Hey everybody, I'm on the road, Spokane Washington, Europe next August 20th through the 22nd doing five shows at Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane Washington. I love that club. I was out there last year, and this year I'm going to be back with some new, some very new jokes and maybe a couple of from the last hour that you liked. Regardless, August 20th through August 22nd, Spokane Comedy Club in Spokane Washington, DanSotar.com for tickets, Empire Comedy Club. I'm going to be there in Portland, September 10th through the 12th. I'm going to be at Empire Comedy Club in Portland, Maine, DanSotar.com for tickets. Those are the dates. All my dates are at DanSotar.com. Go there to see where I'll be until the end of the year because we've got it all mapped out. Thanks for watching the episode. Hope you guys enjoy it. This is awesome because, first off, for all I haven't seen you in fucking years. It's been forever. It's been forever. Which I've been watching all the specials and all that. Yeah, dude. I watched. We did an HBO special the same year. You did, for that high school in Compton, which had to have been I always wanted to ask you about filming that because you filmed it at sundown. Like the sun was going down. We shot it so the sun could come down while we was on stage. Let me just ask somebody. Yeah, it was who, Drod's idea. That sounds like a Drod idea because it sounds extremely difficult to replicate more than once because he was like, how did you, what did you do for the other show? You're just like, we have to wait for sundown and then like, no, we just, we didn't, it wasn't time. So wherever it went. But for me, a lot of my specials, I've like, I'll pick a show. Yeah. So I don't need to necessarily combine both. Really? You don't use any edits or anything? No, I'd be like, nope. First show. Damn. You don't Frankenstein anything? Nope. Not even sometimes. I just filmed going, we're starting to edit my Netflix special and I'll be like, completely Mr. Word. I'll just be like, I'll dub, dub, dub, and I'm like, I mean, that's like a show. So the last special I taped the one I did on my own, I only did one show and when I taped this much pressure. No, it's not. It's what you do. I know it is, but I also, I think it's more pressure when somebody's like, do another show and it's like, no. All that material. Yeah, I know. Going through the material again, it does suck. It is a suck going through it, but there is a feeling of one show where you go, if this fucking doesn't go well, whoever comes to my second show usually get a regular comedy show. Really? So you do the first one is like, first one is like, I'm just, I'm getting it in. I do it like, almost like, it's my first note of the night where the second one I'm going to be smoother on it. So I'm like, my second show I'm kind of like, that goes as long as you want to go. The first one, I'm like, he looks so beautiful. I'm like excited about the licensure. That's funny. Yeah. No, I always worry. The first one, I'm always like, me. And the second one, I'm like, smoking a cigarette. I mean, you want to get that shit over. Yeah. I had to be in like, you guys want to talk about my dog. Cool. I got some dog material. I mean, the first hour I had, you know, Kevin Hart had produced, he was, we was arguing about this. Like, right. You got to do two shows. I'm like, nigga, I don't want to do two shows. I just want to do one show. Well, you got to do two shows, and then I'm like, it's probably going to be the first show. We'll see. And then we shot it. And he was like, it was the first show. You got it this time. Like, yeah. I know me. Like, yeah. I like to do, all my energy, the excitement is in that first show. I know people to do, like, six shows. Yeah. That's crazy. Can't do that. Because that by the sixth one, you just go like, you know what I mean? Give it a six. I'm not going to lie. I think if I locked out and opened with that, yeah, my crack, this is the way you said it. You guys ever have six just lean into it Carlos, it's great to me you mix. You're fucking hilarious. Thank you. I've known well forever. But I've just been a fan of yours, 85 South Show fucking rules, UDC and Chico are fucking so funny. This is one of those clips where you're like, they did it. They replicated hanging out with your friend in the bit fucking living room. Yeah. And just kicking it. So I watch those shows and I'm always like, this is fun as hell. Yeah, man. I would just watch the episode you did with Will Sassos. Oh, yeah, with Chris Van Valle. Yeah. Chris is, dude, what's Chris about meeting Will Sassos? That's one of those, like, come out of the TV moments where I watched him on Mad TV. I've been a fan of his favorite. Yeah. Doing Kenny Rogers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All the shit that he used to do, what he would do, like, you forget, he did the sopranos. He did, like, a perfect, he's what it up, most underrated sketch, whatever, ever like you can go off Mad TV and pick like four that you're like, if they would have played in the league, they would have gone to SNL, like Frank Aliendo. He was dope. He does everybody perfect. And the guy that plays through it too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck, what's his? Michael McDonald's. Yeah. Is this name Michael McDonald's? That's so funny. Michael McDonald, I know he got him. It is Michael McDonald. And the agent later, they played Lois. Oh, um. Looked like a man. Yeah, she does miss, uh, miss swan, Alex Borsting. Yeah. She had the Mad TV really happy. She was, um, what's the hit show that was on AMC, uh, she, she ended up winning awards for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. Those motherfuckers auditioned me like 40 times in a way that I was like, is this a bit? Who? Miss, the Miss Maselle show. For real? Yeah. Cause I got, I got 1940s white dude face. Look at me. They think they bring me in and I couldn't be like, well, that's all dawn on. Yeah. But they would call me and be like, we need you to audition on set right now. I'm going to do my serious sex I'm show. Like they would call me in a weird way that I'd be like, I don't think I think you guys are fucking with me. Phil Lamar. Yeah. Yeah. The black dude. Yeah. He did a lot of cartoon voices, like a lot of, a lot of cartoons. Man, him doing Rick James. Yeah. So funny. Yeah. It would even like it was a great Rick James, but it was good enough. It's one of those ones. Or if you get a couple of the inflections, yeah, all those historical things. If you get like a sentence or two and it sounds right, you go. Yeah. Oh, that sounds exactly like him. People slept on the original characters though. That Kenny Rogers that will did was insane. Yeah. It was insane. Well, it's like a, it's like I think people got so good at mimicking voices now that if you don't like Jay Farrow body it, just where it's completely perfect, people go and you go, no, back in the day, they would kind of do like an inflection or one or two sentences or like that. I could see that being said. It feels supposed to be a parody. Yeah. Yeah. Kenny Rogers story. I met the real Kenny Rogers. Really? I used to work concerts security when I was like 17 in Denver. And I worked at the back lot like letting in the people, but I had to see their lanyard. That was like the only thing I knew I had to do was like, you need to show me your lanyard. You need just a little fucking Caesar cut in my fucking G show it to me like yellow T-shirt on me like, I need to see your lanyard. And then this, this like expedition rolls up, right? And the driver's like, I don't have a lanyard. And I was like, I can't let you in if you don't have a lanyard in the passenger seats like laid down. And then the passenger seats sits up and he goes, I'm Kenny Rogers. Yeah. Holy shit. You are Kenny Rogers. Go ahead. You see the way he fucking popped up was so funny. He got a house for Atlanta, a house in Atlanta is for sale, they shaped like a good toy. Who's gonna buy that? Nobody can afford it. It's like 80s flat. I think it's probably like for me, you know, there's some shit. But the only lawyer is a shaped like a good toy. You would have to selling your wife on the idea of buying a guitar shaped house. You guys spent four million. Now, you know, I can't sing, but you know, I like music. It's a guitar like selling low sell in her own, I don't want to say it. She shows up. It's Kenny Rogers. That, if that didn't get a pop out divorce or a media, as I was saying, you went a lot of, Princeton didn't make a house like that. Fuck, because he was, you ever seen Rick James' house in Buffalo at the height of his fame? It's fucking wild. It's just like a suburban house. It's just like a suburban house that he had, like everything finished on, like, can you Google it? Because it's so funny. I don't know anything. That's where Eddie Murphy was snowed in. It snowed in there, right? He made a party all the time. With @RickJames' house in Buffalo, but when you see it, you go like, there's another one. That's like, I think, his older one. I'm trying to, there's like one from the 80s. But even this one isn't even like that crazy, you know what I mean? Like, you imagine, you thought he would be-- Yeah, you go Rick James' house. I thought it would be like-- One point for me. A lady's leg. Yeah. Like, a lady's leg. Titties. Like, the Titties' house. Yeah. He goes, "My guest, my master bedroom's the left nipple and it's the left area." Yeah, because people in the 80s were building houses that didn't age well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That was like the real custom year house shit where people go. They weren't thinking about reselling. Yeah, you see all those houses, like half of it's underground and shit. And you see those? Yeah. Or you go down and you go indoor pool in this house doesn't work. You would carpet around it. Yeah. Some fucking 80s shit. No, you never like Barry Gort. So, you know, our movie, we shot at that Barry Gorty's first mansion. No way. In Detroit. Wait, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go check it out. These two Tiffany Haddish, Angela Andrew Bachelorette, my nom's King Boc, stack, stack cast, and fill with the next video.
and Detroit. - That probably place was haunted 'cause the way he ripped people off of those contracts. - He's a second person. - I don't think he did. Like nobody really said anything about Barry Gordon. Everybody else has called it over the years. He's old enough where this is a good time to be like Barry Gordon played me. - I'll tell you what, there's some dudes that caught at old that surprised me. Specifically Hugh Heffner, I kind of knew, but then that series and I was like, oh, this is way worse. And then now they do it. - He was way too dead, though. - Yeah, Bob Barker, they're bustin' out now all the racist evidence that you never hold black contestants. - Right. - It's crazy. - You see what I mean? - He was like, the black dude, you know what, it feels like when you watch kids play flag football and they go to. - Bob Barker was in the black football. - I didn't even, did he point it it out? It was like, oh my God. - You see it and you go, oh fuck. - He told one lady, don't touch it. (laughing) - He really didn't have that like, it's like playing tag and you just barely don't get that. But Barry Gordy, you're right. Barry Gordy never caught it, but you, you can, a quick Google will show you, Barry Gordy had some fucked up contracts. Like that, 'cause that was what. And by the way, that's what everyone did back then, son records. - But you know what's funny about. I think Barry Gordy, if you call him, he'd be like, you get me. - That's what I mean, that's like that old school. - Like, well, he go, that's the kind of corruption we need. Bring that back. - Yeah. - This is too, it's going like this. - You got me. (laughing) - What do we got to do to make this right? - Six, dude. I think we should title up the, what do we got to do to make this right law? Where they go, if you call out corruption and they got you, they go, what do we got to do to make this right? (laughing) - That's like, bye guys, be back. These, or they compliment your intelligence, they go, yeah, you're a smart guy. You saw all that, huh? But Barry Gordy in contracts where they couldn't, like once you left Motown, you couldn't-- - Recall it anywhere else. - Anywhere else. - That's not true, though. - Or eat, I'm gonna Google it, 'cause even your songs. - Yeah, the Jackson's did it. - Yeah, but you think Joe Jackson-- - They were like his nephews, though. - Yeah, and you think Joe Jackson is not gonna let-- - Joe Jackson, Joe Light. - Look here, man. (laughing) - He shut the door. Barry goes, "Jackson, five of you going anywhere, shut the door." He's like, let's have a conversation, Barry. 'Cause Joe Jackson probably fucked his shit up. That's what, I think that's a lot of this, the Michael Juski to that hilarious sketch of the biopic about Joe Jackson. - Yeah, yeah. - But in those days, if you were on a record label, you had to have a dad that was gonna beat the shit out of me. - Yeah, somebody who can go in there with whom and say, "What do we got to do with this?" (laughing) - That's what I mean. Like, you know-- - But he takes a slick shit like, well, you know, we cannot leave or-- - You can not leave. - I can show everybody your books. - Yeah, that's a great one. You're gonna get the money goes. - You some bitch go blow this whole thing up. And he goes, "Or they give 'em options?" - Option one. (laughing) - Option one, we sit here and we have a nice conversation. Option two, show 'em the books. (laughing) - You can give me four million dollars. (laughing) - We leaving. (laughing) - Why, you leave. - Yeah, we need to, let's bring back old school corruption. - Being able to throw the cherry on top. - Yeah. - The choice is yours. (laughing) - I leave it in your hands. - Yeah, that really is. Fuck it. - I know you do the right thing, man. - I know you do the right thing. You know what I'm saying? I was saying this on stage this weekend, but the over the two happy handshake? - Yeah. - Where they're grabbing both of your hands. (laughing) And they're like, "You sure did make the right choice?" (laughing) "I wanted to sell a house." That's like a haunted house. And when you sold it to someone, you get one of those handshakes. - Oh boy, you sure won't regret this. - Man, that house was crazy though. - Yeah, it's a lot of, how long did you guys have it for? - It's a lot of memorabilia in there. - Yeah, it's like not in the museum. - Yeah, no, the guy who bought it kept basically everything. It's like Barry Gordy just left, like he just like, "Look, I'm done with the joint." He just left. - Toss the keys. - Left somewhere? - Yeah. - I'm getting an apartment in Miami. This is the fuck out of here. - The furnace is still, the furnace you got, we said earlier, that you had to build a house around. Is that? - Damn. - That meant it was gonna work, forever. - Yeah, the fucking tunnel is like 200 feet long. - Where'd it go? - From the pool house to the main house. - So when you guys write this movie, right? And you know, you're gonna film it in a haunted house. At what point does it become? Barry Gordy's fucking left behind mansion. It would be cool if you guys caught the glow. - I would. - If you found out that was where the last dragon, the whole thing came from. (laughing) And we go, "Karl, let's take a look at this." What is it? It's like an emulant. And you're like, "You got that bone, you feel the pain." - Can you start doing that for me? ♪ Confirmation ♪ - That's a lot. - Okay, we do a long-- - Team Mark Shosa. - We do a long road trip. As I get older, it's pretty obvious I should have learned a second language. I think it was for a while, I was just shading it, being like, "Nah, dude, I don't wanna learn that." Well, it's America. But now that I'm traveling, I'm like, damn, I should know one of the romantic languages, whether it be French, Spanish, or Italian. I should know one of 'em. And even if I have just 10 minutes a day, that's where Babble helps out. Babble can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks. Instead of them making you memorize random vocabulary, you learn phrases you use, ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. Talking with the locals, you know. No more than two phrases. 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[email protected]/soder. We do a real long road trip in Christmas and we drive to Chicago to see her family and then we drive to Denver to see my family. - Yeah, you know what I'm supposed to do? You're a firecast, but you had a road trip. - Yeah, I was in, that's what I was thinking. - It was a real thing, right? - Yeah, it's like three weeks. It's fun as hell. I know, you're supposed to do my show. - That's what it was. - Yeah, and I was driving out. But I'll put the iPhone on random. And I got Barry Gordy's the last drag and soundtrack on my phone, obviously. And her hearing the Glow song for the first time, she was like, what is this? And then knowing every, you get the glow. You got the glow and she was like, you know this. And I was like, you don't know the last drag. - Willie Hutch, man. - Is that who did it? - Willie Hutch, that dude is a legend, man. - One of the best songs ever made, man. - It is. - But he made songs for all types. Like, he made some of the greatest, like, for the movie The Mac, right? All those, I choose you, all that. - You did the whole soundtrack. - Yeah. - And he did that for the. - Like, was he signing the Motel? - Well, if he was, I don't know, we're gonna do that. - But he's one of those people that die rich. I do the, 'cause I'm a Willie Hutch fan. So I like, I dove into him. I'm like, what's happening? - Three six mafia, we made a lot of his songs. - I choose you, yeah. - Yeah. - A lot of his music. - A lot of his stuff that, yeah. - That's funny. He was going on. And this is Willie Hutch from The Mac. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a cool ass, but those songs are iconic. Like, if you watch Last Dragon, you know that whole soundtrack. - You got the glow, the glow, the glow, the glow, the glow, the glow, the glow, the glow. - You got the glow, you got the glow, you get it. - You ain't my brother. - Yeah. - You're just a sucker. - He looked old in it, but he looked old in it once they turned back. - Right. - There's a, there is a, they better not remake that. It's like, they come up and they have these ideas to remake these classic movies. That's one that doesn't need to be touched. - Last Dragon perfectly encapsulates the 80s martial arts madness that was in the United States. - The only way you could remake that, if I'm honest, you got a co-borkiet. - Oh, take it from the show enough perspective. - We're not just from the show enough perspective, but just like, have them be the grownups, and then like, yeah.
You're really coming back and realizing maybe show enough wasn't a bad guy. Yeah. Damn it. Who plays show enough, though? Deon Cole. That's a good fucking show. I'm sorry. You thought you thought about it. I thought about it. I'm not over as I was saying. If you really make it Deon Cole, if you do it, if you do it as a series like they did Cobra Cat. This is a series. I promise you it'll be. I'm just pitching you stuff, right? If you do old show enough, like retired show enough is Deon Cole where he like regrets what he did. Yeah. And Bruce Lee Roy. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you was. I was thinking to say they. Yeah. Yeah. You're that the Cobra card. By the way, that fucking show ruled because they did that. I fucking love this. You watch Cobra card. You're like, oh, you guys. Yeah, that makes sense. That was the greatest reboot of anything. I'm fresh. I'm fresh. A fresh take on an old thing. It's fucking. It was brilliant. It was made it even more brilliant is that they played it on as shit. It's like like the wife being like, why y'all taking a karate so serious? It was so brilliant, man. Yeah. And they were able to hype up the all valley under 18 karate tournament in a way that didn't go like, because I remember when you watched that like in the early 2000s, you'd be like, what the fuck? Just a bunch of kids karate fighting each other and then just a random old Japanese dude hanging with your son. That's what I mean. That's what I mean. And then you wrote your BMX bank to the karate tournament. I wanted, man, my question and this is just an honest question is how many kids got abducted or abused because they thought they were about to learn karate? You remember Mr. Wiz? That show wasn't weird. The white man doing science and he would just go through a random grocery store and be like, hey, want to see an experiment? And he would take him back to the house and they'd build a volcano in the show. You don't remember? Mr. Wiz. That's in the same part of my brain that remembers 321 contact. Do you remember that? Yeah. 321 contact. It's like a science show where they'd be like, buoyancy. They'd be like, all right, I'm going to learn about buoyancy. Water vapor. 80s and 90s, they were just kind of like, when you're a free-range kid, you just had to come home when the sun was down. Yeah. But that's when they first started snatching kids for real in the 80s, right? Oh, I bet. Like, you know what? You don't want to pull it up? No. No. I bet it was way worse. 40s, 50s, because you know why? Parents could just go, well, they ran off and joined the circus, where really he's got abducted. We've probably jumped on the railroading, rode off the Indiana. That's what he is. He's living on the tracks now. We got to just make another kid. He's a hobo. And then someone in the 70s went, I want my kid back. And then that's when all the kid napping and that's the -- Put him on the milk cart. Yeah. That's what -- But you remember on different strobes, they had to pervert at the bike shop. Dude, we talk about that. Big J and I, he's talking about that. That's it. I'm not joking. That's how many times we go. Crazy episodes. Sam, I will kill your family. Do you remember when he says that to the kid? Who knows? Then he leans in and goes, "I will murder." I think it's a kill. I will kill you. We sat there. It was two different -- They did two different generations of that type of shit. Yeah. Because then -- Maybe Dutley got -- Yeah. When Dutley got caught up in the shit. Like, that's crazy. Dutley and Sam. The Sam shit was like a serial killer. Yeah, that was like -- That guy was like -- He couldn't talk. Remember, he was like, "Why are you being weird around him?" And then finally, when the guy like revealed how evil he was, as a kid -- You were like, "Oh, that was dastardly." Man, they would throw in the messages in them. Yeah, they did it all the time. I remember, like -- I wonder what show they was trying to work on. And he's like, "Look, throw in the different strokes." That's how it was. I was like, "Hey, you guys want to take the guys to murder their family?" They were new on cheers. But it doesn't hit as hard. You know, we got the murder episode next week. Yeah. That was -- That's always the funniest part when they did that documentary about the Dana Carvichot and they showed the different changing sponsors of it. Yeah. And they did a serious -- There's a moment where there's like an ad for a serious home improvement, where about like, one of them's got cancer and he's like, "I don't want to die, die, dad." And then the guy's like, "Followed by the mug-diet root beer, Dana Carvichot and we had no business following that." They got -- they used to get so serious on sitcoms. Yeah. Cross-overs. And the seriousness left sitcoms. Oh, you remember the episode of "Roseanne?" And "Jackie" was getting beat by the -- And then beat shit out of the dude. I'm going to tell you right now, obviously, "Roseanne" did "Nage Well," similar to Hulk Kogan. But the power that that couched with that blanket had come on, man, me. Because also, "Roseanne" is from where I grew up. "Roseanne" is from Aurora, Colorado. She really got big and Denver, but they made the show in Illinois, lying for Illinois. But I watched it and I was like, "This feels -- it just felt like an old -- sweater you would put -- old sweatshirt you put on, it was comfortable." And then they would throw some topics that you were like, "What the fuck?" Remember how they ended the show? That fucking "Dan" died of a heart attack? Yeah. Everything she was thinking. The last year was a dream and you were like, "That should have told everybody that love it." And "Jackie" had a wife. That's what it was. She became lesbian. And "Dan" DJ just disappeared. DJ was gone. They had a -- they had a different blanket. And "Darling" was not even there. So we also bring up, if we're talking about sitcoms, the substitution of characters, "Second Ant Viv." Come on. That was a weird -- different husband on -- the second husband on "Married with Children." That was weird. Darcy? Exactly. Darcy coming in, you go, "I like the first guy." The nerdy guy. Darcy saw hot. Yeah. The women was all on him and he was clearly jeeped, no? I would probably say out of all the sitcoms, "Married with Children" really did prep you for adulthood of this kind of like -- Man, that's one of my favorite shows of all times, "Married with Children." Remember it? Let's rock. Yeah, dude. Al Bundy, I remember I wanted to watch any show that my mom was like, "I don't think you should be watching this show." So the director of "Married with Children" director, Carmichael Show and my show? Yeah. Really? Yeah. He did "Little Rell" and he did. He did. He did. Carmichael Show. But he still has some of that old-school director shit in it. I'm glad I ain't saying this day because I can tell the story because I ain't saying this day. Look it up, man. Don't IMDb him. Yeah. Me and Justin are doing like a -- We did a crazy episode of "Fregic Douglass, Dragonslayer," whatever they like. Yeah. I can't wait with some stupid shit. People didn't want to air the episode of "Cities." Like, this is ridiculous. Like, Black people's protests in my episode, I'm like, damn. But anyway, me and Jeff -- Who was it just to take on the Abraham Lincoln, me? I have "Fregic Douglass" make? Yeah, that's all it was. I was. That's exactly what it was. It was a take on the Abraham Lincoln. That's exactly what I did. I'm like, what if a black -- You know what I'm saying? That's hilarious. Yeah. Why can't you -- That's hilarious. Yeah. Why can't you hear historical figures hunt the undead? We're serious about our stories. You know? Yeah. That's how you can tell us why we're so fucked up is we're so flippant with it. Yeah. Who's important to us? We have "Fregic Douglass" making out with Harriet Tubman, right? That's -- Okay. And so people was like, what the hell? Even our characters were like, oh, come on. That is ridiculous. Yeah. I was doing it. We make it out and he's watching on the monitor, but he's just grunting. He's like, oh, yeah. Okay. Cumber too. Mm. Okay. It's what you know. And we was like, yo, we can't do it. 1985. Stop it. Stop it, man. But he was -- But as you can tell, he was just doing what he out. And I don't think he met -- Wow. You don't even know. You're making his whole fantasy is coming true. He goes, oh, look at that. Yeah. That's why I used to think about social stuff. I was like, what the -- We're picking out. We're picking out. We're picking out. Oh, yes. Grubber. Grubber. Grubber, boo, bed. Yeah. What are you talking about? Cuppet. There is that feeling where I wonder if, like, old school sitcom directors are similar to, like, '80s or '90s NFL players. Because, you know, when you see them interview it about it now, they're like, that don't hit like we used to. If you wonder if, like, '90s directors are like, we could do whatever the hell we wanted. Yeah. If you share violence. It was like, you know, that's what I mean. Because that's what I mean. You work with a guy like that and you go, you come from a different fucking town. It's an old school, man. Like, the '80s and '90s was just, like, especially what comedy it was just kind of like, wow. You go watch a random ass Saturday night live or, like, what was Colin Tungless? He wrote on the last season of "In Living Color." And he was like, it was just hectic. You just, it almost was like, there was no adults in the room. Like, the shit they were making like, this is wild. There's no way you can make that now. And I think now with all these streamings, did you guys feel like that at all with haunted heights? Like, there were jokes you couldn't. No. I didn't feel like that. Like, for me, it always had to make sense. And look, it's stuff in there now that I know, you know, black people are going to be a little uncomfortable with. But you guys know that when you're filming it or you're like, you do. And you gotta push it. You gotta push it, though. You can't even like. Well, that's what's fun. You can't overthink it. You gotta be like, man, look, we having fun with this, you know what I'm saying? I think that he's always like, I don't know. I know there's people that could argue against it. But there genuinely is this thing of like, we're just being silly, goose. That's why you can't apologize. You gotta just do it. Yeah, you sometimes you just gotta go in the room and close the door and be like, what do we gotta do with him? Listen, we're gonna have two options here. We're gonna do the joke or you're gonna have a fucking problem. Yeah, we're gonna start threatening to sink people in the East River again. Concrete shoes. Come on, man. That'll get shit done. Do you want me to show them the book? Exactly. Do they want to see it? That's it. And by the way, what is the book? This is why we have so many nerds in power right now. Because no one did the old school corruption thing. No, it took Zuckerberg and it was like, come on, man. We got the books. And Zuckerberg's like, I'm computing. [laughter]
- You're shit right now, they're fucking nerds. - I don't understand. - It's like, you needed someone to put the hand on their shoulder and be like, - You're gonna be all right. - And you'd feel all right, or scared shitless. - We need those passwords, Mark. - We need dangerous people. Corruption needs to be old school, and it needs to be guys that look like Batman could at least fight for a little bit. - I know what they got to bring back then. Squared by the Lincoln town cause. - Yes. - That's the ultimate villain cause. - I asked you to pull it up with that fucking low engine that like, oh my god. They need to bring back cars where. - And they always bust with it. - Remember when they always pull off and like turn the corner real fast and the tires would screech real loud. Like it actually has, what's wrong with that? - Oh shit. - Go ahead, 210 horses, man. - You're watching that gun. They put that in in the fucking post. - They put that in the post. - There's no way that. - You remember on the LL Cool J, when they kidnapped his girlfriend on a bat? - Yes, they definitely threw her in the Lincoln town car. - Cause they make it. And also the one with Lincoln town car. - The one with the upholstery was always like, oh they, that's how you knew it was the box. - It never rips. - It never rips. It looks perfect. If it was carpet, it was almost like permanently vacuumed. - Yeah. - Or that like cream leather in the inside of that where you're like, and there's, here's always those guys here. - The column shifting. - And they're always smoking. No burn marks. - Oh burn marks. - Now someone that smoked for over 15 years, your car gets burn marks all the time, unintentionally. You're flicking out like that. You think it's immediately going out the window. - If this goes around, it comes in the back window. - Catching someone. (laughing) - Yeah, he's that, you're right. 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For a limited time, listeners can get $35 off, select frames, plus free shipping with the code Sodor. That's Aura Frames, A-U-R-A Frames.com. promo code Sodor. Support the show by mentioning us that check out terms and conditions may apply. But Barry Gordy's house, I know, we went all over the place. When you make the movie, when do you find out you get Barry Gordy's house? - Well, it's when we were scouting it. We wouldn't so I read the Franklin's house. - What are you just doing legends houses? - Detroit, man. Detroit is an interesting place. - It really is. - With a lot of those types of homes existed. - Yeah. - Like old manches, it was so many of them too, honestly. And the Barry Gordy house was just like a perfect marriage. Like, I wanted it to work so bad, I'm like, yeah, oh, man. - Did you, before you went in the house, did you know it was Barry Gordy's? - Yeah. - 'Cause that might be-- - They might be hunting potting you a little. I'm glad I worked out, but that was, if I knew, they should have shown you the house done gone. You know, it's Barry Gordy's house. - It's owned by this guy with all these dogs. Like this guy, a random guy with a random like-- - Just neighborhood dogs. - It's 'cause there's no rhyme or reason to the dogs that he picked. It's not like he got one breed of nice dogs. It just looked like he's just picking up dogs. - Picking up dogs. - What did the dogs couldn't-- - It's like five. - What did the dogs back legs didn't work? - Was it on a contraption? - Nope, nope. - He's just letting nature take its course. - I'ma tell you something. I've been with a first-grader who was going to like, and of dogs right now. They're all ready and pretty fast. Like, you've been like them, oh, like, he'll be like, "Tee shows are the dogs ready?" - Look at all the dogs that you saw in this dog, ready to like this, and I was like, yo, what? It took, it was the most craziest-- - A dog crawl, army crawling like that. After you hear eight feet running around like-- - And then you got to wait on him. - You got to wait up. - You can't rush 'em 'cause this dog is literally at home. - You see him, you go. - He's like, they're fine. - Got good, got good, got good, got good. - Thank you for your service. He's just pulled-- - But did that dog end up passing away, which was sad. - While you guys were filming the movie? - Yeah. - But a guy that has that many dogs, death isn't a bigger deal. - Especially when crawling, man. Like, I feel bad about how funny that shit was. Because it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he was still barking hard. I'm coming to get you. It's crazy you don't, also, I'm just gonna say, this is 2026, there's like, several dog wheelchairs. - That's what, and for some reason, it didn't use it. - That was funny. - It was, like, a Lieutenant Dan. - Don't help me, don't help me. - It was crazy, yeah. - Get your doctor, I'm paying it off, man. - I lost things in the cat war. - Oh, man, I can't wrap you up. - You guys are pushing it me down, you son of a bitch. Oh, you're Kimmel. While people like me crawl, they were our water dish. - Yeah, dude, I love him being a vet for this guy. - You got to understand. I always think that's funny when we got, our dog would bark, other dogs, like on walks or whatever, and then my wife would be like, why should, why should you bark on like that? And it's like, 'cause they're saying, they're talking. If you were walking a human on a different planet, and I saw it, and you were walking you, other, - Hey, hey, you know, I don't know what I'm saying. - What's your name? - I didn't mean you, I didn't mean you. Or if you were just having a bad day, you're like, "Fuck you didn't go away, fucking piece of shit." And I'm like, hey, but that's just, that's all barks. So I was like, it has to be that. - Just let 'em talk, they're in the house all day. Before outside, fucking go ahead, in the house. That's what I worry about. - That's funny, yeah. - We got a neighbor on our floor that just got a dog that just doesn't shut the fuck up. To the point that you see my dog get annoyed, like she's like, this bitch. She's just like, (laughing) nonstop, you might hear it when you walk out. - Damn. - And I've had to, I had to give her that passive aggressive white neighbor energy, you know? We're like, take me, it's getting loud. - Yeah, I got a book, you want to read it? (laughing) I almost did hit him with the, I almost did hit him with the, you know, I know a trainer, a dog, we're in the elevator, I was gonna go, "I have a friend of the train, "it's been a long, quiet elevator ride." I have a friend of the train's dogs. She's like, "Why would I need that?" When you guys are the dog, "Oh shit, don't fuck up!" Did he have this guy that on the house, did he have any like weird shit about you guys touching and the other stuff, was he like? - Yeah, actually, it was, it was a little bit, it was like certain rooms we couldn't go in. - Really? - I was quite understandable, 'cause I feel like he had some strange things that he was doing in those rooms. - Yeah. - 'Cause he would like, just be randomly all over the house and he was staying that room and being there all day, you forget he was in there and then he would bring the dogs out and they would move to another spot. - So when he moves from room to room, all five dogs are moving with him. - Yeah. - That's too much. - Yeah. - That's too much. That's too much. - It's interesting, like, and it's known, I guess he only knew what to film now, but we had to put up with a lot of the shit just a bit. - Yeah, I mean, on that last day, you're kinda like, first day you show up and you're like, "Wow, this is crazy." Last day, you're like, "I know." And he's like, "Tell me about the dog's diets." And you're like, "All right, I got it." you get that dog right there look.
He only needs peppermint, it was very strange shit. He was like, "There, he's a Capricorn." And it had like podcast equipment set up. What did it render for? I didn't know that. That's very funny. Where the pool was, it was a road that nobody could go here. But it was like, you know, 'cause I saw everything. It was his studio. Yes, it was crazy. I'm like, "What if you found out?" That would be funny. If you found out he had a podcast, he was just shit-talking you guys making the movie. I was like, "I don't even know what the hell I want." I'm very worried about that. Yes, movie sucks. But I'm getting ready. I'm getting ready. And my dogs are happy. But he had some pretty dope shit, didn't had that berry left. Like, yeah, it was a lot of like, I guess they would be like telegrams and some shit. Really? He was like, "Hey, we out on the road. Money's getting low. Could you send some more funds?" That's so funny. And Rell's still the family going to have money. But he wasn't a bad guy. He was like, "Please, Barry. Please, Barry!" Where he had framed like, when people were in the studio and they were writing out lyrics and shit like that. That's fucking real cool. And it was an indoor pool. Yeah. He is. Yeah. There were that indoor pool in a house like that, or like a Rick James house that shaped like or Kenny Rogers. You see an indoor pool like that and you go, "Oh, okay." You horny ass motherfucker. Well, also, depending on what city you stayed in. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah. But when you see like someone that has like Nashville or somewhere that's like kind of hot out, you go, "Oh, fuck are you doing there?" Yeah. He's creepy ass thing. Also, I've watched enough serial killer documentaries that there was one guy that had like an indoor pool and he would kill people in it. And from that moment I watched a documentary, I'm like, "I'm good on indoor pools." Fuck a hotel pool. Fuck anything. Also, I hate the humidity of the feel of like, "You know what I'm talking about when you want an indoor pool and you got that chlorine smell?" It's just like, "Yeah." It feels like piss. It's like warm. It's like warm, but it's not really warm. And if you're in your clothes, you kind of feel sticky. Yeah. My mom's boyfriend when I was, and I did this in my last special, but it was a joke. My mom's boyfriend was like over 50 and he was in a swimly. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I used to have to go watch him swim on Saturday. Oh, shit. Oh, man, balls, everywhere. Carlos, you have no idea. Some men that were in speedos that had zero business being in speedos. And I hated this motherfucker. And I would just sit there and be like, "You know, after a while I was finally like, I'm a walker on whatever high school it was at. But we'd have to go into these fucking indoor pools and watch it." And I think that's what it was. Fuck that serial killer doc. I was just remembering how much I hated watching Joe swim laps. Oh, my God, especially because it's not a cool sport. If your mom's boyfriend is like good at baseball and in a league or whatever, basketball. Oh, fucking playing water polo with a bunch of 75-year-olds. Dude, he's hopping in and fucking watching him, watching him cut. It's true, man. I said it in the joke, but it's true. He was fucking good. So looking back, dude, I didn't respect him at all. But then I remember watching him and my mom would be like, "He's gonna win every race." And you're like, "I hate Joe. I'd be cheering against him in shit. I'd be picking other guy." I'm like, "I hope this guy comes." Come on, Steve! I'm sitting with other families in shit. I know your dad has to win on the back row. I can't drive home with this motherfucker winning four races in a row. He used to do that. I fucking hated it. Damn, man. Yeah, mom's boyfriend sports. You want a cool one. You don't want a fucking swimming, huh? Swimming? Just looking like Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, he's like, "Hey, he's on the back row." "Hey, I'm gonna do the triple-wendy." I wanna love this. If my fucking mom's working with him at Rodney Dangerfield, don't have to have this shit. You're like, "Kid, you got a big head." Hey, your father doesn't like you. I don't care for him much either. And he's just being honest with it. Hey, it turns out your dad likes the bottle better than you. Who knew? I'm gonna take you to school. It's seven in the morning. I think that would have hit way better. Man. Dude, this was your shit just every weekend or what? Yeah, every fucking weekend, every Saturday. Because my dad was cool and the league. You know what's called? You could look it up. It's a whole thing called Masters. And it's for people over 40. It's like, it's supposed to be like people that have mastered the thing. But it's basically for people that are like, it's like the senior tour of the. Yeah, it sounds like it. Where it's just old people competing. But it's a ton of sports. They do swimming, they do track and field. They do all the shit that's like for people over 40. I'm gonna have to join that league. Yeah. I wonder if they're still around. Look it up. Can you look up if Master League still. Dude, I'm telling you right now. And this is just being a guy that got dragged there for vuggin' a couple years. Now we gotta join it. We over 40. We can get in there. They will kick the shit out of us. Because you don't understand. These are people that. I mean, my first couple years, yeah. I learned how to fucking track. I love you if you catch up. I love you. I love you. I don't mean this too much. Olympic size pools is. I just did one of them celebrity. Oh, I said they got other sports too. Oh, if it's other sports. They got other sports. Oh, I thought you just said my swimming. I'm like, damn. Yeah. Okay, US Master's swimming is what I was talking about. But they do, like, US Master's track. It'd be funny as fuck if you looking that up now and Joe still got some records. They go, let me tell you. We're gonna bleep his name because fuck that motherfucker forever. But they're like, number one Joe's out of that. Like, this cock sucker's still out of it. Master's track and field. Yeah, they did the US Master's track and field. They do all of it. No, the funny thing is, I've been to, like, you know, those track teams that's not with the school. Sure. Yeah, club teams. They always have the old people races too. And that shit is insane. That's where we're at right now. That's crazy. They'll be you in the block. They start on hard and it is like two minutes and 10 seconds. Showing one of those pill cases that she has to take before. She's like, just long. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I don't want my heart to stop when I come out of the blocks. Yeah, man. Watch it when they are done and just walking the track for about two hours after they're done racing. Like racing for like a hundred yards. Yeah, they walk the track for about two hours. They're like, cool down. But they have to. Because if they call it too easy, they're gonna stand up from the couch and their hamstrings gonna snap. It's so funny. Like why did kids are racing? They just still walking around. They got to hold the way they put them to walk. I'm not even making this up. That's what it is. But by the way, that's what it is. So I want, did they have like a concession stand? Yep. Is this somebody making hot dogs? Yep. Everything. You could go. Because what I always wanted to, what I learned was, because they would have like, whether they call it like a snack shack, would be open. And my mom would be so miserable, especially if you don't got to watch these prelims. Listen, I understand Joe's in the main heat. I ain't trying to watch these fucking prelims. But let me give five bucks. I'm going to walk around and I'd go to the snack shack. It would always be shitty nachos. There's never hot dogs. Because that's, you got to. That's required effort. You get like a bag up. You get like a gatorade and a bag up like Doritos, M&Ms. It's all that shit. So you just go to the snack shack. Get an ice cream sandwich. That was one. And then you learned always, never bring your food inside the pool. You weren't allowed to. But I'd sneak it in and be like, damp nachos after like the third order. You're like, you know, fuck, now my days ruined. What I started doing is, my friend, I would trick my friends to go with me. I'd be like, you should sleep over. We'll like, run a video game and hang out all night. And then I'd be like, hey, in the morning, you want to come to Joe's with me with me? And they'd be like, okay. And then by the time I was like, 12. Nobody was been the night. No. And if they would, if we went, we would just take my mom's car and drive around the parking lot. Because that was like, we were bored. We weren't going to watch swimming. We were like, just get in the car and fuck it. And then we sometimes we wouldn't get the same parking spot. And that's how we get in trouble. Because my mom would be like, why the fuck is my car in a different spot? How did Joe do in that butterfly? I'm trying to avoid it. That's funny. That's fuck good. Because now you know, that's how he got you mom. Oh, yeah, he took her there. He went, I want you to watch something. I want you to watch me. You want to get to know me? The real me? I could tell you, what are you doing today? Sure, I could tell you, I could tell you my interests. Reading, woodworking. Saturday, what are you doing? Yeah, he was my, he was like my dad's best friend. That's so fucked up. I know. I know. Damn, this is fucked up. I know, and I fucking, that dude did not like me. And I did not like him. It was very mutual. He was just kind of like, they would do it. It could you swim? Yeah, but I hated it. He all, one time, because I played pop-order football. He tried telling me in between six and seventh or seventh and eighth grade. He was like, you know what, train you really well for football? Swimming. And I remember, I remember being like, shut the fuck up. That was like my first time with an adult saying something, and he was like, shut up. You know what he did? And he's like swimming would be great for you cardiovascularly. That's what he tried to say. It's good for your load. No, it's not. This is, this is a movie real. Because this dude is-- Well, first of all, let me tell you something about Dan. All his specials, to me, is full of fucking TV shows. Like, the shit he just do about him and his father? Oh, my fucking guy. Oh, yeah, I mean, you know, the time-- The day I went pissed off that she was been in all these surveys. You think my dad gave it to you? You think my dad was calling? My dad was gone. I told him, I remember the conversation when he called, and I go, you know, Joe lives with us now? And he goes, what?
But he did it in a way where like he was probably reading the back of a label of something and the phone was in his ear. He goes, "What's he doing with me?" He was like that. He was like, "What's he doing with me?" It was like a son of a bitch. That's my family. He was going like, "What is this? Is this a tent?" He's literally, "How long you been living with me for?" Were you saying about Joe? He had to accept that. How fucking you nailed it. Were you saying Joe, "What's he doing?" Yeah, I don't know, man. I think that's just like, you know, we're talking about '80s and '90s TV shows. '80s and '90s alcoholics. They could just dip on a family. They could just leave. There was no. Maybe that's where that, that's where that shit started. I'll be right back. I'm going to get some cigarettes. That's the cigarette thing. But I mean, people, dude, here's the crazy shit that I was thinking about. How many more people had other families fall on other families? '70s, '80s? That shit was way more rampant than it is, right? Man, that shit's so crazy when you have alcoholics in your family and shit like this. Yeah. Cause I vividly remember riding with my uncle and his grand prix. And he had a tea top. It's not a tea top. He had a summer when he was just drinking beer, just throwing them bitches down. Dude, I remember stopping my dad. They moved from San Francisco up into this town way north. This town in Lake County. We were just there recently. And they drove dead to drive me to the Sacramento Airport. My dad and his roommate were taking me. They're in their fucking. They're about my age right now. Mid-40s. Just pulled over and had two fucking Miller Highlights at the gas station. Just sat there and drank two beers. I'm going to the airport. I'm like, "Guys, we gotta go with my flight." And they're just chilling, drinking it, fucking kicking it. And then I remember when my dad made the joke where he goes, "Ah, this thing's colder than the other side of my ex-wife's bed." And I was like, "Well, that Joe sleeps there now." And I remember my dad being like, "Yeah, you." That was the only time I ever think I saw him. It was when I interrupted one of his bits. I was like, "Actually, mom's getting railed by Joe. That shit bothers me. It's gonna make me a violent teenager." That's what I tell him. You're gonna have to make me, but yeah, drinking back in the day, like with your uncle, they would just have drinks and be like, "One for the road." I remember my dad got drunk at a party and he was like, "You gonna drive today?" Like he was doing me a favor. How old are you? I was probably 12. That's so funny. And then he was in the car talking shit, like he would cry out to me like, "Yeah, drive this motherfucker." He was like, "You're fucking nailing it." Yeah, man, my mom was always pretty good about not falling out, but my dad was such a feral human being. That when I would go stay with him, it was like, you're like 12 years old being like, "Is this cool? Are we all right?" I remember when we went out to that boat party on July 4th. That was the first time I could remember being like, "Yo, I don't think I should be here." You just had a party and you go, "Hey, I'm going to excuse myself." "I should be playing with Spider-Man back at grandma." Not watching you guys go into that bedroom and become completely different people when you come back out. But yeah, they would be like, "Where my grandma moved to and my dad moved there too." It was like a party town. It was like a lake town, you know what I mean? So these people, the whole thing was like, "Where are we going to get fucked up?" Man, it's different now. Yeah, just the shit that we saw growing up would fuck these new kids up, man. Oh my god, the way we were talked to, what? The way that adults used to talk to us. I'm disappointed that they prepared us for shit that was never going to happen. You remember when we were doing like the dare program? Yeah. They made it seem like when we got to a certain age, we were going to just be outside and there would just be all these drugs and people would just give them to you. You got to pay good money. You got to pay money. You got to go get a job that you drugs. They didn't explain that part of that. They tried to make a scene like it was just people outside to giving away drugs to 12 years old and shit. Yeah, that was also the same thing. Movies did that with like parties where everyone was going to be cool in part ways when you walk through a place. Hold it, you know, like saying hi to you. Then you go to a party and you're like, "Excuse me, excuse me." Yeah. Yeah. What's up my man? I'm like, "Whoa, new shoes." And then I go, "Move." I'm like, "I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry." It sucks. None of this shit is like-- But you're right. Dare made you think if you smoked a joint, you had drug addicts. And you had eventually smoked crack. And you didn't realize that you're alcoholic parents? This is your brain, I'll do it. Or they would show you-- They would show you like a-- I remember the-- and Dare specifically, it was like a chart of what a drug addict looked like. And they'd like show it to you and be like, "Look at his eyes. They're all red. You don't realize." His hands won't cease, dude. My childhood would have been so much better if my parents were smoking weed and not drinking. You should have brought Dare to my house for booze and talking about fucking parents. Dare was a bad idea because you had some point in that program. I think a cop came for like six weeks or something. Yeah, they'd come like-- Like week three or four, you brought that big case full of drugs. And it showed you all-- it like had all the drugs in it. And they prepped you the week before. And they told you how much they had caused, what they would do, how you would feel if you took it. It was fucked up. It really was. And it was also like, "I wish I could get that footage to see how they explained a cop explaining drugs." Or he goes, "This one right here is marijuana. It's going to make you-- It's going to make you crazy." You should get a good-- You should get a good-- you can get a good joint of marijuana on the streets for about three to seven bucks. Yeah, no one's selling Lucy joints in the way. Yay! You got good grades? You know, that was a-- you remember Captain Planet? Yeah. It was a whole episode, a drug episode. Really? Yeah, well, the girl-- she got like really high. And the guy was selling it, he was like some weird little-- He's giving like, "Yeah, I got that shot." And she was fucked up. I saw it all-- you know who's special? It was a guy. It was his guy's name. It just recently came out one of the best specials I've ever seen. I can't remember his fucking name. But that's what he was doing. He was literally showing episodes and stuff. That was crazy and appropriate. That's really funny. Baywatch shit, all types of shit. Like, him pointing out that Hasselhoff was paralyzed for like-- Oh, then just came back to the stuff. It was okay. Like the next few episodes. You know that, huh? It's just the-- It was so fucking-- Yeah, it was his name. It was one of the best shit. I just watched it. What was his name? It was his name. It was some stupid-- Oh, Bodie. Bodie. It was Bodie. Mention Bodie. Dude, they got a fucking-- Dude, Baywatch was a thing, right? They got an eating episode. What it was like, eating this episode is with this fact. But you don't-- Yeah, you got this. Remember the save-- Remember the save by the bell. I'm scared. I'm-- Where Jesse Spano does caffeine. Yeah, I was ever seen that. I'm so excited. Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm so scared. I was supposed to be Coke and then NBC cut it. NBC made him change his to fucking caffeine. She was addicted to the caffeine peel. But in reality, it was supposed to be that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's what's funny. We honestly would have made showgirls made more sense. Absolutely. If we're talking canon. But they had Carlton on his shit. It was called his speed. That's what it was. And the thing about it is, I think it was always cocaine. It was always cocaine. But they just kept giving it other names. You like trying to watch out for-- You're like, well, I ain't gonna take no speed. But do you know about cocaine? I just thought-- Or caffeine. Yeah. Jesse Spano and showgirls. She has sex with OG Bobby Johnson from South Central. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Oh, isn't he the-- he's the dancer. Yeah. Yeah. Would they remember he had the dreads? Yeah. He was also Romeo and Juliet. He's done it. Honest. Yeah. And Romeo and Juliet with Leo. You have motherfuckers back. That's crazy when you think about how many talented people were just in a bunch of shit that affected our lives. You're like, you can follow it. But yeah, he was OG. And he was her, like, he taught her how to really dance. She was a showgirl, but she really wanted to-- Man, I remember her. She had to learn how to thrust the hips from a black man. That's always-- They did that nonstop in the night. Yeah. Where they'd go, like, white people. We can't have rhythm. We've got to be taught it. And it was like to save the last dance where they did the shoulder thing with your-- You all made up for it, though, man. Michelle Fife had to go to this school and save the whole black neighborhood. But I'm going to tell you right now. With a leather jacket and a quick move. That's all she had. That's all she had. That's all she had. That's all she had. That's all she had. Oh, Gaines's Paradise. But if we're going to be honest, if we're reflecting honestly up back there, she didn't save a black school. She saved the Mexican school with some black kids in it. Okay. Because why was able to work? Okay. Because she would have gotten laughed out of a black-- All black high school? She would have been gone immediately. But you know, that was the thing back in the day. They always wanted white savior. The white savior to come to the urban school and teach everybody how to read. Just in time for the state test. Well, hold on a second. You guys are reading like whites. That's like what the guy says. Well, it's getting the-- Oh, my God. And the one white principal who wanted them to fail. Yeah. We believe somebody's been cheating. Yeah. There's no way they're warning. But it was-- I always thought it was funny because she turned the chair out and they're like, "Whoa, watch out." Yeah. Yeah. "Whoa, she's fucking for real." And then she's like, "You ever heard a Bob Dylan?" And they're like, "Or Dylan, Thomas?" And they're like, "Oh." That's shit, I wouldn't have worked at all. What are you going to do with weight, girl? Yeah, that was dude. What's funny is my mom used to work at-- I think either West or North High School in Denver in the 70s and she got stabbed.
- What? - She got like, fucking cut on her arm, while she was trying to keep a girl out. Like, she separated these two girls. These two girls were best friends. One of them was a good student. One of them was just like, fucking ready, ready for whatever. Like, really a bad kid. My mom separated him, 'cause she knew the one girl was like a good student. So she was like, "I'm gonna kick you out of my class." So she got kicked out of her class. Then the girl came around the window, you know, trying to get her friend's attention. My mom comes out in the hallway. She's like, "You gotta get the fuck out of here." And then the girl starts going off on my mom, pulls out a fucking switchblade. 'Cause it was like, I think, 76, 75 or 76. - That's the height of switchblade. - Yeah, so that should-- - I think she could do like this first. (laughing) - Yeah. - What are you gonna do, lady? - What are you gonna do? - I'm gonna fuck a catcher. - Yeah. - But my mom said she went in the bathroom and there were these like alarm thing. And she went and hit it in the lady fucking. She got her once on the arm. She told me that story. I was like, "You know what the fuck?" And it was when, after I watched, what's it called, the Michelle Fyfer movie? - Dangerous minds. - Dangerous minds. - My mom goes, she's like, "I lost it." 'Cause she gets stabbed in it. I go, "No," she goes, "All right." And I just remember her being like, "Shit, ain't real." You know, fuck it, take one on the arm like I did. But yeah, I was that-- - You see that? You see that? That's English. 1975, three stitches. English 201. And I fucking got it. And then she knew the brand of Switchblade. That's a nighthawk. (laughing) - It's steel, but it made a mess. (laughing) A valarian steel. It's like something that's like-- - Dematch. - It's like steel in the lab. - Oh! ♪ We're standing up their lives ♪ ♪ Where you were today ♪ ♪ Gags that's badass ♪ - She's drunk singing it. She's like, "Cooking dinner." ♪ And spin the stars ♪ (laughing) - What's with you? What for me? - Let me know the gags you're spitting us. - Y'all missing the best part of that whole video. That big man was sweating his ass off, smoking his cigarette while he sonnet. - Yeah, he had, by the way, sat down, fucking belted it out to the point that, remember when you found out, if you watched wrestling, after a while you found out they weren't coming to the ring at a sweaty, that they were like spraying themselves with water. - My whole childhood, I thought the Old Testament warrior was watching backstage and something just pissed him off that made him run fools being into the ring. - That's what I always thought too. I've never got to discuss this with anybody. Wrestlers showing up out of nowhere, always to me made sense as a child. - I love how Jim Rose egg-like he had no idea. Oh my God, oh my God, the Old Testament warrior! - You know what's been coming up in my feed? Is watching stone cold pops when the music happens and they got like, "That son of a bitch is here, that son of a bitch is here." And you're like, "You guys, the music's playing." - That's a key. - I didn't get it at all. - I had it going on then the whole arena just gets dark and you hit a tombstone like, "Yeah." "Oh my God, the undertaker." Yeah, just to like, give it up the ropes it did. It just goes dark, like, what the fuck? - Guys, I can't see, that would be, they should have had a wrestler that was afraid of the dark like he's unstoppable and then he's just like super scared of the dark and then he's like, "Guys, don't do that." - He's like grabbing the rope. - I got the side of the roller rink when you can't stay. - That's been the best part of this podcast era though is just watching out those wrestlers confess. - Yo dude. - Jake the snake, he's like, "I can't watch wrestle me, you five." - Dude, have you? - I was so drunk. - He did, he did, he did, he did friends of the people too. - Jake the snake? - Jake the snake does live stories. - But he actually really, like he hurt me, like, because he was like, "Oh, come on, nor a fucker." I'm like, "Nigga, what?" - That's so funny. - This is a sketch, sir. - Here he goes, here he goes. - Come on. - What was he doing? - Man, it was just like a fake wrestler. It was a fake move, man. And he really was like, and I'm like, telling the derailleur, "Yo, he's serious, man." I'm not doing this shit. (laughing) - That shit out of Jake the fucker. - And he's like, "He's talking shit to me like, "Here, come on, motherfucker." - He had two legs back. - You got dementia? - He has. - The fuck is going on? - If you've never watched the documentary Beyond the Matt. - I have. - That's where you see Jake the snake, and he's got some fucking wild lines in that movie. The one that me, I always used to quote, was when he's like, "You ever look in the mirror and realize "the person you hate the most is staring right back at you?" (laughing) And he stops and goes, "Diary of a mad man." And then the other thing he says is he's like, "Well, my mother was ripped by my father "when she was 13 years old, "and then it cuts to him and his dad raking leaves "and his dad goes, "Well, he was born out of love and I still love him." You know what, that's not what he just said. What he just said? What he just said before that. I almost want to find that scene 'cause it's so like, no, it's not. - No one is in love. - No one is in love. You fucking psycho. - Hey, Jake, this snake is really like just a name in history. - It's a great snake. Jake the snake, Robert. - No, my favorite name is Dick Wolf. - Dick Wolf's great. Produced by Dick Wolf. - That's a good thing. - Dick Wolf is a fantastic snake. - To be known in your neighborhood is Jake the snake. - The snake Robert's snake. - Yeah, just the way that it rhymes. - Jake the snake Robert. - And also that voice really, I'll tell you what. - Yeah. - There's a promo he does where he slaps Mr. Elizabeth where he, it's on, if you want to look it up online, it's a Tuesday in Texas. It's the one where Jake the snake put the snake on Macho Man's arm. - Yeah. - Remember that, where he tied them up in the ropes and then he put the actual snake on them. - Which was - I like the beg story of that one. - What, uh, when Macho Man was like, "You sure the snake's been thick?" - Oh, he told him, "Rogan." Where he goes, he goes, "Do it to yourself." And he goes, "I'm not doing it myself." He goes, "Oh, I need to make sure the snake is fixed." And he's like, hold on, Jake the snake tells it. Look at that clip. But if you look up the pay-per-view Tuesday in Texas, it's after he gets bit on the arm. And it's like a pay-per-view on a Tuesday night, which is sick, I should do that more. But he has it bandaged up and they wrestled so much that the blood from the wound comes through. - Yeah. - So Macho Man wins. But then Jake the snake, D-D-T's, he D-D-T's, Macho Man four times in a row, which we all know, collectively, he's dead. - Right. - You can't come back for 40 D-T's. And then, uh, Miss Elizabeth tries to stop him and he slaps him. He tells the story on that too, about them practicing, and Jake's like, like Vince McMahon, Macho Man, Jake the snake, and Miss Elizabeth, he's like, I can't hit her. I can't hit her. And Macho Man's like, you're gonna have to do it. It's just crazy being like, no, you're gonna have to fuckin' hit her. And then he does it in the ring. Watch his promo after that. It's one of the best wrestling promos from a villain in the history of all wrestling. - You remember that match when they tried to make it seem like Macho Man was going blind 'cause he got bit by the snake. - He's like, darn it, Matt. - Well, do you remember when Jake the snake was blind? Was Rick the model Martell sprayed perfume in his eye? - Yeah. - And they put in the white, that was the dumbest gimmick ever. He had a big ass canister of prayer. - Yeah, arrogance, that was the name of the cologne. - Spray. - He would spray it, and then he sprayed it in Jake the snake's eyes, and they did a thing that we didn't know, but he put a white contact lens in his eye, and then they did that thing where he's like, I'm blind, and I remember nine-year-old me being like, he's fuckin' blind. Like my mother, yeah, like, that's not fuckin' fake, dude. Jake the snake can't see, and then they did a blindfold match. I think a WrestleMania. Rick the model Martell rejects. - They came up with some, wow, shit on the wrestling now. I was cocaine, dude. That was cocaine, and one guy running it. A guy that went, we could do this two ways. That was all Vince McMahon was. - Vince McMahon was, he was a terrible person. - He was a terrible person. - Yeah, that never leaves the person in. - Holy shit, that shit was dark. - And this is what I tried to say. - When he was singing as Vince McMahon. Oh, he's like, and I'll tell you what the WF got. - That's it? You know what I'm talking about? We're just doin' this dance all the way. He's like shaking his top. We're like, please stop. They had a hole con base. Yeah, dude, that whole era of cocaine and steroids made such a specific product that you can't go back to it. - Psycho-seed. - Psycho-seed was the man. He was actually a good dude. People talk about that. He was actually like a really good guy. They like, he like cared about his friends and shit to the point where you're like, when you hear that about a wrestler, you're like, oh shit. But he got, he stabbed Arne Anderson in the leg with scissors one time on the road. Yo, comics think we have a tough life on the road and then you just need to listen to wrestlers. - No, like wrestlers, man. - That was made in a movie. Was it the wrestler? - Yeah, with Mickey Rourke, man. - That was dope. - Yeah, that was a great movie. - It was like heartbreak when it was like such a review though. - Have you ever gone to a wrestling event at a high school? - No, not at a high school. - Yeah? - Yeah, like underground wrestling. - Yeah, Indy. - Indy, yeah. - It's crazy. I went in Mississippi, it was crazy. 'Cause they would always like pull together just enough money to get like one person you recognize. - It's exactly what I went to. - One year they had Coco beware. - It's with the parrot? - He didn't have his bird though. (laughing) - This was laid on when it was like, "But buy a new bird dude, I didn't stay bird's die." - Man. - He was buy a new bird. - He didn't have a new bird at the time. - I went to the one in Jersey, shout out Pat Buck. It was his school and I went out to it and they got million dollar man. This is like 2017. - This motherfucker couldn't move in the ring. He's an old man, but he did like a couple moves to the part where I was like-- - 10 DBS-y. - Yeah. - Everybody's got a price. That shit was crazy. That they were-- - Those characters were, and like that group, that specific group was insane. - You can't say as a kid.
- I didn't think he was rich, no. - I did, that's what I'm saying, I believe whatever the fuck they tell me. - I'll tell you right now, I think it made me hate rich people more than society did. It was wrestling. - I ain't like how you got 300 dollars, I ain't like how you treated Virgil at the end. - That was the whole point dude, which crazy is, we got a civics lesson through fucking D.B. Ossian Virgil, you know what I mean, kids were like, come on Virgil, when he made him clean the bush, and then he was like, fuck you and then Virgil, do that match, or Virgil gets him at Survivor Series, I think it is. I'll tell you right now, what's great about wrestling is how they do the delayed enjoyment, so it was like four on four, but Virgil was on one team, and Million Dollar Man was on another team, and they did a thing where finally Virgil got in the ring, and you were like, he's gonna fuck him up, you know what I mean, and the thing where Million Dollar Man turns around and Virgil's like, dude, that's shit. I'm gonna go watch Survivor Series, you should go watch Haunted Heist, in theaters, right now. Yeah, right now this, right now. Right now. Yes. Ralph Carlos, both in it, also Tiffany Hannish, and Andrew Bachelor, Kingbock, but it's got, you guys got a ton more people, dude, I was looking at that, I was looking at that cast, Tony Baker. Can I tell you something that I love that you guys did on this movie? Yeah. Yeah, we need to, we're talking about all the stuff we need to go back to, I like a song with the movie, I like a movie, we have a dope song, I like a song that comes with the movie. It was very intentional. I love that shit. Yes. I love that shit. Yeah, the theme song. Because I was trying to explain where we were in the bay. We got a whole soundtrack. Really? Yeah. Then pick up the soundtrack. Go down the soundtrack. Soundtracks. Soundtracks, man. Yeah. Bro, soundtracks, man. I missed that shit. This is one of those random things where I wanted to do things that I missed, and they're like, yeah, it's original song. Yeah. And I fucking love that shit. Did you have to give notes on the original song? But I did when he first sent me the tracks. It's got to be fun as hell. I mean, I had a lot of fun in this shit. I think, for me, this is where I'm at with everything. But I've always done it with my specials, too, though. I've always did the, you know what I mean? Yeah, you always had fun. You always had some great intros on your specials and shit. Yeah. That's a very intentional thing. Yeah, I fucking love it, man. We'll check out the movie. Check out the soundtrack. And also check these guys out. 85 South Show. So the funniest fucking things you'll listen to, rel is everywhere, constantly working. Always. Whenever I see you, I'm like, man, I'm going to take a nap for a rel. Let me tell you something, Dan. We were new faces unwrapped. Yeah. Unwrapped. We was the first group of the unwrapped. Yeah. That was fun as hell. Yeah. I really was thinking about that. I took a greyhound up there. I forget how I got this shit. I fucking, I just remember getting up there and then I remember. We basically stayed at like a Montreal version of the projects. Dude, it was so funny. They told us they go, you're not getting a hotel and you're like, well, where are you putting us? And they're like, these apart. It was like a hotel, but it was an apartment because I stayed with Chris Laker, who also did it with us. And we went in there and we were like, what the fuck is this? I remember somebody from some company, this is where I was still drinking. Somebody from a company gave me a hundred bucks for booze and I was like, I did this handshake. I was like, well, we're working together. I was like, buddy, I was black out and you gave an alcoholic a hundred bucks. You think you're going to get a business fucking deal out of that? Yeah, but I've known you forever, so it's awesome to watch you do all this shit. And like I've said, I'm a huge fan of you, Carlos, I think you're fucking hilarious. I appreciate it. I'll just check out the movie and bring back exposing corruption in a way that's fun. And Lincoln Towngaw. And Lincoln Towngaw. Anyway, it soundtracks the movies, we're fucking bringing it all back.
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