Mia Calabrese: Best Vibes, Hands Down

The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome back to the Not Skinny Bonafat podcast. I'm your host Amanda Hersh, and I still can't believe that I get to chat with some of my favorite stars. I'm a very own podcast where you'll feel like you're just talking shit with your best friends in your living room. You guys, I just finished East of Eden last night. If you haven't watched it yet, you have to watch it. It's so good. I think it's like the best show of the year. Furious was pretty good too. Emmys for everyone, Oscars for everyone. Incredible, incredible show. I will say the first few episodes. I was literally blown away by how good it was. Like, I don't think I went to sleep. Like, I just kept on watching. I was like, fuck my bad time. Like, took off my or her ring and just kept watching. And then the last few episodes that I don't think were as good as the first few episodes. But I'm such a nerd. Then I went to read about the episodes after I finished, obviously. And then I saw that they were directed by two different directors. Like, the first few episodes were by one director. And the last few episodes were by another directors. I wonder if that's why, which is crazy. But just an amazing show all around. I kind of want to read the book now. This time, back book, like, or listen to it. But I'm, psh, anyway. What else is going on? Oh, I have a really exciting guests on Get Real this week. So be sure to catch that on Hulu. It drops Thursdays, okay? And this week's guests are what millennial dreams are made of. I will say that. So stay tuned for that. Now to today's guest. I'm so excited to have her on because she's, you know, rarely does a person come in a reality show and hit it out of the park their first season and have everyone love them, be obsessed with them. Have the house accept them as as one of them right away. And just be so loved by all. And right now she's killing it. I don't know if she's getting any sleep because she's here there. And everywhere and doing it big. And she also went back for a second season that was filmed already. So I'm surprised she even had time to stop by and catch up with me. It's Mia Calabrese from Summer House. Mia, you are so loved. Oh, thank you. Are you feeling the love? I do feel the love. I feel so grateful. Like putting yourself out there on a platform like this is not normal. And the fact that I've gotten such positive feedback and lovely messages, I'm so thankful. But I also like understand the other side of it where people can be really mean on the internet. And I truly believe that we as humans have got to start being nicer to each other because we're human beings. Yeah. Like we all have, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? We're all sensitive to a degree. And we'll know to like your horrible things about them. We'll have people in the reality space, like your friends and castmates like warned you after your first season. Like, okay, we know this was really great for you. And we know you'll keep doing great. But like we want to prepare you that the tides can turn. Yeah, for sure. Okay. I've gotten those that feedback. I'm not feedback, but I've gotten that talk with my cast. There's from my cast. It's like, hey, people loved you, but that can switch really quick. And the tide can change like in an instant. But you know what I think it changes? I think it from not that the internet can't act the way it does without any fucking reason. But I feel like in instances where the tides have turned like, either something big has happened. Or the person that got like the good at it or came out really well in the season, then feels the need to maybe come back and do something. You know, like maybe change something up or come in stronger. Like, and you don't seem like that type of person that would change. No. I think like obviously we just wrapped season two or my season two. And you're like season two of the season two for me. We just wrapped season 11. And I just like my first season, I had a conversation with myself. I'm like, I just need to be me and do what I was taught to do in life by my parents, which is like be kind, be respectful, be yourself and do all those things. Because the truth is if I'm all of those things and if people still don't like me, there's nothing I can do about that. I was being myself the worst thing I think is not being yourself and trying to be in this version, this reality TV version of yourself. And then you look back, you're like, why did I say that? That's not even who I am. Right. And then when people have something to say, you're like, you're right, I was acting like a fucking idiot. Yeah. But I love how, because watching from the outside in, you can imagine how scary it is to join a cast that's been around for a minute. You're the new person, you've seen people that are new, stay, you've seen people go, like you've seen people in all sorts of situations. So what were you feeling before you joined? Were you nervous? I was so nervous, but I also didn't have time to really relish in being nervous, because it was so last minute me being at it. Oh really? It was super last minute. I didn't know. Like I think I got interviewed for Summer House maybe two weeks before we started filming it three weeks, it was very like quick. I didn't have like months to think about what I was going to do. It was like, I remember I was going to Europe and I was on the phone. And they're like, yeah, we're like really interested. And he was like, okay, well, like I'm going to Europe. So like I've had this trip planned. I just, I don't, I wasn't really thinking about it. But of course, like, I think a few days before I left my first weekend, I was like, holy shit, what did I just agree to? Right, because obviously I've been with friends of Sierra for years. And I've seen her go out there every summer. But I always just like, that's Sierra's thing. Have you visited her in the house? Were you there like themed parties? I went to the snooze fest party. I think that was season nine. And I was just going because I'm like, oh, this is my friend. And she wants me to come to this party. Like sure, of course. But I just, I never really thought about the idea of actually being on Summer House. Was she the one to ask you to join? Yeah, I mean, she, she was like, no, this would be so cool with me. I'm like, really? Like I just didn't think about it. But I had such a great experience. And I had so much fun filming, so much fun. Like, yes, of course. Summer House, it's like a lot of drama. And it's very intense. But it's also fun. Right. You're in the house with friends. Right. You guys are partying. If they're in these obscene themed parties. Like, how do we even come up with this? Are you okay? We know that Sierra is a theme girly. Yeah. Are you? I can't really. Yeah, I mean, I used to work in a nightclub where we would like have the party. Yeah, like we would have the party. So I've been doing that for years. And I love it. I love dressing up. I love Halloween. I love all that stuff. Wait, what was the craziest thing you've seen at the box? Oh my god, ciao. Wait, were you, were you a hostess there? I was a waitress. A waitress. Yeah, well, it was the cry. I've seen a lot of crazy things at the box. Okay, too crazy for me to say on this, this pot. When I was there once, I saw a person with something tied to their private part. And I'm saying private part because I actually don't remember if it was a penis or a vagina. I bought that out. And then like trying to sit and like get the thing into like a bottle. Like whatever the thing that was tied. Yeah. Does that now sound that crazy? I mean, yes, but I think I watched it like that for years. Yeah. And I think my brain is almost like desensitized. Yeah, so I like to ask people like, what's the craziest thing you've seen? What's the craziest thing you've seen at the box? Yeah, yeah. But it's also one of those things. I've seen it all and it's one of those things where you kind of forget what you're watching. And to me as like an audience member, right? I would forget what it was watching because you're drinking. You're talking and then you're like, whoa, there's a show going on. And you're kind of getting like little moments of the show that in your memory. How did you end up working there? Oh my god, I was I was in college. Where did you go? St. John's. And I was like a broke college kid, you know, like studying political science. I was just always in the library. And a friend of mine was like, hey, I'm working here. I think you'd be great. You're so eloquent. You're so personable. So I started as a hostess. And I did it for like six months. I'm like, I want to make more money. Like I see like what the waitress girls are making. Right. I would make more money. I'm like, I need to waitress. And I remember I was so shy. And thinking there was like an older girl that worked there. She's like, you cannot be yourself in this environment. You need to like create a different persona of who you are. I can alter ego. An alter ego because you're not going to be able to handle waitressing in this place. And that's what I had to do because I was shy. I'm like, I've never seen or been around people like this before. So what was your alter ego? Like bitch here? Just more assertive. Yeah. It was a bit more assertive. And yeah, and it was just like, I'm an assertive person. I was an adult, but I was 22. Right. You were more maybe people pleasy. Oh, for sure. I think most of us are. When you're younger, you're like, oh, like, I'm sorry. And I'm like, no, yeah. Then I'm like, okay, I can't do that anymore. These are like really rich people that I'm serving. What types of it? But I feel like all types of people go to the box, right? There's nothing to do. Type of customer. Or is that? No, it's not a type of customer. But everyone is pretty well off. If you're spending that much money on alcohol in a night, you know, you've got to have a real job. Oh, because if you're waitressing, you're waitressing people that have like a table. Correct. And that's what I was doing. - Okay, so like bottle service vibes. - Yes. - Got you, so how long did you work there? - A long time. - A long time. - All throughout my 20s. - Wow. - Yeah. - It was a crazy experience. - So you were making good money. - Oh, I was having the time of my life. I was making a lot of money. I was working three nights a week. I had a blast working there. Like, you know, people were like, "Oh, I wasted so much time in my 20s." No, I had so much fun. And did you start real estate after that? - Yeah. - Okay, I couldn't do it anymore. I think I got my license when I was like 28, 29, or 28. I was 28. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm like, okay, this is not sustainable. 'Cause it's late nights. - Yes. - Super late. - Super late. And it's like, imagine having like the most fun night ever of like the most fun night of the month, right? But I was having that three times a week. - Right. - I couldn't do it anymore. And I'm sorry, I'm a little sick. So if I sound like a frog in my throat. - Are you okay? - I'm fine. I think it's like allergies. - Yeah, this changing of weather is fucking crazy. - I can't handle it. Where are you from originally? - Chicago. - Okay. - So I should be able to handle it. - Yeah, right. But I'm getting softer the older I get. - Yeah, I know me too. But I just remember, I grew up here and I went to Ithaca College, which is obscene. And I was like, with a face mask, it was so cold. And gloves and a scarf and now, now I'm not. - Yeah. - And I'm still complaining. - I can't handle it anymore. - Yeah. - All girls, well sorry, I have ADD. So this conversation's gonna go sad. - I love it. - I have 25 different ways. - Love it. - I went to an all girl. - Do you have a school? - Really ADD or TikTok ADD? - Oh, no, no, no. I'm diagnosed. - Oh, you're diagnosed, okay. - But I had to take a test. When I say that people are like, oh, like so do I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. - I know. - You don't understand. I have severe ADHD. Like, it's crazy. - When were you diagnosed? - Okay, so this is crazy. I was diagnosed two years ago. And the first time I started taking my medication, I cried after the week of doing this. Because I'm like, oh my god, I feel like this is like what normal people feel like. - Can you explain the feeling to me? Like, instead of your brain being like, so I didn't take my medication this morning. - Okay. (laughing) - Warning. - I forgot. - Okay. - Which is like a part of it. Also, I will open my medication and leave the pill on the counter. And then I'll be like, oh, I have to go do this. I have to go do this. Most people's brains can start a task and finish it. When I am not medicated, I start a task and then I'll do 15 other tasks. And then maybe I'll get back to the task that I was supposed to do. - Wait till what is the thing that made you go get tested? - I was just like, I think I really have the, actually one of my best friends, Denisha, love you, Denisha, she's a therapist. And she's like, Mia, you have ADHD. I was like, I don't think so. She goes, you do. (laughing) I've known you since we were kids. You had, I was like, I don't know. She's like, just go get tested. - Okay. - What do they do in the test? - So one part of it is like looking at pictures and the other part is, I'm asking you questions. But the test took like two hours. And what's even funnier is I had taken this test like three years ago and I only got through halfway of it because I forgot I had to do three other things. I'm like, I have to leave this test, which is like, my doctor was like, yes. This is why you're getting tested. (laughing) - What was I saying? - How do we get here? - So they ask you questions. - Oh yes, so they ask you questions. - Pictures and questions. And so when I got my results back, my doctor goes, we got your results back, Mia. I was like, okay, great. Tell me. He's like, well, there's a spectrum of ADHD. I said, tell me more. He's like, so you could have moderate ADHD, like light ADHD and then severe. I said, so where did I fall? He goes severe. I said, oh my God. (laughing) I said, are you certain? He said, yes. - Oh my God. - Oh, he goes, you need to be on medication. I think it would be really helpful for you. - Is I just think about it? 'Cause I was very like, I don't wanna be on that. - Right. - I'm fine. This is like my little quark in the air. - This is my cute little tingle thing in my brain. - Right. - No. I was on medication for a week straight. After that week, I cried. - 'Cause you were like, I feel so good. - 'Cause mundane tasks usually for me is so difficult to get through. And being maniceted, I'm like, oh my God. I can actually start and finish things. And it like, I can get them done in a short amount of time, like a normal person, where it would take me an hour to do something. A normal person's brain, it would take them 15 minutes. - Well, how did you do in school? How difficult was school for you then? - It was hard. - Yeah. - I did well, but like it wasn't easy. - You were at the library, you were saying. - I had to, I had to like isolate myself and not have any distractions. - Wow. - 'Cause one little thing can distract me. - Does that medicine have any like, side effects that aren't in my heart? - Drone sure it does. - I'm sure it does. - No, but like is it like, I don't know why I always thought it would like, hard palpitations or like anything like that. - I'm sure. - You feel speedy? - No, but I take such a small amount. - Okay. - Because I'm so sensitive to stuff like that, I take a very small amount of my medication. - Yeah. - It's been really helpful. - Okay, well I'm great. It's great to hear that. I would take that test. However, I do feel like my brain might be like what you're describing. And I'm like, it's probably 'cause of that phone, you know? - The phones made it worse. - The phone sure made it worse. But if you were diagnosed, then you have it. - For sure. - But I feel like a lot of us who maybe aren't diagnosed with it can have similar symptoms just because of the like, I'll literally start an email and then check my Instagram. - Oh, yeah. - And you're like, what was I doing? - My perfect example of like what it looks like to have ADHD is doing things like cleaning your kitchen, right? A normal, not a normal person. I don't wanna say that 'cause it's like a negative connotation. But someone who doesn't have that disorder can clean their kitchen, start at finishing, just be done with it. How I clean a kitchen, I will clean a kitchen, then I'll go get distracted. I need to put on music. I need to go to my bathroom. Then I'll go to my bathroom and be like, huh? I should reorganize my makeup. And then like, oh, the thing just went off for my dryer. Let me go fold clothes. And I'm like, oh, I have to go back to the kitchen. So like that's how my brain is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are your friends and family seeing like a change in you? Are they like a year or so? - Yeah, I'm pretty sure. - Well, they can tell now like when I'm on medication when I'm not. - Wow. - Which is crazy. It's honestly like I was embarrassed about it for a little bit. But now I'm like, I just, this is just who I am. And I'm not the only person that has this experience. It's also, I feel like when we imagine ADHD, we can imagine someone who's like, and you're not a person. - No. - Like you seem like a very level headed. - Yeah, like an organized person by, you know, you didn't have Bailey and Levi's realm going on. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Well, that's like, I get really anxious when I'm in a mess. - Hmm. - I don't know if you feel like this, but if I'm in a messy space or messy room, I get very overwhelmed like you want to start organizing. I get very overstimulated. It almost like makes me sad. Like I don't sink into my couch if my house is dirty 'cause I'm like, oh my God, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. So I do this thing called body doubling. Have you heard of it? - No. - So body doubling is like, you could do it. The best is when someone's over in your house. - Okay. - So like, I'll have my brother come over or my best friend and they'll just sit in my house and watch me clean. And that's body doubling? - Yeah. - Okay, explain it to me. It's just helpful. Like I can't explain it. Like when someone's in my house with me, I won't sit down 'cause I know I have something to do. - Okay. Like I'm not expecting anyone to clean with me. - Right, right. - But it's easier for me to do that. - If someone's watching you. - Yes. - And this is a technical term body doubling. - And you could do it for like any activity. - Yeah. - Interesting. - But I use it for cleaning 'cause like, I get to a point where if my house gets messy, sometimes I get so anxious that I physically can't clean. So I'll FaceTime my friends or my friends will come over and sit in my house or sit with me on FaceTime and talk to me about anything. And then I just start cleaning. - Well, Sierra is like in your building, you know? - Yes. - You can call her down so to clean. - Well, she's for you to clean. - In LA right now. - I'm in juice everywhere right now. - I know. I mean, but still are you. - We'll be right back after the break. - Having two boys mean somehow, there's always something on the furniture. And I know I just redecorated my house and still. It's like, what is that? How did it get there? 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Are you, was this an industry that you ever had like passion towards or thought like in in your wildest dreams and maybe you'd want to be in it in entertainment and I always felt like I was meant to be an entertainer. Like I had that sparkle. I mean, when I was a kid too. And it feels like it just made sense, but that just didn't seem like that was my trajectory. Like I was working on construction construction sites. Like you were like if they discover me on this street then fine, but you're not going to work towards it. Like if they discover me, yeah, hello, I'm here. But you weren't like doing things to to to make that happen. No, no, no, no, no. But somewhere you felt like I meant to do this, but I won't go down that path. Right. I felt like I was meant to be performer. Yeah. I've been like this since I was a kid. Yeah. Like I loved performing feeling like I was on stage. Yeah. But you, but what stopped you from like going after it? I think just bills. Like what are we talking about? I don't have anyone to fall back on. Yeah. I needed to work. Yeah. It's like I'll tell my mom why didn't you take me on auditions? Like, you know, Marikade and Ashley. Oh my god. I was obsessed with them. I know me too. And I was like I could have played both of them. You know, well today with everything we know about like child stars. And I'll fucked up their lives end up being never let my kids see. She's like see. She's like, that's why I'm like, that's not why you didn't do it. But I don't think I would want my kids to be in that industry. Yeah. Just seeing how so many child stars have gone like, well, they were just abused. Yeah. And it's really affected their mental health. And it just heartbreaking. Yeah. I think that I think the same way, like I think like if your kid ends up wanting to pursue that when they're old enough to like understand it, then fine. But it would never come from me. Well, it would never be me pushing it. It would never be me pushing it. Exactly. But who knows? Who? I don't have kids. Okay. Well, you froze your eggs. I sure did. And you shared with your audience, right? I did. Well, how did you decide to do that? I had broken up with my boyfriend. Scott. Yes. Have you talked about that when and where? What did you say? Because on summer house, you were with him. Yeah. And then was it towards the end of the season that you said you were not together? At the reunion. At the reunion. Yeah. We broke up after we filmed shortly after we wrapped we broke up. How long were you together? Maybe two years. Okay. Maybe two and a half years. That's a long time. So long, especially in your 30s. I feel like in your 20s, you can be in a long relationship. And it's like, okay, well, this is done. Yeah. But in your 30s, time is so precious. It's like, I can't believe we were together for two years. Like, you were thinking I'm going to end up with him. Yeah. There was a part of me that definitely thought that. Yeah. Can you share like what led to the breakup? It just, it didn't make sense anymore. I felt like I outgrew him. He was going down a different path that I wasn't interested in being a part of. And I adore him. He's a great person. He's a lovely human being. He was always very polite, sweet, kind to me, and did the right things. But I wanted someone who could be totally present with me at all times. And he was busy. He was busy. He was traveling. He was like, and I think like, there's a part of me that thinks, so what do I want in my future? What do I want to feel? And I always ask myself that in any situation, whether it's romantic business, what do I want to feel? I love that. And yeah, it's like, what do I want to be? I want to, yeah, but how do you want to feel in it all? I want to feel safe. I want to have stability. And I didn't think I was going to be able to get that from him. And it didn't, just didn't make sense. And once I came to that realization, it's like, yeah, I want whoever my partner is to be home every night eating dinner with me and my kids, but our kids. Not like, okay, well, I'm in LA doing this and I'm opening a restaurant. I don't know. You need somebody to be there. Yeah, because that's what I had. Like I grew up with my mom cooked dinner every night. My mom and dad, my brother, And I sat at the dinner table every single night and talked about our day and our life and what we want and how What work today what you know, it's like I don't I knew how important that was for me growing up And it made me feel safe and I want my kids to be able to have that same experience Totally, I love that you Know what you want and how you want to feel. Yeah, I love that too Was he supportive of you being on reality TV? He was okay Are you looking for someone that's like in this industry or would you rather than be removed from it? I don't want anyone in this industry. Yeah, you know, yeah, like let me be the Beyoncé Totally you being the back You don't need we don't need to be competing for attention. I know that's why I wonder a lot about like because obviously make sense That a lot of actors like date each other because on sets and you know, but yeah at the same time. There's that You know like how are both of you Coexisting when you're both the Beyoncé's it's impossible if sounds like it might be impossible and I would imagine that creates like some sort of weird jealousy in relationships Yeah, I don't know and I also like I don't want to talk about work all day with my partner Like sure we could talk about it a little bit But if our both of our lives are in reality TV right at what point do you talk about things that have nothing to do with work? Right. I don't know. Have people been sliding into your DMs No one that I'm interested in replying to It happens, but interesting though. Are there interesting ones? I mean not particularly not like Rihanna was the most interesting You know, it's so funny for sure. Damn from a woman is way better way better You know, it's funny people ask you this question all the time like what guys are sliding your DMs. I'm like None that I care about but the women the women are so much cooler totally Caitlin Collins wrote to me on Instagram the other day, and I was like I I'm obsessed with you. What did she say? She's in the I don't even remember was it about the show? We're just to life. Yeah, and I'm another news correspondent that I'm like, I am a nerd. This is like I'm so excited, but it's so true. It's like You get those kind of same butterflies even though it's not romantic, but you're like A new friend or you know literally. Yeah, or Jamie Lynn singer from the Soprano's Siggler. Sorry. Sorry girl. She wrote to me. I'm like, oh my god. Willow That's way more interesting than I was on my show. I was excited for her. She's so sweet. She's so sweet She's so cool. She actually went to I took like acting classes in the city when I was younger and I went to one because like her face was on the wall I was like, well, if she said willow meadow meadow. Oh my god, child. I told you I'm sick But I heard when you went on Carl's podcast that you said you're not into dating right now. Are you still feeling that way? Did I say that? Yeah God damn, but that was once a guy changed. Oh, I know. Okay. You're dating. I am By the way, you're the way your face changed. Did it? Yeah. Oh my god. I may have a lot of water. I feel like it is somebody you're excited about Mia. I know. I'm so happy for you Me too. I'm very happy. Are you keeping things super private or now? Yeah, or now? Mm-hmm. Is this person gonna be on the show? You'll have to watch. I'm gonna watch it. It is me. I'm gonna watch. I'm gonna watch it anyway. Yeah. Well, I'm so happy for you Just by the way your face lit up and okay, wait. Let's go back to the freezing the eggs when I got you to see I didn't take it but I I'm taking us back and it's fine. You're understanding. I'm understanding. I'm like we started here We got all the way here, but now we're gonna go back, but it makes so much sense. You see what I mean It's more fun that way. It totally is so I froze my eggs because I just broken up with my eggs and I'm like, okay I Want to have kids. I don't want to have children right now in this moment And I want some guarantee and like I've seen all these videos coming out now like women who I think the New York Times just wrote an article Or the New Yorker about a woman who froze her eggs and then they saw all the eggs at once and she ended up not having any viable eggs Okay, do you see this door? No, it's probably your algo 100% yeah, that's so fucked up. They're like you just froze your eggs and you feel secure Let me show you what could happen. Like thanks. So what is the salute solution to that? I don't know you're just I don't have the answer Okay, so they're not saying like Put them in a different temperature No, well, I read the comments naturally and people like well, they should have never frozen all eggs at once Puppable or thought thought all eggs at once blah blah blah blah blah. I'm like okay, but whatever So I froze my eggs because I wanted some security because I know like I'm 35 years old Which is terrifying to say out loud because no I still in my bones feel 31 I thought that you said 31 just four years younger just four years younger Like I feel like 31. I don't feel 35. I love that you know, yeah, baby. I'm 38. I feel 33 you see what I mean. I love the 30s though. Oh So I never want to leave them the 30s are really good I really think and I've heard other people talk about this and it really validated the way I feel it's like it totally is the decade where you Get to know yourself the best for sure and I am sure that it gets better Maybe we won't feel as great about our faces because of society and what we're saying when we're 50 But I'm sure then you're like I fucking know myself even more like I think it gets better in terms of your relationship with you And like what you want and what you know, okay, so you're 31. I'm 33. Yeah. I'm 33. I'm 33. I'm 33. Yeah and so I froze my And because I wanted some sense of security and the experience all I felt like a bit resentful It was interesting. I was like tell me well, I think I was thinking in my head like okay You're 35. Why are you doing this because you've found yourself in relationships in your past that didn't serve you Didn't make sense and now you're sitting here freezing your eggs like I felt resentful. I don't know if other women have felt that way I also felt grateful that I could do something like that when you say resentful We were you resentful like the relationship didn't work out just the previous partners that wasted your time maybe yeah Okay, and I don't I don't know if that's like a me thing, but it definitely makes you think like is it okay if I sit up a little yeah You can also move the mic. Oh beautiful, right? Yes. My mother is watching up in heaven and she's probably girl I you know you're supposed to sit like that. You know better. You did get like 10 feet taller. No, I know I'm like by the way, I have to do that too. You're so tall. How tall are you and five time? You're very tall Think I've been the same height since the eighth grade Imagine you were in the back of the photos. That's the only reason why I knew because when I had to do my cap and gown measurements in the eighth grade They were like tallest to shortest. I was the last person girl you for sure We're the tallest in your class. I'm assuming yes and taller than the boys because they take a while to grow of course And like imagine I was my height and I was 40 pounds lighter. I'm like oh my god. I must have looked insane Were you well when you started maybe dating in high school like were you okay with shorter guys? No, I've never been you've never been oh my god. So you're looking for five ten and over. No, okay, I've ten No, I don't want to be at eye with any man. Okay, you want to look up to the sky So that means like six feet in over to me. Oh, no if we at least six one Preferably six two. Okay, but I'm not a dating expert. Okay, but I would say I mean you're happy now and I'm assuming he's over six one But that we we can't have those things That if you eliminate somebody just based on their height maybe you're missing out Yeah, you know, it's so funny. So this meme with Tom Holland and Zendaya But I thought was so funny that I wanted to repose even though it hasn't no relation to me But they were talking about their height and I can't remember like he called her a giraffe and it was really funny That's cute. And look here's what I'll say Is it impossible? No, is it my preference? No, right I like to wear heels. I'm not a tall girl who's like, I don't know if I wear like kid. No, give me a five inch Everyone in the summer house the boys are taller than you, right? Yeah, for sure for sure Yeah, even the west looks short. He's actually not that short. I don't know him I don't know that man. I know she doesn't know him. Yeah, West Hill. I don't know. We'll be right back after the break Okay, I know we're all obsessed with Hillary Duff's comeback, but I'm obsessed with her body I know I'm obsessed with her body. She's looking so strong And when I found out she trains with the ladder app, I was like, okay You have my attention. You guys know that I love going to my trainer to do a personal training session But I want to work out When I have the time and that changes day to day and sometimes I don't know my schedule ahead of time So it's hard to schedule in advance. Okay, I want somebody to tell me what to do which exercises how many reps how heavy I have enough decisions to make in a day and I want to do it on my time and in my home. The ladder app gives you a strength training plan built by an expert coach with a new plan every week that builds on the last. So you're following a plan and progressing. Instead of just those apps that you pick like random exercises, like whatever you feel like. 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That's shopmino.com. The code is meetmino15 for 15% off your first order. And we're back. Do you know that we still haven't finished the egg story? Oh my god. You see? I'm so sorry. No, it's me. Imagine I'm sending you up. I know, maybe can you send me your doctor so I could get a check. Oh my god, yes. Someone has to keep us in line here. We were feeling resentful. Okay, I was feeling resentful because I was feeling like have all of these men that have come into my life in the last 15 years just completely wasted my time. Yeah. And also I get what you're saying because it's also is there part of the resentfulness that's like and I have to fucking do this and I have it's not a fun shit to giggles kind of experience. You're pricking your stomach and the beginning it's like it's it's fine right you get used to the needles and then towards the end I don't know if anyone else felt like this but my stomach was hard and it was like hard for the needles to even puncture my skin. Oh yeah. And towards the end I was doing maybe three or four shots a day and I'm like pumping yourself with hormones. Yes and so like I felt everything stopped very intense to me. My stomach was really bloated. I looked like I was six months pregnant. Yeah. I'm doing all of this because I dated losers who didn't have their shit together. Yeah. I think it makes complete sense what you're saying. Yeah. And going through that again like so many women are doing it we're normalizing it on social media which is great. Yeah people know it's an option but like the shit women fucking have to do you know men don't do that and the truth is and then you have to when you want to have the kid you have to go through more shit. This is what I'm saying. Yeah. So I felt resentful. That was my experience. I was not everyone feels that way right like some people are with partners that they love and they're like we're just not ready right now and it's a conscious decision to adults make where they're like we have to figure something out right. That wasn't my experience. My brother was with me while I was getting my eggs extracted. He was like it wasn't like it was my husband and where you know it just felt it felt sad. It really made me think about my life decisions. That's what I'll say but I'm so happy that I did it and the two weeks went by actually really fast. Oh it's a two week process. It was it was about two weeks yeah. Okay. And you're going in almost every day to get blood drawn and it's just like and I have the worst veins. Oh yeah yeah. So they can never find it was just like you're happy to be done with that. I'm happy to be done with that. I think I am going to do it again this fall. Oh what? Wait you did it two years ago and yet you're going to do it again. I know I did it this summer. Okay. So explain to me what are some of so many things happen. I don't know if you're like this but so many things happen in my life good and bad where I forget that things happen in timelines of what they did. So I'm like yeah that happened in June. You're like what? Wait that happened this summer so I would you do it again in the fall because I want to get have more eggs. I want to have at least two kids if God willing I would love to have two healthy kids. If I can three and I didn't get enough eggs the first time which is also another thing because you go on this algorithm or your algorithm starts like feeding you all of the like egg freezing content. And so I try so so hard not to compare myself to other women because it's like it does nothing for you. It's not helpful. Right. But I'm watching and I'm like oh my god this one got 20 eggs. This one got 18 eggs. I got five five and they freeze all 18 or 20 and they freeze all 18 or 20 you freeze whatever five viable eggs. Okay. And that in the moment broke me I was I felt like not a failure but I just felt less than and they say if you want at least one kid you should really have 10 viable eggs. So I'm like well if I want two to three we've got to run this back. So you would need like 20 or 30. So I'm going to do it again. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I just it's to me that like because I'm an anxious person like all those things that the women do like when I have to go through them I'll go through them like I gave birth twice like I did the thing. But thinking about doing that because I've never done that would scare me it would give me anxiety to pump myself full of hormones and do the extra. Don't you go under? Mm-hmm. So you go under. That's a scary thing for people like it's a bit it's a lot. It is a lot. But I brought the doctor doctor who would I love you. He's so he's still my friend now. I face him sometimes just too. He is the best and I brought champagne. Oh I saw you. Yeah. That was so sweet. I'm like you guys you're about to see my private parts again and I want us to have a nice time and get this done. So I got everyone's champagne and donuts. Is that time you bring up like endating like I froze my eggs just so you know don't you worry. So I don't always always have, I have no chill with Matt, like none, you know, people like don't say too much. I say everything. Yeah. Like put it out there. What's the take it or leave it? Take it or leave it. Yeah. You know, some people like it, some people don't. Yeah. But I'm very honest and upfront about most things where, of course, I told, I told any guy, like, yeah, I froze my eggs. What else do you want to know? Yeah. Like, why is that? Why would that be embarrassing? I don't think you want it with you. Yeah. I'm not embarrassed at all of that. In fact, it just proves to me how strong women are, that we go through things like this, that we will prick our stomachs for weeks, then get our eggs frozen, and like, it is really like a psychological strain going through something like this, but it's, I think it's so worth it. Totally. And to have that security that you were talking about before. Yeah. Are you going to go into this time less resentful, like, have you dealt with those emotions the first time? Yeah. I think I'll still feel a sense of resentment. Yeah. I think that's natural for me and my story and what I've gone through in my life, right? Not everyone's going to feel resentful. I just, because of what I've been through, felt a bit resentful. And it was also like this, like, I lost my mom and it's an idea of like going through another chapter of my life without her. And it's weird, like, losing people, like a mom, right? So I'm there at the Spring Fertility, which is where I went. And I'm in the waiting room and there's a woman there and she's there with her mom and she's holding her hand. And I'm just like, I would love my mom to be here right now, my mom to be here. And I think that's another reason of like, resent that I felt like I can't believe I'm going through this alone. And yeah, just hard. I'm so sorry about your mom. And I hope you've touched so many people with talking about her on the show and bringing those like, raw, vulnerable moments. And it really seems like you had such a special bond. Wait, she was my best friend. But I know deep down that my mom is watching me and she's my angel and she's guiding me through these next chapters of my life. She has to be, I'm convinced. And this is why I've been so blessed to have these opportunities because I really feel like I have angels watching me. And you're like, Mom, look at me now. You connected with like a medium when you were on the show? I did. Did you like that experience? I loved it. Okay. Have you done it again? No. Okay. Did you felt that she was coming through? For sure. I mean, she was saying things that like, there's no way anyone would know. I love this microphone. I feel like I need a microphone. No, you do, babe. You look at the one. I love this. I really appreciated the experience and I needed that because of the way my mom passed away. So sudden and I was so worried and that just made me feel like she's okay and that I'm going to be okay. You needed that, not closure, but I needed that reassurance. That reassurance. Yeah. For sure. I mean, you're such a strong woman seriously. How do you do that? Like is your brother here? Yeah, he's here. He's here. Okay. Why did I think that he lived outside of the city? No, he lives like five blocks away from him. Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. My friends. We're best friends. We talk every day all day. That's so fun. He's my best friend. I say this all the time. The greatest gift my mom and dad gave me was a brother, like a sibling like that. I don't know. That's why you're saying you want to have at least two because you know that you would want to give a sibling to a child. Yeah. Well, let's talk about the exciting moments that you've had lately for a few of them, VMAs, Osculatrice says you won Best V, Hands Down. I'm sure it did. Wait, how cool was that? It was so freaking cool. Well, Pharaoh was there. I was like, is that well? No, it was so cool. I was like, and to win an award, and that award, and that award, that award, the best five hands down. I'm like, I am. I am. No, I am. Yes. I'm so happy watching you like seriously crush it. I can't wait to see what you're going to do next. Are you still doing real estate? Yeah, of course. You are. Oh, my God. Am I dying? No. Yeah. By the way, thank God. Last week I didn't come up here. We'll all find that. We'll find that. What happened last week? You know, the food and safety in the United States is not where it needs to be. What did you eat? I ate grilled vegetables in hummus. And when I tell you, maybe I had a listeria, that's what I think. It took me days to come back from that. Because hummus, you know you're not supposed to eat hummus pregnant. Why? Because of listeria. Swairs. It's one of the foods. Oh, my God. So I feel like maybe that was it. And my stomach is usually like, you can handle shit. Yeah. Okay. I was down and I was sweating. Oh, no. It was awful. Oh, you weren't the verity premiere too. Is that where you ate hummus? I ate after the premiere. By the way, that movie is so good. It was good. It's getting kind of like mixed reviews. Have you read the book? No. Okay. The book is sick. The book is so good. That's what I heard. Okay. I heard like people are reading it and going through it and like, we know maybe why you're getting sick. Why? You're doing too much. Oh, I know. It's so funny. Yeah. You're bringing the candles on both ends. So you've always been like that always like you'll because I'm like, how is she not tired? I am. But I'm like, that's why the immune system might be down. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. We got to be taking the supplements. I know. I know. What can you tease about? I mean, the summer was already filmed. What can you tease about next season? Every weekend something was happening. It was like, what is going on? It was so fun and it was so exciting. I left the house this summer on our last weekend and I was like, I could have done one or two more weekends. It's like, that's how fun it was. You guys went in like that boat. You did a crossover, right? Mm-hmm. It was online. Yeah. I know. Look, I don't want to get in trouble by brotha. Okay. I get it. And I have a cold. She's a good girl. She's firing off like it needs to. She's a good employee. I'm a good employee. When you were filming last season, it didn't feel toxic to you because you guys didn't know, didn't happen yet. We didn't know anything. Right. So this season, did you guys, did you go in with like kind of, since they're both not on the show? Were you able to go in like kind of clean or was that still coming out? Yeah, I think it was just a new energy. Yeah. Like we had a new house. Like it was just a new vibe there. Yeah. Which was good. We needed that. I'm posting on social media. Are you, did you block? I didn't block. I followed. I didn't block. But I just, I try not to think about them. I'll tell you the only thing because obviously we don't need to discuss the scandal that's been discussed. What was sad to me from the perspective of you was like, you really, it seemed like we're kind of like, if Sarah's friends with her, then I'm friends with her in the house. Like you immediately kind of became close. Yeah, for sure. And we're there for her. Like when there were hugs, it was a group hug with you too. Yeah. So did, did you kind of take that personally as well, not only like protective of Sierra? Of course. Like I think her and I got really close last summer and she was, you know, I was rooting for her. Yeah. It's just, it was an interesting choice that both of them made. That's what I'll say. Were you close with other people in the house? Of course. You know who I'm really close with? I know. Lindsay Hubbard. I, she won you all over. I love Lindsay. I saw her last night. You went out. She's, we went, she was hosting a dinner and we both looked at her, she goes, I miss you. I'm like, I miss you too. Like she's so cool. I'm so happy for her. Did you watch the first seasons of Summer House? Yeah. No. Seriously? Are you just saying that? Everyone says that before they come on the show. Oh no, girl. You never watched. So, let me tell you something, I've always loved Lindsay so I'm so happy I'm on the right side of history. Okay. But it was rough for her for many seasons, like she kind of wasn't getting in with the girls. That's what I heard. For many seasons and it was kind of like the girls against Lindsay. Oh wow. So, it's so nice because Sierra is close with her as well and hearing that you love her too. I'm like, that's, it's such a nice new chapter for her where she's like one of the girls. Yeah. And she wasn't before. Yeah. I don't know about that, but she's Lindsay's told me and I've just heard that that's just how her first few seasons on Summer House were. But even when I was with Lindsay last summer, I'm like, I really like you. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. But then this summer we got really close. What about who else? Danielle. I've, I've met Danielle in passing, but I don't, I don't know Danielle like that. What happened with Dara? I think Dara's great. Oh, you're good with Dara. Oh, yeah. Dara is so beautiful. She is so kind and amazing and I want nothing but the best for Dara. What about KJ? Love KJ. Is he, he's back. Yeah. He was a little worried about him a little bit coming back for a minute. No, he was, he was back this summer. He had a blast. Yeah. Yeah. Like his mental health is good. Yeah. He's great. Yeah. He's great. I would check, check it on him and he's great. Still your little brother. Oh, it's me. What did you think of his song with Bailey? I thought it was so cute that they were filming that in Soho and Bailey is in her leggings dancing and I'm like, Bailey girl, like I thought it was cute. - It was cute, that guy. Would you ever join the city? - Never say never, never say never. So the trajectory of reality. We don't know where it could take you. Would you do dancing with the stars? Did it give you the it's watching Sierra? - Let me tell you something. - I have two left feet. I do. I can win. - I can win. - I can win, you know whining is. - That's you whining? - I could do this. But like doing a fox trot. I don't know if that's in my horizon. I love this. A fox trot, I don't know if I could do that. I am so impressed by Sierra when I went the first week when she was performing. And I'm looking at her and I'm like, I don't know how she's doing this. I am so impressed. - Yeah, people, I mean, we're as viewers watching these couples and we're like, oh, you know, they missed a set. And you're like, could you do that? - No, like it's the heart, it's the ballroom dancing. We can maybe do a TikTok dance. We can maybe get down with a hip hop, right? But like ballroom is another level. So who else are you rooting for aside from Sierra, obviously? - On Dancing with the Stars. - Yes, I wanna see her. - Yeah. - When I saw you at the Crayon and Barrow event, it was the day of Dancing with the Stars and she was watching on her phone. - Of course. - You're such a good friend. - That is my girl. Like I am, I love Sierra. I'm so impressed by her. And I just, I hope she goes all the way to the top 'cause she deserves it. - Is she, has she becoming like less nervous about it as the weeks go by? - I think so, yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, she's always gonna be nervous. Like what I talked to her, all she does is practice. - Yeah. - Like it's all day every day Sierra's at Dancing with the Practice. - Did you meet Brandon? - Of course, he's so sweet. - He does seem really sweet. - He's a nice guy. I met Dylan Efron, he was, he was on the show and I asked him who he thinks she, Sierra should be paired with and he said Brandon. - Oh really? - Yeah, because he was like, he's just like a sweet guy. - Yes, he's a sweetheart and his wife is really sweet as well. - Right, and that's nice to have support on like Brian Austin Green if you guys know you guys know. - Well, okay, wait, I know what I wanted to talk about. I want to talk about the amazing feature they did about you in Mary Claire magazine being black on Bravo. What was it like to be included in that feature? - What an opportunity. - Yeah. - Like, once again, it goes back to, if you would have asked me two years ago, if I did a photo shoot with Marie Claire to talk about my experience being a black woman on Bravo. No way, how incredible is that? It was so cool and I was so grateful that Bravo would even want to talk about something like that. - Which is awesome. - I think Sierra really opened the door for that. - I agree. - Talking about it on the show with the cast. How was that being part of that conversation? What did the reception feel like from the rest of the cast? - The conversation on Marie Claire? - No, when Sierra first had the conversation on Summer House. - Oh, I mean, I wasn't expecting the conversation to go where it went and I'm so happy that it did. And for me, it's nerve-racking to talk about things like that at times, especially with a white audience and your white castmates. But what I will say is the cast was so open to hearing what we had to say and they didn't interrupt us. They just genuinely wanted to learn and hear what we had to say and hear what our experience was like. And then on the flip side, when it aired, the amount of DMs I got of people just saying, "Thank you so much for using your platform to have that kind of difficult conversation." And that makes it all worth it. - I really agree. And having Marie Claire do this as well, what was important for you for people to take away from that? - Everyone's experience in life is gonna be different. And I think being a black woman, especially an entertainment, is gonna create a more complex experience this lifetime. And I just wanted people to hear us and not judge us for what they've seen on reality TV or how we've behaved on reality TV. Just take away and look at it. Like we're just human beings and we're women. And this is our experience and listen to us. - And Venita was in that with you as well, right? And she'll have her close friends with Sierra too. - She's great. - I loved hearing about her experiences as well, 'cause she's in the South, so she has a different experience. And she's always been open about that. And the things she's told by her cast, like make new friends and things like that. I love that she was vocal about that. - Yeah, me too. - Because I feel like people were like, yeah, we see that. I just saw Venita actually the other day we were doing culture content together and we were on a panel. Venita is so smart. She's so cool and she is so sure of herself. And I am always impressed by her. - She's amazing. - She wants Southern term. - I do not. - Do you watch anything on Bravo? - Do you watch TV? She doesn't have time. - I do watch TV. - I watch the news. - I know, I'm a nerd. I don't think you understand. People think I'm joking when I say that. I'm like, no, I'm a nerd. - So you watch the news. - I watch a lot of news. - Yeah. - I watch the same TV shows over and over because I like to know how things end. - Okay, is that part of the ADHD? - I think that's a part of anxiety. - Yeah. - Honestly, I like to know what happens. Like friends, I could see you watching friends. - I watch Sex in the City. - Sex in the City. - All the time, I love Shits Creek. - I love Shits Creek. - Like I, perfect example. Remember when Love Story was like all the ways. - Yeah. - I could not watch the last two episodes of Love Story because I know what was gonna happen and I couldn't handle it. - Do you know that I didn't watch the last two episodes either? - I finally did four months later. - I cried. - It was funny because, I mean not funny, but on Real Housewives of New York, which I'm assuming you don't watch. - I watched the first episode. - Oh, okay. - I've heard or the first episode this season. - This season. - Okay, so I think it was the second or third, but Jessal is having a conversation about Love Story and then she's like, "But I didn't finish it. Don't spoil it for me." - Because, okay, so this is the thing that people didn't want to finish it. - Oh yeah. - No, but she said, "Don't spoil it for me." - Oh. (laughing) - Like. - Jessal girl. - Jessal girl. - Thank you so much for coming. You're amazing. - Oh my gosh, please, thanks for having me. I appreciate you. - Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of "Not Skinny" but "Not Fat." Follow me on Instagram at, "Not Skinny, but Not Fat." Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday. (soft music) Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.