not making it easier on me? Also, the kids are related. That's awkward. They're good. I mean, just send them all together. Yeah, I'm sure there's discounts like this is unfortunately her life now going forward, which again, this is literally my worst nightmare. Yeah. I'm like cheat on me. Sure. But if you have a kid with someone while you cheat on me. Well, only men could have two families and get and like it works. I know. I wonder if there's any women out there that actually do because they got like eggs harvested. You know what I mean? Like accidentally. Well. That's happening now, too. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. It's just he's able to be like working all day and he has two women taking care of his separate families. Ayoyoyoyoy. It's not looking good. Or trying to think of solutions, trying to be solution based. I know. What could she do? It is giving small town 100 percent saying like finding another solution close to home is going to be really difficult. I think maybe there's a mature route where you go up to her and you're like, hey. I feel super uncomfortable. The whole thing's been pretty gross and weird for me. And I I feel violated by everything that's happened. I'm sorry. Going to try to not run into you. What is your schedule look like so we can comfortably not run into each other? I love that. In a respectful, nice way. As hard as it is to be the bigger person, I think it will make your life a lot better by doing that. And I always feel like at least communicating honestly gets you in less trouble than trying to like hint and like go around people. It could just be like, hey, when do you bring your kids around? Because I really would like to not be around during that time. I don't want to see you. You don't want to see me. So let's make this as easy as we can. I think the woman does want to see her. I want you. I think she wants to rub it in her face. I will. If you literally like if I was taking my kids out to ice and my ex showed up with his affair partner and they're. And we're playing happy go lucky house in front of me like the kids are going to run up and be like, daddy. No, the kids just make it so upsetting. I know she also Morgan's hilarious. She was like, we're doing only light, funny ones today. I know. What did I do? We got to get back on track. I forgot I had these in the tab. I know. But I lied. The gossip. I also who are these people who are like, let's write this one on Reddit. Reddit will figure this out for me. I can see how because there's like been times in my life where I'm like, it's too embarrassing to tell or ask a friend. I would way rather ask strangers. And that's why the subreddit is so good. It's so good because it's people who are too ashamed to say things. I know. Or their friends are just too in it to give them like genuine. Yeah. Yeah. Unbiased opinions. No. Okay. Let's get it back on track with this next one. I'm hoping we get another update from OP. I could see it happening. Real account, two years old, but we don't have anything right now. And OP does say the kids don't have any devices that would share location. So we're going to see how this one goes. Husband did make a conscious decision to be with her and have a child with her. It wasn't an accident. They actually decided to have a child together and did it. So this was a very deliberate choice. And he messed up. But I think OP is going to come out the other side. Yes. Happy, healthy, healed. Yes. And find someone that's way hotter anyways. Yes. Okay. Yes. Back on track. This next story is actually brought to you by Disney Plus and Hulu. Ah! Y2K called. We picked up because Disney Plus Hulu throwbacks is back for the season. Sequel. We've got Hannah Montana, Camp Rock, High School Musical, Lizzie McGuire, Aquamarine, all your faves. All your faves. Do you have a vintage fave? Oh my God. I loved Lizzie McGuire and all those weird basketball movies, like Double Team, which is a crazy name. There were so many good Disney original movies. Disney originals. I love them. Princess Diaries. Oh, you know, it was my number one. What's the cartoon? Kim. Impossible. So good. I loved Impossible. So good. This next one has to do with our girl, Hannah Montana. Oh, hell yeah. Miss Miley. It's coming from Am I the Asshole? Titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Niece the Truth About Hannah Montana? I have an eight-year-old niece, my sister, 28 females, kid. I'm 16 female. She thinks the Muppets are real. I was babysitting her yesterday and she was watching Hannah Montana on Disney Plus. And she thought Hannah and Miley were different people. I explained that actually it's the same person. She just wears a blonde wig. My niece started crying. And when my sister found out, she went mad. She says, I ruined my niece's childhood by telling her this. And she says that any normal aunt wouldn't tell her the truth. I think she's wrong, but I wanted to ask the sub for your opinions. Should she have minded her business? I think she should have minded her business, but I also think like it's not that dramatic. Isn't the whole point of Hannah Montana that she is the same person, but putting on a wig? Well, I think it's Hannah Montana is the same person putting on a wig, but then Miley Cyrus is a whole different person. I think we're just, she has to take it as like, you're not ruining her childhood. It's a learning moment that there's something called actors. And maybe you want to be an actor one day and Miley Cyrus does acting in Hannah Montana. Like there's layers to it. I do think sometimes it is hard as an aunt, as an experienced aunt. Okay. Flex on us. You do want to like have fun and make sure you don't overstep on what the parents are protecting. Oh yeah. No, I don't ever want to ruin anything. The Santa Claus stuff is serious. Our friend in the North Pole. It's very, very serious. Big deal. Big deal. Very serious. And you do not want to be that person, but I feel like Hannah Montana, that's childhoods aren't getting ruined. No. We're learning about acting. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. Because otherwise, like, what is she confused about? I also was a little too old for Hannah Montana where I kind of know what it's about, but. That's not true. I'm literally Googling how old you are. Wait, some people. Well, my age did watch Hannah Montana. I did. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're a millennial. Yeah. My friend, Lauren, is in between you and me. Yeah. And like Hannah Montana was her shit. So there's a girl who's a year younger than me who was like obsessed with Hannah Montana. And I was like, I've never, I've never watched it. I do think it was. It depends. Yeah. What were you watching? What was that? But like, like Camp Rock, I was too young for. I was too old for. And like. That's Lizzie McGuire makes sense then. The Honest Brothers, I was a little too old for. Yeah. No, same for that. Yeah. I just loved Miley. Yeah. Seems so cool. And her voice now, like I'll see videos of her singing and I'm like, holy shit. All of her rock covers. I know that you're wrong for me. Here you go again. I've been telling you since the last episode we did, it's time to start singing. You have opera in your blood. It is time. Don't. Why? I cannot sing. Yes, you can. Wait, you can sing. No, I can't. Yes, you can. If I can sing, you can sing. There is no difference. Ying and yang. Wait, is this from when I said that I think I could accidentally hit the wicked note? Yeah. And you gave us a little sample. That was such a phase I was in. I was like obsessed with trying to hit the wicked note. If you were going to sing karaoke right now, what would your song be? Wait, this is so horrible. My song always used to be remixed to Ignition. Ignition. Are there actual lyrics? It's the remix to Ignition. Hot and fresh out the kitchen. Mama rolling up. It was very easy to sing. Okay. Now, I do not represent or play that. I don't know what I do now. What would you align with? Maybe like I would do like a rap like Eminem or something. Mom, spaghetti. Okay, I can see that. I would do maybe a rap, but my mom sings jazz. Like my mom is a musician. I'm a talker. I don't sing from my diaphragm and that's they lost. - You can learn though, I honestly think you and Paige should put out a Christmas album? If we, if we, if I could sing, like, I would be so annoying. Like, I would be nonstop. Also, like, if I could do splits, like, if I could do the splits, I'd be in a split right now. You absolutely can. You just have to train. You haven't seen my hips. You're going to show me after this. Girl, I can barely touch my toes. It's genetic. No way. Yeah, it's genetic. You couldn't touch your toes right now? No. Okay. And I'm, like, trying. Do you go to yoga? I do yoga. I do Pilates. Just haven't. It's tight. I have a long torso. I feel like, like. Yeah. There's something off. Anatomically, maybe just impossible. If I could do splits, I would be doing, like, I would do nonstop, like, mid-conversation, drop into a split. Like. No, I have a friend that can. 100%. She does it. She does it. Literally, I have pictures of her at my wedding, drop down in the splits. All I would do is split. And, like, the universe couldn't handle that. She also can get her foot over her head. So, we'd be out at the club. And we'd be, like, standing around the booth, like, up on elevated surfaces, as girls do. And she would literally just constantly be sitting there with her, like, leg held up against her face with, like, a cocktail in her hand. If I could, I would, too. Whitney, man. So, I have respect for Whitney. Whitney. Shout out, Whitney. I know. With that leg. Oh, she worked that leg. I would love. That's actually going to be a goal for me for 2027. Not this year. Too busy. Too busy. But I'm going to get my foot behind my head. See, that's such a, like, former dancer thing to say. Did you dance? No. I literally signed up for dance for a couple months. And then when it came to the recital, I didn't want to perform in front of people. So, I quit. Obsessed with you. Now you perform for a living. And the song was that one Sierra song that everyone danced to. Well, all the dance team girls were like, one, two, step. I love it. That's the one I did. 15-year-olds dancing to that song. I was like, you go, girls. You go, girls. Oh, my God. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. So, I looked it up as well. And the entire premise is like that it's a superhero identity. Regular girl by day, rock star by night. So, it would be like telling me that Superman and Clark Kent is really the same person, which the movie makes clear. I think your sister is nuts with the you've ruined her life, whatever. Not like you said someone else was fake. But that's all we got. Thank you, Disney. Thank you, Disney. Rewind your favorite throwbacks from Disney Plus and Hulu. All of these and more now totally streaming. 18 plus only. Offer valid for eligible subscribers only. Terms apply. You know what else is on Hulu? Our girl. My special. June 5th is out. None of my business. None of my business. Hot takes. Are you so excited? I'm so excited. It feels like you like been painting. Something for a long time and you finally can like show. That was a bad metaphor. It's like a project they've been working on for so long to finally be like, there it is. How many times have you watched it? Oh, my God. Like going through the edits and the edits was really intense because taking a live show to then make it into like something you watch is not that it's like someone filming Broadway and then being like, OK, now make it into a film. So I was and I'm really into editing. So I was like in the editing room because you could. Things could become unfunny with the wrong edits. There's so much storytelling and editing that people don't realize. And no one cares about it the way you care about it. So like it was like edited the first round. And I'm like, we got to go through this with a fine tooth comb. And you filmed in Toronto, right? I filmed in Toronto. Which like such a fun city. So fun. It was freezing in February, but like so worth it because the comedy crowd in Toronto is incredible. And you do two shows and then you have to like edit it together. That's crazy. Yeah. And you're fit. Oh, my God. I ripped my corset like three times during it. Worth it. I saw you post on your story, you going and seeing your billboard. Oh, yeah. And like that fit full size, full screen. Crazy. Like what? 60 foot screen and three of you. Well, I want to show that girls can be funny and sexy and depressed and bosses like so many things. You don't have to be the ugly side friend to be funny. I appreciate that. Yeah. The Duff. The Duff. Yes. That was like crazy marketing. That was like, I can't believe we were stuck in the Duff phase for so long. I remember seeing that and being like, I'm not watching this movie. This is insane. I can't be a part of this. Which is a designated ugly funny friend. I think it's fat. Oh, God, that's even worse. Or it might not be. Wait. I don't want to know. It's just going to hurt my feelings. It's one of them, but it's basically being like, oh, my God. I'm like, oh, you have one. No. It's so bad. It's just calling someone ugly. I like how we've become more girls, girls these days. Girls, girls. Yes. Girls, girls. Yes. It just feels so happy and healthy. And our last one is kind of along that vibe. Love. And it actually reminds me of your friend, Sierra. Oh, my God. What's happening? What isn't happening right now over in that world? It's insane. I also love seeing all these videos being like, Hannah was right. Hannah was right. Here we are. How many years later? Hannah was right. And I'm like, yes. Oh, God. It is funny because it's like WWE where like people thought a certain way. Now they're like turning. So it is. Look, it is kind of funny. It's insane. Because I remember when we first met, you were like leaving that behind you and doing the podcast. Doing therapy. Doing a lot of therapy. And you. We don't have to keep this in if you don't want it. But I remember you just being like, I got a bad at it. I'm just like, come here. Come here, babe. But it is crazy how like things come to light. And for anyone who feels like they feel misunderstood or things didn't go their way, keep focusing on you. Don't wish bad on other people. Don't try to get revenge. Focus on you. And things. It might take a while. It might take a long time. You got to be patient. Hey, you did say you believe in karma. Things will work itself out. And I have a couple more things that need to be worked out. But for now. I got some other stuff I'm working on. But for now, it's just do focus on what you can control. And reality TV is something that I couldn't control. No. It just like really does speak to the stay in your lane. Keep doing you. Be a good person. And like everything good. If you are good, we'll come to you because you have just. I mean, your career is just it's mind blowing. Like it is so amazing to see how and you work your ass off like nothing comes easy. Like you grind. You are probably one of the hardest workers I know. Thank you. But I also think like having ups and downs in your career like helps you be humble, helps you lose your ego and helps you get a little chip on your shoulder to be like, I actually do want to like get this and accomplish this. Yeah. If you're just at peace, you're not. If you're not touring 70 cities, that's not a person. I was going to ask you how many you did because literally you were doing double headers. 70 cities. A line everywhere. Yeah. In one year. Yes. But you know what? Being on tour is fun because you like aren't really living life. You get to be in this like like you almost aren't stressed because you're just trying to make it to the next flight. No. And get on stage on time. And shit gets canceled and there's weather. It's constant. Like the cortisol is not good, but like you're not sitting alone with your own thoughts. Like you're just always on the run. But then at some point you're like, I need to actually like see my friends, see my family, like live my life. And 70 cities and a huge successful podcast and married life and friends. I love work. You do too. Like this is what brings us joy. I do love it most days. Most days. Most days. There's ups and downs. Like the highs are really high. The lows are really low. Yeah. But it's like it's what I enjoy right now. But I'm not going to tour forever. Like you can't be like, you know, 75. I'm not going to live with my cat like on tour. So essentially go to Hulu and watch her while she's hot. Go to Hulu, watch my special. Message me. Tell me your favorite jokes. I love to hear what people like connected with. The grinding one you've teased. I'm already just like, well, it's so good. Should I post the full one first of the grinding bit? Or do you feel like people already like kind of got the joke? I mean, there's a lot more to the joke. I feel like I should put the whole joke first because I love that joke so much. It is iconic. Oh my God. Thank you. And just the way like your body comedy. From what I've seen of this special is like up another level. I do think like physically and mentally, I was more comfortable in my skin on stage. That's just from doing more comedy. So I was like a little bit of a looser goose. Oh my God. I'm so excited. Thank you. Literally this episode comes out and your special drops. I'm going to be sitting there in my app, just refreshing. You're the best. And to have like such a badass like you supporting me is really warms my heart. It really warms my heart. Okay. This last one. This last one for us coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Changing My Outfit for a Friend's Birthday Dinner because my ex said his new girlfriend would be uncomfortable. I, 24 female, and my ex, Ryan, 26 male, broke up about eight months ago. It was mutual. No big blow up. We just ran our course. We have the same friend group, so we both made the effort to stay cool with each other. And honestly, it's been fine. After the breakup, I had a few rough months. dramatic, I just kind of lost myself a little bit. The last three or four months though, I've genuinely felt better. Eating properly, going to the gym consistently, therapy every two weeks. I'm not trying to make this about my appearance, but I feel more confident than I have in years and it shows. Our friend Danielle had a birthday dinner last weekend. Group reservation at a nice restaurant. About 12 people. I was excited. I bought a new dress for it. Nothing crazy, just a nice fitted dress. Appropriate for a dinner out. Two days before the dinner, Ryan, my ex, texted me privately asking if I could, quote, dress it down a bit for the night. I asked what he meant. He said his new girlfriend, Jade, would be there and she had already seen a photo of me from another recent outing and was feeling anxious about meeting me and he just wanted the mood. I read that three times. I told him I bought the dress for Danielle's birthday dinner and I was wearing it. He said he wasn't trying to fight about it. He was just asking as a courtesy and that I was making it into something bigger than it was. I said asking me to change my outfit so your girlfriend feels better about herself is not a small ask. He left it at that. The dinner was fine. Jade was perfectly fine. I said, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym. Nothing weird happened. Ryan was a bit off with me the whole night, but we managed. Now, two of our friends think that I could have just worn something else and kept the peace. The others think that Ryan had absolutely no business sending that text. Am I the asshole? But they didn't even know what she was going to wear anyway. She could have been like, this is the looser dress. Just tone it down. Crazy. This is triggering. I don't know. I'm about to freak out. Dress it down. There's so many different elements of it. First of all, there's no way the girlfriend wanted him to tell her that. No. Why are you doing your girlfriend dirty like that? Like she can say like, hey, I'm insecure. Like she's really pretty. What? That's such a man thing to be like, wear a baggy outfit, like as if that's going to make her less pretty. Also, if I was going to a dinner that I knew my ex-boyfriend was going to be at and my ex texted me saying, can you just look a little gross, uglier? Oh, that would go to my head. Also, that's very controlling behavior. Telling a girl to type in your girlfriend how she can dress. Mind your business. Get out of here. Also, is he literally like, hey, you're too hot. You're too hot. I mean, I would be like, that would make my head big. I'd be like, okay, clearly I'm that girl. That's what I'm saying. I'm that girl. So take it as a compliment. You're that girl. But he's a damn mess. I know. And Jade probably didn't even want that smoke. And yeah. And Jade did not want to be part of this. Leave Jade out of it. And great name. And who are these friends being like, you should have worn something. What? Like, is he picking out my wardrobe every morning? It's weird. We've been broken up for eight months now. This reminds me once an ex told me I like couldn't go to a comedy club that he goes to. And I was like, I'm a comedian. Like, you can't tell me. Funny. I'm out of the relationship with you, but they're still trying to control you. And I'm like, bro, you don't have tabs on me anymore. I'm not accessible to you anymore. There's no way Jade wanted that anyway. No. And Jade seems like she's actually like a cool girl. Like, she's already seen a photo of me from another outing and was feeling anxious about meeting me, wanted it to go smoothly. Jade's not being like, oh, my God. Like, it doesn't sound like Jade is talking shit. But I wonder if Jade knows if all the friends know that he did this. I wonder. Because I would be pissed. I would be like, why did you do that to me? Also, there's no way Jade would have acted normal knowing that he texted her that. That's true. Yeah. Because I would have been even more anxious around that person. Oh, if my partner did that to me, it's like you just made me look so insecure. So. I'm also surprised she told him, though. Let's get some more. Let's get some more acting in our relationships. Never tell a man that you're insecure because his ex is pretty. I literally only saw a picture of my husband's ex like a year ago. Like, I think we finally got married and I was like, what does your ex look like? Yeah. Also, part of me is like, I want his ex to be hot. Yeah. Like, I'm like, I want a man who has taste. Thank you. I want him to be like, yeah, this is the level of, you know, lady that I like to be around. Like, he's out kicking his coverage. If he's with a gross ex, I'd be like, oh, no, is that me? Like, yeah, no, I want you to like, have hot exes. I want a man who's a sommelier of sexy women. Yes. Yes. The title of the episode. Sommelier. That's literally, some male podcasters going to hear that and be like, that's a rebrand. It's like a new, like, dating advice book. Sommelier of sexy women. Don't give them ideas, Hannah. I do have a little thing, though. I don't like when a guy's like, dated blondes before me. I don't like that. What do you have against us? Because then I'm like, oh, okay, we're done here. No, but do you have a type? Like, I want the girls before me to look like me. Oh. I want them to have some, like, similar hair, similar body type. Okay. To be like, okay, I'm clearly, this is what he's into. I know some guys are more random. Yeah. But the men that I've, like, if you put all my men in a lineup, you'd be like, yeah. It fits. All these guys are pretty similar. And I do think, you know, guys will have one offs. But I don't think the long-term relationships, even, like, if his celebrity crush, for example. Yeah. That actually says a lot about a dude. Says a lot. I actually got really nervous once asking a guy whose celebrity crush was this. Okay. For example, like, when I was younger, this guy said his celebrity crush was J-Lo. I was happy with that because I was like, I have a fat ass. She is a fat ass. We're brunettes. We are, I think she's a Leo. I'm like, this is great. Like, I feel like I could understand You got it. How he got there. But if it's, like, a shy blonde. That's not me. That's, babe, you're. Barking up the wrong tree. Let's not do this. Like, if your ex only dated brunettes, I mean, your boyfriend or husband only dated brunettes, would that make you feel a type of way at all? No, it's honestly, I saw his ex. There's two types of women in the world. He dated his, like, he was, like, literally with his high school sweetheart until, like, junior year of college. And then found out she was music and literally, like, in the booth was rapping, like, I'm fucking your girl and you don't even know it. And then he, like, accidentally found, like, an iMessage popped up on her computer while she was on a run. That's how he found out. So. Where can I watch that movie? I know. I saw a picture of her about a year ago, maybe, maybe a year and a half ago now. I don't even know. But no, it's fine. I'm like, fine. And then the girl he dated right before me, her name was Morgan. So he went from Morgan to Morgan. That was a little weird. I'm like, whose name are you saying during sex right now? I know. Which one? Which Morgan are you thinking of? Morgan's one or two. And who's one or two? Well, I'd be two. She came first. Which chicken or the egg? She was first. I also, like, when I break up with a guy and then he ends up with a girl who also looks like me, then I'm like, he's literally obsessed with me. Okay. I have a girlfriend. I'm like, move on, you creep. That. I have a girlfriend that every single girl this guy has dated after her clones. Like, yeah, he seeks out women that look like her. I once there was a dated who his mom came up to me thinking I was his new girlfriend because I look so similar to his current girlfriend. And I was like, nope. But look, he knows what he likes. What do you think about the saying that guys will try to go after people that look like their moms? That one I hate. I could see a little bit of an Oedipus complex thing happening, potentially. I have a theory, one weird theory of that is I think you go for people that smell like you, like a pheromone thing. Like, I think my husband smells like my family. There's studies on this. Yeah. Like, I smell him like his, his like, just like his forehead. If I smell his forehead, I'm like, it reminds me of home. That's beautiful. Yeah. This got so, so sweet. That's absolutely beautiful. No, you are actually, you're more attracted to people that are genetically similar to you. Yeah. So I don't know if it's exactly looks. And it's funny because like, I don't, I think, I like guys who were like confident or outgoing, like my dad, but like, I, I ended up, I love guys with blue eyes. There's no man with blue eyes in my family. So I, that's just, um, that's just my kink. I'm just, you know, some people have torso dolls. I like blue eyes. Well, you ended up with the right guy. You ended up with the right guy. I cannot wait to get him on the podcast. He's going to be so fun. Oh my God. He actually has a special coming out soon. So yeah. Well, there we go. We got to pay attention to yours right now and we'll give him his time to shine. Eventually. It's fine. Don't talk about him. Where can people find you? This has been absolutely so much fun. Incredible. Everywhere. Um, my specials out on Hulu. I know we're going to link it. It'll be in the description. So easy to find. You're the best. And yeah. And listen to Giggly squad. I know. I know. Before we started, Hannah was like, I tried to get paid. We almost got Paige on. One of these times. Paige is coming to LA tonight. night um we'll get it we'll get her we'll get it i'm chattier we'll get more champagne we'll do it again yeah it's all good but make sure you watch the special i'm gonna be like sharing clips that hannah post like we we are all gonna be like kiki ha ha's together thank you i wish we could do like a are you gonna do a live watch party i don't know i still have to figure out what i'm gonna do for the day we'll chat we'll figure it out we all need to like do maybe a book club after we watch this you know kind of like a recap of like how do we feel like are we laughing what was your favorite part oh yeah we needed like a uh none of my business book club after we're gonna we're gonna chat friends we're gonna chat yeah but thank you guys so much for being here another episode check out hannah especially the special and until next time guys bye you