MFM Minisode 507

this is exactly right cozy season is nearly upon us that means crisp weather and soft layers prepare accordingly with fall staples from bombas bombas has your favorite footwear for fall including new suede moccasins with cushy soles shearling lining and water resistant suede plus soft slippers slides and booties there's a bomba sock for pretty much any fall occasion head over to bombas.com slash mfm and use code mfm for 20 off your first purchase that's b-o-m-b-a-s.com slash mfm code mfm at checkout goodbye there are plenty of things that keep you up at night your sleep tracker shouldn't be one of them you know that feeling laying in bed staring at the ceiling counting all the times you said something weird and then you wake up and check your sleep score now you have to start your day knowing that you failed at sleeping hatch sleep clock does it differently it tracks your sleep from your nightstand no ring wristband or judgmental score waiting for you in the morning instead you'll get personalized insights to understand your sleep and recommendations to build a routine you'll love night after night fall asleep to the next chapter of an audiobook like the odyssey a nervous system reset meditation or a calming sound bath then you can find out which gives you 20 more minutes of deep sleep each night hatch sleep clock the sleep tracker designed to get you to sleep available now on hatch.co goodbye support for today's episode comes from square there's nothing small about the amount of work it takes to run a small business bring payments inventory staffing and more together with square square helps you run your business more smoothly bringing payments operations and insights together in one place so you're ready for whatever's next right now listeners can get up to 200 off square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash mfm that's s-q-u-a-r-e.com slash go slash mfm get started with square and build the setup that works the way you do goodbye hello and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode we read you your stories this one's a special episode because we we just asked for shame stories things that you're ashamed of like embarrassing stories right yes and we have found some great ones yeah to the point where we think maybe we should do a dedicated episode yeah dedicated something something about it because it's funny and they're great and they made me feel better about myself and i feel like it's like we're doing a service to everyone everywhere that everyone has done something embarrassing yes so it's basically we're saying welcome to shame town that's right we we've been here yeah or we're so glad we're not you right everybody gets relief everyone laughs except for you we enjoy ourselves maybe you don't as much yeah but then we'll tell stories so you don't like we won't laugh but you can laugh at us it's basically a public service and you're welcome so shut up shut the fuck up uh am i first or you first uh go first yeah celebrity encounter i accidentally kidnapped someone famous as kid oh no okay hello ladies my family and i visited la from kansas this past new year's to see the rose bowl parade and attend the football game welcome i have a husband and three sons ages 9 13 and 16 the the level of noise the volume and smell and axe body spray honey you you should take a year off um and it says which is important here one of the days in town we visited the academy museum on wilshire boulevard we walked in wide open space lots to look at and we headed towards the ticket counter it bends around and i was looking up at the sign that said prices info etc as i'm looking i put my arms around my nine-year-old son in front of me like a little hug and pull him towards me the following is what happened in a split second in my head hmm weird theo wasn't wearing a puffer coat theo doesn't have a puffer coat oh my god i had grabbed someone else's son and pulled him towards me i let go and jumped back somehow the kid was unfazed and the parents were busy up a head i quickly stepped back behind my own kids and told my husband okay so breathing heavily but the crisis is averted we then bought tickets and made our way to the exhibits this was the 50th anniversary of jaw's year so there was a huge floor-wide exhibit to the movie one area was showing the special zoom in camera techniques used in the movie a couple was there trying it out with a museum helper assisting them i stopped to watch the process for a moment when i met eyes with the woman of the couple she looked at me looking at me and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god staring at each other it slowly hit me oh my god tiffany amber thesen's son was the boy i grabbed downstairs at the ticket counter what what that's so specific and he's so yeah it's so la it's so you grab that person's son and then tiffany was not privy to my thoughts so my guess is she's staring at me like no don't say hi don't say who i am and cause a stir i was looking back thinking oh no she thinks i'm a crazy fan who wants to let everyone know she's here but nope i was thinking oh no oh no and then also i have to tell everyone i know that i sort of abducted kelly kapowski's baby boy abducted is strong yeah like she held him for ransom kind of yeah that's right again i skirted over to my husband and said you know the boy i grabbed downstairs thinking it was theo and i told him the story well all was well and no words were exchanged no cops were called my own three sons husband and i enjoyed the rest of the museum and love the food thank you you mean that marie calendars it's right down there by del taco thanks for reading my story and doing over 500 minisodes my 13 year old son evan and i listen to your minisodes every monday on the way to school hi evan hey evan what's it like being 13 oh good luck bro listen it's gonna be hard for a little while just hold your breath and before you know it you'll be 19 let your mom pop your zits just let her do it i know no yes and then it says i love that we have this podcast to bond over it can be hard to stay interesting to your newly teenage boy love alice alice epic tiffany amber thesen if you're listening if you're listening there's a lady that's trying to steal your children i've done things like that not with like not famous but my equivalent is walking into the men's bathroom because i wasn't reading the sign right have you ever done that or just like yes i totally have full march into like past the sinks almost to the stalls and then nobody like everyone pretends to not notice and it makes it worse instead of being like oops no i had a guy like a businessman looking coming out and being like like that and then i just spun on a foot and like marched back out yeah i've definitely done that um that doesn't apply but still okay so along the shame town uh theme someone this is also a kid with a job okay okay good one i won't read you the subject line it says i was the daughter of immigrant parents so naturally i was waiting tables by the time i was 10 years old the tips weren't great but they were in cash and then in parentheses it says 10 was standard in indiana and if they greeted you with blessed when asked how their day was going you were for sure going to get five percent oh yeah that's an indictment and i love it that's truth telling from grassroots style you can't take it then don't go to restaurants and not tip exactly cut to me the only fourth grader at holy spirit who was regularly rolling in ones and fives yep i love it little plaid uniform and whenever there was pizza day field trip or book fair you can bet that i was the one my classmates turned to for a loan at 100 interest a day damn and then this is all written as if it's dialogue see i'll give you two dollars and then you just give me four dollars tomorrow that's how they did it these were kids with allowances and parents who were born in this country they didn't know the value of a dollar however you best believe that i knew the amount of sweat and fake smiles it took to pry a buck out of some old man's wallet when he came in for a lunch special so they had no problem paying me and i had no problem taking their money oh no shame i still might have the ledger i kept somewhere in my box of childhood mementos i can tell you however that my waitressing apron has long been languishing in a dump somewhere in the midwest stay sexy and come see a 10 year old loan shark when the bank won't approve that pizza loan claudia wow claudia i love the little picture of 10 year old you fucking slinging drinks and i don't actually think i think i've mislabeled this i don't think claudia is ashamed at all and this is really is this isn't no one's asking to go to shame town i think she thinks she should be ashamed and we're like no not at all you are smarter than the other kids congratulations well and also just that point of like yeah this is what it takes to get a dollar so i will absolutely get your dollars 100 hell yes love it no shame no shame that's the that's what we say yeah either shame or no shame yeah and then when someone's really bad we can ring a bell and go shame like in game of thrones i love it sometimes being a little salty is completely justified pair your salty side with something sweet with the new salted caramel flavor from cachava cachava is a whole body shake with plant-based protein fiber greens and other nutrients help fill nutritional gaps. Just two scoops provide complete nutrition your body craves with protein, fiber, greens, and so much more. Their new salty caramel flavor combines sweet caramel with a little salt, so you get that salty-sweet balance along with the nutrition cachava is known for. When the day demands your salty side, fuel it with plant-based protein that actually tastes delicious. I really do love cachava, and I really do think it does taste delicious for getting you through the morning, filling in the gap if you just need some protein and you need some vitamins. It's such a nice little treat. It's such an easy way to get everything you need, and it tastes good too, which is just a huge bonus. So embrace your salty side. Go to cachava.com and use code MFM for 15% off your first order. That's cachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com, code MFM. Goodbye. We've all had moments where dealing with healthcare or insurance feels completely overwhelming. You're sick, worried about someone you love, trying to understand what comes next, and suddenly you're spending hours on hold, filling out paperwork, and trying to figure out who to call. Research shows patients spend the equivalent of an eight-hour workday every month coordinating their own care. Nobody hands you a roadmap when you're dealing with a diagnosis or ongoing health issues. That's why there's Solace Health. Solace provides personal healthcare advocates who average 16 years of healthcare experience and can help you get answers fast. Think of them as someone in your corner who understands the healthcare system and can handle the logistics while you focus on your health. They can help with appointments, insurance denials, medical bills, treatment options, and understanding doctor recommendations. Research shows 92% of patients report a positive impact on their care from working with an advocate. Advocacy improves outcomes and Solace advocates are covered by insurance nationwide. Eligibility varies by insurance plan. Advocates do not provide medical or legal advice or services, must be 18 years or older. Go to SolaceHealth.com slash murder to see if you qualify. It takes about two minutes and it's covered by insurance. That's S-O-L-A-C-E health.com slash murder. Goodbye. Okay, my next one's called Late Confessions. Howdy from Texas. When me and my bestie were old enough to reach the car pedals but not old enough to drive, we would dare each other to back my mom's car out of the driveway and back in. What a great dare. Yeah. She worked nights and it was the 1980s bad combo for mischief. Yes. All fun until my friend hit the garage door and dented it. The she never saw it and was too tired in the morning to notice. During the day, her car blocked the dent, so my dad never saw it until much later on. When it was noticed, none of the drivers owned up to it. My parents blamed my two older brothers. For years, every Thanksgiving, it would come up and my brothers get in a friendly argument and would blame each other and I sat there quietly. Shame. So much shame. Shame. Ring the bell. When I was in my late 30s, I assumed the statute of was passed, so I confessed. Shock. And then laughter went around the table. Cheers, Joanne. Shame. Shame, Joanne. But also like those, I love those, we'll call them like benign sins or whatever, where like, but you still hold on to it for 20 years. Totally, because it's your family and that's the dynamics that come with it. It's not going to be funny. We have to put a couple decades on this before it's funny. Because you screw up your dad's car or a car in the family, for us, is like, you can't. My brother did it, for sure. Yeah. And then the insurance goes up. Yeah. Okay. This is kind of a legendary shame town. It's so good. It just says most embarrassing moment. Years ago, I sang in a church choir near my parents' house. Before I went to sing, I would stop and visit my parents, who had a dog with a thick white ruff. I often left their house covered with dog hair. One Sunday morning at choir, an older woman was wearing a bright cobalt blue dress. The long wavy white dog hair from my clothes had made its way to the neck of her dress. Feeling all sisters got to stick together, I went to pluck it off. Only to find it was, all caps, growing from her cheek. That long? When I tugged it, it pulled the skin of her face like, when I, when I tugged on it, it pulled the skin of her face out like a tiny tent. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So, so period. Stay sexy and keep your hands off other people's clothes. MB. I mean, she was doing her a favor, but then it just turned so quickly on her. But like, why had no one ever done that? I know. Why had no one ever done that? You got to tell someone. Oh, I will absolutely, I will absolutely tell people. And I will, I insist. And it has to be women. Because I know Vince doesn't, I can have a huge hair on my fucking chin. And I'm like, why didn't you tell me? Vince doesn't notice that shit. They don't look at it. You have to tell your girlfriends. I, recently I was on a trip and we got up in the morning and my friend I was on the trip with, their friend was like in town and they're like, oh, he's going to meet us and whatever. And so I was like, I don't need to sit here and put on a bunch of makeup. I'll just, you know what I mean? I tried to be like easy breezy. Yeah. And it all went fine until I got back to my hotel room and just like the one white chin hair just like sticking out or it's like pointing out at everybody. You have to review. Yeah. In these later years. Right. You can't just like throw on some sunglasses and assume. No. You can't be like the hotel's light in the bathroom. Everything's fine. You get into that fucking magnetized mirror. I bring my tweezers with me everywhere I go because you never know how good those magnetizing mirrors at hotels are going to be. That's right. Sometimes they're great. They can be so good. Right. Face torn up. Completely ruined, scarred. You're sick, worried about someone you love, trying to understand what comes next and suddenly you're spending hours on hold, filling out paperwork and trying to figure out who to call. Research shows patients spend the equivalent of an eight hour workday every month coordinating their own care. It takes about two minutes and it's free. It's covered by insurance. Goodbye. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Every successful small business starts with someone saying, I wonder if people would actually buy this. Squarespace gives you everything you need to find out. From consultations to events and experiences, you can showcase your skills with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. With Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful, professional online presence. That perfectly fits their brand or business. Get paid on time with professional invoices and online payments. Plus, streamline your workflow with built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to squarespace.com slash murder for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code murder to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Goodbye. My last one is called Grandma and Elvis, man, not cat. I love all. This is a whole story about your old cat. I love that. And I love that we have to, like, clarify that in this podcast. Yeah. It means so much to me. Hello, all. Hope everyone's well. Let's get into it. I'm writing in because you all recently asked for stories about hanging out with celebrities, and my grandma did just that. My maternal grandmother, Patricia, moved to the United States from England in the early 1960s because, in her words, she, quote, didn't feel like marrying a boy from Great Yarmouth and settling down. Yarmouth? I think it's Yarmouth. It's Yarmouth. Yarmouth. And settling down. She was about 21 when she arrived in New York and quickly made her way to California with some girlfriends who had also moved across the pond. One day, shortly after their arrival, the women all took a break from their retail jobs to visit Santa Monica Pier. Some American boys gravitated towards the group and eventually revealed that they were part of Elvis' road crew. Thinking they were full of it but still wanting to party, Grandma Pat and her friends went with these men they had just met to a house in the hills to continue their journey. No such thing as S.S.D.G.M. back then, I guess. Hey, listen. Sometimes people just get drunk and have some fun. That's right. They're drinking and talking in the kitchen late into the evening when suddenly the saloon-style doors swing open and, you guessed it, the king himself walks in. Fuck. The guys weren't lying after all. To hear her tell the story, he was pretty laid back and even let one of the young women interview him for their little newspaper back in Yarmouth. He handed out signatures for them to get. Gifts to friends and family back home. Later in the night, Elvis ordered Chinese takeout for the group. Hey. When the ladies finally left, he went out to the driveway and guided them down the steep incline back onto the main road. I mean. I've got mixed feelings about this whole thing because on one hand, it's an amazing celebrity encounter, but on the other hand, he had already met and begun grooming Priscilla, who was living in his home in Memphis at the time of this encounter. When I asked my Grandma Pat about whether he came off as a creep, she didn't. said she, quote, "didn't pay much attention back then because she didn't like his music. What? How? So there's that. Grandma was too cool for the king. Thanks so much for all you do. I'm a day one listener who started listening to your show in undergrad and just finished graduate school. Oh, congratulations. I now have a doctorate in history, which means we do too. That's right. That's the new rule. The honorary. I've been doing a re-listen of the show while preparing for my new job as a history professor. And you kept me company on road trips and cross-country moves. Keep doing what you're doing. S.S.D.G.M. Kayla. P.S. Here's a picture of 20-year-old Grandma Pat before she left for England with the pearls. Look how cute she is. Oh, my God. The platinum blonde hair. She looks like Anna Faris, doesn't she? She does. Like, of course, the king was nice to them. They're fucking cuties. So cute. Also, and I don't know if he had a different backup band or, you know, whatever. But the guys that were in the Elvis backup band, at least from that special, he did. Yes. He did in 68, were insanely hot. Oh, really? Yeah. All of them were like, had the like dark hair slicked back or whatever. They were cool. Okay. This is kind of amazing. Okay. It starts, you guys. Day one listener, first time writer, lifetime procrastinator. I've mentally written so many stories to share with y'all, but I never typed them out. I was going to send this as a fucking hooray, but then you specifically asked for lottery stories and I knew this was finally it. Okay. First, your podcast is the first podcast I ever listened to and is, of course, my favorite. Period. No joke. You all are one of the greatest joys in my life and one of the best things to ever happen to me. Oh, my God. Thank you. That is until earlier this year when I won the fucking lottery. No. That's the only thing that wouldn't offend me. You know, anything else. Immediate fix. Until I found the podcast morbid and now I hate you both. Those girls are the best. They're the best. They're the best. They're the best. They're incredible. It says, who the hell has money to waste on the lottery? I always thought. But over the years, I became a casual player because my mom occasionally had good luck. Then came the lottery apps, which made things so much easier. There's a lottery app. I wish I didn't know that. I know. Careful, careful. Yeah. I really got into it the last few years. So anyway, recently, I decided to play a game that I don't normally play because the jackpot was a high, perfectly round number. I see you, ADHD. Perfectly round number you have to play. Yes. It's good luck. It's telling me. Yeah. I follow what it says. I played five $1 tickets, four of which were quick picks. I forgot to check right after the drawing, but I got an email saying I won. I've gotten those before, so I assumed it was like a couple of dollars like usual. Yeah. Nope. It all felt like slow-mo. Oh my God. I checked the first game. No wins. I checked the next one. No wins. Confused, I checked the last one and I saw the numbers were all highlighted. My eyes widened. My ears got warm. My heart sped up. And then I saw it. $1 million. What? $1 million. I lost it. I thought I was going to pass out from the excitement building inside my body. Oh my God. I couldn't believe it. I still don't. I had done research before and I knew I should get a lawyer and a tax pro and whatnot. So I did all that first. Then I claimed the money anonymously. And then it says, so please don't share my name. I've told very few people, but I wanted to tell y'all. It's been a whirlwind, but I am beyond happy. I have so many plans for myself and the people I love. Most of them have no idea what's coming. Oh my God. Stay sexy and remember that you have to play to win. P.S. I couldn't send my first email without telling y'all how much I appreciate the way you do constantly educate your listeners about the realities of the world inside and outside of true crime. I love the way you speak up and speak out for people of color. I love the way you speak up and other marginalized groups. As a black woman in America, hearing the compassion, the understanding, the rage that you share with us is so impactful. It's helped me heal in ways I didn't know I needed. God. Oh my God. I think one of the reasons people ride so hard for the show. Oh my God. This is going to get me. I feel like we won the lottery. I know. Is because it really feels like you see all of us. Oh my God. You'll never know how much that truly means. Thanks a bunch. Like sweetheart, like the emoji with the big teary eyes. Oh my God. Anonymous. We can't say who it's from. Thank you to you. Yeah. Wow. Thank you, rich lady. I'm assuming. Yeah. That's incredible. I love that story. That was so fucking sweet. And it's so nice. Mind boggling. It's yeah. Yeah. Oh, first of all, the idea that we got thought of to share the most exciting news is just so touching. Totally. Aside from a beautiful message, which is like, what a nice thing to hear. Yeah. And we're genuinely so excited for you. It feels like a friend of ours won the lottery. I don't know anyone. Buy yourself a crazy expensive purse and then it'll be, it'll be so satisfying. It'll be great. It'll feel crazy. And then you'll have like, you'll still have so much money left over. You put it in the purse and the purse with cash. Expensive purses have their own purses. They're bags. That's right. They come in. It's crazy. So you get two for one. That's right. And also expensive purses come with a bunch of money inside that only rich people know that. And now this is the world you live in. Well, thank you everyone for writing in and for listening. And that was so much fun. The minisodes. They're really, they're really becoming something. They are. It's so exciting. All right. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production. Our managing producer is Molly Smith. Our consulting producer is Kate Schellenbach. Our creative lead is Allison Agosti. Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Liana Squalacci. Email your hometowns to myfavoritemurder at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder. Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My Favorite Murder, add us to your list and hit the double thumbs up button. Goodbye. This may surprise you, but clothes that feel good and look good don't have to be mutually exclusive. Designs that make you feel as good as you look is what Hill House is known for. Hill House Home invented the viral nap dress. Hill House makes fun, versatile fashion that elevates your look. I now own three nap dresses. I love them. They are so comfy, and cute. Pockets for days. Pockets for days. You know. Get 15% off your first order of $100 or more at hillhousehome.com with code MFM15. That's MFM15 for 15% off at hillhousehome.com. Goodbye. Discover Pandora Talisman, a new collection designed to help you express every side of who you are. Because the most powerful statement you can make is being yourself. Featuring meaningful zodiac symbols and personalized jewelry pieces, each design tells a story that's uniquely yours. A reflection of what you stand for, what you believe, and how you choose to show up every day. Pandora Talisman. A new language of self-expression because every version of you deserves to be seen. Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net. Goodbye.