Mermaid Tempura

Best thing that's ever happened to you financially. Go. Easy. Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer. Really? I hit 200 on a scratcher. Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check? No. How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once. Okay, that's fair. It's like the lottery, except you always win. Not like the lottery at all, actually. Exactly. Inexplicably good. Offers worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pickup fees may apply. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade Electrolytes, Zero Sugar, and Vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Propel with Gatorade Electrolytes. Yep, Charlemagne the God. Andrew Show. We are the Brilliant Idiots Podcast. Back for another week of Brilliant Idiotness. Hemakaya Walker. What's up, my man? How was your week, your weekend? My weekend was good. Where'd you go? Were you doing shows this weekend? What the fuck did I do? What did I do this weekend? Yep, you're getting old, buddy. I am. What the fuck you did this weekend? Where was I? Oh, I just did this Garden of Laughs charity show at Radio City, man. And that was really cool. Was it yesterday? Okay. Yesterday or two days ago? It could have been yesterday. Two days ago. Two days ago. Yeah, it was the weekend. I'm hungover, man. You was drinking? I drank yesterday. I guess I went on a date night with my wife. Whoa, bro. You can't be doing that shit. You can't be having alcohol, bro. It is crazy. I know. And I'm just paying for it right now. Just brutal. How much did you drink? I don't think I drank a lot. I had a Vesper martini, and then I had a glass of red wine. I had some- We started at the podcast. Fuck, we were drinking during the pod. And we had a lot of tequila. Did y'all always drink during the pod? I hadn't drank all year long. Last time I had a drink was New Year's Eve, and the first time I had a drink since New Year's Eve was last week at the Final Four, and it was tequila. And? I'm like, nah, I can't fuck this shit. Knocked you out, right? Nah. I can't fuck this shit. And I woke up the next day. It takes me too long to recover at this age. When you're old, bro, it's the whole day. My whole day is fucked. I know that for a fact. And I hit the sauna. That's right. I hit the steam room. I was trying to sweat it out. It's not going nowhere. I did that the next day. I went to the sauna. I went and got a facial. And when you get to a certain age, you got to choose between erections or recovering from hangovers. I choose between dessert and erections. Damn! If I have dessert, we're going to sleep when we get home. Too much dessert causes me not to have an erection. I think it's the sugar. What? Don't worry. Oh, y'all will get there. Y'all will get there. You y'all pointless in this shit. Y'all going to know. It's young and horny. That's right. I can't wait. I cannot wait. That's right. You get to a certain age where you're going to have to choose erections over everything, baby. Okay? There's certain things that you get to a certain age you know are going to impact that erection. The hangover. The motherfucking sugar. You got to choose what you want, bro. Sleep. Sleep. I just had a point right now. If I don't get to sleep by 9.30 p.m., I'm exhausted. Because I'm getting up at 6 every morning with the kids. I get a warning at 8.20. To get your ass in bed. Yeah, 7.20. My phone says, I have my phone set to go to bed at 8.20. So my phone warns me at 7.20 because I know I need to start winding down around that time. And by like 9.15, 9.30, I got to be in the bed. And that's not how I'm wired. I'm wired to go to bed around like 1. No way. No, like in my brain. That's when I do my thinking. That's when I have a little time to myself. I get a little doom scroll. I like that. Midnight to 1.00. 1.00 a.m. Period. But I'm fucked. No, you got to shut your screen time down at least an hour and a half before bed. Because at night is when they get the emotional videos on Instagram Reels. Damn. I got a nice scroll last night. I was crying. What you was crying about? Oh, they just hit you with one thoughtful one after another. And like, this dad does this for his daughter. And this, oh, it's beautiful. And the music is all baked in. And you can kind of train the algorithm to what you want. So when they try to throw in some bullshit. That's not that you swipe right by it. And I was on a tear. I mean, it was like 30 minutes just. Oh, I got one to send you. Send me. Man, these fucking fishermen, right? Because, you know, we live in this era now where since there's AI, they show us all these real videos and try to make us believe it's AI. Man, these fucking fishermen had this little like. That mermaid you talking about? Yeah, man. That mermaid had to be about eight or nine. It was a little kid. You can tell it was a little kid mermaid. And that little kid mermaid was just crying. I mean, I'm just like, throw the mother. Fuck her back in the ocean. The fuck are y'all going to do with this thing? That's sushi right there. No. Turn that little mermaid. Nice. Let me see if I got it, man. Get that up because I'm hungry just thinking about it. They lucky Japanese people didn't find that little bitch. Damn. Oh, it's already gone. I'm just saying if some Japanese people found her, you know, she's going to be on rice by the afternoon. That's a guarantee. I put it in my story. It's gone. You think that you think that these people wouldn't discriminate against the mer people? I couldn't eat no mermaid, man. You couldn't? Chinese people got to draw the line somewhere. Japanese. Well, either way, whatever needs. Chinese people eat anything. That's not right, man. You got to draw the line somewhere. Who eats the most shit? It's not even like shit that you couldn't even imagine. They eat jellyfish. Like, that's not. That's just. Now, that might be fire. A peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich. See, something that got something already in the name, like jellyfish. Why wouldn't I try that? No. If you offer me a jellyfish. All right, put some peanut butter with some white bread with that motherfucker. Let's see what's hitting. Yeah. Let's see what's happening. Yeah. Okay. God bless you, Joey. God bless you. Yo, this little mermaid was crying so. Go back to your archives and find it. That's how they get you, bro. They cry. They cry. They cry. They cry. Yo, you got to be an ill motherfucker to eat a mermaid, Joey. Why? This mermaid is fighting for their fucking life. Why? Why do you have to be ill to eat that? Because it's a child. You're not going to eat the human part. It's more fish, man. You're just going to go right for the tail. I never thought about that. You could just. You could just make it an amputee. Put it in a wheelchair. Ah. And then you just take the tail. It's like when they take the tusks off the rhinoceros. Fried mermaid tail might be fire. Why you got a fryer? And you wouldn't even think of. And you wouldn't even think about. Think about nothing. Where it came from. He's like, yo, fried mermaid tail. You wouldn't care if it was a child. Catfish. A woman. Downs. Because I know they got some mermaids with Down syndrome. You know what? They do. You know what I'm saying? No, no, no, no, no. They do. And I'm not going to sing this song. What's the song? What's the song? I'm not going to sing it. What is it that you got to sing this song? Do you have to? It's an educational part of the podcast. No, I know it's educational. We got to spread awareness for the mermaids with Down syndrome. What's the song? No, I'm not going to do it. What's the song? Send me the video, Taylor. I'm not going to do it. It's not. When I type it in. Hold on. Let me see. Crying. Let me Google crying mermaid child. I don't even want to see it, man. This shit hurt my heart. I don't know how to do all of this. This shit, man. You know how long it took me just to merge a call yesterday? Don't even get me started. I'm not here for this technology shit. I was like, why the fuck y'all ain't just sending a Zoom link or the fucking conference call shit? Y'all want me to do what? I merged. I FaceTimed my homeboy. He wondering why I'm FaceTiming him. And I'm like, hold on. I'm trying to FaceTime. No. I'm trying to just merge. I'm like, hold on. That shit took me five minutes just to fucking merge a call. I felt it like five years ago. Technology was passing me by. Why don't you stand over there? The art. Why don't you stand right over there? I want everybody to see her snap back. That's all that was. Y'all said it. That's all that was. Y'all said it. That's all. She walked right in front of my camera, too. Yeah. Nothing. I didn't eat no fucking sugar. I see you. I see you back to wearing stripes. You got to get it back if you're wearing stripes now. Uh-huh. Okay. With all due respect. Taylor's a shame. What type of mermaid would Taylor be? Excuse me? Not a little one. What type of mermaid would you be? I'll be a thick one. Not a little one. You know a little about that mermaid. He's right. It's all over here. This guy right here. That's a fucking mother. He's just mad because I'm thick as a man. I'm thinking that you're not. Cut it out. Cut it out. There's only one stallion in here right now. Okay? Okay. You can be a little pony. That's you. Nah, you are. You're my little pony, Tony. You are my little pony. You got that for sure. Taylor was shaming me. She said, I eat fat. And I'm like, I almost died. No, you didn't, bro. Cut it out. Everybody wants to almost die nowadays. Either almost die or don't. I hate when people do that. Almost die. Who the fuck you did it? Yo, why can't we almost die? Because, man, we know what almost death looks like. All right? Yeah, I know. You didn't almost die. I saw someone trying to catch a drop or whatever. You see what I'm saying? But I didn't run in the building. I almost died. You couldn't. That's dramatic as fuck. We would have respected you if you did. No, that's too dramatic. I know. You're not a drama queen. Oh. Offset didn't even say he almost died. He got shot. Where did he get shot? He said in the leg. Everybody was saying the ass, but he got shot in the leg. Getting shot in the ass, that shit is super gay. Yeah, no. Imagine someone pulls out a pistol, you just poke your ass out. He shot me in the ass. No, I think it's gayer to shoot her. Why are you aiming for my ass, bro? Because they want more holes in it. Nah. One hole in it is enough. I need to poke that thing multiple ways. I'm going to make my own hole. If you make your own hole in some cheeks, what you're thinking is that gay? That's just. How does a mermaid shit? We never even figured that out. We're fishing shit. I know how fishing is. I hope a fish is shit, mermaids shit the same way. So you're saying a mermaid got a little booty hole. Because mermaids are easily. sleep. and clearly a vagina too if they're breeding you gotta believe in mermaids right no no get the fuck out of here how do y'all not believe in mermaids maybe they existed once in the chinese animal listen what do the chinese not eat chris can you tell me one thing that the chinese go we draw the line right pussy like no that's why they like being in jamaica that's why they like buying up all the property in jamaica right now i'm here finally in a land that we don't have to eat buses okay that's what that's what it is chris yo do you think the jamaicans are coming around like is there like a progressive jamaican movement where they eat box no jamaican women been telling you that them guys been lying i don't even know what i know what the flex is about that we don't eat boom boom okay okay and more for us yeah like why is that a flex to y'all it's not really it's never been real you share a blunt but wouldn't eat pussy you share a joint but wouldn't eat pussy yeah that's a good you understand what i'm saying like what's the what is your re i don't know by the way i don't know what jamaican's reasonings historically have been i'm sure i've asked a couple in my lifetime but i don't remember that is that is crazy did you find a little crying mermaid i thought i did but it wasn't you gotta see this shit the eyes on this thing man but it was like should i get it up or what i don't know if you're gonna be able to find it but the problem was it was a bunch of fishermen one of them was holding the mermaid up like this like holding them up the mermaid is terrified crying for his life can't believe how he even ended up in this situation you're just swimming minding your business in the ocean these motherfuckers got a net out or whatever and they catch you and they're just holding this shit up and all of them are like yeah look at this throw this shit back in the water yeah yeah because mama's gonna come and then it's gonna be a problem i mean what's she gonna do about it yeah once you get well you never know we don't know what kind of powers they got what's she gonna do about it i just want to know how you got away from his tribe i can't believe y'all don't believe in mermaids no i'm not against mermaids what i don't believe what i'm surprised by is that whales aren't violent they are they're not violent they're not violent they're not violent they're not violent not whales that's what i've been trying to tell you killer whales are very those are the only ones and they don't harm they only they do that for food and they i don't even think killer whales eat humans i don't think i think they do it only inside sea world i think outside of that they never attack humans dead ass i don't think nobody so what i'm saying is there's this species of b there's a species of mammal the whales they are constantly being attacked and hunted by human they are not violent they're completely passive they never hurt the human beings they could probably knock over every single boat that exists oh no come on man oh that looks like i was pitiful that mermaid looks yo no chris don't the fuck you rolling your eyes chris that you that is clearly real everything ain't ai guys nah put that back man that's not nice oh nah that is kind of sad they you can't do aquafina like that man put it back in the fucking water nah bro now i'm not gonna lie that'll probably get eaten because if you look at the body right it's all fish almost like you know what i'm saying like fish you get rid of the head i thought it was gonna be more you a more human to be honest that's what i'm saying it's mostly fish you get rid of the head in the arms you like there's really nothing to do with that but eat it yeah you eating that one put that little baby back man oh that pissed me off so bad why do humans always gotta fuck with everything man lead that shit alone put that thing back in the water they have multiple i'm looking they have multiple videos but it's different no we don't know what we don't need i guess there's the same person but holding a different mermaid because they're trying to throw you off do you not let me tell you something about ai this is my theory about ai has been around forever yeah there's probably so many things we saw that we thought were real but was actually ai like like i don't regular things that we saw that we were just looking at like oh shit that was wild it was probably ai this whole time if they gave us the technology now they've been had they've been sitting on this shit bro you we saw the they saw the shit that they got the the shit that can detect your heartbeat they can identify you by your heartbeat bro that shit is great what the what are we talking about that shit is great you think they just came up with this shit oh it's like duct tape like duct tape nasa had way before they gave it to us i'm not even trying to say if you look at the old you look at the old spaceships it was basically duct tape and then they probably got a better tape and now we get the duct tape y'all still believe in that spaceship say again y'all still believe in that spaceship man get me out of here i'm starting to feel uncomfortable i'm just telling you that's this is just to throw us off no no no get me out of here i don't like i don't even like looking remember when tom hanks fucked them fuck that mermaid remember splash y'all remember splash with daryl no i i do remember the movie i never watched it that was crazy crazy yeah because i'm like yo daryl hannah was like you know good looking for her time right like that was with the 80s you know i mean i guess that was a good looking white you could just say she's good looking why why don't you just stamp that because over time you gotta put a time period on it so over time you've seen better of that version yeah i guess people do get more attractive you know what i'm saying teeth from the 70s were wild it's crazy what we put up with have you seen teeth from the 70s like even like major actors like you see them on a billboard and with their teeth they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like with their regular teeth it's insanity right they didn't care about teeth back in the day they didn't care about no but they didn't have veneers and shit yet back then i know they didn't have veneers and shit back then but remember when he used to i would always think about yo how trash were the women on land and he fell for a fucking mermaid yo i get that i get that a little bit because i don't think mermaids have periods because the sharks would eat them so now you found a woman that doesn't matter menstruate so you basically get 25 of your month back and clearly no gag reflex none they can suck you off for hours hours don't even gotta breathe they got gills so you really he really he really maximized if you're thinking about it he really maximized do you have to get head underwater though no no you can bring them up because they can't oh no she's always there as long as their gills are underwater that's fire it's on the edge of the pool you put her in the bath you sit on the toilet you put her in the bath you sit on the toilet y'all ain't never watched splash what you put on a bath you sit on it you sit on the toilet you get that suck y'all never watched splash i never watched splash splash yo you gotta watch splash tom hangs down hannah man go watch the yo is tom hangs the goat though yes i told y'all this already nah but like we never bring him up in terms of every who but i don't i go like oh denzel is my goat or like oh leo's the goat he's never kind of brought up in that i've been said tom hates the greatest actor of all time might be man you really think so um yo he might be hey compared to leonardo dicaprio washes leo come on man how many cartoons leo got tom's gills how many cartoons leo got tom hanks got toy story that really shits on everything else pull up tom hanks yeah run run the tom hanks it's not even done this before i i'm not with tom hanks it's not even close yo this is tom fucking is it is it is it because we haven't seen him give like an emotional performance since since what there's not too many tom hanks movies you're gonna watch and don't cry no no i'm talking about like what he did with forrest gump or what he cried tears i know castaway tears cast away was cast away auto tears yo that movie see i told you that movie i tried to tell you that movie right there did you cry what do you mean did i did you man what you mean this motherfucker falls out on his bed face down ass up and you you cry bro you cry nah the scene that got me was when the younger version of him took the girl that he was interested on a date and then she ordered an entree and he didn't order anything oh because he couldn't afford it and then she's like why aren't you having anything he's like i ate already and then she's like she says something she pushes back again she's like but wait but why don't you just order something she's like he's like well uh i wanted i wanted to make sure that you could get whatever you wanted that's come on man tom hanks got a new movie out now that i ain't watched yet it's on apple which one i can't remember the name of it but i saw it that's it right there taylor what is that you pulled up i don't know i didn't mean to push it nah just pull up tom hanks movies tom hanks movies yo just pull up tom hanks but why he went to rotten tomatoes why y'all think leo got anything on tom hanks bro he's a great actor no leo's nice he's fucking nice he just might not have it on tom like everybody got a daddy bro and tom is that i'm his motherfucker's daddy i don't even know where to start with time i can start with motherfucking philadelphia hey before that it was sleepless in seattle yo he got classics like turner and hooch wow big fire i said that already the man with one red suit splash phenomenal okay angel demons da vinci code forrest gump forrest gump in front of me i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about big come on man um what is it what was that shit called what was the joint for the king movie called he played mr rogers yeah was he apollo 13 he was in apollo 13 a beautiful day in the neighborhood come on man man with the red with one man with the one man red shoe i don't know that's what i just sully i didn't fuck with sully you didn't fuck with sully come on you had to fuck with saving private ryan saving prior god I love Tom Hanks, man. the green mile oh wow stop playing with tom fucking hanks bro they know it's nobody better and it's one thing to be a great actor it's another to be in so many great films i mean to shoot at this percent that's what i'm saying there's a lot of great actors like denzel is a great actor but every film denzel has been in isn't great denzel hits at a high percentage leo hits at a high percentage like the real greats barely experiment more say what i want to see him experiment more now i feel like he plays his the same person yo but when he does experiment he wins the oscar yes no for sure i'm agreeing with you i'm like every time he steps out of like the prototypical denzel role he's celebrated for it there's been two roles that denzel has played to me that i didn't see denzel malcolm x in training day training day everything else was a lot of john q john q man john q will make you you right bro every single every single when he pulls that fucking trigger and it doesn't go off the reason i put john q in there is because i don't feel like denzel would ever be in a situation where he's desperate like that what's the what's the you gonna do what the fuck i told you to do you're gonna give my son this worst movie denzel's been in for me right now is the higher learning or something with asap that shit was good that was why everybody said that i didn't agree with that so wait you need to make me understand the end ending because what was that where they split the screen and you see denzel like listening to his song but was that like this imaginary or i'm mad confused i like that movie everybody said that shit was whack i thought it was i thought it was dope now what was the movie that what was so bad about i'm saying first of all denzel's playing like this wannabe like man on fire that was a hip-hop old person it was that movie was man on fire was dope the man on fire he wasn't a hip-hop old person he was a mogul he was a yeah and he was it was terrible he was and the new movie with the shit with asap rock he's a music mogul asap grew up idolizing him basically um asap wanted to be signed to him but asap ends up ends up kidnapping his child and holding him for ranch though oh interesting like that's i i didn't see no the movie don't they enjoyed it that's the summary everybody the acting and everything was right not from denzel not even from asap i think everybody told me that movie was trash i watched it and i was like this shit was not nowhere near as bad so yeah but the bar was low because everybody said it was ass i thought it was cool i enjoyed it i enjoyed the movie the true test fighting on the train that shit was not even believable the true test to a movie being fantastic is when everybody tells you it's fantastic and your cynical ass goes in wanting to prove them all wrong and you still love it because once you tell me a movie is amazing i'm going in there like these motherfuckers don't know shit about cinema and then if it blows me away i'm like all right you got it this is incredible man that didn't i enjoyed the dizzle and ace that movie i don't know what even your tone right now is like you're different for enjoying it yes i didn't i'm like i really trying to figure out what was so bad about it i've seen some bad movies please please watch it i'm gonna watch it i'm not gonna it's not bad about it i'm gonna do it because i can't get those out why not why what's so bad about it it was the director who directed directed um it was spike it was spike lee it didn't look premier like it looked like the background was trash what was the name of it uh higher higher highest oh highest to lowest yeah y'all abuse the background of it was trash you can tell like background no spike is like the scenery but spike spike needs a banger bro spike is nasty but he's a banger he needs another banger i enjoyed that one no i know what i'm saying it's like i'm not saying it was a banger but i enjoyed it it was a good watch what are you rating it what's the last spike banger out of what one out of ten yes hold on we're having two different strong six maybe all right six is fine i'm giving it a four what's what's the last spike banger the one when they robbed inside man inside man inside man was one of the best movies i ever seen it's classic spike lee it like the new york characters bleed through the screen you know if you're a fan of spike lee it was gonna name diddy's doctor that shit you didn't hear that he's gonna name it inside man you didn't know that y'all didn't know that that's crazy y'all didn't know that what was so good about it you're crazy you never saw it with clive owen oh it's really good first of all the script is genius like genius the the twist is fantastic and then it's just classic spike like every scene is just amazingly shot and like perfect tension and like spike does this thing with new york characters specifically where like the cop will be the most new york guy the guy at the halal stand will like you'll feel like they're not an actor like they actually work the halal stand and he hired him so anyway that's his zone for me but i want to see something like that from spike how many bangers do you need though and what i mean by that as a director as an actor yeah we either we say spike needs a banger or he needs a banger but it's like director director you need one you're only as hot as your last shit right yeah but director you need one and then if your last shit flops they'll give you one more shot if that shit flops you're pretty much out the game and but if you have like three or four hit you could miss for a few and you still get opportunities would you rather have one universally you know known classic or would you rather have a tom hanks catalog because that can work against you sometimes your catalog can be so great that people forget how good you are we expect it you know what i'm saying we expect it to be good straight up would you rather have that one because i think think about somebody like lauren hill right miseducation lauren hill one phenomenal classic album yeah but then you think about like somebody like a mary j blige who has a extensive catalog you kind of take her for granted yeah i guess it depends like they put they put mary on they put lauren on the pedestal i think mary should be on did you did you well it is like is your goal in life to perfect a thing or is your goal in life to continue creating because if your goal in life creatively is to perfect a thing and then you do that then you did it you accomplish your goal like everything after that is gravy if your goal in life is to continuously create then tom's career without a doubt is like come on but like lauren put out an undeniable undeniable body most human beings that create things not just music will never be able to replicate but she didn't release anything else that's what makes her different that's but i can't even then compare that to her other shit yeah there's no other shit yeah i know she literally never so that's a good point so is that an unplugged with mtv a couple yeah she literally there's no precedent of someone releasing an album which was that successful commercially and critically and then just never doing anything andre 3000 no no he's put out a solo what he never put out a solo album i mean but the dual album was kind of but no andre had a bunch of bodies that worked right yeah you can say lauren has that with the food sort of kind of yeah i don't know i like that that's not a bad comparison but i like what you're saying though because maybe that's why we take people for granted right because because you start comparing they're competing with themselves at that point yeah so you start comparing them to things that they're doing and if they try something like let's say tom hanks comes out with a new movie or j blige or denzel came out with this movie that y'all don't think is that good so now you start discrediting all his other stuff just because you're like oh my god i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that last impression was this it's mcdonald's bro it's like it's mcdonald's or it's chick-fil-a or it's whatever it's like consistency if you have a big mac right imagine you never had one in your life and you have a big mac that big mac will be better than like 99 of the burgers you will have at restaurants around the world it really will like you can have a burger at a restaurant so i got his bun is mad dry or like i don't like the fucking saw this is plain or it's whatever it's restaurant not fast food so you put in a different category but in terms of like you eating it and you actually being satisfied by the experience you're like uh the big mac is does the job but because no matter where you go on the planet you can get that same tasting big mac we don't even put in the category of food it's because we'll also like you get to a mcdonald's sorry to cut you mcdonald's fries mcdonald's fries are better than 99 of fries you're gonna get in any restaurant but also not fries like you know a lot of fries it's cardboard and perfume basically they don't use real potatoes of course they do this motherfucker fast food nation breaks it down back in my day they used to use real potatoes and what was that cooking with and malcolm gladwell had a great podcast on on revisionist history what was that shit chris how about i just eat until my toes fall how about that they used to cook them in trans fat americans do what was this train it wasn't you know trans fat yeah you know i'm saying it's gonna transition my feet into off my body that's what it's gonna do it's trans fat it's really oil but it identifies as like something else delicious but think about it we'll never eat mcdonald's the same ever again wait what you mean by that think about being a child and begging your parents for mcdonald's and they'd be like we got mcdonald's at the house but then you know you might end up going to get something from mcdonald's and that shit usually just tastes different in the 80s taste different in the 90s tell me tell me if we're restaurant, and you have French fries there are they more satisfying than mcdonald's fries nah our chick-fil-a fry but we don't even put mcdonald's fries like in the conversation of best friends we're not posted they tell us we're not posted yeah exactly but this is your point about when you have a body of work that's so consistent we take it for granted yeah you're right like i would even go like yo mcdonald's might be underrated like even the sunday at mcdonald's like the mcflurries right go have ice cream somewhere else not better than the mcflurry mcflurry fire the oreo mcflurry but the regular vanilla sundae with the chocolate fudge and the nuts on it tell me when you go get the fancy ice cream for fucking ten dollars waiting on line in the street new york you think it's better than that yo okay here we go apple pie yeah man the apple pie from mcdonald's my mother's apple pie is way much better your mom is your mom is built different and she's not doing it around the world in every single yeah exactly the same yeah man yeah man last time i had mcdonald's i was leaving a little duval comedy show this was years ago when we were in dc no this was he was in new brunswick at uh at stress factory and man for some reason i i think i took a puff of duval's weed and i got the munchies and something said i want fucking mcdonald's and i went to mcdonald's and got the two double cheeseburger i never went big mac fries cheeseburger every single time two apple pies barbecue sauce went perfect with the chicken nuggets though i never fuck with the nuggets i never fuck with nuggets wendy's has better chicken nuggets though i would agree wendy's got wendy's got great french fries on the low too they used to when they changed it to the red the red um was the red french that shit's still flat no when they had the yellow brand the french fry holder when they had the yellow how would i know about it instagram no i remember you was alive with a yellow pack yes how old do you think i am i'm saying all that to say i'm saying all that to say shout out to crystal man crystal is where you really want to go get your basket yo shout out crystal they got one in orangeburg south carolina that's phenomenal one in walterborough south carolina that's phenomenal crystal yo we got it we got it really in jamaica that's kfc fire too i never went to jamaica i went to the one in um iceland no it was another island it's still gonna taste tornado it's still gonna taste because however they make it go to kfc in like a country where they care about their people right and there's rules and what goes in the food oh my god kfc in iceland is crazy no but you know what's crazy i went to one in barcelona they have the american chicken or chicken and so the american kfc chicken it's way saltier than what they get yeah you can choose american uh fried or just regular where should you prefer theirs because ours is crazy salty where was this in barcelona really yeah that's it give you that choice yes and you ever had a turkey fried cock yeah you ever had that yeah not yet how was it yeah i'm just asking i don't know i never had that i never tried it yeah yeah i see you licking your lips i love me some kfc i love mrs gmc y'all love it to me and call me the colonel propel fitness water with gatorade electrolytes zero sugar and vitamins propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self what propels you propel with gatorade electrolytes what else we got taylor let's get into some all memes matter taylor what is happening this week nah that volleyball the zesty volleyball player you gotta sign that guy to every nil deal i haven't seen it this is what we've been waiting for we need a zesty athlete that dominates what is the volleyball guy zesty well just watch i saw this guy look at this man look no no no you got to see him slam it he eats that little turn and then he goes oh oh yeah he eats that kfc oh for sure he likes his cock kentucky fried yeah bye okay bye okay that man is not by don't disrespect him that man is straight nah he is that's a that's pure gay but this is what you need this is what we need because sports why do y'all think he's gay man stop i mean i'm i was going along with the joke but what makes him gay you believe in mermaids but not that this guy's gay what do you mean he just seemed passionate to me shut up you know he's a passion fruit i love the little head turn afterwards nah this is fire bro nah he's passionate man what's his name what's his name number two did they win at least that's fire that his name is number two is it like that is it numbered like value meals i don't know one would be a flow job i just feel like two he's he's a top for sure he might be top though shout out the homie man yeah they even got his next games listed what's it oh his name is jordan jordan k lucas jordan k lucas do your thing jordan get your fucking money jordan you deserve it you're about to be an internet sensation be honest with you they made him in a lab of course yeah like like when i see stuff like this i'm like all right he just ain't come out of nowhere just all of a sudden oh he killing it now go to the one with him with the chinese fan that's fire right there oh he played basketball too that's the volleyball team that's volleyball you think he's hawaiian i think he might be okay jordan and he got the pink jays on yeah he leaning in oh yo yo yo i was born this way bro you can't even like you can't script that you know i'm saying you can't shout out the pooh sassy that's pooh sassy pooh sassy right there okay that's pooh sassy working jordan shout out to jordan i think he's a lion man hawaii's got a long legacy of phenomenal gay volleyball players get the fuck out of here really the gays are the best at volleyball out what you mean how you figure that it's just the truth that's why they they got like a wrist thing i'm telling you man they they got it shut the fuck up ask them bro they got a whole what you mean they got a wrist thing no they have a lease they got like a mahu volleyball league really yeah oh well shout out to them that's dope i mean listen if certain areas can breed you know basketball players football players why not have a place that can breed volleyball players man i agree you know i'm saying i agree with you i ain't mad at it what else we got taylor caitlin jenna a hypocrite what caitlin do no not caitlin what did caitlin do man caitlin um what did caitlin do he's let me see let me oh she caitlin's on with tommy lauren let me read um hold on let me read sure it's a volume caitlin caitlin can't get no emotion yo she really can't caitlin can't get no emotion you know how lame you gotta be and you can't get no emotion as a jenner or a trans you know i'm saying you're a transgender can't get no fucking motion how you a transgender and you can't get no emotion he say anything to try to get hot do anything to try to get hot do anything to try to get hot and can't get hot yo nothing what what's this transgender so basically he's um jenner said that um let me read it taylor because you just want to confuse me hold up what did he say caitlin jenna calls self a hypocrite for accepting women of glamorous women of the year well we knew this already what'd you fucking tell him that shit we already know press play we knew we knew that here i am fighting the battle to keep biological men out of women's sports okay because it's it's not right it just is not right okay and i want to protect women here i am fighting this battle people biological men out of women's sports but back when i came out what did i accept glamorous woman of the year award and i go what a hypocrite i'm still xy what a hypocrite i am you know trying to keep biological men out of women's sports but i'm a biological man and they gave me glamorous woman of the year award that's not no wild fuck out of here no i mean she's trans being transphobic she's been that she's been that i want to know yeah i want to know uh who's hitting it she's she's the one that's hitting it yeah she's still got a dick she likes girls that's why that's why i never understood when she first came out people got mad at me because i said oh she's a lesbian well yes she is a lesbian i would think if you're if you're a woman if we're recognizing her as a woman exactly so i never understood why people got mad when i said that here's the problem when you're pop when you got a lot of like uh estrogen in your system your dick gets doesn't get hard easy do they does she got estrogen she must if she's taking the hormones to be feminized she's still getting morning wood in the morning man you don't think i don't i think the balls have shriveled to be totally honest if she is taking the whole oh damn what the cut the top off it shows over to getting bricked up that mother i'm excited my bad but yeah i want to know who's hitting it or who she's hitting man who's she dating um how is that not is this the only gender that we don't know about their sex life no she don't care comes out with i care yo the men and yo the men in that family bro bro like don't nobody give a fuck about rob like if you did devotion chart bro like from hot to coldness all the guys are at the bottom all the guys are like low keys they went they went through it man there might be like a a curse we had that you know somebody said that to me the other day but there's like that's not as true as people say it is talk to me chris humphries owns mad fast food franchises like chris humphries is like caked up somewhere to me so you mean like the biological i'm talking about like if you got the rod like okay because i think the curse runs through the blood well you know there's a there's a there's a it's a blood curse there's a conspiracy theory that all of the women use rob so they got rob fat and then they started using his fat for like their injections and shit like that do you know who started that conspiracy theory who a guy named andrew schultz on a brilliant idiots podcast about a decade ago holy shit it was you that's how long we've been podcasting man no they made a podcast yo it might have been you actually no i don't remember i don't fucking remember it was one of us though it was i do remember you said here but i think it was you y'all it might have been you you think we made rob going to hide because we ain't seen him since yo well they still need it i think once they stop the injections they're not doing it no more i thought well what do you mean what they're not i thought they said they're like reducing it everything reducing what they're in charge like kim got rid of hers yeah but they got them in cold storage just in case it could trend the other way fat ass you come back in and they're gonna need that i don't think she lost her ass why did you pull up sophia hutchins they were together you said who was she dating oh wow get the fuck out of here yo you know who that is sophia hutchins who is that american socialite what a title she dates caitlin jenner that says caitlin jenner's friend and man she's dead no i don't know i don't oh man r.i.p see oh my god yeah but she died i'm hold on am i saying this hold on me that head says sophia hutchins caitlin jenner's friend and manager day that's not that's not her click on it taylor what's going on what are you doing that's what they showed me yes sophia hutchins caitlin jenner's friend and manager dead at 29 oh no what is wrong with you taylor well hold on god rest the dead wait wait my god wait they live together they live together they shared a dog and were called often a couple that'd be funny to do that'd be funny to do put the obituary out like when you transition i think you should have to that's heavy because they say don't call me by my dead name i think it's called dead naming all right so so if my name is dead then hey he's dead you know what i'm saying killed him you know what i mean what else are you gonna kill what else happened this week taylor what else happened this week your boy who's my boy wants to be jesus yo you gotta stop bro pull it up trump gotta stop trump wants trump he did so he put this one out and he had another one out so the one he put out yeah no this is the funny shit hold on he said he said i'm a doctor but no did you hear the story behind this pam bondi came out and said the picture was doctored yo but so they must have told trump that the picture was doctored he's retarded he's definitely retarded they're like the picture was doctored but you know the crazy thing about this picture try to find the original image and then the one he posted because they got a satanic imagery above him so that middle figure right there look at the top figures that are shadowed the middle figure they kind of warp to make look like it kind of looks like this guy ball or whatever like that i don't know if you've seen that imagery it's just a soldier in the original image the one he posted got this satanic imagery wow wow so so what do we think of this i think that everybody's retarded and well that's true when pam bondi says this picture was done yeah yeah yeah look at look at no no no no no no no no no this is not the original you got to find the original the og hold on what do you mean satanic images now i gotta fuck it in that one right there that it used to just be a regular soldier soldier and they added the little horns so what this picture right here i'm looking at is this the original no no this is the doctored image we could i don't understand when they say doctored photoshopped yeah but we know that like why do we have to say that no no meaning there was another image of it no no no but what i'm saying is why did pam bondi have to tell us the image was doctored we know it was doctored donald trump is not jesus so what was the point of her saying it's a doctored photo would be like if me and you were to say that it was doctored it would be like a doctored photo it would be like a me and you took a picture right now and we put some dixon you know what i'm saying like that would be doctored why did they have to tell us this was what i think is interesting about this is he took this picture down right immediately when the christians were upset he took that shit down and uh he didn't take the obama video down that it uh made them monkeys i mean the reality is racism is light compared to blasphemy of jesus christ i think the reality is is what's my base about yep and i think the reality is like i don't care black people are upset about this shit i care christians are upset about this shit of course his base i mean listen yes you cater into a racist base of course i don't think it makes the base racist i think it makes the base christian but no i'm not talking about with the obama with the monkeys you have to be catering to the racist in your base yeah to post that and leave it up or catering to yes catering to them they're or not concerned if you piss all black people of course not no yeah i think both yeah both yeah yeah it's a lot of black christians he must not know you know what i'm saying well you also have to take the religion out of it to me because i i don't care if he posts himself as jesus i'm not offended by that because i i don't believe in jesus but the type of christ chris i don't but the type of imagery yeah you do that i don't but yeah you do how i'm gonna be honest with you i don't know what's worse posting up being jesus or not believing in jesus i think i believe in jesus might be worse what do you believe what do you not believe about jesus you know everything jesus please forgive him yo i okay what do you believe he knows not what he does man he's been indoctrinated with chinese propaganda right say again i grew up in a very catholic neighborhood almost 100 catholic i was one of the few non-catholic families i have a very distinctive memory of going to my mother as a young child and being like who the fuck is this jesus guy that wants yo that's great no point that's wild right now i'll tell you what the conversation was what she said she said we killed that motherfucker back chill out chill out i'm just saying that's what his mom said is that we all are mom said they killed him and then blamed it on the roman god i don't y'all know what got into them today she said what you're putting me in his little satanic fucking freeze i'm telling you what his blasphemous mom i get what you're saying but i was gonna role play that don't even put yourself in those chinese slippers just that but go okay go on jewish slippers jewish i'm sorry yeah uh she said uh you know jesus was a great man but just a man just a great human being so that makes sense to me yeah i mean listen i uh but i yeah but but that's still anyway but but that still don't make me i don't understand why you don't believe in him then you believe he was a man hey he's a great man he had some great ideas so you believe in jesus right i don't believe that he was the son of god hey hey hey hey of course he was because we're all children of god we're splitting hairs my boy you believe in jesus i believe there was a jesus that's that's the step but that's what i'm saying that's the first step yeah i don't reel you in and the last we gonna reel you in like a fresh jellyfish my boy he could be a great prophet great messenger listen i've i had uh uncles who every christmas i would get the bible with jesus's words in red they've been trying to flip me for you know decades i'm good anyway what i'm saying is for me the issue is the type of imagery that's being used this type of iconography like that's what you saw from mal that's what you saw from stalin that's what you see in north korea yeah it's the imagery that's the issue more so than the jesus to me as our president is this omnipotent all-powerful figure savior you can't do that man that's a dictatorship well don't worry they're not falling for it they're fucking pissed what happened to the separation between church and chase church and state now we're talking yeah like what happened though there's a part of me that thinks we might need like the pope to just step in because pope leo's been cooking yo him shitting on the pope was crazy yeah but pope leo pressing him too pope leo's a chicago gangster here's my thing with pope leo what did he say wrong other than he wants peace don't we all want peace soft on crime he was soft on crime soft on crime i will hey listen not to give trump some credit here but like you know catholic church could be a little tougher on one specific type of crime you know but so could trump got a baby in the own house maybe that's why they're beating Maybe it's like, I'm the best pedophile protector. No, I'm the best pedophile protector. That's right. That's the class back for Pope Leo. Don't come over here trying to clean up our house. You better clean up your house first. Clean it up. OK? Clean it up. What if Trump be like, they were in the Epstein files. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, we had our own files. We had our own. We moved them around. But what if that's what the pope was like? Yo, at least we moved them. Oh, my god. You guys still let them stay in government and business and control the world. It is sad that people love to cover up child sex crimes. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that so many people participate in them or that so many people like to cover them up. Both. Well, both. Both is bad, but participating is way worse. I don't know, bro. It's not way to me. Yeah, it's not way. Yeah, you said way. It ain't way. It's worse. It ain't that many whys. Yeah, it's worse, but it's not way. Because if I'm watching it- You right there. I'm right there. And I'm like, yo, yo, don't tell nobody. If you're protecting somebody that's doing that shit to kids, you just as bad, bro. I don't care. Oh, man. Maybe worse. I mean, probably worse. Don't even make the argument. Not only- No, no. The reason I say probably worse, because it's like, you would participate, to me. You don't get no strikes because you see it going down, you cover it up, and then try to keep it from people, because you're not trying to protect nobody. It's not. It's not bank robbery. You know what I mean? Like, you're not an accomplice. This is- It's worse than being an accomplice. Yeah. To me, this is worse than being an accomplice. I know that this person is committing child sex crimes. I'm not covering it up. I'm not turning the person in. I'm just continuing to watch this shit go on. How could you live with yourself? But what about for the priest, and they're looking at it like, oh, well, this priest delivers the message, and he does so much good. So it's like, yeah. They could be looking at it that way. Nah, because God don't got nothing to do with this. The word of God can stand without, you know, the person who's preaching. You don't need a messenger to understand the word of God. Well, Catholics would say that you do. That would be the distinction for Catholics. I would say that, too, if I was trying to get a bunch of little boys out here. I wouldn't want to stay in a fucking position of power and try to be the guy all the time. I would tell everybody, y'all can't get to him without me. And then point to your penis. Yeah, but I also think that, like, the Catholic Church, arises at a time where not everybody had the ability to read. So literacy rates weren't high. So you needed people to communicate the Bible to you. And you needed people to, like, help you understand the metaphors that exist within the Bible. Now we take for granted everybody's literacy. So, like, the modern Christian, the, what is it, like, the Episcopalian or Evangelical or, like, basically the Protestant Reformation happens after the printing press, if I'm not mistaken. Also, remember what the Catholic Church, how they gave their mass originally, too. It was in Latin, right? Right. No one speaks Latin. Yeah, but you could have direct discourse with your priests. Right, but that's the whole point. The priest is the conduit, the only conduit. Yes. Because literally the language, the message is being delivered. And there, so there's negative sides to that, of course. But there's also positive sides to it, I think. Because you've also seen a lot of people kind of, I don't want to, I'm always delicate with religion, but, like, you've maybe seen people, like, morph and change what the meaning of the book is to their own preferences. Well, listen. And I'm sure the Catholic Church has done that throughout history as well. I'm not saying every single person is perfect. But, like, when you are held accountable by one person that the church figures feel like is the most pious and responsible man, it's a little different than when you have, like, an offshoot church that is just directed on the Bible, and then you can get people to do crazy shit and justify it by pages in that book. But it should be held together by one entity, which is God, because I would have to assume that belief in a higher power came way before organized religion. Of course, but, like, we know that man will use God to do heinous acts. Yes. I mean, what's the first thing that this motherfucker did when they're trying to get us to believe in this war that makes no sense? It's like, Hegseth is talking some shit about, like, God wanted us to do this. You really got no reason for us to be over there if you're going to God immediately. It's like, what did you say, when a comedian's bombing and he goes, give it up to God? So when America's bombing, can we go, give it up to God? It's like. Yo, shout out to God. God be treating us like YouTube, bro. He treats. He treats Earthlings the way I treat YouTube. Where you're just like, I'll watch it, I'm entertained, but I ain't moved by none of that shit y'all saying about me. Because there's no way. Because God should have been pressure washed all of this. All of the lies we done put on God. Man. Man. People swear to God every day on dumb shit. Every day. Every damn. I'm one of them. And not no more. I used to swear to God about so much stupid shit, yo. But you know why? Because I really could do that shit, yo. Man, I was at. When I told y'all I had a 72-inch vertical leap. You believed it. I did it. You did it. I believe you did it too. You're still lying. That's not a lie. Listen, if you're 5'2", and you dunk a 10-foot basketball goal, how high are you in the air? I think you were 72 inches above some part of Earth. I just don't think it was the part where you was jumping from. But there was a part of Earth that was. If you. If you were 5'2", 5'3", and dunk a 10-foot basketball goal, what's that? Probably like 50-plus inch? 40 probably. 50-plus inch vertical leap. Yup. That was me. Yeah, yeah, probably. That was me. I was at a church this past Sunday. It's a church in Harlem that my wife goes to regularly, and I try to go to. And I don't want to make myself seem like I'm very consistent. I'm casual in it, but I really enjoy it, and I have a great time. It's called. It's called Renaissance in Harlem. It's absolutely fantastic. And there's the pastor. There's this guy named Corvinus, and he said this. But now he had this amazing, amazing, amazing sermon. And he was talking about, like, sometimes we get to the point where we want to. He would want to convince people of the truth of God so much. And he would be, like, debating and debating and debating. And he's like, what's the point of winning the argument if you lose your friend? And it was just this really interesting framework, which is like, love thy neighbor. A neighbor is what God wants you to do. He doesn't want you to win your neighbor. He doesn't want you to, like, beat the life out of them until they finally submit. It's like sometimes being kind to that person and loving that person, even if you guys disagree on something, is the more holy thing to do. And it was, like, a really good reminder, because our ego gets in the way sometimes when you're debating or arguing. And you just want to be right, especially with the people we're closest to. I think that's one of the. Isn't it one of the four laws of power? Never win. Never win through. Argument? Like, you never want to win. You never want to win something through argument or something like that? I don't know. But it just. I don't know. That shit resonated with me. It's like, what's the point of winning if you lose the connection with that person? Yeah. It's like, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? What if you're fucking right? Then, A, if you're right. Oh, yeah. Never win through argument. Win through actions. So it's like, if you're right, then you trust God. Oh, yeah. It's a. Robert Greene says. He doesn't say never argue at all. He's saying when you prove someone wrong publicly, you often trigger ego. People don't change. They just get defensive and resentful. You win the moment but lose influence long time. Have you read The Prince? I'm not getting you. This is Machiavelli. No. So Machiavelli was this like. I know who Machiavelli was. Yeah. So when he was locked up, he was trying to get the good favor of. Maybe it was the Medicis or something like that. So he wrote this book. It's called The Prince, if I'm not mistaken, about how to operate within power dynamics, specifically within government and monarchy, et cetera. And the idea was to pitch himself as a consultant to this ruling family while he was locked up. Hopefully, I'm not bastardizing this. And Robert Greene acknowledges that the 48 laws of power are just taken from Machiavelli. So he reframes them and packages them in this beautiful way. But it's pretty cool that back in Renaissance-era Italy, there's this dude that's locked up but is so fully aware of power dynamics and how to operate with power to make sure that they don't kick you out of power, one, straight up to head you, but also so that you don't appear weak. And he's writing this as like a. I don't know, not a resume, but what is it, like an audition, Chris? Right, yeah. Does he end up getting scooped up by the family or not? I don't remember how it played out in his own life. But isn't that crazy? A guy wrote a book in that far away. Right now, we're referencing it on a podcast in 2020. Words are powerful. Right? But that's also back in the day when they understood the power of words so much so that they would write them down in that way and say, hey, this is going to be shared for generations. And I think that, you know, it's not just the words. They were actually writing from experiences. You don't just wake up and say, okay, never went through argument, went through action. You have to experience. You have to experience that. Over and over. Over and over and then write it down. I wonder about that all the time because I'm like, yo, who is actually transcribing what's going on? Right now, you're saying? Right now. Like how is history going to look back at this moment? How is history going to look back at this moment? Depends who wins. And I was thinking about that. I'll tell you later, but I think we need more satire. Ooh. We need more In Living Colors. We need more Boondocks. We need more Huckleberry Finn. When Chappelle said he wanted to bring Chappelle. Chappelle showed back. I was like, that's interesting. And the reason why is because there's nobody holding a mirror up. the society i even think about that era of uh remember when jonah hill was in like all the super bags and uh it was it was seth rogan and it was making they were they were capturing a moment in time to get them to the greeks all of that shit like that this is to me like i think what you're what you're saying here is that people won't don't want direct conversation about what's happening in the world right now because especially politically because it's so exhausting but they will accept a satirized version of it that makes light of these things that are going down without taking on the weight of everything that's happening because i can give you my messaging without getting into an argument oh yeah so now it's no back and forth here watch this you watched it for an hour and a half you digest it if if i do it right then i'm showing all sides of the debate all sides of the argument and now we can go figure it out people are exhausted people are exhausted but satire also works because it's an exaggerated version of the truth yes and the problem is right now the truth is so exaggerated or the presentation let's say is so exaggerated that the satire is almost entering at the same level as the truth as the truth so it loses a lot of its sting it's hard to satirize what's happening now because like it's so absolutely absurd that 10 years ago if you just said these things are happening it would be satire right i don't think you have to exaggerate it that much if you go back and you watch some of the best satire like you know things like the person's physical appearance may be exaggerated right but everything else the idea you know something the person may have said it's pretty on par right with what we actually experienced but i feel like uh chappelle show he exaggerated the figures like prince and r kelly he exaggerated them what druski is doing you know druski is just mimicking them but no but but did he exaggerate them because he exaggerated them because he exaggerated them because he exaggerated yeah listen when we saw the prince basketball sketch we thought that was exaggeration until we learned no prince really was playing basketball and taking motherfuckers through the hole well i think that's to what chris is saying it's like we were unaware that that was true yeah so the truth seemed like satire yeah right right now we're aware of how absurd shit is so how do you how do you go more absurd than what's happening well by the way it's still absurd just because like prince playing basketball is crazy dressed like prince is great and making people pancakes afterwards is absurd but it was true it's true though so you can still show people the truth i don't think we're really paying attention but maybe we got too much truth like maybe that's what's going on we'll take like chappelle's the uh yellow cake sketch or the sketch where he knocks the bottle of water over to distract everybody from the fact that he wants oil that doesn't feel radically i mean you know there was a clip on easter of trump standing next to an easter bunny you know giving a speech hilarious rant that would that that's satire that would have been a satire yeah right that's some shit actually happening but you know what's so funny this is why i still watch the daily show i mean not just because i come on it but the daily show takes these real life moments and just creates content around them and they'll show you the clips and this is some shit that back in the day you would do a sketch of now you don't have to now you can just show me the real clip but i'm telling you a lot of people miss this shit i saw the easter bunny shit on the daily show and there are others like that you don't mind when the enemy is weak but that enemy is strong you guys see the rabbit too right i've been i you see it oh thank god i'm so glad they see it you know clearly i've been on a lot of leprosy meds so i don't a lot of hallucinations and shit by the way the surreal image of the president running through his cavalcade of grievances next to the easter bunny was not exclusive to the balcony poor peter contell had to listen to this bullshit all day and i heard i heard i knew i didn't pay attention enough because donald trump is always doing so much shit but i saw the easter bunny clip on the daily show i'll be honest man i think people want to escape from it i don't even think they want to hear about it i think when they get home from work i think that they're getting new york times notifications on their phone and every new one of them is a little bit more exhausting and fear-inducing than the next and they're just like i want to think about a fucking reality show with mormon women shooting on their husbands like i just i need to be completely pulled out of this political exhaustion and put into a different world where i can escape but more a period i mean i was talking to my daughter about this and she's like my generation wants 90s themed show well that this is the cycle it's like it makes us think there was where things were normal you know like i i think i think there's a version of that and i also think that this generation craves authenticity because everything that they've seen is yep completely man it's inauthentic that's it from the 90s early 2000s feels real i mean look at even what's happening right now like the white boy rocker bands are popping again right like the guys that are like the classic white boy indie rock bands the strokes like i grew up listening to these guys in the city now they're headlining coachella so it's like there is a movement kind of happening and i think things are cyclical in general but like the 90s was probably they don't remember it they don't even understand it but they look back at it and they go oh this is a time where things were quote unquote real right and they crave real and i think that we have to go back to holding up a mirror to society and showing people how ridiculous this shit is so yes i understand everybody's exhausted but they're exhausted because nobody's putting any of this in context it's just constantly coming at us coming at us coming at us coming at us if somebody can take some of this shit put it in context that's what stand-up is good about that's what george carlin used to be so good about that's what all of these sketch comedy shows used to be so good about you could take these absurd crazy moments in our society put some funny behind it and give us some context to it at least make us make us uh realize what we should be thinking about yeah yeah to a certain extent but like i think also like if you're somebody who's you know working a job you're trying to make ends meet and rent is expensive and food expense all these things you go out to a comedy show like do you want somebody up there going like and pete hegseth said if it's funny and if i know who the fuck pete hegseth is yeah maybe or do you want to escape from that and hear hilarious stories about maybe cultural things that happen about somebody's own personal life and does that escape provides you the value that just being completely locked into this doom scroll does not give i think when you're able to make fun of something yeah it makes whatever that something is even if it's heavy feel lighter and make us feel like we can get through it as long as the fun is the goal and not like some political messaging because i think what people don't want is regardless of which side just to have like messaging jammed down their throat like if the punchline is and that's why we should go to iran you're like oh get me out of this shit if the punchline is using this war and then making something absurd or silly around it that has nothing to do with it then we're in kind of fun zone yeah you gotta see the movie eddington by any chance nah it's about a bear not paddington um now it's about the height of the black lives matter and covid around 2020 people don't want that right no no it was really good yeah but people don't want it is it satire it was satire but there was just enough distance six years ago and they made fun of it all they made fun of black lives matter they made fun of the covid oh i gotta watch it it's a movie it was a movie and i watched i was like yeah man that time really was fucking stupid listen that's oh there's like kevin distance yeah that's what i'm saying six years ago felt like i could kind of take a breath and look back at it you know two of my favorite things when kevin hart's stand-up special when he talks about how he got caught up and wanting to be an activist during that time and when duvall always post those videos of like people dancing in front of their cops and shit and duvall's like i'll never let y'all forget how stupid y'all was like i do i do that's what this movie does yes but that's what we need like there's really no like this can't the phone can't be the only timestamp show it can't be podcast clips and shit like that like give me no you need art art i think i think what's the music i think art is is important i think art is is incredibly powerful and is like useful definitely in times like this like when people are stressed and when people just kind of want to escape and i think you can address the issues but like when you see movies that have like a political undertone they just don't really perform that well and then you see movies that like are just about like a girl who's like a a cleaning lady that fucks the other girl's husband they make 400 million dollars what if the lady is mexican but she's here illegally and she's too much she's looking for her visa and her green i think there's like a superhero shit yeah i know it's like one of the most popular superhero shows right now yeah very has a lot of political tone like they're always making fun of the new daredevil yeah yeah even they don't got mad for a little i think there's room for but the boys is so absurd and silly like they're superheroes right yeah but so it's like you're already a lot of the stuff that you see in the trump administration so a satire of the sure but like so is zootopia like zootopia the cartoon is like obviously a metaphor right for racism race relations or you know social dynamics and culture but it's it's a cartoon and we have So it pulls us far enough away from it where it doesn't feel like it's jamming the messaging down our throat. And I think that's what the superhero genre can do. It's like all these guys got superpowers, so they pull us away so I could just escape in this world and I don't have to think too much of it. And then when they do make a point, you're like, ooh, was that? And I think that's the distance you need to be. I think if it gets close, close, close, I think people are like, I'm so fucking stressed. I don't want to think about it. That's my suspicion. I think it's just got to be done right. I really do. I think that we need somebody to hold the mirror up to what's going on in society right now and not only make us laugh about it, put some things in context. Yeah, I really do. Katy Perry, sexual assault. This is so crazy. You know, I love me some Katy Perry. You didn't believe it. Who didn't believe it? You when I was telling you the story. Because the story sounded absurd. There is a part of it that is quite difficult. To believe. You want to read it? No, just tell me the story. Who wrote this? First of all, so there's an actress. And by the way, I didn't hear the thing when Taylor told me the story, Taylor told me some while Taylor was like she she pulled her panties to the side. Right here. That's the story. That's exactly that's a story. You want to read it? You want to read it or not? Yeah, I do. I just read the tweets. Go up because the tweets are crazy. Yeah. Ruby Rose, who is an actress. Who was the actress on Orange is the New Black. Katy Perry said Katy Perry said about Justin Bieber's performance. I guess she was watching and she's like, Thank God he paid for YouTube premium. I don't want to I don't want to have to sit through any ads. This is what set this off. Yeah. And then on that comment, Ruby Rose, who's an actress, said Katy Perry sexually assaulted me at Spice Market nightclub in Melbourne. Who gives a shit what she thinks? Damn, that had to went left back. And somebody commented on that says she kissed a girl and you didn't like it. Trying to have a joke. And then Ruby Rose says she didn't kiss me. She saw me resting on my friend's lap to avoid her and bent down, pulled her underwear to the side and rubbed her disgusting vagina on my face until my eyes snapped open. I projectile vomited on her. God damn. What the fuck? Her shit smell like. Son, that's crazy. This isn't her early 20s. She must have had that BV, allegedly. You got to have BV if you make somebody projectile vomit just by putting their face in it. By the way, Taylor, that's not the story you told me. She said Ruby Rose is a lesbian. What do you mean? What did I say? This story makes perfect sense. What? You told me something else. I was like, there's no way physically that that could happen. I literally read you that. No, you didn't. You're like, damn it. I forgot how you worded it. Maybe in my mind, the way I, in my mind, I thought you said that Katy pulled her panties to the side and then put her vagina in her face. And I'm like, how the fuck can you do that? Like, I'm, this is what I was thinking when you told me the story. You said, I thought that you said she pulled her panties to the side and then took her vagina in her face. She took her vagina, meaning Ruby Rose's vagina, and put Ruby Rose's vagina in her, I'm like. On her own face. I'm like, how, Taylor? A projectile vomit. I don't know how you got that. I don't know how, that's what you told me. I'm like, that don't even make, I'm like, physically, that's impossible. How the fuck could that even happen? I also think projectile vomiting off of like a vagina smell seems hard to believe. That's the most, what if you're Katy and that's the most offensive thing about this whole post? Well, it's gotta be. Gotta be, right. Because. Damn. That girl's a lesbian. So she. Definitely tried some of this. Yeah. It's not like it was the first time she smelled it. Like, she been down there. She knows what they're like. So. I think the worst part is Katy Perry being alleged that she sexually assaulted somebody else. I think that's the worst part. No, that's not what we said, Alex. I said, what if you're Katy Perry? Yeah. The worst part of this story is that you heard that your vagina smells so bad that somebody projectile vomited. I ain't talking about what we think. Of course what we think. The worst part is the sexual assault. Imagine. Imagine. Just one. Like, we live in New York. There's a lot of smells here. I never projectile vomited. I know. Yeah. Projectile vomit is crazy. You go straight horror movie off the box. Off the box smell. God damn. Like, it wakes you up. Like, you're like. Exorcist. Wake up. No, that's. Fuck the smelly socks. Bring Katy Perry's boxels. God damn. In between rounds for a boxer. You on the sidelines. For an NFL game. Quarterback gets sacked. And Willie Beeman from smelling Katy Perry's boxers. She might also be saying. She could have been drunk. And then when she smelled bad meat, her vomit too. I was only in my early 20s. I'm now 40. It has taken almost two decades to say this publicly, though I am so grateful to have made it long enough to find my voice. I just know how much of an impact trauma and sexual assault takes. Thank you for seeing me. She's absolutely right. But, you know. Katy is denying that. If any of this happens. Yeah, but also the reality of the situation is people don't take same sex. Sexual assault the same, especially women on women. If it was a guy on guy, I'd be totally different. Well, woman on women. This is as big as a star. Katy Perry is. You would think this would be a huge, huge story. This is not as huge as if this was Luke Perry. Am I lying? No. If this was Luke Perry. You make a great point. For some reason, we don't take the same sex, sexual assault. Women. Not men on men, too. Well, yeah, it depends. Depends if it's if it's an older man with a younger boy for sure, bro. Yes, sure. But like how many how many like AIDS, quote unquote, inappropriate relationships are there? Like there's a super old gay dude. He got like a 20 something year old twink twink and it's like a twink, like a skinny gay guy. That's a real thing. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, and like and if there was a if you if there if there was a super old dude with like a young girl, we would be critical of it. Right. We would be like, well, this seems inappropriate. There's a big age gap. Is this person taking advantage of that person? But like, you're right. There is a different bar for same sex relationships where we seem to not be as protective of the people that take the same story. Luke Perry pulls woman's panties to the side, sticks his cock in her face. No, he's going to jail. He's going to jail. They say Katy Perry is being investigated. All right. Did I read that somewhere? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's going to be it. She has denied it. She has denied it. This is going to be interesting. If there is footage from that nightclub. Well, is that a nightclub? If apparently if there's footage from footage from Spice Market where she throws that thing at her and then immediate projectile vomit. Who? God damn. That is horrible, man. What the fuck is wrong? What's wrong with your vagina that it makes somebody projectile vomit? Allegedly? That's an alleged. Jeez. Come on, man. She got kids. She got kids. She got kids. You know, that's Orlando Bloom's ex. Shout out to Katy Perry. Oh, word. Shout out to her. Shout out to Legolas. You know? And that's sad, yo, because also this is just an allegation, right? That's right. Allegations are not. But nobody cares about the truth when the lie is more entertaining. That lie is entertaining as fuck. If that's Ruby Rose. If that's. I don't know. I'm not saying what's true and what's not true. I'm just saying like. We hope everyone gets justice. That's right. That's right. If that's Katy, that the truth comes out and vindicates her, we hope that. If that's Ruby and the truth vindicates her, then we hope that. But nobody's going to ever look at Katy the same. Yeah. You know what? You might be right. And that is a shame. That's why these allegations are very damning. You better hope that it's not another person that comes out and talks about how she got a whiff of her box and fucking projectile vomit it. Her and Orlando just got divorced, so he is in a power position right now. He's in a power position right now. He's in a power position. I think we should just move on. I agree. Yeah. Let's pay some bills. Let's do it. Yeah. Pay some bills. Yeah. Let's pay some bills gang. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade, electrolytes, zero sugar and vitamins. It hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Let's do some church announcement show, see what we got. Let's do it, man. Show's coming up, man. Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it. This is, we got, I don't know, my website, maybe you could bring it up, theandrewschultz.com, but we're going to add some more, we're going to add some more clubs in the near future, and we're going to add some more potentially shows. We're going to add some more shows at these clubs that have sold out, so thank you guys so much, man. Tampa sold out, Denver sold out, Salt Lake City sold out. We're thinking about adding shows in those places. I'll post on my Instagram if we do. We got the Netflix's Joke Festival with Jelly Roll, that show's going to be absolutely crazy. That's going to be May, scroll down, 8th if I'm not mistaken, yeah, May 8th, all right? So go check that out, and then we're also going to be out in Nova Scotia, Halifax, Nova Scotia this summer for the Great Outdoors Fest. We're going to bring Cam Patterson from SNL and Kill Tony up there, Lucas Zelnick, Mark Gagnon is going to be on it as well. So we got that cooking, man. I appreciate y'all. Charlamagne, what you got? The fourth annual Black Effect Podcast Festival, baby. Saturday, April 25th in Atlanta, Georgia at Pullman Yards, man. Go to blackeffect.com/podcastfestival to get your tickets. We are, man, next weekend. Next weekend. Next weekend we will be there. Atlanta, Georgia, April 25th. NORE and DJ EFN. NORE, EFN, Drink Champs Podcast will be on that stage. Salute to Mona, the Don't Call Me White Girl Podcast. Mona, I love your hair. I love your Black Effect hair. i'm on okay i can't wait to see you at the podcast festival uh crystal ridday haslet keep it positive sweetie podcast she'll be there um jeff teague with the club 520 podcast carlos king with the reality with the king grits and eggs podcast with uh ice cup cat and my man dionte kyle man i want to announce some of the guests that's going to be on the podcast but i still don't think i can yet but you're going to want to be there that's the thing about the podcast festival it's not just the shows it's the people that they bring you know on their shows as well but i'm you know it's some very um nah that'll give too much but tickets are on sale now black effect.com slash podcast festival go get your tickets and we'll see you in atlanta uh next week i love to be there too tail over there um whatever i'm gonna be hosting the stream so yeah that's the beauty of the black effect podcast festival man it's not just the place that you come and you're entertained by the podcasts that are on stage it's really a networking event like if you're in you know in the podcasting space and you're into the business of podcasting or want to get into the business of podcasting then you know the black effect is like a great place for you to come and just network with people like we got panels like kevin on stage is going to be on a panel uh john hope brian is on a panel i'm looking at this i'm looking at this panel right now it is the ai the evolution and future panel john hope brian is on a panel and i'm looking at you know john hope brian in dunlap bridget todd cliff worley it's a lot going on man and you've got a lot of dope activations here you have that race activations we got the race car simulator that's going to be there uh courtesy of nascar my guy raja karoof we got the picture podcast on platform that's going to be there so you can come out there and pitch your podcast to potentially be on the black effect network like a lot of dope shit going on man i like it pull up pull up pull up pull up i like it look at my guy little john man little john's book uh we just announced that i'm putting out little john's book on black privilege publishing oh my god it's called i only shout so you can hear me man wow yeah it's called i only shout so you can hear me it'll be out this fall um yeah man shout out to little john man little john is a cultural icon and it is a pleasure to be able to help him tell his story october 20th 2026 you can pre-order that right now wherever you buy books oh guys and i got a new live show every sunday at 11 a.m it's called a.m mornings it's a live call-in show so you guys at home can call and give your opinion about today's pop culture politics everything in between just head over to youtube.com at slash a.m mornings i'll see you there i kept getting sent this clip this weekend and people were saying that saturday night live was inspired by the brilliant idiots yep that's what they said it was a sketch called two kids from the back of the bus and they were on an update with uh michael che and colin i don't know if michael che was there i didn't see michael che but he's not in this segment at least but uh it's cam and um what's cam marcello cam patterson and marcello yo we just want to know if this was inspired by us because that's what the people are saying a lot of people do dick jokes it's not we're not the only it ain't even about the dick jokes though it's the it's the part when they go from idiot to intelligent so you they go from idiot to brilliant yes and colin referenced it bro let's listen to it hey guys calm down calm down okay you're here to talk about inflation okay right right but first can i just use your phone real quick mr jost i'm sorry mine got confiscated well why did your phone get confiscated i don't know i didn't do nothing i didn't even do nothing i didn't do nothing i don't know why you don't think if i didn't even do nothing i don't know i find that hard to believe okay fine i posted a video of me swiping a debit card between the bus driver's neck folds it was funny back at that like a pack of hot dogs you know what this is serious this is serious okay i want you guys you got to focus up okay focus up okay seriously seriously okay inflation was up 3.3 percent prices are out of control everyone has been affected even my boy grab on can't afford these groceries not for real i feel bad for grab on life is tough yeah oh my god who's grab on oh grab on is a friend of ours it's uh grab on these nuts yeah i really don't appreciate being shot in the face a bunch of times also you're supposed to come out here and talk about the inflation report you've had this assignment for weeks chill chill chill chill chill chill chill chill chill right now chill let me lock in lock in let them cook let them cook okay inflation report right let me ask you a basic question of economics basic basic you got it you got it you got it i got it yeah lock in man all right you got it let me ask you a basic question of economics okay okay great yeah would you either choose to go with big boobies or pass away from big booty disease good question good question i i guess i would obviously choose the glizzies oh hell no mr joseph glizzy goblin you're nasty bro boy all right you guys are you're too rowdy okay you guys need to calm down okay fine jokes aside i don't think this inflation will predicate a notice of inflation and i think it's a reasonable shift in the federal reserve yeah but it does put the fad between a rock and a hard place because they had to promote uh low inflation while still encouraging economic growth the hell is that are you guys like secretly smart yes dude we get tutoring from amanda cajole she's a genius you know amanda cajole who who isn't who's amanda cajole amanda cajole these nuts got him got him got him got him got him yo can brilliant get some fucking credit for what can brilliant get some credit for the inspiration of this oh that's not us bro that that we definitely inspired this come on come on colin might as well have said y'all are like some brilliant idiots this was like come on bro who's who then stop it it's clear it's obvious who's who's a black guy and a white guy the only reason why i can say we inspired is because cam doesn't get one uh these nuts joke off yeah he definitely have yet to get one off those are some good ones too and amanda cajole cajole was a laugh i like amanda cajole and it was great because he did it right after being serious exactly so he wasn't expecting it who's a man yeah you know i'm saying a man that can hold these nuts that's not too intimate though you can't make your dick joke sound intimate a man that can hold these nuts yeah i don't want it to be gentle it's got to be more aggressive and dick jokes work best when they're in and around your mouth you know what i mean when you're saying intimate shit like a man that can hold wait a minute hold on so is jost then chris moreau is that what you're trying to say yeah i can see chris doing that wow they've had a white guy take an asian dude's role that's fucked up fucked up that's fucked up the snl wouldn't honor your race man is are both these guys cast members i know the black cam is the brother right yes i know he's a cast member who's the other guy marcello he's also a cast member he's a comedian yes yeah okay salute to marcello both who stand up right yes funny yes funny guys very funny guys both of them really funny let's do some asking idiots gang gang let's do some asking idiots how do you d underscore low perilla says how do you measure success in a war where the global economy also takes a hit i don't think there is such a war in this shit yeah there's no success when it comes to success when innocent people are dying yeah no success when the global economy is absolutely obliterated there's no success no there's no success you may go invent success and they're gonna try to sell it to us but we're at a point where we're not believing the propaganda bullshit yeah you're a sick person if you think um you know war making the stock market go up is worth it i don't even know if it makes it go up i don't think it does people say that but i don't know not right now when oil is fucking 120 140 a barrel like why do they say that chris why do they say war makes the stock market go up well in the past it's because you've had a lot of manufacturing jobs created and you know there's war efforts where they start making this isn't really the case no this is not the case at all right now but back in the day yeah the government i mean when you're at war the governor is going to spend as much money as possible to make sure you win because if you lose everything's over so when the government is pumping money into the economy there's ideally some liquidity in there and like businesses will do better but that's not what's happening right now no that's not this so no let's stop let's stop the bullshit and uh nobody wants war bro hey bro say say it with your chest man like nobody uh manny yee says would y'all be down for a president that's a millennial abso-fucking-lutely what are you talking whether we like it or not is gonna happen eventually is it yeah i mean they're not gonna skip the whole generation it might not be so they go to what i thought i was 81 yeah but you got to be 35 to be president so the next one's like 81 i know but you have to be at least 35 years old to be president i know but they're talking about somebody born within that time frame 81 though you're not gonna be born within that time frame you're not gonna be born within that time frame you're not gonna be born within that time frame or whatever what is it i think more so or whatever what is it i think more so or whatever what is it i think more so they're saying yes you become the president they're saying yes you become the president they're saying yes you become the president who's like 30 to 45. would you a monday autonomy age president he's not a millennial i'm not a millennial is he yes he is i think so he's like 35 yeah 81 to 89 oh 81 okay okay i think i think so yeah when millennials are home i think it'd be nice i think it'd be refreshing i think these old dudes maybe we need to get them a new vice president right now how old should he be yeah 81 to 96 of millennials 81 to 96 of millennials yeah he's probably i was gonna say like 81 to 96 of millennials so i guess i guess when danny would be a millennial he's a little 84 who yeah but that's yeah 81 to 89 he's a millennial then yeah 81 to 96 is considered millennial he doesn't have that energy though but well he just sounds like a younger yo they age crazy yo it's crazy to be older than the vice president that shit just hit me right now you know how old seth rogan is golly how old do you think seth rogan i just guess how old do you think seth rogan is 42 really how old well you're white so y'all see each other you he's 44 yeah that's how old we look how old do you think he is seth rogan yeah i thought seth was in his 50s at least wow but i didn't think so seth rogan fat people all kind of look the same age like from like 25 to like 45 they all look the same like you never seen a fat person that look young or old they just look fat fat don't you think seth is fat he was fat like he he embodied fat like i get what you're saying though because when when jonah hill was fat he could play a teenager yeah you wouldn't even or he could play a 35 year old like exactly yeah fat people have one age it's fat jonah hill looks the same yeah super bad and in wolf and then jonah got skinny he looked old you're right yeah he got fat again he looked young he's in a new movie now i want to see i haven't watched it yet this is chin on apple with him and keanu reeves oh it was number one this weekend i ain't got a chance to watch it i watched you were bad not too long ago that is such a funny hilarious i forgot i don't know that's funny as fuck man don't it's funny oh no man come on don't don't it's funny the best like yeah i don't think jonah gets enough credit as a comedic actor yeah one of the fucking bad i watched super bad nah bro it's funny for no reason he wants my dick all up in my mouth all up in and around her mouth like like that is my shit yo like he wants my dick all up in and around her mouth she wants to fuck me she wants my dick in and around her mouth i like that type of shit that shit was great uh you know another good movie i watched this weekend what this shit is called uh i went down a rabbit hole because i started watching get them to the greek and then i was just like watching everything from you know getting sarah marshall diddy and russell brand you know that's you watching a fucking me too mount rushmore right there they played the fuck out of them roles but then i started watching for getting sarah marshall because i forget i forgot that character came from that movie yeah yeah yeah yeah so i watched this movie called um book smart with olivia wilde and uh i forgot who else is it i forgot who the other person is fire it's like it's it's like about these two girls this girl super bad not as edgy but yeah but they're right these two girls who decide they want to they wasted three years of high school so they want to have like one great night yeah yeah and so that that shit was that shit was pretty good uh frankie dot ads dot value says what's your best childhood memory that your kids will never experience andrew my best childhood memory that your kids will never experience that my kids will never experience my best childhood memory i don't know if they'll never experience it yeah because if it's your best childhood memory i want my kids to experience it i remember we were down two i'm at the free throw line there's like three seconds left i hit the first free throw second free throw i miss i get the rebound i put up a layup we win the game i i think that carmine street recreation center shout out ray pagan that shit was oh my dad was there he's hyped why are you mad i'm not trying to get you ray pagan rest in peace ray the goat but he ran uh carmine street recreation center yeah um my best childhood what could ray pagan be i don't know but you're creative i am creative i am creative you gotta stand your toes uh for me my best childhood memory that my kids would never experience growing up in the country growing up in a rural area you live in the woods yeah you hug trees it's different growing up on a dirt road and playing in the woods all day we played in the woods like we got woods behind us that they could play in but they're not gonna do it yeah yeah because they got video games and television and the internet i mean they like going outside but it's just like nah but you guys are like chasing bobcats and putting your dick in them where are you going it was after the wildlife bro like for real the wildlife we were after the wildlife i'm trying to fuck something we weren't scared of no wildlife wildlife now you're going yeah you know these girls scared of deers all types and probably rightfully so yeah you know and then when you live in jersey like it's unique shit out there it is they got burp the bears bears and shit birds and i ain't never seen a bear but i'll always see the poop i thought i was turning into a whale no i thought katie perry put a pussy on your mouth i'm sorry allegedly that's a horrible thing to say about somebody that's a horrible thing that's a horrible thing to say that's not true that's all you won't be here no man as always if you listen to the podcast you think we're smart you think we're intelligent you're absolutely right but if you listen to this podcast i think we're just a couple idiots who don't know shit you're right too it's the bearing idiots podcast thank you for listening peace