MFM Minisode 500

[MUSIC PLAYING] This is exactly right. Welcome aboard season six of The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, which takes place 30,000 feet in the sky. A beautiful woman smiles and hands you a scotch. But you have no idea just how messed up her job actually is. It was the most sexist job I think you could have. Until one day, the group of stewardesses spark a revolution that reshapes America. Listen to The Girlfriends, Flight or Fight, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On August 4, 1962, Marilyn Monroe died. Then the rumors started, and she died again. And now, we're going to set the record straight and learn about the way Marilyn Monroe actually died, the third way. I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Hollywood Land, I revisit some of the biggest stories from Hollywood history, separating the myths people want to believe from the reality underneath them. Hollywood Land is part of the exactly right network. Listen to new episodes every Monday on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. This season, we've got some awesome guests ready to dole out advice, guests like Tiffany Haddish, kind of slide into people's DMs. I like Bumble, also girl, farmers only die kind. Like state sales, funerals, options are usually good. There's a lot of good man there, grocery stores near gyms. Darcy Cardin, Sheri Oteri, Ana Ferris, Dave Franco, Madeleine Klein, Adam Scott, T.S. Madison, and more. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. [MUSIC - MADDELLAN CLINE, "MADDELLAN CLINE"] Hello and welcome to the mini-sode. It's our 500th mini-sode. How is that even possible? It's quite an accomplishment. It is, I'm proud of us. I'm breaking the little 500. I'm proud of Corey for this design. So cute. Incredible. All of it. But we're doing a very fun thing for-- especially for this episode-- our producers thought it would be fun to take all of the different subcategories of mini-sodes that we've asked you all to send in over the years. And the ones that they know we like the best, they've tried to get two-for-ones, two subjects in one email for us. So like a random, hero pet meets treasure in the wall, kind of a thing. A grandma meets Al Capone. That's the only example there. I give. Grandma and Al Capone. But then you have to have another one meets a deathbed confession. Glitch in the Matrix. Glitch in the Matrix, isn't my favorite. So that's what-- but here's an even more fun part. Is that these are complete surprises to us. Usually we pick our own emails to read to each other. But this time, they've been chosen for us by us. Right. So I'm going to read three from Karen-- like Karen chose specifically for me and vice versa. So I've never seen this. So they better not be embarrassing. That would be really-- There are all three emails about your butt. I don't know how I did it, but I did it. I'm proud of you. OK, so yeah, let's do it. It's going to do it. Who goes first? What do you think? You want to go first? Sure. They're pure surprises. So we can't even-- Hold on, because I have a good one for your last one. So if I go then you go, then I go then you go. Then I go then you go. So yeah, me. Counting. Congratulations. I can count to 500. Because you're so good at this. That's right that you've done it. Also, just for everyone at home, Georgia thought this up the first week we did this podcast. What? Many soaks were an immediate-- It was a great idea. So I'm so happy that we did it. It's brought so much joy, I think, into our lives. Oh, yeah. It's my favorite. What better than to read other people's grandma's adventures? Totally. Like whatever. We've read so many great stories over the years. The last key children. Dude, there's just everything that we learn about ourselves and our listeners. It's been so much fun. OK, so the first one that you picked for me is grandma-aventant story with cats. So it's the sassy grandma's and cats, those two topics as one. One sassy grandma's chocolate, cats vanilla. And you get this. We have a lot of fun. I want that. OK, hi, all, but especially cats, for reasons that will soon be clear. Before I begin, my sincerest apologies to anyone I know, IRL, who listens to this podcast because I've definitely already told you this story. Anyways, onwards. My grandmother grew up on the beach in Tampa, Florida. And every kid in her neighborhood had their own little roboat. It was the 30s, so child safety was not a thing. How fun would that be? How old did you have to be to get your own roboat? 8, probably. What if it's 5? 5, that'd be so great. One day when she was about 8 or 9, she looked outside and saw another kid out in his roboat, holding a cap by the tail and swinging it over the water, filled with a righteous rage. My grandmother jumped into her boat, rode out to the boy with the cats, stood up and started beating him over the head as hard as she could with one of her oars. I thought it was going to say, with one of her cats. She speeded the cat with the cat. This apparently went on for quite a while, but eventually my grandmother decided that the boy had been suitably punished and she grabbed the cat and rode back to the shore. A new home was found for the cat and the story of the boy and the or passed into family legend. That is amazing. Now, my grandmother was known to exaggerate things. So my mom and her siblings always took the story with several grains of salt. But years and years later, my grandparents decided to retire back down to the Tampa area. My mom being the youngest and the only kid still at home got dragged along on various errands. One of these errands was to the local bank. When they walked into the bank manager's office, he took one look at my grandmother's maiden name and started edging around to the other side of the desk. It was the same boy and he was apparently still very scared of my grandmother, 50 years later, fuck yeah. My mom obviously lost her entire mind, but my grandmother just laughed and reassured him that as long as he didn't have any cats and she didn't have any ores, he was probably saved. My grandparents opened a new bank account without further incident and they proceeded to have a very happy retirement. And as far as I know, the bank manager didn't torture anymore animals. Thanks for all you do and for getting me through many long hours in the labs. I work on my PhD, stay sexy and believe your grandmother when she tells you that she wants to meet up a kid on behalf of a cat, Cassie. The generations of cats that owe their life to this grandmother is such a beautiful thing. Actually, the cat she saved birth over 5,000 kittens. That's right, 500 kittens. Oh, that was fun. It was not a good one. Yeah, I can't remember what I fixed for you. It's so funny that I picked that one for you, but didn't because I was just trying to get it right. And it's like children in little robots. The cutest. There's got to be pictures of that. I mean, I need to go into that world. I want a tiny robot. It's just for me. Yeah. For me an ocean. For the snacks in the ocean. OK. This season, we've got some awesome guests ready to dole out advice, guests like Tiffany Haddish. Kind of slide into people's DMs. I like Bumble. Also, Girl Farmers Only.com. Like at state sales, funerals, auctions are usually good. There's a lot of good men there, grocery stores near gyms. Darcy Carden. And I remember being like, I know this is good advice, but like, I really don't want to do that. So you didn't take her advice? I didn't take her advice. Are you still friends with that woman? No. She actually was kind of toxic. Neil deGrasse Tyson. I spent my whole life looking up. I was a geek kid. I had a telescope at age 12. And so-- So you didn't have sex for a long time? Sherry O'Terry. Were you a soap opera person? Young and restless. OK. Well, first of all, you should know it's the young and the restless. I can't even believe you're mispronouncing the title. Some of us abbreviated it because we've been-- So what are some of these? T.S. Madison. Are you a Topali? No. No, I don't think so. No. I could have told you, no, I'm not. Girl, why are you just a Polly? Just based on what she's wearing and the way her hair is style, she was not in the Polly, all right? Polly. Anna Ferris, Dave Franco, Madeline Klein, Hannah Gadsby, Adam Scott, Juan de Sykes, and more. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's my first one. The subject line is hidden things in walls. Yes. Surprise it's grandma. Grandma's in laws. Oh, OK. OK, I remember this one now. OK, I got it. It starts a Hoi Hoi pals. My grandparents live in an adorable 1950s, Cape Cod split-level house. Those two styles put together give you a lot of odd little nooks and crannies in places you wouldn't expect, which makes for a great hide-and-seek house for the grandkids. Eventually, we found all the really good hiding places in our hide-and-seek games turned into hide-and-scare to shit out of each other. My dad has always really been interested in old-timey shit. And I was a poor middle child who just wanted cement attention for crying. out loud. So we would often go into my grandparents attic and spend rainy Saturday afternoons looking through old family photos, trinkets, and treasures. This attic was more like a hall closet that led to unfinished crawl space in the eaves of the I love the imagination of a kid is like this is a hidden room. It was a beautiful. Now that was just don't step on the pink part. Exactly. It's got insulation. Yeah. One afternoon when the two of us were up there, I pulled out a box and uncovered a small door that neither of us knew. I mean, I just adore a small door. Yeah. We had just gone to see national treasure. So my 11 year old self instantly yelled, oh my god, the declaration of independence might be in there. And then in parentheses, it says, what a fucking nerve. But friends, I am here to tell you, it was way more practical than that. What we found was the plumbing access space behind the bathroom. You could get into the bathroom from the crawl space simply by pushing out the built in wall hamper. Oh, I had found a holy grail of hiding places that my sister and cousins knew nothing. I could not wait to use it. Holy shit, this is awesome. My twisted little mind started thinking of the perfect way to scare the ever loving shit out of them and play the best prank ever. I had to make sure my plan would work so I picked the best guinea pig I could think of grandma. No, I wasn't a complete lunatic. So I made sure she wasn't in the shower when she where she could slip in the fall. Thank you. But while she was cleaning the bathroom, I snuck into the crawl space through the attic and started lightly tapping on the walls of the shower, then pushing on the hamper and topped it off by making quiet groaning sounds. Kids think they're so subtle, but you know, grandma was like, do you think one of them's in the wall? Yeah, then just as I'm ready to jump out and scare her, she yanks the hamper out of the wall and scares me first. Yes, I couldn't understand how she knew it was one of her grandkids when I so clearly sounded like a ghost. Apparently, this was a prank she would play on my grandpa when they first moved in. Grandma, relationship goals, grandma. You have to find someone that you can scare constantly. Oh, no, this was their empty nesters house. So the thought of my grandma in our late 50s hiding in the crawl space to scare her husband of 30 some years tickles me, me too. Just when I think she couldn't get me a cooler, she says, did you know this goes all the way back to the guest room closet? We could really get them good. My older sister and cousin were hanging out in the guest room being cool teenagers and not letting me in because sisters. So my grandma decided to go to that end of the crawl space and start tapping on the walls. They began screaming and ran to the only room with a lock on the door. The bell. Yeah. Motherfuckers. Yeah, big sisters. Where I was still hidden in the wall making spooky noises. Needless to say, the two of them have the scare of their lives and still have no idea that their ghostly encounter was just me and grandma creeping in the walls. That's how many people are like what's your ghost story and it's just their sibling that they don't know. We I was looking at a copy of Stephen King's pet cemetery and all the said it. No, she's like little sister. It's your middle sister getting revenge. Right. My grandma still loves a good prank and is always down for a game of anything with one of her 22 grandchildren or 11 great grandchildren. Her and my grandpa just celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary. When I asked how they have stayed together this long, my grandpa says she has the most amazing laugh I've ever heard and I decided a long time ago. Oh, no, I know. I know. I saw that. I was like, okay, it's gonna cry. She has the most amazing laugh I've ever heard and I decided a long time ago. I wanted to hear that laugh every day for the rest of my life. So long as she lets me keep making your laugh. You son of a bitch. You made me cry on the first. That is so perfect. I know. I know. I'll take that over. I don't think I could be in a relationship that scares each other. Like I can't jump out. To me, jumping out and scaring someone is abuse. Really? Yeah, I that's not they can't do it to me and I won't do it to them. Like that snows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'm right behind just to be like I'm not trying to scare you. It's the opposite of what you would enjoy as a like my cousin Stevie and it's with his daughters, Kim, his wife would never have it. But that's all they do is try to find a place. If that's agreed upon, it's great. It's hilarious. And I know Vince Chiu, we want to know part of it, whatsoever. They're so bad. They do things where it's like you're we're like we just went to Dollywood. Yeah. Like we're all walking and they always have their eyes out of like I could run ahead and just get in there. Right. Or even if you go, what's that? Like they get scared. Like don't don't do that to me. I don't want that. No, I know. It's not where you're enjoying that life. And tickling like yeah, unless we've specifically said that those things are okay and enjoyable, like don't fucking don't actually I think that's a good rule for everybody. Yeah, don't don't tickle people unless you have an express written. No direct written permission. Okay, stay sexy and check your crawl space for grandma's before going to the bathroom. See she her and it says PS grandma's name is so. So good. Priscilla. So good. Grandmothering her ass off. Great. That was awesome. See, thank you. Well, that's so good. Let's see what your next one for me is. This season we've got some awesome guests ready to dole out advice. Guests like Tiffany Haddish. I like Bumble. Like at state sales, funerals, options are usually good. There's a lot of good men near grocery stores near gyms. Darcy Carden. And I remember being like, I know this is good advice, but like I really don't want to do that. No, she actually was kind of toxic. Neil to Grass Tyson. I was a geek kid. And so you didn't have sex for a long time. Sherry O'Terry. Young and restless. Okay. Some of us abbreviated because we've been so weird for some years. T.S. Madison. Are you into Polly? No, no, I don't think so. Girl, why are you just into Polly? Just based on what she's wearing and the way her hair is style. She was not into Polly. On a Ferris, Dave Franco, Madeline Klein, Hannah Gatsby, Adam Scott, Wanda Sykes, and more. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Hollywoodland, I revisit some of the biggest stories from Hollywood history, separating the myths people want to believe from the reality underneath them. Like how the story of Marilyn Monroe isn't just the story of the Hollywood icon. Marilyn Monroe has become so iconic that her death can only be explained through conspiracy theories. And for some fans who can't let go, these stories have metastasized from conjecture to accepted fact. So on August 4th, 1962, Marilyn Monroe died. And now, we're going to set the record straight and learn about the way Marilyn Monroe actually died. The third way. Learn more about what happens when fame, media obsession, and conspiracy collide. Listen to Hollywoodland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome aboard season 6 of The Girlfriends, flight or fight, which takes place 30,000 feet in the sky. There's great food, comfortable chairs, and attentive stewardesses. The stewardesses were so beautiful. But in reality, the stewardess job is far less glamorous than it appears. In this era, the airlines told these stewardesses they have to be single. They had no good excuse for why they wouldn't let women be married. They have to be skinny. We were starving ourselves. And they have to be young. You would retire at age 32. But one day, a group of stewardesses said, "This has got to stop." They risked it all, turning a fight for fairness into a revolution. Listen to The Girlfriends, flight or fight, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, this is a combo of "or so we thought" and "cats." Oh, I love it. Okay. Of course you guessed that I did that to you. Oh, you did. Of course you did. Okay, the time my husband found our last cat, daughter, daughter, or so we thought. Georgia, Karen, love your gorgeous faces. A couple of years ago, a stray cat snuck into one of the vans at my husband's work and gave birth to a litter of kittens. Oh my god, my dream. We have to keep them. It's safe. They picked us. Right. Several weeks later, each kitten went home with a different co-worker, and their mama became the shop kitty. That is how we came to own our second cat, Hazel, a brown tabby, [BLANK_AUDIO] was afraid of almost nothing. She holds her own against our 85 pound dog. She runs laps around the house with our two wild boys, like children, and she's a great addition to the family. However, Hazel has always been an indoor cat despite her best efforts otherwise. At around a year old, Hazel went through a phase where she would run full speed toward any door that was open just for a taste of the outdoors. Oh my fucking god. Well, one Sunday evening before going to bed, I realized I hadn't seen Hazel in a while. This is me all the time. Have you seen Mo? I haven't seen Mo in a while. I searched the house. Also a tabby, right? Yeah, yeah. I searched the house in the yard and couldn't find her anywhere. It was clear she had snuck out at some point without us realizing it. I was so worried about her. The next morning, as we drove around looking for her, my husband called to tell me he had found her in a neighbor's yard, but she was hiding from their dogs and was too scared to come out. I grabbed some cat treats and headed that way to help coax her out of her hiding spot, and it worked. She crept out from under the shed. And when she did, my husband grabbed her. Except then she went absolutely wild, biting, scratching, twisting around, and doing everything she could to get away. It was nothing like her, and she was such a sweetheart, so it was very unexpected, but she was obviously terrified. The neighbor who lived there grabbed a cage and my husband somehow managed to put the writing cat inside. His hand was bleeding everywhere. There was a deep puncture wound in his pinky finger and scratches up his arms. He headed to urgent care to get bandage and injected with an antibiotic. Then finally, we brought Hazel home or so we found. Oh my god, and we see a new meme of like, I found my cat three months ago. It came home today and just too large black and white. Exactly, like that look exactly like. I don't know. Yeah. When we opened the cage, she immediately went into our laundry room, hid behind our dryer and would not come out. As I stood looking at her, cowering in the corner, I turned to my husband and said, I don't think that's Hazel. My husband wasn't sure either, so he started the process of getting the cat back into the cage and managed to do it without further injury. We took her to a nearby vet and had her scan for a microchip which she didn't have. Hazel has a microchip. This was not our cat. My husband drove back to the neighbor's house where he had found this cat and talked to the neighbor's wife. He explained the situation and the wife responded, yeah, that's our cat. The neighbor's only explanation for why he assisted in the cat napping of his own pet was that they had several cats. He said he thought it looked like one of theirs, but my husband seemed so sure that he didn't want to disagree. Wow, that's therapy. Got a therapy. Yeah, that's right. Needless to say, my husband was not happy about the injuries he sustained, retrieving the wrong cat. Meanwhile, I continued the search for Hazel. I did everything I can think of, posted online, put up liars, talked with neighbors and got permission to search their yards, and put out a trap that managed to catch two more incorrect cats. Then a couple days later, I walked into her kitchen and Hazel was sitting at her back door waiting to be let in. After three nights of doing God knows what, I guess she was ready to come home. All of that was in three nights. That's amazing. It sounds like it was too much. Totally. She was covered in cobwebs. Fucking love that hungry and thirsty, but none the worse for where my husband's hand healed, but he still doesn't have complete feeling in his pinky finger and does not find the story nearly as entertaining as most people do. Ooh, so tell anybody. Thankfully, Hazel has mostly outgrown her taste for freedom. She still makes the occasional break for an open door, but has mostly accepted that she is strictly an indoor cat. I have attached a photo of her to share. Thanks for reading my story, Stay Sexy, and don't aid and abet in catnapping your own pet. Josie, she, her, oh my God, Hazel. Hazel looks just like mo! Just like mo. Look, that's a smart bad cat. So cute. She's like, what, I was just under the deck. Yeah, what are we going to do? Why are you guys freaking out all the time? Stop grabbing all the cats that look slightly similar to me. They caught, I love that story so much. So good. So good. Or so we thought. Look at love cats. Oh, what? The subject line of this. OK, the one I gave you. What is it, what does I forgot? This is a combo hero dog celebrity sighting. Oh, yeah, OK, I remember now. Incredible. Should I hold this subject line? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had, yeah, I had it from YouTube. Perfecto. OK, this starts, "Mams." Hi, I'm obsessed with true crime, but his fate would have it. I grew up in a quiet Southern California neighborhood. No one's ever heard of, which seems like the perfect spot to dig up some murderous history. Or shit, I'd take a sinkhole, but alas, here I am. Oh, wait, this one is so well written. I just, I thought it was a different one. It's so well written. OK. Don't get me wrong. I'm super thankful. My parents plopped us down in the most boring and safest of surroundings, but it leaves me very limited on content to send in to super casually say, "Hey." And for that, I'm resentful. And then it happened. I have been summoned. In a recent mini-sode, you guys asked for the weirdest celebrity run-ins. And I am here to answer the call. Imagine. It's 1988. I'm a teeny tiny baby. Fuck you. I'm graduating from high school. What were you in sixth grade? You were eight. Third grade. 10 months, maybe. In one of those adorable 80s baby onesies with the feed. Sorry, 80s, or everyone. They've literally been around since the 1500s. The 90s are upon us, simple times. Growing pains is in full teen swing. Everyone's swimming over a Kirk Cameron, including my half-sister, who's 15 or 16 at the time. So it's a baby and then half-sister. My parents had gotten our dog Sarah from some dog breeder trainer, who I guess also had some sort of celebrity connections. He calls my dad and says, "Hey, Steve, Kirk Cameron is looking for someone to watch his dog while he goes off and shoots a movie. Would you be interested?" Why he chose my parents rather than someone entirely more qualified is beyond me. And why my parents agreed to do it even more strange. But wouldn't you know Kirk Cameron himself delivered his sweetheart, fluffball, Tibetan mastiff, wrecks to our house shortly after. Like, we-- fuck that guy, but back then. Like, he was the heartthrob of heartthrob. This is Timothy Shilome coming and dropping his bass and hound off at your house. I mean, it's just like, what are we talking about? Yeah, 100%. He was the biggest. And also, Kirk Cameron is from a Hollywood family. All right. His sister is also-- like, it was like they were famous-- they were famous about being famous almost. It was just such a different-- It was, yeah. OK, my parents have a video of baby me sitting in his lap on my sister's bed, who, to her simultaneous relief and disappointment, had been at her mom's that day. Oh my god. Can you imagine? They should have told her and had her come home. Don't you think? Yeah, it really sucks. I mean, I bet she would have-- It's a stepmom. That's a stepmom's fault. It seems. Yeah, it starts some shit. But also, like, I used to-- I think I admitted this to you before. I also had this picture when we admit things to each other, we had to say, welcome to shame down. Then we can do a segment called, welcome to shame down. Here's mine. I used to get ready just in case Scott Beow was going to be like, we were going to the beach-- We were going to the beach in Northern California. This isn't like when you were already in Hollywood, and maybe he'd be at a party. Couldn't be further away. We'd be like, well, we're going out to Stinson Beach. What did you talk? Fucking Beow's there. And I'd just be like, trying so hard to curl my hair. Is he ever there? He was never once there. I guess who I have for her $500 mini-sad Karen. The great Maga Republican Scott Beow. Bam, and Kurt Cameron, a two-for-maggy. Listen, we love-- the heart wants what it wants when you're 12. OK, so the video is of Kurt holding the baby sitting on her bed and saying, hey, Shannon, sorry, I missed you. I get to hang out with your sister. She told me all about you. Hope we meet one day. And, quote, she was mortified. I was charming. The VHS tape proves such as I wouldn't stop touching his face and grabbing at those curls. From what I gathered later, from my mom, we weren't told when he'd be back for Rex, but we assumed it was going to be for a few months. We didn't hear from this motherfucker for years. He fucking dropped his dog up. Just like new home. Bye. I said what I said, gals, all caps, four period years, period later, four years. We're just left to assume Rex is our dog now. When all of a sudden, we get a phone call, that someone will come and pick up this sweet monster bear of a dog the next week. I was heartbroken. Unless you specifically say something, a year, tops, then that's their dog. Maybe a year and a half. I would love for all of the film nerds to come and tell me what movie has shocked that last four four-- that you would, as a lead or secondly, be shooting this movie for four years. You're going to abandon your dog and then get it back. Star Wars made me-- Also, you'd love to sit with children who now groan. You held that movie that you then weaned onto the company of this dog. This is all you. I was heartbroken. I rode that good boy like a horse every goddamn day of my dog. The dog's like, thank fucking God. The dog's like, see you. Our dog had died a few months earlier. Rex was my best friend. And now this asshole at the audacity to not even show up and take his dog himself, the dog he hadn't seen in years, but sent someone to take him away from me. And then in parentheses, it says, I'm 32 now. And obviously, I haven't moved on. Full circle. It's 2005. I'm 17 and sitting in church with some friends from youth group who's dumb fucking curly gay. gray haired head, so angry. And whose dumb fucking curly graying haired head do I suddenly realize I'm sitting directly behind the same guy who's become more famous in this group of friends for breaking my tiny toddler heart than he ever, than he was or ever will be for growing pink. I looked down the aisle and every single one of my pals was staring at me wide eyed and then expectant as if timid shy high school choir nerd me is going to stand up in the Lord's house surrounded by grandma's in the spirit himself mid holy communion and splash that thimble sized plastic cup of wine in his face and scream fuck you Kirk Cameron, which is honestly the biggest regret in my life. I love you both. Stay sexy and for fucksakes. Don't give Kirk Cameron back his dog Amber. I want I feel like my mom sometimes being a kind would have been like fuck you. My daughter is attached to him now. We haven't heard for you from you in four years. Yes. That's it's our dog now. I feel like that's pure reasonable because totally four years. Like how do you not get an end date? And then how does that discrepancy? How does anyone believe that they had a four-year window? I hope I hope Kirk Cameron gave my big fat fucking grow pains check for that, you know? Yeah, really? Because that's dog sitting for four years. Seriously? As a person that pays a dog sitter, that's expensive. This season we've got some awesome guests ready to dole out advice, guests like Tiffany Haddish kind of slide into people's DMs. I like Bumble. Also girl farmers only dot com. Like at states sales, funerals, auctions are usually good. Darcy Cardin. I remember being like, I know this is good advice, but like I really don't want to do that. No. Neil deGrasse Tyson. I was a geek kid. So you didn't have sex for a long time. Sherry O'Terry. Young and restless. Okay. Some of us abbreviated because we've been so mispronouncing. T.S. Madison. Are you into Polly? No. No. I don't think so. I could have told you no. I'm not. Okay. It's a Polly. Just based on what she's wearing and the way her hairstyle. She was not in the Polly. Okay. On a ferris, Dave Franco, Madeline Klein, Hannah Gadsby, Adam Scott, Wanda Sykes, and more. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan. And on my podcast Hollywoodland, I revisit some of the biggest stories from Hollywood history, separating the myths people want to believe from the reality underneath them. Like how the story of Marilyn Monroe isn't just the story of a Hollywood icon. Then the rumors started and she died again. And now we're going to set the record straight and learn about the way Marilyn Monroe actually died. The third way. Learn more about what happens when fame media obsession and conspiracy collide. Listen to Hollywoodland on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome aboard season six of the girlfriends flight or fight, which takes place 30,000 feet in the sky. There's great food, comfortable chairs and attentive stewardesses. Listen to the girlfriends, flight or fight on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The last one is Sassy Grammas and Cats. Thank you. Thank you, Karen. It's like you know me. Ladies, day one listener here. My grandma lived in Queens, New York, and when I was a little girl, I would spend parts of the summer with her and sometimes long weekends. She would drag me all over the city and we'd see all the Broadway shows. In total, she's taken me to see 24 musicals. Lucky. I haven't even seen one. Is that true? I think oh, I saw cats when I was a little kid. Oh, right, little. That would have turned you off of it. They're they've gotten so much better. But I came out in the audience. It was terrifying. Okay. For my 14th birthday, she took me to see cats. Hey, we sat in the Mezzanine section right with the edge where I could lean over and see the stage. No one told my grandma, "What?" Yeah. What? No one told my grandma that the actors would climb out into the audience and interact with them. That's fucking weird. Like a whole generation of children were traumatized. Yeah. So she was very surprised as was I when one of the cats crawled into my lap and licked my face all while purring and having me fully believe he was in fact a cat. That one came up to me too. Yeah. My grandma wouldn't have it and reached out and slapped this poor actor. It echoed through the theater and yelled, "Get the hell off my granddaughter!" And continuing to stay in character, this actor hissed at her, jumped off my lap and crawled back down to the stage. For exactly four seconds, you could hear a pin drop. That is a fucking professional. Yeah. Holy shit. Someone slapped him across the face. Yes. She then turned around, fluffed up her hair and sat back in her seat to finish the show holding my hand the whole time. She has taken me to see countless shows, but this is the only one where she physically assaulted one of the actors. It's a story that we've retold over and over again from many, many years. Now I take my own grandchildren to the theater with a promise that I will keep my hands on my lap and not try to hurt me, buddy. My grandmother was a red-headed ball of fire. No one could touch her. In fact, there's one story where she was mugged and was able to fight him off with a stapler that she for some reason kept in her purse. That's amazing. Because it's heavy. Hell yeah. Her name was Fay and she was my bestest friend forever. Stay sexy and don't ever let a full grown man dress as a cat sitting in your lap. That rhymes. Stacey in New Jersey. Stacey, I feel you. Let's have a group therapy session because like I remember that too. Also, how 70s/80s is it for them to be like, yeah, you guys go find children in the audience to do that too. And like, don't put a sign anywhere warning the littlest children who are scared of a lot of fucking things that don't really like fully comprehend. They're kind of like, they're on psychedelics basically all the time, children of just like, whoa, this is crazy. Maybe like good warning. Don't lick them. Don't lick them. Don't lick, don't lick children. Don't make us say it. Don't make sassy say it. Okay. Okay. This one is sisters and winning contests or a money machine. Okay. Yay. Kind of. Okay, kind of. Karen, Georgia, Steven and furry friends. I am so glad I listened to my friend Sarah and started to listen to this podcast and became a murderino. I've passed my love of you onto my friend Morgan and it's great to have others to talk about you ladies. Okay. Okay. Keep it. I no longer listen to the radio and I need to invest in a pair of wireless headphones so I can listen to you while I cook dinner and do the dishes so that I don't have to constantly keep hitting pause when one of my three young boys walks into the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you worked that out on paper. Karen's mad at you. Do it. One of the great joys of life for me is doing the dishes while I listen to podcasts. I don't think I would do the dishes otherwise. Yeah, I think that is what gets me to you know. Yeah. Hey, are you a hoarder? We recommend podcasts. That's so true. So even though I'm the oldest of four siblings, I was always picked on growing up because I was very gullible and easy target. During the fall of sophomore year in high school around 2001, there was a contest going on that tasty cake was promoting. If you found green icing in their crimp, it's you want to meet and greet with one of the Philadelphia Eagles players. So specific. Some girls just link on. To preface this, I was not a huge football fan and I never enter contests because I never win. Well, you can't win if you don't play. So people don't know tasty cakes are east coast hostess. - Yes, snack cakes, but they're a brand that if you're from California, you didn't grow up with them, usually. So, I usually don't have dessert after dinner, but one school night, I had a taste for a tasty cake crepe it. I go to open the freezer to grab one. It tasted way better when they were frozen, but my sister who was sitting at the kitchen table tells me there's one in the pantry. She said she went and opened at the day before and changed her mind. That's where you know the lie is. That's a fucking lie. So, she just put it in a baggy and put it back in the closet. I didn't really care that it wasn't frozen, so I grabbed that one. You can tell I was the youngest of what was essentially at the end of the day, five kids, because I had three teenage or cousins next door and my oldest sister. - 'Cause you don't trust anything immediately. - No, I'm already looking for how are they trying to summit this business. - There's no where, there's no world where my sister would have just nicely and kindly offered me something. - And also a child not wanting to eat a tasty cake. - Oh, I opened it and I changed my mind. - No, you don't. - You've never had in your life, why would you know? Okay, I was standing at the island in the middle of the kitchen enjoying my crimp it. A couple bites in, I noticed the icing inside is green. I start to freak out. My sister couldn't believe that I won. I immediately stopped eating the crimp it. I quickly start looking for a box to find the phone number or contest rules, but of course, when we put them in the freezer, my mom takes them out of the box classic. So I log on to the computer and find a customer service phone number and leave them a message. In the meantime, I'm planning on who I'm taking to this meet and greet and which one of my friends would enjoy the experience the most. The next day at school, I told my friend Tom, who was a huge Eagles fan, that I would take him with me. Everyone is so excited that I want a contest like this. Think Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory finding the golden ticket. We get it, you want a contest? I get home from school and my mom tells me that tasty cake called and left me a message. Oh no. Oh no. I immediately call them back and explain to them, I save the crimp it, but I don't have the box. And that's the only way that I can prove that I won. The lady tells me that I didn't win. All the winning boxes have already been claimed and she apologized for the confusion. I just didn't understand. There was green icing inside my crimp it. I hung up the phone. All I hear is laughter coming from my mom and sister in the kitchen through tears of laughter. They explained to me that my mom even, even the mom. The mom, which is just like a, of course, you pranked a child. Yeah. That's hilarious. It can't be satisfying. No. OK. Through tears of laughter, they explained to me that my sister used a straw sucked out the white icing and blew back in the green icing that she sucked it out. Put it into a dish. Mixed in green food coloring and her saliva sucked it back in. Got a cold. Oh, good. And then in parentheses, it says Q vomiting. I feel like the jokes on them, because that's fucking disgusting. They're gross. They went too far. They really did. She then wrapped it back up, put it in the pantry, hoping I would eat them. But no. See, and also you should have put it back in the original packaging, put a little glue on there. Just to make it seem like, you know? Grab a curling iron, a straightener, Zeran. Listen, I'm not saying I'm not a devious motherfucker, but it's so good. It worked anyway. I'm not sure if I was more disturbed as to what she did or that I actually ate it. Either way, I didn't win into this day. I will never believe I won anything, especially a lottery ticket for $55,000. And then in parentheses, it says different story for a different day. You send us your lottery stories. Send us your tricking children stories or being tricked as a child by an adult or catching an adult trying to trick you and then outsmarting them. That's right. My favorite emoji mail. Could be fun. Wait. Here's the sign off. Okay. Anyways, thanks for reading this. And remember, stay sexy and donate food that's not Knits original packaging. Very true. And that is from Gen A. We can only assume it's Jennifer Aniston riding into the show. Thank you, Jennifer. It means the world. Thank you, Hungary for a tasty cake. Yes. Well, guess what? Did you suck out the frosting? I get it. It's open. I'm sorry. Can't eat this. Gen told me I can't. Cut one in half an alley one. And we'll see. Trust me. And we'll see who won. Here you want to fork. Yes. It's my snack cake. This is our 500th anniversary cake. It's beautiful. So good. Thank you guys so much. Cheers. Cheers. My Aunt Jean used to bring these back from New Jersey when she'd go visit her family. I've never had one. That's fucking good. Mmm. Crumpets. Oh yeah. I want raspberry jam inside of it. Mmm. The cake is so cakey good. Mmm. It's not super sweet. Mmm. Mmm. That's good. It seems like a real little cake. All right. Well, happy. kids were so lucky. Um, mom, it's not talked about mouthful. Well, happy. Well, happy tasty cake. All right. Happy 500th. Hey, great job. These past 500 minisodes. That's right. If 500 more and you and I'll get you a hostess. Also, I think that what was her name? Jen? Jen of her. Jen A. If we could get the, the, what was the sports team? The Eagles. If we get the Eagles, it's like, give her that prize or tasty cake to like fulfill it to get back in her siblings and remind her, like, how fucking great would that be? General all of us. It's called prank reversal. Yep. This is a new segment on the show. Yeah. Tasty cake. We would love to talk to anybody. Whoever's manning that 1,800 hotline. There's got to be a murdering now. Please somebody in this incorporate. Let's make it happen. We've got to turn it right for Jennifer Aniston. She's had a hard time. Yeah, we'll meet her. If the football player or whatever team it is, whatever sport it is doesn't want to meet her. We'll do it. I'll meet her. We're just like making it. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get some of the most famous people on the planet. Well, thanks for listening to 500 episodes of these. We've been to hit your first one. And truly, we want to thank every single person who's written in even if we never used your email, even if you've written in 20 times and we've never picked yours. Yeah. The idea that we get to feature your guys stories and your guys families and your experiences. And then Nick Terry turns around and does animations of them. It's just such a joy. It is. The fact that we've been able to do 500 and can do 500 more is such a testament to the people listening. Yes. And us getting to read them their stories back. Yeah. Thanks for playing this game with us. Yeah. It's been very fun. It has. Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? This has been an exactly right production. Our managing producer is Molly Smith. Our consulting producer is Kate Shellmbach. Our creative lead is Alice in the Gosty. Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Leonid Squallacci. Email your hometowns to my favorite murder at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram at my favorite murder. Listen to my favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for my favorite murder, add us to your list and hit the double thumbs up button. Goodbye. Welcome aboard season six of The Girlfriends. Flight or fight, which takes place 30,000 feet in the sky. A beautiful woman smiles and hands you a scotch, but you have no idea just how messed up her job actually is. Until one day, a group of stewardesses spark a revolution that reshapes America. Listen to The Girlfriends. Flight or fight on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On August 4th 1962, Marilyn Monroe died. The third way. I'm Jake Brennan and on my podcast Hollywood land, I revisit some of the biggest stories from Hollywood history. Separating the myths people want to believe from the reality underneath them. Listen to new episodes every Monday on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I like Bumble. Also girl farmers only die kind. Like at states sales, funerals, options are usually good. There's a lot of good man there. Grocery stores near gyms. Darcy Cardin, Sheri Oteri, Ana Ferris, Dave Franco, Madeline Klein, Adam Scott, T.S. Madison and more. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.