MBMBaM 836: Calling All Pazziniacs

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. It's better with you, this is true. It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, the main advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis, Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning McElroy. What's crackin', Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet brother. I'm your baby brother, Griffin, 30 under 30, media luminary McElroy. I like that, what's crackin', I like that, that felt. Thanks, yeah, I just came up with it. It was good. We probably talk on this show more about the musical recording artist Pitbull than most guys. Alive on Earth. Like, alive on Earth. I think, especially I would say for people that do not listen to the music of Pitbull, I would say I talk and think a lot, a lot about Pitbull. And just so people know, this is not a bit, and this is not a fake. This is a fake thing. Griffin and I recently did a show with our friends, the besties, a video game podcast in New York, and I had just seen the newest drop from Pitbull, and it's always talked about. It was a top fan-exclusive drop from Pitbull. Mr. Worldwide, we're not on a first-name basis with Pitbull Worldwide. That's fine. Pitbull Worldwide, yes. Yes, Mr. Worldwide, Pitbull, Esquire, dropped a new one on me, and here's how I encountered it. It was like this triple-layered dip. Of funkiness, where I see Spotify's like, hey, Doug, got a new album for you, got a new drop. And I'm like, what? How dare you? And then they're like, it's a new Pitbull album. I'm like, okay, keep going. And they're like, it's called Pitcoin. And then I was like, okay, I guess I have to click on it. The choice is out of my hands at that point. Yeah, you know what sucks is I saw the name of that album, and I immediately invested. And then I was told that it's not an actual fungible token. Griffin, you're not alone. Yeah. Yeah. A big, because I looked it up, and I was like, surely. Surely. This is associated. This is going to be. Almost certainly, Mr. Worldwide has some sort of non-fungible tokens floating around. I was like, this is a, what's the word I'm looking for? A multi-tier. This is a. MLM? Yeah, well, that's an integration. I'm doing the album and crypto. No. But many people were confused and assumed so. And I looked it up, and according to what I could find, and it's hard to believe this is true. Not only does Pitbull not have a cryptocurrency of his own, but it's not endorsed any either. It's a matter of time. There is a Pitbull coin that he is not associated with, which must bug him to no end. That is wild that there is a Pitbull coin and that he has no association with it. You would think that he would be, he would want to cash in on that. Now, if you've been paying attention to Pitbull, he has come up with something that. I want to see if it's okay. Oh. And I don't know if it's all right. And he's done it once before, and I think he got away with it. And everybody was like, well, I guess it's okay this time. But now I'm going to have to share this, this one without audio. So apologies. But Pitbull and Jon Bon Jovi released a song called Now or Never is what the song is called. Now, I say that, but here's what I'm telling you. It is this. It is this song, It's My Life, for the first full minute. I mean, it's just that song again. And you probably heard it. You might have heard it. They did it on the Grammys. It was a whole thing. Mr. Bull and Mr. Bon Jovi together. He also did this with Dolly Parton. Yeah. And it's not a new song. It's not a song. It's just like Jon Bon Jovi comes out and he's like, do you remember this? And then Pitbull's like, I do. Enough to rap. Let's rap about it a little. And then they're like, let's make millions of dollars. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, imagine it's karaoke night and Jon Bon Jovi's It's My Life starts playing on the, and do you guys need me to, we can't play the song, but I can bust out the top box. Yeah, if you could give us a sample of the beginning, Griffin, because I'm trying to remember how you get into it. I actually, my top box isn't plugged in and it's a huge pain in the ass. So we can just play a clip of me doing that. Okay. So we assume it was edited. So it was there. And it's, imagine it's karaoke night. Someone gets up to do. It's not Bon Jovi's It's My Life, but instead they just start yelling about how it's party time and everyone get loose. Everyone get ready to go tonight. A big theme is tonight is the night. Tonight is the night. Tonight. And another big thing is that. He has memento syndrome where he's like, this is, tonight is all I can remember. Tomorrow, I won't remember it. And I don't remember yesterday. I've tattooed on my body here on my arm. Griffin, I'm going to take your metaphor one step further. And say, it's like, if you got up to sing, it's my life. And one minute into you singing, it's my life. Somebody else jumped on stage and started doing a whole different song. Tonight, I'm going to die at 12.01 AM. The magic that is, uh, powers my body from my play construct to this physical form. I'm only real when you clap. You've got to believe mama or I'll disappear into a puddle of ephemera. I'm a real fucking dog. I'm an animal. I'm an actual pit bull dog that's a fairy came and turned to a human being so I could get married to a woman in real life, but it hasn't happened. And so the curse breaks at 12.01. It's gotta be tonight. Give me everything tonight. But this was a year ago. And we all said it was fine for him to do the same song again, just with more pit bull. We let it happen. We didn't do anything to stop it. If you give a pit bull a Jon Bon Jovi pseudo cover, he will want much, much more than that from the world of classic rock and roll. And now I want to do it again. I want to talk about his new song that's with a band called Kiss. Now, Kiss has- The pit bull of rock and roll party music. The fact that Amanda would email us about till death do us blart in the middle of when she knows we're recording, my brother, my brother, me- Don't jump scare us in the middle of my bim bam. Amanda, what's wrong with you? Mr. Worldwide has done it again with Reach for the Stars, a song with Kiss. Who has, speaking of blart, there's your mini-Kiss-blart connection there. There you go. Kiss has sucked forever. Kiss has always been so shitty. Always been shitty. Kiss has two good songs, and I'm not going to say what they are. Oh, yup. No, no, no. Kiss has two good songs, but they're kind of, you have to take them from the bit, like the bridge of Detroit Rock City is fucking great. That's a great rock and roll number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You squish that in with like, you know, the tail end solo of rock and roll all night. I was made for loving you. Fucking rock and roll. Rules. The point is, some songs have been milked for so long and so deeply, they no longer contain any marrow. You can scrape the bones and there's nothing there. You can't get anything out of them. And I would argue that one of those songs, the most one of those songs, maybe, is I want to rock and roll all night and party every day by Kiss. You know, what's funny is, of those empty songs, there's a lot of them. Of those empty songs, there isn't a song that has the word rock and roll in the title that is not completely all drank up, all used up and free of content. I would put this in that sub-genre of like, I love it when the Bob Seger missed that all-time rock and roll. Like, if you want to rock so hard, nobody's stopping you. Go fucking rock. You know what I mean? You want to rock and roll all night, party every day? Why is your concert two and a half hours long, Gene? You know? Just do it. It's still rock and roll. It also does start with the rock and roll. It's hard to feel like a 50-year-old, like, dad of three being like, yeah, man, I want to rock and roll all night and party every day. And you're like, Doug, I know you're in bed at 9.30. I know you're in bed at 9.30. If you tried to party every day, Doug, you'd die, dude. You'd be dead as nighttime pitbull. This is, it is, the intro of this song is so good, because it covers all the bases. Kiss. Yeah. That's the first thing. Mr. Worldwide. Yeah. Mr. Worldwide. These are the lyrics. These are the lyrics of the song. Kiss. Mr. Worldwide. This is history in the making. Inarguable. Scale is questionable. Inarguable that history's being written. This hasn't happened before. This is happening now. Then he says, let's go. And this couplet we have next, I'm on a classic with Kiss. That's right. Having a blast. If you don't like what we're doing, then you can kiss our ass. I want Kiss, I want Gene to hop in here and be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa whoa whoa coming out strong pitbull doesn't speak for us on this matter our music is an acquired taste we understand that yeah there is but psp ps gene and nobody else nobody gene not nobody not gene no no member of the band got into a recording studio for this i guarantee gene simmons lawyers lawyers barely knew about this collaboration guaranteed mr worldwide went and bought a cd at sam goody yeah and they just like played it on a boombox i bought a classic from kids it was on the sale rack if you don't like what they're doing the fact that he's okay so he said is this a historic thing that's happening if you don't like it he's gotten ahead of us already he insists that they're having a blast and that's a new turn of phrase from him i feel like to describe a party atmosphere it feels very dad coded the idea of hey it's me pitbull i'm having a freaking blast out here with my buddies from kiss from yeah it's it's it's what like carson daly would say at the mtv spring break beach house two years after he should have still been there like yeah we're here having a blast post terror read breakup sort of sallow faced carson having a blast spring break i've listened to enough pitbull to say that the two most common themes in pitbull music are one it's the night or what or well one is um i assume that you are angry that i am doing this yeah you you can kick rocks and two i know it's hard to believe i've made it to this point look at me now and it's like mr worldwide you've been doing this for at least 15 years from memory i'm no longer surprised yeah you're not at this point let the chip go yeah you know what i mean let it go and and it's hard because i do i don't like what he's doing you know what i mean it's hard because he got me like dead to rights it's like i'm listening like this sucks and he's like sucks it's genuinely the shittiest song we're not even to the lyrics in the song yet because the next thing that happens is he just it's just the chorus from i want to rock and roll a night yeah just yeah you know imagine it you know we can't play it but imagine it then and then pitbull's like i'd like to do something a little different here guys i know that normally this isn't where i rap but on this version of this song which i renamed reach for the stars uh we're gonna do different words i'm gonna say hmm maybe gene what do you think about something like this now we're gonna rock them to roll them look at her booty it's rolling it's rolling or it's swollen i heard it's swollen genius.com says rolling but i heard genius.com could be wrong i heard swollen and that's way better than roll no because that makes it seem like a medical issue yeah she got stung by a bee it's fine then he says i'm robbing the bank so put your hands up it's a hold up he really jams the light of the meter there give me that boy right there from the bottom yeah you name it we got it yeah you name it we got it you're talking money wait with it from las vegas to china we got them open like gynos went from c-low to c-notes now i'm richie like lionel he comes back doesn't he and he reminds you why he is the best like he reminds you why he is right here is he'll say a line like from las vegas to china we got them open like gynos which doesn't i don't think i could be more against this song at this point right like he's already like pretty bad lyrically bold statements made some bones and then he goes for what turns out to be the refrain the pre-chorus ostinato i'm like elon musk i'm on my way to mars now put your hands in the air and reach for the stars that now sucks that just it's it sucks it sucks in a hundred ways it's not like well that's the only thing that would have worked there there's so there's so there's so many different things yeah it doesn't matter but it's like the celebration of like first of all if elon musk is headed to mars i do support that like if if the plan is on a manned mission to mars starring elon musk damn the risks yeah man yeah man at this current point in history and science where we have not figured out how to do it trap that was implied oh that was implied you are now legally i love i love an barbicane earth to the moon sort of arc for mr musk at this point uh crashing that big creamy eyeball of uh that red planet and have a good have a good one i don't know that that's what pitbull's thinking there's so many ways in which you can be like elon musk maybe pitbull was a big fan of doge's arbitrary cuts to usa that's true which led to the deaths of a hundred hundreds of thousands of real human beings maybe that's what pitbull's like i'm like that put your hands in the air and reach for the stars i want to be like elon musk i'm like elon musk i want to have been married to grimes i don't want to be married to grimes but i want to have been married previously reach for the stars reach for the stars none of the rest of the lyrics are about stars that makes me think he wrote the line that's a good i'm like elon musk i'm on my way to mars now put your hands in the air and reach for the stars and then built an entire song around it and i think the pretext there is maybe the least amount of pretext you can pick up from earlier in the first verse is that put your hands up it's a hold up so this could be a threat of this is an actual this is a stick up crime that he's giving me that boy what give me that boy from the bottom what put your hands in the air i'm like elon musk don't move don't press the button elon musk understands what it's like to come from the bottom of the diamond mine call your way out um then they keep guys like hey guys i don't think i've i'm empty i got another i got another um verse in the hopper so pitbull says this he writes this down first pass so cover the world with class same way i got girls in class cool yeah that's a little bit of yeah right what is that with the kodak okay he loves rhyming words with the same word love women that are sexy and smart with a whole lot a little bit of sass uh never made it to the nba never got an nba but that don't stop me from playing and owning business today i'm so sorry is he a registered national basketball association participant he never likes to go out on the court he sits courtside and will sometimes just bolt out there and grab the ball and they're like it's okay so he does the mustang again he does his course from that really i mean it's just a wretched song and this doesn't recontextualize it in a way where it's fun again it just re-reminds you how utterly bankrupt it is of like yeah sort of value and then there's a bridge that i shit you not mr pitbull says from the window to the wall we're gonna rock it we're gonna rock and roll from the window to the window to the wall to the wall we're gonna rock it we're gonna rock and roll let's go no star stuff that's just placeholder lyrics for now i'll think of something i'll think of something you know yada yada yada coming up from the bottom got them hands tonight um yeah there's a comet headed for earth so reach for the stars it all ends at midnight hey when you do the reach for the stars thing you know 10 seconds ago you said it's a bank robbery at a hold up and that's why we're reaching for the stars do you just want our hands up because you can just say it you don't just trick us with stars and banks and whatever is does he know that when you say reach for the stars no one does that literally like when you say to a kid hey man yeah reach for the stars they don't start stretching up to the sky i feel so hollow because i've come to the end of this material and i feel like all i've done is play the exact role that mr like that mr bull wanted me to play i feel like i am like yeah watching like someone from his entourage is like you got him again and the word he's like they're just talking about it and i'm so happy and wealthy over here and everybody has kind things to say you never believe it yeah you never believe it's hard to believe how wealthy i am yeah look where i am now yeah yeah no we know there's also the implicit demand that we must kiss the ass of pitbull and i think five old members of kiss for i don't want to kiss any of those old guys asses where have they been i just don't think pitbull should be allowed this is my only thing i'm saying is i don't think that we should just be bringing out old dusty songs and then pretending they're new songs because pitbull says they are i don't think that that's fair i think everybody should be writing new songs i also feel like i feel like at this moment in history there's an ongoing discussion about the value of human-made art and i just feel like we should all do our best yeah best behavior yeah yeah make a really good case for it you know we're grading on a curve you know what i mean and this throws it off we should just really be like as humans like dialed in on point yeah if we're gonna keep up with this like no robot can make that we gotta are really like make sure that we're sticking the landing for sure I don't that if Mr. Worldwide who was formerly Mr. Miami by the way and then when he hit changed into Mr. Worldwide if he's going to make songs about can you believe I've made it where I am now and look at all the things I got I think we need to hold him to a level of accountability where some of that goes away and then the next song features lines like okay I realized that I was a little bit wrong there and I lost a little bit. So how about this? Will you let me get back to where I was before? I'm Mr. Florida now. He's always fighting his demons inside of him and sometimes he needs a collaboration. This is Kiss's fault. Yeah. Because we all know he can make a banger when he doesn't, when the evil twin, when the wah pit bull doesn't come out. Inside of him there are two pit bulls. There are two pit bulls inside a pit bull. He needs Kesha to grab him and say like, you have it. You've got it inside you, Mr. Bull. I promise you. You've got to just shave off the stuff on top and you'll find it. This feels like, it does feel a little bit like Mr. Bull realized that he had absolutely saturated the demographic of young people that enjoy dancing and listening to music. And he was like, I'm going to get those dusty old men. I swear to God. You watch me. Hey, Paul, Jonathan, watch me. I'll get these dusty old men to my concerts. I don't care. I'll do it. I'm Mr. Worldwide. That doesn't mean stopping at dad's. Mr. Worldwide doesn't stop at uncle's. Yeah. When you make the tent so big, you let in some fart gas as it turns out. There was actually a gas leak right there. And when you expanded the flaps of the tent over it, you let the fart smell in. That's the problem with having a big, beautiful buffet is every once in a while you're going to find a few olives. It's not for you. Absolutely Mr. Worldwide, as always, welcome on the show. Any time would love that would just stay away from these lesser impulses. Feed your funky wolf pit bull. You can ask Justin and Travis. I poo poo a lot of ideas around here. Mr. Bull, get me on. Get me in this. I promise you, I can help you. Griffin will curtail a lot of your worst impulses. Yeah, I feel your better special. Yeah, a few good ones. Yeah, they'll get caught in the thresher for sure. Yeah, that's true. But you can't break an omelet. Pit coin. It's eight years too late to call it pit coin. It's like 15 years too late to call it pit coin. There must be people on his team. His manager team are like, pit bull, Mr. Worldwide, someone is going to start a crypto called pit coin. Please let us start it to go with the hour. No. I'm saving it for an album title. It's going to kick ass. Please, pit bull, let us start it. No, I'm using it with this. No one will start a coin under it. How about a question? How does he keep doing it? You know, time after time. I don't understand. I just got a new job working at a popular sit down chain restaurant. I'll be starting with training shifts from the 14th to the 16th. And on the 18th, I'm going to be working at a popular sit down chain restaurant. And on the 18th, they'll be having a staff Halloween party. The bonding activity of the party is that everyone will get a pumpkin to paint. And there will be a contest for best pumpkin. Part of the problem arises in that I went to art school for sculpting and painting, and I'm a pretty good painter. Do I go to the party? If I do go, do I participate in the pumpkin painting contest? Do I paint to my full potential, or do I gracefully paint a middle-of-the-pack pumpkin? Extra details. It is a barbecue restaurant. That's from Painting Pumpkins in Peg City. Which is Winnipeg. I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't either. Yeah. The only additional details that would have been helpful there is if it was a pumpkin restaurant. And that doesn't exist. Yeah. I don't know that the barbecue restaurant puts any English on the ball necessarily. I mean, I would want to go if the company's paying for barbecue for you. Yeah. That does make the party more enticing for me. There's a fact. There's a fact. There's a factor we can't answer for you here, which is like, do you want to be pals with the people at this workplace? Or at least have them kind of know and acknowledge and respect you? Because I do think busting out, like, you know, a creative talent is a cool move. I think it's a cool move at a job. They learn something about you that doesn't have anything to do with barbecue. And that's all right. Unless you don't want them to know that. I can't answer that for you. Well, I can tell from the wording of the question that I don't think there's a risk of you coming in and being like, watch out, losers. I'm about to go. I'm about to use my art degree. You're aware. You're aware of it. But I would say there is a too far the other way where you're like, it's nothing. This is dumb. It's nothing. It's nothing. And you're like, smash ass. You should be politely humble. And still smash ass. You're also really still running a risk of, I don't know, a little bit of hubris here, isn't it? I mean, yeah, I think it's very good you went to art school and I celebrate that. But yeah. Once you get out there, you just never know what people are going to like, do you? Maybe they'll just put a funny face on one of them and everybody will just love it. And then you'll be the one thinking, but I went to art school. How can you like this funky pumpkin better than my incredible one? When it comes to pumpkin carving and painting, everyone thinks they're Mozart. But sometimes you're Salieri. You go in, you're like, I'm classically trained. I know what I'm doing. And then like Stephanie from accounting rolls up and you're like. Yeah. Yeah. Did she go to art school? And they're like, no, this is just, she didn't. She's just born. She just loves Halloween. You got to respect the pumpkin as a medium. It can be a real B-I-T-C-H. I did the pumpkin carving contest this week and there were two different tables that carved out a big hole in the front and then had some sort of scene or projection there in the big hole making a tableau. I'm sorry. How do you feel about that, Juice? I'm sorry, but I thought we were carving the pumpkins, not turning them into little stages. You know, it's like, are we using the pumpkin as a medium or are we using it as a proscenium? You know, which is it? Is it a canvas or is it a hallway? You know? Yeah. Sorry. Here's my pumpkin. It's season one of family guy running on an iPad inside of the pumpkin hole. Did you win? Did I win? Well, the race is still on because it's voting by dollars, but I'm doing well because our folks are always very supportive. What's the link people can go to to support? Givebutter.com slash H-C-M-V-I-P's 26. How am I doing? Pretty good. I wasn't typing that. Yeah, I'm not. I thought you were typing it to go support. Wow, that really hurt. Can I just ask a question? I already gave, first of all. Of course you did. You're such a good brother. I gave at the office. If you saw Biddy Blaze in the ticker feed, that was me. I did it under a pseudonym. Oh, you did it under Biddy Blaze? That's good. I didn't want people to think that, you know, anytime I do that shit. You didn't want people to think you support your brother? Yeah, well, I didn't want people to see that and be like, wow, Mr. Big Shot. So I always put in like Biddy Blaze or something like that. Oh, that's hilarious, dude. I love that. That's really good. So anyway, what? What were you saying? When do you buy the pumpkin for carving for Halloween season? Because I feel like I always have the thought in early October. And then I'm like, that shit will rot or get smashed before. But then I'll wait too long and it'll be the 29th and then you're fucked. Because the only thing that's left is like the bottom of the barrel, Snickle Fritz pumpkin fucked up Kroger shit and not the Primo stuff. As long as you don't crack the seal, right? It lasts pretty long. It's once you open it. Yeah, it's like now the clock is running. Now bugs, now bugs. I'll tell you a hot new tip. This is a good one. I just picked up. Carve the bottom out. Oh, wow. Don't carve the top out with the handle and what all. Don't do that. Carve a hole out of the bottom. Nobody gives a shit about the bottom. You don't even have to put it back in if you don't want to. Nobody cares. Yeah. Just cut the whole fucking bottom out. If you really want to cheat like I do, you go buy one of those like foam fake plastic pumpkin things. And then just carve that. Yeah. You don't have to carve out the inside guts. You know, Teresa doesn't like the guts. She won't let me do the guts. And I was like, but I still want to carve a pumpkin and find joy in it. And so I carved a fake foam ones. It's great. And then they last year to year. I've got quite a collection of pumpkins. Are you wearing a mask though? Are you wearing a mask or something? Because I would worry about you breathing in that particulate. Yeah, that can't be good. I do it with several box fans pointed away from me at the neighbor's house. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's true. Hold on. Well, let me just. Let me just show you guys what I'm talking about. It's like as long as we're here. Let me just give you a good example. Of the people cheating? So it's like, okay. So this is my pumpkin on the right. It's a tribute to Tim Curry. As you can see, the eyes are a little bit. Okay. How did you do the signature, Justin? What? Do you have a Dremel? I freehand it with a Dremel. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And then over here to the left. I'm not going to dox anybody. But this person has cut a big hole in their pumpkin. And then made a little scene in there. Like it's a little town or a charming village. But did they make this scene out of pumpkins? stuff no it's just out of stuff they got at hobby lobby i bet they're that kind of i don't remember who it was but still you get it and who put googly eyes on this one little gourd here that pisses me off that pisses me off too look at this this is a craftsman wow justin that's the handsomest you've ever looked in your entire life bud that's a really good pic of you man it's a real it's ryan at the hd always takes good pictures and i was like this is my moment and that's a craft state dude what yeah that's a flow state you look handsome as fuck man you look so good that's a bad bow tie as a tribute to mr curry yeah awesome anything could happen at halloween that's right yeah that's what they say anything can happen on this show unless you want anything to happen other than us taking a break to go to the money zone because that is what's going to happen that's gonna happen right now if you want that to happen good news your wish is great here it come here it come you need website website good not website website does not need you that's important where get website store no store no sorry i said it i said it too quiet store no website store tree no website tree squarespace website yes don't give thumbs up uh store is squarespace story squarespace yeah squarespace like store yeah story square quarter squarespace story square store has space yeah story is squarespace certainly no brick and mortar squarespace what even be on shelf great business what beyond shelf yeah great business keyboard didn't stop a lot of business businesses in the mid-20 teens from opening up storefronts but yeah still squarespace is not a brick and mortar store where you buy websites that is charming and cute and maybe a good super bowl ad but it's not this this is you taking control of your future by making a website with the great tools that squarespace gives you cutting edge design they got it yeah you want to sell stuff sure you can do that bring in your own photos your products your stories your dreams your wishes your songs your tales your tall tales beans magic beans so doesn't matter yeah get started today unlock your potential with a squarespace website that is fun to build we've all done it and we enjoyed the process thoroughly head to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain i need your guys help on something so i started playing uh sonic the hedgehog dating simulator 27 okay and it is just too beefy for my rig right like the graphics are so some of the cut scenes are so high def and like there's a whole morality decision making matrix that my computer just isn't able to handle and you just got that new yeah and you you gotta you need a smell card to make that work properly well for the pheromones and for like the pheromones and the pheromones and the pheromones like there's some sensual experiences that are purely scent based that i'm just not getting the most out of and i don't know what to do my old computer is just not enough the problem travis how can you find a computer that can run that and also alien blaster fuck x yeah right because that game has an entirely different set of requirements and and sorry what's that just i'm also trying to i wanted to say the word alienware because it'd have been like dell dell alienware dell dell alienware dell now i'm sorry it's just been so long in the ad okay yeah but i got a little antsy okay i'm trying to play mavis beacon teaches fucking and i can't so it's too not that i don't think let me check yeah yeah i turned the dial down a little bit let me try again okay alienware dell theater presents travis talking about computers let's go well listen listen no we're done no more jokes alienware systems are built with the performance to handle everything you could possibly throw at it imaginary games like the ones we've listed real ones high power cozy lo-fi whatever with nvidia geforce rtx it delivers powerful graphics that bring every world to life while optimizing battery life so whether you're playing creating or jumping between both everything runs the way it should no interruptions no slowing down you don't have to adjust how you play you just keep gaming your way however that looks in the moment be more alien at alienware.com slash game your way i shouldn't have taken the lead on that because i'm like warby parker's up next and you know i'm like a freak for these guys hey i'll i'll say yep hey griffin i really like the frames that you've been wearing uh can you tell me where you got them sure these are warby parker frames these are my work frames that i wear during the working day um my wife rachel prepares prefers my um more tortoise shell sort of a lower she prepares them for you along with your lunch and dinner sometimes when i'm driving she will wipe them for me if she notices they're dirty it's a very nice it's a very griffin clears his throat and she no i stop that that's not true at all to have multiple pairs of glasses well justin why i we've talked about this exclusive like extensively off mic off the air you know their prescription glasses start at just 95 so you can actually get quality and stylish frames at an affordable price warby parker warby parker warby parker warby parker okay um yeah i i mentioned this uh you know a couple months ago but i recently tried to leave the flock and see what you know what other glasses options there were out there in the world as it turns out the answer is nothing good and all like really prohibitively expensive warby parker frames look fucking great and i wish i wish my incredible eyesight would start failing me so i had an excuse to wear these beautiful beauties that's how i that's how great these look i gotta give props to warby parker i feel like they've been listening to my psyche feedback and having more extra wide frames in stock i do appreciate that i do have a head of a certain um disgusting carriage and they cater to that and they enable that and i appreciate the words enables i appreciate them so so much uh right now buy one pair of glasses and get 20 off any additional pairs at warbyparker.com my brother that's 20 off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at w-a-r-b-y parker.com my brother oh sick fuck yeah sorry something's kind of off today let me try again yeah maybe try hitting it i don't want to munch no squad dude what's not working i need a little i'm gonna need a little extra help which is lucky for me because i haven't uh arranged for a special event i'm gonna need a little extra help i'm gonna need a little extra help i'm gonna need a little extra help i'm gonna need a little extra help i'm gonna need a little extra help correspondent jordan keys to join us with us uh to tell us about a special mascot that hasn't gotten their due and jordan shined a light on i would say maybe when he needed him the most uh please welcome the show jordan keys welcome jordan welcome hello hi jordan hey everybody thanks for joining us in this podcast within a podcast yeah thank you um we've never had a guest yeah on this podcast within a podcast this year this is a new one a lot of people get lost a lot of people end up in just the podcast if they don't make it through the minotaur's maze to the podcast for their podcast jordan would you say that you are the world's preeminent scholar on this topic i do think that myself and my friends uh probably have done more research on the mascot of spoiler alert cc's pizza buffet and and treats uh more than anybody else has i would i would say that's a good thing i would say that's a good thing i would say that yes there is jordan how how did you meet cc pizzini oh this is great yeah tell me about your first encounter with cc pizzini the inventor of cc's pizza who it's so important that you know this because this to me is the number one thing about cc pizzini is that he spells his name c period c period not like the name of the restaurant that he invented no invented by the way another wild thing for a chain a word we so rarely think of as attached to pizza franchises that he invented a restaurant he invented the chain that he did not name for himself you know they don't hand out a lot of restaurant patents as far as i know yeah i think they made an exception for cc uh pizzini yeah yeah he did name it and he added the eyes i guess i don't know uh i don't know when that happened but that i guess that did come along uh later um but yeah we i met cc pizzini uh when my friends and i started going to cc's on a weekly basis because my son uh it was one of the few places that he would eat uh just food out and if i wanted to hang out with my friends uh that was a place where we could all meet and he would also eat the food without fighting or um having an issue also Also a primo kids locale because so many restaurants are restaurants. restaurants and with kids you really need something that feels more like a ranch or a corral or sort of like a pop-up bean tent on the open range you know that kids can just roam freely across yeah it definitely sort of has to feel like a cross between a cafeteria and arcade and just a free range just wild west saloon scenario i'll tell you what kids also love is a non-imposing pizza mascot because you take a look at the noid forget about it you take a look at the little caesar caesar no way he's got a weapon you take a look at reggie fils-aimé he's enormous i need a tiny little guy who i as a child am actually much larger than now yeah the tininess though i must disagree here griffin i'm sorry joy but the tininess sure but he looks like the like the evil twin of jiminy cricket like he would be on the other side of panooki they're going like nah burn it i love you guys so much but i would this we will cover what cc pazzini looks like i would just love to hear how jordan like first encountered this cc pazzini character so so here's the thing guys um cc's up until a certain point for a couple of for as many years as i had known cc's the restaurant did not have a mascot they had not revealed their inventor as it were and then they were saving it for a big inventor reveal at some point when they needed a boost yeah they were like we're doing so well for so long we're just coasting for a while and then at some point they were like it's time and they this guy started popping up on the posters um yeah just sort of a uh sort of a circus pizza wonka fellow uh pretty good yeah and he was presenting real matt berry energy i gotta say like a huge sort of matt berry vibe yes very much matt very very what we do in the shadows um and and so we we looked it up we uh you know we'd been going for a long time and then all of a sudden he's on all the promotional materials he's everywhere almost i i started thinking it was a sort of mandela effect like i'd shifted into a timeline where cc had always been there because he was every like one week nothing and then the next week cc is everywhere zini is everywhere yeah so we look him up in your defense it does say inventor that's not something you just make up right that has to be like i guess you would have heard about it before it sounds legal you know yeah no it's so official it's so official historical and it's it should be in the record honestly there is a bit of like we've always been at war with eurasia going on here a little bit is it like oh yeah we've always been invented by cc a small dream finder s figure yes yes and we've always been named after him and his name's always been slightly different from the name of our yeah you've been spelling it wrong not us yeah not us the founder of papa john's is actually his name is john shatner yes yes and um and he and and that's just sort of a pizza thing as you change it i'll live sure and he's huge he's way he scares kids left right and center he's mad it was a cc's cc's pizza literally next to the best buy that travis and i worked out for years and i never heard of this guy this and in and even though the cc's continue to operate in this area you didn't hear him skidding around in the vents or anything no he was never around and i know we've been talking about him being tiny uh we haven't really discussed the full dimensions of him so i do want to like we we we did some research because we were like surely this this is on us that we don't know who's we've been coming here for you know years now we don't know who this guy is we look him up of course his history is on the website um sure and i didn't i didn't check when the page had been updated but the page is there and was there a seal that was broken as you entered the website letting you know you were the first person to ever go to that website because it feels likely it was like the little strip on the toilet at the hotel yeah yeah yeah there was i i did notice there was that little html like widget in the corner like they used to have on the hot the angel fire website yeah yeah how many visitors and it just clicked from zero to one yeah all the little like ones and zeros on the matrix code were like oh wait everybody get to work hold on someone wants to know more about the inventor of cc's pizza cc pazzini what'd you discover there at the website the official repository of information so we found out that many years ago in a place called little italy there was a man named papa pazzini and he discovered in a basket on the doorstep of his pizza shop a teeny tiny baby that he named cosmo colluccio pazzini of course he adopted this teeny tiny baby of course and uh of course now this uh baby grew up but he only grew to be four inches tall that's so little that's quite little and it also makes you wonder about the dimensions of baby cc pazzini because that had to be like a baby bean a baby bean that lives and can get eaten by the cat i hate it he surely saved him from a horrific fate because even in the basket unimaginable like a robin's egg being scattered across the concrete perhaps microscopic we don't even know like what was going on in that basket at that time okay tiny if i could step outside the the uh kayfabe for a second all right proceed cc's could have chosen anywhere but like a foot that's still a little guy foot and a half eight inches still a little guy they went for four inches like smaller than a gi joe inventor super tiny yeah and let me tell you i like when you look at the the commercials and you look at the rest of the materials they're not sticking to this there there's absolutely no way that they know that they're using a ruler there's no consistency with the size i and and i've done the research i've looked i've i'm like that guy on tiktok who was like measuring people's door frames and stuff there's no way this guy's consistently four inches and i mean as an inventor maybe he is able to shift his size through scientific means i don't know but um i don't believe these claims uh whatsoever uh within within the realm that wasn't what prompted you to speak uh speak out about cc bazini though was it jordan because i feel like maybe not intentionally but i feel like you've become something of a chronicler for the more mundane ways the simple joys that ai has ruined for us um like inventing a movie listing uh genres i just saw today movie genres it was inventing i know you were frustrated about the buffalo wild wings trivia and it's and it's degradation uh and then and then what what what happened to your uh your close friend cc so well um you know uh he's been portrayed by a lovely actor who i found out his name is lee russell um a lovely actor from chicago uh improviser comic actor great guy and then four inches to four inches tall what's the name of the actor because we could get to the bottom of this thing pretty quick look i haven't met lee from what i can tell compared to his microphone he's a little bit bigger than four inches tall at least he would use a little microphone joy yeah they wouldn't give a full-sized microphone to a four inch tall man so fair that was probably his first check first that tiny mic he was he it was right in the middle of the pandemic and he he bought he purchased the full the full setup yeah yeah zoom audition rig with complete with the sm7b 0.5 yeah yeah uh but they uh the social media account one of my friends caitlin a fellow piziniac uh sent sent us a link the we my friends started a group where we exchanged information and updates about cc pizini and ccs in general and um sent us a link and it was a fully ai generated story about cc pizini uh how could you how could you tell did it have some of the hallmarks of artificial intelligence sort of all over yeah yeah it was it was you know point it was three second sort of vignettes sort of stitched together with very little narrative just sort of and then it would move on to the next thing and um oh and it there was one where he was in the nutter butter cave and he was in the nutter butter cave and he was in the nutter butter cave and he uh searching for new flavors for the fudge brownie of course uh yeah and then the minute they claimed that a miniature nutter butter was chasing him but i know that a miniature nutter butter is about this big and he was smaller than the miniature nutter butter so again that's bullshit yeah no that's bullshit another butter is not bigger than four inches that's crazy it's all over the place so i know that i know that ai was a foot and it was that classic sort of i i didn't check the number of fingers but i know it can't have been yeah there we go oh that's not that's not my pazini no and it doesn't look like lee it it's no the the mustache is way off and you know what a i could never come up with cc pazini a i could never sort of organically dream up cc pazini and for now just to get its conviction to get its grubby fingers all over this very human creation i think is an insult it also the ai chose to make the nutter butter cave pulsate in a way that i'm not comfortable hugely yeah breathing living yeah yes exactly to make the nutter butter peanut butter alive is haunting no so did they just blow their whole ad budget on r&d for like did it take them 350 000 to say like maybe he should be kind of steampunk and then they didn't have any money left over for commercials and stuff yeah i think well i i think one of my favorite parts about him is that he has a little pizza cutter weapon that is attached to his belt and so i think maybe they spent a lot of on on his like accessorizing him that's interesting that you think it's a weapon can you speak on that why you think it's a he would use it for combat and not pizza slicing because i guess i just assume since he's so small he needs something to defend himself but i get that is i am from florida so i guess i just like your claws and your teeth like same as i mean he's got those tiny claws you that's true i yeah cc does is probably sharpening his fingernails to a point often he's got to keep the borables away from all filing filing his canines down um can i speak on something that's really bothering me about this whole story please yeah dude cc basini was found as a teeny tiny baby and probably was he took care of him and i can't imagine that that was easy there must be some incredible challenges that come with raising a four inch tall yeah human don't breathe too deep for starters and then cc went hey papa basini who owns a pizza store fuck you i've invented cc's pizza a different pizza store that's going to put your pizza store out of business that's a good point yeah okay and and i do want to point out like you and you bring up a point he's credited with inventing not only cc's but the first pizza buffet period yeah that's interesting too yeah he invented that whole idea of the pizza he should have named it after his dad and called it pee pee's pizza maybe cc's was a nickname for his dad maybe that's why it's spelled wrong it's because his family calls him cc cic so what was that reaction like when you decided to uh speak out on this jordan honestly the grassroots swell of people coming to the defense of live action cc basini was genuinely inspiring uh and stepping out of kayfabe it was very very exciting to see people like care even in such a small way about people like real people who need to make a living and the environmental impact of artificial intelligence generative artificial intelligence and actors trying to make a living creators trying to make a living and people uh really spoke out they you know were some of them maybe a little bit more vehemently vehemently than i would have uh through the anonymity of the that's the internet never experienced yes but sometimes yeah well once or twice we're trying to find the middle ground the dogs of war would just uh you could bring the dogs of war back on inside for a bit sit boys how's it boys get old boy people sharpening their little pizza cutters for for combat yeah you know um let's roll out but yes well does cc does the ifccs turn towards you do they notice your disruption they did uh they left a comment they said uh basically they were like you know uh the people have spoken we realize that ai isn't for everybody which is a little bit of a centrist take some people weren't happy with that yeah cc stands for centrist uh maybe you're telling me he's a cc's pizza didn't take a stand yeah they didn't really take a hard leftist left-wing stance which is crazy i think um for a kansas city-based pizza chain uh but um they they did say we are not going to use ai for our social media posts anymore which i think for a corporation is probably the strongest stance we're ever going to get out of them credit to you my friend if everybody did that for all corporations we'd be sitting pretty man like you you got cc's pizza honestly for i think that's pretty solid like you handled an entire chain that's pretty good you know what i've like i do have a journalism degree that i that has lain dormant for about a decade and for the for it to have done even this very small thing i'm like okay all of that student debt maybe maybe a little bit worth it and um yeah so they they have not uh they are not using ai on their social media anymore and um they you know have committed to that and so a lot and they're pretty happy because a lot of people are like hey great job you know yeah a smaller minority are also like hey now you need to do this and this and this which you know that's that's the internet and it's fair and it you know if people have other qualms that's fair that's what they need to speak on but like i it's it's been you know i feel like it's been a good out come for everybody jordan i want to say a big thank you for standing up for the little guy that's awesome yeah he is oh that's really good trap dude that's so good have you used your have you used your journalism degree at all to check in on joe croce and mike cole who founded cc's pizza in 1985 and just to check and see if they're feeling particularly disenfranchised by this four inch high little dream dream boy oh yeah like the real actual actual inventors well they're the founders um i guess i don't know what the distinction is they found the buffet they founded cc pazini they found the very small buffet he had made and they said whoa you got to do this way bigger pal no one's gonna be able to eat this they're like hey man we we see what you've invented we love it love the vision we found it now let's get this let's scale this up um no i haven't spoken to them uh i this is uh i do want to drop this uh sort of exclusive on on the podcast here wow they have reached out and i'm hope i will be interviewing the president of cc's and their creative director very soon oh so i'm i'm hoping to uh uh maybe get get a little bit more information on how everybody's feeling about cc at this point see what's maybe is next for him i also might want to check and see there are some accusations that you alluded to in the comments that he's very close to dream finder and he's extraordinarily close yeah it looks like dream finder it looks like dream finder but that's okay that's an inspiration and they're they're not doing anything with him anymore yeah two guys can wear hats and have a beard i know that but we are we are going to try to we are going to try to hold their feet to the fire and figure out what's different and um and maybe if there was some inspiration there jordan what part of you is there a part of you that at this meeting you're hoping they'll do like that thing that they do sometimes on like talk shows and stuff with like john cena where they get like a fan of john cena who's like oh talking to a movie poster and they're like oh i'm a big fan then john cena smashes through and he's there yeah honestly that that would be everything that would be that would be i would i might just hang it up i might just like pin that post at the top of my social media account and just be like i'm so excited jordan look in your pocket right now we brought cc spazzini into the show oh no he tried to cut his way out with his little pizza cutter but we told him it wasn't a weapon jordan how can people how can people find your exciting work if they want to follow more of your uh uh exciting thoughts if you want to find me on pretty much anything it's at its keys i t s k e y e s or just look up jordan keys j o r d a n k e y e s that's probably the best way to find me i'm on instagram tiktok youtube and patreon find me on any of those places and i'll be making songs and doing long rants about the different ways that uh ai and the general and shitification of technology is uh slightly ruining my life all right jordan thank you so much appreciate you being here and uh keep up the good work thanks so much guys thank you hey can we do one more question yeah i recently crocheted a realistic sword for my brother to take to the renaissance fair we go in group with our sister and my partner and i've crocheted other renaissance weapons for them and myself however his rapier is the most impressive thing that i made how do i get people to notice my brother's cool sword friends if i could just tell you i'm looking at a picture right now and you may be thinking like crocheted rapier but like it looks like oh it looks like a toy like a sloppy scarf it kicks ass yeah it looks so fucking cool so cool anyway uh how'd you do that it's incredible how do i get people to notice my brother's cool sword how do i get credit without looking like an asshole i don't know how to do that how do i get people to notice my brother's cool sword i don't know how to do that how do i get people to notice my brother's cool sword he's the youngest and my sister is in the middle that helps that's actually good shit that's good deets a lot of this is going to come down to your brother your brother is going to have to be the hype man he's going to have to be the one i think just doing lots of flourishes he's going to have to hear you look at what i have at all times maybe just starting shit yeah other people that have swords and like waving in their face and be like i'm gonna kill you probably not that but i'm i'm gonna cozy you to death yeah you could also i didn't think you were gonna say i'm gonna kill you no don't say that that's interesting this is why there are three siblings this is why you have a third sibling that's why you must right for circumstances like this you did the work your brother's carrying it around you need that middle child energy to be like do you see his sword they made that right that's why you need the third because the brother's carrying it so i think there's a little weird if he's bragging about it you made it no you don't want to brag about it hype hype sibling who's like yeah did you see the sword they made i give them a little horn that they can use to be the town crier you don't get enough of those at ren fairs it's a role it's a job that is is not being staffed i'm available by the way if anybody needs a town crier yeah i'm doing it most of the time anyways let me cry in our towns yeah travis is usually crying in a town somewhere he's might as well get paid for it that's right this sword's so cool i know you think there's a dowel in it there's got to be some rigid there's got to be a dowel in it if i could make one of you talk about five hours like that's a long time if i could make something this cool in five hours that's all i do anymore i just appreciate you wouldn't hear from us again honestly you should probably get business cards i don't know if you're going to get business cards i don't know if you're going to get business cards i don't know if you're going to get business cards ready because i think the problem you're going to have is people asking for commissions damn right yeah hey can i buy one of those swords dang i think the thing that could help is if the rest of his kit is also crocheted that's what i was going to say i just thought of that too crocheted hat crocheted armor crocheted tunic crocheted it's a theme crotch cut crotch guard that's crochet you look like a starting guy you look like a starting guy in an open world rpg i've got the string armor the string pants and the string sword i'm ready to go i got these uh shoes without soles on them this is good i got a rusty sword that this guy was going to throw away but gave to me and said because i guess he wants me to die um yeah i'm ready my parents use a crocheted condom so that's what happened with me gross justin gross gross in so many ways gross don't make any sense i also didn't have anything to do with anything that was a real reach for the stars comment out of nowhere i'm not familiar griff oh um oh it's that new song from pitbull do you know what i think about it extensively would you like me to share my thoughts on the new pitbull song i think we're i think it's covered hey thank you so much for listening to our podcast i hope you have enjoyed it we appreciate you thank you to jordan keys uh i hope you'll go follow jordan i really appreciate him uh coming on the show and uh thank you to him and the other bazini acts for your your important work and if there's any other you know cc's related business we'll be sure to bring it to you we got some merch over in the mackroy merch store for the month of october we got the super mackroy brothers logo pin uh we got the don't talk to my brother ever again hat uh 10 of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the center for reproductive rights there's a bunch of other stuff on there too if you like any of the shit that we make you'll find something over there for you to wear or put in your house or car or something mackroymerch.com also we have a youtube channel that you probably heard us talk about before or maybe you're already a subscriber to the mackroy family youtube we've added a membership uh feature to it where we will be posting the full videos of us recording the podcasts every week uh those are going to go up there just a few days after the recording itself and uh we're also going to be posting videos like technically competent and monster factory and the other videos like that those are going to go in there a few days early and uh it's a nice way to support us if you want to do that it is five dollars a month you can go check that out apparently if you try to do it through your phone like ios tries to charge you extra so do it don't like yeah do it on your computer go check that out it's i think you'll like it uh thank you to montane for the use of our theme song my life is better with you it's a club banger it's a hundred million billion billion times better than reach for the stars by kiss and pitbull um and i just really appreciate getting to use it i have these grippers um because like i hold pencils and pens too tightly and it puts a divot in my finger oh i got these grippers to put around them you're just gonna throw like six of them yeah as hard as you can at the wall i've got these bad boys yeah throw five grippers i'd love to hear the sound of my eyes that was cool they really bounced and landed in really interesting ways my microphone halfway through yeah my name is justin mcelroy i'm travis mcelroy i'm griffin mcelroy it's been my pleasure to be here with you today and we'll see you next time my brother my brother me kiss your dad square on the lips it's better it's better with you it's better it's better with two maximum fun a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you