Mike Lawrence & Jason Ellis - I Don't Gay My Friends - Episode 950

Fill her up. You're listening to the gas digital network. When you hit that bomb drop. Blah, blah, you know what to do. Hoping up the pit. Bitch, I'm coming through. Big J, the battle rap champ. All up in your west with the strap. Red attack, attack. When it's easy in the building. You better believe. Never forget. OK, they ain't got nothing on sleep. Puerto Rican rattlesnake venom in your veins. Natural porn killers, please get a sketch. [LAUGHTER] Cerebral fucking Paul. Up, Ed. Cerebral Paul, moving forward. Cerebral Paul, when the show comes on, you can't be in the shot. It has to be the three of us. Oh my god. You can't be hobbling and spilling drinks. It was the saddest beginning of any show that we've ever done. I loved it. Was you hobbling, Cerebral Paul? Can we turn my mic up? My mic is low. Yeah, really low. J's mic is low. I'm in it. I got three quarters of a beer. Thanks. Check. Check. Nope. Come on. Go a little closer. Check it up. Check. Make me hop. Hot me up. Pop it. Hot me. Pop it. Slap it. Slap it. crank it up two more. Slap it, flap it, clap it, bitch. Turn it up to 11 and rip the knob off. Yep. I think we're good, right? She knows. You guys are good. It's a goddamn right. It hasn't been 10 years of people complaining about the audio. Don't worry. Welcome to your favorite podcast. Everybody to my right is always the great Steve Ratt is easy. Yeah, yeah, so my left reporter, Rican Rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. I'm Big J. Oaker, say, don't we are the legendary leader of Skags? Three, three, four lights. This is fucking crazy. This is nuts, dude. We're fucking packed today. Yep. It's fucking nuts. If I'm being honest, jam packed. Shit. So fucking nuts. If you killed Tony's in the garden this weekend, can you imagine what jealous they are of us right now? I know. Yeah, I'm a governor's, bro. I'm a governor's levetown. Fuck right off. I say, um, who should we bring up first? I was like, let you pick with us. Go with Mike, like he was pointed and not very the lead. Michael Jordan, everybody. Yep. Here he is. Hang up his debt. It's been a long time since he's been on the Legion of Skags, everybody. You know, I'm from the Nerd of Mouth podcast. He was a writer for the Roast of Kevin Hart. Yo, makes noise for the hilarious. Mike Lawrence. Oh, man. Yes, the Roast of Kevin Hart with a hard R. Hart, uh, and joining us once again, everybody, uh, I think a favorite over here. He does some daily live streams. He's got a special called short notice available right now on YouTube. Make some noise for the legend, the hilarious Jason Ellis. What's up, Jason? How's it going? You guys look great. You look great, too, buddy. You know, I didn't say I haven't seen you. Congratulations. Thank you. Is it different? What? Just your life. Since the eyebrow, since he beat AIDS, yes, it's AIDS. I mean, let's be serious since the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, that's the, um, ticket sales, like I know that guy. Nice. Yeah, better ticket sales for sure. Hell yeah. No, no, where? Just eat your, you eat your microphone a little bit. Eat it. Yeah, uh, fun fact here. I've been naked with both of these guys before. I didn't just realize that you can tell us that after the show. No, I know, but I just realized we needed to tell us about your gay exploits. I can try to make me and Lewis hard during the show. I didn't realize I like that when you admit to being in a place. It's that. Yeah, that's true. I was naked with Mike. We did the, I was my first time. Did you ever do a naked roast before that? Uh, no. Yeah, that was my first time. I was naked with hundreds of dudes at Skakefest, and then I did you with you a couple times. Well, no, we did it together. I did it the second time in Lewis has never filled a buster me more to doing a spot on a show. Yeah, he's like, we need you. Yeah. The show needs you. Yeah. Take your clothes off. That's when he asked me every year. Well, here's the thing. Two, there's a few things. Mike number one, you got a decent cock. Okay. You wouldn't assume. Not my client. He's a nerd. He has such a great cock. He made a bluff. He is. I have to tell people I'm Jewish. I thought that was going to hit his cock is so big. He made a black baby. I don't think we heard it then. I lost it. That was a good. No, that was good. Yeah, that was good. The rare bombing by Jay Ocasin folks. You're here to witness it. It doesn't happen very often. There we go. No, Alex got it. Alex loved it. Yep. No, it was good. No, Mike Lawrence has a great cock. He is one of the best roasters in the entire world. And you helped me conceptualize and start the roast master show when we were here in New York City. You were a necessary evil on that show. You're weird red pubes. Yeah, dude. You're even redder cock. How's your cock so red? That's what I want to know. How's your cock so gray? That's what I want. Wait, so three different colors like that. I scream. Is it? Yeah, that's like mine, dude. It's like you have an appolitan cock. It's like someone ate all the chocolate and vanilla. It's just like the strawberry. You're supposed to have two flavors in your dick. The shaft and then your circumcision part. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happened to me. Yeah, mine's mind the appolitan because it's brown and I'm also it's covered in common blood as well. So that's why and about an inch and a half of it in the middle is dead. Wow. I never thought someone would talk me out of wanting ice cream. Congratulations. Well, look, I'm excited to have you guys here. Jason, we're training tomorrow. Terrified. I've sparbered Jason plenty of times. The man can't hit light, which is pretty terrifying. I can't. No, you can't. Well, it was it was your face. Okay. Are you trying to hurt me? Okay. I was trying to punch you a little bit. Yeah. Oh, you do owe me a little bit. But now we're good. Now we're friends. Now I would like to help you. In fact, you're staying over my house tonight. Yeah. Hell yeah. I'm gay again. Just so people know. I knew it. I told you. I did it. I don't know. Sleep over getting a plausible break. I gotta be honest. I'm gonna watch movies. If I thought if I was not gay, like people that weren't gay would be friends of me again, but it didn't work. So I'm gay. So you're gay again. Say in your house, we're gonna have full on gay homo sex. Full gay sex. Jason, Jason, when you were gay. Thank you. When you were gay. Yeah. When you when I wasn't. When you were gay. But I am. Are you actually really gay again now? Back, baby. I told you guys. Nobody wants to believe me. We didn't say that. He said he was like, Jason, this is such a fact. He said that to us just now. He tried to suck my cock in the green room before he got true. Yeah. If I tried, I would have done that. That's true. You're right. You are charming. He's trying to stop him. He's got that accent. Yeah. There's nothing on my cock is actually very small. So, but no, when you were gay. Yeah. Would you have thrown it down with me? In my best shape. It's not about your shape. Come on, dude. Come on, man. My personality. No, no, no, no, no. I don't gay. I never gay. But I feel like the only reason you wouldn't fuck me is because of my body because you love my person. You want me to answer it? Yeah. I can't gay friends. You can't gay friends. I was gay. I never gay to friends. Not once. No, I'm not even close. What's the closest when Ian financed it over you and Ian were very close for like three months? He's going to say that he's going to deny this. But when we first met, we were on the road and he said, do you want to come over to my room and give me a massage? And I went, oh, fuck. I went, no. Anyway, right. Okay. And I was like, was that it? Was that a gay? Jason, I swear to you. He told me that you gay hit on him. I swear, I swear to you. I swear on everything in the world. Ian was like, don't say anything. He was like, but Jason Ellis was definitely trying to smash on the road. You could see it on the podcast beating Ian with Jordan. I love Ian, but that's not. No. So he gait on you. He gait on you. He wanted you to get a massage. Yeah. You have the beginning of Gaster. Yeah, pretty gay. Yeah. That's not true always. Yo, yeah. I'm going to pass side the way, you know? Yeah. Making sure it's very heterosexual. I just want to say, Gain. Yeah. You gait last night. Okay. What is that? Because if you make, if you do, if you do both, you got to, it's like, fucking then you gait. Oh, then do you straight sometimes and two? That's my thing now. I don't look, I don't, I'm not a practicing gay. Well, practice makes perfect. I was pretty good. You were, uh, I knew the practice. James, it was fighting. Gain. Yeah. He was second-best at day. I did. I think I was better at gain than fighting. You're just really bad at fighting. You have no idea. Oh my god. We do see how bad he is at gain. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm going to find that to not. Yeah, you are. You know, I've never seen someone who identifies gay just as the sex. Like, it always is, I'm so gay because I love Patty LaPone. I don't even know who that is. No, Jason, but there was nothing gay about Jason except the sex. Yeah. I was like that. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They think they've like cracked the code or something, but they didn't realize it. I was like, he calls his butthole the code. He'd suck it. I think you have, uh, like that David Bowie syndrome where it was like, I fucked. Oh, you're you have crazy stories. You've been a professional athlete for a since you were a teenager. So it was always you're good looking guy. It's always been kind of rain and pussy. You're you have a monster. It's been raining pussy on you, so eventually you got to go like, I've seen all the pussies. Could a guy's asshole feel that different? Yeah. It's more like this. It's more, you ever had sex with a 400 pound lady? I have it. Yes. And then I was like, well, damn. And I was like, whoa, that was actually pretty cool. If you close your eyes, you can't tell what's what. And then I was like, what about a black one, what about a Mexican one, what about one leg, what about one that has a penis, what about, and I was like, wait, yeah, whatever. And this is like the weirdest joke ever. All these people walking to Jason Ellis's house. Yeah. He was surprised. He was surprised. He was surprised. He was surprised. It was all of you. He was surprised. He was surprised. You know, when you fuck someone with one leg, you can't feel the missing leg. It's amazing. You can close your eyes. The weirdest one was a guy that had a vagina and bulls and a penis and a man's chest and a beard. And you did it. Was that the famous one? What's his name? It was a imaginary friend. That sounds like it could be an imaginary friend. I was like, is that physical? Is that physical? Is that physical? Is that physical? Is that physical? Did you fuck you? Did you fuck drop dead Fred? Is that possible? They made the, he got a piece, she got a, he got, he's a he now. It was a, it was a woman that became a dude. Jack. It was a piece of the inside of their thigh to put on the, to make his prosthetic penis and then an extra rubber bit on the top to make it like a pretty big dick. Yeah. And they made little balls and under the balls she had a pussy with no flaps because they used to flap some balls. And then she was like, you press this button and I can jizz here, you can jizz if you jerk me off. You can jizz from banging me in the vagina. She's like, it's supposed to be nice. You do it all, dude. And I was like, and he was like, you fucked somebody's experiment. Yeah. But that, to me, was, I had to do it because I was like, that makes nice sense. Let me do it. Did you have to have her struck by lightning to have her turned on? I don't know if we were going to find out it was a mannequin that thought it was a person. Yeah. I think it became a side of just shot eggs out right away or something like something great. This doesn't sound human. I would have been into it. Yeah. But so never, never gave one of your friends. But if you had a gay one of your friends, yeah. Out of the three of us, me, Steve and Big J, I said, if you had a gay, you have to choose. Gun to your ass. It's not even hot. It's easy. Hey. Steve, he's looking to Steve. He's looking to Steve like he wants to. He's the last, he's the last guy I want to have sex in this fucking room. Really? Yeah. Fuck. Really? He's saving up my time. Dude, this is so funny because I'm not gay at all. But I really want it to be me. I'm not gay at all. It's like I'm not gay at all. And I'm not gay at all. And I'm disappointed it's not me. I'm the last guy. It's Jack. It's Jack. It's Jack. Why? Because I think he doesn't like it. You're right. He's gay. I do this. I'm generous. I'm generous. I'm going to tell you. I'm not happy. Jay has, I don't care if he doesn't, I don't care if he might not like this, but Jay has texted me before. Uh-oh. And said, come give me a massage. Yeah. He said, he said, he said, how am I? And I said, could? And I was like, what, what, what do you want? There's like, nothing. I'm like, could you just ask me if I'm okay? He's like, yeah. I'm like, you might be the only guy ever to text me that. Yeah. Like, if you want to fuck him, because you think like a woman, you jealous ask about the fuck. Oh, I'm curious. I think, I feel like, you were doing, you were doing, he's going to stay over your house and just like, fucking, she's going to be so, we're going to be watching the new, uh, the new house of the dragon. I'm like, so Jason, um, how are you doing, how are you doing today, why are you sitting all the way over there? Fucking Jay. I was just wondering how you're feeling today. Are you okay? Is everything all right? What a rock court boner. Winter is coming. Do you want to? Throw good gay balloons out there, Jay. Nice job. That's crazy. Just because he was nice to you once. That's great. That's a damage. No, also, I got a, I do a show every day, a live streamer called horse force and there's a guy that donates every now and then and his name is Saint Jay and I swear it's you because he donates 500 bucks and nobody donates 500 bucks. Let me say if Jay and one time I was like, what do you think I should do with my podcasting and he said stick to comedy and I was like, it's like a comedy, a person that would said that. And I'm like, he, Jay was donating you $500 every day in your stream. He would be doing it to mock you and laugh at you behind your back, which would be his prize. I wouldn't do. I couldn't do the first thing. I would not. What about me makes me last in the room, like what? Not important. Last in the room. It's so tough. Not important at all. I'm a Jason on his radio show and it was interesting. I thought he, I thought he didn't like me for a while and we broke through and we became good buddies. I love Jason Ellis. That's weird. I always like to. No, no, no. I know, but you have like your, your personality is your very personality. When you first meet you, it seems like you might be like, I don't think he's digging my thing at all. But you would say, you were saying nice things, but you were like, you got a good thing about you. Funny. Is it good? I would be like, thank you. You're kind of funny. You can't. It seems like survival mechanism. We did mall cop together. Yeah, I know. 20 years ago. Look, I don't. It's not. Call it Paul. I don't know. Nobody calls it mall cop. I do. I don't really love it. You are a Thorne Blar. Paul Blar. I don't really like wide people. All right. I get that. Is that what it is? Yeah. I get it. It boring. So, but I'm second. The only reason you're second is because it would, Steve is so last. I'm the last to be second. You're second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth. Yeah. Really. Fuck. All right. Well, Mike, what about you? If you had to fuck, you had to fuck me, Jay or Steve, who would it be? I'd kill myself. Oh. Come on. We just suck your dick. Who do you want to suck your dick? Come on. Come on. You're all blow you, Mike. Look at this. Look at this. Yeah. Oh, Mike. Well, I picture this. Yeah. I change my mind. Look at this. I change my mind. Look at this. We're all blowing you. Who do you want to make eye contact with? Who do you want to, who do you want to gaze through? Come on. Come on. Come on. So desperate in this first 10 minutes. That even if I pick you, I'd be fucking you to be like, thank you for selecting me, sir. Oh, Mike. You're granted too. You want it too much, man. I don't understand. Look, we don't know who he's going to fuck with. All we know is that he's fucking U.S. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Steve is the best looking guy on the show. No. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you are. No. Dude, everyone we've ever done that. Like, we asked the other woman. I can't remember her name. Remember her name? Oh, the hot black shirt. Hot. Yeah. She was like, come on. I'll kill you first. Now we got it. What? Yeah. Yeah. She was like, I'll kill you right away. Way rather fucks the end of the new, Jason, just so you know. Well. Just so you know. Yeah. I'm just going to be a little bit more. to like, you know, besmirch us. I felt bad for him. - Well, can I say to that point, I think it's interesting. That's what I said about myself involved with all the backlash that came from it. And you guys got that. That was terrible. That was so like your face has attached to this thing that no one asked for. I said, if you take it from a picture, but the whole situation felt like such like a team, like we all did this, like everybody, the writers, everybody came in, and we did this fucking thing. And I mean, the splintering of it, as soon as it was over, was fucking crazy. - Well, it was weird, you know, like, I was okay with like the, like, you know, and we're gonna make something like, you know, comedy deserves to be criticized, that's fine. But what got weird was like, after like a few weeks, when my first residual check came in, I'm like, man, these pundits are making so much more money off this show than I ever did. (laughing) - And once I said all the entire talk of the roast that came exclusively, slightly the Charlie Kirk and the George Floyd King. - Yeah. - It's the whole roast boiled down to those two things. - Yeah, then they tried to turn it into like, other things are like, look, it's all white writers writing on a black roast. And I'm like, all right, well, if black people come, that's all better. - That was all different. - God. - It's all derivative. - I am not co-signing that. - It was a bit. - Oh, there were, there-- - It's okay, it never didn't even get off. - Yeah. - It is all-- - There were some, but it was funny too, because that like, that photo is Shane picked us. Like, that was-- - Yeah. - 'Cause you guys were white. - Yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - Well, no, he picked the best roast writers. - Yeah. - That would just, what you should fucking do, what do you want me to say? Like, literally, these are the fucking ones. - The best. - Period. Like, I was so happy involved in roasting for so long. - Look, Zach said lunch, and Shane thought he said lunch. (laughing) - That's true. - You hear what you wanna hear? Zach was paid in lunches. (laughing) - Yeah, that's fine, so the picture's like-- - He was just 30 lunches. - But I wanna share a story from the show, if I can, which was that. Jay was, I don't know if you share this, Jay, but the writers love this. All of the roasters had to send in their set. And Jay was the only one who sent his in by hand. It was just a one-page serial killer manifesto. (laughing) Looking thing, and it was amazing the room. The people that then thought you were either going to have the worst set or the best set. (laughing) And I was like, I think he knows what he's doing. He's gonna be fine, but-- - That was probably on purpose a little bit, right? - Well, no, 'cause he was gonna happen. They came with the idea, I think I go, why don't you still write like that? So I don't have like the ideas flushed out. I go, I just have like, the things, so they were like, well, they need something, so I took a picture of my cell phone of a piece of loose leaf paper. - Yeah. - Just a bunch of dickstrone on it. - Buddy, no, it said things like, it said things like, Pete Davis and Tony Hinch live have really big teeth. I don't know, horses. (laughing) And then it would go like, Cheryl Wunderwood is black as question mark, and I wrote, and I wrote, I'll figure it out. (laughing) - It was literally black as I'll figure it out. I mean, it was literally, it was written like that. - Every time I saw you interact with Jeff Ross that week, it was him flop sweating, like, so please, Jay, just give me something. (laughing) - He was so upset. - They're gonna ask me to run into places. I'm like, no. And then the other thing too is when they kept demanding that, they're like, well, you got to run, you got to run it. I go, why? I go, I understand why. They're like, well, you know, they couldn't always give names. Nikki Glazer runs it, blah, blah, blah. Kevin Hartz running it all over town. So I go, I know he's being written for. So when you're being written for, you have to like learn how, like, like when Mike writes a joke, he writes it with inflection. Thought of how it's gonna be delivered. I did this one time. I wrote for a stuff for Steve O. Once for a roast, and he did one of the jokes only, and he was like, hey, have you ever had a guy with a black cock? (laughing) Hey, Laney. Hey, I don't want to put the hair in. - The joke you wrote was him running into Mike Tyson's fist. - At the Charlie Sheen roast. - He did it. - Look, nothing else works. I think it's gonna be really fun. - I don't remember what it was, but it was honestly, whatever it was, he also took it and made it his own. Which is fun. But like, my emotional attachment to what I wrote, when he did it indifferently, and it worked, you know, how it went, however, when I don't remember it, I'm sure it went okay. But I was like, I was just like, no, that's not at all what I picked you. I fucking hated it. I was like, I was like, that's not man. It really required me. And when I tried the right for the burn, Jeff Ross' show, he had for a while, I said a package in for that, and he didn't take it. And I thought it was a good package, so I almost called him. I was like, was I considered it all? Or what was wrong with the package? He goes, it's all funny, but it's you. It's the same way when I wrote on the show, Z-Rock, I was on it for a while. I wrote for half a season, they'd have me as on his writing. And they, when they came to me at the end, they were like, yeah, we're not, 'cause they stopped asking me to come. And I was like, why am I fired from the writing part? They go, do everything you say is like would be hilarious if you said it, but you're making every character like say things you would say. And I'm like, okay, so I'll just write for myself. It's fine, I didn't mind that at all. But like, but yeah, so I didn't have to keep running it. People had to run it 'cause they're being written for it. - Yeah, you got to sort that. - And you had a personal connection that was different than anybody else. And everyone has their own process. It's like, you know, I remember when Cheryl did the rehearsal. - It was that thing of like, it was not the same as when she did it in front of 20,000 people, but it never was fucking gonna be. - No, I don't know. It's also the other side of it. And once again, we don't have to do just Rose Talk today, but like, one of the things with that was-- - We have ugly pussy, dude. - We do have somebody ugly pussy to get to. Not just the same. - We had the same. - We have two. - So, no, but with Cheryl, like, she was getting smashed so hard and taking it so well. Like, it was a fun thing. Like, the jokes that hit the hardest were the ones with her husband. Those were so brutal. When she finally got up there, it felt like, "Oh, shit, now it's time for her to fucking get retarded." - People were rooting for her to do well. - Yeah, yeah. So, it was, it was, it was cold. She's hilarious, but also it was like, the whole, like, with a crescendo of like, she's fucking up here now, and she's gonna give it back to everyone. And yeah, it was great. - It was great. - I mean, to even have her go last with that subject, the harshness that kept going on with the husband and everything, like, she fucking murdered. I said, I thought it was like-- - I mean, whoever wrote all those husband jokes, she'd just be ashamed of this. (laughter) - He's a real son of a picture of that, guys. And when the day that we found out that she was gonna do it, you know, I wrote like, 20 jokes. And I was the only one, like, a lot of people wrote jokes about her teeth and all of that. I didn't have anything about her teeth. I didn't have anything about her looks or anything. 16 of the 20 were about her husband. - Wow. - Jesus. - What's amazing, I don't know what the other four were about, but, you know what it is when you're in those rooms and you're like, this is different. This is a, like, this is the thing that I've never gotten to write about, right? - It's so funny. - Someone killing themselves. - It's a variety. - To be toy. - Yeah, yeah. - And so, people don't know this about Mike as well. It's like, and Shoutout to Rebecca, a Trent Creaking cave, 20th anniversary. They just celebrated yesterday. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But Mike Lawrence, Mike is a fucking nice guy. He's a nerd, massively autistic. Great father. - Yeah, yeah. - These are all true things about him. But Mike Lawrence used to-- - Great husband. - He used to sit in the back of the open mics and just be mean to comedians. He used to bully comedians. It was the most insane thing. Only in the world of comedy, can the biggest nerd I've ever met in my entire life. Bulley jocks. - You know what I'm talking about? - It's funny because it's always like a, it's funny the relationship you have with people versus what they're seen in a certain way. Because I always, you know, me and Dorosa started around the same time, about two years apart. - Yeah. - And when I remembered Dorosa and I brought him up to New York and he moved in with me, and he would go to the comedy show or they would fucking rip him the shreds. And he would go home like upset. - Yeah. - Upset where I have to like, talk him off a ledge. He'd go in his room and slam his door. They'd make fun of him so much with Patrice and all those guys and key and all those guys. Going him so hard. But by the time he got an established and then like Lewis and Dave would be around, he would give Lewis and Dave that kind of shit. And they would be like, fucking, I read about it. And I almost have to tell them I go, no, no, just like, go with him. Like, go with him too. - No, I almost beat up Dorosa in a car once. We were coming back from a gig and he was just like, trashin' me and trash. And I was like, it wasn't funny. There was nobody. It wasn't a bit for me. It was me and Joe. - There's nobody to show off for. - That's funny, it's funny. - That is funny. - He's just, I was fucking hilarious. - He's doing a lot of this and I'm like, that means he's doing it for the love of the gig. - That's just a fan of the craft. - He's got the last Joe Dorosa. - I told Joe I was like, we're gonna pull this car over and I'm gonna fuck you up. - That's funny, too. - And he's like, what? - But I just thought some bubbles. - I see him with the cream green that I pulled the car over. I'm gonna fuck you up one time. I think Dorosa's thing was like, I'm part Egyptian so I can say, if people can call me sand and word, I can say, the argument was so bad, but they fought the entire way home. But Dorosa, my point was, he was very sensitive on point and kind of grew with thick skin and became a guy known for ball busts. It was funny when he was going at Dave and Lewis, they were getting so angry at him. But I do remember that, I think, how long have you been doing comedy? I've been doing it for 21 years. - 21 years, yeah. - Yeah, so I've been doing it about eight years longer than you. So it's like, just because I was just by timing that I was like, just like a longer in the business than you, I didn't know, but I remember hearing it, I always think you were very nice guy. And then hearing, they're like, book in Mike Dodd, it's like Derrick Haynes. So people were like, Derrick Haynes, what a monster. He just says you suck and your comedy's no good. You should really stop or learn how to write it. - I was clever, that is not fair to compare. - No, no, no, no, I'm just saying, but the idea of something that people aren't afraid of you is like a critique. - I mean, me and Mike, when we would do the roast master show, it was great. But we also, people don't even know, it's like if you watch me and Mike on old killtonies, with like 30 people in the belly room, we were the only ones who were being mean. Back in the day, they were just like giving advice and Tommy, and me and Mike Lawrence treated it like it was like a roast battle, and we started fucking trash. - This is one of the handicapped people on that show still felt handicapped. - Yeah. - They felt less that. - Yeah. - They didn't have an easy ramp up show business. - Yeah. - Literally. - All right, let's take a quick moment to think body brain coffee for supporting the show. Body brain coffee. Thank you. - Oh yeah. - The best coffee on the planet. It is premium freeze dry colombian coffee That's blended. with new tropics and adaptogens that are clinically proven to support testosterone, brain function, and mood. It will make you feel incredible. You don't need five cups of coffee every day, have one cup of body brain coffee right in the morning. You can take the little sachets to go. You can bring them on the road. If you want to see them, you're traveling all over the place. Yeah, baby. I need that body brain coffee for sure, dude. Let's shove it up my ass. You're on the road. You're Ashwagandas down. Yep. A lot of people have said it. A lot of people are saying it goes to this guy is like probably Ashwagandas deficient. It's got Tonk and Ali, Ashwagandas, Lyons made, L-theanine, plus premium freezer, I think you don't get that. Oh yeah, Lyons made, dude. I'm going to the times I've been out of Lyons made on the road. Dude, I know. And how often are you like, dude, my brain just isn't functioning. I'm in brain fog. I could use some body brain coffee with some Lyons made, hot, cold, interprotein shake, however you like it. We're going to give it 20% off by going to bodybraincoffee.com. Using the promo code LOS20, save 20% off and if you subscribe, you're going to get free shipping for life. 20% off and free shipping. And check this out. We're going to give you money back guarantee, this is a new thing that we're doing. If you do not think bodybraincoffee is the best functional coffee that you've ever had in your entire life, hit us up. Suck my dick. We're going to dock your family. So I dare you to say something about all of your information. It's over for you. Try to fucking complain about any of that. It's okay. If your phone number, your email address, your mom's phone number, rich, rich makes the best wallet out there. I'm telling you right now, it is the best and they are slim. They are modern. They are RFID blocking. What is RFID? That means if people are trying to steal your information, it blocks that so people can't steal your information. Shit, that's sick. You like to be able to go up to your pocket with their phone and take all your info. And they can just tap it and take your info and now they can't do it with your RFID. Now they can't do it. They also have not only do they have the best wallet on the planet. They have power banks and luggage as well, which are incredible. The power bank, I bring everywhere that I go, I don't have to bring five fucking wires with me now. You can charge three phones at the same time on it. That's incredible. And I'll tell you right now, we're doing a pretty cool thing. Ridges has their legendary sweepstakes, which is back and bigger than ever. From now through September 8th to lucky winners, we'll get to choose between some amazing prizes like sports cars and cold hard cash. See if you're a car guy. Look at some of these cars down here. Yeah, dude. What do we got here? We got a Lamborghini Hurricanes Toronto. What the fuck, man? It sounds like a drinking Starbucks. Shit, dude. A Ford Hennessey Velosteraptor. That's like a kids toy. Yeah. By the way, super awesome. Just when you say the word Lamborghini first, everything else is like. Yeah. Huracon, Toronto. A Ford. A souped up Ford Bronco. Who gives a shit? Dude, if I got the Ford, I would kill myself. Yeah. If I got the Ford, oh, you got the Lamborghini. It's a Lamborghini in play and I got a fucking Ford. I want the Velosteraptor. Actually, I'll just take the $100,000 in cold hard cash. That's what I would say. Listen, there's no purchase necessary to answer, but every dollar you spend gets you more entries. Let's talk a little bit about these Golden Ticket contests. You guys came in a very fun night. Very fun night. I thought we had two to set through. I think we're up to, like, we have five now. We have five now. There was only two to set up. Let me tell you. If you haven't submitted next week, next Monday is the finals of this, okay? It is the Legion of Skanks Golden Ticket Contest. This year's the first. We're going to do another Golden Ticket contest as well. But this is the ugliest pussy competition. Lewis, have you not pointed it out yet, dude? Well, have you not pointed it out yet? Oh. He's what's so sad when you said Golden Ticket competition, I'm like, oh, God, we're going to have to watch people do stand-up. And I'm like, oh, thank God, ugly pussy. Yeah. Oh, it's better. No, Jay. Yeah, Jay. By the way, took my advice and he got his eyebrow line shaved in. Look at that. Turn your head a little so they can see. Oh, look, it does. It's good. It's like you were fucking. But you got zapped with lightning, dude. Zapped. Another reason I would want to fuck him. Yeah. Like that. Man. You're into that. Fuck you. Fuck you. Give me some fucking clippers right now. Fuck you dudes with lighting bolts. So hot. If you want to get clippers from Walgreens right now, I'll shave a line and lose my eyebrow. Dude, I'm like, I'll be tripped down at like a lake. So here's the thing. If you want to join this next Monday as our finals, we're not accepting anymore. We're going to pick our top like four or five from the ones we've gotten so far. This next Monday will be the finals LOS golden ticket at gmail.com. You have to send in a one to two minute video with proof that this is your pussy and you're not just sending some random pussy in you got to, you know, with a piece of paper it says, Hey, we're joining the leaders against golden ticket contest. And then you show your pussy. Fuck that shit. And you could talk or you could show it or whatever. We're going to have other fun contests and other fun other fun rounds as well. But you have seen a pussy fought up close. Yes. I put it in a movie, like the director's cut is where I put it in a lot, but the main movie, the woodsman, not the one with Kevin Bacon. I made another one. Yeah. Okay. Which about it, dude, the Americans come to Australia to camp and this dude has a big dick and a snake stuck up. He's asked who lives out in the woods. He kills all these people in like really grotesque ways. He cuts one dude's arms legs and dick off and then makes him eat his dick and then shits on his face. Oh, he's wacky. That's it. Let's talk. No, it's like Ben. I think. Oh, yeah. I know that story. It was called Jack and the Beanstalk. I was super surprised that it didn't make it big. You know, I was like, here we go. Like no more skateboarding. I'm just going to be a movie star, but you know, but he really, so this is your, you made a feature length movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is so much more uplifting. We have the Kevin Bacon, the woodsman. Tony Hawkes in it. Benji Madden's in it. Like I got celebrities as well, but at one point, can you send me this video? It's on YouTube. You know, they're like, yeah, that's a cigarette burn. I'm put a pussy fart in the movie. So like in the, in the theater, I was in the back and I watched it. There's me in the theaters. Why are you always going to watch on YouTube? Just for a second, in the movie, well, Benji Madden saying stuff and everyone's like, wait. Did anybody, and I sat back and I was like, this might be one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life. I don't know if my dick is too short or too fat, but whenever I felt a girl from behind when she flips back over, she just farts and keeps telling me it's from her pussy, which doesn't make it better. It does make it better. Spoiler alert. That's going to be on store worse than six weeks. Fuck it. Pussy farts are fun though. Like to watch. To watch. To watch. Yeah. I never watch them. I mean, I've smelt them. I've heard them. I feel like you're not. Larry Lewis, you need to slow down a little bit. I do. Sometimes I feel like staring into somebody's asshole with the light on for a long period of time is how you get to know somebody. Yes. That's what they mean when they say stop and smell the roses once in a while. You don't really know me. You will tonight. You're coming. Yeah. Tonight we'll know him in a biblical sense. So we have five pussies that have been submitted this week. We only had one last week and she was great. She's currently in first place as it stands technically. I think you're in first place, honestly. Well, yeah, they did. We did have 19 people sent in pictures of me for the ugly pussy competition. You're in first place. That was hard. It was very, very funny. Technically you're in first place. What did you say? They're all coming in. That's great. That's great. That's great. I'm glad. I actually want that. Jason, did you bring a tattoo kit here? Yeah. Are you tattooing us tonight? If you want to, yeah. I don't know. I'll get to Jason. I'll set you. I would. We must tattoo each other. Ooh. I've been doing it at home. It's pretty cool. It's cheap. I'll tattoo you. Rock paper tattoo. Loser tattoo is the other one. I mean, right. You're my name on you and your name on me. All right. Hand Turkey. I'm not going to do it. - This is front one of her children's notebooks. - Spiral notebooks. - She literally opened up one of her child's notebooks and tore the paper. - Guys, did you know she calls her pussy a trapper keeper here? - Guys, you question also, what year we in? Where your spiral notebook doesn't have a perforation where you don't have to have the fucking-- - Yeah, that's what we're talking about. - That's where he's hanging. - This is like a straight-up, a poor person. - No one has to pull the paper right off the fucking spiral. That's crazy. - Man, her pussy's so blurring. You guys are analyzing paper. - By the way, all right. - I saw Pussy five minutes ago. I just looked at the bottom of the paper. - Tell me something sharp, me nuts, also. The spiral notebook itself is holding a whole bunch of piece of paper in there. - You guys are gay than me. I'm still looking at the pussy. Pussy's fine, who's good. - You know about there's me. There isn't a period in the sentence or the pussy. - Yeah. - She's definitely not a teacher. - I'll tell you this much, I'd come up in her pussy. - Wait, well, how hair it is. - There it is. Come on, Chinese Hitler. - Not even Chinese Hitler. - Chinese Hitler wasn't in that one. - He wouldn't be laughing either if you would Chinese Hitler. - Chinese Hitler, he's a hard, he's a tough egg to crack. - All right, I mean, look, Jason, how do we do this? Do we give him maybe a score in terms of ugliness? Ooh, you know what we should be doing for this? We should be doing sliding scale and doing ugly to not ugly and throwing them on the sliding scale. - Too busy, too busy. I think a score. - Yeah. - One to five. - I think one to ten on how the highest score is how it's really ugly. - Ugly. - The uglier is the higher. - That thing, I'm going to give, if we don't want to five on-- - One to five. - It's under basic. - One point five. - No, that's a beauty. - One point five is a beautiful pussy. - Yeah, what are you doing? - No. - One point five. - One point five, dude. That's like, it's just at least a-- - Two, it's just a fucking basic pussy. - It's not basic. - It's not basic. It's got a little, it's a little bit. - It's a point because like any other woman, like, if you're about to show your pussy for like a photo, you're going to shave it, you're going to-- - She was like, all right. - Well, he was nasty. - That's out of my point. She did this just to make it like-- - It's not real here. - It's not real here, you know? - It's a little duck. - This chick waxes her pussy. - She's a little too daunter. She's a little wet. She's awesome. - She's glistening. - She's glistening, dude. - I'm saying a two and I'm stopping. - Now, now I want to ask the audience, what has been the gayer part of the show when we talked about it, who would suck, who off for how ugly pussy's look? - It's just a dope man working shit out. Look at that horrible hole. Oh my god. - Ew. - Maybe that. - Maybe that. - 10 roots. - Bruised it. - Oh, that's good for us making more games. - Oh my god, if you squint it, it looks like a dude's butt. - Yeah. - I'm going to give this a-- I mean, I'm going to go with a three. - Wow. - A solid three that she's got a little damage. She's a mom, but I like the fact that it's got a little glistening. - You don't know if she's a mom. - She's a mom. - She's a mom. - She's got a gun and she's got a-- - She could just be fat. - Yeah. - She could just be a fat lady. - You know, if she's not pregnant or had a baby any colder pregnant, it's worse than fat. - Yeah, she's chunky. - What does that do? - Fight you. - I'll beat the shit out of this. - Here, baby. - That's nice. - This mom. - She's a chunky girl. - I'm giving it a six. I think it's a nasty. - A six. - I think it's nasty. - Yeah, see, like a one person over here, and he's got glasses on, so he can see that snatch. - Oh, that's white fucking, uh, Dwayne Wayne from fucking-- - Look, if I have to go, if I have to go at 11 on some bitch I will, but right now, that's the same. - It's one out of five. - Oh, fuck. Well, then a four. - Wow. - Okay, all right. - You think that's disgusting? - I mean, I-- - You're not leaving much room. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Well, what is there? One with like half a leg? - We don't have legs. - This is the ugliest pussy we've seen. I don't think that's-- - I don't think that's the pussy. - I don't think that's the pussy. - I would eat that pussy. - I didn't say I would need it. - I would eat it. - I would eat it. - How ugly is it really? - A green hand turkey. - Let's tattoo each other. - Jason in America we would call that a blooming onion. (laughing) - Foster's Australian froggy pussy. - You call that a pussy. - That's not a pussy. - I didn't say that. I'll do pig. I don't care. (laughing) - I give it a three. - 3.5. - 3.5. - I would two. - Two. - Four. - Four. - Wow. - Doc. - Patch. - That's fine. - That's a beautiful pussy to my clients. - Okay. - Do the average of that and we'll come up at the end. You let us know later on. Let's go to number two. - Total four. - It's K. She got a video and she says, "You have my consent." She gave us some information by the way. 37 years old, no kids used to be a big ol' slut. Sex addict recovered, celebrated for five years. And I don't even date now. She's been through hell. - Oh, hey. - I love the context. - Yeah. - Constext. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh. - Johnson. - That explains the sad story. - Yeah. - Good job, Jason. - Okay. - No, you have nowhere to go. - Wait, Mr. Four. - You're fucking in there. - That's what I'm saying. - I'm going by you. - Yeah. - This has to be fucking himself to skate. - That's crazy. - I have to, I have to recalibrate my first. - No. - You can't. - No. - You can't. - You know the streets will get to be like that. What the fuck, streets? - Hey, guys. You're gonna be joking me, dude. That's on the street. - I know. That looks like my dad's asshole. - He can get hit by that on the street. - She's a sex addict. - No, you're kidding me. That's like more than one of those is on the streets. - Dude. - Get the fuck out of here. - Yeah, okay, well. - I would rather be in a shock attack. - Who? - I would rather fucking be like, what's that? And it's a six-foot tiger shock than what's that? It's that pussy. - Dude, do you guys remember when Walter peck decommissioned that and all the ghosts flew out? (laughter) - Dude, this looks like a fucking black guy's neck. - Don't you? - It's open to skin tags. - That is, and here's the thing. They're gonna say, we know. - I would not eat that pussy. - No. - I would not. - Lewis? - I would not. - Lewis? - Nope. - It's arguably tighter than the last one. - It is. - Because who knows? But you really gotta get into that cave to see what's what. - I gotta say what, Lewis, I gotta say this. - What? - I've been with a girl who, however reason, whether it be facially, or it's clearly facially, 'cause this body's pretty bad, I think. But facially, I've got into a girl enough where I've. I would probably at least start to eat that pussy. - She spread her legs, she says. - Jay! - Go to town. - Jay, you look at that and you could get involved with it? - Even with that eyebrow slice. - I'm insecure. And I want her to feel like I was, it was a good time. And I deal with it. By the way, I don't look back on it fondly. I go, I had to get through a moment. I fucking, I go, whatever my deficiency is, got me to this moment. - Yeah. - Now I gotta do the right thing. - Jay, whatever her deficiency is. - Whatever her deficiency is, it's like a calcium, and some like, vitamin D. - Jay, I will say that has also entertained 76,000 people in Philadelphia. - Absolutely. - Oh, that girl's a fucking patch. - You can give that a trim and maybe tan it. - I mean, that's crazy. - That is, you know? - I go four. - Wait, she's. - That's pretty up there, yeah. - I'm gonna four, four. - She's a sex addict, right? - Wait, you're saying this gonna be a wasma, then that? - I have to leave a little bit of room. - Look at the jump from one to two. - Okay, I'm fine. - I'm also gonna give it a four. - This is a video. - Oh, this is a video. We haven't even got into that fucking video. - Oh, God. - This is a video. - Is it necessary? - Yeah. - What I'm gonna see more. - It's gonna get worse. - Whatever's just assfarts. - Let's see. - It talks. - I'm trying to get that golden ticket. - Girl, you are close. You are very close. - Wait, what is happening? - With my ugly ass pussy that I don't even use anymore. - She's a ranger. - She's a ranger. - Oh! - Her clit's on the side. Her clit's leaning left. All right, my left. - Fucking fully gay. - It looks like the elephant man's chin. - Oh, my. - It looks like it's gonna be weird. And be honest with me. Am I not wrong, please? - Her inside pussy is the color of the middle of your dick. - That is true. That is my second hand turkey. - Oh. - This is the first time I ever wondered if Arby's does Door Dash. - Yeah. - This is its spotty, it's dark, it's hairy. - Oh. - I mean, her fingers aren't attractive. They're in an attractive thing on this girl. - No. - She's got three clits, I think. - No, just the one. But the other, the finger's skin tags. - Oh man. By the way, Dave Smith would be having none of this. - He'd be having none of it. - I think that he's never been a part of the show. - Yeah, I don't even know what that is. - He got our close friend, Dave Smith, has never been a part of the show. 15 years, three for life. - He would be like, you think that's ugly. You should see the straight up her nose. - Yeah. - That is crazy. All right, keep it going. Keep the video going. - Ugly. - Pause it. The left lip looks like you could pull it off of her. - I could actually translate for her. - Hold on, we're just so wrong. - It looks like, do you ever see with those Mexican kids that are becoming trees? Or do you ever see that? You never see the Mexican kids that are becoming trees? - I don't exactly what you're talking about. - I don't know, they're becoming trees for some reason. - And it looks like her pussy might be coming a tree. - Have you ever seen like a homeless person? They have a giant foot for some reason? - Yeah. - You're like, "You're supposed to be coming a tree." What the fuck is going on with your foot? - Greed. - That's what her pussy looks like. - Yeah, they look at Groot. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'll take the tri-tip, meaning that's rare, please. - You guys can get to become trees. - If you're seen inside of it with the video, you would eat that. - She goes eat it. - Buddy, I'm telling you, if I brought you home, I'm just gonna do the thing, and I'm gonna chalk it up. Listen, I wouldn't even use my drawer. - Excuse. No, no, no, this wouldn't happen now. I'm just saying in my life, but I'm trying to say. - Oh, and you're in your life. - I went to a thing where it's like, I am a more discerning in my life now. This, whatever is attached to this, I'm not going home with you. - He was less discerning when it was married. - If this girl had just like nice eyes, I'd go, yeah, and when I got back, if I was like, oh shit, man, it's like, I'm not actually a track to her at all. - Yeah. - I went to the camera pans off, and she's just like, "I have no eyes." - You're just gonna do that, dude. - I brought home, dude, I brought home a, that's actually pretty hot. - That thing is more of an echo chamber than our thoughts about the Kevin Hartbrook. - Let me tell you something. I brought, I was the first time I ever went to LA, I think. I went to meet my friend who was a bartender at a club. I ended up talking to this girl, big, heavy, sick girl. She's cute enough. And then she wanted me to come back to her place so I was like, "Sure." I told my friend I was gonna go back with these girls, bring my car back to his place, and I'm gonna go with them. I was driven by a guy who was a friend of her and her friend. The other girl was really hot. And the other girl sort of pitching the idea that me and her and the other girl have a threesome. The hot girl, the hot girl. - Oh, yeah. - And it was like, her. - You have to act, in the moment you have to act like you don't care about what it is. - Yeah, we can fucking party, whatever, girl, whatever. And then the fucking big girl was like, "Get out, leave us alone, we're good on our own." Then we went back to her place and she said, "Let me go, she's at the line, I'm gonna slip into something more comfortable." Then she went back and came back in like a house coat. - Ah, yeah. - A blue moon. - She meant it. - She meant more comfortable. And I was not attracted to her in any way at all whatsoever. I ate her pussy until she fell asleep and then I snuck out. - Whoa. - It's a gentleman. - Yeah. - By the way, and I had to walk to him. - And this is why Jason Alice would fuck you. - Yeah. - This is before Uber. And I, so I had to find a major street and wait like 20 minutes for a fucking cab. - Yeah, I've chatted like 400 pound babe before like, just a street. - You're doing it for sport because you have fucking, no matter what fuck, attractive chicks. - Yeah. - In my mind, that's not true. - In my mind, I was like, I'm not gonna get hot chicks. Certainly every time. - The biggest one I ever-- - So whatever girl was like, oh my God, whatever it is about you, I wanna fuck you, I'd go like, yeah, that makes sense to me, let's do it. - The biggest girl I ever hooked up with was the last girl that wanted to dance with me. And it was super late and she was so fat today. I couldn't kiss her because her belly was in the way. And then I took her, and I did well in a skateboard contest and I had a hotel room that had a jacuzzi in the room. So my whole thing was, 'cause I was probably like 18. So my whole thing was-- - What you wanted? - To the room, no matter, I didn't matter who it was. - I was seeing how much water she had this place. - She put her leg over, I remember she put her leg over and got into the jacuzzi and like water came out. - Oh, one leg. - And then it was just one. - But then I-- - Did you have to throw raw fish on the floor so she would get out? - I tossed out in the middle of it. - Really? - And she drowned. - Why was she on top? - I don't know, I don't know. But I wanted to do everything. And I'm not afraid to admit it, she was a nice lady. She had one of, wow, weird eye. Like a lazy, like, shack. - A wonky eye. - Oh, nice. - So she didn't have, either end was not cool, but it was fun. - That pussy, it's gonna smell different at the front door than it is when you open up the doors. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - We're not even taking that and get to consider it. - That's-- - I gave it a four. - I gave it a four only. I would give it a five. If this was the last pussy we were seeing, she'd get a five and it's disgusting. And, you know, God bless her. I want her to go through. - It's not that bad. - She's making it to the finals, obviously. You're saying it's not that bad. - I'm just 'cause she might, she's listening. - Oh, no, she knows. - She knows, she wants to win. - She's definitely listening. - She's not that bad. - No, it's pretty bad. - She wants to win, you know, this is a high value win. - Well, the line is Skankfest. See how much you want. - Skankfest, just tickets in general, and also you skip all the lines you sit wherever you want. - Looks like it's gonna flip. Let's-- so, Mike Lawrence, what do you give it? - That's a four, yeah, yeah. - Jason. - Four. - You get a half. - Four and a half. - It's gonna be worse. - I want to know that I said-- - Oh, you're new. - Yeah, knowing that we have played more of these. - I know. - You said like a mechanic, you're like, it's the break. - Yeah, everybody knows it's the break. - Look at Tristan and Figs. - You said you're something. Figs talking shit over there. They're like, we could do better than Jason Ellison, Mike Lawrence, fuck them. - Fuckin' loose. - Those guys are old. We're the young boys. - We're the young boys. - We say phrases these guys don't understand. They're just mad 'cause we're on TikTok. - You guys are valid. (laughing) - Good. - Is the video over? - I think so. - Mercifully? No! - Holy shit. - Two and a half four minutes. - It's like the honesty. - That is what it is. - Elliot Page is still the way up. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, you actually should be watching this in IMAX 70 millimeter. - 100%. - That's the way to. - That's the only way to really enjoy it. - It's the way 30 Greek men come out. (laughing) It's the way the director intended it. - Yeah. (laughing) - All right, is that it? (coughing) - I was too honest. - How do you feel about the slice? - I love the slice. - It is cool, dude. - I mean, it was my idea. - It was your idea. - You love it. - I don't hate it. - You'll never be on the slice now. - I might just slice every two weeks. - One time. - I hooked up with a lady that had like a bowl on her pussy. - A boy? - A bowl. - A ball. - A ball? - That's a man, Jason. - Nah, I know I've done that too. - I had one time a hook-up and a lady had a ball. - No, I'm saying it, the lady on the labia to be technical had a big skin tag that was like the size of a testicle. - Uh-huh. - On one side. - You bite it off? - My friend brought her over and we had a threesome in jacuzzi and I didn't realize. - Girl, friend or guy friend? - Guy friend. - And then when I took her into the leading room and I was on top of her, I was like, whoa, my bowl got stuck. And then I was like, wait, that's not my bowl. - Oh, my God. - And then just like you, dude, didn't say nothing about her bowl. - Never. - Played through, got her off multiple times. Fucking bubbed your uncle, everybody wins. - Oh yeah. - And remember one of your sex stories sounds like you're quint from jaws. Like, it's amazing. - Jason, and she was so fat we called her to the USS in the apocalypse. - When I was on tour, I was opening for corn in one city in somewhere in Texas. - Did you tour with corn? - Yeah. Somewhere in Texas, I actually tour corn on one point. Somewhere in Lubbock, Texas, I think it was some weird town. We played this weird place and I met a lady. She was like a mom, body, nothing like really. But you know, cute enough where I was like, she wanted to go hang out backstage. And right before, as I was pulling her pants down, she wanted to go hook up, as I was pulling her pants down, on my knees between her legs. I'm gonna eat her pussy for sure. She goes, oh, she goes, I feel like I should tell you two. I was in a pretty bad, like, burn accident. And I don't know what it was, buddy. I don't know, it's like she was ghost rider. She wrote a flaming motorcycle from her fucking inner knees on both sides all the way to her pussy. It was like Freddy Krueger cheeks. - Was the pussy-edit? - And I, no. - Did you go, um, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. - I ate her pussy and center on her way. - She did pull her pants down and had little faces of all the souls that were trapped in her thighs. - Ah, let me out, let me out. - It shows. - Dinner's up. You've got the body and I've got the brain. - Yeah. - Welcome to Pride Time, bitch. - If no one's ever wanted to eat me out, I'm a big jay. - No point getting into it, but just-- - And I actually look more like the actor without the makeup. Wait, is that Robert Eglinton? - Whenever I remember, I always tell people, watch the documentary Screen Queen about Nightmare Noam Street 2, which was a gay dude who played the main character. And he ended up getting AIDS. And he blames the movie for making him promiscuous gay, because they were like, it's a gay iconic movie at this point. Nightmare Noam Street 2. - Is it? - What? - You're an iconically gay. - Bring up the body, I've got the brains. - I remember that. - You've got the body and I've got the brains. - Right, because me and you aren't thinking about it. - No, let's remember that being the coolest thing is that a party is in the backyard by the pool. You've got the body at the brain. - I'm really happy, it's not by the pool yet. They're inside of me, does this. But let me tell you, all you need is this. - I remember, all you need is this scene that realizes this guy was already getting-- - It's one of my only quotes for Freddy Krueger's, you've got the body, I've got the brains. - It's the only time Freddy attacks someone and there were condoms on each of the claws. - But I will say, it's pretty, the documentary is great 'cause it's him trying to get back in touch with the director to be like, why did you write this movie for me to be so gay in this movie without even telling me was that gay and the director? It's been his whole life has been pent up on this and he feels he got AIDS, living this weird lie. And then he goes, we just wrote the script, man, like, you're gay, so you made it pretty gay. (laughing) By the way, it's the most unsatisfying talk. He talks to the guy and he was like, "Yeah, I don't know what you want me to tell you, man." Like, we wrote a script and like, you started like, you know, touching things with your to see and your underwear, he's like, so. - Well, wouldn't it be a worst Freddy Krueger be if every time you fell asleep, Jason Ellis, fuck to me. - Yeah, yeah. - I would rather Freddy Krueger kill me than every time I fell asleep. I keep myself awake 'cause Jason Ellis is in my dream. - So all you're remembering is you've got the body and the brains, but watch the scene and now you'll see exactly why this guy brought his own little sense of flair. What's this? (audience cheering) - I was a kid watching this, never thought anything dead. Yeah Turn it up. Oh, that's a little gay. No Right there So just scary scene you think it's terrifying You've got the body No, shut up Yeah, we'll put it for find it longer. That's crazy Type in the screen type in you know, never know. She's too scream. I mean, it's crazy You really watched that a lot, huh? This documentary was great. Oh, okay, documentaries. I wouldn't watch it on YouTube clearly She finds you say it's really great documentary. Yeah, I would watch that documentary Jay. I will watch it tonight It's really good. It's clean. It's cool. Yeah, I don't think you'd be that bummed out if I bought fuck you You don't think you think I'd like it. Yes, really? Yeah, everybody thinks. Oh, that's why most women than one of six All right, here we go, here we go. Oh, let me let me make it a point. Jay relax. Oh, it's fine Wait, yeah, it's all right. Yeah, most women that want to have sex with me are witches have like too many tattoos They want me to hurt them. Yeah, I don't I'm not I mean, I'll do it if I really get to know you but I don't really want it You make love. Yeah, so you'd really like it. Yeah, yeah, I'm not I'm not like I'm gonna make it hurt What kind of you want you guys to explode next to see together? Well, I would I make love I would need to be I would need to be deeply kissed and there's no way I could I could fuck it enjoy a man But fucking me with my legs up by my ears. That's crazy Bring up this video, please. This video then ugly pussy's we're doing good on time. We got a trilogy of ugly pussy Okay, that is the case He didn't need to do that like I agree that Freddie Krueger showing you his actual brains But festival you were already in a dream with Freddie Krueger. That's fucking enough to be like kind of scared You're saying now the brains is where you fucking lose your shit If you bring the if you bring the opening credits of it up even it's like he's like he's like he's like he's like cleaning his room And he's like he's like he's like bang in the thing with his to see like a closed door. It's like but a year you are It's plus director director said that he goes Do I know what tell you goes your gay and that really shine through in the movie? Yeah He goes it's just like I don't know what else to tell you and anything like maybe Well, thank you for meeting with me. I bet you they said when he when he takes when he shows the brain Scream in terror when he did it everybody in the everybody then went. Oh, oh, oh But now they do like maybe like screenings like drag queen like screenings. It's like it's like a it's like a gay iconic movie Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. Let's go to our next pussy. Please third up. We pussy. Please speak That's so good This is actually showing three photos I mean zoom in because this is fine too. Well, let me just say this can't pause it for what's I do before you? Pull back for one moment. Hold on. Is it pixelated? Can I say that's bush? Do that's bush? Number one. She said is opposed. This is a skankfest nine This is If she wore the fuck a different dude every night two times a day The entire skankfest she would succeed and every 10% of skankfest and everybody and everybody would be like Everybody like to do. Yeah, that girl. I hope she wants to hang out tonight and you see her come with somebody else he goes Man fuck her dude. I don't even care really. You know it's weird One of these chicks might be one of the women in the room right now. This might be husband right here. There's two Glady. Let me see your pussy. Hold on Chinese Hitler is this you The way that she shook her head. She's like I hate unicorns Okay, I'll give a vote on this one nice and easy. No, we see a three photos. Can we zoom in three photos? Oh It's getting ugly like something's happening down there. There's a glacier at the top now. I'll be us. What do you see? I see it? Let's stop for a second. I see the character Destro from GI Joe Now bring up a picture of Destro from GI Joe if you could and tell me if you see what I see Destro was a silver headed bald And he had a fucking like a thing around his neck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was like a cobra thing Tell me if you see it because it's exactly what I see and I think this might make me a fucking genius. Yeah Move it over. Yeah, you see that's right. I see now what it is fist at the bottom fucking Destro there he is. That's crazy. What is up with her pussy? He has not commanded a cobra in years. He didn't see dependent. I think his void of cobras. It looks like one of the crystals that Superman had a Put into the glacier to get his fucking parents out. Yes, it does. It looks like a Superman crystal that's going to tell you about his parents. Is that That's staring at it as half the battle. What is Ben and her Why does she have jewels in her pussy? Now here's the thing. It's a weird picture. Is she just horny? Maybe there's a, is that a cockroach on her pussy? Oh man. Why was the marker fading on two zero? But let me, that's true. It is weird. Oh man. I mean, she sweats all the time down. Yeah. Let me say this though. I wouldn't say it's ugly. It's too, by the time I see the problems with her pussy, it's too late. You're right. I'm sorry. I just saw the legs of the body. Yeah. So here's the thing. It's like looking at the nutrition on the donut afterwards. Oh, wait. That wasn't good for me. Oh wait. I'm not gonna believe there's one more picture, right? There's two more pictures. It is both crispy. This is still the first picture. Oh, okay. Cool. This is the second. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's see one more. She's really gonna go deep nuts with it. Oh. Oh. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That just bounce back hot. There's a bounce back. Fucking hard. Oh. That's so, that's so weird. We're back. I didn't want to see Jizz. Wait, why not? Is that true? I'm fine. That's Jizz, dude. That's a guy coming over her pussy. Can I tell you something? I'm okay with you. You fucked yourself up, lady. I was giving you a fucking three. Now I'm moving down to a two. Oh, really? Oh, because you guys are gay, right? Yeah. Well, also, I mean, she's like, oh, yeah, she's looking at cars, but I don't want to see someone drive one. No, but I'm saying the Jizz also adds to like, oh, she's a fucking look at her. What a pig. Somebody more pussy. And her pussy is fine. Yeah, here's the big part of this competition so far is is we're judging their pussy's obviously, but it's really the entire vehicle that's bringing the pussy to us. Here's here's here's my thing between the Jizz and the unicorn helmet. It's too many props. Like, yeah, before spoke for itself. I mean, I probably actually does. Well, I completely disagree. I feel like there's 70 tricks that this vagina is doing well being ugly and it's quite an accomplishment. I don't know that it's that ugly right there. That right there is a decent looking slit. I would think that's lit with the come on it. Me too. No, it's called cleanup duty. Yeah. Shut up. Sereba Paul, wait a second. That's that moved down from a three to a two. The second picture was. I'm still giving it a 2.5. It's not pretty, but it's not. I wouldn't say. I think this is a little bit annoying. If this this. We're still in this shot. The crystals gone, dude. This woman has an opinion. What is going on here? You're. Oh, really? You think you're better miss? Hold on. Listen, show us your pussy. Please. It's a bad. In this in this rental. Yeah, she's. The touch of vacation. She did not come on it. But that is the thing. It's like it's you know, yes. Like no. Girls like no other chicks get fucking that catch that dude. Yeah, I'm gonna give it a 2.5. I'll get the voting going Jay You say to - okay, I think it's only ugly because no one ever told her it was beautiful. Wow That was publicly. Can I grab it? Thank you, too. Thank you. Appreciate it. I'll go 3.5 again. The 3.5 again. Well, yeah, Steve's not impressed. Jason, what are you saying over here? I'm gonna give it a two because you know, it's kind of gay and that's me. Maybe I'm back And he fags looking to hang out in the pocket lot. I'll let you boy Show - too. All right, you guys got the scores in good. We're gonna have two more We're doing so good here guys. You want to do plugs real quick? But before you go to the other two? Let's do some plugs. Jason I was what do you plug in my friend? Oh Horse force horse force every day. I made I raised money to Pay for a horse because I count really a full one but I can because I'm on YouTube every day live streaming Jason I'll show patreon.com slash Alice May and then my specials on YouTube And it'll be a two-a-dates V Jason else calm. Do you have horses where you live? Yeah, you get to hang a horse I thought I'm on horse Random man's I Lawrence nerd a mount podcast on the last podcast network and we're also on YouTube talk about a bunch of nerdy stuff, you know I'm really hoping there's an overlap between looking at ugly pussies and Cyclops from the X-Men otherwise. I don't know why I'm here Steve right is easy a Steve right is easy calm. It's joined the I'm gonna be doing a tour in the fall So I'm putting dates together join the mailing list tell me where you want me to go But for right now cameo hit me up for those lineups if you want your fantasy draft line up, I'll take care of it for you. And yeah, football season's coming, let's go giants. - Hell yeah. - Man, I was gonna just slap cerebral pals on the ass and worry that I would send him on the floor. - I'm just hoping that everyone's saying they'd fuck him last means that the price goes down on the cameo to the floor. - Yeah, it does. It will affect the market, Mike. I genuinely think you're a nice guy and I respect you, but $109, what the fuck are you seeing? - Dude, it's a AI thing, dude. AI pricing. - But it's all popular. - Dude, with the fucking from the league, right? - Oh yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Definitely, they love that. - Yeah. - BigJcomedy.com for all my dates, greatest, yapper, life tour happening right now. Art work coming soon or never, who knows? You can catch me on the road. Governor's Comedy Club of Levittown, that is coming up this weekend. One show Friday, two show Saturday. Am I right about that? - Yes. And then after that, Mark released Comedy Castle, but haven't been there in almost over a decade actually. So Albany, New York, Tristan Bowling, gonna be with me on those shows. Unless he wants to sit over there and make fun of us all night. What a jerk. Virginia Beach Funnybone, that's right. A white comedian coming to their club, what up? McGubby's joke house. After that, Hilarity's Cleveland and so much more. It never ends. Every fucking weekend through the year, I believe. Ending in Philly, where we're gonna keep fucking, I'll add shows. If this, I think a couple of them have already sold out. So that's in December. Let's fucking make a, let's set a record that can be very easily beaten by any other famous person from Philadelphia. But let's set it and then make Shane Forced to like, you know, practice for something and sell out five more shows than me. But if we can do it, let's do it. Also, of course, the Roast of Kevin Hart is still available on Netflix. Of course, the Bonfire, five days a week, "Faction Talk" series X7103 with me and the great Robert Kelly. It's Story Wars, America's favorite game show obsession, right here. (audience cheering) - Hell yeah. - Like I said, we're gonna go subscribe. We do a bonus show, just the three of us every Friday night, the Friday night hang, and we have over 900 episodes that are available on demand, uncensored and ad-free. If you love the show, you get a, it comes out on Tuesday nights before it goes anywhere else. And you get the uncensored ad-free version of the show. It is the number one way you can support the show is by subscribing to guest digital.com, new apps for both iPhone and Android. Kids are Skankfest, Skankfest.com is the website. All access passes just about sold out, but you can still get single day passes and all access passes right now. So go get those tickets, 180 comedians, 20 live podcasts, music, fighting, wrestling. We're doing so much crazy shit this year. It's a 10th anniversary. So come party at Skankfest with us. Skankfest.com is a website. Make sure you check me out on the road to Lewisofskanks.com. I'm taking the month of August off. To a little family trip, a little Spain trip with the boy, but I'll be back in September. - Don't care. - Fort Lauderdale Florida, Portland, Maine, Belmore, New York, Rochester, New York, Vancouver, Portland, Oregon, North Charleston, and more. Go to my website, Lewisofskanks.com. Sign up for a mailing list. Get my bonus podcast there. And get the book, knives and spoons. And God bless America. [APPLAUSE] - Can I also say, an extra little thing is that somebody may have gotten their hands on both seasons of what your fucking deal from the old CSO show that I had the two seasons of. So maybe that'll be showing up on YouTube some points here. Somebody might put it up on YouTube. - Why are you being coy? It's you. - Don't-- why would you say that? Dude, I don't own it. - Did you announce it last week? - What? That was crazy. - I remember I taped it the night that Trump won in 2016. - It was crazy, it's crowded. - And I had to-- they were like, you won Rose Battle. We were-- you go out there and roast people. And it was 15 minutes after the announcement that people were crushed. - It was the craziest thing that happened the night that Trump fucking won the first time was during a taping of what was a crazy night. The crowd literally felt it. Wow, so you felt it in the crowd. - They were bombed or were they were happy? - Bomb bombed. - Real bombed. - Really? - Yeah, it was weird. - Lewis is like, what's their fucking deal? - No, I know what he's thinking. He's thinking more of it was my audience. - Yeah, sure. - But it was so long ago, like how much of it was my audience first of people who came for a taping and had a good time? They were all good crowds. But that crowd just like, because they weren't like my crowd, let's call it, per se. Predominantly, they were just people that were there and like, New York, basically New York City, you know, like, it's how many cellar crowd. And it was just coming through on people's phones. We didn't lock the phones. That wasn't even a thing back then. And people were just like, you felt the crowd just go into it. Do I think Todd Glass had to do that night? It was like a wild night for people to go up there and just like, you felt the crowd be like, fuck, really? - Yeah, I was like, everyone was like, so ready to celebrate Hillary Clinton. 'Cause I would say to someone like, look at your fucking shirt and the guy like started crying, like, it's a nice shirt, man. (laughing) - He goes, oh my God, I can't get abortions. (laughing) - All right, let's go to pussy number four. - Oh, shit. - Is a video. - Yep, this is a video, this is Haley. - Haley. - Cute name? - No. - I consent. (laughing) - We've only seen that for two of the four. What does that mean? - No, I think they all, they all say-- - I consent to show my super ugly vagina. - Oh, she got a show face. - She's super hairy. I wanted to keep her gross, just real loud. - Hold on, hey. - I don't know. - That's just the hair. - That's fine. - The whole problem is just the hair. - Yeah. - Trim it up. - And what's the problem with the hair, it's fine. - Yeah, I know, no problem with hair. This pussy to me is, she might describe it. She got to open it up a little bit. - That's your textbook, babe, right there. - Yeah. - Solid Puss. - That's the problem with this at all. Now look, she does have like those rigid outer lips, which is, but that's just a girl. Any girl's got like, you know, big interlebias. - Love lips. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Gonna have those, but this was not good at boxing. - This wouldn't, if I was into the girl at all, this would not sway me one bit. - Good. - There is a kid, I told my friends that she was-- - Yank it, there you go. - Hold on, I wanna hear what she's actually saying. Give me a second. Superhanging, super, superhanging, super flabby. Whereas a kid, I told my friends that she was like flops with wedges on the outside, and that was to my girlfriend's. I was embarrassed. I've been to like two years ago, probably. - It's a little like a proposal. - Miss, you shouldn't be embarrassed you have an average pussy. - Yeah. - You're a pussy. - I love the idea that. - I was here here, that was pity claps by the way. That probably is gonna make her feel worse today. But I love the idea, like I wasn't embarrassed until two years ago when I now have the confidence to enter it in the ugliest pussy contest. - I know it's crazy though. - Now I believe in myself. The thing is though, listen, a submission like this, and you're my mind, I'm also like, she's also looking for, look, I couldn't see her possibly winning this, that pussy's absolutely fine. And I think some people, and it is and go, it's like, well, the prize you leave with is a bunch of guys going like, your pussy's fine. - Yeah. - This is ugly. You should stop living with that. - Well, we're really sucks for the woman that doesn't win, and we're like, oh, her pussy's disgusting. Not as disgusting as that one. The person doesn't win who we're like, that's gross, but this one girl who's got an actual mental situation has a little bit worse than you're just disgustingly natural smash. But you get to skip the lines. - Yep. - She, I mean, Miss, look, you should be proud of yourself. This is like, if you shave that down, I would say that that is a nice pussy. - Yep, great. - Yeah, she tried to, it's like a pump fake by that shape. - No, she has a flapper, yeah. - And once again, the videos and all of that number, number two is like, this is me. She didn't fucking need to say anything. (laughing) Look at this fucking move. - It didn't all work, you know. You guys didn't pre-screen these pussy's, right? 'Cause I love that we opened very strong and it is now petered out of like, nah, these are fun. - This is the first one where I'm looking around and the women in the room aren't looking away. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, the women here are, they're a little bit judgmental, especially you, Blondie. I see what's going on back there. And she's completely unwilling to show her pussy. It's crazy. - If you squint, it's like a mermaid's tail. (laughing) - The women in our room agreement our assessment so far, they agree with our assessments. - Yeah, we're doing pretty good here. Keep the video going, I wanna see it, but I mean, she's gonna score pretty high. Yeah, we're pretty low. - Whoa. - She's on a atrocity, super lippy. Super lippy. - It's lippy. - It's a little lippy. - I completely shave her. She looks like a trans-pamus, I feel like. She's super low. - Shut up. - I'll tell you something. How dare you to say something. - I know. - Why is she referring it to it? Those little fucking thumb flaps really make eating pussy like easy. - Yes. - It's very good. - It's like an easy step one pussy. - It's like eating pussy for dummy. - You look easy. - We want, you want a pussy. - It's training wheels, just training wheels for pussy. - You want it to be tight and on the inside. - Yeah. - But if it's not, this is fine. - This is fine. - Yeah, you're like, what do I do? - You're like, the way this is a not a, but this is not a debatable issue. - You're right, actually that's a great point. - I would spin kick that shit with my dick son. - Yeah, that's cool. - I mean, it's a little big. It's like, when you go to like a nice house, but it's got like two giant doors and the windows on the side. - You know, this is a nice door. - How do I get in here? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What were the pictures that before Jason and I was fucks, you might say the words kiyah. (laughs) - See, take me, I was spinking it with my dick. - Kiyah. - The personifying it gives it an extra point. - Yeah. - You're not fucking Jack Quisto talking about a boat. - Oh this thing. - Look at it. She's lovely, she's not. - It is a bit of a winged keel, I guess. - Listen, I guess, show her pussy for the next couple of seconds, she talks, but this is, this thing's a little loose. - Well, listen, rat crawls out of it. She's gonna be pretty, yeah, okay. - I mean, that is literally what you put on a bag of chips to keep it fresh. - Yes! - Give it a flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. - Big whoop. - Well, it's a, a Clipterist. - Wait a minute, pause it for a second. - It's a mean taco. - Does it touch it? - Okay, she's still, does her clit, clit hood and thing look like a Jedi showing up to Jabba the Hudson. - You guys see it, you guys see it? - And she's showing up to Jabba's. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, it looks like Mary. - Yes, could be also Mary for sure. Weeping for Jesus while he carries the cross here. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Wait, I can't see. - I can't see, my brain hands, it's almost. - Guys, clit hoods just look like hoodies. This is what's going on. - No, I don't know, I don't know, but her lips look like a woman clutching a cloak and pulling it over and out, so. - It looks like Virgin Mary. - It looks like Eminem and Eitmile thinking about his next rap battle. - Possibly also Eitmile, but I don't think he was wearing a cloak from the best of my recollection. - Are you guys ever see Beast Master? - Yes, of course, do you remember that? - Do you remember the back guys that grabbed the guy and put him in the Beast Master thing? It looks like he's about to be contained by one of those, Beast Master, back guys. - I feel so much better about my pop culture references after that, I'm sorry. - You can't wear a bathing suit if you're a girl with that, right? - What are you talking about? - Not going to shave it down. - Not if you want to make everybody happy at the pool. - That's yeah, I knew I didn't want to fuck you, dude. - Why? - 'Cause it's a weird thing to say. - If I could, no, you wouldn't see that pussy. - Maybe we feel the same way. If I was in a pool, I saw, when I went to a public pool and I saw that beaver hanging out of the side, that's hot to me because I go, oh my God, her pussy's hanging out. No, it's not, you're like, that's her pussy hair. It's coming out the side. - Old lady Titty at the pool is hot. - If Titty just falls out, if it's an accidental Titty, it's awesome. - I always say, I don't give a shit if it's like, Freddie Krueger, like if it just goes, well, and I'm a guy, oh shit, that's a thing. - Unplanned nudity, that was cool. - Unplanned nudity has a much higher rate of fail than nudity you're looking to find. - Dude, I said before, I've admitted this on the roof of my friend's house, you can see all these windows in. And I've watched more than once a guy masturbates to completion because by the time it just started happening and I was like, well, I mean, we're here now. We was like, how does he come? I think we're already seeing it, so I don't give a shit. It's not hot anymore, but I'm like, how does this guy come? And I'll tell you how he did it. He puts paper towels on his shoulders. - Whoa, and he hit his shoulder? Wow, that's actually pretty skilled. - Like, he had his chest, but it's pretty close to your face. - I don't know if we can talk about it. - But that was how he chose to do it. - Yeah, my headphones just went out. - The world sucks. - Did your foot hit it? - I didn't touch it. I didn't even move my feet. - His headphones went out, 'cause it's fixed him. Sarah Bupal fixed him. - Oh God, so still Sarah Bupal, do knock it on your hands and knee. - So let's finish this video. - Guys, look at the shape, so I don't completely go bald. - Also, I have to agree with what T.J. Miller said. Are we supposed to use the fill great on the inside? - Ooh. - Super great. - Kaka! - Mostly here's my Harry Pop long. - Oh, that's great. - We didn't, what is it? - See what I mean? - Extra great. - This is wifey material. - What are we talking about? - It's a marry. - This one, man. - Showing us the other option. - Everything is fine here. - Yeah. - You just, listen, if a guy wants to shave, listen, even myself personally would say, let's clean the situation a little bit. - But you leave the top push, go for it. And by the way, we're a month into dating seriously before I go, hey, why don't we shave that fucking ass hole? - Yeah. - But also, you don't believe in the star when you have to have special guests. - God damn right. - That's great point. - That is great point. - I'll get the vote in going. I'm gonna give her a straight up like, it's not a perfect pussy, so let's not get crazy. But I'm gonna give her a 1.5. That's a pussy. - Double that. - 1.5 per minute. - 1.5 for me as well. - You'll do one. - Wow. - Jason loves it. - Jason's in love. Mike. - Yeah, it's just fine. I have one. - Yeah. - Yeah, it's a perfect pussy according to Jason Mike. - Last but not least, we have to also do this for the one last week. - Oh, we have to give her a score, right? - Yeah. - Oh, yes. - All right, boys, let's take a quick moment and thank Brunt Workwear for supporting the show. We love Brunt Workwear. How great are they, Jamie? (audience cheering) - The best boots in the game, super comfortable, right out of the box. I got 'em, my kid got 'em. Jackets, they have great work pants as well. Like cool, like dude, I'm on a big fucking do yard work type of guy or go work on a roof somewhere. - No. - But I like a look like I am. It's stolen, Valor. - Yeah, you got dressed like a white supremacist, but not B1. (laughs) - You need to work outside. You need to write equipment. You need to write kind of boots. The right kind of gear. So you want to have Burnt. - It's beautiful. And I'll tell you right now, here's what we're doing. We're doing a pretty amazing deal here. - Oh, God. Brunt. (audience laughing) - You guys need Burnt. All right, I'll see you guys that time. - Yeah, check you guys later. We gotta take a piss. - You're off the bike. - That's why you need Burnt. Anyway, guys, we gotta take a piss. - That third chair, that third chair becomes big. - Yeah. - That's so quick. - My Uber's here. - We gotta go missing. - Look, here's the coolest thing of all, right? - Oh, God. - Oh, God. - That was crazy. - That was crazy. - Just pure chaos. It was like a twin towers fall. - It was crazy for what I did to what happened. - I mean, that's when you have a domino rally that you said about yourself. - I mean, the domino effect of that was beyond. - Thank you, Brunt. - Brunt is doing a pretty son of a thing. - Thank you so much. - You have to check out Brunt's potty of gold sweepstakes from now until September 18th. Brunt is giving one lucky winner $50,000. Holy shit. Entry is completely free, but every dollar you spend earns more entries, just create a Brunt account or use your current one to get started. Head over to Bruntworkware.com and enter. It is a 100% risk free trial. There's no purchase necessary. Brunt also offers you on their boots, a 100% risk free trial. That is how confident Brunt is in their work boots. So if you haven't checked them out, now is the absolute perfect time. Comfy all day long. Right now, if you go to Bruntworkware.com, Legion of Skanks fans can save $10 when you use the code Legion at checkout. Once again, that is code Legion of checkout for $10 off at Bruntworkware.com and make sure you sign up for their potty of gold sweepstakes. Okay, let's take a quick moment and thank sheath. Underwear for supporting the show. She's a good problem. (audience applauding) Look, great styles, great colors, great, I mean, the actual materials themselves are incredible, moisture wicking. I use them literally the only underwear that I wear or sheath underwear. They make my dick and balls look like I have an actual package. If I wear regular underwear, it looks like I have a flat dick in front of me. Yeah, you have white girl butt dick. White girl butt dick. Sheath underwear keeps them all together, lifts them, shows my cock and balls, like they're meant to be said. It gets a presentation going. That's what you need. You cock rules in those. It does, they have all the different sizes you need. Most of our fans are fat pieces of shit. So it goes up to three X, which is pretty incredible. Ugly pussy, ugly dick pieces of shit. Three XL fucks. They even have sports bras for those extra large men. Baby. Right now, all you gotta do is go to sheath.com, shtat.com, use the promo code LOS to save 20% off your order. Today, this is a great, great deal. 20% off support the show. You hear them supporting every podcast that you guys love. But even give you a first pair of guarantees. If you don't like them, you can get your money back on them, which is pretty goddamn incredible. Sheath.com/LOS code LOS for 20% off. Oh, baby. I'm feeling fat. And I'm having weight loss issues. I feel like I'm like not the best version of myself. And I'm looking for help. Yeah, I'm looking for weight loss. It's a lot of that I feel like you're mocking us by saying the sore face. Why don't we make you read this shit? Clearly, I'm the one that gave Wagovii to get me off of another name brand. I don't know if I'm allowed to say it, but I was using a different one for a while. And Wagovii jumped in as a sponsor and they said, try our stuff. And it's a miracle drug. And it's good because I have no self-control. Oh, yeah. I want to eat everything. Look, right now, if you want to give them a shot, read your goals by going to hymns.com/gangs. That's h-i-m-s.com/skanks to get personalized, affordable plans that work for you, genuinely incredible, weight loss by hymns. It's not available in all 50 states. Wagovii is a registered trademark of NOVO Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, it will go be clinical study information and restrictions visit hymns.com. All right, where were we? Our last pussy is. Dude, one, dude. I'm a very pretty person. This is April. April. It's a month that was born. Oh. Okay, I like the fact that they're wearing fun. Hi, I'm April and I'm here for the ugly pussy contest. It's better be an ugly pussy, April. April, 'cause what? Puzzle? Even though she's a chunky little bitch, this is turning me on in a weird way. What? This girl. What's right here? This girl. She's very. What's happening? She is a pretty face away from me taking her serious. Goal to take it. You want to backstage? Yeah. Showing up to events with her, showing her off, giving her a twirl. For people who goes, "That's my lady's a Puerto Rican bridal steak hard, off brand Pokemon." Oh, yeah. Titty's looked the same size. I mean. Dude, I mean, she's confident enough to sit down, but with her belly button. I would never. Lewis, you and I both have fucked so many of those fucking mouth. Those mouth belly buttons. Yeah. Those fucking belly button dents that go all the way across. It's fine, dude. I have one. It's worse if a girl, if a girl's got the belly button mouth, is better than if the girl has belly, it's a descended amount that that mouth has gone. I'll take the mouth. A little belly. I did a little belly right there. It's kinda fun. You grab it. You're never ever showing this to the Legionist King's fan base. I've also got, you know, fuck her and enjoy it. I've also got the point where that too. If a girl's built like this, something about that moment, especially if it's like a one-off thing, grabbing all that, it's kind of hard. I agree with that. I think age has something to do with that too. I'd rather that than skin and bones. When I was younger, when I was younger, as also as being like fat my whole life, I took the win if a girl was just like skinny. And then I fucked like really skinny girls and not that I didn't have fun with these sun, but I'm like, I've actually found that I had to end up having more fun with people who I like. Yeah. Just a different girl. Yeah, just figured people are hot. I really like that. I mean, why not? Why not? Why not? I also enjoy a leg bruise. 100%. Those are three fingers, right? Man, this girl might be ugly as fuck this girl and it'll be like, she's going to hit it all off, so we're going to be like, "Gah." Got it. All right. Oh. Pause it. Oh, and she's pulling it out. I'm pulling the panties down. So high. Now Miss, you are losing big time. This pussy better have teeth. Miss, I love you. I would introduce you to my son tomorrow. Wow. Dude, you can move in by fucking next Thursday. Can't be that bad. It's long. And all of her goals. It's long as the day. Let's just plug your only face. It's just crazy. Just plug your only face. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Put your only face and get out of here. Yeah. I mean, get the fuck out of here. Miss. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Let's see what her problem is. We do what the predator is like. She's the haller. Dude. Look. She got one ugly motherfucker. [laughter] I see you. That's what he got. I see you. I see you. That's what he got. I see you. I see you. That's what he got. That's what he got. That's what he got. That's what he got. Absolutely. I see P cover it looks like a right does their pussy look like the great Malenco I see P cover I know three ICP songs ever looks like a rattles there we go. Oh fuck I imagine he fucked up man. Me and rare. I imagine it has entertained a gathering of jugglers Oh yeah yeah yeah no doubt for sure. It looks like like when a rattlesnake unhinges his jaw. It looks like it's sizing up what fucking they go like a war cow. It does look like the inside of snake mouth for sure. When they stick their fangs onto like a test tube or else it's a defanged snake. It's even way way back. It looks like the old lady snake. That's what you put together to beat the legend of Zelda. It could look like an angry cat. It also kind of looks like the angry cat. I see the eyes in the nose. Do you see the white nose right above the hood? One of those hairless cats? No, no one of those great tabbies like a great tabbie. Oh I see what you see the white nose and then there's kind of eyes. It's really angry at something. It's almost like they like like if they did the Joker smile on a cat. Yeah, it's exactly what that is, but no fangs. If I met you guys, I believe this lovely lady is present tonight. No way. Are you kidding me? Where is this you? Oh yeah. That guy with the beard. You fucker, right? You just wanted to show your chicks normal. I was supposed to get all hot for it. Give it up for that guy man. He put his dick in the bread and his mouth as we sat there forning over you for 10 minutes. How good did it make you feel the first 10 minutes just like I could throw all the legion of sticks. Now at home does he wear the mask? Are you a furry? Is it weird that your pussy looks like a flux capacitor? That's true. Upside down, but it is a fucking capacitor. See all the way to the beginning of the video. Flux capacitor capacity. Fluxing. You had, it looks like a hummentotion. I've gotten stuck in zippers. What? What? What? What? What? What? Posit. We would all go down on you right now. You used to be skinny or two. You were better? Louiston. Louiston. You piece of shit. And you used to be skinny. And you were also. Why didn't we show this when we were right now? You were judging us. You wouldn't fucker, but you would eat her pussy, you know what I mean? Me too. And we all would. Of course. Even Chinese Hitler. He's clapping. He thought Chinese Hitler thought it was a pussy cat. That's what he thought it was a hairless cat. I just love that the guy has a shirt that says slayer in the smallest font. That is like what do you think I'm slaying tonight? It looks so uncomfortable, by the way. Like you're proud, but also know the guy. This makes him so horny. Nobody would do this unless the thing wasn't that he's stoked that everyone's talking about. It's over his wife. Did he convince you to do this or this was your idea? He asked as a joke and I'm like, no, we actually people here. He asked as a joke. He was like, you're disgusting pussy. The test? Thank God it wasn't. But the test she could have failed right there because he said, right? You caught that right? She was like, he asked me, he goes, just as a joke. And I said, no, absolutely, that would be totally funny. Do you think inside, if it was me, maybe if I was like, oh, stick a picture of your pussy. If my girl was like, oh, yeah, no, I would do that. I go, I've introduced you to my parents. Why? You would just show your snatch to a real fucking people, you pig? Why did you meet my mom before she died? She was important to me. I just realized that you're actually on camera. Should we blur your face from the show? Well, yeah, we will. We'll do that. Is she wore a mask in the video? I know, but she's right. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You get it. You get it. You get it. You get it. We're going to have to blur her the entire episode, right? Your husband looks like a smart lumberjack. He looks like he reads your pussy and wants to chop it up at the same time. Oh, good. You can also hear her voice earlier in the show when we show that really fat pussy and she just went, oh, I'm fine. How relieved for you knowing yours was still coming up like I don't have nothing to worry about. And again, she has the advantage of being here, but saying that at one point, you were like, I mean, there's not a person's room that wouldn't fuck you. I have a question. So I'm saying like, if you say at one point, you were like thinner, and you feel you had a better body, like, I mean, that's the fact that guys wouldn't go down and you seems like you're hanging out in gay bars and trying to turn guys. I would take your butt plug out and use it as a pacifier. I would take your butt plug out and see if I can get two fingers in there because in my mind, when I pull it out slow, you come harder. Do you have it in there right now? I thought she would have to call me on my pacifier. I remember with the gathering of the jugalos, a girl, she pulled the the butt plug out of her butt and gave it to me. And I remember, I wanted to pop it in my mouth, but I had a girlfriend at the time and I was like, this is never going to go well. I would have rather you tried fentanyl. Well, there was a chance I was going to get some fentanyl. If you do less than a fingernail, I think you're okay. That's what Intervention says. I finished this video. I mean, a fingernail. What I like is we were very complimentary of your pussy before we knew you were in the room. So this isn't fake. We're not like giving you a deal. This is real. We're giving you a real assessment here. Let's finish it off. I've got the nickname Arby's. Yeah, but that's why get out of here. Arby's fishing for compliment. This is crazy. Arby's. This is crazy. Oh, I have the meat. Which is funny because I'm the bitch. I keep Arby's in business. No, no, no, no, me and you, girl, me and you keep in business. I know, this is insane. Right now, right now, right now with that. Can I say something? That's beautiful. That's beautiful right there. That's beautiful. Can I say something else? You better stop showing me your pussy right now, but put me there. Fuck you in front of your husband. Shit, it's time to be out of bitch. I'm gonna come and you push right now. Can I fucking say something, please? Yeah, I have a moment. You gotta raise your hand. I don't have to go ahead. Can I have a moment here? Please. I've seen a lot of things in different shows, even like body companies I watched, a predator hunt, I've slugged a haywire that took place with a guy who was a manager at Arby's. A lot of negative talk about Arby's still, and this goes to things you don't want to keep it in business, absolutely untrue. I don't know what the hatred for Arby's is about. It's gross. It's absolute. Let me tell you something. It's gross. You're out of your the world. For a roast beef sandwich, if I'm gonna get a roast beef sandwich, I'm gonna get a real roast beef sandwich. Where are you gonna get that? - You're on the road and fucking Lafayette. - Lafayette. Lafayette, you could find a sandwich spot that makes a roast beef sandwich. - No, not better than Arby's. - Not better than Arby's. - I'd say what they don't have, horsie sauce. - Nope, Arby's sauce. - I guess you're right, they're two of Arby's sauce. - Fantastic mozzarella sticks. - And they do. - They still make poppers with cream cheese inside with bronco berry sauce of trademark patent. (all laughing) - You know what I mean? - Jay, there's a very serious people hate on Arby's. It is a fantastic option if you have to go fast food. - There is a good chance that when he comes on her, he calls it horsie sauce. (all laughing) - You should, you didn't know that beef is not, if I, by the way, if her pussy showed up is my roast beef sandwich, you have to like, refund, refund, refund, refund. Please. I will pay for the fucking fantastic mozzarella stick. - I will say that if you're, if your pussy showed up on my Arby's sandwich, I'd be like, is this a prank? Are they like fucking with me? Where's the fucking beef? - Where's the fucking beef? - There's no roast beef. - I would shoot up in my sandwich. I would fuck it. (all laughing) - And it's called her to get your money back. - Good, finish it off. Insanity. - It's a good woman. - I get like- - Is it cool if I geeze right now, you guys? - That's fine. - That's fine. - I think grown hairs too. - Me too. - I think I have a big one over here. - Shut up. - It's not my view. - I mean, many times I've thought when ingrown hair was herpes, it's fucking crazy. I think when my hairpes was ingrown hair, it's been another time I thought herpes was herpes. It's crazy too. (all laughing) - I don't feel terrible 'cause I'm sure, I have to believe as a couple. They think it's hot this moment right here. It's happening, I hope. Because this is a loser of an ugly pussy. I mean, this is like- - Yeah, man, you're a real fucking loser with your beautiful cut. This is not, this pussy is not story worthy negatively in any way, in any way. - And miss your first night, you gotta go anyway. You'll crush it there. I mean, I'll get the, this is a true one. This is one. This is, this is, I mean, is it perfect? No, no, no. But we're not chasing perfection. - I give it, I give it a one. The video editing skills I give a five. It did not need to be that long. - That's true. Jason. - It's not a supermodel pussy. - No. - But it, you know, it's like, you know, it's a Clydesdale, but it's still a solid horse, you know? I want to give it a-- - If it was a supermodel pussy, we'd have those seal scars on the fucking next-foot pussy. - Ooh, I would love that. - What do you say, Jason? - A one. - Given it a one. - One. - Oh my God, you can be a pussy for nothing. - Miss, you have the most beautiful pussy we've seen in this entire competition. Just so you know. (audience cheering) - You got a fucking good pussy, I don't know, it seems. - It's nice. - So why don't we, we won't do it now on the show, 'cause I think it's gonna be a little bit overkill. One on one, the Friday and the Hang will rate the other one to see where she falls. Is that fine? - It's fair. - We still have none of the week of these. - Yeah. - Are we tattooing each other? - I would, yeah, for sure. - How long does it take to tattoo? - Three and a half hours, I'm gonna total back piece. (laughing) - I want-- - Yeah, I want to tattoo-- - What do you do? I want you to do the cover of "Limp is Good Significant Other" where the guy's like doing this. (audience laughing) - Dude, I'm gonna do the one where Jesus Christ is jacked and he's breaking the cross, breaking the cross. - Okay, I like that. - To breaking the cross, Jesus, for rules. - Me, I'm gonna do the WB frog and a Tuxedo singing, "Hello, My Ragtime Girl." - Oh, that's pretty fucking sick. - Yeah, that's a good one. - Explain to young girls what the WB was. - Yes, see, honey, before the CW. (laughing) - "Hello, My Ragtime Girl." - I mean, yeah, I guess we could do one more story. We'll be trying to tattoo each other. - Let's try it. - Do you want to, let's see, there's a few things here that are fun. Ooh. - Do we have alcohol and stuff? - I like the Jonah Hill. - This is street tattoos, you don't need that. - Okay. - This is street tattoos, you don't need alcohol. - No. - What are you, thank you. - Is this, are we gonna change the needle? How does that work? - Well, I've just got it, I got it already. Remember that fat girl in that closet? - No. (laughing) - I mean, I don't think either one of us has a blood disease that is communicable, but still, I think we should not-- - We should change needles. - We should change needles. - You only have one. - No, I've got two. - Okay. - I just don't understand why you don't want to give each other eight. (laughing) - I mean, look, what a shitty ending to our friendship. - Oh, wait, one of us, one of us, one of us is eights. - Well, I would never talk to you again. - I want to do you first, because I would always believe that you gave me eights. (laughing) - Everybody would, too. - I mean, I always go with, it's probably the first person. 'Cause you gave it to me. I wouldn't have gotten it second if it was me. - Dude, I mean, if you gave me eights, it would be the end of this podcast. - We should just live the rest of our lives as a gay couple and a nice law. - Oh, we would have to. If we both had eights, we'd be like, all right, well, this is it. - Oh, do we get both wear short robes that barely cover our dinner? - Oh, dude, we would get rid of our houses. Get a fucking condo. - Oh, my God, a super. A man would come in and take things. - There'd be so many people like, I still ate their comedy, but I love their bravery. (laughing) - You know, not to jump into a thing, but my garage, now at this point, is starting to flood from the side of the house too, so. - Ooh, do you need my guy? - I do, in fact. - Do you need my guy? I will say, I know that I'm a shed out to bonded waterproofing. Dude, they, they have been crushing. I, this isn't an ad, this is nothing. They legitimately just have saved my life. They were just, they went above and beyond. They, there's, the little spouts are moving them out to the curb. - Look at that. - It's a whole thing, dude. I'm so happy right now. - The whole world for you. - I would suck the owner's cock off his fucking mind. - Hey, now, let's go. - I really would. - It's gonna rain all week, so they should fuck my garage. - No, no, literally, it's raining hard. I went down to my basement. - Get their phone number tattooed on you right now. - I'm going to, it's my garage. I'm gonna make an AIDS pun. I know it's not gonna work, but it makes me laugh, which is that. - Lewis, you would die from AIDS because as this podcast shows, you don't know how to use prep. (laughs) - That's good. - No, I solidly did it. - But it was good. - I didn't mind that at all. - It's all right. - But why if I'm, because we put the phone in. - The audience. - The fuck out of the show, that's right. - I thought was the audience was immune to that joke. - It's a, it always was. - I mean, what do you want to tattoo? - God, these would kill in 1986. - That was the smartest one. It would kill in 1986. - Guys, this is a brilliant fucking AIDS pun. - Yeah. - You want to do that one or you want to do it? - I really thought these clever puns would work on the ugly pussy night. Now I have to do that. - Although full I was. - All right, so, all right, while we're tattooing each other, we'll talk about our friend, Rachel Wolfson. I guess she's having an issue with Jackass. - Like. - What? - Yeah, we love Rachel's great. - Wait, what do you mean? - She was in the Jackass movie. - Yeah. - And apparently she was in the new one. - I think she was in the new one. - We man said like, some mean things. It turns out he's a small man in more ways than one. - Oh. - He showed us. - He said the new cast members didn't step up. - Is that what it is? - I think that's a, listen, I think that's, he's allowed to make that assessment. I don't know if it's nice to do that in public necessarily. But from what I heard, it's just, he had to take off his pin to head and say it. I didn't see the new movie. I know it was the best of essentially, but they did a couple new things. And I think Rachel was just like, they, you know, they showed her in all the promo and stuff, but like, when it came to it. - Yeah. - Can you just set that up so we can start tattooing each other? All right, give me it. - I'm doing you first. - No, I'm doing you first. - No way. - Rock paper tattoo. - Don't spill it. You gotta hold that. - Okay, here we go. - See, dip it in there. - Dip it in, God, I did tattoo it. Skankfest once, I did. - See the bottom button. - Have you tattooed somebody before? - Hey. - See the bottom button, the bigger one? - Yeah. - Just press it once. - So I've tattooed somebody before. - Okay. - Let me do you first. - No, but you've never done it. So shouldn't you see it be done first? - Rock paper scissors. - Yeah, but you gotta. - I'll rock paper scissors, you know. - I mean, sorry, rock paper scissors. - Two or three or just one. - Two or three. - Two or three? - All right. - Rock paper tattoo shoot, rock paper tattoo shoot, rock paper tattoo shoot. Yes, yes, rock paper tattoo shoot, fuck. Rock paper tattoo shoot. - You know what I was gonna say? - Who says there's a candy piece of shit? Rock paper tattoo shoot, yes, yes, yes. - Man, not that victorious, but good for you, man. - Yeah. - I'm gonna do you still. - Yeah, I know. - Okay, go. - It's just if we have AIDS, it's cause of me. - Okay, so. - Big whoop. - Big one. And then you dip it in. - Yeah. - After it's on. - It doesn't matter. - Okay. - Where's gonna reach other's names? - Wait, really? - Yeah. - Wait, wait. - What? - I'm trying to figure out where I want to do it. - I love out. - Right? - Right now, before the deal hits me. - Turned off the skin. - Because the battery's dying. - I think it's fine. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna write? - I'm gonna write, you're already tattooing, you went, what? - Yeah. - I go, what are we gonna do? - That's insane. - I'll do my name when you get the back of your shoulder. - That's insane. - What? - That's a cute way to do it. - That's insane. - This really shows how much we're gonna do. - We're gonna do more stuff. - Entertainment of the Rachel Wolf store. - On your hand? - Don't go at me. No, not my hand. That's what I'm saying. Maybe like a. - Do a skank, do a skank logo. - We already have too many skank logos. It's kind of more skank logos. It's crazy. Just say Lewis, do Lewis. - Damn it. I was gonna do it on the shoulder and I was gonna write Faggot. (laughing) - I know. (laughing) - Simon, you want. I swear to God, I'm gonna be. (laughing) I can't think why I was gonna actually do it because it's such an easy cover-up of a thing and it would have been funny as fucking. - Dude, if he gave you that and AIDS, the same, right? (laughing) [LAUGHTER] A fan of tattoo and aids. - Do you see a spot there you can do easily? - Yeah, I mean, we're gonna do it a little, right? I'll do it right above the feather. - Okay, okay. - Do you have ink on it? - Yeah, okay. - I think, I hope. - Did you get a bit more? - Did you get a bit of a thing? - I did. - Oh my. (laughing) - Yo. - You're not supposed to hit the bottom with, okay, shh. You got to hold the skin. - You guys can talk about the ritual. - Wait, what, okay. - Yeah, what did Rachel do? - I see a thing about her getting angry with me, man. - Yeah, poor, poor women's thing for me. - Wait, she's mad. Wait, she's actually fighting somebody else from Jackass, an original guy. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Dude, that's not how that goes. - Well, this definitely is no tattoo. - It's supposed to shut the fuck up. - What do you mean? - What do you mean, what do you mean? - I haven't watched it, but you haven't done what they did. - I think that's his point. - Lewis is giving me those-- - And what they did-- - And what they did-- - And what they did-- - And what they did-- - Dude, I was around those guys back when they were doing that stuff, and that stuff was up there with like mega rant moments. - Well, before they went, they knew they were gonna get wrecked, dude, and wrecked in a way where everybody could talk all the shit you want. But if you've ever been in a situation where you go, when I jump into this, I'm probably gonna get knocked out. It's fucking really hard to do. And then when someone else is like, "Hey, I'm in Jackass, and you don't fucking get knocked out." - And you put your mouth at a battery or something? It's tough. - It's a little-- - It's really tough for us being a woman in comedy on Twitter. - You know, not to-- (laughing) It's not my-- (laughing) - That is true. - Not that my opinion means fucking anything on it, but I just like, I don't know if they needed to ever-- It's like, you know, it's the concern for like the impractical joke, or it's like at some point, you have to like train the next crop. But like, I don't know if Jackass really needed it. They're all willing to do the things still. We kind of just want to watch them do it. So it's like those people, I think I throw in a weird situation, and then maybe forced into this last one when it maybe should have just been that last run or like you were-- - It should have just been the original guys maybe in the end. - Sure, you know what I mean? No disrespect to those people that got-- - No, no, they're all good. - What a cool opportunity and rate. I mean, Rachel a few times, she's very sweet, but like, and very funny. But like, you know, the shoes to fill there would be like, I would have went to the hospital with anxiety if it was like, they want you to do the next-- I mean, I would never get involved. That's just not my-- My steas was never like stunts and shit. - You gotta write your own stunt. That's how you get your stunts in that show. Yeah, you gotta-- It's like, you know, probably either. - You have to make sure that you're willing to be like, hey, I'll do this, you guys are think it's funny enough for whatever. - It's like, it's that thing where-- - You know, it's funny. - You're not funny. - Change the needle. - Oh, yeah. - It's funny. - And give me more ink. - There's another one in the, it's in my backpack and the side pocket. - Just, the steas is the same one. - What are you guys saying? - Let's see. - That's the one. - It's the same needle. - I mean, I don't even know if you got deep enough for fucking age. (laughing) - I don't know, man. - Yeah, change the needle. - Yeah, change the needle, dude. Get a new needle. That's fucking crazy. I don't think other one of us has AIDS or-- - But you have more than me possibly. - Yeah, 100%. I have had sex with gay men with AIDS. - Oh, God. - You've had unprotected AIDS sex. - I do have regular unprotected AIDS sex. - Regularly. - You also splattered the shit out of the ink, dude. - No, that was enough. - Okay. - Lewis would get HIV and be like, how do I book AIDS? (laughing) - Yeah, so you're doing Jay, right? - I was gonna do big Jay, but I'll do Jay. - Just do Jay, dude. - Sure. - There's six letters, that's crazy. - No, it's hot, though. I'll do it fast. - We're sure to do it. - You tell me. You don't want to tell me. - Just stab at him like you did you. - I'll pop it up there. - Do this side, though, so it's easy for me. I could just do right between the Jack and the, or the clubs. - Yeah. - Mike, do you have any tattoos? - No, I'm not. - We neither. If I ask you where you want to tattoo right now, how long would it take you to figure out where to fucking put a tattoo? - Jason asked me when we were, when you guys were bringing us out, and he was like, you know, do you want to get a tattoo? And I had to think about it, and my honest answer was my wife has tattooed, and when she dies, I want to peacefully be in my own Jewish cemetery. (laughing) Away from her. (laughing) - I think I shouldn't be after life. - Yeah, thank you, Jason, here. Here, I don't know how to change it. I need a little more ink, too. Thank you, my friend. - What? - Sorry, pull up the, that we man talking shit about, Rachel. - Please. - Love it. - What I liked about the last one, Jakkas Forever, was the, you guys were like, - The water was jugging. - The water was paving the way to some new talent. - Yeah. - And then, but they really didn't pick up on it, you know what I mean? So, and the new one, as are some more of the younger guys. - Not as much. I'll be honest, they're, they're there, but didn't step up to the game, you know. This is the no follow-up question podcast. (audience laughing) - Just more ink. - Any more ink. - He doesn't even know what day he should have. He just knows you should have a day. (audience laughing) - Sorry. - This guy has a lot of fans that are gonna come after me now, aren't they, I'm fucked. - Remember when he did the slingshot with Preston? - Yeah. - The human slingshot thing? - Yeah. - That's insane. - To me, that was one of the, I remember saying, I started in the theater and I was like, to me, that's one of the hottest laughing things I've ever laughed at. - Of course. - When that was. - Who's the slingshot to me? I got it. - Yeah, you know. - Buddy, I've had him done all of my body. Do I've watched this for so many hours? - She could have done that. - She could have flown off. She could have done like a bungee jump off a plane. - I don't know how it goes though. I don't want to throw into the bus. - She could have shot a cannon monster energy out of her butt. That would have been sick, you know what I mean? - I mean, like, do they, I don't know how they do it. Do they go, do they write the sketch and then go, who wants to do this? - I mean, they also did film a lot of stuff that then erred, but it's like, at the end of the day, it's a weird situation where it's like, if you get offered the gig, it's like, why wouldn't you take the gig? - Right, but why not? Now, you've got that opportunity. I'm friends with those dudes with Jeff Tremaine. If you had a bit, you could go, hey, I'm willing to do this thing. It just seems like she didn't-- - I tell you not, I'm like running out of time. - He's going so much bigger than I went. It's fucking crazy. The top of the jane in jail. - Oh my god, that's what I'm doing. - Dude, it's like crazy. - You're going to run into the other thing. - I'll make it all through the-- - I'll make it all through the jane. - I'll make it all through the jane. - That's fair, I'll stop. That's not, I'll, it will go nothing bigger than that. - No bigger than that. - Oh, it's going to run into the other thing. - It's going to run into the other thing. - I'll make it fit on inside that side. - That's not going to fit, dude. - Oh, you drew Heather's mustache on his arm. - Wow. - I'm not saying it's an accurate. - It's going to be the biggest tattoo on your arm. - Hey, is there a napkin? Can you get somebody get him a tap paper towel so we can rub it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So we can see hard. - It's going. I don't know. - He's already smoking like he's a fucking tattoo artist. - Wow. - It looks like a learning book. - How about you if you get a cup of water for it? - So you can dip the water in the water and rub it? That'd be cool too. You're already in the water. - It's crazy, dude. - This is fucking true. - You're ruining my arm. - I'm going to make a good promise. - I drew a Lewis cute. I drew it small. I drew it cute. It was going to be cute. I promise. - It's going to look sick, dude. - I promise you it's going to be good. - You're going to be happy. - I agree. I think Jay's going to do a really good job. - This is insanity. - Yeah. - I'm going to do a good job. - Also, why do we not have hot waitresses here anymore? Why is this fucking tall? - The guy. - Dude here. - You got to take it to Jamaica, dude. You got to. - Fuck, dude. - The whole world that I have to take waitresses from the stand to Jamaica. - Is that a robot? Can I have another fucking neutral, please? - Can we please get a cup of water? I believe. - A couple water. - Here we go. - Right behind you. - Okay, so dip it and then rub it. Dip it and rub it. Jay. - Hot. - Hard. - So you can see what's actually there. - No, that looks dope, dude. - Yeah, it's sick. - Sick. - Oh, that's sick. - I got you. - Jay. - You're doing perfect. - So maybe you should draw the A under the line? - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows what you're doing. - It is cooler than I thought it was. - Yeah, get a little, come on, hold on. - He guys are great together, man. - We are, right? It's not bad, it's a legendary show. - In Network, you know. - He's that really hurt? - He's going deep. - I gave him a wider needle so it like makes it bigger. - Why? - Because it's fun, he's the other needle. - It's fun. - Go away, bro, I think that's gonna be good. - Okay, we're good now, let's turn it off. - Just press the big button. - There you go. - Look at that, look at that, yeah! - It looks great to see. That looks great. I should water white mine off too. - Sick tats. - Where's my water, I need to water mine off. - Water wipe off. Here you go, dude. Here I'll do it. - Yeah, I've been doing tattoos at the ranch. Just on my leg, working on stuff, getting better and better. I did a portrait of my fiance. A bit of stick figure one. - Good? - Yeah, and I just wrote jewels underneath it. At one point, because I. - I can fix the excellent reader, I am. I forgot to put an L in it for a second. - Go at it. - But I added it in there. - There I need the needle again. - The needle? - I think we have enough juice. - I have my needle. - I want my needle. - We got you two tats at Skankfest. - For like 50 bucks for charity or something. - You ever seen a girl with a doughnut tattooed in a butthole? - No, I love that. - It looks like poo from a distance. - Really? - Probably close. It looks amazing. - Yeah, really? - Yeah. - Is it a wrinkly asshole? - No. - Super good butthole. - Okay. - All right, all right. - Sorry, man. I don't know what else to do. - No, you're doing great. - Oh, it's fine. - You guys are doing fantastic. - I don't know what else to do. - We fixed it. - We fixed it. Everything's good. - I hope I didn't fuck it up though. Now I feel like I fucked it up. - I think you guys have probably did some of the better tattoos of the last five minutes of tattoos. - You fucked it up. - It's good. - It looks good. - Butthole. - There you go. - All right. - Let's get a picture of these two shits. (applause) - We're such losers. So anyway, yeah, Rachel and we man to be fin. I guess that's it. (laughter) - Great job. We wrap it up. - Oh, man. - Back to the defendant, Rachel Wilson versus the Wolfson versus the plaintiff We man. A big round of applause for our amazing guests tonight. Jason Ellis. (applause) - Thank you very much, Lawrence. - I wanna tattoo gun now at all times. - That was so awesome. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with Legion of Skanks. We'll catch you next time on The Friday Night Hang until then, everybody. Peace. (applause) - You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J. Oakerson. - Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. - Big with three scenes. (laughter) - You must be fucking over, Lewis. - Lewis Gomez. Lewis J. Oakerson. (laughter) - Fuck. (clears throat) - Lewis J. Gomez. - You're trying to watch a retarged raw swastika. It's hilarious. - I'm sort of done as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. - And comedian Steve Ren is easy. - The Legion of Skanks podcast. (dramatic music) (dramatic music)