MBMBaM 835: American Comedy Story

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, four! It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, it's better, it's better with two. My life, it's better with you. Hello everybody, welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle-aged brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf Wolf, Vroom Vroom, the heater, award-winning McElroy. What's good, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin. 30 under 30, meaty, luminary, built for tough McElroy. I have a really exciting news story. This is coming in really hot today as we're recording this. And I wanted to share it with you guys. I am going to try my best to not stop it. But I think it will soon become impossible. Stop this thing that's happening on the news? I'm going to try not to stop the news. Miss Facing Charges keeps opposing as a substitute teacher. Rufus King High School swearing, screaming, and insulting students in class. That's just the start of it. Ben Hanson's been following this story all night long, trying to get more answers about how this is even possible. Ben, what have you learned tonight? Yeah, guys, this story has a lot of layers. It happened on September 24th. And according to the criminal complaint, this woman, pretending to be a sub, got into the school just by putting her name on a sign-in sheet. Not great. And then scouted out the school beforehand. Not great. Can we pause? Can we pause? Real quick. No, not great. Moving on. A room of Rufus King High School students got quite a surprise during their first period class. Instead of their normal teacher, the criminal complaint says, they got 23-year-old Amy Jones, who didn't work for Rufus King or the substitute teaching agency it uses. In the criminal complaint, students said Jones used profane language, racial slurs, sexually derogative statements, and organized students by race and gender. It went on to say Jones also bragged about having felonies. And being okay with going to jail. A real teacher set up class materials on the smart board with Jones in the classroom for the first 20 minutes, then began acting out when that teacher left. Okay, so this is where I wanted to start from the first part. Okay, again, it's not a great, great story from, from off rip, I will say. It sounds, if I found out this happened in my kid's class, I would be, I would be very disturbed. Well, that's such an interesting and funny approach to it, Griffin. Thank you for choosing that. Thank you for that. Travis, do you have a different take? That's maybe a little bit more constructive. I can't help but think of the book Miss Nelson is missing, Justin. Yeah, Travis, I, I think that that's a very valid concern here. This person came into the class of substitute teacher, did class for 20 minutes, left, and this rascal got up and started teaching for them? That's not the way the system is built. I think the thing that I'm most questioning, Justin, first of all. To be. A news person, to have my boss come into my office and say, clear everything else off. I need you to follow this story all night long. Follow this story all night long. This is a continuously evolving situation. Much like both Onions and Shrek, this story has layers. And I need you to get to the bottom of this. But Justin, my second question is. Yeah. At no point did the actual substitute teacher come in and go. Oh, I guess I'm not needed. There's a substitute teacher here already. That's a classic catch me if you can scenario. Yeah. Catch me if you didn't. You left and then I just started doing it. Students also say Jones started playing rap music very loud and dissed kids for their weight, race, looks, and money. Even asked. So not content, not content to, not content to take over his fake sub. This teacher then begins razzing. Just absolutely. Just absolutely dunking on all the kids in the classroom. Excellent. Now, it's been a while since I was a high school student. Yeah. My question to you guys would be, if you're a student in this classroom, how long before you're like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. This doesn't seem like procedure. I think you're letting it play out. I mean, it's better than learning, right? Like, it's obviously not great. I mean, you're learning something. It's not great to get razzed and slammed. Yeah. Razzed for not having enough money and stuff like that. That's crazy. How do you get that? I wonder how you get that. Like, how do you get to know the kids that well in 20 minutes that you can be like, Thomas. How much money do you have? Just reading all of them. Thomas, your parents, your parents' finances leave a lot to be desired. If any students had a vape or marijuana because, quote, the class was so lame and annoying. Okay. Awesome. Now, hey, can I say something? Was not on board with this story at first. I thought troubling, troubling stuff. Now I'm fucking on board. Wow. Now I'm on board. You know what, Travis, had that you didn't? It's called faith. It's called faith. Travis had it and you didn't. You're right. My walk with Christ doesn't apply here. The complaint says eight teachers were absent that day and only seven of those absences were filled. Eight teachers were absent. Only seven were filled. There was an opening. I would argue they were one short, right? They needed the help. Yeah. St. Jones, quote, got lucky because there happened to be an unfilled. Position. Investigators found Jones used to be a student at Rufus King and had scouted out the school before. What? Yeah, it's her school and she's coming back to rest the students. So when she rolls up in the teacher's lounge. Yes. You don't think people would be like, oh, damn, it's you're a teacher. Good news, everyone. I turned it around. Some important document fell through the cracks here because someone must have known there were eight absent teachers. And only seven substitutes came in. And this class didn't get a substitute. So someone must have been like, should we send someone? Well, they sent one. And then that teacher was like, there seems to be another teacher here. There's been a terrible mistake. They're asking for marijuana. They're asking if anyone has a vape pen because the class is so annoying. This teacher's too cool. The kids are going to like them way more than me. I can't compete with this. As she lives. Just across the street from the school, according to the complaint, Jones was at the school the Thursday before the incident, got through security by blending in with the students and walked around the school way. When she did that, she heard other staff in the main office talking about the substitute teacher agency and told the secretary she was a substitute teacher. Great. OK, really good. Now this is like full, full catch me if you can, Griff. She is scouting her old high school to find out the substitute company they use. Well, the guy in Catch Me If You Can did it to try and impress his dad. And so far, all I can tell about this substitute teacher is that the opportunity of this crime was she lived across the street. And why not? And here's the thing. You see the archetype a lot of like person who peaked in high school and now, you know, they're like working a job or whatever. And they're like, I don't feel as important as I used to. And it seems like this person went, you know what? We'll fix that. I used to be a bully in high school. I'm going to be a bully in high school again. Yeah, you can extend the peak. You can make new old peak there. They did get into motivation after students involved in the incident got out of class. They went to staff and told them about Jones. She was then escorted out of the building by police. The criminal complaint goes on to say when Jones talked with police after the incident, she said she did it because she was bored and that she hates kids and just wanted to f around. That's it. That seems like, can I say? That's why. That's why. It's a three-tier thing. So she's bored, hates kids, wanted to f around. The first two there seem like conflicting motivations to me. Yeah. Of like, I hate kids and I don't want to be around them, but I'm so bored. So fucking bored. I'm so, so bored. It does feel like the crime planning, like so much work went into the front end of the crime. It doesn't feel like she had a great time. Follow through for like, she didn't have a getaway driver waiting outside. Well, it's like when she was doing the crime, she's like, I'm actually out of crime ideas. I didn't think past this point. It's like become, become the teacher that substitute left. I'm the teacher now, but it's like kind of boring. It's like anybody got a vape. Yeah. Who's got a vapor, some marijuana. I'm bored with this. You guys actually want to learn now? Oh, like, I guess. What are you guys working on math? No. Hey. You know who else doesn't like kids and was bored and wanted to fuck around and ended up changing a bunch of lives? is Ned Schneebly from School of Rock. Or I guess Ned Schneebly was the actual teacher and Jack Black's character in School of Rock. Yeah, so it's, yeah, Jack Black's character, Dewey. Dewey, yes. Dewey something. Dewey something. Dewey, Griffin, hey, just a quick note. This actually is the exact plot of School of Rock. Not the exact plot. This is basically the exact part. He, Jack Black, is like, all right, kids, now time to divide you by race. Remember that part? So that doesn't, yeah, no, that doesn't happen in School of Rock. He doesn't do that. He doesn't do that part. I know it's confusing because it stars Jack Black and it's written by Mike White, but there is no, there's none of that in the actual movie. It's just the names of the people. He also isn't the music teacher. If I remember correctly, it's a regular classroom that he turns into a music class, right? Yeah, right. He tries to teach the kids history and shit through music and stuff. And can I just say, another commonality, here, you're saying you played hip hop music too loud or were you just trying to get through to them about, you know, the, God, think of any historical event. God, think of any historical event. Quick. Battle of Hastings. Battle of Hastings with the power of hip hop music. I think that that could, I couldn't think of a single historical event. Hey, Griffin, Hamilton exists. I know, but that's too easy. What if she was trying to do a School of Hip Hop thing and it didn't land? It didn't land. So then when none of the kids got on board, she twists and she's like, actually, I did this because I hate kids. Yeah. I'm just fucking around. I didn't want to start a School of Hip Hop. One dissenting opinion from one student in the class who went to the staff and was like, hey, so this teacher came in, she tried something. And I resonated with it because I learned about the Magna Carta from rap music and I was grooving and no one else was. And then it did get nasty. It did get nasty after that, but I couldn't help but feel like my classmates share some of the blame here. I don't know if there's more here. Let me see. The principal of Rufus King declined to comment on the incident. I'm not kidding. No kidding. Yeah, probably. No kidding. No, I don't think there's a win for me here, Jeff. Yeah, the comment just says, whoopsies, whoops, whoops. The district sent me the messages it sent to staff and families the day of the incident and today. And today he's saying, we will continue to take all appropriate action to ensure that Rufus King International High School remains a safe and welcoming place for our students and staff. This isn't, hey, hey, whoa, Rufus King International High School. This isn't a thing that revealed a surprising security flaw. Yeah, this isn't like you found the one, the one gap in the matrix. Now we realize, we weren't even aware before that we needed to pay attention to who we let in the building. Yeah, this is not the one, the one like, moldy O-ring that brought the whole ship down. This is not that. This is a, this is a rough situation you got. I'm sure they have a sign in the main office they point to whenever there is an issue like this or really anything. And the sign just says, our entire school budget is $200 this year. Thank you. Thank you, the state, as sort of an explainer for most of this stuff. It would be amazing. It just says, it would be amazing if our teachers didn't have to take furlough days to cover gaps in it. And then, at the end of that, it does say, not my circus, not my monkeys. And they point to that. Yeah, yeah. When it's like, if A doesn't apply, C, B. Yeah. I work at a game show experience. Basically all the game show fun, but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast. I'm so sorry, Juice. This is the first time you've ever not said, this is an advice show. You just got right into the advice. And if it is someone's first question that, or first episode. Dude, that's such a good point. And at any point people could get on board with this. This dang thing. Yeah, I usually wait till 835 episodes just to let it simmer for a while. Yeah. Let it thicken into a nice roux. Hey Trav, I know you're joking, but I hope to good Christ above that some people do this thing you say. I know that you're having a laugh. I hope you're having a larf, but as the man recording 835, I do hope, you know, we're not just waiting for them to die off for fuck's sake. No, we're letting them, we're letting them have offspring. That's how we'll grow. This is why shows have season two. Podcasts were so fucking sure of themselves, like laughing up their sleeves at all of TV until we hit like episode 500. Like, whoa, this feels bad. Yeah, I know. Yeah, man. There's a reason they fucking start over every year, dude. Oh gosh, okay. Is it too late to do American comedy story? Oh, dude. I would absolutely love that. I would absolutely love nothing more. I work at a game show experience, basically all the game show fun, but without the pressure of a live audience or broadcast. However, my problem lies outside of work. When I'm asked what I do, my answer up to this point has always been, I'm a game show host. Game show host. It's tough. I feel like an enormous tool when I say it and it's usually followed up with something effective, but I'm not on TV or anything. Yeah. Okay. My question is what would be a good way to illustrate what I do for work without feeling so self-conscious about it? That's from Impostor Syndrome Regis in Richmond. It's funny from the way you phrased this question. I really had no idea that this was an issue for you. I, as people who have the jobs that we have, can I just say like, I understand having- Yeah, I hear you. Yeah, having to tell someone your job title- And then feel the need to expound upon that. Yeah. I get that. What's my job? Podcast host. One of the four big ones? Nope. No. Not one of the four big ones. Oh, me? What do I do? I'm a comedian, but not the jokes kind. Not the jokes kind. Please don't ask me to tell or do a joke or come up with a joke or say something funny right now. I think as an adult who meets other adults and talks to other adults about jobs and such, this seems to me like a thing that if someone told me they did this as a job, I'm a game show host, but not like you think I do a game. I would be so interested, right? Like this is not- Right. This is interesting. This is not a thing you need to feel bad expounding on. You're a curious person, Travis. You're one of the Ted Lasso good guys, because you want to know questions. You want to know that shit. That's not always 100% of the time true. If I could have a room full of Travis's that are strangers- That would be so loud. That would be fucked up. That would be so crazy. That room would be crazy, dude. But they would ask me questions about my job, and that would make me feel safe and warm. That's not a guarantee. Well, thank you. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Griffin. It's a, Travis, it's a question of scale. If there were 30 of you, that's awesome. That's like so fun. That's like a fun, chaotic kind of, it's a question of scale. But one of me doesn't make you feel safe and warm. It's a question of scale. It's a question of scale, Travis. I like you so much that I wish there were 30 of you. Yeah. Because at that scale, it would be, I don't know, it would be preferable. What about one Travis 30 times the size? Would you rather fight 30 Travis's or one 30 times Travis? What about Funcilitator? Funcilitator's something. Yeah, Funcilitator's definitely close. You're facilitating fun. What we need is- It's not that you're a game show host, though, and I don't want to quibble. You know what I mean? But it is, if someone said, "Were you ever on a game show?" And I said, "Yes." And then they said, "Which one?" And I said, "The Monopoly themed escape game." I think they would probably question my, I haven't been on a game show. So like, I don't know if game show hosts, you're setting yourself up for a letdown. I don't say like, you know, I don't actually. Yeah, he doesn't say it, 'cause he didn't say it. He didn't say it. I think the problem there is show, because if there's no audience. Right, yeah. Game experience host, experience concierge. Now, if there's an opportunity- Sounds sexual, yeah. Experience concierge does sound sexual. I need a very specific qualifier on the type of experience that I'm having. Adult. Funsperience- For adults. Funcierge for adult. Funcierge is actually pretty bad. I don't think funcierge is really, it's like, funcilitator is something we're all kind of, everybody kind of perked up when they heard, it was like, you felt it in the room. And I feel like, what was it again? I don't want to say it again. I said funcierge, I thought that's what you said. I misremembered, and it was a bad, I guess it was a bad thought. Funcilitator, yeah. Funcilitator is better. This is maybe not germane to the question. I got escape room stuck in my head now, thinking that that is the nature of the game show that you're hosting. I actually think I would love, and it would have to be completely above board, everyone involved would have to know that it's going on, but an opportunity to be an audience member for an escape room for strangers, and just kind of watch the dynamic unfold. I don't want a gross squid game voyeur, sort of masks and shit, like none of that. They would know that they're being, that they are being watched and judged, but I would love to be a fly on the wall. I thought you were going to say something like, imagine, like you're on "Price is Right" and realize "Price is Right" is an escape room. Yeah. And you're having to escape through Price is Right. Right. And you're doing the little Bannerhorn thing. You're spinning the wheel to look for the code to unlock the door. But I'm behind the CCTV. They'll never fucking get it. There's something going on between Michael and Kenneth. And it's going to fucking come out. There's no way they're going to solve that padlock without me finding out what the fuck's up with Michael and Kenneth. Oh, so you're doing, like, Ed Harris in Truman Show. Well, you're watching from the moon. That's not flattering, is it? He's not a good guy in that movie. He's not a bad guy, though. He's not a bad guy? No, no. He's clearly the antagonist. But I don't think he has evil intent. I believe that he thinks what he's doing is beautiful art. Yeah. I told my kids about the Truman Show, and they, for kids who have never watched it, reference it. They watch it constantly. I'm worried it's going to isolate them from other kids when they start bringing up Truman Show. You got to show them Ed TV, dude. You got to be part of the fucking counterculture. Those two movies came out around the same time. People only talk about fucking Truman Show. No one wants to talk about Ed TV, except for me. That's true. Griffin does want to talk about Ed TV. It's so weird that Ed Harris was in Truman Show. Yeah. And Matt McConaughey was in Ed TV. It's fucked. Co-starring Truman Capote. Yeah. Truman Capote is in the moon watching Matthew McConaughey. Is that where Matt and Woody met? When did Matt and Woody meet? They were probably in a flick before Ed TV, right? That can't be the vehicle that launched there. I feel like this conversation is, they're brothers is what everybody decided, and it's a whole thing. That's only because we made it look so cool. Yeah. Everybody wants to be brothers now. That's stolen valor, I think, if you ask me. We had to earn this shit. Hey, boys, it's 2026, and video games have come a long way, as I'm sure you guys know. But I've noticed lately, arcades haven't really evolved to keep up with the PS12s and the XYZ box and stuff. Oh, that's cool. I would like to brainstorm, I'd like to pitch you guys some new arcade innovation games that I've been brainstorming. Your notes app, Travis, should be on the list. I would like to brainstorm. I would like to pitch you guys some new arcade innovation games that I've been brainstorming. Your notes app, Travis, should, when you open it, make a noise, like a siren, that goes off to alert other people in the vicinity that the notes app's coming open and the idea's gonna be flowing. Okay, this is Trav Chaff Arcade Edition. Okay, cool. Oh, wow. As long as there's an official framing for this thought, then I'm okay. The first game is, I call it Dance Dance Status Quo. Okay. And in this, it replicates the experience of being at a party where everyone's dancing, and you don't want to stand out as being the only person not dancing, but you also don't feel comfortable dancing so much that anyone looks at you, so you have to dance a little bit, but if you move too much, a bright light shines on you. That's cool. The bright light shines on you, and the machine yells your name. Yeah. Hey, Daniel's dancing over here. Get a load of Daniel, fucking dork. So you have to keep your movements little, but do hit the marks. Do you still have to mask, like, match the movements of some sort of silhouette or something? That's too much. What you're doing, Justin, that's too much. This arm's up is crazy business, dude. Sorry, that was for demonstration purposes. There should have been, like, a no sign over me, like, don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do that much. Will there be a silhouette to follow? Are there arrows? What am I doing? Yeah. It's more like there's, like, a narrow, you're standing in a narrow sensor. But if you wiggle too much, side to side, it goes off. Too much outside the bounds of the center. That's good. There could just be the- Travis is so thrown by someone asking for more information about one of his ideas, he froze up for a second. Yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, hold on. No one ever comes in here. Let me straighten up these papers, ma'am. Well, no, I haven't told you, actually. Can there just be two foot paths on the ground? So, Travis, slow down, bud. Okay. No, I want to dial in. We're taking a second. You know how there's the bar behind that people lean on so they can move their feet faster? This could just be, like, a hole. A wall. Yeah, it's a corner. Yeah, it's a corner of the arcade. It has this little two pads. You stand there and you wiggle. What if the bottom, like, the bottom of it is covered? Yeah. But people can see, anywhere in the arcade, can see you there. Yeah. So, you can't let people know you're playing it. So, if people around the arcade think your torso's moving too much, they are the ones who flip, like, hey, call this guy. Get it. And you know what's cool? Sequel opportunities. If you take 14 raiders- Regular Dance Dance Revolution machines and put them in front of Dance Dance Status Quo, where it's in the corner, now, all of a sudden, it's a whole school dance simulator. Hell yeah, dude. And you can stand there, you can watch, and you can wish. My next one, I call it a flaw machine. And it's a claw machine, but it also gets visibly frustrated and down on itself when it drops the thing that you're picking up. Increasingly so. Okay. It's also, man, that it wasn't able to hold on to the project. So, it's like, oh, my God, this is a flaw machine. It's like, oh, my God, this is a flaw machine. And there's, like, a display screen with text that keeps saying things like, please give me one more chance. Okay, I was wondering how it's going to communicate that. I was imagining a sort of flaccidity to the claw itself after it's the third consecutive failure. Well, it kind of shakes with, like, anger and stuff. And then goes kind of flaccid, like, ugh. That's cool. Can you do something to increase the tension, or is this really just a race to the bottom? Will it at some point say, like, okay, claw, get it together. You've got to squeeze harder. No, if it drops it five times, a message comes up that says, man, maybe my dad was right. Yeah. What? And then it's just a. And then it doesn't work. It spits your quarters out. It's just a storage unit. Yeah, and then the flaw machine goes back to school and gives up its dream of being a claw machine. It refunds your Chuck E. Cheese tokens and is like, I don't. I don't deserve these. And it just unlocks the cabinet, and you can reach in and grab your own prize. Yeah, get what you want. This shit sucks anyway. My next one is a photo booth, but it also does passport photos. Okay, Trav, this is the only good one, and I'll tell you why. It's because these machines, not games, and also cost, like, $15. Yeah. I'm not gonna. I could go to Sears. I could get a boudoir set taken of myself. If I wanted to, in my own home, for the price of one of these machines that make me look like I'm hanging out with Spider-Man. Kids see one of these photo booths, they legally have to do it. It costs $18, and you have never seen anyone lose interest in a physical object. Yeah. The speed at which the photos come out, they touch their finger, and then the wind blows it away. Like, it's instantly. Couldn't lose interest faster. It also has a built-in printer, scanner, copier that you can use. Dude, this is a good one. This one's a good one, dude. You say that, but, like, show me a good printer, you know? Yeah. Any good printer. It runs out of toner. You gotta get a guy to come out. Welcome to tech TV. We're gonna hear fucking Raz and all the big dogs. I got two more here. A hugometer, and you know, like, those machines where you punch a punching bag, and it gauges how hard you punch, right? It's sort of like that, but it's not about how hard you can hug. It's. It measures. Did you. Hold the hug for the appropriate amount of time, but it doesn't show you the gauge, and calculates which part of your body you're pressing against the sensor while you're hugging to make sure it wasn't weird. Why? So, to see if you can do. Then it. When you get it, it just says, normal hug. Zoom out. Why? That was how. That was how. We want why. Why? Why? Why? Why a hug? Well, because some people are lovers and not fighters. I don't want to punch a punching bag to see how strong I am, but I'd like to see if I give normal hugs. Okay, first of all, I think that's bullshit. I think of the three of us, you're the only one who would ever actually do that. I've already beat. Okay, you want the answer? Yeah, yeah. I've maxed out on the punching bag. Okay, that doesn't surprise me. They won't let me do it anymore. Yeah, you don't have a traditionally sort of adept fighting style, but your fists are so fucking big. Yeah, man. that when you toss them around, there's a lot of momentum that they generate. And I'm not worried about hurting myself if it means a higher score. I won't. I won't speak for Justin. I'll speak for myself. When I see one of those machines, I always have the thought of, I'm better off not knowing. Yeah, I can't be revealed. I'm better off. I don't know what three-digit number I will produce, but there is a threshold under which I will feel bad about myself. And as long as I don't swing at it, I don't have to have that information inside of my body. I don't have to carry that trauma. I don't need that. I don't need that much context on myself. Thank you. Second, I need the machine to give me context for the person I'm hugging that's so important that this is not a one-size-fits-all situation. I need it to generate before the hug, like, this is a. This is like a Taco Bell employee who just brought your food to the table. That's not going to be a very long hug at all. Maybe there's multiple levels, where level one is like a family member that you love very much, and like, they're happy with any hug. And then you get increasingly less knowing them until it's like somebody stepped in and you couldn't. If you couldn't tell if it was a hug or handshake, and you went for the hug, this is like the toughest level. Final boss. Final level is like, your therapist of three years is moving away, and this is your last session together yeah good fucking luck dude feels like a hug doesn't it because of the emotions but also definitely not right yeah that's a toughie that is do you save the do you save the uh cheat kiss for the sequel oh yeah yeah like because that's happened to me once in my life where someone just like did this fancy thing that people do yeah what was the context of that can you tell us everything i'd rather not get into it it was very chilling i actually have two more i forgot uh the next one is one of those basketball machines but if you miss enough shots a little robotic coach comes out and lowers the hoop and tells you you can take a step forward and then if you miss more shots the robotic robotic coach hands you a clipboard and tells you you have the very important job of keeping track of everyone else's scores so this is a very specific experience you're trying to simulate if you're trying to simulate it feels like yeah and and uh i will say tech wise it's difficult you got to think a lot about like maintenance trav and how many of these clipboards are we handing out to folks um is it a can you pay for a branded one or are they all branded and then you can partner not be branded yeah like partnership like i went to travis's boring arcade and the only thing i got was this clipboard you did that the final one is a vr machine that when you put it on you're now in a vr arcade and can play arcade games and in that vr arcade there's a vr machine that you can put on and then you're in a vr arcade and there's a vr machine and you can put it on and now you're riding a roller coaster with minions okay that's oh now i'm yeah baby you got me it's just the same i was about to bail but i was short-sighted once you brought in the minions i was like okay and then the minions put a vr machine on you and now you're back in your own life but it's five percent better yeah okay so can i suggest a change for this uh-huh the headset is hanging on one of those cables and you know there's the attract screen you see the minions and everything but when you walk up and you touch the headset it shuts down it powers off and the screen changes and immediately says don't do this why would you put this on your face other people have put this on their face it's going to be wet this game is free and it's kind of a public service honestly that's being provided by the city it could also point out for the amount of credits that you will use for this two-minute vr experience roller coaster here's a list of other games you could play multiple times yeah that we think you'd like more yeah like a diversion yeah you guys seen that arcade we got arcade nearby we go to sometimes it has a connect for basketball you all know about this one yeah it's like it's like connect four except it's huge and you shoot baskets into the different racks to try and get four and connect them um and i think it's bullshit because how the how the hell am i supposed to control where the basketball goes i think we should just have regular connect four and let me drop my tokens where they wherever they fall but you still want it to be huge that's what griffin i want to connect four just don't make me shoot basketballs because how the fuck am i gonna control i'll shoot for that one boink nope it bounced all the way to the other side i guess that's where my i guess that's where my strategy's taking me now yeah bullshit when i see like sports games in arcades that require actual uh like skill in that sport it takes me out of it a little bit like that's not why i came to the arcade to be reminded that i suck at basketball like you shouldn't have to do sports stuff this is a this is a nerd zone no skeeball is as much athletic prowess as i need thank you very much i'll tell you what i would do if i owned arcade i would set up a machine that scanned people to make sure they're not mark rober that fucking fool's always rolling oh yeah like hacked rigged this is it and i would say i would have a camera and i would say maybe the invention i'm suggesting is just a piece of paper behind the ticket redemption counter with a picture of mark rober on it says keep an eye out for this dude he's gonna come and he's gonna talk shit about our games and he's gonna talk shit about our games and he's gonna talk shit about our games and he's gonna build a little arduino that's gonna that's gonna get him all the guy with an arduino and a bunch of gears and stuff if you see a dude and he's got a big backpack and the backpack is humming and he has a wire connecting the backpack to the joystick this is mark rober he's full of shit and he's going to rob us blind he is gonna clean out your whole kushball supply from the ticket counter if you see this man dumping a bunch of chemicals into a trash can he's making elephant toothpaste you better run for your fucking life because this guy's got several several world records in man this is the most confident i've ever been to people's homes like with mr b mr beast routinely this has happened 30 40 times where mr beast will bully mark robert into going to one of his scribers homes and filling it with elephant toothpaste and blowing it the fuck to smithereens no they love it mark they love it i don't i don't think they do jimmy no you know that mr beast video i'm building 100 houses for people in his homes i already destroyed mark robert yeah today i'm gonna be rebuilding 100 houses to specifications before i destroyed it with marker bear but here's what they don't know i filled all the stud walls with elephant toothpaste what you did no mark you said it was regular insulation swore we were done not you truly are the beast there's no miss though if i were gonna do oceans 11 i would bring mark robert on hard core like that would be he would be my first oh he's number one call yeah hey and he'd show up to the first meeting and be like we've had a year and a half to prepare what have you got mark and he's like these games are rigged and it's like yeah mark we knew that part what are we gonna do about it man we're getting we're supposed to steal all their emeralds or something what if we tried elephant toothpaste what if we um you suggest that every time mark it hasn't worked yet but let's try it again all right what are we gonna need all right we'll need a drifter a forger obviously gotta have an acro man gonna need a face gonna need an elephant toothpaste guy because how the fuck are we supposed to get into the vault if we don't blow it up with elephant toothpaste first there's a rip man having to build your oceans 11 out of youtubers would be a hell of a would be a dude yeah dude yeah i got the joseph's machines guys he does all the rube goldberg shit it's twisted what he's doing with keys side surf studios can make cakes that look like real things i don't know how that's gonna play in but we're gonna use it wait this isn't a sack of a hundred million dollars it's cake with real money elephant toothpaste i can't breathe god damn it he gets one of those fucking fart boxes mark rober makes mark rober this is it he already took all the emeralds he replaced it with a screaming fart box and he's like i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe i'm gonna need a fart box mark god dang it hey how come our theft team has like 19 parkour guys on it i told you we only need one parkour guy but they're all slap they're all something and parkour man i can't help that this guy's does parkour and he's got a strong christian message and i don't know how that's gonna come into play in the heist my kids watch denis lava she turns herself into like she's made of diamonds does that help does that do anything does that laser grid she covers her face with eyeballs sometimes is that oh yeah maybe all one of them can get through us an iris scanner i don't know uh hey can we take a brief break and yeah that was so sincere or two yeah some ads just some brief ads is that is that gonna be a you know we've talked about spare space for years now and we've told you what it is so what we're going to tell you now is what it isn't what isn't it confusing what isn't it overpriced what isn't it a candy bar what isn't it a pile of bricks what isn't it um it's that's it no you've done it you've done the only four things that isn't because that is how comprehensive their services are yeah you can use squarespace to build a website that basically can do anything other than be a pile of bricks candy bad any other thing you want to do with it they they can't why because they got designers who really know how to build websites and they make templates which are basically like skeletons you take them happy halloween you take the flesh and blood of your ideas and make a frankenstein out of the well this would have been better trap oh yeah yeah man forget my thing what is it it's frankenstein it's frankenstein and does the spirit of a cool idea haunt your dreams your wedding okay is it a ghost is it frankenstein or is it a skeleton it's it can be all it can be all those things so look at your graveyard of dead ideas and yeah resurrect them like zombies with squarespace don't try to like hijack the cool like halloween idea i'm trying to contribute do you have you've done so much travis no heads to squarespace.com slash my brother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or i don't - Let me try it with Rocket Money now. - Okay. - Okay? Space! - Yeah, it's cool. - Space is big, and there's a lot of gaps between the stars that could be filled with your money. - Damn. - You're gonna need a lot of money to get to space, 'cause the stars shoot for the moon. And even if you miss, you'll still have money in your wallet thanks to Rocket Money. - I don't think that this is-- - 'Cause Rocket Money helps you. - So listen, guys, our budget lets us sponsor exactly 10 podcasts. I think we should keep MBMBAM on the list. I know that these boys just won an award for their ads, and when they talk about our product, they won't do it like they're really struggling, like they're trying to take a huge shit and not talk about our product. - Ironically, if Rocket Money did go over Rocket Money's finances, one of the expenditures that they've been doing for a while-- they may want to revisit, maybe even help them to negotiate a loan fee or something. - Yeah, this is crazy. I don't know that we've had this realization. Everyone use Rocket Money, except Rocket Money, because then we won't talk about Rocket Money no more. - It really, we have all actually used it to check our spending to see where we might be able to save some money, and they can find subscriptions you forgot about, all that great stuff. So it's a really useful tool, great place to get started with your money. If you get anxious because you've been ignoring it for too long, this is a really good way to start to chip away at it, start to return your attention to it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com/mybrother. That's rocketmoney.com/mybrother. Rocketmoney.com/mybrother. - I've got it this time, guys. I've got it this time. - Okay, man. Can you not yell? I think the yelling is what the advertisers. - It's me, Travis. We've all got things. People got things. You need things. Some of your things are old, and now you need new things. But where do you even get things? Where do things come from? Things come from Wayfair, your home, for the things you need in your home. - Okay. Just a little more. - Okay, great. - It says here, it says here in the copy specifically, don't say the word furniture. - Okay. - And so we'll have to edit out where I just said. - Okay, Wayfair products are hand vetted by product specialists using a 10 point quality inspection. And that's more points than we use. - Hey, Travis, you're popping a lot of P's here. - Okay, let me take P's out of it. Shaw, thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're assembly, relaysing, and alliance, or transforming your home from top to bottom, for the holiday season. - Yeah. Is that better? - It was, it was. The plosives were better. - I hope that YouTube membership thing is going good, 'cause I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. It feels, it's starting to feel intentional. Like we're daring people to stay with us. - This is my best. That's the truth. - That is the truth. - It's the sad truth. - Wayfair is the service you go to when you need a furniture piece that looks good and fits a set of dimensions that are so fucking specific. If you tried to go into a shop somewhere and demand a piece of furniture to these exact specifications, you would seem like a madman. But Wayfair can actually do that shit for you. - And the reviews I actually have found really helpful on Wayfair. I felt like a lot of reviews you read, they feel all, you know, made by artificial intelligence or spam. But these are, the reviews on Wayfair, are really like, hey, this was easy to put together. I have fun doing this. This is a nice piece, this lasted, whatever. I got a dresser for one of the girls' rooms from Wayfair because we'd been moving, you know, from the baby furniture up. And it was, I liked it so much, we bought another one of that same kind. Wayfair has great stuff. So check it totally out. - Find pieces made for real life and get even more value with Wayfair Rewards. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. ♪ Wayfair, every style, every home ♪ - A few weeks ago, a co-worker came up to me at the office and told me they're planning for a movie-themed Halloween party and want to go as the driver from Drive. They asked me if I have any driving gloves because I quote, "seem like the type." - Hmm. - I said no. Not only do I have a pair of driving gloves, I have three pairs in different colors, okay. - Wow. - Wow. - Wow, way to miss your chance at human connection. - Yeah, really. - Really, right? It's like this person saw you for who you were, including a set of very overpriced exact replica gloves to what Ryan Gosling wore in the movie. My colleague has been complaining the office-- - Layers on layers, on layers, on layers. - Yeah, this is a really, you're taking us, my colleague has been complaining in the office they just can't find anyone who has driving gloves. Or any gloves that look quite right. - I gotta look at these gloves. I gotta look at these gloves, hold on. - Brothers, how do I either help my work friend or find out what the type even means so that I can decide if I want to reveal just how correct they were. That's from Vehicular Vestments in the Falcon Islands. - I'll tell you what the type is, it's you. - It's you and they clocked you and like-- - They clocked you so-- - The tenor of the question is so wrong because the tenor of the question should be I fucked up, so bad when I reflexively said no, I don't have driving gloves. Unless you wanna have a moment of connection later where you're like, I'm not the type that has driving gloves, I'm the type that has three pair of driving gloves. - Yeah, oh, you didn't say like multiple pairs of, I thought you were asking if I had one pair of driving gloves. Hey guys, can I tell you a secret that won't surprise you at all? I've thought about getting driving gloves real hard. - For driving-- - That surprises me because you didn't. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The surprising twist is that there is a-- - An impulse you didn't act on sort of immediately. - Yeah, 'cause you've experienced the impulse and yet not acted on it, amazing. - I have diagnosed Raynaud's and when I'm driving, my hands are at 10 and two exactly where the vents are blowing the cold air upon my fingers. - Oh dude, I hate that shit. I hate that shit. - And I'm thinking, what if I was wearing driving gloves as a preventative measure to keep my fingers from going numb? - And I will say it always makes maladies sound more, more impressive and real when you describe them as diagnosed. That helps me to take it-- - And there's a tone of voice you use to let me and Justin know this is not for jokes. - This is not for jokes. - The way you said Raynaud's, it let me and Justin know this is a sacred space and it's not for jokes. - I did that for your guys' safety and comfort. I don't want you to look back, oh, Travis is joking. - No. - Yeah. - That was real, that was real shit. - Nevermind the fact that my physical maladies are basically the bingo of this program. So often are they overused for comic effect. - Right. - It's basically the church lady or Mr. Peepers of this particular show. - And my shit, I'll never tell. - Yeah, no one knows Griffin's maladies. - I'm so twisted up and fucked up inside. I'm a wasteland, baby. - Why don't you want, I'm not meaning to be critical because I think a lot, maybe other people would have done this, but I don't want you to look like who you are. You do want to look like who you are, right? That's who you are and you look like that and it seems. - Ooh, this is a big unless, Trevor. You sure you want to unless that? - They say like these are replica high-priced gloves. - Oh, the subtext is definitely they do not want to get these gloves all switched up. - It might not be that they're hiding. - I think that's the regular text. - Yeah. - That's just the text, yeah, sure. - They're not hiding that they are driving gloves from Drive people, it's that they don't want to be the type that says, yes, I do own multiple pairs of driving gloves, including a replica pair from Drive, but no, I won't let you borrow them because I paid top dollar for these bad boys. - I just, I want to advocate for our audience always, but I'm thinking about the branch, the narrow read that this person climbed out on to say, you look like the type who has driving gloves. - I know. - It's like they're certain in their heart and their fucking gut that they were right, and they were right, and you poo-pooed them, and that's ice fucking cold. - They're probably still living in that miscalculation where they're like, I ran all the numbers. - They're writing on the walls. - There's no way I was wrong. - They're writing on the walls of their apartment. He's like, I thought they had gloves. I thought they had gloves. - We are all trying to spend a lot of time hiding the embarrassing things we do. We all can respect and relate to this. I think the impulse you guys start wondering is like, and maybe what we need to fight is, am I about to do a more embarrassing thing to cover up for the original thing? - Yeah. - Because I do think lying about being a driving glove guy is so much of a harder rap to beat than just being the driving glove guy you are, you know? I don't want to, it's tougher. This is why the four agreements urge us to be impeccable with our word. because it is so much harder to dig back out from this. But you do, I really, guys, I'm trying to think of a comedy version of it. I literally can see no daylight other than, listen, hi, in the moment, I panicked. I freaked the fuck out. I freaked out, and that's on me. Yeah. And I'm going to start, I'm just going to start eating shit on it today. What also? I figured the sooner I start eating shit on it, the better it'll be for me. But also, I do not feel comfortable loaning you my expensive pair of replica driving gloves. Then give them the non-expensive, you have two other goddamn pairs of driving gloves. Guys, no one's going to be like, that's not screen accurate. Just give them the regular driving gloves. I pictured a moment where they don't make a culpa, right? And then they are driving into work. They pull in the parking spot with their, the drive accurate driving gloves. You don't wear, no, no, no, no, you don't wear those on the fucking commute, Travis. Those are in the fucking vault. Those are in the safe. They're not to drive. Then you're every day, you're off-court buddies. You're wearing your off-court buddy driving gloves. You're gripping the wheel. You look up, and there's your coworker. Yeah, they'll see it. Looking at you. Looking at your hands. And you're both now just in that moment together where they're looking at your knuckles, looking at your eyes. Yeah. And shaking their head. Way worse than just owning up to it. Can we try to get to the bottom of what it is about a person, other than seeing them wearing driving gloves, that makes you think they own, that's my source for driving gloves. Okay, that is actually the most important part of the question. The number one thing that I thought was race stuff. Okay. So if you have a jacket that has like race team, sometimes you see this, if you see people that have a silhouette of a gun, you know what I mean? It's like you know kind of about them, if the flag looks like it's melting over a gun silhouette. I feel like that. With an eagle next to it nodding like, yeah, ooh, nice. I'm not a gun guy, but that aesthetic is so fucking cool. I'm so jealous. You could pull it off too, dude. I could. You could be the funnest. No, no, no. No matter what I said earlier. If there was a cooler thing for the American flag to be melting over for an eagle to be like approximate to, then I would go for that, but not, I don't think I could use a firearm. I think if you have a key chain of the model, like the make and model, the make and model of car you own, right? You might be a driving glove guy. Oh, that's good. Like it says like Camry 87 with the original logo. Yeah, right? Because it's like, it's so part of my personality. The key itself doesn't, isn't enough to say Audi. Yeah, yeah. Right? I need to say the Audi is attached to the Audi. Travis, you sounded like one of those tubes that you turn and it's got the little. Yeah, I think. That's cool. That's cool. Do you have an ascot? I try to make it a trip thong. Yeah. When you, when you come into work, are you wearing like a leather jacket and an ascot and your hair is like wind swept? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that would let me know. And you drive a Porsche, that would let me know. You got goggles on? Yeah, you might be a driving glove guy. It's a little verbose. Do you maybe wear driving gloves to drive to work every day and then you take them off as you're coming in to the office maybe? Yeah. And maybe it's not. Maybe this person just kind of saw, has seen you many times. Yeah. Wearing driving gloves and they are being generous. Maybe you live in sunny California and you got the drop top down and you're cruising with the gloves on. You do slip them off before you groove into the parking lot, but then you walk in. What's that? Let me see your hands. You got a driver's tan right there. You got driver's tan. Yeah. I can't help but notice. Do you wear jodhpurs a lot? Yeah. I think if I saw someone wearing jodhpurs, and like high, like leather boots, maybe with, oh, what are those things called where they go down over your boot? You know, the cover, the boot cover. Welling? If I see someone wearing that, I'm like, they've got driving gloves. Chappies? What about a tiny mustache? Tiny mustache and always describing planes as big, beautiful birds. Yeah. That's what we think a lot. We take a driving glove guy, you know what I mean? Like, look at that beautiful eagle soaring through the sky. Look at that giant goose. Do you often accept travel-based race challenges from people? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Like, oh, I can get to New York. Have you been to Morocco? Yeah. Period. End of sentence. And you brag about how you could get there in three days' time, if need be, with no aeroplane. If I ever made a movie. With no aeroplane. With no aeroplane, I could make it to Morocco in three days' time. If I ever made a movie, I would make me make it. I would make my character wear a jacket with, like, a cool animal on the back of it. Because that movie has had such an enduring legacy on All Hallows' Eve, and I think it all kind of comes down to the fact that he wore a jacket with a cool animal on the back of it. Hey, hey, can we talk about the connection to that in Hail Mary, where he wore a cardigan with, like, some foxes on it, and now everyone's going to be wearing that? My man. Once he wore a shirt that says, I'm Knuff, and everybody's like, I want to be Knuff, right? Wow, hey, that's a good point. Is he, is Gosling kind of driving? Is he driving the Halloween conversation? Is that, like, his fucking groove? Is that his deal? Yeah, I mean, the hard thing is, you're not, you're not going to look like Gosling in them. Like, that's that thing about the sweaters. You get a big sweater, and it's just like, he makes it look like a sexy grandpa. Yeah. And they just make it look like a regular grandpa. Like, it's tough. Yeah. I'd be happy with a hear-me-out grandpa at this point. Yeah. That's where I want to be. Put me on a cake. You guys remember? When everyone dressed up like Lars and the Real Girls Lars, from Lars and the Real Girl? That guy has fucking got his finger on the pulse. It is rare to find a one-man couple's costume. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. There's a new season of Adventure Zone going right now. I think the second episode comes out this week. The first episode's up. Taz Providence. I'm running it. It's a six-episode mini-arc using Supernormal by Ursad Ice. Griffin, Justin, and Dad play. As pretty minor gods in the Pantheon, exploring a small island village. It's very fun and silly. And, I don't know. I had a great time doing it. I liked it. It's a fun movie. You're going to enjoy it. I think it's very goofy. Thank you. There's also some new Monster Factory out. Juice and I played Paralives, and we fucked it up so bad. Yeah, we almost broke it to a point where it stops resembling a game. Yeah, we ruined it. We ruined it good. I enjoyed it. We got some good stuff. We got some merch over at the merch store, macaronimerch.com. Duber's Sweet Leaf t-shirt designed by Bryn Doherty for fans of Taz Royale's special little guy. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights, which works to protect reproductive health, self-determination, and dignity as basic human rights. Hey, listen. I know that we mentioned it earlier, but I do want to say if you want to watch this show, in addition to listen to it, or instead of, I guess, you can if you go to YouTube and listen to it. And join up there for five bucks a month and become a member of our channel. You'll get access to video episodes of this here show and early access to other video content like Monster Factory, Technically Competent, et cetera. The goal is to have video episodes out two days after the audio version is released. So usually Wednesdays. We'll do our best, you know, figuring it out. And thanks for supporting us there in that way, because, I mean, someone's got to do it, you know what I mean? They don't produce themselves. That's so true, Travis. Yeah, so true. Thank you. And thanks for listening. Who wants to throw something? I got a gold Zelda cartridge. Holy shit. For the NES. Ooh. It's a good one, right? Look at the shine on that bad boy. Really nice. That's incredible. Look at the patina on this NES cartridge. Is that an original, Griffin? Yeah, it's an original. It's pretty dirty. Okay, throw it. Throw it. Shatter it. I don't want to shatter it. Shatter that piece of gaming history. Okay, here we go. Three, two, one. Oh, man. You almost drilled yourself in the back of the head. Yeah, you banked it around yourself. That was incredible. It was wild. That was a really good one. Yeah, I did a wanted. I did a bullet. Visually, one of the more entertaining ones, I will say. Cool. Well, my name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been My Brother, My Brother, Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better with you. It's my life. It's better. It's better. My life. It's better. Is it true? It's better. It's better with two. My life. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.