Meet Me At Café Bích Nga | Your Mom's House Ep. 831

What's everybody and happy October next week. I'm bringing my coming together toward New Jersey and New York. I'll be a Newark at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center on October 15th. Then Brooklyn at Kings Theatre on Friday, October 17th, followed by Westbury at the flag star at Westbury Music Fair for two shows. On Saturday, October 18th, the 5pm show is sold out. You can try to get tickets for the 8.30pm show. You'll get tickets in all info at TomSyger.com/tour. Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold, while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, cigars international has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day-induced stress. As the industry leader cigars international, enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free every day shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up, that's it. With cigars international's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigars international.com/YMH. And the discount applies automatically some exclusions apply. Welcome to the show. Welcome. This is your mama's place. She's Christine, I'm Tim. Let's rock and roll. What's going on? You don't seem like you're in a good mood. Is it because you visited the dentist this morning? I mean, I didn't enjoy it, but that's what you're asking. Yeah. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't like it. What's going on? Yeah. Yeah. Are we going to talk about it? Maybe later. Yeah. I'm here for you. I want to hear it though. Thanks. How's your morning? It was cool, I'm grouchy, I'm like, I'm in a bad mood, honestly. I just woke up kind of grumpy, and I know what it is, I'm getting my period. Maybe that's what it is for me too. Yeah. My period is starting. When it started, no, I mean, I feel it coming. Same, and it's like, God, already, just let the bee drop. Blood drop, yeah. Because once it does, it's like, okay, now I can handle life again. But I'm literally, I'm going insane. It's the anticipation of it. Right? You too? Same, same. Do you get anxious too? An anxious, grumpy, the whole thing. And what about your cramps? How are those doing? The ramping up, yeah. How many days is your cycle now? Seven. It's seven days long, and then how many days in between your cycles? I don't know, 21. Wow, you're bleeding a lot, like every three weeks. Yeah. Wow, that's kind of a heavy flow. I still produce a lot of eggs. You sure do. Do you feel it when you ovulate? Of course. The thing is, a lot of people don't know that the whole purpose of this podcast has been to just normalize men having periods. Duh, duh, and we've been a huge proponent of that since the dawn of time. Yeah, before anybody else was talking about it. I know, and then society was like, hey, everybody, men have periods. And we were like, we've been saying that since. I'm saying that. What, 2010, bro? Yeah, what's your definition of a man? First of all, I'm a femboy. Did you know that? You? I'm a femboy. I found out today on TikTok. Well, how'd you find that out? Heather Mills did a social media thing where they take a picture of you, and then it matches you to the audio. I'm a femboy. What does that mean? What does that mean? What does anything mean? What does it matter? What does that mean? What does it matter? I just am. What's a femboy? Can you look that up? It means you're a dude, right? Femboy refers to a male or non-berry person, non-binary person, using aesthetically and culturally female elements to express, oh, you're. That's so gay. Yeah, you're gay. You know why? I think it's because I'm wearing this little Lord Funtleroy type shirt. And I have little Lord Funtleroy hair. And I think it picked up on those kind of gayish femboy vibes. Yeah. I'm a dandy. I'm dressed like a dandy. You are kind of dandy- I'm a dandy. Can one of you swing the monitor out, do you mind? Oh, shit. How the fuck did that happen? No, probably somebody moved it. Who the fuck moved that? I don't know. Somebody. It's probably what we were doing now. It's beautiful. Thank you. It's fine. It's no big deal. It's just harder to see when it's flat. What do you want to fucking yell at somebody? I want you to yell at somebody. No. Because I want my period. Oh, right. Is it feel satisfying when somebody like dresses someone down for you? I like it when you do it, because I won't, I don't have the courage to do that. Try it. It's not my style. But just give it a shot. I do it, okay, here's when I do it. I do it at night when I'm falling asleep. To yourself and your head. Fuck in any. You know the monitor supposed to be facing me, why isn't it? You fucking hate me or something? You just chose a random name. Yeah, it's just not her style. But I know that you take it personally. Do you say the end word? No. In your head. In your head. No, why? It doesn't always go there with whites and eats. It's fine if it's in your head. First of all, yes, it does. But it's just in your head. You assume that all whites think that word at you. No, okay. What was that? Was that a random concept? Niggas. Niggas. That's you. That's you. That's not me. That's you and now you're right next to your pillow. Oh my god. Just disney. Do you like that? That's a thing. Is that JJ? Yeah. Oh my god. That's an old cut. That's a deep cut, right there in the program. Yep. I don't always think the end word now. Yeah, okay. All right. Do you know what I love is when my favorite is when white people admit to having said the word once in their life. Oh, crazy. Or they're like, I may have said it once. There's like, of course. In the interview or two, they're in an interview, you're like, what is their footage of it? Crazy. Yeah. So stupid. Stop don't even talk. That is the dumbest thing that people do. Well, yes, I was, it was 1963. Yeah. You don't have to tell people. Yeah, just don't, don't talk about it. Just lie. Maybe not lied before. Jesus. Oh, it's nigga. All right. So let's get back to the show. And in keeping with the theme of the last few seconds, let's open the show. Here you go. So I have just arrived at Cafe Bitch Nugget in Tampa for it. It is Vietnamese food and I'm very excited for what's to come. So when you first walk in, you know, it's actually very clean. Like it doesn't give you know, cafe bitch nigga. That was my idea. Don't bring anyone in. Ah. No, but I'm gonna fucking stand. It tells you to get it. It doesn't get it. With Tom Segura. And Christina Pajini. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's good shit. Yeah, Cafe Bitch Nugget. Okay. So he said it's not giving. It's not giving those vibes. What did he assume? Oh, hi. Hi, hi, how are you? Okay, how do you pronounce the name of the cafe? The cafe bitch. Um, are these like the little pants? Yes, I can give you that whole thing. This is our name. Cafe Bitch Nugget. I love it. She said she can give it to you for free. That's what I heard the same thing. Because you're a big guy. There's no what you're doing. Well, I see a big guy and I know a big guy when I see one. Yeah, but she charges other people a dollar. Yeah, she's like, oh, we get this sometimes. Cafe Bitch Nugget. And then we also had one. I think in Houston, we had this one. Dallas or Houston? They say it is in Japanese. Japanese, or Vietnamese, or the other needs. This is like Bitch Nugget. Yeah. Don't tell me I don't say Bitch Nugget. Tell me. Right. And like they know what they're doing. It's apparently like so widely used in the US. There's like a thousand of these. Wow. Yeah. but it must be very common in Vietnamese. - That, and there was one in San Francisco called "Fuck it, Ty." - Oh, yeah. - "Puket." - Yeah, you know what you're doing, fuck it. - Well, you know, you have to know, whatever you travel, you learn. Oh, if you say that, you say, "Fanny" in the UK, they're like, "You know what that means here, right?" So if you open your "Fanny" shop, it would be worth note. It'd be notable, people would be like, "Hey, aren't you aware of what you're saying here?" - Yeah. - It's kind of strange, right? - Yeah. - It's not "bick-na." - No. - No. - And the whites can't say it, you know what you're doing. - Nobody knows. - You know what you're doing. And not only that, like you're in, you're in whitey neighborhoods. - But it kind of leads me to believe that if you open a "bick-na" somewhere in the United States, you're really only trying to get other Vietnamese people to frequent it because they're going, "Oh, "bick-na" like I love "bick-na" and, you know? So, right? But if you're like, "Oh, I'm trying to get a broader fan base to come in here, "bick-na" might not be the best choice. - That's a good point, Tom. But maybe re-brand. - Maybe the food is so good at "bick-na," it's only for the Vietnamese. You know how they, like I'm telling you-- - You know when you're in a good spot. - If there's no whiteies. - No whiteies. - No whiteies. And it's just that-- - A good, I'm saying a good Asian food spot is the one frequented by non-whites. - 100,000 million percents. - You walk in and they're like, "What are you doing here?" - I'm like, "Oh, can I?" And you're like, "Okay." - There's only pictures of the food and, like, no written manuals. - And old communist leaders. And you're like, "Hey, this is kind of cool." Yeah. - Remember when we went to that career? - Is that a whole pot? This should be real good here, yeah. - He watches over you. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Glorious leader. - Strong decisions. (laughing) He wipe out out of the bad people. And then we leave and we open "bick-na" here. - You're like a cool man. - You like Paul? - You like Paul? - Huh? - Paul? - Paul? - And then white people discovered Paul. - You found a Ho Chi Minh? (laughing) - Yeah, he's cool. Yeah. - Ho Chi Minh Soup. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You like? You like Mao? - Yeah, Mao was great. - This show is sponsored by Liquid Ivy. My key to making the switch from days filled with tan lines to ones filled with deadlines is to prioritize exercise. Thanks to Liquid Ivy's new sugar-free hydrating multiplier, sugar-free energy, I can skip the sugar and the crash. 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So head to mood.com, find the functional gummy that matches exactly what you're looking for and don't forget to use the promo code YORMOM when you check out to save 20% off your first order. So here we are at our favorite German Gerbehl's cafe. - Well, that's the one culture that can't. - Well, they want to. - They want to sow. - They sure don't, they do it down in South America. - That's crazy. - There's this German village here in Argentina. How did this come about? - Really a maverick. - Of course. - No bones about it 'cause Argentinians are like, "Welcome!" They're not like in Buenos Aires, but they'll go to like, you know, some coastal, smaller town. - Oh, the nice parts. - And they're like one out and half and, you know. You like? - They have to fly in all the sauce from the old country. You like to try? You're like, "Yeah, that sounds cool." - Is there an Argentinian? - How'd you guys end up here? - Is there a cuisine that's Argentinian mixed with German? - I'm sure you can find it. Yeah, they went there and they went to Brazil. And then a couple up, but like in numbers, you know? - Does that explain why there are so many meats in Brazilian cuisine? - That I don't know. - 'Cause the crowds love their meats. - The crowds do. - And snossages, you know, me. I love the German snossies. - Yeah. - The vineyard should tell all these good things. - The vineyard makes me fall. - Yeah. - We always wanted to come to Argentina. - It's so lovely here. The sun's shining. It's a sun shining on the tide. - Very far from your roots. What took you here? - How come, why did the Argentinian as welcome them with open arms? - I don't know. - It's a really interesting thing to explore. - Are they anti-udens as well? - I have no idea. There's clearly a story like, let's Google it. - Yeah, let's see. Why did she use the fucking computer machine? - Everyone else was like, no thank you, Argentinia. Argentinia. - Allow, would you make it a little bigger? - It was like, come over. - May, let's see, they allowed many Germans and Nazi collaborators and fleeing Nazi officials into the country due to a combination of factors. A large German-speaking population. - No shit. - Strong culture and economic ties to Germany. Sympathy among some Argentines for the fascist ideology. - Yeah. - A desire to acquire German technological and scientific expertise and a willingness to facilitate escape routes to avoid war crimes prosecution. That's called a collaborator. - Yes. - Aiden and Ableton. - You guys, you have trouble? It's not trouble here. - 'Cause eventually they could hunt them down in our Argentinia, right? Eventually they could, they could hunt them down and they got them like I command. - The Israelis made it a huge mission of theirs to track down every last one. They got a lot of them. - Good. - And then they got to live their lives. Just kind of kept going. - That's not fair. - Yeah. - It's not very nice. - Yeah, so it, I mean, looks like, yeah. People in power down there back then were like, big deal. - I know. But it's so important that you go to war with countries that have good cuisine. - Yeah. - Because, you know, the Vietnam War brought us this place, Bich Nia, Bich Nia. - Bich Nia? - Bich Nia. - You don't want to go to war, like unfortunately, we did what I understand, not the best. - Did the Germans influence Argentine cuisine? Let's see that. - Oh. - 'Cause what is Argentine food? - Well, I always think of meats. - Meats and taters. - But I'm sure it's a little deeper than that. So let's see. - Crowds. - Yes. - German immigrants and their descendants have influenced Argentine cuisine, particularly in the Eastern and Patagonian regions of Argentina, including dishes like sourcrowt. - Yes. - Various types of sausages and goulash. - Oh, the best. - The creation of pastries known as Fakturas. Now, that's very popular. I didn't know that was influenced by them. Those are the Argentine versions of Vienna. Vienna, I don't know how to say that. Well, the influence of Italian and Spanish immigration is much larger. Germany culture has left. It's culinary mark on the country, and we thank you for that. - So there are, in fact, sourcrowt, sausages, goulash. - Yeah, this is, credits the crowds for goulash. This is wrong, actually. Please. - It's had fucked with us and that's like the little pastries that are there. - Let me see, what are they like? I like that. - That sounds fucking great. - They're really good. - They're gonna go there, it is to eat. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Hey guys, quick announcement before we proceed. I am wearing a new shade of liquid lipstick. - You think that's a good way to segue into your ad? - Whatever. - Right. Hey guys. (laughing) - I am wearing ever more liquid lipstick. This shade will be coming out in the winter. But nocturn is out right now. And then I have two colors of Velvet Crush blush, which is fantastic. Tom, you know how you wear blushes? - Yeah. - Well, I open it up, it's a compact, and it's so buttery soft. And then the warmth of your skin activates it. - Just like that. - Just like that. And you put it on and the color stick, it doesn't make your cheek sticky. You know how you wear sometimes cream blush and it sticks your hair all day? - Oh, I fucking hate that. - It's the fucking worst. - Yes. - Well, this one I've developed, it doesn't stick to your hair all day long, and ever more liquid lipstick lasts for so long. And whimsy kiss shimmer gloss in the shade of just like honey trot out right now Christina p.com Also, you are on sale. I'm going to increase the price to 2000 us dollars. There we go. Tom worked last time You just kept raising ice sold fuck around to find out for 60,000 us dollars And you can buy the prints for fuck around and find out right now on my ma studio is calm This one is unique My head is covering the best part of the drawing because, you know, the least Accurate part of the drawing You know, I'm just trying to do my best. Tom. I just I'm an artist and learning. I'm not perfect. Okay What You can buy this too the original We'll see if I sell prints. I don't know. I'm an artist do what I want You look so strong there. I can't believe you're yeah, no That play looks strong about one part of the drawing the rest of it's so strong It's not very flattering What are you talking about look how yoked you are? No, the part that you covered up is not very flattering. I think it is I think it is I think you're just having a low self esteem moment on your period and this is not the reflection of reality. Okay So Don't you hate that when your confidence gets shattered on your period too. Oh, yeah That knocked you down an extra peg, doesn't it? Oh Just in the toilet. You kind of want the period to end after that. Do I'm sweating already too Sweating like a how long till it's over over you think For me like happy periods not soon enough. I'm fucking almost 50 and I'm still doing this I know so when will it just like tap when will the five years five years hopefully five more years of this Because it what happens is that it doesn't just the faucet doesn't just shut off It's like a slow miserable drip so like you won't get a period one month and then you'll get one And then you'll feel like you're getting it, but then it never comes so it nature destroys you before it takes you away Yeah, it's just you know how it is But you've got a few more years on yours. I'm sure I do. Yeah. Can't wait for it to stop though. Gosh when did you get your period first? Yeah, me too. Same. Oh wow. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, that's so weird so strange So this is just fun for me to play this one because this is a guy You know, we we work in Basically the night club world. Yeah, so we're in comedy clubs theaters Casinos arena all that is like a nighttime activity And there's always a couple knuckleheads that make it into one of those venues and sometimes they're asked to leave and what's interesting is how they react when they're asked To leave Piece of shit back fuck over here fucking threw me out of the casino fucking I was swearing Piece of crap mother fucker over here You won't be seeing me here anymore I think that's what they want last time that I'm fucking doing a video in this fucking casino This fucking piece of shit fucking casino Fucking they treat their fucking customers like shit. Yeah fucking guy over there sitting Sitting over there next to me fucking not even drinking a bear Or gambling on the game, you know, yeah So I wonder if the encore will recover, you know From having like a whale like this decide to take his money elsewhere, you know Yeah, I'll tell you the one consistent thing I've noticed about the people they get ejected from events is that you never regret that decision never to be like this guy needs to leave because they're at they always do this they proto I was just having fun. You're like no you weren't you're being a douche, you know, you know, I had this lady a couple weeks ago At a show second row second row Just talking talking and so you know when you're in bigger venues Sometimes you hear little things you go and I'm not going to address everything But when it's like you go oh, this is continuing to have and you're also trying to perform right so you're focusing and And I'm just keep here and I was like I'm sorry. What what is going on? What are you what are you saying? What like what are you saying you keep talking? What are you saying she's like oh? Telling my son That you know he's because I was telling him that I got his water and I go what? What kind of sentence is that? She's like no, I just I'm my son's over here and then So I'm sitting over I was telling him and I go this doesn't make I don't understand what you're saying. Can you can you be done? And she's like Yeah, I mean all right. I'm like you know you're in the second row right everyone around you was hearing you talk this whole time Oh, and then you're like oh you can't be you're not with it right you're something's going on So I just see I'm like okay, I don't I don't even say like get her out of here. No, I'm like all right Let's just try to regroup. So we keep going and then I see security come over talked to her and she walks out with them And a few minutes later, I'm like is she gone? And then the guy the son is like, I don't know. I'm like is that your mom? He's like yeah Like oh, is she leaving us did she leave and he's like, I don't know And then I'm like so are you staying he's like, I mean, I guess like okay And then like 10 minutes later he was gone and then so they just left right but everything was better Yeah, when they left well, it's an energy shift in the room too because it's like everybody around those people are annoyed as well That's the thing that is never fully comprehended by people is that when you're like, I mean this is I mean everyone who's at that table gambling was like Jesus this guy right everyone who's at the show is like I'm trying to watch the show But I can't because you keep fucking talking it's almost always drunk too, right? Oh, that's that's why yeah There's usually what's going on. I think he has a little more of this guy. It's all very You kind of end up siding with him when he puts it like this sure and they throw me the fuck out and they keep him in there You know what fucking nobody come to this fucking piece of shit rat hole by the fucking casino. They suck. Yeah over here I won't be fucking coming in this fucking place anytime soon This fucking piece of shit fucking piece of crap motherfucker fat motherfucker bitch It looks like I was gonna say it's not a piece of crap actually Fucking aggravated with these fuckers Yeah, I won't see another fucking nickel of my money in this fucking place. Yeah, he got his point across. Yeah I don't know that it's a piece. It looks very well maintained. Yeah, I've done a lot of casinos. They I've been to piece of shit casinos It doesn't look like one of the encore. That's a really fancy one. You want a key thing that I noticed? What's that? It's broad daylight outside. Yeah, 10 30 in the fucking morning. He's true on one. Yeah, he's really on one Mocking on cool. Yeah On core. He's really also You're also you know you're always toeing a fine line When you're fat and you call someone else fat in your finger because you know you want it to be Look at this fat fuck and then everyone's like hey, you're pretty fat It's like fat fucking fucking fat fucking. You're like you're kind of a fat fuck. Yeah Now that the weather's finally cooling down I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall So Garza International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside Carve out some alone time when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress As the industry leader cigars international Enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new Without breaking the bank. They've even got free every day shipping no codes no minimums You just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it with cigars internationals unbeatable deals and discounts There's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of year to be a cigar guy Use code ymh at checkout for 20% off your orders of 50 dollars or more or visit cigars International dot com slash ymh and the discount applies automatically some Exclusions apply. Yeah, that's true because I would never call someone like you old bitch I'm you're you tell you start going like hey you bald fuck Fucking piece of shit fucking piece of crap mother fuck of fat mother fucking bitch Yeah, that's a good swear That is that is good. That is good. He was really holding on to a lot mother fuck up I wonder how welcome you will be in other establishments after this. I don't know maybe other casinos We don't know if we want your millions here sir. Your millions. Yeah Yeah, he must be a big baller because he can tell them to f off and he's not afraid of the repercussions He's not afraid at all. Yeah, he's not afraid. Some do's are just confident. Yeah, who they are What they have like this guy on mike fidelity from fidelity and associates We're here in south beach to provide income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems if you do DM me and we'll get you out all your problems I would love to meet her. Oh my god. I just want to know Are you okay? Yeah Have you been trafficked? What type of pills are you on? Do you have any life goals? Those are like the four or five questions. She is so over his bullshit. She is so dead to him Yeah, you need to pay her a little more sit with me while I do this ad This finance ad with your tits out. I don't blink. Oh, yeah, she doesn't blink the whole time I mean that was really kind of scary. Yeah, she's on drugs. Yeah, he um, that was I believe he can help me though Get out of my IRS trouble. Yeah, this guy knows his way around Mike Fidel Fidelie. Yeah, he's a 63 he's an alpha male. Of course CEO income tax strategist. Yeah, he's saved over 2.2 billion It says in taxes and IRS stuff. Oh, wow at 49 he placed 211st in the Miami half marathon. I've never somebody I heard anybody say that for anything You know, this guy and I are the same age. Yeah, no, he's 63. Oh, when he was 49 Oh, he's letting people know that he finished 221st in a half marathon 200 all right later at the age of 53 He placed 196 in the same marathon. Okay He also claims the under-norfinage That's a tax problem. He's calling out celebrity's athletes the South Beach for income tax strategy help trying to get more clients Can we see hold on can we just talk about this limo that he's rented that limo is from 1984 it's not with the sparkles. No, that's a role's Royce. I'm guessing. But what is it have sparkles? They do that on the roof now. Yeah on the Royce Royce. Yeah, that's how my mother used to say. Yeah, that's a Royce Royce Yeah, he's probably sitting in like a fucking 500,000. Oh my god. I thought that was a crummy limo. Oh, there he is Look at his hair there. Oh, there she is. And she says alive as she wears in the last video. Yeah, she's upset It's my fidelity for fidelity associates. We're here in South Beach. We're here to Provide services for income tax and IRS problems to hide that worth at least and entertainers who have many serious IRS Problems if you do DM me and we'll get you out of all your problems That's it, huh? Do you think he's giving her direction like hey, look like you're a bad bitch. I like him in the mornings here Like in this middle one the passport video. This is without all let's see that this is the real guy. Let's see what's up Okay, did you get a letter that from the IRS or from the state department that says that your passport has been Either blocked or revoked. Yeah, well They take they said that I owe IRS and told the other things of it up My point is because I know you're busy And I make an appointment with you in about a week or so based on your schedule. Yes, um, and come and come out there Yeah, uh, I mean, it's probably kind of urgent on your part, I guess You know, uh, we're getting all of our individuals in corporate to do by October 15th If you could come a little after that. I mean, you know, it actually I tell you what Why don't you if you can come later in this week or This is call anytime. Yeah, this is the call you chose after 12 Like an actual it's not providing information You should close this one like that is the fucking He's like basically just played like I need to have a dermatology appointment Yeah, like I don't know this Thursday. Okay, how's your schedule lining it? Well, I have a mole I don't know. I'd like you to look at it like that wasn't informative. Oh there. He has aged 49 He's still holding on to really loves that stat place 221. See I told you. Yeah, now the one to the left with the two chicks. Is this an ad? Oh no 20 63 28 Any questions? That's like it's an interesting way to market your financial like You know, I mean like your savviness, but the guy that's evading paying their taxes. Yeah, they like this shit I think yeah, it's It's a mentality, right? Yeah, I do like that. He was smart enough to be like I'm color blind I like women of Well, he's in Miami. So he's got to appeal to if there's athletes and such Yeah, you got to appeal to all the demos down there. That's all kinds of peeps Wow, he's in listen. He's in great shape for 63 years young. He looks great. I hate when people do that by the way I'm I'm 69 years young. I mean, I heard that so gross the flip on. I love someone to death. I love you to death I love you to life That's so bizarre. You know, it's almost as annoying as when people stop saying he did a complete 180 and they go He did a complete 360. Oh, yeah, or what is it the other way around? Yeah, I did a complete the used to be if you do a 360 You're exactly who you were right. Yeah, and that's what everybody said up until like five years ago You did a 360 man and you're like so he's the same he's the same person and but then everyone figured out that it's 180 Yeah, and then we all switched to saying 180 but I'm okay with 360 like I understand the intent right of 360 I'm not totally retarded. Yeah Well, this you might find this totally retarded, but then again To you might be somebody who goes I get it. Yeah, I don't know you might get this the way Some of the things you've said that are so alarming. Yeah, you didn't realize that like you Know you have to dry off with a towel. Yeah, and you use I still hate it nap. You know you pant napkins. Yeah, uh, so let's see what you think of this Look, I've never shit in an attachable you shit. You touch shit every single day if you shit Why are you touching the shit the tissue is for the shit? You telling me that yada's let the doodle fall in the toilet You don't catch it every time Yo, I am about to leave bro. How do y'all take a shit? I'm about to see the shit wrong I've been catching my shit all these shit Now I'm more disgusted than like I feel like I can't get to you. What are you talking about? I'm my stomach. I just sit there and shit right come right out No way what happens if you got the right and say something like that. What do you do then? Hey shit you wash your hair. Why do you think people wash their hair? Yo, you shit in your hand bro. We'll test you Well, I do like that he Is examining what's coming out of him. It's very important. He's definitely doing that And also you might take a lesson because you will be going to the middle east soon and you wipe with your right right and shake with your left You wipe with your left and shake with your right. Are you sure? Can we google that? I don't need a google You wipe with your right. No You wipe with your left. Yes, you shake with your right. Yeah Anyway Anyway, this guy shits into his hand On the tissue. He catches shit as it comes out on the tissue The right hand is for shaking hands and the left hand is for wiping after using the toilet. Yeah Yeah, but you don't you wipe just with your hand and Not toilet paper right in the middle east. They actually literally wipe on their hands. I don't know I don't know You're gonna find out. No, no one's gonna be there with me. I'm still gonna shit alone They'll tell you is this dude. What's this called the bully bully beast pot? What's it called bully podcast? The bully in the beast radio show. It's not on anymore. Oh, so it's an older clip This guy though was saying that he has tissue in his hand and he catches the shit. I love this That's what I told you I love it I knew you would and I wish I had the courage to do it. You do have the courage to do it You do have the courage. It scares me how hot it is in your hand when you would catch it Yeah, it's still warm, but then you could really like I like that idea. I know you do of examining what's coming out Don't you know you don't like the idea of really getting in and seeing I've never looked dude I've never looked you say this. I don't believe you I've never looked you don't look at your browns I mean in in let's say I've taken 30,000 shits. I've looked at six Yeah, I look every time never you have to look you don't head out tell you why you don't because I've never done it so you don't I don't but then you don't know the health don't care of your browns Doesn't bother me then you don't know if your diet is okay flush I just hit flush and it's gone and then I clean myself and then I leave if the third falls to the bottom That means it's good if it goes to the top. It means it's Too greasy great. You're eating too much greasy. You got to assess your bowel movement. Look this guy's got everything right in life I don't know what this chick is tripping because he's right on she's not tripping. She is being a normal human Yes, no, this guy's got the right idea. You're out of your mind. His mom did the right thing You gotta teach them how to look at their duties. Well, just for your response on that I'll be burned if I boost together I'll keep you in it. I'll be burned if I clean tight and good I'll be burned if I don't like that Okay, thank you I don't like him. I don't like the song. That's why I played it. Fucking hate it. Hey, let's talk about your dental update. Nope Let's talk about something else. No, no, no, no, I really want to know you're okay. I don't care. So let's figure out This is the YMH audience is on tenderhook. They are not they love this stuff. This is a huge YMH thing This is as important as pulling your jeans up dental updates. I don't want to do it gene It's been so long since you've had one probably too long I get my teeth cleaned regularly, I don't think we do, and I think that's why we've probably got that news. Go ahead. Go ahead. I've been on a great cleaning schedule, actually, and then this tour, I think I've had to reschedule this appointment five times, so that really bummed me out. Yeah. I ended up taking, instead of being on the six-month schedule, it's like a year, like 14 months or something. So I was just more sensitive, you know, like the cleaning made it more, I was just more sensitive. Was there a lot of blood? No. Not a lot of blood. In the cleaning? No, no blood. You were more sensitive. I was just like really sensitive to the, you know, nerve-wise, like when they're scraping stuff, I was just like, I was really hating it, yeah. And then when she graded your teeth, did you hear her call out the numbers? Did she give you a score? Yeah. Yeah, like around your, did you hear a lot of ones? No. What'd you hear? Two and three's. Yeah. Okay. That's where you want to be. You want to be two and three's? You're more in the ones. No, I was, there was no one. Five, ten. No, there was no five. Which one is I forget? Which ones are bloodier? Or the bloodier your gums are? It's just suck to do it. It's like five. It's just the feeling. Yeah, the feeling's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Did she find any cavities? Mm-hmm. Yeah. How many were talking? She said it's really small, but she was, I found one starting. Wow. Yeah. Where? Over here. Oh boy. Yeah. Molar. Yeah. You're going to, did you make an appointment to have it filled? I said let it go. Yeah. Let it turn into a root canal. Those are fun. Zero. Healthy gums. Oh, so I usually get zero. No, no. Now you're like-- Oh, you're three. You're three. Severe gum disease with significant bone loss and potential tooth loss. She was screaming out twos and threes. No. Moderate gum disease with deeper pockets and increased inflammation. Yeah. You're up four. Three. Two. Yeah. I'm zeroes all the way. And that's not true. Zeroes. This is what the gum grading system? Yeah. Like, you know, when she pokes you and she tells the assistant, okay, the number 47, that's a four. Not a three. Not a three. In the office, she said, you want to be two's and threes. She probably said that just a year. Okay. Well, this is what she said. She goes, you want to be two's and threes. Okay. This is the grading system that I don't think they're using there. It's universal. It's universal. It's not universal. It is. Otherwise, how would they-- You know what I know for sure? Dentists. I tell you what I know for sure. You don't know fucking shit about gums. That's what I know for sure. There's not a fucking thing you know about gums. You're not a periodonist, you're not a fucking technician. You're not a dentist. You don't know what I did. And you don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now. You don't know what I did before I became a comedian. Yeah, I do. I know you spent a week in law school. You've said it a bunch. And I studied pariodontistry, dummy. Yeah. And you studied what? Pariodonticals. Things. Dip shit. You think I don't fucking know? I floss every day. And I use the fucking thing to get in between. Switch your bio today. To what? I don't know fuck about shit. Wow. Yeah. You know what? You're just grumpy because you got a stupid ass fucking cavity. And now you got to go back. But isn't it nice? Please. Are dentists? They play those cute little animal videos for you. Did you get to see the animal videos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was cute though, right? It was a good distraction. Yeah. It's on the ceiling. And you see dogs and cats and shit. Yeah, I like that. And then she'll give you nitrous if you want a party. But only if you're ready to party. I didn't get any. But when you get your filling, ask for the nitrous. Oh, fuck you. It's so fun. But bring a pad in paper because you're going to have breakthroughs. You'll understand things. I'm serious. I did it with mine. Like nitrous opens up the valves, bro. You make connections. You have inspirations. Really? Absolutely. Absolutely. I did. Yeah. You write things down. Write it down though. I want to do more drugs. I know. What kind? All of them. Well, can you be more specific? Well, yeah. I like the mind-opening stuff. Of course. It's like a Dalek's. Yeah. Fun. Fun stuff, too. You know? Let's get some Molly. Let's get some. Yeah. Okay. Stronger. You know, let's fucking, yeah. You can do that. You can do everything. Yeah. Okay. I'm just letting you know. I want to just be like, I want to be like, enter like a drug phase. I think now is the time. You're at the height of your career. You got a young family. Now you need to get into drugs. This is the best time. Are you being sarcastic? No. Why would I be? Are you crazy? Yeah. You act like I don't know shit about gums, and now I don't know shit about drugs. Oh, yeah. I mean, I would stand by both of those things. Oh. But I do think you don't know fuck about shit. What's the tongue thing? That's you and you. That's good. You go. Okay. Stupid. Lex Luthor. She shut up. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. All right. Here you go. That was awesome. That was really good. That sucks. Yeah. That was a choice. No. Like he chose to do that. Yeah. I mean, he's trying. Like, you could have walked your bike down. He's like, I'm going to ride it down. Yeah. Man, I get out. And that was cool. He definitely has hurt. Big time. Yeah. That's not a good idea. Oh, that's coming in. Oh, my god. That feels like it was pulled like a thousand meters too low. Holy shit. That's so fast, bro. Such a bad idea. Fuck this. We're just going to bond to people of all the places you could land to listen. This is not an America, too. This is like the Dominican Republic. This is when white people go on vacation and they believe to be either Sri Lanka or Pakistan. Thank you. Yeah. Miss Calculate's landing, it says. Yeah. This guy's not going to a good hospital. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. He fucked up someone's house, too. That was a whole house. That's like somebody's like living for us. Oh, I know. That's that's God damn. But they want us Philippine family. That's the whole livelihood going on. That is true. That sucks. Oh, yeah. Will you check on them? That's crazy. That's crazy. She goes. And my deaf mute grandmother is their servant. Oh, I know. It's real. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Can we send them like $10 and just. You're not setting that much. Oh. What? Oh, shit. Oh. That's perfectly fine. That's awesome. Oh, my God. That's frat boy shit. The foot got caught on the lip of the roof. You saw that, right? No. Look at his foot. Look at his foot. But where was this fool going to land in the first place? Where was he trying to move? He was trying to land more flat. On the table? Yeah. People do like table crashes, you know? Let's stoop it. Yeah. But the foot. Yeah. That was fucking great. Let's see where that is. I know what any is thinking right now. Yeah. He's like, this is white people shit. I mean, it is. It is kind of white people shit. You don't see white people doing this. Never. Never. Never do you see white. Let's get up on the roof and jump off of this shit. Never. I mean, honestly, probably none of your horrible hurl it. Hello, Chris. Chris? I feel like none of them are black people because we don't do stupid shit like that. Yeah. That is so true. It's again. None of them. Cultural. It is cultural. Yeah. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I don't know why the whites are drawn to this. Yeah. Because you don't go up problems. Yes, right. Oh, because if you don't have problems, you're like, let's create a problem. Let's create some bullshit. Yeah. You know what? I need some danger. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah. This is the same reason white people like to be bummed out at the movies because their lives aren't tragic enough. It's not built into their lives. They have to go cry to fucking movie about about somebody else getting poor. Somebody else getting cancer. Somebody else. Yeah. Yeah. That's where the white bummer is genre. People love to feel sad for unfortunate others. Why do you think they started cold plunges? Yeah. Oh, of course, suffering. The whites. Yeah. But everywhere else in the world, they live in a cold punch. I even have this thing now. They don't we can't be inside in the winter. When somebody goes, hey, have you seen this movie? I'll be like, what movie? And then they'll tell me, I go, isn't that the one with like the legless kid? No. No. And they're like, it's so powerful. No. And I'm like, yeah, I'm good. No. They're like, no, no. And I go, I don't want to see it. Nope. I don't care. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see anything with children getting hurt. Ever. People get cancer. Yeah. I've been through cancer. I never wanted to fucking see it before I had breast cancer. I certainly don't want to see it now. Cancer movies. I lost my child. Oh. Or the one we're like. I have the news. You know, I can watch the news whenever I want. You know, I can watch the news when I'm in the hospital. I can watch the news when I'm in the hospital. It's like, I don't want it. - I don't think that that's not really good. - That is, isn't that the movie, Apple Greenhouse, the Cider House Greens? - Cider House Greens. - Cider House rules, isn't she dying of AIDS or something? - And she's like, I want one last fuck. - One last dick. Well, there's this show actually. It's, I've seen parts of it, it's quite good. It's called "Dying for Sex," where she has terminal breast cancer, and all she wants to do is have sex. Which I, look, from, that was not my first thought when I had breast cancer, it's gosh, I'm horny. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, one of the last thoughts, especially radiation, surgery, and whatever. It's a good show, and I think it won a bunch of awards, and the clips look really good. I can't bring myself to watch it. It's never gonna fuck it. - But that's the premise. I'm dying, and I want to fuck more. - She wants to fuck me out. Yes, yes, she, but because she was kind of repressed, she had a marriage that was sexless. The guy wouldn't have sex with her while she was actively having cancer. And so she realized like, I never had an orgasm. I've never been experimental, and she's so young that the premise is she goes and she explores her sexuality as she's dying. It's a great premise. Don't get me wrong. - No, no, yeah. - Personally, I'm like, yeah, this is the least thing I want to hold. - Does she, like, then fuck a lot go, I guess I'm gonna die now. - Spoiler alert, she falls in love, I think, 'cause I've seen enough clips on TikTok. I'm not 100% sure. But she finds like the love of her life, and they have a kinky sex life, and it's great, you know? - And she lives? - I think she still dies. I don't know, I haven't seen the show. I'm sorry. But as I went in there, I've seen it. Can tell me, okay. - Does that be a real bummer? - If she lives? - If she lives. - And she's just, everyone's run a train on her through New York City. - Well, also, it's like, you did this because you're like, I'm about to dip out. It's like, it's a better story if you die, you know? - Of course, and also when you have chemo, people can't even sit on your toilet seat, 'cause you're radioactive. Like, so actually having sex with a lot of people without stuff would probably be dangerous to the people. - Well, I'll just say, I hope she's dead. - She's a good actress. - Is she? - Is it Michelle Williams? Gosh, I'm sorry. She's great. It's a great cast. I feel like a dick, I haven't even watched it. I shouldn't even fucking, but again, I can't watch it 'cause I've had breast cancer. No thanks, Tom Hanks. - Okay. - And I wanna remember it. Anyway, what's her name? She's great. - It's Michelle Williams, you know? - She's such a great, and her best friend in it is a comedic actress. - And it is a limited series. So it should have an ending, which should be death. - Yes. - Unless they do it for a horny cancer lady's every season, there's a different horny cancer lady. - Man, I don't know, probably not. We're back. - Back with another die-in-lead. - Another horny lady, you guys ready? Buckle up, she's gonna fuck, too. All right, here's one more for you. - Heavy skateboarder, it's never good. - Yay! - Fuck, shit, are you okay? - Yeah, I'm really fucked up, my foot. - Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. - Yeah, that's a, that's a-- - There's a reason, like, skateboarders are long and lean. That's a good build. - Poor guy, I mean, he had some skills, he wasn't his first time on a skateboard, for sure. That sucks, that one sucks. Fuck, man. Wait, this is a great thing, though, speaking of dying and all this shit. - Yeah, man. - You proposed this question in a day. We haven't talked about it actually. - Yes, I saw this great clip. Amy Poehler has a podcast and she asked Tina Fey. - Yes, this is what it was. - Who's the person you're most afraid of becoming? - That's such a good question. - And it's such a great question. - That's a great question. - And Tina Fey is like, I can't say the answer out loud. And so she types it to Amy Poehler and she's like, I need your help translating this. And she was like, so Tina Fey's least favorite person, she's gonna become is like the old show business person who knows everything and is like, "Well, let me tell you how it is in this business kid." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I tell you, back in my day, we did, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. - Yeah. - So that's her nightmare. But what's your nightmare? Like, who do you dread becoming? - That's a great, I mean, that's the thing. Your brain starts to go into like, oh man. You know, like the way to answer it is like, who do you see now and you're like, oh, fuck. - Yeah. - Like, that's your answer, right? Like, yeah. So like, who is that? That's what I'm, that's what I'm trying to nail down. It's like, who do I go like? - Like, who, you know, my brain went to like, what's the most repulsive type of person? - Yeah. - And for me, it was my poor mother who was so mentally ill and she so badly wanted connection with other people, but she ended up dying alone because she pissed everybody off. - Yeah. - And she was so miserable to be around and she was a shut in. And I think that's my worst fear is like, dying alone, nobody likes me because nobody wants to be around me because I'm such a miserable girl. - Yeah. - And then that's like being a real victim too and being like, oh, like, oh, I just can't. Like, nobody likes me and I, because I've worked so hard to overcome those things from my family. - Yeah. - Like I've inherited so much of that bullshit that I'm like, - I don't wanna be that. - That's my nightmare. - Yeah. - And then like being real fat, obviously. (laughing) - Yeah. - Like, let me explain. Just being like really neglectful. - Yeah, neglectful. - Of my body, 'cause it does correlate to your insides. It's like if you let this thing go, it's like I don't give a rip anymore about life. - Those are good ones. That's a good one. I think along the lines of the same thing. Like I remember, you know, there's certain things that stick with you. I remember the talk in this guy and he was like, you know when you see a guy and he's like in his 50s and when you see him, you're like the fuck happened to this guy. - Yeah. - That's for the physical part where you're like, wow, he really neglected himself. Like the same kind of thing where you're like, Jesus man. So like physically that, professionally. - Oh boy. - With a thing that I've loathed the most is when you see somebody and they download to you how, like you know how it is, like shit just. - It's a victim. - Yeah, they're victims, but they're like, no they don't want anyone like me doing it. So when you're like, mm, that's not why, that's not why you didn't get the gig. It's not because they were like, we don't want someone like you. They don't want you because you're like this traveling pocket of negativity that walks into the room and everyone wants to jump out a window. So I guess I just, I don't want to be the negative excuse making guy. The guy who's. - I think we're the same. I think we're fearing similar things. - Is it sound? - I've always, but I've always loathed that guy. Like there are so many comedians, especially like in our development years. And right away I was like, this guy's not good to hang out with because he was always like, always telling you the reason why things aren't going well. He leads with it and it's always, it's never him. You know, it's always like the guys that are, you know, picking who to put and like, no it's picking, but you're not good. - Yes. - You're shit sucks. You know, you're not facing the fucking reality of the fact that you suck. - Mm-hmm. - Like I hate those people that are always coming up with their excuses of why it didn't work out. So I would hate to become that guy. - Goddamn, that's a good one. - Yeah. - That's a good one because in comedy, you know, the one blessing in the sky is about comedy is that it really is a game of attrition. Meaning, the longer you stay in there, the better your chances get. It's a game of attrition. Truly, it takes 15 years, let's say, as a baseline, 10 years. - If you're lucky, yeah. - 20. And then it's a skill that must be repeated, honed. You must have discipline. You must have fortitude. You must get your teeth kicked in nightly for years. - For years, yeah. - And get up and do it. And a lot of dudes don't wanna make that sacrifice. - Right. - Of getting your teeth kicked in and fighting and fuck you, I'm gonna do this and doing it and getting your ball, it's a lot. But it's not for everybody, for sure, but it's true. Yes. - That bummer guy, though. I don't wanna be the bummer guy. - I know. - Like you walk in the room and you're like, - I don't wanna do that either. - That, yeah. - Fucking guy. - Oh, fucking, I just sucks the air out of the room. - Yeah, 'cause we all know him. Of course. - Of course. - So you're like, this guy. - It's Colin Robinson from what we do in the shadows. He's the emotional vampire. - Emotional vampire. - He's such a perfect character. - Yeah, and we have emotional vampires in our life. (laughing) - That was my mom. - Yeah. - Just, you know what it is? Is there walking wounds? You know, there are walking fucking succubus wounds. And instead of trying to fucking sort it out themselves, it becomes your responsibility to sort their shit out. And you're like, dude, I've only got one lifetime, bro. I'm just trying to do my stuff. I can't be responsible for your bullshit, too. It's too much. - Yeah. - And also, I think I really fear being a burden to my children as I- - That's a real one for you. You brought that up a lot. - 'Cause my mother made me her caregiver from the time I was born. I existed to be my mom's caregiver. And I really, it really messes with children's heads. - Yeah. - It's very sabotaging. And especially as I age and stuff, like praise Allah, we have resources. And I can check myself into an old folks home. And be like, I'm gonna die here. You guys just live your life. - Yeah, enjoy your life. - I'm fine. I'm gonna go to Florida. Your dad's been dead long ago. I've already got the 28-year-old Puerto Rican stepdad for you. And just, you know, I'm gonna die in Boka. - Yeah. - Fine. Right? - Yeah, and at least lie to them. Even if you're not fine. - Oh. - You don't put it on then. - Oh. - 'Cause my mother would be like, oh my God, everything like I have a concert. Like she would fucking. - Yeah. - And just drain me. - Come here and take care of me. Yeah, you fucking asshole. - We're, you know, on the complete opposite, where I hid it from the kids. Like I'm gonna fucking, I would do radiation, come home, like no, I'm fine. - Yeah. - Well it's fucking keep going. - Yeah, yeah, 'cause you don't want them to carry it. - Of course, it's not their responsible. Anyway, that's what, sorry, I'm so emotional. - No, I know. - I'm embarrassed for having feelings. - Yeah, no, it's normal. - Oh, it's so embarrassing. - It's good to have you. - I hate myself. - Why? - Just kidding. Like I'm not kidding at all, I'm so embarrassed. - You don't hate that. - No, you fuck! - Well, this is what you hate. - Hey, look. - Hey. - Why did you do that just now? Do you see how you just reinforced my shame? I said, oh, I'm vulnerable, I have feeling, and then you shouldn't be my least favorite. - I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, here's something else. - Probably a fucking immigrant. - Yeah. - Look at this, right here, bro. - Yeah, probably a immigrant. - See, my main immigrant. - I've got the right, right. - Yeah. - I've got the right to wake up, bro. - Are you sure? - I'm not gonna hit the middle. - I'm gonna hit the middle. - Hey, when I'm on the right. - Hey, you fucking idiot. - You fucking idiot. - When I'm on the main street. - Hey, you fucking cock and fuck her. - Fuck off, cock, sucker. - Yeah. - Probably an immigrant. - Yeah, we're an immigrant. - Cabrone. - Cabrone. - Hey, Cabrone. You can't even say it, right? You fucking cracker. - No, right away, Cabrone. (laughing) - Rhode Island represent. - Yeah, there you go. - Yeah, he's a pretty cool guy. - Yeah. 'Cause his family's from America, right? - This was a-- - It was always from America. - It was not, he's just-- - They were in Native America. - This is a no cow. - Yeah. - No cow? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Old guy, yep. - Cabrone. - Cabrone. - No way this old Cabrone wants this shared with everybody. - Cabrone. (laughing) - I mean, he's got some, some cojones to fuck with a younger Latin male, no, isn't that? - Yeah, this kind of crazy. To anytime you get out of your car, you're asking for real problems, you know? - Yeah. - You're an older gentleman, and you're going up to somebody 40 years younger? Yeah, you're definitely rolling the dice, man. That's crazy a shit to do. - I'm, forgive my ignorance, 'cause women don't beat the shit out of each other. Is it common for like a younger man to beat the shit out of an older guy? - I mean, I wouldn't say that it's common, but it certainly happened countless times. I mean, if you get out of the car with this energy, you have no idea who's in the other car. Nope, like I've been in a car full of rage and been like, I want to get out of the car. And some part of your brain usually just goes, you know, someone can have a gun. You could have, you know, it could be like a fucking super violent dude. Like you check yourself because you go, it's, I'm being irrational, you know? This guy's fucking reason it just left his very dopey face and then he just decided to see what, he's lucky. He's guy's lucky as shit. - No, no kidding. Boy, growing up in my neighborhood, you don't call some guy a fucking immigrant. - I know, I know so many people that he could have said this to, it would go so sideways for him. - Yeah. - Maybe they would take mercy on him 'cause he's old. That's it, maybe. Maybe they would do more. - You know what it is? He's in North Cal, bro. If he said this in SoCal. - You're wrong, name right. - I mean, there was plenty of bad neighborhoods he could say it in there. - It doesn't look like a bad one though. It's a lot of trees, nice stuff. - That's why he's confident. - He's in a nice area. - Yeah, he's like Marin County or something. - I will get out and give this young brown man a piece of my mind. And then he just, yeah. - Yeah, this is his neighborhood, that's why. - He's also leading with probably an immigrant. So he's like, he's letting it known like who he is, you know? - Well, look, there's plenty of states you can live in where there aren't many immigrants. California, if you're not down with the immigrants all-- - You can go back home, you can go back to Rhode Island. - There's a lot of non-whites there. - Yeah, it's a pretty white place. - I know, it's all whites, right? - Yeah. - These places are whites, Boston's whites. - It would be so awesome if this guy like followed up with a statement, like if he'd put out a follow-up where he was like, look, I do think that guy was an immigrant. And I know that there's different driving laws in different countries. And I was just trying to explain to the cabron that this how we do things here. That guy had like a Mexican arm band on. - Let me see. - Yeah, he showed him, he showed him the flag here. - Nah, he did. - Oh, he just made kind of a fuck. - Oh, it's on a t-shirt, okay, it's a t-shirt. - Oh, he was nice to him. - Oh, he was so nice. - Yeah, but-- - The Mexican kid was so nice. - So cool too, fucking hell. - Yeah, well-- - Hey, cabron. - Listen here, cabron. - You fucking idiot. Well, fuck you, dude, you're going to live in California. The majority of the state is from Mexico. So you're the fucking minority, you're crazy. - Yeah, you're crazy, you're crazy. - Right, how much do California is Mexican? - He's so confident in walking over. - He's such a fucking douchebag. - This guy might be a buck 45 soaking wet. - I know. - And he's just like, dumb, dumb, cabron. - His jeans are so low and loose, yeah. - Yeah. - All right, here we go. The California population, around 40% of the total. Right, it's from Mexico. So what are you doing? You're the fucking-- - Yeah, it's a lot, bro. - Yeah. - Here, here's some of your talks, you want to see what-- - Get out of California. - You want to see what you've been cultivating? - Makes me so sad, yeah. - Yeah, oh, yeah. - Of course. - Oh, yeah. I've seen this guy. - He is so fast. 321 times just in 23 seconds. He can't do that. - I'll tell you what, I don't want to make it to the end, but that was pretty cool. You're just gonna take his word on it that it's 321. - I always-- - You can count them. - See, this guy, like on social media, and he's always doing some type of quick movement. - Yeah. - And then it's a real mind-fuck because he doesn't look like he does things quickly, you know? - You know, you can't judge a book by its cover. - You can. - You can. - You totally can. - Yeah, you can, you know. - You can. - Whoa. (laughing) - Hello. - Hello. - I didn't like that. Let's move on. - What? She's saying hello. - Holy shit, that was terrible. - So, hello. - Recently, my partner introduced me to a practice that I've come to love. Getting myself a treat, whenever I do something hard or something that I don't want to do. It's so good, life changing. As she's here, you can credit her with it. Doctors appointment, get a treat. Send an email I've been putting off, get a treat. Pay a bill, get a treat. - Is that a zolo? Who is this? (laughing) - It sounds like it, me. - It kinda looks like I can't see. And like, is that Josh? Somebody does, is that where he's not here today? - That's a woman, sweetie. - Oh. - That's a lesbian. - Yep. - Have a hard conversation. - Get a treat. - Get a treat. - Make dinner when I'm really tired. - Get a treat. - This has transformed how I understand the world. - Oh boy. - A treat doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. Sometimes it's a piece of chocolate or a fun beverage. A sticker or treating myself to a fine creature. But what it has taught me is how to celebrate myself. How to celebrate the little things. And I've realized that when I celebrate, I don't just feel good. I feel more grounded, more alive, more able to face what comes next. - That's so good. - That was the gayest clip we've ever put in the show. - Okay, it's two-fold. Number one, it's like you're an adult, grow up. There's just shit you're gonna do as a whole. - I had to send a hard email. (laughing) - You get a sticker. - So I'm, you know what? I'm going to the Bahamas. Go, okay. - Well, adulthood is doing bad things and not getting away. - Yeah, things are hard. - Number two, it reminded me of Bert. 'Cause this is his mentality. - He's very treat-based. - Yes. - And we see how that went. - Well, it doesn't look good. - Doesn't look good. - Yeah, maybe it's keeping him going. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Really into treats. - Yeah. - My partner, please credit me. - He's like, I answer my phone. - Treat time. - Treat time. - Yeah. I wiped treats. - Treats. - Yeah. - Tom, you went to the dentist today. What kind of treat do you want? - Maybe a sticker. - Or a lollie? - Yeah, give me a lollie. - Well, they give you a lollie when you leave. - There you go. - Sugar free, of course. - Of course. - Yeah, this freaky. (singing) ♪ September 11th was a bad day ♪ ♪ And lovely day ♪ ♪ It ruined everybody's day ♪ - It did. ♪ So the terrorists came crawling down ♪ ♪ By the brutal terrorists ♪ ♪ The terrorists took over the place ♪ ♪ They crashed into the doors ♪ ♪ People's lives were lost ♪ - I'm not doing that. So, it's so much longer. I thought it was gonna be like a 20 second clip. - What is wrong with you? - It's like another fucking minute and a half. Jesus. - She's covering Elton John's song. - Can you sing that? Those were his lyrics, 9/11 was a bad day. - Yeah. (laughing) with your life. - Well, we have a lot of music producers out there that listen, once you fucking throw some stank on it, let's make some song here. This really cool. ♪ Like an airplane in the middle ♪ - It was a real shit day. (laughing) The day the terrorists did that thing. Fuckin' A, here, let's scroll forward and see where we are in her story. (laughing) - It was not a good day. (laughing) - Twin towers came crumbling down. - Oh, it's a second, it's like the hook. First, your starters went fighting for us, save the people out of the crumbling towers. - Yeah. - We need to remember everybody that fought for us, the lives that were lost. - It's a little pandering, yeah. - Also, I don't know that the visual aid is needed. We all know what you're talkin' about, (laughing) but the one smoking tower with the other plane moments from crashing into it, we got it. Thank you. - Never forget. - Thank you, Hannah, for that beautiful tribute. (upbeat music) - What do you think? - I'll tell you what the first crazy thing is, the craziest thing about this absolutely deplorable haircut is that this girl has a beautiful face. It's like the first thing you're like, "Oh, she's prickin' and then you're like, "What the fuck did you do?" This is also, maybe, life's too good. You know? Your life's too good. - Hannah, he's got it. - You know what, I'm sick of guys smiling at me and asking me for my phone number. So what I'm gonna do is just put your my fuckin' head. - Yep. - What are we doing, sweetheart? Like, you're really (upbeat music) - Oh yeah, well, she's anti-makeup too. - Yeah, whatever, she's a pretty girl and she decided to do that. - Ah, it's tough. - It's fine, it's self-sabotage, but whatever. - That's tough. - You look like shit. - Yeah, that's not a cool. - Maybe she hasn't heard that enough. No one's been like, "You look like shit." - I'll tell you what, my father, when I was 14 years old, I shaved a mohawk into my hair with the family's dog clippers and it was around Christmas and I came walking down the stairs with an orange mohawk. - And what do you say? - He goes, "Nah, looks good." He goes, "This is not original, by the way." So he totally invalidated it. - That's a kind of a cool thing for a dad to do. - A thousand percent, he did the right move, which was like, that's not even original. - Yeah. - And I was like, "Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, shit." And I felt like a dildo immediately. - Yeah. - Someone just needs to go, "That's not that fucking cool. You shit sucks. This is like a, what is this, a Native American haircut or something?" - Yeah, I don't know what that is. - I know he can haircut, this is terrible. - It's bad. Whatever it is, it sucks. - Yeah. - Hey, say your mama finished product then, if you redritt that I said, "Don't call me Adam, but my life," I just took the wig, put it right in my head, and wipe it off. But I'm not, I quit until they stoke, put it in my head. I'm a murderer, 'cause I'm funny, it's a shot. - I might be able to see this in there. That's it. - You wanna inject it? - Okay. - Okay. - I mean, that was the same shit. (laughs) - Brrrrrrr, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. Is this one of those two brothers that make out with each other? - No, he was specifically saying, "Don't call him that." - He said that in this? - Yeah. - You speak, you speak retard? (laughs) How did you understand that? - Oh no, he said something about Alan Boy. - Yeah. - But if you redritt that I said, "Don't call me Adam, but my life." - Oh yeah. - I just said, "Put it right in my head and wipe it off." - This should give, so many dudes confidence, because this guy for sure gets laid. - Oh yeah. - And if he gets laid, you can get laid too. (laughs) - This guy's doing it. You can do it. - He's cute too. - Yeah. - He's got a stupid look, but he looks cute. - Yeah, he looks, he's a little old. - He maybe he should date the girl with half a fucking head. (laughs) Maybe that's what she's looking for. - Love connection. - Yeah. - Okay. This one's a soft-mounted, taxidermy shit. - Holy shit. - She has a weighted body and posable legs. What do you think? Are we doing this? Professionally tanned and ethically sourced. - I mean, I'm not mad at this shit, but I don't like it. - I don't like it. - I don't want it. I don't want to be near it. I never want it in the house. And I don't want to go into your house if this is what you're doing. I don't like it. If it works for you, I'm happy for you. I don't like this. - But why doesn't it work? 'Cause I enjoy taxidermy. I think it's sometimes fun. - Yeah. - But I don't like that she's like moving and playing with it. Is that what it is then? - Well, that's why she has a huge fan. - That's why she's advertising it. She's just like, look what you can do. You can fold it up, make it sit in the chair, have it dangle off of the banister. How are you used to see him? Fuck. - I don't like the motion of it. It's supposed to be still so that you know it's taxidermy, it's obvious. - Yeah, this is just so strange. - Yeah. - She found you. I mean, look, life is full of surprises. I did not expect to meet H and for this to be our love story. And, you know, I'm very lucky. I am married to the funniest, sweetest, most charming. I mean, he's all the things that you're describing. And he's an amazing father. And so, you know, I. (audience applauding) I count my blessings because I have him and also I have a partner who is so supportive of me. So I will tell you just, you know, when I was, it's kind of perfect. It's a babysitter nanny for two Irish Catholic families when I was in college. And one of the dads said to me, he's like, you know, Megan, when you meet your person one day, I want him to say to you the same thing that I said to my wife when we got married, which is, I vow to always date my wife. And I told H that and we started dating. I vowed always date you. So we have this connection, I think, because we're so committed to treating each other the same way you did before you had a ring on it, before it was locked down. When you're just courting each other and you can see all the good and joy in that butterfly period. And that's, I think, what keeps things really alive. (audience applauding) - Good things being said, everybody's on point. Perfect, perfect, good answer. - I want to have a bit of my age. That's tripping like we did the first time. That's what this lady's thinking right here. I can't wait to meet my age. - I am so dizzy. - You just keep dating. - Just keep dating, keep trying. - You know, the message isn't bad. I think that everybody who watched just hates her, you know? - Well, I'll tell you, honestly, you know, you and I have been married for 47 years now. - Is that it? - Yeah. And I love you, I adore you. I just don't think it's authentic to be this overly effusive about your husband. - Because this is a performance. - Of course, it's the horse yet. I mean, H-farts and it smells like roses and H-H. - He still opens the door when I walk in front of him. - Yeah, I don't think so. Especially after two, they have two small kids. - That's the thing where you're like, why are you dating still? - No, you're not dating, babe. - You're dating with the little babies around? - Come on, babes. (crashing sound) - Pew, you're like, huh? - It's so romantic. - Yeah, poor gibberish has to listen to this horse yet. Oh, consent matters, even in nature. - I know just hug trees. I wait for them to say yes. My body leans in, this time the tree of green. So I stepped in. - How does she know the tree agree? - This is a joke for sure, right? - No. - This is a serious person? - Yeah, there's people that talk to trees now. - How does the tree reject you? - That, I don't know. But I do know that there are people who go tree. If you're listening, answer me. And then like, the wind will blow eventually, and then the leaf will like touch their cheek, and they go, "Oh, I'm not retarded. The tree talked to me." - Yeah. - You're gonna know I'm a boy. - Okay. - What did he say? - It's one thing you wish people understood about you more. - I love this stuff. - I'm nothing, nothing of, fuck you. - It's the greatest clip in the world. - It's great. - Nothing, fuck you. - Yeah. - I feel the same way. The older I get, 'cause you get it. Now you're like, you don't need to be understood by everyone. It's pointless. You can't do it. It's impossible. - And I think when you're that scrutinized and well-known, this guy probably would love a departure from people recognizing him, and questioning him, and saying things that he's just, that's the most genuine answer he could give. What do you wanna know more about me? Fuck you. That's what I want you to know. - Nothing, you don't need to understand it. - God, it's a great way to go through life. - It really is, actually, and I think this is what happened the one of the privileges of aging, was that you go, I don't need to be understood. - Yeah, exactly. - It's okay. - And also when you start to get recognized, it's a whole thing, and then you kind of settled, and then you get, you know, for him I'm saying. - Oh boy. - So world famous and known, it's probably, like he's just tired of it. - Yeah. - Of questions and inquiries, and what do you think? He's just, he's just, fuck off. - Yeah. - Yeah, and you're not gonna understand him because he's been through things that mirror mortals - Can't understand. - You're never gonna be on this guy's level in terms of what he's achieved, who he's been, what he's been through, never. So he's right, you can't understand him. - Yeah, so fuck off. - He's so special. Yeah, this guy's on his own league. - All right, well, we should wrap it up, Jean. - I love you, you know. - I love you too. - He's just so fun. - Especially you're the most perfect husband, and you're just the most perfect partner. You're so supportive. - I'd love to just keep dating. - Let's just keep dating. - It's the key to it all. (laughing) Oh, fuck off. (laughing) All right, see you guys next week. - Bye, mommy. (farting) - I guess he's an alpha, huh? (farting) - He's definitely an alpha. (farting) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's clearly an alpha. (farting) (farting) - She's a tad, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. (laughing) - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - She's a tad, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. (farting) - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - Woman. - She's the only big, a man and neither an alpha or a beta. You see, you guys have to understand. (farting) You see, you see, you see, you see, the female brain lacks intellectual capacity. And because of female left intellectual capacity, you see, therefore, cannot bear the fact that, hey, a man can be alpha. (farting) - She's a tad, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - As she's a tad, I tell her she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, you guys have to understand. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - You can be a provider and you can be the guy who not just acting through a team of stats. - Lady, woman, you guys have to understand. (farting) You see, a woman are both animals and they are two men. You know, if a girl's here, it's gonna come after you. A girl's here, it's gonna come after you, 'cause you either ate rap or you are two. Another come after you, 'cause you're food and the threat. It doesn't work like that. Either a threat or, okay, same thing with women. You either beta or you are alpha. (farting) (farting) - She's a tad, I tell her, she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. - Yeah, yeah. ♪ Dump that, dump that, dump that ♪ - She's a tad, I tell her, she's a four. Fuck you, bitch. - Dump that bitch. - Dump that bitch. ♪ Dump that, dump that bitch ♪ - Yeah.