MBMBaM 832: A Clean Bill of Pants

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex expert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? What, you're three? It's the start of something beautiful. A small quaintance has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you. This is true. Hello everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me. And if I show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. What's up, Travis Ancient, seeing your little brother Travis Big Dog, woof woof, room, room, the heater, our word-winning McElroy. I'm extreme athlete Griff McElroy, and I am here to formally announce. Biggest earliest lie yet. My retirement from the sport of high rocks, I'm fucking outgang all my brand deals. No, Deedas canceled. So that's high rocks, if you don't know, that is a fitness competition that combines eight teams of running and eight functional workout stations. It's fitness racing, a sport for everybody. It's fitness racing, a sport. I was at the forefront of, at the height of my game. It turns out mate, I may combine two things, no one likes to do. That's amazing. And I can't do either one individually. I can't run eight camps. I don't even know how long that is. I can't do that. I can't do a two camps down head to toe. Yeah, I can't do heavy rope or super jump or double jump, be more tire flip. I can't do that shit. But when you mix them together, I found my fucking niche. The only issue is that there was an event. I don't know overseas. I didn't actually go to this one because I had others to, there was a travel ban. I just say travel ban travel ban. I yelled down on plane. I bailed on a plane. It was positive, but yeah, he was really excited. He was watching mission at possible. He was really excited that Tom Cruise. Well, I kept looking at the window, kept going clouds. And they kicked, they wouldn't let me back on the plane. No, no, I like Travis's joke. Do his. Okay, go ahead, trap. You got really excited watching vision impossible when Tom Cruise survived and succeeded. He just got so excited. He had to cheer for Tom. Yeah, Tom. I like that. Yeah, it was, you know, the big Beijing race and the big high rocks race. And then there was an athlete who soiled herself during the race. And she went on to win. And had a really fun Instagram post about it. That's like not, not pretty, but a wins a win. And it's like, that's awesome. And then people got super max. They're like, you can't just poop all over the floor, whatever. We are in a race. It's not safe. And then a high rocks had to change the rules and institute an official rules saying that you can't shit your pants while you're doing. So I think that's a balloon. I think that sucks. You're going to ask me to push my body to the limit. And then when my body pushes back, you say, this far no further. Do you want me to be as an elite athlete? Or do you not want me to be an athlete? So have these sports commissioner rule making people never shit their pants before? Are they thinking that someone would shit their pants? And that would give them a motivational boost to do better? No. If anything, overcoming that and winning means a movie made about it, not punitive rule changes. Exactly. Now, this is a hacksaw rich story of facing adversity and having courage and triumphant. And then we are going to punish. I don't think so. I'm sorry that there's dukey on the floor where you're doing your athleticism. I realize it's a biocaps. Mario Kart that happens sometimes. If I have sometimes tongue is a wild animal. He shits on the track. That's what the banana peels are. It's his poop coming out. And this is, this is like that they marijuana drug test, the THD drug test at like the Olympics. You're telling me that that makes them better at sports. It makes them faster and more, no. No one likes to swim that much unless they're stoned out of their goddamn mind. Let me shit my pants while I'm doing big ropes. And that now if you're shitting, maybe not, maybe I'll say it that way. I'm doing huge ropes. Let me fucking shit right in my pants. If you shit in the pool during a swimming event, you should be, okay, let me check the Olympics rules. Justin, you guys joke, I'm going to search official Olympic rules. Can you shit in the pool? Help me out, Google AI. No, you cannot poop in an Olympic pool. You can't. You can't. You can't. I'm screen sharing my screen right now. I've never seen an authoritative, a more authoritative answer from Google AI. Simply, simply throw pass. No, no, you can't trust that. You get to go to the source. You can't trust the Google AI results. I've never seen that. Those same Google AI results are the ones that told me that Tim Curry was definitely in the day that world broke just because I had done a video about it. You read it's the way to go. You're right. It's where all that truth is. This hasn't happened. But I mean, the question is now being raised. All the results are about this high rocks event. People are now talking about, well, can you shit while you're doing sports? And I think that's so wrong headed and closed minded. I think people are really talking about high rocks for the first time. And I feel like if you were somebody in the high rocks, high rocks, higher ups, maybe you were wishing this wasn't how you rose to prominence, you know, maybe that if you ban shitting, you may have just, you may have just removed yourself from like the number one thing that people owe about high rocks, probably speaking, like just that it's so intense. It's so intense. It makes you shit your pants. Wouldn't you want that to be part of the like high rocks, the sport that makes you shit? It should be like fighting in hockey or it's like you definitely should it, but like yeah, everyone will give you a minute. It can really change the momentum of a race, a pants shit. There's nothing formal about it in the rules, but now there is. And the crowd's on its feet, you know what I mean? Now the crowd's on its feet. I don't know if there's a crowd. And it's, it will literally change the momentum of the race because people will slip in it like Elmer foot on butter. Yeah, you're going to need, you're going to need definitive lanes. Yeah, maybe barriers between them is going to be a new thing that you're going to have to come up with. Yeah, sure. I mean, during COVID put big plastic walls up between all the different tracks. Get the ropes further away from each other. The big huge ropes, I think they probably use. I bet the sport that pooping your pants would have the least impact on gameplay is probably golf. That's what it brings to mind. I'm trying to think of a sport that it would matter less. Most golfers are probably pooping their armpits. Yeah, I mean, they don't have to reach out on the, on the course. And I will also j, gentlemen, I will caution you. Okay, we just had to delete eight minutes of great stuff about Mitch McConnell because we all agreed that it felt too mean. Yeah, let's not some little ages and begin, okay? I'm serious. The coldly I Mitch McConnell jokes were not about ageism, but about the darkness in his heart. Yeah, that's all that I am saying. And all I said, Justin was that someone should run up and tug on his scalp gently and not hurt it. That's all I said. Literally, literally. Because we had to stop because we did eight minutes of stuff that was too mean. I was talking about with sport pooping your pants would have the least impact on gameplay up. And you guys seared it in this direction. Could have been comparing like what happens in badminton versus like a skeleton crew. And you guys were like, hey, let's talk about the nine minutes. Let me frame this way. Here's a reframe. Here's a reframe. If I was on Mitch's street team, I would want someone to tug gently on the scalp. A reframe doesn't bring us back to the topic that we're trying to avoid. It's definitely not downhill skiing. Downhill skiing would be a huge issue. It would be a big problem. Inline skating, skateboarding, huge issue. Racing truly, there's a tough, I don't know how one finds a race that you can unload and do. It really should be an end. I think so fast. Yeah, but I, that's also like 40 yards. Yeah. Maybe it's, you know, thing is if I was high rocks and my sport made you, made people and I googled like, is this a thing? And then the results were pretty unanimously like, yeah, some really extreme athletic events do make you shit your pants. I think if you're high rocks, you got to take a look at that and be like, we got to dial it the fuck back. It's too hard. That's too hard, man. You just add a special category now. So now, right now it's high rocks, high rocks like post-laxid. High rocks. High rocks, big meal. You know what I mean? High rocks dirty. High rocks dirty, right? You can add an asterisk, which immediately looks exactly like a butthole. There we go. There we go. An asterisk. I got a PB on the, on the high rocks course. stands for or poopy butt. (laughing) - I said a new P.P. - How would she, I, she has continued to draw criticism for not issuing an apology. - What do you do? - Hey, women, you don't need to apologize anymore. Take it from me, a man. - Well thank you. - You're welcome, but for serious, you shit your pants. You don't own any apologies. I've never apologized. To anybody for shitting my pants as an adult and I will continue to keep that streak alive. Is the worst for me? - Yes. - Always. - That's always the worst for the shitter. - If anything, the Commissioner of High Rocks I assume exists. - Oh, it's you an apology for making this work so hard that you shit yourself. - Yeah, I have a refund on this 'cause this never happened in bottle smash. - This never happened in Badminton? - Definitely in boxing though. - Never in boxing. - Never in boxing. - I've been punched so hard. - Dude, you've got definitely some place in your like, in your fowness or whatever that if you get punched in just right. Blast off. I think we should get to high rocks, execs to do a high rocks. And if we get a clean bill of pants at the end of it from all of them, then this rule can stand. Otherwise, do you want me to push my body to the fucking breaking point or not? I retire. - Whoa. - Wow. I'm just forthwith. - Wow, Gryff, I'm going to miss you. - You'll get no more ropes from me. - Not until this, not until this policy is reversed. - This is an advice show. - Do you think they have to also put in a rule that you can't piss your pants to it? Like, do you think while they were like, well, let's-- - If everybody's so, if everybody's so precious over there, you know what I mean? Like, they never see people. - Yeah. - What if I Jews while I'm high rocks and involuntarily? Sometimes that happens when I push my body to the fucking athletic breaking point. Is that blast off? - What's next? - No crying in baseball? What are you gonna do? Keep updating the rules. - That's another rule. - If you have to have pants to actually-- (laughing) - No crying in baseball is good, though. It's an exact equal, it's an exact equal problem. - That would be great. - No way. - There's no rule in high rocks that you can't show your pants. But if you do, Tom Hanks is going to run up to you. And say, there's no shitting in high rocks. - And then the referees from Airbud come out and they check the book and they're like, actually it's nowhere in the room. - Actually buggy kids, she can show. - I do wanna give my flowers to the athlete who did this because she has been so unflappable in the face of this, because she knows she's not wrong. The sport meter shitter pants. She didn't do this voluntarily, not in trouble. - No, if she had had a regular Tuesday at Barnes & Noble, there's no way she would have just butted out. - Droped ass right there. - Stop talking about this. - She's like, I won high rocks. - Yeah. - I should shit my pants in the process. I'm a fucking hero. - You know what I'm looking at for so stinky Airbud hated it. - Yeah, good point, does that, is it a rule now that a Keele fart so bad that it makes Mark Fisher have to leave his own bedroom and throw up? - No, is that like, is that how bad it? - The rules. - This is an excellent point, Justin, because if you're leading the race and you drop a fart so stinky and so bad that everyone behind you slows down to get away from it, is that cheating now? Is that cheating? - And they have to stop. It's so bad, they have to stop and be like, boo! - Yeah, like that's it, like. - These other athletes who looked at the poop on the ground and were like, I'm done. They just wanted to stop doing high rocks because of how exhausting and shitty it is. - I thought we were pushing limits. - I thought, oh, I'm so sorry. I thought we were pushing. I don't know why you guys aren't shitting on the ground. - I can break a sweat, but I can't break a wind. - Nothing. - Grow up. - Sounds like somebody's jealous. - Grow up. And if you guys, by the way, if you guys make these rules in podcasting, somebody's gonna have to give back their eye hurt medial works. Just saying, if you can't shit during an ad. - No set. - Building a bathroom break, high rocks. - Yeah, you got eight fucking athletic events and they're swap one out for a toilet time. - A pit stop. - Come on, it's stop. You know they're doing it in NASCAR. I've never checked, but I don't know how long a pit stop is. Not long enough for me. - This is an advice show, all right. I have a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card with $0.88 remaining on it. I hold a strong personal grudge against BW, okay. They're now saying BW, which is B-Dubs. - B-Dubs, that's fine. And refuse to go there again. However, I do not want to throw the gift card away. That would be $0.88 in BW's pocket. I was considering going to my local BW3. I know exactly how old you are now, my friend. You've just referred to it as BW3. Woo, woo, woo, call police. I'm giving it to somebody walking in, but this could be time consuming and awkward, brothers. How do I not waste this gift card while also not encouraging people to go to Buffalo Wild Wings? That's from Salty in Sioux Falls. Who manages to call the restaurant Buffalo Wild Wings, non-exaggeration, four different fucking things. You have to have something to take a seat with. I'll take this worry off your plate. I don't think an $0.88 gift card is convincing anyone to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah, I would not change my plans for the day at all. - That wouldn't get me all the way. It would not get me a cup of sauce. - Would it get you any whack? - How much is whack? - I don't even know. The whack is the most expensive they have. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Are you suggesting you stand outside and just wait for people to bypass you by? Because if someone gave me a gift card and they said, "Hey, there's 88 cents on this." So go ahead and spend it. I don't think I would take it in and give it a whirl. - I don't think that 88 cent risk would be worth it for me. - To expand this, make it a little bit more relatable. The thing this makes me think of is arcades. Whenever I leave an arcade, especially if I'm out of town or if I'm at like a great wolf lodge. And I know I'm gonna lose this card before next time I come, but it's got some tokens on it. I wanna hand it off to someone. I always have that thought. 100% of the time I have the thought. I should give this to someone to brighten their day and give them a little bit, but I never really know how to do that and not feel weird about it. Because I give it to an adult feels weird, giving it to a kid feels weird, leaving it. There should be like a take a penny, give a penny thing at arcades for these cards. - I am gonna be a good way to altruistically handle this. - I always look for what appears to be a lone parent with too many kids with them. Like, oh, these are their kids' friends that this one parent has been wrote in to bring all these kids. And it's like, hey, instead of you having to spend like $300 to get credits, to get $20 worth of crap, I've already done that. - Here you go. - Yeah. - This one's for you. I'm saying, give 'em all my tickets, I worked hard for those. - Well, no, I'm getting the Alta's saxophone, but then after that, sure, sure, all the hanging chat, you can pass that on. - I'm sorry, guys, this question asked her, there's set my full on Bell's left right over here. I'm really, there's a story here. This person had a gift card to Buffalo Wildlings. - Yeah. - They went to Buffalo Wildlings. They spent enough of the gift card there that they had $0.88 remaining. They had an $0.88 gift card and thought, well, definitely be back here to spend this amount and they put it in their wallet. What happened? What happened? The fact that you would be like, I know four different ways to refer to this place and I'm so mad at it that I don't want anybody to ever go there again, but I'm not gonna tell you what happened. That to me, as a study of human nature makes me nervous 'cause what happened? What did you do there? Why can't you go there anymore? - I mean, is it possible that they got robbed at Interactive Trivia? - Oh, yeah, definitely. - And so then they. - Clint McGrory was there. - I saw, I actually saw a tick talk about the bad trivia of beat-ups now. They're using an area of trivia that's just like wrong. And they're giving a lot of wrong answers. So maybe that's what this is. If that's what it is, you fit in really well here at my brother and my brother, me, you should include context like that. - Yeah. - I don't like it. - If it was something else. - Like you flipped over some tables 'cause you were pretending to be Jesus with the money changers. - Yup. - And they told you to not come there anymore 'cause they're not allowed to do that. - Yeah. - You believe that. - You believe that EW3 is a temple. - This should be reserved. (laughing) - And they said, don't come back. - This is a house of the Lord. - Is a house of a Lord that I said flats only. - And then you flip the tables like that. - Who wants flats only? Sydney does. - What are flats? - Slats versus drums. - Flats and drums. - I didn't realize flats is what we were calling those. I thought they had a body part name already. And I don't even know. - You can pay a book extra to get all flats or all drums. - Yeah. - That's just for the time and effort, I guess. - I guess. - They have to go to the slaughter. - Yeah. - I can't tell these two apart. You gotta get Greg. - Hey Greg, which are these? - Fire up the centrifuge. - We must separate them. (laughing) - That'll cost a dollar. - That'll cost a dollar. - Another joke, take my AI. That's sorting our drums and flats. - I don't like using gift cards at restaurants because I always have to, I feel like my brain has to rack itself to remember if it's okay to tip with a gift card 'cause it seems like the answer's no. 'cause what are you doing, saying like, in a little something for your travel, 11 dollars at BW3? - Yeah. - Or do you, does that get turned into money at a certain point? - Yes. - That's like it turned into, yes. How? Is there a machine in the back room that they find the card? - If I go to, if I go to BW3's in my hand, I'm $2.20 bills and I get a $40 gift card. At that point, BW3's has become a bank and they've given me a credit card, a debit card. - A debit card. - For $40 and they're holding on to my $40, which I can then withdraw from BW3's to pay for food and tipping. - Yeah. I think my assumption would just be that BW3's corporate would not be so concerned about making sure the servers get their beaks wet with the gift card money and that they are being ripped off. - Justin, are you googling if my understanding of gift cards is correct? - Can you tip with the cards? - No. I'm just curious what the, what the broad, you know, what the broad strokes are on it. Just check them out. - You know Justin, I want you to know that since I'm picking the tires on it, I'm just picking the tires on it. - I'm just picking the tires on it. Every Monday because I said something stupid, like forgive me for wanting to give a cursory search to make sure we're not sounding like the biggest assholes on the planet. All right, forgive me. I like to have some reference for what I'm talking about. - If we've done this on the eggs thing, we would have really, I don't think our brand has recovered from the eggs thing. - Shaved our eggs and eggs. - Travis, we're not, Griffin, for the last time, we're not talking about Mr. McConnell again. Do not bring up eggs. Don't bring up anything in the area. Please, that footage is lost. - Yeah, that's a fair point. - That's a gentle tug, put it to bed. - Griffin, God damn it. - Next question, a gentle tug. Next question, put it to bed, it's done. I'm tired of hearing about it, man. - You guys don't realize living in DC. - No, okay, stop, listen. You guys don't realize living in DC. Obviously, there's so much fucking horrible stuff happening in the world. It's exhausting. The Kennedy Center stuff is like, just put it to bed. One way or to other, just a gentle tug. Put it to bed, stop. It's been a fucking year. What are you doing? Anyway, put it to bed, it's so fucking tired. I work and live at a small private boarding school where all the teachers know each other fairly well. This afternoon, I was retrieving packages from the front of the school. When I noticed a box for a new, several hundred dollar pizza oven, the Univolt II, the address to one, thank you for this kind of context, by the way, my friend. This address is fucking cool. This looks like the microwave from the future part of carousel progress. All right, I will just say it's kind of fucked up that you would like get on my case and then Google the exact thing I want to Google and look at while I'm reading them. How do you know Griffin Dunn just know what the Univolt II looks like? Yeah, I addressed to one of my coworkers. I thought about texting him my compliments, but I didn't want to call him as a creep who goes to people's mail, in order to come off like I'm trying to give him to offer me free pizza. Honestly, they feed us quite well at the school. I just love a good kitchen gadget and I would love to shoot the breeze of this guy about his cool new pizza oven. Brothers, how do I initiate a conversation with my coworker about his new pizza oven without coming off like a total weirdo? That's from connecting over slices in Connecticut. Now the good news is a rich. Is this one of them schools where the teachers live at the school? Because if not, there's a story as to why this-- Because in the first sense, I work and live at a small private board school. So that puts to bed my thing about like, this is an embezzlement situation. It could still be an embezzlement. It could still. Listen, anything can be an embezzlement situation if you try hard enough. Keep your head on swivel. My thing is I don't think if there are anything like me, this coworker, and they've bought, I don't know, I assume, a high end. I don't know, a nice pizza oven. This is a 700 dollar pizza oven. Yeah, they want it. Talk about it. 700 dollars. And it's a little. Unit task, I mean, does it do other shit? I mean, I assume you can put other, if you want to put some nuggies in there. Breakfast pizza. We'll get the job done. But they want to talk about it, right? Like if I got a pizza oven and then I was like, I just want to make pizza every day. My family would be like, I think we can trust that my pizza wants a week, maybe at most. And I'm like, then why did I buy this pizza oven? And knowing that there was somebody who lived, I guess in this same building, or at least side by side with me, or whatever, who was like, I want to engage in pizza time with you. I'd be so excited. Guys, I gotta, I didn't know that I was gonna have a new stance at a certain point in this episode. But I'm gonna formally lodge a protest with the Univolt too. This is a small electric pizza oven that you can buy online for 700 dollars. And the maximum temperature of this fucking thing is 850 degrees Fahrenheit. It's a four. You should not be allowed to own a little toaster, a little air fryer that can get up to that temperature. We shouldn't allow people to have those civilians to have those in their house. That's a oven that can also cremate squirrels. It's, that's a big, that's a huge jump in temp. I don't want a pizza oven so hot that if I leave it in for an extra minute, I forget the idea of pizza. It like burns the concept out of my memory. So scorched is my pie. - You turn it on and have every light in the school dims. - Yeah, that's a, yeah, how much powers this thing trying to get up to fucking outer core of the sun, temps like that. - Just do it in an easy bake oven with a single light bulb. It'll take eight hours to cook your pizza and you'll be happy about it. - If you look at America's test kitchen, and the, the Univolt is the best, the Voltaugh is the best indoor pizza oven. The three best outdoor pizza ovens, according to ATK, all produced by Univ. I think that's the trivia I go in with because then you're showing yourself to be a connoisseur. You're someone who's interested in the field of pizza gadgetry. You just say like, hi, if you're, you know, you know, if you're a fellow ATK reader like myself, you might be interested to know that that brand I saw is very popular in the pizza world. So you have great taste. And I love a great taste of your pizza the first time you bust that guy open. If I buy myself a little pizza oven that gets up to that temperature and is America's test kitchen's like whole shit and someone talks to me about it, I am going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time. - Throw, throw, throw a ball on for me. Sausage it up good. Like, hey, that's a cool, I noticed that you had that thing. Pizza is really great. Throw a ball on for me and Sausage it up. Like, you wouldn't be excited to do that for somebody? - Maybe the first time, but it's never the first time someone's asking you about your unequal two pizza oven. - That's why it's called the two. 'Cause the second time they want pizza. - The second time you're fucking fed up with it. - My worry would be if you go in with Justin's approach that you're gonna come across like another indoor pizza oven connoisseur, but you don't own one. They're going to start been like, when are you gonna get in on this, right? Like, if you don't have a 3D printer and you find out your friend has a 3D printer and you go in knowing about 3D printers and you're excitedly talking about 3D printers, the assumption is you are on the pathway to owning your own 3D printer and they are going to check in for updates. Like, did you get one yet? Let me know what you think. - Yeah, that's true. It can't be like a hanging thread like, "Hey, let me know how that unequal two "retailing at $700 works out for you "because I've been thinking about picking one up." - I have $700. - I have $700. - How much like yourself? - I just haven't taken the plunge yet. - And my apartment is so cold. - So cold. - I figure I can kill two birds with one stone. - ATK says it has straightforward controls, which thank fuck for that as it can get to 850 degrees. I'm glad to like stay inside oven buttons very clearly labeled and it can be easily weaponized. - When it hits that aperture. - The only thing it does is burn pizza. Like, how, why me controls do you need? - Honestly, just those two buttons off and 850 degrees. - Right, they want you to remember that you're. - There's not a valve you have to open to vent the pizza exhaust. (laughing) - Can you try? Can you buy pizza-making materials? And then like in the company, like break room or whatever, try to make one in the microwave and just be like, "Oh damn it." And then try to eat the mess that you need. - They've got to be a better way. - If only this thing got it, what's this thing even get up to? - Fucking 400, that's nothing. - Do you think that you have a responsibility to go to the leadership of the school and just be like, "Hey, I don't want, maybe it's fine, but I just want to let you know that Stephen has an oven that'll get to 850 degrees and I'm not gonna sleep great at night." And maybe you will, but like, I don't know, I don't love it. - We want to let the students have like lit candles in the room, but we'll let Stephen have the servers of the sun cooking his pieces. - Yeah. - We'll let Stephen melt down gold in its composite parts. Stephen's, Stephen's, Stephen's in there meltin' down catalytic converters. These kids can't have incense. - Stephen's become Prometheus and stolen the fire of the gods. He has a box that makes things hotter than fire and he needs to be punished. - And I think he doesn't punish that. - And he doesn't punish me making pizza for everyone. - This is, well, this is, this conversation that this idea that you don't want to make It seemed as though you're looking for something by having this conversation. This is a breakdown that Sydney and I have been stuck on a lot recently where I have realized and I am firmly in the camp that if someone communicates something to me, they want me to do something about it. There's no conversation that is a simple conversation. All conversations are just and you need to fix something about this, right? You can't just say, hey, I love pizza because I would definitely take this person's interest as fishing for an invitation 100%, I would definitely read into it that they want some of my pizza or they want the oven. Maybe I should give them. They want your oven, dude, or show your precious oven. They want to take it. It's a lonely life. It's a lonely life owning a pizza fancy. Of that size. Of that size it is. And you're saying, I want the most delicious pizza and that's a cap of the lie and that sentence, brother. It's not going anywhere. You chose indoor, right, so it's like the eyes of the public. I don't want anyone to know. I could have an outdoor pizza oven and that's a clear invitation. Come up and talk to me while I'm making pizza outside. By the way, Steven, you live in a dorm. You may be able to encase that stink while the oven is closed, but the moment you open that oven, mom and me, we're all going to Napoli. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you going to sell that in a dorm? My name is Steven, got an indoor pizza oven and several quilts in a big box fan. When you go to Epcot, China smells like Italy because of the pizza restaurant. Like, it's great. You can't. They put the stinkiest leaves on there. Yeah, man. They found the stinkiest leaves on the planet and they were like, we're putting this in everything. They're good too. They're good stinky. Ratatouille's doing his best, but no crape can cover the smell of this stinky leaf. No. I've invented crepe pizza. No? Let's take a break. It's probably something there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not trying messy, but it sounds good. Yeah. It's good. It's better. It's better with you. If you've ever had a big dream, like crepe pizza, a lot of people probably, like big crepe pizzas oversized to feed a whole family. Those big crepe pizzas.com, I haven't registered a URL in a while, and I think I'm going to keep my streak alive. But if you've got an idea, like, Trav's crepe pizzas.com, maybe you don't know where to start. Can I suggest a website built with Squarespace? They have some of the best tools, the best designers, the best templates, so you can take your content, your photos, your ideas, your words, your pictures of crepes, your pictures of regular pizza, your plus signs, your equal signs and your dollar signs, whatever you want to put. That's a cool website. Thank you. It's not so much for it. It's for investors. Yeah. It's an investment deck, it's very early. Yeah. It's very early. But you can probably say that you've heard this idea justice. I could explain to you how big crepe pizza.com works, or you could go there yourself and just look at the pictures, and it's not in 4D so you can smell the crepe of pizza coming out of the vents of your computer. We don't use words because crepe pizza is so bad to say, actually, the pee, the hard sort of plosive they're running together is not awesome. It's not great. What's wrong, Juice? Did you get a yucky sip of water? Dude, you can't make a fucking drink, you can't take a drink of something and then go with your face and stop for your benefit. It's not your main. I did not wish to be preceded that much. This is all goddamn germane. You can't decide that. I can't believe we're still having this reaction. It's an honest reaction. My orange pineapple drink mix that I added before I came into your metal water bottle. Yeah. Griffin, I added drink mix. I mixed it all up and I had a little flavor for my day. I just got a really spicy one. I got a spicy drink of it. It was like. Can I have a flavor? I don't. It wasn't for them or for you, to be honest. Listen, if you want to get started on your website, do it today. Head to Squarespace.com/mybrother for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code MyBrother, all together to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You know, who was living right, Doug Funny, because he had his ensemble locked. He knew what he had going Monday to Sunday. He could turn a dance floor into a runway, and he could do it with his khaki shorts. He could do it with his green vest. It was his staple wardrobe, his wear, his kit, and you can live that life too with the help of quints. Do you guys remember that one episode of Doug where there was a popular TV show and a character on it were exactly what Doug wore. Yes. They started wearing exactly what Doug wore, and they were like, "Uh, and they thought Doug was a joiner." And he was trying to point out like, "I've always worn this." It's been my season. And they're like, "I don't know what you're talking about, but then it also went out of style and he kept wearing it." It sounds like a fever dream if that happened to me in real life. Quints specializes on your right Travis. That was a kick ass episode of Doug. Thank you. It's right up there with off court buddies. That was another great Doug Funny episode. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I like the one where he got in a fist fight with Roger. Oh, weird haircut one too. It's great. Where he wanted a fancy haircut, but then Roger took his appointment, and it looked really weird. What about the one where his body did start changing? And the whole episode was more or less about nocturnal emissions. Quints is what I use to get myself staple wardrobe items that are comfortable and easy to wear and made of premium materials, like 100% Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and marino wool. I've got some nice short sleeve button ups that they fit so well. And they're so affordably priced. Everything at Quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut off the middlemen. So you're paying for high quality, not brand markup. If you're in the market for clothes that you can just sort of toss on no matter what, in, where, how, what time of year it is, season, what mood you're in, temperature, Quints has got your back. Find your next fall favorites at Quints, download the Quints app for app exclusive offers, or go to quints.com/mybrother, get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada in the UK too, that's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/mybrother. You guys left me to twist after I said the thing about Doug Funney's Nocturnal emissions. Yeah. I realized that she can twist until we had already lost this sponsor and I was trying to recover my own career because I ever do so. Yeah, I was separating from you so they still sponsor me in Justin. Yeah. Oh, cool. We haven't tried that before, but so I wouldn't get them Quints money. It's the same way that you jettison the parts of the spaceship that you don't need anymore. Okay. Once you're up, really, by the way, crazy part of that whole space thing. I can't believe it works like that. It's a while. I don't think we've got it. It's a lot of space ship, really. It's really while that you just drop half of the ship off when you don't need it anymore. Yeah. This ain't a scene. It's a goddamn new game. Hey, everybody. Welcome to a new game that I've created. I really like that. It's a big season, baby. Yeah. New bit. This game is called this is pilot season. This is like right. It's fall. I like it. I like it. Try something. 21 pilot season will be my next game. This game is called follow boy. No way, girl. In this game, I'm going to give you a lyric and you're going to tell me if it was fall out boy or when I made up, and there's one twist in there, which is a lyric from a different band that has no relation to fall out boy. What's it worth? Okay. Can I give some criticism of the bit before it even before the laps? What a chilling time. I made it. It wouldn't be a Travis bit without Griffin's feedback before it even started. Go on, Griffin. Sounds great. I'm excited. Yeah. Let's go. I love fallout boy. I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow's dreams. This was Travis. Fallout boy didn't say that. Fallout boy would never say that. I'm going to say Travis. Wait. Can we discuss it? Because otherwise it doesn't feel like a comedy show. Yeah. True. Trap. Can you say it again, but try to sell it? Now try to sell it. I can't go on an album. We can't have that be on Spotify and have people listen to it and have the youth shaped by that line. They can't sing that. Yes. I think I don't want this to be a competition because I feel like with a binary like this, it feels bad. So I think Griffin and I should have to agree. I agree that this was a Travis thing. No one can sing. Incorrect. That is from Uma Thurman by fallout boy. What? Is it by Uma Thurman or is it by fallout boy? It's by the fallout boy. The song is called Uma Thurman. Okay. Can we get them, can we get them to play the song that, like part of the song? I just sang it. I don't know. I don't want you to. I don't want you to have to sing. It would be better. I think I have a clip. Can you take, can you get clips out? I don't know if you have any of those. Just let's just say that we, just, let's just, let's just, just play along, okay? And here's a clip of that song. All right. Next question. No, no, no, no, no, no. But you don't have to sing it because we have the clip of the song. Here comes the clip of the song. Sing lonely through the streets of Paris with nothing but an eyeful of tears. No, that's a pun that you wrote. You made that up. You made that up. Because you're trying not to be pleased with yourself. I can tell. Yeah, I can tell. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Shit eating smirk. That's by Travis. That's the Travis original. That's Travis original. That was a Travis. I was really proud of it. I pull out of here. You can tell the pride really. I can sense it. I can sense it. Travis, next time, after you read it, I need to turn. Turn. Turn. You read it and then turn fully around. Yeah. Who will I be when I wake up next to a stranger on a passenger plane? That's Fallout Boy. That's boring. That's a boring line and it sounds like one that could be in a Fallout Boy song and that you wouldn't make it. I'm not saying that I don't agree with that part, but I do think. I'm not saying I'll Fallout Boy music is boring. I'm just saying that this one line. Why would you? This feels like Fallout Boy to me. Okay. That is Fallout Boy from $20 notes bleed. Okay. Wow. Congratulations, Griffin. With an iron clad fist, I wake up and French kiss the morning. This is not by either. This is not by you and it's not by Fallout Boy. That's where I'm. This is I feel like this is the curveball graph. I feel like this is such a funky line that Travis just wanted to put it in here. That's what I think. I think this is Jason Moran's. I think it's Mr. A to Z. The curbside profit. The pocket? Yeah. Yeah. Mr. A to Z. I'll give it to you. Show me. This is the curveball. That is from Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi. One of the most emo lines I've ever heard of my entire life. Give it to me again. Iron clad fist, I wake up and French kiss the morning. That's awesome. That doesn't make any sense, Jonathan. That's fucked up, man. I love it, dude. That's crazy. Cupid pierces hearts, but yours was a through and through. Does Fallout Boy ever do songs about normal shit? Here's a song about a friend I had in school. He was great. We played soccer together. I loved money because I got a lot. Stuff like normal song stuff like that. I'm so cool because look at my house. Like cool stuff, like normal song stuff. About being happy because all the cool stuff you got. It doesn't have to only be that, but it feels like they only do ones about sort of love-based fantasy violence. Well, maybe the first time that they had a huge hit, it was love-based fantasy violence. They don't know how to stop doing that, you know what I mean? Yeah, true. Like you know Monster Magnet? That's the space. They made that one song just because they were trying to have a hit because they thought it was funny. And then it was their biggest hit ever. And it was like, well, I guess where the band did it. It's like when Bobby Pickett tried to do other songs and people were like, we only want to hear about Monster Parties. Yeah. Bobby and Boris. When we want Monster Master 2, we're waiting on it. We want Dracula's slumber party today. Transylvania Twist hit us. Hit us. We're ready. Do you think Bobby Boris Pickett has many, many albums? It's like, I've moved here. No more, man. I must have never gone. And I have an announcement to make. I won't be singing Monster Magnet. See? I'm so appreciate you all coming. But I won't be singing Monster Magnet. Did you ever see that one clip from The Muppets where he sang Monster Magnet for the last time? And then he died the next day and Kermit sang it with him. It was beautiful, man. Yeah. Yeah, that follow-up song that was like, there was a big fire at the Monster Party. All the monsters died so they can't have anymore. And out of respect, I won't sing it again. They left behind wives and children. Here's my new thing. Beware, you'll have the government. Bobby, I do want to tell you guys that Bobby Boris Pickett dropped Monster Wrap in 1984. And I don't know what that sounds like, but it is available for you. Let's play a clip right here. Right now they did the wrap. They did the Monster Wrap. Travis, you made this one up. I made up Monster Wrap. No. You made up the thing about the cupid's arrow through and through. Justin? I don't agree. Because I think that Travis would do would not say through and through. Because I don't think that is a phrase that I recognize as one use. So I'm going to say follow-up. It was me through and through Justin forgot my summer of watching a lot of CSI. I was going to say he knows about crime scenes. Yeah, man, I remember the mysteries all the time. Yeah. What a fool. I've been. There was very little musicality to that line. The meter of it was all fucked up. Not to slam it. I'm sorry. I don't know why he has to be like this. Yeah. I didn't. Okay. May the bridges I have burned light my way back home. That's that's follow-up boy, right? That's got to be. Yeah. It feels like follow-up boy, but it's. It doesn't make any fucking sense. You burned them. You can't go back home. Let me go back home across. How are you going to Ford the river? Follow-up boy. You burned the goddamn bridges along the way. Damn, you're mad about this song. It is follow-up boy. It's for the July. Now, the grievance point, it should be once they're burned, that wouldn't imply that they're no longer burning. Yeah. There's like, embers, I think. Let the bridges I am burning light my way back home. And what are you, what home are you returning to? If you burnt the bridges. The bridges you can't get back. You can't get back. It's a really good song. I love the song. They might not want you back. Got a return from where we started. I was just got nervous that maybe boy or fallout is listening right now. If Patrick's dumbest listening, this is coming from. His name's Patrick Stump. Wow, Griffin. You're going to come to the man's name. I've never heard that guy. Lead singers called Patrick Stump. And Pete Wins is the bass player. Pete Wins, I know that name. That's a cool rocker name. Patrick Stump is a different name. I don't think this is. You know what? No, I'm not going to make you let me feel bad. I'm not going to let you make me feel bad either. That's not a rock and roll name. Patrick Stump. I'm Patrick Stump. Watch me sing. Patrick Stump is the name. Like Lenny Kravitz. Patrick Stump is the name that the Babadook would pick for himself if he wanted to hide as a real man. My name is Patrick Stump. I'm a real man. I bet the Babadook would make some amazing email punk music. Shit. Shit. Hey, did you guys hear about the athlete that got banned from high works for Babadook? No. Last one. Got a return from where we started and we'll get there in the end. Man, this is actually the. This is the first Tuffy for me, Trap. I think that you made that up. Yeah, that's where I'm with Griffin on that one. It feels TV theme song to me in like an alternate universe where TV theme songs can be sort of spoken word poetry and it feels like this was you. You know what? A was me. I didn't think about that until you did it and it does have kind of a mic to dad's kind of feel. You know. Yeah. It's not even. How do you break that up? There's no meter to that. What's so ever? It's just a sort of thought. Yeah, I guess I'm not as good a songwriter as professional musician Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz Griffin. Yeah. We smoked that fucking game, Trap. We absolutely got everything right. So Horses makes me realize how much I miss those theme songs where they talk about what the show's about without really talking about it. I miss that. I see them in. Yeah. It's like a song that's about what's about to happen. They used to release singles recounting what you've just seen in the movie over the credits. Like what a great time. Jim West Desperado just had out there. Oh, do you remember all the good times? Let's go over them one more time. A Will Smith is such an outlier because that's like his fucking bread and butter. It's not, that's not a genre of music outside of Will Smith's sort of mil you. It is very impressive how little we have talked about late stage Will Smith recordings because they're a sort of real joy. It's just a real thorny. It's just a real thorny patch to play. There's a bramble. There's a bramble. There's a bramble. Over there. I know. Just one thing. I want a munch squad. It's a munch squad mini. It's just a little thing. I want to tell you guys because I, this is kind of an alert because I won't be able to get out there to jack in the box. But I did want to tell you guys that they, because I don't have one. Do you guys have a jack about? I do. Do you? I have a munch. Okay. Trab they're doing a munchy meal of horror. It is a Simpsons tree house of horror themed meal. And you can get it at jack the box. I could tell you right now looking at that picture looks a bajillion times better than any food I've ever gotten at jack in the box. And I've gotten a lot of food at jack in the box. Yeah. And when you've got a jack in the box, get free now. You know exactly what you're in for. There are two sort of floating slices of cheese that I don't know what they belong to. That's interesting. So this is the munchy meal. I just did one mention that they're doing this. There's a double crusty burger. You can get forbidden donut holes, spooky Simpson sauce. I wish I could get out there to do a review, but I can't. - Spooky Simpson sauce tells me nothing. - Nothing. - About, it's probably what you're doing for it. - Yeah, gotta be a mustard. The other one I wanted to talk about is more of a traditional much squat thing, but it's, I feel like it's an area where I can't really bring the context and the authoritative nature that you all are so used to me having here, 'cause I feel like I'm not really qualified. Do you know who this person is? - I do not. - Damn it. - I do not know who that person is. - Damn it, Traff. - It's a lady wearing sunglasses. - It's Lisa Barlow. Yeah, does that help? Does it help if I tell you that Wendy's is now serving Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal? Does it help if I say those words to you guys? - Same again. - Yeah, so Wendy's is now serving Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal. - It feels familiar. - Yeah, so. (laughing) - Gosh, it's a 10-year-old. - It's another 10-year-old. - I'm sure, but so the thing is this, Wendy's chicken nuggets have never been so glamorous. Starting today, fans can order Lisa Barlow's baby gorgeous meal. Inspired by the real housewives of Salt Lake City stars, go to Wendy's order. After years of Lisa's sharing her love for Wendy's across the Bravo universe. Wendy's is, and this is in italics it says, going the distance, which I guess is probably, maybe a reference to real housewives of Salt Lake City, but it just says, I don't know, with this digital exclusive meal, only available in Wendy's. - Wait, digital exclusive meal, sounds like I'm eating it in second life. It's also fucked that they had to specify it's exclusive to Wendy's. - Yeah, we're doing a press release about it. We're hearing it. They're not like, it's at Wendy's, Ann Burger King and Taco Bell for some reason. - If you get the meal, you're entered for a chance to win the gorgeously stacked baby gorgeous sweepstakes. - What? - What's that mean? - It comes with 10-piece chicken nuggets. - The sleeve steak. - Medium honk. - The price is not good. - No, sorry, we're not to the price yet. This is the meal. The meal is a 10-piece chicken nugget, medium honk, crispy fry, medium diet Coke, or choice of beverage, barbecue sauce, or choice of dipping sauce. - That's wait. - So it's a 10-piece nugget combo. - At least when the fucking Mickey D's does this shit, for like, here's the Travis Scott one. It's got a half full cup of Sprite. It's got ketchup mixed with mayo for dip in, like they really chop it up. - They chop it to get there every time. - We cut the burger into quarters, just like Travis likes it. Like they really fuck it up. - This is just a 10-piece combo meal, it feels like. - Wendy's rewards members who purchased the meal through the Wendy's app from September 16th to the 30th, will be automatically entered into the baby gorgeous sweepstakes, for the chance to win items like Wendy's gift cards. Bravo inspired merchandise. Travel goodies, beauty must-haves, personalized videos from Lisa Barlow herself. - Awesome. - For $1,000 cash prize. But can I just send the cash back and get a video where Lisa explains who she is? 'Cause that's what I would love. I would love to say hi, Justin, I'm Lisa Barlow. This is my shit right here, I'll give it to you. Do you know what to Google me? - Do you wanna know what Bravo inspired merchandise means? - Yeah, it's not the Bravo logo, but it's like- - We want shows on Bravo and had some ideas during that time and we made ideas. - I mean, Sydney's tank top that has Captain Lee's great phrase, don't embarrass yourself, don't embarrass the boat, is I guess inspired by the hit show Below Deck in the sense that it is a Below Deck merchandise and Below Deck is a Bravo show. So I guess it inspired by, but I would say it's pretty directly just like- - Here's a shit with our shows on it. - It's very big shirt with Andy Cohen's face on it. - It's gonna be a big shirt of Andy Cohen. That makes my torso look like Andy Cohen's torso. - So his face isn't on it, just his torso? - Just his torso, like you know how they have those shirts and you put it on and it looks like you were in a bikini. It would be like that, but it'd be Andy Cohen's torso. - Huh. - Not nude, but he's wearing a shirt. - Do they have that? - So a shirt, a shirt that looks like a man wearing a shirt? - Yeah. - Nice. Griffin, I can tell you one of those. - That's actually what I'm wearing right now. - Yeah, this is from the Bravo Collection. It's a shirt that looks like Andy Cohen's torso wearing a very similar shirt. - It's that on, Griffin. I really thought that was a torso. - Yeah, yeah. No, it's really him. - Thank you so much for listening to our podcast, my brother, my brother, me. I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope you got something. I hope you learned something. - Yeah, this has been one of those very special episodes. There was a message in this one that I'm sure you all got. - I agree. - Yeah, don't ask us about the Mitch McConnell stuff. It doesn't exist anymore. - Don't know. - Because he tapes level stuff. - Yeah. - He's just kidding. - You know, we got new merch in the merchandise store over at mackelroymerch.com. There's a limited edition. Pubating is always a free action t-shirt. That's only to the end of the month. Designed by Bryndority. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month. We donated to the Midwest food banks disaster relief fund, which brings together donors, volunteers, and a network of over 2,400 nonprofit partners to deliver food and sports communities across the country. Also, make sure you get your tickets for Bestie's Live on Broadway, October 9th at Town Hall and NYC. I can get those tickets at bit.oi/Bestie's on Broadway. I will not be there, not because I'm not in Bestie's, but because of my long standing beef with Russ. He knows what he did, and I won't be in the same state as him. - Oh, should have said this earlier, but if you're uni and want to send out some free ovens to your boys-- - I'll take that sponsorship. - I love to. - I will keep treating my whole kitchen to do it, sorry. And if we said anything that was even a bit negative about it, that was jokes. - That was joke. - That was all fun, yeah. - It's all love. - It's all love, uni. - I can throw my wrist brace that I've been using to help with my flexor to deny this. - Okay. - I need that. - Well, I'm gonna, yeah. I'm gonna regate it, grieve, I'm not throwing it into a black hole. But what if you've fling it so hard that you retindenize your flexions? - That's always a risk, Justin, but for comedy, I'm willing to take that risk for the show. - That's what separates the wheat from the chat. - Yeah, from my brothers, okay, you ready? We're gonna know, look. - Yeah. - Really, I feel like the throws are getting a little like-- - Are you ready? - So I wanna see some effort for the big boy. - There's so many things behind me. - I know, for the big boy. All right. - Sick. - Pretty good. - I know. - That's just a little bit more. - I'm Griffon Mack. - I'm Travis. - I'm Griffrey. - I went out of one-- - It's one of my brother, my brother me, Kishik. - I'm square on the lips. (upbeat music) ♪ It's better than you, but we are ♪ ♪ It's better than you ♪ - Maximum Fun, a work-around network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.