MBMBaM 831: How the Sausage Doesn’t Get Made

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex expert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? One, two, three, it's the start of something beautiful. A small quaintance has blossomed, it's wrapping into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me, hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach, my life, it feels like. It's better, it's better with you, my life, it's better, it's better with you, this is true, it's better, it's better with two, my life, it's better with you. Well, hello everybody, welcome to my brother, my brother made a nice show for the Modren era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. Oh, hello, what up, TravelNation, see you come in there, I'm your male, this brother Travis Big Dog Wolf from the heater award winning McElroy. Hey, what's up, TravelNation, it's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary griffin bill four to nine. And it's that time of year again, I was gonna wait to talk to you guys about this in the Munch Quad section, but it is September 9th as we record this, which means that pumpkin spice season is here and in full effect. And we couldn't think of anything else to talk, we tried to think. You don't have to tell them that. You don't have to, I want people like transparency, sunlight is the best, it's infected, and we're deeply, deeply infected. They don't need to know how the sausage doesn't get made. We ran out of sausage, we ran out of sausage. There's only so much stuff you can put in these things. Hey, can I tell you what's wild about pumpkin spice just for. Yes, dude, go off king, please. It's not pumpkin, pumpkin pie, it is the thing that you add to pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. But this would be like, if you said. Oh, I love Italian food, so I've sent this thing Italian seasoning. Not like a specific dish, but the things that you put into. Yeah, man. What do you want it to smell like Italian, you just want it to smell like Italian. That example didn't work or make any sense. Okay, well then it's like, I'm going to make you a dish, and what is it? It's just a bunch of like thyme and oregano and rosemary mixed up together. Yeah. So what's up with pumpkin spice? You got to go to the king. You got to start with the king. Okay. You got to go to Starbucks and say, what do you have in store for us? They teamed up with Martha Stewart this year to remind us that pumpkin spice is good. And that we should have it. They did a whole commercial about it. And she says that, she says she comes out on the commercial, she says, pumpkin spice is good and you should have it. And also I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. Listen to me. She says. Well, how long should I guess? This is what Martha says about PSL. If Martha's going to take the time out of her busy schedule to tell us about the PSL, I think it's the least we can do is just see what's up. Oh, pumpkin spice latte? The drink that makes us fall a little more basic? Pumpkin spice latte for Martha? This smells like my house in the fall. It's perfect. Can I get a straw? You would get a lot. Should I know him? What? Girls just want to dash. Girls just want to ask. So let's just pause. This is Martha Stewart and then she comes in and I appreciate what she's doing here. Which is that we're all sort of bored with the pumpkins. But we all have a lot of stuff going on. We're all fighting for our lives basically day and day out. We're all pretty bored with the pumpkin spice latte. Drinking it, talking about it, thinking about it. Martha's here to say, all cash in some of my credit. You know me. I own some of Martha's bowls and they're fantastic. They've lasted me a long time. I have my own vineyard. She rolls up. She's got her own vineyard. That's true, Travis. And so she's like, you can still believe me. I'm Martha Stewart and I actually like this stuff and it's okay to like this stuff. And then an attractive young man looks at her. This is the twist. So this says you would like it hot. And she says, should I know you? And then they, I guess they're going to go. She actually said, should I know him? Should I know? Should I know? Should I know? This is where I'm like freaking out. This person's name is Belmont Kamehli. And he's like, he's like such a handsome guy. But I can't figure out why he's in. When Martha's like, should I know you? I feel like she's speaking for everybody. Like it says, she says it to us. She says, athlete and campus is italicized off campus off campus off campus off campus off campus. What does that mean? It's a TV show, I believe. So television. It says TV show about TV shows. There's still TV shows. I thought it was all TikTok. No, this is horny hockey guys. It's one of those TikTok vertical shows. Not heated rivalry. It's it's it's different than heated rivalry. I guess this is the guy. This is the guy from it. We would know this better if we watched. If we watched better, more TV and didn't just watch the same TV shows or later. It's on when when the premise of something is like, we put a celebrity. Your parents would definitely identify and a young celebrity that you young ins will definitely identify. But then we also highlighted the fact that they don't like that. They have no connection to each other whatsoever. And in fact, one of them doesn't even know why the other ones there. Yeah, that's cool. That's confusing and cool. It's like a little puzzle for us. No, this is a good. I have a paragraph for this. Why would she get it hot? Why is that a thing that he's like? It's a euphemism. But they're going to make love. I don't think it is. I don't know that it is. Is that what Martha Stewart is known for in circles? But like, why are they trying to do so many things in a 30 second ad? You know what I mean? Like, just say, yum. What I'm saying? I'm so good. I'm so good. No drink for a year? Back to yum. Listen. And then guy shows up and he drinks it. He says off campus. Yum. We shouldn't have to sell you on the flavor and the idea. But rather, this is a PSA for PSL just letting you know it's back now. It's back now. This is okay. That's a three second. That's a two second long commercial. Bam. PSL back now. No drink for a year. Still. Uh, for years the pumpkin spice latte has been a defining symbol of fall and icon. It has inspired memes, sparked commentary and become an unmistakable sign that the season has arrived. Just as Martha Stewart, the queen of fall and keeping it real. Sparked? 'Cause she went to commentary. Commentary. I'm sorry. Are you suggesting because she went to prison? For a crime. Yeah. You're not ready to, by the way, we're all having a lot of fun and we've all leapt over. That's a, that's a big crime that she did. White collar trading. Yeah, dude. Uh, I took a bath because I was deeply invested in Martha Stewart industries or whatever she defrauded. I'm not ready yet. I went to prison for outside her trading. What's that? That's where I didn't know anything at all. I was trying to make trades and I annoyed them so much that they sent me the prison for ten years. I didn't call it late at night. I just had an idea. Yeah. I had an idea for a trade. I want to swap Mickey Mouse and the Ghostbusters. Make 'em trade. And this is the New York stuff. Let me get 100,000 shares of Ghostbusters. And then they would be like, stop calling. That's not. You can't. How much for orange to change. Yeah. Okay. I'd like to finish this fucking paragraph. Okay. One for her thoughts on the Beverage's mainstream popularity. Do you think that's what Martha Stewart's known for? She confidently portrays that the PSL fits perfectly in fall while Kamele grabs his own pumpkin spice latte beverage, iced, of course. Of course, why? He plays hockey. Hockey? It's not heated rivalry though, Justin. It's a different one off campus. Well, that would be heated. That would be a heated coffee. Yeah. But I think that's a play on words because now-- Now on ice. Okay. If instead of marketed, been one of the heated rivalry guys. And then he was the-- That would have been-- If a heated rivalry guy would have known that, that would have been something. But that is about, I don't know where that would fit in pumpkin-wise. I don't know if off campus is a show about pumpkins or is it set in a pumpkin game? Well, one of the guys, one of the guys, one of the guys, it's pumpkin. It's an American pie spin-off show. And-- Okay. There's your fucking commercial. Yeah. There's some pigs comes in with a pumpkin pie and it's got a hole in it. And he looks at it. And he's like, I'm going to need a bigger hog. PSL is back. Yeah. He looks like that's it. He looks at a hole in pumpkin. I'm going to need a bigger hog. Well, then he looks around. There's a lot of pumpkins around, right, because pumpkin spice is back. And he's like, oh, man, I'm going to need a bigger hog. And then he walks in and he takes a big sip. And he's seriously concerned about it. Because James-- it makes this a serious actor now. - Yeah. - So this is like, it's really bothering him. - It's too long. - 30 seconds. - 30 seconds. Jason Biggs walks in. He's got a pumpkin with a hole in it. He looks in it. He says, "Let me get two PSLs. "Please, one ice, one hot." They say, "What's with the hole?" He looks at it. He says, "I'm gonna need a bigger hog." Eugene Levy walks in. After him takes a sip of his PSL. Sean William Scott follows in, kicks in the door. He says, "No, there's come in that." - Yeah. - That's a black. I know everything. I know the PSL back. - It has to be continued. - Question mark. - Your door comes in at the end. - Yum. - Yum. - Yum. - I know everything I need to know about it. It's back. It's not been a year. It's good. What if they came out and they said, "We're cutting it. "We're cutting the flavor in half." I'm interested in that. If they came in and they were like pumpkin spice, it's back way mellower. And we've cut it in half. - We figured out a way via densities that the pumpkin spice flavor stops halfway down the coffee just when you're sick of it. And the rest of it just stays like regular coffee. - There's just strata. - Yeah. - How a climb, you can watch, you shake the cup and you can see it kind of. - But it always settles back up. Starbucks is also doing a, what's called the PSL Society. - Yeah. - The PSL Society. - I want to talk to guys about this. Look at this. A gourd mug for you in the PSL Society. - What? - The ounce gourd mug is inspired by the colors and textures of a pumpkin, bringing a playful seasonal touch to cozy mornings and Christmas fall days. - This is a white mug with red dots on it. - It's a white mug with red dots on it. - Like a pumpkin. - What the fuck are you talking about? - What pumpkin have they been looking at? - What pumpkin? - Just a pumpkin. - What are you talking about? - Fuck that with someone else's hog. There's a PSL glass cold cup. Introduce the terror of shattered glass morning PSL. - I bet you paid $25 for it. - $25 and there's a download button in case you want to save this JPEG for your files, I will. Thank you. And then lastly, we have an Owala and Starbucks water bottle for your pumpkin ice water. - Yeah, with your playful pumpkin design. It's just slightly orange, it's in no way playful. There's a stainless steel tumbler with a PSL charm. - $22. - These are all great ways to tell people that you have more money than cents. - And you don't know what a gourd looks like. - Yeah. - There's also a collection inspired by the great pumpkins. So they're really seeing whatever fucking stuff. - A lot of snoopy based merchandise. - No, I appreciate how efficiently they're combining all a bunch of shit I don't care about. - Now meanwhile, Duncan is having a lot of fun. - The people's car. Okay, I'm just gonna sit and see. Sit and see. You guys don't talk. You guys wanna talk about what Duncan's doing, right? - Yeah. - Okay. - Okay. - Oh yeah. - Tell us. - What was the secret to your group's success? - The secret to our group was that everyone had their own flavor. - Ginger had red hair. - And baby was the younger. - Ginger spice and baby spice. - And a lot of people don't know, but we originally had a six member pumpkin spice. - Oh my god. - I like pumpkin. - She had so many amazing times. - I think they were, don't squash my love. Walk through my pumpkin patch. My favorite was bumping pumpkins. - Pumpkins, pumpkins. - I like pumpkins. Do you like pumpkins? I shall do. - Voice of an angel. - Total banger. - Her choreography as well was ahead of its time. - A little bit sweet, a little bit nice. You wanna taste my pumpkin spice. - I'm self-taught. - At the end of the day, I think she was just slightly too. - Seasonal. - I left the band to focus on lattes. - We were devastated. And the others still won't talk to her. - I got you something. - Oh. - Thank you. - Cheers. - Every four. - And this is what I really want. - It's so long. (laughing) - Shall we get the band back together? I've written some new material. - No. - No. - It's about pumpkins. - A 30-seconder would have been choiceier. - You said that I would have gotten in and out. - You got in and out. - Your facial trash. - Rachel Tratch dress up as pumpkin. What if there's a six spice called pumpkin spice? - Good. - He was one of her songs, PSL back at Duncan. - What do you guys think? - Pump it out. - Pump it out. - John William Scott kicks in the door. There's come in that. Get out of here. - Rachel Tratch. (laughing) Gross. No, Rachel not that one. That one's fine. That's Duncan. - PSL back. - It just is only in the Starbucks. - I know that we could. Spend hours trying to figure it out. But when the overall goal is pumpkin spice is back and it's available now, what was the purpose of all of that in the ad? - So they want, they can't, one of the things with ads trapped is that if they just say it back now. - No drinking year, still good. It back now, try it. It back now, it doesn't give you all talking. What that, Starbucks has got to say is yeah, we like Rachel Tratch too. - But why do you need to get people talking about a drink that has been known for being popular for over a decade? - So that's interesting, Travis. - That's interesting. That's interesting. And I think you're coming to the quick of it. I think you're coming to the meat of it, Travis, because what you have detected is the real story in the world of pumpkin spice. Y'all, it's out at McDonald's. For the first time in 13 years, McDonald's will not be bringing the pumpkin spice latte too. - That's what I'm fucking talking about in a line. This is what I'm saying, you know what? It's discontinued. We've got a caramel apple pie based idea. We're just gonna leave this behind now. We're not doing it anymore. I love it. I love it. The only way this could have been better is if they had formed some sort of block. If they had created a sort of annual embargo just for 2026 to be like, hey guys, we get it. We also are fucking bored with this shit and we're fighting for our lives every day, day, and day out. We're gonna take a flyer this year. We're gonna skip it. We're gonna focus on-- - We're not doing it. - We're gonna focus on apple. We're just simply not gonna do it. 2027, can you imagine how bad you would want a pumpkin spice latte? Then you bring out trash. Then you bring out Sean William Scott. Then you bring out the fucking heavy hitters. - You're saying it industry-wide. Everybody took the year off? - Everybody took the year off, including the bucks. And the bucks came out and they focused on, I mean, the bucks is always fucking trying shit and this is, they won't shit with non-burned coffee if they want to try something new and innovative. - Non-overroasted coffee. - Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. - No, hold on Justin, we can't just skip what Travis just said. - No, Travis making some really good coffee stuff. And I do want to take a moment to celebrate this coffee. - The suggestion that every Starbucks burns every coffee roasting has ever done. - Because they don't roast it in house, Griffin. So the roasters over roast it. I think the baristas are out there doing their goddamn best. I'm not here, I'm telling you that Starbucks coffee is bitter and disgusting. And I drink it if it's all that's available. It's better than Duncan though. - Wow, wow. - Now that would be cool if Martha Stewart rolled up and said that and spoke her mind. - It's bitter and disgusting. - It's bitter and disgusting, but it's the only thing I, the only thing I've done. It's the only commercial that paid me to be bitter. - And then off-campus handsome shows up and he's like sucks, right? And she's like, yeah, it does. Do you want to get out of here? - I don't know what else sucks, let's go. - Let's go party. - I think in the Martha, in the Martha mobile. - I think I wish I had been there in the Duncan meeting where they were like, okay guys, a Spice Girls bit is not going to work if we have one of them. Two is the most, we are going to-- - We ain't getting posh. - Two is barely it. - Yeah. - The gag would obviously work best with all five. We can all agree that's not happening. And it was one, it's nonsensical. So maybe we can spring for two, two sp-- Hey guys, it's two Spice Girls anything. Can we get two Spice Girls at a room with Rachel Dratch? - I always, I do love seeing it. I love seeing Rachel Dratch. - I love seeing Rachel Dratch. Haven't they decided on just two Spice Girls? How do they settle on just those two? - Yeah, what's more, what's scary? - Rachel Dratch is a Bostonite if I'm not mistaken. And so, but not British. And so instead of getting a British comedian, they were like, well we'll get Rachel Dratch. She's worked with us before if I'm not mistaken. We enjoy working with her. But she won't be doing the Boston thing. - Because she'll have to be a Brit. It's such a weird, like compared, but also, is it been like pumpkin spice is a Spice Girls thing like a billion years old? - Oh, we definitely got that. - The whole things a billion. And this is why I'm saying, I think McDonald's is gonna end up making Starbucks look like it's a clown store. Because I think what's gonna happen is everybody's gonna move away from it. And for Starbucks, it'll be so closely ingrained to them that it would be such a mission of guilt. That would be like, well, we, it's the right. We had to stop. - Yeah. - It has to do it every year. Even if everybody else is like, eh, played. Starbucks is too strong. - Flavor too strong. - We had to sell all our leftover pumpkins to Jason Biggs. Yeah, he started a hair room. - This is an advice show. - Okay. - And the way it works is you email us your questions and [email protected]. - We ignore those questions. - We talk about, we talk about Jason Biggs fucking pumpkins for about 26 minutes. - I live. - How we do it. - That's how we do it. But it's our show. I love you. love going to one particular arcade. I've been going there for a few years and during that time one prize has always been in the redemption area. Nobody has won it and all the time I've been there, it's sort of become a staple. It's an alto saxophone. Awesome. I recently realized that I do have the tickets to get the saxophone. The issue is that I already have an alto saxophone. Awesome, fuck yes. What? There's nothing else in the arcade that I really want, but I also don't want a second saxophone so much as the r of walking out with a saxophone. Is it worth exhausting my years with saved up tickets to get a moment of glory followed by the harsh reality of a double saxophone regular life? Could there be some sort of purpose for a second saxophone? That's from seeking read-dimption in Detroit. Very good name. Really good. I will say this, if you were to buy this saxophone with tickets and then take it to a local grade school or middle school and say, hey, donate this to a musician, one of your musicians. It would be the only positive thing to ever come out of redemption games in the history of arcades. It would be the one good that has ever come out of redemption games, which are a plague on real arcades and should have been banned as the gambling dins for toddlers that they are a dozen years ago. This is true. I'm gonna take it one step further, Justin. Further than that. Yeah, picture this. Wow, you walk in, right? You have big money banks, but with tickets on them instead of dollar signs, right? All your tickets. Pictures of tickets? Yeah, tickets for the word tickets or both. Pictures of tickets and the word tickets, both. And kids start swarming around. They're like, today's the day, they're so excited, right? You get the saxophone, they hand it down, right? And then you're gonna turn to like the kid who's both most impressed, but also saddest that the sax isn't there anymore. And you're gonna say, why don't you hold on to this former kid and hand on the saxophone as soon as you roll out? Let him pond it. That's what, that's like Travis, that's like what Mr. Beast would do. Yeah, dude. That's what Mr. Beast would do with his arcades. Brancy's a derogatory of Brancy's compliments. Yeah, see, yours was just to a random person and mine was to a kid that wanted to learn a saxophone. So yours was like Mr. Beast and you just like got the aura from it and then you shoved a box and whoever was nearby. But if I give it to a school, I don't get to watch the culmination of it. I get handed to a random person. You do it to end Travis at the concert. At the concert. At the concert in the graduating college. You stayed up and you're like, yes, that's my boy. You're not even seeing Mr. Hollins Opus. It's what happens in Mr. Hollins Opus. He doesn't stand up in clap at the end. He's the only one. We used to watch that in middle school band, but middle school band was only 45 minutes long and the teacher started at the beginning every time. So I've seen the first half of Mr. Hollins Opus many, many times. We talked about this because I will talk about the driver's ed teacher that used to show us that film every year because he looked just like Mr. Hollin at the end. At the end? Like when he's in the, like they age Richard Dreyfus at the end, which like, okay. And then he's like a lot of people say that I'm gonna put this movie out and free. A lot of people say that I look like him at the end. I don't really know. And then it gets to the end. I'll be god damn if it doesn't look exactly like the driver's ed teacher. It's like, okay, I'm glad you actually showed us this flick. This is worth it. I get it. I don't know about the flick itself, but you do look exactly like this guy. Was it Richard Dreyfus? And he was there like Richard Dreyfus? Cause he's his driver's ed teacher. And he was waiting to be recognized by one of your students as like the actual guy and it never clicked. I mean, maybe that would be cool. No. I wonder if he still loves that he looks like Richard Dreyfus? Well, assuming he's alive and with us still. And that Richard Dreyfus is a lot, right? Yeah, he and Paul G and Marty are working on a buddy comedy together. Wouldn't that be incredible though? I was joking, but I would watch a hell out of a grumpy old man but with Paul G and Marty and Richard Dreyfus. Yeah. I mean, Richard Dreyfus famously during a JAWS panel talked a bunch of shit about the Me Too movement and specifically Barbara Streisand. So I'm saying that this driver's ed teacher probably maybe has done some more of his-- Oh, you're saying it's a time for a Dave situation. Let's swap them out. Yes, let's swap out actor Richard Dreyfus with driver's ed to, I mean, Richard Dreyfus might not know how to teach people how to operate a movie. Well, we can just put him in a coma, which is what I think happens at Dave. I haven't seen either of these movies. Any of them is going to talk about it. You haven't seen Dave? I haven't seen Dave. Now listen, but try to be honest. Now where we've listened, if you've lost Gryffin, you definitely have lost the listers. You've got to pull out of this tailspin Travis. Say six, seven, quick. Quick Travis. Can we get back to what I said? Richard Dreyfus, because he was a driver's ed teacher. Yeah, even that one left them cold. Maybe they don't know drivers. They don't. They don't know. Julia Louis Dreyfus. They don't know drivers. Julia Louis Dreyfus. Now you're in their sweet spot. Richard Dreyfus. Now they're sponge water. All right. Veepe, from now on when I hit a joke that doesn't work, I'm just going to get a Veepe really loud. And you guys will know what I'm talking about. Did we answer that? I don't think. I mean, we gave some bad ideas. I'll do one. Don't. You already got an alto saxophone. I think there's a famous Yiddish expression that roughly means you can't play two alto saxophones with one mouth, and because you can't generate enough kind of wind and your mouth won't be able to close, you won't be able to form the correct ombature to get two reads. You never, but when you, I could see many scenarios where you would need a backup alto sax. - Yeah, but if it is a missing area, you're getting it from a ticket redemption counter. Are there many scenarios where you need a backup worst alto sax ever made? Like, this is definitely going to disintegrate the first time you do that, right? - If I need like sort of like, when Jake the snake robberts, like would put, I remember one resident match, he put his actual snake underneath the mat, and then somebody pulled out a fake snake in a bag and tried to prevent it to kill it, but was actually smashing it, like if some bullies showed up and we're like, we're gonna break your saxophone and you pull out your decoy saxophone to let them destroy. I could see that being beneficial. - Are you, like, are you talking to me that you sit there at like, roll your ball over and over and over again for hours on end? You sit there at the fucking wonka coin machine. - Coin drop. - Coin drop and tokens in, just so you can have some bullies smash your sax? - Well, no, not just a smash it, but as a saxophize to protect your good saxophone. - Can't, you can't eat. - I'm ill-adjusted. - No, he's fucking ripping from your bad ideas. - You gotta let him rip. When he's ripping juice, you gotta get out of this way and let him rip. We owe him that. - Saxophize. - Saxophize, yeah. Well, Travis, I'll say you can't do it again. Like, you gotta let us appreciate it. When I'm already appreciating, you don't gotta- - That's really proud of it, huh? - I know, I can tell you're proud of it. I can tell from the way that you're leaning 18 inches away from your microphone. - And I sent him to become hugely inaudible. - Yeah. Did you finish? (laughing) - You're sitting like a bitch. - I bitch. - I bitched all over it. - You bitched up. - I bitched this sax. - This sucks. (laughing) - This sucks. - It sucks the energy. - It sucks the energy right out of the room. - I'm gonna do another question. - Okay, okay. - This one we can help. I recently took up C-swimming. I usually go weekends and we'll leave the majority of my stuff on the sand while I go out. But take off my beach crocs closer to the ocean. Problem I encountered is that a team of beach cleanup volunteers have come twice at the same time as my swim and took my shoes as beach trash, not once but twice. Worse is, I didn't realize it happened twice until it was too late. Brothers, how do I notify these goody-goodies that my crocs aren't the result of oceanic pollution? That's from beach shoes, often worn, huh? - Fancy your shoes, like some wounds your gibbets? - Better gibbets. - Better gibbets. If you've got gibbets in it and they see, they look down, they say, man, these shoes are filled with Digimon, this is not trash. - But then they'll steal it. - What if they take it then, as they're like, well, I guess nobody wants these? - Yeah, I mean, our nation's beach sanitation volunteers are crocs, all of them. And they're all looking to get a fucking inch. They're all treasure hunters. And they're all trying to get a fucking piece wet. They're all trying to get a score. They don't care if it belongs to anyone. I'm surprised that like, they're just taking the shoes, you know what I mean? 'Cause like, they'll probably, they probably want to take more. - Yeah. - What they are not telling you, and this is the good news about this, is that our beach cleanup volunteers, they are not throwing this stuff away. The procedure on the teams that I've been with and I've been out in Cruz for years, we typically will just get it and throw it back. If you throw it back out farther than it was before, then the ocean will claim it. So the idea is not you pick up the trash and put it in bags, the idea is you get it back to the ocean to let it claim it. - International waters. - So if you just wait, your crocs might wash back up if you're just patient. - And the big floating islands of plastic trash that we have out in the ocean, a lot of people misunderstand this. - That's crazy. - They are forming. - They look at that, they say, that's crazy, that's so much trash out in the ocean. My whole thing is like, have you ever swept before because you have to sweep everything into a little pile so that we can get it all in one go. - But also, where do those people who complain about that? Where do they think original land masses come from? We're building new land masses out of plastic and garbage and stuff that kills fish and hurts the ocean or whatever, but I'll be able to afford a vacation home on it one day. - Yeah, we're making new panjeea. [BLANK_AUDIO] - Making it out of bottles. - Yeah, it's a new island, bottle island. - Bottle island, it's bad for everybody, but the school district is great. - Yeah, we're gonna scoop it all up 'cause it's in one place now. - Yeah, now we can get it, it's easier to get now. - The ocean's currents move it all into one place, we scoop it all up with a big boat. Hello. - It's Halloween season. - You could go to like a spear at Halloween and get a really realistic like fake looking foot or two and put that in the Crock. - Off-severate foot. - And now, they're gonna have to wait for the cops. - That's why they're gonna have to wait for the cops. - The cops are gonna need to show up. They're gonna have to corden off the area. They're gonna do the little evidence text. You're gonna have plenty of time to finish your swim while they're doing all that. And then you come back and go, foot's fake. And then like, they're like, "Oh, you got this again." - Yeah. - You like walk up, you push past the reporters, you push past Batman, push past the chief of police. - Excuse me, everybody, the foot's fake. You all look like idiots, the foot's fake. - And then they laugh 'cause you got 'em again. And then you put your crocs on and you say same time next week. - Do you know who else had problems leaving their shit behind on a beach and making sure no one? - No. - Making sure that no one. - Why would Jesus-- - 'Cause the footprints in the sand? - Yeah, I'd get that, but I don't know. - This is where they took my crocs and I had to walk barefoot. But actually, actually, I got an announcement. Actually, I got a Google alert about the footprints bit and it's been retired from all of them. - Oh, no. - Like, we've actually, no, it's true. Yeah, it's apparently been milked for like literally every decimeter, like every little-- - And there's not a ton of Jesus beach material. Like, he walks on the water at one point and that's great, but we don't get a ton of Jesus beach stuff in the Bible. There's not a ton of fun beach stuff in the Bible period. - Crocs with fiction, is that anything? - Do you have stuff? - You should land on the indoors trap. You're getting fucking greedy now, too. - I was thinking about that footprint thing and then I was thinking about it and I thought, see where the two sets of footprints become one. That's where the greatest mystery begins. And it's like a detective hunt to figure out where did the other person go? - And the combined footprints is not the same as the two footprints. So it's like, and there's a big pile of slime right where the footprints be first. - So let's just have a train ticket? - Yeah, so you know who else had issues leaving shit on the beach and making sure people didn't take it was pirates. And their solution was bury that shit with a big hole and leave yourself a little map and an X. You put it beneath the sand and no one's gonna come in, no one's gonna come and get it 'cause they don't know where it is. - Right, you do. - 'Cause you got the pirates, not Knights Templar. - They're the same thing. - They're super duper not. - One existed, one didn't. (laughing) - That's cool. - Okay, one was pirates and one was just a bunch of video games and goofy books, okay. (laughing) - One's a bunch of Dan Brown cursive of God in nonsense and one's buckaroons and buckarini's sailing out across the sea, getting treasured in a void of oranges. - High adventure that's beyond compare. - There's a real stuff, real shit. - The pirates, there's a real America. - Pirates, that's the real fucking shoes in the ground. - That's history. - Bear your shoes in the ground. - Bear your shoes, put some Digimon on there. - Bear your Digimon. - Bear your Digimon. - I went to see Pirates voyage this past weekend. - It's like medieval times, but it's pirates. It's two teams of pirates, red versus blue. And whatever side you're on, you end up. - Are they on the water? - There's like diving stunts. There's a lot of fire stunts and explosions. There's Dolly Parton music. There's trap eases and there's also seals. - So one of those was interesting. - I love those seem like it didn't fit with the other one. - Which one? - Probably the Dolly Parton music. I think of her as largely a terrestrial kind of act. - Yeah, but it's like she did Dixie Stamp, well not Dixie Stampede, need Dixie Stampede. Now it's just Dolly Parton Stampede. And so is this like it kind of works. Like she just does something else for it. - She exactly produced. - So is this like a, did you go and celebrate like as a celebration of her? - It was for it was part of Riley's Bachelor that we could, it doesn't matter. The important thing is I went to the bathroom at the time where the seals came out. - Fuck man. - I know. And then I was trying to go back to my seat and he was like, I'm sorry sir. I can't let you back out right now. There are sea lions on the floor. And I thought, man if there's, another fucking restaurant telling me I can't go back to my seat 'cause of fucking sea lions. (laughing) And I said that too. I mean he looked at me like I was just the weirdest guy. And I was like, it's a sucks. I'm just trying to do like a. - That's a great bit. - It's a good bit. They just kind of stared at me. And then I got back to my seat, but I did miss the seals, the sea lions. The sea lions, sea lions just short for sea lions, right? - I'll seal the lion. - One's got ears. One's got ears, one just has a membrane. - It's a dumb name. They do not look like lions. Fucking even a little bit in all the crazy designation. That person, Jews probably did not bust up chocolate. - They didn't. - Because they've seen what sea lions can do to a human being. - Like actually, try not to get back to it. - Like they're rotisserie chicken or whatever. And the seals like, no, no, you got up. That's my rotisserie chicken. - Yeah. If you've ever picked up a massive bones and blood in here, they used to be a skiler. Then he would know, it's not just no joke. These things are animals. - There's two set of footprints on the beach, then one, and drag marks leading into the water. There's flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs, flabbergs. - Let's go to the money zone. - I'd love that, Griffin. I'd love it. - It's better with you. - I've got a website, idea. - Okay. - Well, that's one step short. Travel, you got to close the deal. You got to get out there. - I can go down to, you want me, go down to the website factory and pay old man Jenkins. Like a million dollars to make a website for me with all his complicated website machines and all the pollution and racist. - He's racist as hell. - I do not want that. - Oh, man, Jenkins, not me. - Yeah, no, yeah. - No, Travis, you need to use Squarespace. - Okay. - To use Squarespace. - Like we've been new announced for him for literally years at this point. It's the best-- - I don't listen to this show. - Travis, you can use a Squarespace website to do anything. To sell stuff, to market your business, to organize your ideas. Whatever you want to do, they got a professionally designed template created by some of the best in the biz. - I would say they even probably have more than just the one template. - No, no, no, they have one. Yeah, that's the one problem with it. You have, you have, yeah. The one problem is you have to make, you have to make a Wikipedia. - It's called cool boxes and it's the boxes. And it's four boxes. - But it looks great. - Yeah, it's four boxes and then-- - You get four. - Here's the first. - One is a picture of you. - If you have five pictures, your sunk. - Yeah. - That's the thing with Squarespace. - I need to be able to do built-in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools and all that stuff. And I know-- - That's the fourth box. - That's the fourth box and cool boxes. - No, Squarespace is great. This is, we're lying about Squarespace because the truth is boring and the truth is the best. The best you can make great looking websites. I don't really think you're a real superstar of website design. Even if you don't actually 100% know what you're doing. - So I had a Squarespace-- - So I had a Squarespace box. - 6% know what you're doing. I'm an any% and all they'll cover up the remaining percentage. So however many points you need to get you over the line. Head to squarespace.com/mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MyBrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, Squarespace. The websites and the details. - Listen, everybody, vintage, unopened packs, the PUE Herman collectible trading cards aren't cheap. So I'm trying to save up my money to buy all the ones I can find on eBay, in your grandmother's attic, add the swap meat, all those things. And the only way I'm able to save money to buy those is thanks to rocket money. 'Cause rocket money helps you make good spending decisions like buying all of the vintage unopened packs of PUE Herman collectible trading cards I can find. - And fucking the poll brothers are making it so hard. They're snatching up all the chase brandies. They're snatching up all the hologram Missy Vons. They're boosting the market through artificial means and Travis can't afford these packs without the help. - They're killing me out here. And I'm doing my best. - Thanks to rocket money. Rocket money's like, hey, you're spending too much money on groceries. You're spending too much money on taking care of your family and your pets. You need to save your money for your spending goals that you've put, let me check again. What, you're saving for collectible PUE Herman vintage unopened collectible trading cards. Travis, no. And then he talked to me out of that too. - Yeah, they're so good. [BLANK_AUDIO] You don't don't spend your money on billy baloney, spend it on real baloney for your kids. How many other obscure peewees playhouse characters can I remember? Um, there's the countess. Yeah, Mr. Kite. I think it was his name, the kite. I think the lifeguard's name is Ricky, if I remember, is that? Yeah. So anyway, rocket money is great. I routinely will just pop in and say like, hey, am I subscribed to any bullshit? And rocket money will say, yeah, man, you're subscribed to a lot of bullshit. A lot of stuff you forgot about a lot. I swear to Christ, my youngest child has figured out how to hack my Apple account and subscribe to the most garbage apps. Um, I think he took a print of my finger somehow with like tape off of a glass. And he will use it and he will subscribe to like, you know, fart piano deluxe. And then oh, the deluxe one though, that's got all the features. You know, I'm just making sure that rocket money doesn't say don't mention fart piano deluxe because we get in trouble. No, okay, no, we can talk about fart piano deluxe. It's $100 a minute. And so rocket money will be like, hey, um, the fortune even that realist, they're not. It's the same one. They pitch it up. So when you play like a high C4 fart, it's like, that doesn't sound like anything like a fart. No, you gotta get fart piano deluxe ultra. If you want, they're really good stuff. Uh-huh. It's worth it. Yeah. And that's cheaper. But I don't, but he doesn't know that because he's five. Yeah. But rocket money can help me to catch his, his defrauding of me, uh, in their dragnet. They can also, step ahead of his kid of my five year old son, they can also set budgets and goals and they can categorize all my transactions. Travis already sort of did talk about that, but it really is an all-in-one sort of great, uh, financial health monitor. Um, that, that is, is really, truly has saved me more money than I can possibly even fathom. So rocket money, it's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions. Monitors you're spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocket money dot com slash my brother. That's rocket money dot com slash my brother. One last time rocket money dot com slash my brother. Yeah, I'd like to ask another question. Let's do it. Guys, I've been really struggling with this one and I'd really like to talk to you guys about it because you're my brothers and I trust you. Uh, okay. My neighborhood has a vast collection of various sized stone tortoise sculptures in his front yard that he arranges in a new way almost every day. I've never seen him moving them. Wait. And some of them look fairly heavy. So the fact that they seem to move overnight is both bewildering and entertaining. Uh-huh. I was able to take home from work some small palm-sized stone tortoises that a client of mine no longer wanted question mark on that because I'm not gonna put a bookmark in here to return to after the question is done. Yeah, paragraphs of context you've omitted. Brothers, is it weird if I add these two tiny reptiles to my neighbor's collection? Should I place them on his lawn and hope he finds them or maybe on his front porch? Should I start my own collection? Those are from Tortuga Trouble and Tejas. So let's just before we get into the question because it's a great question. Uh-huh. I do need to know what job you have that simply no excuse that did result in you getting some small palm-sized stone tortoises that a client of a small I came home from work and I had small palm-sized stone tortoises that my client what no longer wanted huh? It must have been that it's a client whose home you had to go to right because if you like worked at a law officer something and they brought palm-sized stone tortoises in a lot of one chance. I don't want to want them. PS I'm the sort of strange bird that notices moving tortoises all the time. Like that's PS that's the other thing about it is I have clocks and magical tortoises. I've assumed Justin I assumed it was big movements and like posing but now you've made me wonder if it's like they move a little bit every day. Yeah so small it could just be the tectonic plates shifting is slowly inch in these guys. I would I would love to be honest with this person and help them with their problem but I need art listeners to start being more honest with me and to start being a little bit more forthcoming because there's a lot of things where you're taking advantage of the fact that this is an email yeah and we can't ask you follow follow questions yeah you know that it doesn't you know you know I I choose to believe you know you can't just go put them in the yard I I've decided you know better your that one was for fun that was for us to have a good laugh because you know you can't go put them in there I disagree one time I went hiking in the woods behind our house when we still live in Austin with a four-year-old Henry and we were exploring the woods and nature going back around the creek and having a cool time and we were also looking for treasure and at one point I I did have a little coin and it was like a little brass coin I got from a rent fair or something like that and I I hit it under some leaves nearby as we were walking around I said hey what's that and then he found the brass coin was like there's treasure in these woods and it was a magic moment that opened his eyes to the possibilities that of the world in life and anything's possible and it's a moment that has been repeated in literally every single season of cursive oak island I mean every single well it's better to do it to a four-year-old like yeah but it's okay to do it to a four-year-old and this is what I'm saying this is a harmless injection of magic you wonder and whimsy what you assume I mean the question sorry sorry sorry let me let me try again I assume this is a wonderful injection of magic and whimsy that someone will come out and see more turtles in their yard and be like huh and now they've got a mystery they'll tell their their partner or friends or someone else in their life hey there's more turtles out there what do you think that's about and then they're looking at like it's fun like it's just fucking fun if the question askers never seen the neighbor moving these tortoises around this could be a curse right this could be a curse scenario where the turtles come alive at night and move around and do shit and then they come out and see new palm-sized baby turtles and they're like it's getting worse now now I have to deal with it now they're now they're breeding so I guess I don't usually when I'm thinking of like advice to give people I don't usually factor in curses like I don't do it in case a dark spirit in case you've been insidious and because then that you might get dragged into the upside down or wherever it's called I don't do that I usually think of like what's a fun injection of whimsy a harmless little mystery that you can give someone as a gift and this seemed like one of those but you're right it might also be a curse I bet that toy or a toy story if the a lot of bloom house neighbors people don't talk about the neighbors in bloom house movies who are seeing they'll like protagonist doing the things they're doing and just go and like look at that eccentric bastard well what a weird guy and meanwhile that guy's like really going through it he's really really having a tough time speaking of a centric like I feel like the one that I can pretty confidently roll out for you is the one where you have any conversation with this person because I will tell you with some degree of confidence that you don't become the sort of person that secretly moves stone turtles every night because you're such a hit of parties you know what I mean like I think you probably that's something you sort of back into and they're definitely not going to own up if you're like are you secretly moving them at night they're definitely going to say something like no they never seen unless this is a wizard's test and he is doing it to see if anyone in his neighborhood is perceptive enough to notice that the stone turtles are moving and you come a knock on the door a human's not going to answer a crow will oh the crow will take you to the wizard he'll say oh finally you've sold you Zika Rasmus done well if that happens that's test number two the crow is the wizard that's the test yeah because you'll talk to human wizard and he'll be like I'll be like out of the way you stupid crow yeah the way dumbass don't fall for it to my friend the well I want to meet the wizard don't fall for it crow you just kick him out of like get out of the way crow don't do that and crow I got big I got big things ahead of me I want to be a wizard didn't you hear just now don't do it could it be ants strong ants moving these little guys they're gonna do it a bunch of them together can move together can move the rubber tree plant that's true I've seen a marriage with their bodies they talk about how strong answer they do not talk about their intelligence these guys are not smart and so they do keep trying to eat these big stone turtles in their big ant hills oh I thought they were already the mining like they want the yard to look different yeah they just they just can't find the right place for these turtles but they'll get it yeah they probably would worship them maybe that's it maybe it's a sort of tribute they do every night they move a lot of people get fire ants in the yard and they get higher someone to exterminate them I just put out a big cross in front of the ant hill and then they'll see that and it's so monolithic and so huge to them that they'll like get saved and stop biting people - Yeah, bring over these. two stone turtles you have and create a whole heretical sect, you know, this outcast from the main tribe because they like, they worship the new turtles. Like they're new turt, they're new turt villagers and then you have like old tur ants that only worship the old turts. - Yeah, bugs life too. - Yeah, think about that. - Bugs life too, like, doing three where it's like maybe the religion was the problem the whole time. That I've definitely got tone undertones of that from a bug's life and from ants with a Z. And I think it's time for them to return to that universe and really drill down. - Definitely a B movie. - I don't know, Dune. I've never watched Dune except for the first two Dune movies. - Uh-huh. - Okay, so you've never watched Dune except for all the Dune that there is. - Just, sweet boy, there's books, there's several adaptations. - Yeah, they're non-canonical. - My only book, Dune, has been the first two Dune movies that are out by Denivineni. And I just have to say that at the end of the second one, they're kinda hinting that he might become a bad guy. And if you guys trick me into rooting for Timmy Chimmy and then he turns bad, I'm gonna lose it. - Okay, that's the hero of the movie, right? You don't turn the hero of the movie like the Luke Skywalker or the dark man of the movie. You don't turn the hero of the movie evil. - No. - That's stupid. - So they do that. - And the third one it kinda hinted like they're doing it. They've tried it in other movies. If you remember Spider-Man 3, they tried to make him evil. And everyone's like ugh. - And they never made another Spider-Man movie after that. - They didn't make another Spider-Man movie where he was evil. Toy Story. - You're all like, I love Woody. He's doing his best. He's a funny cowboy. And I love Tom Hanks. Is like, how do you always think about Tom Hanks? And then he kills Buzz, he kills Buzz Lightyear. He tries to kill Buzz Lightyear. - And you're making a joke. But I'm saying Venom. We were so uncomfortable with that. He had to go be the hero of his own movies because the hero has seen the good movies about him. - Three of them. - Three of them. - And he was a good guy in all of them, which is more than I could say for Timmy Chimmy, who seems like he's headed for a heel turn in Dune 3. And I would just say I would prefer that the hero of the movie stay the hero. These movies are convincing enough without me having to figure out who the good person is now. - Probably Zendaya. - It's gotta be Dunkin Ido. With the name like Dunkin Ido, no one curses the name Dunkin Ido as a villain. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know who the room is for, Travis. - 'Cause that's it. We might be rooting for Dunkin Ido and then he comes out to Zendaya. - I thought I was pretty safe room for Willy Wonka. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? I thought I was safe room for Marty Supreme. - I don't know about that one. - No. - He's gonna let us down, Dene. - Don't let us down. Making good. - Even if it changes the movie. - It's still time to make good good. - Not too late. - You can get it with ABR. - Yeah. - Just add it a bunch of psychs. - Like psychs. - Lot of B-roll while he talks over the B-roll. Like show a sand dune and have him monologue over the sand dune about what he's actually doing. - A lot of shots of him like turning away from Cameron, or like away from the person he's talking to towards Cameron is being psych. - Psych. - Yeah. - The dune was in me the whole time. - Yeah. - All that shit I did said about the ballet. That was promotion. - That was viral marketing. - That was viral marketing for me. - ESL is back. - I'm a bad guy. ESL's back. - ESL's back. - The dune trilogy has been. (laughing) - One wise lie. - ESL. - The spice is low. - The spice is low. (laughing) (laughing) - All right. (laughing) - Oh man. Thanks for listening. - That joke made me, I feel satire. - Yeah. - And I had other stuff that you today. And I don't know how. - Yeah, that was great. - Hey, thanks for listening to our podcast. We love that you visit with us every week and are still here with us. And I love for you to show your loyalty to the show by picking up a utility drink tumbler. Right now at mackrorymerch.com, you can go pre-order your own right now. - Nothing will confuse the people at the gym or school or work or wherever you take a drink. - More than a utility drink tumbler. - And you can't explain to them. This is where I get my everything for the day, my caffeine, my medicine and everything I need right here in the utility drink tumbler. - How many website, how many merchandise websites? Do you think, have the guts to make this the entire item description? Slaps top of tumbler. You can fit so much probiotic boba in this bad boy into description. - That's what you get up more than you might not. - Don't jackass. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will also be donated to the Midwest Food Bank's disaster relief fund. So go check that out mackrorymerch.com. And the besties live on Broadway. October 9th, a month away at this point at Town Hall and then we see gear tickets at bit.ly/bestiesonbroadway. - I have my utility drink tumbler downstairs. That would make a good toss. - I made this fidget. You mean through this? - I don't want you to break it. - No, it's okay. I've been printing a lot of these things. Kids are crazy for them. Sydney likes them too. They're weird fidgets because they're just a hurt. They're uncomfortable. - Ooh, I got an inspired passport. - Pokey. - That's cool. - Do that. - Yeah, do that right over your shoulder. - Sorry, this is my current passport. - Okay. - Okay, fidget it is. - Do we do a dubbing? - I have scissors. - Yeah, let's do all three. We should all three say something. - At the same time, ready? - Yeah. - Three, two, one. I didn't look. Oh, I hit my rocket to your helmet. - You okay, bud? - What was making noise? - It doesn't matter. - Awesome, great. - I'm Justin. - I'm Travis. - I'm Griffin. What made noise? - Was it a fidget? - You don't have to run my brother and me 'cause your dad's currently. - Did you break something? - I'll talk about it after. (upbeat music) ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ It's better with my life ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ 'Cause it's true ♪ ♪ It's better, it's better with you ♪ ♪ My life, oh ♪ ♪ It's better with you ♪ - Maximum Fun, a work-around network of artist-owned shows. supported directly by you.