"Men Are in Their Princess Era" [First Half]

(upbeat music) - Testify. - I mean, I mean. - Testify the peptide. - I mean. - Listen. Supplements are great. Health is great. - Yeah. - Taking care of your body, not doing drugs and alcohol, are great. But if you want to accelerate, if you want to optimize, if you want to take everything that's great about you and amplify it. - And go to the moon with it? - Yeah, I mean, it's just like, look, we're as a former alcoholic and drug addict. - Right. - I love an ampoule, but ampoule application. - Oh, a hundred person. - But I don't drink and do drugs. - Right. - Because who the fuck needs to amplify a personality, like mine? (laughing) - Like when people are like, why don't you drink and do drugs? I'm like, have you met me? (laughing) Does it need, do we need a magnifying glass on this? - Yes, do we need more? - We're good. - Yeah. - Just how it is. - Right. - And so, you know, I think, but peptides on the positive side is like the same thing, but in the positive. (laughing) - Okay. - But it doesn't feel like mental, like does it feel like a character, like it amplifies characteristics or just like, it's completely different. - Oh yeah, I mean, like there is a bunch of studies actually on GLPs and mental health, that like if you tracked GLPs in borderline or bipolar patients that they actually had, there was like some crazy statistics that like, it reduced significantly episodes and recessive behaviors. - What's a recessive behavior? - Yeah. When you relax, relax behavior. You know what I mean? So it's like you have an episode, so let's say an episode looks like, it's like a chain of patterns, right? So I'm trying to think of like in my own life. Like an episode could look like for me, feeling really fatigued, feeling some like, thought looping and rumination. It could feel-- - Obsessive thinking. - Obsessive thinking. You know, things of that nature, what's up? And so, you know, what could activate that, which could just be a biochemistry moment? Or what could activate that could be like a, you know, emotional trigger or, you know, like, my father passed away a couple of years ago, it was Father's Day. I debuted on Broadway on Saturday, Sunday was Father's Day. - Wait, I didn't understand that you were in it. I thought you were producing it because I looked up. - I produced it and I was in it. But I didn't see your picture in any of them. - What things? When I looked at the website. - I'm on the website. - You were? - Yeah. I literally was like looking, okay, this has nothing to do with the show. This was, I feel like there's some, there's like something is in the-- - Well, the website is updated per dates. So, and they were doing their last week. - Okay, so I'm so sorry I missed it. - That's okay. That's no worries. - I didn't really invite-- - I actually only invited the people that, it was really interesting because it was like a very succinct set of events that like led me to that moment. - Got it. - And like every single serendipitous person was the people that I actually invited. - Okay. - God, I'm also like, text message miscommunication or just like my inability to absorb information as a personal problem. Let me introduce the show before we get even further. - Okay. - My name is Francesca. Welcome to Critical Babe Theory. This is Danny Drews. She is an actress, producer, mental health advocate. This is also, if you're watching Rosie is here as well, maybe we'll try men. - Not, probably not. - No, she's not a vocalizer. - She's not, no, she's like a silent seductress. - Oh, the best kind. - Yeah, right. - What kind of dog are you? - She's a Brussels Graffan smooth. - I don't even, I'm not, I don't really know anything. - It's fancy. - Cool, okay, great. - You're fancy. - She's a fancy dog. - She's a fancy bit. - She doesn't act like it, she's a bit feral. - Oh. - Fun, feral how. Like, she will eat literally anything. - Does she like to literally eat shit? - Yeah. - Okay, so you're a shit eater. We're not gonna hold it against you. - I mean, I do hold it against her. - Oh right. - Everybody's like, there's no accounting for taste. - My last, you know, I heard there was a delicacy place in China where they like pick a Chinese woman and like feed her certain things and then at some point like the man - I am. - The leader of the group. - I'm not shocked to hear that. I'm not shocked. Yeah. - I'm not gonna tell you how I heard that because that would create its own scandal. So we're not gonna go there. But let's just say it runs in a leap circles. - Okay. - Oh my gosh. I can't wait till that new expose. - I'm so tired. - I don't think it'll ever make it there. It's not what it, it's like, I mean, yeah. It's not gonna make it there. - And like the pet, when the petafile cabal gets like not newsworthy enough, maybe the New York Post needs to move into the poo leading cabal. Anyway, we just like hold it out there as a possibility. - Yeah, totally. We're gonna present Santa and create the space. - Yeah. - Let's live into it. - Poop eaters and then you won't be so fairly. You'll just be normal. - You'll just be normal. - You'll just be a normal shit eater. - Yeah, exquisite, expensive taste. - Yeah. That's why you were so expensive. - Yeah. - Okay, so you were on Broadway. - I was on Broadway on Saturday. - But I completely miss my birthday on Sunday. - Yes. - And my dad died a couple of years ago. - Okay. - And I have, you know, had a lot of, personal turmoil and so I haven't had a chance to really grieve my father in a real way. And so to have this like win and then have this like confrontation of him not being there. - Of course. - Was like, yeah, it was definitely like a high high in a low low, you know? - Right. - But the peptide's helped. - Peptide's helped. - I did, and then I, and then I shot up a whole stack. - Do you just like tie off the stuff? - No. - I know. (laughing) - Totally. - Totally. - You know, I was never in "Javina's" drug use. - No, me neither, me neither. - I love the idea of it. - Sure, to me, I dated gosh just to really go there. I dated a 18 year old drug dealer when I was like 21. This is so not suitable for work. And he, he wouldn't let me use drugs intravenously as I've said on the podcast, I've been so over for a while. And, but he would let me watch. And I guess what I loved about it was that like here was somebody who was putting their own pleasure, primary, above everything else. And that's what I found attractive about it. - Do you know what I really like about junkies? - What? Their inability to communicate makes them so deep in other ways. (laughing) And I just feel like the way that a junkie expresses themselves actually, right? Because they don't have like a language. - Right. - So like the intimacy is like this level of in- - In-squizza. - It's like, it's like what I imagine, like Guillermo del Toro is describing in shape of water. (laughing) - Wow, okay, I will say for this drug dealer that I dated, he was an intravenous cocaine user, so he could not get it up. - No, no, that's not, look, like Coke is for like cheap finance, bros, or guys that are going to become cheap finance, bros, or like car salesmen. - Uh-huh. - Do you know what I'm, like Coke is like small dick energy. - Really? - I think Coke ads are small dick energy. - Wow, I was a Coke ad. Do you think I have small dick energy? - No, this isn't applicable to women. - No, I've been told I have big dick energy before. - I know. - I know, I know, I know. - I was a Coke ad too. - I think had women have big dick energy, it's always the inverse, we are the opposite sex. - Right, right, right. - Coke had men have small dick energy. - Yeah. - Okay, wow, what is a drug that to you says big dick energy heroin is what you're getting in heroin and interesting? - Yeah, I mean, but, I mean, it's all hard to say with these things. I mean, generally speaking, any kind of addict man is kind of a pussy. - Oh, because they're afraid of their feelings? - Um, I just think they're weak. - Hmm. - Like in general, like, look, I think women are like held together by a string and that's what makes them interesting. - I completely agree. - Yeah, and that I think like, like we are like this, you know, just ball of sparkly tornado energy. And even if you are not like an extroverted woman, like it's still like, there's so much, oh honey, there's still so much chaos going on inside. And so, yeah, I think that like, within that, there is just so much going on and men are actually, meant to contain it. So when like, you know, we're in this new like princess era of men and like men are like a lot weaker and they're justosterones a lot lower. And I mean, really the men are gay in the younger generation. Right. Right. And so it's, there's not this masculine power. I'll call it. Yeah, there's not a masculine power. There's not a masculine container because like I certainly love men. I was raised by a man and then I grew up in a house of men. Oh, okay. But I like men in their power. Right. I don't like men being princesses. And I think actually if you test alcoholic or drug addict men, their testosterone is significantly lower. Oh, Lotsie is a big issue these days that people are talking to me about. Yeah. Well, it's because I mean, I really believe in the Kellogg turn of the century industrial farming theory. Oh, pray. Yeah. So Dr. Kellogg was like a Christian fanatic and he wanted to help men not be so promiscuous because men had really high tea and so they were sort of known to fuck everything. Okay. And like a dog one may say. Yeah, or or but not like you. Sweetheart. No, because you're a girl. Well, she doesn't really know. She just wants to eat everybody has their thing. I think she has to go to the bathroom. Oh, really? Yeah, I think this is. Do we need to take a short break? I think we need to take a break. Okay. We shall be right back after Rosie gets what she needs. Yeah. And we're back. Rosie is feeling better darling. She's feeling better. She's I don't know what because she likes to eat everything. Who knows what we don't know what you had a babysitter blocking up the system. Maybe something's blocking up the system darling. I don't know, but we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out together. Okay. So yeah. So I mean, and like look, I'm no expert. Don't hold me on this shirt like a civilians, layman take on, you know, a turn of the century recorded theory around that doctor Kellogg was putting things into the food to help lower men's testosterone to keep them from being so promiscuous so that they could follow. Marriages. A little bit more. Yeah. All that. Wow. Yeah. It was like a religious is this doctor Kellogg is in Kellogg's. Oh, I see. Okay. So that they were putting things in the food. This is the idea to control the population to make men less horny. Yep. Because horny men cheat on their wives and don't follow Christ as much. Yes. That's the theory. Okay. So you think, okay. I mean, in this, I mean, I don't know about that. And I sounds I mean those 100 years later, everyone's low T everyone's low T. I mean, look, it's clearly environmental. There's a lot of that, you know, I this is in the mainstream. So my autism, your autistic, not really. Okay. But my neuro divergence of feeling like pitter powder on my eyes. Oh, dry too crazy. Oh, yeah, I couldn't. I can't hang. No, this is why I don't want it. I don't know if I want it like a kid because it's like they're always squirming and they're sticky. Yeah. There's a lot of poking. I mean, I'm from a huge family. I grow up like I was changing diapers by the time I was still in diapers. How many of the things do you have? I only have two siblings, but I have my mom had six brothers and sisters. Never been had two kids. And then my dad's side, my grandfather had 10 brothers and nine or 10 brothers and sisters. So we have like, it's a lot of people. Yeah. It's like a huge, it's just like a huge amount. Okay. Okay. This is working. So everybody's low T maybe or maybe not from Dr. Kellogg and what's in the food supply. And in this, does this bring us to our topic today, which is like love? Is it, how is it, is it hard to be in love with men who are low T? So I think in modern dating and I think the shift that you're seeing right now, right? It is that you're seeing a lot of men have low testosterone, be unaware of it, lose their purpose, not feel empowered to protect women, resent women as a result, and then want to be women. I, I, be, get princess treatment and become a trans. Whoa. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. Step this back. I'm just saying that is what trans is. It's, it's, it's, it's the other gender wanting to become a different gender. No. That's what trans is. I guess my feeling is if I'm, if I'm, if I'm just going down to like a, right. I guess the thing is like, so what I have, you know, with, I, a phrase that I would use and I use this primarily about straight men. So this is men who want to have sexual, they, I ostensibly want to have heterosexual sex. Yes. But there's like a whole sub category, which I think is maybe what you're getting at, which I call like art fag. Oh, I call them narcissists gay. Okay. I think we're talking about the same thing. Okay. It's just like they're like, they're, they're like really, they're into, um, they have a tote bag. They're in Brooklyn, right? They're like, they're very soft. They're pseudo intellectual. They care about their clothing. I would, I would simplify it even more. Okay. Tell me. They want the male gays. They want the male gays on them. That's what everything's about. That's what the beautiful women is about. That's what that little bag is about. Yeah. That's what all of it is. I mean, they want the male gays because they're narcissists gay. Okay. And narcissists gay, I, isn't necessarily like gay gay. Narcissist gay is I love external validation. I am beautiful in some way. And beautiful, look, I mean, a beautiful woman or a beautiful man. Like I love beautiful things. I love looking at beautiful people. Like I love looking at beautiful dogs. I love looking at beautiful scenery. So right. If you are beautiful and you attract beauty, um, adoration. You know, then you want it from everywhere. Gender isn't going to stop you for what adoration you get. So is this why all the girls out there are acting so crazy and like chasing man and texting them all the time and asking, "Hela, desperate." So this is the thing. Women are adaptable, my nature. So, so like a man is a tree trunk. Okay. That's high testosterone. And a woman is the leaves blowing. Whoa. Yes. Okay. Yes. And so if you don't have a grounded sense of reality within the male perspective to create contrast, the women will adapt to the thing that will procure their survival so that they could, um, forward the species. So from like a biological level. Oh, interest. Okay. So adaptation predicated upon trying to continue to reproduce. I see. So if, so one of the reasons that women are actually better than men at a lot of jobs. Yes. Is not because they are necessarily better at work. It's because they're adaptable. Wow. It's because by nature, they will look at the thing that will cause survival. And then they will copy it. Dude, you're really opening up my mind, man. It's here's the thing that I'm like always trying to convey. And so I'll go on a little spiel, which I think I've talked about this a little bit on the show. I love spiel. Okay. Yeah. So you've been to the club, to the strip club. You've been to a strip club. A couple times. Yeah. Right. So the energy in the strip club when you go in there is like the men are all sitting really, really still watching. Yeah. And the women are moving and being watched. Exactly. Yeah. And that movement is called like shock-de-energy, which is like female energy. I think in like a Hindu perspective on the world, don't kill me if I'm wrong. Third chakra, root chakra. Just like a lot of, it's a root, it's called, it's the root chakra. It's just like its movement. And actually, the sort of dichotomy between the genders from a more Hinduistic perspective would be men are like instillness, right? That their energetic frequency is lower. And women are higher energy. Have higher, that's why people are always complaining about like, when women talking, it's all high frequency behavior, right? And so that what's different about women than men is men have a much narrower range of what is accessible to them because they're on the lower end of the spectrum, whereas women, although they often are at a high frequency, they can also do the lower frequencies as well, which I think this corresponds to your adaptability hypothesis, which women, being able to run lots of different kinds of energy, thus are also more adaptable. Right, but it is not true to their nature. That's where you're, that's why you're running it when you say women going crazy chasing men or feeling desperate or whatever, it's because it's out of alignment. Right, right. Don't we all know that like we get this like really severe anxiety when we know we're doing things in our life that like are authentic to us. Right, right. And so we're seeing this on a macro level. Right. Women being inauthentic to who their spirit is. because they're adaptable, because men really are meant to lead and contain the energy. Right. Yeah, and so then you have all these ungranted women that feel unsafe. Like I'll say like having lived in LA 20 years and just coming back to New York, like one of the reasons I shifted my home base, even though I still live in LA half the time. Okay, I got it. Um, but I. Of course, yeah. But the reasons I shifted, you know, where I was spending more time was because like, I got to tell you, up and growing up in New Jersey in New York, I never carried a bag, I never opened a door, I never paid for a meal. Like those things did not happen to me. And when I got to LA, I got hit in the face a couple times by doors, because I had never touched one. And I like was like, and I could actually be like walking down the street, struggling. Uh-huh. And it's um, in LA. In LA and like trying to like put a suitcase in my bag. Now in New York, like a man would just stop on the street and like lift the suitcase. Like without been talking to you. Like he would just be like, "Ugh!" And it's like, "Lift it." Yeah. New York men will like literally like watch a homeless person beat you up in the street and not help you. In LA. In LA. In I don't, I'm sorry, in LA. In LA, men will watch a homeless person beat you up in the street and not lift a finger. Not lift a finger. Okay. Step over you. Got it. Yeah. There's no sense of safety from the men in LA. Really? So, and do you think that's because they've been perverted by vanity? I think because LA, if you have a little gay in you, Yeah. You go to LA and it really, then you have a lot of gay in LA. It amplifies. Gay is amplified in LA. I would, yeah. And we're talking about this is a gay tendencies within heterosexual men. I think that's important. I, we're talking about men who claimed we had aosexual. Who want to get their dick wet? Men who claim to want to get their dick wet? Yeah. Well, okay. And, but I mean, like, how am I having this conversation in a different way? Like, how many times in, um, I know growing up with like my gay friends, would they be telling me they were screwing their best friend in high school? Right. Right. A football player or whatever. I mean, now it's just like socially permissible. So you mean there's a difference between a secret real gay. DL is what the kids call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From being DL, I think there's a, I think there's a difference between soft heterosexual men who have gay characteristics. And I would claim I would call them I would subcategorize them as an art fag versus all of the DL guy who really just wishes he could have a cock in his mouth all the time. But for some reason, socially, because of feel permission. I think there's a distinct difference. Yeah. There are seven in men. I love them and in men actually. I think they're like, and I, I, I know plenty of my friends' husbands that they're like stay-home dads and, right, right, right, right. You know, and their dynamic and, and polarity works. Right. And I don't think that's definitely not what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, this is different. Yeah, I'm not talking about, um, artistic men. I'm talking about, oh, okay, you're talking about artistic men. So I'm talking about DL men. Okay, gotta. I don't think artistic men really actually exist. In younger generations. I think that they're-- What's younger generations? Uh, let's call it like, um, early millennial Gen Z. Or not artistic. I don't-- No, I think they're, I think that those guys are work day. They're the DL. They're DL. I think the version of it that was for like older millennial and Gen Xers. Yeah. Now, like, we would put that, let's call Lens on it. Yeah. And be like, oh, he's just an Art Fag. He-- Uh-huh. But no. Okay. No, they're sucking dick. There's actually-- So in Art, let's just get really done with brass tacks. If you are-- If you're sucking dick and you're-- If you're sucking dick, you're just gay. You're just gay. And it's totally-- It's totally fine. It's cool. A lot of people love to suck dick. Yeah. I don't really love sucking dick. [LAUGHTER] Wait, were you telling me-- I don't-- If you don't want me to say this, I will cut out this little bit. Were you telling me about how you're not gay, but you've screwed lots of women lately? Oh, yeah, I don't mind that. Okay. Yeah. Not lately in my life. Oh, oh. No, yeah. I thought that was a funny confession. No, no, no, no. Not lately. No, no, no. No, no. I have no interest in women emotionally. I'm a little narcissistic, guy. That's why I can identify it. Oh, totally. I mean, that's the thing that I don't. I get that because, and honestly, vanity looks better on women than it does on men. Because in many men, if you're trying to be a straight man, if you wish your tea were higher, vanity is not going to be looking-- it's not going to sit well on you, because it's antithetical to the project of what you're trying to do. I also think there's stages, right? So there's like art-fag level of maybe little low tea, little feminine qualities. Yeah. Topag, you want to talk about books? Yeah, toads. You're maybe vegetarian. I'm kidding. Vegan. Ew. Yeah, I can't date a vegan guy for the record. And then there's that middle area, and that's the DL area, I think, where it's like-- he's at a 550 tea. And he has bisexual. And does it really have a sense of masculine identity? OK. I think those guys are the dangerous guys. And then you get all the way to high tea. And I feel like a version of it in history is Greeks or Italians. We're like, yeah. That's a man. And he probably fuck anything. I mean, that's the thing is, when you get so high tea, you will put-- Yeah, it's a place where they're like, OK, they're just like gods. Also, but you'll just put your dick in anything. Right, that's what I mean. So that's a different kind of all gets-- This is a different thing. Anyway-- In a circle. You know, it's interesting. I also think like one of the things that is really interesting about attractive people who validate themselves off of attention or sexual adoration is I think that they all use a lot of like their left and right brain. Like they say that homosexuality actually produces more activity in using both sides of the brain. Really? I'd have never heard that. Oh, yeah. Same with their own divergence. But I think that there's like some compartmentalization that is different. OK. And it's one of the reasons actually almost all of my therapist have been gay or lesbian. Got it. Because you find them more dynamic mentally. I find them to be able to track me. OK. Like they move at the same pace. OK. They access to both sides of the brain. So I'm not just getting one perspective. Oh, got it. Got it. Got it. OK. Whoa, dude. OK. So manner in their princess-- OK. So then here's my question. What are you looking for? You know, I think that my last relationship, I kind of thought I had manifested like the perfect relationship. Oh, wow. And I really thought like God had sent this man to me. He was really beautiful. And the way that we fit was so lovely. And it ended really, really, really poorly. And so I think in those moments where you have chapters where you're looking to-- we'll call it manifest-- Sure. --an ideology. And then you have to grow and start over. Yeah. I'm still figuring that out. You know, I think-- OK. You know, what was interesting about-- and it's kind of what every Shakespearean tragedy is written about, right? Which is like, you have to protect the things that you love so dearly. Because in the absence of that protection, there are evil forces in the world who interrupt and don't want to see you happy because they aren't connected to God. So this reminds me of a story, which is this came from my former-- I don't think she would be mad. One of my former fake ex-step sisters. So I looked up to her. She was like a little older than me. I don't know, like five years older than me. And I remember I saw her. She'd been traveling in Europe. She was so glam. She was so fab, so glam. I know. She had been traveling in Europe with this boyfriend of hers, and she told me this horror story, which I will tell you now, which is that she and this man, they were totally in love. Right? He was like a Greek god. She was like a whatever. She was like a fertility goddess. They were having relic in that. Like, you know, sex all the time, deeply in love, and saturated their minds. We're connected all this. And then one day they were in a train in Spain. And on the platform, there was-- I guess I could maybe get in trouble for this, but I'm just going to tell this story. On the platform, I guess this isn't the word anymore. There was on the platform, there was a woman who was a gypsy. Is that considered a slur now? Romani? I'm leading in. I'm going to-- You're going to lead me. You're going to lead me. OK. Yeah. this chipsie one. was sitting on the platform and she had a, I believe she had a little, her little child with her and they were like begging. And my friend saw this like young girl then kind of slip into the train and she sort of could tell that this girl was going to pick pocket. So she drew her lover and the train was waiting in the station for a while. It wasn't just going in and out. And she drew her lover close to her and like covered his pockets and stuff so that the girl could not pick pocket him and she saw the little girl then like go out of the train and go back to her mother and as the train doors closed she saw the mother, the gypsy who is still sitting on the platform staring at her, staring daggers into her eyes as the train doors closed. And from that moment forward their love became cursed. Right? I got it. Like something changed immediately. As soon as the train pulled out of the station he got distant and strained and within a matter of weeks this love affair which had been going on for I don't know six months, eight months, nine months. They'd gone to Europe together. They were supposed to be there for years. It just all fell apart inexplicably. And I always thought and she did too that a curse had been placed on her because she prevented the child from pick pocketing her lover and that curse rested that love out of her life. Yeah. I do think that there is a way that people speak, you know, as they say like the evil eye, or like words are spells. And I will say it was really interesting like during this time of my life where a lot of things had come into fruition that I had been presencing and trying to call in for a really long time. All kind of came at once. But the polarity of the darkness and the light sort of all fell in to the atmosphere. And one of those was this love. And it was so interesting because I was so happy. And the people around me who I didn't really know, well, they were all new people were really disrupted by me and this person's happiness. And you could really tell there was one man in particular who was very fixated on me and he has his own issues and he was quite obsessed and I really wanted to distance myself. And unfortunately I think that there are a lot of men who are bit kind of like that. They control, even we see it in Hollywood all the time, they control through forms of mental power versus sort of being just like a testosterone-filled grounded man that co-edit. You know what quietly with the big stick versus you know manipulating. And I think there was you know this man because he didn't get what he wanted out of me. It became fixated that I had moved on and really focused on on ruining my relationship just for his own satisfaction amongst other relationships. And so it was sad that and I think this actually goes like full circle back to our conversation which is that it was sad that you know I didn't have a man who had enough groundedness and rooted ness in his masculine power to be able to protect me from those type of men. Right. And that was really all I was seeking. And this man was younger. Yeah. And I do think there's something to that in the younger generations where like you know look we looked to men to provide and protect us at a really base level. And granted this other man is sophisticated in his manipulation. Sure. And my partner a little more simple from a farm. You know right. Beautiful, really sweet, really talented. So it it was a shame that he couldn't see that it was whatever whatever spells and whatever ways that this guy was manipulating. He couldn't see that he was really being flayed in front of everybody. It's really dark you know and and sometimes I had a mentor as a women named Marianne Williamson for years. And you know she always talks about love brings up everything and like itself. Love brings up everything. Unlike it's of course in miracles. Yeah. Discussion. But yeah love brings up but she's something that she really focuses on. Love brings up everything and like itself. I have noticed that I think the energetic quality of love which is like this kind of very high tuned. Let's almost let's go out and all I'm here say like a harp like clarity beauty like it is an energy frequency that people I have often noticed wish to destroy because it's almost intolerable and it's rarity. Yeah I you know I think that I think that I'm now conflicted because I experienced this really beautiful thing that was so wild. And then the amount of people that wanted to destroy it was really um Jarring. Right. But isn't that but my question is like the nature isn't the nature of those sort of experiences which is like falling in love as like another peak experience. The nature of them is that they are ephemeral and I hear you that it seems like people were trying to destroy it rather than it just ran its own course. But I do wonder with those like those most rare of experiences like is that just the nature of them that they must be fleeting in order to even exist as they do. Well I have a friend who says that the universe tends to um lean towards chaos right and so the universe is just built towards chaos at all times. Right. So it's to be expected. Okay. And it doesn't really it's like a neutral chaos like it's not a good chaos or a bad case. It's just chaos and so you know it's kind of like um the only thing that's constant is change right because change is chaotic and so you can look at it obviously a number of different ways and and one of the ways is you know how can I evolve, grow and expand from that moment. So if this was a peak experience for me and I experienced really like the height of love and then also like the depths of darkness. Right. Then in that nervous system expansion I mean what has come out of it is an uplevel in my career. Yeah. An uplevel in my happiness. Right. Is an ability to get there and feel at that level. Right. And um you know I wonder then if you if I go back to like what am I looking for. I think I'm looking for something that now matches that expanded vibration because the version of me that existed in that time piece doesn't exist anymore. Right. So there has to be what did yeah. And I think that's what we talk about a lot about in relationships of like how we either grow together or grow apart. Right. And it's so sad to me that that person made a decision to not like grow with me in this lifetime and for us to not address that together head on but um actually to portray me in all these different ways um socially emotionally um do you think men fundamentally have a less of a capacity for that kind of growth than women do perhaps for this adaptability reason? I think that narcissist man okay I cared too much about the male gaze. Right. And have too many fucking daddy issues. Right. To be able to stand by women in masculine power. Right. And I think that's what we're seeing all these men who are leaning into tradwife stuff. Okay so actually I think that's a good place to bring the first half of this episode to a close. If you want to hear the second half of the episode please go to patreon.com/criticalbabetheory. This has been Danny Drew's actress producer mental health specialist and we will be back if you want to hear the second half please come thank you.