Meet the Creeps

The world is full of creepy things, but nothing is more creepy than a creepy, creepy story. They can scare kids at summer camp. Horrifying misbehaving boys and girls. Since you won't quiet down, I have no choice but to tell you the tale of the kids who refuse to listen to the underpaid babysitter and explain the unexplainable. I know what I saw, but he was there right where you're standing. This house has been empty for years, it must have been a ghost. But you have to be careful with a creepy, creepy story because sometimes they can change you. Make you monstrous and unrecognizable. I should know it happened to me. I used to be a normal kid, but I listened to too many creepy stories, and now I'm a creep. I used to be a girl who spent all her time at the library, reading up on a werewolf history, insect scientists, and interdimensional transport, and then something monstrous happened. And now I'm a creep. I'm not as creepy as these other guys to be totally honest. Toro, come on, we coached you on this. Here we go again. Okay, Axe, okay, okay, who. I'm a creep. I'm also a creep. We used to be normal kids, we'd hang out in wetta's basement late at night, and share stories about all of the creepiest, darkest things we could imagine. We still gather in the basement for one hour once a week, but it's different now because we are different. It happened to us, and it can happen to you. So here's your warning, turn this off, and stay your normal self, or keep listening and become something different. Something grotesque and awful and wonderfully creepy. Still there? Okay then, strap in your ribs, crumple your ears, and suck on something sour, because we're the creeps, and this is the creeping hour. I didn't know it was pig's lime, and I was so thirsty. My, what strange feet you have. This story is about two boys, a dog, and an old man with a horrible secret. The dog is named Lucky, but in some ways, he's the exact opposite of that. But the story doesn't start with Lucky, it starts with the strange old man. The kids called him Mr. Dirt Spy, because those were the only two words he seemed to know. Dirt Spy, Dirt Spy, Dirt Spy. Every day, Kevin and Derek passed his run-down cobwebbed-covered house when they took Lucky on his afternoon walk. Why do we always go this way, Kevin? We're literally walking past the creepiest house on the planet. Look, if it was up to me, I'd go on a distant block. But Lucky calls the shots here and he loves the street. That dog owns you, man. I can't believe you don't even keep him on a leash. I don't need to. He's the perfect dog, aren't you Lucky? Come here, baby. Who's the good boy? Oh. Can you please stop that? I'm gonna barf. You're just jealous because your dog would be number one in the world's ugliest nut competition. I wish your mom would let me submit him. A, Detective Barnacles is beautiful. Just in a different way than Lucky. There's some more inner beauty. And B, he's not even my dog. He's my mom. That makes him yours! No, it doesn't. What is it, boy? It's Mr. Thurspine. Look, he's on his porch. Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. To get close to him, he'll break your neck. It happened to Anna's brother, no one has seen him in months. He's not even close to what happened, Anna's brother moved to California. She posted a photo of him at the Hollywood sign last week. Hey, where's Mr. Thurspine going? He's leaving his porch? Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. Thurspine. Look, he left his front door open. Now's your chance to go inside, the creepiest house on the planet. After you, Kevin. I wouldn't go in there if you gave me $200 billion. If I had $200 billion, I quit school and buy my own island. Then I'd give Detective Warnoo. Lucky! Get back here! Where are you going? Don't run there, Lucky. Get away from the house! No! He's going right for the door! Lucky, are you crazy? Lucky! I told you to keep him on a leash. What are we going to do now? I know what I would have done. I'd have given up on the dog and slithered down the street to the nearest dumpster, where I'd eat a late lunch of dead cockroaches, rat droppings, and garbage juice. But Kevin and Derek weren't interested in fine cuisine. They stood there on the sidewalk in front of the run-down house, covered in so much dust. It looked like it had never been clean, and they knew what they had to do. We obviously got to go in there and save my dog. Right, obviously. Speaking of obvious, I think you should go in by yourself since Lucky is technically your dog, and technically you're the one who decided not to put him on a leash. Technically you're coming with me, or I'm telling everyone in school how technically you're the biggest whimp noise ever. Who are you calling a whimp noise? Who's acting like a whimp noise? Okay, okay. Best friends go down together. I guess. We just have to do it really fast before Mr. Judge's bike gets back. I do not want to be in that house when he returns. Okay. Let's go. Are we sure about this? It's Lucky. Lucky! Remember when he chased that skunk away from you? And got himself sprayed. Lucky is the worst name for him, but fine. After you. Who leads the front door open? I guess someone who is not that worried about people breaking in. Why is it so dark in here? Are there any lights? Do you smell that? It's like running eggs or something. Ew! It's so strong! Lucky! Lucky! Where are you boy? Here, just let me turn on my flashlight. Oh man, this place is a mess. Look at this dust, it's everywhere. Did you hear that? That sounded huge. Way too big to be lucky. Does Mr. Dirt Spy have pets? I've never seen any. Maybe somebody lives with him. Hello? Mrs. Dirt Spy? What are you doing? Keep your voice down. I can't believe this dust. Ew, it's sticky. Like, can't you hear something? I don't rub it on my shirt. Come on, let's find Lucky and get out of here. Lucky! Lucky! Come here boy. Lucky, come on Lucky, where are you? Something's not right. Do you think it's strange that there's no staircase or anything? Yeah. Good call. It's just one big room, covering all this dust. Oh, wait, over there! I see him. He looks okay. See? Pills wagging! Lucky! What are you doing in that pile of. Gunk? Come on boy. It looks like he's stuck. Here, let's grab him and pull. Okay, okay. You got him? Yeah. But I touched the gunk. It's disgusting. Like, giant hairball. We just got to get him and then we're out of here. Okay? On three. One. Two. Three. Two. Two. Three. Two. Three. Three. Two. Who? Lucky. What's in your mouth? Is that a bolt? Do you hear that? It's him. He cannot find us here. We have to hide. Over there. The dust is so thick he won't see us. Lucky, I need you to be quiet. Keep the bone in his mouth so he won't bark. Oh, do you smell that? It's awful. What do you think is in his bag? I don't know. Okay. Won't stop moving. Come on, Lucky. Come on, Lucky. Cut it out. There's mine. There's mine. There's mine. There's mine. There's mine. There's mine. There's mine. What does that even mean? Third spy. Maybe he's saying. Third spy? Like, he needs dirt or something? Did you hear that? What's he doing? What's down in the floor? Is that a door? It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. It's mine. Lucky. Seriously. Stop moving so much. Lucky. Seriously. Stop moving so much. It's mine. Come on. He's in the cellar. We've got your dumb dog. Let's get out of here. Yeah. Let's leave. It never comes back. Fuck it. No. Why'd you let him escape? I didn't. He just ran away. Lucky. No. What are you doing? He ran down into the cellar. We've got to go after him. No way, man. You'll never make it out. I'm going to save my dog. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. Oh. Um. Hi. I didn't mean to surprise you. I just came to get my dog. He ran down here. Uh. What's going on? Kevin. You have to get up here right now. The spy. The spy. The spy. Why do you keep saying that? The spy. What is the spy? The spy. Kevin, get up here. It's not gun. It's a web. A huge web. And there are a ton of more bones in it. Unfortunately. Kevin didn't hear Derek. He just stood there, staring at the old man, and watched him reach into his bag. The old man poured out peace after peace of animal meat, covered in blood, with the bones still hanging off them. As he arranged them on the floor like a nice rack of ribs. Rehives. Heaven listen. Really listen. And finally understood what he's been saying all these years. The old man stepped aside and something huge and hairy with far too many legs rushed forward. Well, I warned you that it was a creepy, creepy story. But no, you had to prove that you have a spine and stick around for it. Did Kevin, Derek and Lucky make it out of the house alive? Or were they eaten by the enormous spider that the old man kept as a pet? Or was the spider the owner and the old man the pet? Do us a favor and don't check out the next episode of this podcast because like this story, the next one will be creepy, too creepy for anyone except for creeps like us. And now maybe you. Until next time, we're The Creeps. And this has been The Creeping Hour. The Creeping Hour is a co-production of WGBH and Elly Lickshine in coordination with PRX.